#372 Things I Stopped Doing to Improve My Life

如果你能从生活中去掉一样东西，让它变得更好，你会选什么？

If you could remove one thing from your life to make it better, what would it be?

你可能在想一些特别大的事，但要是其实只要改掉几个坏习惯、换个心态，生活就能彻底不一样呢？

You might be thinking of something very big, but what if it just takes a few bad habits or mindsets to go away, to disappear for your life to change drastically?

也就是说，只要这样，你的生活就能大幅好转。

That means in a big way and for your life to drastically start improving.

有时候，真的就这么简单。

Sometimes that's all it takes.

我们其实不需要非得做出天翻地覆的改变。

We don't need to make big changes in life.

今天我就想聊聊这个。

And that is what I'll be talking about today.

我会分享一些我最近基本不再做的习惯和思维模式，以及它们给我的生活带来了哪些积极变化。

I will be talking about some of the habits and mindsets that I have mostly stopped doing and the positive impact that these have had on my life.

每讲一个，我还会附上一个关键词，算是顺带学个实用词。

And with each one I'll be sharing one word as well, one bonus word that we can learn along the way.

所以，希望你们在提升听力的同时，也能学到一点英语，说不定还能收获一些改善生活的点子。

So hopefully we are learning a little bit of English while improving your listening skills and also maybe getting some ideas to improve our lives.

当然，我也很欢迎你们把你们的想法分享给我。

And of course, I invite you to share your ideas back with me as well.

那咱们就开始吧。

So let's get into it.

如果你是新来的，欢迎来到《Level Up English》播客。

If you're new here, this is the Level Up English podcast.

这里是练习英语、每天进步一点点的绝佳地方。

The best place to come to practice the English language and level up your English one day at a time.

我叫迈克尔·拉弗斯，今天由我来带你们学习。

My name is Michael Lavers, your teacher for today.

那咱们直接进入正题吧。

So I think we'll get right into it.

第一个我要说的，算是我为了改善生活而戒掉的习惯吧——就是在休息时间还硬撑着工作。

The first thing, the first habit, I suppose we can call this a habit that I have dropped to improve my life is working during downtime.

今天说的这些可能大多跟工作有关，但工作确实占了我们生活的很大一部分。

A lot of these today might be related to work, but of course that makes up a lot of our lives.

几乎可以说，我们一生中大部分时间都在工作。

It makes up a huge percentage of our life in it pretty much.

所以我觉得这些挺有帮助的。

So that's why I think it's useful.

我刚才说的是，利用空闲时间工作。

So I said working during downtime.

‘空闲时间’是个名词。

Downtime, this is a noun.

其实就是你放松、休息的那段时光。

This is basically relaxing time.

那时候你本不用干活，也没人在付你工资。

It's time when you don't really need to be working, you're not being paid.

既然没人在付你工资，你干嘛还干个不停？

So yeah, if you're not being paid, why are you working?

好吧，对每个人来说可能没那么简单，但我认为这么做能带来很大帮助。

Okay, it may not be that simple for everyone but I think this can go a long way.

这事儿啊，是我刚当老师那会儿就停下来的。

So this is something that I stopped doing in my early days of teaching.

我很快就意识到，这样下去根本撑不住——照这个节奏，根本没法长期坚持。

I figured out quite quickly that it was not sustainable, which means it could not continue if I were to work at the same pace.

刚开始自己做一件事的时候，可能挺自然的，谁都会想拼命干。

So at the beginning, may you know, it's maybe natural when you're just starting something on your own.

那时候我一周七天都在工作。

I was working seven days a week.

从没休过假，日程表天天排满，每天至少十个小时，搞不好都到十二个小时。

I had no day off and my calendar was open, I think ten hours every day, something like it could even be twelve.

具体记不清了。

I don't remember.

十个小时可能更靠谱些。

Maybe ten is more likely.

所以我那时候的日程表，从早上六点一直排到晚上九点左右。

So I think I would open my calendar from six in the morning until maybe nine in the evening, something like that.

就等着别人来预约我的课。

And I would just see when people booked my classes.

有时候中间空几段，但有时候早上四节课，晚上又四节，甚至一天八节课，中间连口气都不让喘。

And sometimes I would have only a few in the middle, but sometimes I would have, you know, four classes in the morning and then four at night or, you know, sometimes eight classes without any break.

那会儿真有过特别疯的日子，不过我想，这大概也是摸索的必经之路吧。

I had some really crazy days in those early days, but I suppose that's all part of experimenting.

但慢慢我就明白了，要是想长久干下去，非得给自己留点喘息的时间不可。

But over time I realized that if this was going to be sustainable, I needed to make it, I need I needed to give myself some downtime.

休息真的特别重要，得放松下来。

Downtime is really important to relax.

