How to Make Next Year the Best Year: Ask Yourself These 7 Questions

去想想那些真正困难的事情，或者让你心碎的事情，或者让你感到

to think about the things that were really challenging or broke your heart or that made you

害怕的事情。

scared.

因为不管感觉是好是坏，我保证，它一定教会了你一些东西。

Because regardless of whether it felt good or bad, I guarantee you, it taught you something.

我保证，你一定会对自己有所了解。

Guarantee you, you learn something about yourself.

你知道吗，当我回顾去年的回答时，

You know, when I look at my answers from last year,

它们都挺实际的。

they were very kind of pragmatic.

你懂我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

我当时就想，好吧。

I was like, okay.

我明白了，我现在进入更年期了，以前那种对待健康的方式行不通了，梅尔。

I learned that the way I've been going about my health now that I'm in menopause, it's not gonna work, Mel.

你不能光靠跑步来解决问题。

You can't just run this off.

也不能光靠节食来解决问题。

You can't just starve it off.

你得换个方法了，因为以前那套现在不管用了，女人。

You're gonna have to do something different because doing what you've always done is now not working, woman.

所以你得清醒过来，接受现实。

So you gotta wake up and accept the facts.

还有去年我写下的另一件事是，梅尔，你别再管别人的情绪崩溃了。

And the other thing that I wrote last year is, Mel, you gotta stop managing other people's emotional breakdowns.

我以前总爱当和事佬。

I was always a fixer.

比如，我总是第一个去救别人的人。

Like, I was the first person to rescue people.

我是第一个拿钱去解决问题的人。

I was the first person to throw money at it.

我把让每个人都开心当成了自己的职责。

I made it my job to make everybody happy.

我就是那个最大的安慰者。

I'm the big reassure.

正是这个领悟，在过去一年里帮助我以完全不同的方式出现在生活中那些正在挣扎的人面前。

And that insight, that's what helped me this past year to show up totally differently when the people in my life were struggling.

而不是急着插话说，没事的，一切都会好起来的。

Instead of jumping in and saying, oh, it's gonna be okay.

我会退一步，心想，让他们心碎去吧。

I would just take a step back and be like, let them be heartbroken.

让他们害怕自己撑不下去吧。

Let them be scared that they're not gonna make it.

让他们觉得自己是个失败者，被拒绝了一次、两次，甚至

Let them feel like a loser that they've been rejected not once, not twice, but

第三次了。

a third time.

让他们去经历吧。

Let them.

相信他们有能力真正面对这一刻，从中学习，并寻求他们需要的帮助。

And trust in their ability to really meet this moment and learn from it and ask for the help that they need.

因为最终发生的是，通过退一步，它

Because what ended up happening is by stepping back, it

为我的成年孩子们创造了空间，让他们向前迈进、成长、学习，并让自己变得更强大。

created the space for especially my adult kids to step forward and grow and learn and strengthen themselves.

那真的是件很棒的事。

And that was a really cool thing.

但让我告诉你，当我做回顾时，想想过去这一年、这十二个月，再看看那些照片，天哪。

But let me tell you when I do the audit and I think about this past year and these past twelve months and I look at the photos, oh my god.

那你准备好听这些教训了吗？

So you're ready for the lessons?

好的。

Okay.

所以我发现，我已经到了一个阶段，我没办法再把我建立的事业提升到下一个层次了。

So I learned that I've gotten to a point where I no longer can take the business that I've built to the next level.

就是说，我的能力已经到头了，真的没法再管运营了。

Like, I have tapped out of my capacity to truly run operations.

现在我在那方面真的很差劲。

Like, I'm terrible at it at this point.

我以前在某个阶段还行，但现在我得对自己诚实，意识到我干不了我一直做的那个工作了。

I was good for a certain point, but now I just have to be honest with myself and realize that I can't do the job that I've been

再也干不了了，也干不好了。

doing anymore, and I can't do it well.

能够承认自己可能不是个好父母，尤其是在孩子十几岁的时候，这真的很重要。

And that's a really important thing to be able to admit to yourself that maybe you're not a great parent when they're teenagers.

那没关系。

That's okay.

也许

Maybe

你其实根本不擅长Excel表格，但你一直在装模作样。

you're not great at all at Excel spreadsheets, but you're pretending to be.

那也没关系。

That's okay.

只要意识到这一点，就非常关键了。

Just knowing that, that is critical.

因为当你接受了自己能力、兴趣、优点或缺点的事实，你就能调整方向，而不是自责，也不是继续硬撑下去。

Because when you accept the facts about your own limitations or your own interests or your own strengths or weaknesses, now you can pivot instead of beating yourself up, instead of continuing to slog forward.

也许你发现自己有点自私。

Maybe you've learned that you're kinda selfish.

也许你意识到你需要伴侣给予更多，而你并不是那么粘人。

Maybe you've learned that you need more out of your partner and you're not that needy.

你现在的伴侣其实很自私，对你也不太好。

You're with somebody who is actually selfish and not that nice to you.

