第97集：失落的问责艺术！我多年来的错误经历及问责如何改变了我的人生！社会对问责的影响以及我们自身承担责任的重要性！！

当我们想到健康时，大多数人会想到饮食、锻炼，甚至压力水平。

When we think of health, most think of diet, working out, or even stress levels.

我和许多人一样，忽视了线粒体至关重要的作用。

I, like so many others, overlooked the crucial importance of my mitochondria.

当你的线粒体运作得更好时，一切都会变得更好。

When your mitochondria work better, everything works better.

随着年龄增长，保持肌肉变得越来越困难，而细胞能量在力量和功能中起着重要作用。

Maintaining muscle gets harder with age and cellular energy plays a significant role in strength and function.

当我了解到MITOPURE软糖时，我的世界彻底改变了。

My world turned upside down when I learned about MITOPURE gummies.

MITOPURE软糖是长寿软糖，也是唯一在人体研究中被临床证明有助于恢复线粒体功能的乌洛托品A形式，旨在支持细胞能量，让你在 aging 过程中感觉更强壮、更有活力。

MITOPURE gummies are longevity gummies and the only clinically proven form of urolithin a shown in human studies to help renew mitochondrial function, which is designed to support cellular energy so you feel stronger and more vibrant as you age.

它们是我长寿和生活质量的关键组成部分。

They are my key component to longevity and quality of life.

它们不仅味道好，而且无糖、无过敏原、非转基因，并获得清洁标签项目认证。

Not only do they taste great, but they are sugar and allergen free, non GMO, and clean label project certified.

用来自TIMELINE的MITOPURE软糖支持您的细胞健康与衰老过程。

Support your cells and how you age with MITOPURE gummies from TIMELINE.

访问 timeline.com/backslash dylan gemelli，即可享受MITOPURE软糖最高达39%的折扣。

Visit timeline.combackslash dylan gemelli to save up to 39% off your MITOPURE gummies.

那就是 timeline.com/backslash dylan gemelli。

That's timeline.combackslash dylan gemelli.

好了，各位。

Alright, everybody.

欢迎回到《Dylan Gemelli》播客。

Welcome back to the Dylan Gemelli podcast.

今天呢，我就自己来稍微发点牢骚？

And today, you just have me doing a little bit of a rant maybe?

我不太想称之为牢骚。

I I don't wanna call it a rant.

那已经不是我现在的风格了。

That's not what I do any longer.

但我现在要讨论的是责任感这一逐渐消失的美德。

But what I am gonna do is discuss the lost art of accountability.

我曾经是个最爱找借口的人，是地球上最不负责任的人之一，直到我经历了一次转变，彻底来了个180度、360度的大转弯——不管你怎么叫它——变成了我认为的更加负责任的人。

Now, I am coming from the direction of somebody who was mister blame game, the most unaccountable person on the planet until I went through a transformation and did a complete one eighty, three sixty, whatever you wanna call it, and became what I believe is a far, far more accountable person.

但在每一件事上都承担责任极其困难，而且这永远是一个持续改进的过程。

Now becoming accountable on everything that we do is extremely, extremely difficult, and it's it's always a work in progress.

但我可以告诉你，我人生中最大、最好的改变之一，就是我终于开始照镜子了——我不是在打比方，我是认真的：直视镜子里的自己，对自己说：这一切都是你的责任。

But I will tell you that one of the biggest and best changes that I ever made in my own personal life was when I finally started to look in the mirror, and I'm not saying that metaphorically, I'm saying that in all seriousness, looking directly at myself in the mirror and saying, this was on you.

这不关任何其他人的事。

This was not on anybody else.

你不能一直把所有过错都归咎于别人，为每一件不如意的事找借口。

You can't continue to blame everybody else and make excuses for every single thing that goes wrong or doesn't go your way.

当你能静下心来直视自己、与自己对话，不是以一种疯狂的方式，而是像你明知自己需要听却仍不愿听的那场训诫一样——你内心深处清楚，你确实需要它。

When you're able to sit there and look at yourself and talk to yourself and and not in a crazy way, but in the way that it it's almost like when you're getting that lecture that you know you need to hear, you still don't wanna hear it, but you know in your heart of hearts that you need it.

直面自己并欺骗自己，是非常困难的。

It is very difficult to look at your own self and lie to yourself.

当然有些人能做到，但大多数时候，当你花时间静坐下来，直视镜中的自己，真正与自己对话时，很难对自己撒谎。

Now there are certainly people that can do it, but more often than not, when you take that time to just sit there and stare directly in the mirror and actually have that conversation with yourself, it is very, very difficult to be dishonest with yourself.

