如果你在人生中感到迷茫，听这场对话找到目标与意义

当我翻开第一章的第一页，读到第一句话时，我就想，如果我有机会见到Ocean，我一定要问他这句话是什么意思。

And when I opened up the first page to chapter one and I read the first sentence, I thought if I ever meet ocean, I wanna ask you about what this means.

这句话是：世界上最难的事，就是只活一次。

And the sentence is, the hardest thing in the world is to live only once.

这到底是什么意思？

What does that mean?

你必须承担责任。

You have to make account.

你知道，活着意味着什么？意味着你要对你所爱的人有所亏欠吗？

You know, what does it mean to live and owe something to the people you love?

对你所爱之人、对你的社群所负有的责任，以及带着这种关怀去生活。

Your obligation to them, to your community, and to live with that kind of care.

因为另一面就是‘你只活一次’，对吧？

Because the other side of that is YOLO, you know?

你只活一次，好好享受，尽情挥霍，看看这把我们带到了哪里。

You only live once, enjoy it, mash it all, and look where it's gotten us.

生态绝望、企业贪婪，为了利润肆意破坏我们的环境和地球。

Ecological despair, corporate greed, thundering our environment, our planet, just for profit.

这简直就是一种极端的‘人生只有一次’。

That's a lot of YOLO.

‘人生只有一次’的另一面是：既然你只活一次，你该如何以创造性的态度去生活？

Another side of YOLO is that, well, if you only live once, how do you live in a generative way?

你该如何带着关怀与觉知去生活，就像你刚才进行的冥想练习那样？

How do you live with care and consideration with the meditative practice you just did?

你不必当和尚，坐在那里念‘嗡’、诵经。

You don't have to be a monk and sit there and go om and do chanting.

你其实可以在听别人说话的时候就做到。

You can you can actually do it while listening to someone talk.

对吧？

Right?

我想更深入地剖析这一点。

I wanna unpack this even deeper.

世界上最难的事就是只活一次。

The hardest thing in the world is to live only once.

你说，对你而言，这意味着你必须让这一生有意义。

And you said, to you, that means you have to make it count.

我特别想听听你谈谈这一点，因为我从没问过任何人这个问题，但作为教授，我敢打赌，你亲眼目睹了这种压力和紧迫感——不仅存在于你的学生身上，也1000%地存在于你书中的每一个角色身上。

And what I would love to hear you talk a little bit about, because I've never asked anybody this question, but as a professor, I bet you are witness front and center to this sense of pressure and urgency that is not only inside your students, but it is 1000% inside every character in your book.

是的。

Yeah.

但这种几乎普遍存在的压力，就是要成就一番事业。

But this pressure that I think is almost universal to make something of yourself.

对。

Yeah.

让你的人生有所价值。

To make your life count.

是的。

Yeah.

对于此刻正在听的人，他们听到你说‘你必须让人生有意义’时，

And for somebody who's listening right now who heard you say, oh, well, you have to make it count.

而且

And

他们现在觉得，但我不是海洋。

they now feel like, but I'm not ocean.

就像，我仍然……

Like, I I'm still.

我停滞不前。

I'm stagnant.

我正在做这份餐厅的工作。

I'm I'm working in this restaurant job.

我没想过我会在这里。

I didn't expect I would be here.

这根本感觉不到有任何意义。

It doesn't feel like it's counting at all.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

明白。

Yeah.

你会

What would

你会对处于那种处境的人说什么？

you say to the person that's in that space?

因为我觉得你想要它有意义的那种压力是个非常好的迹象，是的。

Because I think the pressure you feel to want it to count is a really good sign Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

就是你内心的这种感觉，是的。

Of this sense inside you Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

你身上还有更多可能性。

That there is something more for you.

这说得通吗？

Does that make sense?

当然。

Absolutely.

当然。

Absolutely.

而且我觉得对我来说，有两点，一个是社会所认可的价值。

And and I think for me, there's there's two you know, there's the there's what society counts.

而且通常，因为我们别无选择，别人告诉我们，这几乎像是一种下载。

And often, because we're we don't know any better, we're we're told that we are it's almost like a download.

社会把一套价值观灌输给我们，然后我们就说，我得找一份好工作。

Society downloads the set of values into us, and then we say, well, I need to get a good job.

我需要离开这里。

I need to get out of here.

对吧？

Right?

这就是为什么，就像这部小说里，没有逃亡的情节。

And that's why, like, this novel, there's no escape plot.

这些这些人是工作的穷人。

These these are working poor people.

他们确实如此，但这并不意味着他们的生活就注定失败。

They remain so, but it doesn't mean that their lives are doomed.

你知道，我反对这种观点，认为一个关于穷困潦倒之人的故事只有在他们能够逃脱困境时才具有价值。

You know, I reject this idea that a a a story about down and out poor people are is only valuable if they can escape it.

因为关于这类题材的电影和小说已经足够多了。

Because there's plenty of films, plenty of novels about that.

而且我认为作为美国人，我们过分迷恋'拯救'这个概念。

And I think as Americans, we fetishize rescue.

我觉得在好莱坞电影里获救的美国人，比现实中的美国人还要多。

I think there are more Americans rescued in American films than actual Americans.

对吧？

Right?

你知道吧？

Like you know?

而且，没错，看这样的电影确实让人感觉很好。

And and and and, yeah, it feels good to watch that movie.

天哪。

Oh gosh.

他们看起来是从困境中崛起的。

They look at they rose out of it.

还有另一方面。

And then there's the other.

还有另一部分。

There's the other part.

还有另一种考量，那就是你对自己、生活和社区的责任，嗯。

There's the there's an alternative count, which is your obligation to yourself and your life and your community Mhmm.

无论这在简历上、社会标准中意味着什么，诸如此类。

Regardless of what that means in the CV, in the social standards, what have you.

我认为我在快餐店和烟草农场工作的经历以及我写的东西让我学到的是，在这些空间里，有一种非常、非常谦卑而强大的东西。

And I think what I learned working in fast food and the tobacco farms growing up and what I wrote about is that in those spaces, there's something really, really humbling and powerful.

那就是如果你走进我现在工作的纽约大学，走进医生办公室、牙医诊所、律师事务所，那里的每个人都是通过努力并渴望才来到那里的。

It's that if you walk into NYU where I now work, if you walk into a doctor's office, a dentist office, a law office, everybody who's there worked and wanted to be there.

他们可能不喜欢自己的工作。

They might not like their job.

好吧。

Fine.

