如果你在生活中感到停滞，请听这一期

嘿，我是你的朋友梅尔，欢迎收听梅尔·罗宾斯播客。

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

最近，我收到世界各地许多听众的来信，他们都说自己感觉被困住了。

Lately, I have been hearing from so many listeners around the world who have been writing in and saying, I feel stuck.

我感到迷茫。

I feel lost.

甚至在我巡演期间。

Or even while I've been out on tour.

我刚在澳大利亚和新西兰举办了现场演出，现在又来到了美国。

I've been out on tour doing a live show in Australia and New Zealand and now in The United States.

每次和你们面对面交流时，很多人都说，我陷在一种状态里，怎么都走不出来。

And as I'm meeting you in person, so many of you keep saying, I'm just in this rut, and I can't seem to get out of it.

所以今天我们就来聊聊这个话题。

So that's what we're gonna talk about today.

我们会谈谈如何摆脱困境。

We're gonna talk about being stuck.

你得好好听我说。

And I need you to hear this.

感到停滞，是人生中最被误解的一种状态。

Feeling stuck is one of the single most misunderstood experiences in life.

你觉得自己卡住了，并不意味着你出了问题。

When you feel stuck, it doesn't mean you're broken.

这说明你本该拥有更好的人生。

It means you're built for something more.

停滞，就是你眼下生活和你尚未创造的生活之间的张力。

And stuckness is this tension between the life that you currently have and the life you have yet to create.

这就是停滞的真正含义。

That's what stuck is.

它是一种信号。

It's a signal.

今天，我要教你一个能改变人生的方法。

And today, I'm gonna teach you something really life changing.

有三个陷阱正在让你原地踏步。

There are three traps that are keeping you stuck.

如果你不知道自己陷在哪个陷阱里，就根本没法往前走。

And if you don't know which one of the traps is in your way, it's impossible to move forward.

这就像是你在解决一个根本不对的问题。

It's almost like you're trying to solve the wrong problem.

想象一下，你的车出了问题，你以为加满油就能修好，可实际上问题是电池没电了。

I want you to think about it like you got a problem with your car and you think you can fix it by filling the gas tank, but the real issue is the battery's dead.

不管你往油箱里倒多少油，车都动不了，因为你盯错了问题。

No matter how much gas you pour into that sucker, it's not gonna go anywhere because you're focused on the wrong problem.

当你感到停滞的时候，很容易就把注意力放错地方。

And when you feel stuck, it's easy to focus on the wrong problem.

所以今天我们聊的会完全不一样。

And that's why our conversation today is gonna be very different.

我不但要告诉你让你感到停滞的三个陷阱，以及如何摆脱它们，还会播放来自世界各地听众的问题。

I am going to not only teach you these three traps that make you feel stuck and how to get unstuck, but I'm also going to play questions from your fellow listeners around the world.

接下来，我会和你一起帮你的听众找出，他到底陷在了这三个陷阱中的哪一个里。

And together, you and I are gonna work together to figure out which one of the three traps is your fellow listener in.

所以听完这次对话，你不仅能看清楚这些陷阱是不是也困住了你自己，还能认出它们是否影响着你关心的人。

So by the end of this conversation, you're not gonna only be able to spot these traps in yourself and the people that you love.

你会清楚知道，面对不同的陷阱，该采取什么具体的行动才能摆脱困境。

You're gonna know exactly what to do depending upon which trap you're dealing with to get unstuck.

然后重新起步，找回那种积极向上的感觉。

And finally, start moving forward and feeling great again.

你好，我是你的朋友梅尔，欢迎收听梅尔·罗宾斯播客。

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.

很高兴你今天在这里。

I am so glad that you're here.

能和你共度这段时光，我总是感到特别荣幸。

It is always an honor to spend this time together.

如果你是第一次听，或者有人把这期节目推荐给你，我想特别欢迎你加入梅尔·罗宾斯播客的大家庭。

And if you're new or if somebody shared this episode with you, I just wanna take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family.

今天，我和你聊聊让人陷入困境的三种陷阱，以及如何真正走出来。

Today, you and I are talking about the three traps that keep you stuck and how to finally get unstuck.

我想说的是，现在每个人可能都有那么一件事，让你觉得迷茫或停滞不前——不管是职业方向、经济状况，还是关系中的问题。

And I just wanna normalize the fact that I think everybody right now has something that's keeping them feeling a little lost or stuck, whether it's your career path or it's finances or it's something going on in your relationship.

现在请你停下来，好好想想自己到底是什么情况，我希望你能从这当中有所收获。

And I want you to stop and think about this right now for yourself because I want you to get something out of this.

在你的生活中，什么地方让你觉得卡住了、找不到方向，或者明明在忙却毫无进展？

Where in your life do you feel a little stuck or a little lost or like you're spinning your wheels?

