实现目标的流程：用五个简单步骤改变你的生活

我得提前警告你，这条规则你肯定不爱听。

And I'm gonna warn you, you're not gonna like this rule.

但说到你的目标和真正重要的事，赶紧跟家人划清界限。

But when it comes to your goals and the things that matter to you, fire your family.

你没听错。

You heard me right.

跟家人划清界限。

Fire your family.

这是很多人犯的最大错误。

This is a huge mistake that people make.

你以为立了目标，家人就该变成你最铁的后援团，对吧？

See, you think that when you set a goal, your family is supposed to become your biggest cheering squad.

这简直是错得离谱。

That is the biggest mistake that you could possibly make.

原因很简单：你定的目标不是为了家人，是为了你自己。

And the reason why is that these goals that you have, they're not goals for your family, they're goals for you.

大多数时候，家人根本不会成为你最卖力的加油者。

Most of the time, family is not gonna be your biggest cheerleader.

你家人可能会说：等等，啥情况？

Your family is gonna be like, wait a minute.

你这是在干嘛？

What what are you doing?

你咋做到的？

How are doing that?

你为啥非得干这个？

Why do you wanna do that?

要是家人根本不认同你的目标，从来没做过你想做的事，他们自然没法理解你为啥要这么做，也不知道该怎么帮你实现。

See, if your family doesn't share the goals that you have, if your family has never done the thing that you want to do, they're not gonna understand why you wanna do it, and they're not gonna know how to get it done.

所以，他们没法支持你去做一件他们根本不关心的事。

So they can't support you in doing something that they don't care about.

他们也没法支持你去做一件他们完全不懂的事。

They can't support you in doing something they don't understand.

这让我想到一个更重要的问题。

And this brings me to a bigger point.

你的目标，还有让你生活有意义的事，都是你自己的责任。

Your goals and the things that bring meaning to your life are your responsibility.

不是你家人的责任。

They're not your family's responsibility.

我这辈子遇到过好多次这样的情况，现在就能想到一个。

Like, there are so many instances in my life where where I can think of what right now.

我女儿，索耶。

My daughter, Sawyer.

我女儿一直有个特别大的目标。

My daughter had always had this huge goal.

这目标简直大得不得了。

Like, this is an amazingly enormous goal.

她一直想独自背包游亚洲，一走就是五个月。

She had always wanted to travel solo through Asia backpacking for, like, five months.

那是她的梦想。

That was her dream.

你知道吗，作为她妈妈，我一听这事儿就浑身发毛。

Do you know what that sounds like to me, her mother?

简直是我最怕的事儿。

My biggest nightmare.

我拼命反对。

I argued against it.

我根本没法理解。

I didn't understand it.

我吓坏了。

I was scared.

我是家里最不支持她的人。

I was the least supportive person in the family.

不过幸运的是，Sawyer早就把我这老妈给‘开除’了。

Well, luckily for Sawyer, she had fired me a long time ago.

她根本不在乎我说什么，因为她知道，如果不去做这件对她来说意义重大的事，她会后悔一辈子——所以你得跟家人断清楚。

She didn't care what I had to say because she knew it would haunt her for the rest of her life if she didn't pursue this thing that was meaningful to her, and that's why you gotta fire your family.

我再给你举个例子。

I'll give you another example.

我老公克里斯，他正在写人生第一本书。

My husband, Chris, he is working on his first ever book.

我特别为他骄傲。

I am so proud of him.

说实话，这事儿他惦记了快五年了，但他一开始根本没想着直接写本书。

I mean, this has been a goal of Chris' for probably five years, and he didn't start by writing out a book.

你知道他第一步干了啥吗？

You know what he started by doing?

他先想清楚了：自己就是想多写点东西。

Getting clear that he wanted to do more writing.

然后他就加入了一个线上写作小组，听着可能挺无聊的，其实就是大家约好开Zoom，各自埋头写。

And that led to him joining a writing group online where it sounds kinda boring, but you basically just go on Zoom, and everybody writes.

然后你就开始聊这个事。

And then you talk about it.

