E36：抱负、动力与冒名顶替综合征

好，这周我日记里的第一点，我刚写下来，就是大家都忘了故事这回事。

Okay, so the first point of my diary this week, I've just written everyone forgets about stories.

我觉得这对每个人来说都适用，在你生活的方方面面。

And I think this is applicable to everybody in every context of your life.

这个点的灵感来源是这样的。

And here's the inspiration for this point.

我私信和邮箱里有很多小孩，他们创立了那些死掉的服装品牌，基本上就是随便挑了个听起来像外语的词，然后开了个Instagram页面，想靠卖印着这个莫名其妙单词的T恤给几百万人。

There are so many kids in my DMs and in my emails that start dead clothing brands where they've effectively picked a foreign sounding word and they've made an Instagram page, and they're trying to sell t shirts with this ambiguous random word on it to millions of people.

他们来找我，因为根本没人买他们的东西。

And they're messaging me because nobody's buying their stuff.

事实是这样的。

Here's the truth.

如果你完全没有故事，就别想在时尚这种竞争激烈、情绪化的行业里赢。

You cannot expect to win in a saturated competitive emotional industry like fashion, if you have absolutely no story.

我家里有件我买的套头衫，上面就用很丑的字体写了两个词。

I have this jumper at home that I bought, and it literally has two words written on it in a terrible font.

那件毛衣我花了200美元。

And I paid $200 for that jumper.

要是你们谁做了这件上衣，5块钱我都不会买。

If any of you had made that top, would not have paid $5 for it.

说实话，它长得丑，我肯定也不会穿。

And I certainly wouldn't have worn it because to be honest with you, it's ugly.

不过我是在科切拉音乐节上买的这件毛衣，那是坎耶·韦斯特在他首次公开亮相的Sunday Service活动上推出的一个限量系列，相信很多人都有听说过。

However, I bought this jumper at Coachella and sort of exclusive shed that Kanye West had created when he did his first ever public appearance of the Sunday service event, which I'm sure a lot of you have heard about.

那基本上是一种超棒的、独一无二的福音体验。

It's basically this amazing unique gospel experience.

他们就是这么干的，在科切拉音乐节的山坡上人工堆了个土包，你得早上六点就到那儿才能上去。

And they did this, they made this man made hill on the side of Coachella, and you had to arrive at 6AM in the morning to get there.

这件毛衣丑死了。

That jumper is ugly.

但我花两百块买它，是因为它对我来说有特别的故事价值。

But the reason I paid $200 for it is because it holds tremendous story value to me.

这件上衣本身真的没什么价值，除了它背后故事里的价值。

The top has literally zero value other than the value held in the story attached to it.

而事实是，故事就是品牌。

And the truth is stories are brands.

故事能塑造品牌。

Stories build brands.

说实话，故事能塑造人。

To be honest with you, stories build people.

但我觉得总的来说，我们忽视了故事的价值。

But I think generally speaking, we neglect the value of stories.

几乎所有东西的真正价值，不在于制作它的资源成本或劳动力成本。

The true value of almost everything is not in the resource cost that it costs to make it or the labor cost.

价值在于它背后的故事。

The value lives in the story attached to it.

而且我觉得我们日常生活中对此认识不足。

And I don't think we appreciate that enough on a daily basis.

你想想看。

Think about it.

蒙娜丽莎这幅画，光算原材料的话，可能也就值个五英镑，差不多五美元。

Mona Lisa is probably worth about £5 in natural resources, about $5.

但它的估价却接近十亿美元。

But its estimated worth is nearly $1,000,000,000.

蒙娜丽莎的价值就在于它的故事，它经历过的那些事，还有它曾经被盗走一百年这个事实。

Mona Lisa's story, the journey it went on, the fact that it was stolen for a hundred years is the value.

再说iPhone，它的利润率高达250%。

The iPhone, the iPhone generates a 250% markup.

耐克呢，一双鞋的成本可能只要十美元，却能卖到一百美元。

Nike, Nike can make a shoe for $10 and sell it for a $100.

路易威登的包包和行李箱，有时候利润率能到2000%。

Louis Vuitton make 2000% markups on their bags and suitcases at times.

就连黄金也不例外。

Even gold.

黄金并不是世界上最稀有的金属。

Gold isn't the rarest metal in the world.

它当然也不是世界上最有用的金属。

It's certainly not the most useful metal in the world.

那为什么人们会如此崇拜这种黄色的金属呢？

So why the worship of this yellow metal?

因为它的故事。

Because of the story.

班克西。

Banksy.

他是讲故事的人最纯粹的例子。

He is the most pure example of a storyteller.

他碰过的任何东西都会变得意义非凡。

Anything he touches becomes significant.

就像丘比特一射箭，人们就会坠入爱河一样。

Because it's like how Cupid can fire a bow and people fall in love.

班克西可以用他的画笔碰任何东西，它立刻就变成了一个有意义的故事。

Banksy can touch anything with his brush, and it instantly becomes a significant story.

故事塑造品牌，故事也塑造人。

Stories build brands and stories build people.

在赋予物品价值时，可能没有什么比它背后的故事更重要了。

There's probably nothing more important when it comes to attributing value to an object than the story attached to it.

我们都是故事。

We are all stories.

说实话，有些人的故事比其他人更有趣，但我们都是故事。

And some of us are more interesting stories than others to be honest, but we are all stories.

在某些情况下，世界知道你的故事。

And in some cases, the world knows your story.

在其他情况下，只有你的朋友和家人知道你的故事。

In other cases, your friends and family are the only people that know your story.

你每天都在书写自己的故事，每次起床时都在写。

You make your story every single day, every time you get out of bed.

事实上，你的故事在你睡觉的时候也在不断书写，每一秒、每一分、每一月、每一年、每一个十年。

In fact, your story keeps writing itself when you're asleep every second, every minute, every month, every year, every decade.

而这里有个关键点。

And here's the important thing.

如果你能创造出一个精彩的故事，并且学会如何讲述它，无论是通过播客、社交媒体、广播、写作、音乐还是其他新媒介，你的生活都会发生翻天覆地的变化。

If you can create a great story and you learn how to tell it, whether that's through new mediums like podcasting or social media or the radio or writing or music or other, your life can drastically drastically change.

