如何精通任何对话、自信沟通并应对难缠的人

我立刻从他眼神里看出来了，那种困惑，根本不用当读心术专家，这正是我想要的效果。

Right away, I see in his eyes, I see in his eyes, you don't have to be a mentalist, confusion, which is what I wanted to elicit.

就在那一刻，他说出了那句话，我相信百分之九十九的人，要是有个陌生人走过来跟你说‘谢谢你送的礼物’，都会这么回应。

And in that moment, he said the same thing that I believe 99 out of a 100 people would say if a stranger walked up to you and said, thank you so much for the gift.

什么礼物？

What gift?

他问：‘什么礼物？’

He goes, what gift?

这正好给我铺好了台子，让我接上一句：‘我十五分钟后就上台表演，也就是说，我是在你之后出场，所以我以后可以理直气壮地说，奥巴马总统给我暖场了。’

Which set me up perfectly for me to say, I'm gonna be performing in fifteen minutes, which means that, technically, I'm going on after you, so I forever get to tell people that president Barack Obama opened for me.

天哪。

Oh my god.

太绝了。

That's brilliant.

他笑了，这时候我就不是在下跳棋了，而是在下象棋——我等着他问：‘你表演什么？’

So he laughs, and now I'm playing chess, not checkers, where I want him to say, what are you performing?

情况一下子变得更好了，梅尔，因为他看着我说：‘我认识你。’

It goes exponentially better, Mel, because he goes, oh, and he looks at me, and he goes, I know you.

天哪。

Oh my god.

你跟亚伦·罗杰斯玩的那招，真是太绝了。

The thing you did with Aaron Rodgers was incredible.

我看着我老婆，她就在现场，我心里想：他现在真的认出我了。

I'm looking at my wife who's at the show being like, he knows who I am right now.

他真的认出我了。

He knows who I am.

就在那一刻，他还完全沉浸其中，我知道我的机会转瞬即逝。

So right at that moment, he's he's still locked in, and I knew that my moment was fleeting.

于是我问他：‘你准备好看看这辈子最震撼的一幕了吗？’

And I said, are you ready for the most amazing thing you've seen?

不是今天，也不是这周，而是这个月。

Not today, not this week, but this month.

先生，您有三十秒时间吗？

Do you have thirty seconds, sir?

所以我一开始就设计了个小机制，让谁来拒绝这个请求变得没那么容易。

So right away, notice that I've I've set up a lottery system of who's gonna say no to this.

我不是要给你表演个把戏。

Not can I show you a trick?

我这不是在给你变魔术。

That's not I'm not showing you a trick.

我能让你看看你这辈子见过最震撼的东西吗？

Can I show you the most amazing thing you've seen?

我已经把期待值拉到最高了。

I've set up a tone of how good it's going to be.

您有三十秒时间吗？

Do you have thirty seconds?

对大多数人来说，三十秒就够了。

Thirty seconds for most people.

他一说‘三十秒’，我就知道他上钩了。

The minute he said back to me thirty seconds, I've got him.

所以他具体说什么根本不重要。

So it doesn't matter what he said.

他要么说‘不’，要么就说‘三十秒’。

He either says no or thirty seconds.

他一说‘三十秒’，我其实已经过了十秒，接下来会聊得更久。

Once he said thirty seconds, I'm already ten seconds in, and we're gonna go much longer

超过三十秒了，那你接下来怎么做？

than thirty So what you do?

我把名片递到他手里，说：想想未来一周你会跟谁联系。

I handed him a business card in his hand, I said, think of anyone you're gonna talk to in the next week.

他说：想好了。

And he goes, got someone.

我接着说：现在马上换个人。

I go, change your mind right now.

所以你以后讲这个故事的时候，总会说，他怎么可能知道？

So when you tell this story later, you will always say, how could he have known?

我中途改变主意了。

I changed my mind in the middle.

他怎么可能知道？

How could he have known?

然后他说：我想到了。

And then he said, I got it.

我说：翻过来看。

And I say, turn it over.

他翻过来一看，上面写着：替我向马蒂问好。

And when he turned it over, it says, say hello to Marty for me.

他当场就炸了。

And he just flipped out.

你还能看到那段视频。

There's a you can see the clip.

那就是我和他之间的那个时刻，多年来我一直都在想，如果真有那么一刻能见到总统，我的简短开场白会是什么？

It's so that was my moment with him, and that was something that I I would say years I've been thinking, what's my elevator pitch if I had this moment with the president?

想想你要见的是谁。

Think about who you who you're gonna meet.

想想当时的情境。

Think about the situation.

想想如果你有这三十秒的机会——这机会可不是 guaranteed 的——你会怎么做？

Think about what you would do with that thirty seconds if you have the chance, which is not guaranteed-

完全没把握。

At all.

真正见到这个人。

To actually meet this person.

所以我觉得，你是提前准备好的，清楚自己要做什么，根本没指望等别人安排。

And so I take it, you had prepared, you knew exactly what you were gonna do, and you weren't waiting for the gatekeeper.

不是的。

No.

你直接就这么做了。

You just did it.

没有经纪人。

There's no agent.

没有经理。

There's no manager.

在这个世界上，没有人会比你自己更关心你的成功。

There's nobody in life that will ever be as vested in your success as yourself.

所以你别等着别人来告诉你：你该怎么成为明星，怎么成为公司销售冠军，或者怎么当最好的妈妈或最好的爸爸。

So you don't wait for people to say and invite you, here's how you're going to be a star, or here's how you're gonna be the number one salesperson in your organization, or here's how you're be the best mom or the best dad.

抱歉。

Sorry.

根本不存在这种事。

That doesn't exist.

每个人都在同时摸索着怎么过好这一生。

Everybody's trying to figure out this game of life at the same time.

我见过一些人，他们真的是全球最富有的三个人里的一个或两个。

I've met people that are literally one or two of the three wealthiest people in the world.

我见过总统。

I've met presidents.

我见过王室成员，后来我意识到，自己曾经把他们放在一个高高在上的神坛上。

I've met royalty, and I came to the conclusion at a certain point I had this pedestal.

其实每个人都在摸索，就像我一样。

Everyone's figuring it out just like I am.

所以我一直在提醒自己：当那个时刻来临时，你要能创造那个时刻——因为很多人说的运气，其实就是让自己处在一种能让运气发生的情境里，而这往往需要多年持续地朝着那个方向努力。

And so I'm trying to say to myself, when the moment happens, and if you can create that moment because so much of what people will say is lucky is putting yourself in a situation where luck can happen, which is years and years of moving towards that moment.

