如何放下不再适合你的事物

嘿，我是你的朋友梅尔，欢迎收听梅尔·罗宾斯播客。

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

嘿，我是梅尔。

Hey, it's Mel.

你可能能听到我脚下沙沙作响的落叶声。

And you can probably hear the leaves are ruffling beneath my feet.

我正在外面散步。

I'm on a walk outside.

真是太美了。

It is glorious.

满眼都是黄色、橙色和红色。

It's yellow and orange and red.

佛蒙特州南部的秋天来了。

It's fall in Southern Vermont.

树叶正在变色。

The leaves are changing.

真希望你现在就在我身边，能亲眼看到这一切。

I just wish you were here with me right now to see this.

当我想到你，想到今天这么美，我特别喜欢这个季节，这让我想起了一期节目，那是在秋天录的，当时我在户外爬山，因为季节更替、树叶变色让我特别受启发，我当时就在讲如何放下那些不再适合你的东西。

And as I was thinking about you and how beautiful it is today, I love this time of year, it reminded me of this episode that I taped during the fall outside while I was climbing a mountain because I get so inspired when the seasons change and the leaves change as I was talking about how to let go of what no longer serves you.

我觉得那期节目特别有意思，讲的是季节更替，树木会落叶，生活也是如此。

And I just thought, you know, that was such a fun episode to talk about how seasons change and trees let go of their leaves and life is like that.

事实上，可能你也有一些东西需要放下，一些不再适合你的东西。

In fact, there's probably something that you need to let go of, something that no longer serves you.

也许你今天没有时间去远足或者散步。

And maybe today you haven't had time to go on a hike or a walk.

那不如跟我一起去爬山吧？

So how about you come on a hike with me?

我们来聊聊季节的变化如何激励你改变生活中的一些事情，放下那些不再适合你的东西。

And let's talk about how the changing seasons can inspire you to change some things in your life and let go of the stuff stuff that no longer serves you.

所以，在我们优秀的赞助商简短发言之后，我们就开始节目，到时候我们在山路上见。

So after this short word from our amazing sponsors, we'll start the show, and I'll see you on the trail.

今天在梅尔·罗宾斯播客里，我要带你去跟我一起远足。

Today on the Mel Robbins Podcast, I'm gonna take you on a hike with me.

今天让我感触很深的一个主题是，因为现在是清爽的秋日，我们南佛蒙特州这里的树都开始变色、落叶了。

The theme that is hitting me today, because it's a crisp fall day is how the trees around us here in Southern Vermont, they're all starting to change colors and drop their leaves.

在小径上，各种叶子都已经落到了地上。

And on the trail, all kinds of leaves have now fallen to the ground.

这让我想到，在改变或改善生活时，我们很少谈论的一个大主题是：为了改变，你生活中需要让什么枯萎、掉落、落到地上？

And it makes me think about the fact that one big theme that we don't talk enough about when it comes to change or improving your life is what do you need to let wither away and fall away and drop to the ground in your life in order to change?

这就是我们今天要聊的内容。

And that's what we're gonna talk about today.

放下一些东西，为新事物的萌芽腾出空间。

Letting things go to make room for new things to spring.

我可能得在录音室里继续这期节目了，因为我在小径上喘得这么厉害，你根本听不清我说的话。

I might have to continue this episode in the studio given that I am huffing and puffing so much on this trail that you're not gonna be able to hear the words coming out of my mouth.

好了。

Alright.

首先，我想感谢你的耐心，因为我知道我答应带你去徒步，不只是开始徒步。

Well, first, I wanna thank you for your patience with me because I know I promised to take you on the hike, not just start a hike with you.

但显然，关于放手这个话题，我有很多想说的。

But clearly, I got a lot that I wanna unpack here about letting go.

而且，我也需要多锻炼，才能一边说话一边徒步。

And so, and I got I got a lot I also need to do to get in better shape to be able to talk and hike at the same time.

其实，你知道吗？

Actually, you know what?

我现在就决定，不再苛责自己。

I'm gonna commit right now to letting go of making myself wrong.

干得好，梅尔·罗宾斯，你迈出了这一步。

Good job, Mel Robbins, for getting out there.

干得好，尝试了一集边走边聊，还用iPhone录音的节目。

Good job for trying out an episode where I would be walking and talking and recording it on my iPhone.

干得好，你意识到，把放手这个重要话题讲清楚，对你来说听感更好，对我来说体验也更好。

And good job for having the presence of mind to realize it would be a better listening experience for you and a better experience for me to unpack this really important topic of letting go.

你怎么放下那些不再对你有用的东西？

How do you let go of what no longer serves you?

我得说，我经常被问到这个问题。

I gotta say, I get questions about this all the time.

事实上，就在昨天，我收到了谢丽尔的这个问题。

In fact, just yesterday, I got this question from Cheryl.

梅尔，你怎么知道你现在坚持的东西是该放手，还是应该更努力去争取？

Mel, how do you know that the thing you're holding onto is meant to be let go of versus fighting for it even harder?

