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警告。
Warning.
本集包含对性侵的描述。
This episode contains a description of a sexual assault.
建议听众自行判断。
Listener discretion is advised.
他开始靠近，我不确定该怎么办。
He began to approach, and I wasn't sure what to do.
我脑子里涌出了很多想法。
There were a lot of were a lot of thoughts swimming in my head.
我开始站起来，他就在我上方，几乎压在我身上。
I began to stand up, and he was there and kind of on top of me.
我挡了他的路，他说：‘让开。’
I was in his way, and he went, Get out of my way.
他推了我一下或做了个手势，结果变成了拳击，打中了我的肚子。
And he kind of pushed or gestured, which turned into a kind of punch, punched me in the stomach.
安东尼，当你感觉到他用骨盆抵住你的臀部时，你当时在想什么？
Anthony, when you felt him pressing his pelvis into your hip, tell us what you were thinking.
我说了类似这样的话：我再也受不了了。
I said something like, I can't do this anymore.
然后他说：那以后就别再跟我说话了。
And he then said, Well, then never talk to me again.
当他走开时，所有累积的失落感让我彻底崩溃了。
As he walked away, all the compounding loss, I snapped.
欢迎来到未经剪辑的凯文·史派西审判。
Welcome to the Kevin Spacey trial unfiltered.
这是第六集：后台通行证。
This is episode six, Backstage Passes.
我的名字是安·麦克埃尔尼。
My name is Anne McElhenny.
在开场陈述中，律师们为这场持续近两周的审判奠定了基调。
In their opening arguments, the lawyers had set the stage for a trial that would last almost two weeks.
安东尼·拉普的律师将这场审判描述为对受害者迟来的正义追求。
Anthony Rapp's lawyers framed the trial as a long delayed attempt to bring justice to a victim.
凯文·史派西一方则称，这一事件从未发生，纯粹是一个撒谎、愤世嫉俗的自恋者的想象产物。
Kevin Spacey's side said the encounter never happened, and it was born from the imagination of a lying, embittered narcissist.
他们还声称，拉普与一名记者串通，掩盖了他故事中的重大漏洞，使史派西更难反驳这起三十年前的指控。
They also claimed Rapp colluded with a journalist to cover up huge holes in his story and make it more difficult for Spacey to refute the thirty year old allegations.
开场陈述后，拉普诉史派西案迎来了一个新的重磅消息。
After openings, the Rapp versus Spacey trial started with a new bombshell.
虽然没有名人证人出庭，但出现了新的指控，以及 apparently 新的证人，他们可能支持拉普的主张。
There were no celebrity witnesses, but there were new allegations and apparently new witnesses who could back up Rapp's claims.
这些新指控来自61岁的安德鲁·霍尔茨曼，他声称史派西在1981年对他实施了性侵。
The new allegations came from 61 year old Andrew Holtzman, who claimed Spacey had sexually assaulted him in 1981.
他的证词可能对史派西造成毁灭性打击。
His testimony had the potential to be devastating for Spacey.
拉普团队试图证明史派西有性侵犯的前科。
Rapp's team was trying to establish that Spacey had a history of sexual predation.
霍尔茨曼告诉陪审团，1981年，他正在公共剧院的莎士比亚戏剧节担任理想的工作，并与公共剧院传奇导演约瑟夫·帕普建立了亲密关系。
Holtzman told the jury that in 1981, he had his dream job working for the Public Theatre's Shakespeare Festival, where he had developed a close relationship with Joseph Papp, the Public Theatre's legendary director.
霍尔茨曼说，当时他27岁，与当时20岁的斯佩西经历了一次看似随机且创伤性的遭遇。
Holzmann said he was 27 when he had a seemingly random and traumatic encounter with Spacey, who would have been 20 at the time.
霍尔茨曼说，他正坐在办公桌前，这时一个他以为叫凯文的人走进了房间。
Holzman said he was sitting at his desk when someone he thought was named Kevin entered the room.
这是安东尼·拉普的律师彼得·塞吉尔对他作证时的重现。
This is a reenactment of his evidence as he was being questioned by Anthony Rapp's lawyer, Peter Segier.
其中包含一些人可能觉得过于直白的内容。
It contains content that some people might find graphic.
他走进办公室，门是开着的，径直走向接待台。
He walked in the office, the door was opened, and he made a beeline to the guest desk.
他没有跟我打招呼，也没说任何话，就坐在了桌旁。
Didn't acknowledge me, didn't say anything, and sat down at the desk.
他进来的时候，你正在打电话吗？
When he entered, you were on the phone?
是的。
Yes.
然后电话挂断了，Spacey开始看着霍尔茨曼。
Then the phone call ended, and now Spacey was looking at Holzman.
他开始靠近。
He started to approach.
他们仍然没有说任何话。
They still hadn't exchanged any words.
他站起来时，你注意到了什么？
When he stood up, what, if anything, did you notice?
我注意到他穿着非常紧身的蓝色牛仔裤，透过牛仔裤可以看到一个非常明显且明显的勃起。
I noticed that he was wearing very tight blue jeans, and through his blue jeans was a very clear, large erection.
当你看到这一幕时，
And when you saw this,
你当时在哪里？
where were you?
在我的办公桌旁。
At my desk.
告诉我们接下来发生了什么。
Tell us what happened next.
他开始走近，我不确定该怎么做。
He began to approach, and I wasn't sure what to do.
我脑子里涌出了很多想法。
There were a lot of there were a lot of thoughts swimming in my head.
我开始站起来，他已经在我面前，几乎压在我身上。
I began to stand up, and he was there and kind of on top of me.
请一步一步告诉我们，Spacey先生走到你身边并压在你身上时做了什么。
Tell us step by step what it is that mister Spacey did when he walked over to you and got on top of you.
我站起来时，开始绕到办公桌的一侧，就在那里我们碰到了一起。
I began to when I stood up, I began to walk around the side of my desk, and that's where we encountered each other.
他用手抓住我的胯部，把我举起来，推回我的办公桌上。
And he sort of lifted me up by my crotch and pushed me back on my desk.
当你说到他抓住你的腹股沟时，能具体说说他的手放在哪里吗？
When you say he lifted you up by your crotch, tell us specifically where his hand was.
我的腹股沟。
My my groin.
我的腹股沟，用来借力吧。
My groin for leverage, I guess.
当你抓住自己的腹股沟时，接下来发生了什么？
When you grabbed your crotch, what happened next?
我们向后倒去。
We went backwards.
我知道我大喊了类似‘你在干什么？’这样的话。
I knew I screamed things like, What are you doing?
从我身上下去。
Get off of me.
什么话都没说。
No words.
什么都没有。
No nothing.
而且我能感觉到他的勃起贴在我身上。
And there was, you know, like, I could feel his erection on my body.
请具体说说你在哪里感觉到他的勃起。
Tell us where specifically you felt his erection on your body.
靠近我的腹股沟。
Near my groin.
那时他对你说了什么，如果有任何话的话？
What, if anything, did he say to you at that point in time?
完全没说话。
Absolutely nothing.
