名为马的女人

假设猫王在新斯科舍省把胸膛压在了网球拍上，你们这些可敬的丹尼斯们。欢迎收听《盲童播客》。我觉得我这儿的声音低音太重了，你们这些风筝。如果是第一次收听，建议回溯往期节目以熟悉本播客的典故。我此刻在利默里克市，感觉像是被冬天迎面扇了一巴掌。

Pretend that Elvis pressed his breast against a tennis racket in NS, you venerable Dennis'. Welcome to the Blind Boy Podcast. Think I have too much bass on my voice here, you kites. If this is your first episode, consider going back to an earlier episode to familiarize yourself with the lore of this podcast. I'm here in Limerick City and it feels like we're after getting a slap into the face of winter.

这才9月2号，天气却寒冷阴暗又潮湿。更像是十月份。通常九月初不会这么阴郁。现在感觉像是直接跳进了深冬时节。我望向窗外正值日落，却他妈的根本看不见太阳。

It's only the September 2, and it's cold and dark and wet. It is more like October. It's not usually this bleak, this early in September. It doesn't feel like you've downloaded yourself into the middle of winter, that's what it feels like right now. I'm looking out my window and it's sunset, now I can't see any fucking sun.

外头紫得像保罗·亨利的画作，非常非常阴郁。哦，是椋鸟群。抱歉，我正要说这个。

It's as purple as a Paul Henry painting out there. It's very, very bleak. Oh, there's the starlings. Sorry about that. I was just about to say it to ye.

真的。我正要说这个。外面如此黑暗阴沉，正值傍晚日落时分，我还没看到椋鸟在利默里克市上空进行它们的群飞表演，我担心因为它们觉得现在阴郁得像十一月。不。结果椋鸟他妈准时得很，就在八点十分出现了。

Literally. I was just about to say it to ye. It's so dark and bleak out there and it's evening and the sun is setting and I haven't seen the starlings do their murmuration around Limerick City and I was worried that they thought because it's so bleak I was worried that they thought we were in the November. No. So the starlings right on fucking time, they just did that now at ten minutes past eight.

大约三周前——我想是三周前——当我直播提到椋鸟傍晚群飞时，今晚它们飞得低得多。真有意思。兄弟们实在抱歉又聊椋鸟，但你们要我怎么办？我他妈正盯着窗外呢。三周前它们是在八点五十分群飞的，现在提前了约一小时。

Now three weeks ago I think it was, three weeks ago when I spoke about the starlings doing their evening murmuration live three weeks ago I think it was, they're much lower tonight though. That's interesting. I am so sorry to be speaking about the starlings again lads what do you want me to do I am looking out the fucking window. Three weeks ago they were doing their murmuration at ten to nine I believe. Now they're out there about an hour earlier.

这让我明白你清楚日子在变短，白昼渐少，万物即将萧瑟，而它们低飞盘旋。当天空布满厚重阴云时，它们就贴地飞行。若是晴空万里、晚霞绚烂，它们便在高空上演盛大表演。但遇到阴雨天，尤其是暴雨时，它们根本不会搞什么鸟群编队飞行，直接躲进树丛。四周前我就说过，我他妈绝不想被拉上电台聊欧椋鸟，搞得像个疯子似的。

This lets me know that you know the days, the days are getting shorter, there's less light out there now, things are about to get bleak and they fly low. They fly low when there's big heavy overcast cloud out there. When the skies are clear and beautiful and pink then they do their huge displays up high, but when it's overcast or when it's when it's raining, if there's heavy rain, they don't do any fucking murmuration at all. They go straight into the trees when it's raining. Four weeks ago, I told you I told you I wasn't gonna get dragged onto the fucking radio talking about starlings sounding like a lunatic.

但爱尔兰的欧椋鸟事件最终成了全国新闻，全因为旅游业——游客们涌向利默里克观赏鸟粪，记者们又跑来采访这些看鸟粪和欧椋鸟的人。接着《爱尔兰审查报》就刊登了这篇关于'鸟粪区'的大篇幅报道。利默里克市议会气炸了，是冲我发火，非常非常恼火。

But the starling situation, it ended up being national news here in Ireland because of of because of tourism, because tourists were coming to Limerick to look at the bird shit, and then journalists came to Limerick to interview people who were coming to look at the bird shit and see the starlings. And then this big huge article got written about it in the Irish Examiner about the Bardshit District. Limerick council are fucking livid. Livid with me. Very, very upset.

结果这周有电台邀请我去他妈聊欧椋鸟，我还是没忍住。尽管一个月前发誓绝不让这种事发生，可就是抵挡不住诱惑。本不该上主流媒体打断人们听德莫特·肯尼迪的歌，来段欧椋鸟咆哮，毕竟公开场合这样会显得像个神经病。播客上不一样，听众是主动选择，知道会听到什么。但电台广播会突然闯进人们的办公室和汽车里。

And then this week, a radio station asked me on asked me on to speak about the fucking starlings and I couldn't resist it. I couldn't resist it even though I said a month ago I'm not gonna let that happen. Don't go on to mainstream media and interrupt people's Dermot Kennedy songs with with a starling rant because you risk looking like a fruitcake publicly. See it's different here on the podcast, you're making a choice, you know what to expect. On the radio, on the radio it's like that's into people's offices and their cars.

电台听众会想：'那个利默里克戴塑料袋的盲童小子，四年没想起过这号人，四年没听过他消息，怎么突然上电台聊鸟粪？'正因为太诡异，接下来我就遭到阴谋论者攻击，他们认为我是收钱演戏的演员，被安排上国家电台推动气候变化议程。可我还是去了电台，在新闻谈话节目里滔滔不绝讲了二十分钟鸟粪，硬是把这事变成了现实。

And on the radio it's oh that fella blind boy with the plastic bag in his head from Limerick who I haven't thought about in four years, who I haven't heard about in four fucking years, why is he on the radio talking about bird shit and then cause that's so strange, what happens then is I then get attacked by conspiracy theorists who think that, they think that I'm like a paid actor. A paid actor who's brought on to national radio to push the climate change agenda. So I went on the radio anyway. I spoke for twenty fucking minutes on news talk just about bird shit. And I willed into existence.

整整四周前我角色扮演过的场景——和电台DJ对话的戏码，我靠意志力让它成真了，然后它就真的发生了。

The very the very role play, the role play of me talking to a fucking radio DJ that I that I role played four weeks ago, I willed that into existence, and then it happened.

新闻访谈时间。盲童波·库布刚从Electric Picnic音乐节归来。他将于九月在Vicar Street以及二十七日在德里千禧剧院登台演出，但今天他并非为此而来，而是要聊聊鸟粪这份‘天赐之物’。盲童，下午好。

On news talk. Blind boy Bo Cub is just back from Electric Picnic. He'll be appearing next on September in Vicar Street and on the twenty seventh in the Millennium Theatre in Derry, but he's not joining us today to talk about any of that rather the gift that is bird poo. Blind boy, good afternoon.

肖恩，你怎么样？必须得哭一下。非常感谢邀请我来。

How are you, Sean? Must cry. Thank you so much for having me on.

给我们讲讲贝德福德街吧。

Tell us about Bedford Row.

好的。利默里克有这么一条叫贝德福德街的主步行街。你懂我意思吧。你他妈肯定懂我意思。

Okay. So this there's this street in Limerick called Bedford Row. It's our main pedestrianized street. And So you get the point. You get the fucking point.

你你你...我居然在电台花了他妈二十分钟聊利默里克的步行街。我发誓绝不做这种事。我明明发誓至少不会和利默里克市议会的顾问争论。至少那没发生。结果你听我说着说着——真不打算宣传你的演出吗？

You you you I'm on the radio talking about pedestrianized streets in Limerick for twenty fucking minutes. I promised myself I wasn't gonna do it. I promised myself that that exact thing wasn't gonna at least it wasn't me arguing with a counselor from Limerick City Council. At least that didn't happen. And you hear I'm going, you sure you don't wanna promote your gigs?

不？不想聊聊即将到来的演出？不。我想聊鸟屎，谢谢。我那个经纪人后来打电话来了。

No? You don't wanna talk about the upcoming gigs that you have there? No. I'd like to talk about bird shit, please. My fucking agent rang me up.