你有什么想法或者工具可以帮助发现这一点，或者促使宇宙带来那个顿悟吗？

Do you have any thoughts or perhaps tools to help discover it or encourage the universe to bring that epiphany along?

换句话说，我怎么知道什么时候该放手？

In other words, how do I know when it's time to let go?

好了，各位。

Alright, everybody.

准备好了。

Get ready.

因为这正是创造更好生活、成为更快乐的人最关键的一点。

Because this is one of the most important aspects of creating a better life and of being a happier person.

我们花了太多时间想着要做什么、要增加什么、要改变什么。

We spend so much time focusing on what we need to do, what we need to add in, what we need to change.

但你有没有停下来想过，最好的改变方式其实是放下那些不再对你有益的事情、项目、思维模式，还有关系。

And have you stopped to consider that the best place to make a change is by letting go of things, of projects, of thinking patterns, of relationships that no longer serve you.

而最大的问题就是：怎么做？

And the big question is how?

你怎么知道什么时候该放手？

How do you know when it's time?

我不仅有一个绝妙的视觉比喻来帮你理解这个概念，还有一个非常有意思的方法来应对这个问题。

And I have got not only a fantastic visual metaphor to help you understand this concept, but I also have a really interesting way to approach this.

我们会聊到，你的能量和直觉总是在提醒你，什么时候该放下某样东西，因为它已经不再为你服务了。

We're gonna talk about the fact that your energy and your intuition is always there to tell you when it's time to let something go because it no longer serves you.

那么，要进入这个话题，我想先介绍这个比喻。

So to get into this topic, I want to introduce the metaphor.

这个比喻就是我们一起徒步时我开始讲的那个。

And it was the metaphor I had started talking about as we were on that hike together.

至少在美国，现在是秋天。

Here in The United States anyways, it is autumn.

是秋季。

It is the fall season.

到处都是南瓜的元素。

We are all about pumpkins.

我们正处于收获的季节。

We are in harvest time.

到处都是玉米秆。

There are cornstalks everywhere.

我们正准备迎接橙色、红色这些美丽的颜色，还有胡萝卜蛋糕。

We're getting ready for orange and red and all those amazing colors and carrot cake.

我喜欢这个时节。

I mean, I love this time of year.

我也知道，你那里可能不是秋天。

And I realize it may not be fall where you are.

如果你是我们遍布全球的粉丝，在地球的另一边，现在可能是夏天。

If you're, you know, part of our global fan base halfway around the world, it's summertime.

别纠结我用秋天作比喻这件事。

Don't get hung up on the fact that I'm using fall as a metaphor.

我个人相信，无论你什么时候听这期节目，哪怕是两年后，你现在听就是因为你注定要在现在听到。

I personally believe whenever it is that you are listening to this episode, even if it's two years from now, you're listening to this right now because you are meant to hear it right now.

因为你的生活需要一个新季节的开始，而这需要你放下那些不再对你有用的东西。

Because there is a new season that needs to start in your life, and that's going to require you to let go of things that no longer serve you.

所以，我们来聊聊秋天来临时，树会发生什么变化这个比喻。

And so let's talk about the metaphor of what happens to a tree when the fall season hits.

我为了你专门研究了这个，因为光给你讲个比喻是一回事，真正理解并解释清楚又是另一回事。

And in researching this for you, because, you know, it's one thing to just kinda tell you a metaphor, it's another thing to really understand it and explain it.

这真的很有意思。

This was fascinating.

我知道我们在小学学过叶绿素、秋天和树木的生命周期，但这些内容我大部分都忘了。

I know we learned about chlorophyll and fall and the life cycle of a tree in elementary school, but I had forgotten most of this stuff.

所以，听好了。

So check this out.

树有叶子的原因是因为树需要能量才能生存。

The reason why a tree has leaves is because the tree needs energy to survive.

它需要能量来生长。

It needs energy to grow.

而叶子有一个非常特殊的作用。

And the leaves have a very particular purpose.

叶子是用来吸收阳光并将其转化为能量，这样树才能生长。

The leaves are there to take the sunlight and convert it to energy so that the tree can grow.

作为交换，树会向这些叶子提供大量的水分。

And in exchange, the tree gives a ton of water back to these leaves.

这个过程就是叶子发芽、生长，利用它的表面积将阳光转化为能量，让树从一颗小小的橡子长成参天橡树。

I mean, this process of the leaves sprouting and the leaves growing and the leaves taking its surface area and converting the sun into energy so the tree can go from a tiny little acorn to a mighty oak.

那需要很多能量。

That is a lot of energy.

树和叶子之间的关系是相互的，因为树必须吸收大量的水来维持这种能量交换。

And there's this reciprocal nature to the relationship that a tree has to its leaves because the tree has to bring in tons of water in order to fuel this energy exchange.

这就是树叶从树上掉下来的原因。

And here's the reason why leaves fall off a tree.

在隆冬时节，至少在美国这里，当地面结冰、上面覆盖着积雪时，树就没有水了。

In the middle of winter, at least here in The United States, when the ground is frozen and snowpack is on top, there is no water for the tree.