当你感觉到他的勃起贴在你的腹股沟时，你的身体是什么姿势？
How was your body positioned when felt his erection on your groin?
我被勉强半推着靠在办公桌上，我不断推撑着想稳住自己，让自己恢复姿势。
It was awkwardly halfway pushed back on my desk, and I kept pushing to steady myself, get myself right.
接下来你做了什么？
What did you do next?
又过了几分钟，他才松手，站起来离开我，我这才得以起身。
Well, it was a few more moments before he relented and got up and got off me, and I was able to get up.
那是第一次
It was the first time that
我觉得他看了我一眼，
I think he looked at me,
他很生气。
and he was angry.
他非常生气，有点吓人，但一句话也没说。
He was very angry, and it was a little scary, but no words.
他转过身，抓起风衣和包以及里面的东西，冲出办公室，重重地摔上了门。
He turned, he grabbed his windbreaker and his bag and whatever was in it and stormed out of the office, slamming the door.
当你说到他很生气时，描述一下你观察到的具体情况。
When you say he was angry, describe what it is that you observed.
从他的眼神和表情中，我知道我做错了什么。
It was a look in his eyes and on his face that I had done something wrong.
事情本不该这样发展。
This was not the way it should have gone.
霍尔茨曼说，当他走进办公室时，他认出了斯派西，可能是由于他在莎士比亚戏剧节宣传海报上的照片。
Holzman said he recognized Spacey when he walked into the office, possibly because of his photo in the playbill publicizing the Shakespeare Festival.
但他并不完全确定。
But he wasn't totally sure.
那个季节，斯派西在《亨利四世》第一部分中扮演了一个小角色。
Spacey had had a small part in Henry IV Part one that season.
但在交叉质询中，霍尔茨曼的指控出现了许多重大漏洞。
But under cross examination, several large holes emerged in Holtzman's allegations.
我们知道，斯派西是个收集狂。
Spacey, as we know, is a pack rat.
是的，他又回到了巴尔的摩那个破旧的仓储仓库，在数百个箱子深处，找到了1981年公共剧院莎士比亚戏剧节的原始节目单。
And yes, he again went back to that ugly storage warehouse in Baltimore and buried deep in the hundreds of boxes was the original playbill from the nineteen eighty one Public Theater Shakespeare Festival.
Spacey的律师蔡斯·斯科尼克向霍尔茨曼展示了节目单，并一页一页地向他讲解。
Spacey's lawyer Chase Skolnick presented Holzman with the playbill and took him through it page by page.
他甚至将节目单投射到大屏幕上，让陪审团也能看到。
He even put it up on a large screen for the jury to see it as well.
节目单上没有Spacey的照片。
There was no picture of Spacey.
他的戏份太小，不值得刊登照片。
His part was too small to warrant one.
这严重质疑了霍尔茨曼识别Spacey的过程。
This cast serious doubts on Holzmann's process of identifying Spacey.
他是否把另一位年轻演员误认成了当时还不知名的Spacey？
Had he confused another young actor with the then unknown Spacey?
斯科尼克指出，霍尔茨曼当时大喊大叫，而办公室繁忙，仅隔着一道帘子就是剧院，但没人听到他的喊声。
Skolnick pointed out that Holzman had screamed and was in a busy office that was separated from a theater with just a curtain, but no one had heard him.
你声称Spacey先生是在白天走进这个办公室的。
And you claim that mister Spacey came into this office in the middle of the day.
对吧？
Right?
在工作日的某个时候。
Sometime during a workday.
是的。
Yes.
外面是白天。
It was light outside.
对吧？
Right?
是的。
Yes.
嗯，没错。
Uh-huh.
在工作周期间。
During the workweek.
对吧？
Right?
是的。
Yes.
你办公室的门是开着的吗？
The door to your office was open?
是的。
It was.
斯科尔尼克提醒霍尔茨曼，他曾说他与有影响力的话剧导演约瑟夫·帕普关系密切，甚至把帕普当作父亲一般。
Skolnick reminded Holzman he said he was close to Joseph Papp, the influential theater director, so much so that he considered Papp a father figure.
他们关系如此亲密，因此霍尔茨曼竟然不认识斯佩西，这令人费解。
The closeness of their relationship then made it baffling that Holzmann didn't know Spacey.
斯科尔尼克表示，据称性侵事件发生后，斯佩西曾担任帕普的执行助理八个月。
Skolnick said Spacey worked as Papp's executive assistant for eight months following the alleged assault.
霍尔茨曼声称，事件发生后就再也没有见过斯佩西。
Holzmann claimed he never saw Spacey again after the incident.
但事实上，他们之后几个月在同一栋楼里与同一个人密切合作。
But in reality, they worked closely with the same man in the same building for months afterwards.
如果是这样，斯科尔尼克问，为什么霍尔茨曼不把当时还是个默默无闻、比他小七岁的演员——斯佩西——向帕普报告呢？
If this was the case, Skolnick asked, why wouldn't Haltzmann see and report Spacey, then an unknown actor seven years his junior, to Papp?
在结案陈词中，拉普的律师声称霍尔茨曼是一个公正的证人，证实了斯佩西的暴力性倾向。
In closing arguments, Rapp's lawyers claimed Holtzman was an unbiased witness corroborating Spacey's violent sexual tendencies.
但几天后，詹妮弗·凯勒在她的结案陈词中总结了团队对他的证词的看法。
But Jennifer Keller summed up her team's take on his testimony in her closing argument a few days later.
而且请不要误解，先生。
And make no mistake about it, Mr.
霍尔茨曼之所以在这里，是因为这个案子太薄弱了，他们必须找点东西来支撑它。
Holtzman is here because this case is so weak that they have to have something to bolster it.
所以他们找来了霍尔茨曼先生，他说在白天工作时，一个他不认识的20岁年轻人冲进他的办公室，抓住他的下体，单手把他举起来，而他根本不知道这个人是谁。
So they bring in Mr.
所以他们找来了霍尔茨曼先生，他说在白天工作时，一个他不认识的20岁年轻人冲进他的办公室，抓住他的下体，单手把他举起来，而他根本不知道这个人是谁。
Holtzman, who says in the middle of the day, he's working at the public theater, a 20 year old who he doesn't know comes storming into his office, grabs his crotch, lifts him up with one hand, and he never knew who this person was.
他从未被介绍给对方，也从未在戏剧、印刷广告或电影中见过他。
He had never been introduced to him, had never seen him in a play, print ad, movie.
声称他一定是从剧目手册上看到过他，但实际上并没有。
Claims that he must have seen him from the play program but he hadn't.
他大喊大叫，但没人听见，尽管那里有一层天鹅绒幕布，舞台就在另一边。
And he screams, yet nobody hears him even though there is a velvet curtain and the stage is just on the other side.
当时他是个成年人，27岁，不是看起来更小的14岁孩子，而且他在公共剧院是个重要人物。
He's a grown man at this time, 27 years old, not a 14 year old child who looked even younger, and he was a prominent person at the public theater.
他负责管理剧院的电影项目，是负责人之一。
He was in charge, one of the people in charge of their film program.