接着会有作业，大家写特定主题的内容，互相读彼此的文稿，他就是这么一步步走过来的，特别棒。

And then there's assignments where you all write about certain things and read about your writing, and it was this beautiful thing that he did.

就这样过了几年，他参加写作课，慢慢就说：嘿。

And then that led him after a couple years of just being in a writing class to say, hey.

我特别清楚，我想写一本书。

I'm very clear I wanna write a book.

至于写啥，我还不知道。

I don't even know what it's about.

我就想写一本书。

I just wanna write a book.

他已经写了两年半了。

And he's been writing a book for two and a half years.

现在我要告诉你一件事。

Now here's what I gotta tell you.

我连他手稿里的一个字都没看过，但这不是因为我不在乎。

I haven't read a single word of his manuscript, and that's not because I don't care.

是因为他根本没让我看。

It's because he hasn't asked me to.

我其实不太清楚这本书写的是啥。

I don't really know what the book is about.

大概有点概念吧，但内容好像变过，我甚至不知道书名是什么。

Like, I kinda have a general idea, but it's changed or I don't know the title.

他打算怎么设计封面，我完全不知道。

I don't know what he's thinking about for the cover design.

我只知道他每天都写，而且他还跟家里断了联系。

I just know that every single day the man writes, and I also know he fired his family.

克里斯托弗·罗宾身上没有一个细胞在想：‘家人不支持我’，因为他根本没指望过家人支持。

There is not one cell in Christopher Robin's body that is saying, your family is not supportive because he's not even expecting us to be.

他这么做，只是为了自己。

He's doing it for him.

所以我想让你停一下，好好想想这有多厉害。

And I want you to just stop and really think about how powerful that is.

意识到你能为自己做点什么，能在生活里加入一件只对你有意义的事，而不必到处求别人认可和支持——因为你就是为自己做的，这有多强大。

How powerful is it to realize that you can do something just for yourself, that you can insert something into your life that's meaningful to you without having to seek validation and support from everybody else around you because you're doing it for you.

所以这项研究特别重要：当你真正弄清楚自己想要什么，而那真的是为你自己想要的，这太了不起了，而且你完全做得到。

That's why this research is so important that when you got clear about what you wanted, what you want is for you, and that's incredible, and that's available to you.

但这里有个关键点。

Now here's the nuance.

你可能会跟家人断绝关系，但我可没说你得一个人硬扛。

You're gonna fire your family, but I didn't say you had to do it alone.

这话什么意思？

What does that mean?

意思就是，别把家人当你的后援团。

It means don't make your family the support team.

如果你生活中有什么想做的事，第一件事是先搞清楚它到底是什么。

If there's something in your life that you wanna do, first you gotta get clear about what it is.

你得明白，你做这件事是为了自己，因为它让你感觉更像真正的自己，也给你的生活带来了新的东西。

You gotta understand you're doing it for you because it makes you feel more like you, and it brings something into your life.

然后问问自己：如果我要找一群人一起做这事，会是什么样子？

And then ask yourself, well, if I were to do this with a team, what could that look like?

我来给你举个例子，看看具体是怎么回事。

And let me give you an example of what that looks like.

我主持《梅尔·罗宾斯播客》已经三年半了，但其实早在录第一期之前，我就已经准备了两年。

So I have been hosting the Mel Robbins podcast for three and a half years, but two years before I recorded my first episode.

首先，我遵守了第一条原则。

First, followed rule number one.

我特别清楚自己想要什么。

I got very clear about what I wanted.

我想要做个播客，因为我特别想和你聊更深入、更长的话题，也想多学点东西。

And what I wanted was to start a podcast because I really wanted to have longer conversations with you, and I also wanted to learn more.

我想做一档播客，能和你一起，邀请世界上一些顶尖的专家和有意思的人，坐下来聊聊，从他们的智慧里汲取养分，获得鼓励和启发，让我们的思维和人生都得到拓展——但这些想法，我花了整整两年才真正想清楚，之后才录了第一期。

I wanted to have a podcast where we could sit down, you and me, with some of the world's most renowned experts and interesting people and learn and gain from their wisdom and feel encouraged and inspired and just have our minds expand and our lives expand, but that was two years getting clear before I recorded my first episode.

