如何过上有意义的生活 | 布莱恩·S·洛瑞（重新发布）

有商业问题吗？

Got a business problem?

那里有一场关于这个问题的TED演讲。

There's a TED talk for that.

关注TED Business播客，获取最新的商业资讯，该播客由哥伦比亚商学院教授莫杜佩·阿基诺拉主持。

Stay updated on everything business on TED business, a podcast hosted by Columbia Business School professor Modupe Akinola.

每周，她都会为你介绍拥有独特见解的领导者，解答诸如四天工作制如何运作等问题。

Every week, she'll introduce you to leaders with unique insights on work, answering questions like, how do four day work weeks work?

机器会取代我的工作吗？

Do will a machine ever take my job?

在你收听播客的任何平台，收听TED Business，获取令人惊讶的答案。

Get some surprising answers on TED business wherever you listen to podcasts.

你正在收听《TED演讲每日推送》，我们每天为你带来激发好奇心的新思想。

You're listening to TED Talks Daily where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day.

我是你的主持人，伊莉丝·胡。

I'm your host, Elise Hu.

我们继续分享一些来自TED档案的演讲、对话和节目，希望在我们思考年末以及新年的决心和习惯时，能激发一些灵感。

We are continuing to share a handful of talks, conversations, and episodes from the TED archive that we hope will spark some inspiration as we think about the end of the year and then resolutions and practices we hope to bring into this new year.

这是一个既小又大的问题。

It's a small and big question at the same time.

什么造就了有意义的人生？

What makes for a meaningful life?

在这段精彩的档案演讲中，社会心理学家布莱恩·洛里探讨了与意义体验相关的三个理念，并说明了为何单纯追求个人成就并非找到意义的最佳方式。

In this beautiful archive talk, social psychologist Brian s Lowry explores three ideas tied to the experience of meaning and shows why simply pursuing personal achievements isn't the best way to find it.

生活是美妙的。

Life is amazing.

生活是不可思议的。

Life is incredible.

我们所经历的经历，个人成就的可能性，你可以登顶珠穆朗玛峰，可以创办一家成功的大企业，也可以发表一场TED演讲。

The experiences we have, the possibilities of personal achievement, you could sum at Everest, you could create a huge successful business, you could give a TED talk.

当你成功时，那种感觉简直棒极了。

And when you're successful, it feels incredible.

成功带来的兴奋感、庆祝氛围，你确实应该庆祝——朋友们的祝贺、在Instagram上发帖，无论你在哪里分享成就，这一切都让人感觉很棒。

Success, the flush of excitement, the celebration, and you should celebrate The congratulations, the posting on Instagram, wherever you put your stuff up, it all feels great.

但当这种感觉消退时，无论是慢慢淡化还是突然消失，一个问题便会浮现。

But when that fades, when that starts to fade, sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once, a question comes up.

这就够了吗？

Is this it?

这就是全部了吗？

Is this all there is?

因此，我将跟你们讲一个关于我自己的小故事，帮助你们理解这种感受。

And so I'm going to tell you a little story about myself to give you a sense of this.

对于还不了解我的人，我是斯坦福大学的一名教授。

So for those of you who don't know, I'm a professor at Stanford.

我刚获得这份工作时，欣喜若狂。

I when I got my job, I was elated.

欣喜若狂。

Elated.

还有点害怕。

And a little bit terrified.

我感到害怕，因为当你得到这样的工作时，你知道大约七年后就会接受评估。

And I was terrified because when you get a job like that, you know you're going to be reviewed in about seven years.

要么你获得终身教职，基本上就是一份终身工作，要么你就被解雇。

And either you're going be given tenure, more or less a job for life, or you're going to get fired.

这有点像电影《Glengarry Glen Ross》中的场景，亚历克·鲍德温饰演的角色进来发表激励演讲，他说：将有一场竞赛。

It's a little bit like that movie, Glengarry Glen Ross, the scene where Alec Baldwin's character goes in to give the motivational speech, and he says, there's going be a competition.

