#2445 - 伯特·克赖舍

我不是说这些爸爸们。

I don't mean these dads.

哦，你是在不同的学区。

Oh, you're in a different school zone.

那就是爸爸们做的事，我总是想，你知道吗？

The that's what dads do, and and I'm always like, you know what?

这正是我谋生的方式。

This is what I do for a living.

我得去把这些家伙干掉。

I gotta go fucking murder these guys.

她总是说：‘哎呀，爸爸。’

She's like, ugh, dad.

我的意思是，你能想象他捏扁啤酒罐然后一口干掉吗？

I mean, can you like him crushing a beer and shotgunning it?

简直像微剂量一样。

Fucking like a microdose.

我们在聊什么？

What are we talking about?

什么？

What

我们要讲什么？

are we telling about?

杰米，

Jamie,

你对不起。

do you sorry.

但在我们开始之前，你刚才在跟我讲一件事。

But right before we get started, you were telling me about something.

REM睡眠

The REM sleep

或者

or

清醒梦与睡眠交流。

lucid dreaming sleep communication.

我得想想我把它放哪儿了。

I gotta figure out how where I put it.

我好像给某人发了私信聊过这个。

I sent a DM to someone about that, I think.

所以在找到它之前，我得先告诉你。

So I gotta tell you before we find that.

有一天，埃迪·布拉沃给我打电话，问我：伯特·克赖舍尔是不是什么都没了，然后又全回来了？

So Eddie Bravo calls me the other day, and he goes, did Bert Kreischer lose everything and then get it back?

我说：什么？

I go, what?

他说：是的。

And he goes, yeah.

这太让人困惑了。

It was so confusing.

他上了香农·夏普的节目，香农问伯特：‘那感觉怎么样？’

He was on Shannon Sharpe show, and Shannon says to Bert, what was it like?

你失去了一切，然后不得不重新建立起来。

You lost everything, and then you had to build it back.

他说，感觉那不像真的。

And he goes, it seemed like it wasn't true.

我说，那确实不是真的。

I go, it's not true.

我问，伯特有没有配合演戏？

And I go, did Bert go along with it?

他说，是的。

He goes, yeah.

我说，什么？

I go, what?

我迫不及待想和

And I couldn't wait to talk to

跟你聊这件事，因为我完全能想象有人跟你讲一个根本没发生过的故事，而你又不想 confrontation，所以就随声附和了。

you about it because I could totally picture someone saying to you some story that totally never happened and you not wanting to be confrontational, so you just go along with it.

是这样吗？

Is that what happened?

百分之百。

A 100%.

百分之百。

A 100%.

这他妈的纯属胡扯。

The fucking bullshit.

你怎么没说那根本没发生过？

How did you not say that never happened?

他

He

只是让我措手不及。

just caught me off guard.

他突然让我措手不及。

He caught

你让我措手不及。

you off guard.

我当时想

I was like

你有没有哪一刻想过，我是不是应该说这根本没发生过？

Did did at any point in time, you say, I should probably say this never happened.

没有？

No?

他说，你在我脑子里什么都没了。

I was like he's like, you lost everything in my head.

我当时想，我真的吗？

I was like, I did?

他说，但他又说你全都赚回来了。

He was like he was like, but you made it all back.

我说，我真的吗？

And I go, I did?

这从哪儿来的？

Where is this coming from?

我也不知道。

I have no idea.

就这样吗？

Is that it?

我就只是嗯了一声。

And I just was like, uh-huh.

嗯。

Uh-huh.

为什么没

Why didn't

你说了

you say

那个？

that?

知道。

Know.

我甚至不记得自己之后说了什么。

I didn't even know what I said after.

他问：‘你是怎么做到的？’

He's like, how did you do it?

我就只是说：‘天啊，我真的不知道，香农。’

And I just was like, man, I was just like, I don't know, Shannon.

我只是集中注意力，真正开始做了。

I just focused and really started.

我真的完全不知道。

Like, I have no fucking clue.

我不该被允许使用麦克风说话。

I should not be allowed to talk on microphones.

说实话，我根本不知道自己后来说了什么，但我猜他可能在笔记里记下了。

I literally was like, I don't know what I said even after it, to be honest with you, but I was like, I guess he has it in his notes.

所以我就说，是的。

So I was like, yeah.

所以肯定有人搜了伯特·克雷舍尔。

So someone must have googled the Burt Kreischer.

可能是某个Reddit帖子。

Was probably some Reddit thread.

伯特·克雷舍尔什么都没了。

Burt Kreischer lost everything.

我想是吧。

I guess.

而且你知道，网上关于你的故事比真实情况多得多。

And like, you know, the stories about you online are are more prevalent than the true ones.

所以你就想，大概那就是他听到的吧。

So you just go, I guess that's what he heard.

你就这么接受了？

And you just went with it?

我不知道。

I don't know.

这么做太奇怪了。

I don't That's so weird to do.

我当时根本没想清楚，脑子里一直在琢磨。

I was I had no I I was like in my head, I was like trying to think.

也许他指的是，你知道的，我刚入行的时候有过一些开发协议。

Maybe he was talking about, like, you know, I had development deals when I got into the business.

是的。

Yeah.

但你并没有失去它们。

But you didn't lose them.

