第903集 | "机智如你"

好吧。

Alright.

所以你孩子接下来几天放假吗？

So your kids off the next couple days?

没有。

No.

只放周一。

Just Monday.

周一。

Monday.

我孩子周二也放假。

Mine's off Tuesday too.

我孩子周一和周二都放假，但纽约那边整个星期都放假。

Mine's off Monday and Tuesday, but New York got the whole week off.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

这周怎么了？

This week What?

他们在瞎编。

They're making shit up.

寒假。

Midwinter break.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

不。

Nah.

是的。

Yeah.

只是半程寒假。

Just half winter break.

明白。

Word.

不。

No.

中冬？

Midwinter?

我想那就是他们称呼的

That's I think that's what they call

它。

it.

他们告诉我们总统日和周二的农历新年。

They told us President's Day and then Lunar New Year on Tuesday.

什么？

What the fuck?

农历新年？

Lunar New Year?

我们又不在月球上。

We ain't on the moon.

我根本不知道。

I didn't

我压根儿不知道这档子事。

even know the fuck about it.

他们就是瞎编乱造。

They just making up shit.

看到了吧？

See?

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

不，不是。

Nah.

星期一。

Monday.

好了，就这样。

Well, that's it.

所以我会去你家。

So I might be at your house.

我不是跟你说过要平着放吗。

Told you to earth flat.

正想拉一个或

Trying to pull one or

两个凑在一起。

two together.

是的。

Yeah.

出来吧。

Come out.

你明白了。

You got it.

随它去吧。

Just go with it.

他在耍幽默。

He's being witty.

他正在录音。

He's in record.

哦，该死。

Oh, shit.

BM在谈论某事。

BM talking about something.

是的。

Yeah.

他周一和周二休息。

He's off Monday and Tuesday.

我知道这是我的周末，但以防你想见他。

I know it's my weekend, but just in case you wanna see him.

我的周一，全归你了。

My my Monday, he's all yours.

就像是，不行。

It's like, no.

这是一个长周末。

It's a long weekend.

是的。

Yeah.

周末。

The weekend.

看来周末落在我这边了。

Looks like the weekend landed on my side.

塔达。

Tada.

塔达。

Tada.

天哪。

Oh man.

为什么那些人就是不跟上节奏？

Why niggas don't be with it?

不管怎样，兄弟。

Anyway, man.

孩子们真不容易。

The kids is tough.

怎么了？

What's up?

最近怎么样？

What's poppin?

最近怎么样？

What's poppin?

祝各位男士情人节快乐。

Happy Valentine's Day to the fellas.

是的。

Yeah.

祝所有在这里的兄弟们情人节快乐。

Happy Valentine's Day to all these involved fellas in here.

得了吧，老兄。

Come on, man.

说说看。

Talk about it.

嘿，我看到你们这些新时代的家伙在搞兄弟之间的互动。

Hey, I see you new age niggas doing fellas times.

他们在这么做吗？

They're doing that?

我见过一些。

I've seen a few.

我见过一些。

I've seen a few.

男生时光？

Fellas times?

男生时光。

Fellas times.

但女孩们有她们的女生节。

But the girls have their Galentines.

等等。

Wait.

我，是的。

I yeah.

等等。

Wait.

等等。

Wait.

我不是

I'm not

我并不是想从女孩们那里夺走闺蜜情人节，那太恶心了。

trying to take Galentines from the girls and That's disgusting.

第一个是什么

What the first of

情人节是什么时候？

what's Valentine's time?

什么时候

When

一整个

a whole

一群女孩聚在一起，找个借口庆祝点什么，然后喝个烂醉，

bunch of girls get together and have an excuse in which to celebrate some shit and get drunk and

就是这样。

That's it.

还有男人狂欢。

And man bash.

明白了。

Got you.

在情人节那天。

On Valentine's Day.

是的。

Yes.

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

通常就像

It's usually It's like

前一天或前两天。

a day before, day or two before.

很酷。

Got fly.

我觉得这很酷。

Think that's dope.

所以我们现在要聚在一起做这件事吗？

And so now we're get together and do that?

不。

No.

不。

No.

没错。

Exactly.

好的。

Okay.

是的。

Yeah.

这很奇怪。

That's weird.

不是我们，

Not we,

但有一些人就在外面。

but some are out there.

有些一些人

Some some of

你们在外面。

you out there.

男生们聚在一起就那么娘吗？

Is it so gay for fellas to get together?

我们刚刚才做过这个。

We just had this.