直到今天，我依然坚信：休息时间必须当成圣物一样保护起来。

And I think, I really strongly believe to this day that downtime should be sacred, which kind of means we should treat it like almost like a religious thing.

不管发生啥事，这段时间绝对不碰工作。

Like no matter what happens, no work in this specific time.

我觉得定这样的硬性规矩其实挺有好处的。

I really think it can be beneficial to have strict rules like that.

所以，因为一开始拼得太狠，差点烧干了，我才给自己设了这些界限——其实真没什么新意。

So as a result of all that hard work and almost burning out at the beginning, I created some boundaries which honestly is not reinventing the wheel.

不过这话讲得真到位。

That's a good expression by the way.

所谓‘重新发明轮子’，就是干一些别人早就干过的事儿。

To reinvent the wheel is to kind of work hard on something that has already been done.

轮子早就不知道被谁发明了多少遍了。

You know, the wheel is already invented.

那你干嘛还非得费劲再搞一遍？

So why are you working so hard to do it again?

别人已经搞出来的东西，咱直接用不就完了？

You know, let's just use things that other people have already made.

对吧？

Right?

所以别再重复造轮子了。

So don't reinvent the wheel.

所以啊，我做的其实也没啥新花样，就是照搬了大多数人通用的作息时间表。

So yeah, what I did wasn't reinventing the wheel because my idea was basically just to copy the standard working schedule that most people use.

我就跟自己说：好吧，下午五点后绝不碰工作。

So I said to myself, okay, no work after 5PM.

我不是夜猫子，我是早起型的，晚上得好好放松。

I'm not really an evening person, I'm a morning person and I need to relax in the evenings.

下午五点后绝不工作。

So no work after 5PM.

周末也不碰工作。

No work on the weekends as well.

这条对我特别重要。

That was another one for me.

这些规定真的对我和我的心理健康帮助特别大。

And those have been very beneficial to me and my mental health.

我挺享受每一天的，不管是工作日还是周末，我都喜欢，但周末我确实得留点时间放松，这样整个星期都会过得更舒心。

I enjoy every day, you know, if it's a workday or a weekend, I like both of them, but I definitely need some time to have a break on the weekend And it makes my week so much more enjoyable.

我觉得定下这些界限最大的好处，其实是心理上的。

And I think the biggest benefit of having these boundaries, these limits is the mental one.

如果你说‘我想什么时候工作就什么时候工作’，那工作的事就总在脑子里挥之不去。

Because if you say I will work whenever I want, then it's always in the back of your head.

就算你正过着最棒的日子——环游世界，躺在阳光明媚的海滩上，可心里还是忍不住想：哎，会不会漏了什么重要邮件？是不是有什么大事我还没发现？

Now you could be having the most amazing day, you could be traveling around the world, lying on a beach somewhere sunny, but then in the back of your head you're thinking, oh, maybe I have some important emails that I missed or maybe I have a big work problem that I haven't noticed yet.

但你越坚持这种习惯，大脑就越能自动关机。

But the more that you practice this habit, your brain just kind of turns off.

所以对我来说，一到周末，脑子就彻底放空了。

So for me when it comes to the weekend, my brain turns off.

再也不去想那些让人头疼的工作问题了，这真的对我帮助特别大。

I'm not thinking about stressful work problems anymore and that's really been beneficial to me.

简单说，给自己的休息时间定下硬规矩，对我的心理健康影响巨大。

So in short, adding strict rules on my downtime has had a huge impact on my mental health.

所以现在我一放松，就能彻底放下工作。

So now when I switch off and relax, I can switch off 100%.

对我而言，这真的太有好处了。

Very, very beneficial for me.

你有没有类似的做法？跟我说说。

So maybe let me know if you do something similar.

不管你是自由职业者、老板、公司职员，还是其他情况，这套方法都适用。

This could of course work whether you are self employed, you're a business owner, you are employed in a company or something else.

也许我没想到的点还有很多，但不管你是哪种情况，都欢迎告诉我：你有没有给自己定明确的休息规则？如果没有，你能不能试着先定几条？

Maybe that's something else I haven't considered but whatever your situation is, let me know if you have strict rules on your downtime or if you don't, can you think of some rules you can set at the beginning?

对吧？

Right?

说实话，我也没法每次都做到完美。

I will be honest that I'm not always perfect with this.

有时候我特别想干活，周末就忍不住干一点，实在等不到周一。

Sometimes I'm really excited to do some work and I will like do a little bit on the weekend because I don't want to wait until Monday.

这得看我在做什么。

Depends on what I'm doing.

但我还是会尽量避免这种情况。

But I'll try my best to avoid that as much as I can.

接下来一个是：一天之内反复查邮件。

Okay, my next one is checking emails more than once a day.