他说自己和乔·帕普关系非常亲密，经常进出帕普先生的办公室。
And he said he was very close to Joe Papp, was in and out of Mr.
他经常出入帕普先生的办公室。
Papp's office all the time.
他就像帕普的儿子一样，但他从未见过凯文·史派西——这不可能，因为凯文·史派西和他共事了另外八个月。
He was like a son to him, but he never saw Kevin Spacey, again, which is impossible because Kevin Spacey and he overlapped for another eight months.
而斯佩西先生到处奔波，为帕普先生递送物品、打信件，和帕普先生一起去参加示威，围着饮水机转悠。
And mister Spacey was all over the place, delivering stuff, typing letters for mister Papp, you know, going to demonstrations with mister Papp, milling around the water cooler.
他肯定无数次和他碰过面。
He would have run into him countless times.
霍尔茨曼先生看起来像是个好人，也许这样的事确实发生在他身上，但不是凯文·斯佩西干的。
So he seems like a nice guy, mister Holtzman does, and maybe something like this happened to him, but not by Kevin Spacey.
这根本不可能。
It's just not possible.
然后，安东尼·拉普被传上证人席。
Then Anthony Rapp is called to the witness stand.
这是他重要的时刻，是他有机会在法庭上当面质问那个声称三十年前性侵他的人的机会。
This was his big moment, his chance to confront in court the man who he says assaulted him over thirty five years ago.
他的律师彼得·塞吉尔试图向陪审团展示，他的当事人在童年时是多么优秀。
His lawyer, Peter Segier, tried to show the jury just how high achieving his client was as a child.
也许他努力过头了。
Perhaps he tried too much.
陪审团了解到，经过测试，拉普被认为聪明到可以直接跳过幼儿园，进入小学。
The jury learned that after tests, rap was considered to be so intelligent that he could skip kindergarten and go straight to elementary school.
他被问及自己六岁时在夏令营首次登台演出的经历，以及童年时期的各种成就。
He was asked about his very first theatre role at a camp when he was just six years old, and all manner of achievements from his early years.
最终，法官对如此漫长而缓慢地详述安东尼·拉普的成就感到不耐烦。
Eventually the judge became frustrated with the long slow exploration of Anthony Rapp's achievements.
拉普先生，我想把焦点放在您的演艺生涯上。
Mister Rapp, I wanna focus on your acting career.
告诉我们，这一切是如何开始的。
Tell us how it all got started.
我的职业生涯始于童年时期。
My career got started when I was a child.
我一直在参加社区戏剧演出。
I had been doing community theater.
哦，有两年夏天，我妈妈在夏令营当护士，我在那里演过戏。
Oh, I did plays at summer camp where my mom was working as a nurse for a couple summers.
我们三个孩子在她那年夏天工作期间一起参加了活动。
The three of us kids attended while she was working there for the summer.
所以我在那里两年内演了三部剧，之后我又在芝加哥地区继续参与社区戏剧演出，持续了几年。
So I did three shows over two years there, and, then I started doing community theater in and around the Chicagoland area for a couple years.
请让我打断一下。
Let me stop you there for one second.
关于你参加的夏令营，能告诉我们你演过哪些剧目吗？
With respect to the camp you were attending, tell us what shows it is that you did.
第一个夏天，我六岁时演了《绿野仙踪》。
I did well, the first summer, I did The Wizard of Oz when I was six.
我扮演了胆小的狮子。
I played the Cowardly Lion.
第二个夏天，我演了《奥利弗》，是另一个版本的《奥利弗》。
The second summer, I did Oliver, a different production of Oliver.
那一次我扮演了机灵鬼。
I played the Artful Dodger in that one.
然后演员辅导员们也演了一出戏，所以那个艺术捣蛋鬼的角色是由孩子们扮演的。
And then I did so the counselors had a show also so that the Artful Dodger was kids.
辅导员们演了《你是个好人，查理·布朗》，我在里面扮演史努比。
The counselors had a show of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown, and I played Snoopy in that.
告诉我们，在夏令营里演这些剧是什么感觉。
Tell us what it was like performing in those plays in camp.
难道我们不能直接跳到更相关的话题吗？
Don't you think we can move this along to something a little more relevant?
法官大人，我们能短暂地旁议一下吗？
Your Honor, may we have a sidebar briefly?
不行。
No.
尽管法官多次提醒，但对拉普职业生涯的冗长回顾仍继续涵盖了他的话剧、电视和电影成就。
Despite the judge's admonishments, the rather long winded tour of Rapp's career continued through his stage, TV, and movie achievements.
接着，有人问他作为孩子在以成年人为主的娱乐行业工作时的经历。
Then he was asked about his experiences working as a child in the mostly adult world of the entertainment industry.
陪审团听到了他声称在其他名人手中经历的其他不愉快的经历。
The jury got to hear of other unpleasant experiences he claimed he had endured at the hands of other celebrities.
当我出演《国王与我》时，我跟随尤·伯连纳巡演，期间发生了两件我觉得他对我有些刻薄的事情。
When I was in The King and I, I toured with Yul Brenner, and there were two incidents with him where I felt he was kind of mean to me.
发生了什么？
What happened?
有一次，我在后台。
In one case, I was backstage.
我站在侧台，那里是他演出结束谢幕时必须经过的地方，而我当时站的位置挡住了他的路。
I was standing in the wing where he would have to come off stage at the end of the play for the curtain call, and I was standing there in such a way that I was in his way.
他说：‘让开！’然后他推了我一下或做了个手势，结果演变成了一个拳头，打中了我的肚子。他当时就是那样喊‘让开’，然后打中了我的肚子，作为一个10岁的孩子，这让我非常震惊。
And he went, get out of my way, and he kind of pushed or gestured, which turned into a kind of punch, punched me in the stomach, but so he went, like, get out of my way like that, and he hit me in the stomach, and it was very alarming as a 10 year old.
你当时10岁吗？
You were 10 at the time?
是的。
Yeah.
你受伤了吗？
Were you injured?
我受伤了。
I was
没有受伤。
not injured.
你提到了第二次。
You mentioned a second time.
跟我们说说那次的情况。
Tell us about that.
我们在纳什维尔，演出时没有佩戴无线麦克风。
We were in Nashville, and we did not have a body mic in the show.
我念完我的台词后，他站在舞台前方，当着全体观众的面更大声地喊了出来，这让我很尴尬。
And I said my line, and he was on stage at the front of the stage, and he said louder in front of the whole audience, and it was embarrassing.
我又重复了一遍我的台词，然后离开了舞台，这是一次不愉快、尴尬，而且我认为是残忍的经历。
And I said my line again, and then I left the stage, and it was an unpleasant and embarrassing and, I thought, a cruel event.
拉普描述了自己获得《Precious Sons》中的角色，该剧由爱德·哈里斯主演，之后他搬到了纽约。
Rap then described getting a part in Precious Sons, starring Ed Harris and moving to New York.
我非常兴奋。
I was very excited.
至少我对爱德·哈里斯是熟悉的。
I was familiar at least with Ed Harris.
我当时不确定是否知道朱迪思·艾维是谁，但我从戏剧中了解到的素材让我感到激动。
I'm not sure I knew who Judith Ivey was at that point, but the material I knew from the play was exciting.