是感情方面吗？

Is it in your relationship?

是工作上吗？

Is it at work?

你不清楚自己的职业该往哪儿走，或者刚被裁员了，又或者再也不喜欢现在的工作，却不知道下一步该怎么做。

You're not quite sure where your career is going or maybe you got laid off or you don't like what you do anymore and you're not sure what to do next.

是学业上吗？

Is it with school?

你对你所学的专业或正在学的东西其实没什么兴趣。

You're not that interested in what your major is or what you're studying.

你在想，背这么多学生贷款，到底值不值得。

You're wondering if all the student debt is worth it.

是不是家里有个项目，一直拖着让你心烦？

Is it some project at home that's been nagging you forever?

是不是在想你人生的下一个阶段会是什么样子？

Is it thinking about that next chapter of your life?

现在你大概已经想清楚了，生活中哪个地方让你觉得特别卡住、使不上劲？

So, now that you've kind of thought a little bit about where is that area of your life where you feel a little friction?

是健康方面的问题吗？

Is it your health?

在这方面，你是不是也觉得进展缓慢？

You feel a little stuck with that?

还是其他方面的事情？

Is it some other area of your life?

现在，我们来聊聊让人陷入停滞的三个陷阱。

Now, let's talk about the three traps that can make you feel stuck.

因为如果你不清楚自己陷在哪个陷阱里，就永远别想向前迈一步。

Because until we identify which trap you're in, you will never ever, ever move forward.

你只会原地打转，徒劳无功。

You're just gonna keep on spinning your wheels.

第一个让人停滞的陷阱，就是你还没准备好改变。

The first trap that keeps you stuck is you're not ready to change.

就这么简单。

It's that simple.

听起来好像显而易见。

It sounds so obvious.

甚至有点傻，对吧？

It's almost dumb, right?

但人们容易卡住的一个原因，就是你根本还没准备好改变。

But one of the reasons why it's so easy to get stuck is you're simply not ready to change.

这背后可能有各种各样的原因。

And that can happen for a number of reasons.

你可能因为放不下过去，所以还没准备好改变。

You might not be ready to change because you're holding onto the past.

你可能因为太多遗憾而自责，把自己困在过去的错误里。

You might not be ready to change because you regret a lot of things and you're punishing yourself over it.

你可能觉得改变根本没用，所以提不起劲儿。

You may not be ready to change because you don't think it's gonna work.

所以你现在特别沮丧。

And so, you feel a lot of discouragement right now.

这种状态其实很容易在你关心的人身上看出来。

This is an easy one, by the way, to spot in the people that you care about.

比如看到一个人沉迷喝酒，或者被裁员后根本不去找工作。

You can look at somebody who's struggling with their drinking, or you can look at somebody who's been laid off and they're not really looking for a job.

这样的人，就是陷在第一个陷阱里了。

That is a person who's stuck in trap number one.

他们还没准备好改变。

They're not ready to change.

如果你陷在第一个陷阱里，唯一能摆脱的方法就是下定决心改变。

And the only way you get unstuck if you're in trap number one is you have to make a decision to change.

就这么简单。

Period.

你得承认，现在的生活状态你再也无法接受了。

You have to decide that where you are is no longer okay with you.

你不需要立刻知道下一步该做什么。

You don't have to know what you're gonna do next.

也不需要有个完整的计划。

You don't have to have some master plan.

更不用马上就开始行动。

You don't have to get to work right away.

但你必须先做出一个决定：我要改变现状。

But without making a decision that I am going to do something different here.

什么都不会改变，你会一直困在这里。

Nothing's gonna change and you're gonna stay stuck.

因为除非你改变，否则什么都不会变。

Because nothing changes until you change.

你一旦决定该改变了，改变就从那一刻开始了。

And you change the moment you decide it's time to change.

你得有那么一个瞬间，对自己说：行了，到此为止。

You gotta have that moment where you say, All right, that's it.

我受够了。

I've had enough.

我对自己简直烦透了。

I am so sick of my own self.

我受够了老是抱怨这些事。

I am so sick of complaining about this.

我受够了被困在过去里。

I'm so sick of being stuck in the past.

我受够了身上这多余的赘肉。

I'm so sick of carrying around this extra weight.

我受够了孤单和难过，连朋友都见不上面。

I am so sick of being lonely and sad and not seeing my friends.

够了。

Enough.

我决定要改变了。

I am making a decision to change.

我想让你真正明白这一点。

I wanna make sure you really get this.

所以今天这期节目，我们这么做。

And so here's what we're gonna do in today's episode.

你就是我的搭档。

You are my cohost.