这可能不算太常见，说不定对有些人来说还挺新鲜的。

Or this might be, I don't know if I would say an unpopular one, but I imagine this might be new for some people.

对我来说，以前邮件是整个工作日都开着的。

Emails, at least for me, they used to be something that I would have open all of my working day.

当然，这也得看你的工作性质。

And of course I have to admit it does depend on your job.

不同工作对邮件的期待不一样。

Different jobs have different expectations.

但我觉得，对大多数公司和职位来说，其实没必要上班时一直盯着邮件，24/7都不用。

But I think for most companies and jobs and careers, I think it's not necessary to be connected to emails 20 fourseven or even all of the time when you're at work.

其实已经有研究证明了，你回邮件越快，收到的邮件就越多。

And I think there have been studies done actually where they show if you reply faster to emails, you will get more emails.

原因可能有不少，但别人一看你回得快，就会把邮件当微信一样，你来我往没完没了，结果邮件量直接翻倍。

You know, maybe there are several reasons for that but if people see that you reply quickly, they kind of treat emails like live messaging, like texting where you go back and forth and back and forth and you get way more emails than that.

有时候别人问你个问题，发封邮件，一小时后又来一封：‘算了，我自己解决了，别管了。’

And you know sometimes someone asks you a question, they send an email, and then one hour later they will send another email saying actually never mind, I fixed the problem, no worries.

对吧？

Right?

要是你回得太快，这种来回折腾的邮件肯定更多。

And if you replied faster, there would have been many more emails going back and forth.

所以啊，有时候不急着回，反而是最好的办法。

So yes, sometimes just waiting is the best thing.

但我真不敢相信，我以前居然天天这么干。

But yeah, I really can't believe I used to do this.

我以前一整天都开着邮箱不关。

I used to have emails open all of the day.

有时候甚至在上课时也会看，这可是当老师的坏习惯，容易分散注意力，你知道的。

Sometimes even during lessons which is a really bad habit for a teacher because it can bring up some distractions, know.

上课的时候，最好把所有东西都关掉。

It's always good to close everything when you're teaching a lesson.

不上课的时候，我就忍不住不停地刷邮件。

And when I wasn't teaching, I would check my emails compulsively.

对吧？

Right?

这一部分的关键词就是这个。

This is the word for this section.

‘强迫性地做某事’，就是说你像上瘾一样，根本停不下来。

To be compulsive or to do something compulsively is to do something kind of almost like an addiction, like you can't stop doing it.

就跟习惯一样。

It's like a habit.

就是忍不住要去看。

You check.

哦，对了，我刚想到一个特别贴切的例子。

Oh, actually here's a great example that just popped into my head.

这跟我们很多人用社交媒体的方式特别像。

It's very similar to how many of us will use social media.

我觉得咱们每个人多多少少都这样。

I think we're all guilty of this to some level.

你打开Instagram，刷完朋友的所有动态，把手机一放，结果一分钟不到，又想：要不再刷一遍Instagram？

You know, you you've opened Instagram, you've had a look at all of the posts from your friends, you put your phone down and one minute later, okay let me just check Instagram again.

再刷一遍。

Scroll again.

这就是强迫性行为。

So this is compulsive behavior.

你可能听过OCD这个缩写，指的是某种心理障碍，那个C就是‘强迫’的意思。

You might have heard the acronym OCD to be OCD which is a kind of how can we say mental disorder perhaps and the C stands for compulsive.

叫强迫性焦虑障碍。

It's obsessive compulsive disorder.

所以你可能听过这个缩写。

So you might know that acronym.

不过说实话，我以前老是忍不住反复查邮件，这其实挺正常的，尤其是刚创业的时候。

But yeah, I used to check emails compulsively and it's again it's understandable especially when you're just starting your own business.

你总会想，哎，有人预约课程了吗？

You kind of want to see you know, oh has someone booked a lesson?

一切都还好吗？

Is everything okay?

明天有没有课要准备？

Have I got a lesson for tomorrow I need to prepare for?

脑子里老是挂着这些事，就想看看情况怎么样。

All these kind of things that are in the back of your head and you want to see how things are going.

但我以前总是秒回，而且说实话，我特别以保持收件箱清零为傲，这可能还挺少见的。

But yeah I used to reply instantly and I have always this is maybe quite rare as well I've always prided myself on getting to inbox zero.

‘收件箱清零’就是说，你主收件箱里一条未读邮件都没有。

Inbox zero is this idea that you have no more unread emails in your email folder, in your main email folder.

这事儿我到现在还在坚持。

This is something I still do today.

我不是那种邮箱里堆着上万封未读邮件的人，那听起来简直让我崩溃。

I am not one of those people who has 10,000 unread emails that sounds so stressful to me.

