K博士（坏习惯成瘾专家）：关于多巴胺、成瘾、色情与自慰的真相

对吧？

Right?

所以存在色情成瘾的神经科学问题，它对你的大脑产生的影响。

So there is the neuroscience of pornography addiction, what it does to your brain.

但还有一个根本的社会问题，正驱使男性沉迷色情，同时也解释了为何男女关系越来越难建立。

But there is a fundamental societal issue which is driving men towards pornography and also addresses this kind of thing where relationships between men and women are getting harder.

随着男女关系日益困难，大脑中某个部分——通常是男性大脑——会因缺乏与女性的性连接和情感连接而感到饥渴。

And as relationships between men and women are getting harder, there's a part of the brain, more often the male brain, that is getting starved for something because we no longer have sexual connections, emotional connections with women.

当我们对某事物产生渴望时，大脑就会试图寻找能满足它的东西。

And so when we get hungry for something, then the brain will try to find what it can to satisfy it.

嗯。

Mhmm.

对吧？

Right?

所以我们大脑中有个部分，你知道的，会驱使我们追求繁衍。

So there there's a part of our brain that, you know, that drives us towards procreation.

但在真实的恋爱关系中，往往伴随着许多其他因素。

But oftentimes in a real relationship, it comes with a lot of other things.

是啊。

Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Yeah.

问题是当我们的大脑渴望某物时——这有点专业了——它通常想要的是完整的体验。

The problem is that when we're and this gets a bit technical, but when our brain wants something, it usually wants a whole package.

比如说，你感到饥饿时，想要的不是单纯的热量。

So for example, like, you feel hungry, you don't want calories.

我想吃这个，还想吃那个，想喝这个饮料，再尝点那个。

I want to eat this, and I want to eat this, and I want to drink this, and I want to have some of this.

对吧？

Right?

所以我的大脑或身体会渴望许多不同的事物，它们通常会以非常健康的方式——抱歉，是以一种自然的方式协同运作，这正是其健康之处。

So there are lots of different things that my brain wants or my body wants, and they're usually all they all come together in in a real healthy way in in a sorry, in a natural way, which is why it's healthy.

并非自然就意味着健康，但这正是我们进化适应的结果。

Not that natural is healthy, but that's what we've adapted to.

色情内容的问题在于，它只提供了我们大脑渴望的片面满足。

The problem with pornography is that it gives us a slice of what our brain craves.

问题是一旦它给你这种片面满足，一旦获得性快感，你的情感联结需求却未被满足。

And the problem is once it gives you a slice, once you get that sexual gratification, your emotion your emotional connection is not met.

你们之间没有羁绊。

You have no bond.

你感受不到安全感。

You have no feeling of safety.

诸如此类的体验都缺失。

Nothing like that.

很多时候，你会被悔恨和各种内疚感所充斥。

Oftentimes, you're filled with, like, regret and all kinds of guilt and things like that.

因此，尽管你满足了那种繁衍的冲动，但与之相伴的所有其他需求却依然得不到满足。

And so even though you're satisfying that sort of procreative drive, all of the stuff that comes with it stays unsatisfied.

然后真正的问题在于，一旦我们满足了繁衍冲动，去获取其他那些东西的动机就消失了。

And then the real problem is once we satisfy the procreative drive, the motivation to go and get all of those other things disappears.

对吧？

Right?

所以一旦我获得了快感（不是清晰思考），我就不需要与其他人建立关系了。

So once I not post not clarity, I don't need a relationship with anyone else.

对吧？

Right?

我不愿意为了应付这个人而做出牺牲。

I'm not willing to sacrifice to deal with this person.

这有点像...就像如果我让你吃一堆不健康的食物填饱肚子，比如直接给你纯热量食物，像是用甜甜圈包裹的汉堡，再淋上各种堵塞动脉的酱料。

So so it's it's kinda like it's sorta like if I if I fill up your stomach with just unhealthy food, like, let's say, just give you straight calories, like some highly processed, like, hamburger wrapped in doughnuts or whatever and drizzled with take your pick of artery clogging stuff.

吃完那些后，你既没有摄入纤维，也没有任何微量营养素，但你也不会再想吃西兰花了。

After you eat that, you don't have any fiber, you don't have any micronutrients, but you're not going to crave broccoli.

是的。

Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

所以这就是我们社会中正在发生的现象——我们用色情内容替代了真实的人际关系，这正在制造非常强烈的社会压力并推动着这种趋势。

So that's what's happening in our society is we're using porn as a substitute for relationships, And that's creating these really strong societal pressures and being driven by.

那你现在观察到男女之间发生了什么变化？

So what have you seen happening between men and women right now?

我认为女性不像过去那样需要男性了。

Women, I think, don't need men as much as they used to.

我觉得这部分是因为性解放运动、女性主义等思潮的影响，这些确实带来了巨大的积极面。

And I think this is in part because of this whole sexual revolution and appeal and feminism and all these things, which is has tremendous upsides.

我认为现在男女之间的性行为变少了。

I think that women and men are having less sex.

他们结婚的比例也在下降。

They're getting married less.

在某些网络角落，男性对女性的态度变得有些怨恨。

Men's attitude towards women has become a little bit more resentful in certain pockets of the internet.

他们认为与异性的关系比以往任何时候都更可随意抛弃。

They perceive relationships with the other sex to be disposable more than ever before.

男性的观点？

Men's view?

应该说双方都有责任。

Would say both.

我认为部分原因是约会软件带来的选择幻觉。

I think in part that's because of dating apps, just the perception of choice.

好的。

Okay.

那种'如果这段关系不行，我手机里还有上千人可以尝试'的感觉。

The feeling that if you don't work out, there's another thousand people on my phone that I could give a shot to.

我认为当人们权衡维系关系需要投入的成本与从中获得的回报时，现在普遍觉得这个等式不值得。

I think the equation of a relationship, when we think about the investment it takes for it to work and what you get from it, people now perceive the equation not to be worth it.

好的。

Okay.

我觉得这里面有很多值得探讨的地方。

I think there's a lot of great stuff there.

所以你是个完全成熟的成年男性。

So so you're like a fully formed adult man.

对吧？

Right?

我想是的。

I think so.

希望如此。

I hope so.

是的。

Yeah.

就像，你是个真正的男人。

Like, you're you're like you're like a man.

你不是小孩子了。

You're not like a kid.

你不是那种处于成长初期的毛头小子。

You're not like a like a dude in early stages of development.

