E38：一个简单的心态秘诀 + 少些routine，多些生活

过去这几周是我职业生涯中最具挑战性的时期。

The last couple of weeks have been the most professionally challenging of my entire life.

我的日程本里记满了各种零散的笔记、想法、灵感和顿悟，我真的很期待今天能把这些内容整理出来，和大家分享。

My diary is full of random notes, ideas, thoughts and epiphanies and I'm really looking forward to unpacking all of this and sharing it with you today.

现在是凌晨五点，我在英国曼彻斯特的一家酒店房间里。

It's currently 5AM in a hotel room in Manchester in The UK.

现在是周日晚上，不过我想应该算是周一凌晨了。

It's Sunday night, well I guess Monday morning.

我还没睡，而且考虑到天亮前要完成的工作量，今天恐怕也很难有机会睡觉。

I haven't slept and there's still very little sign of that happening today considering the workload I have to accomplish before the morning.

我们有很多话题要聊。

We've got a lot to talk about.

我有很多事情要告诉你们。

I've got a lot to tell you about.

我们有很多事情要思考。

We've got a lot to think about.

那么话不多说，这里是《CEO的日记》，我是史蒂芬·巴特利特。

So without further ado, this is The Diary of a CEO and I'm Stephen Bartlett.

我希望没有人正在听。

I hope nobody is listening.

但如果你在听，请帮我保密。

But if you are, then please keep this to yourself.

我日记里的第一点，我觉得可能会给我惹麻烦。

The first point in my diary, I think is something that's gonna get me in trouble.

我几乎可以肯定有人会告诉我别把这个放进播客里。

I'm almost certain someone is gonna tell me not to put this in the podcast.

但这是我生活中能对世界最坦诚的地方。

But this is the medium in my life where I get to be most honest with the world.

我觉得这件事值得讨论。

And I think this is something that's worth discussing.

我觉得如果社会已经到了我们都必须过于政治正确，连一个想法都不能讨论的地步，那真是可悲。

I think it's sad if we've gotten to a place in society where we have to all be too politically correct that we can't even discuss an idea.

这是我日记里写的内容。

Here's what I've written in my diary.

我觉得在我所属的社区，也就是我一直认同的那个社区，黑人社区里，有些人在某些场合太容易把种族问题拿出来说事，尤其是在谈到职业成功或者实现梦想的时候。

I think that some people within my community, the community that I've always identified with, the black community, are too quick on some occasions to play the race card, specifically as it relates to career success or achieving your dreams.

我担心这种想法会拖累那些人。

And I'm worried that this perspective will hold those people back.

对。

Yes.

我知道你在想什么。

I know what you're thinking.

我可能不该说这些。

I'm probably not allowed to say that.

但我的意思是这样的。

But here's what I mean.

过去几年里，我一直在观察黑人社交媒体。

Over the last couple of years, I've observed black social media.

我记得他们管这个叫黑人推特。

I think they call it black Twitter.

我也观察过生活中离我很近的人。

I've also observed people very, very close to me in my personal life.

最让我失望的一件事是，我所在群体里的一些黑人，不是全部，遇到事情时，总是很快把它归因于种族。

And one of the things that's disappointed me the most is how quick some, not all, some black people within my community are to attribute events that have happened to them, to their race.

而且我确切知道，所有科学研究都表明，这种默认态度并不利于解决问题。

And I know for a fact that all of the science shows that that kind of default position to have isn't productive.

我绝不是想暗示种族主义不存在。

I am not by any stretch of the imagination trying to imply that racism isn't real.

先把这点说清楚。

Let's just get that out there.

偏见、种族主义以及其他与种族、性别相关的系统性问题都是真实存在的，而且我真心相信，几乎所有人，甚至可以说所有人，都有偏见。

Prejudice, racism and other systemic issues relating to race, gender are very very real things and we're I genuinely believe that nearly all of us, I'd really say all of us, have prejudices.

我觉得我们其实都有种族偏见。

I think we're actually all color prejudice.

我觉得其实我们每个人，多多少少，可能都有点性别偏见。

I think we're actually, in part, probably all gender prejudice to some degree.

我觉得在这个社会媒体洗脑的世界里生活，几乎不可能不带点自己的刻板印象或偏见，这些有时候可能还会影响你日常做的决定。

I think that it's almost impossible to live in this world of societal media brainwashing and not to come out with some kind of stereotypes or prejudices of your own that might, in some cases, have an impact on the decisions you make on a day to day basis.

种族主义在今天的世界仍然是个大问题。

Racism is still a huge problem in today's world.

它在我们生活中、政治里、工作场所里都是个大问题。

It's a huge problem in our lives, in our politics, in our workplaces.

如果你是一个年轻的黑人男性，走在美国的街头，这可能会让你丢掉性命。

And if you're a young black man walking the streets of America, it might just cost you your life.

反黑人的招聘歧视在今天和1989年一样普遍，三分之一的少数族裔和黑人报告说，他们因为种族原因被欺负或遭受不敏感的质问。

Anti black hiring discrimination is as prevalent today as it was in 1989, and a third of people, minorities and black people, report to have been bullied or subjected to insensitive questioning because of their race.

将近15%的女性和8%的男性表示，种族歧视曾导致他们离职。

Almost fifteen percent of women and 8% of men have stated that racial discrimination has caused them to leave a job.

这太疯狂了。

It's crazy.

这是真的。

It's real.

而且这是必须解决的问题。

And it's something that has to be addressed.

不过，我在生活中、社交圈里、网上，甚至在家里，都见过黑人告诉我，他们之所以没有达到人生目标，是因为他们是黑人。

However, I've witnessed black people in my life, in my networks and online, and even at home, telling me that the reason they're not where they want to be in life is because they are black.