你对自己的了解非常重要，因为我真心相信，生活中任何让你感到摩擦的地方——就像我在工作中经常感受到的那样，比如我坐在这里跟你做播客时扮演的角色，和我在建设团队、管理团队、看损益表、负责营收、处理运营、担心租约时不得不扮演的角色之间的那种摩擦和紧张——天哪，我一想到这些就想吐。

Like, what you learn about yourself is incredibly important because I truly believe that anywhere in your life where you're feeling friction, and that's what I felt a lot at work, like this friction and this tension between the role I was playing when I sit here and I talk to you on the podcast and the role I have to play when it comes to building the team and managing the teams and looking at the p and l's and, like, running the revenue and figuring out the operations and worrying about the leases and, oh my god, I just wanna throw up when I think about this stuff.

我在这方面真的很差劲。

I'm horrible at it.

这让我感到一种摩擦。

And it makes me feel this, like, friction.

今年你生活中任何让你感到摩擦或沮丧的领域，你

Any area of your life this year where you have felt friction or frustration, you're

就是坐错了位置。

in the wrong role.

你坐错了位置，在

You're in the wrong seat in

这辆车上。

the bus.

不管是在婚姻里，还是作为父母，还是你和室友的关系，还是你在公司做的工作，总有一些地方不再合适了。

Whether that's in your marriage, whether it's you as a parent, whether it's how you relate to your roommates, whether it's the job you're doing in your company, there is something about the fit that's not fitting anymore.

有了这种领悟，知道自己不再适合现在的角色，这真的让人解脱。

And having that insight that I don't fit in the spot I'm playing anymore, that is liberating.

因为那样你就会明白，问题不在你，而是过程、角色，或者事情已经超出了你的能力范围。

Because then you realize it's not you, it's a process or it's a role or it's the fact that something has grown beyond your skill set.

这并不意味着你

Doesn't mean you're

是个失败者。

a loser.

你知道吗，

Like, do you know

要说出‘我不想再管运营了’需要多大的勇气。

how much courage it takes to go, I don't wanna run operations anymore.

我真的必须专注于自己能做的事情。

I really have to focus on what I can do.

或者你知道吗？

Or you know what?

我在这个家里一直挺自私的。

I've been pretty selfish in this family.

那是因为我觉得自己的需求没被满足。

And it's because I feel like my needs aren't being met.

所以我一直在跟所有人对抗，我得改改这个毛病。

So I'm fighting against everybody and I need to change that.

后来我明白了，我在车上坐错了位置，所以才会在工作中有那么多摩擦……

So I learned that I was in the wrong seat in the bus, and that's why there was a lot of friction about...

还有各种挫败感。

And frustration in my work.

这个领悟让我开始想，好吧，那什么才是对的位置呢？

And that insight is helping me to go, okay, well then what is the right seat?

我需要和什么样的人在一起？

And who do I need to surround myself with?

我需要做出哪些改变？

And what changes do I need to make?

我对自己还有另一个发现，我

Another thing I learned about myself, I

想花更多时间陪家人，尤其是我的父母。

want more time with my family, especially my parents.

我今年把这件事列为优先事项，但还是没见够他们。

Like, I made that a priority this year and I still did not see them enough.

你看到没有，回顾过去能帮你找到明确的方向，让你更好地前进？

Do you see how looking backwards helps you create specific directions that will help you go forward?

这就是为什么这次复盘对你制定计划至关重要，能让明年成为你人生中最好的一年。

That's why this audit is so critical to you creating a plan that makes this next year the best year of your life.

我还发现，我是那种饿着肚子去逛超市的人。

The other thing that I saw is that I am one of these people that I grocery shop when I'm hungry.

我在生活的方方面面都是饿着肚子去逛超市。

I grocery shop when I'm hungry everywhere in my life.

那这意味着什么呢？

And what does that mean?

当你饿着肚子去超市的时候，你会买一堆你不需要的东西。

When you go to the grocery store and you're hungry, you buy all kinds of stuff you don't need.

如果你允许自己留在错误的工作岗位上，或者留在错误的关系角色里——比如在婚姻中，你可能觉得自己现在扮演了错误的角色，因为你做得太多，或者感觉不到支持，或者你在像父母一样对待你的伴侣——其中一个问题就是，你会开始变得非常情绪化，然后把事情复杂化，反应过度。

One of the problems with allowing yourself to stay in the wrong role at work or in the wrong role in your relationship because you can be in a marriage and feel like you're playing the wrong role right now because you're doing too much or you're not feeling supported or you're parenting your partner.

其中一个问题就是，你会开始变得非常情绪化，然后把事情复杂化，反应过度。

One of the problems with that is you start to get very emotional and then you overcomplicate and you overreact.

就像你在超市里非常饿的时候，你会什么都买。

And just like when you're really hungry at a grocery store, you overbuy everything.

所以我能看到，我经常让自己陷入一种状态，对事情感到非常烦躁，然后把事情复杂化，反应过度，而我已经厌倦了这样。

And so I can see that I often get myself in a state where I get so like agitated about things that I overcomplicate and I overreact and I'm tired of doing that.