要走到那一步，我可以告诉你五个让我有机会走进总统房间的步骤，但这些都不是别人主动为我开门，而是我一次次试探，先伸一只脚，再伸一只，再挤进去，慢慢打开缝隙，最终找到机会。

For me to have gotten to that, I could tell you five steps that even got me into the room with the president, that all of which occurred not because somebody opened the door for me, but that I kept putting a toe in, and then another toe, and then another toe, and squeezing it, and then opening it up, and finding an opportunity.

当机会来临时，我超出对方的预期，建立一种互惠的关系：我不断付出、付出、再付出，等到我需要的时候，根本不用开口，对方反而想回馈我。

And when that opportunity came, exceeding the expectations of the person I was with, and having a give and take relationship where I keep giving, giving, giving, giving, so that at the moment, when I wanna take, it's not even a take, they wanna give back to me.

我觉得这特别重要：你要一直这样对待身边的人。

And I think that's so important, is that you're constantly doing that with the people around you.

我很喜欢你这么说，因为我一直都在谈这些关键时刻。

I love that you're saying this, because I always talk about these at bat moments.

人生中有些时刻真的特别重要。

There's these moments in life that really matter.

有很多人，你可能就是其中之一，正坐在那儿等着被人发现。

And there's a lot of people, and you may be one of them as you're listening and watching, that are sitting around hoping to be found.

等着老板注意到你，或者埋头苦干，希望有人能看见你、发现你。

Sitting around hoping your boss notices you, sitting around, or you're working hard with your head down hoping somebody finds you or, quote, discovers you.

但在今天这个社会，这样等是行不通的。

And in today's world, that does not work.

你得像你说的那样去做——明白你想要的东西是自己的责任，要学会开口争取，愿意展露自己。这一切归根结底，就像你提到的：当你准备充分、清楚自己想要什么时，机会才会真正属于你。

You have to do what you're talking about, which is to understand that the things that you want are your responsibility, and you gotta learn how to ask for what you want, you gotta be willing to be seen, and a lot of this comes down to what you're talking about, about seeing the opportunity that you have more ability if you prepare, if you know what you want.

所以，首先要明白，其实没有所谓的守门人，真正限制你的，是你自己设下的界限。你得做好准备，而你反复强调的那个秘诀，就是别再重复老一套的做法。

So, it's around understanding, first of all, that there are no gatekeepers, except for the way we gatekeep ourselves, and you gotta prepare, and the secret that you keep saying is not doing the same old, same

老一套

old,

这样你就会把焦点放在别人身上。

so that you put the spotlight on someone else.

下一步该怎么做？

What's the next step?

我恳请你找一种方式，无论你刚踏入职场，还是在任何方面需要帮助，都去留意那些可以成为你导师的人，看看他们需要什么。

I implore you to find a way where if you're at the start of your career, or if you're at the start, even if you want help in anything, look to see that person who would be a mentor or help and guide you, and see what do they need.

别一上来就想着你能从对方那里得到什么，不管是信息还是时间，你更该问的是：他们想要什么回报？

Instead of you leading with what can I take from you, it might be information or time, what is it that they want back?

我来给你举个很典型的例子，我带过很多和我一样从事表演工作的人。

And I'm gonna give you just a great example of this where I've mentored a lot of other people that perform and do what I do.

他们常常一上来就问：你是怎么做到这个技巧的？

And many of them will lead with, how did you do this trick?

我不会回答这个问题，因为这说明你根本没下过功夫。

And I I'm not gonna answer that because it just doesn't show that you've put in the work.

对。

Yeah.

但有个年轻人来找我，看了我的网站，仔细研究后告诉我，你这个页面、这个页面、还有这个页面都有错别字，这个链接坏了，那个链接也坏了，你的维基百科页面也有一堆错误。

But I had one young guy who came to me and looked at my website, studied it, and said, I just wanted to let you know that you had typos on this page, this page, and this page, that your press this link was broken, this link was broken, and that your Wikipedia had a bunch of errors.

如果你愿意，我很乐意把这些都整理出来，帮你修正维基百科，然后发一封邮件给你的网页设计师，把每个问题的位置都标清楚，帮你解决。

If you'd like, I'm happy to compile all this, fix your Wikipedia for you, and send an email with every page and where it is to your web designer to help you out.

他一句要求都没提。

He didn't ask a single thing.

我当时就说，天啊。

I go, wow.

真是太感谢你了。

Thank you so much.

是的。

Yeah.

那太好了。

That'd be great.

之后他又发现了其他可以帮上忙的地方，接着又找到了下一个。

And then after that, found another thing he could do, and another thing.

这样反复搞了三轮之后，后来怎么样了？

And so what happened after about three iterations of this?

我就问，我能为你做点什么？

I said, what can I do to help you?

对吧？

Right?

我只是想帮那个人一把。

I wanted to help that person.

就像你给人寄张感谢卡或者送份小礼物，对方至少会回你一声谢谢。

The same way that sending somebody a thank you card or a gift will almost always elicit, at the very least, a thank you back.

也许这还不是真正的突破口，但至少算是把脚伸进来了。

And maybe that's not the door opening, but it's a toe in the door.

我特别喜欢这一点。

I love that.

你刚才说别等守门人，我也特别认同。

I also loved what you said, don't wait for a gatekeeper.

你能再详细解释一下，让听或看的人更清楚吗？

Can you unpack that more for the person listening or watching?

我觉得很多人都有这种梦想，我以前也有，因为我从小就没想过自己会进入娱乐圈。

So I think a lot of us have this dream, and I did because I didn't grow up thinking I'd be in showbiz.

我是第一代移民。

I am first generation immigrant.

那你原本打算做什么？

What did you think you would do?

所以我当时走的路，别管什么第一代不第一代的。

So I was on the path of again, don't call it first generation.

我父母说，你去上学，拿个学位，成绩要好，然后找份工作，再给别人打工。

My parents said, you go to school, you get a degree, you get good grades, and then you get a job, and then you work for someone else.

我就是被这样教育和培养长大的。

That was the way I was conditioned and brought up.

那就是我心中成功的定义。

That was what I was defined as success.

对。

Mhmm.

我13岁的时候开始玩魔术。

I started doing magic when I was 13 years old.

我就不跟你讲整个人生故事了。

I won't give you the whole life story.

我14岁那年，我父母离婚了。

When I was 14, my folks had gotten divorced.

那时候我们手头很紧。

We didn't really have a lot of money.

