最常回放的时刻：年中重启——《原子习惯》作者教你如何重回正轨

我记得你以前说过，有抱负的人往往有很多目标，想养成一堆新习惯。

I remember when you said that ambitious people, they have lots of aspirations, lots of habits they wanna start.

我一直在想自己，大概有三十个习惯是我特别想培养的。

I was thinking about myself and thinking, there's probably 30 habits that I would like to acquire.

我想把写作练得更好。

I'd wanna be better at writing.

我想成为一个跑步的人。

I wanna be a runner.

我想把表达能力提升上去。

I wanna be better at speaking.

我想做个更称职的朋友，多关心朋友，记得在他们生日时发消息，诸如此类的新习惯，我都想一一实现。

I wanna be a better friend and be more, attentive with my friends and make sure I text them on their birthdays and shit, you know, all of these new habits that I wanna pursue.

那该怎么决定先从哪个开始呢？

How does one know which one to aim for first?

有没有什么方法可以帮我们判断呢？

Is there a framework for knowing?

是的

Yeah.

有些方法是可以尝试的。

There there's some things that you can do.

关于你之前提到的，有时候最冒险的事就是迟迟做不了决定，我觉得你不如先挑一个，专心做起来，再接着处理下一个。

I don't think, to your point earlier about the sometimes the riskiest things just take a long time making a decision, you know, if you maybe you should just pick one and work on it, then you can get on to the next one.

但我确实觉得，还是需要一点策略，一个好的起点是问问自己：哪些习惯能带动其他积极的变化？

But I do think there's some level of strategy, which is a good place to start is by asking yourself which habits are upstream from other good things happening.

比如说，你可以先问自己：当你过上充实的一天，感觉状态特别好的时候，那天通常都有些什么安排？

So for example, I know that if you were maybe the maybe the question to start with is when you live a good day, when you feel dialed in, when things are like rolling along well for you, what tends to be part of that day?

睡觉。

Sleep.

你懂的。

You know?

明白了。

Okay.

很好。

Great.

对我来说，睡眠 definitely 是其中之一。

So that's, you know, I would say for me, sleep sleep is definitely one.

我觉得把锻炼安排上也很重要。

I would say getting my workout in.

通常阅读和写作都会包含在内，但仔细想想，其实只要抓住阅读就够了。

And usually reading and writing are a part of it, but I think I could just boil it down to reading.

只要我读个十页左右，写作的灵感往往就来了。

If I just read like 10 pages, that often sparks the writing.

对我而言，阅读就像是写作的燃料。

So like reading is like the fuel for writing for me.

所以，我可以说，只要去锻炼一下，再读个五到十分钟就够了。

So I could say get a workout in and read for five minutes or ten minutes.

这两件事，就是让我感觉日子过得很顺的关键。

Those are the two things that are part of a good day.

这些事其实是很多其他好事发生的前提。

And what happens is they're upstream from a lot of other good things happening.

比如说，只要我完成了锻炼，我就感觉特别好。

For example, if I get the workout in, yeah, I feel good.

锻炼带来的好处我都体会得到。

I get the benefits of the workout.

而且锻炼完后一两个小时我都处于一种兴奋状态，专注力和注意力都会提升。

But I also have a post workout high for like an hour or two, so I my focus and concentration is better.

晚上睡得也更好，因为锻炼完身体确实累了。

I sleep better at night because I got the workout in, now I'm tired.

只要我坚持锻炼，饮食也会更健康。

I tend to eat better when I work out.

反而是我不锻炼的时候，吃得最乱。

It's when I'm not working out that I eat terribly.

所以我也说不太准。

That's why I don't know.

我就是不想浪费它，有点这种感觉。

It's kinda like I don't wanna waste it or something.

我从来就没想过要刻意培养专注、睡眠或者饮食方面的习惯。

So at no point was I trying to build better focus habits or sleep habits or nutrition habits.

这些好处都是因为我坚持锻炼，自然而然带来的结果。

Those just came kind of as a natural consequence of getting the workout in.

那你有哪些行为是能带动其他好事发生的前置关键点呢？

So what are those things that you do that are upstream from other good things happening?

我觉得这些就是很好的基础习惯，值得优先开始和关注。

I think those are good like anchor habits to start and focus on.

如果我要再加一个，那就是留出一点时间。

If I could add another one for myself, I would say it's a little bit of time.

其实就是留点时间好好想想，反思和复盘一下。

It's really just time to think, but it's time to reflect and review.

这里头有个挺有意思的现象。

There's this interesting thing that happens.

如果你有很强的职业道德，做事特别拼，而且靠努力取得了今天的成就，这种劲儿反而可能成了你的依赖。

If you have a really good work ethic, if you have a strong work ethic and working hard has gotten you far in life, it kind of becomes a crutch.

说实话，很长一段时间里，我遇到问题第一反应就是：没事，我再加把劲儿就能解决。

You know, you for for a long time, I was like, if I ever had a problem, I was like, well, I'll just work my way out of it.

