#2446 - 格雷格·菲茨西蒙斯

你知道，那时候有合法的赌博，合法的毒品交易。

You know, there was fucking legal gambling, legal drug dealing.

不。

No.

没人被碰过。

Nobody got touched.

是的。

Yep.

是的。

Yep.

是的。

Yeah.

他们一直都在这么做。

They've always done that.

我的意思是，这就是他们在拉斯维加斯操控黑帮的方式。

I mean, that's how they ran the mob in Vegas.

是的。

Yeah.

黑手党和警察一起经营着拉斯维加斯。

The mob ran Vegas with the cops.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

我们刚才在外面就聊到这个。

We're just talking about that outside.

比如，为什么只有拉斯维加斯和大西洋城被允许？我不知道自己干嘛问这么蠢的问题。

Like, why was Vegas in Atlantic City the only places allowed I don't know why I stupidly asked that.

他跟贾米说，因为是黑手党啊，笨蛋。

He's like, Jamie's like, because of the mob, asshole.

是的。

Yeah.

他妈的显而易见。

Fucking duh.

嗯，当时是黑手党控制的，我觉得内华达州也可能有这种情况，你查一下是不是真的。

Well, it was the mob, and I think Nevada, there was also see if this is true.

据说核武器试验与允许该城市或州开展赌博之间存在某种联系。

There was supposedly a connection between the testing of nuclear weapons and then allowing the city or the state rather to have gambling.

因为内华达州是少数几个经常进行核试验的地方之一。

Because Nevada was one of the rare places where they, like, routinely tested nuclear weapons.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

我不知道你有没有看过那段展示美国所有原子弹爆炸历史的视频。

I don't know if you've ever seen the video that shows a history of all the atomic bombs going off in The United States.

那段视频很疯狂，它从第一次试验开始，也就是三位一体试验，接着是海洋上的几次试验。

The video is crazy because it starts with the first test, starts with the Trinity test, starts they do the couple in the ocean.

怎么了？

What's the matter?

有什么好笑的？

What's so funny?

只是这个表述的方式。

Just the way this is worded.

是什么？

What is it?

我问过核试验和拉斯维加斯赌博之间是否有联系，结果确实如此，他们曾用这个作为主题来吸引赌客。

I asked if there's a connection between nuclear test and gambling in Las Vegas, and turns out, yeah, they would use it as a theme to attract gamblers.

什么？

What?

看。

Look.

来看一场爆炸吧。

Come see a bomb.

是的。

Yeah.

从20世纪50年代初到60年代，拉斯维加斯的赌场和旅游推广者曾积极将附近的核武器试验作为主题吸引赌客和游客。

From the early nineteen fifties to the nineteen sixties, Las Vegas casinos and tourism promoters actively used nearby nuclear weapons tests as themed attraction to draw gamblers and visitors.

天哪，老兄。

Holy shit, man.

核爆派对。

Bomb parties.

这简直像地狱一样。

It's like hell Oh

我的天。

my god.

他们在屋顶举办核爆派对。

They had bomb parties on the rooftop.

人们一边赌博、喝酒，一边走到外面观看地平线上的爆炸景象。

They would watch they stay up gambling, drinking, then stepped outside to watch the blast on the horizon.

哇。

Wow.

原子鸡尾酒。

The atomic cocktail.

我的天啊。

Oh my god.

老兄，这就像凯撒现在放烟花一样。

Dude, it's like how Caesar does fireworks now.

他们有原子主题的促销活动、原子鸡尾酒、原子发型，还有核弹女郎这样的核爆海报图像。

They had atomic themed promotions, atomic cocktails, atomic hairdos, nuclear pinup imagery like miss atomic blast.

像‘原子城，美国’和‘向上原子’这样的口号，将核试验直接与拉斯维加斯的夜生活和赌博文化联系起来。

Slogans like Atomic City USA and Up and Atom to tie the test directly to Vegas nightlife and gambling culture.

我的天啊，

Holy shit,

老兄。

man.

我在想，你能不能下注。

I wonder if you could place bets.

老兄，我打赌你的眉毛都会被烧焦。

Dude, I bet your eyebrows singe off.

我不知道他们当时有没有像现在这种预测投注的形式。

I don't know if they had the same thing like what they have now with modern prediction betting.