这是我今年对自己的一个认识：我必须清除任何有摩擦或沮丧的地方，并且保持专注在我做得好的那一两件事上，同时确保保护我的平静，这样我就不会把情绪发泄在周围的人身上。

And that's something that I learned about myself this year, That it is critical that I weed out any area where there's friction or frustration and I stay laser focused on the one or two things that I do well and laser focused on making sure that I protect my peace so that I don't take it out on the people around me.

所以记住，当你回答这些问题的时候，你可能会不断回想，然后说，哦，对。

And so keep in mind that as you go through these questions, you're probably gonna keep going back and being like, oh, yeah.

那是一个低谷。

That was a low.

哦，对。

Oh, yeah.

那是个高光时刻。

That was a high.

哦，对。

Oh, yeah.

我确实了解到了自己这一点。

I did learn this thing about myself.

这就是为什么我特别喜欢这个复盘过程，因为你真的很棒，你很多面，你比你想象的要聪明得多，你对自己了解了很多，你也比你意识到的要明智得多。

And that's why I just love this audit process because you're really cool and you're multidimensional and you're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for and you've learned a lot about yourself and you're much wiser than you kind of realize.

我们常常陷入这种陷阱，只是日复一日地过日子，停留在表面。

And we fall into this trap of just kind of getting through the day to day and staying on the surface.

当你真正停下来，给自己时间去审视，去思考你的感受以及事情对你的影响，我想你会对自己真正了解的事实感到惊讶。

And when you really hit the brakes and you give yourself time to take a look consider how you feel and how things impacted you, I think you're gonna be shocked at what you actually know to be true about yourself.

一旦你把所有这些东西写在纸上，或者记在笔记应用里，或者，你知道，在你的

And once you have all that on paper or in your notes app or, you know, in your

电脑里，就是真实的。

computer, it's real.

而且这提醒你，你确实知道自己是谁。

And it's a reminder that you do know who you are.

你确实知道自己想要什么。

You do know what you want.

你确实知道什么让你开心。

You do know what makes you happy.

你没有被困住。

You're not stuck.

你没有迷失。

You're not lost.

你可能会感到不知所措，但这并不意味着你不能弄清楚自己现在的位置，并制定方向，一步步向前，以真正让你更快乐、更满足的方式前进。

You may be overwhelmed, but that doesn't mean you can't figure out where you are right now and create directions to move and inch yourself forward in ways that really make you happier and more fulfilled.

我已经能感觉到明年会好得多。

I can already feel how much better next year is gonna be.

我还有很多想跟你分享的，但我得先暂停一下，让我们听听我们超棒的赞助商说几句，也让你可以把这些分享给你生活中那些也应该做年度复盘的人。

And there's so much more I wanna share with you, but I gotta hit the pause button so we can hear a word from our amazing sponsors and so that you can share this with people in your life who should be doing the yearly audit too.

但别走开，因为我会在短暂休息后等你回来。

But don't go anywhere because I'm gonna be waiting for you after a short break.

别离开我。

Stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯，我很喜欢和你一起做这个复盘过程。

It's your buddy, Mel Robbins, and I'm loving doing this audit process with you.

谢谢你在这里。

Thank you for being here.

谢谢你把这个分享给你爱的人。

Thank you for sharing this with the people that you love.

然后我们

And let's

我们直接回到正题吧，因为现在你已经知道自己处在什么位置了。

just jump right back into it because now you know where you are.

现在你就在当下。

Now you're in the present moment.

现在过去十二个月的事情都清清楚楚地摆在纸上、你的相册里、你的手机里，你能感受到它们，你……

Now you have the last twelve months front and center on the paper, in your photo roll, in your cells, you're feeling it, you're...

它们已经成为你的一部分了。

It's a part of you.

现在我可以问你，

Now I can ask you,

接下来这一年，你打算停止做什么？

what are you gonna stop doing in the coming year?

这个问题，其实接下来的三个问题，都源自一个非常简单的规划工具，

And this question, and in fact, the next three questions come from a very simple planning tool

这个工具企业一直都在用。

that businesses have been using forever.

我是说，我讲的是哈佛商学院、全球领先品牌、上市公司最顶尖的高管团队。

I mean, I'm talking like Harvard Business School, the world's leading brands, the most sophisticated executive teams of publicly traded companies.

全球最优秀的教练都在用这个工具，就叫“停止、开始、继续”。

The best coaches on the planet use this tool just called stop, start, continue.

它直接切入重点，帮你聚焦：我需要停止做什么，我需要开始做什么，

It just cuts right through the BS and helps you focus on what is it that I need to stop doing, what do I need

以及我要继续做什么？

to start doing, and what am I gonna continue doing?

因为我们在设定目标时，常常忘了“继续”这一项。

Because we often forget when we're setting goals, continue.

我要继续做什么？

What am I gonna continue doing?

你不会忘记这部分，因为我们用的是这七个问题。

And you're not going to forget that part because we're using these seven questions.

所以第四个问题：接下来一年，你要停止做什么？

And so question number four, what are you gonna stop doing in the next year?

对我来说，你知道，我回头看十二个月前写下的答案。

And for me, you know, I'm looking back at my answers that I wrote down twelve months ago.

十二个月前，你知道

And twelve months ago, you know

我说了什么？

what I said?

我不是……

I'm not...

