Don’t Learn This Too Late: Make An Authentic Life Now, By Getting Real About The End

说得真好。

That's beautiful.

问题可能就出在这里。

And that's probably where the problems come.

你会说，没事的，你会挺过去的。

You're like, oh, it's going to be okay and you'll get through it.

我们不知道会不会这样。

We don't know that.

他们可能会因为这个病去世。

They might die from it.

嗯，人总有一死。

Well, they're going to dry at some point.

人总有一死。

They're going to die at some point.

也许就是因为这个病。

Might be this disease.

阿尔茨海默症和痴呆症真的很棘手。

Alzheimer's and dementia is gnarly.

病情可能会恶化得很快，比如说‘会好起来的’或者‘我理解你的感受’，这也是我们应该避免的，因为我们不知道他们的真实感受。

It might be going downhill really fast, like saying it'll be okay or, you know, I know what you're going through, that's another thing we should avoid because we don't know what their experience is like.

即使我们自己也有类似的家庭情况，我也不知道你现在经历这件事是什么感觉。

Even if we have a similar family situation ourselves, I don't know what it's like to be you experiencing this thing right now.

所以我们也可以避免试图设身处地地理解他们，或者避免用我自己的经历、我想要的经历，或者我认为应该有的经历来否定他们的感受。

And so we can also avoid trying to put ourselves in their shoes or trying to, I say invalidate what they're experiencing by filling it with what I've experienced or what I would like to experience or what I think the experience should be like.

我喜欢这个说法，‘我不知道该说什么’。

I love that, That I don't know what to say.

听起来这确实很艰难。

It sounds like it's very difficult.

你今天感觉怎么样？

How are you doing today?

很好。

Great.

满分。

A plus.

天哪。

Oh my gosh.

谢谢。

Thank you.

你知道的，我很有动力把事情做好。

You know, I'm very motivated by doing well.

所以谢谢你。

So thank you.

我很感激。

I appreciate it.

这个我可以做。

I can do that one.

这个我可以做。

I can do that one.

以你作为死亡陪护师的经验来看，当别人临终或者他们在照顾临终者时，你能做的最好的事情有哪些？

In your experience as a death doula, what are some of the best ways that you can show up for other people when either they're dying or they're supporting somebody else who is?

处理方式其实差不多，就是你到场，承认并肯定对方的感受，为对方创造空间去体验他们的经历，然后不断提问，让他们自由地做自己，让他们主导对话，因为也许他们也不想谈论这个。

It's a similar way to approach it, which is you show up, you acknowledge and you validate and you create space for the person to have their experience and you keep asking questions and you just allow them to be and you allow them to guide the conversation because maybe they also don't want to talk about it, you know.

也许他们想聊卡戴珊家族呢。

Maybe they want to talk about the Kardashians instead.

那也完全没问题。

And that's totally fine.

完全没问题。

That's totally fine.

所以重要的是，我们要为他们创造空间，让他们待在自己的状态里，主要是让他们沉浸在自己的体验中。

So it's important that we create space for them to be where they are and to be in their experience primarily.

阿露阿，这真的很有帮助。

Alua, that's so helpful.

尤其是那个创造空间的画面，因为我总是想着自己该说什么。

Especially that visual of creating space because I'm always thinking about what I need to say.

但如果我专注于为他们创造空间，让他们去经历自己的体验，那做起来就容易多了。

But if I can just focus on creating space for them to have their experience, that makes it a lot easier to do.

所以，谢谢你。

So thank you.

我想稍微暂停一下，让我们听听赞助商的广告。

You know, I want to take a quick pause so we can hear a word from our sponsors.

但别走开，因为Alua还有很多深刻的见解要分享。

But don't go anywhere because Alua has so many more profound takeaways to share.

稍后，她有三个问题想问你们，你们肯定不想错过。

And a little bit later, she has three questions that she wants to ask you and you're not gonna wanna miss it.

所以，请继续收听。

So stay with us.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你们的朋友Mel Robbins。

It's your friend Mel Robbins.

今天，我和大家一起来见这位了不起的Alua Arthur。

You and I are here today with the amazing Alua Arthur.

Alua，我之前提到过，我在网上看过你那个特别棒的演讲，你说你希望自己去世的时候是日落时分，还穿着袜子。

Now, Alua, you know, I mentioned earlier, I've seen this amazing talk that you did online where you talk about how you wanna die at sunset with socks on.

如果我死的时候还穿着胸罩，那你可得回来吓唬所有人。

If I die with a bra on, you're you're coming to haunt everybody, everyone.

你希望在家里去世，而且所有事情都安排得妥妥当当。

You wanna die at home with your affairs in order.

然后你还说，当我的亲人发现我咽下最后一口气时，我希望他们鼓掌。

And then you said, and when my loved ones notice that I've released my last breath, I want them to clap.

我希望他们鼓掌，因为我死得很圆满。

I want them to clap because I died well.

但我能死得圆满，只是因为我活得很精彩。

But I died well only because I lived well.

你能再多聊聊这个吗？

Can you talk more about that?

我从来没听人说过，我希望你们鼓掌。

I've never heard anyone say, I want you to clap.

我希望他们鼓掌。

I want them to clap.

我希望他们为我真实地活过而鼓掌。

I want them to clap at how authentically I lived my life.

我希望他们说，对，她活出了自己。

I want them to say, yeah, she did her.

我希望他们为我活过的一生，以及我优雅放手的方式而鼓掌。

I want them to clap in honor of a life that I lived and the grace with which I let it go.

我希望他们为我感到骄傲。

I want them to have been proud of me.

你知道，即使在我死的时候，我仍然希望我在乎的人想，对，姑娘，你做到了。

You know, even at my death, I still want the people that I care about to think, yeah, girl, you did it.

我希望他们觉得我活出了完整的人生，并且以身作则。

I want them to feel as though I filled out my life and that I lived by example.

我希望他们认为我慷慨、用心、尽力了，我在世的时候，一直都在他们身边。

I want them to think that I was generous and present and I cared and I did my best, that I was here for the time that I was here.

我就是喜欢大家鼓掌的画面。

I just love the visual of everyone clapping.

是不是很酷？

Isn't that cool?

是的。

It is.

因为如果没有这个背景，听起来就像你那个让人受不了的唠叨奶奶。

Because if I didn't have the context, it it sounds like, you know, your cranky grandmother who you couldn't stand.

天哪。

Oh my god.

