372 | 三步打造职场中坚不可摧的信心

如果你想要那种根植于骨髓、即便走进令人窒息的房间也毫不动摇的自信，那么这期节目就是为你准备的。这种深层次的自信并非来自拼凑零散建议或寻找下一个神奇技巧，而是源于拥有一套适合你建立真正自信的流程与体系——这正是我们今天要探讨的内容。让我们开始吧。欢迎收听《勇敢发声的艺术》，这是一档帮助职业女性释放内在无限潜能的播客节目。

If you want unshakable confidence, the kind of confidence that you feel deep in your bones even when you walk into a super intimidating room, then this is the episode for you. That kind of deep confidence doesn't come from cobbling together random pieces of advice and searching for that next magical tip or hack. It comes from having a process and a system that will work for you to build real confidence, and that's what we are learning in today's episode. Let's dive in. Welcome to the art of speaking up, a podcast that helps professional women access the limitless potential that lies within them.

我是主持人杰西卡·古兹克，我的使命是帮你找到体内那股能彻底改变职业生涯的火花——那种你可能从未想象过的蜕变力量。非常高兴你的到来。现在，让我们正式进入节目。欢迎收听本播客，感谢你的关注。

I'm your host, Jessica Guzik, and My mission is to help you find that spark inside you that has the power to transform your career in ways you may not have thought possible. I'm so excited that you're here. And now, onto the show. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you for tuning in.

今天我们要讨论我最热衷的话题之一：自信。没有什么比帮助女性从骨子里感受到真实力量更让我兴奋的事了。如果你正渴望这样的蜕变，这期节目就是为你量身打造的。我想很多人都有过这样的经历：虽然吸收了海量关于自信的建议和资源，自信的增长速度却远不及我们消化这些建议的速度。那么为什么更多建议并不总是带来更多自信呢？

Today, we are talking about one of my favorite topics ever, confidence. Few things get me more excited than helping women feel genuinely powerful deep in their bones. And if that is a result that you are wanting, today's episode was created for you. I think a lot of us have had this experience of consuming a lot of advice and resources on confidence, but not seeing our confidence grow at the same rate that we are consuming all of that advice. So why is it that more advice doesn't always equal more confidence?

为了解答这个问题，我想用煎薄饼来打个比方。请耐心听我说——这个类比对理解本期所有内容至关重要。想象你被指派去煎薄饼，但你对烹饪一窍不通，却被突然推进厨房要求必须做出薄饼。这时突然有群人开始朝你大喊各种随机指令。

To help answer this question, I want to share an analogy about making pancakes. Now stay with me because this analogy is incredibly important for understanding everything that I'm going to be teaching in today's episode. So here's what I want you to imagine. You have been tasked with making pancakes, but you know nothing about making pancakes or about cooking, but you've been plopped into a kitchen and told that you must produce a pancake. And all of a sudden, a whole bunch of people start yelling random instructions at you.

有人喊'把锅烧热'，你就加热平底锅；接着另一个人喊'倒枫糖浆'，你就往锅里倒糖浆；然后又有人喊'加个鸡蛋'。

So one person yells, heat up the pan. So you heat the pan. And then someone else yells, pour maple syrup on it. So you pour maple syrup in the pan. And then someone else yells, add an egg.

于是你打个鸡蛋放进锅里。转眼间，锅里就变成一团滚烫黏糊的混合物——这绝对算不上薄饼。造成这种情况的部分原因在于，你得到的都是脱离语境、缺乏条理的随机建议。

So you crack an egg and add it into the pan. And before you know it, you have this hot, soggy mess in the frying pan. It most definitely doesn't resemble a pancake. And part of the reason that this happened is because you were given random advice that wasn't in context. It wasn't sequenced.

这些指令毫无顺序可言。要成功煎出薄饼，你需要按合理顺序接收这些步骤。建立自信亦是如此——若想切实提升自信水平，我们需要在正确语境下按正确顺序获取恰当步骤。当我们从不同渠道获取建议时，常常就像那个在厨房里试图用一堆杂乱无章的方法来煎薄饼的人。

It wasn't in order. And to actually make a pancake successfully, you would need to receive those instructions in an order that made sense. Building confidence is exactly the same. If we want to successfully move the needle when it comes to our self confidence, we need the right steps given to us under the right context and in the right order. And a lot of times when we're listening to advice from many different sources, we're like that person in the kitchen trying to make a pancake with all of these disparate, disorganized pieces of advice.

这引出了我今天节目中要教授的所有内容的核心目标。今天，你不仅会学到建立自信需要采取哪些步骤，还将学会如何安排这些步骤的顺序，在正确的时间采取正确的行动，从而真正推动改变，开始取得实质性进展。为此，我将教你一个由三部分组成的框架，了解三种不同类型的自信建立步骤，最重要的是，在你的自信建立之旅中，何时应该采取哪种类型的步骤。我对此感到非常兴奋。

And that brings me to the goal of everything I'm about to teach you in today's episode. Today, you're not just going to learn what steps you need to take to build confidence. You are going to learn how to sequence those steps and take the right step at the right time so that you can actually move the needle and begin making real progress. To help you do this, I'm going to be teaching you a three part framework where you're going to learn the three different categories of confidence building steps, and most importantly, what type of step you should take at what point in your confidence building journey. I am so excited to get into this.

你将学习的三种不同类型的步骤被称为婴儿步、边缘步和战士步。我将逐一深入讲解。首先从婴儿步开始。婴儿步是我们在刚开始建立自信时采取的那些微小初始步骤。用我之前分享的煎饼比喻来说，在真正开始煎饼之前，你需要采取一些基础的婴儿步来确保准备工作就绪。

The three different types of steps you're going to learn are called baby steps, edge steps, and warrior steps. So I'm gonna dive into them one by one. Let's start with baby steps. So baby steps are those first initial teensy tiny steps that we take when we are first embarking on our confidence building journey. So in the pancake analogy that I shared with you, before you would even make the pancake, there are some foundational baby steps that you'd want to take to make sure you're ready to start cooking the pancake.