你已经有了自己的事业。

You've like, you've got a career.

你有了稳定的感情关系。

You've got a relationship.

你正在购置房产。

You're buying a house.

你是个真正的成年人了。

Like, you are an adult.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以如果我是个18岁的孩子 没错。

So if I was an 18 year old Yeah.

假如我18岁来找你，假设我是你侄子之类的，然后我说：史蒂文，一个成熟的大人，有对象的帅哥。

And I came to you, and let's say I'm your nephew or something like that, and I'm like, Steven, fully formed adult, handsome man in relationship.

但我却找不到约会对象。

I'm struggling to date.

是啊。

Yeah.

我该怎么办？

What should I do?

你想让我给你建议？

You want me to give you advice?

是的。

Yes.

靠。

Fuck.

我觉得你应该先提升自己。

I think you should work on yourself.

好的。

Okay.

尤其是作为一个18岁的男性，我认为你需要在这个年纪特别创造一些优势。

And especially as an 18 year old man, because I think you need to, especially at that age, create some advantages.

所以自我提升可以包括学习、阅读、健身，培养为他人提供支持和保护的能力。

And so working on yourself could be learning, reading, going to the gym, building up the ability to provide for someone else and to protect somebody else.

这大概就是我会建议的起点。

That's kind of really where I'd start.

重申一下，这可能有偏见，因为这就是我18岁时做的事。

And again, that's biased because that's what I did at 18 years old.

其实我并没有做到。

I actually didn't.

我想我这辈子总共就约会过五次。

I think I've been on five dates in my entire life.

好吧。

Okay.

假设我这么做了。

So let's say I do that.

是的。

Yeah.

然后没效果。

And it doesn't work.

对。

Yeah.

明白吗？

Okay?

我就想说，嘿。

So I'm like, hey.

我正在成长路上。

I'm on this growth journey.

我确信你也遇到过这种情况，观众里肯定有人看这档播客就是为了这个目的。

And I'm I'm sure you've encountered this, and there are gonna be people in the audience who are like, the reason that are watching this podcast is because they're trying to do that.

他们还是约不到人。

They're still not getting dates.

对吧？

Right?

找个女朋友还是很难。

It's still hard to find a girlfriend.

那你对他们有什么要说的？

Then what do you have to say to them?

我认为没成功的原因是他们还没进入寻找完美的心态。

I would assume that the reason it's not working is because they're not in this frame of mind to find Perfect.

爱情。

Love.

当有人说，当一个小伙子说'我在尽力做对每件事'时，他们最常得到的回应是什么？

And when someone says when a dude says, I'm trying to do everything right, what is the most common response that they get?

所以，就像High otter或者类似

So, like High otter or, like

是啊。

Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

如果你看看推特，你会发现人们总在说'找个好女人太难了'。

If you kind of, like, look at Twitter, what you'll find is people will be like, it's impossible to find a good woman.

然后，假设有个男的这么说，或者女的这么说。

And then, like, men will be and let's say a dude says that, or a woman says that.

两边都是这样。

It's on both sides.

找个好男人太难了。

It's impossible to find a good man.

然后人们也不会附和说'是啊'。

And then people won't be like, yeah.

找个好男人太难了。

It's impossible to find a good man.

所以也许有些人会表示支持。

So maybe some people will be supportive.

所以你会遇到一个女性说根本找不到好男人。

So you'll have a a woman who says it's impossible to find a good man.

你知道，会有很多人附和说'是啊'。

You know, they'll they'll there are a lot of people who are like, yeah.

就像说'男人都是垃圾'那样。

Like like, men are trash.

好吧。

Fine.

然后很多人会说'你不够努力'。

And then a lot of people will be like, you're not trying hard enough.

你没找对地方。

You're not going to the right places.

这种情况...我们男性更常听到这种话，因为社会偏见认为男人不需要帮助。

That's that gets we we as men get that a lot more because there's a societal bias that men don't need help.

对吧？

Right?

所以如果你比较一下仅限男性和仅限女性的奖学金，美国私人机构发放的奖学金总额约为49亿美元。

So if if if you look at, like, the the comparison of scholarships, male only scholarships versus female only scholarships, there's about $4,900,000,000 worth of scholarships given out in The United States from private sources.

非体育类女性奖学金远高于男性奖学金。

Female scholarships outside of athletics are way higher than male scholarships.

而在体育领域，男性获得的奖学金数量则多得多。

So if you look at athletics, the number is way higher for men.

但真正奇怪的是，大学毕业生或在读学生中约有60%是女性。

But the really weird thing is that, like, 60% of people who graduate from college or in college somewhere in there are women.

所以更需要基于性别支持的其实是男性，但我们并没有真正这样做。

So the the people who need more gender based support are men, but we don't really do that.

通常，如果一个男性遇到问题，人们会说这是他自己要解决的问题。

We're usually, like, if a man has a problem, this is a man's problem to solve.

当男性公开表示自己在约会方面遇到困难时，人们（尤其是其他男性）会说：更努力些，再加把劲。

And when a man goes out and says, I'm having trouble dating, what people will say is men will say, work harder, try harder.

要知道，人们会喜欢，也会对此非常刻薄。

You know, people will like and people will really be nasty about it.

他们会说，你是不是不知道怎么和女性交谈？

They're like, do you not know how to talk to women?

别像个怪胎一样。

Stop being a creep.

诸如此类的话。

Things like that.

然后另一件事，我们某种程度上开始——不是开始。

And then the other thing that we're sort of starting to not starting.

我们真正看到的是，存在一种非常、非常深的愤怒和特权感。

We're really seeing is that there is this very, very deep anger, entitlement.

就像，这种非自愿单身者的运动。

There's, like, this incel movement.

你知道，就像这种阿尔法男性和贝塔男的分类。

You know, there's this, like, alpha male, beta male kind of thing.

我不知道你是否能感受到，但确实存在一种深深的愤怒情绪。

And I don't know if you kinda get this, but there's, a deep sense of, like, anger.

对吧？

Right?

这种愤怒存在于男性中，我认为女性也能感受到。

There's, a in men, and I think women feel it too.

这就是为什么女性如此恐惧，那个关于'你宁愿在森林里遇到熊还是男人'的讨论。

This is why women are so terrified, this whole thing about would you rather be in a forest with a bear or a man?

你听说过这个吗？

If you did you hear about this?

有人在推特上向女性提出这个问题。

So, like, people would ask this question on Twitter to women.