谢天谢地，她终于走了。

Thank god she's finally let go.

哦，宝贝。

Oh, baby.

哦，宝贝。

Oh, baby.

但即使在这种情况下，你鼓掌是因为他们是个斗士。

But even in that instance, you're clapping because they were a fighter.

但我喜欢那种对精神的认可。

But I love the acknowledgment of the spirit.

你觉得会发生什么？

What do you think happens?

我们死后？

After we die?

是的。

Yes.

我听到太多理论了，我自己也一直在拼凑。

I hear so many theories that I'm constantly cobbling it together myself.

我特别喜欢的是，当有人提出一些我很难理解的东西，然后给我多一点背景信息的时候。

One of the things that I really love is when somebody presents something that I'm just really struggling to understand and they give me a little bit more context.

我能跟你分享一个吗？

Can I share one with you?

请讲。

Please.

好的。

Okay.

所以不久前有个客户，在最后一刻决定她需要受洗。

So there was a client not that long ago, who at the eleventh hour decided that she needed to be baptized.

她说她对发生的一切都不确定，但她觉得需要回到童年的宗教，因为那可能会让她死后进入天堂或别的什么地方。

That she was not sure about anything that happened, but she felt that she needed to go back to the religion of her childhood because that may get her into heaven or wherever else after she died.

于是我问她最近发生了什么，为什么会走到那一步。

And so I asked what had been going on, like why she got to that point.

她在临终前，处于无意识状态时，一直做非常不可思议的梦，梦见天空中有一只巨大的眼睛。

She'd been having these really incredible dreams right before she died, when she was in her unconscious state and she'd see a great big eye in the sky.

她这么说的时候，我以为她指的是那种大写‘我’、非二元视角，就是我们所有人内心都存在的那只眼睛。

When she said that, I thought she meant the, you know, the capital I and the non dualistic perspective, like the eye that exists within us all.

但她说的真的是天上的一只眼球。

But she meant an actual like eyeball in the sky.

真的吗？

Really?

那听起来挺吓人的。

And like that's scary.

一直盯着我们，突然就让人很不舒服。

Watching us all the time, it got very uncomfortable all of a sudden.

我们聊着聊着，她说，对，就是天上的一只眼球，能看到一切，而且我们死后也会回到那里，这样就能看到所有事情。

And as we talked through that, she said, yeah, an eyeball that she sees in the sky that sees all and also that we'll go back to so we can watch all.

她觉得那就是天堂。

And she thinks of that as heaven.

所以她想要受洗，去天堂，去那个天上的“我”。

And so she wants to get baptized to go to heaven, to that I in the sky.

那这是你自己拼凑出来的一个想法，用来帮助你想清楚你相信死后会发生什么吗？

And is that a piece that you cobbled together that helps you think about what you believe about what happens?

我喜欢“我”这个概念，但我更喜欢字母“我”，大写的那种。

I like the idea of an I, but I like the idea of the letter I, the capital I.

对，那个眼球让我害怕。

Yeah, the eyeball scares me.

那个眼球让我有点不舒服。

The eyeball makes me a little uncomfortable.

那你对死后发生的事情是怎么想的？你拼凑出了什么想法？

So what have you cobbled together in terms of how you think about what happens?

嗯，

Well,

我拼凑出来的想法是，这有点棘手，因为它在不断变化。

what I've cobbled together is, this is tricky because it's changing all the time.

而且我越谈论它，就越难给我的客户留出空间，让他们拥有自己的体验。

And also the more I talk about it, the less it makes space for my clients to have whatever experience that they may be having.

你知道，当我用我的想法或感受填满那个空间时，别人就更难跟我分享他们的想法或感受，因为首先，大家都觉得我是对的，因为……

You know, when I fill the space with what I think or how I feel, it makes it a little harder for other people to share with me what they think or feel because first of all, everybody thinks I'm right because of the

工作。但现在我真的很想听。

work But now I I wanna hear it.

现在我真的很想

Now I really want to

听。

hear it.

而且他们因为我的工作而认为我是对的。

And they think I'm right because of the work I do.

你知道，我希望我们都能回到那曾经存在和将要存在的一切之中，那是一个绝对完美、深邃宁静、完美、和平与爱的地方。

You know, my hope is that we can all return to all that ever was and all that ever will be in a place of absolute perfect and profound stillness and perfection and peace and love.

那超然的境界，我们出生前的空间，我对它没有有意识的记忆，但我觉得那也是一个完美的地方，因为它造就了一个完美的人。

The transcendent, the space from before we were born, where I have no conscious memory of, which I think was also a perfect place because it made a perfect human along the way.

而我完美的死亡希望能带我回到那个真正美好、完美的境地。

And my perfect death will hopefully lead me back to that real juicy perfect place.

我觉得我也有非常相似的想法。

I think I believe something very similar.

我经常在想，当你在创造的那一刻，还在母亲子宫里的时候，你对即将出生的这个世界毫无意识。

I think a lot about the fact that when you're at the moment of creation and you're in your mother's womb, you have no consciousness about the world that you're about to be born into.

我觉得死亡和出生是完全一样的。

And I feel that death is the exact same sort of birth.

那里有一个全新的世界，而我完全不知道它会是什么样子。

That there is an entire world and I have no consciousness of what it might be.

我知道我希望它是什么样子。

I know what I hope it might be.

但我就是相信，当转变发生时，那是另一种形式的自我诞生，从一个世界、一种意识状态，到另一个世界、另一种意识状态。

But I just trust that as the transition happens, that it is another form of birthing yourself from one world and one state of consciousness to another?

是的，死亡是进入新事物的诞生。

Well, death is a birth into something new.

而每一次诞生，也都是一次死亡。

And every birth is also a death.

你知道吗，在我出生的时候，我从子宫中死去了。

You know, upon my birth, I died from the womb.

我改变了呼吸方式，可能也改变了思维方式，我改变了我体验世界的方式，我改变了我感官上的体验。

I changed the way I breathe, I changed probably how I think, I changed how I experience the world, I changed my sensory experience.

我从那种体验中死去，进入了现在这种状态。

I died from that experience into this.

所以我很可能也会从这种状态中死去，进入另一种状态。

So I'll likely be dying from this into something else.

那接下来呢？

Now what?

我不知道。

I don't know.

我希望那感觉就像永远骑在一道闪闪发光的波浪上，我只看到闪烁的光芒，身处那个完美的地方，与曾经存在的一切重新连接。

I hope it feels like riding a glitter wave for all of eternity where I just see sparkles and I am in that perfect place reconnected with everything that ever was.