你和我一起回答听众们的问题。

You and I are going to answer questions from your fellow listeners together.

当你在听其他听众提出的问题时，我希望你能想象自己正开车在路上，或者在上班时戴着耳机，又或者现在正带着我散步——你就当自己就坐在我身边，正在听这个提问。

And as you're listening to the questions from your fellow listeners, I want you to pretend as you're driving in your car or you're listening at work or you're taking me on a walk right now, I want you to pretend you're right here with me on the podcast and that you're listening to this question.

第一个问题来自珍娜，你就和我一起，来当她的教练吧。

The first one's gonna be from Jenna as if you're going to coach her with me.

你一定要认真听，看看能不能听出来，当一个人陷在‘还没准备好改变’的困境里时，话里是什么味道。

And I want you to really listen closely and see if you can hear what it sounds like when someone's stuck in the trap of not being ready to change.

试着在心里分辨一下，珍娜到底需要做出什么决定，才能摆脱这种卡住的感觉？

See if you can hear and identify in your own mind what is the decision that Jenna needs to make that would break her free of feeling stuck?

嗨，梅尔。

Hi, Mel.

希望你能帮帮我。

Hoping you can help me out with this.

说到感觉被困住，今年我真的特别有这种沉重的感觉。

Speaking of feeling stuck, I've been feeling that really heavy this year.

刚满四十岁，有两个孩子，一个两岁，一个六岁。

Just turned 40, have two kids, a two and a six year old.

我总觉得这一生该做点更有意义的事。

I'm feeling like I am meant to do more in this life.

我很爱当妈妈。

I love being a mom.

我也在上班。

I also work.

但我特别想找一件真正热爱的事，能让我每天期待着去做的工作。

But I feel like I need something that I can do that I'm passionate about, that I can look forward to for work.

我觉得自己有个被埋没的创意面，现在正等着爆发出来。

I feel like there's this creative side of me that is been untapped and is ready to unleash.

可一回到家，各种事情就扑面而来，人也累得不行，心想：今天实在没力气了。

And then I get home and I get pulled in several different directions and I'm tired and I'm like, I don't have the energy today.

所以我也不知道该从哪儿开始。

So I don't know where to start.

我现在能做点什么吗？

Can I do something now?

我现在能开始点新的东西吗？

Can I start something new now?

我在这个人生阶段，到底该怎么开启这段新旅程？

Can I how do I start this new adventure at this point in time in my life?

我该从哪儿入手呢？

Where do I begin?

我想发挥我的创造力。

I wanna use my creative side.

帮帮我吧。

Help me.

你刚才听的时候，有没有注意到那个陷阱？

Now, as you were listening, did you notice the trap?

陷阱在于，她还没下定决心要改变。

The trap is she has not made a decision to change yet.

这个陷阱挺隐蔽的，因为她一直在说这些事，你可能也有同感。

And this one's kind of sneaky because she's talking about the fact, and you may feel this too.

我觉得我生来就该做点更有意义的事。

I feel like I'm meant to do something more.

我心里总有一种冲动，想干点有创意的东西。

I feel this pull to do something creative.

她一直在想，你也听得出她为什么还没准备好。

So she's thinking about it and you can hear some of the reasons why she's not ready.

我好累。

I'm tired.

我没力气了。

I don't have the energy.

我现在能开始新的事情吗？

Can I start something new?

她在犹豫，对吧？

She's questioning, right?

但你听到她下定决心了吗？

But did you hear a decision?

我没听到任何决定。

I didn't hear a decision.

我听到的是一个想改变的人，但没听到一个已经下定决心要改变的人。

I heard somebody who wants to change, but I didn't hear a person who has made a decision to change.

这之间的区别非常微妙。

And it's a very subtle distinction.

但这就是困在原地、在脑子里打转，和真正摆脱束缚、做出决定、开启人生全新篇章之间的根本差别。

But this is the difference between staying stuck and spinning your wheels in a mental loop and getting yourself unstuck and breaking free and making a decision to create a whole new chapter in your life.

你看，这个决定不需要多复杂。

And look, the decision doesn't have to be complicated.

它就像画下一条界线。

It's like a line in the sand.

珍娜会怎么说呢？

What could Jenna say?

你现在坐在这里和我一起主持这期节目，珍娜会怎么说？

As you're sitting here hosting this episode with me, what could Jenna say?

一个决定听起来会是什么样子？

What would a decision sound like?

它可能很简单，比如：我决定不管怎样，都要让职业生涯的下一章充满创意。

It could be something simple like, I'm making a decision to make the next chapter of my career creative no matter what.

我决定，一年后，我一定会在创意行业工作。

I'm making a decision that twelve months from now, I am going to be working in a creative industry.

