3 Steps to Eliminate Self Doubt & Get Everything You Want In Life

嘿，我是你的朋友梅尔，欢迎收听梅尔·罗宾斯播客。

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.

我这儿有个特别有意思的故事要跟你讲，几天前我一个朋友给我打了电话，这正好让我有机会聊聊那些让人触发情绪的事。

I am rolling in here with a crazy story to tell you about a friend of mine that called me a couple days ago, and it gives me the opportunity to talk about triggers.

你知道什么是触发点吗？

You know triggers?

就是那些让你心烦的人，让你特别不爽的家伙。

People in your life that trigger you, irritating people that you don't really like.

人家都说你应该喜欢所有人，但事实不是这样。

I know you're supposed to like everybody.

你就是不喜欢他们，可你看着他们过得好、成功了，心里就特别别扭，或者生活中遇到什么事，让你忍不住想叹气。

You don't like them and you're seeing them winning or someone's success that really bugs you or a situation that's happening in your life where you're just like, ugh.

其实，那些让你情绪波动的人和事，恰恰是你最好的老师。

Well, your triggers are your greatest teachers.

今天我要跟你拆解三种你人生中一定会遇到的触发点。

And today, I am going to unpack three different triggers that you will experience in your life.

我会告诉你这三种触发点是什么，更重要的是，我要把它们变成你一生中最大的成长机会。我会通过讲我朋友的故事，还有两个让我特别尴尬的亲身经历，让你不用像我一样，走弯路才学会这些教训。

I'm gonna tell you what they are, and more importantly, I am going to flip them into the biggest learning opportunities of your lifetime, and I'm gonna do it telling you a story about this friend of mine and two crazy embarrassing stories about me, all so that you don't have to learn these lessons about the three triggers the hard way like I did.

嘿。

Hey.

我是梅。

It's Mel.

很高兴今天你能和我在一起。

I am so happy you are here with me today.

谢谢你。

Thank you.

谢谢你。

Thank you.

感谢你收听，愿意花时间陪我。

Thank you for tuning in and choosing to spend some time with me.

我觉得你选择听这个可能改变你人生的内容，真的很棒。

I also think it's super cool that you're listening to something that could change your life.

顺便说一句，今天的对话，毫无疑问会改变你的生活。

And by the way, today's conversation, there is no doubt this will change your life.

我带着一种态度和能量出现，现在人在波士顿的录音室，外面正刮着狂风。

I am showing up with some kind of attitude and energy, and I am in the Boston studios, and there is some sort of just gale force wind that is going outside.

你可能会听到我声音里的波动，也可能听到外面的风声，但我真有太多东西要和你分享了。

So you might hear the swirl in my voice or you might hear it outside, but boy, oh boy, do I have something to share with you.

明白吗？

Okay?

前几天，我和一个朋友聊天，我就叫她莫莉吧。

So the other day, I was talking with a friend of mine, and I'm just gonna call my friend by the name, Molly.

莫莉做室内设计这一行。

Molly has an interior design business.

为了让你有个概念，她特别有才华。

And just to set the table, she's extremely talented.

我的意思是，莫莉做室内设计已经好多年了。

I mean, Molly has been doing the interior design thing for years.

她雇了员工。

She has employees.

她手头一直有不少项目在做。

She has a bunch of jobs that she's always working on.

最近几次我们联系时，她总向我请教社交媒体的事。

And the last couple times that she and I have connected, she would always ask me for advice about social media.

她会问我，比如：‘梅尔，我该怎么让自己被更多人看到？’

And she would be asking me questions like, you know, Mel, how can I get myself out there?

如果你从我现在的处境开始，你会怎么做？

You know, if you were starting where I'm starting, what would you be doing?

我知道我得在社交媒体、营销和数字推广上多花点功夫，可就是不知道从哪儿入手。

I know I need to be doing more in the social media and the marketing space and the digital marketing for my business, but I don't know where to start.

我每次都给她一堆建议。

And I would always give her all kinds of things that she could do.

我会跟她聊可以报哪些课程。

I would talk about courses she could take.

我会跟她说，可以先试着慢慢来，每天发一点内容，慢慢适应这个节奏。

I would talk about the fact that she could just tip her toe in the water and start posting every day to kinda get used to it.

她可以从Pinterest开始。

She could start on Pinterest.

我还推荐了一些她可以关注的账号。

I've referred her to accounts to follow.

我知道很多人都在为这件事发愁。

And I know that this is something that a lot of people struggle with.

怎么在社交媒体上展示自己。

How to put yourself out there on social media.

因为这确实让人有点不知所措。

Because it's a little overwhelming.

我懂。

I get it.

我也是花了好长时间才找到适合自己的节奏的。

It took me a long time to get into a rhythm with the way that I do it too.