他们给了你钱。

They gave you money.

不。

No.

不。

No.

不。

No.

但从未变成一档节目。

Just never became a show.

但然后没有。

But then no.

但我是说，也许我当时在想，也许他觉得，你知道，我刚入行时有很多开发协议，但之后几年没有，而是去巡演了。

But I'm saying, like, maybe I was in my head, was like, maybe he's thinking that, like, you know, I had a lot of development deals early, and then I didn't for a few years, and I worked the road.

也许那就是他在说的，然后我又回来了。

And maybe that's what he was saying, and then I made I'm back.

我不知道。

I don't know.

我当时就想

I was like

但即使你跑巡演的时候，你后来还是有了旅行频道的节目。

But even when you worked the road, you worked the road, then you had the travel channel show.

根本不存在一个合理的时期。

There was no period where it made sense.

顺便说一句，那档该死的节目里，我最不关心的就是这个。

By the way, that is the least of my fish to fry on that fucking show.

我惹了大麻烦。

I got in so much trouble.

那个节目，你发的每一个片段都会走红。

That that show, every clip you do goes viral.

每当我做完那些事，我就觉得，好久没这么过了。

Every I just I'm like, I I I was as when I got done that, I haven't felt this in a long time.

我当时就想，哇。

I was like I was like, wow.

我当时想，这期播出后，我肯定会收到很多短信。

I was like, I think I'm gonna get a lot of text when this airs.

嗯，看起来他就是想要这样。

Well, it seems like he wants that.

对吧？

Right?

他请了很多人上节目，个个都爱说些废话。

He's got a lot of people on the show that talk a lot of shit.

很多人，比如卡特·威廉姆斯，那期节目简直太棒了。

A lot of people like, Cat Williams famously, was that that episode was fucking amazing.

我们确实聊过这个。

And we talked about that.

他把所有人都狠狠批评了一顿，包括我。

Went in on everybody, including me.

所以我才请他来上我的播客。

That's why I got him on the podcast.

他说，乔·罗根不会让我上节目。

He said, Joe Rogan won't have me on.

他脑子里想的都是那些搞笑的混蛋。

Has the same funny I'm thinking motherfuckers.

一点都不好笑。

Unfunny.

是的。

Yeah.

还是那七个无聊的混蛋。

Same seven unfunny motherfuckers.

我当时就想，天啊，我超喜欢卡特·威廉姆斯。

I was like, dude, I love Cat Williams.

你在说什么呢？

What are you talking about?

他最棒了。

He's the best.

我说，你根本没见过他。

I'm like, you never met him.

是的。

Yeah.

我以前从来没见过他。

I had never met him before.

我的意思是，不是我不让他上节目。

It's like, it wasn't that I wouldn't have him on.

我的意思是，我根本不知道他想上节目。

It's like, I didn't even know he wanted to come on.

我本来会让他上节目的。

I would've had him on.

那次采访是

That interview was

和他一起的，太精彩了。

with him was epic.

太棒了，而且很准确。

Amazing and accurate.

关于他的吹牛，关键是他没撒谎。

The thing about his shit talk is it's not it's he's not lying.

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

我的意思是，当我出来的时候，我想的是，这么说可能有点不敬，但莱斯·香农更像是个制作人，因为他手里有牌。

It's it's you know, it's when I got out, I was like, it's I don't I don't mean this with disrespect, but it's Les Shannon, think, more as producers because he's got cards.

所以我觉得制作人会想，哪个片段会火？

So I think the producers are like, what what clip's gonna pop?

我觉得他们会去网上看看。

I think they go online.

对。

Right.

他们试图寻找有争议的话题。

They try to find controversial subjects.

比如，我跟你说过，他提到了一个。

Like, brought up I told you he brought up one.

他说：‘伯特，你觉得凯文·哈特只是运气好吗？’

He's like, Bert, you think Kevin Hart's just lucky?

我当时想：‘哦。’

And I was like, oh.

我说：‘我十二年前就这么说了。’

I was like, I said that fucking twelve years ago.

那一切就是那样，仅此而已。

And it was just it was all it was.

我知道我也不算错，但事情就是如此，乔。

And I know I'm I'm even but it was this is what it was, Joe.

那时候，我们都没赚钱，你没有，但那些年轻公司却赚得盆满钵满。

It's like at a time when I we won't none of us were making money, not you, but, like, the younger companies make money.

你在线上，看着凯文，你知道凯文知道我很喜欢他。

And you're online, you watch Kevin, and you know Kevin knows I love him.

但凯文说，我是最拼命的混蛋。

But Kevin's like, I'm the hardest working motherfucker.

我是最拼命的。

I'm the hardest working.

我心里想，我们都一样拼命。

And in my head, was like, we're all working hard.

很多人的处境是，你知道的，只是在等一个机会好走到台前。

Like, I but a lot of people, you know, were just, you know, waiting for a moment to to to get in front of people.

然后我就想，我的经纪人很随意地跟我说，你知道，凯文应该提一提他有多幸运。

And then I was like and then I had an agent very casually, like, mine, but at a thing goes, you know, Kevin should mention how lucky he got.

我说，你什么意思？

I said, what do mean?

他说，你知道傻瓜金矿吧。

He's like, you know about fool's gold.