但他们都是刻意努力才走到那一步的。

But they all deliberately work to get there.

但快餐店里的人，他们从来就没想待在那里。

But the folks in the in the fast food restaurant, they never wanna be there.

那不是他们的最终目标。

That's not their final goal.

他们只是在推迟其他事情。

They're they are deferring something else.

对吧？

Right?

这种令人谦卑又强大的地方在于，你认识的、看到的每个人，你都会意识到他们还有另一个梦想。

What's so humbling and powerful about that is that everybody you know, you see, you realize there's another dream.

当你工作足够多的时间后，这个梦想就会变得格外突出，你会开始真正想要找到实现这个梦想的方法。

And when you work enough hours, you it becomes really it looms large, and you start to really wanna find ways to find out that dream.

你知道，你会进行一些深入的对话。

You know, you you know, you have these kind of probing conversations.

你之前是做什么的？

What do you what do you do what do you do before this?

你做完这份工作后打算做什么？

What do do what do you what do do after this?

你上夜校吗？

You do a night class?

突然间，这些餐厅和公司里就出现了本不该存在的空间。

All of a sudden, these spaces open up in these restaurants and corporations that were not meant to be there.

它们有点像颠覆性的言论。

They're kind of subversive utterances.

所以对我来说，我认为世界上最难的事情就是只活一次，就是按照你的价值观——尊严，以及你对自己、家人和社区的责任（无论这对你意味着什么）去生活，并让自己摆脱那些终极成功标准之类的束缚。

And so to me, I think what I mean by the hardest thing in the world is to live only once, is to to live according to your values, again, dignity, and what you owe to yourself, your your family, and your community, however that means to you, and wrestling yourself away from the standards of ultimate success or what have you.

你知道，我很幸运能成为一名成功的作家和教授，但我仍然住在新英格兰，因为我的九位家人还住在那里。

You know, like, I am lucky to be a successful author and a professor, but I live in New England still because nine of my family members still live there.

他们都是难民。

They're all refugees.

他们是跟我一起来的。

They came with me.

我没有足够的世代财富来让他们摆脱贫困劳工的处境，所以我的家人仍在亚马逊仓库、美甲沙龙工作。

I don't have enough generational wealth to liberate them from the working poor, so my family still work at Amazon warehouses, nail salons.

我就在那里。

And I'm there.

你知道，我收到过一些去很棒地方的工作邀约，比如巴黎、德国。

You know, I've had job offers in lovely places, Paris, Germany.

我说，只要他们一来，我就说不可能。

I said, as soon as they come in, I said, there's no way.

因为我得带我阿姨去看医生。

Because I gotta take my aunt to her to her doctor's appointment.

我得帮她报税。

I gotta do her taxes.

我得时不时帮表弟去精神病院。

I have to help my cousin go into a psych ward once in a while.

对吧？

Right?

所以这对我来说并不是负担。

So and that's not a burden to me.

我想把这一点说清楚。

And I wanna make that clear.

你知道，这是一种特权。

You know, that's a privilege.

我有机会。

I get to.

能够做出牺牲是一种特权。

It's a privilege to be able to sacrifice.

我有机会帮助他们。

I I get to help them.

因为当我小时候，如果你需要拔牙？

Because when I was growing up, you needed your tooth extracted?

一片混乱。

Chaos.

你知道，你得去找高利贷。

You know, you had to call a loan shark.

我们当时不得不去一家当地的越南杂货店借钱，找谁借的我也不知道，反正就是不能问、不能说。

You have to we had to call a groceries a local Vietnamese grocery store to borrow money from God knows who to don't ask, don't tell.

对吧？

Right?

只是为了处理一些小事。

And just to get, like, little things done.

所以当这些事情发生时，感觉就像世界末日一样，而现在，我家人遇到的每一个紧急情况，我都能应对，我为此感到自豪。

And so it was like the end of the world when those things happen, and now I can my every emergency my family had, I can take care of, And I'm I'm proud of that.

如果这就是我用这一生所做的事情，那我真的、真的为此感到骄傲。

And to me, if that's what I'm done doing with my one life that I'm given, then I'm really, really proud of that.

而拥有勇气摆脱社会对‘什么是重要的’的期待，重新定义对你来说什么才算重要。

And I think having the courage to break away from the social expectations of count and then realigning what counts for you.

但这真的很难。

It's hard work, though.

我花了二十年时间，而且到现在，这对我来说仍然是新的。

It took me twenty years, and I like this is still new to me.

这是一种全新的感受。

This is a new feeling.

对吧？

Right?

我不希望人们以为我一直以来都是这样的。

I don't wanna folks to have this understanding that I just, like, I've always had this.

我正在当下逐步培养这种能力。

Like, I'm developing it as we speak.

我太震惊了。

I am so blown away.

谢谢你。

And thank you.

谢谢你，Ocean，分享这些，也感谢你来到这里。

Thank you, Ocean, for sharing that, and thank you for being here.

我需要短暂休息一下，虽然我不想中断这场对话，但得给我们的赞助商一点时间说几句话。

I need to take a quick break even though I don't wanna take a break from this conversation so I can give a chance for our sponsors to share a few words.

我也想给你一个机会，让你把这场对话以及Ocean为我们揭示的智慧分享给生活中那些需要听到这些的人。

And I also wanna give you a chance, a chance to share this conversation and the wisdom that Ocean is unpacking for us with other people in your life who need to hear this.

在刚才几分钟的交谈中，我一直想着四个人，我现在就要把这段内容分享给他们。

And there are four people that I've been thinking about as we've been talking for the last couple minutes that I am going to be sharing this with right now.

别走开。

And don't go anywhere.

当我们回来时，还会和Ocean Vaughn一起深入探讨更多智慧。

There's so much more wisdom that we're gonna unpack with Ocean Vaughn when we return.

继续留下。

Stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯，今天我们有幸与当今最负盛名的文学人物、畅销书作家兼教授Ocean Vaughan坐在一起。

It's your buddy Mel Robbins, and you and I have the honor of sitting with one of the most acclaimed literary figures and writers alive today, bestselling author and professor Ocean Vaughan.

我们正在讨论如何找到人生的目标、意义，以及当你感到迷失时，那份安静而坚定的继续前行的力量。

And we're talking about how to find purpose, meaning, and the quiet strength to keep going if you're feeling lost in life.