问题是：'你宁愿在森林里遇到熊还是男人？'

It's like, would you be rather be in a forest with, like, a bear or a man?

女性觉得和野生熊相处比和男人在一起更安全。

And, like, women feel safer with a wild bear than they do with a man.

所以我觉得人们正在察觉到这种存在主义的情绪，不知道你是否能理解，但男性群体中确实存在一种存在主义的呐喊，这种呐喊可能以愤怒的形式表现出来。

So I think people are picking up on this, like, existential, and I don't know if that makes sense to you, but there's, like, an existential, like, cry coming from men, which can manifest as anger.

我认为我们在韩国也能看到这种情绪的反映，比如生育率持续下降，那里的男性变得非常非常愤怒。

I think we're also seeing reflections of this, like, in South Korea with, like, dropping birth rates, right, where, like, men are getting really, really angry.

他们觉得自己理应得到更多。

They feel really entitled.

我认为这时候理解生理差异很重要，我们稍后会讨论我认为正在发生的事情。

And I think this is where it's important to understand the biological difference, and we'll get to what I think is going on.

女性不需要男性也能传承自己的基因。

So a woman does not need a man in order to pass her genes along.

对吧？

Right?

我的意思是，虽然听起来有点奇怪，但作为女性，你完全可以去精子库受孕。

So I mean, like, literally, I know it sounds weird, but, if you're a woman, you can just go to a sperm bank and you can get pregnant.

没错。

Yeah.

女性无需男性也能生育后代——甚至可以认为，女性要找到愿意使其受孕的男性，远比男性要找到愿意为其孕育子女的女性容易得多。

You can just have a child without you can also argue that it's easier for women to find a man who is willing to impregnate them than it is for a man to find a woman willing to carry their child.

但现实是，我们生活在一个女性只要愿意就能繁衍后代，而男性却做不到的社会。

But, I mean, literally, we live in a society where women can just procreate if they feel like it, and men cannot.

因此这里存在根本性的权力失衡。

So there's a fundamental power balance there.

我不是在评判对错。

I'm not saying it's right or wrong.

我只是在陈述客观事实。

I'm just saying it is what it is.

所以我认为我们正在目睹的实际上是一场大规模灭绝事件。

So I think what we're starting to see is actually like a mass extinction event.

我们正在见证一群毫无选择权的男性遭受自然选择淘汰。

We are seeing natural selection for a group of men who have no options.

多年前我曾是个失败者，而我们当时所处的社会迫使我不得不进入第三空间。

Many years ago, I was a loser, and the world that we lived in necessitated my entry into third spaces.

我那时不擅长和女孩交流，但被迫上了大学。

I had trouble talking to girls, but I was forced into college.

我的第一份工作是在冰淇淋店打工。

When I got my first job, it was serving ice cream.

我不得不与女孩们互动。

I was forced to interact with girls.

我参加了一个夏令营活动，在那里遇到女孩们，被迫与她们交谈。

I was active in a summer camp where I met girls, was forced to talk to girls.

虽然我不擅长和女孩交流，但当时的社会环境让我不得不与她们接触。

So I sucked at talking to girls, but the world that I lived in was structured so that I still had to talk to girls.

我无法逃避与异性互动——即使这种互动令人痛苦。

I had no option to retreat from interaction and painful interaction with the opposite sex.

我认为这些现象真正开始恶化是在新冠疫情时期。

I think literally what we're seeing because all this stuff started to get really bad during COVID.

疫情期间发生的事就像一场自然选择，但选择的不是生死存亡。

So what happened in COVID was actually like a natural selection event, but it wasn't an actual selection event about life and death.

人们以为自然选择就是这样的。

That's what people think natural selection is.

疫情期间确实发生了很多死亡事件，这很糟糕。

What happened during COVID, sure, lot of people died, and that's bad.

但在后疫情时代，有些人能适应，有些人则不行。

But the post COVID world, some people were able to adapt to it, and some people are not.

我们看到社交焦虑症激增。

We're seeing a spike in social anxiety.

现在我可以在家工作了。

Now I can work from home.

现在我有了色情内容。

Now I have pornography.

现在有了这些东西，我就不必被迫学习如何与女性互动了。

Now I have all this stuff going on to where I'm not forced to learn how to interact with women.

这样讲能理解吗？

Does that kind of make sense?

是的。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

所以现在你可以一辈子都待在家里。

So now you can live your whole life at home.

我认为现在正在发生的实际上就是自然选择。

And I think what's starting to happen is literally natural selection.

人们对自然选择的理解有误，他们以为'自然'就意味着我弱别人强。

And the way that natural selection works is people think it's like, oh, if I'm natural if natural means I'm weak and someone is strong.

这种理解在技术上并不准确。

That's not technically correct.

自然选择是指你以某种方式被塑造，别人以另一种方式被塑造，然后环境发生了变化。

Natural selection is you were made a certain way, someone else is made a different way, and then the environment changes.

两者中谁更适合——这甚至不是适应问题，因为所有的适应都已经完成了。

Which one of these two is suited to it's not even adaptation because all all the adaptations have been made.

我认为最好的例子就是达尔文雀。

And I think the best example of this is, like, literally Darwin's finches.

比如有一种雀鸟长着坚硬的喙，可以啄开坚果。

So you've got, like, you know, one finch that has, like, a hard beak that can crack a nut.

另一种雀鸟则有非常尖锐的喙，能从仙人掌紧密的花朵中啄出虫子。

You've got another finch that has a very sharp beak that can get, like, a a a bug out of, a cactus, like, that has these very, like, tight tight flowers.

如果发生变故导致所有仙人掌灭绝，依赖仙人掌虫子的鸟类也会开始消亡。

And so if something happens and all the cacti die out, the birds that rely on the cacti bugs will start to die out too.

它们在这个世界已经不知道如何繁衍后代了。

They don't know how to procreate in this world anymore.

我认为我们现在看到的这些阿尔法、贝塔、非自愿独身者现象，以及韩国的情况，实际上我们正在目睹整整一代男性逐渐消亡——那些32岁、35岁没有孩子，也不知道将来如何生育的男性。

And I think what we're seeing with, like, all these alphas, betas, incels, what we're seeing in South Korea is there is a whole generation of men that is like we are literally watching them die out in real time because we've got 32 year olds, 35 year olds who do not have children, do not know how they're gonna ever have children.