前几天，Molly给我打电话，我就觉得她不对劲。

So the other day, Molly calls me and I could tell something was off.

我问她：Molly，怎么了？

And when I asked her, Molly, what's wrong?

你听起来完全不像平时的自己。

I mean, you don't sound like yourself.

孩子们都还好吗？

Is everything okay with the kids?

她说：是的，是的，孩子们都好。

She said, yeah, yeah, yeah, the kids are fine.

但我不好。

I'm not.

我就问：那到底发生什么事了？

And I said, well, what happened?

她说：前几天晚上，有件事突然让我特别崩溃。

She said, well, something the other night just really triggered me.

我看到了一件事，整个人一下子就崩溃了，梅尔。

I saw something and it just sent me into a spiral, Mel.

从那以后我就一直在哭。

I have been crying ever since.

我觉得我在生意上犯了个大错。

I feel like I've just made a major mistake in my business.

我听着，心里直纳闷：这到底发生了什么？

And so I'm listening and I'm thinking, what the hell could have happened?

天啊，这事情真的严重了。

My gosh, like this is really serious.

后来才知道，是 neighborhood 里有个人，完全不懂室内设计，但我朋友莫莉认识她，她们因为参加妈妈群认识，又因为孩子都在同一个镇上长大，所以一直有来往——不过我先不提名字。

Well, turns out that someone in the neighborhood who has no interior design expertise, this is a person that my friend Molly knows, she's known her for a while because they all met in a mom's group and she's known her because they've kinda raised their kids in the same town and without disclosing names.

这个人，其实并不是莫莉特别喜欢的那种人。

This person, not exactly my friend Molly's favorite person.

你知道那种在朋友圈里总爱抢风头的人吧。

You know, the kind of person in a friend group who draws the attention to themselves.

也许他们总是大声地聊自己。

Maybe they're always talking about themselves kinda loud.

有些人就是让你觉得特别不顺眼。

Someone just kinda rubs you the wrong way.

你生活中可能也有这样的人，你心里想着：是啊是啊是啊。

And you maybe have somebody like this in your life where you think you're the kind of person where you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

我只是希望每个人都能好。

I just want everyone to win.

我一向很乐观。

I'm a positive person.

我都会为别人加油。

I cheer for everyone.

就是这个人，我实在提不起劲。

Just not this person.

你和我都不用点名。

You and I aren't gonna name any names.

每个人心里都有这么一个人。

Everybody has someone like that in mind.

好吧。

Okay.

我朋友遇到的这个人，突然间就开始做起了设计这一行。

Well, was this person for my friend, And so all of a sudden, this woman is now quote getting into the design business.

这事儿真让莫莉特别不爽。

And it just rubbed Molly the wrong way.

莫莉说，这个人根本没像我一样正经学过这行。

This person, as Molly explains, they didn't go to school for this like I did.

我可是学了好几年。

I studied for years.

我有这么多专业认证。

I have all these accreditations.

我干这行已经好多年了。

I've been doing this for years.

现在突然间，人人都在夸她有多有才华。

And now all of a sudden, everybody's talking about how talented she is.

紧接着，那个让我朋友特别不爽的人，开始在社交媒体上发帖了。

And then the next thing you know that this person that is irritating to my friend, is posting on social media.

没过多久，她发的内容就火了。

And next thing you know, this person's posts are starting to blow up.

现在她发的Instagram照片，全是自己家的摆拍，居然能收获成千上万的点赞，这简直让莫莉气炸了——因为莫莉觉得，你连自己家都没好好布置过。

And now this person is starting to get thousands of likes on her Instagram photos of literally just photos of her own house, which just burns Molly alive because Molly's like, you didn't even decorate your own house.

现在这个让莫莉烦透的人，还在TikTok上直播，在Instagram上教人设计，人人都喜欢她，这更让莫莉火大。

And now this irritating person is going live on TikTok, and she's on Instagram giving design tips, and people love her, which really burns Molly.

所以昨晚，我朋友莫莉忙完一天的客户工作，哄孩子睡了，瘫在沙发上，打开电视，拿起手机刷社交媒体，你猜她刷到谁了？

And so last night, my friend Molly, after a long day of work dealing with her clients, puts the kids to bed, sits down on the couch, turns on the TV, picks up her phone, she starts scrolling on social media, and guess who is all over her feed?

就是那个让她抓狂的女人。莫莉坐在自家沙发上，当场就炸了。

This irritating woman And Molly, right there on her couch in her house, loses her freaking mind.

我就坐在那儿，静静听着。

And so I just sat there and I listened.

我跟你讲莫莉的故事时，就知道你肯定也经历过这种事。

And as I'm telling you this story about my friend Molly, I know you've had this experience.

也许你的情况和莫莉差不多。

Maybe the situation is similar to the one my friend Molly is in.