就是超级碗。

Was the Super Bowls.

那不是。

That was No.

你知道是什么让这变得很奇怪吗？

You know what you know what makes it gay?

嗯，不是奇怪。

Well, not gay.

不是奇怪。

Not gay.

我们开始吧。

Let's start.

好的。

Yeah.

好的。

Yeah.

让我停一下。

Let me stop.

但你这么做是因为女生们也在做。

But because you're doing it because the girls are doing it.

生气。

Angry.

就像因为他们给自己搞了专属的东西，还起了名字、做了主题，现在你就觉得，哦，你们都有了，我们也得去搞一个。

Like because they got their own shit that they named and themed it out, so now you feel like, oh, if y'all got that, we gotta go get this.

我们得有

We gotta have

这就变得

that's where it gets

情人节。

Valentine's.

是的。

Yeah.

你到底在干什么？

What the fuck are you doing?

这可能不算Gay，但至少有点俏皮。

It might not be gay, but it's a little sassy at least.

我们可以说非常俏皮。

We can say very sassy.

俏皮。

Sassy.

非常。

Very.

非常。

Very.

非常俏皮。

Very sassy.

让女性拥有一些东西吧。

Like, let the women have something.

我们不在乎。

We don't care.

那么，大家的情人节计划是什么呢？

Well, what what is everyone's Valentine's Day plans here?

别闹了。

Come on.

我是说，你知道的，我手忙脚乱的，因为你们告诉我今晚要去观看《男孩变男人》的新一期节目，就在情人节前一天。

I'm I you know, I was scrambling because y'all y'all taught me that tonight we're going to the new edition of Boys to Men show tonight, the night before Valentine's Day.

我以为这样能让我缓过来。

I thought that would get me over.

你们给了我一种理解。

Y'all y'all y'all gave me an understanding.

那不是

That's not

情况。

the case.

还不够。

It's not enough.

跟这没关系。

Shit to do with.

apparently, talking.

Apparently, talking.

这只是巧合。

It's just coincidence.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yeah.

恰好就是那天。

It just so happens that it was that day.

所以我正想找点事明天做，但什么也没想出来。

So I'm trying to find a way to do something tomorrow and I couldn't figure nothing out.

然后吉尔·斯科特宣布她要在蓝调音符演出。

And then Jill Scott announced that she's gonna be at the Blue Note.

哦，是吗？

Oh, is she?

是的。

Yeah.

在情人节那天，两美分，一场八点，一场十点半。

On Valentine's Day, 2¢, one at eight and one at 10:30.

这很性感。

That's sexy.

哦。

Oh.

没错。

That's right.

瞧瞧这个。

Looky here.

是的。

Yeah.

那正是

That's

我可能会见到你

I might see you

在那里，兄弟。

there, bro.

说出这些字母。

Say the letters.

马克。

Mark.

马克。

Mark.

所以吉尔·斯科特在蓝调音符演出？

So Jill Scott at the Blue Note?

这正是我想说的。

That's what I'm saying.

八点整，对吧。

08:00 right.

我刚想到，得找个保姆。

I just got I gotta find a babysitter.

就这件事而已。

That's the only thing.

是的。

Yeah.

但马上就要完美了，马上就要求婚了。

But it's about to be Perfect about to propose.

求婚什么？

Propose what?

我们去完After Hours之后呢？

Did did we go to after hours?

是的。

Yeah.

没有。

No.

所以这就是我们的计划。

So that's that's our move.

门票一上线就售罄了，所以我不得不打了个电话。

She was sold out within an hour of the tickets, so I had to make a phone call.

我知道你们都能打同样的电话进去，但我建议你们现在就打。

I'm y'all I'm sure y'all can make the same phone calls and get in there, but I would say make them phone calls now.

是的。

Yeah.

马上就要了。

About to.

因为你知道里面有多紧张。

Because you know how tight it is in there.

是的。

Yeah.

哦，对的。

Oh, yeah.

这是事实。

It's a fact.

是的。

Yeah.

对，没错。

Oh, yeah.

所以我最好打那些电话。

So I better make those calls.

是的。

Yeah.

我需要那张桌子，还有那该死的新奥尔良海鲜

I need that table and that fucking that's New Orleans seafood

汤。

soup.

你一直念叨着那碗汤。

You keep talking about that soup.

不管那汤是什么，我都需要你

Whatever that soup is, I need You

你真的是个美食家。

are a foodie for real.