对吧？

Right?

我当时想，不是这样的。

I was like, no.

他说，那正是凯文和凯特之间的矛盾：凯特是不是在行李里藏了枪，想去射杀那些假金矿的人，结果被扣下了。

He's like, well, that's the beef between Kevin and Kat Is Kat packed a gun in his luggage to go shoot fools gold, and he got detained.

他们当时在拍摄，就说：我们需要一个身材矮小的黑人来穿这些衣服。

And they were in production, and they're like, we need we need someone small and black to fit these clothes.

我们已经为他准备好了衣服。

We already got clothes for him.

是的。

Yeah.

然后他说：找凯文·哈特。

And he's like, get Kevin Hart.

这就是我想让凯文讲的故事，因为作为喜剧演员，你多少能理解这种事。

And that was the story I wanted Kevin to tell because that as a comic, you can kind of put your head around that.

而且我，顺便说一句，我在香农节目上没解释清楚，因为你知道的，我纯粹是在胡说八道。

And I've and I and by the way, I did not do a good job of explaining it on Shannon show because it's like, you know, I'm a fucking talk out of my ass.

但每个喜剧演员都经历过那种让他们一炮而红的时刻。

But like every comic has had these like moments that skyrocket them.

对吧？

Right?

这些关键时刻，没错。

These moments Right.

突然爆红。

That pop.

我经历过这些，现在你应该能明白了。

And and I went through it, and I think you'll understand it now.

但对我来说，就是‘机器’这个故事走红了。

But for me, it was the Machine story going viral.

对比比尔·伯尔，就是他在费城的那段 Ramp。

For for Bill Burr, it's the Philly ramp.

对于比尔来说，那个费城斜坡直接把他推到了下一个层次。

With Bill, that Philly ramp just put him in the next level.

吉姆·杰弗里斯在伦敦的喜剧俱乐部被打了脑袋。

Jim Jefferies, he gets punched in the head at the comedy seller or comedy store in London.

他的经理恰好是个懂互联网的人，布雷特·文森特，在MySpace上发布了视频，结果爆红了。

His manager happens to be a guy that knows the Internet, Brett Vincent, posted on MySpace goes viral.

每个走红的喜剧演员都有这样的时刻，汤姆在跟汤姆说这事时，他说：‘对，就是我，奈飞。’

Every comic that pops always has that Tom, as was telling this to Tom, he goes, yeah, was me, Netflix.

他当时说：‘汤姆上了奈飞。’

He was like, Tom got on Netflix.

我的意思是，我甚至都没意识到这一点。

I mean, I didn't even realize this.

汤姆跟我提过这事。

Tom said it to me.

他上奈飞的时候，平台上只有两个喜剧演员：比尔·伯尔和汤姆·塞古拉。

He got on Netflix when there were two comics on Netflix, Bill Burr and Tom Segura.

比尔推出他的专场时会说：你喜欢比尔·伯尔吗？

Bill puts his special out there like, did you like Bill Burr?

你可能会喜欢汤姆·塞古拉。

You might like Tom Segura.

汤姆说：如果喜剧中心买了我的专场，我就完蛋了。

And Tom's like, if Comedy Central had bought my hour, I would have been fucked.

但我把它卖给了一个小型流媒体平台Netflix，而他们当时唯一的另一个艺人就是比尔·伯尔。

But instead, I sold it to this small streamer Netflix, and the only other one they had was Bill Burr.

所以作为喜剧演员，我们有时会想，你知道我有多相信运气，当你听到别人的运气时，你会觉得：天啊，这种巧合也太离谱了。

And so as comics, think sometimes, and you know how much I believe in luck, it's so it's easier to hear about someone's luck where you go, oh, that is crazy, that happenstance.

我们之前也说过你，我知道你可能不太同意，但我觉得发生在你身上最好的事，就是被赶出喜剧俱乐部。

I mean, we've said it about you, and I know you you probably disagree maybe to a certain descent, but you're I thought I think the greatest thing that ever happened to you was that getting kicked out of the comedy store.

那段你必须重新审视自己的时光，你创造了如今的一切——我没法说得比你更好，但作为喜剧演员，我们都看着你重塑自我、重新定义自己，打造出属于你自己的独特品牌，并创造了这个改变了我们所有人生活的播客。

That that period of time where you had to reevaluate yourself and you created this what you have and you I mean, you would speak to it better than I could, but I think as comics we look at you reinventing yourself and reimagining yourself and making it your own fucking entity and creating this podcast which has changed all of our lives.

那个时刻一定很难熬——失去经纪人、被赶出喜剧俱乐部，还要重新摸索出路，但我们都站在了你这边。

That moment, and it must have been tough to lose your agent, get kicked out of the comedy store, and have to figure things out that we all got everyone got behind you.

大家都说，那就是我的人。

Everyone was like, that's my guy.

我的意思是，我很想知道你对这件事的感受。

I mean, I'm curious what your feelings about that are.

好的。

Okay.

如果你的新年决心是彻底改变，做个全新的人，祝你好运。

If your New Year's resolution was change everything and be a new person, good luck.

