第92集特邀嘉宾塔尼亚·卡扎尔！探讨我们生活在这个瞬息万变世界中的残酷现实！涉及人际关系、疏离、疗愈、信仰、责任、韧性等话题！

这是你的问题。

That's a you problem.

去提升你的自信吧。

Go work on your confidence.

去提升你的自我价值感。

Go work on your self worth.

不管是什么，这都是你的问题。

Whatever it is, that's a you problem.

这跟别人让你感觉如何无关。

It's not about how anybody else makes you feel.

是的。

Yes.

不幸的是，有些人就是很糟糕。

Unfortunately, there's people that are just they're just shitty.

你懂我的意思吧？

You know what I mean?

那就让他们就这样下去，独自保持这种状态，活在不健康和痛苦中。

And so let them go be that way and be unhealthy and miserable by themselves.

是的。

Yeah.

这就是我的看法。

That's the way I look at it.

但我认为现在社会上的一种情况是，人们说：那我就不想和这些人来往了，但事实上，人们只是在投射他们的痛苦。

And I think what's happening though is society is saying, well then I don't wanna be around those people, but the reality is people are just projecting their pain.

人们在投射自己的痛苦，而与那些仍在与伤痛抗争的人相处，尤其是家人，是完全可以的。

People are projecting their pain and it's okay to be around people, especially family, that's still dealing with their wounds.

你只需要关注自己，达到一种认知：他们的行为其实并不是针对你的。

And you just worry about yourself getting to a point of saying, their behavior is actually not personal.

现在每件事都被当成个人攻击，对吧？

Everything's a personal attack now, right?

是的。

Yeah.

他们的行为不是针对你的。

Their behavior is not personal.

这仅仅是他们尚未处理的痛苦的反映，而我很好，我会陪在他们身边，也许我还能以身作则。

It's just a reflection of the pain that they haven't processed yet, and I'm okay and I'm gonna be here with them and maybe I can actually even lead by example.

是的，我的意思是，这些人显然需要帮助。

Yeah, I mean, these people need help, clearly.

当我说需要帮助时，我不是在贬低他们的心理健康，你知道的。

And and when I say need help, it's not I'm not insulting their mental, you know, mental health.

我只是说他们需要帮助。

I'm just saying they need help.

他们需要积极的能量。

They need positivity.

他们需要爱。

They need love.

他们需要一些他们所缺乏的东西，而你总可以尝试一下。

They need something that they're lacking, and you can always try.

我现在甚至都不回应那些留下负面评论的人了。

People that I don't even respond when people leave negative comments anymore.

他们对我的态度不像以前那么激烈了，因为我以前深陷健美圈，那里环境非常有毒，但后来我意识到，我会说：‘很抱歉你有这种感受，不过还是谢谢你来看，这其实帮助了我建立频道。’

They really don't as much as they used to to me because I was more in, the bodybuilding world and it was heavily toxic, but I got to the point where I'd go, well, I'm, you know, I'm really sorry you feel that way, but thanks for stopping because it's helping to build my channel.

祝你今天愉快。

Have a wonderful day.

你知道有多少人会向我道歉，说：‘哇。’

And you know how many people would apologize to me and say, wow.

你知道吗？

You know what?

对不起。

I'm sorry.

我没注意到，或者我不是那个意思，之类的。

I didn't I didn't look at it or I I didn't mean it that way or whatever.

如果他们不道歉，那就不道歉吧。

And if they don't, they don't.

但别火上浇油。

But don't feed the fire.

谁在乎呢？

Who cares?

就是这样。

That's it.

对。

Yeah.

因为一旦你开始反击，就会觉得这是对你的个人攻击，而实际上，他们只是因为自己的不安全感被触发或激起了反应。

Because as soon as you're fighting it, it's like I'm taking it as a personal attack versus, obviously, they got triggered or activated by something because of their own insecurities.

那你经常处理一些与父母疏远的孩子吗？

So do you deal with a lot of children that are estranged from their parents?

当我说孩子时，指的是像12岁以下、10岁以下的孩子。

And when I say children, mean, like, I don't know, 12 and under, 10 and under.

更准确地说像

It more so like

我经常接触到青少年。

I see teenagers a lot.

嗯哼。

Uh-huh.

当然。

For sure.

我确实经常见到很多青少年，因为他们从小就接触社交媒体，以极快的速度学习这种语言，比如‘你触发我了’。

I definitely see a lot of teenagers because they're on social media so young, they're learning this language at such a fast rate where you triggered me.

意思是，你妈妈大喊大叫，就在触发你？

It's like, your mom yelled and she's triggering you?

别在意了。

Get over it.

这就是问题所在。

This is the problem.

所以我确实看到越来越小的孩子出现这种情况，尤其是在父母离异导致的亲子疏离中，一方父母让孩子敌视另一方父母，而孩子现在正对另一方父母构建这种负面形象。

So I definitely am seeing it younger and younger, especially in parental alienation where there's a divorce, where one parent is turning a child against the other parent, and now that child is building this image towards the parent.

这种情况太常见了。

It happens so much.

我也经常谈到这一点，父母们，你们有没有意识到这有多伤害孩子？

And I talk about that often too, where it's like the parents, do you recognize how damaging that is?

因为孩子会逐渐学会停止爱自己的一部分，因为他们不理解为什么这个父母一定不好，但这个人又是我自身的一部分，而他们还没有达到形成自我认同的阶段。

Because what happens is a child is learning to actually stop loving a part of themselves because they don't understand how this parent must not be good, but yet they're a part of me and they're not at the point where they've actually gone through identity formation.

所以他们比以往任何时候都更困惑，这对父母来说伤害极大。

So they're more confused than ever and it's so damaging for a parent.

当然，如果存在虐待或安全问题，我理解这种情况。

Obviously, if abuse is there or there's something that's Safety is a concern, I understand that.

但大多数情况下，并非如此。

But most often than not, that's not the case.

这仅仅是因为我想报复，或者有个人恩怨，所以我一定要让他们看到他有多糟糕，因为我就是这样看的。

And it's just, I want revenge or there's a personal thing going on, so I wanna make sure that they see how bad of a person he is because I see it.

而正是在这种情况下，我通常看到青少年真正卷入其中，开始断绝关系，或者一满18岁就搬出去，再也不跟你说话。

And that's when I typically see the teenagers really getting involved and starting the cutoff, or as soon as I'm 18, I'm gonna move out and never talk to you again.