那是一个我开始认真思考的时期，你知道，我享受演戏，而且从中获得了极大的乐趣。
And that was a period where I was really starting to think about, you know, I'd enjoyed doing plays, and I had had a great time doing it.
演这部戏感觉像是某种艺术上的觉醒，像是我艺术生涯的新篇章。
Doing this play felt like it was, I don't know, like an artistic awakening, like a new chapter of my artistic life.
那是一段非常梦幻、令人兴奋的经历。
It was a very dreamy, exciting experience.
那一年我觉得特别特别，有很多非常精彩的演出。
That was a very I felt it was a very special year, like lots of really exciting shows.
我尽可能地去看每一部戏。
I was seeing every show that I could see.
我去塔沃唱片行买CD。
I was going to Tower Records and buying CDs.
我如饥似渴地抓住机会，融入剧院圈。
I was, like, soaking up the opportunity to be a part of the theater community.
最终，他的律师引导他谈论起所有人出现在法庭上的原因。
Eventually, his lawyer guided him to start talking about the reason everyone was in the courtroom.
他向陪审团讲述了自己去看戏剧大师杰克·尼科尔森出演《长夜漫漫路迢迢》的经历，之后还和约翰·巴罗曼一起在后台见到了他。
He told the jury about going to see acting legend Jack Lemmon in Long Day's Journey Into Night, and along with John Barrowman, meeting him backstage afterwards.
随后，其他演员也加入了他们，包括当时还默默无闻的凯文·史派西。
They were then joined by other cast members, including the relatively unknown Kevin Spacey.
他邀请他们共进晚餐，拉普承认这并不罕见。
He invited them to dinner, which rap concedes was not unusual.
他邀请了我们，你知道，这又是一件很平常的事。
He invited us, and, you know, it was, again, a sort of normal thing.
当人们来看《珍贵的太阳》时，有时埃德或朱迪会邀请他们共进晚餐，我会参加，或者制作团队的其他人也会加入。
When people would come to see Precious Suns, sometimes Ed or Judy would invite them to dinner, and I would join or anybody else from the production might join.
我们会坐在一起，互相认识，闲逛，保持友好的氛围。
And we would sit and meet each other and hang out and be collegial.
他说，那顿晚餐很平淡无奇。
The dinner was uneventful, he said.
但随后，拉普、斯派西和巴拉蒙德去了附近的一家夜总会——聚光灯。
But then Rapp, Spacey, and Baramund went to the limelight, a nearby nightclub.
拉普和他的律师迫切希望陪审团知道，巴拉蒙和斯派西之间没有任何暧昧关系，显然这是为了反驳斯派西和巴拉蒙后来提供的相反证词。
Rapp and his lawyer were keen for the jury to know that there was nothing going on between Barreman and Spacey, obviously trying to counter later testimony from Spacey and Barreman that would say the opposite.
安东尼，当你在聚光灯时，你是一直和凯文·斯派西和约翰在一起的吗？
Anthony, while you were at the limelight, were you with Kevin Spacey and John the whole time?
是的。
I was.
你什么时候，如果有的话，看到凯文·斯派西和约翰调情？
When, if ever, did you see Kevin Spacey and John flirting?
从未。
Never.
你观察到他们之间有什么吗？
What, if anything, did you observe between them?
我观察到他们在交谈。
I observed conversation.
顺便问一下，安东尼，那天晚上你有没有觉得是电灯泡？
By the way, Anthony, when, if ever, did you feel like a third wheel at the limelight that night?
从未。
Never.
你曾经告诉过谁你觉得自己是电灯泡吗？
When, if ever, had you told someone that you felt like a third wheel?
从未。
Never.
拉普说，在limelight酒吧时，斯派西邀请他参加几天后在他公寓举行的派对。
Rapp says that while at the limelight, Spacey invited him to a party at his apartment that was due to take place several days later.
然后，根据拉普的说法，那个夜晚结束了。
Then, according to Rapp, the night ended.
他们离开了光影俱乐部，各自散去。
They left the limelight and they all went their separate ways.
后来，陪审团听到了巴曼和斯派西对这一事件版本的争议。
The jury was later to hear that Barman and Spacey disputed this version of events.
随后，拉普告诉陪审团，在约翰·巴曼离开纽约几天后，他去了斯派西公寓的派对。
Rapp then told the jury that a number of days later after John Barman had left New York, he went to the party in Spacey's apartment.
拉普到达时已经很晚了。
It was late when Rapp arrived.
发现这是一个成人群体的聚会，他立刻感到害羞和不自在。
Finding it to be an adult gathering, he immediately felt shy and uncomfortable.
他向陪审团讲述了自己接下来的行动。
He told the jury what he did next.
他微妙地改变了故事，在对BuzzFeed的叙述中做了一个细微但关键的改动。
Subtly changing the story, he told BuzzFeed in a small but crucial way.
嗯，我走进去后，正如我所说，感受到一种有点格格不入和尴尬的氛围，同时注意到了窗外的景色。
Well, I walked in and I, as I said, I took in that sort of experience of feeling just a little out of place and awkward, and I noticed the view.
我走到窗边，望向外面的景色。
And I walked to the window, and I looked out at the view.
这对我来说是一种全新的体验，因此令人印象深刻。
That was something that was a new experience for me, so it was striking.
我某种程度上享受了那一刻。
And I sort of enjoyed that moment.
但接着我不太确定接下来该做什么，我注意到左边有一台电视，于是决定过去看电视。
But then I was sort of not sure what to do next, and I had noticed there was a television off to my left, and I decided to go in and watch the television.
在他的叙述中，突然之间再也没有提到卧室或卧室门。
Suddenly, there is no bedroom or bedroom door in his account.
当被要求描述公寓时，他继续悄悄地修改了对BuzzFeed的陈述。
He continued to quietly change the BuzzFeed story as he was asked to describe the apartment.
在我们继续之前，请为我们描述一下公寓的布局、大小以及它的样子。
Before we continue, describe for us the layout of the apartment, the size, what it looked like.
对我来说，感觉就像我之前待过的那些公寓更大一些。
To me, it felt, you know, like I'd been in they were bigger apartments.
我住过那种一线式公寓，所以是个开放的空间。
I stayed in, like, a railroad flat, so it was like an open space.
它有一种开阔感。
It had an openness to it.
我不说它特别大，但这一点让我印象深刻。
I wouldn't say it was huge, but it was I was struck by that.
那些窗户让我印象深刻。
I was struck by those windows.
有一个客厅区域，还有一个厨房在某个地方。
There was, a living room area and a sort of there was a kitchen somewhere.
正如我所说，我看到了那些窗户，当我走近窗户时，我看到了左边，也就是卧室区域，那里有一台电视。
And as I said, I saw those windows, and when I approached the windows is when I saw the left, which is when I saw the bedroom area which had the television in it.
现在，安东尼·拉普谈论的是一个卧室区域，而不是一个卧室。
Now Anthony Rapp was talking about a bedroom area, not a bedroom.
