#1906 - 大卫·戈金斯

他跟我说

He told me

你的半月板是他这辈子见过最糟糕的。

your meniscus was the hardest meniscus he's ever experienced in his life.

他说，老兄。

He's like, dude.

他讲，我从没想过半月板能变成这样。

He goes, I didn't know that meniscus could get that way.

他说，你这根本不是普通人能有的。

He goes, like, he's not human.

他说，我切进去的时候，手术刀都给崩了。

He goes, when I was cutting into meniscus, it broke the scalpel.

是啊。

Yep.

Wolf不见了，Jeremy说，Wolf丢了点东西。

Wolf's lost, and Jeremy said, Wolf's lost something.

是的。

Yeah.

他说，正常情况下，切半月板就像切黄油一样顺滑。

He said, normally, when you cut in the meniscus, it just slices right through like butter.

他说，我根本切不动。

He's like, I couldn't cut it.

对。

Yeah.

我的就跟黄油一样。

Mine went butter.

我的就跟黄油一样。

Mine went butter.

所以那些以为我能跑每周一百英里的家伙，都去死吧。

So all those motherfuckers who think I'm gonna put in them 100 mile weeks, go fuck yourself, bitch.

宝贝，你要是整天瘫在沙发上，根本不可能遇到这种事。

You don't get no shit like that, babe, by sitting on the fucking couch.

不是。

No.

我的天，这我真是头一回听说。

I mean, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard.

你居然靠长期的压力和冲击，把半月板练得这么硬。

Like, you've hardened your meniscus just through constant pressure and pounding.

对。

Yeah.

所以他进去清理的时候，后来怎么样了？

So he went in there to clean it up, and then what happened?

简单说，就是那块半月板，不管里面到底是什么东西，让我本来歪得离谱的腿还能勉强动弹。

So, basically, that little meniscus that whatever the fuck was in there so my so my alignment was so bad.

真正让我还能活动的，就靠这块又破又乱的半月板。

The only thing that was keeping me able to do anything was that little fucked up messed up with meniscus.

整个膝盖都错位了、变形了，可那东西一取出来，兄弟，我跟你说，就像《星球大战》里那些巨大的机器人，叫啥来着？

It was all jarred up and jacked up, but the second that thing got out, dude, it was like I was have you seen star wars, those those storm thing those those those big fucking things that what they call it?

它们的腿晃晃悠悠的，还会撞到木头上。

They have wobbly legs, and they hit, like, logs.

你说的是机器人吗？

The robot things?

是的。

Yeah.

就是那些机器人。

The robot things.

我的腿当时就是那样。

That's how my leg was.

什么支撑都没有。

It was it had nothing.

从膝盖往下，小腿、腓骨，全都松松垮垮地晃着。

It was just like a little dangling fucking like so from my knee down, the shin, the tip fib, it just dangled.

真的什么都没有了。

Like, there was nothing.

我当时就想，好吧，老兄。

And I was like, okay, man.

这情况

This

所以清理完之后情况更糟了？

So it was worse after the cleanup?

糟糕多了。

Much worse.

我当时真的撑不住了。

Like, I was done.

我从跑200英里直接升级到2020年10月跑了一场240英里的比赛。

I went from running 200 mile to I I did 240 mile race in in 2020, October 2020.

那是在莫阿布。

It was Moab.

我去那儿拿了第二名，用了62个小时。赛前他搞砸了，伤口感染了，但我还是跑完了240英里。

Went out there, got second place, sixty two hours, and he was fucked up getting it drained before the fucking race, but I still ran 240 miles.

就在比赛前五天左右，我还在做引流。

Literally, five or six days before the race, I'm getting it drained.

那东西大得像棒球，叫什么巴克氏囊肿。

And it was a baseball sized fucking it's called a baker's assist.

他们给我引流完，我就去参赛了，完完整整跑完了。

So they drained it, and I went in there, did the race, finished it.

我当时就想，行吧。

And I was like, okay.

那就继续吧。

Here we go.

之后我又参加了几场赛事。

Went on to do some more races.

又跑了一场两百英里，再比了几个赛，然后，就像我说的，问题又来了。

Did, like, another 200 miler, did a couple more races, and then, like I said, cam came down.

但那之后，我去做了手术。

But after that, I went and got this surgery done.

我以前每天跑步，现在却落得两条腿就这么垂着不动。

And I went from running every day to now I have some fucking legs that just dangles.

做完那场手术后，这腿就一直这么垂着。

And after that surgery, this fucking dangled.

我当时就想，唉，老兄。

And I was like, okay, man.

我完蛋了。

I'm fucked.

就因为那一点点半月板。

And just from that little piece of meniscus

就那一点点半月板。

Just that little piece of meniscus.

我坐在那儿想，唉，老兄。

And I'm sitting there thinking, okay, man.

这事儿完全说不通啊。

This is not this doesn't make any sense to me.

这不对劲，出问题了。

This there's something fucked.

我不明白，为什么我的腿完全不能受力。

I don't understand why I can't I can't put any pressure on my leg.

他们抽走的血量简直让人难以置信。

The the amount of blood they were taking out was was unbelievable.