所以，Ocean，我特别希望你能直接对那些产生强烈共鸣的人说几句话，我知道会有许多人有这样的感受，也许他们正在做一份工作，原本以为自己只会在餐厅干两三年。

So, Ocean, what I'd love to have you do is if you could speak directly to the person who's really resonating, because I know so many people will, and maybe they're in the job, and they thought they'd only work at the restaurant for two or three years.

他们只是勉强维持生计，开始感觉那个更美好的生活梦想正在悄然溜走。

And they're just getting by, and they're starting to feel that dream of a different life slipping away.

你希望他们明白什么？

What do you want them to know?

对我来说，你心中有一个关于自己的神话，而我心中的神话就是成为一名商人，因为我觉得那样才能赚到更多钱。

I think for me, you you have a myth of yourself, and, you know, the myth for myself was to be a business person because that's just what I thought more money was.

所以当我15岁的时候，我以为自己是在烟草农场干活。

So like when I was 15, I thought I was working in a tobacco farm.

拿现金报酬，不用交税，不走正规渠道，每小时9.5美元，比最低工资7.15美元高多了。

For cash, it made it was no uncle Sam, no taxation, under the table, $9.50 an hour, way better than minimum wage, which is $7.15.

有意思的是，我们住在政府补贴的住房项目里，有一天我妈妈把我叫到跟前说：儿子，我算过了，你得去找份工作。

And it was so interesting, we lived in HUD Housing Section 8, and my mother sat me down one day and said, son, you I I crunched the numbers, and you need to get a job.

你马上就要16岁了，但你得先去麦当劳打工。

You're about to be 16, but you gotta just work at McDonald's.

你能想象吗？美国梦、向上流动、做你想做的事、追随你的命运，这些都怎么了？

So can you imagine, like, what what happened to, like, American dream, upward mobility, do what you want, follow your destiny.

对吧？

Right?

我简直不敢相信，什么？

None of I'm like, what?

抱歉？

Excuse me?

她却说：不行。

And she's like, No.

不行。

No.

你连当个经理都不行。

Like, you you can't even be the manager.

你只能拿最低工资，因为如果你赚得再多，我们就会被取消资格，再也负担不起市场上普通的公寓了。

Like, you need to just be minimum wage because if you make any more, we'll be kicked out, and we won't be able to afford an apartment on the open market.

所以，向上流动反而可能让你无家可归。

So upward mobility can harm could render you homeless.

然后我突然明白了。

And then it clicked.

我说：难怪我 neighborhood 里每十个青少年里就有五个是毒贩。

I said, oh, no wonder every other teenager in my neighborhood is a drug dealer.

因为如果你是单亲妈妈的孩子——不管是女儿还是儿子——如果你想帮妈妈改善生活、找份工作，但一旦赚得太多，你就会失去住房。

Because if you're a child to a single mom, and there were daughters and sons in in that too, if you're a child to a single mother, and you want to help her out to get a job, if you get too much money, you're going to lose your housing.

那你还能怎么办？

So what are you going to do?

顺便卖点大麻？

Sell weed on the side?

赚点现金？

Get cash?

把钱藏在床垫底下？

Put it on the mattress?

妈妈用她的支票支付电费。

Mom pays the light bill with her checks.

你带她去杂货店。

You take her to the grocery store.

我见过有人这么做，但我并不认同贩毒行为。

And I have seen folks do that, and I don't condone drug drug dealing.

我见过有人这么做，后来搬走了，改过自新，不再干这行，过上了相对经济上成功的生活。

I've seen folks do that and move out and move on and have and stop that and have relatively economically successful lives.

我见过有人这么做，最后进了监狱，甚至丧命。

I've seen folks do that and end up in jail and die.

所以这完全就是碰运气，你知道的。

So it's just a complete crapshoot, you know.

于是我进了农场，你知道的，是为了帮助我妈妈，但我一直有个幻想，认为我会走出去，拿到学位。

And so I I went into the the farm, you know, as a way to to help my mother, but I had this myth that I would go out and be the one who has a degree.

我打算学习国际营销，成为全家的英雄。

I was gonna study international marketing and really be the superhero of my family.

然后我去了纽约的学校学习，但我只学了四周就退学了。

And then I got to the school in New York to study, and I I studied for just four weeks before I dropped out.

我对自己身份的所有幻想都破灭了。

And all that myth of who I am to myself crumbled.

我经常这么说，而且绝非开玩笑，我说，我是因为失败才成为作家的。

And I often say this, and not in any tongue in cheek way, I said, I became a writer out of failure.

更进一步说，我是因为羞耻才成为作家的。

And more so, I became a writer out of shame.

我本可以回家告诉我妈妈说，妈，我试过了，我做不到。

I could have went home to my mom and said, mom, I tried, I can't do it.

我不适合像我的同事们那样穿着西装去追逐摩根大通的工作。

I'm not cut out to go to chase JPMorgan like all my colleagues are with their suits.

我没有西装。

I don't have a suit.

我们只有一套西装。

We have one suit.

它被称为丧葬西装。

It's called a funeral suit.

那就是我所有的了。

That's all I had.

我甚至都没带上它。

I didn't even bring it.

我去纽约时是很乐观的。

I was optimistic going to New York.

我说，我不会带上我那套葬礼西装。

I said, I'm not gonna bring my funeral suit.

我已经参加过足够多的葬礼了。

I had I went to enough funerals.

所以我只有那一套，你知道，我甚至没想过实习还需要穿西装。

So that's all I had, you know, and I didn't even conceive that you had to wear a suit for an internship.

我当时格格不入，感觉自己像个傻瓜，也没有现在这样的智慧。

I was so out of place that I just I felt like a fool, and I didn't have the wisdom I had now.

我当时无法面对那个地方，也无法正视自己有多么格格不入。

I was I couldn't show up to that place and and just see how much of an outsider I was.

所以我退出了，开始四处流浪，借宿朋友家，参加开放麦表演。

So I dropped out, and I roamed the streets, couch surfing, doing open mics.

有人会说，你为什么不干脆回家呢？

And someone would say, why don't you why don't you just go home?

如果我回家了，我妈妈会说，坐下来好好谈谈。

And if I went home, my mom would say, sit on down.

我在美甲沙龙给你留了个座位。

I saved you a seat at the nail salon.

拿起锉刀。

Pick up the filer.

我们开始工作吧。

Let's get to work.

但我没那么做，因为我太羞愧了，不敢去找她说，让你失望了。

But I didn't do that because I was too ashamed to go to her and say, failed you.

我是唯一懂英语的人。

I'm the only one that knows English.

我是唯一能读写的人。

I'm the only one that can read.