我就一直拼命干，直到搞明白为止。

You know, I'll just just work harder on it until I figure it out.

这当然很好。

And that that's great.

对很多事情来说，这种态度特别管用。

That's really powerful for a lot of things.

但总有一天，它会失效。

But at some point, it breaks.

你可能试过再加百分之十、百分之二十的力，但再往上，就到头了。

You know, like, can maybe, if you really try it, maybe you can work 10% harder or 20% harder, but there's some limit.

但如果你把力气花在对的事情上，结果可能翻一百倍，甚至一千倍。

But if you work on the right thing, well, you could get a 100 x the result or a thousand x the result.

所以如果你只顾着埋头苦干，几乎不可能把时间用在最值得投入的事情上。

And so if you just keep your head down and work hard, it's very unlikely that you'll be spending your time in the highest and best way.

对。

Mhmm.

要明白这一点，唯一的办法就是留出时间去反思和复盘，你懂吧？

And the only way to figure that out is to have time to reflect and review, time to think, You know?

你得有足够的时间思考，才能弄清楚接下来该专注什么。

So you need enough time to think to figure out what should I be focused on next.

我觉得，反思和复盘几乎是一种元习惯，凌驾于所有其他习惯之上，因为你只要肯花时间去反思，就能发现问题所在，调整自己的做法。

And so I think that is all it's almost reflection and review is almost like the meta habit that is above all others because if you give yourself time to reflect and review, then you can troubleshoot your habits and figure out how to adjust them.

你刚才说的时候，我想到，这种反思的时间其实也是在检视我目前所有系统是否正让我更接近目标，因为——

I was thinking as you were saying that that that time to reflect and review is actually also a review of all my current systems moving me closer because

没错。

Right.

你提到这个的时候，我想起自己过去有几次，明明已经离目标很近了，却因为埋得太深，忙着做事，根本没停下来想想：有没有什么系统，能让我在未来五到十年彻底解决这个问题？

When when when you're talking about that, was thinking of times in my life where I was so close to, like, the picture and I was so in the trenches doing the thing that I hadn't come up to even say, actually, is there a system I could put in place to solve this problem over the next five or ten years?

比如说，我是不是该雇个人？

Like, for example, is there a person I need to hire?

对。

Yeah.

所以，我到底是该启动招聘流程，还是自己继续埋头解决问题？

So actually, should I go into the hiring process versus being there fixing the problem myself?

这一周我该花十个小时去物色合适的人选，还是该亲自来做这件事？

Should I spend ten hours this week high on hiring a candidate to do this or should I be doing it?

嗯。

Mhmm.

但有时候，尤其是事情特别棘手、进展又快的时候，你就会陷在细节里，根本没空回头看看自己的系统。

But sometimes you get so caught up in the trenches when especially when things are tough and and difficult and moving very quickly that you don't review your systems.

还有，说到系统，我也想到，有些系统其实是会过时的。

And also, when you're talking about systems, I thought about how systems sometimes expire.

没错。

Sure.

是的

Yeah.

因为情况总在变。

Because things change.

这点说得真好。

That's a great point.

我觉得这可能是人们在培养习惯时最常忽略的一点。

And I think this is probably one of the most overlooked things with habits.

很多人坐下来想养成新习惯时，虽然不会明说，但心里默认的成功标准就是：我要一辈子坚持下去。

A lot of the time when someone sits down and they wanna build a new habit, they don't say this, but what they kind of assume is what it would mean to be successful with this habit is that I do it for the rest of my life.

你懂的。

You know?

一旦哪天没做，就觉得是自己失败了，或者放弃了。

And that if at some point I'm not doing it, then that must mean that I failed or I quit on it.

但其实完全不是这么回事。

But that's not how it is at all.

事情都有它的时节，你知道吧，所以习惯也得跟着时间调整形式。

Like, things have a season, you know, and so habits have to change shape over time.

就拿我写作的习惯来说吧。

Let's take my, my writing habit for example.

当初让我事业起步的习惯是，我每周一和周四都写一篇新文章，坚持了整整三年。

I the habit that launched my career was I wrote a new article every Monday and Thursday, and I did that for three years.

头三年，写了150篇文章，就是每周两次，你知道的。

So the first three years, 150 articles, you know, write twice a week.

那确实是个好习惯。

That was a great habit.

每篇大概两千字左右。

There were like 2,000 word pieces or so.

但后来我签了《原子习惯》的出版合同。

But then I signed the book deal for Atomic Habits.

那时候我实在没精力同时兼顾写文章和写书。

I didn't have the capacity to do that and also write the book.

所以这个习惯不得不改。

So that had to change.

我花了三年写这本书，书出来之后，现在改成每周发一封简报，篇幅也短多了。

I wrote the book for like three years and then the book came out and now I write a newsletter once a week and that's much shorter.

但我总觉得，我的写作习惯其实一直都在，只是形式变了。

But I kind of feel like my writing habit is maintained that whole time, it just changed shape.

这没什么，只是随着阶段不同，需要调整而已。

But that's fine, it just needed to shift based on the season.