也许你做房地产已经十年了，突然冒出个新人，一进来就拿下了街那头三百万美元的单子。

Maybe you're in the real estate business and you've been doing this for a decade, and then all of a sudden, there's this brand new person that enters real estate and suddenly they have the $3,000,000 listing down the road.

这到底算怎么回事？

I mean, what the heck?

真的让人特别受刺激。

It's triggering.

谁没经历过这种事呢。

We've all been there.

对吧？

Right?

我听了一会儿，莫莉深吸一口气，跟我说：‘梅尔，你说我该怎么办？’

And so after I listened for a while, Molly takes a breath and she goes, Mel, what do you think I should do?

我停顿了一下。

And I paused.

因为说实话，我比自己愿意承认的次数还要多，曾经和她一样。

Because the truth is I've been in her shoes more times than I would like to count.

我知道，因为我经历过，莫莉并不需要别人同情她。

And I knew because I've been there that, Molly didn't need a pity party.

她不需要我为她感到难过。

She did not need me to be feeling sorry for her.

她需要的是有人狠狠推她一把，说点直白的真话。

What she needed was for someone to kick her in the ass and to be brutally honest.

在告诉你我跟她说的话之前——这些话你也需要听进去——我想让你先停下来，想想那个朋友，或者也许是网上一个你不认识的人，他们的成功让你特别不爽。

And before I tell you what I told her, which is also something that you need to hear, I want you to just stop and think of that friend, or maybe it's someone online that you don't know, but their success really bugs you.

你可能觉得他们没资格、没能力，或者根本配不上他们得到的关注，这让你很烦。

Maybe you feel like they don't have the right qualifications or the right skills or you just don't feel like they deserve the attention they're getting and it's irritating you.

你心里有这样一个人吗？

Do you have that person in mind?

很好。

Good.

因为我想把当初对朋友莫莉说的那番话，也告诉你。

Because I wanna tell you the same thing that I told my friend Molly.

下次你再被触动的时候，一定要记住这句话——你一定会再遇到的。

And I want you to remember this the next time you find yourself triggered, because you will.

当你再次被触动，开始自怜，又嫉妒别人拥有了你想要的东西时，别忘了，你真正需要的不是同情。

And the next time you get triggered and you start feeling sorry for yourself, and you start being annoyed that this other person has the thing that you want, I want you to remember that pity is not what you need.

没人该为你感到惋惜。

Because no one should feel sorry for you.

我也不觉得你可怜。

And I don't feel sorry for you.

事实上，如果你现在因为别人的成功而心生不快，我反倒为你高兴。

In fact, if you are triggered right now from someone else's success, I'm happy for you.

我之所以高兴，是因为让你感到不安的那个人或那件事，其实是来点醒你的。

And the reason why that I am happy for you is because whoever or whatever is triggering you is here to teach you something.

我对我朋友莫莉说的就是：莫莉，我真不觉得你可怜。

And what I told my friend Molly is, Molly, I don't feel sorry for you.

你不该生这个烦人女人的气。

And you shouldn't be mad at this irritating woman.

你该谢谢她。

You should be thanking her.

一片沉默。

Crickets.

那边我忍不住问：莫莉，你在听吗？

On the other end, I was like, you there, Molly?

没人说话。

Silence.

没错。

That's right.

你该谢谢她，因为这个烦人女人是在给你上一课。

You should be thanking her because this irritating woman is teaching you something.

顺便说一句，她教你的并不是她拥有什么。

And by the way, she's not teaching you about what she has.

她是在让你明白，你每天连一些简单的事都做不到，而这些事正是让她走到今天的原因。

She is teaching you that you aren't doing simple things every day that are leading you to where she is.

很明显，你是真的想要，所以才会这么受刺激。

And clearly, you want it, which is why you're triggered.

事实上，我觉得这世上再没人能给你上这一课了，Molly。

In fact, I don't think anyone else on the planet can teach you this lesson, Molly.

非得是她才行。

And it has to be her.

非得是这个让你烦得要命、却偏偏成功了的女人。

It has to be this irritating woman who is the one that is successful.

让我告诉你为什么。

And let me tell you why.

因为我朋友Molly早就关注了所有在网上做内容的成功室内设计师。

Because my friend Molly already follows all the successful interior designers that are creators online.

她早就关注了莉安·福特、杰克·阿诺德、Studio McGee、乔安娜和奇普·盖恩斯，还有安伯·刘易斯。

She already follows Leanne Ford and Jake Arnold and Studio McGee and Joanna and Chip Gaines and, Amber Lewis.

她全都关注了。

She follows them all.

如果你喜欢室内设计，那你 probably也关注了他们。

And if you like interior design, you probably follow them too.

但这些人都没让莫莉真正认真对待社交媒体和营销。

Well, none of those people have inspired Molly to get serious about social media and marketing.