我是唯一可能拿到大学学位的人，但我却要空手而归。

I'm the only one that could potentially have a college degree, and I'm gonna come back empty handed.

我无法面对自己。

I could not live with myself.

所以我留在了城里。

So I stayed in the city.

我在宾州车站待了两周，试图理清头绪。

I stayed in Penn Station for two weeks trying to figure things out.

意思是，你真的在宾州车站睡觉？

Meaning, you actually slept in Penn Station?

宾州车站。

Penn Station.

是的。

Yeah.

就在大屠杀花园正下方，那是最暖和的地方。

Right under Massacre Garden, it was the warmest place.

但宾州车站是24小时开放的，你可以待在长岛铁路附近。

But Penn Station is open twenty four hours, and you can stay near the Long Island Railroad.

后来，我成了布鲁克林学院的学生，攻读文学学位。

And, you know, eventually, I became a student at Brooklyn College, and I pursued a degree in literature.

但那是因为我太羞愧了。

But it was because I was too ashamed.

我宁愿无家可归，也不愿回家对妈妈说：妈，你所有的梦想都破灭了，我知道她为我抱有期望，即使她说别担心，我也知道她对我有期待。

I would prefer to be homeless than go home and say, Ma, all your dreams because I knew she had I knew, even though she said, don't worry about it, I knew she had dreams for me.

我无法面对她，说这一切都结束了。

I couldn't face her and say, all that is over.

所以，羞耻感是一种强大的力量。

So shame is a powerful thing.

如果你能把羞耻感转化为行动，进而转化为动力，它就可能成为你重塑自我认知的基础。

If if you can transform your shame into action, and and then motivation, it could be the foundation for you to alter your sense of self.

你会对来你办公室时间的学生说什么呢？

What would you say to a student that came to your office hours?

沃恩教授，我感到无比羞愧。

And, you know, professor Vaughn, I am so full of shame.

我不属于这里。

I do not belong here.

我确实搞砸了。

I have really screwed up.

这种羞耻感并没有以积极的方式激励他们。

And the shame is not motivating them in a positive direction.

它反而把他们越推越深。

It is drilling them into a hole.

是的。

Yeah.

所以，如果你有一位学生坐在你的办公时间里，正对自己充满羞愧，你会对他们说什么？

So if you had a student sitting in your office hours who was really pummeling themselves with shame, what would you say to them?

每个学期都会发生。

Every semester.

每个学期都这样吗？

Every semester this happens?

天哪。

My goodness.

尤其是在创意艺术领域。

Especially in the creative arts.

我们有来自世界各地的学生。

We have students who come from all over the world.

你知道，目前英语文学中最令人兴奋的作品正来自印度和尼日利亚。

You know, some of the most exciting work in Anglophonic literature right now is coming out of India and Nigeria.

我有很多来自印度和尼日利亚的学生。

And I have a lot of students from India and Nigeria.

而且，天哪，你知道，冒名顶替综合症的影响非常非常深。

And, boy, you know, impostor syndrome runs very, very deep.

而他们现在就在纽约大学。

And here they are in NYU.

他们正在追逐自己的梦想。

They're following their dreams.

与此同时，这些学生恰恰是最成功的那一批。

Meanwhile, these are the these are the the student the most successful ones.

他们就像是在逐项实现梦想，你知道的。

They're they're, like, ticking the boxes of their dreams, you know.

他们没有退学，一切顺利，但他们仍然有这种感觉。

They're not dropping out, that nothing has gone awry, and they still feel this.

我对此深有同感。

And I relate to that immensely.

所以我对他们说，听着，我和你们有着同样的羞耻和怀疑，但你们相信我认为在权力中心——也就是机构内部——有一种舒适和认同感，对吧。

So for me, I told them, I said, look, I I share the same the same shame and doubt that you do, But you believe I have a sense that you believe that there is a kind of comfort and agreeability to being in the center of power, right, in institution.

那就是普通人所拥有的。

That that's what people normal people have.

他们并不觉得自己是冒牌货。

They they they don't feel like they're impostors.

他们觉得自己属于这里，应该在这里。

They feel like they belong here, that they should be here.

但我告诉他们，当我感到自己属于体制权力中心时，就是我的创造力死亡之日。

But I tell them, I said, the day that I feel that I belong in institutional power is the day my creativity dies.

我从不希望在这里感到舒适。

I never wanna feel comfortable here.

我们把这种感觉变成了一种病理。

And we turn that into a pathology.

我们说你病了，你有这种综合征，但我拒绝相信这一点。

We say, you are ill, you have a syndrome, but I refuse to believe that.

对我来说，这是一种免疫系统。

To me, it's an immune system.

我有冒名顶替者免疫系统。

I have impostor immune system.

冒名顶替者免疫系统是什么意思？

What does that mean, impostor immune system?

这意味着，当我身处中心时，我不认为仅仅身处中心就有什么价值或尊严。

It means that when I'm in the center, I don't believe that being in the center alone is anything valuable or dignified.

你仍然需要有操守。

You have to still have conduct.

你仍然需要有行为和道德。

You still have to have behavior and ethics.

而且当你意识到自己进入这些空间时，你会发现，其实我从前家乡学到的、以为自己在逃离的东西，比我现在看到的更有用。

And also that when you realize you you go into these spaces and you realize, actually, what I learned back there in my hometown that I thought I was escaping from was much more useful for me than what I'm seeing here.

这种关于权力和归属感的伪装，其实是一种幻觉。

That this charade, right, of of power and belonging is truly a hallucination.

有些人在这里感到自在，是因为他们被给予了这条路径。

It was there's people who feel comfortable here because they have been given this path.

他们的父母给了他们这条道路。

Their parents gave them this path.

他们的祖父母给了他们这条道路，他们只是在沿着一条早已为他们铺好的轨迹前行。

Their grandparents gave them this path, that they were following a trajectory that was carved for them.

所以，他们自然觉得自己属于这里。

So, of course, they feel like they belong.

但你真的想要这样吗？

But do you really want that?

你想要这条道路属于你自己吗？

Do you want that path for yourself?

因为这也是否认了你自己的创造力。

Because that's also the denial of your own creativity.

你需要这种摩擦，这种警觉。

You need that kind of friction, that vigilance.

我想，你所表达的这一点对任何人都适用。

Well, I I think what you're you're getting at is applicable to anybody.

是的。

Yeah.

因为假设你离婚了，现在你单身了，你的朋友群体也消失了。

Because let's say you get a divorce and now you're single and your friend group disappears.

