你觉醒的心正在呼唤你：疗愈分离，回归爱的临在

欢迎各位朋友来到塔拉·布拉赫播客。

Welcome, friends, to the Tara Brach podcast.

很高兴你们在这里。

I'm so glad you're here.

每周，我都会分享教义和引导冥想，帮助我们唤醒内心，为世界带来疗愈。

Each week, I share teachings and guided meditations to help us awaken our hearts and bring healing to our world.

您可以通过访问 tarabach.com 了解更多或支持这一分享，那里您也可以加入我们的邮件列表。

You can learn more or support this offering by visiting tarabrock.com, where you can also join our email list.

现在，让我们一起探索如何以爱与临在——我们最深层的本质——来生活。

Now let's explore together the many ways we can live from the love and presence that's our deepest essence.

合十礼。

Namaste.

合十礼，朋友们。

Namaste, friends.

欢迎你们，感谢你们的到来。

Welcome, and thank you for being here.

多年前，人类学家玛格丽特·米德被一名学生问及，她认为一个文化中文明的最初迹象是什么。

Story that, years ago, the anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture.

学生本以为玛格丽特·米德会谈到陶器或狩猎工具，但事实并非如此。

And the student expected, Margaret Mead to talk about clay pots or tools for hunting, but that wasn't what she did.

她说，文明的最早证据是一根断裂后愈合的股骨。

She said the first evidence of civilization was a fractured yet healed femur.

这根骨头连接着髋部和膝盖。

That's what links the hip to the knee.

这根骨头曾经断裂并愈合，意味着其他人曾照顾过这个人，将他们带到安全的地方，并给予照料。

The particular bone had been broken and healed, means other people had cared for this person, got them to safety, tended to them.

所以她基本上是在说，互相帮助、协作与关怀，才是让我们在各方面得以繁荣的关键。

So she's basically saying helping each other, collaborative efforts, caring is what allows us to flourish in all ways.

无论她是否真的说过这句话，这个信息都极为深刻。

So whether or not she actually said this, the message is profound.

推动人类社会演化的文明，始于慈悲。

The civilization that evolved human society begins with compassion.

在困境中，人类彼此伸出援手，或仅仅出于友善，这样的例子数不胜数。

And there are countless examples of humans extending to each other in the midst of hardships and simply out of friendliness.

就拿我最近几周在这里的经历来说，东海岸经历了多场暴风雪，我亲眼目睹了人们如何自发地为老人和体弱者提供帮助。

I'm just thinking in these last few weeks for me here, a lot of the East Coast, the blizzards, just witnessing how spontaneously people did what they could for others, for the elderly, for the infirm.

关心他人，这早已深植于我们的本性之中。

It's just in our wiring to care.

因此，我想与你们分享一段来自档案的演讲，它探讨了我们每个人内心那种呼唤我们去爱的进化本能。

So I'd like to share with you a talk from the archives and it explores this evolutionary conditioning in each of us that calls us to love.

同时，它也探讨了那些强烈地阻碍爱与关怀的、基于恐惧的能量。

And it also explores the very strong fear based energies that block that love, block our caring.

更深层次地，我们将审视：通过正念觉知和打开心扉的实践，我们如何真正地推动人类物种的进化？

And then in the deepest way, we look at how can our practices of mindful awareness of waking up the heart, how can they literally evolve us as a species?

这些实践如何提升我们以爱为本的生活能力？

How can they increase our capacity to live from love?

好了，朋友们。

Okay, friends.

愿这能有所助益。

May this serve.

今晚的反思是：你的觉醒之心正在召唤你。

Our reflection tonight is Your Awake Heart is Calling You.

这就是标题。

That's the title.

我想到最近被提醒的一个故事。

And I thought I'd start with a a story that I was reminded of recently.

几年前，当我正在克里帕鲁教授一个关于唤醒慈爱临在的周末课程时，发生了这件事。

It happened some years back at when I was teaching at Kripalu a weekend on awakening loving presence.

一天晚上，我们正在探索深入内在倾听的境界。

And one evening we were exploring getting into a real deep place of inner listening.

我安排了我的丈夫乔纳森吹奏长笛，这样我们就能进入一个极度宁静的状态，然后聆听笛声。

And I had arranged to have my husband, Jonathan, play the flute so we were going to get into a real quiet place and then listen to the flute music.

于是我们进行了冥想，房间变得非常非常安静。

And so we did a meditation and the room became very, very still.

就在这时，一位女士的手机突然响了，这种事经常发生，响的是《德克萨斯的黄玫瑰》。

And then all of a sudden a woman's cell phone went off as has happened and it was the yellow rose of Texas, you know it.

突然间，这声音响彻全场。

And so all of a sudden this thing is blaring.

她慌了。

She panics.

于是她试图从包里拿出手机，却不小心按到了外放键。

So she tries to grab her phone out of her bag but by mistake she hit the speaker phone.

于是你听到一个声音在喊：妈妈？

So you hear this voice going, Mom?

她一边拼命想拿回手机，一边喊：妈妈，是你吗？

She is grab trying to grab her phone, Mom, is that you?

她试图冲出房间，因为她坐在前面。

So she is trying to get out of the room because she was up front.

而你仍听到那个声音在喊：妈妈，跟我说话啊，妈妈。

And you hear this voice going, Mom, speak to me mom.

你还好吗，妈妈？

Are you okay mom?

她非常尴尬，离开了房间。

She was so embarrassed, she left the room.

让我印象深刻的是，当她回来后，你知道，她是个刚加入这个团队的人，她告诉我发生了什么，有多少人后来找她，说‘天啊，这种事也发生在我身上’。

And what really struck me about it and when she came back, you know, this is a person who was kind of new to the practice and so on, she told me what happened, how many people came to her afterwards and said, Ugh, that kind of thing.

当这种事发生在我身上时，感觉太糟糕了，于是我给了她一个拥抱。

When that happens to me it's terrible, and kind of gave her a hug.

通过别人对她说‘嘿，我懂这种感觉’，她重新融入了这个群体。

And she got brought back into the community by people saying, Hey, I know what it is like, you know.

我们深深被 Conditioning，觉得孤立无援，觉得我们自己出了问题，然后又忘了当别人遇到类似情况时，他们也在经历什么。

It is such deep conditioning to feel separate and that something is wrong with us, to feel separate and then to forget how other people are feeling when things go on for them.

