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大家好，欢迎来到新一期的《抹茶日记》，平时是Cara和Leo主持，但今天只有Leo，不过我身边还有三位特别嘉宾。先介绍一下背景，我们现在在阿姆斯特丹，姑娘们这周末来拜访我，她们正努力
Hello everyone and welcome to a new episode of The Matcha Diaries with Cara and Leo but today it's only Leo but I've also got three extra special guests with me. To set the scene, we're in Amsterdam right now. I've got the girls visiting for the weekend and they're trying
保持特别安静。好吧
to be extra quiet. Well
不像Leo，这可不是
not like Leo, it's not
自然发生的。好的，Vesh和Pierre现在都算是回头客了。Vesh，你上过这个播客多少次了？
naturally happening. Okay, Vesh and Pierre have both been repeat guests at this point. I think Vesh, you've been on the podcast how many times?
现在第三次了。
Three now.
好的，这是你第二次？这是我的第二份工作。一样。然后Emma，我们要拿走你的第一次了。这是我的首秀。
Okay, this is your second time? This is my second job. Same. And then, Emma, we're taking your virginity. This is my debut.
好的，我们今天要做的是，我们在Instagram上邀请大家提交关于爱情或友情的困惑。我们会一一回应，给出想法和建议。我们正喝着咖啡，这是姑娘们在这里的最后一天。
Okay, So we're gonna well, what we're gonna do today is we asked on Instagram for you guys to submit your romantic or friendship related dilemmas. And we're just gonna respond, give our thoughts, give our advice. We're sipping on our coffees. It's the last day of these girls being here.
噢，我有点难过。
Oh, I'm sad.
是啊。好吧。要不你们做个简短的自我介绍？对，我要知道你们的名字、年龄和目前的感情状况。
And yeah. Okay. How about you guys give little mini intros? Yeah. So I want your name, I want your age, and your current relationship status.
噢。
Oh.
我们中的一些人
Some of us
是的。莎拉刚刚对我
are. Sarah just gave
竖了中指。
me the middle finger.
很多复杂的方程式情况。
A lot of complex equation situations.
那是剩下的，宝贝。
That's left, baby.
好的。嗨，大家好。我是维什。我24岁，或者25岁吧。24岁。
Okay. Hi, guys. I'm Vesh. My age is 24, I think, or 25. 24.
维什。其实挺难的。她是团队里的老幺。
Vesh. Actually, it's hard. She's the baby of of the group.
没错。我是团队里最小的。我的恋爱关系开始时是单身状态，但正在约会中。
Yeah. I'm the baby of the group. And my dating my relation my relationship started as a single, but dating.
是啊。我
Yeah. I'm
刚到这个场景。
just on the scene.
她是。我在现场，我在街头。
She is. I'm on the scene, I'm on the streets.
这在约会方面很在行。
That's very good at dating.
好吧。我不在街头。我不在街头，但我确实，
Okay. I'm not on the street. I'm not on the streets, but I am,
你知道，正处于
you know, having a
小小的聊天阶段，然后我有过几次亲吻，哦
little talking stage and then I'm having couple of kisses and Oh
天啊，我感觉我的状态自从上次我们聊过后就没变过
my I feel like my status hasn't changed since the last time we
我觉得你在约会场景中比上次活跃多了。是的。这非常令人兴奋。
I think you're more active on the dating It scene than last has changed. Yeah. Which is very exciting.
好吧。名单上有人了。
Okay. There's someone on the roster.
是的。名单上有
Yeah. There is someone on
我们给他或他们起了昵称。是的。是的。那些人。好吧。
the We have nicknames for him or them. Yeah. Yeah. The people. Okay.
艾玛，接下来轮到你了。大家好，我是伊莫金，26岁，单身。生活有点混乱复杂，但确实是单身。
Emma, you go next. Hi guys. I'm Imogen. I'm 26 and I'm single. Slightly messy and complicated but single.
我能评价下基娅拉和伊莫吗？当然。如果不需要的话可以剪掉这段。
Can I can I say something about both Kiara and Imo? Yeah. You can cut it out if if we don't want to.
我说你们俩的...
I say that both of your
觉得基娅拉很有趣。
think Kiara is entertaining.
她可能...这段或许不该保留。出于安全考虑。好吧。
She can't be Maybe that should not be in here. Just for safety purposes. Okay.
我会做消音处理。好的。
I'll bleep it out. Yeah.
基娅拉，我也26岁，情况非常复杂。
Kiara, I'm 26 as well and I it's very complicated.
但我们依然能得到很棒的建议，因为...
But we still will get great advice because Yes.
如果你经历过...是的...错误什么的...犯过错...就能给出好建议。
You'll be good advice if you've been through Yeah. Mistakes and stuff. Mistakes and stuff. Making mistakes. Making mistakes.
这些女孩都是我伦敦认识的。没错。我和贝什以前显然合租过。
All these girls I know from London. Yes. So me and Besh obviously used to live together.
嗯。琪娅拉基本上就住在我们家。是啊。安德烈在的那段日子她经常来。
Mhmm. Kiara basically lived in our house. Yeah. For a good chunk of And
艾莫现在是个旅行达人，我刚到处转悠。我们都获准
Emo's now a travel I was just around. We're all allowed
和旅行中的艾莫一起出去玩。
to hang out with Emo on travel.
知道吗？贝什刚才提到了。哦对。我打算在宣布这期播客上线时，用我们在巴黎的合照。虽然伊莎不在照片里，但除此之外完全吻合。哦对，你当时确实在。
Know? Besh was bringing it Oh yeah. This is I'm gonna when I announce this podcast episode being live, I'm gonna use the Paris picture of all of us. I mean, Isha's not here, but other than that, it's exactly Oh. In Yes, you were.
你可以看到。
You can see.
不，我不在照片里。不，我觉得
No. I'm not in the photo. No. I think
哦好吧，我会把你的脸P上去。
Oh, okay. I'll photoshop your face.
呃，我们
Well, we
有...我们有张从某次
did We have one from from one of
夜游时拍的照片。好了，该说到课程了。那晚玩得很尽兴。所以哦。
the nights out. Okay. We're getting to the classes. Good night out. So Oh.
我们开始吧。收到了很多精彩的投稿，所以要感谢所有来信的朋友，浏览这些内容非常有趣。首先想让大家讨论的是一个挺有意思的话题，用来破冰。
Let's start. We got a lot of good submissions. So I wanna thank everyone who wrote in because it's been very fun to look through them. The first one I wanna I want you guys to give your thoughts on is just quite a funny one. To break the ice.
这位投稿者只说了一句：和穷男人约会。
This person just said dating a broke man.
我个人建议直接别谈。就这样。
I would say just don't, personally. That's
实在太
just very
穷酸气质了。抱歉，就是穷酸气质。
broke y energy. I'm sorry. Broke y energy.
不过具体情况很重要。他是...比如还是个学生？
Circumstance is very important though. Is he Yeah. Or they a student?
对，他是否在为目标努力？嗯。
Yeah. Are they working towards something? Mhmm.
他们到底什么状态？他们的志向是永远穷下去吗？
What it do they like, is their ambition to be broke forever?
如果是这样，那当然不行。我觉得这也取决于你自己。比如我本人就是非常非常注重事业追求的那种人。对我来说更看重的是志向。
Because if so, then no. Yeah. I think it depends on who you are as well. Like if you're like I'm quite a like very very like career focused ambition person ambitious person. And like I would not be like for me it's more about ambition.
我不会和与我志向水平不匹配的人交往。当然这只是我的观点。也许有人想当职场强人，而伴侣更愿意居家享受轻松生活。但对我而言关键要看他们所处的阶段——如果是因为正在接受七年医科培训而穷困，那另当别论。
I would not be dating someone who doesn't match my level of ambition. But also that's just me. There's someone who maybe wants to be the career person and have someone who's more like a stay at home, more relaxed person. But for me it's personally just about where they are. If they're broke because they're in their seven year trainee as a doctor that's of one thing.
如果他们穷是因为他们也懒得努力，哦糟糕。就像我能
If they're broke because they can't be fucked too, oh shit. Like Can I
耶稣？不。我是
Jesus? No. Was I
感觉每次我来这里都会问你。但如果他们就是不想提升自己，没有野心，不想取得任何成就，那完全是另一种人了。是的。我觉得
feel like I ask you every time I'm on this. But if they just like don't wanna improve themselves, like don't have ambition, don't wanna get anywhere, then that's a very different person. Yeah. I feel like the
‘穷’这个词有点负面含义。
word broke has kind of negative connotations.
我也
I also
感觉我们还这么年轻，在你二十出头的时候。是啊。
feel like we're still so young, in your early Yeah.
我们都有点穷。
We're all a bit broke.
特别是在大学里遇到的人，他们不穷的唯一原因要么是很早就开始工作，要么是因为有有钱的父母。这种情况下，并不能正面反映你这个人。那只是你无法控制的境遇。而且我觉得如果是伴侣关系，你爱那个人，爱他们对待你的方式，那么你们可以一起创造财富。一起走向成功。
Especially if you're meeting someone at uni, the only reason they wouldn't be broke is either because they started working really young or because they have rich parents. In which case, is not a positive reflection on you. That's just circumstance which you had no control over. And often I think if it's a partnership, you love that person, you love how they treat you, then you build your fortunes together. You build your success together.
不能带你去五星级餐厅吃饭，并不意味着他们不能用其他方式表达爱意或为你做些事情。要知道，没钱不应该成为借口。不应该因为没钱就
Take you out to like five star dinners doesn't mean that they can't still show you love in different ways or do things for you. Know, it shouldn't be an excuse. Like not to have money shouldn't be
是的。表达爱意还有很多其他方式。
Yeah. There's a lot of other ways you can show love.
是啊。
Yeah.
我认为我们需要更多背景信息，嗯。关于年龄和具体情况的细节。因为在大学里，我绝对不会说某人穷。感觉
And I would say we need more context here Mhmm. Terms of age and exact situation. Because in uni, I would never ever call someone broke. Feel like
每个人都会这样。我觉得
everyone would be. I'm like
感觉我三十出头，事业上风生水起之类的。然后，嗯，可能你会更挣扎一些。
feel like I'm in my early thirties, like killing it in my career or something like that. And like yeah. Like I maybe like you'd struggle more.
是啊。他们和你住在一起。他们住
Yeah. They're living with your They're living
和你的父母住在一起。
with your living with your parents.
也许吧。他们可能会这样。
Maybe. They might do.
我感觉，是的。
I feel like, yeah.
如果我在工作，并且可能正试图与某人建立伴侣关系，而我们无法平等地支持彼此，嗯。那可能就会开始
If I was if I was working and perhaps trying to build a partnership with someone and we couldn't equally support one another Mhmm. Then that would perhaps start
对我造成问题。是的。我认为长期来看，这些问题会更明显。是的。
to be problematic for me. Yeah. I think in the long term these things show up more. Yeah.
我觉得短期内当你对某人充满热情时，很容易忽视这些问题。
I think in the short term when you're like passionate about someone it's like easy to overlook.