嘿，阿露娅，我们会在那里见面的。

Hey, Alua, I'll see you there.

就在那道闪光的波浪上。

Right on that sparkle wave.

我从来没有亲眼见过有人去世。

I have never been present when somebody died.

你能跟我们讲讲那些时刻大概是什么样的吗？

Can you walk us through kind of what happens in those moments?

当然可以。

Sure.

其实，当人们因病去世时，死亡的过程并不是线性的。

So dying itself doesn't happen linearly when people are dying from disease.

但通常来说，先是细胞停止运作，然后是各个系统、组织等等。

However, it generally happens that the cells shut down and then the systems, the tissues, etc.

就这样从内到外逐渐停止。

So it goes outward like that.

所以每个人的情况都不一样。

So it looks different for every person.

但大多数时候，我经常看到的是，人在去世前几天就开始逐渐衰退。

But for the most part, what I experience more often than not is that the person starts to recede in the days before death.

你能感觉到有一种距离感在产生。

You can tell that there is a distance that's happening.

如果他们有回光返照，那很可能就发生在那个时刻之前。

If they have a death rally, it'll probably happen right before that time.

所谓的回光返照，我觉得就是生命最后那一点光全部燃尽，所有能量都用完了。

And the death rally is I think when the last little bit of life's light is just all burned off, all the energy is used up.

所以如果回光返照发生了，就会开始出现一种静止状态，你能从那个人身上看出来，他们逐渐退缩，很可能睡着，并且会睡上一段时间。

And so if the rally has occurred, there is a stillness that starts to happen that you can tell on the person, they recede, they likely fall asleep and stay asleep for a while.

呼吸会改变，肤色会变，呼吸会变得有点不规律。

And the breathing changes, the skin color changes, breathing gets kind of jagged.

你能感觉到身体已经接管了一切。

You can tell that the body has kind of taken over.

它在做它需要做的事情来走向死亡，我相信每个人都有天生的能力知道如何死去，所以它在做它必须做的事情。

It is doing what it needs to do to die and I trust everybody's innate capacity to know how to die and so it's doing what it must do.

到了某个时刻，两次呼吸之间的间隔变得很长，你能感觉到一种分离正在发生，然后就是一片寂静。

And at some point when the space between the breasts gets very long, you can tell that there is a separation that's occurring and then there is a stillness.

当呼吸停止时，宁静就来了。

And the stillness comes when the breath has stopped.

那你在工作中，能感受到那种分离，感觉到人的本质或灵魂离开吗？

And do you, in your work, feel that separation and you feel an essence or spirit of a person leaving or?

我能感觉到发生了什么事，因为房间似乎变得很满。

I can tell that something has occurred because the room seems to get very full.

就像空间里有一张毯子，但是一张温暖舒适的毯子。

Like it feels like there's a blanket in the space, but like a warm cozy blanket.

你知道，有……

Know, there's...

如果你经历过那种时刻，你就明白我在说什么。

If you've been in the space of it, you know what I'm talking about.

就像呼吸结束后，房间里仍然很浓稠。

Like after the breath is complete, the room is still very thick.

拍手会有帮助。

The clapping would help.

拍手能打破那种氛围。

The clapping would break it out.

当然。

For sure.

当然。

For sure.

哇。

Wow.

谢谢你的分享。

Thank you for sharing.

你是怎么跟父母提起这个话题的？

How do you bring this conversation up with your parents?

世界各地有很多听众，他们的父母都在变老，我个人其实有点回避这个话题。

There are so many people listening around the world who have parents that are aging and I personally kind of tap dance around it.

我可能会说，嘿，你知道，我们也许该聊聊这件事了。

I'll then say, hey, you know, we should probably have the conversation.

然后我妈妈会说，是的，我们应该谈谈。

And my mom will say something like, yeah, we should.

她还会抱怨说这房子里东西太多了。

And she'll remark about how there's so much stuff in this house.

她说，这些东西我根本不会去动。

Like, I'm not even gonna do anything with it.

你和你弟弟得把它们清理掉。

You and your brother are gonna have to clear it out.

所以这更多是关于表面的事情，但你对如何最好地跟父母开启这个话题有什么建议吗？

And so it's more about the surface level stuff, but do you have advice for the best way to set up a conversation with your parents so that you can talk about this topic?

我很高兴你妈妈主动提起了这件事。

I love that your mom is bringing it up.

而且她是以那种方式提起的。

And she's bringing it up that way.

我觉得从实际的事情入手，是进入更深层次的情感、精神和心理层面的好方法。

And I think that the practical is a great way into the deeper emotional, spiritual, psychological stuff that happens.

太好了。

Great.

对，因为她在说这些的时候，比如‘我不在了，所以这些东西我也不需要了’。

Yeah, because as she's talking about it, like, oh, I won't be here and so I don't need this thing anymore.

她可以告诉你某些物品背后的意义。

She can explain to you what the meaning behind certain objects were.

那些意义让她回顾自己的人生。

That meaning has her look back on her life.

哦，这是1967年我们小时候得到的，那时候我们在做这个。

Oh, I got this in 1967 when we were kids and we were doing this.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

所以这是一个进入更深层情感的方式。

So it's a way into like the deeper emotional stuff.

谢谢你这么说。

Thank you for saying that.

因为我，可能是我自己不舒服吧，但每次我回密歇根老家，我们开始整理东西的时候，她就特别专注地问你想要什么？

Because I, maybe it's my discomfort, but every time I go home to Michigan where I grew up and we start going through stuff and she's like so focused on what do you want?

你想要什么？

What do you want?

咱们把这些东西清出去吧。

Let's get this stuff out of here.

而且她才70岁。

And she's only 70.

我是说，她真的，就是，你知道，充满活力，说走就走。

I mean, she is, like, full of, like, you know, like, let's go.

她还有很多精力。

She's got a lot of life in her.

谢天谢地。

Thank God.

但我总觉得这是一种回避。

But I always was thinking this is a deflection.

而且不是那样，你其实是在说，这太棒了。

And that's not, you're saying actually, this is fantastic.

她在谈论这件事。

She's talking about it.

我很高兴听到她在谈论这件事。

I'm so glad to hear she's talking about it.

这是一个切入点，你知道，用来谈论那些事情或者实际的事情。

It's an entry point, you know, to talk about the things or the practical things.

