为什么我如此孤独？关于疏离感的深层真相

欢迎回到《重塑自我》，这是Reclaim Therapy团队推出的播客。

Welcome back to Reclaim You, a podcast published by the Reclaim Therapy team.

我们是一群来自宾夕法尼亚州的创伤和EMDR治疗师，专门治疗创伤、复杂创伤和饮食失调。

We're a group of trauma and EMDR therapists in Pennsylvania who treat trauma, complex trauma, and disordered eating.

我们非常高兴你能加入我们，一起分享故事、工具和洞见，帮助你从创伤、饮食失调和身体羞耻的影响中重拾自我。

We're so happy for you to join us as we share stories, tools, and insights on how to reclaim you from the impact of trauma, disordered eating, and body shame.

泡上你的茶、咖啡，拿上你最爱的零食，放松下来，我们马上开始。

Grab your tea, your coffee, and your favorite snack and get cozy because we're about to dive in.

大家好。

Hey, everybody.

欢迎回到《重塑自我》。

Welcome back to Reclaim You.

凯西在这里。

Casey is here.

早上好。

Good morning.

早上好。

Good morning.

是的。

Yeah.

今天我们聊一聊孤独感。

And we're talking about loneliness today.

对。

Yes.

临时想到的话题。

Spur of the moment topic.

对。

Yes.

之所以提到这个，是因为我今天或这周有自己的心理咨询预约，而且你们的很多治疗师也会接受治疗。

And it was brought up because I have my own therapy appointment today or this week and lots of your therapists see therapists.

这对我们有好处。

It's good for us.

你看到的治疗师，他们也在接受治疗师的治疗。

You see therapists who see therapists who see therapists.

很棒，是的。

Wonder Yes.

那位治疗师之王是谁。

Who the queen therapist is.

很多人问我这个问题。

Many people have asked me that.

幕后那个人是谁？

Who is the one behind the curtain?

就像《绿野仙踪》里的巫师，但这是治疗界的巫师。

Like the Wizard of Oz, but the wizard of therapy.

治疗界的巫师。

The wizard of therapy.

我们可能永远都不会知道。

We probably will never know.

没关系。

That's okay.

但我当时在看自己的治疗师，她在我不停地买房或终于买下房子的过程中问我。

But I was seeing my own therapist and she asked me in the process of buying a house or have bought a house, finally.

恭喜，是的。

Congrats, Yeah.

这个

The

我想上一期播客里，我还在找房。

I think last podcast episode, still in the hunt.

我也这么想，是的。

I think so, yeah.

我们谈到了钱的事，现在还在找房。

There was money talk and we're still in the hunt.

是的，确实如此。

It was, yeah.

那是几个月前的事了。

That was a number of months ago.

是的。

Yeah.

自那以后，很多事情都变了。

Lots have changed since then.

很多事情都变了。

Lots has changed.

所以我们买了一套房子，她问我：‘坐在自己的房子里接受治疗，感觉怎么样？’

So we have bought a house and she asked me, How does it feel to sit in your house and have therapy?

我当时说，其实挺孤单的。

I was like, actually pretty lonely.

这个过程一直挺孤单的。

This process has been pretty lonely.

所以我们今天谈到了孤独，以及过去的孤独。

And so we got into the discussion of loneliness today, loneliness in the past.

她问我，你过去有没有感到过孤独？

And she asked me, have you ever felt lonely in the past?

我当时想，我觉得没有一刻我不感到孤独。

And I was like, I don't think there's a moment I didn't.

是的。

Yeah.

你知道，由于不同的处境、创伤以及各种各样的原因。

You know, like due to different circumstances and trauma and all kinds of stuff.

我想，哇，如果和治疗师五十分钟的对话就能让我发现这一点，那我开始思考这种体验如何延伸到我的来访者身上。

Thought, wow, if a fifty minute session with my therapist brought this discovery to my life, I thought about how it is transcendent into my clients.

显然，当你与经历过创伤或饮食障碍的来访者工作时，他们的生活体验中包含着很多复杂的内容。

Obviously when you work with clients with trauma, clients with eating disorders, there's a lot that goes into that lived experience.

