#2453 - 埃文·哈弗

当然。

Of course.

对。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

仅次于驼鹿。

Next to elk.

对我来说，就是驼鹿，然后是轴鹿。

It's like it's for me, it's elk and then axis.

但轴鹿最难猎捕。

But axis are the most challenging to hunt.

它们是我这辈子见过最快的动物。

They're the fastest things I've ever seen in my life.

是的

Yeah.

它们移动得太快了，简直难以置信。

They move so fast, it doesn't even make sense.

你是怎么做到的？

It's like, how are you doing that?

你可以在30码外躲开箭矢，箭还没到它们身边就已经错过了。

You could dodge an arrow from 30 yards away, and the arrow's not even close to them when it when it gets there.

我曾见过一头雌性动物在30码外卧倒，它在箭离弦的瞬间就跳了起来。

I had a female bedded at 30, and she jumped the string on her bed at 30 yards.

那是我的第一箭。

That that was my first shot.

我意识到，天哪。

I realized, holy shit.

是的

Yeah.

它们现在不一样了。

They're different now.

我得提升自己的水平。

I've gotta up my game.

就像它们和老虎一起进化了一样。

Well, it's like they evolved with tigers.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

就是这样。

That's the thing.

就像你必须能行动起来。

It's like you gotta be able to go.

你想活下去吗？

You wanna survive?

如果你和老虎一起进化，你会有多强悍？

How tough you would be if you if you evolved with tigers?

那简直太酷了。

That would be sick.

嗯，

Well,

这就是美国的问题，全盘如此。

that's the problem with America, period.

就像现在有太多人四处游荡，却没有任何身体上的挑战，他们太软弱了。

It's like there's not enough there's too many people running around with zero physical challenges, and they're so soft.

我们人口中有一大部分简直太软弱了。

Like, there's a giant percentage of our population that is so soft.

假如世界爆发核战，我们什么都没了，只剩下肉搏战的话。

And if, like, if there was like a if the world went nuclear, we lost everything, and then it was like hand to hand battles.

如果我们子弹打光了，每个国家都能入侵美国。

Every country could invade America if we ran out of bullets.

一旦我们

Once we

子弹用光了，每个国家都能收拾我们。

run out of bullets, every country can fuck us up.

是的。

Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

你可以到处走走。

You can walk around.

我觉得，嗯，和咖啡有关。

I think well, that's, you know, with with coffee.

对吧？

Right?

最好的咖啡馆在Instagram上看起来有好多东西。

The best coffee shops are like it's so much stuff on Instagram.

这太搞笑了。

It's so funny.

因为你走进一家咖啡店，但如果你看到一个长相最怪异的人，那家店的咖啡反而最好。

Because you walk into a coffee shop, but if you see the craziest looking freak, it's gonna have the best coffee.

是的。

Yeah.

关于毛绒玩具的尺寸是怎么回事？

What is the about furry size.

不知道。

Don't know.

但左边是一样的

But it's the same left

翅膀上的怪人，满嘴唇环。

wing weirdo fucking lip rings.

哦，对啊。

Oh, yeah.

你有几个鼻环？

How many nose rings do you have?

你的头发有多少种颜色？你有多少个代词？

How like, how many colors do you have in your hair and how many pronouns do you have?

因为那样的话，你一定会做出我喝过最棒的浓缩咖啡。

Because that's like you're gonna make the greatest espresso I've ever had.

这就是笑点。

And that's the joke.

对吧？

Right?

因为过去几周我一直在奥斯汀到处逛。

Because I'll go cruise around, like, in Austin for the last couple weeks.

是的。

Yeah.

你看到一个家伙

You see a dude who's

纹着手臂纹身的家伙？

jacked with a hand tattoo?

他会给你做一杯假咖啡。

He's gonna make you a bullshit coffee.

我的意思是，我可以做

It's like, I can make

手冲咖啡。

you pour over.

我的意思是，我直接倒进去就行。

I mean, I can just pour it over.

你懂的？

You know?

什么意思？

Like, what?

他会给你煮一杯牛仔咖啡。

He'll make you some cowboy coffee.

他要用那种锡制锅子来煮咖啡，

He's gonna fucking one of them tin pots that

你把锅子放在火上。

you put on the fire.

脱下他的袜子，

Take his sock off

或者类似的东西。

or something.

呃，我挺好的。

Like, I I I'm good.

我这边完全没问题，兄弟。

I'm all set, man.

是的。

Yeah.

我这边完全没问题。

I'm all set.

是的。

Yeah.

咖啡师到底有什么特别的？

What is it about baristas?