虽然听起来很荒诞，但这确实正在发生。

And this is where, like, I know this sounds bizarre, but so that's actually happening.

这并不荒诞。

That's not bizarre.

韩国的出生率大约是0.7。

That's birth rate in South Korea is, like, point seven.

所以有一大批男性永远无法传递他们的基因——用阿尔法男、贝塔男这类术语来说，他们经常谈论繁衍后代和传承血脉这类话题。

So there's a bunch of men who will never pass on their genes in the alpha male, beta male, whatever, like, you know, in that kind of language, they talk a lot about, like, procreation and legacy and stuff like that.

但我几乎要怀疑，人类体内是否存在这样一种机制：当你的基因意识到自己即将消亡时，它们会在你脑海中触发什么？

But I almost wonder, is there a mechanism in a human being that if your genes know they're dying out, what would they trigger in your mind?

对吧？

Right?

我认为它们触发的正是我们眼前所见的一切。

And I think what they would trigger is exactly what we're seeing.

这种存在性恐慌、焦虑、甚至攻击性和特权意识。

This, like, existential panic, angst, even aggression, entitlement.

因为如果这些男性不采取这种行为方式，他们真的会走向灭绝。

Because if these men do not behave in this way, they're literally going to die out.

所以我们在后疫情时代看到的是，像你我这样高中时代不善交际的'失败者'，被迫进入社交互动——正是在这种环境中我们才逐渐学会如何与异性交谈。

So what we see in this post COVID world is that people like maybe you or me who were, like, losers and didn't know how to talk to chicks in high school, we were forced into social interaction where we basically, like that's where we developed, in in order to so that we could talk to girls.

但在后疫情时代，所有这些社交空间都消失了。

But in this post COVID world, all those spaces are gone.

不再有强制性的互动。

There's no forcible interaction.

所以有些人天生就擅长与女孩交谈。

So then there are some people for whom it's natural to talk to girls.

这就是为什么我们看到这种二分法，有些人会说‘主动展现自己就好’。

And that's why, like, we see this dichotomy where it's almost like, you know, some people are like, just put yourself out there.

去健身吧。

Just work out.

提升自我，一切都会好起来。

Work on yourself, and things will work out.

但也有很多人觉得‘这根本没用’。

And then there are a lot of other people who are like, that's not working.

我猜想，如果你回到两百年前，回到加拉帕戈斯群岛，把达尔文的雀鸟放到推特上，你会看到与我们现状完全相同的景象。

And I imagine if you went back, like, two hundred years, went back to the Galapagos Islands and you took Darwin's finches and you put them on Twitter, you would see that what exactly what we're seeing.

有些人会说，哦，你找不到对象有困难？

Some people are like, oh, like, you have trouble getting bugs?

那就去努力啊。

Just crack a nut.

就是，你要更擅长社交才行。

Like, just get better at cracking nuts.

但他们骨子里有种特质，某种依恋模式，某种社交焦虑倾向，某种神经质倾向，某种处境因素，某种支持体系，让他们能够付出努力并取得成功。

But they have something in their makeup, something in their attachment style, something in in their their tendency for social anxiety, something in their neuroticism, something in their circumstances, something in their support structure that allows them to put forth effort and succeed.

而另一边还有一群人，他们会去做心理咨询，会在职业上提升自己，会在交友软件上活跃。

And then there are these other people over here who will go to therapy, who will work on themselves professionally, who will show up on dating apps.

但由于他们的脸型（这是无法根本改变的），或是其他他们自己都没意识到的原因——比如成长过程中形成的某种不自知的依恋模式。

And because of the shape of their face, which cannot be fundamentally altered, or some other thing which they're not even aware of, they grew up with a certain attachment style that they're not aware of.

他们从小就有自闭倾向，难以进行眼神交流和情感联结。

They grew up with on the spectrum, and their capacity to make eye contact and emotional connections is very difficult.

所以有这么一群人，我认为他们真的非常努力了。

So there's this whole crop of people who, I think, are trying really hard.

我不认为他们是失败者。

I don't think they're losers.

我不觉得他们可怜或类似那样。

I don't think they're, like, pathetic or anything like that.

我认为这些人的内在构造决定了常规建议对他们不适用。

I think there's something about the architecture of how these people are built so that standard advice does not apply to them.

当我与这些人相处时，感觉就像面对一个正在凋零的生命。

And what I feel when I sit with these people is, like, someone who is dying out.

那种陪伴的感觉就是如此。

Like, that's what it feels like to sit with.

这个人的生活，他们不是在生活。

This this person's life, they're not living a life.

他们正处于一个缓慢而漫长的死亡过程中。

They're in a slow, protracted process of dying.

当你处于这种缓慢的死亡过程时，色情内容就会出现。

And when you are in a slow, protracted process of dying, pornography shows up.

然后就会出现这种奇怪的现象：你获得一阵多巴胺的刺激，同时伴随着一种存在主义的恐惧——我无法真正参与生活。

And then you've got this weird thing that goes on where you get the spurt of dopamine, this existential dread of, like, I am not getting to participate in life.

外面有那么多人都参与其中。

There are all these people out there that are participating.

他们告诉我，哦，你应该这样做。

They tell me, oh, you should do this.

但这根本行不通。

But it doesn't work.

想象一下这有多可怕。

And it's just imagine how terrifying it is.

如果有人给你的建议本该有效，但对你却不起作用，那你该有多完蛋？

If someone gives you advice that's supposed to work and it doesn't work for you, how fucked are you?

对吧？

Right?

因为这就是答案。

Because that's the answer.

就像有些人得了癌症，我们就给他们癌症治疗。

It's like some people have cancer, we give them cancer treatment.

他们康复了。

They get better.

但如果有些人得了癌症，大家都说，嘿，试试这种化疗，结果没效果，那你该有多绝望？

But if some people have cancer and everyone's like, Hey, do this chemotherapy, and it doesn't work, then how screwed are you?

●●●（你）彻底完蛋了。●●●

You're very screwed.

所以我认为，这就是我们正在目睹的现象。

So this is, I think, what we're seeing.

这种深层的存在主义缺失，这种对连接的渴望，不知怎地与色情内容产生了交集。

This deep existential loss, this desire for connection, is somehow intersecting with pornography.

因为我认为色情成瘾也有其精神层面的因素。

Because I think pornography addiction has a spiritual component too.

如果你和那些沉迷色情的人交谈，他们能感受到这一点。

And if you talk to people who are addicted to pornography, they can feel it.