第一名奖品：凯迪拉克埃尔多拉多。

First prize, Cadillac Eldorado.

第二名奖品：一套牛排刀。

Second prize, set of steak knives.

第三名奖品：你被解雇了。

Third prize, you're fired.

这有点像那样，只不过没有第二名奖品。

It's a little bit like that, except there's no second prize.

结果正如你可能想象的那样，这让人格外专注。

And it turns out, as you might imagine, that has a way of focusing your mind.

明白吗？

Alright?

所以我非常非常专注于做好研究、发表论文、认真教学，以及所有其他获得终身教职所需的小事。

So I was really, really focused on doing good research, getting my papers published, doing all in the classroom, and all the other little things you need to do to get tenure.

七年之后，我成功了。

And seven years later, I made it.

我成功了。

I made it.

谢谢。

Thank you.

这让我如释重负，我非常兴奋。

And it was a huge relief, and I was so excited.

我非常兴奋。

I was so excited.

但这个问题出现了。

But that question came up.

这就是全部了吗？

Is this it?

这真的就是全部了吗？

Is this is this really all all there is?

我回想起自己在本科度过的时光、五年研究生生涯、无数的泪水——真的流了很多泪，还有七年争取终身教职的努力。

And I reflected back and I thought about the time I spent in undergrad, five years in grad school, the tears, and there were a lot of tears, the seven years of trying to get tenure.

我原本期待、希望当我跨过这道门槛、取得成功之后，生活会变得不一样。

And I had expected, I had hoped that when I made it past that, when I succeeded, when I went through that threshold, life would feel different.

我会感到满足。

I would feel fulfilled.

它会让我觉得有意义。

It would feel meaningful to me.

我的生活会变得有意义。

My life would feel meaningful.

但事实证明，事情并不是这样的。

But it turns out that wasn't what happened.

当心理学家谈论生活的意义时，他们指的是我们的人生具有重要性的感觉。

Now, when psychologists talk about meaningfulness in life, what they're talking about is a sense that our lives matter.

这个世界是有意义的。

That the world makes sense.

我们不仅仅是在这个星球上度过的分分秒秒、日日夜夜和年年岁岁的总和。

That we are more than the sum of our minutes, days and years on this planet.

关于生活意义的研究表明，有三个核心概念与生活意义相关。

Now, the research on meaningfulness in life suggests there are three big ideas associated with meaningfulness in life.

第一个核心概念是连贯性。

The first big idea is coherence.

世界需要显得连贯。

The world needs to feel coherent.

冬天过后是春天，春天过后是夏天，你早上起床，刷牙，吃早餐，送孩子上学，然后去上班。

After winter comes spring, after spring comes summer, you get up in the morning, you brush your teeth, you have breakfast, you get the kids off to school, you go to work.

这些日常小习惯让世界显得可认知、可预测。

Those little routines make the world feel knowable, predictable.

连贯的。

Coherent.

当你思考个人成就时，它有时会带来一种连贯性的体验，因为我们是在某种框架内取得成就的。

Now, when you think about personal achievement, it does create sometimes this experience of coherence because we achieve within a framework.

我明白他们对我的终身教职有什么要求。

I understood what they expected of me for tenure.

我知道，只要我发表论文、教学表现良好、与对的人交流、做好人脉拓展，就很有可能获得终身教职。

I understood that if I got my papers published, that I did well in the classroom, that I talked to the right people, I did all the networking, there was a good chance I could tenure.

如果你正在减肥，你就明白。

If you're trying to lose weight, you understand.

如果你改变饮食、坚持锻炼，体重就会下降，或者至少我们希望如此。

If you change your diet, you exercise, the weight will come off, or at least we hope so.

这些事情，这种框架，赋予了世界一种连贯感。

Now, those things, that framework gives the world a sense of coherence.

第二个与生命意义相关的重要观点。

Second big idea associated with the meaning of life.