但有些人啊，对某种习惯的形式太过执着，根本没意识到它已经不再适合自己了。

But I don't know, people, they get so attached to one form of a habit sometimes that they don't realize that it's no longer serving them.

最难放下的，往往就是那些曾经对你有帮助、曾经很有效，但现在已不再适用的习惯。

And I think that's the one of the trickier things to give up is a habit that used to be good for you, that used to work well, but no longer serves you in your current season.

说实话，我在这件事上进步得挺慢的。

It's I find that I'm kind of a slow learner with that.

我想父母应该特别有共鸣，因为他们不得不调整目标，自然也要改变方法。你有三个孩子，肯定比我还清楚这一点。

I guess parents can probably really relate because they're forced to basically change their goals and therefore their systems would have to I mean, are you you're a father of three, so you probably know this much better than I do.

但有没有哪些系统是你不得不调整的？

But have has there been systems that you've had to sort of

我觉得人生中有很多转折点。

I think there's lots of inflection points in life.

比如生孩子就是其中之一。

So having kids is one of them.

换新工作、搬去新城市，这类大事都会带来变化。

Starting a new job, moving to a new city, you know, can be big stuff like that.

我刚跟一位妈妈聊过，她的孩子都搬出去住了，现在成了空巢老人。

I've just talked to a mother who her kids moved out, so she's now an empty nester.

她说，过去二十五年我一直忙着养孩子，现在他们终于都离开了。

You know, she's like, last twenty five years I've been parenting all these kids and now finally they're all out.

但从某种意义上说，这几乎像失去了一部分自我。

But it feels all in some sense, it almost feels like a loss of identity.

我觉得自己曾经是某种人，但现在，一切都变了。

You know, like, I thought I was one thing and now, you know, it feels like things have shifted.

但这也标志着人生进入了一个新的转折点和新阶段。

But also, it just signals an inflection point in life and a new season that you're in.

当人生阶段发生变化时，你的习惯往往也需要随之调整。

And when your seasons change, your habits often need to change with it.

你提到的‘四灶台理论’，正好跟我们刚才说的联系上了——用这个思路来思考，在人生的每个阶段该培养哪些习惯。而且我经常听到，尤其是节目里的妈妈们提到一句话：你不可能同时拥有所有东西。

When you talk about this, four burners theory, I guess, dovetails into what we're talking about here, where you use this to kinda think about what habits to pursue in any season of life, but also a phrase that I've heard so often, specifically from mothers on the show, comes to mind, which is that you can't have it all at the same time.

对。

Mhmm.

我至少听四五位妈妈都说过类似的话，这其实反映了某种社会现实。

And I've heard that, I think, four or five times different mothers in particular, which is I mean, says something about society Yeah.

她们都跟我讲过，自己不得不意识到，不可能同时兼顾一切。

Have said to me that they've had to realize that they can't have it all at the same time.

确实如此。

For sure.

这个观点并不是我提出的。

So this is not my concept.

这是我在某处了解到的一个观点。

This is this idea that I came across.

叫作‘四灶头理论’。

It's called the four burners theory.

它把人生比作炉子上的四个灶头。

And it breaks life into these four burners on the stove.

其中一个灶头是工作和事业。

So you have work and career as one.

另外三个是家庭、朋友，还有个人健康——说白了就是你自己。

You have family, friends, and then personal health or, you know, yourself basically as the other.

这个理论认为，要想让每个灶头都烧得好，不可能同时把四个都开到最大。

The idea is that for the burners to really be going well, you can't have all four on at the same

对。

time.

‘烧’指的是炉灶。

Burn it being stove.

炉子。

The stove.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

炉灶。

The stovetop.

所以你可以自己选择。

So you you have you can choose.

你可以让三个都维持在中等水平，但如果你真想让它们都做好，一次只能开两个。

You could have three going on at kind of like a mid level, But if you really want them to do well, you can only have two on at the same time.

谁知道呢？

And, you know, who knows?

我不确定这到底对不对，但这个想法挺有意思的。

I I don't know if it's true or not or whatever, but it's an interesting idea.

它让你意识到，生活中最基本的一部分就是权衡，你不可能同时把所有事情都做好。

What it does is it gets you to realize, yeah, a fundamental part of life is trade offs, and you cannot be good at everything at the same time.

这一点在任何项目上都适用。

So this is true across projects.

如果你试图同时做七件事，把精力分散在七个方向上，很难做到出色。

If you choose try to do seven things at once, spreading yourself thin in seven different ways, very hard to be excellent.

对我来说，我觉得人生是一系列的阶段，也是一系列的序列。

For me, what I think about is life has a series of seasons and life has a series of sequences.

比如说，每个阶段正好十年，但人生中重大的转折，大致都是以十年为一个单位。

So let's say, it's always exactly ten years, but let's say the big movements in life are roughly ten year buckets.

对吧？

Right?

比如我，创办第一家公司的那段时间，差不多就是十年，最后促成了《原子习惯》的出版。

So like for me, building my first business, that was kind of like a ten year thing and eventually led to the launch of Atomic Habits.