接下来第二步，我把我家人给放一边了。

Now second, I fired my family.

我根本没想过让他们来帮我做这个，因为他们从来没做过播客。

I didn't even think about getting them to work on this because they'd never hosted a podcast before.

那我该怎么办呢？

So what did I do?

我的团队是谁？

Who was my team?

我就找了我朋友杰伊·谢蒂。

Well, you know, I called my buddy Jay Shetty.

我认识杰伊是通过演讲圈，不是播客圈，我就去向他讨教。

I knew Jay from the speaking world, not from the podcast world, and I asked him for advice.

我开始在网上关注一些人，比如史蒂文·巴特利特的《CEO日记》，亚历克斯·库珀的《Call Her Daddy》，还有里奇·罗尔的《里奇·罗尔播客》，认真当起了学生。

I started following people online like Steven Bartlett, Diary of a CEO, and Alex Cooper from Call Her Daddy, and Rich Roll from the Rich Roll podcast, and really becoming a student.

所以，你完全可以跟那些你根本没见过的人组成自己的团队。

So you can create a team by following people that you've never met.

你可以组建团队，不只是追随那些大咖，不管你想做什么，比如想成为更好的园丁。

You can create a team not just by following the greats, but anything that you wanna do, whether it's becoming a better gardener.

我们的一位资深制片人艾米，正在帮我做这个播客，她报了佛蒙特大学的在线园艺大师课。

You know, one of our senior producers, Amy, who's helping me on this podcast, she took an online master gardening course from the University of Vermont online.

这难道不是最酷的事了吗？

Isn't that the coolest thing ever?

她自己就拉起了一支团队。

She recruited a team.

很多时候，总会有一些小团体，专业社群，围绕着你感兴趣的事聚集起来——不管是园艺、编织、临终关怀、瑜伽、开YouTube频道，还是还清债务，这些人就是你的团队，因为你没必要啥都懂。

And oftentimes, there are small groups, professional groups that organize around the thing that you want, whether it's gardening or it's knitting or it's hospice or it's yoga or it's starting a YouTube channel or it's getting out of debt, that's your team because you don't have to know everything.

你只需要清楚自己想要什么。

You just have to be clear about what you want.

然后，等你写下来、想明白了，就该把家人放一边，开始四处找能给你启发的人。

Then you fire your family after you've written it down and you start visualizing it, and then you start to look around for who might be able to inspire you.

你能在网络上，或者在你身边，找到哪些正在做、或者正想做这件事的人，组成你的团队？

What team could you join online or in your community of people who have done this thing or are trying to do this thing?

有哪些专业组织里聚集了大量志同道合的人？

What professional society is full of people?

有什么活动是专门讨论这个话题的？

What events are out there that are talking about this?

这才是你真正获得支持的方式。

That's how you get the support that you need.

还有另一个重要原因。

And one more reason why this is important.

当你不再依赖家人，就得自己扛起想要的生活，别把责任推给他们。

When you fire your family, you have to take full responsibility for the things that you want in your life instead of outsourcing them to your family.

很多人设定目标时犯的错，就是想要那些‘应该’想要的东西。

Like, a lot of the mistakes that people make when it comes to goals is you start saying you want things that you think you should want.

很多时候，是因为家人的压力，让你觉得该换工作。

And oftentimes, it's because of the pressure coming from your family that you think you should change your job.

你觉得该搬去别的城市。

You think you should move to a different city.

你觉得自己应该喜欢棒球、编织、足球，或者别的什么。

You think you should be interested in baseball or knitting or football or something else.

所以，跟家人断绝关系，就是剪断那根把你和亲人绑在一起的脐带，逼你自己去真正认清什么对你重要，以及为什么重要。

And so firing your family also cuts this umbilical cord to the people you're related to and forces you to truly own what's important to you and why it's important to you.

好了。

Alright.

这是第二条规则。

That's rule number two.