血就在这儿，就在那儿。

So there's the blood right there.

天哪。

Jesus Christ.

这全是血，老兄。

That's the blood, dude.

我的天。

Oh my god.

一、二、三、四、五。

It's one two three four five.

黑血？

Black blood?

是的。

Yeah.

那是缺氧的血。

That is deoxygenated blood.

所以不管当时发生了什么，他妈的到底发生了什么

So whatever was going on, whatever the fuck was going on

所以看起来颜色不一样。

That's why it looks different color.

红血是含氧的血。

So the red blood is the the blood that has oxygen.

没错。

That's right.

那个就像凝固了，是的。

And that was just like coagulated Yes.

血液出问题了。

Fucked up blood.

对。

Yep.

天哪。

Jesus.

是的。

Yeah.

所以手术之后，我大概过了七天左右，反正就是那时候。

So that so after surgery, I'm like I'm like seven seven days out or whatever the fuck it was.

而且again，我不记得具体时间了，但书里都记着。

And once again, I don't know the exact times, but I have them in the book.

我每件事都记得清清楚楚。

I have everything fucking dialed in.

我回去之后，心想：天啊，我状态太差了。

I went back, and I was like, man, I'm I'm fucked up.

我的意思是，这不就是个简单的半月板手术吗。

I mean, it's a simple meniscus surgery, man.

别人一周后就回去正常活动了。

Like, people go back a week later.

最多三周，就能重新跑步了。

They're playing two weeks, three weeks tops.

我当时就想，完了，我这辈子怕是再也跑不了了。

I'm like, man, I'm never gonna fucking run again.

我以后走路都要一瘸一拐了。

I'm gonna walk with a fucking limp.

所以我又回医院了。

So I'm going back.

每周都得把膝盖里的积液抽干净，还打PRP。

I'm getting fucking like, literally getting my knee drained every week getting PRP.

但心里其实我知道，自己到底能撑到什么地步。

I'm like, man, but in the back of my mind, I I know how far I can push myself.

我对自己的身体太了解了，真的太了解了。

I know my body so fucking well, so well.

我就觉得，这不对劲。

And I'm like, this is this is wrong.

我心想，我这辈子再也跑不起来了。

I go, I'm never gonna run again.

我再也跑不起来了。

I'm never gonna run again.

我走路一瘸一拐的。

I walk with a limp.

这种情况持续了大概六个月。

So this went off about six six months.

我二月份做的手术。

So I had the surgery done in February.

从二月到六月，手术后四到五个月左右。

It was February, March, April, May, June, about four months four months after surgery, four or five months.

我就跟珍妮弗说，

I'm like, hey, Jennifer.

我得再找个人看看我这该死的膝盖，

I gotta find another next you know, somebody else look at my fucking knee.

所以我尽量让自己保持冷静，

So I try to keep my shit together.

但你想想，以前每天都在拼命打拼，突然一下什么都没了，

But imagine when you go from every day of your fucking life grind it, and you go to nothing.

就是一场九十分钟的手术，完事了，

Like, literally, like, ninety minute surgery done.

真没想到，就做个简单的半月板镜检，居然这么严重，

That's crazy that it was just a little meniscus scope.

一场九十分钟的手术，完事了，

Ninety minute surgery done.

我就想，行吧，

And I was like, okay, man.

不管怎样，我找到了一位叫加马尔的医生，他在纽约，我们飞过去，但我心里清楚，他根本治不好我，因为我知道问题远不止膝盖这么简单。

This is anyway, so I found this guy named doctor Gamal out of New York, and we fly there, but I'm like, he can't fix this man because I knew it was a lot more than knees.

整个人都乱套了，身体到处都是问题。

It was just it was all kind of this fucked up body shit.

我走进诊所，他决定见我，还有珍妮弗，她特别开心。

And I am I walk in the office, and he decides to see me and me and Jennifer and Jennifer's happy.

她高兴得不得了。

She's happy as shit.

天哪，真的吗？

It's like, oh my god, man.

这家伙居然能给你做半月板置换手术。

This guy's gonna be able to get you a a fucking meniscus replacement.

他整个人搞得特别玄乎，像那种灵修大师。

He he was all kinda guru ed out.

但我是个现实的人，兄弟。

But I'm a realist, bro.

我会尽力而为，但我也很现实。

I will push myself, and I'll go as far as I can, but I also am a realist.

我心里其实早就有了数。

I also knew the back of my mind.

我不会故意扫你的兴，珍妮弗。

I'm not gonna try to ruin your fucking party, Jennifer.

这话是我自己说的，但这事真没戏了。

This is what I'm saying myself, but this shit's done.

结束了。

It's over.

我去一趟，主要是想让她安心，看看是不是还有别的办法。

So but I went just to pretty much appease her and just see, you know, is there anything left?

我走进诊室，医生说，是的。

So I walk in the office, and the doc's like, yeah.

我看着你的X光片，那位医生就说，我真不知道怎么搞。

I'm looking at your X rays, and that's the doctor who's like, I don't know how.