我认为你必须能够看到
I think you have to be able to see the
长远的发展，明白是的。你们双方都能做到。是的。而且感觉这种关系就像潮起潮落，对吧？比如我和马可就经常讨论这个。
long term and see that Yeah. You're both gonna be able Yeah. To and feel I like it goes in ebbs and flows. Right? Like me and Marco talk about this a lot.
生活中可能会有这样的阶段，比如我赚的钱比他多，或者反过来，你知道的，等我们有了孩子，显然我可能会稍微休息一下。他可能会成为主要的经济支柱。但之后情况又会变化。肯定的。这没问题。但我认为如果你有长远的眼光，想着：好吧，我不必总是那个为 paycheck 苦苦挣扎的人，而他对此毫不在意或视为理所当然。
There might be times in my life where like, I'm making more money than him or sometimes it will be vice versa or, you know, when we have kids and obviously probably I'll take a little bit of a break. He'll be probably more the main But then it'll change around again like Definitely. That's fine. But I think if you have a long term view of like, okay, I'm not always gonna have to be the one struggling for the paycheck whilst he doesn't care or takes it for granted.
是的。这是一种合作关系。
Yeah. It's a partnership.
我想还有
I guess there's
另一种组合，比如：嘿，事业是我的主要重心。你愿意成为另一方吗？是的。你愿意更多地扮演家庭角色吗？比如照顾家里？
also a combo of like, hey, career is my main focus. Are you happy to be the other person? Yeah. You know, are you happy to be more the home person? Like take care of the house?
照顾孩子？是的。
Take care of the kids? Yeah.
他们必须
They have
通过其他方式来弥补。
to make up for it another way.
因为那也是劳动。情感劳动，就像家务劳动一样。那需要花费大量时间。如果能不必为此操心，你的生活会轻松许多。确实如此。
Because that is labour too. Emotional labour, like the home labour. That takes a lot of time. That And could make your life a lot easier if you don't have to worry about it. Definitely.
这是女性总是无偿付出的劳动。所以双向这样组合很公平。
That's labour women always do for free. So it's a fair combo both ways.
我同意。我们是不是该转到
I agree. Shouldn't we move I to the
我认为我们已经假设
think we have assumed
我们这里讨论的是一个男性。
that we're talking about a man here.
哦，因为她说的是约会一个没钱的男人。哦。好吧。那如果是反过来呢？你会怎么说？
Oh, because she says dating a broke man. Oh. Okay. What about what what would you say if it's like the other way around?
我不知道。我感觉会是
I don't know. I I feel like It would be
对我来说答案是一样的。
the same answer for me.
不。男性更不在意。我会说男性更不在乎。
No. Mencare less. I would say men care less.
我认为
I think
是啊，关于财务方面。对。但那也可能是因为刻板的性别角色。没错。
yeah. About financial. Yeah. But that's also probably because of like stereotypical gender roles. Yeah.
这取决于你在和谁交谈。
Depends on who you're talking to.
我觉得确实存在这种现象。这绝对是一种概括。但没错，我感觉他们总是没那么在意。
I feel like there's Yeah. It's definitely a generalization. But yeah I feel like they always care a bit less.
他们是不是很在意别人的外表？我感觉当我想到金融行业的男性时...
Does it care a lot about how people looks? Feel like I think of men in
我在金融行业工作，想到金融界的男性，我会更在意伴侣是否有抱负，而且我敢说90%同行业的男性都这样。
finance, like I work in finance, if I think of guys in finance I would care a lot more about my partner being ambitious and I would say 90% of guys in my same career.
是的，这很合理。我觉得这又是个普遍现象，对很多人都适用。
Yeah. That makes sense. I feel like again it's a generalisation. It's true for a lot of people.
嗯，好吧。
Yeah. Okay.
我们继续下一个话题。这个人说：当我开始对某人产生兴趣时，往往会有点痴迷。有什么建议吗？
We're moving on to the next one. Yeah. This person said, if I start getting interested in someone, I tend to get a bit obsessed. Got any tips?
作为曾经痴迷到会幻想我们孩子和未来生活的人，我想说...这确实很难，因为别人可以轻易说'别太投入'之类的话，但做起来太难了。嗯。不过老生常谈还是要试着客观看待：你喜欢的是这个人，还是你想象中的ta。
Yeah. As a as a previous obsessive person who would literally paint our kids and our future and growing all together. I would say, yeah, it's so hard because it's easy for people to say, oh, like, detach or whatever, but it's so hard. Mhmm. But again, it's the cliche of trying to think of someone objectively in terms of do you like them or the idea of them.
这其实是我们收到的另一个问题。对。你怎么分辨呢？
And that's another question we got actually. Yeah. How do you know?
是的。而且我还意识到一点，我跟别人聊过这个——当你去见一个让你心动的人时，你满脑子想的不是自己有多喜欢对方，抱歉说反了。不对。你想的是他们可能有多喜欢你，而不是你实际上有多喜欢他们。我觉得很多痴迷都源于你想验证自我价值，比如'哦，我希望他们喜欢我，他们太酷了'，然后把他们捧上神坛，希望他们对你有某种好感。
Yeah. And also I've I've realized this and I was speaking to someone about this is that when you go meet someone that of of romantic interest, all you think about is how much you like them not sorry. No. How much they might like you versus how much you actually like them. I feel like a lot of the obsession comes with you wanting to validate your ego of oh, I want them to like me and they're so cool and I and I put them on a pedestal and I want them to feel a certain way about me.
但当你真正转换思维，开始思考你究竟有多喜欢他们，而不是仅仅为了彼此的 ego 满足。还有就是，我发现慢慢来很重要，因为很多时候你遇到一个人，陷入那种旋风式浪漫，感觉很棒，你们花大量时间在一起，然后一切就开始走下坡路。所以我觉得如果喜欢一个人，应该合理分配时间。比如最初每周见一次。不要立刻把他们置于你生活中珍视的事物之上。
But when you actually flip the switch and think about how much you actually like them, rather than just like for each other's ego validation. And also if you like taking things slow is what I've realized because a lot of times you meet someone and you're you're in this like whirlwind romance and it's nice and you spend like a ridiculous amount of time and then it all starts going downhill. So I feel like if you like someone, just distribute the time. Maybe like see them once a week initially. Don't Don't prioritize them over what the things you value in your life just yet.
对。我想是的。
Yeah. I think Yeah.
我认为
I think
需要考虑的一点是你如何看待自己的
one thing to consider is like how you view your
生活和人生目标。如果你的终极目标是恋爱，那你可能会变得相当痴迷。嗯。但如果你确保生活还有其他方面的目标，这应该能帮助你保持平衡。因为你同时也在为其他事情努力。
life and your life goals. If your ultimate goal is being in a relationship, then you probably would get quite obsessed. But Mhmm. If you make sure that you've got other goals in your life in aspects, then hopefully that will help you remain balanced. Because you're also working to other things.
是啊。但我觉得浪漫爱情的力量太强大了。对。迷恋的感觉可以如此强烈。我觉得当
Yeah. But I guess with romantic love it's so powerful. Yeah. And like infatuation can be so powerful. I think when
我年轻时，这会让人更加心烦意乱。它让你变得相当盲目。
I was younger, it gets so much more upset. It makes you quite blind.
没错，确实如此。就像要保持理性一样。而且我真的觉得，坐下来和朋友聊聊也很有价值。我觉得很多时候，朋友会给朋友会给出
Yeah, it does. It's just like being rational. And I and I do feel like there's something so, I don't know, valuable about sitting down and talking to a friend as well. I feel like a lot of times, friend will give friends will give
你一个
you a
目标是摆脱现状。跳出狭隘的视野。
objective Out of the situation. Out of the tunnel view.
说起来容易做起来难。
It's still easiest said than done.
确实如此。我同意。
It is. I agree.
另外我觉得这可能存在争议。争议点在于，痴迷阶段显然不可持续也不应长久。但某种程度上，享受那种紧张刺激、为是否收到短信而神魂颠倒的阶段也很有趣。只是不能走向极端。
And I also this is maybe controversial. Controversial. I feel like the obsession phase is obviously not sustainable and shouldn't last. But I also feel like there's something very fun to some extent to enjoy the phase where it's intense and it's just really exciting and you're obsessing over whether you get a text. I just, it can't go into the extreme.
是啊。我也经历过那种时刻，会盯着聊天界面看对方是否正在输入...
Yeah. I've also been there where I've literally been on their chat to see if they're like text, you know, if they're
没错。就是这样。
Exactly. They just Exactly.
这完全是在浪费时间。你本可以好好过自己的生活。
And that's just like okay, that's a complete waste of your time. You could have just actually been living your life. Yeah.
我确实有过痴迷某人的阶段，结果发现对方在约会别人或心有所属...
I definitely have moments where I've been obsessed with someone and it turns out they're dating someone else or they know someone else and
那感觉糟透了。
it's just the worst.
对。我的问题是，对方是否也同样痴迷你？因为很多时候这种痴迷源于不确定对方是否对你有同样感觉，或者明知对方无意却无法释怀，于是开始自我怀疑。
Yeah. I feel like my question is, is the person obsessed back with you? Yeah. Because I feel like so many times like the obsession stems from not knowing if they feel the Or same way about often knowing they don't feel the same way about you and not being able to sort of get over that. And so then you're like wow is it me?
更像是你自身的投射，而非那个人本身，这种情况更常见。确实如此。因为你倾注了太多情感，甚至常常将自己的自我价值感也依附其中。
Like what it's more like a reflection of yourself than actually the person itself more frequently. True. Because you're attaching so much emotion and so much You're to attaching often like I feel like your self worth to it when you're
当痴迷某人时。非常正确。因为如果双方同等痴迷，那确实有趣。但还是要小心别因此抛弃生活中的其他一切。
obsessing over someone. That's very true. Yeah because I guess if you're equally obsessed with each other then it is fun. Again you still have to be careful to not just abandon everything else in your life.
但这种情况确实会发生。短暂持续时还挺可爱，之后你就会回归正常生活。但若单方面痴迷得不到回应，就只是消耗自己。
But it happens. It's cute when it happens. It lasts a bit and then like you know you get back to normal life. But if you're just obsessing over someone who doesn't give you anything in return it's just consuming.
或者如果这成为模式——你发现自己总是陷入这种高低起伏的循环。
Or also if this is a pattern like you're realizing that you always have this and it's like the constant up and down.
没错。不过能意识到这点很好。提出这个问题很有价值。更成问题的是那些
Yeah. It's good to have that awareness of it though. Like it's great that this question was asked because Yeah. The more problematic person is the one
浑然不觉自己已陷入痴迷的人。是的。他们正在其他方面落后
who doesn't realize that they're obsessed Yeah. And they're falling behind on other aspects
生活的其他领域。非常正确。
of their life. That's very true.
我觉得如果是模式化行为，可能听起来刺耳——问题在于你而非痴迷对象。对吧？如果每隔几个月就换个人痴迷，或许该思考：你痴迷的究竟是某个具体的人？还是像前一个问题说的——你只是把幻想投射到每个遇到的人身上？
And I feel like if it's a pattern, maybe it's like this sounds bad but it's you and it's not the person you're obsessed with. Right? Because if every few months you're obsessing with someone new it's probably like you have to understand what you're obsessing over and is it the one person Yeah. Or is it even the person, is it like what the other question, like the idea of a person that you just project what you want onto every guy you find and then you become obsessed with it.