当你和双方交谈时，是否经常感受到很多遗憾呢？我想说的是，我理解每种情况都不一样。

Do you find a lot of regret when you're talking to to both sides, I guess, really, but I'm curious as to like, I understand every scenario is different.

我明白。

I get that.

这有一个模式。

There's a pattern.

是的。

Yeah.

我正想问，这个模式是什么？

I was gonna say, what's the pattern?

对于父母来说，我看到的最大问题是，父母会说：‘我和孩子相处时犯了那些错误，现在我才明白，这些错误是如何把他们推成现在这样的。’

So with the parents, the biggest thing that I have seen is parents are like, I made those mistakes with my kid, and now I could see how it kind of pushed them into the way they are.

比如，最常见的情况是，父母根本没有意识到——其实这适用于任何关系。

For example, the number one thing is parents don't realize, and actually this is for any relationship.

当有人感到不安时，你的孩子正试图和你沟通，你的妻子、丈夫也正试图和你倾诉，而他们情绪低落时，我们常常会不自觉地进入防御模式。

If someone is upset about something, your child is trying to talk to you, your wife is trying to talk to you, husband, and they're upset about something, we often automatically go into defense mode.

我想为自己辩解，让你明白我并不是故意要伤害你。

I wanna justify myself so that you can see that I didn't intentionally try to hurt you.

但对方听到的却是：我的借口比你的痛苦更重要。

But what the receiving person hears is my excuse is bigger than your pain.

于是他们开始封闭自己，几乎在说：不，你根本没懂。

And so they start to shut off and almost like, no, you're not getting it.

这关乎我的痛苦。

This is about my pain.

而对方还在不断试图辩解、辩解。

And the other person's like, still trying to keep justifying, justifying.

所以这个人已经关闭了心门，因为：这还有什么意义呢？

So now this person is shutting down because look, what's the point?

他们只是在继续防御，根本没看到我其实也被这件事伤害了。

They just gonna defend it and they're not even seeing that I'm actually hurt by this.

所以我教父母们说：不需要辩解。

So I've taught parents to say, there's no justifying.

在任何关系中，你只需要说：对不起，我让你有这样的感受。

And in any relationship, all you have to say is, I'm sorry I made you feel that way.

你能多告诉我一点你的看法，以及你是怎么理解的吗？

Can you tell me more about your perspective and how you interpreted it?

因为现在他们不会处于防御状态了。

Because now they're not on defense.

他们没想到你会这样说。

They're not expecting that.

他们会感到被理解，也更愿意敞开心扉。

They feel heard and they're more likely to open up.

你更容易从他们的角度去看问题。

You're more likely to see it from their perspective.

当他们在这段对话中感到更安全时，你可以说：我完全能理解你为什么会这么想。

And then once they feel safer in that conversation, you could say, I can totally see how you took it that way.

我可以和你分享一下我的本意吗？这样我们才能真正交流。

Can I share about how I meant it just so we can have that conversation?

因为现在他们的防备已经不再紧绷了。

Because now their guard is not down anymore.

对。

Right.

他们的防备放下了，不再竖起来了。

Their guard is down, it's not up anymore.

这就开启了一场更健康的对话。

And so that opens up a healthier conversation.

光是这一点，就彻底改变了众多父母的视角，也适用于任何关系。

That alone has completely changed so many parents' perspective and in any relationship.

然后从孩子的角度来看，我收到过很多成年子女的留言。

And then from the child's perspective, I've received a lot of messages from adult children.

我当然也收到过充满敌意和极端化的言论，比如你在指责受害者之类的，但还有另一些留言是这样的：我从未从这个角度看待过我的父母，你帮我培养了一种不同的宽容，不再对他们抱有不切实际的期待。

I receive both of them, obviously the hateful and polarized conversations, you're victim shaming and all But of then there's the other ones that are like, I never saw my parents from that perspective, and you helped me grow a different kind of compassion for them, and no longer hold them to this unrealistic standard.

如果人们能学会更好的沟通技巧——这正是我教学的核心内容之一——婚姻得救的案例会多到你难以置信。

If people could learn better communication skills, it was actually a big part of what I teach, is marriages would be saved like you wouldn't believe.

人际关系。

Relationships.

我之所以学到这些，是因为在健康领域，人们生活中严重缺乏情感疗愈，没有人教这些。

And I learned this all because in the health space, the amount of emotional healing that was lacking from people's lives, no one teaches this.

没有人教你如何更好地沟通。

No one teaches you how to communicate better.

是的，你或许可以在大学里选修一门课，但还有谁在教你怎么更好地表达自己、更好地倾听、更好地说话呢？

Yes, could take a class in university, but who else is teaching how to express yourself better, how to listen better, how to say things better?

根本没人教，所以我才主动承担起这个责任，因为我自己必须学会这些，戴伦。

It doesn't exist, which is why I've kind of took it upon myself because I had to learn that, Dylan.

我小时候就是那种被人说‘你太具攻击性’的人。

I was that person growing up that was told like, You're so aggressive.

为什么你说话这么咄咄逼人，诸如此类？

Why do you talk so aggressively and stuff like that?

那其实是一种自我保护的方式。

And it was a form of protection.

但最终，我不得不直面自己，心想：好吧，这么多人这么说，肯定有些道理，尽管我不愿承认。

But eventually, had to look at myself in the mirror and being like, Okay, if this many people are saying it to you, there's obviously some truth there as much as you don't wanna admit it.

于是我深入探索，努力学习更好的沟通方式，如何更有效地表达自己。

And I went down the rabbit hole of trying to learn better communication, how to express myself.

我认为，正是这一点改善了我所有的关系——因为我学会了坐在那里说：对不起，让你有这样的感受。

And I think that's what improved all of my relationship is my ability to sit there and say, sorry, made you feel that way.

即使内心有一部分在说：不，我想为自己辩护。

Even when a part of me is just like, no, I wanna defend.

但这并不重要，这根本不是关于你。

Doesn't matter, it's not about you.

最基本的是，进入对话时先问自己：我这次对话的目的是什么？

The basic thing is walk into a conversation and say, What is my intent behind this conversation?

我的目的是要证明自己是对的吗？

Is my intent to be right?

我的目的是仅仅希望被听见吗？

Is my intent to just be heard?

还是我的目的是说，我真心希望与对方更亲近，让双方离开时都感觉良好？

Or is my intent to say, I actually genuinely wanna feel closer to the other person and walk away where we both feel good?