如果那些叶子带着它们又大又平的表面在冬天还留在树上，叶子就会把树害死。

And if those leaves with their big flat surface were to stay on that tree through winter, the leaves would kill the tree.

它们会把树所需的水分全部吸干。

It would suck the tree dry of all the water that it needs.

秋天有趣的一点是，我们看到叶子变色，看到叶子轻轻飘落，觉得这是一件很美的事情。

An interesting thing about fall is that, you know, we look at the leaves turning, and we look at the leaves dropping gently and falling down to the ground as this beautiful thing that happens.

一件自然发生的事情。

This natural thing that happens.

真是太美了。

It's so lovely.

简直太棒了。

It's just wonderful.

这难道不令人愉悦吗？

Isn't this delightful?

你想知道这其实几乎像是一种暴力行为吗？

Do you wanna know that this is almost like a violent act?

树正在把那些叶子从树枝上推掉。

That the trees are pushing those leaves off its branches.

树基本上在说，喂，如果你整个冬天都挂在我的树枝上，你会把我所有的能量都吸干的。

The tree is basically going, yo, if you are hanging around on my branches through the wintertime, you are going to suck me dry of all my energy.

如果你不从我该死的树枝上离开，我就会死。

I am going to die if you don't get off my freaking branches.

树真的把它们推开，把它们弹出去，把它们踢出它们的生命。

The tree literally pushes them, ejects them, kicks them out of their life.

为什么？

Why?

因为冬天的时候，能量没法互相交换。

Because there is no reciprocal energy exchange that can happen during the winter.

树必须保存能量才能活下去。

The tree has to conserve its energy to survive.

冬天过后，叶子掉了，树就能保存能量，而不是把能量全给叶子，把自己耗死。我敢打赌，你生活中也有这样的地方，你把所有精力都投入到一段关系、工作，或者某种让你难受了好多年的思维模式里。

And after the winter season, once those leaves are gone and the tree can conserve its energy instead of giving it all to that leaf while killing itself, I bet you got areas of your life where you're given all your energy into a relationship or into your work or into some stupid thinking pattern that you've been doing for years that makes you feel bad.

你把所有精力都放在一个方向上。

You put all your energy in one direction.

却什么也得不到。

You get nothing in return.

这就是树在秋天的经历。

That's what fall is for a tree.

对树来说，秋天就是：谢谢春天和夏天。

The fall season for a tree is, thank you very much for spring and summer.

你太棒了。

You were amazing.

叶子和树之间的这种关系，是相互的。

This relationship between the leaf and the tree, this was reciprocal.

你从我这里获得能量。

You got energy from me.

我也从你那里获得能量。

I got energy from you.

就这么简单。

Bada bing, bada boom.

然后突然之间，砰。

And then all of a sudden, boom.

这变成单向的了，如果我还抓着这些叶子不放，我就会死。

This is a one way thing and if I hold onto these leaves, I'm gonna die.

我会死的。

I'm gonna die.

我要把这个比喻、这个画面，还有这个有据可查的观点带给大家——这不仅仅是叶子变色、美不胜收、然后大家都喝南瓜拿铁那种美好的事情。

And I'm bringing that metaphor and that visual and that documented point of view that this isn't just some lovely thing where the leaves, you know, change colors and it's so beautiful and now we all drink a pumpkin spice latte.

不是这样的。

That's not what this is.

这是树的生存之道。

This is a tree's survival.

这是关于能量的。

This is about energy.

这是关于一个事实：为了成长，为了变得强大，为了成为最好的自己，你需要让自己周围的关系、工作、项目、友谊和习惯，都是平等互惠的，你付出，也能得到回报。

This is about the fact that in order to grow, in order to be strong, to be the best you, you gotta surround yourself with relationships and work and projects and friendships and habits where there is an equal reciprocal exchange that you give and you get in return.

这就是我想让你理解“放手”这个概念时的起点。

And that's where we're gonna start when it comes to how I want you to think about this concept of letting go.

我们要讨论的是，如何识别那个能量交换不再发生的时刻，也就是某件事已经完全变成了一个能量黑洞。

We're gonna talk about how to identify that moment when there is no longer that energy exchange, that there is something that has become a complete energy suck.

当你意识到——无论是友谊、爱情、工作、习惯，还是你住的地方——当你意识到某件事已经变成了你的能量黑洞，那就是你知道该放手的时候了。

And when you realize, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship or a job or some habit or a place that you live, when you realize that something has become an energy suck on you, that's when you know it's time to let go.

这时候你就该知道，像那棵树一样，最好把那东西从你的枝头上甩掉，因为它缠着你，或者你抓着它不放。

That's when you know, like that tree, that you better kick that thing off your branches because it's hanging on to you or you're holding on to it.

如果你一直这样，会发生什么？你生活中肯定经历过，有些东西你抓得太久，就是不肯放手。

If you keep doing that, what will happen, and you've had this happen in your life where you've held on to things for too long, where you refuse to let things go.