如果你能做到这一点，那反而不是一个好迹象。

And if you are able to do that, well, that's not a great sign.

但让我先退后几步，谈谈我多年来观察到的现象，以及这些问题是如何一步步恶化的，我希望当我向你们传达这些时，能帮助你们做出改变。

But let's just take a couple steps back here on my end, and then I'll discuss with you the things that I have observed over the years and how it's progressively gotten worse, and what my hope is when people hear this coming from me that it will help them change.

我的意思是，我属于那种大多数人不会觉得我在制造恐惧或过于严厉说教的人。

And what I mean by that is this, I am one of those people that most people don't look at and think I'm fear mongering or being like overly aggressive in lecture.

我是你遇到过的最真实的人。

I am the realest guy you're gonna come across.

我多次讲过我的故事，我进过监狱。

I I've told my story plenty of times, went to prison.

我知道那种以为自己无所不能，后来却发现并非如此的感觉，我只是直话直说。

I know what it's like to think you're invincible and then realize you're not, and I just give it straight.

我常对每个人说这句话，这是我以前在YouTube上常说的：我不是你爸。

I tell everybody this this is the old statement that I used to make on YouTube is that I'm not your dad.

你可以做任何你想做的事，但我必须告诉你，我说的是亲身经历，我在这里的全部目标——正如我不断强调的——是完成上帝的工作，帮助人们避免犯下我曾经犯过或目睹他人犯过的那些错误。

You do whatever you want, but I am gonna tell you this, that I speak from experience, and my whole goal here, as I continuously say, is to do God's work and help people to prevent themselves from making so many of the mistakes that I either made or observed other people made.

我显然离完美差了十万八千里，毕竟我过去犯过那么多错。

I am a million miles from perfect, clearly, considering of all the things I've done wrong in the past.

但我认为自己做得还不错的一点是，我能从错误中吸取教训。

The one thing that I do think that I do well is that I learn from my mistakes.

我经常说，如果你回望过去，最好的老师往往都是犯过最多错误的人，但他们不会重复这些错误，而是教导别人如何从中改进。

And a lot of times, I say this, and if you look back in time, some of the best teachers have made the most mistakes, but they don't repeat those mistakes and they teach others how to how to improve from those.

我年轻时的全部时间，都在为每一件事找借口。

So I spent all of my younger years coming up with an excuse for everything.

大部分时候，我连一份工作都干不满几周，即使偶尔干得久一点，也总是惹麻烦或做些事，逼得老板最终不得不让我走人。

I I couldn't hold a job longer than a couple weeks for the most part, and when I did, I was always in trouble or doing something that forced people that ran businesses to eventually let me go.

有些老板很喜欢我这个人，但讨厌我的工作表现，不想开除我，可我总把他们逼到极限。

And I had some bosses that loved me as a person, but hated me as a worker and didn't wanna let me go, but I would push them to the limit.

我每次回家都会跟爸妈编个借口。

And I always came home with an excuse of some kind to my mom and dad.

总能找到借口，从来都不是我的错。

There was always an excuse, it was never my fault.

然后这种心态也蔓延到了我的运动生涯，当我年轻时，我训练非常刻苦，我爸爸从我三岁、四岁就开始训练我。

And then that kind of trickled over into my sporting career, where when I was younger, I trained so hard, and my dad started training me when I was three and four years old.

我一直是个相当出色的运动员，属于水平更高的一群人，总是每支队伍的主力。

And I was always a pretty well elite athlete and in a much higher bracketed group of of people, always a starter on every team.

但我告诉你发生了什么。

But I'll tell you what happened.

我开始把它视为理所当然。

I started to take it for granted.

我开始懈怠，不再努力训练和练习，结果所有人都赶上了我。

I started to stop my work ethic and my practicing, and everybody caught up to me.

我总是有借口。

And I always had an excuse.

总能找到理由解释为什么会发生这种情况。

There was always an excuse of why it happened.

有些根本不存在的伤病，或者一些我做不到这个、做不到那个的理由，但实际上，我只是觉得自己比别人都强，变得懒惰了。

Some injury that didn't exist or some reason that I couldn't do this or couldn't do that when in all actuality, was just I just thought I was better than everybody and got lazy.

这种事终究会找上门来。

And that stuff catches up to you.

而我没有去承担责任，反而说：你知道吗？

And instead of taking accountability and saying, you know what?

我不再努力，不再坚持，只是不断找借口、找借口、再找借口，直到有一天为时已晚。

I stopped putting in the effort, I stopped doing this, I just continue to make excuse after excuse after excuse until you get to a point where it's just too late.

你永远追不上了。

You're you're never gonna catch up.