他随后描述了斯派西涉嫌的性侵行为，但又回到强调这套公寓有一个卧室。
He then describes the alleged assault by Spacey, but went back to saying that the apartment had a bedroom.
以下是拉普向陪审团提供的关于性侵事件的完整陈述，陪审团当时第一次详细听到他的叙述。
Here's the entire account of the assault Rapp gave to the jury, who would have been hearing his story in detail for the first time.
那么，安东尼，专注于卧室，当你进去看电视时，你坐在哪里？
So, Anthony, focusing specifically on the bedroom, when you went in to watch TV, where were you sitting?
我坐在床的长边边缘，面朝窗户里的电视。
I was sitting on the edge of the bed, the long edge of the bed, facing the television in the window.
为了明确一下，当你坐在床上时，窗户是在你前面吗？
So for clarity, as you're sitting on the bed, the window would be in front of you?
是的。
Correct.
当你坐在床上时，你的左边是什么？
As you're sitting on the bed, what was to your left?
床头和墙。
The head of the bed and the wall.
你右边是什么？
What was to your right?
通往公寓其他部分、客厅等的门。
The door to the rest of the apartment, the living area, etcetera.
安东尼，你有没有在卧室里看到凯文·史派西？
Anthony, did there come a time when you were in the bedroom that you saw Kevin Spacey?
有。
There did.
他在哪儿？
Where was he?
他在我的右边。
He was to my right.
你在哪里？
Where were you?
我正坐在
I was sitting on the
我坐在床沿，面对窗户和电视，双脚着地，看着电视。
edge of the bed here, facing the window and the television with my feet on the floor watching television.
当你看到凯文·史派西时，你注意到了他什么吗？
When you saw Kevin Spacey, what, if anything, did you notice about him?
我注意到他走路不太稳，眼神有点涣散，看起来有点呆滞，我觉得他喝醉了。
I noticed that he was sort of unsteady on his feet and seemed to be kind of, like, glassy eyed a little bit, a little bit unfocused in his eyes, and I took that to tell me that he was intoxicated.
派对上的其他人在哪里？
Where were the other people at the party?
我当时并不知道。
I didn't I didn't know at the time immediately.
当你转头看到凯文·史派西时，你注意到了什么吗？
When you looked over and you saw Kevin Spacey, what, if anything, did you notice?
我注意到那时候其他人都已经走了。
I noticed that it seemed like everyone else was gone at that time.
当凯文·史派西站在你右边时，他说了什么吗？
While Kevin Spacey was standing to your right, what, if anything, did he say?
什么都没有。
Nothing.
安东尼，你坐在床上。
Anthony, you're seated on the bed.
你在看电视。
You're watching TV.
你注意到凯文·史派西在你的右边。
You notice Kevin Spacey to your right.
告诉我们发生了什么。
Tell us what happens.
我看着他时，他朝我走近了一点，脚步似乎有些不稳，然后他弯下腰，把我抱了起来。
As I looked at him, he approached me a little bit, seemingly a little bit unsteady on his feet, and he reached down, and he picked me up.
具体说说他是怎么把你抱起来的。
Tell us specifically how it is that he picked you up.
他用左臂环住我的上背部把我固定住，右臂和右手则托住我的臀部，顺着我的腿一直滑到膝盖后窝，就这样把我抱了起来。
So he put his left arm around the upper part of my back to hold me there, and he put his right arm and right hand underneath my buttocks and down my legs to the crook of my knee to pick me up that way.
所以他抱着我，就像新郎抱着新娘跨过门槛一样。
So holding me then like a groom holds a bride over a threshold.
当他这样抱起你时，你在想什么？
What were you thinking when he picked you up like that?
我非常困惑。
I was very confused.
我当时在想，我不知道发生了什么，也不明白为什么。
I was thinking I didn't know what was happening or why.
事情发生得太突然了，我当时是，嗯。
It was very sudden, and I was yeah.
我很困惑。
I was I was confused.
他有没有在什么时候要求抱起你？
When, if ever, did he ask to pick you up?
他从未要求抱起我。
He never asked to pick me up.
他像新郎抱着新娘那样把你抱起来后，接下来做了什么？
After he lifted you up like a groom carries a bride, what did he do next?
他转身回到床边，把我放在床上，头朝着墙，脚朝着床尾。
He turned back to the bed and laid me down on the bed with my head facing the wall and my feet facing the foot of the bed.
然后他趴到我身上，全身重量压在我的胸口，双臂从我背后伸过来，抓住我的肩膀，用胸部紧紧贴住我。
And he climbed on top of me and put his full weight onto my chest, and he had his arms underneath my back and holding onto my shoulders and pressed into me with his chest.
他并没有完全平行地压在我身上。
And he wasn't fully parallel on me.
更准确地说，他是稍微倾斜着压下来的。
It was more it was a little bit on an angle.
他用胯部抵住我的髋部侧面。
He was pressing his groin into my hip, in the side of my hip.
让我先打断一下。
Let me stop you for just one moment.
我想说得具体一点。
I wanna be specific.
他的手在哪里？
Where were his hands?
他的手在我身后，沿着我的背部向上，绕过我的肩膀顶部，我真的很难用语言描述清楚。
His hands were I wish I could do like a it's easier to demonstrate than it's hard to describe.
它们在我身后，沿着我的背部向上，覆盖在我的肩膀上方，我不知道该怎么用文字形容。
They were behind me, up my back, coming over the tops of my shoulders, so I don't know how it's difficult to describe in words.
我可以试着用身体动作来演示一下。
I I I can try to demonstrate it with my physicality.
我问你一个问题。
Let me ask you this.
他的手臂相对于你的手臂在哪里？
Where were his arms with respect to your arms?
它们在我外侧。
Well, they were outside.
我的手臂在他的手臂之间。
My arms were between his arms.
他绕到我身后，从我的肩膀侧面过来。
He he came around and up my back and around the side of my shoulders.
他的胸口在哪里？
Where was his chest?
紧紧贴在我的胸口上。
Pressed fully into my chest.
你说他有点倾斜。
You said he was at a slight angle.
你指的是什么？
What do you mean by that?
意思是，他的躯干压在我的躯干上，但他是完全平行地贴上来的，他的腹股沟抵着我的髋部侧面。
Meaning, again, that his torso was on my torso, but he climbed entirely parallel, like it was his groin was pressing into my the side of my hip.
并不是完全腹股沟对腹股沟的贴合。
It wasn't, like, fully not groin to groin.
你的手臂在哪里？
Where were your arms?
我的手被压住了，或者我不确定。
They were up pinned or I don't know.
我不记得我的手是放在肚子上还是抵着腿，但我的手臂是贴在身体两侧的。
I I don't know if my hands were on my belly or against my legs, but my arms were along my side.
那时候你在想什么？
What were you thinking at that time?
我知道我当时，这情况是。
I was I knew that I was, this was.
我知道现在事情真的很不对劲。
I knew something was really wrong now.
当他把我抱起来的时候，我当时还不确定。
When he picked me up, I wasn't sure then.
我更困惑了。
I was more confused.
那一刻，我觉得这非常不对劲，我必须离开那里。
In that moment, I was feeling this was very wrong and that I was had to get out of there.