而且通常，就像我说的，它显示出表面之下还有什么，你知道的。

And often, as I was saying, it shows what else is under the surface, you know.

可能通过一个物品，但当我和人们谈论他们死后希望如何处理自己的身体时，我会听到人们说，比如，我无法想象火化时我的身体被烧，或者我无法想象自己被烧。

It may be through an object, but when talking to people about what they want with their body after they die, I'll hear people say things like, I can't think of my body burning when talking about cremation, or I can't think of myself burning.

这让我觉得他们把自己和身体视为一体，或者不是，因为他们说我的身体在燃烧。

That suggests to me that they think of themselves and their body as one or they don't because they said my body's burning.

所以这是一个进入更深层次精神对话的入口。

So that's an opening into the deeper spiritual conversation.

这一切都摆在我们面前。

This it's all in front of us.

我们可以通过人们说话的方式看出他们对死亡的看法。

We can tell how people think about their death based on how they talk.

当然，当他们谈论自己的物品时，那也是另一个切入点。

And certainly when they're talking about their stuff, that's another way into.

谢谢。

Thank you.

闻起来像妈妈。

Smells mom.

谢谢妈妈。

Thanks mom.

其实，你知道在我们稍作休息、听一听我们超棒的赞助商的话之前，我要做什么吗？

In fact, you know what I'm gonna do while we take a quick pause and hear a word from our amazing sponsors?

我要把这期节目发给我妈妈，因为我觉得这会引发一场更深入、更酷、更棒的关于这个重要话题的讨论。

I'm gonna send this episode to my mom because I think it'll spark an even deeper and cooler and awesome way to talk about this important topic.

那你为什么不也这么做呢？

And why don't you do the same?

把这个分享给你爱的人，别走开，因为短暂休息后，Alua和我还会在这里等你。

Share this with someone that you love, and don't go anywhere because Alua and I will be waiting for you after a short break.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友Mel。

It's your friend Mel.

我非常感激能有机会和非凡的Alua Arthur一起度过这段时光。

I am so grateful for this time that you and I are getting to spend with the extraordinary Alua Arthur.

而且，你知道，刚才听赞助商广告的时候，我忍不住想起几周前回密歇根时和我妈妈的一个瞬间。

And, you know, as we were listening to our sponsors, I couldn't help but think about a moment that I had with my mom just a few weeks ago when I was back in Michigan.

我们在地下室。

We were down in the basement.

我们翻着一堆装裱好的东西，那些以前挂在墙上的，现在已经被替换下来了，然后就说，哦，我喜欢那个。

We're flipping through a bunch of framed things that used to hang on the wall that have now been replaced and like, oh, I love that thing.

哦，那些是给我孩子画的画。

Oh, those are drawings for my kids.

比如，我们会拿走那个。

Like, we'll take that.

比如，我喜欢这个。

Like, I love this.

在那一刻，当你处理这些东西的时候，有没有办法稍微打开一点门，让对话更深入一些？

Is there in that moment where you're engaging in the stuff, is there a way to just crack the door open a little bit more to go a little deeper.

深入到情感层面？

Into the emotional stuff?

嗯，一种方法是，如果你注意到她特别喜欢某些物品，或者她有一些喜欢的东西，也许你可以问她是否希望以这种方式被记住。

Well, one way is if you're noticing that she likes particular objects or if there's some things that she likes, maybe you can ask if this is a way that she'd like to be remembered.

当我看到一把勺子时，这会让我想起你吗？

When I see a spoon, will this help me think of you?

她可能会说“是”或“我不在乎”或其他什么，但也许她会说，“嗯，我真的很喜欢蝴蝶”或“我觉得你的海伦阿姨通过蝴蝶来看望我”之类的话，这样也能开启那部分对话。

And she'll maybe say yes or I don't care or whatever else, but maybe she'll say, well, I really like butterflies or I feel like your aunt Helen visits me through the butterflies or something to start that part of the conversation also.

她在这件事上挺有意思的，因为我很清楚她想要什么。

Well, she's been very funny about it because I know exactly what she wants to happen.

她真的就是说，把我的首饰全熔了。

She's literally like melt down all my jewelry.

好。

Great.

然后弄一个骨灰瓮，把首饰都贴上去，火化我，然后那个瓮可以在你和你兄弟家轮流放。

And then get an and let's put the jewelry all over the urn, cremate me, and then that urn can rotate between you and your brother's house.

等你爸去世了，他也得进去。

And when your father dies, he goes in there too.

好。

Great.

我就说，行吧。

I'm like, okay.

谢了。

Thanks.

她给你的指示挺明确的。

She's giving you some pretty clear instructions.

哦，是的。

Oh, yes.

我挺喜欢

I'm into

这个。

it.

好的。

Okay.

妈妈也能得个A+。

Mom gets an a plus too.

哇。

Wow.

她听到这个会很高兴的。

She's gonna be really happy about that.

而且与此同时，我觉得自己挺不是人的，因为我一直坐在这儿想，我们还没聊过临终护理的事。

And meanwhile, I feel like a jerk because I've been sitting here going, we haven't talked about the end of life care.

我们也没聊过你打算去哪儿。

We haven't talked about where you're going.

我们也没讨论过你是要留在这所房子，还是我们要去找个别的住处。

We haven't talked about whether or not you're gonna stay in this house or whether or not we're gonna look for something else.

可你刚才说的意思是，这些对话其实都是敞开的，也代表有人在正视和处理这个现实。

When what you're saying is that those conversations actually are an open door and they represent somebody processing this reality.

事情开始有进展了。

It's starting to happen.

你知道，人们常说大家不愿意谈论死亡，或者老年人不想聊这个话题。

You know, people often say people don't wanna talk about death or older folks don't wanna talk about death.

但我觉得他们其实是愿意的。

And I think that they do.

我觉得我们只是对此感到不自在。

I think we're uncomfortable with it.

所以当我们听到机会时，我们会回避它，或者假装它没有发生，或者把它理解成别的意思，或者觉得妈妈又开始唠叨了，或者妈妈开始跟你谈她的临终安排，因为她确实在想这件事，明白吗？

And so when we hear the opportunity, we shun it or we pretend it's not happening or we make it mean something else or there goes mom being crotchety again, or mom is starting to engage you with her end of life because they are thinking about it, okay?

我是说，我年纪越大，就越会想到自己的死亡，因为我的膝盖已经让我感觉到了。

I mean, the older I get, the more I think about my mortality because I feel it in my kneecaps.

