第13集：为什么我们都这么糟糕

你好。

Hello.

又是我。

It's me again.

再次，我先在你们脑海中设定一下场景。

Once again, I'll start by setting the scene for you in your mind.

现在是周日晚上5点22分，我在曼彻斯特的公寓里，或者我猜实际上是周一早上。

It's 05:22AM on Sunday night here in my apartment in Manchester or I guess Monday morning actually.

我穿着平角短裤坐在楼梯下的储物间里，又一次盯着日记里密密麻麻的笔记。

I'm sat in my boxer shorts in the cupboard under the stairs, and once again, I'm staring at a very packed collection of notes in my diary.

我总是很忙。

I am always busy.

但这周特别忙，以至于我没能在通常的时间录制播客。

But this week, was incredibly busy, which meant that I couldn't record the podcast when I usually record it.

所以这周的播客可能会比预期晚一点发布。

So it's probably gonna be out a little bit later than hoped for this week.

我真的很抱歉。

I do apologize.

做播客这件事，我得有特定的心态才能录。

The thing with the podcast is I have to be in a certain mindset to record it.

我经常跟我的团队聊这个。

And I I speak about this all the time with my team.

如果我没有那种能坐下来、停下来、反思、专注的心态，就做不成。

If it if I'm not in that mindset where I can sit, stop, and reflect, and focus, it just won't work.

而在忙碌的一周里，很难找到那种心态。

And during a very busy week, it's hard to find that mindset.

这周我们有很多要聊的。

We've got a tremendous amount to discuss this week.

那么，话不多说，这是第13章，我是史蒂夫·巴特利特。

So without further ado, this is chapter 13 and I'm Steve Bartlett.

这里是《CEO的日记》。

And this is the diary of a CEO.

我希望现在没人听。

I hope nobody is listening.

但如果你在听，请帮我保密。

But if you are, then please keep this to yourself.

好的。

Okay.

这周我日记里的第一点是，我刚刚写下：每一次相遇都很重要。

So the first point in my diary this week, I've just written down every encounter counts.

让我给你讲个故事。

So let me tell you a story.

你们有些人知道，我有一个YouTube频道。

I have a YouTube channel as some of you will know.

在那个频道上，我做一个系列叫“日常企业家”，我会采访一些有趣的现代企业家，试着弄清楚他们为什么成功。

And on that YouTube channel, I do a series called everyday entrepreneurs where I interview interesting modern day entrepreneurs and try and figure out why they were successful.

这周，我坐下来采访了Deliciously Ella。

And this week, I sat down and interviewed Deliciously Ella.

如果你不认识Deliciously Ella，那真是极少数人，她是全球最知名的健康饮食博主和企业家之一。

For you that don't know Deliciously Ella, the very, very few of you that don't, she is one of the world's most well known healthy eating bloggers and entrepreneurs.

我相信她的健康食谱书是全球销量最快的。

She's I believe she she had the fastest selling healthy cookbook that there is in the world.

我还相信她在伦敦开了五家店。

I also believe she's got five delis around London.

她的产品在各大超市都有售。

Her products are are in all of the supermarkets.

她真是个非常了不起的人。

She's just a tremendous, tremendous person.

对吧？

Right?

非常成功。

Hugely successful.

但在见到她之前，我有些顾虑，也怀疑她可能有点难搞，有点大牌脾气。

And before meeting her, I had a few reservations and I had a few suspicions that she might be a little bit of an asshole and a bit of a diva.

所以我当时挺紧张的，因为我不太喜欢跟那种人打交道。

So I was quite nervous because I don't like dealing with people like that.

对吧？

Right?

我不喜欢那种自以为是的人。

I don't like people that like dealing with people that are up their own asses.

我之所以这么想，是因为我认识一个人，那个人就是个出了名的混蛋。

And the reason why I thought this was because I know someone that knows her, and that person is notoriously an asshole.

所以我当时就带着偏见，觉得她可能也那样，因为她身边都是那种人，或者她自己就是那种人。

So my naive prejudice made me assume that maybe she hangs around with assholes or she knows assholes because she is one.

结果她走进来的时候，我跟你说，她简直就像阳光一样温暖。

When she walked into the room, I kid you not, she was a ray of sunshine.

我只能这么形容了。

That's the only way I can describe it.

她人好得让人难以置信。

She was unbelievably nice.

她让我感到很受欢迎。

She made me feel welcome.

她，我可以和她坐在一起聊上好几个小时，好几个小时，好几个小时。

She she I could have sat and talked to her for hours and hours and hours.

当她离开时，我其实挺难过的，因为我想，天哪，我希望我能再见到她。

And when she left, I was actually quite sad because I thought, oh god, I hope I don't I hope I get to to meet that person again.

她就是那种你一旦遇到就想留在你生活中的人。

And she's the type of person you meet and you just want them in your life.

她非常谦逊，故事也很精彩，我真的找不到足够的词来形容我对这个女人的感受。

Tremendously humble, an incredible story, and I there's no I don't have enough superlatives to to tell you how I feel about this woman.

她简直太棒了。

She was just the fucking best.

对吧？

Right?

这就是重点。

Here's the point.