即使有歧视性力量在阻碍你——我真心相信确实存在——即使这些歧视性力量让你更难或稍微更难达到目标，但把缺乏成功或进步完全归咎于一个因素，我觉得这种观点或世界观既没有建设性，又危险，还会自我应验。

And even if there are discriminatory forces working against you, and I genuinely believe that there are, and even if those discriminatory forces make it harder or slightly harder for you to get to where you want to be, to attribute your lack of success or progress solely to one factor, I think as a perspective or a world view is unproductive, dangerous, and self fulfilling.

种族是一个因素，但不足以阻止你达到目标。

Race is a factor, but it's not enough of a factor to prevent you getting there.

我其实更相信，认为种族会阻止你达到目标的心态，比歧视本身更有害。

I'm actually more convinced that the mindset that race will prevent you getting there is more detrimental than the discrimination itself.

但不仅仅是黑人才会有这种外部决定论的想法。

But it's not just black people that engage in this type of external determinism.

如果你去我的家乡普利茅斯，那里每个人都认为他们没有工作或不成功的原因是移民，是黑人。

If you go to my hometown in Plymouth, everybody there thinks that the reason they don't have jobs or the reason that they're not successful is because of immigrants, because of black people.

这样一想，这几乎成了一个循环，我们总是把内在进步不足归咎于外部因素，而这就是我在黑人社区里反对的那种行为。

And it's almost when you think about it like that, it's almost a bit of a cycle where we're pointing external forces for the lack of internal progress that we've made, and that is the behavior that I'm against in the black community.

我用“失望”这个词来形容我的感受，是因为我觉得这种态度或这种默认立场不利于成功、幸福或良好的心理健康。

And the reason I use the word disappointment when I describe how this makes me feel is because I think this attitude or this default position isn't conducive with success, happiness, or good mental well-being.

我认为，如果你一生都认为事情是发生在你身上，而不是由你造成的，你会更痛苦。

I think that if you go through life thinking that life is happening to you and not because of you, you'll be more miserable.

科学也支持这一点。

And the science supports that.

这就是为什么我一直选择采取一种默认态度，即无论生活中可能有什么偏见在起作用或阻碍我，我都要对自己的生活、人际关系、工作以及一切负责。

That's why I've always, irrespective of whatever prejudices might be playing out in my life or holding me back, I've always chosen to adopt the default attitude that I'm responsible for my life, in my relationships, in work, in everything in between.

我选择拥有内在控制点。

I've chosen to have an internal locus of control.

“locus”这个词在拉丁语中是“位置”的意思，它指的是一个人是否相信发生在你身上的事情的结果是由你自己的行为还是外部因素控制的。

The word locus is Latin for the word place, and this refers to whether one believes that the outcomes of things that are happening to you are controlled by your own actions or by external factors.

如果你有很强的外部控制点，你可能会认为神、命运、因果报应、随机性或某种外部力量决定了将要发生的事情。

If you have a very external locus of control, you might think that a deity, god, fate, karma, randomness, or some type of external power determines what's gonna happen.

如果你有内在的控制点，那你就会觉得自己的命运掌握在自己手里。

If you have a internal locus of control, then you think your fate is in your hands.

换句话说，你是个积极进取的人，或者是个能自己启动的人。

In other words, you're a go getter or a self starter.

你有那种个人自主性，因为你在掌控一切。

You have that sort of personal autonomy because you are in control.

大量研究已经得出结论，那些有内在控制点的人，他们的幸福感更高。

And a huge amount of studies have concluded that people with that internal place of control, that internal locus of control, have increased positive well-being.

他们的压力更小。

They have lower stress.

他们经历的抑郁更少。

They experience less depression.

这也和更成功密切相关。

It's also heavily connected to being more successful.

你觉得你生活中的事件，比如被录用或被解雇，恋爱或失恋，从一个城市搬到另一个城市，是因为你的行动还是某种外部力量？

Do you think that the events in your life, getting hired or fired, falling in or out of love, moving from one city to another are due to your actions or some outside power?

根据科学，你如何回答这个问题，将预示你的工作满意度、压力水平，以及你在组织中可能爬多高。

How you answer that question, according to science, will predict your job satisfaction, your stress levels, and how high up in an organization you're likely to climb.

研究还发现，拥有内在控制点会让你更少经历抑郁。

Research has also found that having an internal locus of control makes you experience less depression.

所以，非裔美国人和拉丁裔比白人更容易经历严重抑郁，这在一定程度上并不令人意外。

So it's in part no surprise that African Americans and Latinos are significantly more likely to experience serious depression than, say, white people.

研究还表明，拥有内在控制点、相信生活中发生的事情是由自己造成的人，在学校表现更好。

It also says that people with an internal locus of control that believe the things that are happening in their life are due to them do better in school.

他们能更好地应对压力。

They deal better with stress.

他们更积极地寻找解决问题的办法。

They're more actively able to find solutions to problems.

他们在工作中更满意。

They are more satisfied in their jobs and at work.

他们更注重实现自己的目标。

They are more orientated towards achieving their goals.

所以这周我在飞机上看了不少在线研究，结果发现那个假设是对的。

And so I went through a number of online studies this week when I was on a plane, and it turns out that hypothesis is correct.

多项研究显示，黑人报告的内部控制点比白人更偏向外部。

Black people report having a more external locus of control than white people across a number of studies.

我真的觉得，这不只是拖累黑人，而是拖累了很多很多人。

And I really, really think that this is something that isn't just holding black people back per se, but is holding a lot of people back.