而很多人无法理解或难以共情。

And a lot of people that can't relate or struggle to understand.

你知道，人们对饮食障碍有很多误解。

You know, there's a lot of misconceptions about eating disorders.

关于创伤，有很多误解。

There's a lot of misconception about trauma.

被误解可能会加剧孤独感。

And being misunderstood can contribute to loneliness.

羞耻感也会导致孤独。

Shame can contribute to loneliness.

我想，孤独到底是什么？

I guess what is loneliness?

这是个很好的起点。

It's a good place to begin.

是的。

Yeah.

我想我向客户解释的方式是，这是一种因疏离而产生的感觉，一种情感上的痛苦。

And I guess the way that I explain it to clients is it's a feeling, an emotional pain that comes from disconnection.

与世界疏离，与他人疏离，甚至与自己疏离。

Disconnection from the world, disconnection from others, even disconnection from yourself.

作为人类，我们只是需要连接。

And as humans, we just need connection.

我们是群居动物，就像我丈夫常说的那样。

We're pack animals, as my husband likes to say.

这正是我们被创造的方式。

It's just the way we were created.

当我们缺乏这种连接，即使只是短暂的时间，也可能引发极大的痛苦。

And when we don't have that, even for a short period of time, it can cause a lot of distress.

它会加剧心理健康问题。

It can worsen mental health.

它会恶化，你知道的，你对自己的看法。

It can worsen, you know, your view of yourself.

我只是认为，至少要承认孤独是存在的，因为我觉得这并不是很多人会谈论的话题。

And I just think at least acknowledging that loneliness exists, cause I think it's not a topic that a lot of people necessarily talk about.

就像我会感到悲伤，或感到孤立，或感到抑郁，或觉得没人理解我的处境。

It's like I feel sad or I feel isolated or I feel depressed or I feel like nobody understands my circumstance.

这就像是孤独，对吧？

And it's like, there's loneliness, right?

是的，没错。

Yeah, yeah.

即使你身处满屋子的人当中，仍然可能有一种挥之不去的感觉，让你依然感到孤独，对吧？

It's kind of like even if you're surrounded by a room full of people, there can still be this lingering something and you can still feel lonely, right?

是的，完全对。

Yeah, Totally.

我的意思是，我认为孤独可能是一种保护机制。

I mean, I think it's loneliness can be protective.

你知道，尽管你感受到那种痛苦，但你内心可能有一部分在告诉你，此刻这样做才是最安全的。

You know, even though you feel that pain, there might be a protective part of you that says that that's the safest thing to do right now.

我知道在我的生活中，曾经有一部分我非常愤怒，觉得没有人来救我，没有人来为我做任何事。

I know that's shown up in a lot of my life where there was a part of me that was very angry that no one is coming to save me and no one is coming to do things.

但另一部分我却出现并说：‘当然了，因为那样做并不安全。’

But then there's a part of me that shows up and says, well, duh, because that's not safe to do.

没人能知道发生了什么。

No one can know what's going on.

没人能了解你的故事。

No one can know your story.

没人能知道你此刻的处境。

No one can know where you're at right now.

我想我只是希望，嗯，我不指望人们能感同身受，但我希望人们明白，即使那些每天都在帮助他人的人，也至少在人生某个阶段有过这种感受。

And I guess I just hope that Well, I don't hope that people can relate to that, but I want people to know that even people who deal with this every day, helping people, that it's a very common feeling to have, at least at one point in your life.

是的，我会想到这些模式，它们可能在生命早期就开始了，然后在整个生命中不断反弹。

Yeah, I think about the templates, how this can start so early in life and kind of, like, ricochet out throughout life.

对吧？

Right?

我觉得我的故事更多是关于情绪太过强烈。

I think part of my story is more of, like, emotions being too much.

对吧？

Right?

那太多了，你知道的，太依赖了，太怎么样了。

That was too much, you know, too needy, too whatever.

所以，压抑需求，或者依赖他人、寻求帮助，多年来一直把这一切深藏心底，这与归属感息息相关。

And so this squelching down of needs or, you know, relying on other people or asking for help, you know, having to keep it so internalized for so many years, you know, then ties in belonging.