这时候，医生加马尔看了他的片子，那可是世界顶尖的专家，真厉害。

This is when the doctor Gamal look him up, world renowned motherfucker, dude.

这人盯着我，一本正经地说：老兄，我不明白你膝盖成这样是怎么撑过来的。

And when this guy looked at me straight faced, he said, man, I don't know how you did anything with those knees.

简直不可思议。

Anything.

更别说连续跑两百英里、二百四十英里了。

Let alone run 200 miles back to back, 240 miles.

你到底是怎么做到的？

Where the fuck you did?

我真的搞不懂你咋挺过来的。

I don't know how you did it.

于是我只好说：好吧。

And so I'm like, okay.

随你便吧。

Whatever.

咱们能修好吗？

Can we get it fixed?

他不想去，因为他知道我这膝盖彻底废了。

And he didn't wanna get there because he knew I was fucked.

他说不行。

He's like, no.

嗯，或许我们可以试试戴个支撑器。

You know, we we can maybe, you know, try in in a loader brace.

也许用个减压护膝能帮你缓解点。

Maybe an unloader brace will help you out.

减压护膝是什么？

What's an unloader brace?

我的膝盖主要是内侧半月板那边出了问题，导致内侧一直卡着。

So, basically, my knee went in on the meniscus side on the inside, so it was, like, jamming on the inside.

这个护膝能稍微帮膝盖重新对齐，减轻内侧腿的压力。

So this brace kinda, like it kinda helps realign the knee a little bit so then you cannot have so much pressure on the inside of your leg.

所以我坐在这儿

So I sit right

就在那儿。

there.

一边。

One side.

是的。

Yeah.

我就想，天哪。

So, basically, I'm like, man.

我想，好吧。

I'm like, okay.

我就想，这难道就是你给我所有的方案了吗？

I'm not so this is all you have for me.

我就想，你根本帮不了我。

I'm like, you can't do shit for me.

他却说，不行。

And he was like, no.

他正要走出办公室，我就知道他看出来了。

And he was walking out of the office, and he could tell.

我当时想，我也没垮到哪儿去，毕竟我早就开始为接下来的旅程做准备了。

I was like, I wasn't too fucked up, but I was like because I kinda was preparing myself for the next part of my journey.

我不喜欢在负面情绪里陷太久。

I don't like to lay in my shit too long.

你知道的，我会给自己几分钟时间，好好骂一句：操。

You know, I give myself a couple of minutes to okay, motherfucker.

咱们得把这事儿干漂亮了。

We got a man to fuck up.

咱们得赶紧回头想想，接下来该干嘛？

We gotta get back in this fucking like, what's next?

来吧，咱们去重新回学校，看看还能干点啥。

You know, let's go let's go see what you know, let's let's go back to college.

咱们得做点别的了，毕竟你跑步的职业生涯已经结束了。

Let's let's do something because you're you're running and your athletic career's done.

他走到门口。

So he got to the door.

他把门打开。

He opened it.

结果他直接被人家从门里给推了出去。

And as he was literally he was shouldered out the motherfucking door.

我看着珍妮弗。

And I'm looking at Jennifer.

我当时就想，算了，咱们回内华达，重新开始吧。

I'm like, well, you know, we'll go back to fucking you know, go back to Nevada and fucking start again.

他跟我说，要不你试试那个无负荷的支具，还有一件事我们或许能帮你。

And he was like, try the unloaded brace out, and there's one more thing we could possibly do for you.

我当时就骂了，你他妈的赶紧给我滚回来，兄弟。

And I'm like, motherfucker, like, get your little monkey fucking ass back in here, bro.

这到底是什么东西？

Like, what is it?

到底发生什么事了？

Like like like, what the fuck's going on?

他就说，行吧。

So he was like, yeah.

有一种手术叫高位胫骨截骨术。

There's this surgery called h t o.

他说，你可以进手术室。

And he was like, you can go in.

我们可以直接把你的胫骨打断。

We can fucking, you know, pretty much break your tibia.

这叫高位胫骨截骨术。

It's called high tibia osteotomy.

医生会进去，把你的胫骨打断。

They go in and they break your tibia.

他们切开后，往里塞个楔子，把腿重新对齐。

They they they, like, slice into it, and they they wedge it to the point where they realign your leg back up.

这手术特别疼。

It's a very painful surgery.

术后也特别疼。

It's very painful afterwards.

术后疼得要命。

Painful as fuck afterwards.

他们把那个你见过的钢板重新装回去，但你的膝盖位置没变，因为这个问题没被解决。

And they put that plate, the plate you saw, back on, and then your leg is so so your knee is still where it was because this doesn't get fixed.

得花好几个月，膝盖才会慢慢回到新的对齐位置。

So it takes several months for that knee to start working its way back into where that alignment is.

所以现在我的腿才刚恢复到这个状态，你看。

So now my leg is just now so here it is.

在影像上能看出来。

See it on the image.

是的

Yeah.

他们切掉一部分，因为骨头变形了。

So they they take a slice out of it because it's deformed.

对。

Yep.

切掉的这部分让畸形的地方降低，好让形状更自然一些。

And that slice lowers the part that's deformed and tries to make it a a more natural shape.