我觉得，作为一个在这个国家长大的年轻黑人，尤其是像我这样在一所有两千白人的学校里长大的，几乎不可能不受到媒体叙事、新闻里看到的东西、网上读到的东西的影响，觉得自己在某些方面被他人视为低人一等。

And I think it's almost impossible as a young black man growing up in this country, especially in the case of me where I grew up in a school with 2,000 white people, to not feel in some respect by media narratives, by things you see in the news, by things you read online, that we are supposed to be or considered in some respect inferior by others.

所以，建立我们的自尊、自信和自我形象，真的是一项内在的工作。

And so the job of building our self esteem and our self confidence and our self image is really an inside job.

因为如果你向外看，看向社会或媒体，你得不到最好的故事。

Because if you look outside and if you look into society or the media, you don't get the best stories.

对吧？

Right?

所以，甚至，你知道，甚至看着这个国家年轻的黑人足球运动员去海外，被嘘，被意大利观众像猴子一样嘲笑。

So even, you know, even watching all the the young black football players in this country go overseas and get booed and the the Italian crowds jeer at them like monkeys.

我就是在这种环境中长大的。

I grew up to that.

我从小就看到这些报道，心里一直在想，为什么这些事情会发生在我们的身上，而不是发生在白人身上。

I grew up to reading that and wondering why that was happening to us and not to to white people.

我觉得所有这些小小的打击，确实会在塑造和构建你的自尊方面起到一定的作用。

And all of these little dents, I think, do have a a role in building and constructing your self esteem.

但我想呼吁黑人朋友们，重新掌控自己的生活，承担起那份我知道对成功和幸福至关重要的责任。

But I I just call black people to take back control and to take back that responsibility that I know is so important to become successful and happy.

毫无疑问，我的这种观点在一定程度上受到了我童年经历的影响。

There's no doubt in my mind that this opinion has been somewhat influenced by the experience of my childhood.

我母亲是我真正见过的唯一一位黑人女性。

My mother was the only black woman that I really ever saw.

我们是在一个非常非常白的地区长大的，住在一个非常白的社区里。

We grew up in a very, very white area, in a very white neighborhood.

我们上的是一所非常白的学校。

We went to a very white school.

而且我妈妈一直坚信，她的财产被夺走、我们最终破产，很多时候都是因为她的肤色。

And my mother was very intent on the fact that the reason why her properties were taken away and why we were ultimately effectively bankrupt was because of her skin color a lot of the time.

她经常把发生在我们身上的事归咎于她是黑人。

She would often blame her being black for what had happened to us.

有意思的是，尽管我当时还小，容易受影响，但我就是从不认同她的看法。

And interestingly, even though I was young and impressionable, I just never agreed.

我只是觉得我妈妈在生意上犯了一些错误。

I just thought my mom had made some business mistakes.

我觉得这在我成长过程中一直像块石头压在我心里。

And that I think has sat as a chip on my shoulder as I've grown up.

我觉得，当我看到黑人推特和黑人社交媒体有时把所有事情都归咎于肤色时——我真的是说有时候感觉所有事情——我对这种说法也有同样的过敏反应，因为我认为沉溺于把控制权归因于某种劣势是没有用的。

I think as I've observed black Twitter and black social media blaming skin color for everything at times, and I literally mean that everything at times it feels like, I've had that same sort of allergic reaction to that narrative because I think it's unproductive to dwell and attribute control to some kind of disadvantage.

如果我们真的相信发生在我们身上的一切都是由某种不可控的外部力量造成的，比如偏见、歧视或其他什么，我们就无法、也不愿意、更没有必要进行那种内在的分析，那种对自己的审视，而这种审视对于学习、进步和避免重蹈覆辙是必需的，也是有益的。

And if we really believe that everything that's happened to us was caused by some kind of uncontrollable outside force like prejudice or discrimination or whatever it might be, we're unable and we're unwilling and it's unnecessary to perform that internal analysis, that internal reading of yourself, which is required and conducive with learning, improving, and not making the same mistakes again and again.

这当然也是我在家里亲眼所见的情况。

And that's certainly what I witnessed at home.

我日记里的下一个点没那么有争议。

The next point in my diary is slightly less controversial.

我刚写了“电子游戏心态”这几个字。

I've just written video game state of mind.

我的意思是这样的。

And here's what I mean.

我们玩电子游戏时，完全不在乎别人的看法，那么自由，那么无所畏惧。

We play video games with such disregard for opinion, with such freedom, with such fearlessness.

对吧？

Right?

但很多人过生活时却那么小心翼翼，那么害怕，那么紧张。

But many of us play life with such caution, with such fear, with such nervousness.

这些年来，帮助我成功并度过商业低谷的一件事，就是那种电子游戏心态。

One of the things that's helped me succeed over the years and weather dark times in business is that video game state of mind.

我经营公司时经历过地狱般的日子，大多数创业者都是这样。

I've gone through hell running my business as most entrepreneurs do.

我真的、真的是这么想的。

And I really, really mean that.

我经历过的那种地狱般的困境，在这个播客里我很难说清楚，也说不尽，所以就不尝试了。

I've gone through a hell I couldn't quite articulate or do justice in this podcast, so I won't try.

你们只能相信我的话了。

You'll have to take my word for it.

我特别擅长应对地狱般的困境。

I'm remarkably good at dealing with hell.

我特别有韧性。

I'm remarkably resilient.

这种韧性来自于一种心态，说实话，也来自于经验。

And that resilience comes from a state of mind, and quite honestly, experience.

我说经验，是指我有太多从困境中挺过来的案例，以至于困境对我来说是可控的。

When I say experience, I mean having so many case studies of surviving hell that hell feels manageable.

