If You’re Always Tearing Yourself Down… Listen to This

欢迎收听自信青少年播客。

Welcome to the Confident Tween and Teen Podcast.

我叫劳拉，每周都会为你带来简短的节目，帮助你鼓起勇气，自信地开始新的一天。

My name is Laura, and I'm here to bring you mini episodes each and every week to give you courage and confidence to start your day.

我想提醒你，你已经足够优秀，你有能力成就非凡的事。

I wanna remind you that you are enough and that you are capable of amazing things.

只需要一点点勇气，就能逐步建立你的自信。

All it takes is a little bit of courage to build up your confidence.

准备好学习新东西了吗？

Ready to learn something new?

让我们开始吧。

Let's get started.

大家好，欢迎回到自信青少年播客的又一期节目。

Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of the Confident Tween and Teen Podcast.

非常感谢你来到这里，收听本周的节目。

Thank you so much for being here and tuning into this week's episode.

我在三月份休息了一小段时间，现在完全恢复了，今天能为大家录制这期播客我非常兴奋。

I took a little break over in March and I am back in full swing and I'm so excited to be recording the podcast for you today.

这期节目其实来源于我在网站上收到的一些粉丝来信。

This episode actually came from some fan mail that I got over on my website.

你们可以查看节目笔记，点击笔记中的小按钮，提交你们希望我讨论的节目主题。

So what you can do is you can go to the show notes and you can hit the little button in the show notes and you can write in a request for a topic for the podcast.

我不知道这封信是谁写的。

I have no idea who this came from.

里面没有名字，也没有任何联系方式。

There's no name, no number linked to it.

但你们可以通过短信告诉我，你们最近在哪些方面感到困扰，希望我今天聊聊。

But you can text me a topic that you have been struggling with that you want me to talk about today.

所以，我今天这期节目的主题就是这样来的，这真的很好，因为我希望能在你们真正需要帮助的方面提供支持。

So that is exactly how I got this episode topic for today, which was really great because I want to help you in the areas that you need help with.

我也希望你们能足够自在地告诉我，你们想了解哪些话题。

And I want you to, you know, feel comfortable enough to, know, let me know what things you want to learn about.

我根本不知道这些粉丝来信的人是谁。

And I have no idea who these fan mail people are.

但我知道，这些话题都来自真实的人，他们真的需要帮助，渴望得到答案和建议。

But I do know that these are topics that are real from real people who really need help, and who really want answers and suggestions.

我并非无所不知，但我尽我所能，帮助你以我认为有效的方式建立和增强自信。

And I don't know everything, but I do my best to really help you build and grow your confidence in the ways that I think would be helpful.

所以今天这期节目，我们要讨论的是不安全感，以及那种极度不自信到开始不断自我贬低的状态。

So for today's episode, we are talking about insecurity and being so insecure that you start to really just tear yourself down.

这可能会形成一个恶性循环。

And that can be a vicious cycle.

我曾经也经历过。

I have been there.

我认识很多女孩，她们每天都这样。

I know so many girls that do this constantly daily.

这是我们都会做的事，只是我们都不愿承认罢了。

And it's something that we all do and we just don't admit it.

我们甚至不知道，在关起门来的时候，身边的人其实正在不断贬低自己。

We don't even know that the people that we are around behind closed doors are actually just tearing themselves down.

所以也许你正在听这段话，心里想着，是的，这听起来就像我，我确实这样对自己。

So maybe you're listening to this and you're thinking, yeah, this kind of sounds like me, I do this to myself.

也许你觉得我还不够漂亮。

Maybe it sounds like I'm not pretty enough.

我太笨拙了。

I'm awkward.

别人都比我强。

Everyone else is better than me.

我真希望自己能像她那样。

I wish I was more like her.

你总是拿自己和别人比较，她拥有什么，而你却没有，你就是用这种方式看待一切。

You're always comparing yourself, whatever she has, and I don't have you're looking at in that way.

久而久之，你甚至不再质疑这种想法了。

So after a while, you don't even question it anymore.

这已经成为你的新常态。

It just becomes your new normal.

这就是你看待自己和谈论自己的方式——认为别人都比你强。

That is just how you think about yourself and talk about yourself that everyone else is just better than you.

我要你听清楚我说的这句话：你脑海中的那个声音并不是真相。

And I need you to hear me when I say this, that voice in your head is not the truth.

那只是你反复练习形成的一种习惯。

It's just a habit that you have practiced over and over again.

你需要找到某种方法来停止这种行为。

And you need to have some type of solution to stop that practice.

在成长过程中，我们所有女孩都以为苛责自己能让自己内心感觉更好。

So somewhere along the way, all of us as girls, we think that being hard on ourselves is going to make us feel better inside.