但你的骨头还是直接磨着骨头。

But you're still dealing with bone on bone.

所以本质上，你依然在承受关节炎带来的疼痛。

So you're still deal you're still dealing with the pain of arthritis, essentially.

因为你的膝盖里还有软骨吗？

Because you do you have any cartilage in your knees?

没剩多少了。

Not much.

几乎一点都没有，如果有也是微乎其微。

Not much at all, if any.

这样做的好处是，能减轻那部分的压力。

So the thing about it, it takes that pressure off of that.

所以那时候完全是骨头磨骨头。

So it was complete bone on bone.

没错。

Right.

这种手术的作用是把压力转移到外侧。

What that surgery does is it takes it over to the lateral side.

也就是外侧，那边的半月板状态很好。

So on the outside so I have I have a nice meniscus over there.

那个部位多年都没动过，因为打从出生起，所有的压力都集中在内侧半月板上。

That thing wasn't touched for years because how I was born, all the pressure was on the, my, medial meniscus.

所以你的膝盖一辈子都是歪的？

So your knee had been misaligned your whole life?

一辈子都是这样。

Whole life.

没错，就是这样。

That's what yeah.

我这一辈子都遭罪了。

That's my whole life has been fucked up.

所以我的外侧半月板完好如初。

So my meniscus on my lateral side is pristine.

现在他的做法是，所有的压力都转移到了这个完好的半月板上。

So now the way he did it is that all of my pressure is going on to that pristine meniscus.

明白了。

Okay.

现在关键是得把腿重新调正，但这事儿拖了好久。

So now it's all about getting that leg back aligned, which is taking forever.

那现在还没调好？

And it's still not aligned?

快了，快好了。

It's getting there.

快了，快好了。

It's getting there.

是的。

Yeah.

快了，快好了。

It's getting there.

你给自己化妆吗？

You make yourself up?

他们能给你做半月板置换吗？

Can they do a meniscus replacement on you?

不能。

No.

这正是我想做的。

So that's what I wanted to get done.

但如果你的膝盖已经严重到像我这样，根本就没得选。

But if your knee is so far gone, like mine was, there was no option for that.

为什么会这样？

Why is that?

因为我的膝盖已经烂得太厉害了。

Because my knee was so far gone.

所以当你把半月板植入进去的时候——不管那玩意儿是怎么运作的——医生说它根本长不上去。

So it was like when you put that meniscus in there, however it works, he said it wouldn't have taken it.

说白了，我们是想补，但根本没用，你的膝盖已经烂得不成样子了。

Like, basically, yeah, we were taking it, but we're just fucking destroyed it because your leg is so your knee is so fucked up.

所以对我而言，这是唯一的选择。

So this was the only option for me.

现在不是也有假体半月板了吗？

Don't they make, like, an artificial meniscus now as well?

有的。

Yep.

这位医生真正专长的就是这个。

And this what this guy really is specializes in.

所以他就是做这种手术的首选专家。

So he's he's like the guy to go to for that stuff.

人工半月板是用什么做的？

What does an artificial meniscus consist of?

我也不太清楚，反正我也不知道具体是什么。

I guess it's just I I have no idea.

这种事我懒得深究了。

I'm not even gonna get into that shit.

你帮我查查这东西到底是什么，我膝盖也不太好。

See if you can find out what that is because I got some fucked up knees too.

不过没你那么严重。

Not like yours, though.

每当我快想抱怨的时候，我就看看你的膝盖。

If I ever think about complaining, I look at yours.

好的，先生。

Yes, sir.

你看，世界上第一个人工半月板已经在以色列投入使用了。

See, world's first artificial meniscus available in Israel.

然后

And then

你去找安德烈亚斯·加马尔。

you go Andreas Gamal.

对。

Yeah.

他就在那儿。

There he is.

所以这个看起来像一种透明的凝胶状物质，你知道，半月板其实就是两块骨头和软骨之间的缓冲垫。

And so this it looks like some sort of a clear gel looking stuff and which is, you know, the the meniscus is just a cushioning in between the the two bones and the cartilage.

哦，你看这个。

And this is oh, look at that.

对。

Yep.

但他们不能对你这么做，是吧？

And but they can't do that to you?

不能。

No.

你得符合一定的条件才行。

You have to be a good candidate for that.

你的膝盖必须达到某种特定状态，而我的不符合。

So your knee has to be in a certain certain condition, and mine was not in that condition.

如果你符合条件，他们就能做，之后你就能跑步了，还是说只是能正常活动？

It was it was If if you were a candidate for that, would they be able to do it and you'd be able to run, or is that just like to move around

走路？

and walk?

根据我了解的，你可以跑步，可以做任何你想做的事，但要是活动量太大，人工部件可能会磨损。

From what I read about, you can you can run, you can do everything you wanna do, but sometimes if you do a lot, it wears it out.

不过你可以换一个新的。

So you can But you can get a new one.

换一个新的。

Get a new one.

是的。

Yeah.

也没那么糟。

Well, it's not that bad.

没那么

Not that

糟，老兄。

bad, man.