有些时刻，我真的怀疑，其他人怎么可能承受得了我在某些时刻不得不忍受的那种地狱般的折磨。

And there's moments where I've genuinely questioned how any other human could possibly deal with the level of hell I've had to endure in certain moments.

我相信肯定有人比我经历得更惨，对吧？

I'm sure there's people dealing with worse, right?

尤其是在职业方面。

Especially in a professional sense.

但有时候感觉就是这样。

But that's just how it's felt at times.

从一个18岁、身无分文、被拒绝的少数族裔辍学生，靠偷食物填饱肚子，到成为一家全球企业的CEO，这家公司在全球有700名员工，年收入数亿美元——在这个过程中，我经常对自己说：还能比现在更糟吗？

In the process of going from a 18 year old broke rejected minority dropout that was shoplifting food to feed myself to the CEO of a global business which employs 700 people around the world and makes hundreds of millions in revenue, I've said to myself frequently, how could it get any worse than this moment?

还有什么职业挑战能比眼前这个巨大又紧急的难题更难？

How could any professional challenge ever be greater than this gigantic urgent one that stands before me?

就是那么难。

It's been that hard.

但我的游戏心态帮我挺过了那些风浪。

But my video game state of mind has helped me weather that storm.

让我给你讲讲背景。

Let me give you some context.

每次我觉得我们都在权衡生活中的风险时，我猜这个等式就是：考虑到潜在的坏处或失败或损失的可能性，这个风险值得吗？

Every time I think all of us weigh up a risk in life, I guess the equation is, is that risk worth it considering the potential downside or the chance of failure or loss?

换一种说法就是，什么更重要？

Another way of saying this would be, what matters more?

是这个机会的好处，还是避免这个潜在损失？

The upside of this opportunity or the avoidance of this potential loss.

这就是为什么人们会留在他们讨厌的工作里。

This is why people stay in jobs they hate.

他们不去追求那个令人兴奋的商业想法，他们选择安全。

They don't pursue that exciting business idea, they they play it safe.

因为当他们在脑子里做这个等式时，他们得出的结论是，潜在的好处不值得潜在的坏处。

Because as they perform that equation in their head, they conclude that the upside potential is not worth the potential downside.

研究表明，对大多数人来说，这是关键词，大多数人，害怕失去100美元的强度大于希望得到150美元的强度。

Studies have shown that for most people, and that's the keyword, most people, the fear of losing a $100 is more intense than the hope of gaining a $150.

而且从许多研究和观察中，已经证明，出于某种原因，在人类中，损失感觉比收益更突出。

And from many studies and observations, it's been proven that for some reason in humans, losses feel like they loom larger than gains.

其实大多数人都是害怕损失的。

Most people are in fact loss averse.

为了避免损失，我们什么都愿意做，比为了获得收益而付出的努力还要多。

We'll do anything to try and avoid a loss more than we'll do anything to try and make a gain.

所以很明显。

So it's clear.

如果你想成为那种无所畏惧、敢于冒险、充分发挥自己潜力的人，我们就得想办法降低对潜在损失或风险的感知。

If you wanna be the fearless person that takes the risks you need to take in order to reach your full potential, we need to find a way to minimize our perception of the downside potential or the potential loss, as I might call it.

如果你觉得从悬崖跳下去有百分之一的几率能飞起来，百分之九十九的几率会死，那你肯定不会跳。

If you believe jumping off a cliff will result in a one percent chance of you flying and a ninety nine percent chance of death, you just wouldn't jump.

同样，如果你觉得辞掉烂工作、创业、离开有毒的感情、环游世界会带来灾难性的后果，那大多数人也不会去做。

In the same way, if you believe leaving your shitty job, starting a business, leaving a toxic romantic relationship, traveling the world will be fatal, most of us won't do it.

作为害怕损失的人，我们宁愿守着已知的魔鬼，也不愿面对未知的魔鬼。

As loss fearing humans, we're happier with the devil we know than the devil we don't.

我们被束缚、被压抑，浪费了真正的潜力，就是因为对可能出错的担忧，以及内心对犯错的回避。

We're held down, suppressed, and wasting our true potential because of the perception of what might go wrong and our internal desire to avoid wrong.

这种避免犯错的心理，远远超过了我们追求奖励的欲望。

And that desire to avoid wrong significantly outweighs our desire to attain a reward.

不过，当我们玩电子游戏时——我可能只是代表我自己说说——我们通常完全不在乎会失去什么，也不管游戏里的人怎么看待我们的选择，玩得非常自由。

However, when we play video games, and I might just be just speaking for myself here, we typically play with such little concern for loss without any regard of what the people in the game will think of our choices and with total freedom.

因为我们知道，如果在《侠盗猎车手》里偷车撞人，现实中并不会真的坐牢。

Because we know if we steal this car and run people over in Grand Theft Auto, we won't really go to jail.

或者在《使命召唤》里，即使被狙击手爆头，我们也并不会真的死去。

Or in Call of Duty, if a sniper shoots me in the head, I'm not really going to die.

意识到电子游戏里最坏的结果并不可怕，这让我们能大胆冒险、随心所欲、无拘无束，甚至不太在意别人怎么评价我们的决定，有时候这种状态几乎有点鲁莽了。

This realization that the worst possible outcome in a video game is not something to be feared creates an environment where we can be so risk taking, so careless, so free, so indifferent to what people might think of our decision making, that it almost at sometimes might verge on being a little bit reckless.

赌博心理学里也能看到同样的现象。

The same is evident in gambling psychology.

当钱只是虚拟的时候，人们赌博会变得不一样。

When the money is imaginary, people gamble differently.