别再把动力推给家人了。

Stop outsourcing your motivation to your family.

跟家人断绝关系。

Fire your family.

我希望你现在能感觉轻松一点，因为你一旦不再把目标寄托在错误的人身上，开始真正担起责任，改变就变得可能了，你的目标也不再那么遥不可及。

And I hope you're starting to feel a little relief because once you stop outsourcing your goal to the wrong people and you start taking ownership, change becomes possible, and your goals don't feel so out of reach.

接下来，咱们来聊聊具体该怎么做。

And so here's what we're gonna do, though.

咱们先暂停一小会儿，让我们的精彩赞助商说几句话。

We're gonna take a quick pause for a minute because I want to give our amazing sponsors a chance to share a few words.

趁这工夫别走开，接下来我们要聊的是第三条法则——关于每个目标都必须满足的两个关键条件，这项研究太惊人了。

And while we do, don't go anywhere because up next, we're talking about rule number three, incredible research about the two requirements of every goal.

听完你就明白了，天哪。

And once you hear it, you're gonna realize, oh my gosh.

原来这就是我总也实现不了目标的原因。

That's the reason why I haven't made my goals stick.

别走，继续听下去。

Stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯。

It's your friend Mel Robbins.

今天，你要学会如何设定并实现你最重要的目标，这也引出了第三条法则。

Today, you are learning how to set and achieve your most important goals, and that brings me to the third rule.

第三条规则是大多数人根本不懂的关键点。

And the third rule is another critical thing that most people don't understand.

我反正一开始是完全不懂的。

I know I certainly didn't.

等我学了第三条规则——这条规则来自关于目标的突破性研究——我才明白，为什么自己一直没法坚持目标。

And once I learned rule number three, which comes from groundbreaking research on goals, I understood why I had had a hard time keeping and sticking to my goals.

原因就在于，我根本不知道，实现目标其实有两个必不可少的条件。

And it had to do with the fact that I didn't understand that there are two requirements that are necessary for you to achieve a goal.

这项研究，会彻底改变你今后对目标的看法。

And this research, it's gonna change the way you think about goals for the rest of your life.

它来自俄勒冈大学，由心理学教授埃利奥特·伯克曼博士主导完成。

It comes out of the University of Oregon, and it was conducted by professor and psychologist doctor Elliot Berkman.

伯克曼博士还是俄勒冈大学转化神经科学中心的联合主任，他的研究清楚解释了：为什么你过去总实现不了目标，或者没法在生活中做出你想要的改变。

Doctor Elliot Berkman is also the co director of the Center for Translational Neuroscience at the University of Oregon, and his research explains exactly why you may have not been able to meet goals in the past, or you haven't been able to kinda, like, create the changes that you're looking to see in your life.

我特别喜欢他这项研究的地方，就是它特别具体。

And what I love about his research is it's super specific.

它给你提供了一个模板，特别有力量，因为他指出，无论你想达成什么目标、做任何项目，或做出任何改变，都必须满足两个条件。

It gives you a template, and it's empowering because he says there's two requirements for any goal, any project, any change you wanna make.

这两个条件就是：意愿和方法。

The two requirements are the will and the way.

咱们根据这项研究，来好好拆解一下这两个词。

So let's unpack these according to the research.

想想现在对你来说最重要的事，或者你想要解决的问题，你打算立刻融入生活的那个目标。

Think about the thing that's important to you or the problem that you wanna solve, the goal that you're gonna insert into your life right now.

明白吗？

K?

根据这项研究，我们首先要具备的，是伯克曼博士所说的‘意愿’。

And so the first component that we gotta have based on the research is what doctor Berkman calls your will.

也就是你为什么要做这件事。

That's why.

我来以朋友的身份跟你讲讲。

I'm gonna call it as your friend.

你得搞清楚为什么做，以及怎么去做。

You gotta have the why and the way.

这个目标对我来说为啥重要？

Why does this goal matter to me?

想想我之前跟你说的我老公克里斯的例子。

And think about the example that I gave you with my husband, Chris.

他为啥想办个冥想小组？

Why did he wanna start a meditation circle?