因为这会彻底改变你的应对方式。

Because that changes your approach completely.

是的。

Yeah.

你知道吗，我认为对我们所有人来说，有帮助的做法是：当我们感到恐惧时，克服它的唯一方法就是强迫自己去尝试或去做。

You know what I think would be helpful and would have been helpful to all of us is when we have a fear, the only way to overcome it is to just make yourself try or do it.

比如游泳，小时候我害怕潜到水下，但当我真的去做了之后，才发现原来没什么大不了的。

Swimming, like, when you're a kid, like, I was terrified to go underwater and then you did it and you're like, oh, this is no big deal.

我记得拔牙的时候。

I remember getting my my teeth pulled out.

我当时想，天哪。

I was like, oh my gosh.

这一定会疼死人。

This is gonna hurt so bad.

然后我爸爸做起来特别快，我就想，你知道吗？

And then my dad would do it so fast and I'd be like, well, you know?

但我把这和在人前讲话联系起来了。

But I'm correlating this to speaking, talking in front of people.

我知道不是每个人都会成为公众演讲者。

I know not everybody's gonna be a public speaker.

我知道不是每个人都会放弃，去当演说家。

I know not everybody's gonna give up and be an orator.

明白吗？

Alright?

但通过练习、去做、站起来在同学面前讲话，或者做类似的事情，你练得越多，就越习惯，问题也就越小。

But practicing it, doing it, getting up and talking in front of the classmates or doing stuff, as you practice it, you get used to it, it becomes less of a problem.

锻炼这种能力。

Build the muscle.

对。

Yes.

然后这就不算什么大事了。

And then it becomes not a big deal.

对吧？

Right?

有人笑话你，你会意识到这事儿很快就过去了。

Somebody laughs at you, you realize it's over pretty damn quick.

没错。

Right.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

这些事你得教别人去做，如果你从来都不做，就会产生恐惧，然后躲起来，那些原本该表达出来的东西，你就会觉得：算了，我打字就行了，不用跟任何人交流。

These things but you have to teach somebody to do it and if you just never do it, then you create this fear and then you you hide and then the things that have been put out there, you realize, well, I can just type this and I don't talk to anybody.

没错。

Right.

因为成长发生在哪儿？

Because where does growth happen?

通过练习。

By practicing.

走出你的舒适区。

And out of your comfort zone.

是的。

Yeah.

你必须去做那些你根本不想做的事。

You have to you have to do things that you just don't wanna do.

当你感到胃里翻腾，想吐、想跑、想战斗或逃跑，想逃离它时，太好了，就去做。

You don't, where you feel that gut feeling in your stomach that I'm gonna puke, I wanna run, I wanna fight or flight, and I wanna run away from it, cool, do it.

锻炼这种能力，因为当你这么做的时候，你的神经系统会意识到：我没死。

Build the muscle because the moment you do that, your nervous system is like, I didn't die.

它并没有要我的命，这是人类原始的本能和生存技能。

Against, like it wasn't gonna kill me, which is primal human instincts and survival skills.

但真正的成长确实发生在舒适区之外。

But the growth really does happen outside of the comfort zone.

我希望更多人能理解这一点，因为如果一件事让你害怕，那就很好，去做吧。

I wish more people understood that because it's like, if it scares you, cool, do it.

如果你要走进一场对话，却感觉要吐或晕倒，那太好了，就去进行这场对话吧。

If you're gonna walk into a conversation and feel like you're gonna puke or pass out, good, have the conversation.

没错。

Right.

很多时候，我会说，如果有什么事对我来说很难，比如我不擅长搭建、组装东西，但我会想，别人不也做到了吗？某某人不就做了吗？

A lot of times, I will say, if there's something that is difficult for me to do, like, I'm not good at building, putting shit together, for example, but I'll go, man, no one so did it or so and so did this.

把那个难的给我。

Hand me that hard.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

我不是想当个混蛋。

I'm not trying to get a jerk.

然后我会想，如果从来没人做过，为什么我不可以是第一个呢？

And then I'll think, well, if no one's ever done it, why can't I be the first one to do it?

我认为造成这种情况的一个重要原因是我们成长过程中的 conditioning，包括在学校里，我们被教导说：‘我不擅长数学。’

I think that a big reason for a lot of that is there's was conditioning in our upbringing, including in school, where you are taught, oh, I'm not good at math.

我不太擅长艺术。

I'm not very good at art.

我不太擅长体育。

I'm not very good at gym.

所以从小我们就告诉自己，哪些是我的强项，哪些是我的弱项。

So from a young age, you're telling yourself that this is my strong skills, this is my weaker skills.

我其实读过一本书。

I actually read a book.

我怎么也想不起那本书的名字了。

I can't remember the book for the life of me.

书里有一位数学教授说，他现在在世界各地教授如何让那些觉得自己数学很差的人学会数学。

And it was a math professor who said, he now teaches across the countries how to learn math for people who are like, I'm terrible at math.

他说：‘不，你只是从未以你的大脑能够理解的方式学习过数学。’

And he's like, no, you just never learned how to learn math the way your brain knows it.

所以一切就这么简单。

So that's all it is.

你说得对。

You're right.

你可以做任何事，但一路上你对自己说，比如我，我不擅长体育。

You can do anything, but something along the way told yourself, like for me, I'm not good at phys ed.

所以我从来没有真正热衷于高强度的健身训练或跑步之类的事情。

So I never was really into so much hardcore fitness training or running and all of that.

我相信，如果我真的非常想做并去尝试，我是能做到的。

I'm sure if I really, really wanted to and tried, I can.

但其他任何科目、动手制作等等，情况都一样。

But it's the same thing with any other subject, building stuff, all of that.

在你生命中的某个时刻，很可能曾有过这样的想法：我不擅长这个，因为不同的天赋对某些人来说更自然，这没关系，但你仍然可以培养所有不那么自然的技能。

There's something that was likely there at some point in your life where you thought that I'm not as good at it because different talents come more naturally to some people and that's okay, but you can still build the skill set for everything else that doesn't come naturally.

上学的时候，我说：我讨厌生物，我学不会，我就是学不会。

When I was in school, I said, I hate biology, I can't do it, I can't do it, I just can't do it.

我不想去做，你知道吗？

I don't wanna do it and you know what?

现在，我所学的一切、我做的一切，都围绕着生物学和化学。

Right now, everything I study, everything I do, everything revolves around biology and chemistry.