偏偏是那个没经验的、让人头疼的女人做到了。

It had to be that irritating woman with no experience.

我只想确保你在听的时候，能把这些话用到自己身上。

I just wanna make sure that as you're listening to me, you're gonna make this relevant.

在深入讲之前，我想让你停下来想一想，你到底想要什么。

So I want you to stop and think about something you want before I unpack this.

比如，你是不是想成为职业高尔夫球手，或者想进体育营销行业，又或者想开始倒腾房子。

Like, maybe you wanna become a professional golfer, or maybe you wanna get a job in sports marketing, or maybe you wanna start flipping houses.

有那么一些人，他们已经出名了，也成功了，但你就是提不起劲儿去开始，或者根本没法坚持做那些枯燥无聊的事。

There is somebody who is famous and successful that's already out there doing it, but they're not inspiring you to get started, or they're not inspiring you to stick with the tedious, boring things that you need to do.

这正是我跟朋友莫莉说的重点。

And this was my point to my friend, Molly.

非得是这个让人烦的女人才行，因为你一直盯着那些有名的室内设计师看。

It has to be this irritating woman because you've been watching all these famous interior designers.

你嘴上说想做社交媒体都五年了，可一提到别人，就总说人家有团队。

You've been talking about doing social media for five years, but you have all these ex oh, they have a team.

人家有这个，有那个，样样都齐全。

They have a, this, they do that.

人家有时间。

They have time.

人家还有别的优势，因为你跟网上关注的那些人之间，差距实在太大了。

They have the other thing because there's so much distance between you and the people that you're following online.

但这个让人烦的女生，天哪，论条件你其实比她强多了，正因如此，才非得是她不可。

But this irritating woman, holy cow, if anything, you've got more qualifications than she does, which is why it has to be her.

她让你感到不安，是因为她让你看到，你其实也有能力去做那些你一直逃避的事。

She's triggering you because she's showing you that you are capable of doing the thing you've been avoiding too.

事实上，这种让你感到烦躁的人，背后有个特别有意思的地方。

And in fact, this is the interesting thing about people that trigger you in this regard.

你该谢谢他们，因为你真正生的不是他们的气。

You need to be thanking them because you're not actually mad at them.

说实话，你生的是自己的气，因为你清楚，要想在社交媒体上有所成就，你每天就该做那些小事。

The truth is you're mad at yourself because you know that you should be doing the little things every day that get you where you wanna go when it comes to social media.

咱们不妨停下来想想，为什么我朋友莫莉不喜欢的这个女人，内容却能火起来？

Because let's just stop and ask ourselves, why is this woman that my friend Molly doesn't like going viral?

哦，她是不是有什么前所未见的神奇秘诀？

Oh, oh, she has some just unbelievable unicorn strategy that nobody's thought of before?

不是。

No.

她走红的方式，和所有人一样，就是每天都坚持发内容。

She's going viral the same way everyone is, by putting content out every single day.

你想想看。

I mean, just imagine.

要是你每天都在社交媒体上分享你的生意，坚持这么做，事情自然就会慢慢积累起来，这想法多棒啊。

What a what a genius idea that you would show up on social media and talk about your business and you would do it every single day, And eventually things would start to build.

想象一下吧。

Imagine that.

想象一下，你可以请个人来帮你做这件事。

Imagine that you could hire someone to help you do this.

在你的室内设计业务里，少接一个客户，把省下来的时间用在你一直逃避的事情上，怎么样？

Imagine that you could take one less client in your interior design business and then spend the time doing the thing that you're avoiding.

我喜欢这个故事的一点是。

And here's what I love about this story.

你被激怒的地方，恰恰是最好的老师。

Your triggers are your greatest teachers.

并不是因为它们告诉你该做什么。

Not because they show you what you need to be doing.

他们确实做到了。

They do that all right.

但真正的原因是，他们激起了你的愤怒。

But because they galvanize your anger.

而你并不是真的生他们的气。

And you're not angry at them.

我觉得，我们恰恰忽略了这里最宝贵的启示。

And that's where I think we miss the incredible teaching here.

你生气的是自己，因为你没有去做本该做的事。

You're angry at yourself for not doing what you need to be doing.

所以，无论谁在触发你，首先，一定是他们。

So whoever it is that's triggering you, number one, it had to be them.

因为除此之外，没人能让你真正清醒过来。

Because no one else has come along that is waking you up.

我还想明确一点。

And I also wanna be clear about something.

你不需要为他们的成功感到高兴。

You don't have to be happy for their success.

事实上，我不希望你假装开心。

In fact, I do not want you to be fake about it.

莫莉不该去那个女人的帖子下面点赞，还说‘加油’，因为她根本不是真心这么想的。

Molly shouldn't go to this woman's post and start liking it and being like, you go, because she doesn't mean that.