预测投注的话，你可以对几乎任何事情下注。

Prediction betting, you could bet on pretty much everything.

我昨晚刚赌了一把，

I just made a bet last night on

回到你刚才说的地方，别说了，说重点。

Go back down to where you were, stop stop go with the bottom line.

简而言之，靠近拉斯维加斯的核武器试验绝不仅仅是个背景。

In short, nuclear weapons test near Las Vegas were not just a backdrop.

它们被刻意融入赌场营销、派对文化与旅游业中，以支持这座城市的赌博经济。

They were deliberately woven into casino marketing, party culture, and tourism that supported the city's gambling economy.

但有没有这样的原因呢？听我问个问题。

But did it have the reason like, here here's my question.

内华达州允许赌博，是因为允许了核试验吗？

Was was Nevada allowed to have gambling because of them allowing nuclear tests?

比如，当时有没有什么协议？

Like, was there any sort of an agreement?

因为那时候只有两个州允许开设真正的赌场。

Because there's only two states at that time that allowed casinos, like real casinos.

对。

Right.

而且看起来挺奇怪的，其中一个州，你知道，新泽西一直腐败得厉害。

And it it seems kinda weird that one one of them, you know, New Jersey's always been fucking corrupt.

那就是《黑道家族》。

That's the Sopranos.

对吧？

Right?

那时候，它简直是全美黑帮最猖獗的州。

It's, like, the most mob ridden fucking state in the country at the time.

基本上是以大西洋城为中心。

Based in Atlantic City, pretty much.

我的天，真是他妈的烂透了。

I mean, come to fucking shit.

是的。

Yeah.

大西洋城。

Atlantic City.

而拉斯维加斯则是巴格西·西格尔的天下。

And then Vegas was Bugsy Siegel.

对吧？

Right?

好吧。

Okay.

因为内华达州早在1931年就合法化了大部分赌博活动，好吧。

Well, since Nevada legalized most forged gambling in '31 okay.

所以这说不通，因为那之前就已经有了。

So it doesn't make any sense because it's before that.

所以这是大萧条时期的经济吸引措施。

So it's the great depression economic measure attractors.

所以不是。

So no.

所以这个理论站不住脚。

So that that theory doesn't hold up.

我不知道拉斯维加斯是1931年建立的。

I didn't know that Vegas was started at '31.

这真是

That's

荒谬。

nuts.

所以，基本上，大萧条开始后，他们推出拉斯维加斯作为筹钱的方式。

So, basically, the Great Depression started, and then they launched Vegas as a as a way to raise money

这太可笑了。

Which is hilarious.

你身无分文。

You have no money.

没有工作。

There's no jobs.

你为什么不赌一把？

Why don't you gamble?

什么？

What?

我的

My

我的赌注就是去食物领取处，看看能不能领到一条面包。

gamble is going to the food line, seeing if I can get a loaf of bread.

这就是我今天的所有赌注。

That's my gamble today.

你知道吗，很疯狂的是，那个湖一直在干涸，因为那里正经历干旱。

You know what's crazy is that lake keeps drying up because they were having a drought.

他们一直在湖里发现尸体。

They keep finding bodies in the lake.

哦，真的吗？

Oh, no shit.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

就像那些装着尸体的金属桶一样。

Like like those metal barrels with, like, bodies inside of them.

他们已经找到了不少这样的东西。

They've they've found quite a few of them.

他们找到了多少具尸体？

How many bodies have they found?

是米德湖吗，我记得？

Is it Lake Mead, I believe?

是的。

Yep.

对。

Yeah.

所以随着它逐渐干涸，水位就像以前那样了。

So as it's drying up, it's at, like, it was.

我觉得水位可能稍微回升了一点，但曾经一度创下历史最低纪录。

I think it's probably picked up a little bit, but at one point in time, it was at a historic low.

对。

Yeah.

于是他们不断发现这些该死的尸体。

And so they were finding these fucking dead bodies.

天哪。

Damn.

我认为他们找到了大约半打尸体，而且他们觉得里面可能还有更多。

I think they found, like, a half a dozen of them, and I think they think there's a whole lot more in there.

真的假的。

No shit.