你这一生，大概能经历五到六个这样的阶段。

You maybe get five or six of those in your adult life.

有些事情适合在不同阶段去做，顺序不一样。

Some of those things make sense to do in a different order than others.

比如你想环游世界、到处看看，还在伊比萨狂欢，大概不会等到六十岁才去。

Like, if you want to travel the world and see a bunch of places and party in Ibiza, you're probably not going to do that in your sixties.

当然，也不是说不能做。

You know, like, I mean, you can.

没人禁止你这么做，但有些事还是放在更适合的阶段更好。

There's no nobody's saying you can't, but some things are probably better sequenced in other, you know, in other spots.

尤其是对女性来说，如果想组建家庭，能做的时间窗口其实很有限。

Obviously, there's, you know, especially for women, there's a certain limit on if you wanna have a family, what decades that happens in.

所以归根结底，就是顺序和优先级的问题。

So, yeah, it's just a it's just a matter of sequencing and prioritization.

回头看自己这一生的画卷，你希望那些重要的篇章是什么？它们该安排在哪个阶段？

If you look at the, like, tapestry of your life, what do you want the big movements to be, and where do those seasons need to slot in?

对。

Yeah.

这事儿没有标准答案，但一旦你意识到人生的时间是有限的，而且取舍永远都会存在，你就得想办法面对它。

It's a it's a there is no right answer, but it's interesting as soon as you realize it's a finite number and as soon as you realize that trade offs are always going be a reality, you have to deal with that in some way.

我现在决定，趁着孩子还小，把事业的火候调低一点。

I've decided that right now while my kids are young, like, I'm I'm going turn the career burner down.

这没什么不好。

And that's fine.

可能不会像过去十年那样拼了，但没关系，孩子只有一次五岁。

It's not gonna be how it was for the last ten years, but that's okay because they're only five once.

他们也只会有一次六岁。

You know, they're only turning six once.

上二年级也只有一回，我想陪着他们经历每一个这样的时刻。

They only go to second grade once, and I I wanna be there for all that.

所以，取舍总是难免的。

So there are always trade offs.

我觉得你提到的这个顺序问题特别有意思。

I think that that sequence point is super super interesting.

你这么一说，我真开始想了。

It got me thinking because you're right.

确实有些限制，不管是生理上的，还是像你孩子这种情况，就是人生中某些阶段只能在当下发生。

There are sort of some constraints whether they're biological constraints or in the case of your kids, like, just natural constraints that mean this this season can only happen now.

没错。

Here.

对。

Right.

是的。

Yeah.

而且我们俩都是比较年轻的创业者。

There's also some things like, you know, both of us are fairly young entrepreneurs.

我很庆幸自己二十多岁就创业了，而不是五十岁才开始。

I'm so glad that I started a business in my twenties rather than my fifties.

这并不意味着五十岁就不能做。

It doesn't mean you can't do it in your fifties.

没人说你不可以啊。

There's no nobody's saying you can't.

只是这样下去，接下来十年会轻松很多。

It's just that it makes things a lot easier for the next decade.

我现在能陪孩子，是因为时间能自己掌控——上个十年我已经把创业的事儿搞定了。

You know, it's easier for me to be there for my kids now because I have control of my time because I did the business part in previous decade.

所以风险是有的。

And so risks.

是的。

Yeah.

这也不代表每件事都会如愿，或者怎么样。

And and that doesn't mean it's always gonna work out or whatever.

你没法把一切都规划得完美无缺，但你能看到这些事是怎么一步步叠加起来的。

It doesn't mean that you're gonna be able to perfectly plan it all, but you just see how the sequences can can stack up in that way.

说到习惯，你觉得重复的重要性有多大？

And how important do you think when we're talking about habits, do you think repetition is?

因为习惯养成领域有太多广为人知的概念和框架了。

Because there's so many of these sort of well known concepts or frameworks in habit formation.

其中一个说法是，养成一个习惯大概需要六十六天。

One of them is that habits take roughly sixty six days.

还有一个说法是，关键在于重复。

One of them is that it's about repetition.

重复真的有那么重要吗？

Does repetition really matter?

当然重要。

It definitely does.

毕竟，习惯就是靠重复形成的。

I mean, repetition is how habits form.

六十六天这个数字来自一项研究，结果显示平均需要六十六天才能养成一个习惯。

The sixty six days number comes from one study that came out that found that on average, it took about sixty six days to build a habit.

如果你仔细看这项研究，实际所需时间其实差别很大。

If you look at the study, the range is pretty wide.

如果你选一个特别简单的动作，比如每天午餐时喝一杯水，可能两三周就形成了。

So if you pick something really simple, like drinking a glass of water at lunch each day, that might only take two or three weeks to form.

但如果是一些更复杂的习惯，比如每天下班后去跑步，可能要七八个月甚至更久才能养成。

If you look at something more complicated, like going for a run after work every day, that might take seven or eight or nine months to form.

所以我觉得，六十六天这个数字其实没什么实际意义。

And so I don't know that sixty six days really tells you anything.