我不希望你们破产，也不希望你们开车撞到人，但我确实认为，想要发挥全部潜力，冒险是必不可少的一部分。

I don't want you to to go broke, and I don't want you to run people over with your car, but I do believe that risk taking is an integral part of reaching your potential.

多年来，当我的事业和生活遇到不顺，当我面临艰难挑战，或者当我面临退学或辞职而陷入不确定性的前景时，我总是对自己、对身边的人、对我爱的人说几句话，这些话对于生活在西方舒适环境中的人来说尤其真实，我说，史蒂夫，人生就像一场电子游戏。

For years, when things have gone wrong in my business, in my life, when I've had tough challenges or when I've been faced with the prospect of dropping out of university or quitting jobs that would throw me in into uncertainty, I've always said to myself, to people around me, and to my loved ones, a few words that for someone living in the comforts of the Western world are especially true, I've said, Steve, life is just a video game.

这些都不会真的让你丧命。

None of this will actually kill you.

这些话虽然只是说说，但背后是我一直以来的真实心态。

Those were just words, but they came from a genuine deep mindset that I've always had.

能够让自己从那些非理性的想法中抽离出来，不认为任何一个职业决定或某次失败会是致命的，我觉得这是让我更成功的关键因素之一。

And being able to detach myself from the irrational thoughts that any one professional decision or any particular failure will be fatal is one of the key things that I think has made me more successful.

这让艰难和困苦变得可以应对。

It's made hell and hard times manageable.

这让我在任何混乱中都能保持冷静。

It's allowed me to develop calm within any chaos.

而且我们知道，压力会影响健康。

And as we know, stress impacts your health.

这也意味着，即使事情变得一团糟，我依然能保持非常低的压力水平，因此保持健康。

And it certainly meant that even when shit hits the fan, I stay remarkably stress free and therefore healthy.

我从小就一直是这种游戏心态。

I've had this video game mindset for as long as I can remember.

这就是为什么即使在我妈跟我断绝关系、我身无分文偷食物、住在城市最差地区一栋半封起来的房子里的时候，我依然完全满足、快乐、乐观。

It's why I was completely content, happy, and optimistic even when my mom had disowned me when I was penniless stealing food and living in the worst part of the city in a partially boarded up house.

我觉得这些都不会要我的命。

I thought none of this would kill me.

这只是个游戏。

It's just a game.

再加上我天生的自信，我也觉得这种情况是暂时的。

And that coupled with this inherent self belief meant that I also thought this situation was temporary.

我没办法在这个简短的播客里重新塑造你，但我觉得你可以做一些事情来培养更自由、更敢于冒险的游戏心态。

I'm not going to be able to reprogram you in this short podcast, but I think there's things you can do to develop more of a liberated video game risk comfortable mindset.

第一，要非常清楚地对自己重申你从生活中想要什么，你希望它看起来和感觉起来怎么样，以及这对你有多重要。

The first is reaffirming to yourself really crystal clearly what you want from your life and how you want it to look and feel, and really how much that matters to you.

这样做，我们就能增加对潜在好处的感知。

By doing this, we're increasing the perception of the upside potential.

如果你的目标清晰且值得追求，你就更愿意冒险去保住它们。

If your goals feel clear and worthwhile, you'll be more willing to take the risk to retain them.

对我来说，成长在一个像我说的那样几乎破产的家庭里，钱似乎是我所有问题的根源。

Growing up for me, in a family that was, as I said, effectively bankrupt, it appeared that money was the root of all my problems.

就是因为钱，我们没有好东西，从来没有真正度过假，也没有过过圣诞节或生日。

It It was the reason we didn't have nice things, we never really had a holiday, we never had Christmases or birthday.

就是因为钱，我在学校感到难堪。

It was the reason I felt embarrassed at school.

显然，也是因为钱，我父母才会吵架。

It was apparently the reason why my parents argued.

有时候我觉得自己不够好，也是因为钱。

It was the reason why I felt inadequate at times.

我们家前窗碎了快十年，也是因为钱。

It was the reason the windows on the front of our house remained smashed for almost a decade.

所以成年后，追求财务自由对我来说总是那么值得，那么必要。

So the pursuit of financial freedom as an adult to me was always so worthwhile, so necessary.

对我来说，这是没得商量的。

To me it was non negotiable.

这是为了摆脱我的童年。

It was the avoidance of my childhood.

这件事对我来说太重要了。

It mattered to me too much.

我以前不想，现在也不想让我的生活变成那样，像小时候那样。

I didn't and don't want my life to be like that, like it was when I was young.

我就是不允许。

I just won't allow it.

我非常清楚，我要变得富有。

I'm crystal clear that I want to be wealthy.

我想要有选择的自由。

I want to have the freedom to choose.

有自由支配的时间，还有享受工作的奢侈。

The freedom of free time and the luxury of enjoying my work.

这对我来说很重要，因为我经历过相反情况的痛苦。

That matters to me because I've experienced the pain of the opposite.

我经历过没有上述任何东西的痛苦。

I've experienced the pain of not having any of the above.

那是我童年的痛苦。

It was the pain of my childhood.

说实话，我们都害怕。

The truth is, we're all scared.

我们中的一些人只是更害怕错误的事情。

Some of us are just more scared of the wrong thing.

我更害怕不去尝试。

I'm more scared of not trying.

我更害怕和我的孩子们重演我的童年。

I'm more scared of reliving my childhood with my kids.

我更害怕后悔没有发挥出自己的潜力。

I'm more scared of regretting not reaching my potential.

清楚地知道自己想要什么样的生活，并不断提醒自己为什么这很重要，是提升奖励感知价值的重要方法。

Being crystal clear on what you want your life to look like and reaffirming why that matters to you is an important way to increase the perceived value of the reward.