不过说实话，这几年里我慢慢把查邮件改成每天早上一次了。

But yes, so I at some point over the past few years, I reduced emails to once a day in the morning.

每天早上一醒，我就把所有邮件处理完。

So I wake up in the morning and I reply to all of my emails.

该回的回了，该清的清了，完事大吉。

Get it sorted and that's it.

之后一整天我都不再碰，除非有特别紧急的事，对吧？

I don't check again for the rest of the day unless it's something very important, right?

但那种情况几乎从不发生。

But almost never.

这么做对我的心理健康帮助特别大，就跟我说的第一个原因差不多。

This has had a huge impact on my mental health for similar reasons to the first point I mentioned.

没人发现。

And no one noticed.

没人抱怨。

No one complained.

没人不高兴。

No one was upset.

我觉得等二十四小时回邮件，根本不算久。

I think waiting twenty four hours for a reply to an email is not too long.

对大多数人来说，这样应该没问题吧？

I think that's acceptable for most people, right?

后来我还更进一步，周末干脆不回邮件了。

And then I even made it one step further and I stopped replying to emails on the weekend.

就工作日五天回复。

So only weekdays, five days a week.

结果一点问题都没有。

Again, cause no problems.

这得看你做什么工作，但我一般没什么特别紧急的事出问题。

It depends on your work but I don't usually have things that are super urgent that go wrong.

所以对我而言这招特别管用，真的让生活轻松多了，而且也没给我增加更多工作量。

So for me that works really well and yeah it's just made my life a lot more chill and it has not given me any more work.

说实话，要是算算我现在花在邮件上的时间，比以前少多了。

In fact I would say if you count the time that I spend on emails now compared to before, it's much less today.

如果你能这么做，真建议你试试。

So definitely consider doing that if you can.

而且你也可以在评论区告诉我，一起练练这些表达。

And yeah, maybe you can let me know in the comments to practice these words.

也许你有什么事是忍不住总想做的。

Maybe there's something that you do compulsively.

那你到底有什么非做不可、停不下来的习惯呢？

So what is it that you do or have done compulsively?

这个词挺适合拿来练一练的。

That's a good word to practice here.

大多数情况下这事儿挺负面的，但你或许能想到点什么。

It's kind of a negative thing in most cases but you can think of something perhaps.

好，咱们现在不谈工作了，聊聊人际关系吧。

Okay let's move away from work now and move into the area of relationships.

我为了过得更好，放弃的另一个习惯或想法，就是总想给别人留下好印象。

The other habit or mindset perhaps that I have given up to improve my life is trying to impress other people.

这事儿吧，我觉得咱们谁都干过，只是程度不同。

This is something that I again, I think we are all guilty of in some way.

人嘛，本来就是社会性动物。

Humans are social animals.

我们都喜欢和别人待在一起。

We like to be around other people.

也喜欢让别人觉得咱厉害。

We like to impress other people.

别人觉得咱成功了，咱自己就特别有成就感。

If other people think we are successful, we feel very good about that.

这种感觉挺正常的，对吧？

That's kind of a natural feeling right?

我们都想不辜负别人的期待。

And we want to live up to other people's expectations.

别人觉得你特别聪明，你就想一直做点啥来证明自己真有本事，对吧？

If someone thinks that we are very smart, we want to keep doing things to prove that we are actually smart, right?

所以这个短语 'live up to'，意思就是让自己的表现跟别人对你的看法对得上，也就是不让人失望。

So this phrasal verb to live up to is to kind of match your life to this the what other people are thinking or basically to be as good as people expect.

其实这个词也能用在电影上。

You know, we can also use it for a film.

你看完一部电影，可以说：'这部电影真没让我失望。'

If you're watching a film, you can say this film really lived up to my expectations.

就是跟我想的一样好。

It was as good as I expected.

对吧？

Right?

而且确实，我们总是想满足别人的期望。

And yeah, we always want to live up to other people's expectations.

如果你爸妈特别希望你当医生，想无视他们的期待，只做自己想做的事，真的很难。

If your parents really want you to become a doctor, it can be very difficult to ignore that desire that they have and just do what you want.

对吧？

Right?

让在乎的人失望，这种感觉一点都不好受。

That feeling of disappointing someone you care about is not a nice feeling.

不过说实话，我觉得这很多时候其实源于不安全感——就是觉得自己不够好，对吧？

But yeah I think speaking from myself this definitely can come from a place of insecurity which means the feeling that we're not good enough, right?

如果你觉得自己哪儿都不够好，就可能更拼命地想证明自己行，能成功。

If you feel you're not good enough for some reason, you might try even harder to prove people that you are or you can succeed.