家里一团乱，但我还想继续表演，买新的魔术道具，可那些东西太贵了。

It was very messy, and I wanted to keep performing and getting new magic tricks, and they're very expensive.

所以为了能做到这些，我只好去打工。

And so for me to do that, I had to start working.

我妈妈说，我养不起你，你得去工作。

My mom's like, I can't you gotta go work.

于是我走到离家半英里远的一家餐厅，不知怎么的，靠嘴皮子混到了一份近景街头魔术师的工作。自己印了名片，手工裁剪，开始接一些儿童生日派对和企业活动的活儿。

So I walked over to a restaurant, you know, half a mile from my house, I somehow sweet talked myself into getting a job being a close-up strolling magician, printed my own business cards, hand cut them, and started getting gigs doing children's birthday parties and corporate events.

所以当你问我当初怎么想的，我从来没觉得这能当成全职职业来做。

And so when you asked me what did I view, I never viewed it as I could do this full time professionally.

我做这个只是为了攒钱读完大学，之后去企业上班。我在华尔街干了几年，直到某一天，突然有了好几个顿悟时刻——等等，我是不是真能靠这个养活自己？

I did this in order to get my degree to go work in a corporate job, and I worked on Wall Street for a few years, and at a certain moment, there were all these light bulb moments, as you call them, of, wow, could I actually do this for my living?

我真的能靠这个活下去吗？

Could I do this?

把一个梦想，变成实实在在的生活。

Make it from, like, something that's a dream into a reality.

我觉得很多人都会想，我现在做的这份工作，真的是我命中注定该做的吗？

I think so many of us have that of, is this what I'm currently doing, what I was born to do?

这真的是我的天职吗？

Is this what my calling is?

但后来我意识到，如果一直躲在墙角不敢行动，我就再也走不下去了。

And at a certain point, I couldn't keep going for it if I was always on the wall.

我必须直接跳进水里。

I had to jump in the pool.

光是把脚趾伸进水里是不够的。

I couldn't just dip my toes in the water.

所以2005年，我辞掉了工作。

So in 2005, I quit my job.

我全职投入了这件事，周围人都觉得这根本不是个明智的财务决定。

I went for it full time, and it was not something everyone around me thought was a smart fiscal decision.

从在华尔街做高薪工作，突然变成一个魔术师兼心灵术士，这听起来简直疯了。

It seemed pretty crazy to go from working on Wall Street with a very well paying job to you are suddenly a magician slash mentalist.

我刚开始干这行那天就明白了，没人会像上世纪二十年代的杂耍剧场那样，冲我说：‘小子，我让你成名。’

And day one of me doing that, I realized no one is gonna call me in, like, in the nineteen twenties vaudeville and say, I'm gonna make you a star, kid.

这种事根本不会发生。

That's not gonna happen.

那天我坐在沙发上看着白天的电视，对自己说：‘现在，我什么都不用做，梅尔。’

I had that moment sitting on the couch watching daytime TV and saying, I don't have to do anything right now, Mel.

我完全可以穿着内裤吃着麦片，瘫在沙发上看电视，当时我还觉得这真是我人生中最惬意的一个早晨，但没过多久，那种感觉就变了。

I could just eat cereal and sit in my boxers watching TV, and I thought for about five minutes, this is the most glorious morning of my life, and then this feeling settled in.

我突然意识到，天哪。

And I go, oh my god.

我没有老板了。

I don't have a boss.

我可以一直这样混下去，但要是我不主动，就没人会帮我实现这一切。

I could just keep doing this, but no one is gonna make this happen if I don't.

于是我关掉了电视，对自己说：得行动起来了。

And I turned off the TV, and I said, I gotta start making moves.

当明星、心理魔术师、摇滚歌手，或者很多其他职业，根本就没有现成的路线图。

And there is no playbook for being a movie star or a mentalist or a rock star or so many of these careers.

所以你得自己定义目标，明确什么是成功，然后一步步、实实在在地朝着它前进。

So I think you've gotta start defining your goals and what success is in taking small incremental quantifiable steps towards achieving it.

奥斯，我们先插个广告，听听赞助商的话。

Oz, let's just take a quick break so that we can hear a word from our sponsors.

别走开，接下来还有更多奥兹要教你的，比如一个超棒的记人名技巧。

And don't go anywhere because there is so much more Oz has to teach you, including an incredible trick for remembering people's names.

我们才刚起步，继续跟我来。

We're just getting started, so stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯。

It's your friend Mel Robbins.

今天，我和你一起学习如何读懂他人、与任何人交谈，以及用自信的方式沟通，嘉宾是世界顶级心灵术士皮尔曼。

Today, you and I are learning how to read people, talk to anyone, and communicate with confidence with the world's top mentalist, Pearlman.

如果有听众或观众在看，我觉得这集很可能会被很多人转发给自己的成年子女，或者配偶，又或者那些不敢主动表现的人。对于那些连脚趾尖都不敢伸进水里、只敢坐在一旁看着别人行动、其实自己也能做到的人，你会对他们说什么？

For somebody who is listening or watching, because I have a feeling this is gonna be one of those episodes that a lot of people send to their adult kids, or maybe they send to their spouse, or they send to somebody who is really resistant to putting themselves out there, what would you say to somebody who is uncomfortable with even just putting that little toe in the water, who sits back and watches everybody else do it, but could do it?

你对这样的人想说些什么？

What do you wanna say to that person?

每当人们在

Whenever people see you at

在别人眼里，他们只看到你现在这个层次，却看不到你为此付出的那些年。

a certain level, they don't see all the years that came to being here.

他们没看见我14岁的时候，走到一张桌子前被拒之门外，因为他们不想让一个带着保姆的小孩凑过来，‘你是谁啊？’

So they don't see me at 14 years old walking up to a table being rejected because they didn't want some 14 year old shrimp coming over while they had a babysitter, and who are you?

然后你开始做推销。

And and and you start doing cartridges.

走开，小孩。

Get out of here, kid.

你根本不在乎我的感受。

And then you don't care about my feelings.

我不是他们的孩子。

I'm not their kid.

那真的让我很难受。

And that hurt.

我不能骗你，说被人这样拒绝一点都不会痛。

I can't lie to you and say that being rejected in that way doesn't hurt.

如果一件事在一张桌子碰壁，接着又在另一张桌子碰壁，再接着再来一次，真的会把你击垮。

And if it happens at one table, and then another table, and then another table, it crushes you.

所以我那时候就明白了，我觉得这对我整个人生都有帮助——这是一种韧性。我学会了如何克服的不只是被拒绝的痛苦，更关键的是，时间久了，你会害怕被拒绝。

And so what I learned at that age, and I think that it's helped me throughout my whole life, it's a form of resilience, is I learned how to overcome not just rejection, the pain of rejection, but what happens over time is you have a fear of rejection.