它并不能告诉你，你的习惯到底需要多久才能真正稳固下来。

It doesn't tell you that this is how long it's gonna take for your habit to stick.

我的意思是，这个时间范围其实差得挺多的。

Mean, the range is wide.

有时候有人问我，养成一个习惯要多久？我的回答是：一辈子。

Sometimes when people ask me how long does it take to form a habit, my answer is forever.

因为只要你一停下来，这习惯就没了。

Because if you stop doing it, then it's no longer a habit.

我这么说其实是想表达，习惯不是一条可以跨过去的终点线。

And what I'm kind of getting at with that is that habits are not a finish line to be crossed.

而是一种需要持续践行的生活方式。

They're a lifestyle to be lived.

你知道的。

You know?

所以我们总是把习惯当成终点来对待。

And so we approach our habits as if it's a finish line.

哦，我先做个三十天的排毒，然后就能健康了。

Oh, let me do this thirty day cleanse and then I'll be healthy.

我先冲刺九十分钟，产品就能上线了。

Let me do this ninety day sprint and then the product will be shipped.

以后就不用再操心了。

I won't have to worry about it anymore.

明白吗？

Know?

但生活中的大多数事情，尤其是那些重要的事，都是没有尽头的。

And it's like most things in life, especially the big important things, they're endless.

这些都是一场接一场的持久战，你昨天去了健身房，并不意味着今天就能偷懒。

They're endless battles, So just because you went to the gym yesterday earns you no bonus points for tomorrow.

明天你还是得照常去。

You still have to show up tomorrow.

你昨天是个好伴侣，并不意味着今天就能理所当然地缺席关心。

Just because you were a good spouse yesterday earns you no bonus points for tomorrow.

你还是得重新展现出爱与体贴。

You still have to be loving and caring again.

真正重要的事情，全都是没有终点的战斗，重点不在于冲过终点线。

And so all the things that really matter are endless battles, and it's not about crossing a finish line.

而在于过这样的生活。

It's about living that kind of lifestyle.

没错，重复确实重要，习惯确实会随着反复练习变得越来越自然、越来越自动化，甚至越来越不费力。

And so yes, it is true that repetition matters, and yes, it is true that the habits will become more seamless and automatic and maybe a little less effortful as you repeat them more.

但这并不意味着你以后就再也不用操心或在意它们了。

But that doesn't mean that you'll never have to think about them or, you know, worry about them again.

你有没有想过，重复做一件事的时候，大脑里到底发生了什么？

Do you think much about what's going on in the brain when repetition occurs?

是什么让事情变得越来越容易了？

Like, what is it that's making it easier?

如果我健身一直坚持得很好，已经连续去了六十天。

If I've if I've been on on a roll with the gym, I've been going for sixty days in a row.

那为什么到第六十一天的时候，感觉没那么吃力了？

Why does it feel easier on day 61?

这是个

That's a

挺难回答的问题，因为如果你去问学者，他们会说，习惯就是一种自动的、无意识的行为，通常是一些简单快速的动作，比如刷牙、系鞋带。

tricky question because if you were to talk to an academic and they would tell you, like, a habit is this automatic nonconscious behavior, really quick, simple things like brushing your teeth, tying your shoes.

每次你拿起烧烤夹，都会下意识地碰两下，就是那种你根本不用想的事，明白吗？

Every time you pick up a pair of barbecue tongs, you gotta tap them together twice, you know, like stuff that you don't even really think about, okay?

那才是真正的习惯行为。

That's actual habitual behavior.

但如果你被问到，你正在努力培养哪些习惯？

But if I were to ask you, what are some habits you're trying to build?

你会说，我打算每周去四次健身房，或者每天早上写作，或者每周冥想五天，诸如此类。

You would say, I'm trying to go to the gym four days a week, or I'm trying to write every morning, or I'm trying to meditate five days a week or whatever.

我明白你这么说的意思。

And I know what you mean when you say that.

你的意思是，你希望它成为一种稳定持续的日常习惯。

You mean, I want it to be this routine, this practice that I do consistently.

但每天写作，永远不可能像刷牙那样变得不假思索。

But like writing every day is never going to be mindless the way that brushing your teeth is.

去健身房也不会像系鞋带那样变得完全自动化。

Going to the gym is not going to be automatic the way that tying your shoes might be.

所以我们平时说‘习惯’这个词的时候，用得有点模糊。

And so the things that we there's a little bit of sloppiness in the word habits and how we use it in life.

大多数时候，这些行为根本不是无意识的自动反应。

They're not automatic mindless routines most of the time.

我们想养成的大多数事情，都不是像反射那样自动的。

Most of the things that we want to be habits are not like reflexes.

它们是一些我们持续坚持的日常流程和仪式。

They're routines and rituals that we do consistently.

话虽如此，确实，当你坚持去健身房一两个月后，事情就会慢慢变得轻松起来。

So having said that, it is true that after you've gone to the gym for a month or two, it does start to get easier.

