当我的生活支离破碎时，我是如何找到韧性的 | 简·玛丽·陈

TED的核心会议是让思想从舞台走向世界的地方。

TED's flagship conference is where ideas move from the stage into the world.

今年四月，TED 2026将在温哥华举行，届时将汇聚全球领袖与创新者，为期五天，带来颠覆认知的演讲、沉浸式体验和深度连接。

Coming up this April in Vancouver, TED twenty twenty six will bring together global leaders and innovators for five days of perspective shifting talks, immersive experiences, and meaningful connection.

作为一位持续参会者，我可以证明，这场会议比许多其他会议更具变革性，不仅因为你在舞台上听到的内容，更因为舞台之外发生的对话与关系。

As an ongoing attendee myself, I can attest to this conference being more transformational than many others, not just for what you hear on stage, but for the conversations and relationships that happen beyond it.

参加TED远不止于观看演讲。

Attending TED goes far beyond watching talks.

它关乎机会、社群，以及成为致力于塑造未来的全球网络的一员。

It's about access, community, and being part of a global network committed to shaping the future.

如果你想了解更多关于参加TED 2026的信息，并在详情公布时接收独家更新，请访问attend.ted.com/podcast。

If you are interested in learning more about attending TED twenty twenty six and receiving exclusive updates as details are announced, visit attend.ted.com/podcast.

你正在收听《TED每日演讲》，我们每天为你带来新思想与对话，激发你的好奇心。

You're listening to TED Talks daily where we bring you new ideas and conversations to spark your curiosity every day.

我是你的主持人，伊莉丝·胡。

I'm your host, Elise Hu.

十年前，企业家兼TED研究员简·玛丽·陈创立了一家公司，研发出一种低成本的便携式婴儿保温箱，旨在为早产儿和资源匮乏的社区提供帮助，目标是拯救全球超过一百万婴儿。

A decade ago, entrepreneur and TED fellow, Jane Marie Chen, started a company that created a low cost portable incubator for premature babies and underserved communities and a goal to save over one million babies around the world.

这成为了简的人生使命。

It became Jane's life mission.

但当公司遭遇重大挫折并导致她身心耗竭时，简不得不做出选择。

But when a life changing setback at the company led to burnout, Jane had to make a choice.

在她的演讲中，简分享了接下来发生的故事，以及这段经历如何教会她韧性的秘密。

In her talk, Jane shares the story of what happened next and how it taught her the secret to resilience.

你是否曾想过，抛开你的工作、头衔和成就，你究竟是谁？

Do you ever wonder who you are beyond your job, your titles, your accomplishments?

当我倾注了十年心血的公司倒闭时，我被迫直面这个问题。

This is the question I was forced to confront when the company I'd spent a decade pouring my soul into shut down.

我的工作曾是我全部的身份认同，没有了它，我不再知道自己是谁。

My work had been my entire identity, and without it, I didn't know who I was anymore.

十年前，我联合创立了Embrace，一家致力于为资源匮乏社区的早产儿设计低成本便携式保温箱的社会企业。

Ten years earlier, I cofounded Embrace, a social enterprise that created a low cost, portable incubator for premature babies in underserved communities.

我们的技术无需持续供电，可以在世界偏远地区使用。

Our technology could work without constant electricity, making it usable in remote parts of the world.

我们设定了一个雄心勃勃的目标：拯救一百万婴儿。

We set an audacious goal to save a million babies.

我搬到印度，那里诞生了全球超过20%的早产儿，我把这一使命当作我的人生。

I moved to India, where over 20% of all the world's premature babies are born, and I made that mission my life.

多年来，我们拯救了数千名婴儿，比如纳森，他被遗弃在街头时体重仅有两磅半。

Over the years, we saved thousands of babies, babies like Nathan, who was abandoned on a street weighing just two and a half pounds.

他被一家孤儿院救下，并在我们的保温箱里待了数周。

He was rescued by an orphanage and kept inside our incubator for weeks.

他活了下来。

He survived.

七个月后，我回到孤儿院，把他抱在怀里。

Seven months later, I visited the orphanage and I held him in my arms.

几个月后，他被芝加哥的一户家庭收养。

A few months after that, he was adopted by a family in Chicago.