我觉得你提到的那些人，其实根本没体会到什么叫被拒绝。

I would argue that most of those people that you're mentioning aren't even feeling rejection.

他们太害怕被拒绝了，以至于还没开始就已经被吓停了。

They fear the rejection so much that it stops them dead in their tracks before trying.

所以，我来告诉你一个秘诀。

And so here's the cheat code.

我想教你一个捷径，让你能绕开对被拒绝的恐惧，因为我在14岁的时候就已经懂了。

I wanna give you how to fast forward and cheat so you don't have that fear of rejection, because this is what I knew when was 14 years old.

我当时这么做的原因很简单，而且有点自私——因为我输不起。

And I did it as a as a way, and it was selfish because I couldn't fail.

我不能走出那家餐厅就放弃，因为我还想继续变魔术。

I couldn't leave that restaurant and just be like, I'm not doing this because I want to keep getting magic tricks.

我就想，我得赶紧多买点新魔术，不能让别人左右我的未来，就因为他们伤了我的心。

I I just I'm like, I gotta buy more tricks now, so I can't let these other people be in charge of my future because they're hurting my feelings.

我没法解释自己是怎么想到这个的，但我意识到，得把那个会受伤、会难受的自己，和另一个我分开来。

So I can't explain to you how I fell upon this, but I realized that I need to separate myself, this part of your psyche that takes the hurt and feels it and separate it from this other person.

我突然想通了：他们根本不了解我。

I had this paradigm shift where I go, they don't know me.

那个人根本不知道我是谁。

That person does not know me.

我是欧兹·珀尔曼。

I'm Oz Pearlman.

他们根本不了解我。

I they don't know me.

他们只认识那个走过来变魔术的人，我在心里管他叫‘魔术师欧兹’。

They know the guy who just came up to them and did tricks, and I called him Oz the magician in my mind.

于是我给自己造了一个双重人格，所有愤怒、混乱、挫败和伤痛，都丢给那个虚构的人，这样我就能把责任推给他，告诉自己：他们根本不懂我。

I created this split personality where all of the anger, chaos, frustration, hurt got put on this other person where I could deflect that responsibility and go, they don't know me.

我离开那张桌子的时候，一点都没觉得受伤。

I'm not hurt when I leave that table.

我对他们说：谢谢你们，真的很感谢。

I said, thank you very much, guys.

我看看能不能改天再回来。

I'll see if I can come back later.

非常感谢你们。

Appreciate you.

我之所以一点痛苦都没有，是因为我把自己分开了，这就像是有个经纪人替你接电话，他可以说：我不想谈这个谈判，也不想跟那个人聊这件事。

And I had none of that pain because I separated myself, and it's almost like having an agent where your agent gets to have the calls, where they go, I don't wanna do this negotiation, or I don't wanna talk to that person about this thing.

你有个经纪人来处理这些事。

You have an agent that handles it.

我成了自己的经纪人，心里给自己设定了一个界限：你拒绝我，我再也不觉得痛了，因为你根本不是在拒绝我。

I became my own agent, and somehow I created a set in my mind where I said, I no longer feel the pain of you rejecting me, because you're not rejecting me.

你拒绝的只是我身上的那一部分，你根本不知道真正的我。

You're rejecting this part of me, and you don't know the real me.

我后来明白，如果一晚上发出去六十张名片，算下来，明年总会有一两个人找我，可能是为孩子办生日派对，或者别的聚会。

I realized that if I give away 60 business cards in a night, in the next year, I quantified it, one or two of those people will call me for their kid's birthday party, or for some other party.

总会有一两个人联系我。

One or two of them will call me.

所以别总盯着那五十八个拒绝，每个拒绝都让我离成功更近一步。

So rather than focus on 58 no's, every no gets me closer to a yes.

我希望你能从这个角度去看待这件事。

So I want you to start seeing it that way in your mind.

你现在一想到要做这事，就害怕得不行。

Right now, you're so scared to do it.

你就是不敢迈出那一步。

You're so scared to do something.

你一想到就头疼。

You're dreading it.

五秒法则。

Five second rule.

我记得我是在哪儿学到这个的。

I remember where I got that one.

对吧？

Right?

我从床上爬起来。

I get out of bed.

我想早上五点半去跑步。

I wanna go for a run at 05:30AM.

我困得不行。

I'm so groggy.

我给自己喊一声：休斯敦。

I go Houston.

点火，发射。

We have liftoff.

五、四、三、二、一。

54321.

我起床了。

I get up.

这招对我有用，不过我得给你提个醒，关于你的五秒规则。

So that works for me, but I'm gonna give you a tag to your five second rule.

拜托了。

Please.

我最害怕的语言是什么？

What's my language of dread?

正面冲突。

Confrontation.

我特别讨厌正面冲突，梅尔。

I hate confrontation, Mel.

比如，我得去跟负责园艺的那个人理论，说好好的树没修剪，还得为钱的事争执。

Like, if I have to talk to the guy who did our landscaping and argue about the fact that the trees weren't pruned, and I gotta argue about money.

我真的受不了这个。

I hate that.

我会推迟一下，把这件事往后挪三天。

I will defer it and move it in my calendar for three days.

如果我和我妹妹吵了架，我就不想说话。

If I have an argument with my sister, I don't wanna talk.

我不想谈，那我该怎么处理呢？

I don't wanna so how do I deal with this?

我们这么办。

Here's what we do.

你准备好了吗？

Are you ready?

好了。

Yes.

你有手机。

You've got a phone.

我也有手机。

I've got a phone.

就在你动手之前，我们要用五秒法则。

Right before you do it, we're about to employ the five second rule.

我心里会问自己：这件事让我多抗拒？从一到十分打几分？

In my mind, I ask myself, how how much am I dreading this on a scale of one to 10?

得有九分。

It's a nine.

我根本不想做这件事。

I don't wanna do this at all.

我设了一个二十四小时后的闹钟，提醒自己去跟园艺师沟通。

I put an alarm for twenty four hours from today, and I write dread talking to landscaper as my thing.

我三秒钟就搞定了。

Took me three seconds to do that.

然后，五秒倒数，我直接拨通电话。

Right then, five second rule, I make the call.

我一咬牙，干脆利落地做了。

I rip the bandit.

不管怎样，我都会去做。

I do it no matter what.

我直接下手了。

I rip the bandit.

我就去做了。

I do it.