为什么那里会变成一个如此左翼的安全地带？

Like, how did that become such a left wing safe place?

我不知道。

I don't know.

我认为这起源于旧金山、西雅图。

I think the origin of it comes from San Francisco, Seattle.

我们可以说，左翼、西海岸，所有那些觉醒主义。

The, we'll say, left wing, left coast, all of the wokeisms.

是的。

Yeah.

因为这也推动了我所说的第三波和第四波浪潮。

Because that also drove most of what I would say is the third and fourth wave.

因为咖啡有四个基本浪潮。

Because there's one, two, three, four basic waves in coffee.

第三波和第四波是最新的。

Third and fourth wave are the most recent.

第四波被认为是单一产地、非常轻度烘焙的咖啡。

Fourth wave would be considered single origin, very lightly roast coffees.

你去过这些咖啡店。

You've been to these coffee shops.

你知道它们长什么样。

You know what they look like.

点一杯咖啡要花你十五分钟。

It takes you fifteen minutes to get a cup of coffee.

他们通常根本不理你。

They typically won't even talk to you.

他们盯着电脑屏幕，但咖啡品质还不错。

They look down at the computer screen, but it's going to be a decent cop.

如果你选择第一波咖啡，比如福格斯或麦斯威尔，这种咖啡已经存在了一百年，属于大宗商品咖啡。

If you go first wave, which is going to be Folgers, Maxwell House, that's been around for one hundred years, that's a commodity coffee.

它会含有罗布斯塔豆。

It's going to have robusta.

它会经过更深的烘焙。

It's going be darker roasted.

这就是第一波咖啡。

That's going to be first wave.

第二波则是体验型的，比如星巴克那样的。

Then second wave would be experiential, so it'd be more like Starbucks.

第二波是体验型的深烘焙咖啡。

Second wave would be experiential dark.

第三波则更偏向手工制作、微批次、单一产地。

Then third wave would be more artisan, micro lot, single origin.

第四波是第三波中最精华的部分，它能充分激活你的感官，比如现在他们开始使用厌氧发酵，借鉴葡萄酒和啤酒的工艺，开发出各种不同的风味特征。

Fourth wave is a mix of the best in third wave that really activates your senses in the sense of now they're doing anaerobics, they're using things from wine and beer and they're developing all these different profiles.

但这种手工精酿咖啡，起源于第三波浪潮的旧金山和西雅图，它们将身份政治带入其中，并通过贸易加以推广。

But that artisan craft, the genesis in San Francisco and Seattle from third wave, they took on identity politics and then drove it through the trade.

这挺奇怪的，因为无论你去哪里，都能买到很棒的咖啡。

It's pretty It's weird because if you go anywhere, you can get amazing cups of coffee.

你只是得穿过一堆‘觉醒文化’才能买到它。

You're just gonna, like, wade through the wokeism to go get it.

是的。

Yeah.

我没法去那种地方。

I can't go there.

不行。

No.

前几天我去了一家星巴克，有两个女同性恋走了进来。

I was at a Starbucks the other day and two lesbians walked in.

她们看到我，就离开了。

They saw me and they left.

什么？

What?

情况糟到这种地步？

That's how bad

是吗？

it was?

他们说不行。

They said we can't.

我们不能这么做。

We can't do this.

认真的吗？

Seriously?

他们直盯着我的脸，说我们不能这么做，然后就走了。

They looked in in my face, they said we can't do this, and they left.

我当时想，我可是他们的忠实粉丝啊。

I was like, I'm a big fan.

是的。

Yeah.

我是你作品的忠实粉丝。

Big fan of your work.

我是你作品的忠实粉丝。

Big fan of your work.

我喝了一杯

I had a cup of

星巴克的咖啡，我很少去那里，但那次是和家人一起。

coffee from Starbucks, which I rarely go into, but I was with my family.

而且味道非常糟糕。

And it was so bad.

一杯黑咖啡。

A cup of black coffee.

实在难以下咽。

Solid drink.

我什么也不加。

I don't put anything in it.

不加。

No.

我当时就想，这根本没法喝。

I was like, this is, like, not drinkable.

它尝起来像屎一样，而大家都往里面加很多奶油和糖，这样你就能获得咖啡因，喝起来却像你想要的味道。

It tastes like shit, which is like everybody throws a bunch of cream in there and a bunch of sugar in there, and you get your caffeine, and it tastes like what you like.

是的。

Yeah.

但如果你只是想在星巴克喝纯咖啡，那产品实在太差了，其实没必要这样。

But when if you just try to just drink coffee at Starbucks, it is such a bad product, And that's that doesn't have to be like that.