比如你先指出自己所有的缺点，所有你觉得不对的地方，这样别人就无从指责。

Like you point out all your flaws first, everything that you think is wrong with you, so that no one else can do that.

或者你降低自己的期望，以免失望太多。

Or you lower your expectations, so you're not so disappointed.

但这样做实际上正在慢慢摧毁你的自信。

But what that is actually doing is it's slowly breaking your confidence.

最令人难过的是，我认识的一些最善良、最有趣、最了不起的女孩，却一直觉得自己不够好。

And the hardest part is some of the kindest, funniest, most amazing girls that I know are walking around thinking that they are not enough.

这正是我想要创建这个播客的最主要原因之一。

And that is one of the number one reasons why I wanted to create this podcast.

我是一名教师，也是一位母亲，年轻时我也曾为自信所困，那时我的感受正是如此。

I'm a teacher, I'm a mom, I struggled with my confidence when I was young and this is exactly how I felt.

我从未觉得自己足够好。

I never felt good enough.

我从未感到自信。

I never felt confident.

我从未感到强大。

I never felt strong.

仅仅因为她们对待自己的方式，我知道这些女孩也这样看待自己。

And just because of the way they talk to themselves, I know that these girls think this about themselves.

所以我不只是想谈论这个问题，今天我想真正地帮助你，而不是像往常一样，把这当作女孩们的常态而敷衍过去。

So instead of just talking about it, I want to actually help you today and not just, you know, brush it under the rug like this is what girls do.

绝对不是这样。

Absolutely not.

我真的想帮助你。

I want to actually help you.

我会给你三个今天就可以开始做的事情。

I'm gonna give you three things that you can start doing today.

不需要大的改变，也不会让你感到压力，只是一些小小的、可能对你有用的方法。

Nothing big, nothing overwhelming, just small little things that actually might work for you.

第一个是，你需要开始觉察自己的想法，并在当下立即改变它们。

So the first one is you need to start catching your thoughts and changing them in real time.

几年前，我注意到，每当我独自一人、照镜子或类似的时候，我都在对自己说一些消极的话。

So what I did a couple years ago was I was noticing that every time that I was, you know, quietly by myself or in the mirror or whatever it was, I was just thinking these negative things about myself.

所以我必须停下来，觉察自己在说什么，并留意这些话语。

And what I had to do was I had to pause and catch what I was saying, and notice what I was saying.

必须非常有意识地去留意它。

Had to be super intentional about noticing it.

所以如果你的脑海里冒出‘我今天看起来好丑’，我希望大家不要轻易接受这个想法，而是把它改成更真实的想法。

So if your brain says, I look so ugly today, What I want you to do instead of just accepting that comment is I want you to change it into something more real.

比如，我今天可能状态不太好，但这并不能定义我是谁。

Like, I might not be feeling my best today, but that doesn't define who I am.

如果你发现自己在拿自己和别人比较，心想‘她真漂亮，比我强多了’。

If you find your thoughts comparing yourself to someone else saying, oh, she is so pretty and she's so much better than me.

我要你改成：她很漂亮，并不意味着我不行。

I want you to change it to just because she's beautiful doesn't mean I'm not.

当你明白世界上有这么多不同形式的美时，这是一件非常有力量的事。

It is such a powerful thing when you understand that there are so many different beautifuls in the world.

有太多不同的人，每个人都有自己独特而令人惊叹的地方。

So many different people have so many different things that are such so amazing about them.

你只需要开始留意这些事情。

And you just have to start noticing those things.

你身上有美好的地方，他们身上也有美好的地方，这并不会互相抵消。

You have beautiful things about you, they have beautiful things about them, it doesn't cancel each other out.

即使街上走过的人看起来很美，或者你朋友很漂亮，也不意味着你不美。

Just because someone walking down the street looks so beautiful or a friend that you have is so beautiful doesn't mean that you're not.

她只是拥有另一种美的方式。

She just has a different kind of beautiful.

所以，这一切的重点是，我希望你开始留意自己感到消极和不自信的时刻。

So the whole point of this is, is I want you to start noticing when you're feeling negative and insecure.

我希望你从一醒来就非常有意识地问自己：我现在在想些什么？

I want you to be very intentional from the moment that you wake up, okay, what are these thoughts that I'm feeling?

我要你开始捕捉这些想法，注意到它们，并试着去改变它们。

I want you to start catching them, noticing them and try to change them.

你不需要变得极度积极，你只是在学习如何不再对自己刻薄。

You're not trying to be super positive, you're just learning how to stop being mean to yourself.

好了，这是停止这种贬低自己的消极循环的一种方式：你必须先注意到它。

Okay, that is one way that you can stop this negative cycle of talking bad about yourself, you have to notice it.