是啊。或者只是渴望证明自己值得被爱。
Yeah. Or just being worthy of love, like finding that.
百分百同意。你说「每次喜欢某人就会痴迷」很说明问题，这明显是短期痴迷模式。嗯。而非长期执着于某个人，绝对是行为模式问题。
A 100%. I feel like there's something to be said about about you saying, oh, like every time I like someone I get obsessed. So it's clearly more like short term obsession Mhmm. Rather than like, oh, I'm obsessed with this one person. So it's definitely a pattern.
我以前也是这样，真正帮到我的是我彻底暂停了约会——去年我经历了一段痴迷期，非常想摆脱这种状态。于是我就给自己放了个假，开始思考：我到底喜欢什么？就像Imo说的，我的目标是什么？也许当你感觉准备更充分时
And I used to be like this as well and and what really helped me was I took like quite a big break from dating in terms of I just I had an obsession phase last year and I really wanted to cut that out. And I just took a break and I was just like, okay, what do I like? What as Imo said, what are my goals? And then maybe when you're you feel more ready
嗯。
Mhmm.
而且你会发现自己能更超脱些，然后再重新投入
And you feel like there's you can detach yourself a bit more than get back into
因为你现在做得很好。是的，你没有再沉迷于
because now you're being really good about like Yeah. You're not obsessing about
没有。
No.
我觉得是你的约会问题。
I think it's your dating stuff.
不是。特别是在伦敦这种快节奏的地方，你不想陷入对人痴迷的陷阱。这里有太多事可做，太多人要见。
No. I think especially when you're in a place like, I don't know, London where it's very fast paced and you don't wanna get into the trap of being obsessed with people. There's just so much to do, so many things to do, so many people to see.
我能说说我注意到你做的另一件事吗？你说你会删除聊天记录——我从来不会这么做，但感觉这对你摆脱痴迷有帮助？
Can I say something else which I noticed you doing or you said you did, which I'd never done but I feel it helped you also with your you were obsessing over people? You'd like delete the chats.
哦对！天啊，因为我太怀旧了。当我痴迷某人时，总会忍不住回去反复翻看聊天记录
Oh, yes. Yes. Oh my god. Because I'm so nostalgic. I tend to like when I'm obsessed with someone, I will go back, read the chat, read it
没错。
again. Yeah.
你只需要打破这个模式，强迫自己去做。删除这些聊天记录会让我很痛苦，因为我总会回去翻看那些甜蜜的讯息。后来我开始删除和男生的对话，之后就再也找不回来了。
And you just need to break the pattern and forcibly do it. It would pain me to like delete these chats because I would go back and read the cute messages the time. And at one point, I just started deleting messages with guys and I could never access them again. Yeah.
我也曾尝试过
Have been times that I've tried to
通过某种方式恢复，比如我试过
recover through like I tried
告诉他们WhatsApp的聊天历史。是啊。
to tell them WhatsApp like history. Yeah.
它会以HTML代码的形式出现，
It's like comes up in like this HTML code and
然后你就能看到——天啊。
you can see Oh my god.
但我就想，好吧，我再也不这么干了。
But I was like, okay, I'm not doing that again.
我在Instagram上认识人时也这么做过。当年还有Snapchat定位功能的时候，那才叫危险。我只是觉得
I've done that as well with meeting people on Instagram. Back in the day when we had like Snapchat location, that was dangerous. I just feel like
你需要狠心切断联系。就像——我不是...我不想
you need to cut it out like brutally. We like I'm not I don't wanna
这就像上瘾一样，懂吗？你必须确保自己无法接触
It's like an addiction, know. You gotta make sure you don't have access
比如，你会和一个你不痴迷的人约会吗？
to Like, you be dating someone you're not obsessed with?
是啊。但也不该是一丁点儿感觉都没有。
Yeah. But it shouldn't be A tiny bit.
对。你需要对他们有那么些痴迷
Yeah. You need to be obsessed with them as
作为一个人来说，但我不认为这应该占据主导。
a person but I don't think it should like take over.
不，我同意。我大概不会和一个只在聊天的人约会。
No. I agree. I probably wouldn't be dating chats with someone.
这更像是某个无法得到的人。我只是...是啊。
This is more someone who's unavailable. I'm just Yeah. It.
这是我感觉更符合的语境。从我周围的情况来看。
That's more the context I feel. From my vicinity.
我确实同意。是的。
I do agree. Yeah.
我同意。因为我觉得很难分辨这部分。就像事后你没事了。对。那就像是一种暂时的痴迷。
I agree. Because I feel It's hard to tell the part. Like when like afterwards you're fine. Yeah. Like that was just like a temporary obsession.
或者我很高兴自己曾对一个无法得到的人痴迷。我很高兴我把他排除在外，删了聊天记录什么的。但我觉得当时真的很难分辨。比如，那是不是一种急性的痴迷。而且很难向自己承认对方并没有同样的感觉。
Or I'm so glad that I was an unavailable person. I'm so glad like I cut him out, deleted the chats or whatever. But I feel like at the time it's so hard to tell. Like, if it's like acute obsession. And like it's so hard to admit to yourself like the other person is not reciprocating that.
或许可以这样想：这种痴迷带给你的消极情绪多还是积极情绪多。因为我觉得在最初阶段，当我喜欢某人并有点痴迷时，整体上还是增添了积极氛围。比如我会感到兴奋，是的。然后我会带着更多期待开启一天，而不是那种消极的痴迷——醒来就焦虑地查看手机。没错。
Guess maybe it's like how much negativity is that obsession bringing you versus positivity. Because I feel like in the initial stages where I've dated somebody where I actually like them and I maybe was a little bit obsessed, it still overall adds like positive vibes. Like I'm excited Yeah. And I go with more excitement into my day versus like when it's negative obsessed and you wake up and you're like anxiously checking your phone. Yeah.
我认为取决于字面程度
I think it depends how literal
有多深。
it is.
而且我觉得如果你没有负面感受就不会问这个问题。谁会在一件事让自己开心快乐时特意提问呢？我喜欢你说的尝试退后一步
And also I feel like you wouldn't ask the question if you weren't feeling a negative way about it. Like why would why would this person ask a question when they were like happy and jolly with it? I like your thing about taking trying to step take a
客观看待这个人及其特质。如果摘下滤镜，你会愿意和这样的人做朋友吗？你真的认为他们是品行端正的好人吗？我刚好
step back as well and like think about the person, their characteristics. And if you weren't having the blind goggles on, would you like that person for a friend of yours? Do you actually think they're a good person with characteristics? Happened to
最近就遇到过这种情况，在我常去的酒吧认识了个男生。这也是为什么我...
me recently actually when I met this guy at this bar that I normally go to. And this is why I this is why I
你说自己不常去？我可爱去了，我可是常客。
You're not regular, I love. I am a very regular person.
后来我们，嗯，发生了些小插曲。上周末又见到他时，我突然意识到他其实有点无聊。但我当时拼命想让
Then, yeah, we we ended up like, you know, having a little whatever. And then I saw him again like last weekend and I just realized he was like slightly boring. But I was trying so hard to make the
对话继续下去。
conversation encounters this point.
不，他不会的。绝对不会。因为他看起来特别酷又英俊，还是个音乐人，而我...
No, he won't. He won't. No. Because he was like really cool and really handsome and you know, he he was a musician and I
当时就觉得，哇，他真的好酷。
was like, oh, like he's so cool.
但后来我们聊天冷场到极点，我发现自己真的在拼命找话题。对啊，就像在助长那种‘好想让他喜欢我’的执念。回家后我和室友聊起这事，她直接问：‘你其实喜欢他吗？’
But then we were having the most dead chat and I was I found myself like really trying to Yeah. Fuel this like obsessive nature of like, oh, I want him to like me. Yeah. And I want and so and then when I came home and I spoke to my flatmate about it, she was like, do you even like him? Yeah.
我瞬间清醒了，妈的。我一直在纠结这个——听起来你只是渴望他的认可。确实，而且程度很深
And I was like, wait, fuck. I was like obsessing over having this like It sounds like you wanted his validation. Yeah. And like a lot
你希望借由他来证明自己的价值。
the idea of him to validate you.
对啊，就像
Yeah. Like
然后我突然醒悟，该死。给我来了个‘蛋’（指现实打击）。
And then I was like, damn. Gave me the egg.
但没什么比给你个‘蛋’更有效的了。
But nothing better than giving you egg.
有什么自然认识男生的建议吗？我不喜欢交友软件。感觉这年头大家都有这困扰。
Any tips for meeting guys organically? I'm not a fan of dating apps. I think this is a very common nowadays.
是啊，感觉我们单身姐妹越来越难了。Hinge的算法对我特别残忍所以
Yeah. Feel like we're a single less girly. Yeah. The hinge algorithm is very cruel to me so
因为伊莫金有她的...我直说吧，伊莫金有她的
It's because Imogen has her can I just say Imogen has her
年龄上限之类的
age up to like
你可以把那个哔掉
You can bleep the
年龄？是啊。
age? Yeah.
把那个哔掉
Bleep the
年龄。但我认为关键在于首先让自己走出去。虽然听起来很老套，但如果你真想认识男生，想要那些有趣的约会经历，你就必须出门，去那些城市热点地带。我不知道你住在哪，也许...我也不清楚。我觉得很多人通过健身课程之类的场合运气不错。
age. But I think it's just about firstly putting yourself out there. It sounds so cliche, but if you do wanna meet guys and if you don't wanna have those like fun dating experiences, you need to get out and you need to go places, like the hot spots in your city. I don't know where you live, but may that be I don't know. I feel like a lot of people have had luck with like exercise classes or whatever.
嗯。我个人没那么正能量。我觉得我会...这种事也会自然发生。再说当你处在某个情境时，我认为有帮助的是...我从来没有...让我重新表述下，最近我更倾向于主动接近男生，因为我就觉得无所谓啦，觉得他们可爱就行，我们反正都活在漂浮的石头世界上。有时候你就得迈出那一步，别总指望别人来找你。
Mhmm. Me personally, I'm not that wholesome. Like, I feel like I would just go It happens naturally as well. And again, when you're in a situation, I think what's helped what I have never okay let me rephrase this, I tend to go up to guys more recently just because I'm just like whatever I find them cute, we're on a floating rock world. And I feel like you just need to take that step sometimes and not expect other people to come to you.
很多时候...我不知道你喜欢约会什么类型的人...但多数情况下除非对方已有伴侣，否则人们都会非常乐意接受这种主动。
And a lot of the times, I don't know who which who you like to date, but a lot of the times people are very very happy to be receptive to that unless they already have a partner.
我觉得你需要提高遇见某人的概率和机会，但也不一定非要主动搭讪你觉得喜欢的人。你可以只是微笑或眼神接触，肢体语言在那里也超级重要。
I feel you just have to increase your odds and increase your chances of meeting someone, but also, like you don't necessarily have to go up to someone, think you fancy. You could just smile at them or make eye contact. I think your body language is also super important there.
