354 | 实现自信心永久突破的3个步骤

在建立自信的过程中经历混乱的中间阶段是正常的。当你踏上建立自信的旅程，开始占据空间、挑战自我并承担风险时，这种情况很正常。你会经历巨大的起伏，有些日子感觉自己势不可挡、无比出色，也有些日子感觉非常糟糕。这是过程中的自然部分，最重要的是坚持足够长的时间，以实现内在力量和自信上更持久的改变和突破。

It's normal to experience a messy middle of building confidence. It is normal when you embark on your confidence building journey and you start taking up space and challenging yourself and taking risks. It is normal to have really big ups and downs, days where you feel unstoppable and amazing about yourself, and days where you feel really, really bad. This is a natural part of the process, and one of the most important things is to endure through that process long enough to achieve more permanent change and more permanent breakthrough in your inner strength and in your self confidence.

欢迎来到《勇敢发声的艺术》，这是一档帮助职业女性发掘内在无限潜力的播客。我是主持人杰西卡·古兹克，我的使命是帮你找到内心那股火花，它能以你意想不到的方式改变你的职业生涯。很高兴你来到这里。现在，让我们开始节目。

Welcome to the art of speaking up, a podcast that helps professional women access the limitless potential that lies within them. I'm your host, Jessica Guzik, and my mission is to help you find that spark inside you that has the power to transform your career in ways you may not have thought possible. I'm so excited that you're here. And now, onto the show.

欢迎收听本期播客，非常感谢你的关注。我对今天的节目感到非常兴奋，因为我们要讨论内在转变和建立自信，这些都是我最喜欢深入探讨的话题。今天的节目延续了上周的内容，所以我会快速回顾一下上期节目的要点。

Welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in. I am super jazzed about today's episode because we're talking about internal transformation and building confidence, and these are some of my absolute favorite topics to dive into. So today's episode builds on last week's episode. So I'm gonna give a really quick hyperspeed recap of what I covered in the episode before this.

我强烈建议你也收听那期节目，因为它会提供有价值的背景信息，帮助你更深入地理解转变过程。在快速回顾之后，今天的节目将重点分享我对如何度过成长过程中混乱中间阶段的最佳建议、智慧和哲学——当你朝着建立自信取得一些进展，但尚未达到理想状态，某些日子仍感到艰难时。有时你甚至想放弃一切，因为成功与失败带来的情绪波动强烈而具有挑战性，让你怀疑自己是否能到达想去的地方，这种压力可能让你想放弃目标和梦想。

I strongly recommend also listening to that episode because it's going to provide valuable context to help you deepen your understanding of the transformation process. Then after I've given that quick recap, today's episode is going to be all about giving you my best advice, wisdom, and philosophies for how to stick out that messy middle phase of your growth process where you've made some progress towards building confidence, but you aren't quite where you want to be, and it's still really difficult some days. And sometimes you just kinda wanna throw it all away and give up because the emotions that come up in the ups and downs of the successes and failures feel intense and challenging. And they make you wonder if you're ever gonna get to where you want to get to, and that can be a lot to hold. And so it can make you wanna turn back on your goals and abandon your dreams.

如果你正处于想要加倍投入梦想、继续奋斗的阶段，但需要推力、帮助、智慧、鼓励和动力来坚持下去，那么今天的节目正是为你准备的。我为客户提供的教练服务，很大程度上旨在帮助他们度过这个混乱的中间阶段，真正跨越终点线，感受到自信和内在韧性的转变，这种改变会让他们觉得自己和在世界上的表现发生了永久性变化。我想把这些智慧和我用来帮助客户实现改变的一切分享给你，希望能对你的旅程有所帮助。首先，快速回顾上期节目内容：上周我分享了一个宏观观点，即在实现全部潜能方面，你可能处于三个位置之一。

And if you're in a place where you want to double down on your dreams and you wanna keep fighting and you wanna keep going, but you need that push, that help, that wisdom, that encouragement, that motivation to continue to push through, that's what today's episode is all about. The coaching that I do with my clients is in large part intended to help them push through this messy middle phase and really get to cross that finish line where they feel a shift in their confidence and their internal resilience that feels like a permanent change in who they are and how they show up in the world. And I wanna take that wisdom and everything I use in helping my clients achieve that change and share some thoughts that I think will help you along your journey. So first, the hyperspeed recap of last week's episode. Last week's episode was me sharing this macro idea that when it comes to you realizing your full potential, there are three places you can be along the spectrum.

你可能完全未意识到自己的全部潜能。这意味着你甚至没有尝试去实现全部潜能，因为你认为这不可能。你没有展现自己，没有参与游戏，而是选择隐藏。

You can be completely unrealized in your full potential. This means you're not even trying to achieve your full potential because you don't even believe it's possible. You're not even putting yourself out there. You're not even playing the game. You're hiding.

你表现得畏缩不前，这就是你当前的状态。第二个位置是部分实现潜能。这是最难的位置。在这里，你已经采取措施试图增强自信，更多地表达自己。

You're playing small, and that's where you're at in your process. The second place that you can be is half realized potential. This is the hardest place to be. This is where you've taken steps to try to grow your confidence. You're speaking up more.

你正在冒险。你主动迎接那些令人生畏的挑战，并取得了一些成功，但尚未实现你所渴望的更持久稳定的改变。因此你经历着剧烈的情绪波动。某天你可能过得非常顺利，收获连连。

You're taking risks. You're raising your hand for scary things, and you're achieving some successes, but you haven't accomplished the more permanent consistent change that you desire. So you experience a lot of emotional volatility. In that one day, you might be having a really good day. You're experiencing a lot of wins.