过一段时间，是的，你会在一天中慢慢注意到这些想法，但我希望你一早上醒来就立刻意识到：我要对自己保持积极。

After a while, yeah, you notice it as you're going on through your day, but I want you to notice it as soon as you wake up in the morning, I'm going to be positive inside myself.

我要对自己产生积极的想法，并且及时捕捉那些消极的想法。

I'm going to make positive thoughts about myself, and I'm going to catch the negative ones.

关键是，我们是人，负面想法总会不时涌入脑海。

Here's the thing, we're human beings, we're always going to have negative thoughts coming in our head.

但真正的问题在于，这些想法阻碍了我们去做想做的事，阻碍了我们对自己产生良好的感觉。

But it's when it holds us back from doing the things that we want to do and just from it holds us back from feeling good about ourselves.

那时，我们就陷入麻烦了。

That's when we get in trouble.

所以你必须开始留意自己的想法，并加以改变。

So you really have to start noticing your thoughts and changing them.

第二点是，我要你像对待你最好的朋友或你关心的人那样，对自己说话。

The second thing is I want you to start talking to yourself like you would your best friend or someone that you care about.

明白吗？

Okay?

现在，我想让你问自己这个问题。

Now I want you to ask yourself this question.

你会对你的最好的朋友说出这个想法吗？

Would I say this to my best friend, that thought in your head?

因为你绝不会看着她，说你不够好。

Because you would never look at her and say, you're not good enough.

没人喜欢你，你太糟糕了。

No one likes you, you are terrible.

那为什么你对自己说这些话就可以呢？

So why is it okay to say it to yourself?

这听起来是不是有点疯狂？

Doesn't that sound a little crazy?

如果你不会对你的最好的朋友说这些，那你也不该对自己说。

If you wouldn't say it to your best friend, you should never be saying it to you.

当这个想法出现时，我想让你停下来，把它换成你会对她说的话。

When that thought comes in, I want you to pause and change it to something you would say to her.

我就还在慢慢摸索中。

Like I'm still figuring it out.

我有权利有状态不好的日子。

I'm allowed to have off days.

即使我感觉不到自己状态最好，我依然值得。

I'm still worthy even if I don't feel my best.

这才是建立真正自信的方式，而不是虚假的自信。

That's how you start building real confidence, not the fake confidence.

你开始为自己建立自尊。

You start building self respect for yourself.

试着像对待你最好的朋友那样和自己说话。

Start talking to yourself like you would your best friend.

第三，我要你开始证明自己是错的，因为自信不是来自思考。

And number three, I want you to start proving yourself wrong because confidence doesn't come from thinking.

自信来自行动。

It comes from doing.

它来自于行动。

It comes from action.

每天，我都希望你能做一件你内心不安的声音告诉你做不到的小事。

Every day, I want you to do one small thing that your insecure voice says that you can't do.

也许那就是在课堂上举手发言。

Maybe that's raising your hand in class.

也许那就是开启一段对话。

Maybe that's starting a conversation.

也许那就是即使觉得自己会尴尬，也要走进去；穿上让你感到紧张的衣服；对着镜子告诉自己你很美。

Maybe that's walking into something even if you think you're gonna feel awkward, wearing something that you feel nervous about, telling yourself that you are beautiful in the mirror.

也许那就是你每天都需要做的事情。

Maybe that's what you need to do every single day.

在你做完之后，我希望你对自己说：看，我能做困难的事。

And after you do it, I want you to say to yourself, see, I can do hard things.

我能做困难的事。

I can do hard things.

这是我听过最好的肯定语之一。

It's one of the best affirmations I have ever heard.

这是我最喜欢的。

It's my favorite one.

我想把它印在T恤上，或者纹在身上。

I want I wanted to get a t shirt made out of it or a tattoo.

我可以做困难的事，因为每次你这样做，你都在为自己提供证据，而自信是建立在证据和信任之上的。

I can do hard things because every time you do that, you are giving yourself proof and confidence is built on proof and trust.

所以，如果你从这一集中只记住一件事，我希望你能做到这一点。

So if you take anything from this episode, I want you to be this.

你不需要变成另一个人来获得自信。

You don't need to become a different person to be confident.

我们都有不安全感，但必须捕捉那些消极的想法。

We all have insecurities, but we have to catch those negative thoughts.

你需要停止每天不断地贬低自己。

You need to stop tearing yourself down every single day.

这对你没有任何帮助。

It's not doing anything for you.

你不能一直贬低自己，以至于变成另一个人。

You can't tear yourself down so much that you turn into a different person.

这只会让你越来越消沉。

It's just gonna bring you down and down.