而你的故事赋予你的力量，也是一件不可思议的武器，可以用来改变他人的生活，甚至改变世界。

And the power that your story gives you is also an incredible weapon to change the life of and the world for others.

让我给你举个例子，看看一个故事能给一件物品或一个人带来多大的价值。

Let me give you an example of how much value you can bring to an object or a person with a story.

他们做过一个实验，叫做“重要物品项目”。

There was this experiment they did called the significant objects project.

这个实验其实很简单。

And it was really simple.

我想这个实验的内容是：当你雇一群创意作家，为廉价的小饰品和小摆设编造故事时，会发生什么？

I guess the experiment was what happens when you hire a group of creative writers to make up stories about cheap trinkets and ornaments?

那如果把这些故事和物品一起放到网上卖，会发生什么呢？

And what happens when you then post those stories alongside those items online for sale?

这正是罗伯·沃克和约书亚·格伦在2009年做的故事实验。

This was exactly what Rob Walker and Joshua Glenn did back in 2009, as part of their storytelling experiment.

比如，他们花1美元买了一个小小的地球仪装饰品，编了个假故事挂到eBay上，结果卖了200美元。为什么？

For example, they found a tiny little globe ornament that they bought for $1 And after writing a fake story about this tiny little globe and sticking it on eBay, they sold that globe for $200 Why?

因为随地球仪附上的手写便条里的故事引起了买家的共鸣。

Because the stories in the handwritten note that came with the globe resonated with buyers.

这个不起眼的小东西对别人来说变得意义非凡。

This insignificant object became highly significant to someone else.

这个实验证明，作为人类，我们会被故事吸引，与故事产生连接，这是其他东西无法比拟的，我们能感受到故事。

This experiment proves that as human beings we are drawn to and we connect with stories like nothing else, we feel stories.

数据和统计数字就不那么有感染力了，但故事能改变世界。

Data and statistics, not so much, but stories can change the world.

故事是情感价值的驱动力。

Stories are a driver of emotional value.

它们能把微不足道的东西变得意义非凡，把一文不值的东西变得价值连城。

And they can transform insignificance into significance, valueless into valuable.

你们很多人会创业、会推销自己的想法、会努力成为公众演说家、励志人物、企业家等等，但首先，真的、真的、真的，你们没有把重心放在自己的故事上。

So many of you will start businesses, you'll pitch ideas, you'll try and become public speakers, motivational figures, entrepreneurs and more, without really, really, really first and foremost, focusing on your story.

与其告诉我你的产品为什么更便宜、设计更好，或者你的励志演讲为什么有更多数据证明它是正确的，你永远、永远都要更关心你讲的故事。

Instead of telling me why your product is cheaper, better designed, or why your motivational talk has more data to prove it's correct, you must always, always care more about the story you're telling.

说实话，尤其是在竞争激烈的行业里，就我事业的成功和我个人品牌的发展而言，分享一个好故事至关重要。

And quite honestly, especially in industries where competition is high, as far as it relates to the success of my business, and the success of my personal brand, sharing a great story has been everything.

我在世界各地成百上千个舞台上演讲过。

I've spoken on hundreds and hundreds of stages all across the world.

任何听过我演讲的人都会告诉你，不管我讲什么主题，信息总是蕴含在一个充满深情的个人故事里。

And anybody that's heard me speak will tell you that regardless of what I'm there to talk about, the information is always embedded in a deeply emotional personal story.

在我看来，这就是为什么我们能如此成功地把我们的信息传播出去。

And that's, in my opinion, why we've been able to do so well in getting our message out there.

你就是一个故事。

You are a story.

但如果你想要成为一个有价值的好故事，并且想让自己的价值像那个小地球仪一样提升2800%，你就得先创造一个好故事，这需要你逼自己一把，去做别人不想做的事，去别人不愿意去的地方。

But if you want to be a great valuable story, and if you want to increase your value by 2800% like that tiny globe, you have to first create a great story that involves pushing yourself, doing things that others didn't want to do, and going to places that others weren't willing to go to.

一旦你有了自己的好故事，你就得做到坦诚相待。

And once you have your great story, you have to be an open book.

而坦诚相待是件很吓人的事。

And being an open book is scary.

用自己的方式讲出真相，真的非常让人胆怯。

Telling your truth your way is unbelievably intimidating.

但最终你会发现，这真的太值得了。

But it just ends up being so fucking worthwhile.

故事就是一切。

Stories are everything.

你的故事是什么？

What's yours?

好的。

Okay.

所以，我日记里的下一个要点，也是我很久以来一直想聊的，就是关于“动力”这个话题周围的一大堆废话。

So the next point in my diary, and this is something I've wanted to talk about for a long time, is the amount of bullshit surrounding the topic of motivation.

我们天生就对“动力”这个词着迷，对它充满好奇，比如它的来源，怎么获得动力，怎么保持它，怎么给它加油，还有怎么创造更多动力。

Naturally, we are all obsessed and fascinated by the word motivation, its origin, how we obtain motivation, how we keep it, fuel it and how we create more.

我们有励志演讲家、自助书籍、大师，他们都随时准备着告诉我们怎么保持动力。

We have motivational speakers, self help books, gurus who are all available and ready to tell us how to stay motivated.

但动力，就像很多其他人类情绪或想法一样，有起有落。

But motivation, like so many other human emotions or thoughts, rises and falls.

它时涨时落。

It ebbs and it flows.

它来来去去。

It comes and it goes.

我经常被问到一个问题。

I get asked one question so often.

这个问题就是，你怎么能一直保持动力？

The question is, how are you motivated all the time?

这就是真相。

And here's the truth.

我并不是一直都很有动力。

I'm not motivated all the time.

任何告诉你他们一直有动力的人，都是在当面骗你。

Anybody that tells you they are is lying to your face.

没有人能做到。

Nobody is.

无论你从事什么职业，在生活的各个领域，有时候你都得做自己不想做的事情。

In all walks of life, regardless of your career, sometimes you'll have to do things that you don't want to do.