根据最新报告，2022年随着水位下降，拉梅德湖至少发现了六处人类遗骸，涉及至少几名不同的人。

As of last latest reporting, at least six separate discoveries of human remains, yeah, were made in Lake Mead in 2022 as the water level dropped, representing at least several different individuals.

哇。

Wow.

发现他们后来停止了在湖里搜寻枪支和尸体的事了吗？

Find out that thing where they stopped searching for guns and bodies.

我觉得是在麦克阿瑟公园，他们之所以这么做是因为那个原因。

I think it was in MacArthur Park and why they did that.

大卫·特尔在失眠那会儿，常在纽约跟一些很阴暗的家伙混在一起。

David Tell back in his insomniac days, he used to hang he hung out with some dark motherfuckers in New York.

哦

Oh,

是的。

yeah.

他以前常带一个纽约市警察来，他们基本上说，只要你每晚穿上青蛙服，去皇后区的一个著名水域——我认为是法拉盛湾——那里是黑帮丢弃尸体的地方，我们就给你双倍工资并提前退休。

And he used to bring this guy in who was a New York City cop, and they basically said, we'll double your pay and give you early retirement if you put on a frog suit every night, and you go out into, I think it was Flushing Bay, one of the bays out in Queens, which was a famous place where the mob was dropping bodies.

那个家伙会穿着青蛙服下水，在桥边等待，一旦有人丢尸体，他就立刻报警。

And the guy would go into the water in a frog suit, and he'd wait by this bridge, and when they drop a body, he'd fucking call it in.

他值夜班做这件事，做完后凌晨四点左右会去喜剧地窖。

And he did that the night shift, and he'd finish that, and he'd come into the comedy cellar at, like, 4AM.

所以他醒来时在

So he'd wake in the

穿着潜水服的海里？

ocean in a scuba suit?

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

然后

And then

丢尸体？

drop a body?

是的。

Yeah.

天啊。

Holy shit.

他们丢这么多尸体。

They were dropping that many bodies.

是的。

Yes.

是的。

Yes.

你可以等着它们出现。

That you can just wait for them.

这太疯狂了。

That's so crazy.

搜索麦克阿瑟公园寻找枪支和可能的尸体的行动被叫停，因为当局表示，这是在城市公园土地上未经许可且可能存在安全隐患的行动。

Searcher McArthur Park for guns and possible bodies was stopped because authorities said it was an unpermitted and potentially unsafe operation on city park property.

好的。

Okay.

所以那是一个商人。

So it was a businessman.

所以这是一次私人行为。

So it was a private thing.

所以那很可能就是实际情况。

So that's probably what it was.

所以官方给出的理由是。

So officials official reasons given.

由商人约翰领导的组织者，我不确定他的名字怎么拼。

Organizers led by businessman John I don't know how to spell his name.

阿勒。

A l l e.

你怎么说这个？

How do you say that?

艾尔？

Ale?

艾尔？

Ale?

计划使用声呐和遥控潜水器在湖中寻找武器和人体残骸。

Plan to use sonar and remotely operated vehicles to look for weapons and human remains in the lake.

洛杉矶公园管理员在声呐入水前中止了该行动，称该团队没有获得所需的许可或批准。

Los Angeles Park rangers halted the effort before the sonar entered the water saying the team did not have the required permits or clearances.

好的。

Okay.

不过，你们为什么没这么做呢？

Why didn't you guys do that, though?

如果你真的认为这个家伙相信湖里可能有尸体和枪支，那为什么你们不派人去搜寻呢？既然有人能去搜寻的话。

If you really think if this guy really thinks that there could be bodies and guns in the lake, why wouldn't you guys search for bodies and guns if someone could search for it?

对。

Right.

看起来很可能有很多人失踪，很多罪案可以因此破解，而且已经为这些案件投入了大量资源。

It seems like there's probably a lot of people missing, a lot of crimes that could be solved, a lot of resources that have already been spent on cases.

你很可能能弄清楚很多事情的真相。

You could probably get to the bottom of a lot of things.

阿莱——我不太会念他的名字——他说，一些失踪者的家属，其中有些人最后出现在麦克阿瑟公园附近，曾向他求助，这激发了对整个湖泊进行大规模声呐搜索的想法。

Ale I don't know how to say his name, said families of missing people, some of whom were last seen near MacArthur Park had reached out to him for help, which inspired the idea of a large scale sonar search of the lake.