我当时也感觉完全僵住了。
I was also feeling very frozen.
当你觉得非常不对劲时，为什么这么说？
When you say it felt very wrong, why do you say it felt very wrong?
因为我没有让他这么做。
Because I didn't ask for him to do that.
我不希望他这么做，而且他这么做完全没有合理的理由。
I didn't want him to do it, and I had no reason that made any sense for him to be doing it.
他爬到我身上时，说了什么吗？
What, if anything, did he say when he climbed on top of you?
什么都没说。
Nothing.
你说了什么？
What did you say?
什么也没说。
Nothing.
你告诉我们你当时僵住了。
You told us that you were frozen.
你这么说是什么意思？
What do you mean by that?
我的意思就是字面上的意思，我僵住了。
I mean just that, that I was frozen.
我被他压在下面，感觉像一只被车灯照住的鹿。
I was pinned underneath him, and I was like I felt like a deer in headlights.
我感觉像
I felt like
我不知道该怎么办。
I didn't know what to do.
安东尼，当他爬到你身上时，你为什么没有直接让他停下？
Anthony, when he climbed on top of you, why didn't you just tell him to stop?
我不知道。
I don't know.
我不知道，我做不到。
I didn't I couldn't.
在那一刻，我觉得自己什么都做不了。
I didn't feel I could do anything in that moment.
你为什么只是让他从你身上起来？
Why didn't you just tell him to get off of you?
我不知道。
I don't know.
你作证说他趴在你身上，胸口压着你，还抓着你的肩膀。
So you testified that he's on top of you, his chest is on yours, and he's clutching your shoulders.
告诉我们接下来发生了什么。
Tell us what happens next.
我设法从他身下挣脱了出来。
I managed to wriggle out from underneath him.
拉普说他对这次袭击的动机毫不怀疑。
Rapp said he had no doubt about the motivation for the assault.
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你作证说，在Spacey先生之后。
You testified after Mr.
Spacey爬到了你身上。
Spacey climbed on top of you.
他把骨盆压向你的臀部。
He pressed his pelvis into your hip.
安东尼，当你感觉到他把骨盆压向你的臀部时，你当时在想什么？
Anthony, when you felt him pressing his pelvis into your hip, tell us what you were thinking.
我当时觉得他想和我发生性关系。
I was thinking that he was trying to get with me sexually.
你为什么这么想？
Why did you think that?
因为他把骨盆压向我的臀部，双手紧紧抱着我，抓着我的肩膀，而且他是在床上压着我。
Because he was pressing his pelvis his pelvis into my hip, and he was holding me tightly with his hands, clutching my shoulders, and he was pressing into me on his bed.
Rap接着描述了冲向洗手间的情景。
Rap then describes rushing to the bathroom.
就在这里。
It was there.
我并不是说这是一个理性、合乎逻辑的决定。
It seemed like I'm not saying it was a rational, logical decision.
我只是觉得那里是个安全的地方，我可以把门关上。
I just felt like that would be a safe place that I could close the door.
于是我进去并关上了门。
And I went in and closed the door.
告诉我们你进浴室后发生了什么。
Tell us what happened when you went in the bathroom.
我试图平复自己，努力理解刚刚发生的事，弄清楚为什么会这样，尽管我很难理解其中的原因。
I tried to gather myself and tried to make sense of what had just happened and understand why, although I couldn't make much sense of why.
当你说到试图理解为什么会这样时，你指的是什么？
When you say trying to understand why, what do you mean by that?
我的意思是，我不知道自己做了什么，会让他爬到我身上，把他的下体压向我。
Meaning, I don't I don't know what I did to invite him to climb on top of me and press his groin into me.
所以我一直在想，为什么会发生这样的事。
So I was trying to understand why that had happened to me.
当我整理情绪时，我注意到台面上有一张照片，看到是凯文和一个男人在一起。
And as I was gathering myself, I did notice there was a photograph on the counter, and I saw it was Kevin with a man.
看起来，我不知道，好像某种意义上，我不记得他们是不是互相搂着，但就是感觉他们之间有一种亲密感，于是我想，好吧，也许他是同性恋。
And it seemed, I don't know, like somehow, I don't remember if they had their arms around each other or it was just it it it just seemed like there was a level of closeness between them and something about what, okay, well, I guess he's gay.
所以这多少解释了他为什么会压在我身上。
So that sort of explains why he's climbing on top of me somehow.
当时一切都像一团乱麻，我只是想重新找回一些掌控感。
It was just all like a swirl of trying to gain back some sense of control.
怎么
How
你在浴室里大概待了多久？
long were you in the bathroom approximately?
我不太确定具体时间。
I don't know exactly.
我估计大概不超过一分钟，但我也不确定。
I would estimate probably no more than a minute, but I don't know for sure.
告诉我们接下来发生了什么。
Tell us what happened next.
我打开门，当时在浴室里，我决定要离开，于是准备离开公寓。
I opened the door, and while I was in the bathroom, I decided I needed to leave, and I made to leave the apartment.
你离开浴室时，凯文·史派西在哪里？
When you left the bathroom, where was Kevin Spacey?
嗯，我看到他还在
Well, I saw him still on
床上。
the bed.
我出门时瞥了一眼，看到他仍然在床上。
I glanced over as I was heading out, and I saw that he was still on the bed.
你说你正要离开。
You said you were heading out.
你能顺利离开吗？
Were you able to just leave?
我成功走到前门，是的。
I was able to make my way to the front door, yes.
当你走到前门时，发生了什么？
When you got to the front door, tell us what happened.
我打开门的时候。
As I was I opened the door.
我正要关门时，他跟了过来，倚在门框上，那是他第一次对我说话。
As I was going to close it, he was he had followed me, and he was leaning in the doorway, and those were the first words that he said to me.
那时他说：‘你确定要走吗？’
And that's when he said, are you sure you want to leave?
你当时怎么回答的？
What did you say?
我不记得原话了，但大概是说：‘不用了，谢谢，晚安。’然后我就走了。
I don't remember my exact words, but some version of, no, thank you, good night, I then left.
他被问及 alleged 的袭击对他造成了什么影响。
He was asked what effect the alleged assault had on him.
安东尼，很多人可能会说，那只是一些小事。
Anthony, there's a lot of people who may say, that's all that happened.
有什么大不了的？
What's the big deal?
安东尼，你如何回应这一点？
Anthony, how do you respond to that?
我的回应是，我当时只是一个14岁的孩子，我根本不想在生活中经历这样的事情。
I respond to that that I was this 14 year old child and that I had no desire to have any kind of experience like this in my life.
这是一次极其可怕、令人震惊的经历，完全违背了我曾经在所热爱的社区中所经历的一切。
And at and it was an incredibly frightening and very alarming and totally antithetical to anything else that I had ever experienced around the community of people that I loved being a part of.
因此，这件事破坏了我对这个对我如此重要的社区的归属感，我很感激那个14岁的男孩有足够的勇气逃离，我心存感激。
So it was something that disrupted a sense of belonging in this community that was so important to me and that I did feel fortunate that that 14 year old boy had the wherewithal to get away, so I'm grateful.