我经纪人之后气疯了。按理说我有演出时应该上电台电视做宣传。这才是我该干的，但我偏不。所以他质问：你上电台聊他妈鸟屎，却要主持人替你念演出信息？

My agent rang me up afterwards. Livid. Like when I have gigs I'm supposed to go on the radio on TV to promote gigs. Like that's what I'm supposed to do and I don't do it. So my agent was like, you'll go on the radio and talk about fucking bard shit and the radio host has to has to read out your gigs instead?

我们有好几场演出要卖票啊！你非要聊鸟屎？我说对啊。但我跟他解释：事情是这样的——

Multiple gigs that we need to sell tickets to. You wanna talk about bard shit? And I'm like, yeah. But but I explained to him. I said, here here's the thing.

听着，我上电台聊鸟屎是发自真心的热爱。我真心想聊这个。这才是真实的热情。我不喜欢上电台...

Look. If I go on the radio and speak about bard shit, that's literal genuine passion. I actually wanna speak about this. That's legitimate passion. I don't like going on the radio.

天啊。所以盲童白...快说说你在Vicar Street的演出。打算搞什么名堂？有惊喜吗？

Oh my god. So blind white, tell us about your upcoming gig in Vicar Street. Tell what are you gonna do with Vicar Street? Any surprises?

那可不是在模仿DJ肖恩·蒙克里夫——他其实挺靠谱的。那不是模仿他，只是普通电台DJ的腔调。但说实话，我讨厌上电台去他妈聊演出。我以前试过。

That's not an impression of that DJ Sean Moncrief who's actually fairly sound. That's not an impression of him. That's just generic radio DJ voice. But, like, I don't like going onto the radio to fucking talk about a gig. I've I've tried it before.

在《盲眼人生》播客节目里是什么感觉？你会直接上台做些疯狂举动吗？会很疯吗？面对这么多人讲话会紧张吗？

What's it like in a Blind My Life podcast show? Why, do do you just do just go up on stage and do something nuts? Is it crazy? Do you get nervous? Do you ever get nervous walking out talking to a lot of people?

你不会摘掉头套吗？

And would you not take off the bag?

所以电台宣传演出基本就是这样。我不想干这个，因为得撒谎。我得假装享受这种对话，这太难了。所以如果我的经纪人正在听——马克，你们确实在听——不是我不想宣传演出，是我实在搞不来那种表演性的寒暄。我能说什么？

So that's most of that's going on the radio promoting your gig. Like I don't want to do that because then I have to lie. I have to lie and pretend that I enjoy that conversation and that's really difficult. So if my agent is listening, which they are, Mark, it's not that I don't want to promote my gigs, it's I have extreme difficulty engaging in that type of performative small talk. Like what am I going to say?

你知道我要说的是

Well you know I'm going to do

这是我在模仿我自己吗？

is that me doing an impression of me?

我试图模仿自己。'知道吗小子，我可是个瞎子。维卡街现场绝对笑翻天，我们会请嘉宾做直播播客。'

I tried to do an impression of me. Well, you know, I'm blind, boy. And, do you know it's just gonna be a great laugh in Vicar Street. It's gonna be loads of fun. I'm gonna bring out a guest, and we'll do a live podcast.

这才是我模仿自己。我不想上电台聊正经的。我想上电台胡扯淡。虽然对肖恩·蒙克里夫没有不敬，但他确实听得津津有味，放任我大放厥词。

That's me doing an impression of me. I'm not going on to the radio. I wanna go on the radio and talk about bardshit. And with all due respect to Sean Muncrief, he'd a very eager set of ears. And he he willingly let me go on a bardshit rant.

我在新闻谈话电台占用了他二十分钟——本来没这么长——大谈特谈关于生物多样性的自闭式废话，得夸他够意思。后来我他妈完全忘了正在直播。

I filled his ears with bardshit for he gave me twenty minutes on news talk. He wasn't even supposed to give me twenty minutes. He gave me twenty minutes on news talk to do an autistic rant about bardshit and biodiversity, so fair play to him. And then I forgot I was on the fucking radio when this happened.

至于

As to

为什么这些椋鸟会回到那个特定地点或特定位置？这又是为什么呢？

why these starlings are coming back to that specific point or that specific location. And why is that?

其实我忘了当时正在做电台节目，肖恩。我是不是该用'便便'这个词代替？

Actually, I forgot I was on the radio there, Sean. Should I be saying poo poo instead?

我知道。你已经说了大概17遍了，所以我想我们...那个...这已经是官方名称了而不是

I know. You've said it about 17 times now, so I think we're we're we're going to and it's it's it's official name rather than

巴德屎特巴德屎特区。天啊。我现在的笑声特别嘶哑，听起来像移动救护车顶上烧开的水壶声。

The Bardshit Bardshit District. Yeah. Goodness me. My laugh is really hoarse there now. Sounds like a a whistling kettle on the roof of a moving ambulance.

老天在上周播客里你说自己的笑声像移动救护车顶上的鸣笛水壶。对你笑声相当不敬的描述啊。金发小子你这话什么意思？多普勒效应。我的笑声...我的笑声在声谱上飙升了。

Blime boy, you said on last week's podcast that your laugh was like a whistling kettle on the roof of a moving ambulance. Rather irreverent description of your laugh. What what did you mean by that, blonde boy? The Doppler effect. My laugh my laugh there, it it went up in pages.

我想表达的就是听起来像多普勒效应。我这是在打破第几面墙？我他妈真有自己和电台DJ的对话录音——这场景是几周前我角色扮演时凭空召唤出来的，现在我又在角色扮演里回应这段录音，同时还要点评这个套娃过程。这不是打破第四面墙，是我已经打碎墙后正在搭建讽刺性的元现代隔断。

It sounded like the the Doppler effect is what I meant by that. What type of wall am I breaking here? I've got fucking some actual conversations of me on the radio with a radio DJ which I willed into existence by doing a roleplay of me and a radio DJ a couple of weeks ago but now I'm then responding to that with a role play of me and a radio DJ but then commenting about that happening. It's not breaking the fourth wall. It's I've broken the fourth wall and now I'm constructing an ironic meta modern partition.

但我妈...我妈会听到这段，然后质问我：你在电子野餐节抽烟了对吧？每次我笑声嘶哑她就认定我抽烟了。我在电子野餐节真没抽烟。绝对没有。不过我确实...我大概和36个人说过话。

But my ma my ma is gonna be listening to this and she's gonna say to me, you were smoking cigarettes at electric picnic, weren't you? Every anytime I laugh, and if it sounds hoarse, she'd get onto me saying you were smoking cigarettes. I wasn't smoking cigarettes at electric picnic. I wasn't. But I was I was speaking to I'd say I must have spoken to maybe 36 people.

毫不夸张，我在电子野餐节后台起码和36人聊过天。娱乐圈的熟人、一年没见的表演者，所以嗓子是说话说哑的，社交电量也彻底耗尽了。感谢所有来看演出的人，我本应该...结果选了个迷你帐篷。

Easily, I would have had conversations with 36 people at electric picnic backstage. People in the entertainment industry, people that I know, performers who I haven't seen in a year. So my voice is hoarse from talking and my social battery is very heavily drained. And thank you to everybody who come out to Electric Picnic to see the gig. I should have done I did a fucking tiny tent.

关于野餐节的演出，我想搞个简洁的小场子。凌晨一点半开场算很早，就我和喜剧演员达里尔·布雷恩，还有之前来过播客的科学家露丝·弗里曼。但01:30的演出...

So my gig at Picnic, I wanted to do a little tidy, simple gig. It was on at half one, which is early. It was myself and Daryl Brayan, the comedian, and Ruth Freeman, who's been on the she's she was a guest on this podcast before. Ruth is a scientist. But the gig, it was on at 01:30.

帐篷只能容纳六七百人，我当时觉得这太荒谬了——谁他妈凌晨一点来看演出？小帐篷肯定够用。结果人们发来的视频里帐篷外排起长龙，很多人进不去。为此我向大家道歉。

The tent only held about six or 700 people, which I thought was crayon because I'm like, who the fuck's gonna get up and come to a gig at 01:00? It'll be fine. We can do the small tent. But then people started sending me videos and there were giant queues for the tent and people couldn't get in to see the gig. So I apologize for that.