所以到了八十多岁的时候，你肯定会越来越多地想到这些。

And so at like 80 something, you're definitely thinking about it more and more.

你的朋友都在离世。

Your friends are dying.

你在电视上看到和你一起长大的人去世，比如……

You're seeing people that you grew up with die on TV, like...

确实是这样。

It's true.

我想到了我父亲，他刚满八十岁，他有三个非常亲密的朋友突然去世了，包括他最好的朋友。

I think about my dad who just turned 80 and he's had three very close friends die very suddenly, including his best friend.

他做了一次手术，你知道，眼睛上的青光眼手术出了问题。

He had a surgery, you know, on his eye for like glaucoma go wrong.

所以他现在眼睛里有飞蚊症，看东西不太清楚。

And so he's got now floaters in there and he can't quite see.

我知道这让他觉得自己很脆弱。

And I know that makes him feel like frail.

他刚做了背部手术，因为打匹克球受伤了。

And he just had back surgery because of a pickleball injury.

所以我最近一直在想他，他很坚强，不太谈论这类事情，不像我妈妈那样什么都往外说。

And so I've been thinking a lot about him and he's very stoic and doesn't talk a lot about that kind of stuff the way my mom is very out there.

把骨灰盒拿来。

Get the urn.

把首饰熔了。

Melt the jewelry.

走吧。

Let's go.

把这些东西从家里清出去。

Get this crap out of this house.

我可不想收拾这些。

I'm not cleaning this out.

这是你和弟弟的事。

This is on you and your brother.

真是的，愿上帝保佑她。

Mean, just Bless her.

我该怎么跟我爸聊？

How do I engage my father?

你已经说了些很有用的话。

You already said some really useful things.

他的朋友相继去世，这是个很好的切入点。

The fact that his friends are dying, that's a great place to begin.

他的悲伤是什么样的？

What's his grief like?

他们去世时发生了什么？

What happened when they died?

有人出过意外吗？

Did somebody have an accident?

有没有做过手术？

Was there a surgery?

医疗方面发生了什么？

What happened medically?

比如，用他们生活中亲友去世这件事作为切入点，去问问他们感觉怎么样，或者他们对此有什么想法，是个很好的开始。

Like using the deaths of people in their lives is a great place to begin just to ask them how they're feeling or what their thoughts are around it.

如果你们家没遇到这种情况，你也可以聊聊名人，或者流行文化里正在发生的事，比如那些去世的人，这也是一个切入话题的方式。

You can also, if that's not happening in your family, you can also talk about celebrities or people that are happening in popular culture, people that are dying there as another entry way in.

你喜欢发生的事吗？

Did you like what happened?

你不喜欢吗？

Did you not like it?

艾瑞莎·弗兰克林去世那会儿，我和一群黑人长者待在一起。

I got to be with a group of black elders around the time Aretha Franklin died.

我跟你说，等我们离开的时候，他们的临终计划全都定好了，因为其中一个人说，我真不敢相信他们给她穿了那么多套衣服，我死的时候可不想穿玻璃棺材，而且谁也别想给我穿鞋。

And when I tell you all their end of life plans were done by the time that we left, because one of them was like, I can't believe they had her in all these outfits and I would never want a glass cough and then nobody better put shoes on me when I die.

明白了。

Got it.

明白了。

Got it.

明白了。

Got it.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

这些都是开启对话的好方法。

Are great ways to start the conversation.

这个可以做到。

It's available.

嗯，你说得对。

Well, you know, it's true.

我们都会去参加婚礼。

We all go to weddings.

说实话，我们在婚礼上玩得挺开心的。

And let's be honest, We enjoy ourselves.

然后要么在回家的路上，要么第二天早上，我们就会开始挑三拣四。

And then either on the way home or the next morning, we're like picking apart.

这个我会这么做。

I do this.

这个我不会这么做。

I wouldn't do this.

他们为什么要那样做？

Why did they do that?

从来没想过葬礼。

Never even thought about funerals.

葬礼其实是一个了解人们喜欢什么、不喜欢什么、想要什么、不想要什么、对什么感到自在、对什么不自在的切入点。

Being a point of understanding what people like, what they don't like, what they want, what they don't want, what they're comfortable with, what they don't...

他们不喜欢什么。

What they're not like.

我可不要开棺那种。

Get no open casket for me.

绝对不要。

Absolutely not.

直接火化。

Cremation all the way.

你完全不想被人看到。

You don't wanna be viewed at all.

天哪。

Oh my god.

不要。

No.

那倒是挺有用的。

That's helpful.

绝对不行。

Absolutely not.

还有，在我岳父的葬礼上发生了一件事，我觉得那是我见过的最酷的事情。

And there was this thing that happened at my father in law's funeral that I thought was the coolest thing in the world that I had ever seen.

我绝对希望这样的事也能发生在我身上。

I absolutely want this to happen.

他是火化的。

He was cremated.

然后我岳母，我不知道她是不是去了eBay还是哪里，她买了所有这些小小的——你还记得那种金属的、可以拧开的胶卷盒吗？

And my mother -in-law, I don't know if she went to like eBay or whatever, she bought all of these tiny little, remember the film canisters that were metal that you would kinda screw apart?

她买了大概一百个。

She got like a 100 of them.

我脑海里就浮现出她用勺子把他的骨灰装进这些盒子的画面。

And I just had this image of her spooning his ashes into all these canisters.

在他的生命庆典上，她走出来，把这些盒子放在一个巨大的沙拉碗里。

And at his end of life celebration, she came out and had them in this huge salad bowl.

她邀请任何想要肯的一部分的人上来拿一个罐子，但有一个要求。

And she invited anyone who wanted to have a piece of Ken to come up and take a canister, but there was one requirement.

你必须把他的骨灰撒在某个地方，或者把他放在某个特定的地方。

You had to spread his ashes somewhere or keep him in a certain place.

当你这样做的时候，她要求你给她写一封信，并寄一张他所在地方的照片。

And when you did it, she requested that you write her a letter and send a photo of the place where he is.

她现在有了一本非凡的相册，记录他在世界各地的足迹。

And she now has this extraordinary photo album of him all over the world.

我们……

We...

我有一个朋友，在锦标赛的最后一晚偷偷溜进美国公开赛高尔夫球场，把他倒进了第十洞，然后那个洞被封了起来。

I have a friend that snuck onto the US Open golf course the last night of the tournament and poured him into, like, the tenth hole, and then he was sealed up.