我要停止出差工作。

I'm gonna stop traveling for work.

我就是不干了。

I'm just not doing it.

我要停止出差工作。

I'm gonna stop traveling for work.

我以前一年要做三四十场主题演讲。

And I used to do like 30 or 40 keynotes a year.

这曾经是业务中很大的一部分，但我就是……

It was a huge part of the business, but I just...

它让我精疲力尽。

It was draining me.

必须得停下来了。

Gotta stop doing it.

我很自豪地说，今年我只做了七场演讲。

I'm very proud to say I did seven speeches this year.

就这些。

That's it.

这是一个巨大的改变。

That's a huge change.

我现在可能应该把那个放到

I should now probably put that on one of

年度亮点里。

the highlights of the year.

而且，再说一次，这个

And, again, this

就是为什么这会变成一个反复迭代的过程。

is why this becomes such an iterative process.

另一件我说过要停止的事情是，我不再抱怨更年期了，因为抱怨并不能帮助我接受自己。

The other thing I said I'm gonna stop doing is I'm gonna stop bitching about menopause because it's not helping me accept who I am.

我就是要开始行动，积极投入，不断学习。

And I'm just gonna get to work and I'm gonna lean in and I'm gonna learn.

我学到的是，关键就在于力量训练和蛋白质，各位。

And what I learned is it's all about strength training and protein people.

力量训练、蛋白质，还有如果对你安全的话，激素替代疗法。

Strength training, protein, and hormone replacement therapy if it's safe for you.

而且这真的有效。

And it works.

现在，当我问自己这个问题，我要停止做什么呢？

Now, when I ask myself this question, what am I gonna stop doing?

天哪。

Oh my god.

这确实是个难题。

It's a hard one.

我想停止让自己待在那些让我感到摩擦或沮丧的项目或处境里。

I wanna stop allowing myself to stay in projects or situations where I feel that friction or frustration.

我只想专注于剔除那些不顺利的事情，或者和不合适的人相处，不再容忍任何不如意，只求平静和轻松。

And I just wanna get laser focused on weeding out, like, things that aren't working or dynamics with people that aren't working and just stop tolerating anything less than just peace and ease.

我已经开始在家里这么做了。前几天我跟克里斯说，我们正在一起处理一件事，他开始非常担心事情会搞砸。

And I've started doing that with my family where, I said to Chris the other day, there's something that we're working on together and he was starting to get really nervous that it's not gonna work out.

我就说，我们能不能轻松一点对待这件事？

I'm like, can we just bring ease to this?

要么成功，要么失败，但为此焦虑不安真的没帮助。

It's either gonna work or it's not gonna work, but like kinda getting all agitated about it, it doesn't help.

我们能不能轻松一点对待这件事？

Can we just bring ease to this?

我已经开始对家里某些说话带刺的人这么说了。

And I've started saying it with certain people in my family that get an edge in their voice.

能不能……

Can can...

我理解你很沮丧。

I get that you're frustrated.

能不能把语气放缓和一点？

Can can we just dial down the tone a little bit?

能不能深呼吸一下，别那么激动，好好把话说清楚？

Can we just take a deep breath and talk through this without the intensity?

而且我打算不再容忍身边的摩擦和紧张情绪，我会专注于保护自己更平和的状态，但这不代表我会被欺负。

And this idea that I'm gonna stop allowing that friction and intensity around me and I'm gonna really kinda be focused on protecting a more peaceful state, it doesn't mean I'm gonna be steamrolled.

只是说，那种能量我真的不想掺和进去。

It just means there's an energy thing that I really don't wanna buy into.

我不想被卷进去。

I don't wanna get sucked into.

这对我来说真的很重要。

It's really important to me.

我还会停止做什么呢？

What else am I gonna stop doing?

我正试着不再急着去解决孩子们的问题，也不再给他们提建议，而是学着只是倾听。

I'm stopping myself from trying to solve my kids' problems and giving them advice and teaching myself to just listen

这真的帮了大忙。

and that's helping a lot.

我相信以后还会有更多。

And I'm sure I'll come to more.

而且，就是这样。

And, like, that's the thing.

我现在是跟你现场聊这些，所以听起来不太专业，就像我是你的朋友一样。

I'm doing this live with you so it doesn't sound very professional the way I'm talking right now, and I'm sort of like your friend.

就像你和我一起吃午饭，然后我们说，嗯，我也不知道。

It'd be like you and I sitting at lunch together, and we're like, well, I don't know.

我打算不再做什么呢？

What am I gonna stop doing?

而且这就是

And that's

另一个回头听这些、把这些写下来的原因，因为你可以往清单上加东西。

the other reason to come back to this and listen and to write things down because you you can add things to the list.

你真的可以，你知道的，就像，回来

You can truly, you know, like, come

回到这里，因为一旦你开始一点点地削减这些，越来越多的东西就会浮现出来。

back to this because once you kind of start chipping away at this, more and more and more opens up.

我打算不再把工作放在第一位。

I'm gonna stop making work my number one priority.

就像，它……

Like, it...

它已经占据了我的生活。

It's been taking over my life.