第二个重要观点：目的。

Second big idea, purpose.

目的。

Purpose.

有时，人们将‘目的’一词作为生命意义的同义词使用，但这里我并非这个意思。

Now sometimes, people use the term purpose as a synonym for meaning in life, and that's not how I mean it here.

目的是一种思考你的生活未来应该成为什么样子的方式。

Purpose is a way of thinking about what your life can be and should be in the future.

它是一种引导你行动的方式。

It's a way of directing your actions.

它为你提供了目标。

It gives you goals.

当你早上醒来时，你知道自己需要做什么。

When you get up in the morning, you know what you need to do.

在这里，个人成就的驱动力最为强烈，也最清晰。

Here's where the drive for personal achievement is strongest, its clearest.

当我担心终身教职时，我每天早上起床都知道自己该做什么。

When I was worried about tenure, I knew exactly what I needed to do when I got up in the morning.

对吧？

Right?

当你有目标，试图实现某事时，你就清楚自己该做什么，该如何引导自己的行为。

When you have a goal, when you're trying to achieve something, you have a clarity about what you should do, how to direct your behavior.

所以，这就是第二个重要理念：目的。

So that's the second big idea, is purpose.

现在第三个重要理念，许多人认为这是最重要的，那就是意义。

Now the third big idea, that many consider to be the most important, is significance.

我倾向于这样理解意义：你能够超越自我，你不仅仅是现在的你，你将在未来超越此刻继续产生影响。

And the way I like to think about significance is the sense that you can transcend yourself, that you are more than what you are right now, that you will continue to matter into the future beyond this moment.

我认为，个人成就在这里就显得不足了。

This is where I think personal achievement falls short.

根据定义，个人成就关注的是你自己，聚焦于自我。

By definition, personal achievement focuses on you, to focus on the self.

如果这仅仅是全部，那么要获得意义就很难了。

And if that's all there is, it's difficult to have significance.

明白吗？

K?

所以，当我思考生命的意义，尤其是意义本身时，我想起了据说是列奥纳多·达·芬奇说过的一句话。

So now when I think about meaningfulness in life and significance in particular, it brings to mind a quote attributed to Leonardo da Vinci.

你们中有些人可能知道这句话。

Some of you might know it.

据说列奥纳多·达·芬奇在临终时说：‘我冒犯了上帝和人类，因为我的作品未能达到应有的水准。’

So Leonardo da Vinci was purported to have said on his deathbed, I have offended God and mankind because my work did not achieve the quality it should have.

当然，我没在场，所以我不知道他是否真的以这种方式说过这句话。

Now, I wasn't there, so I don't know if he said that exactly in that way.

但关键是，你可以想象出这种情景。

But here's the thing, you can imagine it.

你明白的。

You understand it.

你明白，即使拥有最辉煌的成就，仍会问：这够了吗？

You understand what it means to have even the most glorious achievements and still ask, is this enough?

就这样了吗？

Is this it?

这就是我全部的价值吗？

Is this all I add up to?

当我回望职业生涯早期的时光，我会想，什么时候我感到有意义？

When I look back and think about my time early on in my career, I think about when did it feel meaningful?

是什么给了我意义感？

What gave me a sense of meaning?

我想起的是我的博士生们。

What I think about were my PhD students.

教职人员的一项工作就是培养下一代教职人员。

So one of the things that faculty do is train the next generation of faculty.

所以你有博士生，而且你会和他们相处相当长的一段时间。

And so you have PhD students, and you have them for a significant amount of time.

通常可能是五到六年。

Often, it could be five to six years.

这种关系非常紧密。

And the relationships are pretty intense.

让我跟你讲讲我的第一个学生，米格尔·因苏埃塔。

So let me tell you about my first student, Miguel Insueta.

米格尔出生在德克萨斯州的埃尔帕索，一个相对低收入的地区。

So Miguel was born in El Paso, Texas, in a relatively low income area.