结果呢？

And what did it do?

它把你榨干了。

It sucked you dry.

它把你的精力都榨干了。

It sucked you dry of your energy.

它把你的活力都榨干了。

It sucked you dry of your vitality.

让你感觉精疲力尽。

It made you feel depleted.

而不是让那些叶子、那个项目或那个人枯萎掉落，好让你恢复力量，好让你进入人生的新阶段？

Instead of those leaves or that project or that person withering away falling to the ground so that you could regain your strength, so that you could step into a new season of your life?

不。

No.

你把一切都给了他们。

You gave it all to them.

你坚持了太久。

You held on for too long.

那又怎样？

Well, what?

这种情况不会再发生了，因为我们从赞助商那里简短插播回来后要讨论的内容，我希望你们认真听，因为顺便说一句，我们的赞助商，他们是我能每周出现两次的原因。

That's not happening anymore because what we're going to talk about when we come back from a short word from our sponsors, which I want you to listen to because by the way, our sponsors, they're the reason why I can show up twice a week.

我们之间有一种互惠的交换。

There is a reciprocal exchange between us.

他们真的为这个节目买单，这就是为什么我对它如此热情。

They literally pay for this show, which is why I'm so enthusiastic about it.

这样我们就可以免费向全世界发布这个节目。

So we can put this out there around the world for free.

所以我想把这份能量回馈给《梅尔·罗宾斯播客》的赞助商们，他们太棒了。

So I want to give an energy exchange back to the amazing sponsors of The Mel Robbins Podcast.

来听听吧。

Take a listen.

我们马上回来，因为接下来我们要详细聊聊，我说的“能量互换”到底是什么意思？

We're going be right back because we're going to now talk about in detail, what do I mean by reciprocal energy exchange?

还有，你生活中哪些主要方面容易变成单向付出，你一直在付出能量，最后自己却精疲力竭、被掏空？

And where are the major areas in your life where you tend to start to have this be a one way thing, where you're given all the energy and you're the one that's depleted and dry?

好了，我马上回来。

All right, I'll be right back.

你先抓住我的树枝。

You hang on to my branches.

我们还没说完呢。

We're not done yet.

现在这里特别绿，说明这些树还在拼命吸收水分。

It's really green right now, which means these trees are holding on to it.

叶绿素。

Chlorophyll.

叶绿素还在，但用不了几天，叶子上的绿色就会褪去。

That chlorophyll is coming through, but in literally a matter of days, the green is gonna leave those leaves.

黄色、橙色、红色、棕色、紫色，这些颜色会占据主导，而那些叶子也就完成了它们的使命。

Yellow, orange, red, brown, purple, it's gonna take over, and those leaves will have served their purpose.

然后它们会突然枯萎，飘落在地上。

And they will, all of a sudden, wither away and fall to the ground.

刚才那是梅尔·罗宾斯，你那位拥有植物学学位的朋友。

That was Mel Robbins, your friend who has a degree in botany.

不是啦。

No.

开玩笑的。

Just kidding.

我想谈谈我在小路上说的一个点。

I wanna touch on one point from what I said on the trail.

在我们进入这个能量交换，以及你如何运用直觉，还有你值得拥有一种交换，一种你付出和回报之间的互惠关系之前，我想谈谈我说过的一件事，那就是叶子完成了它们的使命。

Before we get into this energy exchange and how you're gonna use your intuition and the fact that you deserve to have an exchange, a reciprocal nature to what you give and what you receive back from it, I wanna talk about one thing that I said, which is the leaves served their purpose.

当叶子是绿色的时候，它们在为树提供能量，而树则以水的形式回馈能量。

When the leaves are green, the leaves are bringing energy to the tree, and the tree is returning energy in the form of water.

叶子开始变色的原因，是因为树开始收回。

The reason why the leaves start to change is because the tree starts to pull back.

树开始减少输送给叶子的水量。

The tree starts pulling back on the amount of water that is sending to the leaves.

树开始放手了。

The tree is starting to let go.

叶子不再有用了，这一点很重要。

The leaf no longer serves a purpose, and this is an important thing to say.

因为我们常常难以放手，无论是友谊、习惯还是工作。

Because so often we have trouble letting go of friendships, of habits, of jobs.

但我想让你关注的是，当某样东西在你的生活中起到作用时，那是一件很棒的事情。

But what I want you to focus on is that when something has a purpose in your life, that's an amazing thing.

而且，某样东西在特定时期有它的作用，但现在在你的人生中，或者在你想要创造的生活里，它不再起作用了，这也是很正常的。

And it's also normal for something to serve a purpose during a specific period of time and to no longer serve a purpose in your life now or in the life you want to create.

所以，当你承认一段友谊曾经有过它的意义时——一个很好的例子就是，你知道，每当你换新工作、搬家或者搬到另一个城市，你生活中的模式突然就变了，你的朋友关系也跟着变了。

And so when you honor that a friendship served a purpose, and a really good example of this is, you know how whenever you have a new job, or you move an apartment, or you move to a city, that all of a sudden the patterns in your life change, and your friendships change.