我会有一份全职工作，每天醒来都热爱并期待自己在做的事。

I'm gonna have a full time job and I'm gonna wake up every day and I'm going to love and look forward to what I'm doing.

这就是我的决定。

That's my decision.

还有另一种方式来做这个决定。

Here's another way you could make the decision.

今年，我要学会为真正重要的事腾出时间。

This is the year I learn how to make time for what matters to me.

你听出来了吗？有人总在问‘我应该’‘我可以’‘如果怎样’，但这些话说明他还没准备好。

Do you hear the difference between somebody questioning I should, I could, what if, but this, but that's a person that's not ready.

这是在犹豫不决的人。

That's a person in contemplation.

当你听到别人做出决定时，那种语气是清清楚楚的。

When you hear somebody make a decision, it's clear.

也许你的决定听起来会是这样。

Maybe a decision for you sounds like this.

我要减掉一百磅。

I'm losing 100 pounds.

我要申请并考上护理学校。

I'm applying and getting into nursing school.

我要搬出这个吵闹又狭小的公寓。

I am moving out of this noisy, cramped apartment.

明年我会遇到一个我深爱的人，我们会坠入爱河，那感觉一定会特别美好。

I'm gonna meet someone I love in the next year, and I'm gonna fall in love, and it's gonna be incredible.

有些决定正等着你去做出。

There are decisions just waiting for you to make them.

你看，当你做出决定时，你就是在主张自己想要的东西。

See, when you make a decision, you are claiming what you want.

你是在明确表达自己的愿望。

You're declaring what you want.

我特别喜欢‘决定’这个词。

I love the word decision.

‘决定’这个词源自拉丁语，意思是切断。

The word decision comes from a Latin word meaning to cut off.

一旦你做出决定，就是在切断其他可能的选择。

When you decide, when you make a decision, you're cutting yourself off from other possibilities.

你是在说：这件事对我很重要。

You're saying, This matters to me.

然后你就全心投入其中了。

And then you're locking in on it.

我最喜欢的是，做决定的时候你绝不会随便应付。

And what I love is you're not casual when you make a decision.

你得清楚明白。

You have to be clear.

做决定最棒的地方在于，你不需要知道结果会怎样。

And the best part about making a decision is you don't have to know how it's gonna turn out.

你也不用确定这是不是正确的决定。

You don't have to know if it's even the right decision.

做决定最好的方式就是先做出来，然后拼命努力，让它变成正确的决定。

The best way to make a decision is to make the decision and then work hard to make it the right decision.

一旦你做了决定，你就迫使自己的人生走向了另一个方向。

And when you make the decision, you are forcing your life to move in a different direction.

我们再听一个叫克里斯汀的听众的问题，因为我希望你真正搞清楚第一个陷阱——不是没准备好。

Let's do one more question from a listener named Kristen because I want you to really make sure you understand this first trap, that it's not being ready.

我也希望你明白，一个决定能有多大的力量。

And I also want you to understand how powerful one decision could be.

所以仔细听好了。

So listen closely.

听完她的分享后，我会问你们同样的问题。

And when we're done listening to her, I'm gonna ask you the same question.

说说她陷在什么样的困境里，为什么她觉得自己还没准备好，然后我们来聊聊， Kristen 到底需要做出哪一个决定，才能让自己摆脱僵局，重获自由。

Describe the trap she's in, describe why she's not ready, and then we're gonna talk about what is one decision that Kristen needs to make that would get her unstuck and help her break free.

她现在来说。

Here she is.

嗨，梅尔。

Hey, Mel.

我叫克里斯汀。

My name is Kristen.

我今年42岁。

I'm 42 years old.

我是个离了婚的妈妈，有两个孩子，现在整个人完全卡在脑子里出不来了。

I am a, divorced mom of two kids, and I am 100% stuck in my head.

我真的一步都迈不出去。

I literally cannot move forward.

我脑子里总在反复想那些后悔的事。

I am in this constant loop in my head of regret.

我觉得我不该离开前夫。

Like, I I feel like I shouldn't have left, my ex.

我以前在工作上一直是个高绩效的人。

I was always a high achiever at work.

很长一段时间里，我的工作表现都非常出色。

I functioned at a very high level for a very long period of time.

可我就是没法往前走。

And I I can't seem to move forward.

我再也回不去了。

I can't get it back.

现在工作上我勉强维持着生计。

I'm barely scraping by when it comes to that with work.

我不明白为什么事情会变成这样，为什么我就是无法进步。

I'm not understanding why the situation is what it is and how I can't simply progress.

非常感谢你抽出时间帮助我。

So I appreciate your time and help.

听你这么说，真是让人心疼，对吧？

That is a painful, painful question to listen to, isn't it?

你能明显感受到她被困住了。

Because you can feel the trap that she's in.