这孩子非常聪明，在学校表现优异，后来进入德克萨斯大学奥斯汀分校——一所顶尖大学，表现同样出色，最终进入了斯坦福大学的博士项目。

Really smart kid, does well in school, ends up at the University of Texas at Austin, which is a great university, does well there, eventually ends up in the PhD program at Stanford.

米格尔比我早一年到校，据他自己说，那段时间过得很艰难。

So Miguel gets there the year before I do, and by his own account, he's having a tough time.

日子有点难熬，部分原因是他缺乏许多能进入斯坦福这类学校的人所拥有的文化资本。

It's a little rough, and it's rough in part because he doesn't have the cultural capital that many people that go places like Stanford have.

他不明白这个地方的运作方式，所以有点挣扎。

He doesn't understand how the place works, so he's struggling a little bit.

当我到来时，我印象深刻，因为他非常聪明、有抱负，而且对我的兴趣领域也充满好奇并积极提问。

Now, when I arrive, I'm really impressed because he's so smart, he's ambitious, and he's asking questions and interested in things that I'm interested in.

所以我非常期待与他合作。

So I'm really excited to work with him.

于是我们开始一起工作，而且这段关系确实非常紧密。

And so we started to work together, and again, it's it's really intense.

我与他合作了四年。

I'm working with him for four years.

在那四年里，我们几乎每天都会见面。

We see each other almost every day, almost every day for those four years.

有些日子，我们每天一起工作十到十二个小时。

And some days, we're working together ten to twelve hours a day.

所以这是一段非常紧张的经历。

So it's a very intense experience.

我记得那时我非常担心自己做得是否足够，以确保他能够成功。

And what I remember about that time was that I was really worried about doing enough to make sure he would be successful.

我在想，我是个称职的导师吗？

I was concerned, am I being a good adviser?

我是否给了他所需要的东西？

Am I giving him what he needs?

我是否在帮助他书写自己的故事？

Am I helping him in his story?

请记住，我想要获得终身教职。

Now, keep in mind, I want to get tenure.

我仍然觉得我会被解雇。

I still think I'm going to get fired.

即使有这种恐惧，我依然在担心，我需要做些什么才能确保米格尔能继续他的故事和旅程。

So even with that fear, I'm worried about what do I need to do to make sure Miguel can continue in his story and his journey.

顺便说一句，他确实很棒。

And by the way, he did he's he's been great.

他找到了一份工作。

He got a job.

他已经在加州大学洛杉矶分校担任教授超过十五年了。

He's been a professor now for over fifteen years at UCLA.

他在大学里担任过重要的领导职务，而我能成为这段历程中的一小部分，我感到无比自豪。

He's had serious leadership roles at his university, and I'm incredibly proud that I got a chance to be a little part of that.

那我从中得到了什么？

What is it what do I take from that?

我从中得到的是，关系才赋予我们意义。

What I take from that is that relationships are what provide us meaning.

我猜你早就知道这一点了。

And my guess is you already knew that.

我要说的比这更多一点。

I'm saying something a little bit more than that.

不仅仅是关系赋予意义，而是成为他人故事的一部分，才能带来意义。

Not just that relationships provide meaning, but that being a part of a story that is not your own provides meaning.

成为不属于自己的故事的一部分，能带来意义。

Being a part of a story that is not your own provides meaning.

那么，这把我们带到了哪里？

So where does this where does this leave us?

第一，我认为个人成就是很棒的。

One, I think personal achievement is great.

我喜欢我的个人成就。

Like, I love my personal achievements.

我对我的生活感到非常满意。

I'm really happy with my life.

我觉得它发展得还不错。

I think it's turned out okay.

我衷心祝愿你们所有人取得非凡的个人成就，因此我认为个人成就是非常棒的。

I I wish incredible personal achievements for all of you, so I think that personal achievement is fantastic.

然而，有时我们会用追求个人成就来替代内心深处对意义的需求。

However, sometimes we replace the deep human need for meaning with chasing of personal achievement.