而且疯狂的是，根据科学研究，如果你开始因为做某件事而获得物质上的外在奖励，你可能会失去对曾经热爱的事情的动力。

And the crazy thing is, according to science, you can lose motivation to do the things that you once loved doing, if you start getting material extrinsic rewards for doing them.

我不确定你是否完全理解我刚才说的话。

I'm not sure if you quite understood what I just said.

如果你因为做某件事而得到报酬，或者它变成了你的工作，根据科学，你可能会开始讨厌那件事。

If you get paid to do something, or it becomes your job, according to science, you can start resenting that thing.

艺术家、创作者和有创意的人会明白这一点。

Artists, creators and creatives will understand this.

比如，他们拿两组小孩子做过一个研究。

For example, they did a study on two groups of young children.

一组孩子被告知，画一幅画就能得到一张证书。

One group of children were told to draw a drawing in order to get a certificate.

另一组孩子被告知画画，但没有任何奖励。

The other group of children were told to do a drawing for no incentive at all.

后来，当这两组孩子再次被要求画画时，那些最初为了证书和奖励而画画的孩子，更不愿意再画了。

Later, when the same two groups of children were asked to draw a drawing again, the kids that first did the drawing for a certificate for a reward were less likely to want to draw again.

这是多年来我在自己生活中发现的其中一个惊人真相。

This is one of the crazy revelations I've had in my own life over the years.

奖励实际上会扼杀创作动力。

Incentives actually kill creative motivation.

我越是为了付账单或赶截止日期而去做我喜欢的事情，我就越没有动力去做。

The more I have to do something I love in order to pay the bills or to meet a deadline, the less motivated I am to do it.

这就是为什么那些大YouTuber，一旦做大了，常常会感到倦怠，不再热爱每天做视频了。

This is why big YouTubers, when they get big, often get burnout and fall out of love of making videos every single day.

他们的创作热情变成了一份不得不做的工作。

Their creative passion becomes a mandatory job.

外在奖励会摧毁内在动力。

Extrinsic rewards destroy intrinsic motivations.

对动力来说，另一个非常重要的因素是雄心，也就是强烈想要做某事或达成某事的渴望。

The other thing that's really important for motivation is ambition, which is a strong desire to do or achieve something.

但真正的雄心依赖于真正的自信，相信自己有能力去做或达成那件事。

But true ambition is reliant on true self belief, believing that you are capable of doing or achieving that thing.

当你遇到一个真正有雄心、真正自信的人，你就遇到了一个真正有动力的人。

When you have someone that is truly ambitious and truly self believing, you have someone that is truly motivated.

然而，我在谈雄心和自信时用“真正”这个词，是因为很多时候，我们其实并不像自己告诉自己的那样，那么想要努力背后的那个结果。

However, the reason I used the word truly when I talked about ambition and self belief is because often we don't actually want the thing on the other side of hard work as much as we tell ourselves we do.

我真的觉得在我们这一代，有很多人假装有雄心，只是为了在某个追求中被认为是有雄心的。

I genuinely think in our generation, there's a lot of people who fake ambition for the sake of being considered ambitious in a particular pursuit.

我们假装想去健身房，是因为我们想成为那种符合自我形象的人，或者是为了满足社会压力、朋友期待的那种爱健身的人，而不是因为我们真的想去。说到底，我们是希望自己想去健身房。

We pretend we want to go to the gym because we want to be the type of person to please our self image or to please societal pressures or friends that wants to go to the gym, not because we actually want to go to the gym, really, we want to want to go to the gym.

但实际上，我们并没有那么想去健身房，我们更想看Netflix，或者和朋友出去玩。

But we don't actually want to go to the gym as much as we want to watch Netflix or to chill out with friends.

所以很多时候，人们之所以对某件事缺乏动力，是因为那件事本质上是一个虚假的、被社会引导出来的野心。

So often people struggle with motivation to do something that deep down, they have a fake society led ambition to achieve.

那是一场注定打不赢的仗。

That is a losing battle.

而且它会让你一步步陷入个人的绝望之中。

And it will drive you further and further into personal despair.

不幸的是，我们生活的社交媒体世界让这种情况变得更糟。它好像在告诉我们，我们应该通宵拼命工作，然后早上五点就起床。

This is a situation that's unfortunately made worse by the social media world we live in that tells us tells us all, I guess, that we should stay up all night hustling but wake up at 5AM.

我们应该都当自己的老板，但又要避免孤独。

We should all be our own boss but we should avoid isolation.

我们应该吃素，但又应该环游世界、享受美食。

We should be vegan but we should travel the world and enjoy food.

我们应该爱自己，但也要有批判性，这样才能进步。

We should love ourselves but we should be critical so that we can improve.

我们应该开兰博基尼，但也要骑环保的电动车。

We should drive a Lamborghini, but also an electric powered environmentally friendly bike.

要成为百万富翁，但也要做慈善家，捐钱。

Be a millionaire, but also a philanthropist and donate.

我们生活的世界里，这些强烈的公共叙事相互矛盾得很厉害。

We live in a world where these strong public narratives contradict each other profusely.

它们对我们的影响比近代任何时候都大，因为社交媒体强化了我们遵守这些规则的行为。

And they have tremendous influence over us more now than any other time in recent history due to the social media reinforcement we all get by abiding by these rules.

所以现在比以往任何时候都更甚，我们就像一群困惑的羊，遵循着一套我们不懂、也不真正在乎、只是被外部奖励驱使、但内心并不感兴趣的社会规则，因此我们非常缺乏动力去遵守。

So now more than ever, we're confused sheep playing along to a set of societal rules that we don't understand, don't genuinely care about, are extrinsically rewarded to do, but aren't intrinsically interested in, and therefore we are incredibly unmotivated to follow.

关键是要跳出你“应该”如何生活的故事，尽可能摆脱这些社会叙事，获得自由。

The key is breaking out from the story of how you're meant to be living your life and establishing freedom from as many of these societal narratives as you possibly can.

对自己更诚实，弄清楚你真正想做什么、为什么想做，以及你不想做什么、为什么不想做。

Being more honest with yourself about what you actually want to do and why you want to do it and vice versa, what you don't want to do and why you don't want to do it.

如果你能做到这一点，你的动力会比以前任何时候都强。

And if you do this, you will be more motivated than ever before.