是的。

Yeah.

我发现这是世界上最有趣的事情，我阅读它、学习它，而且在这方面我比其他任何事情都做得更好。

And I find it to be the most fascinating thing in the world and I read it and I study it and I am better at that than I was at anything else.

对。

Right.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

对。

Yeah.

你可以为任何事情锻炼出能力。

You build muscle for anything and everything.

是的。

Yeah.

就像你必须为情绪疗愈、为沟通做的一样，方方面面都是如此。

The same way you have to do it for your emotional healing, the way you have to do it for communication, everything.

人们缺乏对成长的渴望和动力。

And it's like that people are lacking the want and the hunger for growth.

我需要成为一个更强大、更好、更健康、更快乐的人，我会不惜一切代价去实现它。

I need to become a bigger, better, healthier, happier person, and I'm gonna do whatever I gotta do to take it.

我觉得这种渴望之所以缺失，是因为你被社交媒体带来的多巴胺快感所吸引。

That hunger I feel like is lacking because you've got the dopamine rush of social media.

你被这个快节奏世界中的各种干扰包围着，因此你对成长不再有渴望。

You've got all of these distractions of this fast paced world that they're not hungry for that growth.

而在成长的过程中，你会变得更坚韧、更有耐心，更愿意练习坚持、同情与理解，以及一切美好的品质。

And in that growth, you are more resilient, you're more patient, you practice more perseverance and compassion and understanding and everything.

我经常看到那些患有最多疾病、血液检测结果最差、有关节炎或各种令人衰弱的疼痛、炎症等问题的人，他们都存在这些问题。

The people that I tend to see that have the most disease, the most bad blood panels, the most like arthritis or debilitating problems like pains and things like that, inflammation, they all have these problems.

They all have them.

They all have them.

I swear to you, the the angrier you are, the more negative you are, all of this, it all correlates into

I swear to you, the the angrier you are, the more negative you are, all of this, it all correlates into

Well, all you're doing is releasing so much cortisol into your body, and that's like literally slow poison.

Well, all you're doing is releasing so much cortisol into your body, and that's like literally slow poison.

Mhmm.

Mhmm.

Right?

Right?

And that's what I was gonna ask you then.

And that's what I was gonna ask you then.

Do you find the people that have the most problems, that have the most stress that come to you and everything, they have to be worse off health wise too?

Do you find the people that have the most problems, that have the most stress that come to you and everything, they have to be worse off health wise too?

Always.

Always.

总是如此。

Always.

这存在关联。

There's a correlation.

嗯。

Mhmm.

尤其是我经常接触一些父母，他们说：我没有精力了。

Especially where I speak to a lot of parents who are like, I don't have the energy.

我生病了。

I'm sick.

他们为什么不明白呢？

Why don't they understand that?

他们应该来跟我聊聊。

They should talk to me.

我生病了。

I'm sick.

我快撑不住了。

I'm dying.

这完全是同样的情况，受害者心态，对吧？

Is very same thing, victim mindset, right?

他们很难从中走出来。

And it's hard for them to pull themselves out of it.

于是我看到那个孩子说，我快疯了，我不想这样，而我也是在同一个家庭长大的。

So then I see the child who's like, I'm going crazy, I don't wanna And I grew up in the same household.

我妈妈在我成长过程中一直生病。

My mom was sick growing up.

她的病影响了所有事情。

It was very Her sickness came over everything.

所以最终你学会适应，告诉自己：除非她自己想改变，否则不会有任何改变。

And so eventually you learn to navigate and say, It's not gonna change unless she wants to change.

但没关系。

But it's okay.

如果周围是负面的，我依然可以快乐，也许我就是她的光。

If it's negative around me, I could still be happy and maybe I'm the light to her.

但那些生病的人在情绪处理和表达上的缺失，与这种情况有很强的相关性。

But there's a great correlation with the lack of emotional processing and expression that is happening with the people who are sick.

当我提到情绪表达时，我指的不仅仅是愤怒。

And when I say emotional expression, I'm not just talking about the anger.

我说的是，他们可能因为缺乏情绪表达而感到愤怒和沮丧。

I'm talking about they're probably angry and frustrated and all that because of the lack of emotional expression.

他们积压了情绪，压抑了自尊，吞下了本该说出的话，或任何其他东西，只为维持生活中的和平。

They built it up, something that they had swallowed their pride, swallowed their words, swallowed whatever it was in order to keep the peace in their life or whatever it is.

而这些现在导致了负面情绪的爆发，进而引发更多的疾病，我认为这正是我们如今比以往任何时候都更多疾病的原因，当然，还有许多其他因素可以纳入这个话题。

And that's now resulting in this surge of negative emotions that they're dealing with, which is creating more and more sickness, which is I think why we have more and more sicknesses than ever, and obviously there's a lot of other factors that we can bring into the topic.

是的，但我认为，心理和情绪疗愈的需求增加，正引发更多的健康危机。

Yeah, but I think that the more mental and emotional healing that's needed is causing a lot more health crisis.

嗯，我的意思是，看看心理治疗的兴起，对我来说，这与受害者心态密切相关，健康状况比以往任何时候都更差。

Well, yeah, I mean, look at, if you see the rise of therapy, which for me, I correlate a lot with the victim mentality, health is worse than ever.

我们有这么多号称能帮助心理健康的新型事物，但每个人却都在承受心理问题的痛苦。

We have all of these new things that are supposed to help mental health, but yet every single person is suffering with mental health.

每个家庭中都有两个人正在接受长期甚至多年的心理治疗。

Two out of five members of every family is in therapy right now for like years and years and years.

它已经变成了一种逃避方式——人们认为自己无法独立完成疗愈，必须依赖他人来帮助自己。

It's become another escape where someone else has to help me with my own healing because I'm incapable of doing it myself.

我需要为所有觉得自己需要治疗的人做治疗，因为他们真的让我气疯了。

I need therapy for all the people that think they need therapy because it drives me so fucking crazy.

对吧？

Right?

因为这是一种外化。

Because it's externalizing.

就像我对自己的生活毫无掌控力。

Like I have no control over my life.

我们现在的情况是，不，伙计，你其实拥有巨大的掌控力，即使面对困难，也能过上最好的生活。

That's what we've gotten to where it's like, no, man, you have an incredible amount of control that can have you living the best life even with the hardships.

因为你经历了艰难困苦，从而培养了心理承受能力，能够说：‘这没什么。’

Because you build You go through tough shit and you build the mental capacity to say, That's okay.