他说，那里有犯罪的证据。

There is there's evidence down there for crimes, he said.

我们会用摄影来识别它们，然后由市政府负责打捞。

We'll identify it with photography, and the city will have to extract it.

这些也可能是无家可归者，而政府根本不在乎。

It also could be these are homeless people, and the government doesn't give a shit.

是的

Yeah.

他们不会游泳。

They can't swim.

对

Yeah.

别开玩笑了。

Come on.

他们也曾是孩子。

They they were kids once.

吸了甲基苯丙胺后很难游泳。

It's hard to swim when you're on meth.

你会心肺功能变差。

You get bad cardio.

你知道的。

You know?

如果一个人说，这是我最后一次吸冰毒。

If one guy says, this is the last day I do meth.

今天，我要健身。

Today, I get in shape.

他试图游过泳道，结果在中途抽搐倒下。

He tries to swim across the leg and fucking strokes out in middle

了。

of it.

这就是我的一天。

Is my day.

他根本没得到一句‘天哪’。

Never gave him a oh, jeez.

我就在那儿。

I'm in there.

他们都在说我什么？

What are they saying about me?

一个场景。

A scenario.

这是一则广告。

It's an ad.

哦，这是一则广告？

It's Oh, it's an ad?

差不多就是是的。

That's basically yeah.

在底部有一则广告。

It's an ad down at the bottom.

哦，我嘲讽了那个AI生成的内容。

Oh, I I mocked the AI generated.

那真是太疯狂了。

That was that was crazy.

MSNBC发布的那张AI生成的照片，是关于明尼阿波利斯那个被枪击的人。

The AI generated photo that MSNB put MSNBC put up of the guy who got shot in Minneapolis.

他们改变了他外貌。

They changed his appearance.

亚历克斯·普雷蒂？

Alex Preti?

是的。

Yes.

他们把他的外貌改成了罗马帅哥的样子。

They changed his appearance in Roman handsome.

哦，是吗？

Oh, they did.

哦，你还没看过吗？

Oh, you haven't seen it?

没有。

No.

你一定要看看。

You have to see it.

你必须看看。

You have to see it.

是他们，我不知道是谁在做这件事。

It's they're I don't know who's doing this.

不。

No.

这简直就像共和党那边有个人潜伏在MSNBC，因为他们知道这种事迟早会被发现。

It's almost like like someone from the Republican side is like a a secret plant at MSNBC because they know that stuff like this is gonna get caught.

看看左边和右边的差别。

Look at the difference between the one on the left and one on right.

嗯，左边那个的鼻子看起来有点模糊。

Well, the nose looks blurry on the one on the left.

那就是他的鼻子。

Well, that's his nose.

他就是长这样。

That's what he looks like.

这只是一张糟糕的照片，但他们把照片修过了。

It's just a shitty picture, but they cleaned the picture up.

他们把他的鼻子放大了。

They made his nose more.

他们给他晒黑了。

They gave him a tan.

他们让他的额头变短了。

They made his forehead shorter.

他们让他的下巴变宽了。

They made his jaw wider.

他们让他的肩膀更厚了。

They made his shoulders thicker.

是的。

Yep.

他们给他增加了肱二头肌。

They gave him more bicep.

他们让他变得更英俊了。

They made him more handsome.

他们让他的脖子更粗了。

They made his neck thicker.

他看起来更好看了。

He looks better.

是的。

Yep.

右边的那个家伙看起来是个帅哥。

The guy on the right looks like a good looking guy.

左边的那个家伙，你知道的，像是阿里不幸的兄弟。

The guy on the left looks, you know, like Ari's unfortunate brother.

不是吗？

Doesn't he?

可怜的阿里兄弟。

Poor Ari's brother.

阿里来自这个家庭真是太有趣了。

It's so funny that Ari comes from this family.

他从小是正统犹太教徒，对吧？

He grew up Orthodox Jewish, right?

是的。

Oh yeah.

他公开的那些东西，让家人不得不面对，这让你意识到，他们依然爱他。

And the things that he has put out there, for a family to have to see, it makes you realize, and they love him.

他们接纳了这一切，这全都是关于宽容。

They accept it, and it's all about grace.

我喜欢犹太人，因为他们非常包容。

And I love Jews because they are very accepting.