有时候这其实是个主动的选择，比如：我要为自己活出最好的样子，根本不用向任何人证明什么。

Sometimes this can be a conscious decision, you know, like I'm gonna live my best life for me, and I don't need to prove it to anyone else.

只要明白这点，事情就能扭转了。

And that's all we need to turn things around.

只要有了这种意识上的转变，就能带来积极的改变。

That's all we need to make a positive change.

就是这么一个有意识的心态转变，对吧？

Just that conscious mindset change, right?

你做的某些决定，别人看着可能觉得怪，但你自己知道什么才真正有助于成长。

I think some choices that you make might seem strange to other people, but you know what you need to grow.

你知道自己需要什么，才能进步、升级。

You know what you need to improve and level up.

嗯，我觉得这真是个值得记住的教训。

And yeah, I think that's a good lesson to take away.

就像我刚开始重新教书的时候，确实有人对我指指点点，觉得这事儿挺奇怪的。

Kind of like when I first started teaching again, I did have some people kind of judging me or thinking it was a bit strange.

那时候我就明白了：我不需要讨好你。

And this was an example of, okay, I don't need to please you.

我就做我自己的事。

I'm just gonna do my own thing.

你觉得我怪不怪，我才不在乎呢。

I don't care if you think I'm weird.

我知道现在该做什么。

I know this is what I should do right now.

我觉得这种心态挺健康的。

I think that's a healthy mindset to have.

我来跟你分享一个我自己的真实故事。

So here's a real story from from me that I could share.

以前我特别热衷于跑遍尽可能多的国家。

I used to be quite interested in visiting as many countries as I could.

说实话，我这么做的一个主要原因，就是觉得这挺牛的。

And I think if I'm being honest with myself, one of the main reasons for this was because it's quite impressive.

你要是说‘我喜欢旅行’，人家接着问‘那你去过多少个国家？’

You know if you say yeah I like traveling and then they say oh how many countries have you been to?

你要是说‘我去过五个国家’，人家可能心里就嘀咕：‘就五个？这也叫旅行者？’

If you said I've been to five countries, people might be like oh okay you're not really a traveler then are you?

你这就相当于没怎么见过世面，对吧？

You're just kind of you know, you you haven't really seen the world, have you?

但如果你说，对啊，

But then if you said, oh, yes.

我跑过六十多个国家，人家立马就说：哇塞，

I've been to 60 countries around the world, and people go, wow.

你这也太牛了吧，

That's amazing that you're so cool.

真的特别佩服，

Like, really impressed.

也许你并没有这种感觉，

And maybe you don't have that exact same feeling.

对你来说，可能是别的方面更关键，

Maybe that's a different area for you.

但我相信，这种‘多去几个国家’的想法，很多听我讲话的人应该都能感同身受。

But I do think this specific one of going to more countries is relatable perhaps to many of you listening.

这一点我过去有，现在也还有，就是特别想多去几个国家看看。

And this is something that I have and definitely had in the past as well, where I wanted to visit more countries.

有时候一到新国家，我就会问自己：我干嘛跑这儿来？

And sometimes that would lead me to a new country and I would kind of question, wait why am I here?

我其实更想去另一个地方。

I would much rather be in this other place.

当然，去一个国家的原因不止这一条，不是为了打卡炫耀，但这个念头确实挺有驱动力的。

So of course that's not my only reason to go to a country, it's not just about ticking off a list and impressing someone else but that can be a big motivator.

举个简单的例子吧，我现在住在英国，可以去苏格兰玩一趟。

So one simple example of this might be let's say for me I'm living in The UK and I could go on a trip to Scotland.

我以前去过苏格兰，但再去一次也挺有意思的。

I've been to Scotland before That could be interesting.

坐趟火车上去，爬爬山，散散心。

Get the train up to Scotland, do some hiking up there.

这样过个一周，简直完美。

That could be a really nice holiday for a week.

或者我可以去葡萄牙，你知道的。

Or I could go to you know Portugal.

哦，那是个新国家。

Oh that's a new country.

我从来没去过葡萄牙，去一趟就能在清单上划掉一个新国家了。

I've never been to Portugal before and I can tick off that new country.

是啊，待上一周可能花得更多，不过也说不准，但说不定别人会觉得这更厉害。

Yes it might be more expensive after you know a week spending there, you know perhaps not who knows, but you know that might be more impressive to people.

我慢慢学会了，现在也在继续学，别总想着让别人刮目相看，做自己想做的事就行了，对吧？

And I've learnt and I'm learning as much as I can to stop trying to impress other people and just do what I want to do, right?

举个大例子吧，我喜欢去日本，你可能也知道，我本来可以跑别的新国家，往我的旅行清单上再添几个。

A big example for me is I love travelling to Japan as you might know and I could go to new countries and add to my, you know, list of countries I've been to.