我们渐渐忘记了他人主观体验的真实性和他们正在经历的一切。

We have we kind of forget the subjective realness of people and what they are experiencing.

对我来说，有一个神奇的问题是：你现在感觉怎么样？

And there is this, to me, magical question which is, what's it like for you right now?

你知道，你的生活是什么样的？

You know, what is life like for you?

那是一种什么样的感觉？

And what is it like?

你知道，我们大脑中有这种能力——镜像神经元以及更多东西，能够扩展我们的感知力，真正地感同身受。

You know, we have this capacity, these mirror neurons and a lot more in our brain, to extend our perceptiveness and really feel with.

然而，根据我们压力的程度，我们会忘记这个问题。

And yet we, depending on our degree of stress forget that question.

所以我们忘记了，当某人有残疾时，你的感受是怎样的？

So we forget if somebody has a disability, what is it like for you?

或者当某人的伴侣在二十年后突然说：嘿，这段关系结束了。

Or somebody's partner just after twenty years just suddenly said, Hey, this is over.

我们正在结束一段关系。

We are ending a relationship.

在那些时刻，对那个人来说，是什么样的感受？

What is it like in those moments for that person?

或者对于2017年初那位身份尚不明确的移民来说，那是一种怎样的体验？

Or for the person right now in the beginning of 2017 who is an immigrant and is unsure of their status?

或者对于一位在白人主导企业中求职的非裔美国人来说，那是一种怎样的感受？

Or the African American applying for a job in this white dominant business, what is it like for you?

对你来说，这究竟是怎样的体验？

What is this like for you?

所以我们遗忘了。

So we forget.

正如我提到的，我们具备一种能力，可以通过训练不断加强，更深刻地感知他人的主观真实。

And, as I mentioned, we have this capacity for actually training and remembering more and more to really sense subjective realness.

很久以前，我听过一个故事，讲的是一位锡克教大师给了他两位最虔诚的弟子每人一只鸡。

So there is a story that I heard a long, long time ago that to me captures this some with a Sikh master who gives his two most devoted disciples, Each a chicken.

他对他们说：‘去一个没人看得见的地方，把鸡杀了。’

And he says, Go where no one can see and kill the chicken.

于是其中一人走到棚子后面，拿起斧头，砍下了鸡的头。

So one goes behind a shed and picks up an axe and chops off the chicken's head.

另一个弟子则徘徊了数小时，最后带着活生生的鸡回来了。

And the other wanders around for hours and he returns back with the chicken alive.

大师问：‘发生了什么？’

And the master said, What happened?

他回答说：‘我找不到一个没人能看见的地方去杀鸡。’

And his response was, I can't find a place to kill the chicken where no one can see me.

我走到哪儿，鸡都看着我。

Everywhere I go the chicken sees.

对他来说，鸡是真实存在的，有意识的，会感到痛苦。

So for to him the chicken was real and conscious and felt pain.

当我们加深对自己脆弱存在的觉察，当我们有勇气直面自己真实的脆弱时，越来越多的人会变得真实起来。

And as we deepen our awareness of our own vulnerable being, as we have that courage to contact the realness of our own vulnerability, what happens is more and more other humans become real.

这就是这个过程。

That is the process.

他人也在乎他们的生活。

Others care about their lives.

它们想要活下去。

They want to stay alive.

它们想要快乐。

They want to be happy.

所以我一直被这个故事深深打动，尤其是现在，当如此多的人感到沮丧时，这个故事的寓意更加清晰：所有生命都重要，所有生命都珍贵。

So I have always been taken by this story and particularly I taken by it right now when so many feel this dismay, like, the the message of the story is all life matters, all life is precious.

而我们所处的氛围中，这种沮丧如此强烈，某种程度上，社会正在倒退，似乎有一种观念认为只有某些‘真正的人’才重要，而其他人不重要——更不用说其他人类、其他物种和地球了。

And I I just it's so in our atmosphere, this dismay that in a way society wise we are regressing and that there is a sense that we are reverting more in the direct mentality or some are the real humans that matter but others don't matter, Not to mention other humans, other species and the earth.

因此，在这种反思中，我想探讨我们心理中的两个主要极端：一个是源自我们进化过去的退化倾向，即基于恐惧的战斗、逃跑或冻结心态，这种心态阻断了人与人之间的关怀；另一个则是呼唤日益显现的充满爱的觉知。

So in this reflection I'd like to explore the two major poles on our psyche and one from our evolutionary past, you know, that kind of regression into a fight flight freeze mentality that is fear based and blocks off others caring for others, and then this calling of loving awareness to increasingly manifest.

我们在这里，刚刚庆祝了马丁·路德·金，对我来说，今年这句话格外响亮：我决定坚持爱。

And we are here and right we just have celebrated Martin Luther King and that to me that that the quote that just this year just rung out so loud was, I have decided to stick with love.

仇恨是太沉重的负担，无法承受。

Hate is too great a burden to bear.

我们必须不断重新选择爱。

We just have to keep re choosing love.

所以我们身上存在着这两个极端。

So we have got these two poles on us.

谈到第一个极端，也就是那种倒退的倾向，它存在于每个人的潜意识和神经系统中，当我们越压力大，生活越感到不安全时，就越容易被拉向这个方向。

And to speak to the first pole, the pole the kind of regressive pole and it is in everybody's psyche, everybody's nervous system and the more we are stressed, the more our particular conditions are such that life feels unsafe, the more we get pulled in that direction.

这并不是因为有坏人，而是因为生活感觉非常不安全。

It is not because there is a bad person, it just life feels very unsafe.

因此，在人类历史早期，生存依赖于与小群体的紧密联系。

So the emergence of early humans this is, you know, through human history that early emergence survival depended on this tight affiliation with small groups.

这种联系真的非常重要。

That affiliation really mattered.

为了维持群体内部的凝聚力、团结和安全感，最突出的一点是，群体往往会给自己命名为‘人类’，而给其他群体贴上与‘非人’相关的标签。

So in order to include, you know, coherence and being together and tight and and safe and so on, just the one thing that really stands out, groups would name themselves something like humans, we are the humans, and then there would be epitaphs for other groups that had something to do with being less than human.

因为这样，你就可以杀死一个你觉得不像自己、没有感知和情感的存在。

Because that way you can you can kill a being that doesn't feel like you, sentient and sensitive.