他总提到那种特定的蓝调音符

He speaks of the blue note in that particular

嘿，这东西太好吃了。

Yo, this shit is delicious.

每次他们提到

Every time they name

别说了。

it, come on.

这是纽约市最好的汤之一。

One of the better soups in New York City.

是的。

Yeah.

这汤真好吃。

That soup is delicious.

确实如此。

It is.

那是我的一个绝招。

That's one of my move.

还有里面的蒜香虾，我每次都吃。

That and the garlic shrimp in there, I eat I eat that on Yeah.

听起来真带感。

Sounds such a Yo.

我们馋得要命。

We greedy as shit.

你确实是。

You were.

我们

We

也想花时间陪我们的女士们。

also wanna spend time with our ladies.

我们说的是，我们应该

We're talking about we're supposed

要谈的是庆祝我们的女士们，结果我们在谈汤。

to be talking about celebrating our ladies and we talking about soup.

汤。

Soup.

蒜蓉虾之类的。

Garlic shrimp and shit.

好吧。

Alright.

所以吉尔·斯科特，这是个好主意。

So Jill Scott, that's a good idea.

这是个好主意。

That's a good idea.

我打算想办法进去。

I am gonna try to get in there.

是的。

Yes.

我是说。

I'm saying.

嘿，你在忙什么？

H, what you up to?

操。

Shit.

他从不庆祝这个

He don't celebrate this

这破事儿，老兄。

shit around, bro.

他每周都买花。

He buys flowers every week.

每天他

Every day he

情人节。

Valentine's Day.

贬低别人。

Slagging off.

哦，该死。

Oh, damn.

那真的什么都没发生吗？

Was that nothing for reals?

大概是

Probably a

一个月前。

month ago.

一个

A

一个月前。

month ago.

哦，还是尼克，

Oh, it's still Nick,

有些人，你挺好的。

there's people that, you good.

他们什么都没做。

They not doing nothing

不，我什么都没干。

for No, I ain't doing shit.

哦，明白了。

Oh, got it.

如果你不介意的话，我想问问，你的女朋友在你之前也这样过吗？

Did you if you don't mind me asking, did your lady did she do that before you?

我觉得她没有

I don't think she

她对这个不熟悉

She wasn't familiar with

生命在我之前根本不存在，兄弟。

that Life didn't exist before me, bro.

我知道我在开玩笑。

I know I'm joking.

我在开玩笑。

I'm joking.

我并不

I don't

我也不

I don't

知道。

know.

你从来没回答过吗？

You never answered it?

没有。

No.

因为什么

Because What

问题是什么？

was the question?

她以前过情人节吗？哦。

Did she do Valentine's Day before Oh.

因为她

Because she

她过完了自己的一生，然后如果你和某人在一起，情人节却突然停止了。

lived her whole life and then if you're be with somebody and Valentine's Day just stops.

我没觉得她没过过。

I didn't take it like she didn't.

那一切都模糊不清了。

All that's a blur.

她说，哦，那都是一片模糊。

She said, oh, that's a blur.

就像，不，我只是在开玩笑。

It's like, no, I'm playing

和我说说你的私事吧。

with Tell me your shit.

不，尊重这一点。

No, respect that.

我在逗你呢。

I'm joking.

但说实话，我从第一天起就跟你说了所有这些事。

But, no, I don't know, but, like, I tell you all that shit from day one.

比如，我不过万圣节，也不过情人节。

Like, I don't do Halloween, I don't do Valentine's

是第一次约会吗？

It's the first date?

不。

No.

但是，你

But, you

知道，我们先把这事说清楚

know Let's get this out of

吧。

the way now.

不庆祝万圣节。

No Halloween.

我不

I don't

尊重这里这种 crap。

respect this shit right here.

地毯上没有心形图案。

No hearts in the carpet.

我本来

I was

觉得不。

like, nah.

不行。

No.

所以这只不过是

So it's it's just

很久没见了，她早就知道了。

been a long time, so she she already know.

比如，我们平时通常做的就是那些事，所以这没什么特别的。

Like, we don't we we do the other that's the typical shit we do on the norm, so it's not Gotcha.

意思是，我们已经

Mean, we got

安排好了一顿不错的晚餐。

a nice little dinner planned out.

给她带了些东西。

Got some shit for her.

我待会儿试着尿出那堆蓝色的玩意儿。

I am gonna try to pee for that blue load later.

你们做那事的时候，孩子们去哪儿？

Where where your kids gonna be when y'all when y'all do that?

这个周末有空。

Weekend free this weekend.