没错，百分之百。虽然听起来很糟糕，很原始动物本能似的，但这就像是开放你的能量场，在外出时释放那些信号...但不是带着'我出门就是为了认识男生'那种目的性。
Yeah. A 100%. It's like, sounds so bad, sounds so like animalistic, but it's it's like opening up your energy and giving those signals when you are out that, okay. Yeah. But not not being like, oh, I'm going out to meet a guy.
不。那样的话...
No. That is when
你出门时总喜欢戴着耳机，低头沉浸在自己的世界里。
you're out and about to like have your headphones in, be looking down, in your own world.
但有时候外出时不听音乐，
But sometimes, like, going out and not listening
环顾四周，是的。
to any music, looking around you Yeah.
如果看到可爱的人就对他们微笑。
Smiling at people if you see someone cute.
眼神交流很重要。
Eye contact is a big thing.
眼神交流
Eye contact
非常重要。对。或者有时候你可以用更不需要太多自信的方式大胆些。比如...我们能讲讲那家古着店的故事吗？
is big. Yeah. Or even just like sometimes you can be bold in like ways that are more like require less confidence. Because okay, can we tell the vintage store story?
这方面她可是行家。
The vintage queen of doing that.
这次没成功。通过Besh的Instagram。总是通过我的Instagram。因为我不怎么用Instagram。所以如果我在某人私信里出现，那是个机器人。
This did not work out. Through Besh's Instagram. Through always through my Instagram. It's because I don't use Instagram. So if I cite in someone's DMs, it's It's a It's a bot.
Imogen的Instagram很有机器人风格。零动态。好吧。当时我们去了
Imogen has a very bot vibe Instagram. Like zero posts. Okay. So we went to
在阿姆斯特丹的这家复古商店里，店主那个男生真的很可爱。他主动走过来，基本上就是开始和Imogen聊她正想买的那件套头衫。
this vintage store in Amsterdam, and the guy was really cute that was like, owning the store. And he approached, he basically started talking to Imogen about the jumper she was looking at buying.
她现在就穿着那件呢。
Which she's wearing right now.
我正穿着它。
I am wearing it.
我才不脱下来呢。而且
I'm not taking it off. And
我觉得他当时特别投入。
I feel like he was being very engaged.
我以为我们聊得挺愉快的。
I thought we were having a good chat.
是啊，我也这么觉得。从旁观者角度看，你们之间是有火花的。但后来我们离开店时没留任何联系方式。后来Imogen通过Vesha的Instagram联系了那家店的官方账号。
Yeah. I think you did. From an outside perspective, there vibes. But then we left the store without exchanging any details. Then Imogen through Vesha's Instagram reached out to the shop Instagram.
然后他
And what did
说什么了？大概就是'那个买红色套头衫的姑娘觉得你很可爱，这是她的号码'之类的。其实就是留个机会。
he say? Just like, the girl who bought the red jumper found you really cute. Here's her number. Or something. It was just in case.
所以不算特别强求。
So not super pushy.
是啊。最后他们的营销经理显然是一副‘什么’的表情。
Yeah. And then in the end, there was obviously their like, marketing manager being like, what
你平时还做什么？她就只是说，我觉得这
do you do besides? She was just like, I think it
是...我想我根据Instagram知道是谁。他们大概就说了句‘哦，喜欢这个，我们会转告他的’，不确定她是否真这么做了。
was it was I I think I know who it is based on Instagram. I think they were just like, oh, love that. We'll pass it on to him. I don't know whether she did.
我们永远无从得知了。
We'll never know.
永远无从得知。他至今还没联系。
We'll never know. He has not reached out yet.
没呢。你当时就该主动出击的。
No. You should have shot shoot your shot there.
确实该那样。这是
I should have. This is
个教训啊。
a lesson.
对，对。我...我喜欢
Yeah. Yeah. I I like the
那种直接留号码的主意。我们见过不少类似例子，虽然不总是成功，但我觉得这
idea of like the number drop. We've had multiple examples of that happening. Not always successful. But I think again it's
可惜我的经历并不成功。你只需要勇敢地展现自己
Mine like hasn't been successful, sadly. You just gotta put yourself out there
那句谚语怎么说来着？你不尝试就百分之百会失败？
and What is that phrase of like you lose all the shots that you don't take around?
是啊。而且当你真的走出去想认识人并主动出击时，最坏能发生什么呢？好吧。他们
Yeah. Like Also, that's like when you do go out and you wanna meet people and you do make the move, what is the worst that could happen? Okay. They
这对他们来说总是受宠若惊的。没错。
It's always flattering to them. Yeah.
最坏不过是被拒绝。但你会记得这件事在
Like the worst is they say no. Like, will you remember that in
对。而且即使被拒绝，90%的人都不会刻薄，他们其实挺友善的
like Yeah. Also Even the way people say no, like 90% of the people are not like, they're quite nice
是啊。
Yeah.
他们会很委婉地拒绝。比如我上次给号码时，那男生只是说'我还忘不了前女友'之类的。而我
And they will be very nice about it. Like the when I number dropped, the guy was just like, oh, I'm just not over my ex and I feel whatever. And I
就觉得，哦这很合理啊。还挺温柔的。结果他后来
was like, oh, that's fair. Like, that's sweet. He also turned out to
结果他其实都38岁了，不过嘛...大叔就大叔吧。总之姑娘，勇敢去做就是了。
be He also turned out to be like 38, Which, you know, whatever, daddy. But but yeah. Just do it, girl.
这并没有回答问题。但我想说，很多人对约会软件有很多抱怨，这点我同意。这不是认识某人的最佳方式，但如果你正在挣扎或刚开始接触这些，就像我过去使用时的心态——最坏的情况不过是花一两个小时和一个陌生人喝杯饮料。你会遇到一个新的人类，一个不同类型的人，你会去赴约。最坏的结果也不过是多了一个故事可以讲。
It doesn't answer the question. But I would say that like, I feel like a lot of people hate a lot on dating apps which I agree. It's not the best way to meet someone but I feel like if you're struggling or like you're just like just started being out there like you can also just like the way I used to think it when I was on it was just like the worst case is that you're having like a one two hour drink with the person you've never met. Like you're meeting someone you you'll have a laugh like you'll just meet a new human being like a different type of person like you'll go on the day. Worst case that happens is like You have you a story to tell.
是的，你只是多了一个故事可讲。有时候很有趣，有时候相当无聊，但无论如何，你也会在这个过程中了解自己喜欢和不喜欢什么样的人，以及你大致在寻找什么。
Yeah. You just like you have a story to tell. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's pretty boring but whatever. But like you also learn about what you like and don't like in people and like what you're looking for more or less.
然后你基本上就是重复这个过程。我觉得人们给它施加了太多压力，但事实上你可以轻松对待——
And then you kinda like just repeat. I feel like it's if you look at like people look at it with a lot of pressure but the truth is like you can like go on It's
人们能从中学到东西。
a a sensually people learn from them.
还有一些小众约会软件我听说过。我知道有针对犹太人的约会软件，或者——
There's also some niche dating apps which I've heard about. I know that there's dating apps for Jewish people or And
我觉得那是——
I feel like that's
也许也是一种摆脱Tinder那种模式的方式。
also maybe a way where you can get off the Tinder images.
对，更像是——
Yeah, more of
那种——
the like
志同道合的社区方式。没错。
minded community hack. Exactly.
现在市面上有太多这类应用了。我以前只用过Hinge。
Like there's so many out there nowadays. I only used Hinge back in the day.
有件事我短暂尝试过，不确定是否符合社交礼仪——
So One thing I had a small phase of, which I'm not sure is a socially acceptable thing to
但我实在讨厌在糟糕的约会上浪费时间。
do, but basically I hate wasting time on bad dates.
所以当我用Hinge或者
So when I was using Hinge or
至少试图通过Hinge约会时，我会先打电话
at least trying to find a Hinge date, I did I would like call them
和他们通话。
and have a phone call with them.
太疯狂了。
That's crazy.
我我
I I
尊重尊重我们先进行初步交流
respect respect that we we an initial conversation and kind of
评估是否有感觉的做法。
assess whether there's a vibe.
哦。然后拿着
Oh. And then take
从那里开始。天啊。有点老派。
it from there. Oh my god. Kinda old school.
我喜欢那样。总的来说，他们对此相当接受。就像人们回应了。
I love that. By and large, they were quite receptive to it. Like people answered.
是啊。他们有点被惊到了。
Yeah. They were a bit taken back.
哦，就是冷不防的电话。是的。哦我的
Oh, was just cold call. Yeah. Oh my
天。这太疯狂了。
god. And it's just crazy.
我觉得我从未接过来自陌生人的电话。
I feel like I have never picked up a call from someone I don't know.
是啊。我或者像是我们可能
Yeah. I Or like we might
已经从Hinge转到WhatsApp了。是的。然后
have moved from Hinge to WhatsApp. Yeah. And then
我就会直接打电话了。
I would have just called.
但说实话，公平地说，他们其实随时可以选择打电话
But honestly, mean, to be fair, they could always choose to then call
你 是啊。而且
you Yeah. And
公平地说，确实，这能节省你大量时间。
to be fair, yeah, it it saves you a lot of time.
没错，省时太多了。但有些人会觉得，要是突然接到电话我会超尴尬，那根本不能代表我约会时的状态。真的吗？
Yeah. It saves so much time. But there are also some people, like, I would be so awkward if someone called me. Like, I it would not be representative of my date. Really?
我觉得你可以拆解分析这些情况
I feel that you can break them down
不过我喜欢这个建议，很实用。好吧，还有哪些认识人的方式？
though. I like that. That's a good tip. Okay. What are some other ways to meet people?
酒吧我觉得是
So bars, I think that's
经典选择。嗯，我们有朋友就是在跑步俱乐部这类地方成功约到人的。
a classic. Mhmm. Bars, I think we've had some friends who've had dates, secure dates in like running clubs and things like that.
在街上对人微笑，谁知道呢？如果你对
Smiling at people in the street, you never know. If you got
咖啡师有好感就直接 是的。
a crush on your barista just Yes.
我本来想说咖啡馆是个好去处。感觉我在德国就有过好几次这样的经历，不知道为什么在德国人们就是会主动搭讪。我就坐在咖啡馆里，然后就会有人过来打招呼之类的。
I was gonna say cafes is a great way. I feel like I've had it several times especially in Germany. I don't know why in Germany people just like go up. Like I was I'd just be sitting in the cafe and people would come up and be like, hi, whatever.
而且，当你反复去同一个地方时确实有帮助。就像...是的。当你有个固定的社交场所时，这种感觉能理解吗？就是周围有你的社交圈那种。
Also, it does help when you have like when you go someplace again and again. Does like Yeah. Does that make sense when you have like a place where you have your community Yeah. Around? Yeah.
是啊。然后...
Yeah. And And
你可以培养个爱好。
you take up a hobby.
对，一个新爱好。
Yeah. A new hobby.
嗯，某种团体活动。
Yeah. Some sort of group setting.
没错。但显然在这种情境下，有时候就是要大胆一点直接行动。我们可是生活在一颗漂浮的岩石上。
Yeah. But obviously, when you're in the situation, it's just about like being bold sometimes and just going for it. We live on a floating rock.
理想情况下，或许也可以尝试独自去些地方，而不是总和小圈子朋友一起。
Ideally maybe also sometimes going to places alone versus always like having like your circle of friends.