第二，为了降低你对冒险后果的担忧，你需要学会更健康地看待失败。

Secondly, in order to reduce your perception of the downside of taking a risk, need to work on having a healthier relationship with failure.

用一种不那么消极、更理性的眼光来看待失败，明白失败在某件事上并不意味着整个人生都完了。

A less negative, more rational perception of what failing at any particular task will mean to your life.

这意味着把对失败的恐惧从潜意识中拿出来——它一直在那里悄悄控制着你的生活——带到意识层面，让你能识别它、分析它、处理它。

This means taking fear of failure from your subconscious, where it's running the show of your life unaddressed, to the conscious, where you identify it, where you can analyze it, where you can address it.

当你的身体感到那种恐惧时，抓住它。

When your body feels that fear, grab it.

如果有人邀请你上台演讲，而你立刻感到害怕或恐惧，那就停下来。

If someone asks you to speak on stage and that's something that instantly fills you with feelings of dread or fear, pause.

让自己意识到这种情绪。

Make yourself aware of it.

写下你的感受。

Write down how you're feeling.

抓住它。

Grab it.

看看它。

Look at it.

理性分析它。

Rationalize it.

如果你上台演讲，结果搞砸了，具体会发生什么？

What specifically could happen if you speak on stage and it goes badly?

为什么那个不好的结果会让你害怕？

Why does that undesirable outcome scare you?

你真的是害怕上台演讲吗？

Are you actually scared of speaking on stage?

还是你只是害怕别的东西？

Are you just scared of something else?

对上台演讲的恐惧，是不是只是更深层恐惧的一种表现？

Is the fear of speaking on stage just the manifestation of a deeper fear?

你是不是真的只是害怕自己不如别人，或者在意别人的看法？

Are you really just scared of feeling inferior Or of other people's opinions?

还是害怕暴露自己的脆弱？

Or of being vulnerable?

那这种害怕是从哪里来的呢？

And where does that come from?

我该怎么去解决它？

How do I address it?

现在我能做的最重要的事情是什么，才能克服这种恐惧？

What is the important thing that I can do right now to get past that fear?

我能做出什么决定来改变现状？

What decision can I make to change it?

接下来我要采取哪些行动？

And what actions am I going to take?

科学已经证明，尽可能多地就你表面的恐惧向自己提问，有助于理性分析你的恐惧，帮助你摆脱焦虑和消极想法。

Asking yourself as many questions as you can about your apparent fear has been scientifically proven to help reason your fear, to help reason your anxiety and your negative thoughts away.

这能帮助我们减少对冒险时不利后果的感知，让我们更接近那种游戏心态。

It helps us to reduce the perception of the downside when it comes to taking risks, and that pushes us closer to that video game mindset.

这也是为什么治疗师和心理学家会花那么多时间问你开放式问题的原因之一。

And this in part is why therapists and psychologists spend so long asking you open ended questions.

了解自己的感受以及它们真正的根源，能帮助你更好地理解自己的行为，进而为未来的选择提供参考，让你不再那么无助，更有掌控感，同时也能减少你潜意识里那些负面想法对你的控制。

Knowing your feelings and the real true root cause of them helps you understand your actions better, which in turn can inform your future choices, make you feel less helpless, more in control, and it gives your subconscious devils less control over you.

这让你拥有那种游戏心态。

It gives you that video game mindset.

毕竟，人生不过是一场游戏。

And after all, life is just a game.

这些都不会要你的命。

None of this will kill you.

我这周日记里的第三点，刚写下的，是：例行公事是幸福的敌人吗？

The third point in my diary this week, I've just written, is routine the enemy of happiness?

事情是这样的。

Here's the thing.

我们每个人都有日常习惯，这些习惯会变成每周的例行公事，然后是每月的，最后是每年的。

Daily routines, which we all have, become weekly routines, then a monthly routine, and then a yearly routine.

然后你的生活就很容易变得一成不变。

Then your life can quite easily become routine.

今年跟去年差不多，这个月跟上个月差不多，这周跟上周也差不多。

Where this year looks a lot like last year, this month looks like last month, and this week looks like last week.

我经常看到关于打造完美日常的帖子、视频和书籍。

I keep seeing posts, videos, and books about creating the perfect routine.

这已经成了个人成长和自我提升圈子里的一种流行追求。

It's become a bit of a sort of cult aspiration in the self development, personal development community.

我明白坚持和自律很重要，尤其是在成功、结构和职业表现方面。

And I understand that consistency and discipline are important, especially as it relates to success and structure and professional performance.

但我担心，我们追求建立完美日常的同时，可能无意中放弃了真正的生活。

However, I worry that the pursuit of establishing the perfect routine in our lives, by doing this we're inadvertently giving up life.

生活的乐趣，或者说至少一部分乐趣，其实恰恰是日常的反面。

Surely the joy of life, or at least part of it, is in fact the opposite to routine.

生活的乐趣当然是探索、随性而为、认识新朋友、偶然发现意想不到的新事物、计划外的冒险，以及保持足够的自由，不断被新事物所启发。

Surely the joy of life is exploration, being spontaneous, meeting new people, stumbling across new things that you didn't expect to stumble across, unplanned adventures, and being free enough to be continually inspired by new things.

关系会因为失去激情而消亡，而失去激情正是因为太多的例行公事和不够的生活。

Relationships die when they lose their excitement, and they lose their excitement because of too much routine and not enough life.

也许这同样适用于你的整个人生。

Maybe the same applies to your life generally.

也许太多的例行公事会扼杀你生活的激情。

Maybe too much routine will kill the excitement of your life.

想想看。

Think about it.

你可能每天在同一时间起床。

You probably get up at the same time every single day.

你每天上班的路都一样。

Your journey to work is the same every day.