所以别再假装你会永远准备羽衣甘蓝餐，或者每天早上泡冷水浴了，这里有一个真正现实的建议：AG one。

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每天早上在冷水中加入一勺，就能轻松开始一天。

Just one scoop in cold water each morning, and you're off.

它含有超过75种维生素、矿物质、益生菌和全食物成分。

It's got over 75 vitamins, minerals, probiotics, and whole food ingredients in there.

所以，与其猜测自己是否需要益生菌或益生元，或者翻来覆去地挑十种不同的药瓶和粉末，你只需一勺，就能轻松开始一天。

So instead of guessing whether you need a probiotic or a prebiotic or sorting through 10 different bottles of pills and powders, you can just do one scoop and get on with your day.

这很棒，因为感觉像是成年人该做的事，但这次真的特别简单。

It's great because it feels like the grown up move, but for once, it's actually really easy.

花不了三十秒，你就能感受到那种稳定的状态，为全天打下基础。

It takes, like, thirty seconds, and you'll notice the steadiness that sets you up for the day.

不会亢奋过度，也不会突然崩溃，就是一种正常人该有的能量状态。

Not wired, not crashing, just functional human being energy.

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我的意思是，

I mean,

确实产生了影响。

certainly had an impact.

你知道的？

You know?

那也是Mencia的视频，人们能清楚地看到我是对的。

It was also the Mencia video where people could clearly see that I was right.

是的。

Yes.

然后我们所有人都是受害者。

And then we were all a victim.

就像，我们都躲在商店里。

Like, we were all hiding at the store.

比如，当他上台，或者你在台上时，如果他在后台，他们会闪灯提醒你他进来了。

Like, when he would go on stage or he would be in the back of the room if you were on stage, they would flash the light to let you know that he was in the room.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你知道这有多疯狂吗？居然有个家伙偷了这么多东西，以至于每当有喜剧演员上台时，他们就得打个灯提醒，然后喜剧演员们就开始做互动环节。

You know how crazy that is that there's a guy around that steals so much that they have to flash a light whenever a comic's on stage, and then comics would just start doing crowd work.

是的。

Yeah.

这太疯狂了，老兄。

It was That's insane, man.

确实很疯狂。

It was crazy.

所以所有喜剧演员都知道我说的是实话，而且这种说法被一个已经成功的人所遭遇的后果所证实。

So all the comics knew that what I was saying was the truth, and it was proved by, like, the consequences of someone who was already successful.

对吧？

Right?

当时我已经在《恐吓因子》节目上了。

So I was already on Fear Factor at the time.

我已经是个知名人物了，但我却失去了经纪人，还被赶出了那个场所。

I was already a known person, and I lost my agent, and I got kicked out of the store.

就像那个视频，那个视频和费城的那段 rant 很像。

Like That video that video was akin to the Philly rant.

吉姆·杰菲里斯被踢出舞台的那一刻，对你来说就是那个爆红瞬间，对吧？

Jim Jefferies getting punt is that viral moment for you, which

红带剪辑得也非常出色，因为他是个很棒的剪辑师。

It was also how well Red Band put it together too because he's such a good editor.

他

He's

太出色了。

so brilliant.

那简直像音乐一样。

It was music.

他回到了过去。

He went back in time.

他花了很多时间精心打磨那个片段。

He, like, you know, like, he spent a lot of time working on that.

这是一件艺术品。

It was a work of art.

但这是第一次有人为此负责，你知道，我们不必点名，但我们都认识一些人，他们溜了过去，至今仍保有事业，尽管影响力大不如前。

But it was, you know, it was the first time that someone was held accountable because, you know, we don't have to name names, but we all know people who snuck through and still kind of have careers, although greatly diminished impact.

因为当他们现在登台时，人们因为他们的名气而兴奋，但这种兴奋感立刻就消失了。

Because, like, when they go on stage now, people are excited to see them because they're famous, and then that immediately goes away

是的。

Yeah.

当你意识到他们根本 nothing 可以拿出来的时候。

When you realize there's nothing there.

他们没有素材了，因为他们现在必须为自己写内容。

They have no material because they have to write for themselves now.

是的。

Yeah.

你会看到巨大的下滑。

You see a giant drop off.

你看到他们早期的特别节目，笑话特别棒，非常搞笑，但后来你看到的却是这种胡言乱语？

You see the early specials with, like, great jokes and really funny, and then you see, like, what is this nonsense?

到了后期，就只剩下一些奇怪的、毫无逻辑的疯言疯语。

Towards the end, it's just, like, weird fucking, like, nonsensical rantsome thing.

看这些真的觉得很诡异。

It's bizarre to watch.

但当你被曝光后，不得不靠自己创作时，就会变成这样。

But that's what happens when you get exposed and you have to do your own shit.

外面还漂着几个这样的人。

And there's a few of those guys floating around out there.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

这很疯狂，因为有一件事

It's crazy because the one thing

你想来支雪茄吗？

You want a cigar?

我不能抽雪茄。

I can't smoke cigars.

真的吗？

Really?

发生什么事了？

What happened?

血栓。

Blood clot.

哦，对了。

Oh, that's right.

是的。

Yeah.

我不该抽雪茄。

The I'm not supposed to smoke cigars.

我的意思是，我可以给我的心脏病专家发个短信，问问他的意见。

I mean, I could text my cardiologist and see what he says.