不管你有多正统，我妻子有一半犹太血统，犹太人身上有一种非常开明的特质。

As much as you might be Orthodox, my wife is half Jewish, and there's something very open minded about Jews.

我的意思是，他们原本就是嬉皮士，也是美国最早的共产主义者，一直对不同的思想持开放态度。

I mean, were the original hippies, and they were the original communists in America, and they were always open to different ideas.

我觉得，当我想到阿里一家时，如果他们是基督教保守派而不是犹太教保守派

And I think when I think about Ari's family, if they were Christian conservative versus Jewish conservative

对。

Right.

我不确定他们是否会像现在这样接纳他。

I don't know that they'd be as accepting of him.

你知道吗，阿里父亲幸存于大屠杀。

You know, Ari's dad survived the Holocaust.

真的假的。

No shit.

是的。

Oh, yeah.

阿里父亲身上有纹身。

Ari's dad has a tattoo.

天啊。

Damn.

是的。

Yeah.

他年纪很大了。

He's very old.

哇哦。

Woah.

是的。

Yeah.

他一定是还活着的、身上有纹身的最年长者之一了。

He must be one of the oldest people left with a tattoo.

我的意思是

I mean

是的。

Yeah.

他跟我聊过他身上纹了他父亲的事。

He talked to me about having his dad on.

他问我是否感兴趣，如果他父亲愿意纹的话，因为你知道，他没多少时间了。

He asked me if I'd be interested in it, if his dad ever wants to do it because, you know, he doesn't have much time left.

我说，当然可以。

And I said, absolutely.

他说，你知道，我不确定他会不会感兴趣。

And he goes, you know, let me I'm not sure if he'd be interested in it.

但如果他愿意，我觉得讨论一下会很重要。

But if he did, I think it would be important to talk about.

肯定超过一百岁了。

Gotta be over a 100 years old.

我不知道他多大年纪。

I don't know how old he is.

但他确实很老了。

He's old, though.

那么，你是在多久以前说的，你本来会

Well, how long ago was You would have

出生的话，哦，不。

to have been born oh, no.

实际上，如果他出生于1935年

Actually, if he was born in 1935

他八十多岁了。

He's in his eighties.

快九十岁了。

His late eighties.

是的。

Yeah.

好的。

Okay.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

我在想什么？

What am I thinking?

对。

Right.

对。

Right.

因为他们给那些孩子纹了身。

Because they tattooed the fucking kids.

嗯。

Mhmm.

是的。

Yeah.

天啊。

Jesus.

是的。

Yeah.

天很黑。

It's dark.

太可怕了。

It's horrible.

太疯狂了，老兄。

It's so crazy, dude.

这简直太疯狂了，那还不到一百年前的事。

It's it's so crazy that that was less than a 100 years ago.

我知道。

I know.

我知道。

I know.

德国人就是那样。

And the Germans like that.

诺曼·麦克唐纳有个段子说，你知道，德国才是我们真正应该害怕的国家。

Fucking Norm MacDonald bit about how, you know, Germany is the country we really should be afraid of.

就像他们发动世界大战的方式，还有他们的样子，真的太疯狂了。

Like, the way they start world wars and what they're like, it's really fucking nuts.

嗯，他们过去是野蛮人。

Well, they were the barbarians back in the

时代。

day.

对。

Right.

你知道，我们如今认为他们是工程师。

You know, they the I mean, we think of now as engineers.

他们制造宝马。

They make BMWs.

嗯。

Uh-huh.

但那时候，他们是野蛮人。

But back then, they were the barbarians.

在罗马时代，

During the Roman era,

日耳曼部落。

Germanic tribes.

维京人是斯堪的纳维亚人，然后他们与

The Vikings were Scandinavian, and then they were fighting against the

老兄，这些

Bro, the

德国人是

Germans were

他妈的吓人。

fucking terrifying.

是的。

Yeah.

他们真的很吓人。

They were terrifying.

他们都成了工程师。

And they all became engineers.

他们都成了，嗯，非常优秀的人。

They all became, like, brilliant Yeah.

他们是极其自律的人，这很有趣，因为德国以这一点著称。

Like, very disciplined people, which is interesting because Germany is known for that.

是的。

Yeah.

还有那些低俗色情内容。

And but also shit porn.