她教了我一个非常、非常、非常重要的道理，关于第一印象，因为我一开始可能觉得她会是个讨厌的人，到后来却非常、非常希望她能赢，这完全基于她给我的那一个印象。

She taught me a very, very, very valuable lesson about first impressions because I went from a position of maybe thinking she was gonna be an asshole to really, really wanting her to win based on a singular impression that she'd given me of her.

而就在那一刻，我意识到了第一印象的力量。

And the minute that I I realized the power of the first impression was this.

我们雇了一个音响工程师，那天在现场负责采访的所有声音。

We had hired a sound engineer to be there on the day to take care of all the sound for the interview.

等她收拾好东西走了之后，我走到那个音响工程师面前，说：嘿，你觉得怎么样？

And after Ella's packed up and she's gone, I go to the sound engineer and say, hey, how was that for you?

你拿到你需要的一切了吗，等等等等？

Did you get everything you needed, etcetera, etcetera?

他说：是的，我拿到了我需要的一切。

And he says, yeah, I got everything I needed.

我最后还买了她的书，因为我就是觉得她太棒了，我还发短信给我妻子，让她也买那本书。

I also ended up buying her book because I just thought she was wonderful, and I text my wife and told my wife to buy her book as well.

然后我想：什么？

And I thought, what?

在我们做采访的时候，这个人给人的印象特别好。

While we were doing the interview, this person gave such a good impression of themselves.

他们非常谦虚，也非常棒，以至于我的录音师在采访过程中就买了她的产品，真的是在采访过程中。

They were so humble and so wonderful that my sound guy bought her products during the interview, literally during the interview.

然后他还发短信给别人，让他们也买这些产品，他们也买了。

And then he text somebody else and told them to buy the products too, and they bought the products too.

我当时就想，好吧，这只是一个孤立的事件。

And I just thought, okay, so that's one isolated incident.

但试想一下，如果这种力量在你这边，伴随你一生七十年、八十年、九十年、一百年，那会如何累积，从根本上改变你的人生轨迹。

But just for a second, imagine that force on your side for your entire seventy, eighty, ninety, a hundred year life, and how that would compound in your favor to fundamentally change the trajectory of your life.

这就是重点。

Here's the point.

第一印象，其实所有的印象都很重要，不管对方能不能帮你什么。

First impressions and all impressions in fact count, irrespective of if the person can do something for you or not.

我说的是在收银台后面给你递东西的那个人。

I'm talking about the person that gives you your groceries behind the checkout.

我说的是那个帮你打扫房子的人。

I'm talking about the person that cleans your house.

我说的是那个躺在地上、睡在外面、对你毫无帮助的人。

I'm talking about the the person that lays on the floor and sleeps outside that can do nothing for you.

所有这些印象都很重要。

All these impressions count.

还有一个例子，我刚刚想到的，其实不在我的日记里，但这周确实发生了。

Here's another example of this, which has just sprung to my mind and isn't actually in my diary, but did happen this week.

三年前，有个人给我发邮件，他是个学生，正在筹办一个活动。

Three years ago, there was a guy that emailed me, and he was a student and he had an event he was putting on.

我不说他的名字，但他问我能不能去伦敦参加他的活动当评委。

I won't say his name, but he asked me if I would come down and judge at his event in London.

显然，我当时不在伦敦。

Obviously, I wasn't in London.

三年前我特别忙，一直如此，但我还是回复他说，没问题。

I was incredibly busy three years ago as I always am, but I responded to him and said, sure.

告诉我我能帮你做什么，我一定会到。

Let me know what I can do for you and I'll be there.

然后我抄送给了我的助理，她帮我安排好了，最后我真的去了那个学生活动，还当了评委。

And I copied in my PA and she organized it and I ended up coming down to the students event and being a judge on this panel.

三年后，快进三年，Social Train已经发展成了一个巨大的国际企业，我们正在向YouTube做提案。

Three years later, fast forward three years, Social Train has grown into this huge international business and we're pitching to YouTube.

你知道，YouTube是世界上最大的品牌之一。

And it's you know, YouTube are one of the biggest brands in the world.

对吧？

Right?

所以我们非常非常非常认真地对待这次提案。

So we're we're we're taking this pitch very, very, very seriously.

我们全力以赴。

We're putting everything we can into it.

然后我收到一封邮件，就在三年前那个学生请我去当评委的同一个邮件链上。

And then I get an email, and it's on the same email chain that that student who emailed me three years ago used to ask me to come and be a judge at their event.

然后那个学生说，嘿，哥们儿。

And that student says, hey, mate.

嘿，史蒂夫。

Hey, Steve.

希望你一切都好。

Hope you're well.

这几年我一直在关注你的成功。

I've been following your success over the last couple of years.

我现在在YouTube工作，而且我就是负责你投标项目的那个负责人。

I now work at YouTube, and I'm the one that's leading on the project that you're pitching for.

所以三年后，那个我曾经帮过小忙的人，现在在很多方面成了我的老板，因为我把所有客户都当成我的老板。

So three years later, the person that I'd done a little bit of a favor for is now, in many respects, my boss because I consider all my clients to be my bosses.

对吧？

Right?

所以他现在基本上就是我的老板，而且他现在能为我打开门路，或者推荐我，或者给我引荐。

So he's now basically my boss and he can now open doors for me or recommend me or suggest me.