但我也要说，他根本就不该经历这一切。
But I also say he never should have gone through that in the first place.
拉普告诉法庭
Rapp told the court
他能够压抑这一事件的记忆长达两年，直到1988年，他才意识到这件事对他的影响。
he was able to suppress the memory of the incident for two years until the 1988 when it became clear it had taken a toll on him.
1988年底，有一部电影《上班女郎》上映，而我是个电影迷。
At the end of nineteen eighty eight, there was a film, Working Girl, that came out, and I was a film buff.
我一直在观看所有备受关注的电影。
I was seeing all the movies that were getting attention.
我像往常一样，独自一人去当地电影院看了这部电影。
And I went to see that movie by myself as I tended to do at my local cinema.
电影刚开始时，我并不知道他出演了这部电影。
And early in the film, I did not know he was in the film.
他扮演了一个小角色。
He was playing a small role.
凯文·史派西出现在屏幕上时，就好像有人用电击棒戳了我一下。
Kevin Spacey came on the screen, and it was as if somebody had poked me with a cattle prod.
我跳了起来。
I jumped.
我感觉像是从座位上弹了起来，立刻浑身充满肾上腺素，手心冒汗，自那以后我就再没见过他。
It felt like I jumped out of my seat and immediately flooded with adrenaline and sweaty palms, and I hadn't seen him since then.
那是我第一次见到他。
It was the first time I saw him.
他向陪审团讲述了在 alleged 侵犯事件与在 BuzzFeed 公开此事之间的这些年里，他多次在行业活动中见到斯派西的情况。
He told the jury about seeing Spacey at various industry events in the years between the alleged assault and going public in BuzzFeed.
他还回忆起曾向多位朋友提起过这次袭击，但为自己未在自传中提及此事进行了辩护。
He also recounted telling various friends about the attack, but defended not mentioning the incident in his memoir.
嗯，我觉得这本书就像一棵树。
Well, I think of the book kind of like a tree.
所以，这棵树的主干就是那些直接相关并发生在那个时期的所有事件。
So, like, the main trunk of that tree was all of those events that were directly related and occurred during that time.
而由于这本书大量涉及我与母亲的关系，因此也有一些片段让我回想起童年时期与母亲相关的几个孤立事件。
And then because the book so much dealt with my relationship with my mother, there were some moments where I flashed back to a couple of isolated incidents from my childhood that related to my relationship with my mother.
所以，这就是决定我书中内容的因素。
So that was what was determining what I included in my book.
你什么时候，如果有的话，在回忆录中写过1986年与凯文·史派西的那件事？
When, if ever, did you write about the incident with Kevin Spacey in 1986 in your memoir?
从未写过。
Never.
告诉我们为什么没写。
Tell us why not.
这件事与我跟我母亲之间谈论的内容毫无关联。
It didn't feel relevant to the story I was telling.
我从未跟我母亲谈过这件事。
It's not anything I ever talked to about with my mother.
他还得解释自己如何袭击了自己的母亲。
He also had to explain assaulting his own mother.
这一事件与他的法律团队试图塑造的形象相冲突，因此他们必须在史派西的律师在陪审团面前抛出此事之前抢先回应。
This incident clashed with how his legal team were trying to portray him, and they had to get out in front of it before Spacey's lawyers sprang it on the jury.
顺便说一下，开场时提到你打过你母亲一次。
By the way, there was also a mention in the opening about a time that you hit your mother.
你记得这件事吗？
Do you recall that?
我记得。
I do.
告诉我们这件事是怎么回事。
Tell us what that's about.
在我们的关系中，她小时候曾打过我一两次，但直到我十几岁、大约13岁之前，从未动过我一根手指。
In the course of our relationships, the the relationship, she had spanked me once or twice when I was a kid, but had never laid a finger on me until I was a teenager, about 13.
我们当时因为我要去睡觉的事吵架，我不记得自己是不是顶撞了她，但她第一次打了我。
And we were having an argument about me going to bed, and I don't remember whether I was sassy to her, and she slapped me first time ever.
我说，如果你再打我一次，我就打回去。
And I said, if you ever slap me again, I will slap you back.
不到一年后，大概是我和她一起去纽约看望儿子们的时候，又发生了类似的情况。
About less than a year later, somewhere in the time when I was in New York with her for precious sons, a similar situation.
她让我背台词。
She was wanting me to study my lines.
我用一种调皮的方式顶嘴，而我们当时在两个不同的房间里。
I was sassing her back in a bratty way, and she, we were in two different rooms.
她走进房间，打了我一巴掌，我就还了她一巴掌。
She came in the room, and she slapped me, and I slapped her back.
我其实没打到她的脸。
I actually missed her face.
我打中了她的眼镜，把眼镜从她脸上打掉了。
I hit her glasses and knocked her glasses off of her face.
这两次是唯一发生过的情况。
These are the only two times it ever happened.
我对此并不感到自豪。
I was not proud of it.
当然，我们后来从这件事中愈合了。
It's something that we healed from later, certainly.
这并不符合我们关系的性质。
It was not characteristic of the nature of our relationship.
米比也急于尽早公布其他坏消息。
Mibby also keen to get other bad news out early.
拉普的律师问他关于他攻击前男友的事情。
Rapp's lawyer asked him about the time he attacked a boyfriend.
你有没有和其中一位前男友发生过肢体冲突？
Did there come a point in time that you got into a physical fight with one of your boyfriends?
有这么一次。
There did.
那个人是谁？
Who was that?
他叫乔什·萨夫兰。
His name was Josh Safran.
那大概是什么时候？
When was that approximately?
那是1997年7月。
It was in July 1997.
告诉我们发生了什么。
Tell us what happened.
我当时我们在后台。
I was we were backstage.
不是后台。
Not backstage.
我们在那里，这很难描述。
We were it's it's difficult to describe.
在内德兰德剧院有一条小巷，我当时在那里演出《吉屋出租》，公众不允许进入，但演员、工作人员和我们的客人有时会在演出间隙或演出后聚集在那里。
There's an alleyway in at the Nederlander Theatre where I was performing in Rent, where the public was not allowed, but where the cast and crew and our guests would sometimes gather between shows or after the show.
那是星期天，所以是七月的演出间隙。
It was a Sunday, so it was between shows in July.
那是我剧中一位最亲密朋友在该剧中的最后一场演出。
It was the last performance of one of my closest friends in the show.
我妈妈就在几周前去世了。
My mom had just passed away several weeks before.
我非常难过我的朋友要离开这部剧。
I was very upset about my friend leaving the show.
我会非常想念他。
I was going to really miss him.
这感觉像是悲伤的叠加。
It felt like a compounding of loss.
我和乔什激烈地争吵起来，我感到极度压抑，像压力锅一样快要爆炸。
And Josh and I were having an intense argument, and I was incredibly upset and very pressure cooker feeling.
在争吵过程中，我说了类似这样的话：我再也受不了了。
And in the course of the argument, I said something like, I can't do this anymore.
然后他说：那你就永远别再跟我讲话了。
And he then said, well, then never talk to me again.