你的朋友关系之所以会变，是因为你现在做的事情不一样了，所以你遇到的人也不一样了。

And your friendships change because now you're doing different things, so you're bumping into different people.

这并不意味着你和以前一起工作的朋友不再是朋友了，但那些在工作时交的朋友，在你人生的那个阶段，确实扮演了一个特别重要的角色。

It doesn't mean that you're no longer friends with the people that you used to hang out with at work, but the friends that you had at work served a particular important purpose during that period of your life.

当时你们之间有一种对等的、相互的交流。

There was an equal exchange back and forth.

你付出的，也得到了回报。

What you gave, you received back.

这就是为什么你每天都和同样的人一起吃午饭。

It's why you ate lunch with the same people every day.

你享受和他们在一起，他们也享受和你在一起。

You enjoyed them, and they enjoyed you.

但现在你住在别的地方了，把大量精力投入到那段关系里，却得不到同样的回报，那就不再起到同样的作用了。

But now that you live somewhere else, putting a ton of energy back into that relationship when you're not gonna get the same back, it doesn't serve the same purpose.

所以当你放下友谊的时候，你也要放下对自己的评判，比如觉得自己有问题，是不是做错了什么，还有没有朋友。

And that's why when you let go of friendships, you also need to let go of the judgment on yourself like there's something wrong with me, and am I doing something wrong, and do I have any friends?

你当然有朋友。

Of course you have friends.

只是你生活的模式变了。

The patterns of your life have changed.

你把精力放在别处，因为你在别处获得能量。

You're putting energy somewhere else because you're getting energy from somewhere else.

这是生命的自然循环。

This is the natural cycle of life.

这也是人际关系的自然循环。

It's the natural cycle of relationships.

我发现，当你真正尊重那些需要放手的东西时，无论是你不再喜欢的工作，还是你不想再住的房子，或者是不常联系的友谊，又或者是一些习惯。

And I find that when you really honor the things that you need to let go of, whether it's a job you no longer like, or a house you no longer want to live in, or a friendship you don't see very often, or maybe it's some habit.

也许是你以前的一些习惯。

Maybe it's some habit that you used to have.

所以当你说某件事有意义时，你其实是在尊重它。

So when you say something serves a purpose, you actually honor.

你尊重它曾经带给你的能量。

You honor the energy it used to give you.

你尊重你曾经投入其中的事实。

You honor the fact that you put something into it.

你也尊重不是所有东西都会永远留在你生活中这个事实。

And you also honor the fact that not everything is gonna be in your life forever.

正是这一点让你能够放手。

And that's what allows you to let go.

当你意识到紧抓着不放会阻碍你前进时，你开始放手。

You start to let go when you realize that holding onto things is holding you back.

尤其是，你背负着内疚和自我评判，觉得你应该怎样，但我感到内疚，但这个，那个，这些肯定阻碍了你创造新生活，也阻碍了你为新事物腾出空间。

And in particular, holding onto the guilt and the judgment that you layer onto yourself that you should, but I feel guilty, but this, but that, that is definitely holding you back from creating a new life and from creating space for something new to happen.

你看，这就是为什么你必须学会放手的原因之一。

And see, that's one of the reasons why you have to learn how to let go.

因为当你继续把精力投入到那些不再给你回报的事情上时，这会毁了你。

Because when you continue to pour your energy into things that no longer give you energy back, it's gonna kill you.

这会扼杀你的快乐。

It's gonna kill your happiness.

这会扼杀你的活力。

It's gonna kill your vitality.

它会摧毁你的动力。

It destroys your motivation.

它会让你感到精疲力尽。

It makes you feel depleted.

它会让你觉得自己永远排在最后。

It makes you feel like you're the last on your list.

所以，这就是第一个原因。

And so that's reason number one.

第二个你必须学会放下那些对你不好的东西的原因，是因为只要你一直抓着旧的东西不放，你就没有时间、没有空间、也没有动力去创造新的东西。

And the second reason why you have to start to let go of what doesn't serve you is because as long as you are holding on to the old stuff, you have no time, no space, and no motivation to create anything new.

就是这样。

Period.

你自己也明白这一点。

And you know this.

那我们现在就来看看具体怎么做。

So let's now jump into how.

我怎么利用这种能量交换和我的直觉，去发现那些正在耗尽我的东西，然后把它们放下，把它们从树枝上推下去，让它们离开我的生活，感谢它们曾经的意义和贡献，但然后就让它们走，因为你需要为新的、更好的、更有活力的东西腾出空间。

How do I use this energy exchange and my intuition to spot the things that are draining me dry and to let them go, push them off the branches, get them out of my life, thank them for their purpose and their service, but then get out of here because you need to make room for something new and better and energizing.

听起来是不是很棒？

Doesn't that sound good?

是的，你最好相信这听起来很棒。

Yeah, you better believe it sounds good.

那我们就开始吧。

So let's do it.