我想指出几点，你肯定也注意到了，说不定你自己也经历过。

And there's a couple things that I wanna point out that I'm sure that you picked up on, and maybe you've experienced this yourself.

也许你身边有亲近的人正在经历类似的事。

Maybe somebody that you love is going through this.

她说自己陷在脑子里的循环里出不来，总想着‘我不该离开前男友’，一直被悔恨缠着。

You know, when she said that she can't get out of the loop in her head that she's constantly stuck in, when she said that I feel like I shouldn't have left my ex And that I, in this constant loop of regret.

她现在活的就是这种状态。

That's what she's living in.

这就是她困住的地方。

That's the trap.

她还没准备好改变，因为她现在活在后悔里。

She's not ready to change because her reality right now is regret.

克里斯汀真正需要做的是什么决定？

What is the decision that Kristen needs to make?

因为一个决定能带来巨大的力量。

Because there is so much power in a decision.

如果她一直陷在和前男友分手的后悔里打转，我觉得她的选择其实很清楚。

If she's been living in regret in the constant loop over a breakup with her ex, in my mind, the decision is very obvious.

你必须下定决心向前走。

You have to make a decision to move forward.

你得告诉自己，我人生的下一章，一定会成为最精彩的一章，因为我会亲手创造它。

You have to say this next chapter of my life is gonna be one of the best chapters of my life because I'm going to create that for myself.

特别是当你面对后悔的时候，研究结果非常明确。

And in particular, when you're dealing with regret, the research is very clear on this.

丹尼尔·平克是多次登上《纽约时报》畅销榜的作家，也被认为是我们这个时代最具影响力的思想家之一。

Daniel Pink is a multiple New York Times bestselling author and considered one of the most influential thinkers of our time.

最近，他主导了一项迄今为止规模最大的关于遗憾的研究。

And recently, he led one of the largest studies ever on the topic of regret.

他说，遗憾并不是要压垮你。

And he says regret is not meant to bury you.

它也不是为了惩罚你。

It's not meant to punish you.

它的目的是让你学到一些你必须掌握的东西。

It's meant to teach you something you need to learn.

但只有当你不再反复回想过去，开始问自己：遗憾到底想告诉我什么？你才能真正从中学习。

But you can only learn what regret has to teach you if you stop replaying things and start asking yourself, what is the regret trying to show you?

只要你一直回头张望，生活就永远无法向前。

As long as you keep looking backward, your life will never move forward.

所以你必须下定决心：够了，到此为止。

That's why you have to decide enough is enough.

改变，始于一个决定。

Change begins with a decision.

在克里斯汀的情况里，她必须决定不再给前男友浪费时间了。

And in Kristen's case, she has to decide that she's going to stop giving more time to her ex.

我的意思是，她已经为这段早就结束的关系付出了好多年。

I mean, it's been years now that she's given to this relationship that's over.

她一直想要的那种生活，早就不存在了。

The life that she keeps reaching for no longer exists.

她得转过身面向未来，下定决心往前走，不惜一切代价去创造一个让自己真正快乐的生活。

She has to turn toward the future and make a decision that she is going to move forward and she is gonna do whatever it takes to create a life where she's happy.

我之所以反复强调，做出决定才是解决被困住、觉得自己没准备好、充满遗憾、沉溺过去、甚至说服自己就算往前走也再也回不到从前快乐的唯一办法，

And the reason why I'm hammering the power of making a decision as the singular solution to the problem of being trapped, feeling not ready, feeling regretful, focusing on the past, convincing yourself actively that even if you tried to move forward, you'd never be as happy as you used to be.

这完全是胡说八道。

It's complete BS.

真正让你获得自由的，就是那个决定。

The decision is what sets you free.

它会给你一个值得去努力的方向。

It will give you something to build toward.

而这正是让你摆脱‘还没准备好’这个困境的关键。

And that is what will break you free from the trap of not being ready.

好了，现在是个不错的时机暂停一下，因为我能听到你脑子里正在飞速运转，消化这些信息，同时也在思考自己和你关心的人。

All right, this feels like a good moment to hit the pause button because I can hear the wheels turning as you're absorbing all this information and thinking about yourself and the people that you love.

别走开。

And don't go anywhere.

等我们听完赞助商的广告，我会和你更深入地探讨这三个让你陷入困境的陷阱，更重要的是，你该如何应对。

After we hear a word from our amazing sponsors, you and I are digging deeper into these three traps that keep you stuck, and more importantly, what you can do about it.

继续跟我来。

So stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友，梅尔·罗宾斯。

It's your friend, Mel Robbins.