如果你认为某人低人一等，伤害他们就会变得更容易。

If you think of somebody as less than, then it is easier to injure them, to hurt them.

因此，这增强了人类的凝聚力，即小群体的凝聚力。

So that improves human coherence, group of coherence small group coherence.

所以，跳转到今天，顺便说一句，这种小群体生活的模式持续的时间，是当今社会的数千倍之久。

So fast forward to today and, by the way, that mode of small groups living in small groups went on thousands of times as long as our current society.

因此，我们仍然保留着这样的神经回路。

So we still have a lull, you know, wiring like that.

所以我们依然会被过去的生存策略所牵引，去建立等级制度，把他人视为糟糕的、低人一等的、错误的，并加以支配——这种源自深层威胁感的刻薄心态，要么用来抬高自己，要么表现为麻木、机械、情感隔离。

So we still are pulled from the survival strategies of the past to, you know, create hierarchies and to make others bad and less than and wrong and to dominate that kind of mean spiritedness that comes from that deep core sense of threat to pump up ourselves or it can take the form of being numb, automatic, cut off.

这就是爱因斯坦所说的‘分离的视觉幻觉’，也就是我们可能栖居其中的心理状态。

So this is what Einstein was talking about about the optical delusion of separateness that that is the that is the psyche we can live in.

同时，我们也能直觉到更大的真相，并被拉向另一种可能，有时这被称为‘同情心的扩大圈层’。

And we also intuit a larger truth and are pulled towards something else, this or sometimes called the widening circles of compassion.

几个月前，我做过一场关于菩萨道的演讲，讲述如何训练自己转向觉醒的心，如何面对倒退的两极，如何与恐惧和不安全感共处，真正打开心扉，让爱心扩展到更广阔的范围。

Some months ago I gave a talk on the Bodhisattva path, this training ourselves to turn towards our awakening heart, you know, to how to be with the poles of regression, how to be with the fears and the unsafety but really open and opening our hearts and opening our hearts to widening circles of beams.

于是，我和我们华盛顿特区社区的一位朋友聊了聊，她说：‘我知道我爱我的家人和朋友，也知道我在某种程度上关心更大的社群，但这也让我觉得像在装样子，因为我的内心并没有真正感到关怀，这更像是一种观念而已。’

And so I talked to a friend from our community here in DC and she said, You know, I know I love my family and friends and I know I care about the larger community on some level but it also feels like pretense because my heart doesn't feel like it cares, it's more like an idea.

她有这样的感受，这仅仅是一次坦白。

And she felt and it was just a confession.

这是一位大多数人认为心地非常善良的人，她是一名活动家，但她却说：我知道在某种抽象层面上我爱别人，但我并不真的感到关心。

And this is a person that actually most people think of as having a very big heart and she is an activist and here she is saying, I know on some level abstractly that I love people but I don't feel like I care.

事实上，我更清楚地意识到自己在比较，更清楚地感受到嫉妒，更清楚地评判他人，更清楚地感到自己不配，更清楚地感受到自我憎恨，而不是真正发自内心地关心任何人。

In fact, I am more aware of comparing myself, I am more aware of feeling jealous, I am more aware of judging, I am more aware of be feeling undeserving and I am more aware of self hate than I am of actually in a visceral way caring about anybody.

这感觉很重要。

So that felt important.

我想把这一点带到这里，因为我觉得很多人都是这样想的：‘爱’这个词被频繁使用，但很难承认，我们有多少时刻被困在某种精神牢笼中——那正是我们进化过去遗留下来的冲动，让我们感到分离、不够好、与他人比较、觉得自己不足，而无法真正感受到其他生命的存在感，无法意识到他人是真实的，无法感受到那种联结正在发生。

I wanted to bring that in here because I think a lot of people feel like that, that the word love gets tossed around but it's hard to admit how many moments we are caught in some mental prison that's really those pulls from our evolutionary past that are keeping us feeling separate, not okay, comparing to others, not enough and not really in that place where we sense the sentience in other beings and how other people are real and that connection is going on.

这种情况经常发生。

That happens a lot.

爱有时被描述为给予完全无条件的专注。

Love has sometimes been described as giving our full unconditional attention.

当这种关注真正完全且无条件时，爱就已经存在了。

When it is really full and unconditional, the love is already there.

切断我们的，几乎就像是来自过去的这些牵引，让我们变得极度自我中心，而他人则变成了坏的他人，或是我们想要却遥不可及的他人。

It is almost like what cuts us off is these pulls from the past that get us very self focused and other becomes bad other or the other we want but out there.

所以我们并没有真正地关注，因为我们有自己的议程。

So we are not really paying attention because we have an agenda.

所以当时我和这位女士在一起，我们讨论了她感到多么隔绝，于是我问了她一个问题：‘你觉得什么最让人难过？’

So there is So I was with this woman and we were kind of discussing how cut off she feels and I asked her a question, you know, I said, Well, what makes this most upsetting?

然后我说，我们谈了谈这个，我又问：‘如果你从未真正敞开心扉，进入那些不断扩大的关怀圈，会怎样？’

And then I said And then I We talked about that and I said, Well, what would it be like if you never really opened into that those widening circles of caring?

我的意思是，你依然会做你的倡导工作，人们依然喜欢你、尊重你。

I mean, you still do your activist thing and people, you know, people like you and respect you.

那最糟糕的部分会是什么？

What would be the worst part of that?

她一听‘永远不再关心’这个想法，就开始哭泣。

And that then she started weeping, the idea of never never caring.

这让她泪流满面，她说：‘这正是让生命值得活下去的全部意义——我想去关心。’

This got her weeping and she said, you know, that that is the whole thing that makes life worth living, I wanna care.

于是我问她：所以你是关心去关心这件事的。

And so I said, So you care about caring.

这句话让她停住了。

And that is what stopped her.

我所说的让她停住，是指那种感觉仿佛有什么东西被打开了。

And what I mean by stopped her, that kind of broke something open.

你关心去关心这件事。

You care about caring.

我想对你们说的是，我们切断联系、变得疏离、心神不宁，这其实是很自然的。

What I want to say to you is that it really is natural that we cut off and we get disconnected and we get preoccupied.

但我们关心去关心这件事。

But we care about caring.

对她来说，当我告诉她：留意你内心那个关心去关心的部分。

And for her when she could I said, Pay attention to the part of you that cares about caring.

就只是安住于那份感受中。

Just kind of rest in that.