赶紧把它搞定。

I get it over with.

逼自己行动起来。

Force yourself to do it.

接下来会发生什么。

Here's what's gonna happen.

第二天，闹钟一响。

The next day, the alarm's gonna go off.

如果你还记得一天前这事，那时候就问问自己：想到跟园艺师谈话，我有多抗拒？

If you even remember what this was a day later, ask yourself at that moment, what do I register the dread that it was talking to the landscaper?

这是一次二。

It's a two.

如果我还记得的话，那就是一次一。

It's a one if I even remember it.

发生什么事了？

What happened?

从我的经验里学点东西。

Learn from my job.

我的工作就是骗你，让你觉得有趣。

My job is to deceive you in order to entertain you.

我研究人类的思维方式已经快二十九年了。

I have studied the way people think for upwards of twenty nine years.

人的大脑就是这样运作的——你刚才做了点什么，其实什么都没发生，但感觉好多了。

The human mind is wired where right now, all you did, nothing happened, you feel better.

为什么？

Why?

时间过去了，别的什么都没发生。

Time elapsed, nothing else.

时间就这么溜走了。

Time went by.

要是你能把这二十四小时快进一下，现在就感受到那一两分感觉，会怎么样？

What if you could fast forward those twenty four hours and feel the one or two now?

我把这叫作提前感受情绪。

I call it fast forward your feelings.

我真的一边对自己说，我想在做这件事之前，先提前二十四小时体会到现在这种感觉。

I literally, I say to myself, I wanna feel the way I do now twenty four hours ago before I do it.

如果你试个两三次，就会发现，这全都是认知在作怪。

And if you do this two or three times, you will realize all it is is perception.

真正发生的，不过是你的认知而已。

All that happened is perception.

你才是自己mind的主人。

You are in charge of your mind.

所以每次要打那个电话前，我就告诉自己：现在就先感受一下那种轻松，因为一天后我根本不会记得这事。

So right before I make that call, I go, I'm gonna feel a two now, because in a day, I'm not even gonna remember this.

你知道吗？

You know what?

在倒数五、四、三之前，我就先把自己代入到二十四小时后的状态，因为我太清楚到时候会是什么感觉了。

Before I count five four three, I'm gonna feel the same way I do in twenty four hours now because I so know that that's how it's gonna be.

我现在感觉好多了。

I feel better now.

咱们赶紧把这电话打了，了结了事。

Let's make this call and get it over with.

我刚刚骗了自己，提前穿越到未来，知道那时候我会是什么心情。

I've just tricked my mind and traveled into the future knowing this is how I will feel.

我特别喜欢这个方法，而且我希望正在听或看的你，能清楚地掌握每一步，我觉得这方法太妙了。

I love this, and I wanna make sure that as you're listening or watching, you actually got the step by step process, because I do think it's genius.

你得打一个电话。

You have a phone call to make.

你付钱让人家做件事。

You've paid somebody to do something.

结果人家没做好。

They didn't do the job right.

或者家庭里的对话。

Or family conversation.

或者家人之间，甚至就像你刚才说的那个中性例子：天哪，我付了钱，结果事儿没办成，现在还得打电话给人家，对方肯定一堆借口。

Or a family, but even just like the neutral one that you gave of, Oh my God, I paid and it didn't get done right, now I gotta call the person, and they're gonna be a this and a that.

我们都经历过这种事，而你说的是，你在手机上设了个提醒，说

And so we've all felt that, and what you're saying is you set an alarm in your phone that says

二十四小时后。

Twenty four hours from now.

二十四小时后，一想到要给园艺师打电话就头疼。

Twenty four hours from this moment, dread calling the landscaper.

没错。

Exactly.

然后倒数五、四、三、二、一，就给园艺师打电话吧。

And then 54321, you call the landscaper.

必须得打。

Must.

就像撕创可贴一样，赶紧一咬牙就做了。

You rip the band aid.

你得动手。

You do

现在就得做。

it must now.

现在就去做。

Do it now.

早点了结这事。

You get it over with.

结果怎么样就怎么样吧。

It goes however it goes.

二十四小时后，你连打电话这事儿都忘了，结果闹钟又响了。

Twenty four hours later, you've even forgotten about the call and the alarm goes off.

这时候，你被提醒起自己当初有多抗拒这件事，而它其实已经过去了——就在这一刻，你开始训练自己去意识到：也没那么糟。

And now the fact that you are being reminded that you dreaded this so much, and it's already in the past, you're now training yourself in that moment to reflect on the fact that it wasn't that bad.

对，你的大脑本来就会这么自动运作。

Right, which your mind is programmed to do.

我觉得这招太聪明了，我打算试试。

Here's what I think is genius about this, and I'm going to try this.

过去十六年，我每天起床前都数五、四、三、二、一。

And the reason why I think this is genius is because for the last sixteen years, I have been counting five, four, three, two, one to get out of bed.

我依然讨厌起床。

I still hate getting out of bed.

但我想，如果我明天早上设个闹钟，然后第二天早上回想一下：其实也没那么难熬，说不定真能慢慢消除早晨的抗拒感，而不是每次都硬逼着自己起来。

But I think if I were to set the alarm, which I'm gonna do tomorrow morning, and I then reflect the next morning on the fact that it wasn't so bad, I might actually train myself not to feel the dread in the morning, versus just having to constantly push myself through it.

这太有意思了。

This is fascinating.

害怕开始是因为第一步最难，第十步反而没那么难。

Dread is associated with starting that the first step is far harder than the tenth.

所以你就一直拖着不办。

And so you just set things aside.

谁不是这样呢？

Who's guilty of this?

我把它挪到明天的日程里。

I move it to my calendar tomorrow.

我又把它挪到后天的日程里。

I move it to my calendar the next day.

干脆就放到下周吧。

Let's just move it to next week.

老是把那些没截止时间的事往后推。

Let's keep moving things that have no end timelines.

对吧？

Right?

创造力需要截止日期。

Creativity requires a deadline.

那些没时限的事，往往永远拖着，因为我根本不想做。

Certain things that are open ended never end because I never wanna do them.

我们有多少人，心里都藏着些‘总有一天会做’的事？

How many of us have those things that we'll do one day?

对吧？

Right?

那一天到底什么时候才会来？

When's that day going to come?

所以对我来说，很多事如果不是被逼着做，比如拖太久让别人失望，最后惹他们生气，问你‘你到底什么时候做那件事？’

And so for me, with a lot of these things, unless they're forced upon me, which could be that I disappoint others eventually, and they get mad at me and say, well, when are you gonna do that thing?