你会感觉站在世界之巅。但第二天可能毫无收获，遭遇失败，在某件事上摔得鼻青脸肿。这种从巅峰到谷底的摇摆会带来强烈的情感冲击，让你怀疑自己是否真能到达理想彼岸，甚至萌生退意想要放弃。

You're feeling on top of the world. But then the next day, you might not experience wins. You might fail. You might face plant at something. And that swing from highs to lows can be really emotionally intense, and it can make you wonder if you're ever gonna really get to the place where you want to get to, and it can make you want to turn back and give up on yourself.

最后是你可能达到的境界——潜能完全释放的状态。此时你已跨越终点线，熬过了潜能半开半阖的混乱中期，真正步入了全面发展的阶段。你获得的自信与成长具有持久性，仿佛再也无法倒退。就像内心某种力量变得比从前更强大，这已成为你本质的一部分。

And then there's the final place that you can be, which is when your potential is fully realized. So this is when you have crossed the finish line. You've endured through that messy middle phase of half realized potential, and you have stepped into your full potential. And you have achieved a level of confidence and a level of growth within you that feels permanent and feels like you won't turn back. Like, something in you is just stronger than it used to be before, and that is now a part of who you are.

上周我讨论过这个观点：当你处于潜能半开发的中期阶段，会有成有败。此时最重要的是抵制放弃梦想的冲动，即便情感上备受煎熬也要坚持前进——继续展现自我，继续怀抱希望，继续占据舞台，继续冒险尝试，尽管尚未看到理想结果。因为冒险和亮相本身就是情感脆弱的，无论成功失败都考验心理承受力。

And what I talked about last week is this idea that when you're in that mid point, that halfway point, your potential is half realized. You have some wins and some losses. One of the most important things that you can do for yourself is resist the urge to give up on yourself and give up on your dreams and just keep going even though it is quite emotionally challenging to continue putting yourself out there, continue dreaming, continue hoping, continue taking up space, continue taking risks when you haven't fully realized the outcome that you want. Because taking risks and showing up is emotionally vulnerable. And experiencing the wins, but also experiencing the fails is emotionally vulnerable.

这需要极大的脆弱承受力。我们要容纳太多情绪波动。当开始怀疑自己能否真正跨越终点、建立深层自信时，这些挑战性情绪和情感起伏可能变得难以承受。我们或许会想：值得吗？

And that's just a lot of vulnerability. It's a lot of feelings to hold. And at some point, if we start to question whether it's possible for us to actually cross that finish line and build that deeper confidence, those challenging feelings and those emotional ups and downs might just become too much for us to hold. And we might just say, you know what? This isn't worth it.

不如低调行事吧。这个梦想太幼稚了。我当初怎么会觉得自己能做到？为什么不退一步海阔天空呢？如果你心里清楚这些都不是真相，那么本期和上期节目正是为你准备的。

I'm just gonna lay low. This was a silly dream. Why did I think I could do this? Why don't I just step aside and make things easier for myself? And this episode in particular and last week's episode are for you if you know that that's not your truth.

如果你明白那个劝你放弃的声音——'我们退出吧''何必自讨苦吃'——是谎言，而你真实的渴望是继续前进、跨越终点、实现深层成长、挑战自我、向自己证明潜力，那么这些节目就是为你而作。因为今天节目的主题是耐力：如何在混乱的中期阶段坚持足够久，直至迎来永久性改变？

If you know that that voice that is saying, let's just give up. Let's just step aside. Why are we even doing that? If you know that that voice is a lie and that your true desire is to keep moving forward and to cross that finish line and achieve that deeper growth and challenge yourself and show yourself what you are capable of, then these episodes are for you because the theme of today's episode is endurance. How do you stay in the messy middle long enough to experience permanent change?

我迫不及待要开始了。在深入探讨之前，有个激动人心的消息要宣布。我的团体课程《勇敢发声的艺术学院》现已开放申请，申请窗口将持续一周，直至3月17日截止。如果你一直想与我合作，现在正是时候。

I am so excited to dive in. Before we go deeper, exciting announcement. Applications are open for my group program, The Art of Speaking Up Academy. Applications will be open for one week up until March 17. If you've been wanting to work with me, now is the time.

这是我的标志性课程。这是一个由我亲自直播授课的周更项目，采用小班制教学。我将带领你和一群志同道合、充满抱负的女性，通过我设计的四部分课程体系，帮助你建立真实持久的自信，提升沟通技巧，使你在会议中的表现达到令人印象深刻的高管水准。如果你渴望内心所向披靡，外表拥有强大、精致且具说服力的声音，《勇敢发声的艺术学院》就是为你量身打造的。这不是单向灌输知识的课程，而是互动式项目，你将挑战自我进行深度心态调整，练习并学习高效高管沟通的新框架。

This is my signature program. It is a weekly program taught live by me in small, intimate cohorts, and I guide you and a group of like minded, ambitious women through my four part curriculum that is designed to help you build genuine lasting confidence and to help you grow your communication skills and your presence in meetings to an impressive executive friendly level. If you are wanting to feel unstoppable inside and have a super powerful, polished, persuasive voice on the outside, the Art of Speaking Up Academy is the program for you. This is not just a program where I lecture at you or where I throw more information at you. This is an interactive program where you get to challenge yourself to do deep mindset work, challenge yourself to practice and learn new frameworks for effective executive communication.