这样的故事一直激励着我。

Stories like this kept me going.

在此过程中，我们得到了奥巴马总统的认可，并获得了碧昂丝的资金支持。

Along the way, we were recognized by President Obama and funded by Beyonce.

我们的工作被全球各大媒体头版报道。

Our work was featured in headlines all over the world.

表面上看，这似乎是一个成功的故事。

On the outside, it looked like a success story.

但事实上，内心深处，我感到自己被压力、疲惫和自我怀疑淹没。

But the truth was, on the inside, I felt like I was drowning in stress, exhaustion, self doubt.

这份工作压得我喘不过气，有时我甚至觉得几乎无法呼吸。

The work weighed so heavily on me, there were moments I felt like I could barely breathe.

十年后，经历了从制造到分销再到资金筹措的无数挫折后，我们不得不关闭了公司。

Ten years in, after countless setbacks from manufacturing to distribution to funding challenges, we had to shut down the company.

我失败了。

I failed.

我达到了人生最低谷。

I hit the lowest point of my life.

我频繁出现恐慌发作，情绪低落，无法入睡，身心灵都感到彻底破碎。

I was having panic attacks, I was depressed, I couldn't sleep, I felt completely broken in mind, body and spirit.

于是我决定踏上一段疗愈之旅。

So I decided to set off on a healing journey.

我收拾好冲浪板和行李，买了一张单程机票前往印度尼西亚，全身心投入疗愈，就像当年全情投入公司一样。

I packed a surfboard and a suitcase, and I bought a one way ticket to Indonesia, where I threw myself into healing with the same intensity I'd once poured into my company.

我愿意做任何事，因为这关乎生死存亡。

I was willing to do anything because this was a matter of survival.

我要彻底把自己治好。

I was going to heal the shit out of myself.

我在丛林中静坐冥想数日，直到出现幻觉，不过我敢肯定那些类固醇级别的蟑螂是真实存在的。

I meditated for days in silence in the jungle until I hallucinated, although I'm pretty sure those cockroaches on steroids were real.

我进行了致幻剂之旅。

I did psychedelic journeys.

我去和鲨鱼一起游泳，只为学会放松。

I dove with sharks so I could learn to relax.

我不知道为什么我不像普通人那样去做个按摩。

I don't know why I couldn't just get a massage like a normal person.

我为了参加蛙毒仪式，在腿上烧出了洞。

I burned holes in my leg for a frog poison ceremony.

据说这能清除我的过去。

It was supposed to purge my past.

但事实上，我觉得我把这辈子吃过的所有东西都吐了个干净。

Instead, I think I purged everything I'd ever eaten in my entire life.

但真正的突破，只有当我开始直面童年时才出现。

But the real breakthroughs came only when I began to confront my childhood.

小时候，父亲用逼我优秀的方式来表达爱。

Growing up, my father showed his love by pushing me to excel.

我记得二年级时，周末的早晨，我会依偎着他，他把我的冷脚放在他腿下取暖，同时考我乘法表。

I remember in second grade, on weekend mornings, I would cuddle with him, and he would warm my cold feet under his as he quizzed me on my times tables.

多亏了这些训练，我在班上赢得了所有数学竞赛。

Thanks to those drills, I won all the math competitions in my class.

当我达不到他的期望时，我会遭到暴力惩罚。

When I didn't meet his expectations, I was punished violently.

当我12岁那年，有一天放学回家，我决定在前院的草地上读历史书。

When I was 12 years old, I came home from school one day, and I decided to read my history book on the front lawn.

那天阳光明媚，天气真好。

It was a beautiful, sunny day.

当我父亲回家看到这一幕时，他勃然大怒。

When my father came home and saw this, he flew into a rage.

他认为作业不应该在草地上做，而应该在书桌前完成。

He decided homework shouldn't be done on a lawn, it should be done at a desk.

于是他打了我，并强迫我道歉。

And so he beat me, and he demanded that I apologize.

我拒绝了，因为这是我人生中第一次意识到，我根本没有做错任何事。

I refused because for the first time in my life, I knew I had done nothing wrong.

我也知道自己完全无能为力。

I also knew I was utterly powerless.

在我进行疗愈的过程中，我终于把这一切串联起来了。

As I did this healing work, I finally connected the dots.