今天，我们要聊聊让你停滞不前的三个陷阱，以及如何摆脱它们，重获自由，向前迈进。

Today, you and I are talking about the three traps that keep you stuck, how to break free from these traps, get unstuck, and move forward in your life.

我们来聊聊第二个陷阱：过度思考。

Let's dive into trap number two, which is over thinking.

天哪，这个陷阱能让你困上几十年。

Oh my gosh, this one will keep you stuck for decades.

你可能会花掉大半辈子去反复琢磨、担惊受怕，却始终没迈出改变的第一步。

You can waste a lot of your life overthinking and worrying about things and never actually get going or started on the changes you wanna make.

你确实已经决定要不一样了，但你现在卡住了，因为你掉进了把下一步想得太复杂的陷阱里。

Yes, you've made a decision that you want things to be different, but now you're stuck because you've fallen into the trap of overcomplicating your next move.

有几个迹象能让你意识到，你正陷在这里面。

There's a couple ways you're gonna know that this is you.

你脑子里总在不停地想这件事。

You're constantly thinking about it.

你脑子里冒出无数个想法。

You've got a million different ideas.

你一直在做研究，可就是从来不付诸行动。

You are busy in the research mode, but you never actually get into action.

你之所以一直原地打转，有些人甚至一拖就是好几年，就是因为还没把你想做的事简化成一个每天都能执行的计划。

And one of the reasons why you're gonna stay stuck in this place spinning your wheels, some people do this for years, is because you have not simplified the thing that you want to be doing into a plan that you could do every single day.

我说的每天，是指简单到只要你每天抽出十五分钟，就能做一点，不管是改掉习惯、实现目标，还是做你想做的事，十五分钟就够了，就这么简单。

And by every single day, I mean, this has to be so simple that if you had fifteen minutes a day that you could work on this change or work on this goal or work on this thing that you wanna accomplish, just fifteen minutes a day, that's how simple this is going to be.

如果没有这样的具体目标，你的大脑就找不到方向。

Without that, your brain has nothing to aim at.

你只会一直说：‘我想换份工作。’

See, you're just gonna keep on saying, Oh, I just want a different job.

我真希望自己更健康一点。

I'd really like to be healthier.

我想感觉好一点。

I wanna feel better.

我考虑要不要回学校读书。

I think I wanna go back to school.

我希望人生更有意义。

I want more purpose in my life.

我明明觉得自己值得更好的，可又说不上来到底要什么。

I really know I'm meant for more, but I don't know what.

我希望每件事都能更好一些。

I want more for everything.

我想遇到一个人。

I wanna meet somebody.

但如果有人停下来问你：‘这点倒是很清楚。’

But if somebody were to stop and ask you, Okay, that's pretty clear.

我能看出来你想换份工作。

I can see that you'd like a new job.

我能看出来你想把身体练得更好。

I can see that you'd like to be in better shape.

那你打算怎么实现呢？

How are you gonna get there?

今天你为这个做了什么？

What are you doing about it today?

如果我观察你一个普通的周二，你会在那天花十五分钟做哪件事，让我确信你不是光在想，而是真有计划，每天醒来都花十五分钟去做？

If I were to watch you on an average Tuesday, what is something that you're doing fifteen minutes every Tuesday that would prove to me that you're not just thinking about this thing, but you've got a plan and that every day you wake up and you spend fifteen minutes on it?

如果你没把目标简化到每天十五分钟就能完成的程度，那你就会被困在过度复杂的陷阱里。

If you don't have it reduced to something so simple that you could do it every day for fifteen minutes, then you're gonna stay stuck in the trap of over complication.

因为如果你不把该做的事简化，就很容易只在脑子里空想。

Because if you don't have what you're supposed to do simplified, it's gonna be so easy to just sit up in your head.

很容易就愣在那儿，什么也不做。

It's gonna be easy to just freeze and do nothing.

很容易看着社交媒体上别人做着你也能做到的事。

It's gonna be easy to watch other people on social media doing the things that you're capable of.

这种陷阱困住了太多人。

And this is a trap that ensnarls so many people.

你其实已经准备好了，但现在却把一切都搞得太复杂。

You're ready, but now you're over complicating everything.

我们来听下一个问题。

And so let's listen to another question.

这个问题来自内特。

This one comes from Nate.

嗨，梅尔。

Hi, Mel.

我两周前刚被一家小型咨询公司裁员了，那家公司专做软件和数据工程。

I was just laid off two weeks ago from a consulting firm, a small firm specializing in software and data engineering.

我自学了编程。

I learned to code.

但现在发现结果没我想象的那么好，像我这样的人，接下来该怎么做才好？

Now realizing that's not panning out as I expected it to, what advice do you have for someone like me looking to figure out what's next?

我们能做点什么，才能找到一点稳定性和可预期性呢？

Like, what can we do for any sense of, like, stability, predictability?