你可以随时与我互动，在遇到困难时获得个性化指导。因此这不仅是一次学习经历，更是一场真正的蜕变之旅，专为那些准备好深度投入成长过程、渴望内在转变的人设计。如果你已准备好更专注地提升自信与职业发展，释放全部潜能，踏上领导力之路并最大化作为领导者的影响力，我诚挚邀请你加入。本周播客中，我额外发布了一期关于《勇敢发声的艺术学院》的特别节目。

You get to interact with me and get personal help from me whenever you get stuck. So this isn't just a learning experience. This is truly a transformation experience, and it is intended for people who are ready to engage more deeply in their growth process and who are craving a deeper level of internal transformation. If you are ready to focus more deeply on your confidence building and on your professional development so that you can step into that full potential and so that you can get on a path to leadership and maximize your impact as a leader, I want to invite you to join me. This week, you will see in the podcast that I dropped a bonus episode all about the Art of Speaking Up Academy.

建议你收听该期节目以了解更多详情。申请窗口将持续一周至3月17日。如我所言，我会在节目备注中提供所有细节、后续步骤及课程链接。现在，让我们深入探讨如何帮你突破自信建设中的混乱中期，真正巩固自我升级的蜕变。今天的节目中，我将分享几个关键智慧要点。

So I encourage you to listen to that episode to learn more about the program. Applications will be open for one week up until March 17. And like I mentioned, I will put all of the details and the next steps and the link to the program in the show notes. And with that, let's get deeper into my advice for helping you push past the messy middle of building confidence and helping you truly solidify your transformation to that next level version of you. So there are a few different pieces and nuggets of wisdom that I'm gonna be sharing with you in today's episode.

这些灵感来源于我指导学员时秉持的核心原则。当客户陷入挣扎、停滞或产生自我怀疑时，这些正是我引导他们突破疑虑、跨越障碍的思考基点。记住，半途而废的潜能之地之所以艰难，自信建设的混乱中期之所以充满挑战，是因为我们仍面临重大障碍——尚未达到游刃有余应对困境的理想状态，因此不断遭遇摩擦。

These are all inspired by my orientation that I am keeping in mind when I am coaching people. So if a client is struggling or stuck or feeling like, oh, maybe I can't do it, these are the pieces that I'm keeping in mind when I am guiding them because these are the pieces that will help them break through that moment of doubt or break through whatever obstacle has come up. And remember, the reason that the land of half realized potential is challenging and the reason the messy middle of confidence building is challenging is because we're still encountering significant obstacles. We haven't yet gotten to the point where we're experiencing the level of ease that we desire in navigating obstacles. And as a result, we're encountering frictions.

我们会经历那些异常艰难、沮丧甚至痛苦的时刻。而我们对这些时刻的回应方式，将极大决定能否穿越混乱中期、冲过终点线，真正实现渴望的成长水平。要增强耐力直至终点，首要关键是学会以不同方式对待失败。所谓'不同方式对待失败'是指：当遭遇挫折时——无论是会议提议遭遇冷场或反对，还是主持会议时思路中断、演讲偏离预期——你在事后如何解读这次失败，将对你成长过程的持久力产生巨大影响。

We're encountering moments that feel really difficult and frustrating and painful. And it is how we respond to those moments that plays a massive role in whether we're gonna get through the messy middle and cross the finish line and really experience the level of growth that we are wanting. And the first thing that is so important to do to help you endure so that you can cross that finish line is to learn to hold your failures differently. So what do I mean when I say learn to hold your failures differently? When you have a fail, whether that's you sharing a suggestion in a meeting and you get crickets or you get pushback, whether it's you leading a meeting or giving a presentation and you lose your train of thought, it doesn't go the way that you want it to.

多数时候，我们会将失败作为证明自身无能、天生缺陷的证据。比如失败后，内心会出现'看吧，我做不到'、'我就是没能力'、'我真没用'等想法。这种思维模式会严重削弱我们持续成长的动力。

But whatever the failure is, when you have a failure, the way that you relate to that failure in the aftermath of it has an enormous impact on the overall endurance that you will be able to bring to your growth process. So a lot of times when we have a failure, the way that we relate to it is we use it as evidence to reinforce our own badness and our own inherent lack of capability. So we have a fail, and then in our minds, we think things like, see, I can't do it. I'm not capable. I'm so worthless.

我崩溃了。我在这方面很糟糕。而且，当我们以这种方式看待问题时，不仅会感到非常非常糟糕，还会让我们再也不敢失败。因为失败让我们触及到一种破碎感、无价值感和糟糕感。所以我们心想，哇。

I'm broken. I'm bad at this. And, of course, when we approach it that way, not only do we feel really, really bad, but it makes us never wanna fail ever again. Because the failure is putting us in touch with a feeling of brokenness, a feeling of worthlessness, a feeling of badness. So we think to ourselves, wow.

这感觉太可怕了。我再也不想有这种感受了，所以我再也不想冒险了。我不想发声。我不想占据空间。我不想成为更重要的领导者，因为当我失败时，那种痛苦太强烈了。

This feels really horrible. I don't wanna ever wanna feel this way again, so I don't wanna ever take a risk again. I don't wanna speak up. I don't wanna take up space. I don't wanna become a bigger leader because when I fail, it hurts so bad.