现在就是时候了。

The time is now.

我总是把截止日往后推，直到实在躲不过去。我不得不这么做，因为拖延带来的焦虑，比真去做还要难受。

I will keep pushing the end line and when it takes place, and so I had to do this as a survival mechanism because that dread feels worse than doing the thing.

奥兹，我想先暂停一下，让我们听一下我们出色的赞助商的广告，我知道你作为心灵术士，肯定早猜到我要说了。

Oz, I wanna take a quick pause so we can hear a word from our amazing sponsors, and I can tell since you're a mentalist, you knew that was coming before I even said it.

别走开。

Don't go anywhere.

回来之后我们还有更多内容要深入探讨，继续关注我。

We have so much more to dig into when we return, so stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯。

It's your friend Mel Robbins.

今天，你和我将一起向世界顶级心灵术士奥兹·珀尔曼学习。

And today, you and I get to learn from one of the top mentalists in the world, Oz Pearlman.

好了，奥兹，我想再深入聊聊，因为你还提到过，和人相处的前十秒非常关键，没错。

Okay, so Oz, I wanna go deeper because one of the other things that you say is that the first ten seconds Yep.

这最初的十秒钟至关重要。

That you spend with someone are critical.

那最初的十秒钟里到底发生了什么？你该留意哪些细节？

What is happening in those first ten seconds, and what should you be taking note of?

我能先聊聊当年在餐厅工作的经历吗？

So can I throw it back to the restaurant days?

因为没错，

Because that Yes.

那段经历彻底改变了我的人生。

Changed my life.

好的。

Okay.

现在你看我，当我走近一桌客人时，

Truly, when you look at me now, when I approached a table Yep.

我开始注意到各种模式，而这就是我们在生活中一直在做的事。

I started noticing patterns, and that's what we do throughout life.

我们在与他人互动时，总会不自觉地观察模式。

We notice patterns when we behave with other people.

我们是怎么互动的？这些模式又带来了什么？

How do we interact, and what do those patterns yield?

对吧？

Right?

这样做效果很好。

This does well.

我们再来一次。

Let's do it again.

好。

Yeah.

我发现，如果我一上来就主动接近别人，就在对方第一眼看到我的时候，已经有很多判断在心里发生了。

I noticed that if I approach people right away, right when people see within the first second, there's so many judgments that occur.

就拿我走到你桌边这个场景来说，一上来，他们心里就会冒出一堆问题。

Now in the situation I had specifically of walking up to you at a table, right away, they ask themselves all of these questions.

这人是谁啊？

Who is this guy?

他来这儿干嘛？

What's he doing here?

他在这儿上班？

Does he work here?

他这是……天啊。

What's he oh my god.

他手里拿着一副牌。

He's got a deck card.

他是魔术师？

Is he a magician?

他水平怎么样？

Is he any good?

他会走吗？

Is he gonna leave?

他会让我丢脸吗？

He's gonna embarrass me?

他该不会让我丢脸吧？

That was is he gonna embarrass me?

他是不是缺钱？

Does he need money?

天哪。

Oh my god.

我身上有钱吗？

Do I have money?

这些问题在我脑子里一闪而过。

All of those questions occurred in a split second.

我的任务不只是逗你们开心。

My job wasn't just to entertain you.

我的任务是迅速化解紧张，一一回应这些问题，用最少的语言和动作打上勾，然后逆转局面。

My job was to diffuse tension and to answer every one of those questions, put a check mark next to them as quickly as possible, in as few words and actions as possible, and then flip the power dynamic.

现在你们反而希望我别走了。

You now want me to not leave.

现在，我掌控着你的注意力。

Now I'm in charge of your attention.

我就把它牢牢握在手心，

I'm holding it in the palm of

这手心里。

my hand.

你听到了吗？

Did you hear that?

所以我立刻注意到了一些模式。

So right away, I noticed a few patterns.

如果你直接朝一个人走过去，这其实挺荒唐的——想学读身体语言吗？待会儿听完这五分钟后，你就可以试试。

When you approach somebody head on, this is so silly, and you wanna know about body language reading, try this today, five minutes after this.

当你直接朝别人走过去时，我们天生就会感到威胁。

If you approach someone head on, we are hardwired to feel danger when someone comes directly at you.

所以我总是斜着走向餐桌。

I would approach tables at an angle.

所以当我朝你走过来时，注意我是斜着走近的，只让你看到一只眼睛，而不是两张脸正对着你。

So when I walk up to you, notice I walk up and approach at an angle with one eye showing, not two.

这会触发一种条件反射式的本能反应—— fight or flight，让你觉得没那么危险。

It feels from a like, just from a Pavlovian response of fight or flight, what's what is you feel less danger.

我立刻设定了时间限制，因为那种拖拖拉拉走过来的人，你根本不知道他什么时候才会走。

I immediately put a time constraint in place, because the lingering person who walks up to you, you don't know when they're gonna go.

他们靠得太近，贴着你说话。

They're close talking.

天哪，这场对话到底要持续多久？

Oh my god, how long is this conversation gonna be?

如果我走过去对你说：‘我只有三十秒时间’，瞬间就消除了你心里的很多紧张感。

If I walk up to you and say, I only have thirty seconds, right away, I've taken away so many of the parts of tension that you had.

这人是谁啊？

Who is this?

他会一直待在这儿吗？

Are they gonna stay?

他们在干什么？

What are they doing?

这得聊多久啊？

Is this gonna be long?

你马上就会不确定我是不是这儿的员工。

And then right away, I know that you don't know if I work there.

你根本不知道我是谁。

You don't know who I am.

我是来向你要钱的吗？

Am I asking you for money?

我立刻意识到，提到钱或者要小费会让你很不自在。

Right away, I knew that money and getting a tip makes you awkward.

我看到有人到处打听：‘亲爱的，你有钱吗？有零钱吗？’

I see people searching, honey, do you have money, do have that?

所以我一般会跟你说：‘你听说今晚有什么事吗？’

So I would say to you, have you heard what's going on tonight?

今晚可是你的幸运之夜。

This is your lucky night.

所以我一开口就问了个没法用‘是’或‘不是’回答的问题，对吧。

So right away, I've asked a question that has no yes or no Uh-huh.

因为根本没人会说‘不’。

Because no one says, no.

我不太喜欢什么幸运之夜。

I don't like lucky nights.

没错。

Right.

我会跟你们说，老板特意安排我来给大家一个惊喜，接下来我要让你们见识这周最棒的表演。

I go, the owner has me here as a special treat for all of you, and I'm gonna show you the most amazing thing you've seen this week.