当你开始融入其他社交群体，或者见到老朋友时，你会感受到那种疏离感，会觉得‘我不属于这里’。

And as you start to insert yourself into other social groups or you see old friends, you will feel that separateness and you will feel that sense of I don't belong here.

如果我仔细听，你是在说，这种疏离感和摩擦，对你能够完成成长、成为你应该成为的人，是非常重要且必要的因素。

And if I listen very closely, what you're saying is that that separateness and that friction is a very important and necessary ingredient to you being able to do the work to grow into or to be the person you're supposed to be.

是的。

Yeah.

无论是你已经超越的友谊，还是你永远无法真正融入的地方，抑或是你需要去培养的技能，直到你不再需要刻意思考，因为你已经具备了融入所需的技能。

Whether it's the friendships you've outgrown or the places that you are never gonna quite feel like you belong in or the work you need to do to build the skills so that you don't even think about it anymore because you now have the skills to belong.

是的。

Yeah.

所以我认为，这对我们都适用。

And so I think it's applicable to all of us.

我在想，你是否会建议一件事，来帮助人们开始看到生活中的美好，即使他们现在正经历艰难时期，特别是如果他们与你的许多经历产生了共鸣。

I'm wondering if there's one thing that you would recommend to begin seeing the beauty in your life even if you're really struggling right now, especially if they've just they've related to a lot of the various things that you've gone through.

你会希望他们迈出的第一步是什么？

What would the one step forward you would want somebody to take?

在每个学期末，我的每门课上都会让学生们做一件非常简单的事，我自己也会做。

At the end of my semester, in every class, I have my students do something very simple, and I do it as well.

而且——你会惊讶地发现，他们中很多人从未这样做过。

And it's it's it's you'd be surprised that many of them have never done it.

而我…我的做法是告诉他们，想想你的初衷。

And I I what I do is I tell them, think about your intention.

你为何来到这里？

Why are you here?

你为何付出如此之多？

Why did you sacrifice so much?

我会告诉他们，回归到最初发现这门艺术的那个自己。

And I tell them, go back to that person that first found this art.

那个读到一首诗，就像艾米莉·狄金森说的那样，感到灵魂被剥离的人。

The person who read a poem and said, just like Emily Dickinson said, my head is taken off.

对吧？

Right?

然后决定也要为别人带来这样的体验。

And then decided that they wanna do that for other people.

创作一部能如此改变和影响他人生命的作品。

Write a work that transforms and affects people's lives that way.

也许那是两年前的事。

Maybe it was just two years ago.

也许那是十年前的事。

Maybe it was ten years ago.

也许那时他们才七岁或二十岁。

Maybe they were just seven or 20.

回去找找那个人，与那个人携手同行。

Go back, find that person, and collaborate with that person.

把那个人带进房间。

Bring that person into the room.

因为在职业生涯的线性进程中，我们常常认为过去的自己不够聪明、太天真。

Because often in our linear progress in professional life, we often think our older self is not smart enough, naive.

把他留在过去吧。

Leave him leave him back there.

但把那个人带进房间，问问他，你怎么会如此坚强？

But bringing that person in the room and asking that person, how are you so strong?

那个意图为何如此强大，以至于你甚至不知道如何到达这里？

How was that intention so powerful that you didn't even know how to get here?

你不知道怎么去纽约大学，但你派我来了。

You didn't know how to get to NYU, but you sent me.

你，年轻时的我，就像池塘里的小石子一样把我送到了这里。

You, my younger self, sent me here like that little pebble in the pond.

我就是那涟漪。

I am the ripple.

你就是那颗石子。

You are the pebble.

我是由你激起的涟漪，所以我需要你。

I'm the ripple that have come from you, so I need you.

当我被压力淹没，当我问自己为什么要这么做，这有什么意义，为什么我要卷入这场竞争，当我快要放弃、快要消沉时，我必须把那个人请进来——每次你写作时，每天早上醒来时，都要把那个人请进来。

When I am inundated by the pressure, when I'm asking why am I doing this, what is it for, what's the point, why am I in this rat race, when I'm about to give up, when I'm fading, I'm gonna I need to bring so I tell them every time you write, every morning you wake up, bring that person.

让他们坐在你旁边，因为他们懂得比你多。

Have them sit right next because they know more than you do.

他们甚至不知道什么是教授，不知道《纽约客》是什么，也不知道什么是简历，却把你带到了这里。

They got you here without even knowing what a professor is, without knowing what the New Yorker is, without knowing what a, you know, what a c curriculum vitae is.

对吧？

Right?

他们只是有了那一声巨响，而你正走在他们开启的旅程上。

They just had that boom, and you are on the journey they set.

所以你需要做的，就是向那个人说声谢谢。

So what you need to do is say thank you to that person.

所以，在课程结束时，我会告诉我的所有学生：数到三，大声对自己说谢谢。

So at the end of the class, I tell all my students, at the count of three, you say thank you to yourself aloud.

你需要每天都说这句话，因为在这段旅程中，没有人会替你说出这句话。

And you need to say that every day because no one else is gonna say that for you for this journey.

所以我们就此结束。

So we close.

一、二、三。

One, two, three.

谢谢你，大海。

Thank you, ocean.

这是一件非常美妙的事。

And it's an amazing thing.

谢谢你，大海。

Thank you, ocean.

现在就谢谢你。

Thank you now.

对自己说这句话。

Saying that to yourself.

我是涟漪。

I am the ripple.

你是石子。

You are the pebble.

你这么说的时候，我感到一阵寒意。

I felt this huge chill when you said that.

你年幼时的自己就是那颗石子，

This idea that your younger self was the pebble

是的。

Yeah.

无论你当时是否觉察，那颗石子都带着某种意图，引发了这一连串涟漪，最终造就了今天的你。

That had an intention whether you're present or not to it that set in motion this ripple that created the you that you are today.

如果听者并不清楚自己的意图，也不知道那颗石子是在生命中的哪个年龄或哪个场景中投下的，他们能否做些什么，来帮助自己找到这个意图的中心呢？

If the person listening does not know what their intention is, they do not know what age or what scene of their life that pebble was cast, is there anything that they can do that could help them find that center of intention to begin with?

我认为关注世界和你自己，并且再次审视你所亏欠的，最终，你知道，西蒙娜·韦伊说过，我们能给予的最慷慨的东西就是关注。

I think paying attention to the world and yourself, and again, seeing what you owe, eventually, you know, Simone Veil says, the most generous thing we can ever give is attention.