我当时就觉得这太不可思议了，因为三年前我帮他时，我什么也得不到。

And I just thought that was crazy because I had nothing to gain from helping him three years ago.

一点好处都没有。

Nothing at all.

而现在，我帮过的这个人，我能从他那里得到一切。

And now, I have everything to gain from from this guy that I did a favor for.

在我的人生中，这一点太明显了，我遇到的那些人，我为他们做过事，现在他们都非常重要。

It's so apparent in my life how there's people I met that I did things for and that are now very important.

而且，还有那些为我做过事的人，我永远不会忘记他们，永远不会。

And also, there are people that did things for me that I will never ever forget, ever.

当我还是个18岁的孩子，到处闲逛，说着一些想法，尽管我衣衫褴褛，我也不知道自己在说什么，没有经验，没有钱，但有些人就是愿意花点时间帮我，直到今天，我还记得他们的名字。

When I was an 18 year old kid waltzing around, talking about an idea, even though I had holes in my jumper and I had no idea what I was talking about, all no experience, all no money, there were certain people that just gave me a little bit of time and still to this day, I know their names.

每当我见到他们，我都会告诉他们，如果你们现在需要我做什么，尽管说，我一定帮你们做到。

And when I see them, I tell them every single time, if there's ever anything you need from me now, let me know and I'll do it for you.

我是真心实意的。

And I genuinely mean that.

所以，这只是需要记住的一点。

So that's just something to bear in mind.

事情真是会轮回的。

It's crazy how things come back around.

好的。

Okay.

所以，我日记里刚写的下一点是。

So the next point scribbled into my diary, I've just written this.

搞清楚你自己的问题，以及它对你产生的正面和负面影响，然后利用它为你服务。

Figure out your fucked up and what it's done positively and negatively for you and use it to your advantage.

我的意思是这样的。

Here's what I mean.

我坚信，世界上每一个人，包括现在正在听的所有人，都有某种程度的问题。

It's my ardent belief that every single person in the world, including all of you listening to this right now, are fucked up in some way.

而且，因为每个人都有问题，所以有问题其实不算什么问题。

And fucked up because we're all fucked up isn't actually fucked up.

这其实挺正常的，但我还是用“搞砸了”这个词。

It's actually quite normal, but I'm still gonna use that term fucked up.

那接下来就说说你可能会怎么搞砸。

And here's how you might be fucked up.

你小时候的各种经历，对你的塑造比任何其他经历都大。

Various experiences in your life at a very young age shape you more than any other experiences.

这是我学儿童心理学时学到的，是在中学学的。

And this is something I learned when I studied child psychology in in secondary school.

而且我特别着迷的是，你小时候被怎么对待、经历了什么，往往会决定你长大后的性格，甚至是你整个人生的底色。

And I'm fascinated with this because the way you're treated and the experiences you have when you're a very young kid tend to shape the character in the very sort of fabric of who you become.

所以我觉得，每个人的经历都不一样。

And so it's my belief that everybody has a different experience.

所以每个人从这些经历中走出来，都会有点不一样。

So everybody comes out of that sort of processor slightly different.

而且如果你能搞清楚那些经历对你有什么正面和负面的影响，我觉得你就能掌控它们，并利用它们来为自己谋利。

And if you can figure out what that experience did for you positively and negatively, I think you can gain control over those things and use them for your advantage.

所以我要告诉你三个原因，就说三个最重要的原因吧，我那个糟糕的童年——你知道，我这么说其实是轻描淡写的。

So I'm gonna tell you the three reasons the top three reasons, let's say, that my fucked up childhood, you know, and I use that term flippantly.

对吧？

Right?

就是我的糟糕童年给我带来的那些积极影响。

So my fucked up childhood did for me that were positives.

第一件事是，我的童年让我变得特别擅长独处和独立。

The first thing is my childhood made me incredibly good at being alone and being independent.

我父母不怎么在身边，所以到我大概14岁的时候，他们已经有三个大孩子了。

My parents weren't around a huge amount, so by the time I was like 14 years old, they'd already had three older kids.

我是他们第四个孩子，他们几乎把我当成老大来对待。

I was the fourth of their kids and they almost treated me as if I was the oldest.

所以我大姐大概19岁。

So my oldest sister was about 19.

所以我在13、14岁的时候，就被当成19岁的人来对待。

So I got treated at the age of, like, 13 or 14 like a 19 year old.

对吧？

Right?

这意味着我可以连续几天出门，不用告诉任何人我在哪里。

And this meant that I could go out of the house for days upon end and not really tell anybody where I was.

我会自己做晚饭。

I would make my own dinners.

我会在很小很小的时候做任何我想做的事，因为我的父母不在身边。

I would do whatever I wanted to do at a very, very young age because my parents weren't around.

他们不在身边，并不是因为什么负面的事情，而是他们在努力为我提供生活所需。

And they weren't around, not through anything sort of negative, but they were trying to provide for me.

所以我妈妈就只是不停地工作、工作、工作，她从不回家。

So my my mom would just work and work and work and work, and she never came home.

她几乎每天都在店铺后面的房间里睡觉，包括每个周末。

She would literally sleep in the back room of the shop she was running virtually every day, including every weekend.