她内心的某处仿佛突然敞开、变得轻盈，因为她知道，这比任何关于‘我不够好’的自我故事都更接近她真实的本质。

And it was like something in her just widened out and lightened up because she knew that was more the truth of who she was than any of the stories of the self that wasn't okay.

我记得达赖喇嘛说过：‘你知道吗，我总听人说大家喜欢我，一定是因为我关心菩提心。’

I remember hearing the Dalai Lama say, You know, I I keep hearing how everybody likes me and I It must be because I care about bodhicitta.

他说：‘我并不总能完全体现它，但我关心这种关心。’

He said, I can't always embody it but I care about caring.

所以我最早是从他那里听到这句话的。

So I heard it from him first.

这让我深深意识到，我们本性中本就如此。

And it really hit me that, you know, we it is intrinsic to us.

爱是本然的。

Love is intrinsic.

它是最基本的。

It is basic.

但我们有种种习气，使我们收缩、分心。

And we have conditioning that contracts us and gets us preoccupied.

当我们经历大量创伤时，会变得非常紧缩，并专注于自我保护。

And when we have been traumatized a lot, we get very, very contracted and focused on protectiveness.

但我们可以觉醒，重新回到那种关怀的家园感中。

But we can wake up back into really being at home in that caring.

所以我想探讨这一点，我想先说，我们那颗已然充满关怀的觉醒之心，就像太阳早已照耀，有时却被云层遮蔽，但它始终存在。

So I wanna look at that and I wanna begin by saying that there are two primary ways that this awake heart of ours, that which is already cares, sometimes cut off, it's like the sun is already shining, sometimes covered by clouds, but it's there.

你的觉醒之心就在那里。

Your awake heart is there.

而你的觉醒之心呼唤你的方式有两种。

And there is two ways that your awake heart calls you.

其中一种方式，我有时称之为我们的未来自我。

And one way is And I sometimes describe this as our future self.

所谓未来自我，指的是当你的心真正觉醒、心智真正开放时，你完全展现的存在状态。

And by future self I mean your fully manifested beingness when you are really when your heart is awake and your mind is open.

而你的未来、更进化的自我，正是以两种方式在呼唤你。

And there is two ways that your future more evolved self is calling you.

一种方式是，当你开始觉察到痛苦，并以愿意真正接触当下发生之事的方式去觉察时，它就在召唤你。

And one is that it is calling you as you become aware of suffering and become aware of in a way that you are willing to actually contact what's going on.

对这位女性而言，觉醒的起点是感受到与他人真正连接的缺失所带来的痛苦。

So for this woman, the beginning of waking up was feeling this suffering of not really being connected with others.

分离的痛苦，正是她觉醒的开端。

The pain of separation was the beginning of her waking up.

这就像身处茧中，当你开始成长时，茧就变得太小了——你所处的这种受限状态、限制性信念、觉得自己不够好、觉得他人在外部、对他人感到恐惧，这些收缩感开始唤醒你。

So it's like being in a cocoon and it starts as you start to evolve, the cocoon is too small and it's the pain of that contracted place you are living, the limiting beliefs, the beliefs that you are that you are falling short, the sense that other is out there, the fear of other, that contraction starts waking us up.

我们的未来自我、我们进化后的心灵召唤我们的另一种方式，是通过一种渴望的品质，一种对美的共鸣，一种敬畏与惊奇感——正是我们所爱之物在召唤我们。

The other way that our future self, our evolved heart is calling us is by a quality of longing, a a a sense of of resonance with beauty, a sense of of awe, of wonder, it's it's the what we love calls us.

我们都曾体验过这种感受。

And we all experience that.

有时，当我们彼此欢笑、嬉戏时，突然间会有一种感觉：哦，生活本可以是这样的。

It happens sometimes when we are laughing with each other and playful and all of a sudden there is a sense of, Oh, it can be like this.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

突然间你意识到，哦，我们可以轻松一点，一起存在于这个场域中。

It's like all of a sudden you realize, Oh, we can lighten up and just be in the field together.

我们是在一起的，你知道的。

We are together, you know.

当我们一起哭泣、一起哀悼时，这种时刻也会发生。

And it happens at times when we are crying together, when we are grieving.

我注意到，当人们真正共同哀悼时，一切都无需再逃避了，因为我们已经敞开心扉面对真正的失去，而在这种开放中，有一种温柔的联结，我们渴望更多地感受到这种脆弱的共在。

I have noticed how when people are really grieving together, like, all the there is there is nothing to push away anymore because we have kind of opened to the to the real loss and in that openness there is a tender connection and we feel that longing to feel that vulnerable togetherness more.

这就是我们觉醒之心的呼唤。

And that's that's the calling of our awakened heart.

当有人对我们特别温柔时，这种时刻也会发生。

It happens when someone is really kind to us.

当我们某种意义上感受到关怀，然后意识到：哦，这就是家。

And it happens when we are in some way just feeling that caring and then feeling, Oh, this is home.

这就是我想以此为生的方式。

This is what I want to live from.

几年前，一位朋友告诉我，他现在的祈祷是：请教导我关于仁慈。

A few years ago a friend of mine said told me that his prayer now is please teach me about kindness.

当他做这个祈祷时，他感到自己最贴近内心，最真诚。

And so that that his his heart he felt most true to his heart, most sincere when he was making that prayer.

从那以后，我也采用了这个祈祷，因为它太美了。

And since then I have adopted it because it is so beautiful.

它既包含一种谦卑感，也让我真正活出我所关心的东西。

It has both a sense with it of humility but of really inhabiting what I care about.

这感觉就像是觉醒之心的呼唤。

So that feels like the awake heart calling.

请教导我关于仁慈，或任何与真正活出我们内心相关的祈祷或话语。

Please teach me about kindness or any prayer in any words that have to do with really inhabiting our hearts.

我最近与一位西藏导师兼朋友安姆·图坦一起授课，他最近出版了一本书，在其中一章里，他说如果我们真的想唤醒内心，秘诀就是去爱人类。

I recently taught taught with Anam Tugtan who is a Tibetan teacher and friend and he he a recent he has a book that he that is now out and I read one In one chapter he says that if we really wanna awaken our hearts, he says, the trick is to love humanity.

他说，爱自然非常容易。

He says, it's very easy to love nature.