而且我认为关注世界，我们常常认为这是在付出关注，但实际上，当我们仔细观察世界时，我们也在发现自己。

And I think paying attention to the world often we think it's about giving attention, but in fact, we are also discovering ourselves when we look carefully at the world.

而我从未想过我会成为，你知道，在我成长过程中，选项是工厂工人、美甲沙龙、军队、职业培训团，对吧，或者长途卡车司机。

And I never knew I was gonna be you know, when I was growing up, it was factory worker, nail salon, the army, job corps, right, or long haul trucker.

那些就是选择，或者监狱。

Those were the things or jail.

对吧？

Right?

那些就是当时我所能接触到的事物以及我身边正在发生的事情。

Those were the things that was available and what was happening around me.

所以，我从来——没有人对我说过你可以当教授。

And and so I I never no one ever said you can be a professor.

事实上，我甚至不知道诗人是一种你可以成为的职业。

In fact, I didn't even know poets were something you you could become.

我以为这是政府早已安排好的。

I thought it was, like, preordained by the government.

我以为总统会签一份名单，寄到你家里，然后你就被选为诗人了。

I thought, like, the president signs, like, a list you get in the mail, and it's like, you get to be a poet.

然后他们会给你一间佛蒙特州的小木屋。

Then they give you a cabin in Vermont.

你去那里。

You go there.

你埋头写作。

You scribble away.

然后你把一堆稿纸寄给巴诺书店。

Then you send your piles of paper to Barnes and Noble.

他们把稿子拿到后面，做成一本书，再推出来一车书。

And they go out in the back, they make a book, and they wheel out a cart of books.

除此之外，还能怎么发生呢？

How would how else would it happen?

因此，成为诗人的想法是一段充满失败、抗拒与羞耻的旅程。

And so the idea that one could be a poet is a complete journey of failure, of objection, of shame.

所以我现在37岁了。

And so I'm 37.

我生命的一半时间都处在一种虚无的状态中。

Half of my life have been in a in nowhere land.

我经历了彻底的失落与抗拒，我从来不会告诉你，我会成为教授或写书。

Absolute loss, absolute objection, and I could I would never have told you that I was gonna be a professor or write books.

你知道的吗？

You know?

对我来说，我奇迹般地进入了生命中最美好的阶段，而且我已经这样过了二十年。

To me, I am miraculously in the whipped cream of my life, and I've been in it for twenty years.

我一直在做我热爱的事，但这从来不是我认为自己负担得起的生活方式。

I I've been able to do what I love, but it was not a life that I thought I could afford in any sense of the word.

所以那颗小石子，如果我真的要说的话，我觉得我应该说，那颗小石子就是你内心深处那份深沉的意图，是的。

So the pebble, if I'm really like, I just felt like I should say the pebble is though that deep intention buried within you Yeah.

活在你生命的奶油顶层。

To be in the whipped cream of your life.

是的。

Yeah.

明白真相，有些东西是专属于你的。

To know the truth that there is something that is meant for you.

那里有力量，有尊严，有美，还有那种你终将找到答案的感觉。

That there is power, that there's dignity, that there's beauty, and the sense that you were gonna figure it out.

而那更是一种物质层面的根本需求，我想照顾我的家人。

And it was something much more materially fundamental in that I wanted to take care of my family.

我知道我是唯一一个能做这件事的人。

I knew I was the only one.

我仔细地观察了他们的生活，然后说，好吧。

I looked, you know, I looked long and hard at their life, and I said, alright.

他们一直在工厂里。

They've been in the factories.

我的意思是，我回到了十岁时的那个时刻，我和妈妈在她病床前，她说：‘对不起。’

I mean, I went back to that moment with me me me and my mom at her bedside when I was 10, and when she said, I'm sorry.

我们真是太傻了。

We're so stupid.

那就是那颗小石子吗？

That was the pebble?

我当时并不知道。

I didn't know it then.

那就是我之所以没能成为诗人的原因。

That was my so it wasn't be a poet.

我对我的学生们说，我们正在上诗歌课。

I say that to my students that we're in poetry class.

对吧？

Right?

再往深了说，就太存在主义了。

It gets too existential beyond that.

对吧？

Right?

但对我来说，那就是那颗小石子。

But for me, that was the pebble.

无论我要做什么来照顾我的母亲、弟弟和姨妈，那就是我要做的事。

It was whatever I was gonna do to take care of my mother and my brother and my aunts, that was what I was gonna do.

当我意识到我既能照顾母亲，又能成为学者和诗人时，那就像突然换到了七挡。

And when I realized that I could take care of my mother and be an academic and a poet, then that was when it was, like, seventh gear.

我变得有点无情地追求我的技艺，因为我知道这能支撑我的家庭。

I I became kind of ruthless in my pursuit of my craft because I knew it was something that would then support my family.

那就是我的动力。

That was my motivation.

所以现在我会说，哦，我被赋予了这些。

So now I say, oh, I'm I I was given that.

我的反对情绪成了我的动力。

My objection was a motivating factor.

如果没有他们，我不认为我会这么努力。

Without them, I don't think I would've worked as hard.

我不会为自己这么努力。

I would not work as hard for myself.

我告诉你吧，梅尔。

I'll tell you that, Mel.

如果没有这种压力，知道他们真的依赖我为他们创造更好的生活，我不会这么用功学习，不会读这么多书，也不会写这么多稿子。

I I would not study as hard, I would not read as much books, I would not write as many drafts without the pressure, knowing that they really depended on me to get them a better life.

谢谢你分享这些，因为这让我明白，你的那颗小石子其实并不是‘我想成为艺术家或诗人’这样的顿悟。

Thank you for sharing that because it was so helpful to see that your pebble actually wasn't this epiphany, I wanna be an artist or a poet.

你的那颗小石子，其实与你照顾家人的价值观紧密相连。

That your pebble was something so much more deeply connected to your value of taking care of your family.

这让我重新思考了‘我就是涟漪，而过去的自己是那颗石子’这个说法。

And that shifted for me the way I think about I am the ripple, and my former self is the pebble.

意图才是力量，它一直都在。

The intention is the power, and it's there.

我确实从这个故事中收获了很多。

And I really I got a lot out of that story.

谢谢你。

Thank you.

谢谢你。

Thank you.

我知道我们可以聊上好几个小时，但我得稍作暂停，让我们的赞助商有机会向正在收听的你们说几句话。

I know we could talk for hours, but I have to take a quick pause so I can give our sponsors a chance to share a few words with you as you're listening.