所以，那段有点糟糕的童年经历给我带来的积极影响是，它让我变得独立，而且我现在依然非常独立。

So the positive thing that that sort of fucked up childhood experience gave me was it made me independent, and I'm still incredibly independent today.

如果不是那样的话，我心里非常确定。

And if it wasn't for that, there is no doubt in my mind.

我非常确定，我不会是今天的我。

There is no doubt in my mind that I would be where I am today.

所以，我对此感到高兴。

And so I'm I'm happy for that.

对吧？

Right?

我过去七年能够这样工作，靠的就是这种独自一人、不需要别人的心态，这也是我现在能坐在这里的原因。

The way I'm able to work and have been able to work for the last seven years of my life with this sort of solo, I'm good on my own, I don't need anybody else mindset is the reason I'm sat here right now.

我向你保证。

I promise you.

我整个周末都一个人坐在办公室里。

I've spent all weekend sat in the office alone.

上个周末，我也是整个周末一个人坐在办公室里。

Last weekend, I spent all weekend sat in the office alone.

我所有的时间都是独自度过的。

I spent all of my time sat alone.

那是因为我小时候就是这样。

And that's because of how I was when I was a child.

对吧？

Right?

我身边没有多少人，尤其是父母，所以我只能靠自己。

I didn't have many people around, especially parents, so I just became my own person.

第二点，我那些糟糕的经历如何对我产生了积极影响。

Point number two of how my fucked up ness impacted me positively.

因为我父母没有钱，我们几乎得不到圣诞礼物、生日礼物和好东西，你知道，他们已经尽力了。

Because my parents didn't have any money and we didn't get Christmases and birthdays and nice things virtually at all, you know, they they did their best.

我不是想说父母的坏话，但我们确实什么都没有。

I don't mean to talk bad about my parents, but we didn't get nice things at all.

他们无意中教会了我，如果我想在生活中拥有什么，那将是我自己行动的直接结果。

They inadvertently taught me that if I was gonna have anything in life, it would be of a direct result of my actions.

所以如果我想拥有所有想要的东西，唯一能得到它们的方式就是靠自己。

So if I was gonna have all the things I wanted, the only way I was gonna get them was me.

在我年轻的时候，没有什么力量能让我不劳而获地得到好东西。

There was no force in my sort of young life that just gave me really nice things without having to work.

所以我明白了，我要自己创造自己的生活。

So I had that connection that I would create my my life.

对吧？

Right?

而在我看来，正是这一点让我成为了一个创业者。

And that's what makes me an entrepreneur as far as I'm concerned.

如果他们当初直接给我东西，而不需要我努力，我就不会明白努力和回报之间的关系。

Had they just given me stuff without hard work, I wouldn't have known the connection of hard work equals reward.

显然，这对我现在的成就起到了关键作用。

And obviously, that's been sort of instrumental to to to where I am now.

第三点，我的父母都教会了我什么是努力工作。

Point number three is my parents both taught me what hard work was.

再说，这部分确实挺让人心酸的，因为他们根本不在家。但他们不在家是因为一直在忙工作。

Again, this part of the fucked up element because they just weren't around, but they were not around because they were working all the time.

我永远不会忘记我问过我妈妈：你晚上睡哪儿？

I'll never forget when I asked my mom, where is it you sleep?

她指了指她店铺后面那个脏兮兮的小房间的地面。那家店位于普利茅斯一个不太安全的区域，我知道那里有老鼠乱窜，因为我看到所有的食品袋都被老鼠咬破了。

And she pointed at the floor in the dirty back room of her shop in a rough area in Plymouth, where I knew there was rats running around because I could see all of the food bags had been bitten with rats.

所以我知道我妈是跟老鼠一起睡在地上的。我当时就想，这到底是怎么回事啊？

So I knew my mom was sleeping on the floor with rats, and I just thought, where do you fucking get that from?

比如，你是怎么做到的？

Like, how do you do that?

你到底是怎么做到的？

How do you do that?

但她工作的方式，还有后来开餐馆，都是这么干的。

But the way she worked and then she started a restaurant and she worked this the same way.

她凌晨四点才回家，早上六点就得起床。

She would go home at 4AM at night, wake up at 6AM.

我就觉得，她根本不睡觉，一直在工作。

I'm like, she doesn't sleep and she just works all all the time.

而且她在我小时候几乎把这当成了理所当然。

And she almost normalized that to me as a child.

她教会我，这就是你该做的事。

She taught me that that's what you do.

这就是正常的。

That's just normal.

我爸也一样。

And my dad was the same.

我爸六点下班，然后去我妈的餐厅帮忙，一直干到凌晨一两点。

My dad would finish his job at 6PM and go to my mom's restaurant and help there until one, 2AM in the morning.

然后他早上七点又起来，我整个童年都是这样。

Then he was up at seven again, every day of my childhood.

他们教会了我勤奋，我对此非常感激。

They taught me hard work, and I'm incredibly thankful for that.

虽然这意味着他们不常在我身边，没能好好管教我这个孩子。

Although it meant that they weren't around as much to sort of parent me.

而这又引出了不好的一面，那些我成长中的创伤给我带来的负面影响。

And this kind of leads on to the bad sides, the negative things that my fucked up have done for me.

所以第一件事就是，它让我在恋爱关系中总是很悲剧。

So the first thing is it made me tragic at romantic relationships.