这有一部分是因为书现在正在发布，但我真的不想明年再接更多项目了。

And part of that's because the book is launching right now, but I really do not wanna take on more projects next year.

就是这样。

Like, there it is.

就这些。

That's it.

你看，我就是跟你聊着聊着才发现的。

See, I just discovered it by talking to you.

我需要停止添加东西。

I need to stop adding things.

这意味着要专注于那些真正有效的事情，也就是这个播客，而且我要开始

And that means focus on the things that are actually working, which is this podcast, and I'm going to start

做减法。

subtracting.

这就是我要做的。

That's what I'm gonna do.

哦，这个说得好。

Oh, that's a good one.

我喜欢这个说法。

I like that one.

我真该用记号笔把它写在额头上，真是的。

I better write that in a Sharpie and put it on my forehead for crying out loud.

如果我家人听到这个，他们会说，梅尔，你说你要做什么来着？

And if my family hears this, they're gonna be like, Mel, what did you say you're gonna do?

你要停止做事情。

You're gonna stop doing things.

这就引出了第五个问题。

And that brings me to question number five.

你打算开始做什么？

What are you gonna start doing?

这是个新问题。

This is something new.

你打算开始做什么？

What are you gonna start doing?

说实话，我都不好意思告诉你我去年的答案。

Well, I'm almost embarrassed to tell you last year's answers.

大家听好了，排在最前面的。

Top of the list, people.

准备好了吗？

You ready?

我打算每周做三次力量训练。

I'm gonna strength train three days a week.

结果没做到。

That didn't happen.

问题是这样的。

And here's the thing about it.

你知道，我根本没去做。

You know, I didn't do it.

我不需要为此自责。

I don't need to trash myself about it.

如果你能对那些没做成的事情抱有同情心，那该多好啊？

How amazing is it if you could bring compassion to the things that didn't happen?

而是带着好奇心去探索。

And instead lean in with curiosity.

好奇心。

Curiosity.

因为如果我问，为什么那件事没发生呢，梅尔？

Because if I say, well, why didn't that happen, Mel?

我会告诉你

I'll tell

原因。

you why.

其实那件事发生了，如果我在波士顿待过一阵子的话

It actually happened if I was in Boston for a

一周录播客节目的时候，因为

week taping the podcast, because

我会……

I would...

处于一个非常稳定的日常节奏中。

Was in a very steady routine.

而且如果我在佛蒙特州待上一段时间，这件事就会发生。

And it would happen if I happened to be in Vermont for a stretch.

当事情变得混乱时，它就没有发生。

It didn't happen when things got crazy.

这给了我更多信息，那就是当我饿着肚子购物时，我的生活就不顺。

And that tells me more data, which is my life doesn't work when I shop when I'm hungry.

当我答应太多事情时，我的生活就不顺。

My life doesn't work when I say yes to too many things.

如果我对能完成的事情变得太野心勃勃，我的生活就不顺，我需要的东西也不会到位。

My life doesn't work and the things that I need don't fall in place if I get too, like, ambitious around what I think I can get done.

我发现，放慢节奏、找到更适合自己的步调后，我反而感觉更好了。

That it's in slowing down and getting into more of a rhythm that I actually feel better.

这对我的个人生活很有启发，所以我得把这一点也应用到我的目标设定中。

And that's personal for me, which means I gotta bring that to my goals.

你知道最有趣的是什么吗？

And do you wanna know what's fascinating?

要是我没做这次复盘的话，我的

If I hadn't done this audit, my

明年的计划会更多。

plan for next year would be more.

我得做更多的事情。

I gotta do more.

我得承担更多责任。

I gotta take on more.

我得把这件事做好。

I gotta do this.

我得做那个。

I gotta do that.

我得做另一件事。

I gotta do the other thing.

但我的复盘告诉我，其实，梅尔，不是这样的。

My audit is telling me, actually, Mel, no.

你得做少一点。

You gotta do less.

你得专注于真正重要的事情。

You gotta focus on the things that actually matter.

你得扔掉很多没用的东西，然后真正投入那些重要的事，对其他冒出来的事情要像个固执、毫不动摇的狠角色一样，你懂我的意思吧。

You gotta get rid of a lot of stuff that's not working, and then you gotta just really lean into those things and be a real just maniacal, unwavering b I t c h, if you know what I mean, about anything else that comes up.

尤其是对我自己，因为我是那个饿的时候会乱买东西的人。

And particularly with myself, because I'm the one that shops when I'm hungry.

所以这对我来说是个非常重要的领悟，

And so this is a really important insight for me,

这对你来说可能也一样，也许你答应的事情太多了，这意味着你在拒绝那些真正重要的事情。

and it might be for you too, that maybe you say yes to too much, which means you're saying no

拒绝那些真正重要的事情。

to the things that matter.

你在追逐下一个目标，而不是真正专注于真正重要的事情。

And you're chasing the next thing instead of truly leaning into the real thing.

我在这方面百分之百有罪。

And I'm a thousand percent guilty of that.

去年我还写了一条，我要积极存钱，我做到了。

And another thing that I wrote last year is that I want to be aggressive about saving money, and I did that.

它就在我的清单上。

And it was on my list.

它是一个提醒。

And it was a reminder.