如果Ocean分享的内容与你产生了共鸣，在你内心激起了波澜，请不要独自保留这份感受。

And if what Ocean is sharing with you is resonating with you, it's stirring something inside you, don't keep that to yourself.

把这一集分享给你生命中值得获得启发、值得在寻找目标、意义和坚持力量时得到支持的人，尤其是在生活异常艰难的时刻。

Share this episode with somebody in your life who deserved inspiration, who deserves support in finding purpose, meaning, and the strength that they need to keep going, especially when life is really hard.

稍后回来时，我们将进行更深入的探讨。

And when we come back, we're gonna go even deeper.

我知道你可能觉得这不可能，但事实确实如此。

I know you don't think that's possible, but it is.

所以请继续关注我们，当节目回来时，Ocean 和我都会在这里等你。

So stay with us because Ocean and I are gonna be waiting for you when we come back.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯。

It's your buddy Mel Robbins.

今天，你和我将花时间向当今最受赞誉的作家之一——欧申·弗恩教授学习并受到启发。

And today, you and I are spending time learning from and being inspired by one of the most acclaimed writers alive today, professor Ocean Vaughan.

他在这里教我们如何在人生迷失时找到目标和意义。

And he's here teaching us how to find purpose and meaning even when you feel lost in life.

所以，欧申，我有个问题一直想问你，因为你已经当了十一年的教授了。

So, Ocean, I have this question I've been waiting to ask you because you've been a professor for eleven years now.

是的。

Yeah.

现在，是什么事情最阻碍你的学生做真实的自己？

What is the thing that's really holding your students back more than anything right now from being themselves?

对羞辱的恐惧。

The fear of humiliation.

我们称之为尴尬文化。

We call it cringe culture.

我们可以称之为恐惧、作者式的犹豫，或者你愿意叫的任何名字。

We can call it, you know, fear, authorial hesitation, whatever you wanna call it.

我有幸只教授Z世代。

I've had the great luxury of being a professor only to Gen Z.

我的整个职业生涯都在教育从最早到最年轻的Z世代。

My entire career has been educating Gen Z from the very oldest now to the very youngest.

我见证了这一代人的成长，也见证了他们必须应对的可怕公共脆弱性。

I've watched this generation grow, and I've watched the the the horrible public precarity that they have to navigate.

你知道，当我还是个九十年代的孩子时，你做点傻事，班上的人就会笑话你。

You know, when I was a kid in the nineties, you do something silly and your class makes fun of you.

最糟的情况，是学校会笑话你。

Worst case, your school makes fun of you.

暑假过后，一切都被遗忘了。

And then after summer break, all is forgotten.

对吧？

Right?

然后你借助夏日的遗忘效应来洗刷一切。

And then you you kind of cleanse by the amnesia of summertime.

但现在，你做了些不合常规的事——而很多孩子都容易这么做。

But now you do something out of the norm as much many children are inclined to do.

你的孩子，你的大脑正在发育。

Your your kids, your brain is developing.

是的。

Yeah.

你可能在未经许可的情况下被拍摄。

You can be filmed without your permission.

一周后，一个你从未踏足的国家的人们都在嘲笑你。

And a week later, an entire country that you have never stepped into is laughing at you.

几年后，你变成一个迷因，一个完全脱离你个人身份的象征。

And then years later, you become a meme, a symbol that is completely extracted from your personhood.

因此，迷因是我们二十一世纪交流方式中最残酷的现实之一，因为它将一个拥有历史人生和个性的人，转化为一个交流对象、一个符号，如今这个符号只是在群聊中为某人服务。

So the meme is one of the most brutal realities of our twenty first century mode of communication because it transforms a human being with a historical life and a personality into a communication object, into a sign, which now serves somebody in a group chat.

所以当我接触到他们时，我正在教授一个研究生课程。

So by the time I get them, I teach a graduate program.

他们大约二十二、二十三岁。

So they're 22, 23.

我们接触到的是那些已经投身于我们这一行的人。

And we get the ones who have already committed themselves to our practice.

所以我们接触到的是那些正在走向专业化的学生。

So we get the ones that are kind of professionalizing.

但每年开学第一天，你都能从教室里学生的肢体语言中看出，他们多么深刻地感到自己被赋予了诗人的身份，又多么害怕成为诗人。

But without fail, every year at the first day of class, you can see by the body language in the room how deeply be endowed and afraid my students are for being a poet.

所以我告诉他们，教室是一个失败的实验室。

So I tell them that the classroom is a laboratory of failure.

这里是一个允许失败的地方。

This is a place to fail.

这里是一个可以感到尴尬的地方。

This is the place to be embarrassed.

在最初的几周里，我不会批评你们，我们也不会互相批评。

And I'm I'm not going to critique you for the first few weeks, and we're not gonna critique each other.

我们是一种痴迷于静态真理的文化。

We are a culture obsessed with static truths.

我们有一个词形容花苞，还有一个词形容玫瑰。

We have an a word for a bud and then a a word for rose.

花苞，玫瑰。

Rosebud, rose.

但在两者之间存在着无限的瞬间。

But there are infinite moments in between.

你知道，有一个时刻，玫瑰刚刚开始凋零，如果你足够放大，你甚至都看不出你在看什么。

You know, there's a moment where the the rose just starts to tear, and if you zoomed in enough, you don't even know what you're looking at.

它仍然是其中的一部分，但我们没有一个词来形容它。

It's still a part of it, but we don't have a word for that.

对我来说，生命的大部分其实就存在于玫瑰花苞和玫瑰这两个定义之间的那种模糊、怪异、无法定义的空间里。

And and to me, so much of life actually exists in this liminal, monstrous, undefinable space in between the two definitions of rosebud and rose.

所以我告诉他们：你们现在正处于玫瑰花苞与玫瑰之间的阶段。

And so I tell them, I said, you are now in the space between the rosebud and the rose.

这十四周就是这样的阶段。

That's what these fourteen weeks are.

我们没有一个词来形容它。

We don't have a word for that.

抱歉。

Sorry.

不过这没关系。

Doesn't matter, though.

因此，我们要把失败正常化，视其为人类成长过程中必要的环节，而不是用评判作为惩罚进步的工具。

So normalizing the idea of failure as a necessary procedure of growing as a human being and not using judgment as a punishing tool of progress.

许多学生希望从课堂中得到的，是一个工厂。

What a lot of students want from the from the classroom is a factory.

他们就是被这样教导的。

They've been taught that.

我要去纽约大学。

I'm gonna go to NYU.