你需要确保煎锅是干净的，手头备齐所有食材。这些步骤本身并不会直接做出煎饼，但它们是小小的准备步骤，能帮助你感到有能力并准备好制作煎饼。在建立自信方面，婴儿步的作用非常相似——它们是帮助我们逐步适应自信建立过程的小步骤。

You'd want to make sure that your pan is clean. You'd want to make sure that you have all of the ingredients in hand. These are steps that aren't going to actually result in the pancake on their own, but they're small preparatory steps that are going to help you feel capable and ready to make the pancake. So when it comes to building confidence, baby steps function in a very similar way. They're small little steps that we take to help ease ourselves into the confidence building process.

我将分享一些我在企业职场时期、当我还深陷自信心困境时采取的婴儿步实例。我永远记得第一次求职面试的情景——当时我正面试麦肯锡的管理咨询职位。由于极度渴望获得这份工作，我对面试感到异常焦虑，深知其选拔流程是世界上最严苛的之一。

So I'll share some examples of baby steps that I took back when I was in my corporate career and back when I was really struggling with self confidence. I'll never forget when I was interviewing for my first ever job. I was interviewing with McKinsey for a management consultant job, and I was so anxious about the interview because I wanted the job really badly. And I knew that the interview process was going to be deeply challenging. It's one of the most competitive interview processes in the world.

特别记得当时与心理治疗师的一次会面，我倾诉了自己的焦虑。我们共同规划了一些能帮助我自信面对面试的婴儿步：第一，确保对面试着装感到满意；第二，前一晚试穿并准备好衣物，杜绝任何可能的突发状况；第三，计划提前很久到达麦肯锡大楼，避免因地铁延误而紧张，并留出时间平复心情。这些行动显著增强了我的面试信心。

And I specifically remember having a session with my therapist at the time where I was sharing about how anxious I felt, and me and her together planned baby steps that I could take to help me feel confident going into that interview. So some baby steps that we came up with that I implemented was number one, making sure that I felt good about the outfit that I was going to wear. Number two, making sure it was ready to go in the morning, trying it on the night before, making sure there could be no possible hiccups. Number three, planning to get to the McKinsey Building super early so that I didn't have to stress at all about the subway being late, and so I had time to cool down and collect myself before sitting down for the interview. These actions, number one, helped me feel stronger and more confident going into the interview.

剧透一下：我成功获得了那份梦寐以求的麦肯锡顾问工作。更重要的是，这些行动完美诠释了婴儿步的精髓——虽不能带来巨大的信心飞跃，但通过这些小准备步骤，我确实获得了稳定的心态基础。其他婴儿步的例子包括写日记、调整体态（如站得更挺拔）、背诵肯定宣言、选择让你感觉强大的着装等。

And spoiler, I got the job, and I landed my dream role as a McKinsey consultant. But number two, these actions are great examples of baby steps. These were little preparatory steps that helped me experience a small bump in my confidence. On their own, they probably wouldn't give me huge amounts of confidence, but they definitely helped me feel more stable and ready. So some other examples of baby steps are things like journaling, changing your physical posture, like maybe standing up straighter, reciting affirmations, picking out an outfit that makes you feel powerful and confident.

这些步骤都能切实提升我们的感受，在自信建立之旅的两个关键阶段尤为有效：一是刚开始个人发展时；二是当你处于特别脆弱或敏感的状态时——比如工作遭遇挫折后的次日，内心感到动摇不稳的日子。这种时候最适合依靠婴儿步，问问自己：今天能做哪些低风险但能帮助重建动力的小事？

These are all steps that will offer us a tangible boost in how we feel, and they are particularly useful at a few different points along your confidence building journey. Number one, at the very beginning when you are just getting started with your personal development. And number two, whenever you're in a situation that makes you feel particularly vulnerable or tender. So maybe something didn't go well at work, and maybe the next day you are feeling a little bit wobbly inside and you are not feeling solid at all. That would be a great day to lean on baby steps and ask yourself, what are some small gentle things that I can do today that are low risk, but that will help me rebuild that momentum?

小步前进之所以有效，是因为它们易于实施。它们让你行动起来而不感到不堪重负，并且确实能带来微小的信心提升。话虽如此，我想谈谈小步前进的陷阱，因为我们许多人，包括我自己在内，会陷入其中，它们可能阻碍我们建立渴望的更大信心。小步前进的问题在于，它们可以给我们带来信心上的小幅提升，但通常无法让我们走得更远。它们有点像垃圾食品，当我们饿了，可以拿一小块趣享装奇巧巧克力吃，可能会暂时获得糖分带来的兴奋和能量。

Baby steps work because they're accessible. They get you moving without feeling overwhelmed, and they do result in tiny amounts of confidence. That being said, I wanna talk about the pitfalls of baby steps because many of us, myself included, we get stuck in them, and they can prevent us from building the bigger confidence that we desire. So the issue with baby steps is that they can offer us a small bump in our confidence, but they can't typically take us much farther than that. They're kind of like junk food where when we're hungry, we can grab like a little fun sized Kit Kat and eat it, and we might get that temporary surge of sugar high and energy.

但十五分钟后，我们又会感到饥饿。在建立信心方面，小步前进的功能有点类似。非常棘手的是，许多播客、书籍和自我帮助资源主要关注小步前进。这真的会让你产生一种印象，认为信心的路径来自于采取所有这些小行动。如果你采取了所有这些行动，却没有累积成你渴望的更深层次改变，这真的会让你感到挫败。

But then fifteen minutes later, we're gonna be hungry again. That's a little bit how baby steps function when it comes to building confidence. And something that is super tricky is that a lot of podcasts and books and self help resources focus mainly on baby steps. So it can really give you the impression that the path to confidence comes from taking all these little actions. And that can really make you feel broken if you're taking all of these actions, and it's not adding up to the deeper change you desire.

这并不是因为你有什么问题。这是因为小步前进带来的是微小的进步。微小的进步本身并没有错。微小的进步很棒。只有当我们期望它成为巨大进步时，它才会变得危险。

This isn't happening because something is wrong with you. This is happening because baby steps create baby progress. And there's nothing wrong with baby progress. Baby progress is great. It just becomes dangerous when we expect it to be big progress.