如果没人能听见我、看见我、满足我的需求，也无法与我共处，那我一定不被接纳，这会以非常深刻的方式体现为孤独感，影响我们一生，也影响成年后的职场关系，以及我们如何看待自己、照顾自己或不照顾自己。

Like, if no one can hear me and see me and meet my needs and, you know, be with me in this, then I must not belong, which then reflects loneliness in a really significant way and how we carry that that just like felt sense throughout our life and how impactful that can be in adulthood and relationships at work, you know, and how we just look at ourselves and take care of ourselves or don't take care of ourselves.

对。

Right.

对。

Right.

不。

No.

我很感激这一点，因为它带出了孤独感可能是依恋创伤的一部分这个概念。

I appreciate that because I think it brings up just the concept that loneliness can be part of an attachment, the wound.

对？

Right?

当你在童年时期得不到情感上的支持或连接，生活中没有情感上的共鸣时，就是这种情况。

It's like when you're in your childhood and you're not supported or connected in an emotional way, there's no attunement happening in your life.

你会觉得世界就是孤独的。

You interpret the world as just being lonely.

你必须这样去做才能生存。

You have to do that to survive.

所以我认为，当我们成年后，其实并不清楚那是什么样子。

And so I think that when we're adults, we don't actually know what that looks like.

还有什么别的可能呢？

What else is there?

我知道，当我跟自己的治疗师谈话时，比如，我去和别人社交时，感觉自己又变回了孩子。

I know that when I've talked to my own therapist, say, I feel like I'm a child again when I go and socialize with people.

我一直都说，我只是太害羞了。

And I've always said, I'm just so shy.

还有，萨拉，你知道的。

And Sarah, you know.

我一点也不害羞。

I'm not shy at all.

我不是在说不，绝对是不。

I'm not trying the No, exact no.

我其实是个外向的人，但那是保护性的一部分。

I'm quite the extrovert, But that was a protective part.

对吧？

Right?

否认你自己的一部分，因为这可能会给你惹麻烦。

Like deny that part of yourself because it can get you in trouble.

但我觉得你提到了羞耻感，对吧？这在我们的工作中经常谈到。

But I think you bring up like the shame piece, right, that we talk so much about in our work.

你知道，羞耻感是有毒的。

And you know, shame is toxic.

它刺鼻、持续不断，牢牢地缠绕在我们内心的东西上。

It's it's pungent, it's ever flowing and and hooking into things inside of us.

而这种被感知到的孤独，对吧？

And that perceived loneliness, right?

如果我不属于这里，我不是其中一员，我觉得自己不值得或不可爱。

If I don't belong, I'm not a part of, I'm unworthy or I'm unlovable.

太多了，我不够好。

Too much, I'm not enough.

太多了，我不够好。

Too much, I'm not enough.

是的。

Yeah.

这会让你立刻产生隔阂。

Really disconnects you just right off the bat.

这正是它所起的作用。

That's its purpose that it serves.

我认为，能够理解这种被感知到的孤独也有其意义。

I think being able to understand that even that perceived loneliness has a purpose.

说‘我们只要交朋友就好了’真是太容易了。

It's so easy to say like, Oh, we'll just make friends.

你知道，好像这就是解决孤独的关键。

You know, like, oh, that's the key to loneliness.

如果你搜索‘如何解决孤独’，我今天就试了一下。

If you Google how to I did it today just to test it out.

嗯哼。

Uh-huh.

如何治愈孤独。

How to cure loneliness.

就像去俱乐部或者做点别的什么。

It's like go to a club or go to do this.

我心想，哇。

I'm like, wow.

我们跳过了太多步骤。

We have skipped so many steps.

就是这样。

That's yeah.

这么多步骤。

So many steps.

到底发生了什么？

What the heck happened?

读书俱乐部大概不会是解决方案。

A book club probably isn't going to be the solution.

我的意思是，它可能有点帮助，因为挺有趣的，但肯定不是解决办法。

I mean, it might help a little because it's fun, but, like, not gonna be the solution.

对吧？

Right?