我要把我的拙劣诗作投入纽约大学的工厂，让教授和同学们帮我把一切都修正好。

I'm gonna feed my weak poems into the NYU factory, and a professor and my peers are going to to fix everything.

对吧？

Right?

这全都是一个错误的观念，以为只要不断努力，最后就会产出一首崭新完整的T型福特诗，这完全是虚假的幻想。

It's all about this false idea that if I just keep working, a finished brand new, you know, t model Ford poem will come out at the end of it, and it's a completely false fantasy.

因此，我要让他们认识到更大的现实：这一切都必须通过错误和偏差才能实现。

So it's introducing to them the the larger reality that all of this will come through error and errancy.

但事实上，错误与偏差本身就是活着的一部分，不仅如此，还是创新的一部分。

But in fact, error and errancy is part of being alive, and not only that, but part of innovation.

这就是大胆之处。

That's the daring daringness.

当我把这一点重新阐述为课堂的真正目的时，你会看到人们的肢体语言发生了变化。

And when I set that up as the re reelaborate that as the what the classroom is for, you see the body language change.

你知道吗？

You know?

我就想，啊，你终于来了。

And and and I'm like, oh, there you are.

你终于来了。

There you are.

我非常欣赏你的作品，以及你思考和谈论自己经历的方式，因为你有一种独特的能力，能够深入挖掘人们生活中那些细微的时刻。

What I love so much about your work and about the way that you think and the way that you talk about your experience is you have this unique ability to dig deep into these subtle moments in people's lives.

我觉得你有一种能力，能够真正地让许多人都有这种感受却无法言说的体验变得正常化。

And I I feel like you've got this ability to really normalize what is a experience that so many people feel, but don't have the words to describe.

你的作品所传递的信息是，我们每个人都有机会为自己创造这样的空间，无论你现在身处何地，因为当你生命中的某个时刻感觉毫无进展时——

And the message that your work carries in it is the opportunity for all of us to not only create that space for ourselves wherever you are right now, because being in a in a moment in your life where you don't feel like it's going anywhere.

是的

Yeah.

你感觉这真的就是未来的样子了。

And you are feeling like this is really what it's going to be.

我真的让我的人生有意义了吗？

Am I really making my life count?

尤其是当你年纪渐长的时候？

Especially as you get older?

是的

Yeah.

我觉得每个人都经历过这种感受。

I think everybody's had that experience.

想象一下，被这样一个人抚养长大。

And imagine being raised by someone like that.

想象一下，被这样的人包围并不断影响。

Imagine being surrounded and multiply.

如果你身处这样一个社区或家庭中，你所说的一切都会被放大八到九倍。

If you're in a community like that or a family, everything you said multiplied by eight or nine.

你周围的所有人都有同样的感受。

Everyone around you feels the same way.

对吧？

Right?

还有深深的怨恨，深深的悲伤。

And the the the deep resentment, the deep sadness.

但同样地，我的继父在标准公司工作。

But also, like, again, like, my stepdad worked at Standardine.

他在一家叫标准公司的地方工作。

He worked at a place called Standardine.

他一辈子都在拧螺丝。

He made a screw his whole life.

整整三十年，他制造的螺丝都被用在加油泵上。

For, like, thirty years, he made the screw that went into gas pumps.

然后那家公司倒闭了。

And that company shut down.

它迁到了海外。

It went overseas.

所以他是个来自越南的文盲难民，坐了七天船，去了难民营，然后来到哈特福德，遇到了我母亲。

So he's an uneducated refugee from Vietnam, spent seven days in a boat, and went to a refugee camp, then came to Hartford, met my mother.

他花了三十年时间制造螺丝，而现在他不再制造螺丝了。

And he spent thirty years making a screw, and now he doesn't make a screw anymore.

他现在做什么？

What does he do?

你知道吗？

You know?

所以他去柯尔特公司上班，那是一家位于康涅狄格州纽因顿的枪械工厂。

So he goes to work at Colt, which is a gun factory in in also in Connecticut, Newington.

他制造更小的螺丝，用于柯尔特.357马格南手枪，而螺丝既用于加油泵也用于枪械，这最能代表典型的美国故事。

And he makes a smaller screw that goes into the cult magnum, and gas pumps and guns is the most quintessential American story.

每天下班后，他都会把工作服用图钉挂在客厅墙上，因为我们并不拥有这房子，所以不能在墙上钉东西，不能粉刷墙壁，必须获得许可才行。

Every day after work, he hung up his uniform in our living room on a thumbtack because we we didn't own it, so we could not put anything on the walls, we couldn't paint it, we had to get permission.

光是粉刷墙壁就得经历一场官僚主义的噩梦。

It's a bureaucratic nightmare just to paint your walls.

他把他的衬衫挂在那里，因为右胸上绣着n g o c——他的名字，还带着用漂亮蓝线绣的变音符号。

He hung his his his shirt there because on the right chest is that n g o c, his name, with the diacritic stitched in beautiful blue thread.

每次有人来家里做客，他都会指着那件衬衫。

And every time someone come over, he would point to that.

我说，我在标准眼公司工作。

I said, I work at Standard Eye.

我有医疗保险。

I have health care.

门槛就是这么低。

That's how low the bar was.

对吧？

Right?

我们至今仍在感受着这种低标准。

It's like and we're still feeling that bar.

说‘我有医疗保险’是一件大事。

It's a big thing to say, I have health care.

说‘我有工资’是一件大事。

It's a big thing to say, I have a salary.

说‘我属于一个有制服的地方’是一件大事。

It's a big thing to say, I'm I belong to a place with a uniform.

他们足够信任我，给了我一件绣着我名字的制服。

They believe in me enough to give me a uniform with my name on it.

我多年来一直盯着它看，就像你描述你在农场的家人那样。

I looked at that for years, similar to how you describe your family in the farm.

我看着它，对自己说，这不能是我的美国生活。

And I saw that, and I told myself, that can't be my American life.

这个人从下午三点工作到午夜。

This man works from 3PM to 12AM.

我从没见过他。

I never see him.

我往他的房间里看。

I look into his room.

我看到他毯子外露出一撮黑发。

I see a tuft of black hair out of his blanket.

我告诉自己，那不能是我的美国人生。

I that can't be me.

但如果你问他，你是怎么度过你的美国人生的？

But if you asked him, how did you spend your American life?

他现在退休了。

He's retired now.

他会说，那是他最大的胜利。

He would have said, that is his absolute triumph.

那是他运气好。

That was he he lucked out.