还记得吗？

Remember?

比如在互联网早期，是的。

Like, in the early days of the Internet Yeah.

你说得对。

You're right.

很多那种变态色情内容，比如，奇怪的疯狂内容，像是用电话搞大便的那种。

A lot of the shit porn, like, weird crazy, like, shitting up the phone.

很多那种内容都出现了，有一天我们试着分析了一下。

A lot of that was come, and we were trying to analyze it one day.

我当时就想，这可能是因为如果你在日常生活中过于拘谨、守纪律、按部就班又保守，那么你释放压力的方式就是互相往嘴里拉屎和肛交。

I was like, it's probably because if you're so buttoned down and so disciplined and regimented and conservative in your daily life, the way you cut loose is like you shitting each other's mouths and fuck each other in the butt.

比如，一些最疯狂的变态色情内容就是来自德国的。

Like, some of the craziest shit porn was coming out of Germany.

是的。

Yeah.

那大概是九十年代末、两千年初的时候，我们刚开始能发现一些奇怪的网站，你知道，就是能找到各种东西的那种。

This was like late nineties, early two thousands when we first started, like, finding weird websites that would you know, you you'd be able to find things on.

哦，天哪。

Oh, no.

在那之前，我会去纽约的‘性爱世界’，坐在那些小隔间里，投硬币看色情片。

Before that, I'd go to Sex World in New York where you sit in those booths and you put in quarters and you watch porn.

哦。

Oh.

而且那里总是有最黑暗的德国色情片。

And they always had the darkest German porn in there.

真的吗？

Really?

是的。

Yeah.

很多动物之类的玩意儿。

A lot of animals and shit.

我当时才15岁，手里攥着这些硬币。

And I'm like I'm like 15 years old going like, and and I've got these coins.

你进去后给那个人10美元，他就给你一把硬币。

You go in and you give the guy $10, and he gives you a handful of coins.

想象一下，如果你用黑光灯照那些该死的硬币。

Just imagine if you put a black light on those fucking coins.

我手里拿着它们。

And I got them in my hand.

只是洒落一地。

Just jizzle

在那些上面。

over those

东西。

things.

把它们塞进

Feed them into the

我换灯的时候吓坏了。

and I'm switching lights are terrifying.

我不断按按钮来选择要看的电影。

I kept pushing buttons to pick which film to watch.

我有个朋友带了一盏黑光灯进酒店房间。

I have a friend who brought a black black light into a hotel room.

他说，你就是在地毯上找到精液。

He said, you just find jizz on the carpet.

不是吧。

No kidding.

有时候你还会在该死的毯子上找到精液。

You find jizz on the fucking blanket sometimes.

你去任何一家便宜的酒店或汽车旅馆看看。

You go to any like, go to a cheap hotel or a motel.

你觉得他们到底有多干净地清洁那些地毯？

How well do you think they're cleaning those carpets?

嗯。

Well

你觉得他们会清洁墙壁吗？

Do think they clean the walls?

我住过一些酒店，他们会把遥控器装在塑料袋里给你，因为他们说那是最脏的。

I've been in hotels where they put the remote control in a baggie for you because that they say that's the most.

不。

No.

不。

No.

因为你不必碰那个遥控器。

Because you don't have to touch the Oh.

遥控器。

The remote.

而且每次有新客人入住时，他们都会给遥控器换新的塑料袋。

And then they change the baggie on the remote each time a new guest comes in.

所以你是要隔着袋子操作遥控器？

So you're supposed to remote through the bag?

是的。

Yeah.

谁会这么做？

Who does that?

我把它们拿出来

I take it out

从袋子里。

of the bag.

直接拿出来。

Right out.

是的。

Yeah.

这太疯狂了。

That's crazy.

是的。

Yeah.

这太荒谬了。

That's ridiculous.

我都在碰马桶座圈。

I'm touching toilet seats.

我碰了所有东西。

I'm touching everything.

我们到底在谈什么？

What are we talking about here?

我也不怎么害怕精液。

I'm also not that afraid of cum.

你知道的？

You know?

它能对我怎么样？

What's it gonna do to me?

能要你命的。

What's gonna kill you.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

我的意思是，这确实有点恶心。

I mean, that's just kinda gross.

但是

But

是的。

Yeah.