你知道我对音乐节不太热衷，我不想熬夜，所以接了个早场演出，但明年我会换个方式，在帐篷里表演让更多人能参与。现在真的很后悔接那个早场。我都没见到那些在雨中排队来看演出的人。我道歉。

You know I'm not mad about festivals, I didn't want to be staying late, so I took an early gig, but I'll do something different next year in a tent where more people can come in. I really regret taking that. Taking the earlier gig now, I really regret it. I haven't seen the people who queued in the fucking rain to come along to the gig. I apologize.

另外，如果你们想听我在电台聊吟游诗人那些破事，可以去News Talk网站搜Sean Moncrief秀，Go Loud播放器应用上应该也有。我的访谈被做成独立片段，搜'Blind Boy Sean Moncrief秀 吟游破事'就能找到。这周播客可能主要是电话录音，因为我在Electric Picnic音乐节忙了整个周末——每次周末搞完音乐节演出，接下来那期播客总会变成电话录音，毕竟我虽然没精疲力竭但也够恍惚的。

Also, if you're interested in hearing that, my radio appearance where I spoke about bard shit, just look up the Sean Moncrief show on News Talk's website, and I think it's on the the Go Loud Player as well, which is an app. And I I think they have My Interview Is There as a little separate segment, just type Blind Boy Sean Moncrief show up bardshit that'll give you the results. I think this week's podcast is going to be a bit of a phone call because I was at a festival, I was working all weekend at Electric Picnic, and also any anytime I do a fucking festival gig at the weekend, the podcast the week after is usually a bit of a phone call because I'm so not burnt out but rattled. Disoriented. That's how I feel.

说到恍惚——我超爱这个词。Orient源自拉丁语Oriens，意为朝阳/东方。所以disoriented就是找不到东方。这种状态完美描述了我的神经多样性倦怠。你们有没有这种经历：度假时知道酒店位置，三天后脑子里就能画出周边街道地图？

Disoriented, which is I love that word. Orient comes from the Latin word Oriens, which means the rising sun, east. So when you're disoriented, you can't find east. And that experience perfectly describes the feeling of neurodivergent burnout for me. Do you know when you're on holidays and you know where your hotel is and after about day three you kind of have a mental picture of the streets around your hotel?

通常度假第三天，你就能不看手机地图走去酒吧或商店。会有种'啊我认路了'的感觉，知道酒店大门出来商店在哪个方向，市中心在那边。虽然不熟悉街道，但能感知东南西北。然后突然拐错个弯——砰！瞬间迷失方向，不知道酒店在哪，市中心在哪，彻底混乱。这就是我和36个人聊完一天后的状态。

By about day three of a holiday You can walk to the bar or the shop without needing to look at the maps on your phone. You have an idea of, ah, I feel oriented. I know that when I come out the door of this hotel, the shop is in that direction and city centre is over in that direction. You don't really know the streets but you have this, you have a feeling of north, south, east, west, you just feel it in this new city and then suddenly you turn a corner wrong or whatever and boom, you're hit with this sudden sense of a lost, a lost feeling of confusion and you don't know what direction your hotel is anymore, you don't know what direction town is, you're very confused. That's what I feel like, That's what I feel like after a good day of speaking to 36 people.

想象你在异国他乡失去方向感，盲目猜测酒店位置结果越走越迷，开始焦虑害怕，语言又不通——这就是过度刺激后自闭症倦怠的感受。连成年人最基本的自理能力：去商店、写购物清单、决定晚餐吃什么，都会在一两天内变得异常困难。

And if you're like that on holiday and you don't know you don't have your bearings and you try to guess where your hotel is and you walk, you might find yourself lost and even more confused. And then you might feel anxious and frightened and unsafe. And you'll have difficulty helping yourself and you don't speak the language. That feeling, that feeling there is what autistic burnout feels like after being overstimulated. And very simple, very simple skills of being an autonomous adult who's able to look after themselves and go to the shop and fucking write shopping lists and figure out what to eat for dinner, that shit becomes difficult for a day or two.

我的应对方法是自我关照：接纳现状，保持正念，持续关注呼吸，时刻提醒自己身在何处，感受双脚触地。接地式正念：'这就是我的所在，这就是正在发生的'。我觉察空气的凉意，云层的暗色，欧椋鸟的异常行为，气味的微妙变化。通过持续调动所有感官，确保自己不会'消失'。

So what I do is I mind myself and I mind myself by acceptance, accepting these things and mindfulness, consistent watching my breathing, reminding myself at all times where I am, noticing my feet on the ground, grounding mindfulness, this is where I am, this is what's happening. I notice the coldness in the air, I notice the darkness of the clouds. I notice that the starlings are behaving differently. I notice that the air smells differently. Consistently checking in with every single one of my senses, so that I don't fade away.

我通过当下时刻重新定位自己。早上窗外有冲击钻施工，噪音大得让我担心：'妈的这种噪音怎么录播客？'后来发现窗户PVC框有个小裂缝——

I reorient myself through the present moment and the here and now. There were jackhammers outside my window earlier on, and they were making loads of noise and just workmen doing some work somewhere in the city. And it was really noisy and loud. And I was worried. I was like, fuck it.

注意到裂缝是因为当时边听冲击钻边骂街，突然发现有只黄蜂。我住四楼，这只九月黄蜂正试图从裂缝钻进来——它们这个季节就这德行。

How am I gonna record the podcast with jackhammers? That's not a not a pleasant noise at all. And then I noticed there was actually a tiny hole in my window. It's a PVC window, but it had obviously been forced at some point. And there was a tiny little opening where sound was getting in.

可怜的老黄蜂啊。窗外那只想钻裂缝的黄蜂，整个夏天都住在蜂巢里，它的工作是寻找肉类鱼类蛋白质——因为黄蜂是分解者，整个夏天它都在给巢里的幼虫喂食。

And the reason I noticed the opening was while I was listening to that jackhammer going, fuck it. I can't record a podcast with a jackhammer. There was a wasp. There was a wasp outside the window and I'm up on the like the Fourth Floor. There was a Conti September wasp trying to get in my window because that's how they conduct themselves at this time of year.

（注：此处保留原文叙事完整性，末句作为前文黄蜂观察的延续，未作拆分以保持生物行为描述的连贯性）

Poor old wasps. You see that wasp outside my window who was trying to come in the hole in my window, because he was buzzing around outside and he was trying to come in the hole in my window. That wasp, he spent the entire summer, the entire summer living in a wasp nest. And his job was to feed protein like bits of meat, fish, whatever the wasp could find. His job, because wasps are decomposers, this wasps job all summer was to feed protein to a little larvae, a grub in its nest.

当黄蜂将肉和蛋白质喂给幼虫时，幼虫会排泄出一种甜味糖分物质，这就是黄蜂的食物。但到了九月，幼虫已经不见了。那只被黄蜂喂养的幼虫已成长为成年黄蜂，交配后便离开了巢穴。所以现在那个想钻进我窗户洞的可怜家伙实际上正在慢慢饿死。

And when the wasp gives the the meat and the protein to this larvae, the larvae excretes a sweet sugary substance and that's what the wasp eats. But by September now the larva is gone. The larva that that wasp has been feeding, that larva has grown into an adult wasp and it's after fucking off it's gone. It's gone from the colony. So now the poor fucker who was trying to get in the hole in my window is actually slowly starving to death.

那只黄蜂失去了食物来源，尤其是糖分来源——因为它一生都在吃从幼虫那里获得的甜味分泌物，而它给幼虫喂食肉类。现在这些‘肉宝宝’都不见了。它想钻进我窗户是因为我办公室里有一堆熟透的香蕉，它在外头闻到了味道。

That wasp has lost its food source. It's lost its source of sugar specifically because it's spent its life eating this real sweet sugary shit that it gets out of babies that it gives meat to. And now the meat babies are gone. So he was trying to get in my window because I don't know I had bananas. I had a bunch of fairly fucking ripe bananas in my office.