你落后太多，花了太多时间和精力欺骗自己、欺骗别人，已经太迟了。

You fall so far behind and you spend so much time and energy lying to yourself and to others that that it's it's too late.

这正是我现在对这么多人感到担忧的地方。

And that's my concern with so many people now.

如果你把这些年，尤其是二十多岁这段人生蜕变的关键时期，都浪费了，不去埋头苦干、不接受建设性的批评、不承认错误并改正，很多人——这种情况越来越普遍，我稍后会解释为什么——都在一个接一个地找借口。

If you spend all of these years, especially your your really quality years of transformation in your twenties to kind of becoming an adult, and instead of, you know, putting your head down and grinding, taking good constructive criticism, admitting when you're wrong and fixing it, a lot of people, and it's gotten more and more prevalent, and I'm gonna get into why in a minute, they make excuse after excuse after excuse.

我不是说有时候没有合理的借口。

And I'm not saying there's not valid excuses at times.

我不是说每次出问题都是你的错。

I'm not saying that every time something goes wrong, it's always your fault.

我不是这个意思，因为那也不真实。

That is not what I'm saying because that is also not true.

但更多时候，大多数人无法承认自己的不足或无法以某种方式表现，只想把责任推给别人。

But more often than not, most people aren't able to admit their inadequacies or their inability to perform a certain way and just wanna blame it on something else.

我会指出很多社会层面的问题。

And I will I will pinpoint a lot of societal things.

我不喜欢谈论政治或政府相关的事，但当涉及到某些事情，比如我们的食物、医疗保健，或者我发现掌权者在做某些我确信真实存在、并非我凭空臆想的事情时，我会说，因为这有本质区别。

I don't like to get into any political stuff or government stuff, but I I I do when it comes to certain things like our foods and things maybe with health care and any sort of thing where I find that people in control and power are doing something that I know, not something that I, you know, have a conspiracy thought on that I know and I see to be true and real because there's a big difference.

我从不在这儿谈论我不确定的事情。

I don't ever come on here and talk about stuff that I am not certain of.

我可以百分之百确定，不仅基于我观察到的现象，也基于我认识的某些人所经历的情况，我知道这些信息原本的意图是什么，以及它现在正在产生什么影响。

And I can tell you with 1000000% certainty, not just from what I observe and see, but from people that I know in certain places on what the messaging was meant to do and what it is doing.

这里显然有一个明确而精确的意图，就是要制造分裂，让人们找借口，并试图营造一种不利于成功的环境。

And there was a there was a definite precise measure here to cause division and to cause people to make excuses and to try to create a different type of environment that does not lead to success.

我所看到的，以及你们中的许多人也看到了这一点。

And what I've seen is and and so many of you have seen this.

在说这个之前，我要先说明，我不是说某些事情不存在。

And and let me preface this by saying, I'm not saying that certain things don't exist.

种族主义确实存在。

Racism does exist.

有很多刻板印象确实是存在的。

There there's a lot of stereotypes that do exist.

这些事情确实存在。

These things do exist.

它们一直存在，而且总是老套。

They they have, and they're always corny.

但我这么说的重点是，现在每个人都为自己遇到的每一件不如意的事都准备了一个现成的借口。

But my point in saying that is, now it's come to the point where every single person has a built in excuse for every single thing that goes wrong.

这可能是你的性别。

It could be your gender.

这可能是你的种族。

It could be your race.

这可能是你的年龄。

It could be your age.

这可能是你的外貌。

It could be the way that you look.

任何事情都有现成的借口，这种借口自上而下地强加于人，以至于人们真的相信了。

There is a built in excuse for anything and everything, and that has been comes straight from the top, and that has been pushed down people's throats to the point they actually believe it.

正如我所说，这些事情确实存在，但我们被灌输的它们的存在程度却荒谬至极，简直愚蠢至极。

Like I said, those things do exist, but to the extent that we're told that they exist is so far fetched and so out so far out into left field, it is absolutely asinine.

现在有很多人不会上当，因为如果你真正去听、去理解那些话，你会坐在那里想：什么？

Now there's a lot of people who don't fall for that stuff because there are so many things that if you actually listen to and and hear what's being said, and you'll sit there and go, what?

那些强行灌输这些观念的人，恰恰才是真正的施害者，他们自己真的相信这些东西，他们才拥有这样的想法和行为。

The people that are pushing that down people's throats are actually the perpetrators, the ones that actually believe that stuff, and they're the ones that have those kind of thoughts and behaviors.

但他们却把责任归咎于他人，以此洗脑他们，让他们相信这些事情是真的，而实际上并非如此。

But they point it and pin it on other people to then brainwash them to think that these things are true when they're not.