这让我完美地引出了第二类步骤，我喜欢称之为边缘步骤。如果你想看到信心的显著增长，你必须超越小步前进，进入边缘步骤。边缘步骤比小步前进一步，不仅在难度上，也在效果上。边缘步骤的定义是你采取的、刚好超出舒适区的一步。之所以称之为边缘步骤，是因为它正好位于你舒适区的边缘。

So that leads me perfectly into the second category of steps, which I like to call edge steps. If you want to see significant growth in your confidence, you have to move beyond baby steps and into edge steps. So an edge step is one step beyond a baby step, both in difficulty but also in effectiveness. The definition of an edge step is a step that you take that exists just outside your comfort zone. The reason it's called an edge step is because it's right at the edge of your comfort zone.

这是一件好事。这意味着边缘步骤不会让人感到极度不适或远远超出舒适区，这赋予了它们可行和易于实施的独特优势。为了帮助你真正理解边缘步骤的用处，我将分享一个来自我企业职业生涯的例子。当我在麦肯锡工作时，我得到的第一个反馈是我需要更加自信。当时，我参加的这些高层会议让我感到非常胆怯。

This is a good thing. It means that edge steps aren't wildly uncomfortable or miles and miles outside of your comfort zone, and this gives them the unique advantage of being doable and accessible. So to help you really understand the usefulness of edge steps, I'll share an example from my corporate career. Back when I worked at McKinsey, one of the first pieces of feedback that I got was that I needed to be more assertive. Now I was super intimidated by the big high level meetings that I was in.

所以，突然在这些会议上发言并表现得自信对我来说感觉非常难以承受和困难。但我被告知，如果我想获得晋升，就必须表现出自信。于是我开始想办法如何逐步建立我的自信肌肉。这就是我想出采取边缘步骤的地方。与其强迫自己迈出一大步，突然开始在我一开始就难以发言的会议上表现得超级自信，我决定挑战自己在团队邮件线程中练习自信。我决定，如果我有不同意见或看法，我会点击“回复全部”，分享我的想法，而不是陷入我一贯的沉默模式。

So the thought of suddenly speaking up and being assertive in those rooms felt really overwhelming and difficult to me. But I was told that I had to demonstrate assertiveness if I wanted to get promoted, So I got to work figuring out how I could build my assertiveness muscle in steps. And this is where I came up with the idea of taking an edge step. So rather than forcing myself to take a gigantic leap and suddenly start being super assertive in rooms that I was struggling to speak up in in the first place, I decided that I would challenge myself to practice being assertive in our team email threads. And I decided that if I ever disagreed or had a differing opinion, I would hit reply all, and I would share my thoughts as opposed to falling into my usual pattern of not saying anything at all.

这仍然超出了我的舒适区。点击“回复全部”对我来说很可怕，因为那些邮件线程中有领导和合伙人。但它并没有远到让我感到不堪重负。当我开始这样做时，我内心开始发生一些非常重要的变化。我开始意识到，我认为自己没有能力自信的信念是不真实的，因为我亲眼看着自己变得自信。

Now this was still outside of my comfort zone. It was scary for me to hit reply all on those threads because there were leaders and partners on those threads. But it wasn't so far outside of my comfort zone that it felt overwhelming. And as soon as I started to do it, something really important started to shift within me. I started to realize that my belief that I was not capable of being assertive was untrue because there I was literally watching myself be assertive.

这让我想到边缘步骤所具备的一个独特而有趣的特性。通常，当我们采取边缘步骤时，它能帮助我们打破一些关于自我的限制性信念。很多时候，我们抱有限制性想法，认为自己不擅长这个、做不到那个。而当我们开始采取边缘步骤时，这些限制性信念往往会土崩瓦解。下面让我分享几个可以通过边缘步骤消除的限制性信念例子。

And this brings me to one of the really unique and interesting qualities that edge steps possess. Typically, when we take an edge step, it helps us break some of our limiting beliefs about ourselves. A lot of times, we have limiting beliefs that we're not good at this and we can't do that. And when we start to take edge steps, those limiting beliefs tend to crumble. So let me share a few examples of limiting beliefs that could be eliminated if you were to take an edge step.

许多人有个限制性信念，认为自己不擅长闲聊。消除这个信念的好方法，就是采取与同事进行闲聊的边缘步骤。很多人还认为自己缺乏专业知识而不敢参与特定会议。打破这个信念的绝佳方式，就是选择一个非高风险的普通会议，在并非完全掌握专业知识的领域挑战自己作出贡献，从而粉碎'自己不够聪明或专业'的自我设限。边缘步骤是建立信心的核心方法，因为它们在效果与可行性之间取得了完美平衡。

Many people have the limiting belief that they're not good at small talk. A beautiful way to eliminate that limiting belief is to take the edge step of participating in small talk with a coworker. A lot of people have a limiting belief that they don't have enough expertise to participate in a particular meeting. A great way to shatter that limiting belief is to pick a meeting that isn't super high stakes, isn't super stressful, but that is one where you don't have all the expertise and challenge yourself to contribute something that will help you break the limiting belief that you don't have the smarts or the expertise to meaningfully contribute. Edge steps are the meat and potatoes of building confidence because they strike a harmonious balance between being effective and doable.

它们之所以有效，是因为能打破限制性信念；之所以可行，是因为引发的适度不适感在我们承受范围内。若想显著提升自信，关键在于超越婴儿步，持续关注并定期实践边缘步骤——因为我们大脑天生追求舒适。建立自信的过程，就是要对大脑说'不'，我们必须走出舒适区，做些更具挑战性的事，这才是成长的必经之路。

They're effective because they break the limiting belief, and they're doable because they elicit an amount of discomfort that we can handle. If you want to see significant growth in your confidence, it is really important to move beyond baby steps and into edge steps and to be keeping edge steps top of mind and taking them regularly because our brains are wired for comfort. So our brains are always gonna want us to take those comfortable, safe baby steps. And part of the confidence building process is saying to our brain, no. We have to get out of that comfort zone and do something a little bit riskier, a little bit edgier because that is what is going to lead to growth.