她得从中吸取教训，把愤怒转化为动力，让自己行动起来。

She's got to take the lesson and galvanize the anger and get herself moving.

今天我们要聊的是真实面对自己。

And today we're gonna be talking about getting real.

我们会探讨触发情绪的真正力量，以及它们如何推动你前进。

And we're gonna talk about the real power that your triggers have and how they can push you forward.

事实上，我也是其中之一，因为我的一部分成功就在于不断坚持出现。

And in fact, I'm one of them because part of my success is that I keep showing up.

今天我要教你，你成功的关键之一，是留意生活中出现的三种不同类型的触发点。

And today, I am going to teach you that a critical part of your success is being on the lookout for three different types of triggers that are gonna show up in your life.

莫莉刚刚给你展示了一个这样的触发点。

And Molly just taught you one of those triggers.

第一个触发点，就是你生活中那个让你烦的人，得到了你想要的东西。

Trigger number one is when the irritating person in your life gets what you want.

我们再深入一点说，绝大多数情况下，当你看到一个让你烦的人拥有了你想要的东西，那是因为他们每天都坚持在做，也就是我所说的‘重复练习’。

And to just kind of unpack this a little bit more, 90% of the time when there is an irritating person that has what you want, it's because they are showing up every day and they're putting in what I call the reps.

这就像你在健身房里做的那样。

That's what you do at the gym.

你一遍遍地练，肌肉才会慢慢长出来。

You just put in the reps and then the muscle builds over time.

当然，我也承认，大概有百分之十的让人讨厌的人，确实是靠运气突然冒出来的。

And yeah, I will acknowledge that there's probably ten percent of the people that are triggering and irritating that just showed up.

比如那些靠遗产生活的年轻人，现在社交媒体上一半的网红都是二十出头，靠祖辈打下的基础过日子，天天发些环游世界的奢华照片。

You know, the trust fund babies, like half the influencers in their twenties on social media these days where the grandparents did the work and now they're living off the money from the grandparents and they're posting all these fancy photos traveling around the world.

我说的不是这一类人。

That's not who I'm talking about.

我说的是那90%的情况，当你被一个让你烦的人触动时，是因为他们拥有你想要的东西，而你不喜欢的是他们本人，但其实他们是在提醒你一些你没注意到的事——那些他们日复一日默默坚持的小事，那些枯燥、艰难、你在背后从不看见的付出，一次又一次，从不间断。

I'm talking about the 90% of the time when someone irritating is triggering you because they have something that you want and you don't like that it's them, but what they're there to show you and what you're probably not seeing is all the little things that they've been chipping away at, the boring, the hard stuff, the things they've been doing in the dark while you weren't watching over and over and over and over again.

你知道你真正生气的是什么吗？

And you know what you're angry about?

你生气的是，自己十年前就没开始做这件事。

You're angry at yourself because you didn't start doing it ten years ago.

你生气的是，你总在找借口。

You're angry that you keep making excuses.

你生气的是，你没把它当成一个项目来认真对待。

You're angry that you didn't turn it into a project and prioritize it.

所以你需要从他们身上学到一点：这件事真的很重要。

And so you needed to learn from them that this matters.

我在这里要帮你的，就是让你明白，当这种情况发生时，这种触发是完全自然、再正常不过的。

And what I'm here to do is to help you recognize that when it happens, that this type of trigger is number one natural and normal.

接下来我们稍作休息，我希望你能把这段内容转发给某个人。

And so we're gonna take a quick break and I want you to forward this to someone.

你生活中有没有人总在抱怨别人，被某些事惹得心烦，被生活中的某些情况触发情绪？把这段内容转给他们。

Someone in your life who's been complaining about someone, who's irritated by somebody, who's triggered by something going on in your life and send this to them.

这样他们就不会再向你抱怨了，让梅尔·罗宾斯来点燃他们的行动力。

Because that way they're gonna stop complaining to you and let Mel Robbins be the one that ignites action.

好了。

All right.

短暂休息后，我在这里等你回来。

I'll be waiting for you after a short break.

别走开。

Stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

很高兴你在这里。

I am so glad that you're here.

如果有人把这期节目转给你，那真是个不错的朋友。

And if somebody forwarded you this episode, that's a good friend.

这是个真正关心你的朋友，因为他们希望你能成功。

That's a good friend because they wanna see you win.

而要想成功，你得学会怎么把这些道理用到实际生活中。

And in order for you to win, you gotta kinda understand how to apply this knowledge.

我们今天要聊的是生活中三种常见的触发点，以及怎么把它们变成让你成长、推动改变的契机。

And we're talking about three different types of triggers that you encounter in life and how you can flip those into situations that become your biggest teachers that ignite change.

第一个触发点，就是你身边那个让你烦的人，偏偏得到了你想要的东西。

Trigger number one is when the irritating person in your life gets what you want.