他们感到精神上很空虚。

They feel, like, spiritually, like, empty.

他们会想，我的人生毫无作为。

They're like, I'm not doing anything in with my life.

所以与色情成瘾相关的两个最强变量中，一个是生活中的无意义感。

So one of the two variables that correlates with pornography addiction, the two strongest variables that correlate with pornography addiction, one of them is a sense of meaninglessness in life.

我之前提到过这个奇怪的精神层面因素，但另一个简单事实是：如果你想戒掉看色情内容，却找不到戒除的理由。

And there's a weird spiritual angle that I talked about, but the other really simple thing is, if you you want to stop watching porn, you didn't have a reason to stop watching porn.

色情内容的问题在于，你本可以正常生活，但在那些工作结束到约会前、或刷Tinder没人回复的间隙时段，这些无所事事的空白时间里，你找不到活着的意义，索性就自慰了。

And the problem with porn is that you can be kind of like living your life, and then in the in between hours when you're, like, back from work and before you go on a date or maybe you're swiping on Tinder and no one's really answering or whatever, You just have these hours in the day where there's nothing going on, you're not living for anything, so you might as well jerk off.

我有很多想法。

I mean, there's a lot that I'm thinking about.

首先是，如果回到你提到的这个类似灭绝事件的观点，它引出了我们该如何应对的问题。

The first is, if we go back up to your point about this being a bit of an extinction event, it poses a question about like what do do about that?

你还说过人们尝试采纳建议但不见效。

You said also people are trying to implement the advice, but it's not working.

这是否意味着问题在于动机或自律性？

Now does that mean that that's a question of like motivation, discipline?

是建议本身有问题吗？

Is it bad advice?

我们该如何应对这种情况？

What do we do there?

第三个浮现在我脑海的问题是：社会是否有责任以某种方式干预并纠正这种现象？

And the third, I guess, question that comes to mind is, does society have a responsibility to intervene in some way to correct this?

我认为社会有责任吗？

So I I think does society have a responsibility?

我不认为这是个真实存在的概念

I don't think that is a real thing.

我从未见过社会承担过任何责任

So I have never seen society take a responsibility.

我认为社会根本不可能承担责任

I don't think society can take a responsibility.

对吧？

Right?

所以，比如说，我该怎么联系到社会呢？

So if, like like, how do I get society?

比如，我该找谁谈？

Like, who do I talk to?

但是，如果

But but if

想想其他处于边缘化群体的人，社会会介入来

you think about other people that are in marginalized groups, society intervenes to make the

世界社会。

world society.

政府、我们制定法律的方式、分配资金和拨款的方式，以及我们塑造社区的方式。

The governments and the way that we make our laws and the way that we give out money and grants and the way that we shape our communities.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以我理解这个问题，但我觉得，这就是我的思维方式。

So I I understand the question, but I I think, like, this and this is just the way that I think.

所以如果我问你什么是社会，你会说是政府。

So if I ask you what is society, you say the government.

那么政府是谁？

And then who is the government?

政府是什么？

What is the government?

就是人。

It's people.

对。

Yeah.

所以我认为归根结底是要忘记社会责任。

So I think this comes down to forget about societal responsibility.

我觉得这正是问题之一。

And I think this is one of the problems.

并不是说这就是问题所在，但这只是我的思考方式。

Not to say that it is the problem, but this is just the way that I think.

有个案例，我记不清那位女士的名字了，讲的是她在夜间街头遭遇性侵。

There was a case, I don't remember her name, of a woman who's being sexually assaulted in public, like, on a street at nighttime.

当时有许多邻居都意识到性侵正在发生，却没有人报警求助。

And there were a bunch of neighbors who were, like, aware that the sexual assault was happening, and no one called for help.

没人报警的原因是每个人都以为别人会报警。

And the reason no one called for help is because everyone assumed that somebody else would call for help.

你明白吗，这该是谁的责任？

You know, whose problem is it?

哦，社会应该解决这个问题。

Oh, society should fix this.

一旦我们说社会应该解决这个问题，我们就不再承担个人责任了。

And the moment that we say society should fix it fix this, we stop taking individual responsibility.

当我们不再承担个人责任时，除非有人站出来竞选公职并宣称自己的目标就是解决这个问题——顺便说，韩国正在发生这样的事。

And the moment that we stop taking individual responsibility, like, unless someone shows up and runs for office and says, my goal is to do this, which, by the way, is happening in, like, South Korea.

所以，韩国现在保守派与女性之间存在巨大紧张关系，出现了所谓的'四不运动'，女性表示不再生育。

So, like, conservatives that are very, like there's this huge tension in South Korea right now between men and women and this four b movement where women are like, we're not gonna have kids anymore.

然后有一股保守的、支持男性气概的运动正在进入政府，声称这种情况必须改变。

And then there's, like, this conservative kind of, like, pro masculine kind of movement that is moving into government and says, like, this needs to change.

我们看到各国政府正在应对这场婚配危机。

We see governments responding to this mating crisis.

对吧？

Right?

比如中国现在正在通过发放补贴鼓励生育。

So I think, like, China is now paying people to have children.

所以各种应对措施正在实施中。

So there's all kinds of, like, moves that are happening.

那么这是社会的责任吗？

So is it society's responsibility?

我不知道。

I don't know.

我认为如果社会不采取任何行动，结果将会非常简单，这就是我所说的我们正在目睹一场大规模灭绝事件。

I think if society doesn't do anything, what's going to happen will be really simple, and that's what I mean by we're witnessing a mass extinction event.

我们有一群年龄在15到50岁之间的年轻男性，他们将永远不会繁衍后代，最终彻底消亡。

We have a group of young men who are somewhere between 15 to 50 who will just never procreate, and then they will literally die out.

对吧？

Right?

他们的基因将无法传承下去。

Their genes will not be passed on.

而那些繁衍后代的人，将会适应后疫情时代的世界。

And for the people who do procreate, they will have been adapted to the post COVID world.

是的。

Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

所以他们懂得如何在Tinder上成功建立关系。

So they know how to form they succeed on Tinder.

反观，如果你去参加某种老年人活动，看看那些有孙辈的人，其中一半男性在Tinder上都不会成功。

Whereas, like, if you go you look at like, if you go to, like, some kind of senior event and you look at all the people who have grandkids, half the men there would not have succeeded on Tinder.