可不是为了冥想本身。

It wasn't to meditate.

他真正的动机是想要归属感，这点特别关键——当你真正想清楚自己为啥想做一件事时，就会激活心理学家和研究者说的内在动力。

The why was for community, and that's critical because when you get clear about why you want something, it taps into this thing that psychologists and researchers call in intrinsic motivation.

这才是最真实、最纯粹的动力，因为它来自你内心深处，是你自己真正认同的东西。

That is the truest, purest form of motivation because it is coming from an internal source that is personal to you.

我问你啊。

So let me ask you.

如果你想回学校读书，那你为什么要拿硕士学位呢？

If you want to go back to school, why do you wanna get your master's?

为什么呢？

Why?

是因为你觉得你应该这么做吗？

Is it because you think you should?

因为这种理由可不够好。

Because that's not a good why.

你到底为啥想拿硕士学位？

Why do you wanna get your master's?

是因为它会让你为自己感到骄傲吗？

Is it because it's gonna make you proud of yourself?

是因为你觉得自己好久没学习了，重新当学生能让你找回那种满足感吗？

Is it because you feel like you've stopped learning and it's gonna expand the satisfaction you have to be a student again?

你拿学位的真正原因，是不是想转行，而硕士能帮你进入这个新领域？

Is the why because you wanna make a career pivot and the masters would help you be able to get a job in this new field?

你为什么想要这个东西？

Why do you want this thing?

你为啥要跑马拉松？

Why do you wanna run a marathon?

我三十多岁的时候，跑过四场马拉松。

You know, when I was in my thirties, I ran four marathons.

我第一次想跑马拉松，纯粹是因为它一直列在我的愿望清单上。

And the reason why I wanted to run the first marathon is because I just always had it on a bucket list.

我知道只要完成这么一件事，我一定会为自己骄傲，因为我一直觉得自己是那种一到比赛快结束就自动放慢脚步的人。

I just knew I would be proud of myself if I completed something like that because I always felt like I was the kind of person that as a race was, finishing, I'm the person that slows down.

你有没有注意到，很多人快到终点时反而会加速、身体前倾？

You know how a lot of people speed up and lean forward?

我高中时练过田径，每次快到终点线时我都特别清楚。

I ran track in high school, and I would see the finish line coming.

哎呀，终于到了，太好了。

I'm like, oh, thank you.

我的天啊。

My god.

这下总算完了。

This thing's over.

我几乎是瘸着腿冲过终点的。

And I'd kinda limp across the finish line.

我知道。

I know.

不咋地。

Not great.

但后来我跑完第一场马拉松，发现和一个一起训练的朋友特别开心，我的动机就变了。

But what happened is I finished my first one, and I had so much fun training with a friend of mine that was also running it that my why changed.

我为啥想跑马拉松？

Why do I wanna run a marathon?

我告诉你为啥。

I'll tell you why.

因为这成了我每周能跟闺蜜们消失三四个小时、一起训练、聊天的完美借口。

Because it became the perfect excuse to be able to disappear for three or four hours every week with my girlfriends and train and talk.

根本不是为了跑步。

The why wasn't about running at all.

是为了跟朋友待在一起的时间。

It was about time with friends.

这才是真正推动我的动力。

That's what motivated me.

你明白这为什么这么重要了吗？

Do you see why this is so important?

你为啥想写本书？

Why do you wanna write a book?

是因为你觉得能成畅销书，还是因为你真有故事想讲？

Is it because you think you're gonna be a bestseller, or is it because you have a story to tell?

或者只是因为你向往那种每天都能写作、成为那种人的感觉。

Or there's just something about how it would feel to know that you are the kind of person that writes every day.

你得深挖才能找到这个‘为什么’。

You gotta dig deep to find this why.

你到底为啥要做这件事？

Why are you doing it?

这特别关键，因为只有搞清了‘为什么’，你才能熬过那些烦人、麻烦、懒得动的时刻。

And this is so important because the why is what will get you through those annoying, inconvenient, I don't feel like it.