这其中蕴含着一个教训，是我必须经历的，它会帮助我抵达我真正需要到达的地方。

There's a lesson in this that I meant to go through that's going to help me get to exactly where I need to go through and get to.

所以你会开始真正接纳即将面临的困难，因为你明白，这些困难会教会你所需的技能和力量，助你迈向下一个阶段。

So it's like you start actually being more open to the hardships that you're gonna have because you know that it's gonna teach you the skills and the strength that you need to to get to that next level.

大多数人无法理解这一点。

Most people don't get that.

他们对困难如此恐惧，仿佛这些困难会击垮他们，因为他们已经变得情绪极其脆弱。

They're so afraid of it as if it's gonna break them because they have become so emotionally fragile.

人们害怕的其实是恐惧本身。

People are so fearful of the fear is the problem.

对。

Right.

这种恐惧不断累积，我们每个人都有些害怕的东西，不管是什么。

There's this built up fear and it's we all have that something that we're scared of or whatever.

直到你能真正直面它，把你的弱点变成力量，把你的恐惧变成坚韧，而这正是你必须做的。

Until you can really stand up to it and make your weakness your strength or your fear your toughness, which is is is what you have to do.

我发现，我曾经害怕的每一件事，或我视为弱点的每一项，我都竭尽全力将它们转化为自己的优势。

I have found that every single thing I've ever been scared of or I felt was my weakness, I have tried my damnedest to make it my strength.

我确实这么做了。

I have.

在那些时刻，是什么让你克服了恐惧？

And what got you through the fear in those moments?

只是站起来面对它。

Just standing up

去直面它。

to it.

只是说不。

Just saying no.

还有信念呢？

And faith?

是的。

Yes.

嗯，那就是

Well, is That's

缺乏信仰的原因。

why lacking faith.

对。

Yeah.

你缺乏信仰，恐惧就会占据上风。

You lack it, fear takes over.

在那些恐惧的时刻，支撑你挺过去的是一种无形的力量。

And in those fearful moments, what gets you through is an invisible power.

你感觉有一种比你更大的力量在掌控一切，而臣服于它也没关系。

That you're like, there's something bigger than me that is pulling the strings right now and it's okay to surrender.

人们太执着于控制，反而更加缺乏信仰，于是他们就这样逃避了。

And people are so obsessed with that control and then lacking faith more So, than they run by that.

他们被它引导着。

They're steered by it.

他们真的在恐惧中前行，并从那里做出决定。

They literally drive in that fear and they make decisions from there.

我不在乎任何人怎么说。

I don't care what anybody says.

信仰是简单的基础。

Faith is the simple foundation.

你说得对。

You're right.

而且它很简单。

And it's simple.

太容易了。

It's so easy.

你只需去做。

You just do.

哦，我害怕，没关系，我要去做。

Oh, I'm scared, cool, I'm gonna do it.

我要相信上帝，我会挺过去的，我会……

I'm gonna trust in God that I'm gonna and get through I'm gonna

这实际上是获得起来最容易的事情，因为它始终被欢迎，始终被接纳，而他只是在等待。

is literally the easiest thing to obtain to have because it's always invited and it's always accepted and he's just waiting.

信仰教会了你什么？

And what does faith teach you?

谦卑、同情、理解、坚韧、耐心，所有这些品质，我发现现在的人们越来越缺乏，因为信仰正被处处排挤。

Humility, compassion, understanding, perseverance, patience, All of these things that I find people just don't have as much anymore because faith is being pushed everywhere.

学校把信仰排除在外，书籍、社交媒体也是如此，看看社交媒体吧，戴伦。

Schools have pushed out faith, books, social Even look on social media, Dylan.

现在大多数人只说宇宙、上帝，或者你信的任何东西。

Most people are now like the universe or God or whatever you believe in.

是的。

Yeah.

他们害怕直接说上帝。

They're scared to just say God.

我就只说上帝。

Like, I'm only gonna say God.

根本没有宇宙。

There's no universe.

有创造，也有创造者。

There's a creation and a creator.

那是

That's

它。

it.

上帝创造了其中的一个。

And God created one of them.

所以我觉得，对于越来越年轻的世代来说，提问是可以的。

And so I feel like that for the younger and younger generations are like, and it's okay to question.

我的意思是，当我们年轻的时候，质疑‘有上帝，有这一切’是很自然的。

I mean, it's natural for us when we're younger to question, wow, there's a God, there's a this.

但当社交媒体上充斥着如此普遍的语言，不断制造怀疑并助长这种想法，却没有更强有力的语言来说明：不，他真的存在，他就在那里，因为他正被从各个角落排挤出去，魔鬼正在掌控地球，人人都能看到他，却再也认不出他了。

But when you have language that's so normalized on social media that starts to create that doubt and feed it without a stronger language that's used to say, no, no, he's real and he's there because he's being pushed out of everywhere and the devil's running the earth and everyone sees him and doesn't even recognize him anymore.

他只是自由自在地行走着。

He's just walking freely.

这绝对是100%的根本原因。

That is a 100% the foundation.

这就是为什么人际关系正在破裂，为什么人们不再觉得需要个人责任感。

The foundation of why relationships are breaking down, why people don't feel like they want personal accountability.

为什么？

Why?

因为上帝会对你负责。

Because God holds you accountable.

你必须现身。

You have to show up.

你对自己的人生负责，而人们却让恐惧和愤怒主宰自己，而这正是魔鬼最喜爱的情绪。

You're responsible for your own life, and people let fear run them, anger run them, which is the devil's favorite emotion.

对吧？

Right?

你知道我每天最常和谁聊天吗？

You know who I have the most conversations with every day?

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

因为我每次开车时都不开音乐，不管我在做什么，只要一有空闲时间，你就让我突然停了下来——因为你一口气说出了我每天为自己祷告的所有事情：耐心、谦卑、毅力和警醒。

Because I do it every instead of turning music on in the car, no matter what I'm doing, anytime I have a free moment, you made me stop, like, cold because you started rattling off a list of everything I pray for every day for myself, which was patience, humility, perseverance, and vigilance.

这些都已经融入我的生活了。

Like, these are incorporated.

你看我起鸡皮疙瘩了吗？

See my chills?

因为我每天都会说，一周七天都这么说。

Because I say it every day, seven days a week.