总会有那么一些人只雇佣男性或女性，或者只雇佣特定种族的人，又或者不愿意给年轻人机会，或对年长者抱有偏见。

There's always gonna be people that only hire men or women or only hire whoever whatever their race is or they'll be, you know, unable to give younger people a chance or prejudice against older people.

这样的人始终存在，但如今他们已是凤毛麟角，与五六十年代——那时这还是个大问题——或任何其他时期相比，已经少多了。

Those people are always gonna exist, but they are few and far between anymore as opposed to what it was, I don't know, in the fifties and sixties when that was a huge problem or anytime.

人们总会有一些特定的感受和信念。

And and people are always gonna feel a certain way and have certain beliefs.

这不过是人性使然。

That's just that's just human nature.

但让我告诉你一件事。

But let me tell you something.

你会发现，大多数商人只看一种颜色，那就是绿色。

You're gonna find that most business people see one color and it's green.

所以，无论谁能给他们带来最多利润，他们就会用谁，尤其是在大公司里，这根本无关紧要。

So whoever is they're gonna make the most money off of, and they're gonna use a lot of people, in corporations especially, it doesn't matter.

谁最能从中获益。

It's who's ever gonna benefit the most.

你知道，那些真正想出人头地、聪明、懂得经营生意的人，这些都不重要。

You know, the people that really wanna get ahead and the smart people and the people that know how to run a business, none of that stuff matters.

重要的是，我能信任谁，谁能给我提供赚最多钱的最佳途径？

What matters is who can I trust and who is gonna provide me the best avenue to make the most money possible?

而这些人中，有些并不是好人。

And some of those people are not great people.

他们在利用别人，但我告诉你，他们的标准并不像人们常说的那样基于那些因素。

They're using people, but I will tell you that their criteria is not based on a lot of the things that say it's based upon.

谁最能让他们获益，就是谁。

It's whoever's gonna to benefit them the most.

有些人会真心欣赏你，给你一切来让你开心，而有些人则会利用你，把你榨干。

And some people will really appreciate you and and give you anything and everything to keep you happy, and some people will use you and run you into the ground.

但关键是，我们头脑中和思维模式里根深蒂固的许多东西根本不存在。

But the point is is that so many things that have been baked into our minds and our thinking process do not exist.

它们没有。

They don't.

没有达到被制造出来的那种程度。

Not to the extent that they're made.

于是，每个人都不再能接受任何建设性的批评，也就永远不知道如何真正进步。

And then what happens is every single person then is unable to take any sort of constructive criticism, and then they never know how to actually get better.

任何试图帮助你的人最重要的事，是给你建设性的批评，而不是贬低你、对你刻薄，而是告诉你你哪里做错了，需要改进，这样你才能变得更好。

The most important thing that anybody that is trying to help you can do is give you constructive criticism, not degrade you, not be mean you, but tell you that you're doing this wrong and you need to improve it so that you can get better.

我的大学篮球队教练告诉我们，他说：听着。

My college basketball coach told us, he said, look.

如果我不对你发火，不逼你、不推你，那就意味着我不在乎你。

If I don't jump on you, if I don't get on you and I'm not pushing you, that means I don't care about you.

这意味着你在我队里没有位置，你也不会有任何前途。

That means that you have no place on my team and that you're not gonna go anywhere.

我记得听到这些话时，完全引起了我的共鸣。

And I remember hearing that, and it and I I totally resonated with me.

我年轻时做得不错的一点是，我明白自己听到的那些让我生气、不想听的话，其实对我有益。

One thing I did well, even through my younger years, was understand that I'm I'm probably hearing stuff that that pisses me off that I don't wanna hear, but I know it's good for me.

我一直都很清楚这一点。

And I was always good at knowing that.

现在我年纪大了，回想起父母当年的做法，我感到无比感激和幸运，尽管那时我曾为此非常生气。

Now the older I've gotten, I feel so thankful and blessed that my dad was a certain way, that my mom was a certain way, that I used to get so angry about.

我妈妈是英语老师，我爸爸是个超级运动员，他们对我的方方面面都严格要求。

See, my mom was an English teacher, and my dad was a a mega athlete, and they were on me on everything.

但如果他们当时不是这样，我今天就不会有对事业的这份执着和如此坚韧的心态。

But had they not been, I wouldn't have the dedication to my craft that I do now and the thick skin that I have.

我的心理承受能力特别强，任何人说我什么、侮辱我，我都根本不在乎。

See, I have extra thick skin, so for anybody to say something about me or insult me, I could literally care less.

左耳进，右耳出。

It it is one ear out the other.

这对我完全没有任何影响。

It makes no difference to me.