自然很美，你可以爱自然，但人类不同，你知道的，这很难。

Nature is beautiful and you can love nature but humans, it's real you know, it's hard.

确实如此，他并不是指抽象地爱人类，而是真正地接纳生命力量在人类身上呈现的那些不完美、脆弱的形态，去爱我们自己，彼此相爱，实现疗愈，真正地相爱。

And it's really true that and he doesn't mean love humanity abstractly, you know, he means really open to the imperfect vulnerable shapes and forms of this life force as they come in the in the human and just love ourselves and each other into healing, really love each other.

那么，我们该如何聆听这种呼唤呢？

So how do we listen to the call?

我们该如何感知它呢？

Like, how We we sense it.

在座的每一位，没有谁没有感受到过那种分离的痛苦，没有人不了解孤独、悲伤或恐惧，以及那种被隔绝的感觉；也没有谁不曾渴望过毫无保留地去爱。

That we I There is not one of you listening that hasn't sensed that pain of separation, that doesn't know about loneliness or grief or fear and feeling separate and there is not one of us that hasn't felt that longing to love without holding back.

即使当我对自己讲述这个故事时，也总是这样。

It always happens when I tell this story to myself even.

那么，我们该如何聆听这种呼唤呢？

So how do we listen to the call?

因为这并不是关于以某种特定方式行动，你知道的，不是简单地表现得善良、合作，或在外表上显得慷慨之类。

And because it's not about acting in a particular way, you know, it's not about in some way being good and cooperating and outwardly acting generous and so on.

我们很容易陷入对如何才能敞开心扉的期待中。

We get very caught in the expectation of how we should be to be open hearted.

各种宗教也教导人们该如何行为举止。

And and it is taught through the religions different religions of how to behave.

有人给我分享了一个在教会学校教孩子的例子：一个三岁的小男孩被要求做祷告，他的祷告是这样的：‘我们在天上的父，哈罗德是你的名字，阿门。’

Somebody sent me this teaching children in church school and three year one three year old boy was urged to to do his prayer and here is his prayer, he said, Our father who does art in heaven, Harold is his name, amen.

另一个孩子被听到这样祷告：‘主啊，如果你没法让我变成一个更好的孩子，也没关系。’

Another one was overheard praying, Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.

我现在这样就过得非常开心。

I am having a real good time as I am.

在教堂为他的小弟弟举行洗礼后，杰森在车后座一路哭着回家。

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

他的父亲问了他三次出了什么事。

His father asked him three times what was wrong.

最后，男孩回答说：‘牧师说，希望我们在一个基督教家庭中长大。’

Finally the boy replied, Well, the preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home.

但我说了，我想和你们待在一起。

But I said I wanted to stay with you guys.

一位母亲正在为她五岁的儿子凯文和三岁的儿子瑞安做煎饼。

A mother was preparing pancakes for her son Kevin five and Ryan three.

两个男孩开始争执谁先吃第一块煎饼。

The boys began arguing over who would get the first pancake.

他们的母亲看到了一个进行道德教育的机会。

Their mother saw an opportunity for a moral lesson.

如果耶稣坐在这里，他会说：让我的兄弟先吃第一块煎饼。

If Jesus were sitting here, he would say, Let my brother have the first pancake.

我可以等。

I can wait.

凯文转向他年幼的弟弟说：好吧。

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, Okay.

你先来当耶稣。

You can have the first time playing Jesus.

因此，通往安住于觉醒之心、转向觉醒之心的道路，始于我有时称之为‘U型转弯’的过程——当我们处于痛苦中时，往往会责备自己或责备他人，陷入关于正在发生什么或如何解决它的故事中。

So the pathway to inhabiting our awake heart, to turning towards our awake heart, starts with what I sometimes call the U-turn, which is when we are in pain we tend to be blaming ourselves or blaming others, are caught in a story of what is going on or a story of how to fix it.

这就像坐在电影院里，我们只是在观察这一切。

It is like being at a movie and we are kind of looking at all of that.

这是一种对痛苦的反应，我们试图逃避这种痛苦。

It's a reactivity to the pain we are trying to get away.

而U型转弯，则是一种愿意不再向外盯着屏幕——也就是说，不再迷失于那些故事和反应中，而是转回来，以温柔、善意和清晰的态度，直接触碰我们身体中感受到的脆弱。

And the u-turn is a willingness to instead of look out at the screen, in other words, be lost in those stories and the reactivity, to come back and be willing with gentleness and kindness and clarity to touch the vulnerability that we are feeling directly in our body.

这就是倾听呼唤的开始：回家，触碰此刻正在发生的一切。

That's the beginning of listening to the call, is coming home to touch what's right here.

因此，这意味着，如果你被触发了，害怕即将来临的某种情况——比如你必须表现良好、必须成功，或害怕他人的批评——与其继续停留在电影屏幕上的故事里，不如转过身来，与它同在，深呼吸，只是感受那里存在的原始情绪。

So it means that in some way if you have been set off and you are afraid of of something that is coming up around the corner where you have to perform or you have to do well or you are afraid of someone's criticism, instead of staying in the story on the movie screen, you come around and say, and breathe with and just feel the rawness that is there.

在这种临在中，你开始敞开，感受到你就是那临在本身，你就是那种觉知，你就是那种温柔，这会改变你对自我身份的认知。

And in that presence with, you begin to open and sense that you are the presence, you are that awareness, you are that gentleness, and it shifts your sense of who you are.

它也让你更能与他人同在，对任何正在经历困难的人更加富有同情心。

It also lets you be more present with, more compassionate towards anyone else that's having a challenge.

这唤醒了我们的镜像神经元。

This is what wakes up our mirror neurons.

训练的第二部分是更深入地关注他人。

The second part of training is to pay deeper attention to others.

作为你，是一种怎样的体验？

What's it like to be you?

作为你，是一种怎样的体验？

What's it like to be you?

你知道，在我们当前的文化中，屏幕上涌来数十亿的文字，我们很难真正停下来，去感受正在听到的痛苦。

You know, it's so easy in our current culture with the billions of words that come at us on a screen to not really pause enough to feel into the suffering that we are hearing about.

事实上，很少有人能真正靠近，让心灵变得柔软。

In fact, would say it is really rare to get close in and really let our hearts be tenderized.

如果我们不关心，就不会有所回应。

And unless we care, we won't respond.

那么，是什么帮助我们去关心呢？

So what helps us to care?