只有当它摆在我面前时，我才会记得去做，我想你也会发现同样的情况。

And it's only when it's in front of my face that I remember to do it, and I think you're gonna find the same thing.

所以我很清楚自己需要开始做什么，那就是更加自律，专注于真正重要的事情，而不是一味地扩张、扩张、再扩张。

And so it's very clear to me what I need to start doing, and that is being more disciplined about just focusing on the core things that matter to me instead of expand, expand, expand.

你很容易被做更多事情所迷惑，尤其是在这个时候。

You can get so romanced by doing more, especially this time of year.

尤其是在这个时候。

Especially this time of year.

你知道说“不”有多彻底、多明确吗？

Do you know how radical and defined it is to say, nope.

我明年的目标，实际上是要做更少的事情，专注于真正重要的事情。

My goals for for the next year, I'm actually gonna do less and I'm gonna focus on the things that actually matter.

而且我会非常自律地去做。

And I'm gonna be super disciplined about it.

专注于那三四件让我真正开心的事情，专注于工作中、事业上或生意上那三四件真正能让我出类拔萃的事情。

About the three or four things that make me really happy, about the three or four things at work or in my career or my business that really make it excel.

而且我会非常严格，不被其他乱七八糟的事情牵扯进去，因为那太容易发生了。

And I'm gonna be really just strict about not getting sucked up and all the other stuff because it's so easy for that to happen.

好的。

Alright.

这就让我想到第六点。

And that brings me to number

第六点。

six.

明年你打算继续做什么？

What are you gonna continue doing in the next year?

去年的答案是限制饮酒，这一点我有时做得好，有时做得不好。

Last year's answer was limiting alcohol, which I was good and bad about.

这取决于我生活中的压力水平。

It depends on the stress level in my life.

比如，有一种……

Like, there is a...

每当我压力大的时候，酒精总是出现在现场。

Alcohol is at the scene of the crime whenever I'm stressed.

有一件事我特别自豪，就是我已经不是以前那个爱喝酒的人了。

And one thing I'm very proud of is I'm not the drinker I used to be.

我不是那种真的会猛灌波本曼哈顿鸡尾酒的人。

I'm not the kind of person that was truly, like, just pounding the bourbon Manhattans.

不过，我是那种当事情变得压力很大时，最容易让大脑放松的方式就是来一杯金汤力。

I'm the kind of person, though, that when things get very stressful, the easiest way that I can pull the lever on my brain to go, oh my god, turn your brain off, is to just have a gin and tonic.

这可不是什么好事。

And that's not a good thing.

所以我会继续限制饮酒，并想办法更好地支持自己。

So I would continue to limit my alcohol and to try to figure out ways to better support myself.

但说实话，支持自己最好的方式就是做我刚才说的，限制我关注的事情。

But the best way I can support myself honestly is to do what I just told you I'm gonna do, which is limit what I'm focused on.

因为当我饿着肚子购物，对太多事情说好，让别人占用我的时间，把事情搞得越来越大，我就会感到压力。

Because it's when I shop when I'm hungry and I say yes to too many things and I let everybody else hijack my time and I make things bigger, bigger, bigger that I get stressed.

当我和我的花在一起，和克里斯共度时光，和朋友聚会，优先考虑我的父母，并且专注于工作上真正重要的三件事时，我就不会感到压力。

When I'm out with my flowers and spending time with Chris and hanging with some friends and prioritizing my parents and I'm really focused on three things at work that truly drive the needle, I'm not stressed.

所以这一切都是相互关联的。

And so all of this is connected.

我还会继续做的另一件事就是运用“让他们理论”。

The other thing I'm gonna continue doing is using the Let Them Theory.

那是我去年提到的一件事，因为我刚发现它，我们刚开始写那本书，我要让别人过自己的生活，因为这样我的生活会变得更好。

That was one thing I said last year because I had just discovered it, we had just started writing the book that I'm going to let other people live their lives because my life gets better.

我会让别人做他们自己，因为这样我的人际关系会变得更好。

And I'm gonna let other people be who they are because then my relationships get better.

当我运用“让他们理论”时，我不断地说“让他们”，我让别人做自己，让别人从生活中学习，让别人知道我会支持他们，但我不会拯救他们。

And when I use the let them theory, and I keep saying let them, and I let people be themselves, and I let people learn from life, and I let people know that I'm here to support them, but that I'm not gonna save them.

当我让别人有自己的观点，当我让他们处理自己的情绪时，我的生活会变得更好。

When I let people have their opinions, when I let them deal with their own emotions, my life gets better.

这为我创造了空间。

It creates space for me.

这带来了平静。

It creates peace.

真不敢相信你会有这么多时间。

It's unbelievable how much more time you have.

所以我打算每天继续对自己说“让他们去”，然后说“让我来”，因为这很管用，而且正是这种心态为我创造了照顾自己的空间。

And so I'm gonna continue saying let them and then saying let me every single day because it works and it's what creates the space for me to take care of me.

而且我告诉你，我绝对不会再写下一本书了，因为天哪。

And I'll tell you, I'm definitely not gonna be working on my next book because holy smokes.