因为我从来没跟父母有过那种非常亲密的关系，所以多年来我发现我很难建立亲密关系，尤其是恋爱关系。

Because I've never had a sort of a very close relationship to my parents, I've found over the years hard to form relationships, especially romantic ones.

另一件我不介意提的事是，我爸妈总是没完没了地吵架。

The other thing which I don't mind talking about is my mom and dad would argue with each other all the time.

我说吵架，其实是我妈会站在那里冲我爸吼上五个小时，而我爸就坐在那儿看电视。

And when I say argue, I mean my mom would sat stand there for like five hours screaming at my dad while he sat down watching TV.

对吧？

Right?

而且我以前总是想不通，怎么会有人能容忍另一半那样对待自己。

And I used to it used to boggle my mind why a man would allow a woman to treat him like that.

在我看来，这简直就是家庭暴力。

It was, in my mind, like, key domestic abuse.

所以我长大后，经常跟我爸说，你不能让她那样跟你说话。

And so I grew up, and I used to say to my dad, like, you you can't let her talk to you like that.

你不能就这么忍气吞声。

You can't just take that.

你知道，我妈是非洲人。

You know, my mom's African.

不是说我要贴标签，但一般来说，非洲女性可能更火爆一些。

It's not sorry to stereotype, but generally, African women can be a little bit more fiery.

对吧？

Right?

我妈绝对就是那样。

And my mom certainly, certainly was.

所以我从小就在心里形成了这样的观念：恋爱关系就意味着被束缚，无法自由行动，这在我脑子里就是一个非常负面的东西。

And so I grew up with this opinion in my head that romantic relationships meant this imprisonment and this inability to move and it was just this horrible negative construct in my head.

我这辈子都是这么想的。

My whole life I've had that.

我这辈子都觉得谈恋爱基本上等于坐牢。

My whole life I've thought of romantic relationships equaling like a prison sentence basically.

所以大概14岁的时候，我开始喜欢女生，女生也开始出现在我的生活里，我会想尽一切办法去逃避承诺或者恋爱关系。

So when I was about 14 and I started to like girls and girls started to come into my life, I would do anything in my power to to avoid the commitment or the relationship.

我会找各种借口。

I would make up excuses.

我会跟她们说我不喜欢她们，其实我是喜欢的。

I would tell them I didn't like them when I did.

我会跑掉。

I would run.

有时候如果关系变得认真了，我就会开始挑她们的毛病，这个毛病我到现在都还有。

I would sometimes start looking for faults in them if it ever got serious, and that's something I still struggle with today.

这直接就是我那些糟糕经历造成的。

And that's a direct result of my fucked up.

接下来是，这让我在建立家庭关系方面很挣扎。

The next thing is it made me struggle with forming family relationships.

我到现在还是这样，因为我们家以前没有那种紧密的家庭氛围，所以我还得刻意去跟家人保持联系，这挺让人遗憾的，不过我觉得情况正在好转，我也对此抱有希望。

I still find it, you know, because we didn't have a close sort of family unit, I still have to make an effort to stay in touch with my family, which is a bit sad, but, you know, I think it's getting better and I'm hopeful for that.

最后一点是，我相信我的成长方式让我从根本上变得缺乏条理，因为我父母没教过我如何做事有条理。

And the last thing is I believe the way I was brought up made me fundamentally unorganized because I didn't get taught organization from my parents.

我也没被教导过要有规律的生活节奏，因为他们自己也没啥规律，整天忙忙碌碌地不在家。

I didn't get taught really routine because they didn't really have routine because they were so busy and out out of the house.

我这个人骨子里就特别没条理，生活的方方面面都是这样，你们也知道，我之前在播客里也聊过这事儿。

I'm a fundamentally unorganized person in every element of my life, you know, and I've talked on the podcast about this before.

我现在正努力改进，让自己变得更有条理一些。

I am trying better to to better that.

好在现在我身边有很多靠谱的人，比如我的私人助理和品牌经理之类的，除非你跟我关系铁到极点，否则根本看不出来我以前那么乱。

Fortunately, because I have so many great people around me now, including my my PA and my brand manager and such, you wouldn't be able to tell that I was so unorganized unless you were very, very, very close to me.

不过话说回来，这也是我那糟糕的心理状态给我留下的后遗症。

But again, that's something that my my fucked up has done for me.

所以当你意识到自己有问题、知道自己哪里不好、哪里好的时候，因为你的童年早期经历，你就可以开始把这些当作武器来用。

So when you realize you're fucked up and what you're bad at and what you're good at because of your sort of early childhood, you can start to use these things as weapons.

而我知道那些积极的东西是我独有的，这让我能加倍投入这些事情，成为今天的我。

And me knowing that the the positive things are fairly unique to me allows me to double down on those things and become who I am today.

当我知道自己的缺点时，我就能努力去改正它们。

And when I know the negative things, I can work to correct them.

所以在我的感情中，因为我知道自己的问题，现在它们对我的影响变小了，我发现自己不再逃避承诺，我能理性地看待脑子里的那些想法，最终能够去承诺。

So in my relationships, because I'm aware of my fucked up, it now is less sort of impactful on my relationships and I feel myself running from, you know, the the commitment and I rationalize that those thoughts processes in my head and I end up being able to commit.