我从来没问过你们能拒绝的问题，以前我走到车边时，问的是‘谁想看个魔术？’

So I haven't ever given you a question you can say no to, because when I used to walk up to the deck cars, who wants to a trick?

没人想。

No.

谢谢，孩子。

Thanks, kid.

我允许你叫停我。

I've allowed you to stop me.

所以我不断精简语言，就像顶尖喜剧演员那样，把铺垫压到最短，笑点迅速甩出，确保每一步都到位，等我走到你面前时，你已经完全被吸引住了。

So I kept cutting down the amount of words, same way a great comedian makes a premise short and the punchline fast, to check every box so that by the time I walked up to you, you're intrigued.

你感兴趣了。

You're interested.

你知道我在这儿工作。

You know I work there.

你知道老板，凭社交资本，已经让你沾了光，能在这儿。

You know the owner, social currency, has blessed you with being here.

我是老板特意请来给大家的惊喜。

I'm here as a treat from the owner.

我可不是来向你要钱的。

I'm not asking you for money.

我不需要钱。

I don't want money.

现在你放松了，不紧张了，别忘了，门我已经给你打开了，但你得拿出真本事来。

And so now you're loose, you're relaxed, and now, keep in mind, I've opened the door, but you better deliver.

我把所有紧张感都消除了，但开场必须得够精彩才行。

So what I've done is I've taken away all the tension, but I better have a great trick as an opener.

当然。

Yes.

那是肯定的。

You bet.

我这才刚开头而已。

All I've done is just started.

我不会告诉你怎样才能在你做的事上取得成功。

I'm not giving you the secret to how you're gonna be a success at what you do.

那得靠你自己。

That's on you.

但我已经给了你开门的方法，让对方产生兴趣，愿意接纳你，现在轮到你上场了。

But I've given you the way to open the door so that the person is now interested, and they've bought in, and now you get your shot at bat.

那我们该怎么把

How do we apply

你掌握的所有技巧，用在和人初次见面的那十秒钟里呢？

all the knowledge that you have to those ten seconds of first interacting with somebody?

这得看具体情况。

So this is gonna be situation specific.

比如在你的个人生活中，假设你遇到了一个你感兴趣的人。

Right in your personal life, let's say you're meeting somebody that you're interested in.

这种情况和你作为医药代表去见一位新医生，差别可大了。

That's gonna differ very greatly than if you are a pharmaceutical rep and you're meeting a new doctor K.

或者你去见的是那位医生的行政助理，她能帮你打开通往医生的大门。

Or a new, you know, administrative assistant who's gonna open the door to that doctor.

每种情况都不一样，但共同点是，你都得学会从对面那个人的角度去思考。

Every one of these situations is different, but in every situation, the common denominator is you need to start thinking like the person in front of you.

因为我们大多数人走过去的时候，想的都是自己。

Because most of us, when we walk up, are thinking about ourselves.

我会说什么？我有什么特别的？

And what are we gonna say about us, and what's gonna matter about me?

我希望你停下这种想法。

And I want you to take and stop that.

我之前说过，要让他们。

That's where I said make them.

让他们对你感兴趣。

Make them care about you.

让他们主动提起你。

Make them talk about you.

让他们记住你，而要做到这一点，就得把焦点放在他们身上。

Make them remember you, and you do that by making it about them.

一切以他们为中心。

Make it about them.

当你走向那个人时，试着留意是什么在驱动他们。

When you walk up to that person, try to be aware of what makes them tick.

你最近是不是遇到达美航空的航班取消了？

When you are at like, had a Delta flight recently cancel.

给达美航空点个赞。

Shout out.

我特别喜欢达美航空。

I love Delta.

我经常坐他们的航班，但这次又碰上了。

I fly them all the time, but I had another one.

接着又取消了一班，我被困在机场，走过去找地勤人员时，别人都在对这个人出言不逊。

And then another one, and I'm stuck at the airport, and I'm walking up to the airport attendant, and everyone else is being rude to this person.

没错。

Yep.

那位工作人员，你觉得当你排在第十个，又态度恶劣、炫耀身份的时候，这能帮上忙吗？

And that agent, do you think that's gonna help when you are the tenth person to come up and be rude and flex your status and all that?

顺便问一下，他们能控制天气或者设备吗？不能。

And by the way, do they have any control over the weather or the equipment No.

或者能控制延误的时间吗？

Or the timing out?

他们是故意取消航班来整你吗？

Did they cancel it on purpose to screw you?

不是。

No.

但你很生气，我觉得如果你走过去对那个人说

But you're mad, and I think that if you walk up to that person

对。

Yes.

你就说一句：今天真够倒霉的。

And you just say, what a rough day.

这么多人来找你麻烦。

All these people coming up to you.

我知道这不怪你。

I know this isn't your fault.

我知道你希望事情能顺利一点。

I know you wish things were going smooth.

如果你能帮个忙，有没有可能帮我改签到这趟之前的另一班航班？

If you could help me out, is there any chance that there's another flight you could get me on before this?

对吧？

Right?

刚才你那种感同身受的态度，就该这么开头，先共情。

Just right there, the way you've empathized, lead with empathy.

如果你真想马上过去找人，就先站在对方的角度想一想，理解他们的处境，然后说一句贴心的话——你不是读心术士，但可以按我的方法来。

So if you wanna walk up to somebody right away, leading with empathy and having an awareness of who they are, what makes them tick, and putting in one statement where you you're not a mentalist, but use my playbook.

试着走进他们的内心。

Get inside their head.

想想他们此刻是什么感受。

Think what's it like for them.

如果你是那个医药代表，进去之后可以说：我猜你今天已经被不少人推销过各种产品了吧。

If you're that pharmaceutical rep and you go in there, you said, I bet you've had so many people pitch you today all different products.

我希望今天我的介绍能成为你这一天里最棒的一次。

I want this to be the best one you've had all day.

你能不能抽出三十秒时间？

Do you have even thirty seconds?

我得跟你分享一件让人兴奋的事。

I've gotta tell you something exciting.

对吧？

Right?

你要稍微提一提他们今天过得怎么样，正在经历什么。

Something where you just just allude to what their day is and what they're going through and what's happening with them.

我觉得这样真的特别管用。

I think that goes such a long way.

如果你去见一个人，就像在搭讪一样。

If you're meeting somebody and you like, flirting.