我总是希望我的同龄人喜欢我或尊重我所做的事情，但与此同时，社交媒体或评论这一块，那些这么做的人，我希望他们明白自己其实只是在浪费时间；不过，我还是很感激关注和用心互动，因为这有助于我的成长。

I always want my peers to to like me or to respect me in what I do, but at the same time, you know, the social media thing or the comment thing, I mean, people that do that, I do hope they know that they're just really wasting their time, but I do appreciate the follow and the thought in terms of getting me engagement because it helps me to grow.

但人生如此短暂，我对时间的价值看得极高，而坐牢的经历让我对时间的价值有了前所未有的认识——我明白，没有任何东西，无论是黄金、金钱、汽车、房子，还是其他任何东西，比时间更宝贵。

But there's life is so short, and I have such a high value on time, and obviously losing time going to prison has made my time value skyrocket to where I understand that there is nothing, no gold, no money, no no cars, no house, no nothing that is more valuable than time.

没有任何东西。

Nothing.

你永远无法找回它。

You can't ever get it back.

你可能会失去一辆车。

You could lose a car.

你可能会失去金钱。

You could lose money.

你可能会失去一栋房子。

You could lose a house.

但你最终还能再买回来。

You can eventually buy it back.

我曾经一无所有，也曾经拥有一切，然后又失去了一切。

I've had I've lost everything, had everything, lost everything.

但只要你足够坚定，总能重新获得一切，唯独时间无法买回，也无法重新创造。

That that that it's always able to somehow, if you're determined enough to get it back, but you cannot buy your time back, you can't create it back.

你什么都做不了。

There's nothing you can do.

一旦失去，就永远失去了，永远失去了。

When it's gone, it's gone, it's gone.

让我告诉你一件事。

And let me tell you something.

如果你年复一年、不断找借口，而不是照镜子承认：好吧，我搞砸了。

If you spend year after year after year making excuse after excuse after excuse instead of looking in the mirror and saying, okay, I messed this up.

我没做好这件事。

I didn't do this right.

我该怎么修复它？

How am I gonna fix it?

你会在六十岁时醒来，活在悔恨、愤怒和怨恨中，因为你从未采取任何行动去纠正你面临的问题。

You're gonna wake up and be 60 years old living in a life of regret and probably anger and resentment because you didn't do anything to correct the problem that you're having.

相反，你花了太多时间一个接一个地找借口，结果只是倒退，把身边的人一个个推开，现在呢？

Instead, you spent so much time making excuse after excuse after excuse, you only regressed, you only pushed people out of your life, and now what?

你到底拥有什么？

What do you have?

当你不断找借口、推卸责任时，不仅阻碍了你的进步，还让很多人对你敬而远之。

See, when you make a lot of excuses and do blame games, not only does it impede you from making progress, but it turns a lot of people away and off.

这会让人们在你不在时说你的坏话，怨恨你，不愿与你相处。

It will make people say things about you when you're not around, resent you, not wanna be around you.

因为让我现在告诉你一件事：每个人都应该有感受。

Because let me tell you something right now, there everybody should have feelings.

我、我们都有。

I I we all do.

我认为你应该尊重别人的感受，别说出贬低人、伤害人的话。

And I think you should be respectful of people's feelings in terms of, you know, saying degrading hurtful things.

我百分之百万反对这种做法。

I I am a million percent against that.

但过去十年里，这种‘你不能对任何人说任何话’的生活方式已经盛行，言语会让人被取消资格、遭到憎恨，甚至在某些情况下被杀害，这让我觉得不可思议。

But the this this approach and way of life that has transpired over the past decade in terms of you can't say anything to anybody and words are causing people to get canceled or hated so badly or even killed at certain points that I've seen.

这对我来说简直疯狂。

It is absolutely crazy to me.

如果你如此敏感，就永远不可能在人生中取得成功。

You cannot be that sensitive and ever make it in life.

这根本不是世界的现实，而我个人无法接受这种状态。

It's just not the reality of the world, and I, for one, I can't personally handle that.

当我指导或教导某人时，我总是对每个人说同样的话。

When I coach somebody and I teach somebody, I always tell everybody the same thing.

我永远不会告诉你你想听的话。

I will never ever, ever tell you what you wanna hear.

我会告诉你你需要听的话，因为如果我只告诉你你想听的，那就意味着我根本不在乎你，而我早已不再有这样的态度。

I will tell you what you need to hear because if I tell you what you want to hear, that means I do not care one bit about you, and I don't have that in me any longer.

我宁愿选择不回答，也不愿说些他们想听的话。

I I I would just assume not answer as opposed to tell somebody what they wanna hear.

我一直都是这样，我的很多朋友都非常喜欢我这一点。

And I've always been that way and a lot of my friends really loved that about me.