当我为自己祈求时，而不是为别人祈求时，我祈求的是那些我需要的技能，以便以我们都被创造出来的方式获得成功。

These are I pray when I ask for stuff for myself when I'm not for other people, it's for skill sets that I need to be successful in the way that we're all created to be successful.

对。

Right.

你之前提到了智慧，但人们并不理解那意味着什么。

And you brought up wisdom earlier and people don't understand what that means.

对。

Right.

智慧不是聪明。

Wisdom is not being smart.

而是以正确的方式运用你的知识的能力。

It's the ability to use your knowledge in the right way.

这是完全不同的概念和理解。

That's a totally different concept and understanding.

还有另一点，人们不知道如何理解。

And that's another thing is people don't know how to interpret.

他们混淆词语。

They mix words.

他们不明白事物的含义。

They don't understand what things mean.

他们不明白我们该如何生活的准则。

They don't understand the handbook to how we're supposed to live.

我不是说它教你如何处理信用问题

I'm not saying that teaches you how to do your credit

没错。

or Exactly.

它是关于你该如何为人处世。

It's how you're supposed to carry yourself.

它本应是根本。

It's meant to be the roots.

我特别喜欢你谈到这一点，因为当你专注于强化自己并为这些事祷告时，就意味着无论我生活中发生什么，我都能挺过去，因为我拥有自己祷告并建立起来的这种能力。

And I love that you're talking about that because when you focus on strengthening and praying for these things about yourself, that means that no matter what happens in my life, I'm going to get through it because I have this capacity that I've prayed for and I've built within myself.

我认为，这正是当今社会最大的缺口，因为如果你放眼四处看，他们再也不教这些了。

And I think that that is the biggest gap that I'm seeing in society right now because if you look across everywhere, they don't teach that anymore.

是的，人们往往只在绝望时才祷告。

No, and people tend to only pray when they're desperate.

对，你是在崩溃时才祷告，而不是为一切感恩和感激。

Right, when you're breaking down versus being thankful and grateful for everything.

我状态最好的时候，可能正是我祷告最多的时刻，你知道吗？

On my best days is probably when I pray the most, you know?

感恩的祷告。

Praying of gratitude.

是的，有时在我最糟糕的日子里，我会挣扎，因为我的思绪太混乱了，反而在我状态最好的时候祷告得更多，而大多数人却只是说：‘爸爸，爸爸，爸，别管我。’

Yeah, sometimes on my worst days I struggle because my mind is so gone, I'm actually doing more prayer on my best of best when most people just are like, daddy, daddy, dad, don't care.

只有当他们想要什么的时候才会祷告。

It's only when they want something.

这很有趣。

It's interesting.

是的。

Yeah.

在我最糟糕的日子里，我挣扎得最厉害，你知道，本以为情况应该恰恰相反。

I struggle the most on my worst days when, you know, you would think it would be the polar opposite.

因为你可能和我一样，我也这么做，所以你提到这一点很有趣，因为我感觉你意识到这是你自己的问题。

Because you're probably I do the same thing actually, so it's interesting that you brought that up because I feel like it's you're aware that it's a you problem.

所以你不能把责任推给上帝，或者试图责怪他人，或寻求理解为什么我会经历这些，因为我知道我身处这种境地，某种程度上是因为我自己的行为造成的。

So you can't bring in God or try to blame or like help me understand why I'm going through this because I know that there's a reason I'm in this situation is probably from my own doing in some capacity.

而当祝福降临时，你知道这完全是他所创造的，你只是他创造的载体。

Whereas when blessings are happening, you know it's fully him creating it and you're just a vessel of his creation.

就是这样。

That's it.

就是这样。

That's it.

我总是祈祷，无论以何种方式，他的名都能比原本应有的更多地被众人知晓。

I always pray that somehow, someway that his name will get put out in front of everybody more than the way it's supposed to be.

是的。

Yeah.

因为我感觉正有一股更大的潮流让越来越多的人走向这个方向，但同时也有股力量在对抗它、抵制它。

Because I feel like there's a bigger movement of people that are going that way, but there's this force that fights back against it, that pushes against it.

因为说上帝这件事，简直已经变成了一种两极分化的讨论。

Because it's it's it's it's crazy to say that speaking of God has almost become a polarized conversation.

是的。

Yeah.

这太荒谬了。

It's insane.

我跟你说，我做的每一件事、参加的每一个播客，不管他们喜不喜欢，我都毫不在乎。

I'll tell you what, every single thing I do, every podcast I go on, whether they like it or they don't, I don't give a flying fuck.

我会首先说出这一点，直奔主题，我就是要表达出来，不喜欢就别听。

That is gonna be the first thing I say and where I go and I'm giving it there and don't listen if you don't like it.

我不在乎。

I don't care.

对。

Right.

我真的不在乎。

I really don't.

我觉得其实很多人其实想听，因为比如，他也谈到了这件事，因为这件事本来就存在，但我担心的是，我更在意别人怎么想，而不是对我而言什么是真实的，这是社会面临的另一个问题。

And I feel like a lot people actually wanna hear it because like, oh, he talked about it too because it's something that's there, but I'm worried because I care more about what people think versus what's true to me, which is another issue that society deals with.

这就像取悦他人 versus 对我而言什么是真实的。

It's like people pleasing versus what's true to me.

人们已经不知道什么才是对自己真实的了。

People don't know what's true to them anymore.

我会永远把一切都献给他，因为我没有这些，任何东西都没有。

I will always give him everything because I don't have this or any of this.

是他给我的。

He gave it to me.

如果这不是命中注定的，他会拿走的，你知道的，就在该走的时候。

If it's not meant to be, he'll take it, you know, whenever it's supposed to go.

没错。

Exactly.

这不由我决定。

It's not my call.

我现在纯粹是在为他工作。

I'm literally only working for him now.

到目前为止，我只是做那些我觉得必须做的事，因为我对自己根本一无所知。

I just do what I feel compelled to do now at this point because I don't know shit on my own.

但这就是我如何过渡到我现在所做的工作的。

But that's how I've even transitioned to the work that I'm doing now.

我曾经有一份非常成功的生意。

Like, I had a very successful business.

对吧？

Right?

我长期以草药师塔尼娅的身份经营，但后来我到了一个阶段，感觉

I was running as Tania the Herbalist for so long, but I just got to a point where it was like

这是真实的你吗？

Is it who you are?

我不再享受这份工作了。

I'm not enjoying this anymore.

这不可能就是我的全部了，上帝。

There's no way This is it for me, God.