它就在外面，能闻到香蕉味，拼命想钻过那个小洞。我只听见外面冲击钻的噪音——妈的，这种环境下怎么录播客？我该怎么办？

He was outside. He could smell them. He was trying to get in that little hole. All I could hear was the jackhammer outside going, I can't record a podcast with a fucking jackhammer outside. What am I gonna do?

我能怎么办？我得把那个洞堵上。黄蜂想钻的窗户洞，冲击钻噪音传进来的洞，必须填掉。用什么填呢？最近我读到一门叫‘仿生学’的科学领域。

What am I gonna do? I'm gonna need to fill that hole. That hole in the window that the wasp wants to get in, that the jackhammer noise is getting in, I'm gonna have to fill that hole. What am I gonna fill that hole with? And I've been reading about a field of science called biomimetics.

就是通过模仿动物行为来解决问题。比如1995年，有位安德鲁·帕克教授——那时《侏罗纪公园》上映刚一年。记得电影开头吗？琥珀里困住的蚊子。

It's where you try and find solutions to problems by mimicking the behavior of animals. Like in 1995, there was this professor, professor, Andrew Parker was his name. Right? And so this is 1995, about a year after Jurassic Park. And if you remember Jurassic Park, remember it starts with mosquitoes trapped in amber.

化石化的蚊子困在琥珀里。《侏罗纪公园》后，人们对内含昆虫的琥珀兴趣暴增。某博物馆办了场琥珀展——琥珀是树汁化石化的产物，有时昆虫会被困在其中。这位帕克教授参观时，盯着琥珀里一只4500万年前的苍蝇看了很久。

Fossilized mosquitoes trapped in amber. So after Jurassic Park, an interest exploded in in fossilized amber with insects inside. So there was this exhibition of amber in a museum. Amber, if you don't know, it's when the sap of a tree fossilizes, and sometimes an insect gets trapped inside that sticky sap, but it fossilizes over millions of years. So there was this fucking exhibition of of amber in a museum anyway, and this professor Andrew Parker went along and he saw he stared at a 45,000,000 year old fly stuck inside amber.

博物馆提供了放大镜，他能近距离观察这只困在琥珀里的远古苍蝇。当他用放大镜看苍蝇眼睛时，发现了一种奇特结构——表面布满精细的凹凸纹路。帕克教授开始思考：这些纹路必定有其作用。

But there was a magnifying glass there in the museum so he could go real. He could pull the magnifying glass up to this fly, this 45,000,000 year old fly that was stuck in the amber. He could hold the magnifying glass up to it, and he looked at the the fly's eyes. He saw, like, a really unusual structure in the fly's eyes. Like, up close, there was these really fine ridges and grooves and professor Parker started to wonder, but they must be there for a reason.

于是他在实验室里建模还原苍蝇眼睛，用光线照射后发现：那些纹路能促使光线穿透而非反射。这是苍蝇特有的适应机制——让它们能从各角度吸收光线，从而具备暗视能力。这个进化设计如此高效，以至于4500万年来自然选择都未作改动。而正是这个发现，后来彻底革新了太阳能电池板技术。

So then he he built a model of the the fly's eyes in a laboratory and shone light into the model and found that the ridges on a fly's eyes encourage light to pass through it rather than reflect. And it's a very specific, specific adaptation that flies have to soak light up that comes in from all various angles because it allows the fly to then see in the dark. And this is such an efficient adaptation that the flies have that they've had it for forty five million fucking years and nature hasn't even come in and changed it. That's how good it is. But the point is that little observation about the flies eyes building the model and understanding how the fly's eye responds to light that then revolutionized solar panels.

这让太阳能板的效能大幅提升。这就是仿生学——通过观察自然界的生物或现象来解决问题。现在我回到办公室，看着窗户上那个小洞，听着外面的冲击钻声，还有那只正在发疯的九月黄蜂——我讲过九月黄蜂的特性。

That made solar panels a lot more powerful than they had been beforehand. And that's biomimetics where you look at an animal or processes in nature to try and solve problems. So I'm back in my office and there's that tiny little hole in my window. And I can hear the jackhammers outside, and the wasp is acting like a prick to doing September wasp stuff. I've spoken about September wasps.

它们并非天生攻击性强，只是快饿死了。它们失去了食物来源。

They're aggressive. They're not aggressive. It's just they're starving. They're starving to death. They've lost their food source.

而人类呢，我们总喜欢以饮料或香水的形式摄入糖分，它们只会问‘我能吃吗？’——这就是它们的全部追求。但那只黄蜂当时在窗外。所以我在想，我该怎么填补那个洞？

And humans, we just tend to have sugar in the form of drinks or perfumes and they're just please can I eat? That's what they're doing. Okay? But the wasp was outside the window. So I'm like how am I gonna fill that hole?

我该如何填补那个洞？然后我开始思考黄蜂会怎么做。纸。纸。为什么我不能像黄蜂那样去填补那个洞？

How will I fill that hole? And then I started thinking what would a wasp do? Paper. Paper. Why can't I fill that hole like a wasp would fill that hole?

讽刺的是，我手边这个前置放大器自带限制器和噪声门，这套设备本应消除——比方说远处电钻的噪音。明白吗？这就是它的功能。你现在可能也注意到了，雨正敲打着屋顶，每次我说话时你们都能听到细微的沙沙声。

Now ironically my preamp that I have here, it has a limiter on it and a gate on it and this is the piece of equipment that's supposed to drown out we'll say the noise of a distant jackhammer. Right? That's what this piece of equipment does. You might even notice it now. It's raining on my roof and every time I speak you probably hear a little crispy, crystally noise.

那是雨声，而当我沉默时设备就会切断声音。于是，我抓起了那本纸质说明书——我桌上有本四开大小的前置放大器手册——我撕下一页开始咀嚼。像黄蜂那样认真地咀嚼这该死的纸。像黄蜂一样。

That's the rain and then it cuts the sound out when I'm not talking. So, I reached for the the manual. The paper a four manual of my preamp was on my desk and I ripped open, ripped off a page from this manual and started chewing it. Proper chewing this fucking paper like a wasp. Like a wasp.

黄蜂会分解朽木，它们啃咬咀嚼旧木材，将其变成他妈的纸来筑巢。我当时就在用说明书这么干，我那台前置放大器的说明书。我嚼烂大量纸浆，像筑蜂巢般狠狠塞进那个洞——居然奏效了。黄蜂进不来，我也听不到该死的电钻声了。现在雨下得很大。

Wasps. Wasps decompose old wood, they go to old wood, they bite it, they chew it and they make that into fucking paper and that's how they build their nests. I was doing this with the manual, the manual for my preamp And I chewed a load of paper and and stuck it into the hole like a wasp's nest, really jammed it in there and it worked. The wasp couldn't get in and I couldn't hear the noise of the fucking jackhammer. It's raining heavily now.

让我们放进来一点雨声吧。我想说明的是，当我经历倦怠期、过度刺激或社交电量不足时，还需要警惕自己容易产生怪异行为。因为我刚才描述的举动简直疯狂。‘先生您这是在干什么？’‘哦？我在嚼这本说明书啊’

Let's just let a little bit little bit of the rain sound in. The point I'm trying to make is the other thing I have to be mindful of when it comes to experiencing a bit of burnout or over stimulation or low social battery is I can have a propensity towards eccentric behavior during these times. Because what I just described to you there is fucking mad. I'm sorry sir, what are you doing? Oh what am I doing?

‘就是嚼嚼这本说明书而已，因为窗户上有个洞’‘为什么要这样做？’‘因为黄蜂就是这么干的’‘哦，是吗’

Oh I'm just chewing up this manual here. I'm just chewing up this manual here because there's a hole in the window. Why are you doing that? Well, that's what wasps do. Oh, yeah.

‘你学黄蜂干什么？’‘因为有只黄蜂想钻进来，我在模仿它们筑巢的方式，所以嚼这本说明书’

What are doing with a wasp does? Because there's a wasp trying to get in. I'm copying the wasps. This is how they build nests. So I'm chewing this manual.

‘这正常吗？’‘不。不。这很古怪。一点儿都不正常’

Is that okay? No. No. That's odd. That's not okay at all.

‘这违背社会常理。明明有更好的解决办法，比如买点蓝丁胶’

That's socially unacceptable. There's a better solution. There's better solutions. Alright? I could have bought some Blu Tack.