嘿。

Hey.

我本来想直接退出你们的。

I was just gonna jump out of y'all.

让我来跟你们说说那些支票的事。

Let me say that shit with your checks.

喂，我们不能他妈的这样。

Yo, we can't freaking nigga.

是的

Yeah.

是的

Yeah.

知道

Know.

我

I'm

和你在一起

with you.

我的想法是

Here's my thing.

敲门

Knock on

他们今天会被送过来，我女儿会和她妈妈待到周三。

the They get dropped off today, and my daughter's with her moms until Wednesday.

所以是的。

So yeah.

那很好。

That's nice.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

公园？

Parks?

你知道的，来点浪漫的晚餐，带个小包，再有点巧克力，美味极了。

You know, a little romantic dinner, a little little bag, you know, a little little chocolates, little yummy.

嗯，真可爱。

Well well, cute shit.

包。

Bag.

一袋巧克力和可爱的东西。

A bag of chocolates and cute shit.

是的。

Yeah.

哦。

Oh.

就像伯克一样。

It's like Burk

在这堆东西里。

in this shit.

奥沙内洛。

O'Shanello.

是的。

Yeah.

伯克·奥沙内洛。

Burk O'Shanello.

你明白我的意思吧？

You know what I mean?

不明白。

No.

不明白。

No.

好吧。

Okay.

好吧。

Okay.

是的。

Yeah.

我

I

看你把你的小电缆团队都带上了。

see you got your little cable crew on.

你准备好了吗？

You ready?

理发？

Haircut?

是的，就是这样。

It's yeah.

它是

It's

浪漫周末。

romance weekend.

是的。

Yeah.

我

I

见到你。

see you.

乔？

Joe?

是的，

Yeah,

乔。

Joe.

别再试图逃避

Don't try to dodge

这个了。

this anymore.

喝一口，

Take

喝一口，老兄。

a sip, nigga.

不。

No.

不。

No.

不。

No.

不。

No.

因为我是说，我没什么计划。

Because I'm like, I don't have anything planned.

我其实并不

I don't particularly I

我完全没什么计划。

don't have anything planned at all.

我们就是聊聊。

Like, we we we talk.

听好了，从我生日那天

Listen, from my birthday

这是个不错的情人节礼物。

That's a good Valentine's Day gift.

聊聊。

Talk.

聊聊。

Talk.

让

Let

我坐下来和你好好谈一谈。

me sit you down and have a convo.

从我的生日到新年，再到新年第一天，有太多生日和孩子们的生日了

From my birthday to New Year's to New Year's Day, there's too many birthdays and kids' birthdays

还有节日。

and Holidays.

等到情人节来临时，我已经忙得不可开交了。

By the time Valentine's Day gets here, I'm I'm I had to work together.

我精疲力尽了，而且我们还在努力省钱。

I'm drained and we trying to save.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

这就像是

It's like

那一部分。

That part.

是的。

Yeah.

我们会去看新版本的男孩二重唱演唱会。

We'll go to the new edition Boys two Men concert.

我们会试着去看吉尔·斯科特的演唱会。

We'll try to go to the Jill Scott concert.

我们会试着去吃顿饭。

We'll try to do dinner.

你们要不要一起吃点东西？

How about y'all do food?

除此之外，说实话，根本没什么别的。

Other than other than that, I mean, shit, not even really.

你根本吃不了。

You ain't gonna be eating.

这话说得对。

That's a good point.

根本没什么别的。

Not even really.

所以我们俩现在一起走上了减肥之路。

So we're on some weight loss journey shit together.

我们以前可是美食爱好者。

We used to be foodies.

那个黑色的。

That black.

那黑色能

That black gets

带你去任何你想去的地方。

you in anywhere you wanna go.

当然了。

Hell yeah.

对。

Yeah.

马克刚得到那份工作时，他告诉我他打了个电话。

When Mark first got the job, he told me he was gonna he made a call.

这就是好处之一。

That's one of the perks.

我们两年后

We had two years later

他可以

He can

给你加薪。

get you a raise.

还没打电话，还没打。

No call no call yet.

还没打电话。

No call yet.

早就跟你说过。

Told you

之前发生的事，我兄弟有点坐立不安，但我现在已经在处理了。

what happened before, my man was was a little antsy but I'm I'm on it now.

我觉得尘埃已经落定了。

Think the the dust is clear.

我觉得你现在没事了。

I think you're good now.

谢谢。

Thanks.

谢谢。

Thanks.