这里有两个信号表明你已适合专注采取更多边缘步骤：第一，如果你长期专注于婴儿步却开始感到停滞不前；第二，如果你正被大量限制性信念困扰（比如总想着'我做不了XX''我不擅长XX'）。要建立自信，就需要通过实际行动来粉碎这些自我设限的信念。

Now here are a couple of signs that you are in a perfect place to focus on taking more edge steps. Number one, if you've been very focused on baby steps and you're starting to feel stagnant or stuck, that is a sign that now is the time for you to pivot to taking edge steps. And number two, the second sign is if you're experiencing a lot of limiting beliefs. If you're having a lot of thoughts that sound like I can't do blank, I'm not good at blank, then in order to build confidence, you need to shatter those limiting beliefs. And one of the best ways to do that is to take an action that proves the limiting belief untrue.

边缘步骤的强大之处在于它能解开我们误以为存在的枷锁。通过实践，我们会发现自身潜力并非固定不变，那些自我设限的想法也未必真实。当某个限制性信念被打破时，我们自然会开始质疑：还有哪些自我认知其实也是错误的？这创造了持续进化、不断挑战自我的强大动力，正是边缘步骤构建自信的魔力所在。

Edge steps are so powerful because they unwind the limitations that we falsely believe that we have. And when we take edge steps, we learn that our capacity isn't fixed. We learn that not every limiting thought we have about ourselves is true. And when we take an edge step and we break one limiting belief, then we start to wonder what other limiting beliefs have I been thinking about myself all along that aren't even true. They create enormous motivation to keep evolving and keep challenging ourselves, and that is why they are so powerful in building confidence.

虽然边缘步骤对建立信心极有帮助，但需注意：并非所有自信都是同质的。有时我们建立的自信很脆弱，遇到困难就消失无踪；而有些自信则更深刻持久，能经受起伏考验。这就引出了第三类行动步骤——我称之为'战士步骤'，它能将边缘步骤建立的自信深化为不可动摇的、能抵御任何风浪的坚实信心。

Now while edge steps are enormously useful in helping us build confidence, one important thing to know is that not all confidence is created equal. Sometimes the confidence that we build feels a bit fragile, and it can feel like as soon as things get difficult, the confidence that we've been building is nowhere to be found. Whereas other forms of confidence are more deep and enduring and tend to stick with us through the ups and downs. And this brings me into the third category of action steps, which I call warrior steps. Warrior steps help us take that confidence that we've been building through edge steps and deepen it so that the confidence becomes unshakable and able to weather all of the ups and downs and any obstacle that gets thrown at us.

现在我们将短暂休息。回来后我将讲解什么是战士步骤，判断你是否已准备就绪，以及如何运用它们来深化自信。休息后见。若本期内容引起你共鸣，很可能因为你正需要这种真诚、深刻、直达本质的职业建议——这正是我每周通讯所分享的内容类型。

We are going to take a super quick break. And when we come back from the break, I'm going to teach you what warrior steps are, whether you are ready for them, and how you can use them to deepen your confidence. I'll catch you after the break. If this episode is resonating with you, it's probably because you are ready for career advice that is honest, insightful, and goes beneath the surface. That is exactly the type of advice I share in my weekly newsletter.

在我的下一期通讯中，我将拆解我从五年专业女性教练经历中学到的10个建立自信的洞见。立即订阅我的通讯以免错过这些内容。您可以通过jessguzzitcoaching.com/newsletter或节目备注中的链接加入。我的通讯完全免费，我会在这里分享一些在其他平台从未发布过的精彩观点。再次提醒，您可以通过节目备注中的链接订阅。

In my next newsletter, I'm going to be breaking down the 10 confidence building insights that I have learned from five years of coaching professional women. Sign up for my newsletter today so you don't miss out on that. You can join at jessguzzitcoaching.com/newsletter or by clicking the link in the show notes. My newsletter is totally free, and it's where I share some of my favorite ideas that I don't post anywhere else. Once again, you can join using the link in the show notes.

现在回到节目内容。好的，现在进入第三部分——勇士行动步骤。勇士步骤是我最钟爱的行动类型。它就像是进阶版的边缘挑战，但更具突破性。

And now back to the episode. Okay. So now it is time for part three, warrior steps. Warrior steps is my favorite category of action steps. So a warrior step is kind of like an edge step, but bigger.

边缘挑战引发的是一种虽然不适但仍可掌控的紧张感，我们会觉得'这有点吓人，但我能应付'。而勇士步骤带来的不适感更强烈，更像是'哇哦，我即将要做件大事了'的冲击感。

So an edge step elicits an amount of discomfort where even though it's uncomfortable, we feel like we can handle it. We know, okay. Like, this is a little bit scary, but I've got this. A warrior step is slightly bigger and elicits an amount of discomfort that feels larger, that feels a little more like, woah. Okay.

这类行动最显著的特征在于它引发的情绪体验具有脆弱性。通常勇士步骤会让你产生被暴露的感觉，仿佛正被他人审视、评判或议论。

I am about to do something big. I am about to do something scary. The other quality that makes a warrior step different from an edge step is the type of discomfort it elicits. A warrior step elicits an emotional experience that feels vulnerable. So typically, warrior steps are actions that make you feel exposed, that make you feel like other people might be looking at you or judging you or having thoughts about you.

任何同时引发强烈不适感和情感暴露的行动都算勇士步骤。比如向老板提交新方案等待反馈、向高层展示工作成果、在令人窒息的会议室发表大胆建议——这些都需要我们以战士般的勇气来应对。接下来我将用亲身案例说明如何通过勇士步骤建立深层自信。

So any action that elicits a bigger amount of discomfort and simultaneously makes you feel emotionally exposed is a warrior step. Examples of warrior steps include sharing a new proposal with your boss and awaiting their feedback, presenting your work to senior stakeholders, sharing a bold suggestion in an intimidating room. These are all examples of warrior steps, and they're all instances that can put us in an uncomfortable and vulnerable moment. The reason that I call them warrior steps is because they require warrior like strength to navigate through. So first, I wanna share a quick example of a warrior step from my career, and then I'm gonna talk about how you can leverage warrior steps to help you build deep lasting confidence.