属于你的东西终将发生。

And whatever's meant for you is gonna happen.

不属于你的东西，永远不会发生。

Whatever's not meant for you is not gonna happen.

没错。

That's right.

对吧？

Right?

我觉得人们很难接受这一点。

And I think people have a hard time accepting that.

他们努力得太过分了。

They try so hard.

我也做过同样的事，就是不断尝试，但事情就是不顺利。

And I did the same thing where it's like, I would try and I try and things were just not working.

我不断遇到障碍，直到你意识到：这本就不该成功。

I was constantly facing roadblocks until you're like, it's not meant to work.

你之前说过的话，是我弄清楚自己该做什么的关键，那就是倾听。

You know what you said earlier, which was the key to me figuring out what I was supposed to do is listening.

对。

Right.

甚至在祷告时，我觉得圣灵得透过我说话，因为我祷告时说得太多，多到我都数不清有多少次，我刚一开口，就有想法涌上来，我脱口而出，然后心想：我明白你在做什么了。

Even during prayer sometimes, I feel like Holy Spirit has to talk through me because I talk so much during prayer even that I can't tell you how many times then I start talking and then something comes to me and I say it out loud and I'm like, I see what you're doing.

我明白了。

I get it.

我明白。

I understand.

我不闭嘴，所以你是通过我说出来。

I won't shut up so you're saying it out loud through me.

我听到了。

I hear you.

我去做了。

I'm gonna go do it.

倾听实际上是一种技能。

Listening is like literally one of the it's a skill.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

你得去练习它。

Like, you have to you have to work at it.

我觉得冥想之类的事情非常重要。

And this is where I think like I think like meditation and those kinds of things are so important.

就像祈祷。

Like prayer.

祈祷是一种冥想形式。

Prayer is a form of meditation.

是的，就是这样。

Yeah, that's All it is.

能够静坐于那份宁静中，让内在的声音在这样一个充满忙碌与持续干扰的世界里变得如此清晰——人们甚至上个洗手间都不离手机。

And to be able to sit in that silence where you allow that inner voice to become so much louder in a world that is so busy and constant distractions, people can't even go to the washroom without their phones.

你从未有过时间拥有一个平静的头脑，或体会无聊。

You never have time to have that quiet mind or to be bored.

人们已经不知道如何无聊了。

People don't know how to be bored anymore.

当你感到无聊时，最好的想法才会涌现，当上帝更清晰地对你说话时，所有这些，我都希望人们能更常练习感受无聊。

When you're bored is when your best ideas come through, when God speaks to you more clearly, all all of those, I wish people just practice being bored more often.

对。

Yeah.

但我觉得人们自己制造了无聊，因为当你在祈祷和倾听时，其实并不无聊。

But I think people create boredom too because you're not really bored when if you're in prayer and listening, there's nothing boring about it.

对。

Right.

你只是创造了这种感觉，以为自己无聊，因为你觉得自己必须一直忙个不停。

You just create that and think that you're bored because you feel like you have to be occupied all the

时间。

time.

Exactly right.

That's exactly it.

当我提到无聊时，我指的就是那种我必须做点什么的感觉。

When I say bored, that's what I'm referring to is like I have to be doing something.

我必须现在就有所产出，但有时候什么都不做也是一种产出。

I have to be productive right now, but sometimes doing nothing is productive.

随着年龄增长，你会意识到无聊其实非常宝贵，因为你几乎从未有过属于自己的安静时刻或片刻安宁。

As you get older, you realize that boredom is pretty damn valuable because you never have a quiet moment to yourself or a moment of peace.

这就是为什么祈祷如此重要。

That's why prayer is so important.

你需要那份宁静。

You need that silence.

我很高兴你提到倾听，因为我认为，如果非要选一个最重要的收获，倾听是人类所能培养的最强大的能力。

I love that you mentioned listening because I think that if there's one big takeaway, listening is the most powerful skill set that any human can build.

倾听别人说的话，倾听别人没说的话，倾听上帝的声音，倾听祂的征兆。

Listening to what people are saying, listening to what people aren't saying, listening to God, listening to his signs.

人们每天明明都看到征兆摆在眼前，却拒绝接受，因为那不是白纸黑字写在他们面前的——如果人们能练习这一点，我的。

How do people get signs in front of them every single day and refuse it because it's not literally written on a paper in front of them where that, if people can practice that, my.

我无法告诉你，有多少次我知道某些话是说给我听的，但我却回应说‘不’，试图屏蔽或曲解它。

I can't tell you how many times where I know something is being said to me and that I have gone, no, and I try to block it or skew it.

这对我来说完全是错失了。

And it's a 100% miss for me.

每次我这么做，都百分之百地错失了。

Every time I do it, it's literally a 100%.

而当我倾听的时候，即使感觉很别扭或不对劲，结果却发生了不可思议的事，简直让人震惊。

And the times I listen and then I even if it seems awkward or wrong and then it's like and then something crazy happens and it's like, holy shit.

我听到了，很庆幸自己当时选择了倾听。

I heard you, and I'm thankful that I listened type of thing.

没错。

Right.

你知道的吧？

You know?

因为很多时候，它以低语传来，有时也以呐喊传来。

Because it's oftentimes, it comes as a whisper, it comes as a shout.

你根本没有在听。

You're not listening.

我会大声地出现，直到你终于说：哦，我早该知道的。

I'm gonna come in with a bang until you're like, oh, I knew it.

我本该早点听的。

I should've listened before.

这通常就是这样发生的。

That's usually how it happens.

但如果人们能安静一点，多听一点，你就能在事情演变成尖叫之前听到那些低语。

But if people just quieted down a little bit and listened a little bit more, you can hear the whispers before it turns into screams.

刚在我身上发生了。

Just happened to me.

这是个绝佳的例子。

Here's a prime example.

我上周或者前一周去了奥斯汀。

I traveled to Austin last week or week before.

所以我不确定。

So I don't know.

一周或两周吧。

Week or two.

我对日期不太在行。

I'm bad with dates.

总之，我住在一个房子里，因为我总是住VRBO，我记得是在五月住过这位女士的房子，我给她发了消息，她说不行。

Anyway, I had stayed at a house because I always stayed at VRBO and I had stayed at this lady's house in, I think it was May, and I wrote her because she said, no.

下次你来的时候，告诉我一声，你可以住这儿。

Next time you come, let me know and you can stay here.