对你来说，这办法行不通。

For you, it doesn't work.

不行。

No.

因为说到底，我的膝盖已经没了，根本就用不了。

Because, basically, it wouldn't even work for me because of my knee was gone.

但他把膝盖重新塑形了，

But the way he reshaped it

对，

Mhmm.

这样不是就矫正过来了吗？

Wouldn't that correct?

我的意思是，他 basically 调整了你膝盖的对齐方式，让它更接近正常状态。

I mean, he kind of, like, changed your alignment of your knee and made it more normal.

是吧？

Right?

我觉得确实有改善。

I think it had yeah.

他确实让膝盖更正常了，但据我了解，真正让膝盖恢复正常的是他做的手术，从结构上来说。

He made it more normal, but from what I understand, if you put that in there, structurally like like, structural wise, what what makes it more normal is the surgery he did.

是的。

Mhmm.

所以现在我的膝盖已经完全不会骨头磨骨头了。

So right now, there's no bone on bone for me.

因此，我的半月板根本不需要了。

So there's no need for that meniscus at all.

很多人如果膝盖对齐得好，身体功能正常，半月板摘除也没关系。

So a lot of people get their meniscus taken out if you have the right alignment and your body can do what it's supposed to do.

真的吗？

Really?

对。

Yeah.

但如果你把半月板摘了，岂不是只剩下软骨直接摩擦软骨了？

But if you get your knee your meniscus taken out, you're just cartilage on cartilage?

你听说过德怀恩·韦德吗？

If you know, Dwayne Wade.

是的

Mhmm.

德怀恩·韦德，篮球运动员。

Dwayne basketball player.

对

Yeah.

我相信德怀恩·韦德打了好多年，如果我没记错的话，那时候他的半月板已经没了。

I believe Dwayne Wade played years, years, if I'm correct, with no meniscus.

是的

Yeah.

我觉得是双膝都没了。

I I think in both his knees.

天哪。

Jesus.

是的

Yeah.

好多年啊。

Years.

他后来膝盖问题特别严重，半月板早就损毁了。

He had he ended up having, like, really bad knee problems, but his meniscus was messed up.

以前医生都是直接把它割掉。

Back in the day, they used take it out.

你瞧这儿。

So if you look here

就在这儿。

Here it is.

我上大学的时候。

When I was in college.

天哪。

Wow.

他在马凯特大学时做的左膝半月板切除手术，后来一直影响他在热火队的膝盖状况。

Surgery to remove the meniscus in his left knee eleven years ago while he was at Marquette led to ongoing knee problems he's had with Miami Heat.

太好了，幸亏有这个能调出来，Jamie，不然我估计得瞎说一多半。

I'm so glad that you had this fucking thing to pull up, Jamie, because I would be talking out of my ass half the damn time.

我就是干这个的。

That's what I do.

兄弟，你可真是帮我理清了思路。

Man, you fucking fucking square me away, bro.

膝盖确实是个大问题。

Knees are a problem, man.

是啊。

Yeah.

而且你干的这行，全靠膝盖，你可是耐力型运动员。

And the fact that you require your knees to do what you do, like, your whole thing is endurance athlete.

没错。

Right.

做耐力运动员，腿得能动才行。

And to be an endurance athlete, you gotta be able to move your legs.

你得能动起来。

You gotta be able to move them.

但我喜欢的一点是——这对我来说其实是刻意练出来的技能：我总在准备着，别变得斤斤计较。

But what I like about, and this was this was, like, literally a a trained skill for me was I'm I'm always preparing for, like, not being a bitch.

很多人一到某个阶段，比如珍妮弗要是没法跑步了，或者因为点小问题就干不了事，她就会特别烦躁。

Like, a lot of people get to a point, like, for instance, like, if Jennifer can't do something, like, you know, if if if she can't go for a run or whatever, just like because she something's wrong, like, some simple shit, it's gonna bother her.

我后来明白了一件事：生活就是这样，所以我能很快放下那些事。

I got to a point in my life where I realized this is life, and so I move on past things real quick.

所以别人就会说，天哪。

So people like, oh my god.

那你怎么办，大卫？

What are you gonna do, David?

要是不能跑了，老子就去游泳，去上学，或者干点别的。

If you can't run, motherfucker, I'll swim, or I'll go to college, or I'll do something else.

这根本不是我的全部人生。

This like like, this isn't my life.

所以我特别清楚，人生有多快就会把你的一切夺走，我早就准备好迎接下一章了。

So I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm very aware how quick life can take shit from you, and I've always prepared my mind for the next chapter.

我后来做了一件事，叫作‘提前储备’。

And what happened with me was I started this thing called front loading.

年轻的时候，我真是个混蛋。

So when I was young, I used to be a little piece of shit.

老是觉得自己不够好，唉，我做不到。

You know, like, fucking, oh, I'm not good enough.

这事我干不了。

I can't do this.

那事我也搞不定。

I can't do that.

等我终于清醒过来，意识到只要肯动起来、主动激励自己，其实能做成很多事的时候，我才真正变了。

The second I got my head out of my ass and I realized, man, you can achieve a lot of shit if you get off your ass and you start moving and you start motivating yourself.