当他转身离开时，所有累积的失去感让我彻底崩溃了。
And as he walked away, that, all the compounding loss, I snapped.
当你说到你崩溃了，你指的是什么？
When you say you snapped, what do you mean by that?
我的意思是，那感觉不是一种选择。
I mean that it didn't feel like a choice.
它就像突然断裂一样。
It felt like a snap.
我眼前一片血红，你可以这么说。
I saw red, you could say.
这是一种人们常说的话，以前我从不理解它的意思。
It's a phrase that people use, that it never made sense to me before.
现在我明白了，于是我扑向了他。
It makes sense to me now, and I launched myself at him.
我打了他，把他打倒在地，我的杰西——我之前提到过的、节目里的朋友——还有另一位节目演员把我从他身上拉开，我当时被肾上腺素完全淹没了。
And I struck him and knocked him down, and my Jesse, who I had mentioned, my friend from the show, and another actor from the show pulled me off of him, and I was so flooded with adrenaline.
这就是人们常说的，当肾上腺素激增时，你能抬起一辆车来救出被困的人。
It's the kind of thing people talk about being able to lift a car off of a you know, when they're flooded with adrenaline.
我并不强壮。
I'm not very strong.
我从这两个强壮的男人身边挣脱出来，再次冲向乔什，用拳头击打他的后颈和肩膀。
I pulled myself away from these two strong men, launched again at Josh, striking him with my fist in the back of his I believe in the back of his neck and on his shoulder.
他们再次把我拉开，然后我经历了清醒过来、重新回到自我的过程。
And they got me off him again, and then I had the experience of coming too, coming back into myself.
拉普被问及提起这场诉讼对他产生了什么影响。
Rapp was asked how taking the lawsuit had affected him.
安东尼，我想聚焦于这场诉讼。
Anthony, I wanna focus on this lawsuit.
这场诉讼已经持续了好几年了。
This lawsuit has been going on for a couple of years now.
告诉我们，反复讲述这个故事是什么感觉。
Tell us what it has been like having to retell this story.
要深入到这个过程所要求的细节程度，确实会带来某种程度的二次创伤。
It is somewhat retraumatizing to go into the kind of depth that's required of this process.
这是一个我理解并接受的艰难过程，确实非常艰难。
It's a process I understand and I accept as being difficult, and it's been very difficult.
当你说到这很艰难时，能具体说说你的意思吗？
When you say it's been difficult, tell us what you mean.
它对你的日常生活造成了什么影响？
How has it impacted your daily life?
尤其是在最激烈的时刻，比如最初的取证过程中，与罗奇奥医生和巴尔迪医生的对话，以及如今临近审判的这段时间，它严重影响了我的睡眠。
Well, especially in the most intense moments, like in and around during the deposition in the first place, these conversations with doctor Rocchio and doctor Bardi, and in this time leading up to this trial and these days, it's impacting my sleep.
它影响了我能否在日常生活中保持专注，而不被压力、思绪和记忆侵扰。
It's impacting my experience of being able to be present in my life without the stresses and thoughts and memories invading me.
更具体地说，在取证过程中，我第一次——我是说，虽然通过Zoom进行，但我与凯文·史派西同在。
And very specifically, in the course of the deposition, it was the first time I had been I mean, it was on Zoom, but I was with Kevin Spacey.
他通过Zoom观看着我分享这段经历。
He was on the Zoom watching me share this experience.
这还是头一回发生。
That was the first time that ever happened.
当时身处他的面前，简直太难熬了。
That was incredibly difficult to be in his presence.
而这些天，在法庭里以及周围，要承受这一切简直极其困难。
And these days, in this courtroom and in and around the building, it is extremely difficult to withstand that.
你说很难，具体说说是什么意思。
When you say it's difficult, be specific.
你指的是什么？
What do you mean?
我的意思是，就在今天早上，我在排队进入大楼时，凯文·史派西也走进了队伍。
I mean, even this morning, I was in line to enter the building, and Kevin Spacey came into the line.
即使只是眼角瞥见他，我就像被电击了一样浑身一颤。
And just even out of the corner of my eye seeing him, I'm jolted with a cattle prod.
我的手心冒汗，心跳加速，呼吸都变得困难。
And my hands are sweaty, and my heart is racing, and it's hard to breathe.
今天早上发生这一切时，我的身体就出现了所有这些反应。
All of that is happening in my body when that happened this morning.
拉普已经讲了他的版本，但这只是他证词的开始。
And so Rapp had given his side of the story, but this was just the beginning of his testimony.
斯派西的律师们正准备逐字逐句地审查他在《BuzzFeed》文章、自传、公开言论、庭前证词以及庭审证言中的所有内容。
Spacey's lawyers were gearing up to forensically examine everything he said in the BuzzFeed article: in his autobiography, his public utterances, his deposition, and then on the witness stand.
他的诚信将受到质疑，一些最出色的庭审律师甚至指控他出于嫉妒，试图毁掉一个无辜的人。
His truthfulness would be called into question and he would be accused by some of the most skillful trial lawyers in the business of trying to destroy an innocent man out of jealousy.
他的交叉质询将更加细致，并提出更尖锐的问题。
His cross examination would be much more detailed and ask much tougher questions.
在下一期中，我们将见证他的证词能否经受住 scrutiny 的考验。
In the next episode, we'll see if his testimony stands up to the scrutiny.
《未经剪辑的凯文·斯派西审判》是《未报道的故事协会》的项目。
The trial of Kevin Spacey unfiltered is a project of the unreported story society.
本节目由塞玛·麦卡利尔、弗吉尼亚·亚伯拉罕和安·麦克伦尼研究与撰写。
It is researched and written by Thelma McAleer, Virginia Abram, and Anne McElhenny.
旁白由安·麦克伦尼担任。
Narrated by Anne McElhenny.
音乐、剪辑和音效由马克·阿拉米安制作。
Music, editing, and sound design by Mark Aramian.
制作人：菲兰·麦卡勒、玛格达莱娜·萨盖塔和安妮·麦卡勒尼。
Produced by Phelan McAleer, Magdalena Sageta, and Anne McAlehenny.
执行制片人：安妮·麦卡勒尼、玛格达莱娜·萨盖塔和菲兰·麦卡勒。
Executive producers, Anne McAlehenny, Magdalena Sageta, and Phelan McAleer.
重演片段由基夫·斯卡尔执导。
Reenactments directed by Kiff Skull.
重演片段由卡尔·戴维森饰演蔡斯·斯科尼克，尼克·尼古拉饰演安东尼·拉普，克里福德·斯库尔饰演卡普兰法官，劳埃德·吉尔曼饰演彼得·西格，比尔·雅各布森饰演安德鲁·霍尔茨曼。
Reenactments performed by Carl Davidson as Chase Skolnick, Nick Nicola as Anthony Rapp, Clifford School as judge Kaplan, Lloyd Gilman as Peter Segear, and Bill Jacobson as Andrew Holtzman.
录音工程师：威尔·埃迪斯顿、摩根·格哈特。
Recording engineers, Will Edmiston, Morgan Gerhardt.
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