当你做那些真正出于自己意愿、而非为了钱、工作或者取悦家人朋友而做的事时，你会拥有前所未有的动力。

When you're doing things that you actually want to do for your own reasons, not that you feel you need to do for money, for work, or to please your family or friends, you'll be more motivated than any time in your life.

但这里有个我称之为‘创作者悖论’的现象。

But here's what I call the creator's paradox.

当你找到一件因为能带来内心满足感而热爱去做的事情，比如弹钢琴、写作、画画或摄影，你很有可能变得非常擅长它，以至于别人会试图付钱让你去做这件事。

When you find something that you love doing because it's internally fulfilling, playing the piano, writing, art, photography, there's a pretty significant chance that you'll become so good at it, that people will try and pay you to do it.

他们会安排你去做的。

They'll book you to do it.

他们会付钱让你表演。

They'll pay you to perform.

一旦那些外在奖励介入，根据科学研究，你的内在动力很可能会随之消退。

And once those external rewards creep in, according to science, your internal motivation will likely creep out.

所以在这个语境下，倦怠可能并不是指过度工作、把自己累垮，而是指你原本自愿的、充满创造力的热情，变成了一份被迫的、由外部动机驱动的单调工作。

So in this context, burnout might not be the notion of overworking yourself and running yourself into the ground, burnout might just be when your voluntary creative passion becomes a mandatory, externally motivated monotonous job.

如果你想有动力去做这件事，你必须保护你的创造力。

If you want to be motivated to do it, you have to protect your creativity.

好，我日记里的下一个点，是受我在Instagram上看到的东西启发的。

Okay, so the next point in my diary was inspired by something that I actually saw on Instagram.

那是一张詹纳的照片，有五六百万个赞。

It was a picture of Jenner, and it had five to 6,000,000 likes on it.

就是这张她在船上的照片，穿着香奈儿的内衣。

And it's this picture of her on a boat, she's wearing Chanel underwear.

你知道，她对自己做过的整形手术非常坦诚。

You know, she's very open about the plastic surgery that she's had.

背景美得惊人，看起来就像天堂一样。

There's this amazing backdrop of, it looks like paradise in the background.

她在一艘游艇上，对吧？

She's on a yacht, right?

她戴着金首饰，有六百万人给这张照片点赞。

She's wearing gold jewelry and 6,000,000 people liked this photo.

在Instagram上，当人们点赞照片时，你可以看到你的哪些朋友也喜欢那个内容。

And on Instagram when people like photos you get to see a little bit of a preview of which one of your friends like that content.

而我认识并关注的所有女孩似乎都喜欢这张照片。

And all of the girls that I know and follow on Instagram seem to like this image.

这让我不禁思考，像这样的图片对我们所有人的思想产生了多大的影响。

And it really got me thinking about the influence images like this are having on all of our minds at all times.

这件事我在播客、YouTube频道、Instagram等所有地方都反复强调过。

This is something I've been incredibly vocal about on my podcast, on my YouTube channel, on my Instagram, everywhere.

就是你不能追随虚假的东西，却期望找到真实。

This idea that you cannot follow fake and expect to find real.

我们都饱受缺乏真实之苦。

We're all suffering from a lack of real.

我们崇拜像凯莉·詹娜这样的虚假人物，我觉得这让我们感到恶心。

We idolize fake people like Kylie Jenner, and I think it makes us sick.

我们在生活中与虚假的人为伍，我们正遭受着一种与生俱来的真实性的缺失。

We associate with fake people in our lives, and we're suffering from a real inherent lack of realness.

当我看到凯莉·詹娜这张照片时，我真的、真的觉得它有毒，就像它在侵蚀我们这一代人的心智。

And when I see this image of Kylie Jenner, I genuinely, genuinely feel like it's toxic, like it's eroding the mind of our generation.

你不能追随虚假，却期望找到真实。

You cannot follow fake and expect to find real.

我最喜欢的一本书，是约翰·哈里写的，书中精彩地描述了"我们这一代人如何被垃圾价值观误导。

One of my favorite books by Johann Hari beautifully details how our generation are being misled by junk values.

书中提到，如果你在生活中受到垃圾价值观的影响，根据一位叫蒂姆·凯瑟的教授的说法，你很可能会更焦虑、更抑郁，而且体验到的快乐会更少。

It talks about how in your life if you're being influenced by junk values, the chances are, according to a professor called Tim Kesser, you'll be more anxious, more depressed and you'll experience less joy.

我说的都是事实。

I'm going to keep it facts.

在生活中，有些看似无害的"罪恶快感"，其实正在悄悄给我们造成巨大的心理伤害。

In life, some of our guilty pleasures that seem so harmless are silently causing us tremendous mental harm.

其中之一就是关注那些虚假的人和他们虚假的生活，因为他们把那些垃圾价值观强加给你。

And one of those things is following fake people and their fake lives as they push their fake junk values onto you.

这对你没好处。

It's not good for you.

就像去麦当劳吃汉堡对身体不好一样，让自己在社交媒体或现实生活中受到错误的人影响，对心理也不好。

Just like going to McDonald's and eating burgers isn't good for your body, allowing yourself to be influenced by the wrong people on social media or in the real world is not good for your mind.

去年我做的最重要的事情之一，就是在所有社交媒体和现实生活中取关或屏蔽那些在潜移默化中对我产生负面影响的人。

One of the most important things I did last year was unfollowing and or muting people across all of my social media channels and in my real life, that was subtly influencing me negatively.

就像他们潜移默化的影响真的能毁掉你的生活一样，他们的悄然离开也真的让我的生活变得更好了。

Just like their subtle influence can quite literally ruin your life, their subtle absence has quite literally changed my life for the better.

你现在就应该在社交媒体上这样做，在现实生活中也要这样做。

You should do this on your timelines right now, but also in your real life too.

要阻止一个坏影响对你生活的伤害很难。

It's hard to stop the damage a bad influence can have on your life.

但防止那个人有机会造成伤害却很容易。

But it's easy to prevent that person from ever having the opportunity to do the damage in the first place.

你可以通过取关他们、把他们从生活中剔除来做到这一点。

And you can do that by unfollowing them, by cutting them out your life.