我特别欣赏内特提的这个问题。

You know what I love about Nate's question?

他感到迷茫，是因为事情没按计划走，现在他想要的是稳定和可预测的生活。

Is he's feeling stuck because things didn't go according to plan, and he's looking for stability and predictability.

专注于制定一个简单的计划，把你要做的事简化成每天只花十五分钟，这恰恰能带来稳定感。

And one of the best things about focusing on creating a simple plan and reducing the thing that you need to do to something as simple as fifteen minutes a day of action, that gives you stability.

计划能为你指明方向。

The plan gives you a direction to point yourself into.

把任务压缩到每天十五分钟，我管这叫‘热力十五分钟’，这短短十五分钟就能让你在一件事上取得很大进展。

Reducing it to fifteen minutes of action a day, I call this the hot 15, you got fifteen minutes to make a lot of progress on something.

你会惊讶于这些小行动积累起来的力量。

You'll be surprised how much those actions stack up.

既然现在这么多人在找工作，我想聊聊怎么摆脱把事情想得太复杂的陷阱。

So, since so many of you are looking for jobs right now, I wanna address how you can break free from this trap of overcomplicating everything.

当未来一片空白时，很容易就感到不知所措。

Because when you have a wide open future, it's easy to start to feel paralyzed.

一旦失去日常的节奏，不再有上班的规律，你就会不自觉地把事情想得越来越复杂，然后变得提不起劲，甚至动弹不得。

And when the structure is gone and you no longer have the rhythm of your day to going to a job, you will start to overcomplicate everything and you're gonna start to feel unmotivated and frozen.

能做的事太多，反而成了问题。

And the fact that there's so much that you can do is the problem.

你得把每天要做的事简化成一个清晰的计划，确保每项任务都能在十五分钟内开始或完成。

You have to reduce what you're going to do every day into a simple plan that gives you actions that you can basically start or complete in a fifteen minute time block.

第一，你得把注意力放在钱上。

Number one, you have to focus on money.

除非你本身很有钱，否则你必须腾出时间来处理这件事。

Unless you're independently wealthy, you must take the time.

接下来几天，好好理一理你的预算、储蓄，看看每月在订阅服务上花了多少钱。

In fact, take the next couple days, get a handle on your budget, get a handle on your savings, get a handle on how much money is going out subscriptions.

现在是该收紧开支的时候了。

And this is a moment to tighten the belt.

这时候必须认真看清自己有哪些资源、哪些没有，这样才能清楚自己的支出情况，更重要的是，知道自己还有多少时间可以安心找工作、拓展人脉。

This is a moment to get very serious about what you have and what you don't have because it gives you a picture of your expenses and more importantly, the runway that you have to be able to look for a job and to network.

这就是简化第一步。

So, that's simplify number one.

第二步简化，听起来可能有点奇怪——你要为自己失业期间如何变得更好，制定一个简单的计划。

Simplify number two, and this is gonna sound weird, is I want you to come up with a simple plan for how you're gonna make yourself a better version of yourself while you're unemployed.

我这话是什么意思呢？

What do I mean by that?

这正是你给自己定个目标的好时机。

Well, this is the perfect time for you to make yourself a project.

这是不是你这辈子最健康的时候？

Is this when you get in the best shape of your life?

这是不是你决定跑半程马拉松的时候？

Is this when you commit to running the half marathon?

这是不是你戒掉糖或酒精的时候？

Is this when you cut out sugar or alcohol?

这是不是你每周读一本书的时候？

Is this when you read a book every week?

这是不是你重新开始心理咨询的时候？

Is this when you go back to therapy?

到底怎么做才能让你把这一切简化下来？

Like what is going to make you simplify this?

最好的你。

The best version of you.

你一直没时间做这些，因为总在工作，压力大，累得不行，工作上的事也一堆，根本抽不出身。

And you never had time to do this by the way because you were always working and stressed out and too tired because of work and you always had stuff with work and so you couldn't do that.

不是。

No.

如果我们把接下来三到六个月简化成一件能让你更快乐、更有活力的事，那就是我们要做的第二件事。

If we simplify the next three to six months into something that you're gonna work on for yourself that makes you happier, that makes you feel more alive, that is the second thing we're gonna simplify and do.

原因在这儿。

And here's why.

因为你心情好了，做着自己感兴趣的事，感觉更强壮了，同时在换职业的路上也更照顾自己，面试时自然表现得更好。

Because if you're happier, if you're working on something cool, if you feel stronger, if you're taking better care of yourself while you're networking and making this career pivot, you're gonna be better at interviews.

你会更有干劲。

You're gonna be more energized.

你也会有话题可聊。

You're gonna have something to talk about.