我不是在教你该怎么搭讪，但我可以告诉你，一开始就用赞美、微笑、时间紧迫感，或者用一种从对方角度出发的友好语气，效果绝对比一上来就谈自己强得多。

I'm not telling you what your pickup line is, but I can tell you that right away, leading with either a compliment, a smile, a time constraint, or just saying something very friendly that you see through their eyes the world is going to make such a bigger impact than immediately saying something about you.

这太棒了。

I love that.

这让我立刻想到了工作中的场景，因为很多时候，我们确实不敢主动去接近别人。

And it immediately gave me an example in a work setting, because I think a lot of time, it's easy to be tentative about approaching somebody.

什么时候才合适呢？

When's a good time?

这个时机对吗？

When's this?

那这个时间行不行？

When's that?

结果一拖就是好几个月，都排不上对方的日程。

And months can go by before you get time on someone's calendar.

如果你真听了我们讲的，就别总想着自己——我得找个人谈一谈。

And if you take what you're teaching us, is stop thinking about yourself, I need time with this person.

我怎么就是抽不出时间呢，唉，一堆理由。

Why is this I'm not getting the time, blah, blah, blah.

你得想想你想要联系的那个人。

And you think about the person you're trying to reach.

天啊，他手头事情真多。

Geez, they have a lot going on.

老天，一堆事正朝他涌过来。

Holy cow, there's a lot coming at them.

这人真是忙得不可开交。

Boy, this is a really busy person.

所以如果你站在他角度，看见他正走过走廊，你不会走过去直接说：‘我需要你的时间。’

So if I step in their shoes and I see them going down a hallway, you don't walk up and say, Hey, I need time with you.

你应该是陪着他走，然后说：‘我知道你特别忙。’

You start walking with them and you say, Hey, I know you're really busy.

我只想跟你走这三十秒，有件重要的事得跟你说一下。

I'm gonna walk with you for the next thirty seconds because there's something really important that I need to share with you.

我想确保这件事在你的关注范围内。

I wanna make sure it's on your radar.

搞定。

Boom.

现在你突然对我的事感兴趣了，愿意陪我走一段，那我给你的就不止三十秒了。

Now all of a sudden you've got my interest and you're walking with me, and I'm gonna give you more than thirty seconds.

没错。

Absolutely.

如果你能用一些以对方利益为导向的说法就更好了，比如不是‘我有重要的事跟你说’，而是‘我想让你生活更轻松’，‘我有个好办法，能让你赚更多钱、有更多属于自己的时间’。

And if you can if you can put any type of benefits oriented language where if not even I have something important to share with you, it's I wanna make your life easier, and I have an excellent way so that you're making more money, having more time to yourself.

对，没错。

Again Yep.

换个角度思考价值主张，每次接触别人时，都要强调你是在帮他们过得更好、更轻松。

Invert the value proposition so that when you're approaching somebody, you're always saying the thing that you're doing to make their life better, easier, anything.

你甚至可以直接说：‘我想帮你省下一大笔麻烦。’

You could literally say, I wanna save you a gigantic headache.

因为我注意到一个问题正在酝酿，想提醒你注意一下。

Because I see an issue brewing and I wanna bring it to your nutrition.

现在我停下了。

Now I'm stopped.

砰。

Boom.

现在我连走都不走了。

Now I'm not even walking.

很多人误以为必须安排一个三十分钟的视频会议，才能把这事说清楚，但其实有更简单的方法。

And I think a lot of people make the mistake of thinking you gotta have a thirty minute Zoom call scheduled at some point to be able to lay out this is, and there's a way to use these strategies.

多替对方着想，别总围绕自己，换个角度说，让他们觉得有意思，提前化解疑虑，这样你就能顺利切入，几秒钟就够了。

Think about the other person, flip it so it's not about you, frame it in a way that it would be interesting to them, diffuse any of the objections, and now you're in, and it takes just a few seconds.

对。

Right.

这其实是在改变你的思维方式。

It's changing your mindset in a way.

你知道吗，奥兹，你特别擅长的一件事就是记得别人的名字。

You know, one of the things, Oz, that you're exceptional at is remembering people's names.

我特别想听听你聊聊，为什么培养这项能力很重要，当别人听到自己的名字时，大脑里会发生什么。

And I would love to have you speak a little bit about why is this an important skill to develop in yourself, and what happens in the other person's brain when they hear their name.

从小时候起，我们的名字对我们来说就是特别的存在。

So our name, from the time we're young, is something special to us.

对吧？

Right?

如果有人忘了你的名字，别误会，这确实会让人有点受伤。

And if somebody forgets your name, make no mistake about it, it hurts a little bit.

那种感觉就像是自己没那么重要了。

There's a sting to the fact that you weren't as important.

也许你只是记性不好，或者有别的原因，但不管你怎么想，忘了别人的名字都不是好事，我们都经历过。

Now maybe your memory was faulty, maybe it was all but if you forget someone's name, no matter what you think, it's not a good thing, and we've all felt it.

我们也都犯过这样的错。

We've all done it.

我们都当过被忘记名字的人，也当过忘记别人名字的人。

We've been on the receiving side and the giving side.

所以大多数人犯了个大错，他们总跟我说：‘我记性太差，记不住名字。’

So most of us make a huge mistake in thinking, they'll say to me, I'm so bad at remembering names.

哎呀，你倒是说说，你怎么就能记得住呢？

Ugh, how can you show me you're so good at it?

我要告诉你，记不住别人名字的真正原因，根本不是你的记忆力有问题。

I'm going to tell you that the main culprit in forgetting people's names has nothing to do with your memory.

而是你从一开始就没真正听到对方的名字。

It's that you never even knew the name to begin with.

大多数人以为自己忘了名字，其实压根就没把名字记进脑子里，原因很简单——别人报名字的时候，你根本没认真听。

So most people, when they think they've forgotten a name, they never imprinted it on their mind, and the reason is when the person told you their name, you didn't listen.

就这么简单，这是最基础的一步。

That's literally it's the simplest step.

说起来真是有点可笑。

It's so silly.

你肯定不信我。

You're not gonna believe me.

我从洗发水瓶身上偷了三个步骤，我管它叫洗发水的‘涂抹、冲洗、重复’——你平时怎么用洗发水？

I have a set of three directions that I have stolen from shampoo bottles, but I call it the lather, rinse, repeat of shampoo bottles, which what do you do with shampoo?

谁都懂。

Everybody knows.

涂上去，搓出泡沫。

Put it in, lather.

香味不错。

Smells good.

冲干净，再重复一遍。

Rinse, clean hair, repeat.

我们得卖更多产品。

We gotta sell more product.

我就给它改了个用法。

I repurposed it.