我在麦肯锡任职初期曾负责制定项目战略框架。当我把方案幻灯片展示给整个团队后，那段等待反馈的寂静时刻让我深刻体会到脆弱感——担心老板是否满意、方案是否存在漏洞、同事是否认为我能力不足。

So I've talked about my time at McKinsey, and there was a specific project where I was still fairly new. And I was asked to come up with a strategic framework for us to use for the project. I had never been given that level of responsibility ever before, and I'll never forget that vulnerable feeling of putting my slide in front of everyone, my boss and every single person on the team, and sitting in that moment of silence after I had explained the slide and was now waiting for them to offer me their feedback. That moment of silence elicited such an intense feeling of vulnerability for me, where I was wondering what they were thinking. I was wondering, like, does my boss hate it?

那个充满不安、暴露与脆弱的静默时刻，正是勇士步骤的典型范例。但正是这样的时刻，最终成为推动我成长的关键契机。

I was wondering, like, is there something stupid in this? Are people thinking that, like, I'm super incompetent? That moment of silence is a great example of a warrior step. In that moment, I felt highly uncomfortable and highly exposed and vulnerable. But that moment also played a key role in helping me grow.

在那不适的时刻，我有机会练习在脆弱时自我支持。这正是战士步伐的力量所在——因为它们让我们暴露于更高程度的不适与情感脆弱中，同时也为我们提供了在艰难不适时刻学习以更多尊重与自我慈悲对待自己的机会。往往当我们处于那些脆弱不安的时刻，本能反应是攻击自己，对自己说出苛刻的话语。我相信你也有过这样的时刻：或许你向他人展示作品时，或等待对方回应你的想法或反馈时，在那沉默的间隙，你脑中盘旋着'这看起来糟透了'的念头。

In that moment of discomfort, I had the opportunity to practice supporting myself during a moment of vulnerability. And this is exactly where the power lies in warrior steps because warrior steps expose us to a heightened level of discomfort and emotional vulnerability, they also open up an opportunity for us to learn to treat ourselves with greater respect and greater self compassion during those difficult, uncomfortable moments. Very often, when we're in those vulnerable, uncomfortable moments, our knee jerk response is to attack ourselves and to say really harsh things to ourselves. So I'm sure you've had moments where you've maybe presented your work to someone or you're waiting for someone to respond to your idea or share feedback. And in that moment of silence, you're having thoughts like, this doesn't look good.

他们不喜欢。我搞砸了。他们讨厌我。我听起来很蠢。战士步伐正是我们练习改变这种内在对话，在心理上支持自己度过脆弱时刻的机会。

They don't like it. I'm blowing it. They hate me. I sound stupid. A warrior step is an opportunity for us to practice changing that inner dialogue and supporting ourselves psychologically through the vulnerable moment.

这是练习对自己说'哇，这很难也很重大，但看看你直面它的勇气'的机会。'我为你这样做感到骄傲，这对你来说是如此重要的成长时刻。'

It's an opportunity to practice saying things to ourselves like, wow. This is difficult and big, but look at you showing up for it and being courageous. Wow. I'm so proud of you for doing this. This is such a growth moment for you.

你做得很好。当我们在艰难时刻对自己说这些善意、支持与鼓励的话语时，不仅会强化与自我的关系，更会积累'我们能处理情感困境'的证据。当我们确信自己能应对情感挑战时，自信便开始从肤浅的表层向更深层、不可动摇的维度进化。现在我要快速强调战士步伐与边缘步伐的关键区别：边缘步伐让我们感到自信，是因为我们见证自己做了舒适区外的事。

You're doing great. And when we say those kind, supportive, encouraging things to ourselves during difficult moments, it not only helps us strengthen our relationship with ourselves, but it also gives us evidence that we can handle emotionally difficult things. And when we know that we can handle emotionally difficult things, that is when our confidence starts to evolve from, like, shallow confidence to deeper, more unshakable confidence. Now there's a key difference between warrior steps and edge steps that is super important that I want to quickly highlight. An edge step makes us feel confident because we watch ourselves do something outside of our comfort zone.

这种自信源于我们内心的想法：我能做到，我已经做到了。而勇士步伐则不同。勇士步伐不在于我们能做什么，而在于我们能承受什么。因此，它并非是要向自己证明我们能成功完成某个具体行动。

And the confidence comes from us thinking, I can do that. I did that. A warrior step is different. A warrior step is not about what we can do, but it's about what we can handle. So it's not about us proving to ourselves that we can successfully take a specific action.

它是要向自己证明，我们能成功应对并驾驭一种艰难的情绪。所以边缘步伐建立的是一种更具表演性质的自信。它关乎表现，关乎登场，关乎完成那件事，并向自己证明我们有能力做到。

It's about proving to ourselves that we can successfully handle and navigate through a difficult emotion. So edge steps build a form of confidence that is more performative. It's about performing. It's about showing up. It's about doing the thing, and it's about showing ourselves we can do the thing.

对吧？我们是在执行那个动作。而这个已完成的动作让我们感到自信，因为我们心想：我完成了那个动作。但勇士步伐不同，它不具备表演性质。

Right? We're performing the action. And that action that we performed makes us feel confident because we're like, I performed that action. A warrior step is different. It's not performative.

这是关系性的。它加深了我们与自我的关系。我们建立自信不是因为我们看到自己做了某件事，而是因为我们看到自己应对了一次具有挑战性的情感经历。我分享并强调这一点是因为，如果你想建立更深层次的自信，重要的是要明白，你无法通过表现来获得自信。

It's relational. It deepens our relationship with ourselves. We don't build confidence because we watched ourselves do something. We build confidence because we watched ourselves handle a challenging emotional experience. I'm sharing this and highlighting this because if you want to build deeper confidence, it's important to know that you can't perform your way to confidence.