他在海外。

He's overseas.

他还骑过自行车旅行。

He's been on bike trips.

他……

He...

你知道吗，我丈夫每次骑自行车的时候，都会带上他的小……

You know, my husband, every time he rides his bike, he puts his little...

他会带上他父亲的骨灰罐，把它塞在下面。

He takes his canister of his father and tucks it underneath.

这真是一种美好的方式，能看到他对别人意味着什么。

And it's just a beautiful way to see what he meant to other people.

这就是我想要的。

And that's what I want.

太不可思议了。

That's incredible.

是不是很酷？

Ain't that cool?

你把它写下来了吗？

Have you written it down?

没有。

No.

好的。

Okay.

那我很高兴我们现在录下来了。

Well, I'm glad now we've recorded it.

现在我们就知道了。

Now we know.

这就是你想要的。

That's what you want.

是的。

Yes.

那真是太棒了。

That is so great.

你

What do

你想要什么？

you want?

我知道你想怎么死，但你想之后发生什么？

I know how you want to die, but what do you wanna have happen after?

我想要绿色葬礼。

I want a green burial.

我想要自然葬礼。

I want a natural burial.

意思是，他们把你放在某个地方，然后点火烧了？

Meaning, they put you somewhere and light you on fire?

是这样

Is that what

吗？

that is?

不是。

No.

哦，好的。

Oh, okay.

你看，你看，我就像这样‘砰’地一下。

See, see, I went like boom.

我明白了。

I see.

好的。

Okay.

因为我觉得，嗯，那是一件很美的自然的事情。

Because I feel like, okay, that's a beautiful natural thing to do.

那确实也是一件很美很自然的事情。

It is also very beautiful natural thing.

我想被裹在一条亮粉色和橙色的生丝裹尸布里，埋在地下不超过三英尺半，也许四英尺深，这样自然分解就能发生。

I want to be in a hot pink and orange raw silk shroud no more than three and a half, maybe four feet underground so that the natural decomposition can happen.

虫子能到我身上，自然元素也能……哦，真的吗？

The bugs can get to me, the elements Oh, really?

你为什么想要那样？

Why do you want that?

我要回归大地。

I'll go back into the earth.

而且我花了很多时间，比如，把那些橘皮组织都弄掉。

Also, I spend a lot of time, like, getting all the cellulite.

虫子应该能享用。

Like, the bugs should cease.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

只要巧克力不浪费，就用它吧。

As long as the chocolate can't go to waste, let's use it.

用吧。

Let's use it.

用吧。

Let's use it.

天哪。

Oh my gosh.

我很喜欢你分享这些，而且我们要深入细节。

And I love that you're sharing this and that we're going to details.

你听的时候，想想你想要什么。

And as you're listening, think about what you want.

对。

Yes.

让自己真正反思一下。

Allow yourself to truly reflect on this.

我觉得我的女儿们一出生就开始策划她们的婚礼了。

I feel like my daughters popped into this world and they've been planning their weddings ever since.

对。

Yes.

想想自己的死亡和生命的庆祝，以及你希望它感觉如何，这很有趣，可以像婚礼一样精彩。

And it's interesting to think about your own death and celebration of your life and how you want it to feel as something that can be as amazing as wedding.

确实是这样。

Even more so.

为什么这么说呢？

Why even more so?

毕竟婚礼挺浪漫的嘛，你懂的。

Well, weddings are cute, you know.

我希望我们能多关注婚姻本身，而不是只盯着婚礼那天。

I wish that we focused more on the marriage than on the big day itself.

不过婚礼确实挺可爱的，婚礼真的很温馨。

But weddings are cute, weddings are cute.

我觉得葬礼对我来说，就像是一个漂亮的大句号。要是能真正展现这个人是谁就好了，让大家在哀悼中聚在一起，送别他/她的一生。

I think funerals to me are a nice, big, beautiful period on that sentence that really would be nice if they showed who the person was, if it really showed who the person was, you know, and people had a chance to be together in their grief around the end of this person's life.

在我那个‘优雅告别’临终关怀培训项目里，我会问所有学员：他们希望以什么样的方式离开？喜欢什么样的葬礼？或者想留下怎样的遗产等等。

I ask all the students that come through the Gone With Grace End of Life training program, what kind of death that they would like, what kind of funeral they like, or about their legacy, etcetera.

记得几年前有个学生，一直纠结于一个问题：她的身体到底属于谁？她的人生又属于谁？

And there was this one student years ago who got stuck in the question about who her body belongs to and who her life belongs to.

我觉得这想法特别有深度。

I thought it was so rich.

对，因为当时我们在讨论她的身体归谁所有，这让我开始思考，我死后这具身体会怎样。

Yeah, because when we were talking about who her body belongs to, got her thinking, got me thinking about what happens to this body after I die.

你知道你分享的那个故事吗？是在肯那里发生的吗？

You know, in this story that you shared about, is this in Ken?

说他的身体现在属于所有人，大家把它分散到了各地。

That his body now belongs to all these people and they are now spreading it everywhere.

他们想怎么处理就怎么处理。

They're doing what they want with it.

所以我们可以用我们自己的价值观，试着弄清楚自己真正关心的是什么。

And so we can use our value system, like try to figure out what do I actually, what do I care about?

你看，我关心的是死后能有足够的蛋糕给虫子吃，让它们开心。

And now you see, I care about eating enough cake so that the bugs can be happy after I die.

我是想回馈社会，你知道的。

Like I'm trying to give back, you know.

这不仅仅关乎我和我的味蕾。

It was not just about me and my taste buds.

不，这关乎地球。

No, it's about the earth.

我在努力帮助地球。

I'm trying to help the earth.

嗯，我觉得有些人在考虑是否要成为器官捐献者时会这么想，但还有更深、更丰富的方式来思考你是谁。

Well, I think some people do that when they think about whether or not they want to be an organ donor, but there's a even deeper, richer way to think about who you are.

以及你的死亡如何表达这一点。

And how that gets expressed through your death.

这就是死亡每次为我们做的事情。

That's what death does for us every single time.

关于我的工作、我的人际关系、我的爱、我如何关心自己的身体。

About my work, about my relationships, about my love, about how I care about my body.

当然也包括我死后希望如何处理它，以及我如何为此做计划。

Certainly what I want to have happen to it after I die, how I planned for it.

这就是死亡每次都能带给我们的，如果我们愿意去面对它。

That's what my death does every single time if we let it.