试着做个能自我驱动的人。

Try becoming a self motivator.

所以我开始提前把事情都做完。

So I started front loading.

所谓提前积累，就是像这些人一样，到了四十七岁已经干了这么多，因为谁也不知道明天会发生什么。

In front loading, these people are like, you know, you've done so much by forty seven because I don't know what tomorrow is gonna bring me.

我的军旅履历可厚实了。

So my my military resume is fat.

我在军队里真没少干事儿。

You know, I fucking did a lot in the military.

在军队外我也干了不少。

I did a lot outside the military.

我赚过不少钱。

I've I've I've made money.

世界上几乎所有的极限赛事，我都跑过一遍。

I've I've I've done almost every race out there, hard race in the world.

我还破过引体向上的纪录。

I've broken pull up records.

我干过不少事儿。

I've done a lot of shit.

所以当困难来临时，别忘了以前拼命努力，就是为了能好好享受。

So when these bad times come and also not like like like like like, work your ass off so so you can enjoy.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

你正在冒险。

You're taking a shot.

你知道，你可能活不到老，但万一你活到了呢？

You know, you you may not live to be old, but what if you do?

当你还能动、能早起、能拼的时候，你拼尽了全力。

And you worked your ass off when you were able and you were able to fucking get up early, able to grind.

如果你提前攒够了，后半辈子就全是享福了。

If you front load it properly, the back half of your fucking life is money.

我就是这么做的。

And that's what I did.

一意识到这点，我就知道自己是个混蛋。

The second I realized that, man, you are a piece of shit.

咱们得走了。

We gotta get going.

到了47岁，你就别想再干这些事了。

Because at 47, man, you're gonna be able do any of this shit.

50岁，不管你多大年纪。

50, whatever you are.

所以我提前攒够了本钱。

So I front loaded.

所以这些倒霉事都落我头上了。

So all these bad things have happened to me.

我反过来问自己：你是怎么这么淡定地挺过来的？

I sit back with, man, how are you handling this so well?

操，我真做到了。

Motherfucker, I've I've done it.

我早就把一切都安排好了。

I front loaded.

我已经有足够的钱了。

I have the money I need.

我已经有我需要的成功了。

I have the success I need.

我有那份决心，有那份意志力，也有对自己的骄傲。

I have the fucking the the determination, the willpower, and also the pride in myself.

所以每天早上醒来，我都清楚自己是谁。

So when I wake up every morning, I know who the fuck I am.

我提前布局得完美无缺，所以不管失去什么，我都无所谓。

I front loaded perfectly, so I don't care what's taken from me.

但你的身体作为你的媒介，这种处境肯定挺特别的。

But it's gotta still there's gotta be a strange position to be in where your body is your medium.

身体是你表达自我的工具。

The body is the vehicle for you to express yourself.

没错。

Right.

但你的身体正在垮掉。

And your body's breaking down.

对。

Mhmm.

我知道他们也跟你谈过做膝关节置换的事。

And I know that they considered doing knee replacements on you too.

是啊。

Yep.

那场对话是怎样的？

And what was that conversation like?

就是很简单的聊聊，兄弟。

It was it was very basic, man.

就是，嘿。

It's like, hey.

你知道，你以后没法再做那些以前做的事了，虽然别人还能做，但那确实是个得面对的现实。

You know, you're not gonna be able to do some of the shit that you've done even though, obviously, people are, but that was a conversation.

我知道这听起来有点怪。

And I know it sounds weird.

但我完全能接受。

It was totally fine with me.

我之所以能接受，是因为你不知道，别人根本不懂。

It was fine because I had dude, people don't understand.

这根本不是一份兼职工作。

This this wasn't like a a part time job.

你想想，你可是跟科比这样的传奇一起打过球的。

Man, when you've done without like Kobe Bryant.

科比最后一场比赛，拿了六十多分，然后直接走下球场。

When Kobe fucking retired at last game, he, like, 60 points or some shit, he walked off the court.

他根本没哭。

He didn't fucking cry.

他说：天哪。

He said, oh my god.

我会怀念这项运动的。

I'm gonna miss the sport.

搞什么鬼？

What the fuck?

他转身就走了。

He walked off.

他把自己所有的东西都倾注进去了。

He gave he gave everything he could.

我付出了这么多，结果有些人还想着利用我，去你的。

Man, when you fucking give what I've given and motherfuckers like to sell you, fuck you.

你根本什么都不懂，但这些经历塑造了现在的我。

You don't fucking know shit, Wish it would makes me who I am.

我已经倾尽所有了。

I've given everything.

别人还说，哎呀，你那膝盖都伤成那样还跑。

People make oh, you you ran on fucked up knees.

你把脚裹得严严实实的。

You taped your feet up.

你干这干那的。

You did blah blah.

你做过两次心脏手术。

You had two heart surgery.

你还是坚持了下来。

You kept on going.

是啊。

Yep.

当然了。

Sure did.

我非得去个地方不可。

I had somewhere to fucking go.

我非得去个地方，而且我真的到了。

I had somewhere to fucking go, and I got there.