别再给他们时间和机会来污染你的心灵了。

Stop giving them your time and your mind to pollute.

你不能追随虚假，却期望找到真实。

You can't follow fake and expect to find real.

好的，我日记里的下一个要点是我多年来一直困惑的事情。

Okay, so the next point in my diary is something I've puzzled over for many, many years.

在过去的几周里，我在日记里思考这件事，写下来，真正消化它，我觉得我解决了生活中很多问题，无论是关于爱情、事业成功、去健身房、健康饮食，还是其他方方面面。

And it's something that upon thinking about this in my diary over the last couple of weeks and writing it out and really processing it, I think I've solved a lot of problems in my life as it relates to love, as it relates to business success, as it relates to going to the gym, as it relates to healthy eating and everything in between.

我在日记里写的是，也许生活之所以美好，是因为克制。

What I've written in my diary is maybe life is so great because of restraint.

如果你认识我，你就会知道，我一生都在以自由和做自己的名义叛逆。

Now if you know me, you will know that I have been rebellious in the name of freedom and being my own person my entire life.

这导致我17岁时被学校开除，因为我的出勤率降到了30%。

This led me to being kicked out of school when I was 17 years old because my attendance hit 30%.

这也导致我在大学第一天就退学了，因为我觉得我不需要它，没有它我也能过得很好。

It led me to walk out of university on day one, because, you know, I thought that I wouldn't need it and that I was going to be just fine without it.

这也意味着我在曼彻斯特辞掉了工作，大概有六七份，有时甚至八份，都是干了一个月就辞了。

It meant that I walked out of jobs in Manchester, probably six, seven, eight jobs after a month.

因为我还是觉得，我想做什么就做什么，完全不受任何限制。

Because again, I felt like I could do whatever I wanted to do without any restriction whatsoever.

从某些方面来说，这让我成了一个很有颠覆性的创业者，也带来了很大的成功。

And in some respects, I guess it's made me a very disruptive entrepreneur, has led to great success.

但在个人层面，我逐渐意识到，这种叛逆感可能会让我不快乐，也可能影响我在很多重要领域的长期进步。

But on a personal level, I've come to realize that this sense of rebellion could risk me being unhappy, and it could hurt my chance of long term progress in a number of very important areas.

你知道，我冒险的那一面很重要，我永远不会丢掉它。

You know, the risk taking side of me is important, and it's something I'll never lose.

但生活中有些方面确实需要克制。

But there are some areas of our life that require restraint.

事实是，我们以为自己在凭自由意志行事，因为想随心所欲、自己做决定，但往往恰恰相反。

The truth is, what we think of as acting from free will because we want to be spontaneous and, you know, make our own decisions is often the opposite.

我们常常只是在按照无意识的习惯行事。

We're often just acting from our automatic unconscious habits.

比如，你生某人的气，有冲动想对他发火。

Say you feel angry at someone and you have the urge to lash out at them.

如果你不停下来好好想想那股冲动，你就会说出一些话或者做出一些事，等你冷静下来之后，百分之百会后悔。

If you don't pause to investigate that urge, you end up making a remark or acting in a way that you 100% of the time will regret later when you calm down.

因为你让无意识的习惯占了上风。

Because you let your unconscious habits take charge.

比如你今天本来打算去健身房，但想都没想就抓起一块披萨吃了，结果也没去成健身房。

Say you have the intention to go to the gym today, but without stopping to think you grab a pizza and you eat it and you don't go to the gym.

那是明智之举吗？

Was that wisdom?

还是自由选择？

Or was that freedom of choice?

其实，那很可能是你的无意识习惯在主导一切。

Really, that was probably your unconscious habits running the show.

我们生活中充满了这种无意识的习惯，它们在我们没意识到的情况下掌控着一切。

Our lives are full of these unconscious habits that are without us realising it running the show.

很多时候，我们把这当作是在享受生活或者随性而为，但说实话，恰恰相反。

And in many cases, we pass it off as us just living life or being spontaneous, but it's honestly the opposite.

有些习惯无足轻重，而另一些则会严重干扰我们的幸福感和身心健康。

Some of these habits are insignificant and others will interfere greatly with our happiness and our well-being.

如果没有自我约束，我们会一直困在旧有的循环里，让自己备受束缚、局限重重。

Without restraint, we stay stuck in the same old cycles and it keeps us bound and limited.

出轨的人总是不断背叛伴侣，毁掉那些原本有意义的关系。

Cheaters keep cheating on their partners and destroying meaningful relationships.

生活习惯不健康的人总是继续吃那些让他们体重超标、情绪低落的垃圾食品。

Unhealthy people keep eating unhealthy food that is making them overweight and depressed.

我们之所以无法打破这个循环，是因为我们任由潜意识里的习惯主导一切。

We can't break the cycle because we're allowing our unconscious habits to run the show.

克制自己，其实是在为改变创造机会。

Restraining ourselves offers and creates a window of opportunity for change to happen.

当我们在习惯还没把我们带偏、导致同样令人失望的结果之前停下来，我们就有了机会去分辨什么是真正想要的理性反应，什么是危险的惯性行为。

When we pause before the habit has us barreling down the road, which always leads to the same disappointing outcome, we create a chance to finally discern between the appropriate conscious desired response and the dangerous cyclical habit.

这种经历大家肯定都遇到过。

We've all been there.

大家通常对“克制”这个词的理解，是把自己压下去、压抑情绪，努力保持冷静，对吧？

The common meaning of the word restraint speaks to holding ourselves back and repressing and trying to keep cool, right?

这种理解隐含的意思是，一旦我们克制自己，就等于放弃了自由，也牺牲了随性。

The implication is that by restraining ourselves we relinquish freedom and sacrifice spontaneity.

这就是人们一般想到“克制”时的想法。

That's what people generally think when they think of restraint.

他们觉得这意味着要放弃自由和随性。

They think of giving up your freedom and your spontaneity.

但事实上，当我认真思考之后，发现情况恰恰相反。

But in fact, when I really, really think about it, the opposite is true.

真正的自由来自于不被那些无意识的习惯模式所支配，也不被那些几乎总是由恐惧、不安全感或过去糟糕经历所驱动的欲望所左右。

Real freedom comes from not being ruled by our unconscious habitual patterns and desires that are nearly always driven by fear, insecurities or bad experiences from the past.