你每周都在同一个办公室度过每一天。

You spend your day in the same office every single week.

你每天的工作都是八小时。

Your work is eight hours every single day.

你每天在差不多的时间吃差不多的东西。

You eat similar things at similar times every single day.

也许你不该有一个完美的日常安排。

Maybe you shouldn't have a perfect routine.

也许你应该追求更多的不完美、更多的计划外、更多的随性。

Maybe you should aspire to be more imperfect, more unplanned, more spontaneous.

在我继续批评日常安排之前，我想承认，我认为日常安排在我们的生活中可以起到非常积极的作用。

And before I continue my routine bashing, I want to acknowledge that I think it's a routine can play a very positive role in our lives.

它可以帮助在需要结构的地方建立结构。

It can help to create structure in areas that require structure.

是的，你知道每天早上刷牙是一个健康的好习惯，这一点毫无疑问。

Yes, you know brushing your teeth every morning is a good healthy routine to have, there's no doubt about that.

日常安排可以给你的每一天和每一周带来更有条理、更平静的感觉，这对你的心理健康非常有好处。

And routine can give your day and week a more ordered and more calm feeling, which is great for your mental health.

它们能简化你的日程和个人生活，让它们不那么混乱和复杂。

They can simplify your schedule and personal life to make them less chaotic and complicated.

不过，我确实认为，我们不仅有可能因为科技而把生活优化得失去人性，比如我之前在播客里提到的外卖应用，甚至社交媒体、打车应用，所有这些都让生活变得更不人性化。

However, I do believe not only are we at risk of optimizing our life away with technology with things like food delivery apps, which I've talked about in this podcast before, even social media, taxi apps, all these things that make life less human.

它们让你变得更懒散、更孤独。

They make you less active and more lonely.

但我们也因为追求生活中过多的僵化和结构，而把生活过成了例行公事。

But we're also routineing our life away by seeking too much rigidness and structure in our lives.

如果你每天、每周、每月、每年都做同样的事情，你怎么可能真正过上充实、有挑战、刺激又非传统的生活呢？

How can you truly, truly live a fulfilling, challenging, exciting and unconventional life if you do the same thing every single day, every single week, every single month, every single year?

如果你分不清这周和上周有什么区别，一个理性的人怎么能指望这周会让人兴奋呢？

If you can't distinguish this week from last week, how can a reasonable person expect this week to feel exciting?

我觉得少一些例行公事能给你更多灵活性。

I think having less routines gives you more flexibility.

我觉得这能减少日常生活中那种单调乏味的感觉。

I think it reduces that monotonous feeling of day to day life.

我觉得这能减少生活的重复感。

I think it reduces the sameness of life.

我觉得这能让你根据心情调整活动，打开更多可能性。

I think it opens you up to the possibilities to adjust your activity to your mood.

我觉得这能带来新的创意灵感。

I think it can lead to new streams of creativity.

大家经常讨论的一个话题就是，固定的日常会扼杀创造力，可能是因为它让你接触不到足够的灵感。

One of the things that has been widely discussed is how routine kills creativity, probably because it doesn't expose you to enough inspiration.

我觉得没有固定的日常，生活整体上会更有趣、更精彩、更享受，而且我觉得这很重要。

I think not having routine can make your life overall more exciting, more interesting, and more enjoyable, and I think that matters.

所以这就引出一个问题：我们怎么改变自己的日常习惯？

So I think that begs the question, how can we change our routines?

怎么才能减少那些固定的安排？

How can we have less routines?

一个很好的方法就是去旅行，订张机票就走。

One of the great ways to do that is to go and travel, is to just book a flight and go.

不需要做任何计划，顶多就是订一下第一晚住的酒店或青年旅社。

No planning except maybe the reservation of the hotel or hostel you're staying in the first night.

有意思的是，即使我们去旅行，我们也都很看重当地人的见识。

Interestingly, even when we travel, we all value the knowledge of locals.

我们之所以这样，是因为他们能带我们离开游客常去的地方。

And the reason we do that is because they take us away from the tourist trail.

他们能带我们摆脱那种游客式的固定行程。

They take us away from the tourist routine.

他们带我们去体验那些令人兴奋、原汁原味、真实的文化魅力，这些是跟着大众路线、跟着游客行程得不到的。

They take us to exciting, raw, real cultural magic that we won't get from following the status quo, from following the tourist routine.

而这正是减少生活中的固定模式能带给你的。

And that's exactly what having less routine will do for you in your life.

它会让你找到那种兴奋感，那种生活中真实、原始的灵感。

It'll allow you to find that excitement, that real, raw inspiration of life.

其次，你可以搬到不同的地方去住。

Secondly, you can move somewhere different.

我明白，要做到这一点需要勇气。

You've got to be brave to do that, I understand that.

这会让你感到不安。

Make you feel uncertain.

但我认为这非常非常重要。

But I think it's so, so important.

你可以和不同的人交往。

You could hang around with different people.

你可以在新的地方工作。

You could work somewhere new.

你可以改变做事情的时间。

You can change the times you do things.

你可以改变工作方式。

You can change the way you work.

你可以向你的雇主提出要求，我知道这又有点奢侈，但你可以要求你的雇主每周至少给你一天假。

You can ask your employer, I know this is again a bit of a luxury, but you can ask your employer to give you at least one day off a week.

在Social Chain，我们现在允许公司里所有团队成员自己写合同，因为我们希望他们能建立自己的作息安排，也就是说，你可以自己决定每周工作几天、什么时间工作，诸如此类的事情。

At Social Chain, we've now allowed all of the team members in the business to write their own contracts because we want them to be able to establish their own routines, which means that you can decide how many days a week you work, what times you work, and those kinds of things.