问题的一部分在于咖啡烤焦了。

Well, it's part of the problem is is It's burnt.

烤过头了，是的。

Overroast it Yeah.

因为他们知道里面会加奶油和糖。

Because they know it's gonna have cream and sugar in it.

但既然如此，为什么要烤得这么深呢？

And But why overroast it then?

因为这样可以保持一致的风味，它始终非常深色且极其酸涩，这就成了产品的稳定特性。

Because you can make a consistent profile and it's just consistently very dark and extremely acidic basically and that becomes the consistency in the product.

你认为人们心里觉得咖啡越深色，就越浓烈吗？

Do you think people have this thing in their head that the darker the coffee is, the stronger it is?

是的，当然。

Yeah, of course.

这是一个巨大的误解。

That's one of the huge misconceptions.

我们来总结一下这些误解：咖啡不是豆子，而是一种水果。

Let's just bucket the misconceptions in here, which is coffee is not a bean, it's a fruit.

它其实是一种樱桃，而你烤的是它的果核。

So it's a cherry and then you roast the pit.

第二个误解是，烘焙得越深，咖啡因含量就越高，这完全是错误的。

The second one would probably be the darker you roast something, the more caffeine it's going to have, which is absolutely not the case.

恰恰相反。

It's the opposite.

完全相反，因为有两种不同的咖啡品种。

It's completely opposite because you got two genetic strains.

一种是罗布斯塔，一种是阿拉比卡。

You've got robusta and arabica.

罗布斯塔的豆子更小。

Robusta is smaller bean.

它的咖啡因含量更高。

It's got more caffeine.

味道也更苦。

It's also more bitter.

阿拉比卡约占全球咖啡产量的60%到70%，但风味更佳。

Arabica constitutes probably 60 to 70% of the world's coffee, but it's more flavor.

它的咖啡因含量更低，总体酸度也更低。

It's got less caffeine and it's less acidic in general.

当你过度烘焙时，可以混合多种阿拉比卡豆的不同批次。

Then when you over roast it, you can combine multiple lots, multiple variants of arabica.

哦，我明白了。

Oh, I see.

然后你可以保持这种一致的风味特征。

And then you can consistent you can make this consistent profile.

所以它一直很糟糕。

So it consistently sucks.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

但如果你要往里面加奶油和糖，没人会在意，因为他们觉得：我只是需要一种能承载奶油和糖的咖啡因载体。

But if you're gonna put cream and sugar in it, nobody cares because they're like, I just need something that's gonna serve as a caffeine vehicle for my cream and sugar.

我知道。

I know.

但如果你用好咖啡，加点奶油和糖，又不烤焦，那不也挺好？

But wouldn't that be okay if you just had good coffee and did that and didn't burn it?

嗯，我就是这么做的。

Well, I do.

我认为，这正是第三波和第四波咖啡浪潮与咖啡品质直接相关的地方。

I think that's where third wave and fourth wave, it's more directly related to the quality of the coffee.

第三波和第四波是不加奶油、不加糖，而第一波和第二波则加奶油和糖，因为你得掩盖那些不一致的味道。

It's no cream, no sugar, and it's more first and second wave, it's cream and sugar because you're you're gonna have to cover up the inconsistencies.

嗯，有些人就是喜欢，因为他们觉得这是一种享受。

Well, some people just like it anyway because what they're getting is a treat.

他们并不是在想：‘我在喝咖啡。’

It's not they're not thinking it was like, I'm drinking coffee.

他们是在享受一种犒赏。

Like, they're getting a treat.

对。

Right.

比如，你得点一杯星冰乐。

Like, you have order a frappuccino.

这根本就是奶昔。

It's a milkshake.

这根本就是奶昔。

It's a milkshake.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

糖分多得不得了。

It's tons of sugar.

是的。

Yeah.

还有大量的咖啡因。

Tons of caffeine too.

你就像是。

You're like,

坐在你的隔间里。

sitting in your cubicle.

你摄入了大约100克糖、200毫克咖啡因。

You got like a 100 grams of sugar, two hundred milligrams of caffeine.

你感觉能量爆棚，直到突然崩溃，然后又需要再来一杯。

You're like, you're you're skyrocketing with just energy until you crash and then you need another one in

下午。

the afternoon.

是的。

Yeah.

然后你一整天都这样，把你的中枢神经系统都烧坏了。

And then you're just doing that all day and frying your central nervous system.

下班后，你就直接垮了。

Then when you get out of work, you just die.

你只是回家然后……

You just go home and Go

回家瘫在沙发上，看点体育节目，老兄。

home and melt on the couch and watch some sports, man.