我觉得那时候会有一些因素开始对你有利。

And I think there's a number of forces that kind of work in your favor there.

首先，你已经搞清楚了很多细节，比如去健身房需要做哪些准备。

One is you've figured a lot out about, what it takes to get into the gym.

我该什么时候去？

What time am I going?

走哪条路最方便？

What route do I take?

怎么打包我的健身包？

How do I pack my bag?

我得带水瓶去吗？还是健身房里有饮水机？

Do I need to bring a water bottle or is there a water fountain at the gym?

这些小事都是刚开始要花时间搞清楚的，一旦形成了习惯，你就全都知道了。

Like, all those sorts of things are little one time costs that you got to figure out early on that once you're into a pattern, you already know them.

带水瓶听起来是件很小的事。

You know, the water bottle thing sounds like a small thing.

我听说有人讲，他老是忘记带水瓶，而那家健身房又没有饮水机。

I heard from someone who said, I always forget to bring my water bottle and they don't have water fountains at this gym.

所以有时候，就因为这个，我就干脆不锻炼了。

So, like, I I sometimes I skip the workout because of that.

你懂的。

You know?

真没想到，一点点小障碍就足以让我们偏离轨道。

It's like it's remarkable how little friction it takes to pull us off course.

对。

Mhmm.

所以把这些事情都理清楚，等你坚持一两个月后，那些难题都熬过去了，你就知道该怎么做了。

And so figuring out all of those things is something that once you're a month or two in, you've crossed all you've, you know, you've fought all those battles and now you know how to do it.

这样一来，事情就轻松多了。

So that makes it easier.

另外，你会慢慢建立起友谊，跟那里的人熟络起来，感觉那里越来越像自己的地盘。

The other thing is you start to build friendships, start to build connections, you start to know the people there, you feel comfortable there.

史蒂文·普雷斯菲尔德提到过一个概念，说如果你有一匹狼，它四处游荡，最后总会觉得那片地方是自己的领地。

There's this concept Steven Pressfield talks about where, you know, if you have a wolf and it's roaming around, eventually it starts to feel like it has its territory.

在创作的初期，比如写书，你第一次走进办公室准备写第一章时，总会觉得不太自在。

And early on in the process, a creative process, writing a book or whatever, you go into the office for the first time to write the first chapter of the book and you kind of feel uncomfortable.

感觉那里还不属于你。

It feels like it's not you yet.

第一天去健身房，总觉得别人在盯着你瞧。

You go to the gym on the first day, feel like people are judging you.

我这样会不会很滑稽？

Do I look stupid?

我不知道该怎么下手。

I don't know how to do this.

但过一阵子，它就变成你的地盘了。

But after a while, it becomes your territory.

就像那匹狼一样。

It's just like the wolf.

你会觉得那是你的主场。

It starts to feel like your home court.

这种熟悉感，我觉得也能让你更容易坚持习惯——一旦你在那里感到自在了，这确实需要一点时间。

And so that familiarity, I think, also makes it much easier to stick to the habits, you know, once you start to feel comfortable there, and that takes a little bit of time.

最后一点，是身份认同。

And then the last piece is identity.

你越坚持这个习惯，重复得越多，就越能强化自己是那种人，你的故事里也就越有这一部分。

The more that you start to follow this habit, the more you repeat a habit, the more you reinforce being that type of person, the more you start to have that element of your story.

我觉得，这是养成习惯并让习惯持久的关键之一：你的习惯如何塑造你想要的身份。

I think this is one of the most important things for building habits and getting habits to stick, which is how your habits reinforce your desired identity.

我们常常一开始就会问，我想要达成什么目标？

We often start by asking, what do I wish to achieve?

但我认为真正该问的是，我想成为什么样的人？

But I think what we really should start with is who do I wish to become?

我的行为在强化什么？

What are my actions reinforcing?

我的行为正把我带向哪个方向？

What are my actions taking me closer toward?

某种程度上，你做的每一个行动，都是在为你想成为的那种人投下一票。

In a sense, every action you take is like a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

没错，做一个俯卧撑不会立刻改变你的身材，但它确实在投票支持‘我是个从不缺席锻炼的人’。

So no, doing one pushup does not transform your body, but it does cast a vote for I'm the type of person who doesn't miss workouts.

没错，写一句话不会让你写完一本小说，但它确实在投票支持‘我是个作家’。

And no, writing one sentence does not finish a novel, but it does cast a vote for I'm a writer.

没错，发一条积极的反馈不会让你立刻成为世界上最棒的领导者，但它确实在投票支持‘我是个关心团队成员的领导者’。

And no, sending one bit of positive feedback does not make you like the world's best leader, but it does cast a vote for I'm the type of leader who cares about their teammates.

单个来看，这些都是一些小事，但合在一起，你就积累起了证明自己就是那种人的证据。

And individually, those are small things, but collectively, you build up this body of evidence for being that kind of person.

这和你常听到的说法有点不一样。

It's a little bit different than what you often hear.

比如，人们经常说：假装直到你真的做到。

Like, you often hear people say something like, Fake it till you make it.