我不知道，感觉这要看情况。我觉得...
I don't know. I feel like it depends. I think being
独自行动确实有帮助，不是说谎。
on your own helps, not lying.
或者也可能是另一个人。
Or maybe one other person.
不过它也可能吸引到错误的能量。确实如此。
It can also attract the wrong kind of energy though. True.
如果你独自一人呢？是啊，我感觉
What if you're alone? Yeah. I feel
独自但或许可以接近的状态。比如你戴着耳机，在某个地方看电影，这样肯定不行。但如果你在看书，别人就很容易过来搭讪说“嘿，你在看什么书？”
like alone but approachable maybe. Like if you're just like, have your headphones in, watching a movie at wherever you are, it's not gonna work out. But maybe if you're reading a book it's easy to come up and be like hey what are you reading?
你甚至可以对别人这么做。
You could even do that to someone.
你绝对可以对别人这么做。
You definitely could do that to someone.
比如在书店、图书馆。
Like a bookshop, a library.
我从没见过那么多男生就这么闲坐着。是啊。不，我没什么想法。
I've never seen that many boys just sitting around. Yeah. No. I don't get an idea.
如果你看到这种情况，赶紧抓住机会。那可能是
If you see that, jump on it. That could be
抓住那只老鼠。他是个靠谱的男人。我感觉
Jump on the mouse. He's a wholesome man. I feel
比如说，也许就是让你的朋友们知道这件事，这确实为我——应该说我们很多人打开了局面。那些约我出去的人或者经历，很多都是通过朋友介绍的。是的。
like something about like maybe just letting your friends know that opened a lot of a us lot of my, like, people that have asked me out or experiences have been through friends. Yeah.
确实如此。
That's very true.
或者比如你和一个朋友一起去家庭派对，或者你们一起去某个地方，然后他们把你介绍给他们的朋友。可能就是，你知道的，表现得像是，好吧，我觉得某某人挺可爱的。而且你的朋友认识他们。
Or like you go with a friend to a house party or you go with a friend somewhere and they introduce you to their friends. Maybe just, you know, being like, okay, yeah, I find x x x person cute and Yeah. Your friend knows them.
哦，是的。我们最近有个朋友被我们的一对情侣朋友安排了一次相亲。说实话，虽然没成，但我真的很喜欢这种安排方式。那个男生结果人很好，是经过筛选的。
Oh, yeah. We've had a friend recently be set up on a blind date by a, like, couple friend of ours. And to be fair, it didn't work out, but I really like the whole setup of it all. Like, the guy ended up being very nice guy. He's already vetted.
是的。你信任的人
Yeah. People that you trust
通过朋友介绍。
by friends.
没错。你信任的人觉得你们可能合得来。所以这至少意味着你们相处愉快的概率更高了，懂吧？是的。
Yeah. People that you trust think that you might be compatible. So that's like an already higher likelihood that at least you won't have a bad time. You know? Yeah.
他们确实没有不愉快。他们玩得挺开心
Which they didn't. They had a good
有话题可聊
something to talk
正是如此。
about. Exactly.
我朋友做过一件事，
One thing my friend did,
我觉得挺可行的，就是他们和室友一起办了个晚餐派对。
which I think could work, is they hosted a dinner party with their housemates.
哦。
Oh.
每个室友都得带一个其他人都不认识的人来。哦。所以你可以组织个聚会，把单身人士都聚在一起，看看谁和谁来电。
And each housemate had to bring someone that no one else knew. Oh. So you could always host a night where, you know, you try and cultivate all the singles together and see who vibes or Yeah.
我喜欢这个主意。有意思。我知道...我是说感觉可能更适合别的年龄段。但大城市确实有单身速配之类的活动。
I like that. Fun. I know that there is I mean, I feel like maybe that's for a different age group. But I know that there is like singles, like speed dating events and stuff in bigger Yeah.
我很喜欢
I'm loving
这种小型私人聚会。是啊。他们确实会办单身活动——我上周四那次体验很差。我也是。
that. That's little personal thing. Yeah. They do like single events I've had a bad time at the one Thursday. Me neither.
我...我
I'm I'm
不是特别热衷
not the biggest fan of the
嗯。
Yeah.
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因为我觉得理论上来说。
Because I feel In theory.
我觉得某种程度上，好像每个人都在那里只是为了互相应付。
I feel like in a way, it's like everyone's just there to like get on with each other.
感觉每个人都在房间里四处张望，不断评估，就是，你知道的，这
It felt like everyone was looking around the room constantly assessing and it just, you know It's
像个社交活动。
like a networking event.
是啊。但我的意思是如果
Yeah. But I mean if
你如果你想知道有个地方 是的。人们
you if you wanna know that there is a spot that Yeah. People are
我收到了一些好评。可能要看是哪天晚上吧。
I've had some good reviews. Think maybe it depends on the night.
我我听了一期《现代爱情》播客节目，就是《纽约时报》那个专栏。有位女士写了篇文章，讲她如何在快速约会活动上遇见现在的丈夫。
And I I listened to a Modern Love like podcast episode who they're like the New York Times column. And one woman wrote an essay about how she met like her the now husband on in on like a speed dating event.
天啊，太可爱了。不过，我不
Oh my god. That's so cute. Also, I don't
知道你住不住伦敦，但我
know whether you live in London, but I
我知道伦敦有很多专注于约会的小型社区活动。你是不是给我看过？我不确定。那叫Fixed Community。好像是Shona给我看的，那是一群人组织的晚餐俱乐部和派对，他们还会举办类似...
know that London has a lot of like little community events that are focused on dating. I think you did you show me? I don't know. It was called Fixed Community. I think Shona showed me, but it was it's like this group of people that do supper clubs clubs and dinner parties and they do like No.
专门为单身人士举办的联谊活动。大概十五到二十人，买票参加，提供食物饮料。这个挺可爱的，我喜欢。我觉得可以找些更小众的活动，这样你遇到的人很可能也是喜欢同样氛围的。
Specifically do single mixers as well. So you have like fifteen, twenty people and you just buy a ticket for it and you have food and drinks. That's cute. I like that. I feel like maybe find some more niche thing so you know that the person who's probably you meet there is also gonna be someone that enjoys the same type of vibe.
不过话说回来，我也不确定。是啊，我不知道这个人是不是在伦敦。
But then again, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know what this person is in London or not.
我喜欢这个。我相信你所在的城市或你住的地方也有类似的活动。好了，我们...
I like that. I'm sure there's similar stuff in your city or wherever you live. Okay. Shall we
继续 我们进入下一条 建议多到溢出来了
move We're on to the next overflowing with tips
现在。
right now.
好的。这条我觉得也是个不错的建议。这个人说：'我太害怕对任何人表露感情，年纪越来越大，渐渐失去...
Okay. This one is I feel like also this one's a good one. Anyways, this person said I'm too afraid to act on any feelings I have for anyone, getting older and losing
希望。我感觉这和上一个问题很像，哪个来着？前面那个。关于自然遇见人的问题。我觉得对我来说，就是需要勇敢迈出那一步。
hope. I feel like it's a very similar vibe to the last question where Which one? The one before. The meeting people organically one. I guess it's just for me, it's like just take the plunge.
嗯。
Mhmm.
不过还是要看情况，比如你喜欢的是你最好的朋友吗？那就很难办了。
Again, depends though, like, do you like your best friend? That's tough.
因为我觉得有些人会疑惑如何从上一段感情中走出来，或者当你有过去信任问题时如何进入新恋情。我感觉这可能导致你因为害怕受伤而不敢行动。我认为你几乎必须承认，你的过去会让你在未来关系中成为更好的人。你不能把这视为你的伤痕或让你变得更糟的东西，它只会让你在未来任何情况下更加警觉和情感成熟。
Because I feel like there were some questions of how to move on from an ex or how to get into a new situation when you have trust issues from the past. I feel like that could also lead to this situation where you're afraid to act on feelings because maybe it's hurt you. I think you almost just have to acknowledge that your past has made you a better person in a future relationship. You can't see it as this is your damage or something that makes you in any way worse, it's just that that's gonna make you more aware and more emotionally mature in any future situation.
百分百同意。我觉得如果你喜欢某人，做个小小测试总是有帮助的，比如约他们吃顿饭或喝咖啡，压力不大的那种。嗯。就是和他们聊聊天。也许问问他们目前的约会状况。
A 100%. I feel like maybe if you if you like someone, it always helps to do like a kind of a test on what they're maybe just ask them to go for a meal or coffee like low pressure. Mhmm. Just kind of speak to them. Maybe ask them about their current dating situation.
先感受一下。
Just get a feel.
是啊。在投入之前。
Yeah. Before keeping out there.
我完全
I definitely
理解。但归根结底，你必须评估自己的优先事项是什么。如果你的优先事项是建立关系并找到那种有意义的连接，你就必须主动出击，可能会遭受拒绝之类的。
empathize. But at the end of the day, you sort of have to assess what your priorities are. If your priorities getting into a relationship and finding that meaningful connection, you're gonna have to put yourself out there and maybe suffer, you know, rejection or Yeah.
必须面对这些。
Have to deal with that.
这确实很糟心也很伤人，但这就是生活的一部分。百分百是这样。我想这就是经历吧。我就曾约男生喝酒但他们根本没回复。
And it does suck and it hurts but it's a part of Yeah. A 100%. Experience I suppose. I've definitely asked guys out for drinks and they've just not responded. Yeah.
没关系。我就直接删掉
And it's fine. I just delete the
聊天记录假装没发生过。是啊。
chat and pretend it never happened. Yeah.
被拒绝只是你主动展现自我、让他人了解你的过程中难免的一部分。我想这会是
Rejection's just a part of I guess putting yourself out there and making sure that other people know that. It'll be
值得的。当你身处那段充满爱意、安稳幸福的关系时，所有的痛苦与拒绝都会变得值得。
worth it. All the pain and rejection will be worth it when you're in that loving, secure, happy relationship.
但你也知道——虽然说起来容易——如果你想想世上有多少人，你喜欢的人只占很小比例，对那些人而言也同样如此。无论你多好看，很可能90%的人都不会对你有感觉。每个人都是如此不同。我觉得别人不喜欢你不是坏事，反而近乎是件好事。
But also like you just I know like it's easier to say but right like if you think of how many people out there you like it's a small percentage and it's the same way for those people. Odds are you probably don't fit in that percentage for 90% of people no matter how good looking you are. Like everyone's so completely different. I don't see it as a negative that someone doesn't like you. It's almost like a positive.
你不可能适合所有人，这很公平也很正常。难道你想成为那种被所有人喜欢的人吗？
You're not for everyone and that's fair and right. Would you want to be someone who everyone likes?
这可能意味着你在适应...
That probably means you're adapting to like.
不需要那样。你可以很讨喜，但我不希望自己被定义为这样的人。我永远不想成为那种'大家都喜欢她，因为她人很好'的类型。你总希望自己不止于此。所以有人喜欢你，有人不喜欢，这很公平。
Don't have that You have that You're just like likable but that's not a characteristic I would personally want to be defined by. I'd never someone like just everyone likes or you know she's just nice. You kind of want to be more than that. So it's fair that some people like it, some people don't.