所以我觉得对我们所有人来说，理解自己问题的正面和负面影响非常重要，然后想办法安抚负面的一面，利用正面的一面。

So I just think it's very important for all of us to understand the positive and negative impacts of our fucked up ness and to figure out how we can pacify the negative side and use the positives to our advantage.

好的，这周我日记里的第三点就一个词，那个词我用大写写的，然后我把它填上了，那个词就是“专注”，因为我觉得这是我本周脑子里一直想的词。

Okay, so the third point in my diary this week is just one word and that word is written in big and then I filled it in and the word is focus because I think it's the word on my mind this week.

所以给点背景。

So some context.

我们的生意越做越大，对吧？

Our business is getting big, right?

社交链集团旗下有30家公司，我们有很多机会和自由来决定往哪个方向发展。

There are 30 companies within the social chain group and we have a lot of sort of opportunities and freedom to make our mind up in terms of which direction we go in.

我们对未来有非常宏大的计划，但现在还不能告诉你。

We have very, very big plans for the future, which I can't tell you about just yet.

但如果你听这个播客，我向你保证，你即将和我一起踏上一段了不起的旅程。

But if you listen to this podcast, I promise you when I say this, you're coming on one hell of a journey with me.

我这么说的时候，我的腿真的起鸡皮疙瘩了，因为我现在还不能告诉你，但当你发现这个故事是如何展开的时候，我想你会非常兴奋的。

And when I said that then, I literally got goosebumps in my legs because I can't tell you just yet, but when you do find out how this story sort of all fold unfolds, I think you're gonna be pretty excited.

总之，重点是机会很多，自然也有很多事情我们可以做。

Anyway, the point is there's a lot of opportunity, and there's naturally a lot of things we could be doing.

但过去七年作为企业家和经营公司的经历让我学到，没有什么比“专注”这个词更重要，尤其是在事情进展顺利的时候。

But one thing I've learned over the last seven years of being an entrepreneur and running businesses is that there is nothing more important than the word focus, especially when things are going well.

当事情进展顺利时，企业家和CEO们往往会试图去追求更多的事情，想要做得更好。

When things are going well, what happens is entrepreneurs and CEOs, we try and reach for more things to to do well at.

比如，如果我们是一家服装公司，我们就会尝试推出更多的服装系列。

So if we are a clothing company, we'll try and release more lines of clothing.

如果我们做的是女装，就会想去拓展男装业务。

If we're selling female clothes, we'll try and release male clothes.

作为创业者，我们总想着跨入不同的领域和行业。

If we are an entrepreneur, we'll try and move into different sort of sectors and industries and these kinds of things.

正如一位亿万富翁曾对我说的，别为了摘苹果而扔掉了手里的馅饼。

And often, as one billionaire once told me, you should never drop the pie reaching for an apple.

我十八岁那年是个年轻创业者，脑子里全是点子，经常发邮件给投资人说有了新想法或新项目，他们总是反复提醒我：史蒂夫，想成功，专注才是最重要的。

And when I was 18 years old, I was this, you know, young entrepreneur that had all these ideas and I would email my investors all the time telling them that, you know, I've got this new idea, I've got this new business idea, and they would literally hammer me and say, Steve, the single most important thing if you want to be successful in life is focus.

有时候，那些机会看起来好得不得了。

And sometimes things appear to be great, great, great opportunities.

它们确实可能是好机会，至少其中一些是。

And they probably are, some of them.

但如果你不专注，就永远无法充分把握当下拥有的全部机遇。

But you will never realize the full opportunity that you have right now if you don't focus.

我妈妈无意中教给我的另一件事是，你知道的，她创办过二十多家企业。

And one of the things my mom again inadvertently taught taught me was, you know, my mom started 20 odd businesses.

随便一个人从街上走进来跟她说，有个特别好的机会就在眼前，她就会放下手头正在做的事，或者说，失去对当前事情的专注，然后去追那个新生意。

Anybody could stroll in off the street and tell her that there was a very exciting opportunity round the corner and she would drop what she was doing now, well, lose focus of what she was doing now and she would pursue that business.

她花了二十年时间就这么干，一直去追那个苹果，把手里那个馅饼给扔了。

And she spent two decades doing that, just going after the the apple and drop the pie.

我现在到了一个必须做决定的阶段，就是关于Social Chain集团往哪个方向走。

And I've got to a point now where I've got to make decisions on where the social chain group goes.

对吧？

Right?

我们要做的决定就是往哪个方向走。

The decision we go in.

这周，一个非常非常成功的投资人，也是我的合作伙伴和导师，提醒我说，专注是关键。

And this week are, you know, very, very successful, very, very, very successful investor, partner, and a mentor to me reminded me that focus is key.

我当时正在跟他说我另外几个想法，我觉得这些想法可能能成为Social Chain集团里的新业务。

There I was telling him about a couple of other ideas that I had, which I thought could, you know, be additional businesses within the Social Chain group.

他提醒我说，如果你不专注，你永远不可能把眼前这个机会的全部潜力发挥出来。

And he reminded me that you'll never ever reach the full potential of what you have right now if you don't focus.