即使在派对年代，我有个朋友每次出门前只问我他看起来怎么样，因为我会如实告诉他，我会说：老兄。

Even in the party years, I had a friend that he would only ask me if he looked good or whatever before we went out because I'd tell him, and I'd say, hey, man.

我不希望你出门时打扮得不好看，你知道的。

I don't want you to to go out looking bad, you know?

我希望你玩得开心，感觉良好。

I want you to have fun and and and feel good.

所以他总是问我，我会告诉他，有时候我会说，嘿，你得改改这个或者那样做，你知道的。

And so he'd always ask me, I'd tell him sometimes, yeah, I'd fix that or do that, you know.

我遇到我妻子时就跟她说：昆妮，如果我话太多，或者我看起来很糟，或者我有什么做得不对的地方，你一定要告诉我，这样我才不会一直这样下去，或者出丑。

And I I told my wife when I met her, said, Queenie, I said, if I'm talking too much, if I look like shit, if there's something wrong that I'm doing, you have to tell me so that I don't keep doing it or I don't go make a fool of myself or whatever.

好好想想吧。

Think about that.

现在，我希望所有在听的人认真想想这一点。

Now, I want everybody that's listening to actually think about that.

你难道不希望有人告诉你你做错了什么，而不是让你一而再、再而三地继续错下去吗？

Wouldn't you want somebody to tell you something you were doing wrong as opposed to you continuously doing it wrong over and over and over?

知道你究竟哪里做错了，然后去改正，避免犯同样的错误、不延长问题、不再继续错下去，这难道不是更有意义吗？

Wouldn't it make a heck of a lot more sense to know exactly what you're doing wrong so you can fix it and and not make that mistake or prolong something or continue to do it?

因为错误会累积，只会让问题更难解决，可能让越来越多的人疏远你，错失机会，养成坏习惯。

Because compounding mistakes is just going to make things harder to fix, possibly turn more people away or off, lose you opportunities, develop bad habits.

我总是想知道我所有做错的事情。

I always wanna know everything that I'm doing wrong.

这并不意味着我总会同意，但我希望听到这些意见，这样我至少能有个概念，然后照镜子诚实问自己：嘿，这真的有问题吗？

Doesn't mean I'm always going to agree, but I want to hear it So I at least have some sort of an idea and can actually go check myself in the mirror and say, hey, you need to be honest about this and do you think that it's something wrong?

如果确实有问题，你最好赶紧改掉。

And if it is, you better fix it.

我永远不会忘记那次对话，我曾在一些播客里提到过，我猜你们中很多人没听过我说过这件事。

You know, I'll never forget the conversation I had and I've said this on some podcast that I've guessed it on, but I'm sure a lot of you haven't heard me say it.

我永远不会忘记，那时我在监狱里，正和妈妈通电话，那是一次我永生难忘的对话，我能清晰地回忆起当时坐着的姿势、正在做的事。我正在抱怨监狱里的待遇和一切，诉说自己多么痛苦，而她却说：‘你每天都在抱怨，总是自怨自艾，你有没有想过那些因为担心你、为你失望的人？那些为你付出大量时间和精力的人，看看你都做了什么？’

And I'll never forget, I was in prison and I was on the phone with my mom, it's a conversation I'll never forget, I can picture the whole thing where I was sitting, what I was doing and I was on the phone with her and this was one of those moments that was gut check moment because I was complaining about the treatment and everything in there and how miserable I was and she said, you know, you complain every single day and you do this, woe is me and woe is me and she said, did you ever take the time to think about the people that are scared, worried about you that you let down, the people that invested so much time and energy into you and look what you did?

你有没有想过，他们的担忧对你造成了怎样的影响？

How their worry or how that affected them?

我就那样坐在那里，一言不发。

And I just sat there.

我平时从不缺话说，但那次我完全不知道该说什么。

I'm normally never at a loss for words, I didn't even know what to say.

然后她问我，这句话最刺痛我：‘我和你爸爸，真的那么糟糕吗？’

And then she said to me, and this was the one that stung the most, were me and your dad really that bad a parent?

我顿时眼眶一热，

And I started to have, you know, well welled up.

眼泪不受控制地流下来，而我真不想在监狱里哭，那太丢脸了。

I started to have tears rolled out my eyes, which I really didn't wanna do in prison, not the greatest thing.

但我很快回过神来，立刻说：‘当然不是。’

But I snapped to back real quick, and I said, absolutely not.

我说，你根本不可能做任何不同的事。

I said, there there was nothing different you could have ever done.

这些决定都是我做的，100%是我的责任。

I made these decisions, this was on me a 100%.