你即使在读书俱乐部里，仍然可能感到非常孤独。

You can still feel super lonely while you're at the book club.

是的。

Yeah.

而且这也会让人感觉非常危险。

And it can also feel super dangerous.

是的。

Yes.

对吧？

Right?

basically，你让我去做一件我一生都被视为威胁的事情。

Like basically, you're telling me to do something that my whole life has been deemed threatening.

所以我想起在治疗初期谈到孤独时，它被表现为极度的独立。

And so I think remembering talking about loneliness, you know, in my beginning of my therapeutic journey, and it was translated into the form of hyper independence.

这就是它在我身上体现的方式。

That's how it showed up for me.

我不需要别人。

And that I didn't need people.

他们觉得，我自己一个人就很好。

They're like, I was fine just on my own.

对吧？

Right?

那种强烈的芥末感涌上来了。

There's that like mustard up strong one.

而且，你知道，我现在已经到了要搬去新城镇的地步，开始要

And, you know, now I'm to the point where like I'm moving to a new town and have a Get the

远离我。

road from me.

是的。

Yeah.

就像

Like

我们在搬到这里之前那样。

we were before I moved here.

这不是很有趣吗？

Isn't that so funny?

我们开始变得本地化了。

We started being local.

现在我只是跟着莎拉去她要去的地方。

Now I'm I'm just following Sarah where she goes.

上来吧。

Come on up.

上来吧。

Come on up.

我有很好的同伴。

I'm in good company.

是的。

Yes.

但与两三年前对离开熟悉环境感到极度恐惧不同，我现在非常兴奋。

But instead of, you know, two, three, four years ago being absolutely terrified to get away from the familiar, I'm now very excited.

就像

Like,

我们认识了邻居。

We met our neighbors.

哎呀。

Aw.

他们人非常好。

And they're very nice.

非常友善的邻居。

Very nice neighbors.

我给他们做了布朗尼，而且

I made them brownies and

你做了。

You did.

你做了。

You did.

我做了。

I did.

这为我创造了一点缓冲空间。

That created a little buffer for me.

是的。

Yes.

是的。

Yes.

所以那些部分仍然会出现。

So those parts still show up.

对。

Yeah.

这是在为某事争取一点空间，对吧？

It's a little bid for something, right?

是的。

Yeah.

有点像，如果我……你会觉得我值得吗

A little like, will you find me worthy if I

如果我给了你错误的东西，你会喜欢我吗？

give Like, will you like me if I give you wrong?

是的。

Yeah.

我就想着，我会一直给你提供。

I'm like, I'll just keep feeding you.

这完全没问题。

That's totally fine.

这本来就是一种爱的语言。

It's kind love language anyway.

但在我生命中的某个阶段，这对我来说会是极大的威胁。

But that's something that would have been so threatening to me at a time in my life.

所以我认为第一点是理解孤独有时有着非常明确的意义。

And so I think number one is understanding that loneliness has a a very distinct purpose at times.

你知道，我不希望忽视孤独有时是被强加在你身上、你无法控制或拒绝的事实。

You know, I don't I don't wanna disregard that loneliness can be something that's forced upon you without your consent or control.

你知道，我们现在生活的这个世界相当可怕。

You know, we live in a world that's pretty scary right now.

而且，人们常常通过孤立来保护自己。

And, you know, people's protection is often to isolate.

这些年来，我接触过很多客户，他们只是戴上眼罩，把自己关在泡泡里，无论是面对社会问题还是个人问题，都只是为了保持安全和稳定。

And, you know, I've talked to plenty of clients throughout the years that, you know, they just put their blinders on, put their bubble in, You know, if it's just societal stuff or if it's their own stuff, to just kind of stay safe and stable.

抑郁会滋生这种状态。

Depression breeds that.

对吧？

Right?

嗯。

Mhmm.

但这也是我们自己在内心构建出来的一种韧性。

But that it's also something that we have created in our own mind to be resilient.