你可以改变自己的饮食习惯。

You can change your eating habits.

你可以关掉电视。

You can leave the TV off.

你可以改变你的社交习惯，就是怎么跟人打交道的方式。

You can change your social habits, the the how you socialize.

我特别想做的一件事，也是自从上次和Joe Wicks录完播客后我就开始做的，就是我现在会给所有朋友发语音消息。

One of the things I'm really interested to do and that I've implemented since the last podcast with Joe Wicks, is I've started sending voice notes to all of my friends now.

这对我来说真的是社交习惯上的一个很大改变。

And that's a real change in my sort of social habits.

我以前当然也是发短信，就像大家一样。

I used to just send these text messages, of course, like we all do.

但就是通过发语音消息，我和朋友、家人，还有像你们这样在播客或Instagram上关注我的人，我的社交习惯和社交联系都变得更紧密了。

But just by sending voice notes, my social habits and my social sort of connection to my friends, to my family, to people like you that follow me on my podcast or my Instagram or wherever else has increased.

这给我的生活带来了很大的改变，因为这样我就能收到语音回复。

And it's made a big difference in my life because I then get voice back.

这种联系感在我生命中所有重要的人之间都变得更加强烈了。

And that sense of connection has been sort of heightened with everybody that matters to me in my life.

最后，你还可以用不同的方式阅读，用不同的方式关注别人。

And lastly, you can read differently, and you can follow people differently.

关于关注这一点，我这周的日记里也提到了，所以先不展开说了，但你可以读不同的东西，接收不同的信息。

The following point is another point in my diary this week, so I'll refrain from that for a second, but you can just read different things, consume different information.

我们都是习惯的产物。

We're all creatures of habit.

我们看同样的YouTube频道，看同样的新闻来源，听同样的播客。

We watch the same YouTube channels, we watch the same news providers, we listen to the same podcasts.

别离开我。

Don't leave me.

但即使是这样一个小小的改变，你也能通过改变你所消费的内容，为你的生活带来创造力、兴奋感、灵感和新鲜感。

But even with a small change like that, you can bring creativity and excitement and inspiration and a feeling of freshness into your life just by changing what you consume.

去看一部你平时不会看的纪录片。

Watch a documentary you wouldn't normally watch.

去读一本你平时不会读的书。

Read a book you wouldn't normally read.

去上一节你平时绝对不会去的即兴表演课。

Go to a improv class that you would never normally go to.

打破你的日常习惯。

Break your routine.

享受你的生活。

Enjoy your life.

有个叫亨利·范·戴克的人曾说过，只要习惯和日常安排主导了生活模式，生活中就不会出现新的维度。

A guy called Henry Van Dyke once said, as long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, no new dimensions of life will emerge.

少一点例行公事，多一点生活。

Less routine, more life.

我日记里的下一个点很有意思，对吧？

The next point in my diary is interesting, right?

这个播客的内容非常假设性。

This podcast is highly hypothetical.

然后人们有时会说，我们没有证据证明这一点。

And then people sometimes say, we've got no evidence to prove that.

我不在乎。

I don't care.

我在这里不在乎证据。

I don't care about evidence here.

有时候我会提供一些支持性的研究之类的。

Sometimes I provide supporting studies and things like that.

有时候我会阅读一些我所说的相关内容。

Sometimes I'll read around the things that I'm saying.

但很多时候，我只是在自言自语。

But a lot of the times, I'm just talking out loud.

我在边想边说，你知道，你选择收听，我想你已经决定想听了。

I'm thinking out loud and, you know, by tuning in, I guess you've decided that you want to listen.

我日记里写的下一个点是，为什么我们讨厌不成功的人。

The next point in my diary I've written, why we hate unsuccessful people.

我从我的社交网络、身边的人，还有我公开演讲时遇到的人那里，得到了很多善意。

I get so much niceness from my social networks, from people around me, from people that meet me when they when I do public speaking and things like that.

我得到了很多爱。

I get so much love.

但当然，像所有人一样，偶尔也会有人对我说些难听的话。

But of course, like everybody, once in a while someone will say something horrible to me.

有人会试图打击我。

Someone will try and tear me down.

这周，有个匿名账号的人给我发消息，他就是想抹黑我取得的一切成就和我的成功。

And this week, had a guy message me from an anonymous account, he was just trying to discredit anything that I'd ever achieved and my success generally.

说实话，我会完全坦诚地告诉你。

And honestly, I'll I'll be completely honest with you.

就像我在这个播客里一直做的那样，我根本不在乎。

As I you know I always have been within this podcast, I didn't give a fuck.

我真的不在乎，因为他说的事情，你知道，百分之百是假的，而且如果我回应的话，很容易就能证明，但我选择不回应。

I genuinely didn't care because the things he was saying were, you know, a 100 x, untrue and they were quite easily provable if I just responded, but I chose not to.

但我觉得有意思的是，我自己分析了一下，为什么有人会费那么大劲给我发那些消息。

But what I found interesting was my own analysis of why someone would go to the effort of sending me those messages.

这让我开始思考仇恨的本质，以及为什么人们会讨厌成功。

And it got me thinking about the nature of hate and the nature of why people hate success.

对吧？

Right?

我觉得首先要承认的是，人们常常认为成功是零和游戏。

And I think the first thing to acknowledge is that people think success is often a zero sum game.

如果你不理解零和游戏的概念，它的意思就是，如果我赢了，你就得输。

If you don't understand the concept of a zero sum game, it means that if I win, you have to lose.

而成功呢，你知道，我们都可以赢。

Whereas success, you know, we can all win.

很多人可以赢。

A lot of people can win.