但我们大多数人太害怕了，甚至不敢去谈论这个话题。

But most of us are way too scared to even engage in the conversation.

根据你的经验，人们在临终时最大的遗憾是什么？

In your experience, what are the biggest regrets that people have on their deathbed?

大多数遗憾都围绕着他们如何度过时间、如何生活，以及是否活得真实。

They're mostly around how they spent their time, how they lived, about being authentic.

我希望我为自己而活，而不是为了父母、社会、伴侣或孩子，而是为了最真实的自己。

I wish I lived a life for me, not for my parents or society or my partner or my kids, but what was most authentic for me.

人们也常常后悔自己如何度过时间，比如把更多时间花在办公室，而不是去打匹克球，或者做他们真正想做的事情。

People also often regret how they spent their time, you know, spending more of it at the office or not playing pickleball or not doing the things that they really want to do with their time.

我还发现，人们后悔自己如何对待所爱的人，或者没有好好对待他们。

I also find that people regret how they showed up for the people that they loved or didn't show up for the people that they loved.

可能还有更多。

Probably more.

更多的是他们没做到的那些。

Far more how they didn't show up.

没说出口的“我爱你”和“谢谢你”，或者“请原谅我”，这是个大问题。

Not saying their I love yous and thank yous or please forgive me, that's a big one.

我经常想，有些人只有在一切都结束的时候，才找到原谅别人或者请求原谅的能力。

That's something that I think a lot about that it's only when it's over that some people find the ability to forgive or to ask for forgiveness.

对于现在正在听我们说话的人，你能直接对他们说点什么吗？基于死亡的现实，今天该做些什么，才能不带着遗憾离开？

And for somebody that's listening to us right now, could you speak directly to them about what's available today based on the reality of death and what to do today in order to not die with regrets?

我建议人们在思考自己的人生、关系和死亡时，问自己三个重要的问题：我爱过谁？

There are three big questions that I suggest people ask themselves when thinking about their lives and their relationship and their death, which is who did I love?

我是怎么爱的？

How did I love?

我有没有被爱过？

And was I loved?

这些问题，我用过去时来说，是因为我在想象一个临终的人，但这些问题现在就可以问自己，也应该现在就问。

Now these questions, I speak of them in the past tense because I'm thinking about somebody who's on their deathbed, but those questions are available for us right now and should be available to us right now.

我很少说“应该”，但这件事真的非常重要，我们得想想彼此之间的关系，还有那些还没解开的心结。

I don't say should very often, but this is one where it's wildly, wildly important for us to think about how we relate to one another and what's still sticky between us.

我经常看到临终的人，他们盼着那个神奇的时刻，希望那个因为某些事而疏远的人能来和解，但往往等不到。

Too often I see people at the deathbed where they're wishing for that, you know, magic moment where that person that they've been loving from afar because they did something or the other person did something, they're waiting for that to be reconciled and it just isn't.

我能讲个故事吗？

Can I tell you a story?

好的，请讲。

Yes, please.

几年前有个客户，她快九十岁了。

There was a client a few years ago who was in her late eighties.

她是个奶奶，她的一个孙子或孙女在场。

She was a grandma and her, one of her grandkids was there.

她有三个亲生孩子，九个孙辈，但只有一个人在场。

She'd had three biological children, nine grandchildren, and only one was there.

这个孙辈拼命赚钱，为了让奶奶住进那种六个人一间的养老院。

This one grandchild had been busting her butt to make so much money to put grandma in one of these homes where there was maybe like six people in a room.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

虽然不是什么豪华顶级的地方，但这个孩子真的为此付出了很多努力。

It was not fancy or top of the line, but this kid had worked really hard for it.

结果发现，奶奶其实是个很糟糕的家长。

Turns out grandma was a terrible parent.

她的孩子们都不愿意去那里。

Her kids didn't want to be there.

他们已经放下了，但奶奶坚持说，如果那些孩子不来跟她道别，她就不想死。

They'd made their peace, but grandma insisted that she did not want to die until those kids came to say goodbye to her.

我和那些孩子都聊过，他们都觉得已经结束了。

And I talked to all those kids and they were all done.

他们已经接受了她即将离世的事实。

They'd made their peace with her dying.

我们好不容易凑出了一封信，我说好不容易，是因为那时候她几乎说不出话了，但她还是有一些话想说。

We eked out a letter and when I say eek, I mean she was practically non verbal at this time, but there were things that she still wanted to say.

所以我们真的很努力地把这些话说出来。

So we tried really hard to get all these things out.

有些是在请求原谅，但也有一些是坚定地表示：我做了我该做的，用我该用的方式，你们这些孩子应该感恩。

Some of them were asking for forgiveness, but also some of them were staunchly, I did what I need to do and how I need to do it and you kids should be grateful.

没过多久，她就进入了临终阶段。

And she moved into active dying a very short while later.

我不知道那些信后来怎么样了。

I don't know what happened with those letters.

我不知道那些孩子有没有收到。

I don't know if those kids got them.

我不知道他们怎么想，但我知道他们为自己做了该做的事。

I don't know what they thought of them, but I know that they did what they need to do for themselves.

有时候，不是别人快死了我们就必须原谅。

Sometimes we don't have to forgive just because somebody is dying.

我们应该在别人活着的时候，说出我们对他们的真实感受。

We need to speak the truth about how we feel about people while they're living.

如果奶奶早点尝试那样做，她临终时的情况可能会不一样。

And if grandma maybe had tried that earlier, she may have been in a different position when she was dying.

哇。

Wow.

嗯，我有一个很好的朋友，她和父母疏远了好几年，她父亲刚刚去世了。

Well, I have a very good friend who's been estranged from her parents for a number of years and her father just died.

她现在感觉怎么样？

How's she feeling?

我不知道她今天感觉如何，但我只能想象她的心情一定很复杂。

I don't know how she's feeling today, but I can only imagine that her feelings are all over the place.

而且，哀悼一个你长期疏远的人，这并不会阻止你……

And mourning someone that you have been estranged from for a long time must just, it doesn't prevent you for...

就像，即使你很久没见一个人，即使你们关系不好，你仍然会哀悼他们。

Like you still grieve somebody even if you haven't seen them for a long time, even if you ended on bad terms.

所以我不知道她今天怎么样，但当我听到消息后，我告诉她，如果你想去参加葬礼，我会和你一起坐飞机去，我会去的。

And so I don't know how she's doing today, but as soon as I heard the news, I told her that if you want to go to the funeral, I will get on a plane with you, I will go.