因此，与自己、与治疗师探讨这一点，或者从创伤的角度、从创伤知情的视角去了解孤独，理解并同情那个部分——

And so exploring that with yourself, or with a therapist, or even looking up loneliness from a trauma lens or loneliness from a trauma informed lens of realizing and having compassion for that part of You know, think-

有点像，是的，孤独感其实就处在核心位置，对吧？

Kind of like, yeah, lonely sorry, loneliness is like here at the core, right?

然后

And then

还有各种各样的

there's all these

应对策略围绕着它，对吧？

strategies around it, right?

比如，这些策略甚至会让人陷入孤独，因为它们让人感到熟悉，你可能甚至都没意识到那是什么，但也许那是一种空虚感、一种渴望，或者在各种情境中感到被排斥的感觉等等。

Like, that even just lead into loneliness because it's familiar, You know, and maybe you don't even identify what that is, but maybe it's like an emptiness or a longing or, like looking kind of feeling like othered in situations and things like that.

这只是一个小小的东西，却能围绕着它旋转，以维持这种状态。

It's just this little thing that so much can revolve around to keep it.

我想到的是一个小小的光芒四射的图案，从它里面延伸出许多东西，只是维持着那一点微光。

I'm thinking of like a little sunburst and things coming out of it and just keeping the little light.

这真是种很好的能量。

That's really good energy.

这很好，我喜欢这个。

It's a good I like that.

这真不错。

That's nice.

这让我想到艾米莉的播客，讲的是人生不同阶段感到落后的感受。

It makes me think of Emily's podcast, going through certain phases of your life and feeling behind.

这也可以是另一个例子，对吧？

That can be another one, right?

比如你的朋友们都结婚了，或者生孩子了，买房了，换了新工作。

Like all your friends are getting married or they're having children or they're buying houses or they're getting new jobs.

孤独在社交媒体中滋生。

Loneliness breeds in social media.

对吧？

Right?

人们和朋友一起外出，营造出一种看似存在的社群感。

People hanging out with their friends and this perceived community that's developed.

听我说，我不是要否定社交媒体上有社群这一点，但是比如

Listen, I don't want to knock that there is community in social media, but like

确实如此。

It sure is.

如果你正处于人生中敏感或脆弱的阶段，这可能会强烈触发你对自身信念的反复确认。

If you're in a sensitive or fragile place in your own life, it can really just trigger a lot of that reaffirming of whatever you're believing.

我觉得这种情况太多了。

And I just think of that like being too much.

这一点对很多人来说都特别强烈、特别普遍，那就是需要情感上的被看见。

That one is just so so strong and so common for a lot of people and that need for like emotional seeing.

是的。

Yeah.

就像真正的共鸣。

Like true attunement.

我觉得那就是那个尴尬的阶段。

And I think that's like that awkward stage.

你知道吗，我只是想到大学时代，那些表面的、让你想回到过去的情景。

You know, I just think about like college and like those surface level, you know, take me back.

天哪。

My gosh.

美好的回忆。

Good memories.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Uh-huh.

还有那些表面的友谊。

And like those surface level friendships.

对吧？

Right?

你们其实并不真正了解彼此，但只是在这个当下共存而已。

That like you don't actually know much about each other, but it's like just this existence in this this current plane we're in.

是的。

Yeah.

那种孤独感有多深。

And how lonely that can be.

是的。

Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

我觉得这与我身处满屋人中却依然感到孤独是一致的。

That I think coincides with I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone.

没错。

Yes.

我认为要突破这种核心信念，去理解并学习情感共鸣是什么样子，以及它如何让你感受，真的很难。

And I think it's really hard to move through that core belief and be able to ascertain and learn what emotional attunement looks like and how it makes you feel.

特别感谢艾曼达，这位播客的营养师。

Shout out to Amanda, one of the dietitians for the podcast.

我不

I don't

知道她是否知道这一点。

know if she knows this.

我觉得她知道。

I think she does.

但她与我和她的友谊帮助我逐渐明白了什么是真正的共鸣和友谊中的情感连接。

But her friendship with me and her helped me kinda learn what that looks like to really see what attunement and emotional connection in a friendship looks like.

我丈夫教会了我什么是情感共鸣。

My husband taught me what attunement looks like.