我听说抽雪茄对身体有好处。

I heard cigars good for you.

我听说雪茄这事儿。

I heard that cigar.

他们说曾经给泰迪·罗斯福送过雪茄。

I they gave them to to Teddy Roosevelt.

是的。

Yeah.

看看他后来怎么样了。

Look what happened to him.

你知道吗，我可以抽一根雪茄。

You know, I can have one cigar.

如果你非要在里面抽一根的话，

If you're gonna smoke one in here,

我的意思是，是的。

mean, yeah.

该死的狗。

Fucking dog.

来吧，孩子。

Come on, son.

你到底在干什么？

Just What are doing?

就像以前老式罗根那样，我每次吸大麻时，你都得把镜头从我身上移开。

Just do it like old school Rogan where I anytime I smoked weed, you had to pull the camera away from me.

因为你是在旅行频道吗？

Because you're on a travel channel?

是的。

Yeah.

我的意思是，我们每个人都会有那么一些时刻，但这些时刻积累起来就成了问题。

I mean, we all have a a moment where things but it's like an accumulation of those moments.

对吧？

Right?

你知道那是什么吗？

It's it's it's you know what it is?

就是你会有那么一刻。

It's like you get that moment.

比如我拿伯尔举例，因为我和他专门谈过这个。

Like, I'll use Burr as an example because, you know, only because I've talked to him about this specifically.

嗯。

Mhmm.

但他其实并不喜欢费城的Ramp，因为一上来，大家都觉得，哦，那是他的招牌。

But, like, he he didn't love the Philly Ramp because right away, everyone thought, oh, that's his thing.

我们会起哄他，看他崩溃。

We're gonna we're gonna heckle him, and we'll he'll go lose his shit.

所以他并不喜欢。

So he didn't love it.

但关键是，这件事会走红，然后你就去搜索这个人。

But the thing is that that goes viral, and then you Google that person.

你会想，这人是谁？

You're like, who is this?

嗯。

Mhmm.

然后你看到他无可否认的作品集，就会想，哦，比尔·伯尔真是我的菜。

And then you see a body of work that's undeniable, and you're like, oh, Bill Burr's my guy.

你知道的。

You know?

至于谢恩，依我看来，就是他做的那个YouTube特别节目。

For for for Shane, I'm I mean, in my opinion, it's it's that YouTube special he did.

然后你就会看到吉莉安·凯弗斯。

And then you see Gillian Keves.

你看到他所有的短剧。

You see all his sketches.

也是因为他被《周六夜现场》开除了。

It was also him getting kicked off by SNL.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

对。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

他被

Him getting

开除了。

kicked off.

《周六夜现场》当时非常火。

SNL was huge.

是的。

Yeah.

那是

It was

对他来说最好的事情。

the best thing that ever happened to him.

如果他留在《周六夜现场》，他会被埋没在那个节目里，就像很多人一样。

If he was on SNL, he got buried on that show like a lot of people.

但相反，他被开除了。

But instead, he gets kicked off.

很多人对他很生气，然后他们就会想，他到底说了什么？

A bunch of people are mad at him, and then they're like, well, what did he actually say?

然后人们开始调查，发现，哦，他只是在开玩笑。

And then people start looking into it, they go, oh, he was just fucking around.

他当时在唐人街假装是个种族主义者。

He was pretending to be a racist guy in Chinatown.

是的。

Yeah.

那就是那个段子。

That was the bit.

就像，他只是在播客里瞎扯，然后他发布了那个特别节目，你就会说，哦，他其实是个很棒的喜剧演员。

Like, he was just they were just talking shit on a podcast, and then he releases that special, and you go, oh, he's actually a great comic.

他就是个普通人。

He's a dude.

他是个特殊奥林匹克的笑话。

He's a Special Olympics joke.

他有太多好笑的段子了。

He's got so many good jokes.

他的特殊奥林匹克笑话，有一次我们在公交车上，我表弟安德鲁说：有人知道谢恩·吉利斯吗？

His Special Olympics jokes, we were in the bus one time, and my cousin Andrew goes, has anyone know Shane Gillis?

我认识谢恩很久了。

And I I've known Shane for a while.

我有一堆他以前刚去开放麦演出时发给我的疯狂邮件。

I've I've hysterical emails that he sent me back when he was, like, just like an open mic or whatever.

嗯，是的。

Uh-huh.

比如他会发消息说：嘿，老兄。

Like, going, like, hey, man.

我觉得我们当时真的产生了共鸣。

I feel like we connected.

他们太棒了，乔。

They're the greatest, Joe.

如果他知道我打算拿这些邮件在乔的节目里读，他肯定会……我真该找个人问：我能读一下你的邮件吗？

He if he knew that I was he'd be I should face someone and go, Can I read your emails on on Joe?

他肯定会疯掉的。

He'd fucking lose his shit.

这些邮件真的太搞笑了，乔。

They're so fucking hysterical, Joe.

我会把它们发给安迪，于是我说，是的。

I'll send them to And so I go, yeah.

我爱谢恩。

I love Shane.

我从见到谢恩的那天起就爱他了。

I love Shane the day I met him.

他说，他就像，是的。

He goes he's like, yeah.