感觉如此艰难。但我们常常没有意识到的是，许多由失败带来的负面情绪并非源自失败本身，而是源于我们如何看待失败，以及失败后如何对待自己。所以走出混乱中间地带的解决方案不是停止失败——而这往往是我们首先想到的。

It feels so difficult. But often what we don't realize is that many of the bad feelings that come from failure are not coming from the failure itself. They're coming from the way that we are relating to the failure and relating to ourselves in the aftermath of the failure. So the solution to getting out of the messy middle is not to stop failing. And that's often the thought that we have.

对吧？失败的感觉太糟了。我们会想，也许我能找到方法建立自信，在不经历失败的情况下获得所有想要的东西。所以我们认为解决方案是停止失败，这样我就不必再感受这种情绪了。当然，这是不现实的。

Right? The failure feels so bad. We think to ourselves, oh, maybe I can find a way to, like, build the confidence and get all the things I want without ever failing. So we think the solution is to stop failing so that I don't have to feel this way anymore. Now, of course, that's unrealistic.

这是完美主义。对吧？就像在说：我应该挑战自我，应该实现深层次转变，应该从根本上变得不同。

That's perfectionism. Right? Like, that's saying I should challenge myself. I should transform on a deep level. I should become fundamentally different.

我应该以深刻的方式进化，但在此过程中绝不能经历任何失败。这是不切实际的。任何显著成长的道路都无法避开失败。如果我们想避免失败，就会回到潜能未实现的境地——根本不去尝试，选择停滞不前。

I should evolve in ways that are profound, but I shall not experience any failure along the way. It's unrealistic. There's no path to significant growth where we avoid failure. If we want to avoid failure, then we're back in the land of unrealized potential where we're not going for it at all. We're just choosing to stagnate.

但除此之外，如果我们不选择停滞，而是选择成长，那么所有成长道路都必然包含失败。所以解决方案不是听从内心那个声音说：也许只要我今后每次都做到完美，就能解决所有问题。你的目标不应是逃避失败，而是以不同方式面对失败。当失败发生时，与其完全陷入自我否定的漩涡，不如试着承认这些想法，同时在艰难的失败经历中给予自己深切的尊重、尊严和同情。而不是陷入'我太糟糕了，永远做不到'的恶性循环。

But aside from that, if we're not choosing to stagnate, if we're choosing growth, there is no path to growth that doesn't include failure. So the solution is not to listen to that voice inside you that says, maybe if I just get it perfect every single time after this, that will be the answer to all my problems. Instead of you trying to avoid the failure, your goal is to relate to the failure differently. When the failure happens, instead of getting completely consumed by the thoughts of how awful you are, you want to try to acknowledge those thoughts, but offer yourself a deep level of respect, dignity, and compassion in the difficult experience of failure. So instead of you going into a spiral of I'm so horrible, I can never do this.

我真是个尴尬的存在。是你停下来注意到，哦，我正在经历这种非常强烈的感受，觉得自己糟糕透顶。我觉得自己有问题。但我尊重自己。我爱自己。

I'm such an embarrassment. It's you pausing and noticing, oh, I'm having this really intense experience where I'm thinking I'm horrible. I'm thinking something is wrong with me. But I respect myself. I love myself.

我相信自己。所以我不会认同那些观点。我也不会放大内心那个刻薄消极的声音，它告诉我这一切发生是因为我本质恶劣或无可救药。相反，我会通过给予自己支持来度过这段经历，提醒自己这是正常的人类体验，并对自己保持善意、同情和鼓励，直到我从当前的情绪状态中恢复过来。注意，你并没有否认自己正在经历痛苦和不适。

I trust myself. So I'm not going to buy into those perspectives. And I'm not going to amplify that negative mean voice inside me that is telling me that this is happening because I'm fundamentally bad or fundamentally broken. Instead, I'm going to navigate this experience by offering myself support, by reminding myself that this is a normal human experience I'm having, and by being kind and compassionate and encouraging to myself until I have recovered from the emotional state that I'm in. So notice how you're not denying that you're experiencing pain and that it feels uncomfortable.

你并没有说，哦，我失败了，我感觉棒极了。但你也没有说，哦，我失败了，我是地球上最差劲的人。你只是在说，哦，我失败了。

You're not saying, oh, I failed. I feel amazing. But you're also not saying, oh, I failed. I'm the worst human on the planet. What you're saying is, oh, I failed.

所有那些关于我不够好的想法和感受都涌上来了。好吧。让我在这次经历中支持自己。让我学会以充满同情心和力量的方式引导自己度过这个艰难时刻，这段艰难经历。正是这种自我领导力建立了我们的信心。

All those thoughts and feelings about me not being good enough are coming up. Alright. Let me have my own back through this experience. Let me learn to lead myself compassionately and powerfully through this difficult moment, through this difficult experience. And it is that self leadership that builds our confidence.

关键在于明白，无论我们内心遭遇何种程度的情感痛苦，我们都有内在能力带领自己穿越痛苦，帮助自己到达彼岸。世界上很少有哪种感觉能比这更能带来内在力量、更多信心和更稳定的内心状态——当你在经历非常艰难、非常痛苦、情感上非常不适的时刻时，你知道自己不会迷失其中。你将能够引导自己走出困境。当你知道自己能做到这一点时，你会感到势不可挡。对吧？

It's that knowing that no matter what level of emotional pain we encounter within ourselves, we have an internal ability to walk ourselves through that pain, to help ourselves get to the other side of it. There are few feelings in the world that create more internal empowerment and more confidence and more of a sense of stability internally than knowing that when you are having a very hard, very difficult, very emotionally uncomfortable moment, you will not get lost in it. You will be able to guide yourself to the other side of it. When you know that you can do that, you feel so freaking unstoppable. Right?