这种触发点最常见，也最正常。

This type of trigger is number one, natural and normal.

但第二个层面，它其实是一份礼物。

But number two, it's a gift.

只是一份特别难受的礼物。

It's a very painful gift.

你可以想象，它被包在一层又脏又黏、让人恶心的纸里，你得硬着头皮撕开它。

You can imagine it's like handed to you in this disgusting, sticky, gross paper, and you gotta tear through it.

当你真正拆开这份礼物时，你会发现里面藏着推动你前进的动力。

And what you're gonna find inside when you really unwrap this gift is you're gonna find fuel to motivate yourself.

什么动力？

What kind of fuel?

愤怒。

Anger.

愤怒是一种非常重要的动力，你得学会利用它。

Anger is a very important motivator, and you need to use it.

我来举个朋友莫莉的例子吧，她五年来一直在说要投身社交媒体营销。

And so let me just focus on my friend Molly for a minute, because she's been talking about jumping into social media marketing for five fricking years.

就像你一直说要写那本书，或者开那个YouTube频道一样。

Just like you've been talking about writing that book or starting that YouTube channel.

光说不练假把式。

Talk is cheap.

你心里清楚，该行动了。

You know you need to do something.

你也知道，因为你听这个播客，光想一件事和真正去做是两回事。

And you also know, because you listen to this podcast, that thinking about something is not the same thing as doing it.

光有灵感，根本不足以让你行动起来。

And inspiration is not enough to get you motivated to do something.

所以灵感不值钱。

So inspiration is cheap.

就像我之前跟你说过的，盯着那么多比你成功的人，特别容易让人泄气，因为你太清楚自己和他们的差距了。

And as I've already explained to you, one of the reasons why it can be really demoralizing to stare at so many people that are successful ahead of you is because you're present to the gap.

你说，为什么我拖了这么久才开这个播客？

I mean, why do you think it took me so long to start this podcast?

因为我看到身边那么多厉害的人，觉得自己根本不可能达到那种程度。

Because I saw all these incredible successful people in front of me and I felt like I'm never gonna get there.

看到别人能做到，确实能给你动力，也让你明白自己想往哪个方向走。

So as much as it is inspiring to see that it's possible to get something done, it is inspiring to see that that's where I wanna head.

但你不能一直停在那里，光盯着差距，只会让你寸步难行。

You can't stay there because all you see is the gap.

想要坚持下去，让自己保持动力，这真的很难。

And that's gonna be hard to keep yourself motivated to try to close.

所以愤怒其实特别重要，因为它是一种完全不同的情绪。

And that's why anger is really important because it's a very different emotion.

你的那些触发点，其实就是你的老师。

That's why your triggers are your teachers.

所以那个社交媒体上的人，或者妈妈群里的烦人家伙，又或者突然间，走廊那头的亚伦，一下子辞职去全职做他偷偷摸摸搞了好久的定制船生意——这时候你就会被触动。

That's why that person on social media or the irritating one in the mom's group, or all of a sudden, Aaron down the hall, all of a sudden he's quitting his job and he's working full time at a custom boat business that he's been working on in the dark while you've been busy running spreadsheets.

之所以会触发你，是因为那些你认识的人做到了，你就没法再找借口说自己为什么没做。

That's why it triggers you because the people you know that do it, you can't make excuses for why you haven't.

你没法编个借口说，隔壁工位的同事突然辞职，是因为他周末偷偷创业，而你却在做别的事——因为你心里清楚，他没超能力。

You can't make up an irritating story for the person who's sitting next to you at work who now just quit because they've been building a business on their weekends while you've been doing something else because you know there's no superpower.

他没有遗产。

There's no trust fund.

他也没有优势。

There's no upper hand.

他们就是直接开始做了。

They just started doing it.

所以那个人非得是他们不可。

And that's why it had to be them.

那个让你烦的人其实就是你的老师，因为你没法再骗自己说那些借口站得住脚了。

That's why that irritating person is your teacher Because you're confronted that your excuses are just excuses.

这事真的能做成。

That it is possible.

你还会慢慢明白，感到沮丧是很正常的。

And you're also gonna come to learn that it's normal to be upset.

完全正常，再正常不过了。

Totally, perfectly normal.

但如果你真想成功，就没时间抱怨，也没资格生气——因为你没去干那些枯燥无聊、却通向你目标的事。

But if you're serious about being successful, you have no time and you do not have the right to be upset if you have not been doing the tedious, boring stuff that leads you to the thing that you want.

所以，这就是第一个触发点。

And so that is trigger number one.

这非常重要，也特别痛苦，你这辈子会经常遇到，所以提前做好准备，坦然接受，学会利用它。

Really important, really painful, it's gonna happen a lot in your life, so get ready for it, welcome it, learn how to use it.