开始留意你脑海中的那个声音，并试着改变它。

Start paying attention to that voice in your head and start changing it.

告诉自己：今天就是我开始改变的日子。

Say, this is the day I'm starting to change it.

一点一点地，你的自信会逐渐增长。

And little by little, your confidence will grow.

你不必永远对每件事都感到不安。

You don't have to stay insecure about everything forever.

是的，我们都有不安全感。

Yes, we all have insecurities.

但一旦你决定，嘿，我要为此努力，我要付出行动来增强自己的自信和内心的安全感，事情就开始发生变化。

But once you decide, hey, I'm gonna work on this, I'm gonna do the work to be more confident within myself and more secure within myself, things start to change.

开始向自己证明你是有能力的。

Start showing yourself that you're capable.

我向你保证，那个不断在你脑海中反复出现的消极声音，会逐渐变小。

And I promise you, that voice, that negative voice that keeps going over and over in your head, it will start to get quieter.

如果今天还没人告诉过你，你并不落后，你并不逊色，你也不是你在最糟糕的日子里对自己说的话。

And if no one has told you today, you are not behind, you are not less than and you are not the things that you say to yourself on your worst days.

我很高兴你在这里。

I'm so glad you're here.

我很高兴你想要学习如何建立和提升自信，但这需要行动，需要付出努力。

I'm so glad that you want to learn to build and grow your confidence, but it takes action and it takes work.

而这是很多女孩都不理解的一点。

And that's the thing that a lot of girls don't understand.

她们只是以为自己会永远 insecure。

They just think that I'm just going to be insecure forever.

而且你猜怎么着，有时候女孩会成长为依然缺乏自信的女性。

And guess what sometimes girls grow into women that are insecure.

我认识她们。

I know them.

我每天都能看到她们。

I see them every single day.

她们都四十岁了，却依然缺乏自信。

They're 40 years old and they're still insecure.

但那不必是你。

But that doesn't have to be you.

因为你知道，你可以付出努力，可以掌控自己的生活，对自己说：好吧，今天将是崭新的一天。

Cause you know that you can do the work and you can take charge of your life and be like, you know what, this is gonna be a new day.

我每天早上醒来，都会积极地对待自己，当负面想法冒出来时，我会及时察觉。

I'm gonna wake up in the morning, I'm gonna talk positively about myself, I'm gonna catch my negative thoughts when they pop in my head.

我不该拿自己和别人比较，因为别人漂亮、善良、有运动天赋、人品好，并不意味着我就不是。

I'm not gonna compare myself just because someone else is beautiful and kind and athletic and nice doesn't mean that I'm not.

我们每个人都可以活出丰盛，都可以以自己的方式变得自信、美丽。

We can all be you have to live in abundance, we can all be confident, beautiful people in our own ways.

我们都会有一些负面想法涌入脑海。

We're gonna have these negative thoughts that come in our head.

我不希望你认为，坐在教室前排、举手发言、穿着得体的那个女孩，她比你优秀，或者拥有你没有的东西。

I want you to I don't want you to think that girl that sits in the front of the room that raises her hand and is dressed beautiful and you think she's so amazing, that she's better than you or she has something that you don't.

我们都有能力变得自信、坚强，不再那么 insecure，但我们必须付出努力。

We all have the ability to be confident and strong and not so insecure anymore, but we have to do the work.

我很高兴你收听了本周的节目，也非常感谢你提交了你一直困扰的问题。我希望这个节目对你有帮助，我也很想了解你的感受；如果你有想让我探讨的主题，欢迎通过节目说明中的粉丝来信给我留言，我非常期待你的来信。同时，请务必了解一下自信计划，它也将帮助你建立和提升自信。

So I'm so happy that you tuned in for this week's episode and thank you so much for sending in an episode topic that you have been struggling with and I hope that this episode was helpful for you I would love to know and if you have a topic that you want me to focus on I would love for you to send me in a request it's under the fan mail in the show notes I would love for you to do that and make sure that you could check out the confidence project because that is going to help you build and grow your confidence as well.

每一天，你都可以做一些小事情，来帮助自己每天逐步建立和增强自信。

Every single day, there's little snippets of things that you can do that's going to help you build and grow your confidence every single day.

这真的很有帮助。

It's so helpful.

我和我女儿一起整理了这些内容。

My daughter and I put this together.

这真是让我感到非常自豪的一件事。

And it's just something that I'm really proud of.

我希望它能帮助到尽可能多的女孩。

And I hope that it helps as many girls as it can.

所以，希望你拥有美好的一天。

So I hope that you have a wonderful day.

请永远记住，你勇敢，你足够好，你属于这里。

And always remember you are brave, you are enough and you belong here.

我们下周一集再见。

And I will see you on next week's episode.