我希望你真正关注能量的原因之一，是因为你的能量不会说谎。

And one of the reasons why I want you to really focus on energy is because your energy doesn't lie.

花点时间想一想。

Just take a second.

不管你现在是在外面遛狗，还是开车到处跑，还是在家工作，或者正忙着做一堆事情。

Whether you're out there walking the dog or you're driving around in your car or you're working from home or you're busy doing a bunch of stuff.

我希望你停下来片刻。

I want you to just stop for a second.

然后现在就评估一下。

And I want you to assess right now.

你的能量水平怎么样？

What's your energy level?

想想汽车里的油表。

Think about a fuel gauge in a car.

从空到满。

Empty to full.

对人来说，空意味着你感到精疲力竭，感到疲惫不堪，感到心不在焉，感觉你的整个生活基本上都在把精力倾注到其他所有事情上。

Empty in a human being means you feel depleted, you feel burnt out, you feel checked out, you feel like your whole life is basically pouring energy into everything else.

对人来说，满基本上意味着你充满活力，感到兴奋。

Full in a human being basically means that you're energized, you're excited.

你觉得你投入的事情，你的习惯，你的日常，你身边的人，你正在做的项目，可能很困难，但也在给你的生活带回能量。

You feel like the things that you're pouring yourself into, your habits, your routine, the people you're surrounded with, the projects you're working on, it may be difficult but it's bringing energy back into your life too.

你的能量永远不会说谎。

Your energy never lies.

我们是充满能量的人类。

We are energetic human beings.

我知道这听起来有点玄乎。

And I know that sounds woo woo.

我们可以在另一期节目里深入探讨神经科学，但让我先证明给你看。

We can get into the neuroscience on that on a totally different episode, but let me prove it to you.

你有没有走进过一家咖啡店，而柜台后面的那个人正经历着世界上最糟糕的一天。

Have you ever walked into say a coffee shop and the person that is behind the counter is having the world's worst day.

他们特别暴躁。

They are super grumpy.

不管你笑得有多灿烂。

It doesn't matter how big your smile is.

不管你有多友善。

It doesn't matter how nice you are.

他们的那种能量真的会影响到你。

They are like that energy actually impacts you.

就像你的正能量也能影响到别人一样。

Just like your positive energy can impact somebody else.

那如果第二天早上你走进咖啡店，正好赶上你心情不好呢？

And what if the very next morning you walk into the coffee shop and you're having a bad day.

比如你的宠物病得很重，让你特别难过，情绪非常低落。

Like one of your pets is really sick and it just is really bumming you out and you're feeling really low.

而柜台后面的那个人却是全世界最友善的人。

And the person behind the counter is just the nicest person on the planet.

他们看着你的眼睛，给你一个大大的微笑，他们非常开心，还夸你，甚至可能会问你，嘿，你还好吗？

And they look you in the eyes and they give you a big smile and they are really cheery and they compliment you and they maybe even ask you, hey, how are you doing?

你会说，我其实不太好。

You're like, I'm not doing so great.

你会说，哦，真的很抱歉。

You're like, oh, I'm really sorry.

这杯咖啡我请了。

Coffee's on me.

你感觉怎么样？

How do you feel?

你会感觉好多了，因为他们把正能量传递给了你，让你振作起来。

You feel better because they poured their positive energy into you and that lifted you up.

能量是会传染的，最重要的是，当你和你的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯在一起时，我会教你开始注意它，我会教你信任它。

Energy is contagious, and most importantly, when you hang out with your friend Mel Robbins, I'm gonna teach you to start to pay attention to it, and I'm gonna teach you to trust it.

因为能量也和直觉有关。

Because energy is also tied to intuition.

那你怎么判断呢？

And how do you assess?

某件事是不是在给你正能量？

Is something giving me positive energy?

某件事是不是在给你负能量？

Is something giving me negative energy?

这段关系是不是单向的？

Is this a relationship that is one way?

还是说这件事能给你带来回报？

Or is this something that gives me something in return?

能量从来不会说谎。

Energy always tells the truth.

它就像指南针一样。

It's like a compass.

其实，指南针就是靠磁力运转的。

In fact, a compass runs on magnetic energy.

这就是为什么指南针总是指向正北。

That's why a compass always points true north.

它从不撒谎。

It never lies.

你的能量也不会撒谎。

Your energy doesn't lie either.

这就是为什么你在某些人身边会感觉不太对劲。

It's why you feel kinda off around certain people.

这就是为什么如果有人给你发短信而你不喜欢他们，你会觉得，哎。

It's why if somebody texts you and you don't like them, you're like, ugh.

但如果你喜欢那个人，你会觉得，哦，太好了。

But if you like the person, you're like, oh yeah, cool.

能量从不撒谎。

Energy never lies.

所以让我们谈谈怎么利用它，好吗？

So let's talk about how we're gonna use it, okay?

所以我要把“放手”这个话题分成两种情况来谈。

So I'm going to break the topic of letting go into two different types of situations.