如果你不想去参加葬礼，那也没关系。

If you do not wanna go to the funeral, that is okay too.

如果你需要有人陪，我会来支持你。

I will come and support you if you want somebody to be there.

她感谢了我，说这对她意义重大，我只是觉得想做点什么，所以决定以我和我丈夫的名义送她一束漂亮的花。

And she thanked me and said, you have no idea how much that means and I just felt like I wanted to do something and so I decided to send her just a beautiful arrangement of flowers from my husband and I.

我反复想了很久很久，卡片上该写些什么。

And I thought and thought and thought and thought and thought about what to put on the card.

所以我写了这句话：永远不要忘记，你和父亲断绝关系，不是因为你不再爱他，而是因为你足够爱自己，知道自己值得被更好地对待。

And so I put this, never forget you cut ties with your father, not because you didn't love him, but because you loved yourself enough to know you deserve to be treated better.

你又得了A+吗？

Did you get another A plus?

太厉害了。

That is incredible.

真棒。

That's so good.

那太好了。

That's so good.

我从这件事里听到的是，她做的那个选择得到了进一步的肯定。我觉得特别重要的是，我们要记住，一个人快要去世了，并不意味着我们就得把之前的一切都推翻。

What I'm hearing from that is the reinforcement of the choice that she made And what I think is wildly important is that we remember just because somebody is dying doesn't mean that we then have to undo all the things.

这并不会让他们突然又变成好人。

It doesn't make them a great person anymore.

这并不会让他们对我们来说又变成好人。

It doesn't make them a great person for us anymore.

我觉得重要的是，我们要如实说出一个人在世时和去世后的真实样子。

I think it's important that we tell the truth about who people are when they were living and after they die.

他们说出真相，我们也说出他们对我们的真实影响。

They tell the truth, we tell the truth about their impact on us.

这些不会因为他们去世了就改变。

It doesn't change because they died.

如果我们把去世的人捧成圣人，那就会让那些没有这样经历他们的人，他们的悲伤被边缘化，被忽视。

And when we make people saints after they died, it marginalizes, it disenfranchises the grief of those people that didn't experience them like that.

你知道吗？

You know?

就像人们仍然需要为复杂的关系而悲伤。

It's like people still have to grieve complicated relationships.

即使他们因为选择离开而几十年没见父母，他们仍然需要悲伤。

They still have to grieve when they haven't seen their parent in decades because they chose to step away.

有时候在我看来，疗愈就是这样。

And sometimes to me, healing looks like that.

它可能不是说出原谅，而是做出选择，并在内心与自己和解。

It doesn't look like maybe speaking the forgiveness, it looks like making a choice and reconciling it within ourselves.

这很沉重。

That's a lot.

确实很重大。

It's big.

在我们经历悲伤时，你对我们所有人有什么建议？

What advice do you have for all of us as we experience grief?

你觉得悲伤这个过程是怎么样的？我觉得它好像永远不会消失。

Like how do you think about the process of grieving, which I don't think ever leaves?

对，它不会消失。

No, it doesn't leave.

它只是换了一种形式。

It just changes form.

你知道吗，每次想到我姐夫，我还是会情绪激动，不管是想他还是说起他。到现在已经快十一年了，到十二月就满十一年了。

You know, when I think about my brother-in-law, I still get emotional thinking and talking about him and it's been, it'll be eleven years since December.

你能跟我们讲讲彼得吗？

Can you tell us about Peter?

哦，我很乐意。

Oh, I would love to.

彼得是我姐姐的丈夫，博斯玛街。

Peter was my older sister's husband, Bosma St.

约翰，作为她的丈夫。

John, as her husband.

我很爱彼得。

And I loved Peter.

他是我唯一的大哥，我没有哥哥。

He was the only big brother I had, I didn't have one.

我是他的小弟，因为他是家里七个孩子中最小的，在我出现之前，他没有人可以管。

And I was his younger sibling because he was the youngest of seven and didn't have anybody he could exercise dominion over until I came around.

彼得很外向。

Peter was gregarious.

他很搞笑，而且非常非常聪明，可能和我一样固执、自以为是，这导致我们经常吵架，因为他骨子里很保守，而我不是。

He was silly and really, really smart and probably just as stubborn and self righteous as I am, which made for a lot of butting heads because he was really conservative in nature and I am not.

所以我们经常为了死刑、素食主义、纯素食主义，还有各种事情争论不休。

And so we just go to war over the death penalty and vegetarianism and veganism and just anything.

尽管我们有分歧，但我们相处得非常好，而且我陪他走到了生命的尽头。

We got along really, really well despite our challenges and I got to support him in his death.

他知道自己会死吗，还是意外？

Did he know it was coming or was it an accident?

他知道自己快不行了。

He knew it was coming.

时间不长。

It wasn't long.

他六月被诊断出伯基特淋巴瘤，到十月医生就说没法再治了。

He got diagnosed with Burkitt's lymphoma in June and by October they said they couldn't treat him anymore.

所以过程很快，但他心里多少有数。

So it was fast, but it was there was some awareness it was coming.

虽然医生从没明说他快不行了。

Even though the doctors never never said he was dying.

他们只是说没法再治疗了。

They said they couldn't treat him anymore.

对一个满心希望他能活下去的人来说，我没听出那是临终的意思。

And that for somebody who was wishing, hoping with all hope that he would live, I did not hear that he was dying.

我只听到他们不再给他治疗了。

I heard that they weren't going to treat him.

我的大脑可能已经接受了这个事实，但我的身体、我的灵魂、我的内心却不愿意听，不愿意接受。

My brain maybe made the jump of my body, my spirit, my insides didn't want to hear it, didn't want to receive that.

他当时多大年纪？

How old was he?

他43岁。

He was 43.

你在你那本美丽的书《短暂而完美的人》中写到了他的离世。

You write about his death in your beautiful book, Briefly Perfectly Human.

你介意给我们读一下那段吗？在第53页。

Would you mind reading us that passage on, it's on page 53.

我会尽力而为。

I'll do my best though.

好的。

Okay.

像无数次之前那样，我坐在彼得的脚边，我经常用富含水分的溶液按摩他的脚，防止它们开裂。

As I'd done countless times before, I took my position at Peter's feet, which I'd regularly massaged with moisture rich solution to prevent them from cracking.