如果你总说自己没纪律、没毅力，那是因为你还没搞懂自己做这事的真正原因。

If you're the kind of person that's like, I have no discipline and I have no willpower, it's because you don't understand the why for what you're doing.

这个原因可以是任何事。

And it can be anything.

设定目标之所以这么个人化，就是因为得跟你的价值观、自我认同、你对自己的看法挂钩。

This is where goal setting gets so personal because it's gotta tie back into your values, your identity, the way you see yourself.

我再举个例子。

Let me give you another one.

比如说，你就是想做个更好的厨师。

Let's say that you wanna just become a better cook.

接下来，这个‘为什么’可能是，未来三到五年，你想买房子或者买个公寓。

Now the why could be that in the next three to five years, you wanna buy a house or you wanna buy a condo.

如果你老把钱花在点外卖这种没意义的事上，根本存不下钱。

And if you keep burning through all your money on stupid things like delivery, you're not able to save money.

所以你看出来了吗？这个‘为什么’可能连你自己都没想到。

So do you see how the why might also surprise you?

它根本跟做饭没关系。

It might not have to do with cooking at all.

它可能牵扯到更深层的东西。

It might have to do with something way deeper.

研究很清楚：如果没有这种深层的联结，你迟早会放弃，因为正是这个‘为什么’让你能坚持下来。

And the research is very clear that without having a deeper connection, you're gonna quit because this why is the reason that you keep showing up.

‘为什么’才是驱动意志力的源泉。

The why is what fuels willpower.

就像给油箱加油一样。

It's like putting gas in the tank.

我再举个例子，因为我知道很多人目标都是保持健康、减重、变强、活得更久。

I'll give you another person example because I know so many people have their health and losing weight and being stronger and longevity as a goal.

我已经说过，今年我的头号目标就是健康，所以我特别注重蛋白质摄入。

So I've already shared a lot that health is my number one goal this year, and that's why I am super focused on protein.

这也就是我为什么现在大力做力量训练。

It's why I'm doing so much more resistance training.

以前我可是瑜伽和普拉提爱好者。

I used to be a yoga and a pilates gal.

现在？我可是狂练大重量。

I am now heavy, heavy weights.

接下来就有趣了。

Now here's where it gets interesting.

我这辈子一直有健康目标，但一直断断续续，坚持不下去，现在我才明白原因。

I've had health related goals my whole life, and I've been really spotty in terms of my ability to stick to them, and I now understand why.

我以前从来没找到那个‘动力源’——那个真正让我有毅力坚持下去的理由。

I never figured out the will part, my why that gave me the willpower.

有好几年，我减肥只是因为觉得我‘应该’减。

There were years where I was trying to lose weight because I thought I should.

也有几年，我想练出六块腹肌，但说实话，我根本没那么想练。

There were years where I was trying to get in shape because I wanted to have six pack abs, but the truth is I really didn't want to.

我一点都不在意。

I didn't care.

我就觉得我‘应该’这么做。

I I I just felt like I should.

对吧？

Right?

媒体总给你施压，让你非得长成那样，这就能解释为啥我从来都没真上心，也坚持不下来——因为那根本不是我内心真正想要的。

There's so much pressure from the media to look a certain way, and that explains why I was never really that motivated or consistent about it because the reason I was doing it wasn't authentic or personal to me.

最近这段时间，我特别为自己骄傲。

Now lately, I have I'm so proud of myself.

我锻炼变得特别有规律，原因就是我跟你说的这些原则。

I have gotten so consistent about exercising, and the reason is because of these rules I'm telling you.

我也彻底想明白了为什么要这么做。

And I also got very clear about the why.

不是为了穿泳衣好看。

It's not so that I look good in a bathing suit.

那只是顺带的好处。

That's a benefit.

真正的原因是，我不想老了以后变得虚弱无力。

The real reason is I don't want to be frail when I get older.

我都57岁了，更年期带来的荷尔蒙变化让我的身体发生了巨大转变，那真挺吓人的。

And I'm 57, and I've gone through such a major transformation of my body with all these hormone changes thanks to menopause that that was scary enough.