我本该和我女朋友出去。

I'm supposed to go out with my girlfriend.

对吧？

Right?

但我当时心想，可那是早上十点。

And I was like but it was like ten in the morning.

我们在喝火球威士忌，他却说

We were drinking fireball, and he was like

早上十点？

Ten in the morning?

是的。

Yeah.

我们在做一种我以前叫‘带病上班’的节目，我们会去

We're doing a I used call and sick to work shows where we go to

早上十点喝火球？

the fireball at 10AM?

他说，他就是这么说的。

He's like, that's what he said.

他说，我正在和我女朋友说话。

He's like, I'm talking to my girlfriend.

我问，你女朋友叫什么名字？

I said, what's girlfriend's name?

他说，大金枪鱼。

He goes, Big Tuna.

我说：‘Big Tuna？’

And I went, Big Tuna?

他说：‘她是个大个子姑娘。’

He goes, she's big girl.

我当时就说：‘是的。’

And I was like, yeah.

我以为这个名字叫Shane。

Figured for the name, Shane.

从那天起，我就一直这么叫他，但那次特别搞笑，我们坐巴士时听他说话。

And then I fucking I've that from that day on, but that special Olympic jokes when he we listened to him the bus.

他说：‘你觉得怎么样？’

He's like, what do think?

我们要不要和他们比一比？

Should we race them?

我的天，我们笑得都快哭了。

I mean, it we were crying fucking laughing.

这简直是我听过最棒的笑话之一。

That's like one of my favorite jokes I've fucking ever heard.

他有很多

He's got a lot

出色的段子，但那个在溪边洞穴里的特别精彩。

of great bits, but that especially did at the creek in the cave.

那是人们必须亲眼看到的场面。

That was like people got to see.

他们说：哦，原来如此。

They're like, oh, okay.

好吧，这就是他的风格。

Well, this is what he does.

他触及了那根第三根线。

He he touches on that third wire.

是的。

Yeah.

你知道，其实是第三轨，而且这事儿挺搞笑的。

You know, the third rail rather, and it's like, you know, it's funny.

真的特别好笑。

It's really funny.

他们试图把他标签化为周六夜现场聘用的一个可怕种族主义者。

And they were trying to label him as this horrible racist that Saturday Night Live hired.

但说实话，依我来看，完全不是这么回事。

But, you know Anything but, from my opinion.

但

But

但这种事情确实会发生，老兄。

That but that happens, man.

你总会，你知道的，总会遭到攻击。

You're you're gonna, you know, you're gonna get attacked.

总会有这么点事儿。

There's always something.

在当今这个时代，喜剧演员说的每一句话都可能让人生气，总会有那么一点内容引发争议。

There's always something that a comic says where someone's gonna get mad, especially in this day and age.

人们总是想找点事情来生气，但几乎每次这种事反而对他们有帮助。

People are just looking for things to get mad, but almost always, it helps them.

如果是个优秀的喜剧演员，几乎总是如此。

If they're a good comic, almost always.

比如托尼·欣奇利夫，这件事让他一夜爆红。

Like Tony Hinchcliffe, it blew him up.

几乎每次一出事，你就会被攻击，人们就开始关注你。

Like, almost always when something happens, you get attacked, people start looking at you.

结果发现这人其实特别搞笑，然后他们就成了粉丝。

Actually, this guy's really funny, and then they become a fan.

是的。

Yeah.

因为你一下子获得了更多的关注。

Because you're just getting so many more eyeballs.

那些想要讨厌你的人，不管你做什么他们都会讨厌你，但也会有一大群人感到困惑：这到底发生了什么？

The people that are looking to hate you, they're gonna hate you no matter what, but there's gonna be a bunch of people that are all like, what's going on?

然后他们会去深入了解。

And then they look into it.

我的情况在疫情期间就发生过。

I mean, that happened to me during COVID.

我在一个月内涨了两百万粉丝。

I gained 2,000,000 followers in, like, a month.

一个月内在Spotify上获得了两百万粉丝，当时他们正试图把我从Spotify上移除，因为所有这些音乐艺人称我是反疫苗者，撤下他们的播客和音乐，比如尼尔·杨，还有乔尼·米切尔吗？

2,000,000 followers on on Spotify in a month when they were trying to pull me off Spotify when all, like, all these music artists were calling me a vaccine denier and removing their podcast, removing their music, like when Neil Young and was it Joni Mitchell?

是的。

Yeah.

乔尼·米切尔，他们公开把他们的音乐从Spotify上移除了，就因为我的播客。

Joni Mitchell, they they publicly removed their pot their their music from Spotify because of my podcast.

他们现在回来了吗？

Just make are they back?

是的。

Yeah.

我不知道乔尼·米切尔是不是，但尼尔·杨确实是。

I don't know if Joni Mitchell is, but, yeah, Neil Young is.

我甚至觉得尼尔·杨根本没拥有自己的音乐，这挺讽刺的。

I don't even think Neil Young actually owned his music, which was funny.

我觉得这纯粹是个策略。

I think it was just like a ploy.

我的意思是，我觉得他很可能真相信自己说的那些话。

I mean, it's like, I think he probably believed a lot of things he was saying.

他只是被误导了。

He was just misinformed.