我并不觉得‘假装直到你真的做到’有什么不对。

And I don't necessarily have anything wrong with fake it till you make it.

它其实是在让你对自己抱有积极的信念。

Like it's asking you to believe something positive about yourself.

但行为和信念是相互影响的。

But behavior and beliefs are a two way street.

你相信什么会影响你采取什么行动，而你采取的行动也会反过来塑造你的信念。

And so what you believe influences the actions you will take, and the actions you take also influences what you will believe.

我的建议是，从行动开始，让行为带你前行——打一个销售电话、冥想一分钟、做一个俯卧撑，就在那一刻，把它当作你就是那种人的证明。

And my encouragement, my suggestion is to start with the action, to let the behavior lead the way, to make one sales call or meditate for one minute or do one push up and let that in that moment be evidence that you were that type of person.

你想想，今天你出去打五分钟篮球，不可能立马就觉得自己是个篮球运动员吧。

You know, if you go outside today and you shoot a basketball for five minutes, you don't instantly think, Oh, I'm a basketball player.

但如果你天天打，连续打三个月、六个月，甚至一年，总有一天你会意识到：嗯，打篮球确实成了我生活中挺重要的一部分。

But if you do it every day for the next three months or six months or a year, at some point you cross this invisible threshold where you have to admit, I guess playing basketball is like kind of an important part of who I am.

说到底，这已经成了我身份的一部分。

You know, I guess it's part of my identity.

一旦你把某个习惯融入了自己的故事，变成你看待自己的方式，那就不再是‘我得去跑步’这么简单了。

And once you adopt a habit as part of your story, once it becomes part of how you see yourself, it's not just like, I need to go for a run.

而是‘我是个跑步的人’。

It's like, I'm a runner.

你知道，我跑步，是因为这就是我这个人的一部分。

You know, I go I do this because this is part of who I am.

那时候，你才会真正想去坚持这个习惯。

Then you'll fight to maintain the habit.

对吧？

Right?

就像这样，一旦形成了这种联系，习惯就更容易坚持下去。

Like, then then it becomes easier for it to stick.

所以，习惯和身份认同之间的联系，我认为这才是让习惯真正长期保持下去的关键。

And so the connection between habits and identity, think, is ultimately how you really get habits to stick for the long run.

这让我想起最近看到的一项研究，说如果你用赋予身份的方式来跟别人沟通，而不是仅仅用形容词来描述，行为就会发生改变。

It reminds me of a study I was reading recently that said if you speak to someone in terms of giving them an identity versus using a word as an adjective, the behavior occurs.

举个例子，如果你为我做了一件事，我说，你知道吗，詹姆斯？

So an example would be, if you do something for me and I say, do know what, James?

你是一个善良的人。

You are a kind person.

在研究中，人们会变得更加善良。

In the studies, people become more kind.

但如果我说那是一种善意，是的。

But if I say that was kind Yeah.

或者说那个行为是善良的，人们就会变得没那么善良。

Or that action was kind, people are less kind.

如果我能给你一些符合你身份的反馈，你就更有可能做出那个小改变。

If I can give you feedback that embodies your identity, then you're more likely for that baby to occur.

所以对我团队的人，这可能有点透露我的方法了，我经常从身份的角度来称呼他们。

So with my team, and this is maybe giving a bit of the game away, I will often refer to them as an identity.

我会说，你是个创新者。

I will say, you are an innovator.

你是个探索者。

You are an experimenter.

因为根据我读过的研究，这样能提高他们真正认同这种身份的可能性。

Because from the studies I've read, that increases probability that they embody that identity.

还有另一项研究是关于投票的。

There's another study that did it for voting.

如果对人们说‘我是个选民’，他们去投票的意愿会更高。

So people were more likely to go and vote if you said, like, I am a voter.

你让他们把自己看作‘选民’，而不是问‘你今天去投票吗？'

You got them to identify as I'm a voter rather than are you voting today.

所以道理是一样的。

And so same same thing.

我在《原子习惯》里提到过一个例子。

There's an example in Atomic Habits I talk about.

想象有两个人正试图戒烟。

Imagine two people who are trying to quit smoking.

第一个人被递了香烟，他说：‘不用了，谢谢，我正在戒烟。’

And so the first person gets offered a cigarette and they say, Oh no, thanks, I'm trying not to smoke.

第二个人被递了香烟，他说：‘不用了，谢谢，我不是吸烟的人。’

And the second person gets offered and they say, Oh no, thanks, I'm not a smoker.

第一个人是在抵抗自己仍然认为属于自己的行为，而第二个人已经不再把自己看作会吸烟的那种人了。

And so the first person is trying to resist something that they still see themselves as, but the second person no longer sees themselves as the type of person who smokes.

一些研究证据表明，一旦你接受了这样的身份，坚持相应的行为就会更容易。

And, yeah, some of the evidence and research suggests that once you adopt those identities, it's it's easier for you to stick to the behavior.