当你拥有掌控力时，真正的随性自然就会产生。

Real spontaneity arises when you have control.

它源于在习惯平息后留下的空间，以及你能够凭借清晰的判断力自主做出决定的那种状态。

It arises from the space that remains when the habits are put to rest, and when you have control and clarity to make the decision on your own.

在我生活的很多方面，我都没能掌控自己，尤其是在追求某个结果的时候，比如在健身房练出大肌肉，或者——听着，我从来没背叛过任何人，先声明一下。

I have not been in control in so many elements of my life when it comes to trying to achieve a certain outcome, whether that's trying to get big muscles in the gym, or trying to be listen, I've never cheated on anybody, just for the record.

但我觉得过去我回避感情，是因为我不确定自己能不能对某人承诺，因为我在某些情况下缺乏自制力。

But I think I've avoided relationships in the past because I was unsure whether I could commit to somebody because of my lack of restraint in certain situations.

我能活到26岁还没背叛过任何人，就是因为我一直回避恋爱。

How I've gotten to 26 and not cheated on anybody is because I've avoided relationships.

对吧？

Right?

我只是完全说实话。

I'm just being completely honest.

如果这让我听起来像个混蛋，那你就听着，你听这个播客就是为了听实话。

If this makes me sound like a dick, then listen, you listen to this podcast for honesty.

对吧？

Right?

我以前总觉得，生活中想要什么就能得到什么，是幸福的关键。

And I used to think that being able to get whatever I wanted in life was the key to my happiness.

但我在生活各个方面遇到的问题就是，你往往不能拥有一切你想要的东西，因为有些东西是相互矛盾的。

But the problem I encountered in all areas of my life was that you often can't have everything you want because some things exist in opposition to something else that you want.

你不可能每天早上吃华夫饼，同时还能拥有六块腹肌和好身材。

You can't have waffles for breakfast every morning whilst having a six pack and a great physique every day.

我18岁时不可能一边创业成功，一边还能保持丰富的社交生活，从不缺席和朋友的聚会。

I couldn't start a successful business at 18 years old, whilst also maintaining a great social life and never missing a night out with my friends.

你不可能亲吻所有你觉得漂亮的人，同时还能维持一段认真的恋爱关系。

You can't kiss all the girls and boys that you meet, that you think are pretty, while still maintaining a meaningful relationship with a girlfriend or boyfriend.

事物之间总是存在对比和冲突，对吧？

Things exist in contrast and in conflict, right?

说实话，有时候我会觉得很沮丧，因为生活中我无法两全其美。

I'll be honest with you, at times I felt so frustrated that I can't have the best of both worlds in my life.

比如，我现在在健身房非常努力地锻炼，想在夏天前练出好身材和六块腹肌，到27岁，也就是大约一个月后，我希望自己看起来很棒，你懂的。

For example, I'm currently working really hard in the gym to get in great shape and to get a six pack for summer and by the age of 27, which is in about a month's time, I want to look really good, know.

我真的很想练出六块腹肌，这意味着我不能吃华夫饼了。

And I really, really would love to get a six pack, which means I can't eat waffles.

但问题是，我真的很喜欢吃华夫饼。

But the problem is, I really, really like waffles.

事实上，大多数好吃的东西都会让我失去腹肌。

In fact, most things that taste amazing would cost me my six pack.

所以从哲学角度来说，我开始思考为什么我不能同时拥有一切，为什么生活和世界是这样设计的。

So philosophically, started thinking about why I can't just have everything that I want at once, and why life and the world is designed in this way.

我设想了一下，如果有一个世界，我能拥有一切我想要的东西，能永远有腹肌，还能每天早上吃所有我想吃的华夫饼。

I imagined for a second a world where I could have everything I want, where I could have a permanent six pack, and all the waffles I want every single day for breakfast.

对吧？

Right?

然后我慢慢意识到，我之所以珍惜腹肌，是因为它很难得到。

And it slowly dawned on me that the only reason I value having a six pack is because it's hard to get.

人们看到你有腹肌时会说‘天哪，你有腹肌，太棒了’，原因就是它很稀有。

The reason why people go, Oh my God, you have a six pack, that's amazing, when they see you have one is because it's rare.

所以实际上，稀缺性、它在世界上的稀少程度、获得它所付出的努力，才是真正的价值，而不是腹肌本身。这又回到了我最初的观点：世界上大部分价值存在于故事中，而不是事物本身。

So in fact, the scarcity, the shortage of it in the world, the amount of work it takes to attain it is really the value, not the thing in and of itself, which relates back to my first point about how the majority of the value that exists in the world lives in the stories, not in the thing itself.

腹肌本身并没有内在的价值或吸引力，但人们之所以印象深刻，是因为腹肌背后代表着自律、努力和克制。

A six pack isn't inherently valuable or desired, but people are impressed because a six pack tells a story of discipline, hard work and restraint.

说到克制，也许让生活中的事物显得珍贵、令人向往、因而特别的原因，正是你不能同时拥有一切。

And on that point of restraint, maybe the thing that makes the things in life feel so valuable, desired and therefore special is not being able to have everything at once.

就是那种稀缺性。

It's that scarcity.

让你的感情关系显得特别的，是只有一段感情，而不是一百段。

The thing that makes your relationship so special is having one relationship, not 100 relationships.

让华夫饼尝起来那么美味的，是一个月吃一次，而不是一天吃一次。

The thing that makes the waffle taste so good is having one a month, not one a day.

也许让生活如此令人享受的，正是稀缺、克制，以及必须在两个对立选项之间做出选择。

Maybe the thing that makes all of life so enjoyable is scarcity, is restraint, is having to pick between one choice and its opposing alternative.

也许一直让我烦恼的，恰恰是让生活如此美好的东西；而那种我拥有一切、两全其美的富足生活，可能恰恰是最空虚、最无意义的人生。

Maybe the thing that's been frustrating me is in fact the thing that makes life so enjoyable and maybe, just maybe, the life of abundance where I get everything I want and the best of both worlds is the most empty, meaningless reality anyone could live in.