他根本没意识到，我实际上是在和那些后来被证明是正确的真正科学家对话。

He just didn't understand that I was actually talking to people that were legitimate scientists that turned out they were right now.

现在我们知道了。

Now we know.

是的。

Yeah.

但那时候，人们对这件事有一种狂热，许多原本持怀疑态度的人也开始关注。

But back then, it was like there was this hysteria about it, and a lot of people that were very skeptical started tuning in.

然后整个该死的CNN事件，他们把我弄成绿色，所有那些乱七八糟的事，反而帮了忙。

And then the whole fucking CNN thing when they turned me green, like, all that shit, it just that helped.

我不知道我能不能做到，我不擅长。

I don't know if I could've like, I'm not good.

人们总是说，你知道的，如果他们在谈论你，那就是好事。

The people always go, you know, if they're talking about you, it's good.

所有媒体曝光都是好的曝光，但每次有负面消息出来，都会让我崩溃。

All press is good press, and I but anytime anything negative comes out about me, it fucking devastates me.

我不喜欢，我无法经历你所经历的那些事。

I don't like, I could not have gone through what you went through.

我只是不看那些东西。

You just don't I just don't read it.

如果你不看，那就没事。

If you don't read it, you're fine.

我是说，你怎么做到的呢？

Like, how

因为你总是在我的新闻推送里出现。

do you because, like, you come up in my newsfeed all the time.

嗯。

Uh-huh.

而且，我真的特别蠢，每次在谷歌新闻里刷到自己的名字，我就会想：哦，这是什么？

And and, like and I I'm I'm such a fucking idiot that if I'm scrolling through Google News and I see my name, I go, oh, what's that?

然后我就想：该死。

And then I'm like, goddamn it.

你不能这样。

You can't do that.

上次我参加这个节目时，是最棒的经历，《灰暗》和《幸运》都排在了Netflix第一。

Last time I did this show, greatest experience, Grey Hang, Lucky streaming number one on Netflix.

我太他娘的开心了。

I'm so fucking happy.

我躺在床上想，这大个子的日子真不错。

I'm in my bed going, things are going good for the big guy.

在谷歌新闻上刷到，图片里是我和你。

Hit on Google News, and it's like picture of me and you.

我当时想，伯特·克雷舍尔和乔·罗根，结果他们说伯特·克雷舍尔毁了乔·罗根的播客。

I was like, Burt Kreischer, Joe Rogan, and they're like, Burt Kreischer ruins the Joe Rogan podcast.

我心想，操。

I'm like, motherfucker.

那是个综合格斗记者，我当时想，等等。

And it was an MMA fucking journalist, and I was like, wait.

为什么啊，真是的。

Why goddamn it.

我当时想，唉。

I was like, ugh.

然后你看到了，心想：嗯，也没那么糟吧。

And then and then you see it, and you're like, well, it can't be that bad.

我要读一读。

I'm gonna read it.

他们说：天啊。

And they're like, oh my god.

但后来，我女儿佐治亚对我说了一些非常深刻的话。

But then my daughter, Georgia, said something very profound to me.

她问：你为什么允许这样？

She was like, why would you allow that?

我敢肯定，那个家伙在这一集播出后还是会写同样的文章。

I'm sure that guy will write that same article after this episode.

她说：我敢肯定他会的。

She goes, I'm sure he will.

我觉得那家伙还搞了个该死的橄榄球动态。

I think the guy also has a fucking football feed.

他说我毁了一切，每次我做点什么，总有人说是伯克·克莱斯勒毁了它，而我是唯一一个读它的人。

He said I ruined the every anytime I do something, there's someone that says Burk Chrysler ruined it, and I'm the only one that reads it.

我女儿佐治亚直接看着我说：‘你和乔在一起玩得开心吗？’

And my daughter Georgia goes literally looked at me and goes, did you have fun with Joe?

我说：是的。

I went, yeah.

玩得特别开心。

Had a blast.

和乔在一起我很享受。

I love being around Joe.

她说：那管他呢。

She was like, then fuck it.

她说：你的体验才是最重要的。

She goes, your experience is the one that matters the most.

她说：你为什么要让别人来定义你对一件事的记忆？

She goes, what why would you allow someone to dictate your memory of an event?

我当时就想，天啊，谁把你养大的？

And I was like, oh, who the fuck raised you?

我当时说，我不知道。

I was like, I don't know.

你当时一直在路上。

Well, you were on the road.

她可能是自己养自己的。

She probably raised herself.

这就是她这么睿智的原因。

That's why she's so wise.

她不得不形成自己的观点。

She had to form her own opinions.

看书吗？

Read books?

是的。

Yeah.

她不得不真正形成自己的观点，并理性地思考问题，尤其是有个像你这样的父亲。

She had to actually form her own opinions and think about things rationally, having a father like you.

是的。

Yeah.

你无法集中注意力，因为绝大多数人过着悲惨的生活。

You can't you can't pay attention because the the vast majority of people live miserable lives.

这是梭罗的名言。

That's Thoreau's quote.

大多数人过着安静而绝望的生活。

Most men live lives of quiet desperation.

有很多人非常悲伤、非常不快乐，总想制造一些负面的东西。

There's a lot of people out there that are very, very sad, very unhappy, and looking to make something negative.