我找到了她的号码发了短信，但没得到回复。

I texted because I found her number, didn't get a response.

于是我上了VRBO，找到了那栋房子，又给她发了消息，还是没回应。

And I was like, So I got on VRBO, found the house that it was, wrote her, no response.

我当时就想，这太奇怪了，你知道吗，因为她之前给我写了很好的评价。

And I was like, that is so weird, you know, because she gave me a great review.

对啊。

Right.

我还是预订了，但直到快到之前都没怎么收到回复，最后只收到一条通用的自动回复。

I went ahead and booked it and never got really much of a response till right before and then was like the generic automated.

我落地后，去行李提取区，收到了她在VRBO上发来的短信。

I land, go to the baggage claim, get a text from her on VRBO.

昨晚那栋房子被闯入了。

The house got broken into last night.

你不能住在这里。

You can't stay here.

我另有房子给你住，所以我住到了另一栋房子里。

I have another house for you to stay in, so I stayed in the other house.

我的意思是，我本该早知道的。

Point being, I should have known.

我当时觉得，天啊

I thought I felt like, man

当时出现了抵触的情况。

There was resistance happening.

是的。

Yes.

我当时就觉得，天啊，这真是太奇怪了。

And I felt like, man, this is really weird.

我可能不该这么做，但我一直拖着，拖着，最后心想：管他的。

I maybe I shouldn't do this, but I put it off, put it off, and I was like, screw it.

我就要做了。

I'm just gonna do it.

我赶时间。

I'm in a hurry.

我知道。

And I knew.

我知道。

I knew.

然后他说道：好吧，傻瓜。

And then he was like, okay, fool.

我就在这儿保护你。

I'm just gonna protect you here.

这就是会发生的事。

This was what was gonna happen.

对。

Right.

是的。

Yeah.

尤其是，我的意思是，我不确定休斯顿的枪支法律是怎样的，但是

And especially, I mean, I don't know if it how the gun laws are in Houston, but

是的。

Yeah.

我不知道。

I don't know.

我的意思是，最好的情况是他们只是偷了东西。

I mean, best case, they just steal something.

最坏的情况是我受伤。

Worst case, I get hurt.

对。

Right.

你知道吧？

You know?

对。

Right.

他最懂。

He knows best.

有时候，这些障碍的出现是有原因的。

Sometimes these obstacles are coming up for a reason.

实际上，就连我妹妹和我刚进来的时候，我跟你发誓，Dylan，直到现在我都觉得不可思议，因为我订了我们的酒店度假村。

Actually, even my sister and I just coming into here, I swear to you, Dylan, till now, I'm mind boggled because I booked our our hotel resort.

就是，订好了。

Like, booked it.

我发给她了，确认信息什么的都有。

I sent it to her, confirmation everything.

昨天，我们上了租车，我才发现，怎么也找不到那封邮件。

Yesterday, we get into the rental car, I was like, I can't find the email anywhere.

不。

No.

不。

No.

你根本不明白。

Like, you don't understand.

我当时快疯了。

I That's was going crazy.

我当时说，不行。

I'm like, no.

你不懂。

You don't understand.

我开始翻我的信用卡账单什么的，发现根本没这笔记录。

I started going through my credit card statement and everything, and I was like, it is not there.

过了一会儿，我想，我们本来就不该住那儿。

And after, like, a little while, I was like, we're not meant to stay there.

我现在就可以去重新预订，因为我们根本不需要留在那里。

I can go and rebook it right now for other reason we're not.

我们去检查了一下，现在我们的住处，我们已经去过那里了。

And we went through it, and our place right now, we went there.

我们被升级到了套房。

We got upgraded to the suite.

我们做了这件事。

We did this.

我们做了那件事。

We did that.

我当时想，我本可以坚持去那里，但谁知道那体验会和直接说‘我们不该留在那里’相比如何呢？

And I was like, I could have forced it and showed up there, and who knows how the experience would have been compared to just saying, We're not meant to stay there.

换一个地方也没关系。

It's okay to go somewhere else.

那反而是一次更好的体验。

It was an even better experience.

你强求。

You force it.

你有时会强迫自己进入一个并不属于你的境况。

You sometimes try to force yourself into a situation that's not meant for you.

总是在说，但我们并不总是在听。

It's always talking, but we're not always listening.

对。

Right.

就是这样。

That's it.

所以，你在处理大多数问题时，发现最大的障碍是修复父母与孩子之间的沟通吗？这是否就是疗愈或解决问题的起点？

So do you find then with most of the problems you have, your biggest obstacle is to fix the communication between the parent and the child, is that kind of what starts the healing process or the fixing is just

没错，关键是沟通和理解。

That's right, it's the communication and the understanding

彼此之间的理解。

of each.

然后是信任的建立吗？

And then trust building maybe?

对，当然，百分之百。

Right, of course, 100%.

所以，有助于建立信任的沟通方式是让双方都感到交流是安全的，而这同样源于一种理解——你必须理解孩子的语言以及他们表达自我的方式。

So the way to communicate that helps build the trust that it's safe communication on both ends, that also comes from a form of understanding because you have to understand your child's language and how they express themselves.

同时，孩子也需要理解父母的能力，而不是期待他们与你走在同样的治愈旅程上，使用同样的情感语言，所有这些。

And it's also important for the child to understand the parent, their capacity, versus expecting them to be on your same healing journey, same emotional language, all of that.

因此，沟通和这种层次的理解无疑是根本性的。

So communication and that level of understanding is the primal thing for sure.

就像我说的，凡事都有一个微妙的界限。

And like I said, there's a fine line in everything.

我觉得人们太容易走向极端了，我在补充剂、我指导过的健美运动员，以及那些节食的人身上都见过这种情况，他们总是走极端。

I think people go to extremes too much and I do I encountered this with supplements and all the bodybuilders I coached and people that go on their diets and they just everything's an extreme.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

而且根本没有中间地带，这也给人们带来了问题，因为

And there's just no in between and that causes the problems with people too because Which

这非常不健康。

is so unhealthy.

确实如此。

It is.

是的。

Yeah.

所以，曾经有一种极端的抗拒，完全反对任何形式的管教。

So the like, there was this extreme resistance against any kind of discipline at all.

我不是说要遭受言语虐待或羞辱。

I'm not saying get verbally abused and ridiculed.

那太过分了。

That's too much.

但管教非常好，就像你之前说的，它能为你做好准备。

But discipline is so good and prepares you like you said earlier.