第二种触发因素，天哪。

The second type of trigger, holy smokes.

这个对我而言可真是个大考验。

This one was a doozy for me.

这是一段极其痛苦的经历。

And this was a extremely painful experience.

就是你完全不知道自己在干什么的那种处境。

And it's about being in a situation where you have no idea what you're doing.

好吧。

All right.

自我怀疑和真的完全不懂，这两者是有区别的。

So there's a difference between imposter syndrome and literally having no idea what you're doing.

这个故事讲的就是这个。

And that's what this story is about.

我尽量长话短说吧，我曾经靠一张嘴把自己说进了一份完全不会做的工作。

So I'm gonna try to make a long story short, but I once talked myself into a job that I had no idea how to do.

就连跟你们讲这段经历，我都坐在这儿觉得特别尴尬。

Even in telling you this story, I'm sitting here so embarrassed by this.

1999年我离开了法律行业，一头扎进了波士顿的互联网创业热潮。

But I had left the practice of law, back in 1999 and jumped into the first.com startup boom here in Boston.

我在波士顿这家初创公司有过一段非凡的经历。

And I had this extraordinary experience working for a startup here in Boston.

我是公司第四位员工。

Number four person in the door.

我亲眼见证了这家内容类公司的成长过程。

I had a front row seat to building a company that was in the content space.

我们做了各种各样的在线测试。

We put up all kinds of online tests.

那真是一段令人难以置信的时光。

It was absolutely amazing.

但后来这家公司拿到了旧金山一家风投的资金，对方要求公司搬过去。

But what happened is that company got this funding from a venture capital firm in San Francisco, and they were requiring the company to move.

那时候我家里已经有个孩子了。

Now I had a baby at home.

我肚子里还怀着一个。

I had a baby inside me.

我当时怀孕了。

I was pregnant.

可公司根本不知道这件事。

My employer did not know.

所以我必须得找新工作。

And so I needed to get a job.

于是我就开始去参加面试。

And I started to go out for interviews.

最后我居然靠谈吐说服了一家公司，让我当上了内容高级副总裁，负责一个新平台的搭建。

I ended up talking my way into a job to be the senior vice president of content for a company that was building a platform.

那是2001年的事了，那时候平台连接的是像平面设计师、视频剪辑师这类做各种创意服务的人。

We're talking back in the day, 2001, that was connecting, creators like graphic designers and video editors and people that did all kinds of creative services.

那时候还没出现Facebook呢。

Now this was like before Facebook.

他们正在搭建一个在线市场，我特别兴奋。

And so they were building this marketplace online, and I was all excited.

我之所以能拿到这份工作，是因为我特别能说。

And the reason why I got the job is because I could talk a big game.

因为我亲眼见证了这家初创公司是怎么一步步做起来的。

Because I had had a front row seat to watching this incredible startup get built.

但问题是，那些我嘴上说得头头是道的事，我一件都没实际做过。

But here's the thing, I didn't do any of the things that I could talk about.

我能讲我看到的，但真让我动手，我根本干不了。

So I could talk about what I had seen, but I couldn't actually execute it.

于是我拿到了这份工作，薪水不错，特别激动，办公室也是那种典型的创业公司风格，特别棒。

And so I land this job, I get a great salary, I'm all excited, we're in a beautiful startup space.

我第一天去上班，坐那儿就意识到，我根本不知道自己在搞什么。

And I show up for my first day and I realize as I'm sitting there, I don't have a clue what I'm freaking doing.

一点头绪都没有。

Not clue.

但我什么也没说。

And I didn't say anything.

我就坐在那儿。

I sat there.

我每天都去上班。

I I went to that job every single day.

我笑了整整六个月。

I'm laughing for six months.

我坐在办公桌前，发着那些邮件，装出一副很忙的样子，其实我根本不知道自己在干嘛。

And I sat there at my desk and I typed my little emails and I pretended to look busy because I didn't have a clue what the hell I was doing.

最后，公司里那些负责人还是发现了。

And eventually the people that ran the company figured it out.

有一天，果然，我每天都去上班。

And one day, sure enough, every day I would go in there.

那感觉特别戳心，因为我知道的，不只是我觉得自己是个骗子。

It was so triggering because I knew it's not just that I felt like a fraud.

我根本就是超出了自己的能力范围。

I knew I was so out over the tips of my skis.

我清楚自己完全搞不懂那事儿。

I knew I had no idea what was going on.

说我是傻瓜都不为过。

And talk about being a dummy.

我没花时间去弄明白到底怎么回事。

I didn't spend my time trying to figure it out.

我光顾着躲着、装样子、待在那儿，尽我所能地应付着。

I spent my time hiding, just pretending, just being there, just doing the best that I could.

我一句话都没说。

I never said a thing.