比如，势不可挡的感觉并非来自逃避困难。你不会因为表现完美、避开困难、从不失败，然后最终感叹，哇，我感觉自己真的势不可挡。那种势不可挡的感觉将来自所有艰难时刻，来自每一次你锻炼那块肌肉——这感觉糟糕，但我能应对。这感觉糟糕，但我会挺过去。

Like, feeling unstoppable doesn't come as a result of avoiding hard things. You're not gonna have an experience where you show up perfect, you avoid hard things, you never fail, and then at the end of that, you're like, wow. I feel really unstoppable. The unstoppable feeling is gonna come from all the hard moments and all the times that you exercise that muscle of this feels bad, but I've got it. This feels bad, but I will get through it.

这感觉糟糕，但这不会阻止我。正是这些经历的积累改变了你对自己的看法。你视自己为一个本质上更强大的人，一个能够承受并从困难经历中恢复的人，而这正是让你感到自信的原因。这让我想到清单上的下一条，它与前一条密切相关。第一条是学会以不同方式对待和处理你的失败。

This feels bad, but this isn't going to stop me. It is the collection of those experiences that changes how you see yourself. You see yourself as someone who is fundamentally stronger, someone who can hold and bounce back from difficult experiences, and that is what makes you feel confident. And that brings me to the next item on my list, which is very closely related. So item number one was learning to hold and relate to your failures differently.

第二点是学会以不同的方式对待和处理你的不适情绪。这两者相辅相成，对吧？因为失败往往会引发不适情绪。这就是为什么失败难以面对。

Item number two is learning to hold and relate to your uncomfortable emotions differently. These go hand in hand. Right? Because failure tends to elicit uncomfortable emotions. This is why failure is hard.

所以这两件事高度关联。但通常，当我们失败时，我们会摔得很惨，遭遇挫折，事情进展不顺，我们会体验到不适情绪。很多时候，这些情绪的强度会让我们觉得自己一定有问题。我们会产生这样的感受：哇，这感觉太糟糕了。

So these two things are highly interconnected. But typically, when we fail, we face plant, we have a flop, things don't go well, we experience uncomfortable emotions. And a lot of times, the intensity of those emotions can take us to a place where we think something must be wrong with us. And we have this experience of, wow. This feels so bad.

这种感觉如此强烈。我一定很糟糕。我一定是出了严重的问题才会感到这么糟糕和痛苦。当一种糟糕的感觉自动把我们带到‘我一定很糟糕’的境地——如果发生这种事，我一定很失败——那么推动自己走出舒适区就变得非常非常困难，因为正如我提到的，触及到自己的不足感、不值得感是非常非常痛苦的。

This feels so intense. I must be horrible. Something must be horribly wrong with me to be feeling this bad and horrible. And when a bad feeling automatically brings us to a place of like, must be so bad. I must be so broken if this is happening, it becomes really, really hard to keep pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zone because that feeling, like I mentioned, of being in touch with our own feelings of inadequacy, our own feelings of not being worthy is very, very painful.

我一次又一次看到的关键转变点，无论是帮助我自己还是我的客户转变，就是以不同的方式应对挑战性情绪。我们不是将挑战性情绪视为自身不足的证据，而是要锻炼内在肌肉，学会因为能够驾驭深层情绪而感到自豪，学会觉得自己很了不起。所以当我们感到不适情绪时，不要想着‘哇，我感觉很不舒服，我一定是出问题了才会这样’，而是练习这样回应：哇，这种情绪真的很难，但我正在应对它，我在直面它，我还没有被它击倒，我仍在战斗，我仍在参与这场游戏。

And one of the key pieces that I see time and time again that has helped me transform, that has helped my clients transform is to relate to challenging emotions in a different way. Instead of relating to challenging emotions as evidence of our own inadequacy, we have to practice the internal muscle of learning to feel a sense of pride and learning to feel like a badass because of the depth of emotions that we are able to navigate. So when we feel an uncomfortable emotion, instead of us thinking, wow, I feel so uncomfortable. I must be broken for feeling this way. Instead, we practice responding to it by having an internal experience of, wow, This emotion is really hard, and I'm navigating it, and I'm showing up for it, and I'm not yet knocked down by it, and I'm still fighting, and I'm still playing the game.

天哪，我真是个狠角色。对吧？比如，天哪，我竟然能做到。我们学会因为能够驾驭不适的事物而体验到自豪感、喜爱感和自我尊重。我相信这恰恰是领导力的核心。

Holy cow am I a badass. Right? Like, holy cow am I capable. We learn to experience a sense of pride, a sense of adoration, a sense of respect for ourselves because of our ability to navigate something uncomfortable. And I believe this is literally the core of what leadership is.

我不认为领导力与任何KPI、指标或财务结果有关。我认为领导力在于能够承载更复杂的情绪和挑战。因为归根结底，正是承载这些挑战性情绪的能力让你能够完成更伟大的事情。人们之所以停滞不前无法成就大事，以及反过来，人们之所以突破自我能够成就大事，很少是因为他们拥有的某项技能或智力能力，几乎总是源于他们的情感耐力，源于他们处理出现的挑战性情绪的能力。

I don't believe that leadership is about any sort of, like, KPI or metric or financial result. I think that leadership is about being able to hold more complex emotions and challenges. Because ultimately, it is the ability to hold those challenging emotions that enables you to accomplish bigger things. The reason that people get stuck and aren't able to accomplish big things, and also the flip side, the reason that people break through and are able to accomplish big things is rarely coming from, like, a skill that they have or some intellectual capability. It's almost always coming from their emotional endurance, from their ability to handle the challenging emotions that come up.