在每一种情况里，我都会解释怎么利用能量，怎么留意你内心的能量——包括你发出的、你感受到的，以及你接收回来的——从而知道什么时候该放手。

And in each one, I'm gonna explain how to use energy and paying attention to the energy inside you, both that you're giving, that you're feeling, and that you're receiving back, in order to know when it's time to let go.

第一种情况特别简单。

So situation number one is super easy.

这种情况通常涉及项目、工作，或者某个行为特别恶劣、特别有毒的人。

And this is typically when it has to do with projects, or a job, or somebody who's like really, really engaging in toxic behavior.

明白吗？

Okay?

这是容易处理的部分。

This is the easy stuff.

这种情况就是当你周围充满负面情绪的时候。

This is when you have a flood of negativity around something.

我会给你举一堆例子，好吗？

And I'm gonna give you a bunch of examples of this, okay?

我们都有那么一条裤子，从高中或者怀孕前就一直留着，现在根本穿不进去了。

So we all have a pair of pants that we're holding onto from high school or before we were pregnant or whenever that we can't freaking fit into.

你盯着那条裤子的时候，就会想起自己穿不进去。

When you stare at those things, you're reminded that you can't fit in them.

你试着把它套上去，尤其是刚洗完澡的时候，你会觉得自己特别糟糕。

When you try to wiggle them on, especially after a shower, you feel terrible about yourself.

这就是一个例子。

That is something that is an example.

你需要放下它。

You need to let go of it.

那份工作，你走进去就觉得心里堵得慌，跟朋友抱怨，把所有精力都花在讨厌它、抗拒它上，你需要找份新工作。

That job that you walk into where there is a pit in your stomach and you gripe about it to your friends and you spend all this energy pouring into why you hate it and resist it, you need to find another job.

那个朋友，整天只知道八卦、翻白眼、拖你后腿，对你影响真的很坏，你需要远离他们。

That friend that does nothing but gossip and roll their eyes and drag you down and literally is such a bad influence on you, you need to let them go.

那意味着什么呢？

And what does that mean?

那得看你自己。

Well, that depends on you.

裤子肯定得捐掉。

Donate the pants for sure.

把抱怨工作的精力用来找新工作吧。

Start redirecting your energy from complaining about your job to looking for a new one.

想象一下。

I mean, just imagine.

这是另一回事。

That's the other thing about this.

你知道你浪费了多少精力和时间在抱怨和抗拒上吗？

Do you know how much energy and time and effort you waste focusing on resistance and and complaining.

如果你一天不抱怨那些让你负能量的事，比如工作、父母、男朋友、女朋友或者室友，你会怎么样？

If you were to just stop complaining for a day about something that gives you negative energy, like your job or your parents or your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your roommates, What if you stopped complaining?

因为那是负能量在往外泄，如果你把同样的精力用在积极的事情上。

Because that's negative energy pouring out, and you directed that same effort towards something positive.

比如去解决它，或者放下它，然后创造一些让你感觉好的新东西。

Like fixing it, or letting it go, and creating something new that makes you feel good.

我很有共鸣，因为我觉得我人生中很多时间都在把负面能量倾注到我不喜欢的事情上，而不是意识到我需要完成这件事。

Like I relate to that because I think I've spent a lot of my life pouring negative energy at things that I didn't really like instead of realizing I needed to complete this.

我需要放下它。

I needed to let this go.

室友两年前是有用的。

The roommate served a purpose two years ago.

现在不合适了，那也没关系。

Not a fit right now, and that's okay.

是时候把叶子从树枝上抖掉了。

Time to kick the leaves off the branches.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

是时候拯救自己了，而不是把一切都投入到另一个人身上，或者把精力花在生气、沮丧和失望上。

Time to save myself instead of pouring everything into either another person or my energy into being upset and frustrated and disappointed.

所以，当你遇到那些百分之百消耗你精力的事情，或者你发现自己总是在抱怨、发牢骚、抗拒的时候，就放手吧。

So when you have things that are for sure 100% zapping your energy, or you find yourself complaining, griping, resisting, let go.

你可以用两种方式来做到这一点。

And you can do that in two ways.

显然，捐掉、扔掉、删掉是一种方式。

Obviously, donate, throw out, delete is one.

另一种方式，就是把内心那股翻腾的负面抵抗情绪，转化为积极的力量。

The other one is take all that negative resistance that you feel in you that churns and pour it into something positive.

比如，如果你不能辞职，因为你需要付账单，那也没关系。

If you can't quit your job, for example, because you need to pay the bills, no problem.

与其抱怨，与其感到抗拒，不如每天早上上班前花三十分钟去找新工作。

Instead of complaining, instead of feeling resistance, spend thirty minutes every morning before you go to work looking for a new one.

或者每天早上花三十分钟，把积极的能量投入到一项爱好、一个项目或者一个副业中，这些能给你带来正能量。

Or spend thirty minutes every morning pouring positive energy into a hobby or a project or a side hustle that brings you positive energy.