是的。

Yeah.

你的胰岛素完全乱了。

Your insulin's all fucked up.

你开始犯困。

You're falling asleep.

那

The

咖啡极客的对话也会让一半的观众睡着。

coffee nerd conversations just put half the fucking audience to sleep too.

我不在乎。

Don't care.

我不在乎。

Don't care.

是的，是的。

Yeah, yeah.

这太搞笑了，老兄。

It's so funny, man.

我会开始聊这个。

I'll start talking about it.

我心想，我不该说。

I'm like, I should not.

我以前从事另一个职业时，是个沟通专员。

I was a comms guy back in my previous profession, my previous life.

这太搞笑了，因为当你谈论通信和科技整体时，开始分析频率、频谱分析仪之类的任何东西，团队里的人眼睛都会放空，我就想：好吧。

It's so funny because when you talk about communications and just technology in general and you start analyzing frequencies and spectrum analyzers or whatever, whatever you want to talk about, people's eyes would just glaze over in the team room and I'd be like, All right.

那你们想不想去炸点东西？

Well, do you guys want to go blow some shit up?

我们换个话题吧，因为你们不想聊这个。

Why don't we shift the topic because you guys don't wanna talk about this.

我知道你们不想听这些。

I know you don't wanna hear about it.

所以在交叉培训中，其实就是想办法让人保持清醒。

So in cross training, it's just you try to keep people awake, basically.

本集由Roka赞助播出，这一点很重要，所以别跳过。

This episode is brought to you by Roka, and this is important, so don't skip this.

我穿Roka已经好几年了，我超爱它们。

I've been wearing Rokas for years, and I absolutely love them.

在所有眼镜品牌中，我选择Roka。

Of all the glasses brands out there, I choose Roka.

Roka的眼镜就是不一样。

Roka shit just works different.

你第一次戴上它们时就能感觉到。

You'll notice it from the first time you put them on their face.

戴起来感觉很棒。

They feel great.

我可以戴着它们到处跑。

I can run around in them.

它们永远不会从头上掉下来。

They never fall off your head.

它们质量超高，轻盈，非常舒适，而且牢牢地贴在你脸上。

They're super high quality, lightweight, super comfortable, and they stay on your damn face.

即使你出汗了，它们反而更稳了。

Even if you're sweaty, they stay in place even better.

它们不会滑落。

They don't slip.

健身器材、壶铃、瑜伽、短跑、追狗，不管你喜欢什么。

Gym stuff, kettlebells, yoga, sprints, chasing the dog, whatever you're into.

也可能只是弯腰去抱孩子。

It could be just leaning over to pick up your kids.

所有东西都稳稳地贴在脸上，视野清晰透亮，感觉极佳。

Everything stays on your face and feels great with crystal clear optics.

去试试吧，亲自感受一下其中的差别。

Check them out and feel the difference for yourself.

为了帮助你开始使用，Roka 正在为 JRE 听众提供订单 20% 的折扣。

To help you get started, Roku is offering JRE listeners 20% off your order.

所以请前往 roca.com。

So go to roca.com.

很多人很难专注于那些不刺激的事情，是的。

Well, there's a lot of people that have a hard time focusing on something that isn't exciting Oh, yeah.

不知什么原因。

For whatever reason.

即使是一些重要的技术细节，虽然它们本身不刺激，但能帮你完成那些令人兴奋的事情，这其实就是延迟满足。

Even if it's, like, important technical details that'll help you do things that are exciting, you know, it's it's the delayed gratification.

没错。

Right.

这些人往往也不喜欢做冷水浴，或者不喜欢做那些不会立即带来好处的事情。

They're the same type of people that don't like to do cold plunges or don't like to do certain things that, like, you're not gonna feel an immediate benefit.

做这些事的时候你会觉得很难受，所以就一直拖延。

It's gonna suck while you're doing it, so you put it off.

你得有这种心态：有些事虽然痛苦，但能让那些令人兴奋的事情变得更好。

Like, you gotta you've gotta have a mindset that there's some things that suck that will make the things that are exciting way better.

是的。

Yeah.

比如在漫画创作中，那就是写作。

Like, for comics, it's writing.

就是坐下来写作。

Like sitting down and writing.

你知道，很多漫画家都不想写东西。

You know, always because a lot of comics don't wanna write.

他们只想整天冒出点子，然后在舞台上即兴发挥。

They just wanna come out with ideas through the day and then work them out on stage.

我觉得这很棒。

I'm like, that is great.

你可以这么做，但你也应该写，因为你在写作时产生的灵感，其他方式是得不到的。

You can do that, but you should also write because the ideas that come to you while you're writing, they won't come any other way.