你无法通过行动来获得自信。通往更深层次自信的道路在于你如何对待自己和与自己相处的方式。这才是帮助我们建立持久自信的核心。现在，这里有一些迹象表明你已准备好采取战士步骤。第一，你一直在采取边缘步骤。

You can't act your way to confidence. The path to deeper confidence is through the way that you treat yourself and relate to yourself. That is the core of what helps us build confidence that lasts. Now here are some signs that you are ready to take warrior steps. Number one, you've been taking edge steps.

你一直在舒适区之外采取行动，你的自信正在增长。但你感觉自己遇到了瓶颈，觉得自己还没有那种根深蒂固、不可动摇的自信，而这正是你所渴望的。另一个表明你已准备好采取战士步骤的迹象是，你仍然觉得应对职业生涯中的情绪起伏很有挑战性。这是一个信号，表明你将从战士步骤所带来的情感韧性和内在稳定性中受益匪浅。好的。

You've been taking actions outside of your comfort zone, and your confidence is growing. But you feel like you're at a plateau, and you feel like you don't have that deeper rooted, unshakable confidence that you are desiring. Another sign that you are ready for warrior steps is that you still find it challenging to navigate the emotional highs and lows of your professional life. That is a sign that you will deeply benefit from the emotional resilience and inner stability that warrior steps will create. Okay.

现在，关于战士步骤，我想与你分享的一点是，在我所教授的所有步骤中，它们是最复杂、最难正确利用的，作为你建立自信过程的一部分。因为战士步骤会让你暴露于更困难的情绪中，而且由于其本质，它们更为激烈，我们在采取战士步骤时可能会以几种不同的方式偏离轨道。因此，在本集的剩余部分，我将讨论我们可能偏离轨道的方式，并为你提供一些有价值的观点，帮助你避免其中的一些陷阱。我将讨论战士步骤的四个不同陷阱。陷阱一是采取过少的战士步骤或根本不采取战士步骤。

Now one thing that I wanna share with you about warrior steps is of all of the kinds of steps that I'm teaching, they're the most complicated and the trickiest to properly leverage as part of your confidence building process. Because warrior steps expose you to more difficult emotions and because by their nature, they're more intense, there are a few different ways that we can get derailed when we are taking warrior steps. So for the remainder of the episode, I'm gonna talk about the ways that we might get derailed and give you some valuable perspectives to help you avoid some of those pitfalls. So I'm gonna talk about four different pitfalls of warrior steps. Pitfall number one is taking too few warrior steps or taking no warrior steps at all.

作为人类，我们天生会避免做不舒服的事情。而因为战士步骤是三种步骤中最不舒服的，我们会最常避免它们。现在，一个非常重要且我在辅导和与客户合作时经常看到的模式是，有时我们被困在婴儿步骤和边缘步骤的领域，完全排除了战士步骤作为一种选择。我们排除它到了甚至没有意识到它是一个选项的地步。在我们看来，增长自信的选择只有婴儿步骤和边缘步骤。

We are naturally, as humans, going to avoid doing uncomfortable things. And because warrior steps are the most uncomfortable, of the three steps, we are going to avoid them the most. Now something that's really important and a pattern that I see somewhat frequently when I'm coaching and working with my clients is sometimes we are stuck in the land of baby steps and edge steps, and we're excluding warrior steps as an option. And we're excluding it so much that we don't even realize it's an option. All we see in terms of our options for growing our confidence are baby steps and edge steps.

因此，需要注意的一点是，你是否关闭了采取更大胆、更有益于自信的行动的可能性？这就是陷阱一，即采取过少的战士步骤。陷阱二与陷阱一相反。陷阱二是采取过多的战士步骤。现在你可能会觉得这说不通，但请耐心听我说，因为这非常重要。

So one thing to look out for is, are you closing off the possibility of taking bigger, bolder actions that could really benefit your confidence? So that's pitfall number one, which is taking too few warrior steps. Pitfall number two is the opposite of pitfall number one. Pitfall number two is taking too many warrior steps. Now you might be thinking that this isn't making sense, but stay with me because this is really important.

战士步骤是激烈的，目标不一定是尽可能频繁地采取尽可能多的战士步骤，并使它们尽可能大。战士步骤的目标是调整节奏，以便我们能够消化采取战士步骤的困难经历。这有点像跑马拉松。如果你报名参加马拉松，并且距离马拉松还有一周时间，你可能不会对自己说，让我在马拉松前一周尽可能多地挤进几场马拉松。就像那样对跑马拉松行不通一样，战士步骤也是如此。

Warrior steps are intense, and the goal isn't necessarily to take as many warrior steps as frequently as possible and make them as big as possible. The goal of warrior steps is to pace ourselves so that we can digest the difficult experience of taking a warrior step. It's sort of like running a marathon. If you signed up for a marathon and you're one week out from your marathon, it probably wouldn't be a good idea for you to say to yourself, let me try to squeeze in as many marathons as I can possibly squeeze in in the week before the marathon. So just like that wouldn't work for running a marathon, warrior steps are similar.

并非越多就越好。我们希望过程可持续，并确保有时间消化、休息、恢复和处理。这就是为什么我在教练项目中以及在与客户合作的方式中融入了大量空间和可持续性——因为目标不是尽可能快、尽可能多地做事，那样反而会适得其反，导致倦怠和退步。真正的目标是采取可控、可消化的步骤，长期可持续地推动进展。这是第二个陷阱。

It's not that more is always better. We want our process to be sustainable, and we wanna make sure that we have time to digest and rest and recover and process. This is why I built a lot of space and sustainability into my coaching programs and into the way that I work with my clients because the goal is not let's do as much as possible as fast as possible because that's actually going to backfire and lead to burnout and backsliding. The goal is let's take steps forward that are manageable and digestible and that are going to move the needle sustainably in the long term. So that's pitfall number two.

现在说第三个陷阱。我忍不住笑是因为我自己就多次掉进这个坑。第三个战士步伐的陷阱是过度关注结果。当我们迈出大胆一步时——比如在会议上发言、做演讲、做那些让人感到脆弱暴露的事——之后我们立刻会聚焦于：我成功了吗？

And now pitfall number three. And I'm just laughing because this is one that I have fallen into many times. You might relate to this. But pitfall number three of warrior steps is getting too focused on the outcome. So a lot of times when we take a big bold step, we speak up in a meeting, we give a presentation, we do something that feels really vulnerable and exposing, our immediate focus afterwards is did I succeed?