我本不必咀嚼我的手册还试图用它做个黄蜂窝塞子。要是被人看见，他们会嘲笑我。我会成为笑柄。我会蒙羞。这会加剧我的社交焦虑。

I didn't have to chew my manual and and try and make a wasp's nest plug out of it. If someone had seen that, they'd laugh at me. I'd be a subject of ridicule. I'd be a subject of shame. It would increase my social anxiety.

我会得到个绰号。他们会叫我黄蜂。要是你这么做，他们也会叫你黄蜂。当时没人看见，但我自己看见了。我发现自己正在羞辱自己。

I'd get a nickname. They'd call me the wasp. They would, they'd call you the wasp if you did that. There was no one around to see it, but I was around to see it. And I found myself shaming myself.

我发现自己正在羞辱自己。我发现自己对自己有点苛刻。你为什么不能正常点？你他妈为什么就不能正常点？你为什么要那么做？

I found myself shaming myself. I found myself being a bit hard on myself. Why can't you be normal? Why the fuck can't you be normal? Why'd you have to do that?

你能不能...你到底有什么毛病？你为何就是无法阻止自己，还想着——仅仅因为黄蜂会造纸巢，不代表你该尝试吃掉一张A4纸来造黄蜂窝，懂吗？我在羞辱自己，为之前每次类似行为以及遭受的嘲笑而羞辱自己。那基本就是我整个学生时代的写照。明白吗？

Could you what is wrong with you? What's wrong with you that you couldn't stop yourself and go, just because wasps make paper nests doesn't mean that it's a good idea for you to try and eat an A four sheet of paper and make a wasp's nest, okay? And I was shaming myself, I was shaming myself for every time before that I've done something like that and experienced being laughed at, being laughed at. That was most of my time in school. Alright?

因为做了疯狂的事而被指指点点和嘲笑。我知道这很滑稽。我明白这很有趣。我能在播客里讲述这件事，说明我理解其中的幽默和故事性，但我不喜欢这样。不喜欢是因为这并非选择问题——当我大脑中本应阻止我说'别傻了，别嚼纸了，认真点'的那部分功能失效时，好奇心就会脱缰，最终导致怪异行为。

Being pointed at and laughed at because you've done something mad. I'm aware that it's funny. I know it's funny. I'm I'm telling you about it on my podcast, I can see that that is humorous and a good story, but I also don't like it. I don't like it because it's not that it's not a choice, but when I have, when I experience bar note, the part of my brain that should step in and go no no no that's ridiculous come on be serious you're not chewing paper be serious that bit's gone that bit's gone and the curiosity is then untethered untethered curiosity And then the end result is doing something eccentric.

而当你做出怪异举动时，就会招致社交排斥、嘲笑和羞耻。这次是我自己排斥嘲笑自己，然后体验羞耻。怪异行为是神经多样性人群试图满足需求时的表现。所以我现在练习接纳——接纳自己的这些特质。

And then when you do something eccentric, that invites social rejection and ridicule, and then shame. And in this case, I socially rejected and ridiculed myself, and then experienced shame. Eccentricity is what happens when neurodivergent people are trying to meet their needs. So what I'm working on is acceptance. Accepting these things about myself.

这不坏，不刻薄，不伤害任何人，也非故意伤人。唯一的受害者就是出丑的我，仅此而已。所以学着接纳这些特质。我曾有位曾曾姨婆绰号叫'马'，她本名是玛吉恩，其实就是玛格丽特。

It's not bad, it's not mean, it doesn't hurt anyone, it's not intended to hurt anybody. The only victim is me looking silly, that's it. So learning to accept these things about myself. I had a great great gran aunt whose nickname was the horse. Her real name was Magine, which it's Margaret.

是玛格丽特，但如果你母亲也叫玛格丽特，你就叫玛吉恩。她是我母亲那边的曾曾姨婆或远房表亲。关于她为何被称为'马'的故事大约发生在1910年。当时玛吉恩是个寡妇，丈夫因故去世。

It's Margaret, but it's if your mother is also called Margaret, you were called Magine. And she's she's like great great grand aunt or or possibly just distant cousin on my ma's side. And the story of why she was called the horse was this would have been around probably 1910. So, Magine, she was a widow. Her husband had died for whatever reason.

她是个年轻的寡妇，有个十几岁的儿子。玛吉恩来自蒂珀雷里的穷乡僻壤，1910年那会儿她是在茅草石屋里长大的。因为守寡且要抚养儿子，她必须挣钱。

She was a youngish widow, and she had a little son who was a teenager. Now, Magine was from, I think, like rural Tipperary, quite poor. This is 1910, so, like, she'd literally grown up in a stone hut with a thatched roof. She grew up in mud. Because she was a widow, because she had a teenage son, she had to earn money.

在爱尔兰挣不到钱，所以1910年左右玛吉恩带着儿子移民曼彻斯特，去富人家里当女佣。这很艰难——三十多岁的寡妇带着13岁的帕特里克，她除了做女佣别无技能。

She had to earn money and this wasn't possible in Ireland. So, Magine and her son, she emigrated to Manchester. She went to Manchester around 1910, 1911 to go and work as a maid, to work as a maid in a wealthy person's house in Manchester. Now this would have been difficult because Magine was a widow, she'd have been in her thirties and then her son, let's just call him Patrick, he's about 13. So she's like I'm qualified in nothing, I'm qualified to be a maid.

我知道爱尔兰女性可以找到女佣的工作，但我必须找一份能同时雇佣我儿子的工作，这样我们俩才能住在这户人家里。于是她带着儿子去了曼彻斯特一个叫维多利亚公园的地方。那里很豪华，有大型的维多利亚式和乔治亚式房屋。她挨家挨户敲门询问：'我是从爱尔兰来的女人，有个儿子，我会努力工作，您需要女佣吗？'

I know that Irish women can get jobs as maids but I'm gonna have to get a job in a house that will also give a job to my son so that the two of us can live in this house. So she goes to a park in Manchester called Victoria Park. It was posh, big Victorian houses, Georgian houses. And she goes knocking door to door with her son. You know, I'm I'm look I'm a woman from Ireland, I've got a son, I'll work hard, do you need a maid?

她挨家挨户地问，终于有户人家表示：'是的，我们确实需要帮手。我们非常需要帮助，也可以收留你儿子，没问题。我们马厩正好需要个年轻小伙。'原来这栋豪宅后面还有个马厩养马。玛吉娜欣喜若狂。

She goes door to door until eventually one house is like, yeah, we need a we we actually really need help. We really need help and we'll take your son as well, no problem. We actually need a young fella to work out in the stables. So this house was so big that it had a stables at the back for the horses. So Magine is thrilled.

她不仅在这座豪华大宅当上了女佣，还能和13岁的儿子一起住在仆人房。现在母子俩都有了工作——要知道在1910年（也可能是1911年），爱尔兰穷人家的14岁孩子根本不可能上学。女主人给了玛吉娜水桶和拖把，要求她清洗上下楼所有地板。玛吉娜老老实实擦完一楼，正准备上二楼时——

Not only does she have work in this big fancy house as a maid, but she's living with her son, her 13 year old son in the servants quarters and now both of them are living together, she has work, he has work, like he's 14, he's not in fucking school, not an Irish kid in 1910, he's not in school or 1911 whenever it was. So, she begins her work anyway and they give her a bucket and a pail and the woman of the house says to Magine, I want you to wash all the floors downstairs and upstairs. So, Magine takes the bucket and pail and goes alright fair enough, okay. So, she washes the floors on the First Floor and then when she's finished she's like right I gotta do the Second Floor now. So, in the house is a big huge staircase leading up to the Second Floor and Maggie walks over with her bucket and pail to the staircase, and then it hits her.

她在蒂珀雷里乡下的泥屋长大，极度贫困的环境让她从未见过楼梯。1910年突然来到曼彻斯特之前，这个成年女人连两层的房子都没见过，更别说走楼梯了。

She grew up in rural Tipperary, in like effectively a mud hut, like extreme poverty of rural Tipperary and she'd never seen a staircase. She'd never seen a person walking up a staircase. She'd seen people using ladders but she'd never been confronted with a fucking staircase in a two story house cause this is 1910 temporary now all of a sudden she's in Manchester. She'd never walked up a flight of fucking stairs ever. Adult woman.