我上课前刚和几个朋友在一起，记得你们很多人会记得，我能想到的最震撼的例子就是全世界暂停并被触动的那一刻——大约一年半前，艾兰·库尔迪，那个溺水身亡的小男孩，那位叙利亚男孩，他的家人正试图从叙利亚前往希腊，那张照片迅速走红。

I I was just with a few friends right before class and and remembering many of you will remember this, the most dramatic example I can think of the entire world pausing and being touched was was it a year and a half ago when Alan Kurdi, that little boy who was drowned, the Syrian boy, his family was trying to get from Syria to Greece and that picture went viral.

我几乎不认识谁没有以某种方式被深深触动，以至于真正产生了同情。

And I almost don't know anyone that in some way didn't actually feel that so that it made them really care.

为什么这样的事不常发生？我们又该如何让它更频繁地发生？

How come that doesn't happen more and how can it happen more?

他的父亲说：‘现在，即使你把世界上所有的国家都给我，让我搬进去，我也不想要了。',

His father said, Now I don't want anything even if you give me all the countries in the world to to move into, I don't want them.

我的孩子们是世界上最可爱的孩子。

My kids were the most beautiful children in the world.

他们现在都不在了。

They are all gone now.

我们希望全世界都能看到这一切。

We want the whole world to see this.

让这成为最后一次。

Let this be the last.

但如果我不注意，这不会是最后一个。

But it won't be the last unless we pay attention.

所以，再次强调，我们在讨论如何倾听这种呼唤，如何有意识地关注。

So, again, we are talking about how do we listen to the call, how do we intentionally pay attention.

这就像是我们必须决定去关注。

It's like we have to decide to pay attention.

有一些菩萨、诗人、老师以某种方式不断提醒我们，其中之一是出生于肯尼亚的诗人瓦里桑·谢尔。

There are some bodhisattvas, some poets, some teachers that keep on reminding us in certain ways and one of them is Warisan Shire who is a Kenyan born poet.

我举个例子，因为她关注的是那些通常不被听见的人——移民和难民。

I'll give you an example because her interest is writing about the people not they are generally not heard otherwise immigrants, refugees.

她知道我们需要给予更多关注。

She knows that we need to pay more attention.

这是她写的一首诗的部分内容。

So here is just some of a poem that she wrote.

她说：没有人会离开家园，除非家园是鲨鱼的嘴。

She says, No one leaves home unless home is the mouth of a shark.

只有当你看到整个城市都在奔跑，你的邻居跑得比你还快，喉咙里喘着带血的气息时，你才会逃向边境。

You only run for the border when you see the whole city running as well, your neighbors running faster than you, breath bloody in their throats.

那个曾经和你一起上学、在旧铁皮工厂后面吻得你晕头转向、却手持比自己身体还大的枪的男孩。

The boy you went to school with who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factories holding a gun bigger than his body.

只有当家园不再容你停留时，你才会离开家。

You only leave home when home won't let you stay.

她说，没有人会离开家，除非家园在追逐你，火焰在脚下燃烧，热血在腹中沸腾。

She says, No one leaves home unless home chases you fire under feet, hot blood under belly.

没有人会把孩子塞进船里，除非海水比陆地更安全。

No one puts their children in a boat unless the water is safer than the land.

没有人会把手掌烧在火车下、车厢底。

No one burns their palms under trains beneath carriages.

没有人会在卡车的肚子里熬过昼夜，靠吃报纸维生，除非这段旅程的意义远超旅途本身。

No one spends days and nights in the stomach of a truck feeding on newspaper unless the miles traveled means something more than the journey.

没有人会爬过围栏。

No one crawls under fences.

没人想被殴打，被怜悯。

No one wants to be beaten, pitied.

她说，没人想回家。

She says, no one wants to go home.

她说，那些话是：滚回家吧，黑人，难民，肮脏的移民，寻求庇护者，吸干我们国家的资源，把你们的国家搞砸了，现在又想把我们的国家也搞砸。

She says, the words are, go home blacks, refugees, dirty immigrants, asylum seekers, sucking our country dry, messed up their country and now they want to mess ours up.

那些话，那些鄙夷的眼神，你怎么能毫不在意地承受？

How do the words, the dirty looks roll off your backs?

也许是因为，比起断肢的打击，这些言语更温柔；比起瓦砾、骨头、你孩子支离破碎的身体，这些侮辱更容易吞咽。

Maybe because the blow is softer than a limb torn off or the words are more tender or the insults are easier to swallow than rubble, than bone, than your child body in pieces.

我想回家，但家是鲨鱼的嘴，家是枪管。

I wanna go home, but home is the mouth of a shark, home is the barrel of a gun.

我想花点时间谈谈这首诗，因为我读完后放下它，好一阵子都做不了别的事。

So I wanted to take time with that poem because I read it and put it down and couldn't do much for a while.

要花时间，刻意把目光拉近，去感受痛苦，这真的很艰难。

That it's hard to take time and choose to bring our sights closer on purpose to feel the hurt.

然而，花时间并有勇气问一句：做你是什么感觉？

And yet taking the time, having the courage to say, What's it like to be you?

这正是我们的内心、思想与精神正在走向的进化方向。

Is really where evolution is taking our heart and our mind and our spirit.

世界希望我们能扩大这些关怀的圈子。

It's the hope of the world that we can widen these circles.

这同样至关重要。

It's just as critical.

事实上，除非你在个人生活中，对今晚回家或明天工作时将见到的那个人真正这样做，否则你根本无法做到。

In fact, you can't really do it unless you do it in your personal life with the person you are going to see later tonight at home or at work tomorrow.

所以这不仅仅是为了那些感觉距离更远的人而设的训练。

So this isn't just a training for those that feel a little bit more farther in the distance.

就像我之前提到的朋友，许多人很难去关注和关心身边最亲近的人。

Like like my friend that I mentioned earlier, many find it hard to attune and care about really the people right close to them.

有些男人只会在看电影时才流泪。

They there are some men that can only cry at movies.

我有一个朋友，他只能在看到动物的悲惨遭遇时才真正流泪。

And there is some friend I have a friend who can only really cry at the plight of animals.

这并不意味着这些人就是坏的。

And it's not like these people are bad.

这是社会的现状，是我们身体所遭受的创伤，是我们被割裂的方式，但我们可以重新建立连接。

It's the way that our society is, it's the way our bodies have been traumatized, it's the way we have been cut off, but we can reconnect.