奏效了吗？得到想要的回应了吗？人们喜欢吗？获得称赞了吗？我听起来好吗？

Did it work? Did I get the response that I wanted? Did people like it? Did I get praise for it? Did I sound good?

我们盯着结果不放。当然结果并非完全不重要，但在战士步伐的语境下，结果根本无关紧要。

We focus on the outcome. Now I'm not saying that the outcome never matters. Right? Outcomes do matter. But in the context of warrior steps specifically, warrior steps have nothing to do with outcomes.

边缘步伐才与结果相关。战士步伐关乎我们驾驭困难情绪的能力——这才是核心。战士步伐的'成功'或'失败'不在于行动外在的成败，而在于我们能否怀着同理心与勇气，在不适情绪中引导自己。

Edge steps have to do with outcomes. Warrior steps have to do with our ability to navigate difficult emotions. That is the core of what a warrior step is. And the quote unquote success or failure of a warrior step isn't in the external success or failure of the action we took. It's in our internal ability to guide ourselves compassionately and courageously through the uncomfortable emotions.

某种意义上，战士步伐的结果甚至不重要。无论你提建议失败还是成功完成挑战，都不会影响它能否建立信心——因为真正的衡量标准是：我能否友善、勇敢、充满同理心地支持自己度过这些困难情绪？通常这些脆弱暴露感出现在知晓成败之前。但我们执着于成败并据此评判自己，而非退后一步，肯定最初采取行动的勇气。更深层看，一个失败的战士步伐往往比成功的更能建立信心。

So in some ways, the outcome of a warrior step doesn't even matter. Whether you failed at sharing your suggestion or you succeeded at doing the scary thing has no bearing on whether the warrior step is going to build your confidence because the real metric of a warrior step is, was I able to support myself kindly, courageously, and compassionately through these difficult emotions? And typically, those emotions, that vulnerability, that feeling of being exposed, that happens before we know if it was a success or a failure. But we get fixated on whether we succeeded or failed, and that's what we give ourselves credit for rather than zooming out and giving ourselves credit for the courage that we demonstrated in taking the action in the first place. And to take this one level deeper, what's really interesting is that a warrior step that results in a success often builds less confidence than a warrior step that results in a failure.

我知道这听起来很反常识，但记住：战士步伐旨在提升我们应对不适情绪的能力。当战士步伐失败时，我们获得双重历练——既要面对行动本身的不适，又要应对失败带来的不适。因此在正确支持、视角和流程下，失败往往比成功更能关键性地建立信心。虽然这感觉完全颠倒。

And I know that this sounds really backwards, but remember, the purpose of warrior steps is to increase our ability to navigate uncomfortable emotions. When we take a warrior step and then we fail, we get two opportunities to navigate discomfort. We get to navigate the discomfort of taking the step, and we get to navigate the discomfort that comes from the failure. This is why very often with the right support, the right perspective, the right process, a failure can play a more pivotal role in building our confidence than a success. And I know this might feel totally backwards.

如果确实如此，我想为你提供的视角是：自信的人能够应对失败。而那些无法承受失败的人往往缺乏自信。因此，希望这能让你明白，一个以失败告终的勇者之举，对于正在努力建立自信的人来说可能非常有益。好了。第四个陷阱，与第三个密切相关，就是误解情绪上的不适。

And if it does, the perspective that I would want to offer you is that confident people can handle failure. And people who can't handle failure tend to be less confident. So hopefully, that can open your mind to see why a warrior step that results in failure could be really useful for someone who is working on building their confidence. Okay. Pitfall number four, which is closely related to pitfall number three, is misinterpreting the emotional discomfort.

关于勇者之举，有一点非常有趣：它并不能保证增强我们的信心。实际上，勇者之举可能提升也可能削弱你的自信，这取决于你如何解读这段经历。当我们采取勇者之举时，会感受到一种脆弱的情感。如果我们把这种脆弱解读为自己有问题，那么勇者之举反而会侵蚀我们的信心。

So here's something very interesting about warrior steps. A warrior step is not guaranteed to grow our confidence. In fact, a warrior step can either grow your confidence or shrink your confidence depending on how you interpret the experience. So when we take a warrior step, we feel a vulnerable emotion. If we interpret that vulnerable emotion as meaning that something is wrong with us, then the warrior step will erode our confidence.

让我们通过一个例子来理解这一点。想象你身处一个令人敬畏的场合：老板在场，领导们齐聚，这不是你的会议。

So let's look at an example to help learn this. Imagine you're in an intimidating room. Your boss is in the room. Leaders are in the room. It's not your meeting.

通常你不会发言，但今天你决定要超级勇敢。你要迈出勇者一步，在那个场合分享你的想法。于是你插话表达观点，却迎来一片沉默，脆弱感瞬间袭来。此刻你正处于勇者之举的关键时刻。如果这时你对自己说：天啊，我感觉糟透了——

You don't usually contribute, but you decide today you're gonna be super courageous. You're gonna take a warrior step, and you're going to share your thoughts in that room. So you jump in, you share your thoughts, and it's silent, and the vulnerability hits. And you're in that warrior moment of the warrior step. Now in that moment, if you say to yourself, oh my gosh, I feel awful.

这感觉太糟糕了。我感到如此脆弱，如此暴露。刚才太愚蠢了，我为什么要说那些？

This feels awful. I feel so vulnerable. I feel so exposed. That was so stupid. Why did I say that?

为什么要开口？为什么总逼自己做这些难受的事？这根本不合理。我本该等待更好时机。大家不喜欢我的想法。

Why did I speak up? Why am I always pushing myself to do these uncomfortable things? This doesn't even make sense. I should have waited for a better opportunity. People don't like my idea.