我认为还要试着保持对生命中其他重要关系的关注，那些不一定非得是爱情。
I think also try and maintain perspective on the other meaningful relationships in your life which aren't necessarily romantic.
这些关系非常重要，无论发生什么它们都会存在。而且...我觉得...不知道该怎么形容，爱情是生命中如此重要的部分，如果因为过去的经历就完全封闭自己，那真的太遗憾了。
Which are so important and they're going be there no matter what. And yeah, I feel like can't I don't know, life is I feel like love is such an important part of life which it would be a shame to completely block yourself off from that just because of past experiences.
是啊，而且只有你自己能推动自己不再恐惧。我脑子里总觉得——不知道大家是否都这么想——就是
Yeah, also yeah, you are the only person that can push yourself out to stop being afraid and I feel like almost in my head, I don't know whether this is what everyone would think, is just
做几个俄式挺身
take the planche to do a couple of
那些真正能把你推出舒适区的事情，之后一切都会开始显得，我不知道怎么说。
things that will really push you out of your zone and then everything else will start seeming, I don't know.
是啊。你
Yeah. You
懂吧，就像直接去告诉某人你喜欢他们。当然，我觉得之前还是得评估一下。嗯。如果对方是朋友的话。
know, like just do like just go tell someone that you like them. Of course, I feel like you do have to assess before. Yeah. If if it's a friend.
说实话就豁出去吧，你会
Just take the plunge honestly and you're gonna
感觉超棒的。对。
feel so good about it. Yeah.
而对的人会留下来。
And the right person will stick.
要相信自己能处理好。是的。这就像需要三十秒疯狂的勇气，然后就结束了。多刺激啊。好吧。
Trust yourself that you can handle it. Yeah. And it's something of like it takes thirty seconds of insane courage and then that's it. How exciting. Okay.
我们要不要来聊聊友情话题？因为我们一直
Shall we go do some friendship questions? Because we've
只讨论了
only talked
爱情。好吧，我就直接念看到的第一个问题：我意识到一位密友非常消极，总是不友善且爱操控。我找她沟通后疏远了，但她又来找我，说我从不是真朋友，我说的每句话都错了。我让她说了最后的话，现在我们保持距离。
about love. Okay, I'm just gonna go the first one I'm seeing. I realized a close friend was really negative and generally unkind and manipulative. I communicated with her and distanced myself but she talked to me again and basically said I was never a true friend and everything I said was wrong. I let her have that last word and we have space now.
但那真是个疯狂又艰难的处境。天啊，太糟了。我是说，她显然不是...我不知道，我觉得你现在能有自己的空间好多了。我甚至不认为需要那场结束关系的对话。我知道
But it was a crazy and hard situation. God that's shit. I mean, she clearly wasn't I don't know, I think it's much better that you now have the space. I don't even think there needs to be that closure conversation. I know
你已经尽力了
you've done the best
通过向她表达
thing by communicating to her
你的感受，不幸的是她的反应相当消极。充满防备。
how you feel and unfortunately her response is quite a negative. Defensive.
但每个人对事物都有不同的看法，所以她可能真的持有那种认知，这没关系。你的观点永远不会与这个人一致。
But also everyone has a different perspective on things so she might genuinely have that perception and that's okay. Your perspective isn't going to align with this person's ever.
另外我觉得你真的需要警惕亲密圈子里的成员，因为很多时候你会被自己的友谊定义——无论是自我认知还是外界看法。特别是如果你花大量时间和朋友相处。所以我认为有些友谊只是走到了尽头，你需要有足够的自我关爱来说：就这样吧。懂吗？我宁愿不要那种负能量。
Also I feel like you do need to be so wary of who you have in your close circle because you are a lot of times defined by your friendships to yourself and the outside world. You especially if you spend a lot of time with your friends. So I think sometimes some friendships just run their course and you just need to be have that self care to be like, that's it. You know? I am fine with not having that negative energy.
而且这可能
And it's probably
对你
Better for
更好。是的，对你更好。
you. Yeah. Better for you.
我在想这是否很难。是啊。感觉人们总是低估友谊结束的痛苦，相比恋爱关系的结束。我曾有个非常要好的朋友做了件很恶劣的事，我都没去对质。因为她说的话让我明白了发生了什么，而我长久以来都在想：你应该回复，你应该为此抗争等等。
I wonder if it's difficult. Yeah. I feel like people minimise how much the end of a friendship hurts versus the end of a relationship. I had a really, really good friend who did something terrible to me and I didn't have that conversation. I just knew what happened because she said it and I for so long were like you should reply, you should fight your battle about this and so on.
我当时就是不想。读到这条信息让我非常受伤，耗尽了我所有的精力。我为什么要参与争论？这段关系对我来说已经无法挽回了。我和她在一起的时光还是很愉快的。
And I was just like I don't want to. Reading this message has hurt me so much, it's drained all my energies. Why would I get into a debate? There's no salvaging this relationship for me. I've enjoyed my time with her.
这不是我想留在生活中的人。这不是我想要的类型。这让我痛苦到哭了几个星期。是的，我哭得就像经历了一场分手。
This is not someone I want in my life. It's not the type of person I want. And it hurts so much like I cried for weeks. Yeah. I cried as much as I would over a relationship.
但最终我对任何一个女人都没有后悔过。我没有再给她任何精力，什么都没有。我不需要什么结局。一旦结束，对我来说就真的结束了。
But ultimately I have not regretted it for a single woman. I gave her no more energy, nothing. I didn't need the closure. Once it's done it's kind of done for me.
是的。我觉得我会试着评估这是否是环境或阶段性的问题。比如他们是否正在经历什么？这是他们行为反常的原因吗？这个人是否一直都很操控和消极？
Yeah. I think one thing I'd be trying to assess was, well is, whether like this is a circumstantial thing or phase. Like are they going through something? Is this why they're acting out of sorts? Has this person always been manipulative and negative?
我想如果是一些外部环境导致他们这样表现，我会给他们发消息说，你需要我的时候我在这里，但我需要暂时远离这种情况，保护一下自己的精力，希望事情过去后我们可以重新开始。
And I think maybe if some external circumstances are causing them to act this way, I'd sort of send them a message like, I'm here for you when you need me, but I need some space from this situation, protect my energy for a bit, and then hopefully when things pass we could know do things again.
是的，有时候人们的行为并不能反映他们的本质，也许他们会从中成长，将来你们还能重新走到一起。我也遇到过自己不是最好的朋友的情况，但后来我们又和好了。
Yeah sometimes people act in ways that don't reflect or maybe they'll grow from it and at some point you can like get back together I think there's also definitely been situations where I've not been the best friend and then we have come back
未来再在一起吧。我觉得这取决于发生了什么，我们需要更多背景信息。如果是真的伤害了你的事情。
together in the future. I guess it depends on what happens, we need more context. If it's something that really hurt you.
说实话，在背后说人坏话真的很糟糕。无法信任这样的人。
To be fair, speaking badly about behind your back is really, really bad. Could not trust that.
天啊，心都要碎了。
Oh my god, heart would break.
我觉得我做不到那样。
I don't think I could do that.
我在大学时也遇到过类似的情况。有一次我走进房间，发现和我同住的那个男生正在说我的坏话。前一天我们才刚和好，因为我又一次听到他在背后说我，就当面质问了他。后来我出门去某个地方，忘了带钥匙折返时，又听见他在议论我。
I walked in on a situation like that at uni once. I walked into a room and this guy was speaking horribly about me who I lived with. And we had just like made up the day before because I'd heard again, I heard him speaking badly about me, confronted him about it. And then I left pre is to go somewhere and I forgot my key so I went back in and I heard him speak about me.
这也太
That's too
过分了。这个人听起来确实很toxic，需要反思。是啊。
bad. This person actually does sound toxic and reflection. Yeah.
而且我
And I
觉得我会选择抽身离开，保护自己的能量场。
think I'd have to remove myself and protect my energy.
天啊。
Oh my god.
这些问题都太棒了。好吧，我觉得不全部回答有点过意不去，我
These questions are so good. Okay. So I feel bad not answering all I
我想全部过一遍。
I wanna get through it all.
我们是做关于闺蜜的问答，还是做恋爱主题的？
We do you wanna do a best friends friends one or do you wanna do a dating one?
我觉得再来个友情主题的吧，毕竟我们之前大多都在聊恋爱话题。
I feel like another friends one because we've done majority dating.
好吧。这个真的让我有点心碎，所以我要说等等。抱歉，我情绪失控了。生活在国外，而最好的朋友在国内，他们明知你无法参加却偏偏把人生重大事件安排在那几天。
Okay. This one kind of breaks my heart so I'm gonna say wait. Sorry. I lost it. Living abroad and best friends back home, booking major life events on days they know you can't go.
是啊。我觉得这个现在也特别能引起共鸣，毕竟我们大多数人已经离开了家乡。嗯，我现在又离开了我的第二个家。是的。
Yeah. I feel like this is very relatable as well now that we've well, most of us have, like, moved from home. Yeah. I've moved from now my second home again. Yeah.
我觉得这取决于他们的
I think it depends on their
意图，对吧。你们关系有多亲密？比如我知道——不是为了贬低我们的友谊——在我的友谊里，除非是非常特殊的情况，否则我朋友不会这样安排事情。如果有人要结婚，那没办法，那是他们的婚礼，你懂我意思吗？这要看
intentions, like Yeah. How close are you? Like, I know and not to to dawn of our friendships, that I know that in my friendships, it would only be a very exceptional circumstance that my friends would book things. Like if someone was getting married, okay, you can't help that, that's their marriage, you know what I mean? It depends on
对。还有多少其他因素在迫使这个决定。
Yeah. How many other factors Yeah. Are forcing this decision.
还有他们的意图。他们这么做是因为知道你无法参加吗？你对你们的友谊有足够的信任和信心吗？
And also their intention. Are they doing it because they know you can't come? Do you have enough trust and faith in your friendships that
没错。因为我觉得这就是移居国外难免会发生的事。不幸的是，你总会错过一些事情。当然你可以尽力飞回去，但有时候确实无能为力。
Right. Because I think that just happens when you move abroad. Unfortunately, you are gonna miss things. Obviously you can try your best to fly over but sometimes it can't be helped.
有时候飞行距离太长了。这并不
Sometimes it's a long flight. It doesn't
一定意味着他们那边是出于恶意。
have to come from a negative place from their end.
我确实错过了国内朋友们举办的很多活动。
I've definitely missed loads of things my friends back home have done.
我想念我自己
I miss Me
毕业典礼。我错过了太多事情，但我认为表达爱的方式有很多种。不要认为我在场或不在场会以任何方式改变我与他们的友谊。我当然希望能到场，他们也知道我多么渴望参与，反之亦然，但生活总有无奈，有时候你只能接受。如果你确实认为朋友们是因为你不在才这么做，那我认为这是个完全不同的问题。
graduations. I've missed so much stuff but I think there are so many ways to show your love. Don't think me being there or not being there changes my friendship with them in any way. I'd obviously love to be there and they know how much I love to be there and vice versa but life happens and sometimes you just kind of need to accept it. If you do think your friends are doing it because you're not there I think that's a very different question.