这些灵感就像是宇宙赐予的小礼物。

And those are like little gifts from the universe.

而你唯一能得到它们的方式，就是坐下来，面前放着一叠纸或一台电脑，去把它们想出来。

And you the only way you get them is you gotta sit down with a fucking pad of paper or a computer in front of you and come up with them.

你得坐下来开始创作，让大脑慢慢但稳定地把这些点子浮现出来。

You gotta sit down and start working and let the mind just just slowly but surely pop them out.

你多久做一次这种事？

How how often do you do that?

每周至少四天。

At least four days a week.

一小时还是两小时？

For hour, two hours?

是的。

Yeah.

至少一小时。

At least at least an hour.

我试着写一千个字。

I try to write a thousand words.

所以可能花一小时。

So it might be an hour.

也可能花两小时。

It might be two hours.

在这一千个字中，我可能只写出一段话。

And then out of those thousand words, I might get a paragraph.

就像，就在这儿。

Like, there it is.

对。

Right.

这正是我找的东西。

That's what I was looking for.

你基本上就是在一片田野里寻找箭头。

You're basically looking for arrowheads in a field.

你知道，你捡起一大团泥土，抖一抖、洗一洗，啊，找到了一个。

You know, you're picking up a giant clump of dirt, and you're shaking it out and washing it over, ah, got one.

所以你在实际操作前会先找人试试吗？

So do you try that out on anybody before you actually no.

你就只是，好吧。

You just like, okay.

这是我很确定

This is the I'm pretty

当然，我有东西了。

sure I got something.

当我有东西的时候，我很确定我找到了，但直到观众告诉我之前，我也不知道那会是什么。

When I got something, I'm pretty sure I got it, but I don't know what it's gonna be until the audience tells me.

比如当你有自己的俱乐部时，你就可以随便试一试。

Like When you have your own club, so you can just try it out.

是的。

Yeah.

这帮助很大。

It helps a lot.

你就直接开车过来。

You just, like, drive in.

那是星期三。

That's Wednesday.

让我开车

Let me drive

当我没有的时候，我会去商店。

when I didn't, I would go to the store.

我会去，比如说，我有一点灵感，感觉很兴奋，心想：哦，我写出了些不错的东西。

I would go to the like, say, I have a a bit and it's exciting, I'm like, oh, I wrote something that's good.

我会去即兴表演，然后我

Would go to the improv, and then I

会去商店，也许

would go to the store, and maybe

我会去冰屋。

I go to the ice house.

对。

Right.

我一晚上至少表演两场。

I bang out a few sets, at least two in a night.

有些时候，你知道，你可以到处巡回表演。

Some you know, you could travel around.

比如，洛杉矶在这方面真的很棒。

Like, LA was really good for that.

奥斯汀在这方面太棒了。

Austin's amazing for that.

现在我这条街上就有七家俱乐部。

There's seven clubs on my street now.

什么？

What?

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

从我这条街到邻近的街道。

Between my street and the neighboring streets.

所以你们有我们这边，然后沿着街下去就是Sunset Room，由Red Band经营。

So you got us, and then right down the street is the Sunset Room, which Red Band owns.

再往前正对面就是Creek In The Cave，非常棒。

And then right up across from that, you got Creek In The Cave, which is awesome.

然后还有火神俱乐部，它

And then you got the Vulcan, which

就在下面

is right down

那条街上。

the street.

还有很多其他小场地。

There's a bunch of other small rooms.

还有黑兔俱乐部。

There's the Black Rabbit.

所有这些场地每周至少有三天或四天晚上有喜剧演出。

There's all these rooms that have comedy at least three or four nights a week.

所以，如果你是现在在奥斯汀崭露头角的男性或女性喜剧演员，你真的可以有很多演出机会。

So if you're like a guy or a girl coming up right now in Austin, you could really work.

你可以一直演出，而且他们都会付演出费。

You could work, and they're all paying.

所以你在这儿就能赚50美元。

So you're, you know, you're collecting $50 here.

我的俱乐部付得更多。

My club pays more.

我的俱乐部付得最多，但所有这些地方都会给你实际的报酬，让你表演一场脱口秀。

My club pays the most, but all these different places, they pay, you know, like, actual money for you to do a set.

到了晚上结束时，你就能赚到几百美元。

At the end of the night, you got a few $100.

你可以吃点东西。

You can get something to eat.

现在有这么多喜剧演员都不用外出巡演了。

Like, there's all these comics that don't have to do the road now.

是的。

Right.