这让我想起莱昂·费斯汀格的研究，就是提出‘认知失调’这个概念的那位学者。

Reminds me of the research from Leon Festinger, the guy that came up with the term cognitive dissonance.

我对认知失调的理解是，当我对自己有一个身份认同，而外界却威胁或挑战这个认同的时候，我们很难接受这种矛盾。

The way that I understand the concept of cognitive dissonance is that if I have a perceived identity of myself and something external threatens that or challenges it, we're not good at living in contradiction.

比如说，我现在是个会计，突然听说人工智能在会计工作上做得特别出色。

I'm not good at say, for example, I'm an accountant right now and I hear that AI is doing accountancy work amazingly well.

我花了十年时间拿到会计学位，

Now I've invested ten years in that accountancy degree.

我一直觉得自己是个出色的会计。

I see myself as a great accountant.

我最初的反应很可能是要么否定自己作为优秀会计的身份，觉得未来依然有前途，要么干脆不信AI真有那么厉害。

My my my sort of initial reaction will probably be to either dismiss my current identity as a great accountant that that's gonna have a great career in the future or to dismiss the AI.

研究过他理论的人提到，我们特别不擅长同时接受两个相互矛盾的事实。

And he talks well, people that have studied his work talk about how we're very poor at being able to hold two contradictory things to be true at the same time.

所以我们往往会保护自己的身份认同。

So, we tend to protect our identity.

对。

Yes.

这一点非常有力，而且跟习惯也有关系。我们的身份认同，虽然不全是，但很大一部分，是和人际关系绑在一起的。

There's something incredibly powerful about this that also ties into habits, which is that a lot of our identity, not not the whole thing, but large portions of our identity, are tied to our relationships.

比如，我是父亲。

You know, I'm a father.

我是丈夫。

I'm a, you know, husband.

还有……你看，关键就在于我们跟别人的这种连接。

I'm a, know, and so like it's the connection that we have with others.

我们的社会关系会影响我们对自己的认知。

Our social bonds influence the picture that we have of ourselves.

这对我们的习惯影响很大，你懂的。

This is something that widely influences our habits, you know?

所以我们都属于多个群体。

So we are all part of multiple groups.

有时候这个群体规模很大，比如作为美国人或英国人的身份认同。

Sometimes that group is large, like what it means to be American or what it means to be British.

有时候这个群体很小，比如你所在街道的邻居，或者这个家庭的成员，又或者本地CrossFit健身房的常客。

Sometimes that group is small, like what it means to be a neighbor on your street or a member of this family or a member at the local CrossFit gym.

但你所属的每一个群体，无论大小，都有它自己的一套行为期待，有一套大家默认遵守的社会规范。

But all of the groups that you belong to, large and small, have a set of shared expectations for how you act, have a set of social norms for what you do in that group.

当你习惯的做法符合群体的期待时，这些习惯就特别有吸引力。

And when your habits go with the grain of the expectations of the group, they're pretty attractive.

你会想坚持下去，因为会得到认可和奖励，也会觉得融入了大家。

You know, like you wanna stick to them, you get praised and rewarded for it, you fit in.

但如果你的习惯跟群体的期待背道而驰，就会显得格格不入。

And when they go against the grain of the expectations of the group, they're kind of unattractive.

你会被批评，感觉很不舒服。

You get criticized and it doesn't feel good.

所以当人们必须在两种选择之间权衡时：一是坚持自己真正想养成的习惯，但被排斥、被孤立、被指责；二是放弃自己并不喜欢的习惯，但能融入群体、找到归属感。

And so if people have to choose between, have habits that I want, but I'm cast out, I'm ostracized, I'm criticized, or I have habits that I don't really love, but I fit in, I belong, I'm part of something.

大多数时候，人们渴望归属的意愿，会压倒想要自我提升的意愿。

Most of the time, the desire to belong overpowers the desire to improve.

所以你想做点不一样的，但你也知道，这么做肯定会招来很多批评。

And so you want to do something different, but you also know you're going be heavily criticized for it.

你至少会给自己的人际关系带来不少摩擦。

You're going to at least add friction to your relationships.

我们都不想活在这种矛盾里——一方面想要某种东西，另一方面却又制造了麻烦。

And we don't want to live with that dissonance, that dissonance of I can have this, but I also create friction here.

如果你想养成更好的习惯，而且让它们长久坚持下去，其中一个关键就是：加入那些你想要的行为本身就是常态的群体。

One of the lessons, think, of the big takeaways if you want to build better habits and get habits to stick, particularly for the long run, is you want to join groups where your desired behavior is the normal behavior.

加入那些你能和大家一起成长的群体，你身边的人所拥有的习惯，正是你希望自己拥有的。

Join groups where you can rise together, where the people that you're surrounded by have the type of habits that you want to have.

这让我想起杰夫·贝佐斯在致股东的信里提到过一个概念，叫‘抵抗均衡’。

It reminds me of this thing that appeared in Jeff Bezos's shareholder letter about resisting equilibrium.

我之前还真不知道这个。

I I didn't know about this.

说说看。

Go ahead.