也许这就是为什么我那些亿万富翁朋友，拥有所有豪车、多个女朋友和一切物质财富，却常常是我认识的最痛苦的人。

Maybe this is why my billionaire friends that have every car, multiple girlfriends and every material possession are so often the most miserable people I know.

也许吧。

Maybe.

好，接下来我日记里写的是，怎么得到一把致命的剑。

Okay, so the next point in my diary I've just written how to get a deadly sword.

听起来有点模糊，让我解释一下。

Sounds pretty vague, let me explain.

有人问我，你是怎么把公开演讲练得这么好的？

Someone asked me the question, how did you get so good at public speaking?

我愣了一下，然后花了几分钟想有什么技巧和窍门。

And I paused, and then I spent a few minutes trying to think of tips and tricks.

我支支吾吾了好几分钟，想总结我是怎么把公开演讲练好的，最后终于说出了几个建议。

And after several minutes of stumbling around trying to sort of summarize how I got good at public speaking, I eventually rattled off a couple of tips.

他们说了谢谢，对话就结束了，事情就这样过去了。

They said thank you and the conversation ended and that was that.

几天后，我在另一个国家，坐在家里，开始反思为什么当时给他们建议那么难。

Several days later when I was in a different country sat at home, I started to reflect on why it was so hard to give them tips.

然后我开始思考，我到底是怎么掌握生活中任何技能或者任何事情的真正答案。

And I started to think about what the true answer was as to how I've sort of mastered anything in my life or any particular skill.

然后我突然明白了。

And then it dawned on me.

这个人实际上看到我拿着一把非常非常锋利的剑。

This person had effectively seen me holding a really, really sharp sword.

他们实际上是在问我，我怎么才能得到一把这么锋利的剑？

And they had effectively asked me, how can I get a sword that sharp?

我之所以支支吾吾，是因为他们羡慕的那把剑，我花了十年才磨得这么锋利。

The reason I stumbled was because the sword they admired took me ten years to sharpen.

我现在26岁，我16岁就开始演讲了。

I'm 26 now, I started speaking at 16 years old.

我没法把这十年拆解成容易模仿、容易消化的技巧或窍门。

I can't break those ten years down into easy to emulate, easily digestible tips or tricks.

我当时应该说的是，我花了十年才把剑磨得这么锋利。

What I should have said is it took me ten years to get a sword this sharp.

所以如果你现在开始练习，十年后你也会有一把锋利的剑。

So if you start practicing now in ten years, you'll have a sharp sword too.

但事实是，没人想听这个。

But the truth is, nobody wants to hear that.

每个人都想知道捷径。

Everybody wants to know the shortcut.

我们都有捷径综合症。

We all have shortcut syndrome.

人们天生相信，而且我觉得他们也愿意相信，成功的秘诀、精通某项技能的秘诀、解决他们遇到的问题的秘诀，或者实现他们抱负和伟大成就的秘诀，都能从一些简单易行的技巧或者一本便宜又容易买到的十英镑自助书里找到。

People inherently believe, and I think they want to believe that the secrets to success or the secrets to becoming great at a skill, their secrets to a problem they're experiencing, or the secrets to their ambitions, and great accomplishments that they want to achieve can be found in something as easy to emulate as a few tips or a cheap and accessible 10 pounds self development book.

这种捷径综合症催生了一个巨大的产业，自助大师和快速致富的骗局都靠它来牟利。

This shortcut syndrome is a massive industry and self help gurus and get rich quick schemes feed off it.

事实是，就像老话说的，好事多磨，罗马不是一天建成的。

The truth is, as the cliches go, all good things take time and Rome wasn't built in a day.

捷径会让好的意图走进死胡同，让钱包空空如也，好事需要时间。

Shortcuts lead good intentions to dead ends, rinse to wallets, good things take time.

如果你真的想精通某件事，就要准备好为它付出十年的时间。

And if you really care about mastering any one thing, be prepared to give ten years of your life to it.

如果你不愿意，那就别费劲了，去做点别的吧。

If you're not willing to, don't bother, do something else.

好，接下来是我日记里的下一点，我其实什么都没写。

Okay, so the next point in my diary, I literally have no notes written to this.

所以我就直接说说我的想法，以及我为什么写这个。

So I'm just gonna tell you what I think and why I wrote this.

我真的就写了句：有冒名顶替综合症的人，拖延得最厉害。

I've literally just written people with imposter syndrome procrastinate the most.

这只是我在生活中注意到的一个现象。

It's just something that I've noticed in my life.

那些在某个追求或领域里觉得自己是冒牌货的人，比任何人都爱拖延。

People who feel like impostors in a pursuit or a discipline, procrastinate more than anybody else.

这是事实。

This is facts.

而且我在试图理解为什么会这样。

And I'm trying to understand why this happens.

我觉得第一个原因是，有冒名顶替综合征的人，比起已经通过扮演一个让他们觉得自己是冒名者的角色所展现的，更害怕把自己暴露出去。

And I think the first reason why this happens is because people with imposter syndrome are scared of putting themselves out there more than they already have by fulfilling a role that makes them feel like an imposter.

所以当涉及到完成一个大项目或搞定某件事时，有冒名顶替综合征的人会花大量时间纠结于这个话题，想着可能出什么差错，过度思考。

So when it comes to completing a massive project or getting something done, people with imposter syndrome spend tremendous amounts of time dwelling on the topic, thinking about what could go wrong, overthinking.

一般来说，当你经历冒名顶替综合征时，最安全的地方就是你现在的处境。

And generally when you're experiencing imposter syndrome, the safest place to be is exactly where you are.

这些年来，我合作过不少人，在过去五、六、七年里，他们告诉我他们有冒名顶替综合征，或者我认为他们有这种感觉。

I've worked with a number of people over the years, over the last five, six, seven years that have told me they have imposter syndrome, or that I believe have a sense of imposter syndrome.

而涉及到重大创新、扩展自己或完成大任务时，他们最挣扎。

And when it comes to sort of big innovations or extending themselves or getting big tasks done, they struggle the most.

所以我真正想做的就是强调这一点。

So what I really wanted to do is highlight this.