以前他们只能靠巡演来付房租和买食物。

So, like, they used to just have to do the road to pay their rent and for food.

你现在已经不用再那样做了。

You don't have to do that anymore.

你可以待在城里，好好打磨段子，然后再出去巡演。

You could, like, stay in town and really build up material and then go out on the road.

段子内容会变化吗？

Is material going to shift?

我知道，在不同地区，我不是说要偏向左或右。

I know regionally, you've got to have I'm not saying left or right.

我只是说，段子内容是否需要根据你所在的地方进行调整？

I'm just saying does the material have to shift based on where you're at?

你在洛杉矶，观众会不会有点不一样？

You're in LA, is the crowd a little bit different?

人们会更包容、更不包容，或者期待些不一样的东西吗？

The people are gonna be more accepting, less accepting, expect something a little bit different?

你不能

You can't

想想这个。

think of that.

你不能。

You can't.

你就直接，这是个笑话。

You just like, here's the joke.

是的。

Yeah.

让我讲一遍。

Let me run it.

好的一点是，如果他们不接受某个想法，也许你应该重新审视这个想法，嗯。

Well, the good thing is if they're not accepting of an idea, maybe you should reexamine that idea Uh-huh.

然后试着弄清楚，为什么我会这样？也许我该想个更好的方式让这个想法更容易被接受。

And maybe figure out, like, why am I maybe I should figure out a better way to make this idea acceptable.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你知道吗？

You know?

因为有些想法，我一开始搞，就觉得这根本行不通。

Because there's ideas where I'll start it off and it just like, oh, this is this isn't going anywhere.

然后我就想，这里面肯定有个切入点。

And then I'm like, there's gotta be an angle in here.

接着我就找到了另一个完全不同的角度。

And then I'll find a whole another angle.

我心想，这下我找到了。

I'm like, Now I have it.

然后我又得去找一个角度。

And then I have to find an angle.

比如，如果我是个女人，看着台上这个肌肉发达的傻大个，我会想，好吧。

Like, what if I was a woman and I was watching this and I'm looking at this fucking meathead on stage and I'm like, okay.

我得想办法让他们明白，光凭我长这样，并不意味着我是个坏人。

Like, I gotta figure out a way to get them to understand that just because I look like this doesn't mean I'm a bad guy.

对。

Right.

对。

Right.

让我先把这个想法灌输到你的脑子里，然后再从我的角度解释。

Like, let me, like, work this into your head first and then explain it from my perspective.

这很有趣。

It's funny

因为我长成这样。

because I look like this.

这并不意味着我是个坏人。

It doesn't mean I'm a bad guy.

这是一种自动的假设。

Well, it's automatic assumption.

是的。

Yeah.

你知道吗？

You know?

我的意思是，这是一种未被言明的偏见，尤其是对那些肌肉发达的男性，人们会立刻觉得他们是混蛋。

I mean, it's an untold prejudice that, like, men with muscles in particular are assholes Right.

立刻就这么觉得。

Like, instantly.

是的。

Yeah.

你有着非常鲜明的外表。

You're you've got a you've got a very definitive look.

一旦你开口，他们就默认你一定会是个十足的混蛋。

And then as soon as you open your mouth, they're assuming that you're gonna be just the Yeah.

完全的混蛋。

Complete asshole.

对。

Right.

是的

Yeah.

是的

Yeah.

我可以说这一点。

I can say that.

一个刻薄的人。

A mean person.

是的

Yeah.

是的

Yeah.

你知道的，满身纹身，评论综合格斗。

You know, covered in tattoos, cage fighting commentary.

在你妈妈面前有一千个混蛋。

Thousand dicks in front of your mother.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

区别在于，可能有个家伙喜欢尽可能深地吞下上千根阴茎。

The difference is, like, there's probably a guy out there that likes sucking a thousand dicks as far as possible.

你让

You made

我做

me do

这个，妈妈。

this, mom.

对。

Right.

来吧，妈妈。

Come on, mom.

99。

99.

外面肯定有个人，会去尝试那些东西，我的意思是，有些人就喜欢看屎 porn 和各种奇葩内容。

There's a guy out there that would, like, take some I mean, these people are into shit porn and all kinds of nuts and things.

你知道吗，

You know,

所以你是在把轰炸和人们喜欢看屎 porn 这两件事画上等号吗？

there's So you're you're you're drawing the same parallel to, like, bombing and people are into shit porn.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

如果你喜欢轰炸，那你就是喜欢别人在你嘴里拉屎。

If you like bombing, you could you're into people shitting in your mouth.

哦，对了。

Like Oh, right.