于是她四肢着地，提着水桶慢慢往上爬，边爬边琢磨怎么使用楼梯。这时男主人（好像是个律师）进门看见这一幕，顿时爆笑起来。他还叫来妻子和孩子，全家人对着这个四肢爬楼梯的爱尔兰女佣哄堂大笑，说她像匹马，从此就管她叫'马儿'。

So, she gets the bucket and pail and she goes down on all fours and she climbs up the staircase on all fours really slowly because she's trying to figure it out as she goes along. So she's climbing up the stairs real slowly and as she does that, the fellow who owns the house, the barrister or whatever he was, he walks in the door and looks and starts roaring laughing at her. Roaring laughing at the Irish one, the maid who is climbing up the stairs on all fours. And he gets his wife in and he gets his kids in and they are all roaring laughing because she is like a horse. She is like a horse and then they name her the horse.

'用四肢爬楼梯的马儿玛吉娜'。玛吉娜又羞又怕，觉得肯定要丢工作了——好不容易和儿子帕特里克在曼彻斯特安顿下来，就因为她不会走楼梯全毁了。不过她最终保住了工作，其实这家人心地还不错。

Magine the horse who climbs up the stairs on all fours. And Magine is terrified now. Magine is like she feels awful, she's embarrassed and as far as she's concerned she's gonna lose her job. She's now, she thought she had it fucking sorted herself and her little son Patrick have got jobs in this house in Manchester and now it's all gonna be gone because she fucked up she climbed up the stairs on all fours and now they're caught under the horse. But she didn't lose her job and it turns out that the the family they were kind of sound.

这家人渐渐喜欢上玛吉娜母子。帕特里克在后院马厩干活，几个月过去，他们总算在曼彻斯特富人区的维多利亚大宅里安了家。但圣诞节时，那个律师男主人又犯浑了——每次来客人就喊'把马儿叫来'，然后让玛吉娜当众表演爬楼梯，还嘲笑说'看看这个像马一样爬楼梯的爱尔兰蠢货'。

They started to like Magine and her son Patrick, and Patrick was working out the back in the stables, cleaning up the stables, and months passed and they had a life for themselves now. They had a life for themselves living and working in this big Victorian house in a posh part of Manchester, a roof over their heads. Then Christmas time comes and the barrister fellow who owns the house, now he might have been a bit of a prick because whenever anyone would visit he would say get the horse, where's the horse? Referring to Magine and he'd bring Magine down and just every visitor that came he'd say do you know this woman tried to climb up the fucking stairs on all fours like a horse? Did you know that?

玛吉娜只能忍气吞声。那年圣诞节，男主人居然买了匹马送给小帕特里克学骑术。15岁的男孩欣喜若狂——天啊！圣诞礼物是匹马！但不幸的是，那匹马被取名为'玛吉娜'。

Fucking Irish. And she had to put up with it. But one Christmas anyway, the man of the house actually buys young Patrick a horse, buys young Patrick a horse so that he can learn to ride. And young Patrick is thrilled, he's like 15 now, fucking thrilled, my god a horse for Christmas, I'm gonna learn to ride, I get to ride the horse around Manchester? Now unfortunately the the barrister who owns the house he named the horse Magine.

于是帕特里克虽然有了马，却不得不骑一匹以他母亲命名的马——就因为她当年四肢着地爬楼梯。不过他们还算满足，毕竟比1910年蒂珀雷里的寡妇生活强多了。帕特里克每天练习骑术，装备都是那个律师给的（1910年曼彻斯特的骑具叫什么来着？）。后来有次在鹅卵石路上——

So now Patrick he does have a horse but he he has to ride a horse that's named after his ma because his ma tried to climb a flight of stairs on all fours. But still they're happy. It's better than being stuck back in fucking tip in 1910 in poverty as a widow as a widow who can't work back in Ireland. More months pass and now Patrick on his time off gets to practice on Magine the horse every single day and he gets good at riding and he has the reins and the fucking barrister got him proper horse clothes, I don't know what they're called, riding chaps, I don't know it's 1910 in Manchester. Long story short, Patrick took the horse out onto an area that was very heavily cobbled.

马匹失足跌倒，帕特里克的腿被压得粉碎性骨折，最后不得不截肢。玛吉娜心都碎了——从贫困中挣扎出来，早年丧夫的她，现在可怜的小儿子又失去了腿。

The horse fell, Patrick fell as well and then Magine the horse fell on Patrick's leg and broke it so badly and irreparably that Patrick had to have his leg amputated. He's got one leg now. And for now of course Magine is fucking heartbroken. She's gone from poverty. She's already devastated because her poor little son lost his father at a young age.

她曾如此欣喜他们成功来到曼彻斯特谋生，看着他成长为骑马少年，本可能有一番作为，或许能抓住机会，如今却只剩一条腿。失去一条腿让她心碎不已。纯粹是厄运使然。最糟的是帕特里克再也不能工作。他无法继续在马厩打零工，不能打扫，搬不动东西，彻底失去了劳动能力，玛吉恩因此陷入恐慌。

She was so happy that they managed to come to Manchester to get a life, that he was developing into a young man riding a horse, he might have a fucking shot, he might have a chance and now he's got one fucking leg. A leg amputated and her heart is absolutely broken. Just the sheer bad luck of it all. And worst of all Patrick couldn't work anymore. He couldn't do the bits and pieces that he was doing out in the stables, couldn't clean up, he couldn't lift things, he wasn't any use as a worker anymore so Magine was terrified.

天啊，他们现在要赶我们走了吗？帕特里克不能干活了，留着我们有什么用？幸好那位律师和他的家人都很善良。他们确实心善，没打算因为小伙子不幸失去腿就把玛吉恩母子赶出家门。于是他们得以继续住下，玛吉恩照常工作，帕特里克则获得食宿且无需劳作。更难得的是，律师提议让这年轻人接受教育——毕竟他早在爱尔兰就辍学了。他们请了家庭教师每日辅导帕特里克读写，好让他日后能跟同龄人一起上学。

Oh my god are we are they going to kick us out now? Patrick can't work, what's the point? But luckily the barrister, the family, they they seemed to be kind people. They were kind people and they weren't gonna kick Magine and her son out on the street and fire him because of something as unfortunate as the young fella losing his leg. So Magine and Patrick got to stay in the house, Magine still worked and Patrick got room and board and nothing was asked of him and even better than that the barrister was like well let's try and get this young man an education because he quit school very very young back in Ireland so he hired a private tutor who would come every day and help Patrick to read and write so that eventually he could go to school but lads his own age.

失去腿固然不幸，但至少现在他能接受教育，运气似乎开始好转。又过了一年，时间该是1915或1916年，一战爆发后英国出台了《国家登记法案》，要求所有适龄男子登记应征，准备被送上该死的战场。这时的帕特里克大概十五六岁。但当时爱尔兰人免于征兵——因为爱尔兰本土正闹得不可开交。英国在英格兰、苏格兰和威尔士推行征兵制三个月后，爱尔兰就爆发了1916年复活节起义。

So bad luck he's after losing a leg that's terrible but now at least he's receiving an education now the luck is coming up again. And another year passes and it must have been 1915, 1916 because world war one has kicked off and this thing comes in called the National Registration Act, where basically every every man of fighting age in Britain had to register for conscription to be sent to the fucking trenches of World War one. Now Patrick at this point, he's I think it's 1516. But the thing is, during World War one Irish people were not conscripted because of the fucking shit kicking off back in Ireland. Like when when Britain introduced conscription in England, Scotland, and Wales, three months after that the nineteen sixteen rising happens in Ireland.

局势动荡让英国不敢捅马蜂窝，所以爱尔兰人无需参加一战。玛吉和帕特里克在曼彻斯特的豪宅里过着安稳日子，心想'反正我们是爱尔兰人'。

Like shit is really kicking off. So the Brits didn't wanna fucking poke that hornet's nest. So, Irish people were not conscripted to World War one. So, Maggie and Patrick are in Manchester in this big fancy house and they're not really thinking about it. They're going sure sure I'm Irish.