当我们混淆这两者时，这就成了一个问题。

And it's a problem when we confuse those two things.

它们之所以被混淆，之所以容易被混淆，是因为个人成就很容易量化。

And the reason they get confused, the reason it's easy to confuse them, is because personal achievement is easy to quantify.

你知道自己是否得到了那份工作，是否买了那套房子，知道自己的薪水是多少。

You know if you got that job, you know if you bought that home, you know how your what your salary is.

这些事情很容易看到，追求你理解并能实现的东西也会让人感到安心。

It's easy to see, and it feels comfortable to chase things you understand and you can achieve.

这是一个原因。

That's one reason.

另一个原因是，个人成就让人感觉良好。

The other reason is that personal achievement feels good.

个人成就让人感觉良好。

Personal achievement feels good.

我们想要的，我们认为自己想要的是幸福，而个人成就能带来短暂的幸福感。

We what we want we think we want is happiness, and personal achievement provides a hit of happiness.

当你帮助那个人取得成就时，这种感觉太棒了。

It feels fantastic when you make that person that achievement.

获得意义并不一定会有那样的感觉。

Getting meaning doesn't necessarily feel that way.

例如，研究表明，花更多时间陪伴孩子的父母报告的生活意义感更强，但幸福感并不一定更高。

For example, studies find that parents who spend more time parenting their children report more meaningfulness in life, but not necessarily more happiness.

所以这两者是不一样的。

So these things are are not the same.

那么，如果你想在生活中获得更多意义，该怎么做呢？

So if you want more meaning in life, what what what is there to do?

第一，寻找机会参与他人的故事。

One, look for opportunities to participate in others' stories.

如果你想获得意义，不妨尝试扮演一下配角。

You might try a little supporting actor energy, if you want meaning.

在别人的生活中扮演支持者的角色。

Play a supporting role in other people's lives.

这是第一点。

That's number one.

第二，接受追求意义可能不会带来幸福。

Two, accept that the pursuit of meaning may not generate happiness.

追求意义可能不会带来幸福。

The pursuit of meaning might not generate happiness.

事实上，它可能会让人感到不适。

In fact, it might be uncomfortable.

事实证明，意义更多地与自我为他人付出相关，而不是为自己付出。

It turns out that meaning is more associated with the self providing for others than providing for you or yourself.

这有时是一件很难做到的事。

And that's sometimes a hard thing to do.

为那些不会带来幸福的事情投入精力和情感，我们通常不认为这是利用时间的明智或良好方式。

Expending effort, emotional energy on behalf of something that is not going to return happiness is not something that we tend to think of as a useful a a good use of our time.

但事实证明，它确实能产生意义。

But it turns out it does produce meaning.

所以让我再说几件事。

So let me let me say just a a couple more things.

第一，我认为人类对意义的需求和追求既美好又深刻，因为当你在生活中拥有意义时，这意味着有人给了你机会，让你参与一个不属于你自己的故事。

One, I think the human need and pursuit of meaning is both beautiful and profound, because when you have meaning in your life, that means that someone else gave you the opportunity to participate in the story that is not your own.

为此，对于你生命中的意义，你应该对那些让你参与不属于你自己的故事的人心怀深深的感激。

And for that, for the meaning you have in your life, you should feel a deep gratitude, a deep gratitude for the people who have allowed you to participate in the story that was not your own.

另一方面，当你允许人们参与你的生活时，你是在给他们创造意义的机会。

On the other side, when you allow people to participate in your life, you're giving them the opportunity to generate meaning.

因此，这种深刻的人类对意义的需求将我们连接成一个循环。

And so in that way, the deep deep human need for meaning connects us in a circle.

我认为这是一个美丽而深刻的慷慨与感恩的循环。

I think a beautiful and profound circle of generosity and gratitude.

所以此刻，我深深感激你们所有人让我参与你们的故事。

And so right now here, I'm I'm deeply grateful that you all have let me participate in your stories.