当你开始这样做，你就会开始提升自己，因为你正在通过把精力和注意力投入到新的、积极的事物上，获得一种互惠的交流。

And when you start to do that, you start to lift yourself up because you are now getting this reciprocal exchange by pouring energy and attention into something new and something positive.

这会让你振作起来。

That's going lift you up.

而且，这也会改变你对现在这份讨厌的工作的感受。

And by the way, that will also change your experience of that current job that you hate.

我知道，因为我亲身经历过。

I know this because I've done it.

我记得那时候我刚……让我想想，我当时多大来着？

I remember being right out of, let's see, how old was I?

我30岁，我们从纽约市搬到了波士顿，我之前在纽约做公设辩护人。

I was 30 years old, and we had moved to Boston from New York City, where I had been a public defender.

我特别喜欢那份法律援助的工作。

And I loved that job working for legal aid.

然后我们就搬到了波士顿。

And so we moved to Boston.

我没有马萨诸塞州的执业执照，所以不能去公设辩护人办公室工作。

I do not have a license to practice in Massachusetts, so I could not work for the public defender's office.

但我得付账单，所以我在一家大型律师事务所找了份工作。

But I've got bills to pay, so I get a job in this huge law firm.

在律师事务所工作跟当公设辩护人完全是两回事。

And working in a law firm is the exact opposite of being a public defender.

我在纽约为法律援助工作时，每周五天都在法庭上，从早上八点到下午五点。

When I worked in New York City for legal aid, I was in court five days a week from 08:00 in the morning till 05:00 in the afternoon.

那就是我的工作。

That was my job.

我整天站着。

I was on my feet.

我在谈认罪协议。

I was, you know, negotiating plea deals.

我跟证人、警察、法官还有……

I was talking to witnesses and police officers and judges and pro...

就这样，去见客户，去赖克斯岛，所有这一切。

Like that, going to clients, going to Rikers, all of it.

在大律所工作，你基本上就是进一栋高楼，坐在办公室里，整天写东西。

When you get a job in a large law firm, you literally go into a high rise and sit in an office and write all day.

这跟我天生适合做的事情完全相反。

It was the exact opposite of what I am wired to do.

我拿到那份工作的时候就知道自己会讨厌它。

I knew the moment I got that job that I was gonna hate it.

整整一年，我每天坐通勤火车，花四十五分钟进城，然后下车，嗒嗒嗒嗒地走到办公楼。

And for a year, I would get on the commuter rail and I would commute in for forty five minutes and then I would get off the commuter rail and I would clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp over to the building.

然后坐电梯上到大概二十三楼，再嗒嗒嗒嗒地走。

And then I would get in the elevator and then I would take the elevator up to like whatever the 23rd Floor and then I'd clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp.

走进办公室，关上门。

I'd go into my office and shut the door.

每天早上醒来那一刻，我就觉得整个人被掏空了。

And from the moment I woke up every morning, I felt depleted.

火车哐当哐当地往波士顿开，离办公室越近，我心里就越抗拒。

The closer I got to that office as that train clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk down the tracks towards Boston, the more resistance I felt.

因为当我看到律师事务所的合伙人时，我清楚地知道那不是我想要的生活。

Because when I looked at the partners in the law firm, I knew damn well that's not the life I wanted.

我知道这份工作不适合我。

I knew that this was not a fit for me.

我跟你说，我犯了每个人都会犯的错误。

I'll tell you, I made the mistake that everybody makes.

我没有意识到那是我的真实感受，也没有把那些焦虑、抗拒和烦躁转化为寻找其他机会的动力，而是坐在那里痛苦不堪，感到精疲力竭，难受极了。

Instead of recognizing that that's how I felt, instead of channeling all of that angst and resistance and ugh into looking for something else, I sat there miserable and I felt depleted and I felt awful.

我要向你坦白一件事。

And I'm gonna confess this to you.

我当时甚至没有采纳那些建议。

I didn't even take the advice then.

你知道我后来发生了什么吗？

You know what happened to me?

我怀孕了，生了孩子，然后休了产假。

I got pregnant and I had a baby and I went on maternity leave.

休产假的时候，我有了距离，才意识到，天哪，我绝对不想再回那个地方了。

And when I was on maternity leave, that's when with distance from it, I was like, okay, there is no way I'm going back there.

绝对不回去。

No way.

既然我已经逃出来了，就绝不会再回去。

Now that I have escaped, there is no way I'm going back.

我们都有过这样的前任，对吧？

And we've all had exes like that, right?

你陷在里面那么久，终于放手了，然后你才想，我当时到底在想什么？现在跳出来了，远离了那种消耗人的能量。

Where you're like in it for so long, you finally let it go and break off, and they're like, the hell was I thinking now that I'm on the other side and I'm away from that, like, energy suck?

我可不想再回到那种像吸血鬼一样消耗人的状态。

I don't want to go back to the, like, energy sucker vampire thing.

搞什么鬼？

What the hell?

但当你身处其中时，那个负能量的漩涡会让你一直打转，困在里面。

But when you're in it, that negativity vortex can keep you spinning and stuck.