我要把全部精力放在那三件事上，不再添加任何其他事情，我就想好好听听你们的生活、家庭、婚姻、和成年子女的关系以及和其他人的关系都因为学会了让别人做自己而变得更好的那些神奇故事。

I'm gonna laser focus on the three things and not add anything else, and I'm just gonna enjoy hearing all the miraculous ways that your life changes and your family changes and your marriage and your relationships with your adult kids and everybody else gets better because you learn the power of letting other people be who they are.

说实话，这真的挺有意思的。

It's it's honestly kind of interesting.

你越是放弃控制，你获得的控制就越多，你的力量就越大。

The more you give up control, the more control you gain, the more power you have.

而且这简直……

And it just...

太不可思议了。

It's incredible.

好的。

Alright.

最后一个问题，第七个问题。

And the final thing, question number seven.

既然你现在有了方向，今天你能做些什么来迈出第一步呢？

What can you do today to take that first step now that you have a set of directions?

那份清单上有没有一件事是你今天就能做的？

Is there one thing on that list that you can do today?

比如，如果你也注意到，哇，你知道，我很想种花。

Like, if you're also noticing, wow, you know, I would love to plant flowers.

我和梅尔一样。

I'm the same way as Mel.

你能不能看个视频，帮你规划一下今年春天怎么去做，好让自己做好准备？

Could you watch a video that helps you plan how you're gonna do that this spring for yourself to set yourself up?

我的意思是，那只是向前迈出的一步。

I mean, that's just one step forward.

如果你听

If you listen to

我说，然后你会想，对，我……

me and you're like, yeah, I...

我也没花足够的时间陪父母。

I'm not spending enough time with my parents either.

或者，我上次跟朋友一起笑到肚子疼的周五晚上是什么时候？

Or I when's the last time I spent a Friday night laughing my tail off with my friends?

你能在日历上找个日子，联系他们，安排一下吗？

Could you find a date in the calendar and reach out and plan it?

因为现在你有了逐步的指引，知道要开始做什么、停止做什么、继续做什么，现在你能看到什么带给你快乐、什么教会你最重要的教训，现在你有了更强的自我意识，你就有了一套非常个人化、极其明智、而且非常准确的指引，带你走向那些你可以多做的小事，以及那些你需要少做的事情，这会帮你创造人生中最棒的一年。

Because now that you have the turn by turn set of directions of what you're gonna start doing, what you're gonna stop doing, what you're gonna continue doing, now that you can see what brought you joy and what taught you the greatest lessons, now that you have greater self awareness, you have a deeply personal, extremely wise, and deadly accurate set of directions that lead you to the simple things that you can do more of, the things you need to do less of that will help you create the best year of your life.

我觉得最神奇的是，答案不在外面。

And I think that's the most magical thing of all, that the answers are not out there.

它们其实就在你心里。

They're actually in you.

不是那些大事，比如你坐在那儿想，我要赚一百万。

That it's not the big things when you sit there and you're like, I'm gonna make a million dollars.

我要做这个。

I'm gonna do this.

我要做那个。

I'm gonna do that.

不是的。

No.

恰恰是那些小事，才能造就你人生中最棒的一年。

It's the little things that create the best year of your life.

是你不再做的事情。

It's the things you stop doing.

是你

It's the things you

继续做那些能带给你快乐的小事，虽然你每天不太会想到它们，因为它们很小，但你需要继续做下去。

continue doing that bring you joy but you don't quite think about every day because they're little, but you need to continue to do them.

还有那些你需要开始做的事情，因为所有那些

And it's the things that you need to start doing because of all the

你学到的教训，或者今年事情没有按预期发展的原因，是因为你没有花时间为自己成功做好准备。

lessons that you've learned or the ways that things didn't work out this year because you didn't take the time to set yourself up for success.

比如，也许你只需要开始思考，好吧，我有了这些方向。

Like, maybe all you need to do is to start thinking, okay, I got these directions.

我该怎么让

How do I make

这件事对我来说更容易？

this easier for myself?

我该怎么让自己赢？

How do I set myself up to win?

我该怎么不让这件事变得这么难？

How do I not make this so hard?

如果

What if

这些智慧和方向明明就在眼前，真的能让我的生活更轻松、更有趣吗？

this wisdom and these directions that are right in front of my face actually make my life easier and more fun?

如果你愿意接受这些呢？

What if you leaned into that?

你已经知道什么能创造你人生中最棒的一年。

You already know what's gonna create the best year of your life.

通过这个简单的练习，你现在有了一张路线图，可以带自己去那里。

And through this simple exercise, you now have a roadmap to take yourself there.

还有一件事能真正加速这个过程，那就是把这个节目分享给你爱的每一个人。

And one other thing that you can do that will really accelerate it is share this episode with everybody that you love.

你知道吗，做这个练习我最喜欢的一点是，我不仅和克里斯一起做，这些年随着孩子们长大，我们还全家一起做。

You know, one of my favorite things about doing this exercise, I not only do it with Chris, but over the years as our kids have gotten older, we do it as a family.

所以我现在刚和你一起做了这个练习，这意味着几天后我和家人坐下来时，我会领先一步。

And so I've now just done it with you, which means I'm gonna have a head start when I sit down with my family in a couple days.