但心里总有个声音，今天我老提这个词——心里总想着：我就想再回一趟日本。

But in the back of my head, I'm using that term a lot today, in the back of my head I'm thinking I just want to go to Japan again.

对我来说，那才更有趣。

It's more fun for me.

所以，这就是我想说的。

So I think that's my story here.

这就是我的做法。

That's my solution.

现在我更关注自己真正想去的地方，哪个地方最让我心动。

These days I focus on much more where I really want to go, what place excites me the most.

有时候，可能就是在家附近随便转转。

And yes sometimes that might just be a local trip near your hometown.

不一定非得搞得多轰动。

It doesn't have to be something so crazy.

你不妨也想想这个。

So just think about that.

这对我来说是个教训，也许对你也有启发。

I mean that's a lesson for me and maybe for you.

下次你想做点什么的时候，问问自己：如果没人知道，什么最让我兴奋？

Next time you want to do something think about if no one knew what I was going to do what would excite me the most?

我真正想做的是什么？

What would I really want to do?

但你不能告诉任何人。

But you're not allowed to tell anyone.

这可能是个好信号，帮你找到理想的假期。

That could be a good sign that leads you to your perfect holiday perhaps.

好，再来一个类似的，这次是跟人际关系有关的。

Okay here's another similar one again so another relationship based one.

就是对所有事都说好。

This is saying yes to everything.

这里有个词你可能没听过，叫‘讨好型人格’。

A phrase we can learn here that you might not know is being a people pleaser.

这个概念其实很好懂。

This is a fairly simple one to understand.

就是那种特别喜欢让别人开心的人。

It's someone who likes to please other people.

他们总是做事情让别人开心，有时甚至牺牲自己，也就是说，他们为别人忙前忙后，却把自己的生活搞砸了。

They always do things to make others happy and sometimes it's at their own expense, which means that they're doing stuff for other people but they're making their own life worse.

所以啊，当个讨好型人格其实真不算啥好事。

So it's not really a good thing to be a people pleaser.

这词本身带点贬义的。

It's kind of a negative word.

但说实话，我以前特别怕让人失望，一想到会让别人难过就浑身不自在。

But yeah I used to hate letting people down, I used to hate disappointing people.

所以不管啥事我都一口答应下来。

So I would always say yes to everything.

我老担心，要是老拒绝别人，他们就不跟我玩了。

I was really afraid that if I would say no too many times that they would stop being my friend.

说实话，还真发生过好几次，朋友就这么散了。

And honestly that has happened actually, that has happened several times.

但我慢慢明白了，如果他们连我需要独处、需要保护自己的能量都理解不了、尊重不了——

But I have come to learn that if they do not understand or respect my need to be alone or my need to protect my energy.

这句话真好，能帮你保护自己的能量。

That's a good phrase to protect your energy.

对你这种内向的人来说，可能就是一个人待着，别跟人待太久累得不行。

That could just be staying alone if you're an introvert like me and not you know feeling exhausted spending too much time with other people.

如果他们连这个都不尊重，那可能真不是啥好朋友。

If they don't respect that then perhaps they're not the best person to have as your friend.

真正的朋友会明白：他不想来见我，但我知道他正享受自己的独处时光。

I think a true friend would understand okay he doesn't want to come and see me but I know that he is enjoying his alone time.

这跟我没关系，是他自己的事。

It's not about me, it's about him.

对吧？

Right?

我觉得这才是好朋友该有的想法。

I think that's what a good friend should think.

这让我想起一句特别流行的话。

So this also reminds me of a quote which is very popular.

我得查查这话是谁说的。

I'll have to check who said it.

我心里大概有数，但不想引错原话。

I have a feeling but I don't want to misquote them.

我现在去查一下，不过原则是：如果不是特别兴奋，那就直接拒绝。

So let let me check now but this is if it's not a hell yes, it's a no.

如果不是特别兴奋，那就直接拒绝。

If it's not a hell yes, it's a no.

没错，正如我猜的，这是德里克·西弗斯说的。

And yeah as I thought this was Derek Sivers who said that.

德里克·西弗斯。

Derek Sivers.

这个观点特别棒：如果你对一件事兴奋得不得了，那当然该做，这说明是对的。

So it's a really nice idea that if you're really excited about something like hell yes of course you're going to do it, that's a good sign.

如果只是觉得‘嗯，勉强还行吧，凑合能做’，那就不该做。

If it's just like yeah I guess that would be good, I suppose I can do it then that should be a no.

你根本没多兴奋，那可能就不该做。

You are not really excited so maybe don't do it.

不过，你同意这个说法吗？

Do you agree with that though?

说实话，我也不完全认同，有些事我确实没到‘非做不可’的程度。

I mean I don't always agree because there are some things that I am not like hell yes!