那完全是另一个问题。如果你只是因无法参与而感到烦躁或难过。
That's a completely different question. If you're just kind of annoyed or sad because you can't be there for it.
这取决于你是否明确沟通过——比如明确说这周我不行，而他们偏偏选了这周，那我理解。他们本可以选择其他周次，或者你在的时候。这会让人受伤。他们会说为什么假期就
It depends on you've communicated explicitly okay I can't on this week and then they've specifically booked something on that week then I get that. Which they could have done on another week or you are there. Would hurt. They say okay why the holiday is
一周，而这周你不行但其他三个人可以。像你这种情况，我觉得只能忍一忍。是的，恕我直言。
one week and that's a week you can't and three people can. Like you I feel like that's a scenario where you kinda just suck it off. Yeah. Not to be direct.
我觉得或许唯一能做的就是与他们清晰沟通。
I just feel like maybe the only thing you can do is be clear in communicating with them.
确实。
Just Yeah.
和对方坐下来谈谈，说：听着，我感觉有点被忽略了。我知道你本意并非如此，但XXX。
Sit down with the person and be like listen I'm I'm feeling like a bit left out. I don't know, I obviously think your intentions are not like this but x x x.
这让我有这样的感受，我只是想表达我确实希望能参与重要时刻。也许他们也在给你空间，想着'哦，她有了新生活和新环境，不想用家乡的琐事打扰她'。
This is how it's made me feel and I just want to express that I do want to be there for things. Maybe they're also giving you some space and be like, oh, she's got this new life and this new place. You don't want to bother her with xyz back home.
我也认为可能有很多复杂因素——可能是你对友谊缺乏信任（这是完全不同的问题），也可能是他们因为你不在才这么做（另一个问题）。但别忘了，你才是那个在国外的人，已经不再参与日常生活了。要记住，虽然你在国外生活更不易，但家乡的生活也在继续。刚离开时我总以为家乡的一切都静止不变，但事实并非如此。
I do also think it can be so many varied things, can be like you don't have trust in your friendship is one very different question, they're doing it because you're not there is another question. But also like you are the person that's abroad right? You're the person who's not in the daily life anymore. Need to remember that yes life is difficult for you and happens for you probably a bit more because you're abroad but like life and stuff and so on happens like back home to the like you know like stuff like I feel like at the start when I left I kind of like had this mentality where like everything back home was kind of like still life. You know kind of frozen.
一切如常。但问题不在这里。发生在你朋友身上的事可能与你不同，但生活仍在继续。如果你认为前两种可能性都不成立，那么这件事就值得好好谈谈。
Nothing moves. But that's not it. What happens to your friends might be different to what happens to you but life still happens. You know if you don't think that it's any of the first two options then it's worth conversation about it.
我记得第一次从大学回家时特别难过，因为家乡最好的闺蜜和另一个朋友变得非常亲密。有天晚上我们在派对上，我哭着和她聊起这事，她说'不然呢？你指望什么？难道这个人就不能和别人亲近吗？他们就该守着你的空缺干等吗？'但这是因为你离开了，看不到生活的变化。在你心里总觉得'回来时一切应该原封不动'。可事实是，人们需要用其他事填补时间，花更多精力陪伴身边的人——因为那个人不再是你了。有时候我们不得不通过痛苦的方式明白这个道理。但我认为绝对有必要和朋友开诚布公地谈谈。
I remember the very first time I came back from uni I got quite upset that my best friend from home had gotten really close to this other friend at home and I remember we were at a party one night and kind of talked to her about it or cried about it and she was saying exactly that, what did you expect?' It's not like this person can't then become closer to other people, are they just supposed to sit with your absence? No, but it's because you're gone, you don't see life happening, In your mind it's like oh well, things should be exactly the same when you come back'. But it's not people have to fill their time with other things, spend more time with other people because you're not there anymore. I think you have to sometimes learn the lesson the hard way. But I think definitely have a conversation with your friends.
我觉得可以单独和他们视频聊聊，表达你的感受。如果他们是真朋友，肯定不愿让你难过。知道你可能愿意为重要场合专程赶来后，希望他们未来会调整沟通方式。否则这可能就是经不起距离考验的友谊了。
I feel like maybe FaceTime them individually and just express how you've been feeling. And I'm sure if they're good friends they never wanted to make you feel that way. And knowing that you maybe would make the effort to come if it's an important event, then they'll communicate things differently in future, hopefully. And otherwise maybe it's not a friendship that will last the distance.
出国生活确实会筛选出真正的故友。
Moving abroad does really select your home friends.
必然会精简圈子。
It has to narrow it down.
千真万确。我七年前离开家乡，可以说生活已经过滤掉了我90%的朋友。但这很正常，人来人往嘛。
A 100%. I feel like yeah. I moved away from home seven years ago now and safe to say like life has just filtered out 90% of my friends. But that's fine. People come and go.
你差不多只能接受这个现实。
You just need to kind of almost agree.
是啊，天啊。
Yeah. Oh my god.
说得太好了。好吧，我们...
So good. Okay. Should we
最后再讨论一个问题？
do one final question?
好的。你们想要一个浪漫的故事还是浪漫的故事？我感觉
Yeah. Okay. Do you guys want a romantic one or Do you want a romantic one? I feel like
你心里已经有一个想回答的了。我只是
you have one in mind that you wanna answer. I just
继续读下去。好吧，大部分都是浪漫的，这就是为什么
keep reading them. Okay. Most of them are romantic which is why
我在问。好吧，说来听听。
I'm asking. Okay. Give it to us.
好的。要不要我来点稍微不同的？就是那种你们可能不太感兴趣的，因为我们聊过你们这些人要么很痴迷要么渴望
Okay. Should I do the slightly ones? A one where you might not be as interested because we've spoken about you people being obsessed or wanting
哦，好吧。不同的视角。
to Oh, okay. Different perspective.
好吧。其实我有点——或者说非常害怕妥协，而且经历过好几段糟糕的暧昧关系。问题是，我一直以朋友身份和这个男生聊天，他挺不错的，但我总感觉他在撩我，这让我有点...但同时我又很开心，可我也害怕，因为他确实很优秀。我只是觉得现在还不是我谈恋爱的时候。我也不知道。
Okay. Well, I am a little a lot scared of compromise and I've had multiple bad situationships. The thing is I've been talking with the guy as friends on my side and he's cool but I can't shake the feeling that he's flirting with me and that kind of gives me the but at the same time I'm happy but I'm scared because he's actually cool. I just think it's not my time to date. I don't know.
我就是害怕。请给我点建议。对了，他提出要见面，但我觉得这
I'm just scared. Please give me tips. By the way, he asked to see me but I think that's a
对我来说有点太认真了。救命啊，我好害怕。
little serious for my liking. Help. I'm scared.
他说要见你，是指线下见面还是那种...约会性质的见面？
He asked to see you, like, to see you in person or see you see you date you?
另外，你说你一直在和
Also, you said you've been talking with
一个男生聊天。作为我这边的朋友，你是怎么认识他的？
a guy. So as friends on my side, so who how did you meet him?
我需要再读一遍。是的。
I need to read it again. Yeah.
这个让我有点困惑。我感觉
I'm a bit confused by this one. I feel like
这是网上聊天的情况吗？嗯，她说她和这个人是朋友，所以确实是的。
Is this an online talking situation? Well, she said she's friend with this person, so surely Yeah.
她说她
She said that she
开始和这个男生以朋友身份聊天，但她觉得他在撩她。这让她感到...但她自己也对这种暧昧关系感到非常紧张和害怕。
started talking to this guy as friends, but he is like she thinks that he's flirting with her Yeah. And it's giving her the But she's also like very been very like nervous and scared about situationships. Yeah.
感觉
Feel like
说实话这个情况确实很让人困惑。
is a very confusing one to be fair.
感觉像是她有个朋友暗恋她，但她不喜欢对方。
It feels like she has a friend who has a crush on her and she doesn't like him.
我认为她提出的问题是，或者说至少从方式上
I think the question she's asking is, or at least the way
我是这样理解的，她
I interpret this is, she's
曾经受过伤害，现在担心这让她在新恋情、新暧昧关系中显得有些回避。是的。因为她曾被灼伤过。
been hurt before and she's worried that this is what's making her a little bit avoidant Yeah. In new relationships, new situationships because she's been burnt.
这几乎就是‘我
This is almost just I'm
只是把彩蛋给她。我感觉她并不喜欢自己。
just giving her the egg. I feel like she doesn't like her.
当你拿到彩蛋时，就像是‘我无法
When you get the egg, it's like I can't
说谎，伙计们。我感觉
lie guys. I feel
当别人喜欢我时，我反而会有点反感。
like I kinda get the ick when
有时候。我觉得我能共情
people like me sometimes. I feel like I relate
这个。你呢
to this one. Do you
你想不想给
wanna do you wanna give
我一个我不知道是什么建议
me a I don't know what the advice
我觉得也许你应该先暂时忍耐一下，以友好的方式去见见他们，看看你的感受如何发展。不要给自己压力非要立刻做决定。是的，去和他们多相处几次。
is. I think maybe you should just sort of swallow the for a little bit and go and see them, perhaps in a friendly way, and just see how your feelings develop. And don't put any pressure on yourself to make your mind up about things. Yeah. Go hang out with them a couple of times.
如果你仍然感到不舒服，那就听从这种感觉。是的，是这种情况让你
If you're still feeling icky, then listen to that. Yeah. Is the situation giving you
还是那个人？这感觉像是一个很大的问题，你们有多好的朋友关系？
the or the person? That's I feel like a big how good friends are you?
听起来他们刚开始交谈。
It sounds like they've just started talking.
我想这是在网上
I think it's an online
你开始和谁交谈只是为了做朋友？
Who do you start talking with just to be friends?
我不知道
I don't
我不知道。
know. I don't know.
我一直在和一个家伙聊天。
I've been talking with a guy.
我很困惑。我理解这个是因为我记得朋友们。我感觉
I'm confused. I get this because I remember friends. I feel
像我哥哥一样，我不知道这个人多大，但我哥哥16岁。他之前
like my brother like I don't know how old this person is, but my brother is 16. He's been on
打过电话。但他只是
the call before. But he's just
像是在Instagram上和人们聊天。就像
like is talking to people on Instagram. Like
是啊。是啊。我感觉
Yeah. Yeah. I feel
如果我们年纪稍微小一点的时候，我们也会那样做。
like if when we were slightly younger, we would do that.
我们我以前总是在
We I was always on
MSM上。在Messenger上。
MSM. On messenger.
是啊。会
Yeah. Would
简直是群发了一条广播消息，然后就看到你回复了。
literally send out a broadcast message and see you responding.
所以可能情况就是这样，像是...对啊。
So maybe it's a situation like that where like Yeah.
另外我觉得有些人——再次声明这不是在煤气灯效应让人误以为对方没在调情——但很多时候人们天生就爱调情。如果你是单身，对方又恰好和你有些暧昧互动。
Also I feel like some people and again, this is not trying to gaslight the person into thinking they're not flirting with them. But I feel like a lot of times people are just flirty in nature. And if you're single and the other person you end up having some sort of flirty bands.
是啊。
Yeah.