这根本不好玩。

It's not fun.

你不希望人们过得不开心。

You don't want people to have a bad time.

他们来这里是为了享受乐趣。

They're there to have fun.

这些人都是要工作的。

These people work.

他们在工作。

They're Yeah.

整天都在工作。

Working all day.

他们累得要死。

They're fucking tired.

是的。

Yeah.

你想让他们玩得尽兴，而让他们玩得尽兴的唯一方式就是你把工作做好。

Want them to have a good ass time, and the only way for them to have a good ass time is for you to do your job.

对。

Right.

你知道的。

You know?

但有时候它就是得不顺利。

But it's it has to sometimes not work well.

当我准备讲一个新的段子时，就会有这么一个时刻。

And there's like this moment when I'm about to do a new bit.

我心想：天啊。

I'm like, god.

我甚至都不想干这个了。

I don't even wanna do this.

我不知道接下来会怎样。

I don't know where this goes.

但我必须得做。

But I have to.

你得把它拿出来，希望能找到一个切入点。

You gotta trot it out there and and hope that you could find an angle.

所以你不会在你老婆面前试这些吧？绝对不。

So you don't try those on on your like, with your wife or No way.

最糟糕了。

Worst.

是的。

Yeah.

她会是最糟糕的。

She'd be the worst.

把她拆穿？

Tear you down?

她就会盯着我，说：你到底怎么了？

She would just stare at me like, what what is wrong with you?

她和我之间有一种很好的平衡，因为她和我完全不同。

It's like she and I have a very good balance because she's so different than me.

她虽然和我很不一样，但有很多相同的价值观。

She's so but has a lot of the same values as me.

是的。

Yeah.

你知道的，比如自律，她非常聪明，对很多事情感兴趣，但我们确实很不同。

You know, like discipline and she's very smart and she's interested in things, but she we're we're very different.

这很有趣，因为我和我妻子会一起散步。

Well, it's so funny because my wife and I will walk around.

对吧？

Right?

我是个非常不成熟的喜剧演员，总和朋友们混在一起。

And I'm a very immature comedian to surround my friends.

我真的很努力。

I try to I try really hard.

对吧？

Right?

我根本算不上。

I'm not even close.

我只是说，你知道的，我专长就是一些蠢话。

I'm just like, you know, I specialize in stupid shit that I say.

对。

Right.

基本上，这就是我想表达的。

Basically, that's where I'm going with this.

当她笑的时候，这对我来说意义重大，远超过让我朋友们笑——当然，我能让我的朋友们笑。

And she when I get her to laugh, that's like that means way more to me than than like but my friends, sure, I can make them laugh.

比如，我能让我的员工笑。

Like, I can make my employees laugh.

我某种程度上是付钱让他们笑，你知道的？

I kinda pay them to, you know?

但当我的妻子笑的时候，那才说明真的很好笑。

But, like, when my wife laughs, that means it's fucking funny.

这很真实。

That's legit.

这有意义。

It means it means something.

对吧？

Right?

这确实很真实。

It's like it's legit.

她就像一个人的观众。

She's like a one person crowd.

对吧？

Right?

所以我们正在散步。

So we're walking around.

我刚才在说，你看过伯特·克雷彻尔那个‘免费伯特’了吗？

I was talking about have you seen that Burt Kreicher, Free Burt?

你看过他的新剧集吗？

Have you seen his new series?

我只看过预告片，但所有看过的人都是好评。

I've only seen trailers, but everybody that saw it loves it.

真的特别搞笑，老兄。

It's it's it's really funny, man.

我就想，咱们应该看看这个。

Like and so I I was like, we should watch this.

你真该去看看。

You should check it out.

咱们应该看个五分钟。

We should watch it like five minutes.

她说，这简直就是男生的节目。

She's like, this is such a dude show.

去你的。

Fuck you.

我从来没看过。

I've never watched it.

但其实都一样。

But it's the same.

就是我想看的，我觉得挺搞笑的。

It's like what I wanna watch and I think is funny.

她说，绝对不看。

She's like, absolutely not.

但她又想看一些类似的真实犯罪类节目。

But then she's wants to watch some, like, true crime thing around it.

就是那种男人杀了自己妻子的。

You know, a dude that killed his wife.

我就说，他们可喜欢了。

And I'm like They love it.

他们喜欢？为什么他们喜欢这个？

They love Why do they love that?

这太奇怪了。

It's so weird.

这就像是一种本能，他们喜欢这些节目，因为我的孩子也喜欢。

It's like genetic that they love it because my kids love those shows.

他们喜欢关于连环杀手的揭露节目和所有这些真实犯罪题材。

They love serial killer expose shows and all these true crimes.