你知道吧？

You know?

我的意思是，想想普通人手机里有多少脏东西。

I mean, think about how much shit is on the average person's cell phone.

你听说过这个吗？

Have you ever heard of that?

没有。

No.

对。

Yeah.

用棉签擦拭一下你的手机。

Just touch your cell phone with a swab.

拿一根棉签，然后送去检测。

Like, get a a swab and get get it analyzed.

你会发现上面有粪便残留，是的。

You'll find fecal matter Yeah.

到处都是。

All over yourself.

因为我们上厕所时一直在刷手机。

Well, because we're scrolling while we're on the toilet.

很多人都是这样。

A lot of people are.

是的。

Yeah.

很多人。

A lot of people.

而且，你摸了其他东西之后，又去碰手机。

And, also, you're touching things, and then you touch your phone.

有多少人上完厕所后摸了屁股，又去碰门把手之类的东西呢？

And how many people touch their ass then touch a thing, a doorknob, this and that?

你把粪便弄得到处都是。

You're getting fecal matter on everything.

是的。

Yeah.

尤其是如果你养了猫的话。

Especially if you have a cat.

我以前养猫的时候，总是会想到这一点。

I used to think about that all the time when I had cats.

猫都在粪箱里。

Like, the cats are in the shitbox.

它们在那里抓挠，然后又走到你的台面上。

They're scratching around there, and then they're walking on your counter.

是的。

Yeah.

它们到处走，你知道的，它们才不管去哪儿呢。

They're walking they they you know, they don't go fuck where they go.

它们哪儿都去。

They go everywhere.

是的。

Yeah.

你根本不在乎。

You don't care.

你就会说：嘿，伙计。

You're like, hey, buddy.

对。

Yep.

你

You

当它们在台面上时，就去摸摸它们。

pet them when they're on the counter.

你希望它们在爪子上拉屎。

You wanna shit in their paws.

然后，然后你的狗舔它的肛门，接着又舔，人们还让它舔他们的脸。

Then then he then your dog licks his asshole and then licks and the people have him lick their face.

哦，它们会舔我的脸。

Oh, they lick my face.

真的吗？

Really?

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

不。

No.

是的。

Yeah.

我让它亲我。

I let him give me kisses.

你见过它舔自己的屁股吗？

Have you seen him lick his asshole?

我见过。

I have.

确实见过。

For sure.

尤其是我的小狗。

Especially my puppy.

我现在养了一只小狗。

I have a little puppy now.

想象一下现在有盏紫外线灯照在你脸上。

Imagine a black light on your face right now.

我的小狗会直接，你知道，我有一只小

My puppy goes right you know, I have a little

你看起来像是涂了黑脸妆。

You look like you were in blackface.

大概是吧。

Probably.

当时搞得到处都是，我就像个小丑一样。

It was a splatter like I'm a like I'm a joker.

阿尔·盖尔辛克。

Al Gelsink.

他说他有一只小狗，是国王查理斯骑士犬。

He go I have a puppy like a he's a king Charles cavalier.

它很小，很可爱。

He's a little tiny cute.

它真的太他妈可爱了。

He's so fucking cute.

然后我还有只金毛，小狗直接冲过去扑到金毛身上，把脸贴在它那玩意儿上，接着又把脸贴到它屁股上。

And then I have the golden retriever, and the puppy runs right up to the golden retriever, sticks his face in his dick, and then sticks his face in his asshole.

每次他都先这么做。

That's the first thing he does to him every time.

脸贴在阴茎上，脸贴在肛门上。

Face on the dick, face on the asshole.

我当时想，老兄。

I'm like, bro.

哇。

Wow.

你在干什么？

What are you doing?

是的。

Yeah.

那就是狗的天性。

They that's just dogs.

是的。

Yeah.

这就是它们会做的事。

That's what they do.

真有趣，它们就是这样。

It's funny how they yeah.

我养过两只狗，它们也会这样。

I had two dogs, and they did that yeah.

每天他妈的都要互相闻一闻。

Every fucking day, they sniffed each other.

你知道的吧？

Like, you know?

我的意思是，我想这就是它们判断有没有变化的方式。

I mean, I guess that's how they know if something changed.

也许它们能知道另一只狗是不是生病了，或者是不是在和别的狗交配。

Maybe they know if the other dog is sick or if the other dog is breeding with another dog.