爱尔兰人不用服役。但正因为律师家主为帕特里克安排了教育计划，使他被纳入系统。某天门口送来一封写着帕特里克名字的信，命令他报到受训，即将被派往一战战场为国效力，注定要葬身索姆河。玛吉恩的心再次被撕碎——他们竟要带走她的小儿子。生活刚有起色，她原以为未来可期...

Irish people don't get conscripted. But because the barrister, because the man of the house had begun steps for Patrick to be educated and to eventually join school that put Patrick into the system. And a letter comes in the door with Patrick's name on it, basically saying report for training, you are shipping off, being sent to fight for your country in World War one, are going to go die in the Somme. And Magine's heart is ripped out of her chest again, they're going to take her son, they're going to take her little son away. Things were looking up, she was happy, she thought there was a future.

接下来是整整一周的绝望煎熬，直到帕特里克必须去征兵处报到的日子。谁都知道上了前线当炮灰就回不来了。当他们带着文件来到征兵处，军官点名'帕特里克·克兰西'（其实他不姓这个，暂且这么叫），拄着拐杖的帕特里克蹒跚上前。军官打量后说：'抱歉这信发错了，我们不要独腿的，回去吧。'

So there's about a week of absolute misery and pain, and then the day comes where Patrick has to go to the recruiting office, basically to be sent away for training, and they knew, they knew no one comes back. Being sent to the front fucking lines as cannon fodder, no one's coming back. So when they go to the recruiting office, he's got his papers, Your man calls up Patrick Clancy, his name wasn't Clancy, let's say Clancy for the crack. Patrick Clancy, any Patrick Clancy here? And Magine is there and Patrick is there, and Patrick hobbles up to the army officer in his crutches, and the army officer looks at him and says, oh I'm sorry you shouldn't have gotten this letter, we can't use anybody but one leg, bye bye.

他们欢天喜地回家，玛吉恩得以在那宅子里安度余生。那家人待她极好，几乎视如亲人。帕特里克后来成了曼彻斯特的独腿律师，算是我远房表亲。他真名不叫帕特里克，但我记不清了——这故事里只有玛吉恩的名字千真万确，人们都叫她'马儿'。

And they went home happy and Magaine got to live the rest of her life living in that house. They were very very kind to her and then they took her in as almost a family member and Patrick then went on. I think he became a solicitor, he became a one legged solicitor over in Manchester. He was like a second or third cousin of mine. His name wasn't Patrick, I can't remember his fucking name, this is a story I heard but her name was definitely Magine and she was called the horse.

叫她'马儿玛吉恩'是因为她四肢着地爬楼梯。为什么讲这个故事？我母亲从小给我讲这个。每次听完我都想：万一她是自愿当马呢？万一是玛吉恩自己的选择呢？

Magine the horse because she climbed up the stairs on all fours. Now why am I telling you that story? Because My ma has been telling me that story since I'm a kid. And every time she's been telling me this story, I'd say to myself, what if she wanted to be a horse? What if that was Magine's choice?

万一不是呢？'可怜人从没见过楼梯'——才怪！万一玛吉恩就想当匹该死的马呢？万一她本会正常上楼，却偏想体验马儿爬楼梯的感觉，结果被人撞见嘲笑了呢？

What if what if it wasn't? Oh, the poor woman, the poor woman had never seen a set of stairs. No. What if Magine wanted to be a fucking horse? What if she knew how to climb stairs, but for whatever reason she said, I wonder what it's like to climb these stairs like a horse would climb it in all fours, and then she got caught and was laughed at.

我们永远无从知晓。两百年后，我的后代会不会也这样谈论：'唉，你们可怜的曾叔公当年做播客时总像黄蜂嚼纸，还爱用纸糊窗缝，大家都叫他黄蜂佬。'

We'll never know. And in two hundred years is one of my descendants gonna be talking about, oh, I'd erratic if your poor old poor grand uncle had a podcast and he used to chew paper like a wasp. He'd plug holes in windows. The wasp they used to call him. The wasp.

办公室里的人会嘲笑他。我想我告诉你这个故事，是因为它是个关于接纳的绝佳例子——接纳生活充满苦难，生活本身就是苦难。玛吉、玛吉恩和帕特里克经历了太多苦难，许多可怕的事情发生，但最终她一路应对了所有，并积极回应每件事，尽管饱受痛苦，她还是活到了高龄，有屋檐遮头，儿子也成了曼彻斯特一位独腿律师。

They'd laugh at him in the office. I suppose I'm telling you that story because it's a wonderful story about accepting. About accepting that life is full of suffering. That life is suffering. Maggie, Magine and Patrick had a lot of suffering, lot of terrible things happened, but at the end of the day she coped with everything along the way and she responded to everything proactively, despite the misery she got to live to be a ripe old age with a roof over her head and her son became a one legged solicitor in Manchester.

我们无法试图创造确定性。你创造不了确定性。生活就像过山车，用伟大的罗南·基廷的话说，你只能坐上去。我发现每年的这个时候最适合练习接纳，因为外面糟透了。灰暗阴郁，树叶即将凋零，椋鸟即将消失，一切都会变成奇怪的深蓝色。天气会变冷。

We can't try to create certainty. You can't create certainty. Life is a roller coaster, you just gotta ride it, to quote the great Ronan Keating, and I find that this time of year is wonderful for acceptance, because it's horrible outside. It's gray and bleak and the leaves are about to fall off trees and the starlings are going to disappear and everything is going to become a strange shitty shade of navy. It's gonna get cold.

傍晚四点半天就会黑。鸟粪会被那些腐烂时散发怪异奶酪味的湿滑落叶取代。黄蜂即将死亡。寒冬将至。冬之女神会让树木光秃。

It'll be getting dark at half four in the evening. The bard shit will be replaced by slippy leaves that have that strange cheesy tang as they decay. The wasps are gonna die. The kylock is coming. The goddess of winter is gonna strip the trees bare.

你的心理健康会受影响，因为，因为，因为会有点阴郁不是吗？当冬天悄然来临，保持积极和享受生活很艰难。当你感受到我们现在这样的初寒迹象，不能再穿T恤了。我今天指关节的疼痛提醒我该考虑骑车戴手套了，但我不打算抗拒任何这些。我无法改变什么，我会接纳它。当你接纳冬天，接纳冬日的来临，接纳渐暗的黄昏，当你接纳它们并尝试观察时，美会像抓挠杰克罗素犬生虫的直肠的地毯般在你面前展开。

Your mental health is gonna suffer because it's just, it's, it's, it's gonna get a bit bleak isn't it? It's tough staying positive and enjoying life when winter is creeping upon us. When you have like what we have right now those first few little signs of that chill in the air, no more t shirts. I have to start thinking about gloves on my bicycle now I knew that today by the pain in my knuckles, but I'm not going to resist any of it. I can't change any of this, I'm going to accept it, and when you accept winter and, and the coming of winter and you accept the darkening evenings, when you accept them and just try to notice them, the beauty will unfurl in front of you like a carpet scratching at Jack Russell's wormy rectum.

秋冬很美，因为没有它们就没有春夏。它们都是同一循环的部分。杰克罗素犬不会跳到你腿上求抚摸，除非先挠过它的屁股。好吧，来个陶笛停顿。但我没带陶笛。

Autumn and winter are beautiful because summer and spring wouldn't exist without them. They're all part of the same cycle. Jack Russell isn't gonna jump up on your lap looking for rubs unless his arse is scratched first. Okay let's have an ocarina pause. I don't have my ocarina.

别纠结这个。我有个空酸奶杯。其实不是酸奶，是Kevark，市场定位是酸奶但技术上算软奶酪。我挺喜欢当零食吃。来，我们撕开Kevarg上的锡纸，然后你会听到些垃圾广告。

Let's not get into that. I've got an empty yogurt pot. Well not yogurt specifically, Kevark which is it's marketed as a yogurt but technically it's a type of soft cheese. I quite enjoy it as a snack. So yeah let's crinkle a bit of tinfoil off the top of some kevarg and you'll hear adverts for shit.