我不喜欢任何这类东西。

And I don't like any of that.

我跟女儿聊过这个，她说，因为女孩不会做这种事，所以我们想看看是什么样的心理让一个男人做出这种事，这真是个谜。

I was talking to my daughter about it, she said, because girls don't do things like this, so we kind of wanna see, like, what's going on in a man's mind that makes him it's a such a mystery.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

这真是个谜。

Like, it's such a mystery.

大多数男人能想象出一种场景：房间里有一群人做了些可怕的事，然后你走进去，把他们全部杀掉。

Like, most men can imagine a scenario where there's a bunch of people that did some horrible shit in a room, and you just go in there and fucking kill all of them.

是的。

Yeah.

大多数男人，是的。

Most men Yeah.

大多数男人会说，哦，是的。

Most men can say, oh, yeah.

有一个地方。

There's a place.

嗯。

Mhmm.

有一场演出。

There's a play.

比如，如果有人做了什么事，我知道他做了，而他就在这间屋子里，他必须走，他得离开。

Like, if someone did something and I knew they did something and they're in that room and they need to go, they need to go.

对。

Right.

大多数女性无法这样思考。

Most women can't think like that.

她们不会这样想。

They don't they don't think like that.

这种想法不在她们的脑子里。

It's not inside their head.

然后还有它的黑暗面。

And then there's the darkness of it.

这些并不是在惩罚那些罪有应得的人的男性。

Like, these aren't men that are doing something to someone who deserves it.

他们只是对弱势人群下手。

They're just doing it to vulnerable people.

他们就是纯粹的邪恶生物，只想出去猎杀弱势人群。

They're just evil creatures who just wanna go out and hunt vulnerable people.

我认为女性希望知道，外面确实存在如此不同于她们的男性，这样她们才能在心里接受这一点。

And I think women want to know that there are men like that out there that are so different than them so they can put it in their head.

好吧。

Like, okay.

连环杀手是真实存在的。

Serial killers are real.

对。

Right.

这些真实的犯罪节目让我了解到这些，我想知道该注意些什么。

Like, these true crime shows have showed me this, and I wanna know, like, what to look for.

对。

Right.

这就是我想说的

That's what I

想。

think.

而你有没有哪怕一秒钟，真正害怕过连环杀手？

Whereas, have you ever spent a second of your life in fear or fearing a serial killer?

不太算。

Not really.

不。

No.

不。

No.

这种恐惧并不现实。

It's not a realistic fear.

但如果我在一个卡车休息站，有个鬼鬼祟祟的家伙在我之后进洗手间，然后在外面等着，看起来根本不需要上厕所，我肯定会高度警惕。

But if I was at a truck stop and there was some fucking shady dude that came into the bathroom after me and he was, like, waiting outside and didn't look like he needed to use the bathroom, I'd be a 100% on guard.

有些人就是会无缘无故地杀人，只为寻求刺激，还能逍遥法外。

Like, there's people that will just randomly kill people just for a thrill and get away with it.

我认为，他们逍遥法外的数量远比他们希望我们知道的要多。

And I think there's way more of them getting away with it than they'd like us to know.

举个很好的例子。

Like, here's a here's a good example.

在奥斯汀，有多少人尸体被发现并被放入了我们的好赞助商Perplexity中，就在它成为接管宇宙的数字之神之前，这个AI。

In Austin, what is the actual number of people who have bodies that have been found in lay put put this into our wonderful sponsor perplexity before it becomes the digital god that takes over the universe, this AI.

过去三年里，在莱迪·比尔湖发现的溺水人数是多少？

What are the numbers of people that have been found drowned in Lady Bird Lake over the last three years?

这数字很惊人。

It's something crazy.

真的吗？

Is it really?

是的。

Yeah.

大概是30人。

It's like 30.

我以为这只是托尼讲的一个搞笑段子。

I thought this was just a funny joke for Tony to talk about.

哦，不是的。

Oh, no.

不。

No.

着陆在

Landing in

这个不。

the No.

不。

No.

不。

No.

不。

No.

这是真的。

It's real.

对。

Right.

这是真的。

It's real.

所以警察不愿意说这是连环杀手干的。

So the cops don't wanna say it's a serial killer.

他们认为这是因为案件发生在雷尼街附近。

They think there's it's because it's over by Rainy Street.

很多人在聚会，但尸体却不断出现。

A lot of people are partying, but there's the bodies keep piling up.

38。

38.

什么？

What?

是的。

Yeah.

他们想说这并不是连环

And they they wanna say it's not a serial