兄弟，当那些混蛋告诉你现在可以歇歇了，听着。

And, buddy, when motherfuckers tell you you can take a break now, hey.

你搞砸了。

You fucked up.

只要我的膝盖还能勉强撑住，我就得跑。

As long as my knees are halfway work, I got to run.

你跟我说，可能我再也跑不了了？

You're telling me may may maybe a chance I can't run no more?

给我个理由让我别干了，但只要没理由，我就得干下去。

Give me an excuse to fucking not do shit, but as long as I have no excuse, I gotta do it.

但那时候，我其实挺满足的。

But I I was I was happy where I was.

我倾尽所有。

I gave everything.

我把一切都给了真实的自己，所以别人说的那些话，我根本不信。

I gave everything to who I am, and that's why I'm people are I don't believe that.

别信那些话。

Don't don't believe it.

我倾尽所有。

I gave everything.

当你真的拼尽全力了，兄弟，你就不会后悔。

And when you get everything, man, you have no regret.

别人不理解我。

People didn't understand me.

现在的人还是不理解我。

People don't understand me now.

我根本不在乎。

I don't give a fuck.

我清楚自己当时在做什么。

I know exactly what I was doing.

我不是受虐狂。

I'm not a masochist.

我没疯。

I'm not crazy.

我不是什么乱七八糟的人。

I'm not this and that.

总有人想给我贴标签、下定义。

People try to title me and label me.

不，不是那样。

No.

我有非做不可的事。

I had something to fucking do.

当别人问我他为什么做这些事时，我是这么跟他们说的：

Well, the way I describe it to people when people ask me, like, why does he do all these things?

到底是什么呢？

Like, what is it?

他这么做的动力到底是什么？

What is the motivation here?

我说啊，他正在经历一段精神上的旅程，这世上几乎没人走过，因为别人根本不懂你。

I go, he's on a mental journey that very few people have ever been on because the but people don't understand you.

他们要么误解你，要么故意曲解你生活方式的本意。

They or they misunderstand you or they purposely misinterpret the way you're living your life.

你一直在探索自己的内心，这种深度是极少有人能触及的——因为你不断深入那些可怕而黑暗的角落，试图从中挖掘出些什么。

You're trying to understand your mind in a way that very few human beings ever get to understand their mind because you're taking your mind into these terrible dark places all the time and you're trying to pull things out of that.

你希望通过这些经历，更了解自己，发现自己的潜能。

You're trying to learn things about yourself and about your potential from that.

说得太对了。

That's exactly it.

而这正是别人无法理解的地方。

And that's what people don't understand.

我研究黑暗。

I study the darkness.

在光明里，你根本找不到任何答案。

You you find no fucking answers in the light.

一个都没有。

None.

那里太美好了。

It's too happy.

太安逸了，而我们根本没被教会该怎么去幸福地生活。

It's too nice, and and we're not we need to be taught how to live in happiness.

幸福的时刻，其实对我们来说是自然而然的。

Well, that that just comes naturally to us.

快乐的时光是这样，但那些黑暗的时刻，老兄，你不去主动走进去，就永远到不了那里。

Happy moments, but the dark times, man, you can't and you can't get there unless you put yourself there.

生活自然会带你去那里。

Life will take you there.

但当你陷入那些黑暗时刻，人们就会问，你是怎么做到的？我直到高中三年级才学会读写。

But when you get into those dark moments, that's what people that's why people how are you able man, I couldn't fucking read and write till I was a junior in high school.

你是怎么写得出这些东西的？

How are you able to write like this, man?

操，我脑子里去的地方太深了，我专门研究黑暗。

Motherfucker, I go to such places in my mind, and I study the darkness.

这不只是身体上的事。

Like, it's not just physical.

我小时候，看到我妈挨打，我也被打，还是个在全是白人的学校里结巴的小黑孩。有一次上台，要对着十五个人说一句话，就一句，结果我说完就结结巴巴地走下台。

When I was growing up and I saw my mom getting beaten, I got beat, and I was some stuttering little black kid in all white school, and I'm on stage, and I gotta say one line, one fucking line in front of fucking 15 people, and I walk off stage kinda with fucking stutter.

那些不安，那些该死的经历，我回家后常常躲起来哭。

All those insecurities and all those fucking things, man, I used to go home and fucking cry.

天啊，真的。

I'm like, my god, man.

我心理上有问题。

I'm fucked up.

我真是烂透了。

I'm so fucked up.

等等，兄弟，我缓一缓。

I I'm I'm hang on, man.

随着年纪增长，我们真得好好琢磨这些东西。

As I got older, we gotta study this shit, man.

只有深入研究，我们才能熬过去。

The only way we're gonna fucking get through this if we study it.

每当我陷入低谷，生活一团糟，不管是身体上还是心理上，我都会拿起笔和纸，一头扎进去。

So every time I'm in a dark moment and life's fucked up around me, whether it be physical or just life, I get in it, man, with a fucking pen and paper.

我想，好吧。

I'm like, okay.

这真他娘的糟透了。

This fucking sucks.