因此，训练要从你最容易产生共鸣或建立联系的事物开始。

So the training starts with what you can relate to or what you can connect to most easily.

我有一个朋友创办了一个名为‘自然连接’的非营利组织。

I have one friend who started a non profit called Nature Connection.

他们所做的，是把动物和自然元素带到那些无法亲自前往自然环境中的人身边，比如机构里的孩子、养老院中无法外出的老人，他们真的会带来石头、植物和各种动物。

And what they do is they bring animals and parts of nature to people that can't get there, pew to kids that are in institutions, to people that are in old age homes where they can't get out and they they actually bring rocks and plants and different kinds of animals.

所以，我想和你们分享一个故事：有一个小男孩，已经在该项目中待了三年，他一直拒绝与治疗师、老师和同学说话。

And so one story just to share with you is described one afternoon there is a young boy who had been in a program for three years and he had hadn't he had refused to speak with therapists, teachers, classmates.

其中一些男孩在进入这些机构之前，曾经有过照料动物的经历。

And some of them some of the boys were herding animals before they got into these institutions.

他们炫耀自己如何杀死狗、猫和青蛙。

They bragged about killing dogs, cats, frogs.

所以在这个地方，他们首先得教孩子们如何对待动物，以确保对孩子们和动物都安全。

So in this particular place they brought they brought the first they had to teach the kids how to treat the animals to make it safe for the boys and safe for the animals.

他们教孩子们如何轻柔地触摸、梳理，理解动物的身体语言和肢体动作，以及如何使用细微的语调。

They taught them how to touch gently, to groom, the langer of the the language of their body gestures, how to use subtle tones of voice.

起初，这些年轻男孩们的行为非常混乱。

Initially, it was chaotic where these with these young boys.

但每当他们把动物带进来时，就会发生一种神奇的变化。

But whenever they bring the animals in, there was this magic that happened.

孩子们会逐渐安静下来，认真对待自己的角色。两年多来，他们开始主动照顾这些动物。

The kids would start getting quiet and they got real they really took seriously their roles and they started in over took two years, they started taking care of the animals.

有一个男孩描述了他自己的转变。

And one boy described his change.

他说：现在我不再伤害动物了。

He says, Now I don't hurt animals.

现在我会努力去帮助它们。

Now I try and I help them.

动物们会主动靠近我，好像知道我不会伤害它们。

And the animals come to me as if they know I am not gonna hurt them.

我觉得它们能感受到我的态度。

I think they sense the way my attitude is.

我们可以训练自己和彼此，以加深专注力。

We can train ourselves and each other to deepen our attention.

所以我想花一点时间，我们在这里暂停一下，我最喜爱的一种练习是藏传的‘施受法’（Tonglen）。

So I'd like to just take a moment, we are going to pause here, And the practice that I love the most, it's a a Tibetan practice called Tonglen.

如果我们想通过训练与身边的人互动，来聆听内心觉醒的呼唤，就可以用一种非常简单的方式来调整它。

We can adapt it in a very simple way if we want to practice listening to the call of our awake heart by training with the people right around us.

这仅仅是施受法的一点小小体验。

So this is just a a taste of Tonglen.

你可以闭上眼睛，花几分钟静坐、放松并深呼吸。

You might close your eyes and take a few moments to sit still and relax and breathe.

在你心中浮现一个你关心、目前正在经历困难的人。

Bringing to mind one person in your life that you care about that is having difficulty right now.

感受你所意识到的他们的状况，他们正在面对什么，你对此的惯常看法是什么，你花了多少时间去关注他们，或者你是否对他们的情况有一些想法，当你想到他们处于困境时，你的脑海中是否会立刻浮现某种特定的画面？

And sense what you are aware of that's going on, what they are dealing with, what your habitual way of regarding this is, how much do you spend a lot of time tuning in or do you have some ideas about what is going on, does your mind kind of flash to a certain way that that person is when they are having difficulty?

现在感受一下，你觉醒的心正在呼唤你更深入地关注，让自己将这种对那个人的感觉拉得更近一些。

Now sense that your awake heart is calling you to tune in more deeply And let yourself bring that sense of the person closer in.

想象当这个人感到痛苦、恐惧、羞耻、失败感或失望时，你能感受到他们的情绪仿佛透过他们的眼睛在看世界，用他们的心去感受。

To imagine when this person's distressed, fear, shame, feelings of failure, disappointment, and sense that you can feel this person inside you as if you are looking through his or her or their eyes, feeling with their heart.

因此，你可以真切地体会，从内到外，这个人正在经历什么。

And so you can sense sense what it is like, really inside out what this person is going through.

你或许能感受到，对他们来说，最困难的部分是什么，最糟糕的是什么，他们对自己或世界抱有什么样的限制性信念？

You might sense what the most difficult part of this is for this person, what's the worst part, And what what is it they are believing that's limiting about themselves or the world?

他们需要什么？

And what do they need?

他们真正需要的是什么？

What do they really need?

在正式练习中，呼吸可以作为一种支持。

And in the formal practice, the breath can be a support.

吸气时，你可以感受到自己正温柔而充分地接触这个人的体验，让自己去感受它。

You can breathe in and feel that with the in breath you are just really gently but fully contacting the experience of this person, you are letting yourself touch it.

但呼气时，你让这份感受被宇宙之心承载，你不紧抓不放，而是真正地将这个人最需要的东西奉献出去。

But with the out breath, you are letting it be held in the heart of the universe, you are you are not holding on to it and you are offering, really, whatever is most needed to this person.

你可能会感受到，吸气时你只是在体会这个人的孤独、受伤或失败的感觉。

You might sense that you are breathing in and just feeling the person's loneliness or feelings of hurt or feelings of failure.

呼气时，你真切地感受到那片无比温柔的心灵空间，感受到这个人被拥抱、被承载、被爱所浸润。

With the out breath, you are really sensing this heart space that is utterly tender and feeling that person embraced and held and bathed in that love.

这被称为吸入与呼出。

It's called taking in and giving out.

呼气时，一定要感受到那能够承载这份痛苦的广阔空间。

Make sure when you breathe out you sense the vastness that can hold this suffering.

这实际上是世界之灵的心灵空间。

It's really the heart space of the soul of the world.