事情是这样的，每个人都会拖延，每个人。

Here's the thing, everybody procrastinates, everybody.

我有时候也会严重拖延，对吧？

I procrastinate tremendously at times right?

原因也各不相同。

For various reasons as well.

通常是因为我的完美主义，但患有冒名顶替综合症的人拖延的原因还有其他很多种。

Usually because of my perfectionism, but people with imposter syndrome procrastinate for a variety of other reasons.

我想给那些有一点点冒名顶替感的人一个建议——据统计，你们中70%的人迟早会有这种感觉——那就是拼命地扑上去做。

And my advice to anybody who is experiencing a little hint of imposter syndrome, and statistically 70 of you will at some point, is to throw yourself violently at it.

当你感到拖延的时候，你基本上有两个选择。

When you experience procrastination, you've basically got two choices.

选择A是坐下来，思考，然后陷入某种不作为的状态。

Choice A is to sit back, to think, and to fall into sort of inaction.

选择B是尽快扑上去做。

Choice B is to throw yourself at it ASAP.

我自己在生活中开始这样做：每当我感觉到自己在拖延，或者对自己说“我晚上10点再开始，我得先打扫一下房子”，或者“我先做这个任务再开始那个”，我就会拿起那个我脑子里想逃避的事情，然后冲上去做。

And I started in my own life, whenever I feel myself procrastinating or whenever I say to myself, oh I'll start that at 10PM, I just need to clean the house first or oh, I'll start that then I want to do this task first, is I grab the thing that my mind told me to avoid and I run at it.

过去几年我一直这么做，生活发生了翻天覆地的变化。

And doing that over the last couple of years has dramatically changed my life.

当你主动去面对那些你内心想逃避的事情，这种累积效应真的能彻底改变人生。

The compounding effect of throwing yourself at the things that your mind is telling yourself to avoid is fundamentally life changing.

对，我就是想跟大家分享这个，因为我知道在座有很多人都觉得自己是冒牌货。

And yeah, I just wanted to share that with you because I know we've got a lot of imposters out there.

我自己可能也有点这种感觉，我觉得本质上我们都有。

And I probably am an impostor to some degree, think we all fundamentally are.

如果你完全没有这种感觉，那可能说明你对自己的挑战还不够。

If you're not an impostor, then you're probably not challenging yourself enough.

你可能还没有深入下去。

You've probably not gone deep enough.

你可能还没有进入未知的领域。

You're probably not in a unknown territory.

你可能还没有处于成长的状态或成长区。

You're probably not in a growth moment or growth zone.

很可能，冒充者之后迎来的就是成长。

Probably is the case that the thing that comes after being an impostor is growth.

所以，我想鼓励每一位收听这个播客的朋友，让自己置身于那种觉得自己是冒牌货的境地，觉得自己是房间里、谈话中或会议室里最不聪明、最不够格的那个人。

And so I I would encourage everybody listening to this podcast to to get yourself in a situation where you feel like an impostor, where you feel like the least intelligent or least qualified person in the room or conversation or boardroom you're in.

那似乎是最能带来回报的地方。

It seems like the most ROI conducive place to be.

当你遇到拖延时，就迎难而上。

And when you encounter procrastination, throw yourself at it.

我总是在播客结尾聊一些关于人际关系和其他私人话题。

I always end my podcast by talking about relationships and other personal things.

所以这次播客我也打算这么做。

So I'm gonna make this podcast the same.

如果你听到了播客的结尾，我觉得你应该得到某种奖励。

If you've gotten to the end of this podcast, I feel like you deserve some kind of reward.

那么，我该跟你分享我生活中哪些非常私密的事情呢？

So what shall I tell you about my life that's very, very personal?

很久很久以来，我第一次在感情生活和个人状况上感到完全、完全地幸福。

For the first time in a long, long time, I am completely, completely happy in regards to my relationship life and my personal situation.

我找到了真正的平静和平衡。

I found a real sense of peace and balance.

这是我人生中第一次，我在这个播客里经常谈论我的家庭，以及经营生意如何让我在很多方面成了一个糟糕的家庭成员。

For the first time in my life, I talk about my family a lot in this podcast and how running my business has really made me a shit family member in many regards.

这周我做了几件事，我觉得让我和家人更亲近了一些。

I've done a number of things this week that I think have brought me a little bit closer to my family.

不过至少在过去几个月里，我比近几年更投入于家庭了。

But over the last couple of months anyway, I've been more engaged with my family than I have in recent years.

这周我给我妈买了新假牙，我特别自豪。

This week I bought my mum new teeth, which I was super proud of.

这太疯狂了。

It's crazy.

我妈挺在意自己牙齿的样子，而且她这几年一直很在意。

My mum's quite conscious about how her teeth look, And she's been very conscious for a number of years.

能给她买新牙，比给自己买任何东西都让我有成就感。

And being able to buy her new teeth has been more rewarding than anything that I could buy myself.

现在我也能跟兄弟姐妹一起，给我爸持续供应健康食品，直接送到家门口。

I've now been able to, with my brothers and sisters, buy my dad a continual supply of healthy food that gets delivered to his door.

再说，我也给自己花钱，买了个古驰包什么的。

Again, know, I spend money on myself, I bought a Gucci bag, etcetera, etcetera.

但没有什么比给家人买这些东西更让我觉得值得的了。

Nothing is more rewarding than being able to buy those things for my family.

每次我给朋友或家人转钱或者买东西的时候，都会深深提醒我，给予的真正价值、努力工作的真正价值、成功的真正价值，以及我做这一切到底是为了什么。

And when I every time that I I'll, you know, send the money or I buy something for my friends and for my family, it's this amazing reminder about the true value of giving, the true value of hard work, the true value of success, and really why I do all of this shit.

我觉得去年我的个人品牌很大程度上都在帮助听众认识到什么才是最重要的。

And I think much of my personal brand in last year has been focused on helping my audience realise what really matters the most.

那才是最重要的。

And that's what matters the most.

那些你为自己做的内在的事情，不是为了Instagram、点赞或者外界的认可，而是为了自己和最重要的人做的事情。

It's those intrinsic things that you do for yourself, not for Instagram or for likes or for validation from the outside world, the things that you do for yourself and the people that matter the most.