我小时候并没有学会什么是情感共鸣。

I didn't learn that at an early age what that looked like.

但这对你的某些部分来说需要一定的风险。

But that takes a bit of risk to certain parts of your system.

但我觉得，当你承担这些风险时，知道你总能回到那个保护性的状态。

But I think knowing that when you take those risks, knowing that you can always go back to that protective place.

这是我治疗师给过我的最好的建议：如果对你没用，就回去。

It was the best advice my therapist ever gave me, is that if it doesn't work for you, just go back.

没问题。

No problem.

没什么。

No thing.

嗯嗯。

Uh-huh.

对吧？

Right?

是的，它曾经管用很久。

Yeah, it worked for a long time.

所以回去吧，对吧？试试新的方法。

So go back, right, try something new.

感觉不对劲时，你可以小心翼翼地退回去，也可以直接跳回去，对吧？

Doesn't feel right, you can tiptoe back or you can dive back, right?

对。

Right.

甚至

Mean even

我们都会做的一些事情。

something think we all do.

我们都这样，前进一步，后退两步，这没关系，对吧？

We all do, one step forward, two steps back, and that's okay, right?

我的意思是，我记得刚和我丈夫在一起的时候，我连超市收银员都不敢说话。

I mean, think I remember early on in in my relationship with my husband, I couldn't talk to the cashiers, the wah wah cashier, like at the grocery store.

但现在，不管他们是否感兴趣，我都会主动找话题聊天。

And now, I'm like drumming up conversation regardless of whether they care.

是的。

Yeah.

说声‘嘿，你怎么样？’

Say, hey, how you doing?

甚至只是从这一点开始，跟人打个招呼，留意一下这种感觉，对吧？

And just even that, starting there, just saying hi to someone, like noticing how that feels, right?

这种感觉是脆弱的吗？

Does it feel vulnerable?

这种感觉是暴露自己的吗？

Does it feel exposing?

是的，这让我想起了几年前我们做的关于真实性的那个播客，对吧，有时候确实会发生这种情况。

Yeah, it made me think about our podcast from Gosh What a couple years ago about authenticity and how, right, there's this thing that can happen.

甚至当你谈到大学时，我在想，对于很多大学生来说，可能仍然有一种想要融入的氛围，对吧？

And even when you're talking about college, was thinking about how I think for a lot of folks in college, there's still this air of like trying to fit in, right?

戴着面具，试图成为你觉得自己必须成为的样子。

Like putting on masks to try to be what you feel like you need to be.

当你戴上面具，无法真实地展现自己时，自然会感到孤独或寂寞，

And when you're so masked that you're not showing up authentically, of course, you're going to feel alone or lonely or

好像你

like you

因为你没有做真正让你感到共鸣和正确的事情。

don't belong because you're not doing what actually feels resonant and right.

我认为大学总的来说是一个非常特别的时期，

And I think college is a is a wild time, generally speaking,

真相是，

truth,

因为你可能并不清楚，我知道我自己当时就不清楚。

because you don't maybe know, you know, I don't think I knew.

我回想起大学时，上周末我跟一位老朋友聊了聊，我们当年在大学里是最好的朋友，她还参加了我的婚礼，等等，所有那些事。

I think about college, I was talking with an old friend over the weekend who, you know, we were like best friends in college, she was my wedding, all of those things.

但这些年来我们渐渐失去了联系。

And we've kind of lost touch over the years.

我们只是简单地叙了叙旧。

And we were just catching up a little bit.

我们都觉得，天啊，大学时我们做了一些非常有意思的选择。

And we're both like, man, college, we made some really interesting choices.

没什么好羞愧的。

Like, no shame.

我们学到了很多。

We've learned a lot.

我们聪明多了。

We're a lot smarter.

谢天谢地，我们都快四十了，你知道的？

Thank God, because we're almost 40, you know?

而且，想想我们当时多么努力地想成为和自己真实样子完全不一样的人，真是不可思议。

And also, it's just wild to think about how we were trying to be so different than what we actually are.

对吧？

Right?