但后来我做了，结果特别庆幸自己没错过。

But then I do it and I really am glad that I did it.

很多社交场合都这样，别人邀我参加活动，我心想：‘唉，真不想去，没啥兴趣’，可去了之后又特别开心自己去了。

That happens in most social situations where I'm invited to some event and I'm like oh I really don't want to do it, I'm not really excited But then I go and I'm so happy that I did it.

所以啊，这规则也不是绝对的。

So you know perhaps it's not always true.

但我要讲个真实的故事。

But here's a real story.

接下来，我来举几个具体的例子。

Now I'll try to give some real examples for each one.

我刚来泰国的时候，经常有机会认识新朋友。

When I first came to Thailand, I had a lot of chances to meet people.

我交了很多朋友，他们总邀我参加各种活动。

I made a lot of friends and they would always invite me to different events as well.

结果我的日程越来越满。

So my schedule was getting busier and busier.

什么咖啡聚会、羽毛球活动、散步小组、语言交换，还有好多别的事儿，我都参加。

I was going to coffee meetups and badminton events, walking groups and language exchange groups, many other things like that.

那周我简直忙得不可开交。

I had a very busy week.

那时候我真挺享受的。

And at the time I was really loving it.

你看，我朋友一大堆。

I was you know, I had lots of friends.

我感觉走在城里，到处都能碰到熟人。

I felt like wherever I went in the city, I would see someone that I knew.

我觉得自己特别受欢迎。

I felt very popular.

其实那种感觉还挺好的。

It was a nice feeling actually.

但后来我经常答应了就后悔。

But it got to the point where I would often regret saying yes.

尤其是晚上，我又不是夜猫子，明明在外面晃悠，心里却想着：真希望现在能在家躺着。

And there were sometimes, especially in the evening, again, not an evening person, I would be outside and I would be thinking, I kind of wish I was at home right now.

我干嘛非得在这儿呢？

Why am I here?

我宁可待在家里。

I would much rather be at home.

从那以后，我就开始对自己和别人说实话：这活动听着是挺有意思，但我今晚实在没精力了。

So since then, I started being honest with myself and honest with them as well and just saying you know that sounds like a really fun event but I don't have the energy for that tonight.

现在我一个人待的时间多多了，晚上也更愿意宅在家。说实话，我比以前开心多了。

These days I spend a lot more time alone, more time at home in the evenings as well But honestly I am happier than before.

我觉得我可能得好好平衡一下，偶尔多见见朋友，但现在我更听从自己的真实想法。

I think I probably need to work on that balance and see friends a bit more perhaps but I'm kind of listening to what I want to do.

我不再为了讨好别人而勉强答应了，比以前开心多了。

I'm not feeling pressured to say yes and people please with everyone and I'm I'm happier than I used to be.

这其实是我亲身经历中学到的一课。

So there's a lesson there from a real example from my life.

好了，到目前为止我们说了几个。

So okay we had a few so far.

接下来还有几个要讲。

Next one, we have a couple more to do.

下一个话题不一样了：吃不健康的东西。

Next one is a different area now: consuming unhealthy things.

这个我基本已经戒掉了，至少大幅减少了。

This is one that I have pretty much cut out but I've certainly cut down on.

我们可以借这个部分来练习这两个表达。

So we can practice these two phrases here with this section.

所以‘cut down on’是个三个词的短语动词。

So to cut down on something that's a three word phrasal verb.

‘Cut down on’就是减少的意思。

Cut down on means to reduce.

比如你减少吃糖，就是少吃点糖。

So if you cut down on sugar, you reduce the amount of sugar you eat.

而‘cut out’就是彻底戒掉。

And cut out just cut out means get rid of completely.

不是减少，是一点都不碰了。

So not reducing but no more at all.

所以我已经减少吃糖了。

So I have cut down on sugar.

但我还没完全戒掉糖。

I haven't cut out sugar.

我的意思是，我也没做到一口糖都不吃。

You know, I don't eat zero sugar.

这挺难的，对吧？

That's quite difficult, right?

所以啊，我已经减少吃不健康的食物了。

So yeah, I have cut down on unhealthy foods.

这事儿挺私人的，但我七年前就戒酒了。

This is quite a personal one, but I stopped drinking alcohol like over seven years ago.

其实我本来就不太喜欢喝酒。

I never never really enjoyed it anyway.

我觉得在英国，喝酒是成长过程中挺重要的一部分，至少我小时候是这样。

I mean alcohol is a big part of British culture I think when you're growing up, at least it was when I was growing up.

现在的小孩子我不太清楚了。

I don't know about the young kids these days.

但我以前喝酒，多半是出于社交压力。

But I often just did it due to social pressure.