所以你不是紧抓着它不放，而是让自己被它触动，吸气时感受它的存在，呼气时给予关怀。

So you are not holding on to it but you are letting yourself be touched by it, breathing in and being touched, breathing out and offering care.

当你这样做时，你可能会扩大对当下发生之事的感知，将所有可能有类似感受的人也包含在内。

And as you are doing this you might now enlarge the sense of what is going on to include all those that might feel like this person.

因此，你正在为所有可能以这种方式受苦的人吸气，接纳这种痛苦的现实。

So you are really breathing in for all of us that might suffer in this way, letting in the reality of the suffering.

但呼气时，感受那无边无际、能够承载这一切的心灵空间。

But breathing out and sensing the heart space that's boundless, that can hold it.

现在你可以做几次深呼吸，然后我们继续前进。

You can take a few full breaths now and we'll move forward.

如果你喜欢闭着眼睛感受，那很好；或者睁开眼睛也可以。

And if you like being with your eyes closed, that's fine, or opening your eyes.

这个内省，对你来说是什么感觉？

This inquiry, what's it like for you?

这真正源于我们觉醒的心，源于愿意触碰当下发生之事的开放态度。

Is really the inquiry from our awake heart, this willingness to touch what's going on.

但我们觉醒的心灵也拥有容纳一切的空间。

But it's also our awake heart that has the space.

可如果你认为自己是一个独立的、孤立的个体，独自承接整个世界的苦难，那这份重量会让你难以承受，你会感到自己被彻底淹没。

It's If you think you are an individual separate self taking in the suffering of the world, it's gonna feel overwhelming, you'll feel flooded.

很多人在刚了解施受法（Tonglen）的时候都会问我：“塔拉，可我本身就已经很敏感了。”

And so many people when they are when they learn about Tonglen ask me, But, you know, Tara, am thin skinned already.

所有事都会牵动我的情绪。

I am affected by everything.

我为什么要吸入世间的苦难呢？

Why would I wanna breathe in the suffering of the world?

你不妨再想想，如果你觉得自己是一个孤立的个体，要独自承接整个宇宙的伤痛，那这种方法根本行不通。

And if you again, if you feel like you are this container of a separate self that's kind of breathing in the universe's wounds, it's just not gonna work.

但如果你把自己看作一个通道，吸气时去感受这份触动，呼气时感知整个空间——世界的心灵空间在承托一切，那你就会真正归属到这个心灵空间之中。

But if you imagine yourself as a flow through, that you are breathing in to be touched, you are breathing out, you are sensing the whole space, heart space of the world holding, then you become then you belong to that heart space.

正是通过施受法（唐卡禅修，即通莲法），你才能真正栖居于你那觉醒的心灵之中。

It's through Tonglen that you actually inhabit your awake heart.

科学已经表明，那些被连接到脑部扫描仪的僧侣们显示，慈悲的修习实际上能让我们感到快乐。

And science has shown that those that and they hooked up these monks to, you know, brain scanners and have found that the practice of compassion actually makes us happy.

这是一种深刻的幸福。

It is a profound happiness.

这种幸福源于认识到我们真正的本质——那种拥有一颗包容一切众生的心的存在。

It is the happiness of realizing who we really are, that that beingness that that has a heart that includes all beings.

因此，我们扩大了圈子。

So we widen the circles.

这再次引出了一个问题：我们该如何回应觉醒之心的呼唤？

This is, again, where how do we respond to the call of our awake heart?

我们愿意去触碰痛苦与苦难，同时记起我们所爱的事物，并给予关怀。

Well, we are willing to touch the pain, the suffering and we remember what we love, we offer care.

这种情形确实发生在真挚的友谊和伴侣关系中，也可能发生在更广泛的社会中。

And this happens in truly intimate friendships and partnerships and it can happen in our wider society.

我认为，对我而言，最好的例子是：世界各地正在开展对话，正在进行和解，以各种形式展开。

I think, for me, perhaps the best And there is dialogues going on, there is reconciliation going on, different formats, really all over the globe.

这就是希望。

And that is the hope.

这是我们不断进化的意识在发挥作用：那些存在冲突或困难、造成伤害的人们聚在一起，开始这个相互了解的过程，以寻求和解、弥补、恢复正义与平衡。

That is our evolving consciousness at work where people that have conflict or difficulty where harm has been caused come together and begin this getting to know process that can seek to reconcile, make amends, restore justice and balance.

我将分享一个让我深受触动的故事，我猜你们中的一些人可能读过，因为这篇文章刊登在《华盛顿邮报》上。

I will share one story that struck me that I am imagining some of you might have might have read because this was in the Washington Post.

上周有一篇报道，讲述了两名年轻男子在酒吧发生争执，离开后，其中一名男子蒂莫西杀死了另一名男子约书亚。

This was last week describing two young men, they were arguing and they left a bar and one man, Timothy, killed the other, Joshua.

约书亚当时没有携带武器。

Joshua was unarmed.

蒂莫西入狱服刑，五年后，通过司法部推行的一项恢复性司法项目，约书亚的母亲伯奎斯特女士与蒂莫西——她儿子的凶手——安排了一次会面。

Timothy went to to jail and five years later, through a restorative justice program the Department of Corrections was running, a meeting was arranged between miss Burquist, who was Joshua's mother, and Timothy, her son's killer.

明白吗？

Okay?

于是，被害者的母亲和凶手见面了。

So you have got the the mother of the man who was murdered and the killer meeting.

所以我想要读给你们听一点他们的对话，因为在我看来，当我们愿意更靠近、更专注地倾听，当我们回应觉醒之心的召唤时，就会发生这样的事。

So what I wanted to do was read to you a little bit of their conversation because, to me, this is what happens when we are willing to step in closer and pay deeper attention, when we are responding to the call of the awake heart.

他们对话的一小部分。

So a little bit of their their conversation.

伯克斯特夫人说：我去那里是为了让他了解乔什，因为如果他认识我儿子，就绝不会做出那样的事。

Missus Burkwest says, My purpose in going there was to share Josh with him because if he had known my son, he never would have done it.

蒂莫西说：他们俩提到的是一些不太一样的事情。

Timothy says These are kind of different things they both reported.

她开始哭了。

She started crying.

她很痛苦。

She was hurt.

直面你儿子的杀手，你知道，没有任何准备能真正让你做好心理准备。

To come face to face with your son's killer, you know, nothing can really prepare you for that.

这让人感到不适。

It was uncomfortable.