童年时期一直感到如此无力，驱使我去帮助世界上最有无力感的人。

Feeling so powerless throughout my childhood had driven me to help the most powerless people in the world.

我的痛苦成了我的使命，但也成了我的阴影。

My pain had become my purpose, but it had also become my shadow.

无论我救了多少婴儿，获得了多少认可，我都从未觉得自己足够好。

No matter how many babies I saved or how much recognition I received, I never felt like I was enough.

有时，我们的创伤会转化为动力，转化为对工作的完美主义。

Sometimes our trauma gets channeled into drive, perfectionism over work.

有些人用物质来麻痹自己的痛苦。

Some people numb their pain with substances.

我则用忙碌来麻痹自己的痛苦。

I numbed mine with productivity.

我非常在乎我的工作，但我同时也相信，我的价值取决于我取得了什么成就。

I cared deeply about my work, but I also believed that my worth depended on what I achieved.

我终于停止了试图通过成就来摆脱痛苦。

I finally stopped trying to achieve my way out of pain.

这是我找回自己的方式。

Here's how I found my way back to myself.

首先，我放慢了脚步，只是允许自己去感受。

First, I slowed down, and I just let myself feel.

在我生命的大部分时间里，为了生存，我与自己的情绪脱节了。

For most of my life, I disconnected from my emotions to survive.

研究表明，我们大多数人都是这样做的。

Research shows most of us do this.

我们通过工作、饮酒、社交媒体和其他无尽的消遣来逃避痛苦的情绪。

We avoid painful emotions through working, drinking, social media and other endless distractions.

但当我们压抑情绪时，它们并不会消失。

But when we suppress our emotions, they don't go away.

它们实际上会以更强烈的方式重现，常常表现为焦虑、抑郁或倦怠。

They actually resurface more intensely, often as anxiety, depression or burnout.

于是我允许自己感受一切。

So I let myself feel it all.

我变得非常适应那种不适感。

I got really comfortable with being uncomfortable.

我痛哭到再也流不出眼泪。

I sobbed until I had no more tears left.

我因恐惧而颤抖。

I trembled with fear.

我因愤怒而暴怒。

I raged with anger.

我明白了，你无法靠思考摆脱痛苦，也无法靠工作摆脱它，你必须通过感受来穿越它。

I learned you can't think your way out of pain, you can't work your way out of it, you have to feel your way through it.

第二，我学会了放下对结果的执着。

Second, I learned to let go of outcomes.

一切都在不断变化。

Everything is constantly changing.

唯一确定的就是不确定性。

The only thing that is certain is uncertainty.

没有什么比在海洋中更能让我深刻体会到这一点了，在那里，我的处境随着风、潮汐和海浪每时每刻都在变化。

Nothing teaches me this lesson more viscerally than being in the ocean where my conditions are changing moment to moment based on the winds, the tides, the swells.

因此，保持当下、不执着于任何事物，包括结果，变得至关重要。

Because of this, it's so important to be present and to not be attached to anything, including outcomes.

我意识到，我对《Embrace》的结果太过执着，以至于超越了自己所有的极限，当公司失败时，我的自我认同也随之崩塌。

I realized I'd become so attached to an outcome for Embrace that I pushed past all my limits, and when the company failed, it shattered my sense of self.

我现在明白，我并不由我的外在成功或失败来定义。

I now know I'm not defined by my external successes or failures.

真正重要的是我内在的自己。

It's who I am on the inside that truly matters.

我是否在以爱行事？

Am I acting with love?

我在成长吗？

Am I growing?

我在为他人付出吗？

Am I giving to others?

我无法控制海浪，但我可以选择如何驾驭它们。

I can't control the waves, but I can choose how I want to ride them.

最后，我学会了自我同情。

And lastly, I learned self compassion.

我通过认识自己各个不同的部分做到了这一点，比如那个经历过每一场战斗的战士。

I did this through recognizing all the different parts of myself, the warrior who had fought every battle.

我的一位前伴侣给这部分的我起了个绰号，叫‘张斯汗’。

One of my exes nicknamed this part of me Jangus Khan.

那个逼我超越疲惫极限的完美主义者。

The overachiever who had pushed me to work past exhaustion.