你内心会有一部分被点燃，而这份热情在那份榨干你灵魂的工作里从未出现过，这会直接影响你找到的工作类型。

Something's gonna light up inside of you that was not lit up in that job that was sucking your soul dry, and that's gonna impact the type of work you find.

这就引出了你需要的第三个简单计划。

And that brings me to the third simple plan you need.

你得制定一个非常简单的日常流程，每天花四到五个小时坚持执行，让你觉得为了找工作已经竭尽全力。

You have to create a formula that is very simple, that you're gonna follow four to five hours a day, that will make you feel like you're doing everything you can to find a job.

你要通过和人建立联系来找到工作。

You will find jobs by networking with people.

如果你每天的目标就是主动联系五个人，那就照着做。

And if you were to spend every day and your goal every day is to reach out to five people every day, that's what you do.

每天的事情，我们都已经简化好了。

Every day, we've simplified it.

只要坚持每天联系五位新人，一周内你就会接到不少见面邀约。

Within a week of reaching out to five new people every day, you will have a lot of meetings to do.

你会渐渐感受到势头在起来。

You will start to feel momentum.

你还不需要知道自己将来要做什么工作。

You don't need to know what you're going to be doing for work yet.

你只需要先行动起来。

You just need to get moving.

这一点特别重要，因为以前的工作给你提供了节奏。

And this is so important because your job gave you structure.

你只需要制定一个简单的计划，每天做五件事，我建议你每天主动联系五个人，这样能慢慢推动进展，安排上更多面谈，这才是真正的起点，也能帮你重建节奏。

And creating a simple plan for the five actions you're gonna take every day, and I recommend it's reaching out to five people every day because that starts to create forward momentum and meetings and that is the beginning, it creates structure.

它替代了你原来工作带来的那种结构感。

It replaces the structure that your job had.

如果你不主动建立这样一个简单的计划，就会整天胡思乱想，刷手机，陷在想太多、压力太大这个怪圈里，最后哪儿也去不了。

And if you don't put structure in by creating a simple plan, you're gonna be up in your head, you're gonna be scrolling on social media, you're gonna be forever stuck in the trap of overcomplicating and overwhelm, and you're not gonna go anywhere.

但你完全不必让自己陷入这种状态。

And you don't have to have that happen.

我们再来看下一个问题，深入一点。

Let's go to another question and go a layer deeper.

下一个问题是亚历克斯提的，你们要认真听。

This next question comes from Alex, and I want you to really listen.

我们来看看他是不是陷入了误区，把事情想得太复杂了。

And let's see if you can spot how he's in a trap because he's over complicated things.

你好，梅尔。

Hi, Mel.

我叫亚历克斯·奥尔森。

My name is Alex Olsen.

我总是在重复同一个模式：重新开始，尝试各种职业方向，但都没成功，最后还被拒绝了。

I feel stuck in a pattern of starting over and trying multiple career paths that don't work out or you end up being rejected.

我该怎么避免再走错路，重复同样的错误？

How can I stop myself from going down the wrong path again and repeating the same mistake?

我只是想找到一份每天都能期待的工作，获得幸福和稳定。

I just wanna find happiness and stability with something that I look forward to every day.

这个问题我很喜欢。

I love this question.

我还想破除一个迷思，就是认为人生只有一条稳定不变的道路。

I also wanna debunk this myth or belief that there's some singular stable path.

我的意思是，就连那些曾经被认为能干一辈子的职业，现在也正被科技、风投和各种创新彻底改变。

I mean, even careers that people could trust they could do for the rest of their lives are being disrupted by technology and venture capital and all kinds of innovation right now.

每个人的职业生涯都注定要一次次地重塑自己。

Everybody is going to be forced to reinvent themselves over and over and over again in their career.

所以，别再执着于所谓的稳定了，认清现实吧——你拥有的是经验和技能。

And so, I would throw out the window this sense of stability and I would embrace reality, which is you have experience and skills.

只要你对现状不满意，随时都可以靠这些优势，重新定位自己的职业方向。

You can market yourself to pivot your career anytime you're not really happy with what you're doing anymore.

我想引用一些斯坦福大学的研究，因为那里有一个关于职业转型的非常有意思的原则，我觉得能让你感觉没那么被困住。

And I wanna bring in some research from Stanford because there's a very interesting principle that is taught at Stanford University when it comes to career change that I think is really gonna make you feel less stuck.

斯坦福的两位教授，戴夫·埃文斯和比尔·伯内特，开发了一门叫《设计你的人生》的精彩课程。

Two professors from Stanford, their names are Dave Evans and Bill Burnett, they have created this incredible course at Stanford called Designing Your Life.

他们已经教这门课二十多年了。

They have been teaching this course for over two decades.