那些话说得真蠢。如果你开始这样自我对话，会议结束后你会感觉更糟而非更好。但如果你不采用这些严苛的自我惩罚式想法，而是想：哇，虽然很不舒服，但这是因为做了件大胆的事。我展现了勇气，主动表达了自己。

That came out stupid. If you start saying all of those things, you are going to come out of that meeting feeling worse, not better. However, if instead of thinking all of those harsh self punishing thoughts, you think, wow, I feel really uncomfortable, but that's because I did something bold. I did something courageous. I put myself out there.

天啊。我竟然如此坚韧，我能搞定这一切。如果你这样想，经历过后你会感到更自信而非更自卑。这就是战士步伐的陷阱之一——因为它们引发的不适感让我们容易混淆‘我感觉糟糕’和‘我是个糟糕的人’的区别。

Oh my gosh. That was so resilient of me, and I've got this, and I can handle this. If you think those things, you will leave that experience feeling more confident rather than less confident. And this is one of the tricks and pitfalls of warrior steps Because they elicit a feeling that feels uncomfortable, that feels bad, it's easy for us to confuse that feeling with I am bad. So we jump from I feel bad to I am bad.

于是我们带着更低的自信离开那个场景。但若能明白这种不适感不意味着我们糟糕，并学会思考‘我感觉不适并非因为我差劲，而是因为我做了大多数人不敢做的勇敢之事’——完成这种思维转变后，我们就能以更强大的姿态离开那个情境。

And then we leave that experience feeling less confident, feeling worse about ourselves. Whereas if we can learn that the bad feeling doesn't mean that we are bad, and if we can learn to get into a thought process of I feel bad, but not because I am bad, but because I am good, because I did something bold and courageous that not everyone is willing to do. If we can make that shift, then we will leave that meeting or leave that situation feeling more confident rather than less confident. So the trick with warrior steps is it's not just about taking them. It's about taking them and then digesting them in an appropriate way.

必须承认，战士步伐毫无光鲜可言。它们是建立自信过程中最朴实的环节，但价值连城。若只停留在舒适区，我们就永远无法驾驭那些艰难时刻，内心反而会更加动荡不安。

Now one thing that I am aware of in this episode is that a lot of what I'm talking about here isn't super glamorous. Warrior steps are not glamorous. They are the least glamorous part of the confidence building process, but they are worth it. Because if we only stay in the world of baby steps and edge steps, we never learn to handle those harder, more difficult moments. And because we don't build that ability, we feel more unstable inside.

战士步伐的悖论在于：短期会带来情绪波动，长期却铸造内心稳定。当我们积累足够‘我能应对困难’的证据，恐惧就会消退，混乱感也随之消散——这才是深层自信的源泉。相比表象自信，真正的自信内核是‘稳定感’。

So the irony of warrior steps is and it's the irony, but also the blessing of warrior steps is that when we are willing to experience the emotional instability that comes with taking a warrior step, it creates more internal feelings of stability in the long run because over time, we build up evidence that we can handle hard things, and we stop being so afraid of them. And they stop feeling so overwhelming and chaotic because we've learned to navigate them. And that is what creates the deeper sense of confidence. When I think about the difference between, like, a surface level confidence versus a deeper confidence, one of the big themes that comes to mind for me is the theme of stability. I feel stable.

我的沉稳绝非来自逃避挑战，正相反——正是战士步伐教会我像真正的战士那样擅长处理难题。就像山巅的战士，因过往历练而从容应对任何困境。

I feel grounded. Me feeling stable and grounded didn't happen because I avoided warrior steps, and I avoided uncomfortable things. It's just the opposite. I feel stable and grounded because those warrior steps taught me that I am good at handling hard things, just like a warrior. Right?

虽然这种深层修炼要求我们暴露脆弱、经历情绪波动，但它锻造的自信与自尊，在我看来是无价之宝。就像历经风霜的战士，巍然不动。

Like, a warrior standing there on a mountain like they're stable. Something difficult can come at them, and you know that they can handle it because of what they've handled before. So even though this deeper work requires more of us, it requires us to put ourselves out there. It requires us to experience moments of emotional instability. It is so worth it because the confidence that it builds and the self respect that it builds, in my opinion, is irreplaceable.

这正是我与客户共同深耕的领域。来找我的女性大多追求本质改变——不要表面技巧，只要能培育持久稳定自信的真正蜕变。

And this is the level of work that I do with my clients. Most of the women who come into my programs are looking for something deeper. They don't want the surface level work. They don't want the hacks and tips. They want to do the real meaningful inner work to grow a sense of confidence that is stable and lasting.

这种稳定持久的自信是你作为领导者有效发声所需的支柱。如果你已准备好建立更深层次的自信，并希望获得一个循序渐进、可持续且适合初学者的过程，这正是你在我的标志性项目“勇敢发声学院”中将进行的学习。在该项目中，你将通过内在修炼提升自信，并掌握领导者般的沟通基础。加入该项目的最佳方式是通过点击节目说明中的链接或访问jessguzzettcoaching.com/academy将自己加入等候名单。最近几期课程在幕后已仅对候补名单成员售罄。

And that stable lasting confidence is the backbone that you need in order to have an effective voice as a leader. If you are ready to build that deeper confidence and you want a step by step sustainable, beginner friendly process, This is the exact work you will do inside my signature program, the art of speaking up academy. Inside this program, you will do the inner work to grow your confidence, and you will learn the foundations of how to communicate like a leader. The absolute best way to join this program is to get yourself on the wait list by clicking the link in the show notes or going to jessguzzettcoaching.com/academy. Several of the more recent cohorts have sold out behind the scenes to the waitlist only.

候补名单成员始终享有名额优先权，并会第一时间获知新名额和新课程开放信息。我会在节目说明中放置链接，再次强调地址是jessicaguzzettcoaching.com/academy。非常感谢你们来到这里，收听本期节目，成为这个播客的一部分。我由衷感激你们。

The waitlist always gets first dibs on spots and is always the first to find out when new spots and new cohorts open up. I will drop the link in the show notes. Again, that's Jessica's at coaching.com/academy. Thank you so much for being here, for listening to this episode, for being a part of this podcast. I appreciate you.

感谢你们付出的时间，我们下期节目再见。拜拜。

I appreciate your time, and I will catch you in the next episode. Bye.