我发现了那个被它保护着的部分——我内心那个害怕自己不够好的小女孩。

I discovered the part they were protecting, the little girl inside me who was so scared that she wasn't enough.

很长一段时间里，我希望别人能让她明白她是有价值的。

For so long, I wanted everyone else to show her that she was worthy.

但这从未成功过。

It never worked.

于是我终于转向她，说出了她一直需要听到的话。

So I finally turned towards her, and I finally said the things that she had always needed to hear.

我很抱歉。

I'm so sorry.

你不该承受这些。

You didn't deserve that.

你已经足够好了，而且你被爱着。

You are enough, and you are loved.

她相信了我。

And she believed me.

我现在明白，韧性并不是关于坚强。

I now know resilience isn't about toughness.

它是关于温柔的。

It's about tenderness.

它是以同情心对待自己，并深深相信，无论我们的成就或目标如何，我们本身就已足够。

It's about treating ourselves with compassion and knowing deep in our bones that we are enough, just as we are, beyond our achievements or even our purpose.

我曾经以为治愈意味着修复自己。

I once thought healing meant fixing myself.

现在我知道，治愈意味着爱自己。

Now I know it means loving myself.

这非常重要，因为我们与自己的关系塑造了生活中所有其他关系，无论是个人还是职业层面。

And this is so important, because the relationship we have with ourselves shapes every other relationship in our lives, both personally and professionally.

在一次奇迹般的发展中，Embrace 被拯救了。

In a miraculous turn of events, Embrace was saved.

截至今年，它已经影响了超过一百万婴儿。

As of this year, it's impacted over a million babies.

我为这一成就感到非常自豪，但我最自豪的是学会了接纳自己。

I'm so proud of this accomplishment, but what I'm most proud of is learning to embrace myself.

谢谢。

Thank you.

刚才为您呈现的是简·玛丽·陈在TEDxT 2025上的演讲。

That was Jane Marie Chen speaking at TEDxT twenty twenty five.

TED研究员计划为来自100多个国家的500多位充满活力的远见者提供支持，他们正在应对世界上最紧迫的挑战。

The TED Fellows program provides support to a dynamic community of over 500 visionaries from 100 plus countries addressing the world's most pressing challenges.

如需了解更多信息，请访问fellows.ted.com。

To learn more, visit fellows.ted.com.

如果您对TED的选题标准感兴趣，可前往ted.com/curationguidelines了解更多。

If you're curious about TED's curation, find out more at ted.com/curationguidelines.

今天的节目就到这里。

And that's it for today.

TED每日演讲是TED音频合集的一部分。

TED Talks Daily is part of the TED audio collective.

本演讲由TED研究团队进行事实核查，并由我们的团队——玛莎·埃斯特瓦诺斯、奥利弗·弗里德曼、布莱恩·格林、露西·利特尔和坦西卡·苏恩马诺翁——制作与编辑。

This talk was fact checked by the TED research team and produced and edited by our team, Martha Estevanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene, Lucy Little, and Tansika Sungmarnivong.

本集由克里斯托弗·法齐·博甘混音。

This episode was mixed by Christopher Faizy Bogan.

特别感谢艾玛·陶布纳和达尼埃拉·巴雷罗的支持。

Additional support from Emma Taubner and Daniella Balarezo.

我是伊莉斯·胡。

I'm Elise Hu.

明天我会带着一个全新的想法回到你的信息流中。

I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed.

感谢收听。

Thanks for listening.

在《TED播客》中，如果你中了彩票，你的生活将会变得很棒。

On the TED Radio Hour, if you won the lottery, your life would be amazing.

对吧？

Right?

所以我认为，每个人在玩彩票时，心里都会有一个中奖后生活的想象。

So I think everyone's got a vision of what it's like to win the lottery in their head when they're playing.

当然，现实却大不相同。

The reality, of course, is very different.

关于如何充分利用已有的一切并找到自主权的想法。

Ideas about making the most of what you've got and finding agency.

下次敬请收听来自NPR的《TED播客》。

That's next time on the TED Radio Hour podcast from NPR.

请在您收听播客的平台订阅或收听《TED播客》。

Subscribe or listen to the TED Radio Hour wherever you get your podcasts.