所以每当你感到不适，并注意到自己陷入‘这种不适感意味着我有问题’的境地时，我希望你提醒自己：不。不。不。优秀的领导者、强大的领导者、不可阻挡的领导者、了不起的领导者，他们能够应对这一切。他们能够应对其中的每一个部分，而这正是我正在成为的人。

So every time you feel uncomfortable and you notice yourself going into a place of, oh, this uncomfortable feeling means something is wrong with me, Instead, I want you to remind yourself, no. No. No. Good leaders, powerful leaders, unstoppable leaders, badass leaders, they can handle all of this. They can handle every single piece of this, and that is who I am becoming.

我将利用这段经历，让自己更接近那样的人。关于如何帮助你走出混乱的中期阶段、摆脱潜能半实现的境地，我还有一点想法要分享：你需要学会在过程的每一步都看到并体验自己的伟大。这非常重要。很多时候我们总想着，等我到达那里，等我跨过终点线，那时我才会允许自己感到骄傲，才会允许自己觉得自己很了不起。

And I'm going to use this experience to become more of that person. Now there's one more piece that I wanna share here in terms of my thoughts on helping you get past the messy middle and past the land of half realized potential, and that is that you need to learn to see and experience your own greatness at all steps of the process. This is so important. A lot of times we think when I get there, when I cross the finish line, then I will allow myself to feel pride. I will allow myself to feel like a badass.

我才会允许自己认为自己真的非常出色且有才华。而我们总是等待，等待某个未来时刻才这么做。当我们这样做时，实际上是在强化一个观念：现在的我还不够好，我必须从根本上改变才能配得上自我良好的感觉。所以在某种程度上，我们就像在说：我是空虚的。

I will allow myself to think that I'm really freaking awesome and talented. And we wait. We wait to do that until some point in the future. And what we're really reinforcing to ourselves when we do that is that the me who I am right now isn't good enough, and I have to become fundamentally different in order to be worthy of feeling good about myself. So in a way, what we're saying is like, I am empty.

我身上有问题。只有当我建立起这种自信、当我改变后，我才配感觉良好。那时我才能庆祝自己，才能认为自己很棒。这几乎就像我们在用自信来掩盖'不够好'的感觉。

Something is wrong with me. And when I build this confidence and when I change, then I will be worthy of feeling good. Then I can celebrate myself. Then I can think I am awesome. And it's almost like we're using confidence to cover up feelings of not enough.

我们希望只要能做到这件事、获得这种自信，内心就会感到踏实。但当我们建立自信的全部前提是'我们有问题'、'我们是破碎的'时，要建立真正持久的自信是非常困难的。这让我想起在摇晃的地基上盖房子——你可以建造最华丽璀璨的豪宅，但如果地基不牢，无论建筑多么坚固，最终都会坍塌。

We're hoping that if we can just do this thing, achieve this confidence, then we will feel solid inside. And it's very difficult to build genuinely lasting confidence when the entire premise upon which we build that confidence is the premise that something is wrong with us, the premise that we are broken. For me, it reminds me of building a house on a shaky foundation. You could build the most beautiful mansion that is sparkling and gorgeous. But if you built that house on an improper foundation, it will collapse into the ground no matter how strong it is.

你必须先打好坚实的地基，才能在上面建造，自信也是如此。我们不能在'现在的我还不够好'这样的地基上试图建立自信。我们必须学会培养欣赏自己的能力，看到自己的伟大和成就，真正允许自己感受其中的美好——即使我们还有未实现的目标。因为这样才能奠定'我值得'的基础：我没有任何问题。

You need the foundation to be solid before you can build upon it, and confidence is the same. We can't try to build it upon a foundation of us thinking that we're not good enough just as we are right now. We have to learn to develop the ability to appreciate ourselves and to see our own greatness and our own accomplishments and to really allow ourselves to feel the goodness of that even if we have a goal that hasn't yet been realized. Because that's us establishing this foundation of I am worthy. Nothing is wrong with me.

是的，当我获得想要的自信时，我会感到更满足、更充实，但这并不意味着现在的我有什么'问题'。这只是说明我正在追求下一个成长阶段，正在追寻下一个目标——但我依然才华横溢，依然技艺高超。

Yes. I will feel more content and more fulfilled when I have the confidence that I want, but that doesn't mean that something is quote, unquote wrong with me in the present moment. It just means that I'm reaching for my next growth. I'm reaching for my next thing, but I am still talented. I am still highly skilled.

我依然能力非凡。这一点至关重要，对吧？因为我们常常认为：现在不必庆祝或喜欢自己，等有了自信自然会喜欢。

I am still highly capable. And this is so important. Right? Because a lot of times we imagine, well, I don't have to be able to celebrate myself and like myself now. When I feel confident, I'll like myself.