你知道，

You know,

有一天我和我的人在一起。

I was with my man one day.

那个家伙叫卡尔·博恩斯。

That nigga called Carl Bones.

那事儿已经安排好了。

That shit was booked.

那家伙说，现在你得做点什么。

The nigga said, now you gotta gotta do something.

我说，哦，你能那样做？

I said, oh, you could do that?

那挺好的。

That was nice.

我的意思是，他可以以乔的名义做那件事。

I mean, he's you could Joe could do that on his name.

说得对。

Good point.

那你根本不需要那个黑鬼了。

You don't even need the black fuck then.

打那个电话。

Make that call.

你在说什么鬼话，混蛋？

What the fuck are you talking about, nigga?

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

打这个电话。

Make the call.

我们打这个电话吧。

Let's make that call.

好的。

Okay.

我甚至想不出有什么理由。

And I can't even think of what reason.

对吧？

Right?

什么？

What?

我

The I

我想不出理由。

can't think of the reason.

你需要它吗？

That you need it?

但确实如此。

But yeah.

但所以只有

But So Only

没有理由。

no reason.

但谁

But who

不行。

can No.

这是不同的福利。

It's different perks.

我会

I'll

我跟你说，这周我飞行时

tell you what, when I was flying this week I'm

和你在一起。

with you.

我在达美航空天空休息室，人太多了。

I was in the Delta Sky Lounge and and there was just too many people.

你去百夫长休息室，那里却一个人也没有。

And you go to Centurion Lounge and there's nobody there.

是的。

Yeah.

设施更好，而且里面根本没人。

It's it's a better setup and it was like nobody in there.

好的。

Okay.

而且也没人，没错。

And nobody yeah.

那才是黑人最棒的地方

That's the best thing by the Niggas black

在那个达美航空休息室里，大家都在对着哈密瓜大声说话。

in that Delta Lounge be talking all over the cantaloupe.

喂。

Yo.

喂。

Yo.

真的。

For real.

当然了。

Duh.

对吧？

Right?

然后，天哪，哈密瓜还没完吗？

And then, boy, don't be done with cantaloupe?

那些白人直接奔向那些水果。

The Them white people go right to that fruit.

是的。

Yeah.

那是

That's a

嘿，拿几颗草莓，扔下去。

Hey, pick pick up a couple strawberries, toss them down.

白人在Delta休息室的水果盘里。

White people in the fruit plates in Delta lounge.

你不要那些软烂的草莓。

You don't want the squishy strawberries.

不。

No.

不。

No.

不。

No.

这太荒唐了。

It's fucked up.

对吧？

Right?

确实是。

It is.

嘿，喂。

Hey, yo.

你真是个混蛋。

You're a fucking idiot.

我女朋友喜欢当保姆，所以她总是走

My girl like being the brood, so she walk

到那边去。

over there.

那些白人就是不行。

Them white people being No.

然后他们就得停下。

Then they gotta stop.

你想来一个吗，兄弟。

You want one

这些，兄弟。

of these, bro.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

得去问后面那七个孩子。

Gotta ask the the seven kids all the way back there.

我不会骗你。

I ain't gonna lie.

到处乱跑。

Running around.

猛吸气，黑人也不说声抱歉。

Gulping into black people not saying excuse me.

那些混蛋会在电梯里直接咳嗽。

Motherfuckers will cough right in the elevator.

别说了。

Don't say

你就像个粉丝，把肘子伸出来。

You're like, you're a fan putting your elbow

或者干点啥，兄弟。

or something, nigga.

对。

Right.

到底怎么了

The fuck is wrong with

你，科尔？

you, Cole?

我不认为他们中的一些人最讲卫生，但我们等到去潘邦迪时再谈这个。

I don't think some of them is the most hygienic, but we'll talk about it when we get to Pan Bondi.

我并没有反对听你说，科尔。

I'm not disagreeing with Listen, Cole.

当我们谈论

When we talk

当我们谈到潘邦迪这个话题时，我看了那个东西并做出了结论。

when we get to that Pan Bondi topic, I I I watched that shit and make made conclusions.

我也是。

Me too.

长久以来的想法。

Long time thoughts.

我当时想，哦。

Was like, oh.

所以我当时是从是的这个角度来判断的。

So I was judging from Yeah.

什么？

What?

我觉得她上去是为了确认一些事情。

And I think she was up there to confirm some shit.

事实。

Facts.

我本来打算藏起来的。

I was gonna try to hide it

全部。

at all.

对。

Right.

天啊。

Like, God.