在对方表态之前，我认为默认你们是朋友关系很稳妥。如果对方说'嘿，我对你有超越友谊的感觉'，你完全可以说'我不确定自己的感受''我珍惜我们的友谊'让我考虑一下，这都没问题。
Until the person tells you something, I think it's safe assume you're friends and then if they tell you 'hey I like you then more than that' it's more than legit for you to be like I'm not sure how I feel about that' 'I'll value your friendship' let me think about it and that's fine.
我确实觉得...可能吧
I do feel like yeah, maybe
真到那一步时，等到那时再说。
If it gets there wait till it gets there.
嗯，确实如此。
Yeah, that's true.
意大利有句俗话说：你在撞头前先往头上贴创可贴。我记不清原话了。你能用
In Italian you say you're putting band aid on your head before banging it. I can't count that. Can you say
意大利语说吗？
it in Italian?
那很长。我喜欢它是
That's long. I like It was
用英语说也很长。
long in English too.
好的。是的。别那么做。它只会看到
Okay. Yes. Don't do don't do that. It would Just see
他们只是
them just
而且就像你没有
and like you don't have
必须告诉他们你喜欢他们，玛妮。
to tell them that you like them, Marnie.
不。是的。只是喝杯咖啡然后
No. Yeah. Just have a coffee and
在问题中确立
establish in the question
他们承认自己并不
they acknowledge that they're not
确定现在是他们约会的时机，他们有点害怕。所以我觉得，是的，低压力。把他们当作朋友看待
sure it's their time to date and they're a bit scared. So I think just yeah, low pressure. See them as a friend
并且也要传达传达这一点
and also communicate communicate that
肯定要告诉他们。希望他们能理解。
to them for sure. And they'll hopefully understand.
如果他们不理解，那他们就没救了。不过，
If they don't, then they're lost. But also,
我想你只需要在他们主动示好或在此之前，把他们当朋友看待时，向他们表明态度。也许你甚至没把他们当真正的朋友，可以直接断绝来往。如果他们采取行动而你发现‘哦我不喜欢这人’或时机不对——完全合理，毕竟现在不是你恋爱的时机。你有大把时间可以开始恋爱。只要别让恐惧阻碍你就好。
I guess you only have to like communicate it to them if then you see them and they actively or before that you can just like see them as friends. Maybe you don't even properly like them as a friend and you can completely cut it off. Then if they make a move and you're like oh I don't like this person or it's not, completely fair if it's not your time to date. You have all the time in the world to date to start dating. As long as I feel like yeah, you just don't let fear get in the way.
是啊，或者破坏一段原本不错的友谊。在我看来这种情况你有两个选择：要么不再联系甚至拉黑对方——这取决于你，我不清楚你们友谊的深浅，但这听起来不太理性；要么直接写明白，看事情如何发展。
Yeah, or disrupt a friendship, that is nice. The way I see it is you have two options in this case. You don't talk to the personblock them anymore. Which it's up to you, I don't know how good of a friend they are but it doesn't feel like a good rationale. Or you just write it out and see where it goes.
别想着还有第三种‘我感觉你喜欢我’的选项。拜托千万别这么做。对方也会很尴尬。这绝对没好处。所以二选一吧。
Don't think there's a third option of you being 'I feel like you like me'. Based on Please don't two do that. There's no good answer for the person there either. It's just no good. So just choose one of the two.
但这让我觉得在暗示
But it's giving me telling
这让我觉得你喜欢我。我喜欢你喜欢我这件事。
It's giving me you like. I like that you like me.
最近也遇到过类似情况
Had a similar situation recently
好吧。哪里
Okay. Where
那个人不会听的。
that person's not gonna listen to it.
不行，我们能给他们起个绰号吗？
No, can we give them a nickname?
哦，他们已经有好多绰号了。好吧。
Oh, they have so many already. Okay.
就叫鲍勃吧。我和鲍勃的情况类似，我们因为共同的兴趣而结识，而且这个兴趣相当小众，我觉得。是的。然后我们就开始一起喝酒什么的。最近，我去...（被剪掉了）
Let's say Bob. So me and Bob, it's a similar situation where we connected on something of mutual interest and which is quite a niche interest, I would say. Yeah. And we started like just going for drinks and stuff. And then recently, I went to Just be cut that out.
剪掉剪掉 你能把这段剪掉吗 哎呀。
Cut cut can you cut the Oops.
你能...我要哔掉这段。
Can you be I'm to beep.
我感觉最近，
I feel like Recently,
我去了某个地方看某处。
I went somewhere to see Somewhere.
和鲍勃进行了一日游，结果他告诉我他喜欢我。是的。而我当时说，我喜欢你喜欢我。然后我就...我不知道
To have a day trip with Bob, and he ended up telling me that he liked me. Yeah. And I, in the moment, said, I like that you like me. And was I like, I don't
该说什么。然后他
know what to say. And and then he
我当时就懵了，什么？所以别那样做。不过，嗯，我想就是看看吧。如果你
was just like, what? So don't do that. But, yeah, I mean, I guess just see. Just If you
能时光倒流，你会说什么？比如，这个人应该
could reverse back time, what would you have said? Like, what should this person
我收回之前的话，我说，哦，我真的很感谢你告诉我这个。嗯。我刚说完‘我喜欢你喜欢我’，就立刻反应过来，等等，这他妈什么鬼？
I backtracked and I said, oh, I'm I really appreciate that you told me this. Mhmm. As soon as I said I like that you like me, I was like, wait, what the fuck?
然后我接着说，其实我并不是——
And I and I said, well, I'm not I'm
不确定自己现在的想法，但我真的很享受和你在一起的时光，也愿意进一步了解你，只是不知道这是否会发展成...而且公平地说，鲍勃的回应非常尊重人，我觉得这
not sure where my head is at at the moment, but I really enjoy spending time with you and would be open to getting to know you, but I don't know whether that leads to and to be fair, Bob was response. Super respectful I think that's
或许不该一上来就说‘我喜欢你喜欢我’。
Maybe don't lead with I like you like.
永远别说这种话。
Never say that.
我就想，
I'm like,
这太可悲了
it's so sad
但我觉得很多男性当他们浪漫地喜欢你，而你只把他们当朋友时...嗯...当你表明这点后，他们往往
but I feel that lots of men when they like you romantically and you like them as a friend Mhmm. And you convey that, they tend
就直接切断联系还是你
to just cut Or you
总觉得他们能改变你的想法。我也遇到过这种情况，明明已经沟通清楚了。我们本来是朋友，尝试约会是因为我知道他喜欢我，我试过了。后来我说我们不适合，又做回朋友，结果几个月后他又提起这事。
just think that they can change your mind. I've also had that where I've communicated it. We were friends. We kind of tried a date because I knew that he liked me, I tried it. Then I said I couldn't do it and then we were back to friends and then months later he brought it up again.
我明确表示只想做朋友，他却无法理解。不是生气，但就是那种...你懂吧？他会不停追问'为什么'，而我只能说'我给不出理由'。
I communicated that I still just wanted us to be friends and he then didn't understand it. Was like, not angry, but just like, you know? Yeah. But they're like, but why? And I was like, I can't give you a reason.
有时候就是没感觉。
Sometimes it just doesn't.
男女关系失败案例。男女关系等于——说真的，就等于失败。老实说，我正想说这事很难处理。今天这段对话快笑死我了，基拉的表情绝了。
Female male fail. Female male equals To be fair, it equals fail. Be fair, I was literally about to say it is a difficult one to navigate. Like That's cracking me up today. Keira's face off.
基拉刚才用第三人称说自己。但我觉得特别是二十出头或青少年时期，二十岁左右，真的很难维持健康的异性友谊，尤其是单身的时候。有男朋友的话男性会尊重很多，但单身时就特别难把握分寸。
Keira just spoke about herself in third person. But I feel like especially early 20s and Snow On or teens, early 20s, it's so difficult to have good male female relationships especially if you're single. Yeah. If you have a boyfriend, men respect that a lot But I feel like if you're single, it's really difficult to navigate them. Yeah.
这话太对了。
That is very true.
必须得是合适类型的人才行。
It has to be the right type of person.
嗯。是的。
Mhmm. Yes.
即使现在也有这种感觉。
Even now, feel that.
即便现在，我仍觉得自己不够重要
Even now, I feel like less
这关乎数量。有种潜在的感觉，当你认识一个新朋友，对方是单身男性时，总会存在某种不是紧张但让你保持警惕的氛围。
There's quantity. There's like a underlying like, when you meet someone new and it's a man and he's single and whatever. There's the underlying like always some sort of like, not tension, but you're always cautious and wary.
是啊。太烦人了，但现实就是这样
Yeah. It's It's so annoying That's just the way
没错。
it is.
我们讨论过很多次，明明建立了男性友谊，可一旦有女性出现，这些男性朋友就会彻底消失。他们根本不重视你。就连那些你以为‘天啊他们人超好’的人也这样
I mean, we've spoken about it a lot of times where we've had male friendships and as soon as a girl comes into the picture, the male friends have dropped like completely They just don't value you value you. And this like this is with people that you think like, oh my god, like they are
所有男人都这样？不。但确实经常发生。
a very good all men. No. It does happen a lot.
对，确实如此。所以你要学会筛选，也要能接受这种情况：当你声明界限而对方不愿尊重或不喜欢时，你只能坦然接受他们的选择。
Yeah. It does happen and so you just need to pick and choose and also be okay with the situation where if you tell this person, oh, you know, I I'm assert assert a boundary and they don't want to respect that or they don't like it, then you just have to be like, okay, fine. Your wish.
是啊，因为很多时候你
Yeah. Because a lot of times you
往往会表现得
tend to like be
嗯。这很难。
Mhmm. It's difficult.
我只是看着，感到非常抱歉。我很喜欢你表达愿望的方式。
And I just look and I'm very sorry. I love the way you said your wish.
你的愿望就是我的命令。你的
Your wish is my command. Your
愿望不是我的命令。
wish is not my command.
你错过了。我感觉我们正在走下坡路。你需要...好吧，我们开始吧。我们可以...我...我真的不...
You're missing out. I feel like we're like going downhill. You need to Okay. Here we go. We can make I I I really don't.
让我们结束吧。是的，我们以女性加男性等于女性化作为结尾。
Let's wrap it up. Yeah. We end on female plus male equals feminine.
我真的...真的很随机，我知道。我们需要一个积极的口号，Kiara。这是个积极的口号。我...我真的...几乎说不出话。那是个不由自主的口号。
I really I really randomly I know. We need a positive slogan, Kiara. It's a positive slogan. I I really I barely was to speak. That was an involuntary slogan.
好吧，也许我们生活在
Okay, maybe we live on
一块漂浮的岩石上。生活在
a floating rock. Live on
一块漂浮的岩石上。什么都不真实。
a floating rock. Nothing is real.
别让恐惧阻止你。三十秒的疯狂勇气。勇敢展现自己。
Don't let fear stop you. Thirty seconds of insane courage. Put yourself out there.
是啊，接吻很美妙。接吻很美妙。
Yeah. Kissing is nice. Kissing is nice.
今天去亲亲某人吧。或许不亲。我们给你一个虚拟的吻。
Kiss someone today. Maybe not. We kiss you virtually.
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