我告诉你，那对我来说是个转折点。

And I'll tell you, that was a turning point for me.

因为我能听出她声音里的痛苦，而我不希望这样。

I because I I I could hear the hurt in her voice and I didn't want it.

现在我说起这些时仍会起鸡皮疙瘩，因为我能清晰地回忆起自己当时坐着的样子、所想的一切和感受到的一切，我永远不会忘记。

And I'm getting chills right now saying it because I I know I I can can just picture myself sitting there and what I thought and how I felt, and I'll never forget it.

但正是从那时起，我开始为自己的所有错误行为承担责任。

But that's the time when I started to take accountability for everything that I was doing wrong.

如果你能做到这一点，你就能对自己诚实，从而发现问题并克服它们。

And, you know, if you're able to do that, then you can be honest with yourself and you can fix problems and you can overcome them.

而且，当我结婚后，生活发生了变化，我也开始照镜子问自己：你结婚后要怎么处理这些问题？

And, you know, once I got married and things changed, and I started to also look at myself in the mirror and say to myself, you know, how are you gonna handle this when you're married?

你是要一直争辩、从不承担责任，还是愿意为自己的错误负责？

Are are you gonna argue and never be accountable, or are you going to be responsible for the things that you did wrong?

我很快明白，要拥有成功的婚姻，你必须能在犯错时道歉，必须清楚自己哪里错了，并且要承担责任，因为作为男人，你应当照顾家庭——我不是说女人就不该工作之类的，那不是我的意思。

And I learned very quickly, to have a successful marriage, you have to be able to apologize when you're wrong, you have to know when you're wrong, and you gotta be accountable because, you know, as a man, you should be taking care of your family, not to say that the woman shouldn't work or whatnot, that's not what I'm saying.

但作为男人，你希望照顾家人，希望他们能依赖你，希望你能陪伴在他们身边。

But as a man, you wanna take care of your family, and you want them to rely on you, and you wanna be there.

我指的不只是你的妻子，如果你有孩子，甚至父母，随着他们年纪渐长，这都是你应尽的责任。

And I'm not just talking about your wife, I'm talking about if you have kids, even parents, which as they get older, you know, it's just it's part of it.

我对每个人都要负责，我的行为将决定我们生活中很多事情的发展。

And I'm accountable for everybody, and my actions are going to determine a lot of things on on how things go in our lives.

因此，我必须在每一件事、每一项行动中都承担责任，这是很多父亲或丈夫失败的地方：他们从不承担责任，只关心自己，自私自利，而责任和自律往往是相辅相成的。

So I need to be accountable in everything that and everything that I do and it's it's one of those things that it's another area where I see where dads or husbands, they fail and they never take accountability for anything and they only care about themselves and selfishness and accountability, they kinda go hand in hand.

大多数有责任感的人都是无私的，而不是自私的，你会发现，很多自私的人往往对任何事都不负责任。

Most people that are accountable are selfless, not selfish, and you'll find that a lot of selfish people are also not accountable for anything.

总是‘我、我、我、我’，但一旦出问题，就再也不是‘我、我、我、我、我’了。

It's always me, me, me, me, but it's never me, me, me, me, me when there's a problem.

一切都总是以自我为中心，我以前也是这样。

Everything's always selfish, and I was that way too.

当我缺乏责任感时，我非常自私，总是把戴伦放在第一位，戴伦这，戴伦那。

When I was unaccountable, I was so selfish, and it was always Dylan this, Dylan that, Dylan first.

所以，无论是这个播客还是我生活中的其他事情，我都努力先为别人着想。

That's why with this podcast and everything that I do in my life, I try to be everybody else first.

你看，我首先把上帝放在第一位，这一点我讲得非常清楚。

See, I'm God first, and I make that very clear.

当你把上帝放在第一位时，你就必须承担责任。

And when you're God first, you have to be accountable.

你必须这么做，因为你是为了上帝而活，这也是帮助我走上责任之路的另一件事。

You have to be because you're living for God, And that's another thing that's really helped my accountability journey.

这是一段旅程，一段永无止境的旅程，因为你永远不可能做到完美。

And it's a journey, it's a never ending journey because you're never gonna be perfect at it.

承担责任的一个关键艺术，就是意识到自己何时没有尽责，然后及时察觉并为自己的不负责任负责。

And you have to one of the arts of accountability is knowing when you weren't accountable and then catching yourself and being accountable for not being accountable.

这需要持续不断的努力，但我可以告诉你，一旦你真正开始这样做，并将它融入内心和生活方式中，你会感觉好很多。

And it's something that is a it's a constant effort but I'll tell you this, once you start actually doing it and start having that in your heart and in your way of life, you feel a heck of a lot better.