喜欢自己会变得更容易，因为我将拥有全部自信。但如果我们不学会在当下欣赏自己、在当下看见自己的伟大，最终会发生的是我们陷入这个永无止境的仓鼠轮，这个永不停止的跑步机，永远无法对自己感到满意——因为即便我们获得了晋升，赢得了赞誉，内心深处依然只能从理性层面认可，却无法真正感受到。那种深刻的自信必须从根基建立。我们要学会在尚未到达终点时、在尚未精通想掌握的技能时、在尚未完全展现理想形象时就感到自信。如果我们无法在这种经历中找到自尊与稳定感、无法获得力量感，那么建立持久自信将极其困难。

It'll be easier to like myself because I'll have all the confidence. But what ends up happening if we don't learn to appreciate ourselves in the present moment to see our own greatness in the present moment is we end up on this perpetual hamster wheel, this never ending treadmill of never feeling good about ourselves because we go out and we get the promotion, we achieve the accolade, and we're still not feeling it at any more depth than at an intellectual level. Like, we're still not feeling it deep in our bones because that work has to happen from the ground up. We have to learn to feel confident when we're not yet at the finish line, when we're not yet competent in the thing we wanna be competent at, when we aren't yet showing up exactly how we wanna show up. If we can't find self respect and if we can't find a sense of stability and empowerment in that experience, it will be very difficult for us to build any sort of confidence that lasts.

真正的自信能够经受住失败时刻、作为房间里最缺乏经验者的时刻、犯错或表现不佳的时刻、能力未达预期水平的时刻——在这些情况下依然与我们同在。如果我们无法保持内在力量感，除非做到完美无缺拥有全部能力，那其实不是自信。那是完美主义。那是一种只有在我们完美表现时才能存活的虚假自信。对我而言，这绝非真正的自信。

True confidence can endure and survive even through situations where we're failing, even through situations where we're the least experienced person in the room, even through situations where we get it wrong or do something incorrectly or where we're lacking in the level of competence that we would hope to have, true confidence stays with us through those instances. If we aren't able to maintain a sense of inner strength, unless we are perfect and have all the competence and all the skills, that is not actually confidence. That is perfectionism. That is a confidence that can only be alive when we are perfect, when we are showing up perfectly, when we are performing perfectly. And to me, that's not actually a true confidence.

这只是自信的幻象，如同纸牌屋——抽错一张牌就会全盘崩塌。所以只要我犯一个错，遭遇一次失败，或陷入某个尚未掌握的处境，所有能力感就会瞬间消失。而真正的力量在于：即使能力不足，即使遭遇失败，我们依然能感受到强大。这才是支撑我们成就伟业的关键。因此重点绝不是等到永远正确、等到跨越终点线才敢认为自己了不起。

It's the illusion of confidence, but it is like a house of cards where if you pull one wrong card, the whole thing collapses. So if I make one mistake, one fail, if I have one situation I'm in where I don't yet know what I'm doing, all of a sudden, all that feeling of capability that I had is gone. And it is possible to feel strong and capable even when we lack competence, even when we fail. That is what equips us to accomplish greater things. So it's really truly not about waiting until you're always getting it right and waiting until you've crossed the finish line to think that you're awesome.

在当下就看见这点至关重要。最有趣的是，当我初次接触客户，了解他们的职业、成就时，我常惊叹：天啊，你已经成就斐然。正在收听这期播报的你，很可能也如此。关键是要能看见这些，内化自己的非凡之处，而不是等到未来某个时刻才允许自己感受这些、欣赏自己的伟大。

It's so important to be able to see that in the present moment. And I think what is so interesting about this is when I meet my clients for the first time and I learn what they do and I see their jobs and where they work and what they've accomplished, my thought is, oh my gosh. You have accomplished so much. And you listening to this podcast episode, you probably have accomplished so much too. And it's so important to be able to see that, to be able to internalize how incredible you are, and not wait until some point in the future to allow yourself to feel those feelings and to allow yourself to appreciate your own greatness.

当我与客户讨论这点时，他们常反驳：杰丝，如果我现在就学会欣赏自己、无条件爱自己，不把爱自己与未来成就挂钩，我就会变得超级懒惰、失去追求——因为安于现状了。我理解这种对停滞和自满的恐惧，但事实往往相反。

Now what a lot of my clients will say to me when I talk about this with them is they'll say to me, Jess, if I learn to appreciate myself now and love myself now and I don't make that conditional, like, don't make loving myself conditional on me crossing this finish line and achieving this future accomplishment that I want to achieve, then I'm just gonna get super lazy and I'm never gonna reach for anything because I'm gonna be content with who I am. And I have not found that to be true. I understand that fear. I understand the fear of stagnation and the fear of complacency. But what I have seen is it's typically the opposite.

通常，当你停止给予自己善意和支持时，反而会拖慢进步——因为这让一切变得更艰难沉重。你完全可以在欣赏自己、对现状深感满足的同时保持雄心。天啊，当雄心源于自我良好而非自我厌恶时，追逐目标的感觉会美妙得多。所有压力和负担都将消失。你完全可以建立一种不需要自我憎恨就能保持雄心的健康关系。

Typically, when you are withholding kindness and support towards yourself, it is slowing down your progress because it makes everything feel harder and heavier. And it is possible to appreciate yourself, have a deep sense of feeling content with who you are, and hold on to your ambition. And, oh my gosh, ambition feels so much better when you are pursuing it because you feel good about yourself and not because you feel bad about yourself. All the stress and all the pressure goes away. So it is possible to have a relationship with ambition that doesn't require you to hate yourself and punish yourself in order to be ambitious and go for bigger things.

事实上，这种方式压力更小，更可持续。总结今日内容：在建立自信过程中经历混乱期很正常。当你踏上信心建设之旅，开始占据空间、挑战自我、冒险尝试时，这再正常不过。

And in fact, it feels way less stressful. There's way less pressure. It's just way more sustainable. So in summary, to wrap today's episode in a bow, it's normal to experience a messy middle of building confidence. It is normal when you embark on your confidence building journey and you start taking up space and challenging yourself and taking risks.