是的。

Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

当我告诉人们这个事实时，他们真的会感到震惊。

And this is something that really, like, shocks people when I kinda tell them this.

但如果你想看谁才是成功的，不是那些在Tinder上约炮15次的男人。

But if you wanna see, like, who's succeeding, it's not the the dudes on Tinder who are getting laid 15 times.

比如——虽然这么说有点奇怪——但如果你去游乐场，会看到很多长相普通、身材普通、收入中等的男人正在养育孩子，这才是现实。

Like, go to, like, a I mean, this is sometimes a little creepy, but, like, if you go to a playground, you're gonna see, like, a lot of, like, average looking men with, like, average looking dad bods, which with average median incomes, who are, having kids, and that's what's really happening.

但即使这些男人也在某种程度上适应了环境。

But even those men are adapted in some way.

对吧？

Right?

因为他们并不特别出众。

Because they're not exceptionally attractive.

他们不算特别富有，但他们的心理构成中有某种特质，使他们能够建立情感纽带并繁衍后代。

They're not exceptionally rich, but they have something going on in their psychological makeup, which allows them to form bonds and procreate.

你刚才说15到50岁之间的男性中有很大一部分无法传递自己的基因。

You just said that a huge amount of men between the age of 15 and 50 will not pass on their genes.

他们实际上将从基因交配池中消失。

They will effectively die out of the gene mating pool.

人们听到这个说法时，很多人会说，这就是进化。

So people will hear that, and many people will go, well, that's evolution.

是啊。

Yeah.

但我想知道是否存在相反的观点。

And but I want to understand if there's a counterpoint to that.

社会是否应该干预？

Should society intervene?

为什么短期内会有大量男性感到幻灭，他们结成小团体，聚集在互联网的角落，充满怨恨，诸如此类的现象。

Why is, you know, in the short term, we're going have a lot of men who are disillusioned that become in cells, find themselves in pockets of the Internet, are resentful, all those kinds of things.

但社会是否应该干预以纠正这种趋势？

But should society intervene to course correct that?

我们是否应该建立机制来确保这些男性找到伴侣？

Should we put systems in place to make sure that those men meet partners?

我要用一个问题来回答这个问题。

I'm gonna I'm gonna answer that question with a question.

好的。

Okay.

假设有大批人因癌症而逐渐消亡。

If, let's say, a huge swath of people are dying out from cancer.

是的。

Yeah.

我们是否应该对此进行干预？

Should we intervene with that?

是的。

Yes.

如果有一大批人因为，比如说，病毒而濒临灭绝，

If a huge swath of people are dying out from, like, a virus,

我们是否应该以百分比介入。

should we intervene with percent.

是的。

Yes.

如果有一大批人因为种族灭绝而濒临灭绝，我们是否应该介入？

If a huge swath of people are, dying out from genocide, should we in intervene with that?

是的。

Yes.

所以我认为有两件重要的事情。

So I think there are two important things.

其中有一点不同，

One is slightly different,

不是吗？

isn't it?

是。

Is.

这是你所以

It's it's what you So

一个是关于死亡。

one is about death.

对。

Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

所以一个是，就像如果一个人正在死去，嗯。

So one is, like, if if a human being is dying Mhmm.

我们应该介入。

We should step in.

但自然选择并不一定与死亡有关。

But natural selection isn't necessarily about death.

这才是它真正棘手的地方。

This is what's really tricky about it.

这就是为什么我认为它变得困难。

This is why I think it gets hard.

自然选择关乎基因的传递。

Natural selection is about passing on your genes.

是的。

Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

它关乎创造能存活的下一代。

It's about creating viable offspring.

而这就是当某人——我想我们也会说是的。

And this is where if someone you know, and I think we also say yes.

比如，有一对夫妇想要孩子，而这个孩子患有囊性纤维化，我们是否应该帮助这对夫妇生育？

Like, if there's, you know, a couple that wants to have a child, and that child has cystic fibrosis, should we help that couple should we help a couple procreate?

我们也会说应该。

We also say yes.

是的。

Yeah.

这就是为什么我们有试管婴儿这类技术。

So that's why we have IVF and things like that.

所以我认为关键在于这种情况不同是因为涉及的是夫妻关系。

So I think that the tricky thing about the the reason that this is different is because that's a couple.

如果女性无法生育，或者说男性无法生育，我们是否应该通过医疗手段干预使他们能够生育？

If if a woman is unable to have kids, even if we say if a man is unable to have kids, should we medically intervene so that they're capable of having kids?

应该。

Yes.

对吧？

Right?

所以如果我们讨论的是夫妻，讨论的是人类存在医疗问题，或是讨论保护人们免于死亡，答案都是肯定的。

So if we're talking about a couple, if we're talking about a human being and there's a medical problem, or if we're talking about protecting people from death, the answer is yes.

这是一个新问题：人们是否有繁衍的权利？

This is a new question, which is, do people have the right to reproduce?

而最具挑战性的是，答案基本上是否定的。

And this is what's so challenging about it is, like, the answer is basically no.

因为对男性而言，这需要他人的同意。

Because for men, that requires the consent of someone else.

我的繁衍权绝不能凌驾于他人不愿与我繁衍的权利之上。

And my right to reproduce never trumps someone's right to not want to reproduce with me.

我想我们某种程度上都接受这点，对吧？

I think we sort of accept that, right?

这是正确的。

That's correct.

现在，这就是根本生物学差异的体现之处。

Now, this is where the fundamental biological difference comes in.

因为女性不需要男性也能生育。

Because a woman doesn't need a man to reproduce.

我可以去精子银行。

I can go to sperm bank.

再次强调，你可以辩称只要愿意就能发生关系，但这并非我的亲身经历。

Once again, you can argue that you can get laid if you want to, but that hasn't been my experience.

我认为女性在应对孤独和寻找性伴侣等方面也面临不少困难。

I think women struggle with loneliness and finding sexual partners and stuff quite a bit as well.

互联网上存在一些非常糟糕的认知。

There's some really bad perception on the Internet.

所以我认为这是社会面临的新问题，也是为何它尚未得到解决的原因。

So I think this is, like, a new problem for society, which is why it hasn't been solved.

正因如此，我所采取的路径——我不知道社会的答案是什么。

Now that's why the the the the track that I take I don't know what the societal answer is.

我不是社会学家。

I'm not a sociologist.

所幸我发现，我们并不需要解决这个问题——我认为我们没必要解决它。

So what I have found, thankfully, we don't need to solve our I don't think we need to solve that problem.