说实话，这听起来有点疯狂，但我承认自己错了的次数越来越多，反而感觉更好了，你知道为什么吗？

I I I'll tell you what, it's crazy to to say this, but I've admitted I'm wrong more and felt a lot better about it because you you know what?

我不在乎别人怎么说。

I don't care what anybody says.

我们每个人内心都知道自己是对是错。

We all know in our hearts when we're right or wrong.

我们每个人都知道自己何时在说谎。

We all know when we're being dishonest.

我们每个人都知道当事情不对劲时，责任在我们身上。

We all know when something is off and it's our fault.

我们确实知道。

We do.

每个人都知道。

Everybody does.

我认为有些人特别擅长屏蔽这种感觉，或者装出一副样子，但真正不知道对错、不知道自己是否错了的人，少之又少。

I think there's some people that are really good at blocking it out or, you know, coming across a certain way, but very, very, very, very, very, very few people don't know the difference between right and wrong and when they're wrong or not.

我以前也干过不光彩的事。

I've fought dirty before.

我过去也曾在争论中耍手段，做过这种事，但现在我尽量不再这样了——当你明明知道自己错了，却在争论中不讲公平，这完全不行。

I've argued dirty and and done this in the past, and I don't, I try to never do it anymore where I'm and you you just don't fight fair in arguments or whatever, and you know in your heart you're wrong.

我总是事后回去道歉，而且我现在再也不这样对我妻子了，因为刚在一起时，我在这方面特别糟糕，根本不会公平地争辩。

And I always go back and say it, and and I don't, I try to never do it with my wife anymore because I used to be, when we were first together, really bad with this, where I just, I wouldn't fight fair.

我会提出一些确实属实的观点，却刻意忽略那些我知道是我自己造成的问题，你懂吧？

I'd I'd bring up points that were true, but gloss over the things that that I knew that I was causing, you know?

这是一种不公平的做法，而我看到太多这样的人了。

And it's it's an unfair way of doing things, and and I see it so much.

当你真正承认错误时，感觉会很好。

When you actually admit, it feels good.

这会让你心里轻松，再也不用担心，还能去努力改正。

It gets it off your chest, you never have to worry about it and you can work to fix it.

没有什么比把让你困扰的事情说出来更好了，尤其是当你知道自己错了并去改正的时候，因为人生就是不断犯错、从中学习并加以修正的过程。

There's nothing better than getting things out that are bothering you or when you know you're wrong and fixing it because life is all about making mistakes and then learning from them and fixing them.

这本来就是生活的一部分。

You're that that's just part of life.

随着你年龄增长，你当然希望犯的错越来越少，但这也是 aging 过程中的一部分体验。

Now as you get older, you hope to make less of them for sure, but that's part of the experience of growing old.

但当你勇于承担责任时，人们会尊重你。

But when you're accountable, people respect you.

你会表现得更好。

You do so much better.

人们喜欢看到那些敢于承认错误并展示如何改正的人。

People love to see people that admit when they're wrong and show how they're gonna make it right.

你知道吗？

You know?

我觉得人们害怕这样做。

And I think people are scared to do that.

我真的这么觉得。

I really do.

我知道我过去很多年都是这样。

I know I was for a lot of years.

但我告诉你，一旦你明白了，想通了，然后真正去承担责任，那种感觉真的非常好。

But I'll tell you what, once it clicks and you figure it out and you just you just do it and you just take the responsibility, it feels really damn good.

所以，就像我说的，我不希望这变成一场抱怨。

So, you know, like I said, I did not want this to be a rant.

我希望这能真正为人们提供大量的帮助和指导，我真的非常希望并祈求它做到了。

I wanted this to be something that really provided a lot of help and guidance to people, and I really, really hope and pray that it did.

所以，你知道，我非常感谢大家的支持和聆听。

So, you know, I really appreciate the support and everybody listening.

我对所有在听的人只有爱和帮助他们的愿望。

I have nothing but love and the desire to help everybody out there that's listening.

所以只要是我能做的，我都会继续去做。

So anything that I can do, I'm gonna continue to do it.

我会继续尽我所能努力工作，分享我所犯的错误和观察到的经验，帮助人们在健康旅程中成长，同时也帮助他们作为个体整体提升，因为这一切都是密不可分的，朋友们。

I'm gonna continue to work as hard as I can to talk about the mistakes I've made and the things that I've observed and try to help people grow in their health journey, but also their just as a person in general because it all goes hand in hand, my friends.

所以说，敬请期待更多内容即将推出。

So that being said, stay tuned for plenty more to come.

戴伦·杰梅利，再见。

Dylan Gemelli signing off.