因为我会把这些东西都写下来，而且我会翻看我的所有相册。

Because I'm gonna have all this stuff written down and I'm gonna have glanced through all of my camera roll.

但最棒的是，当你和家人、孩子、父母或室友一起做这个练习时，你们会互相提醒那些美好的事情。

But the cool thing is when you do it as a group with your family, with your kids, or with your parents, or with your roommates, you remind each other of the good things.

你们会互相提醒彼此学到的东西。

You remind each other of the stuff that you learned.

这是一个非常棒的练习，你们可以一起做，它能让你们更亲近，也能帮助你们在完全不同的层面上理解每个人真正在乎的是什么。

And it's a really amazing exercise that you can do together that brings you together and that also helps you understand what matters to each and every one of you at a completely different level.

那又怎样呢？

Which what?

它能帮助你们互相支持，共同度过人生中最棒的一年。

Helps you show up and support one another in having the best year of your life.

这就是我希望你们拥有的。

And that's what I want for you.

所以，谢谢你，谢谢你，谢谢你花时间和我在一起。

And so thank you, thank you, thank you for spending this time with me.

谢谢你们收听这期节目。

Thank you for listening to this.

谢谢你和朋友、家人分享这些。

Thank you for sharing it with your friends and family.

谢谢你花时间回来，真正用心去翻看自己的日历和照片，因为毫无疑问，我

Thank you for taking the time to come back to it and to truly dig in with your own calendar and your own photos because there is no doubt in my

相信，你一定会对自己发现的东西感到惊讶。

mind, you're gonna be surprised by what you find.

那我简单总结一下，让你把这些问题记在心里。

So let me just recap so you got those questions front and center.

好吗？

Okay?

第一，今年有哪些高光时刻？

Number one, what were the highlights this year?

第二，今年

Number two, what are

对你来说最难的部分是什么？

the hardest parts of the year for you?

第三，过去十二个月里你对自己有什么新的认识？

Three, what did you learn about yourself over the last twelve months?

第四，新的一年你打算停止做什么？

Four, what are you gonna stop doing in the coming year?

第五，你打算

Five, what are you

在新的一年里开始做什么？

gonna start doing in the coming year?

第六，新的一年你打算继续做什么？

Six, what are you going to continue doing in the coming year?

最后，第七个问题，今天你能做些什么来迈出第一步，朝着这些方向前进？

And finally, question number seven, what can you do today to take the first step in that set of directions?

就这些。

That's it.

这就是年度回顾。

There's the audit.

这非常简单，而且效果惊人。

It is so simple and shockingly powerful.

我迫不及待想听到它为你带来的智慧、教训、洞见和方向。

And I cannot wait to hear the wisdom, the lessons, the insight, and the set of directions that it creates for you.

好了。

Alrighty.

就算没人告诉你，我也想告诉你，我爱你，我相信你，相信你有能力创造更好的生活。

In case no one else tells you, I also wanted to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life.

我刚才带你走的是一个非常简单的公式，你可以分享给你爱的任何人，它绝对能给你创造更好生活所需的方向。

And what I just walked you through is a very simple formula that you can share with anyone that you love that absolutely gives you the set of directions that you need to create that better life.

好了。

Alrighty.

下集见。

I'll be waiting for you in the next episode.

其实，我第一次在播客里分享这个，是一年前。

And in fact, the first time I shared this on the podcast, it was a year ago.

那是在这个……

It was at this...

那是在《让他们理论》这本书里，不管你有有声书还是精装版，它都会让你的生活变得更好，因为你……

It was over the Let Them Theory book, whether you have the audiobook or you have the hardcover, it's gonna make your life better because you are...

因为整本书讲的就是学习……

Because the entire book is about learning...

等一下。

Hold on a second.

我是不是讲得太

Am I going too

深入那个话题了？

far into that thing?

没有？

No?

有？

Yes?

我们没问题吧？

We good?

好的。

Okay.

行。

Alright.

Tracy不想让我一直重复，那我再试一次。

Tracy doesn't want me to hit him over the head, I'll try that again.

在我们进入这七个问题以及你如何...

Before we jump in to the seven questions and how you're go...

在我们进入这七个问题和这个流程之前，这个流程会帮你创造未来最好的一年...

Before we jump into the seven questions and this process that you're gonna use to create the best year ever in the coming year...

因为你想让我说2025年吗？

Because do you want me to say 2025?

好的。

Alright.

菲尔，你真是太务实了。

Phil, you're so, pragmatic.

哦，还有一件事。

Oh, and one more thing.

而且，不，这是

And, no, this is

不是花絮。

not a blooper.

这是法律条文。

This is the legal language.

你知道，就是律师写的东西，我需要念给你听。

You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you.

这个播客仅供教育和娱乐目的。

This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.

我只是你的朋友。

I'm just your friend.

我不是持牌治疗师，这个播客也不能替代医生、专业教练、心理治疗师或其他合格专业人士的建议。

I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

明白了吗？

Got it?

好的。

Good.

我们下集见。

I'll see you in the next episode.

Stitcher。

Stitcher.