这个问题需要被解决吗？

Does it need to be solved?

当然。

Sure.

应该有人来解决它吗？

Should someone solve it?

我认为是的。

I think so.

但我发现真正有效的是，通常这些男性难以适应的问题是可以解决的。

But I think what what what I found works really well is that, usually, the problem that these men are failing to adapt to is can be fixed.

但问题在于，对成功者有效的解决方案对失败者行不通。

But the problem is that the solutions that work for the people who are successful will not work for the people who are unsuccessful.

这完全是两码事。

These are apples and oranges.

对吧？

Right?

所以，这就是个大错误——当我说‘好吧’的时候。

So, like and this is the big mistake is that when when I say, okay.

我婚姻幸福，有两个孩子，但我做过的事对这些人行不通。

I am happily married with two kids, but the thing that I did won't work for these people.

这是我的临床经验。

That's been my clinical experience.

我的建议对他们无效。

My advice does not work for them.

你的建议对他们也没用。

Your advice won't work for them.

我们需要的是一个能解决他们根本问题的不同体系。

What we need is a different system that addresses their fundamental problems.

对吧？

Right?

因为我内心具备所需的条件。

Because I had what it takes internally.

我童年时得到了关爱。

I was loved as a child.

比如，妈的。

Like, fuck.

你看，问题的根源有多深。

Like, this is how deep it runs.

所以我懂得如何给予爱和接受爱。

So I knew how to give love and receive love.

我遇到的男性中有三分之一既不懂得如何给予爱，也不懂得如何接受爱。

A third of the men that I meet do not know how to give love and do not know how to receive love.

跟他们的Tinder个人资料毫无关系。

Has nothing to do with their Tinder profiles.

这就是他们完蛋的原因。

That's why they're fucked.

当人们会说‘去健身房锻炼，多赚钱’时。

And when people can say, go to the gym, make more money.

但如果你根本不懂得如何给予或接受爱，那么，这就像是个巨大的问题。

But if you do not know how to fundamentally give or receive love, then, like, that's a huge problem.

当你试图从个人层面解决这个问题时，这是你的切入点吗？

Is that where you start when you're trying to solve this on an individual basis?

是的。

Yeah.

所以我的意思是，我不会从给予和接受爱开始，因为这对他们来说太陌生了，他们根本不知道怎么做。

So, I mean, I start giving and receiving love is not where I start because that's, like, so foreign to them that they don't know how to do that.

好吧。

Okay.

对吧？

Right?

所以我认为有几件事需要注意。

So I think there are a couple of things.

我与大多数男性沟通时，首先会从理解他们的情绪入手。

The first place that I start with most men is in understanding their emotions.

我们存在各种行为模式，这些模式由我们不自知的内在部分驱动。

So we have all kinds of patterns that we engage in that are driven by different parts of us that we have no insight into.

通常，这才是问题的核心所在。

And usually, this is, like, where the money is.

昨天我和一位朋友进行了深入交流，他举了个绝佳的例子——这种情况我已见过无数次。

So I I was I I had a great conversation yesterday with a buddy of mine, and, you know, he he gave me this fantastic example, which I've seen so many times.

很多女性会谈论那些害怕承诺的男性。

So, you know, there's a a lot of women will talk about men who are afraid of commitment.

对。

Yeah.

明白吗？

You know?

就像这样：'我正在和这个人约会'

So it's like, oh, like, I'm dating this person.

他很好，但他害怕承诺。

He's great, but he's afraid of commitment.

他害怕承诺。

He's afraid of commitment.

然后这就演变成，哦，好像这家伙需要站出来，需要像个男人，需要学会如何承诺。

And then and then that then it kind of becomes like, oh, like, the dude is, like, he, like, needs to step up and needs to, like, be a man and needs to, like, learn how to commit.

所以我们某种程度上把责任推给了男人。

So we sort of put put the onus on the man.

你害怕承诺。

You're afraid of commitment.

你需要解决这个问题。

You need to fix that.

这真是件有趣的事。

It's a really funny thing.

如果你观察我合作过的女性，她们往往会陷入这种模式，总是和害怕承诺的男人约会。

Is if you look at, like, women that I've worked with, they sort of fall into this pattern where they date men who are afraid of commitment.

这就是为什么她们在寻找承诺，因为她们尚未找到。

And that's why they're looking for commitment, because they haven't found it yet.

对吧？

Right?

所以真正有趣的是，有时女性会选择害怕承诺的男性，因为她们内心深处也害怕承诺。

And so the really funny thing is sometimes women will select for a man who is afraid of commitment because deep down, they're afraid of commitment.

因此我会找一个我知道害怕承诺的人，这样我就可以把不承诺的责任归咎于他们。

So I'm going to find someone who I know is afraid of commitment, and therefore I can blame them for never committing.

我之所以知道这一点，是因为有时那些男性会来到我的办公室，努力克服对承诺的恐惧，并最终战胜它。

And this is how I know this because sometimes the dude will come into my office, and he will work on his fear of commitment, and he will conquer it.

而就在他战胜对承诺恐惧的那一刻，女方反而会退缩。

And the moment that he conquers his fear on commitment, the woman will retreat.

她们会感到害怕。

They'll get terrified.

她们会开始找出各种问题。

They'll start to find all kinds of problems.

这不仅仅是男性或女性单方面的问题。

And it's not just like men and it's not just women are guilty of this.

人们会陷入各种自己毫无觉察的行为模式中。

So there are all kinds of patterns that people will engage in that they have no insight into.

首先，理解你的情绪，然后你才能理解自己的行为。

First of all, understand your emotions, then you will understand your behaviors.

比如，为什么我总是选择那些害怕承诺的人？

Oh, like, why do I keep on selecting people who are afraid of commitment?

因为我自己也害怕承诺。

Because I'm afraid of commitment.

如果我找到一个同样害怕承诺的人，我就可以把责任推给他们，永远不用面对自己内心对承诺的恐惧。

And if I can find somebody else who's afraid of commitment, I can blame them from it, and I never have to deal with my laddering up my fear of commitment.

情绪背后往往隐藏着许多东西。

There's a lot of stuff that comes with emotions.

所以要有情绪意识，觉察自己的行为模式，并学会调节它们。

So awareness of emotions, awareness of your your patterns, the ability to regulate them.

我想这差不多总结完了。

And I'd say that kind of ties it up.