作为创业者，专注这件事其实挺反直觉的，因为你总想抓住每一个机会。

As an entrepreneur, focus is this really sort of counterintuitive thing because you just want to take every opportunity.

对吧。

Okay.

所以接下来我日记里的这一点，是我特别特别热衷的，热衷到什么程度呢，我打算就这个话题出一系列内容。

So this next point in my diary is one that I am incredibly passionate about and so passionate about, in fact, that I'll be releasing a bit of a content series on this topic.

我刚写完日记，发现自己羡慕错了东西。

I've just written my diary, admiring the wrong thing.

记住这一点。

Remember the point.

我的意思是这样的。

And here's what I mean.

我收到很多年轻人的消息，他们跟我说羡慕我的成功，嫉妒我的成功，羡慕我的车、我的东西、我的公司什么的，总之就是羡慕我拥有的东西和我的成功。

I get so many messages from young kids who will tell me that they admire my success, they're jealous of it, they admire my car, my stuff, the business, whatever it is, they admire my stuff, my success.

对吧？

Right?

而且，在我成长过程中，作为创业者，当我十八九岁的时候，我会看着其他非常成功的创业者，我特别想到一个人，他拥有所有那些东西和成功，我拼命想要那些。

And growing up and being an entrepreneur, when I was like 18, 19 years old, I would look at other very successful entrepreneurs, and I've got one in particular in mind that had all the stuff and the success, and I just desperately wanted that.

而且，我之前在这个播客里说过，我把快乐和别的东西搞混了。

And I've talked on this podcast before that I confused pleasure with something else.

对吧？

Right?

那些好东西，比如车、房子、假期，给你的是快乐。

Those nice things, the car, the house, the holidays give you pleasure.

但它们给不了你的是满足感和那种内心的充实，还有那种幸福。

What they don't give you is contentment and sort of inner fulfillment and that happiness.

而且，归根结底，我们做的每一件事，都是为了让自己幸福。

And ultimately, everything we do, we do in a in an effort to make ourselves happy.

但是，Instagram让我们相信，那些晒豪车、度假、金钱和美貌的人是最幸福的。

But Instagram has convinced us that, you know, people posting pictures of nice cars, holidays, money, and their physical attractiveness are the most happy.

所以，我们最后都在羡慕他们，试图模仿他们，但所有主要研究都表明，这些人往往是最不幸福的。

So we all end up envying them and trying to emulate them, but all the major studies have shown that these people are often the most unhappy.

而且他们中的很多人，我觉得是患上了所谓的“点赞成瘾”，就是对点赞、评论、社交认可上瘾，这意味着他们的自我价值感现在取决于别人怎么看他们。

And many of them have what I guess is called like an attention addiction, an addiction to the likes and the comments and the social validation and reinforcement that means that their self esteem now depends on what other people think of them.

你知道，如果他们在照片上得到很多点赞和评论，他们就会心情好；如果社交媒体上的互动和喜爱达不到他们平时的水平，他们就会心情差，觉得自己不好看、没价值，对吧？

You know, they'll be in a good mood if they get a high amount of likes and comments on their imagery or their photos, in a bad mood or feel low or ugly if the amount of engagement and love they get on social media isn't to their usual standard, right?

研究表明，幸福来自家人和朋友，来自享受自己的工作。

Studies show happiness comes from family and friends, It comes from enjoyment of your work.

幸福来自锻炼。

It comes from exercise.

幸福来自不跟别人比较。

It comes from avoiding comparison.

幸福来自有目标，也来自不断挑战自己。

It comes from having a purpose and it comes from constant challenge.

但最重要的是，幸福来自对当下的自己和生活心怀感恩，而不是来自物质或点赞那些东西。

But most importantly, it comes from gratitude for who and where you are right now, not stuff or likes or anything like that.

而且我们这一代人，我们活在一个嫉妒错了东西的时代。

And we're we live in a generation where this generation are jealous of the wrong thing.

你不应该嫉妒那些物质的东西。

You should never be jealous of stuff.

你不应该嫉妒我的东西、我的成功，甚至我的外表。

You should never be jealous of my stuff or my success or even my appearance.

我怀疑你不会。

I doubt you were.

但是，你知道，我的外表，因为那不是目标。

But, you know, my appearance because that wasn't the aim.

那些东西都不代表我快乐。

And none of those things mean that I'm happy.

目标是快乐。

The aim is happiness.

所以，去嫉妒快乐吧。

So be jealous of happiness.

那可能就是你最终会得到更多的东西。

And that's probably what you'll have you'll get more of.

对吧？

Right?

因为如果你嫉妒我的车，你会努力改善你的车，最后你可能会有一辆更好的车。

Because if you're jealous of my car, you'll try and improve yours, and you'll probably end up with a nicer car.

或者如果你嫉妒我的银行账户，你会努力赚更多的钱，然后你可能会多赚一点。

Or if you're jealous of my bank account, you'll try and make more money, and then you'll probably end up with a little bit more money.

如果你嫉妒我的幸福，你会专注于幸福，最后你可能会更幸福。

If you're jealous of my happiness, you'll focus on that and you'll probably end up happier.

去嫉妒幸福吧。

Be jealous of happiness.

好的。

Okay.

所以，这是我非常期待和你们分享的事情。

So this is something I've been quite excited to share with you.