这就是皱巴巴的Kevarg停顿时间。本播客的赞助来自听众您，通过Patreon页面patreon.com/theblindbitepodcast。如果你喜欢这播客，无论它带给你欢笑、娱乐、分心还是什么，请考虑直接支持。这是我的全职工作，我靠此谋生、租办公室、付账单。这播客能存在全靠听众资助，正因如此我每周都会出现，哪怕刚参加完音乐节没时间研究，或精疲力尽时——除非我从马背摔下压断腿，否则每周他妈都有新节目。

That was the crinkly kevarg pause. Support for this podcast comes from you the listener via the Patreon page patreon.com/theblindbitepodcast. If you enjoy this podcast, if it brings you mirth, merriment, entertainment, distraction, whatever it does, please consider supporting this podcast directly. This is my full time job, this is how I earn a living, this is how I rent out my office, it's how I pay my bills. This podcast is possible because it's listener funded, Because it's listener funded that's why I show up each week even when I've been at a festival and haven't had much time to research and when I'm burnt out there will be a podcast each fucking week unless I fall off a horse and have my leg crushed.

我无比感恩，每天都会反思这份幸运——能把热爱的事当工作是多么幸运，我痴迷于此，所以坚持了八年。这一切只因赞助者存在，patreon.com/theblindbitepodcast，只需每月一杯啤酒或咖啡的钱。如果负担不起也没关系，免费收听就好，因为付费者正是在为免费听众买单，所有人听到的内容完全一样，而我能以此维生。新用户请别用iPhone应用注册Patreon，苹果会抽成30%，用电脑或手机浏览器注册。也别选免费会员，用金钱注册（如果可以的话），因为免费会员只会让Patreon获取你的数据。几周后9月23日周二有Vicar Street演出。

I'm unbelievably grateful and every single day I reflect on gratitude, I reflect on that gratitude of how fortunate I am that I get to have this as my fucking job because I love doing it, I adore it and that's why I've been doing it for eight years. This is only possible because of patrons, so patreon.com/theblindbitepodcast all I'm looking for is the price of a pint or a cup of coffee once a month that's it and if you can't afford it don't worry about it you listen for free listen for free because the person who's paying is paying for you to listen for free everybody gets the exact same podcast I get to earn a living. If you are signing up for Patreon don't do it on the iPhone app if you're new because Apple will take 30%, do it on desktop or on a browser on your phone and also don't sign up as a free member, sign up using money if that's okay because when you sign up as a free member Patreon just gets your data, you don't get anything from that. Upcoming gigs in a couple of weeks we've got Vicar Street which is a Tuesday night gig on the September 23 that's only a few weeks away.

Vicar Street场次几乎售罄，可能只剩最后30张票。所以如果你想来看Vicar Street演出（别因周二晚上而却步），我特意选没人要的工作日——事实上我是少数能在周二晚卖光Vicar Street的演员，因为多数人演出时你想狂欢喝酒，而我的播客像看电影或戏剧，周二晚来Vicar Street听完，你能准时回家睡觉准备次日工作，甚至不会想喝一杯。

Vicar Street is very nearly sold out. We're literally down to maybe the last 30 tickets. So if you are thinking about coming to the Vicar Street gig which is a choose and don't be put off by it being a Tuesday night gig, I deliberately pick, I deliberately pick the nights that nobody else wants, deliberately. I'm actually, I'm one of the few acts that can sell out Vicar Street on a Tuesday night because a lot of other acts if they're putting their gigs on it's you want to have a night out you want to have a few fucking drinks you might want to go mad whereas with my podcast I put it on on a Tuesday night because you're not going to go mad at my podcast this is like going to the cinema or going to see a play. You can go to my podcast in Vicar Street on a Tuesday and you'll be home in bed and ready for work the next day and you won't even want to have a fucking pint.

这是放松与对话之夜，所以我总把Vicar Street演出安排在周二或周三。接着27号周六是德里站，我迫不及待想去德里，约两年没去了，将在千禧剧院演出。周六晚你或许会喝一两杯，但不会多到喧哗破坏演出。期待见到德里听众！如果你有德里站嘉宾推荐，请通过Instagram的Blind by Ball Club私信我——德里有哪些有趣人物？接下来几周我会宣布非常期待的国际巡演。本周末我要去科克的加尼什岛办小型演出，五分钟就售罄了，但我更期待去欣赏那座美学上极美的小岛。

It's an evening of relaxation and conversation and that's why I put my Vicar Streets on on Tuesdays or Wednesdays. And then on the twenty seventh which is a Saturday, Derry. I cannot wait to go up to Derry, I haven't been in Derry in about two years, I'm in the Millennium Theatre, that's a Saturday night gig so you might have one or two pints, but not so many pints that you start shouting and ruining the gig, but you might have one or two pints and I can't wait to come up to Derry and if you have suggestions for guests for Derry please give me a shout on Blind by Ball Club on Instagram just send me a DM please, who are the interesting people to speak to up in Derry. Over the coming weeks I'm going to be announcing some new international tours which I'm very excited about so I can't wait to tell you about that. This weekend I'm off to Garnish Island down in Cork, I'm doing a tiny little gig, very small gig down there that's sold out it's sold out in about five minutes but I can't wait to go down to Garnish Island for the island itself, which is aesthetically beautiful.

而且附近还有个国家公园，我相信那里有真正的爱尔兰古阔叶林，所以我打算去沉浸在大自然中，保持正念，在加尼什岛重新蓄满我的社交能量。好了，蹭蹭狗子，拥抱九月初的美好吧，别回避衰败，接受吧，接受存在的痛苦，痛苦是活着的一部分，接受它但试着创造确定性。我曾因试图创造确定性而给自己制造了大量痛苦，其实应该接纳不确定性，不确定性才是现实。我说的创造确定性比如——你马上有个工作面试，你害怕极了，于是反复纠结‘这次肯定会搞砸，我会搞得多糟糕啊，天哪，我干脆别去了’。这就是在创造确定性，因为不确定性让人坐立难安。真正的不确定性是‘我不知道这次面试会怎样’。

And also there's a national park nearby with some proper ancient Irish Broadleaf forest I believe, so I'm going to headbutt that nature and be very mindful and I'm going to recharge my social battery down in Garnish Island. Alright Rub a Dog, embrace the beauty of early September, don't turn away from the decay, accept, accept the suffering that exists, suffering is part of being alive, accept it and though try to create certainty. I've created, I create huge amounts of pain for myself by trying to create certainty, except uncertainty, uncertainty is reality and when I mean creating certainty you've got a job interview coming up, you're terrified so you ruminate over and over about this is gonna go so terribly, I'm gonna fuck this up so bad, oh my god, I shouldn't even show up, I'm gonna fuck this up. That's creating certainty, because the uncertainty is so uncomfortable to sit with. The uncertainty of I don't know how this job interview is going to go.

我唯一能确定的是我会尽力，不是说我知道结果，而是我觉得能掌控这个过程。我会全力以赴，但结果其实不受我控制。这充满不确定性。我可能会为此焦虑，会不停设想各种出错的可能性。

What I do know is I can try my best, not that I know, I think I can control that. I'm going to try my best but I can't really control the outcome of this thing. It's very uncertain. I think I'll worry about it. I think I'll worry about it and think about all the ways that it's going to go wrong.

这又是在创造确定性，因为不确定性令人不适。你和男友或女友分手后，整天翻看他们的该死的Ins动态，想确认他们是否有了新欢。这就是在制造确定性，你在试图人为制造确定感，因为分手的未知性太痛苦，太难...

That's creating certainty there, because uncertainty is uncomfortable. You broke up with your boyfriend or your girlfriend, and now you're spending all your time searching their fucking Instagram page to see if they might have moved on to a new romantic partner. That's creating certainty, you're creating certainty there, you're trying to manufacture certainty, because the uncertainty of that is very painful, very difficult to

承受

sit with

不确定性。不断向他人寻求确认：我的衣服合适吗？你觉得这人是不是生我气了？我在派对上没说错话吧？这都是制造确定性。我们必须接受不确定性。

uncertainty. Constantly seeking reassurance from other people, do my clothes look okay, do you think this person is mad at me? I didn't say anything offensive at that party did I? Creating certainty. We have to accept uncertainty.

接受并拥抱它，让它像浴缸里的泡沫般冲刷过你。好了，狗子保佑。

Accept and embrace it, let it wash over you, like the suds in a bath. Alright dog bless.