我认为这正是关键所在：当你还不确定自己是谁时，当然，因为我们是人，不可能总能清楚地知道自己是谁。

And I think that that's a huge piece of this is when you're not sure who you are, of course, because we're humans, we're not always going to know.

但当我们一再违背自己、远离真实的自我时，就不可能真正找到归属感，因为我们连自己都不属于自己。

But when we're acting in opposition or we're straying from ourselves over and over again, we're not going to feel like we truly belong because we're not even belonging to ourselves.

该死。

Goddamn.

太深刻了。

That's deep.

这玩意儿太深刻了。

That shit is deep.

这玩意儿太深刻了。

This shit is deep.

但我真不敢相信我居然没想过这一点。

But I can't believe that didn't come to my mind.

对吧？

Truth, right?

真实感非常重要。

Authenticity is huge.

根据我的经验，那些肤浅的联系，反而比完全没有联系更让人痛苦。

Surface level connections that you have, at least in my experience, were more painful than not having anything at all.

因为这延续了需求得不到满足的模式，对吧？

Because it's perpetuating familiar of not getting your needs met, right?

而且根本没有被真正看见。

And not really being seen.

是的，没错。

Yeah, right.

还有这种想法，即我无法做自己却还能拥有这一切，对吧？

And just this idea of reinforcing like, I cannot be myself and have this, right?

我觉得我不值得拥有让人感觉良好的连接。

It's like, I'm not deserving of having connection that feels good.

我认为，那些文章之所以有道理，可能正是指向了某个方向，对吧？

And I think that can be a place where those articles make sense of going somewhere, right?

这就像尝试实践某种真实的连接方式，无论是通过让你快乐或开心的事情，还是与之相伴的社会联系。

It's like trying to practice some form of authentic connection, either through something that brings you joy or makes you happy, and having social connection next to it.

对。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得我逐渐意识到，我曾经反复纠结于该向别人透露多少信息。

And I think it's realizing that I dabbled a lot with how much information do I disclose to people.

我以前总是不停地倾倒所有信息，然后事后懊悔：‘糟了。’

I was a chronic vomiter in the, you know, like just regurgitating all that information and then being like crap.

现在我已经把我的整个生活都坦白了。

Now I've just disclosed my whole life.

我的整个生活经历。

My whole life history.

他们肯定不想再和我一起玩了。

Oh, they're not gonna wanna be hanging out with me.

嗯。

Uh-huh.

这又在强化这种信念，对吧？

Which is perpetuating again this whole belief, right?

对。

Right.

一切都回归到你的信念，总是如此。

It's always coming to your beliefs, always.

对。

Right.

整个它

Whole It's

又回到深度了，对吧？

coming back to the depth, right?

这玩意儿很深，就像我们刚说的。

This shit is deep, like we just said.

对。

Right.

所以如果你在建立连接时感到不安全，甚至有社交焦虑，我认为社交焦虑可能只是糟糕的一天。

And that's why if you're struggling with feeling safe in connection or feeling social anxiety even, I think social anxiety is just could be a hard day.

我认为社交焦虑与创伤有关。

I think social anxiety is trauma related.

它与依恋创伤有关。

It's attachment wound related.

是的。

Yeah.

不一定是单纯对人的恐惧。

Not necessarily just this phobia of people.

人们。

People.

别来找我。

Don't come for me.

对。

Right.

它是随着时间从某种经历中发展出来的。

It's developed over time from something.

对。

Right.

而且某种创伤不断被延续，然后我们把它投射到周围的世界。

And some wound that just keeps getting perpetuated and then we project it onto the world around us.

我认为，孤独感就是这样滋生的。

And that's, I think how loneliness breeds too.

如果我都无法接纳自己，无法面对自己的羞耻，那别人又怎么会愿意靠近我呢？

It's like, if I don't want to be with myself, my shame, then why would anybody else want to be around me?

我的意思是，人生中有些时刻，即使只是经历一段短暂的事情，也会让人感到孤独。

I mean, moments in your life and that we're not even speaking to like just going through something very short term that can feel lonely.

是的。

Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

比如这次买房的经历，就在很多层面上都让人感到孤独。

Like this house buying experience was was lonely on a just a bunch of different levels.