他们总是想当批评者，这没什么问题。

They're always looking to be a critic, which is fine.

你知道，这是他们的权利，但你没必要去读那些东西。

You know, that's their prerogative, but it's not you don't have to read it.

嗯，我现在已经到了这样的地步，就是把谷歌新闻都删了。

Well, it's I I'm at the place now like, took Google News.

我把我手机上所有的谷歌内容都删了，因为剧集首播时，我不想看到好评或差评。

I took all Google and everything off my phone because I the series premiered, and I didn't wanna get good or bad.

我当时就想：挺好。

I was like Good.

因为你根本没法量化什么是好。

Because you can't you can't quantify the good.

如果你要听好评，你就得同时听差评。

Like like, if you're gonna if you're gonna listen to the good, you gotta listen to the bad.

我不想听差评，所以我只想听好评。

And I was like, well, I don't wanna hear the bad, so I just wanna hear the good.

我和杰米在外面聊过这个事，但你有个社交媒体团队，他们一直在发你的点赞和好评。

And then and then we were Jamie and I were talking about this outside, but, like, you have a social media team who's posting, like, like, like, your your your claps.

他们发的都是那些正面的报道。

Like, they're posting, like, the nice articles.

我就说，别发那个了，因为我觉得，干脆别管它。

And I'm like, don't even post that because, like, I don't even like, just stay out of it.

就让喜欢的人去喜欢吧。

Just let if people like it, let them like it.

如果不喜欢，人们本来就有自己的看法。

If they don't people have their own opinions.

这才是最好的做法。

That's the best move.

我没有人帮我做这种事。

I don't have anybody that does that.

我没有那种人。

I don't have any

那种事。

of that.

你在Instagram上会自己发所有内容吗？

Do you post all your own stuff on Instagram?

在Instagram上，如果我发帖，那都是我自己的内容。

On Instagram, if I post it, it's from me.

真的吗？

Really?

是的。

Yeah.

一直都是。

Always.

是的。

Yeah.

还有一个叫《乔·罗根体验》的账号，是由团队运营的，但那只是播客的片段。

And then there's the Joe Rogan experience page that the staff does, but that is just a clip from the podcast.

他们会截取一段有人说了有趣的话的片段。

They take an interesting clip where someone says something.

这些片段发布时没有任何上下文。

It's put up with no context.

它只是写着，你知道的，第几集什么的。

It just says, you know, episode blah blah blah.

就这些。

That's it.

我尽量做得自然、中立一些。

I try to do it as, like, natural and neutral.

你喜欢。

You like it.

你不喜欢。

You don't like it.

如果你不喜欢，就别听下一集了。

If you don't like it, don't listen to the next one.

没关系。

It's okay.

所以等等。

So wait.

你发帖的动机是什么？

What what is your what is the impetus for you to post something?

也就是说，你在什么情况下决定分享你的生活？

Like like, when at what point do you decide to share your life?

我觉得，如果有什么东西我觉得别人会感兴趣，或者如果别人发在动态里我会想看，我就会发出来。

Well, I just feel like if there's something I think someone will think is interesting or something that I would like to see if someone puts it on their feed, I'll put it in there.

我偶尔会发，但并不经常发。

Every now but I don't post that much.

你不发吗？

You don't?

因为我看的也不多。

Because I don't read that much.

我尽量不刷。

I stay off.

我不是觉得

Don't I think

这对你有好处。

it's good for you.

我觉得这

I think it's

我不但不觉得这对你有好处，反而认为这对你有害。

not only do I not think it's good for you, I think it's genuinely bad for you.

它妨碍了我其他喜欢做的事情。

And it gets in the way of all the other stuff that I like to do.

你知道的，我忙得很。

You know, I'm busy, man.

我很忙。

I'm busy.

世界上有很多有趣的事情值得关注。

There's a lot of interesting shit to pay attention to in the world.

我不是那种喜欢被人关注的人，你知道的，我不喜欢别人读我、看我，也不想上网看到太多车祸、枪击和动物袭击的新闻。

I'm not one of those I don't like paying attention to me, you know, and reading me or and I don't wanna, like, go online and see too many car crashes and people getting shot and animal attacks.

我想我和汤米有着最糟糕的短信聊天记录。

I guess Tommy and I have the worst fucking text message chain.

他和我整天都在互发消息，只要他看到什么特别恐怖的东西，比如有人被卡车碾过，就会发给我，然后我也会发给他。

Him and I all day, whenever he finds something, like, unbelievably horrific, some guy getting run over by a truck, he'll just send it to me, and then I'll send it to him.

我们总想比对方更胜一筹。

And we're always trying to one up each other.

所以每当我发现什么特别可怕的东西，有人对我说了什么特别可怕的话，我都会发给他。

So when I find something absolutely horrible, someone says me something absolutely horrible, I sent to him.

而这就是我线上主要的创伤来源——我的汤姆·塞格拉短信聊天记录。

And then we just that's like my main source of, like, trauma online is my Tom Segura text message chain.

但除此之外，我基本不上网。

But other than that, I pretty much stay off.

我觉得这对你没好处，而我感觉好多了。

I don't think it's good for you, and I I feel way better.

我几个月前就开始这样做了。

I started doing it a few months ago.