这就像是在查看它们的邮件。

It's like kinda checking their emails.

它们通过气味获取的信息量太大了，我们根本无法处理。

Well, they get so much information from smell that we can't even possibly process.

对。

Right.

对。

Right.

有人说狗能闻出一个芝士汉堡。

They say that a dog can smell a cheeseburger.

它们闻的不只是整个芝士汉堡。

They don't just smell the cheeseburger.

它们能闻出每一个单独的配料。

They smell every individual ingredient.

它们能闻出芥末。

They smell the mustard.

它们能闻出酸黄瓜。

They smell the pickle.

它们能闻到一切。

They smell everything.

它们能闻到生菜。

They smell the lettuce.

是的。

Yeah.

它们认为狗能闻出焦虑。

They they smell they smell they think that dogs smell anxiety.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

它们能闻出情绪。

They smell like moods.

这就是为什么当某些人来你家时，狗会害怕他们。

That's why when certain people come over your house, they're scared of dogs.

狗对这些人感到可疑。

Dogs get sketchy with them.

就像，这到底是

Like, what the

这 guy 怎么回事？

fuck's up with this guy?

哦，他不喜欢你。

Like, oh, he doesn't like you.

是的。

Yeah.

因为这个人可能很紧张。

Like, what's because the person's probably nervous.

他们在散发一种气味。

They're giving off a scent.

对。

Right.

不。

No.

我妈妈的妹妹小时候被狗严重攻击过，所以我妈妈对狗有创伤。

My mom her sister was attacked really bad by a dog when they were little, so my mom has this trauma about dogs.

我们养过两只小家伙，一只西施犬和一只拉萨犬。

We had these little fuck we had a Shih Tzu and a Lhasa Apso.

它们只是小狗狗。

They're just little dogs.

她很害怕，而狗只会对她低吼，对别人都不会。

She was terrified, and the dogs would growl at her, they didn't growl at anybody.

天哪。

Oh my god.

是的。

Yeah.

太疯狂了。

That's crazy.

是的。

Yeah.

这太疯狂了。

That's crazy.

是的。

Yeah.

它们能闻到东西。

It's they smell things.

它们能感知事物。

They sense things.

是的。

Yeah.

这就是为什么人们让它们当看门狗。

That's why people have them as guards.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我的意思是，那就是它们的方式，它们就是这样生存下来的

I mean, that's their that's how they that's how they made it

对。

Right.

成为狗。

To be dogs.

它们是那些与我们相处的狼，会提醒我们有事情发生。

They were the wolves that hung out with us and will let us know when something's going down.

哨兵。

Sentinels.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

那就是说，我有非常敏锐的嗅觉。

That's well, I I have a very strong olfactory sense.

比如，我的五感中，我会把嗅觉排在最前面。

Like, I'm very of my five senses, I would put it up there at the top.

我喜欢香水。

Like, I I love perfume.

真的吗？

Really?

我超爱香水。

I love perfume.

我不喜欢女人喷太多香水，然后在脱口秀现场抱你一下，你回家后身上还全是该死的香水味。

I don't like when women wear too much of it, and then they hug you at the comedy store, and then you go home, and you smell like fucking perfume.

你会想，宝贝，这只是惠特尼·卡明斯新推出的香奈儿香水而已。

You're like, honey, it's just Whitney Cummings has this new Chanel.

但有时候，我会坐在某个地方，闻到一股好闻的香水味，然后直接猛地转过头去。

But, like, sometimes I'll be I'll walk I'll I'll be sitting somewhere, and I'll smell some nice perfume, I'll fucking whip my head around.

结果发现是个八十一岁的老奶奶弓着背，你就会想，唉。

It's like some 81 year old woman hunched over, and you're like, ugh.

没喷那个Trick me。

Didn't wear the Trick me.

老奶奶们。

Old ladies.

不管她们多大年纪，都会化妆。

No matter how old they are, they'll still put on the makeup.

她们还是会喷香水。

They'll still put on the perfume.

释放出来吧。

Let it out.

该出去走走了。

Time to go out and see.

去钓鱼。

Go fishing.

看看这老鱼饵能不能钓到一条鲈鱼。

See if this old bait can catch a bass.

对。

Right.