经历巨大的情绪起伏是正常的，有些日子你会感到势不可挡、自我感觉极佳，而有些日子则会感到非常糟糕。这是成长过程中自然的一部分，最重要的是坚持足够长的时间，以实现内在力量和自信心上更持久的改变与突破。坚持并达成这种持久的突破非常值得，因为当你拥有更深厚的韧性、力量和自信时，不仅内心感觉更好——你会为自己感到骄傲、满足，有种'我能应对一切、直面世界、迎接挑战'的信念，同时你也会以更强大的姿态出现在世界上。你会用声音产生影响，真正展现出作为领导者的全部潜力。

It is normal to have really big ups and downs, days where you feel unstoppable and amazing about yourself, and days where you feel really, really bad. This is a natural part of the process, and one of the most important things is to endure through that process long enough to achieve more permanent change and more permanent breakthrough in your inner strength and in your self confidence. And it is so worth it to stick with it and achieve that more permanent breakthrough because when you have that deeper resilience, that deeper strength, that deeper confidence, not only do you feel better inside, you feel proud of yourself, you feel satisfied, you feel a sense of, like, I can handle things, I can take on the world, I can take on these challenges, but also then you show up so much bigger in the world. You use your voice to make an impact. You really demonstrate your full potential as a leader.

你的职业成长速度往往会更快。你会在更深层次上挑战自己，体验克服重大挑战的满足感——在我看来这非常有趣。因此，坚持穿越混乱的中间阶段确实值得。其中能帮助你持续前进的重要工具和理念包括：首先，学会以不同视角看待失败和不适情绪，将它们视为成长过程中真正有用的部分，而非因为你自身有问题才独自挣扎的困境。其次，学会在当下发现自己的伟大之处，即使尚未达到理想的自信或成功水平，也能体验到自己值得且有能力，并认识到在成为理想自我的混乱过程中，依然可以保持自尊和内在力量。

You tend to grow much faster in your career. You challenge yourself at deeper levels, and you experience the satisfaction of overcoming bigger challenges, which is so much fun in my opinion. So it really is worth it to keep fighting through the messy middle. And some of the big tools and philosophies that will help you keep going and keep putting one foot in front of the other is number one, to learn to relate to failure and uncomfortable emotions differently and to see them as a really useful part of the growth process as opposed to something that you are uniquely struggling with because something is wrong with you. And the second piece is to learn to see your greatness in the present moment and to be able to experience yourself as worthy and capable even if you haven't achieved the level of confidence or success that you desire and to recognize that it is still possible to have self respect and to have an inner strength even when you're in that messy middle of becoming the version of you who you want to be.

事实上，在这段混乱不完美的旅程中，你越是尊重和喜欢自己，通常就能越快跨越终点线，实现目标。非常感谢收听本期节目，录制这期真的超级有趣！如果你想和我一起进行这项训练，需要我在混乱阶段提供支持，或是帮助你在障碍与失败面前培养持久自信，建立那种'势不可挡'的内在感受——因为你知道自己足够强大，拥有坚定心态来应对困难。

And in fact, the more that you respect yourself and like yourself along that messy imperfect journey, typically, the faster you will cross the finish line and bring your goals to life. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. This was such a freaking fun episode to record. If you wanna do this work with me, if you want my help in staying in the messy middle, if you want my help in learning to feel unstoppable in the face of obstacles and failures and challenges so that you can build a level of confidence that lasts and endures through difficult things. And so you can have that inner feeling of being unstoppable because you know you are strong enough and have that rock solid mindset to help you navigate difficult things.

这正是我将在'勇敢发声学院'与你共同完成的内在修炼。这个项目的内核工作非常深刻——不只是简单地说'嘿，想想积极的事情，背诵肯定语句'就能让你自我感觉良好。我会引导你进行有意义、更深层的内在建设，帮助你建立真正的内在力量，培养足够稳固的自我关系，以应对职业生涯中的各种挑战。这样即使处境艰难，即使被要求以更高姿态出现并处理更严峻的挑战，你也能优雅应对，成为房间里强有力的领导者和声音。

This is the inner work that I'm going to do with you in the art of speaking up academy. The inner work that we do in this program is deep. I'm not just doing like a light touch sort of like, hey. Think positive thoughts, recite positive affirmations, and that will make you feel better about yourself. I am guiding you through meaningful, deeper inner work to help you build genuine strength inside and to help you build a relationship with yourself that is solid enough to carry you through some of the challenges that your career is going to throw at you so you can gracefully navigate those challenges and show up as a powerful leader and a super strong voice in the room even when things are hard and even when you are being called to rise and show up at a bigger level and navigate bigger, more challenging things.

非常期待与你开展这项工作。学院链接会放在节目备注中，申请开放时间为3月10日至17日。如有项目疑问可以发邮件给我（邮箱见备注），填写申请时也有提问专区，你还可以注明是否希望与我快速通话讨论学院详情，看看是否适合你。

I am so excited to do that work with you. I will share the link for the academy in the show notes. Applications are open March 10 through March 17, and you can send me an email. I'll put my email in the show notes if you have questions about the program. Also, when you fill out the application, there's a space where you can ask me questions, and you can let me know if you want to connect with me and set up a quick call to talk about the academy and see if it's right for you.

衷心感谢收听本期节目！天啊，这真是太棒了，我们下期再见，拜！

Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. Oh my gosh. This was so much fun, and I will see you in the next one. Bye.