这对我来说意义非凡。

And that's deeply meaningful for me.

谢谢你的分享。

Thank you for that.

本次会议的主题是勇敢与卓越。

The theme of this conference is the brave and the brilliant.

我认为，我们可以通过接受这样一个事实来体验或展现勇气：我们的个人成就、我们的能力以及我们所做的事情，与我们对他人产生的影响和对世界的作用相比，都显得微不足道。

I think that one way that we can experience or be brave is by accepting the fact that our personal achievements, what we're capable of, the things that we've done pale pale in comparison to the effect we have on other people and what that does in the world.

当你带着全部的卓越走向世界——我所说的卓越是指光明——当你与他人互动，照亮他们，帮助他们更加闪耀时，世界才会被真正点亮。

And that as you go through the world with all of your brilliance, and I mean that in terms of light, as you go through the world lighting the world, when you interact with other people and you illuminate them and help them shine more brightly, that's how the world gets illuminated.

这就是我们如何点亮世界。

That's how we bring up the lights.

而这个世界显然迫切需要这种光明。

And the world obviously desperately needs that.

作为回报，你获得的是意义，因为当我们离去时，所有的成就都将变得毫无意义。

And in return, what you get is meaning, because when we're gone, all of the accomplishments will mean nothing.

当你离开人世时——我们终将离去——唯一留下的，是你在他人的故事中所扮演的角色，你留给他人的一切，以及这一切如何在时间中回响。

The only thing that will be left of you when you're gone, and we all will be gone eventually, the only thing that will be left of you is the role you played in other people's stories, what you leave with other people, how that reverberates through time.

这是一件美好的事，我愿这一切都属于你。

And that is a beautiful thing, and I wish all of that for you.

谢谢。

Thank you.

这是布莱恩·S。

That was Brian S.

洛里在TED2024上的演讲。

Lowery speaking at TED twenty twenty four.

如果你对TED的遴选标准感兴趣，可以访问ted.com/curationguidelines了解更多。

If you're curious about TED's curation, find out more at ted.com/curationguidelines.

今天就到这里。

And that's it for today.

《TED演讲每日》是TED音频合集的一部分。

TED Talks Daily is part of the TED audio collective.

本次演讲由TED研究团队进行事实核查，并由我们的团队——玛莎·埃斯特瓦诺斯、奥利弗·弗里德曼、布莱恩·格林、露西·利特尔和坦西卡·苏恩马尼旺——制作和编辑。

This talk was fact checked by the TED research team and produced and edited by our team, Martha Estevanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene, Lucy Little, and Tansika Sungmarnivang.

本集由露西·利特混音。

This episode was mixed by Lucy Little.

特别感谢艾玛·陶布纳和达尼埃拉·巴雷雷佐的支持。

Additional support from Emma Taubner and Daniella Balarezo.

我是伊莉斯·胡。

I'm Elise Hu.

明天我会带着一个让你双脚焕然一新的新点子回来。

I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feet.

感谢收听。

Thanks for listening.

马特·威尔逊多年来一直在纽约市的儿童医院巡诊。

Matt Wilson spent years doing rounds at children's hospitals in New York City.

我戴的是领结领带。

I had a clip on tie.

我穿的是11码的轮滑鞋。

I wore Heelys, size eleven.

马特是一名医疗小丑。

Matt was a medical clown.

医疗小丑的全部意义在于，将玩耍、快乐、希望和光明重新带入一个通常缺乏这些元素的空间。

The whole of a medical clown is to reintroduce the sense of play and joy and hope and light into a space that doesn't normally inhabit.

关于应对不确定性的想法。

Ideas about navigating uncertainty.

下次敬请收听来自NPR的TED电台节目。

That's next time on the TED Radio Hour from NPR.

请在您收听播客的平台收听并订阅《TED电台节目》。

Listen and subscribe to the TED Radio Hour wherever you get your podcasts.