然后有一天，两位创始人当着所有人的面叫我过去，办公室是开放式的。

And then there was one day where the two founders called me very publicly, it was an open floor plan.

我当时坐在那个loft区域，被叫过去的时候心里直打鼓：天啊，他们肯定要问我问题，我又答不上来，还得硬撑。

So I'm sitting in this loft space and I get called in and I'm feeling kinda funky like, oh my god, they're gonna ask me a question, I don't know the answer, I'm gonna have to fake it again.

他们让我坐下，说：‘梅尔，我们承认了。’

And they sat me down and they said, Mel, I said yes.

他们说：‘我们觉得你这个人真的很棒。’

And they said, we think you're awesome as a person.

但他们又说：‘可你根本不知道自己在干什么，对吧？’

And they said, but you don't have a clue about what you're doing, do you?

我回答：‘对，我真的不知道。’

And I said, no I don't.

一片沉默。

Silence.

我的意思是，彻底的沉默——你想想，这不就是最让人崩溃的时刻吗？

I mean, complete, just, you wanna talk about being triggered?

我的虚张声势被当面揭穿了。

Completely called out on my BS.

在公司里，两位创始人当着我的面，在玻璃会议室里告诉我，他们正在帮我收拾东西。

At work, by the founders, in a glass conference room, was told that my things were being packed up as I was sitting in there.

那一刻你才会意识到，身后所有人都知道这事正在发生。

And that's when you get this feeling that everybody behind you knows that this is happening.

就像史上最糟糕的分手。

It's like the world's worst breakup.

箱子正被搬上我的车。

The box is being carried out to my car.

我一直在心里告诫自己：别哭，别哭，千万别哭。

I remember like saying to myself, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

因为我是那个工程团队里为数不多的女性。

Because I was one of the only women that worked there in a sea of engineers.

我对大家在做什么、在说什么、自己该干什么，全然一无所知。

I had no idea what anybody was doing or what they were talking about or what to do in this job.

我就装作什么都没发生。

I just pretended.

我低着头走了出去。

And I walked out looking at my feet.

我根本不敢抬头，只顾着看地上，快点走，快点离开。

I didn't even look straight ahead, just like, look down, look down, get out.

当我走过那扇门，门在我身后关上的那一刻，那种门一关上就会带起一阵风，吹得我后背发凉，头发都往前飘。

And as I walked through the door and that door closed behind me, was one of those doors that when it swings shut, it sort of sends us like at your back and your hair kind of flies forward.

我跟你说啊。

And I'll tell you something.

被人当面戳穿你的伪装，可能是最让人崩溃的事了。

Having someone call you out on your BS is one of the most triggering things that could ever happen to you.

当别人直接问你：你是不是在骗人？

When somebody says, you're cheating, aren't you?

或者：你是不是又开始喝酒了？

Or you're drinking again, aren't you?

或者你把我给你的钱花光了，对吧？

Or you spent that money I gave you, didn't you?

或者你根本没找到工作，却一直装作找到了，或者根本不知道自己在干什么。

Or you didn't get the job and you've been pretending you did, or you don't know what you're doing.

我想跟你说说这件事，它真的特别让人崩溃，我不能骗你，那简直太丢人了。

And here's the thing I wanna tell you about that extraordinarily triggering thing, because I'm not gonna lie to you, it was so embarrassing.

我感到特别羞愧。

I felt so ashamed.

我简直无地自容。

I felt mortified.

我生自己的气。

I was mad at myself.

我不光生自己的气，因为我撒谎说自己能行，还装了那么久，更气的是，我当时坐在那儿，根本没去学任何本事。

I was mad at myself not just for lying about my capability, but then pretending for so long, but I also mad that while I was sitting there, I didn't do anything to actually learn any skills.

我也没想过要主动去求助。

I didn't do anything to try to ask for help.

所以，尽管在那份我完全搞砸了、还硬装没事的工作里坐了六个月，痛苦得要命，

And so as painful as it was to sit for six months in a job that I was royally screwing up pretending everything's cool.

但这件事恰恰成了我成功的转折点。

This was a key to my success.

让我告诉你为什么。

And let me tell you why.

如果没有那次触发，我就不会成为今天的我。

Without that trigger, I wouldn't be the person that I am today.

如果没有别人当面揭穿我撒谎，揭穿我明明不懂还硬撑，我永远不会明白，能在任何时候坦然说‘我不懂’，竟是一种超能力。

Without the trigger of someone calling me out on being a liar, on not saying I don't know what I'm doing, I would have never have learned what a superpower it is to say at any moment, I don't know what I'm doing.

说‘我不知道答案’。

To say, I don't know the answer.

说‘我从来没做过这个’。

To say, I've never done that before.

或者说，这事儿真超出了我的能力范围，但能不能请个人来帮我？

Or to say, you know, this is way out of my comfort level, but can I hire someone to help?