那么第一步是理解自己的情绪，第二步则是提供一种处理这些情绪的方式，而不是通过色情内容、成瘾行为或可能对其长期目标具有破坏性的短期欲望？

So step one is understanding one's emotions, and then step two is kind of sort of giving them a way to deal with those emotions that isn't the pornography or the addictive behavior or the short term desire that might be destructive for their long term their long term goals?

我认为是的。

I think so.

然后，

And and

那是什么？

what is that?

我该如何处理这些情绪？

How do I deal with the emotions?

所以如果我...如果我有某种成瘾行为的冲动，比如看色情内容，嗯。

So if I'm if I'm if I have a craving to to engage in some kind of addictive behavior like pornography, Yeah.

那我应该做什么来代替呢？

Should I do instead?

那么如果我们要非常实际地讨论，我可以分享一下我治疗色情成瘾的模式。

So so if we're getting super practical, I can give you kinda like my paradigm for treating pornography addiction.

嗯。

Mhmm.

首先，我知道这听起来有点奇怪，但我建议人们做的第一件事是规划好观看色情内容的时间。

So the first thing is that I know this sounds kinda weird, but the first thing that I recommend people do is schedule their pornography usage.

就是每天选择一个固定的小时来观看色情内容。

So pick one hour of the day where they watch pornography.

如果我们审视色情内容的问题之一，就是它会渗透到你生活的每个缝隙中。

So if we look at, like, one of the problems with pornography, it's that it invades all the cracks in your life.

而随着时间的推移，它会将这些缝隙越撑越大。

And then over time, what it does is it widens those cracks.

所以你要做的第一件事，就是把它压缩到一天中的某个固定时段。

So the first thing that you've got to do is, like, move it to, like, one part of the day.

我知道很多人推崇'一刀切'的戒断方式，比如彻底戒除之类的。

I know a lot of people are fans of, like, cold turkey and, like like, you know, sobriety and things like that.

我认为对于数字成瘾来说，戒断会更困难。

I think for the digital addictions, that's harder.

所以请在所有设备上退出登录。

So log out of all of your devices.

将使用时间限制在每天一小时。

Restrict it to one hour of the day.

接下来你需要做的是预判一天中最艰难的时刻。

Next thing that you need to do is anticipate what are going be the hard parts of your day.

哪些时刻会让你对某事感到特别糟糕？你的应对计划是什么？

So what are the parts where you're going to feel really bad about something, and what's your plan?

在这些时刻你有什么替代方案？

What's your alternative in those moments?

大脑另一个棘手之处在于：当我们处于痛苦时，无法创造新的解决方案。

So the other really tricky thing about the brain is that when we are suffering, we cannot create new solutions.

通常当我们遭遇攻击时，生存本能和条件反射会立即启动。

So, usually, when we get attacked by something, our survival instincts kick in, our reflexes kick in.

反射与创新位于行为光谱的两端。

Reflexes and innovation are at two opposite ends of the spectrum.

所以你必须在需要使用前就进行创新。

So you have to innovate before you need to use it.

对吧？

Right?

我们需要在火灾发生前就在家中备好消防栓。

We need to have a fire hydrant in our house before the fire starts.

我们不能等到火灾时才去找消防栓。

We can't go finding a fire hydrant.

这是许多人常犯的重大错误。

That's a big mistake that a lot of people make.

因此你的情绪调节技巧需要提前练习，无论是冥想。

So your emotional regulation techniques need to be practiced, whether that's meditation.

我非常喜欢一种叫‘冲动冲浪’的方法。

I really like something called urge surfing.

冲动冲浪这个概念让很多人感到困惑。

So urge surfing is something that confuses a lot of people.

史蒂文，如果你现在有什么欲望，比如想要什么东西吗？

So if you have a desire, Steven like, do you want anything right now?

我出价竞购的那栋房子。

That house I've put an offer in.

好的。

Okay.

很好。

Great.

或者我有点饿了，所以可能想

Or I'm I'm getting a little bit hungry, so maybe some

无论是哪种情况，如果你得不到那些东西，欲望会随着时间消失。

In either case, if you don't get those things, the desire will disappear over time.

对吧？

Right?

所以，如果你四十年后都没得到那栋房子，可能还会残留一丝渴望，但不会像现在这样强烈渴望它。人们常困惑的是，他们没意识到：如果不屈服于欲望，欲望会自行消失。

So if you don't get the house forty years from now, there may be a seed of desire left, but you're not gonna, like, want that house forty like, know, that's what's really confusing for people is people don't realize that if you do not give in to your desire, it'll disappear on its own.

人们某种程度上知道这点——如果你曾挨过饿，会注意到饥饿感若不进食就会自行消退。

And people sort of know this if you've been hungry, and you'll notice that you feel hungry, but if you don't feed yourself, the hunger goes away.

饥饿感会回来，因为身体信号会重新激发更强烈的需求，但只要你不对欲望让步，它就会消失。

It'll come back because your sig it'll get recreated stronger by certain signals in your body, but the desire disappears if you don't give into it.

因此，冲动冲浪法的核心是认识到：你不需要战胜成瘾。

So urge surfing is recognizing that you don't need to conquer your addiction.

你只需要等待它过去。

You need to wait it out.

比如你对色情内容产生渴望时，欲望会开始、增强、达到顶峰，然后自行消退。

So if you have a desire for pornography, the desire will start, it'll increase, it'll peak, and then it'll disappear on its own.

任何成瘾性物质都是如此。

Any addictive substance.

你只需要玩好这场等待游戏。

You just need to play the waiting game.

因此，掌握情绪调节技巧会有所帮助。

So it can help to have an emotional regulation technique.

我向大多数患者推荐的技巧是交替鼻孔呼吸法。

So the technique that I recommend for most of my patients is alternate nostril breathing.

我们的鼻子有种特性——当改变呼吸方式时，会调节交感神经和副交感神经系统，从而让我们平静下来。

So there's something about our nose that when we change the way that we breathe, it alters our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system and causes us to calm down.

每当我们对某物产生渴望时，就会感到不满足。

Anytime we have an urge for something, we feel unsatisfied.

这种不满足感会引发压力。

When we feel unsatisfied, it creates stress.

压力会导致皮质醇水平激增。

Stress causes a spike in cortisol.

皮质醇会进而激活我们的神经系统。

Cortisol will then activate our nervous system.

所以当你渴望某物时，那种感觉就像'我现在就要'。

So when you want something, it's like, I want it.