我感觉自己快崩溃了。

I can feel like I'm fucking losing my shit.

咱们好好研究一下这个。

Let's fucking study this.

咱们从这破事儿里闯出个天才来。

Let's come out of this motherfucker genius.

我开始研究心灵的暗物质，就像那个叫斯蒂芬·霍金的家伙一样。

You know, I started to I studied the the the the black matter of the mind, the dark matter, you know, like fucking Stephen Hawkins.

对，那就是他的名字。

That's that's fucking his name.

我念对了。

I said it right.

那家伙研究的可是宇宙和这些东西。

That motherfucker studied the space and shit.

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得自己就属于这个地方。

That's where I consider myself, man.

你知道吗，我确实就像你说的那样，经历了一段旅程。

You know, I I was on a journey just like you said.

我的天，你这话简直说到点子上了，太多人根本搞错了。

I mean, you you you couldn't have said any better, and so many people get it wrong.

我根本不在乎，兄弟。

I don't give a fuck, man.

对我来说，我真的帮不了别人。

You can't for me, I cannot help people.

这世界上到处都是千篇一律的套路。

There's a there's a lot of cookie cutter shit out here in this world.

哦，自律。

Oh, discipline.

早起。

Wake up early.

冲冷水澡。

Take cold shower.

去他的。

Fuck this.

管他呢。

Fuck that.

随便吧。

Whatever.

这全是胡扯。

It's all fucking bullshit.

不是这样的。

It's not.

但那些标准化的东西从不告诉你，我们的脑子其实就像个乱七八糟的车库。

But what they don't teach you within the cookie cutter is, like, our minds are like a fucking garage.

你要是打开一个车库，里面全是杂乱的东西。

And the garage you if you open a garage, it's all cluttered up.

乱得一塌糊涂。

It's all fucked up.

你根本没法把车开进去。

You can't put your car in there.

里面全是船啊、孩子的玩具啊，乱七八糟的东西到处都是。

You got fucking boats, you got fucking kids toys and shit everywhere.

但如果你把那个车库整理好，每样东西都放回该放的地方，车就能开进去了。

But if you organize that fucking garage and you put everything in its rightful spot, you can pull that car in there.

不仅能停一辆车，连自行车都能放得下。

You can put two cars, you can put bikes in there.

大脑也是同样的道理。

And that's like with the mind.

人们总在谈自律、决心、重复练习，还有这些乱七八糟的坚持。

People talk about discipline and fucking determination and fucking, you know, repetitions and all this shit, consistency.

人们老是半途而废，是因为脑子里塞满了杂念。

Why people fall off the wagon so often is because their mind is full of shit.

这样的脑子里，根本腾不出地方来装自律。

There's no room in that mind for discipline.

心里没空间保持持续性。

There's no room for consistency.

他们可能试一两次，但脑子一接管，那堆乱七八糟的东西就全冒出来了。

They may do it once or twice, but then the mind takes over and that cluttered fucking garage comes in.

这就跟跳闸一样，老兄。

And then it's like a circuit breaker, man.

电路跳闸就是过载了，脑子里也会噼里啪啦地炸开。

A circuit breaker just overloads and it fucking sparks in our minds.

我们的脑子就是这么回事，老兄。

That's that's our mind, man.

它就像个跳闸的电路板。

It's like a fucking circuit breaker.

里面塞了太多乱七八糟的东西。

There's so much shit in it.

你还不断往里塞。

You keep on loading it.

再塞东西进去就真的装不下了。

You can't put any more into it.

所以我一直在说，得把脑子里那些杂七杂八的东西清一清，腾出空间来——因为早起、自律这些事确实重要，可我们就是绕开那个真正拖后腿的东西，就是那个塞满你脑子的垃圾堆。

So I've I talk about it in there, man, so much about clearing space in your fucking mind so that you have room for all those discipline, waking up early, taking those because they they they do mean something, but we don't get to that fucking dark matter that is keeping you from clearing out that mental garage.

这话说得真到位，因为大多数人脑子里都堆满了乱七八糟的事，得先挪开这些才能碰到真正想做的事，而且这些东西还不断往里堆，乱得一塌糊涂。

That's a good way to put it because that is the mind of most people is filled with stuff that they have to move around to get to what they want, and it's constantly piling up and shit unorganized and

脑子得整洁才行。

Organized mind, man.

你想想，我得照顾孩子。

You're looking at fucking I gotta take care of the kids.

孩子的日程全乱套了。

The kids' schedules all fucked up.

我老公，我老婆，你知道的，我还得顺路去麦当劳买点东西，时间紧得要命。

My husband, my my wife, you know, fucking I'm going by McDonald's to get this, and I'm rushing my schedule.

啥都乱七八糟的。

Everything's just fucked.

我真希望我能做这个，

I wish I was doing this,

但我做的却是那个。

but I'm doing that.

就这么回事。

That's it.

还有这个，还有那个。

And that and this.

我想养一个，可就是搞不到。

I wanna raise, but I can't get one.

就这么回事。

That's it.

我管着个混蛋。

I boss an asshole.

那哪里来的卓越呢？

Where's greatness in that,