当然，以前参加派对和活动时也玩得很开心，但很多时候就是被逼着喝。

Now of course I had a lot of fun in certain parties and events but often it was social pressure.

我觉得在这种喝酒的场合里，这几乎是躲不掉的。

I think that's unavoidable if you're in these kind of alcohol drinking situations.

后来我慢慢调整了饮食，一点点减少了超加工食品的摄入。

And over time I gradually worked on my diet, I gradually cut down on ultra processed food.

就是那种超市里塑料包装、配料表长得吓人、有两百多种成分的食物。

These are kind of these foods that you find in the supermarket in plastic packaging that has like 200 things on the ingredients list.

好多成分你根本看不懂是啥。

Many of them you don't know what they mean.

我也减少了糖的摄入，还有那些没啥营养的玩意儿，反正就是这类东西。

I've cut down on sugar, I've cut down on perhaps we could say low nutritional food, something like that.

我这才发现，人的口味适应起来快得惊人。

And I did realise how quickly, it's amazing how quickly you can get used to flavours.

对吧？

Right?

再举个实际例子吧，我二十出头的时候，就跟现在一样，特别爱喝咖啡，通常点的都是拿铁。

So here's one real example again, when I was in my early twenties I, as I do now, I liked drinking coffee and I would usually get I think I would usually get a cappuccino actually.

现在我更喜欢喝纯黑咖啡。

These days I'm more of a black coffee guy.

但那时候我总点拿铁，还得加至少两大勺糖。

But in those days I would get a cappuccino and I would need at least two tablespoons of sugar.

有一阵子我甚至加了三勺。

I think there was a period where I was using three.

你知道那种小糖包吧，撕开纸就往咖啡里倒。

You know you get those little sugar packets where you tear open the paper, pour it in the coffee.

有段时间我一杯咖啡能放三包糖，那时候觉得挺正常，现在回想起来，简直不敢相信我居然一天喝这么多糖。

I think there was a period where I was using three packets of sugar in one mug of coffee and that was good for me at the time but now it's unbelievable to think I was having that much sugar in just one cup of coffee.

当然了，如果你现在还这么喝，我一点不评判你。

This of course by the way is no judgment if if you do this out there.

我不是在说你不好，只是我自己已经不这么做了，真没想到我的饮食变化这么大。

I'm not judging you but you know I've stopped doing this and it's kind of crazy to think about how much my diet has changed.

我想大概是八年前吧，我决定慢慢减糖，每天大概减少四分之一茶匙。

I think it was maybe it could have been like eight years ago, quite a while ago where I decided to reduce it And I think I reduced it by about a quarter teaspoon every day.

哦不，其实我并不是每天都喝。

Oh no, I think it wasn't even every day.

大概每两三天才喝一次。

It was like every two or three days.

我是一点点、一点点慢慢减的。

I was really really gradually reducing it.

比如周一放两茶匙糖，到周三就减到一茶匙又四分之三。

So say I had two teaspoons of sugar on Monday, then on Wednesday I would do one teaspoon and three quarters of a teaspoon.

我减得特别特别慢，几周后就完全不加糖了。

And I reduce it so so slowly until after a few weeks I had no sugar.

这招特别管用，因为减得太慢了，我几乎都没察觉。

And that really helped me because it was so gradual, was so slow that I barely noticed.

现在不加糖，我反而更能品出咖啡本身的风味了。

And now I can appreciate flavors much more without sugar.

我后来才意识到，以前我根本不是真喜欢咖啡，只是喜欢糖的味道。

I realised before that I didn't really enjoy most things, I just enjoyed the sugar.

我觉得一旦戒了糖，你才能真正品出各种味道的细腻之处。

I think when you remove the sugar you can really appreciate the subtleties of some flavours.

另一个例子是，最近我迷上了一种新饮品——焙茶，是日本的一种茶。

Another example is recently I've gotten gotten into a new drink for me which is hojicha which is a Japanese drink.

我觉得它大概是烘烤过的绿茶吧。

I think it's like roasted green tea I believe.

焙茶拿铁，或者叫拿铁。

Horchee Cha Latte or Latte.

我也不知道自己怎么把名字说成这样了。

I don't know why I said it weirdly.

焙茶拿铁。

Horchee Cha Latte.

这种烘烤过的绿茶，我喜欢加燕麦奶。一开始在咖啡馆点的时候还是加糖，后来干脆不加了，这才真正尝出了茶本身的香味，而不是糖的味道。

So this is this kind of roasted green tea with I like to have oat milk and I started with sugar again when I ordered in a cafe, but then I stopped the sugar and it really allows you to appreciate the taste of the the tea rather than the sugar.

真的特别好喝，就是得花点时间适应。

Really really enjoyable but it does take some time to get used to.