这周，我写下了20个你不应该成为企业家、不应该成为CEO的理由。

During this week, I wrote down 20 reasons why you should not be an entrepreneur and you should not be a CEO.

我为什么这么做呢？

Why have I done this?

现在这代人，社交媒体和各种舆论都在鼓励年轻人去创业，我也非常认同这一点。

There are again, we live in a generation where social media and all influences encourage young people to be an entrepreneur, and I'm I'm a big believer in that.

别误会我的意思。

Don't get me wrong.

但我同样坚信，创业并不适合所有人。市面上有太多资源和声音在告诉你应该去创业，以及为什么要去创业。

But I'm also a big believer in the fact that it's not for everybody, and there are so many sort of resources and influences out there telling you you should be an entrepreneur and telling you why you should.

所以我在我日记里列了20条理由，告诉你为什么不该去创业。我这么做只是想平衡一下视角。

So I wrote down a list of 20 reasons in my diary why you should not be an entrepreneur, and all I'm doing is trying to balance the scale.

对吧？

Right?

这是这20条里的第一条。

Here's number one in this list of 20.

别人会对你指指点点、说三道四，你还会失去朋友和家人。

People are gonna talk shit about you and you will lose friends and family.

好。

Okay.

所以这是一个相当重要的点。

So that's a fairly big point.

再说，从我自己的经历来看，当我告诉我妈我要创业时，她两年没跟我说话。

Again, from my personal story, my mom didn't speak to me for two years when I told her that I was gonna start a business.

一路上我失去了朋友。

I lost friends along the way.

早期大家都说我坏话。

Everybody spoke shit about me in the early days.

现在还是有很多我认识的人在说我闲话，这就是你需要考虑的事情。

There's still a lot of people that I I know talk rubbish about me now, and that's just something to consider.

你能承受吗？

Can you deal with that?

你愿意为了追求创业而失去朋友和家人吗？

Are you willing to lose friends and family to pursue being an entrepreneur?

可能还有女朋友和男朋友。

And maybe girlfriends as well and boyfriends.

第二点，这就像被判了刑。

Point number two, it's a prison sentence.

你没法停下来。

You can't switch off.

你没法放下。

You can't leave it.

你没法断开联系，而且这个刑期没有明确的结束时间。

You can't disconnect, and there's no guaranteed end to the sentence.

总的来说，你的生活方式相当糟糕，尤其是在工作生活平衡方面。

Your lifestyle is pretty terrible, generally speaking, in terms of work life balance.

这确实就像坐牢。

And it is a prison sentence.

就像我说的，这就像坐牢，你没法离开，因为你从根本上和你的生意绑在一起了。

It's a prison as I said, it's a prison sentence that you you can't leave because you're fundamentally tied to your business.

对吧？

Right?

你越往前走，就越被你的生意绑住。

The further you go, the more tied to your business you are.

它变得越大，你就越被你的生意绑住。

The bigger it gets, the more tied to your business you are.

而且你永远不知道这种日子什么时候会结束。

And you don't ever know if or when this sort of sentence will end.

而且我说，你知道，我说像坐牢一样，好像这是世界上最糟糕的事，但其实这真的很现实。

And I say, you know, I say prison sentence as if it's the worst thing in the world, but it's just a very real thing.

而且有些人还喜欢这种坐牢的感觉。

And some people like that prison sentence.

对我来说，坐牢。

For me, sentence.

我自愿选择了这种坐牢的生活，而且我还挺享受的。

I signed up for the prison sentence, and I'm enjoying the prison.

你知道吗？

You know?

这就是我做的选择。

That's that's the choice I make.

但重要的是你要明白，那种缺乏——你知道，人们谈论创业时，总是说你有自由。

But it's important for you to realize that that lack of you know, people, when they talk about being an entrepreneur, they talk about the freedom you have.

实际上，作为创业者，你在人生方向上的自由是最少的。

You have the least freedom when you're an entrepreneur in terms of your life direction.

你被你的生意绑住了，而且不知道要绑多久。

You are bound to your business, for an indefinite period of time.

第三点是完全的不确定性。

Point number three is total uncertainty.

有些人不擅长应对不确定性，但作为创业者和CEO，你面对的就是完全的不确定性。

Some people aren't good at dealing with uncertainty, but being an entrepreneur and being a CEO, you have total uncertainty.

每天醒来，你不知道会发生什么，什么事都可能发生。

Every day you wake up, you don't know what's gonna happen, and anything could happen.

而当它真的发生时，对你的打击比任何人都大。

And when it does happen, it hits you harder than anybody else.

第四点，你应该准备好每周工作七天。

Point number four, you should expect to work seven days a week.

当企业家的很多吸引力在于，你可以随心所欲地选择工作时间和方式。

A lot of the allure of being an entrepreneur is that you get to work when you like and how you like.

对吧？

Right?

但为了这份特权，就我而言，你得一直工作。

But for that privilege, you have to work, in my case, all the time.

我很多当企业家的朋友也是如此。

And many of my friends who are entrepreneurs are the exact same.

没有停歇的时候，你每周七天、每天每时每刻都在工作，而且这种状态要持续很长一段时间。

There is no switching off and you work every hour for seven days a week, and you do that for a sustained period of time.

我真的是拼命工作。

I've literally worked.