但说实话，展望未来十年，如果克里斯和我运气好，孩子们谈恋爱、结婚了，我想参加他们每一场婚礼的舞会。

But the truth is, as I look out over the next ten years, if Chris and I are lucky our kids are falling in love and they're getting married, I wanna dance at all their weddings.

如果他们生孩子，我们有幸当上祖父母，我想能和他们在泳池里玩、去爬山、散步，还能抱得起他们。我已经受够了工作上的疲惫、整天担心新闻头条、把照顾别人放在第一位，而自己的健康只有在有动力时才顾得上。

If they start having kids and we're lucky enough to have grandkids, I wanna be in the pool and on the mountains and going for walks and lifting them up, and I am tired of everything else from work, worrying about the headlines, and taking care of everybody else coming first, and my health happens only when I'm feeling motivated.

所以我下定决心，要成为那种每天锻炼、认真照顾健康的人，让这些事自然而然融入我的日常生活。

And so I am committed to becoming the kind of person who works out every day, who takes care of their health, where it's just part of my daily life.

所以现在我明白了，我之所以照顾自己，是因为我就是这样的人——我要尽一切努力，活出强壮、长久、充满活力的健康人生。

And so now that I understand my why that I am the kind of person that takes care of myself because I am the kind of person who is going to do everything I can to live a strong, long, vibrant, healthy life.

这彻底改变了我的一切。

That has changed everything.

那你呢？想想你这么做的理由是什么。

So think about your why.

你为什么想多喝水？

Why do you wanna drink more water?

你为什么非要把离婚这事了结了？

Why is it important that you finalize the divorce?

你为什么想去做志愿者？

Why do you wanna volunteer?

你为什么非要把后屋收拾出来，改造成一个像样的办公室？这对你来说到底意味着什么？

Why does cleaning out the back bedroom and turning it into a proper office, Why does that matter to you?

这才是你目标里最关键的一步，也是真正能推动你走下去的动力。

That is the first critical component of your goal, and that is what's gonna fuel you.

好，

Alright.

现在我觉得是该暂停一下了，因为我一个真心的目标，就是做个体贴又给力的搭档，支持Mel Robbins播客的各位赞助商。

This feels like a great moment to hit the pause because one of my goals, honestly, is to be a gracious and great partner to the incredible sponsors of the Mel Robbins podcast.

正是他们让我能做这个节目，还让全世界数百万人都能免费收听。

They're the ones that allow me to do this and make it free for all of us and millions of people around the world.

所以，认真听听吧。

So take a listen.

同时，把这期节目分享给你在乎的人，发给那个正在为大目标努力的朋友，或者更好的是，发给那个十年都没好好照顾自己的人。

And while you do, share this episode with someone that you love, Text it to the friend that either has a big goal that they're working on, or even better, text it to that person in your life that hasn't made time for themselves in a decade.

让我用这些法则去激励他们。

Let me inspire them with these rules.

回来之后，我们还有更多研究和更棒的法则，帮你实现最重要的目标。

When we come back, we have so much more research and more of these incredible rules for you to learn that are gonna help you achieve your most important goals.

别走开，继续听。

Stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯。

It's your friend Mel Robbins.

今天，咱们聊聊怎么搞清楚自己真正想要什么，实现最重要的目标。我会分享五个有研究支持的法则，帮你找到更多意义，重新夺回时间，实实在在地改善你现在的生活。

Today, you and I are talking about getting clear about what you want and achieving your most important goals, and I'm sharing five research backed rules that will help you create more meaning and take back your time in a way that really improves your life where you are right now.

我超期待咱们继续深入聊下去。

I'm so excited for us to jump right back in.

接下来咱们说第二个关键点——方法。

Now let's talk about the second component, and this is the way.

你已经有了‘为什么’，现在该谈‘怎么做’了。

You got the why, and you got the way.

谢谢伯格曼医生。

Thank you, doctor Bergman.

这到底是什么意思呢？

And what does that mean?

意思就是，你到底该怎么把这事办成？

That just means how the heck are you gonna do this thing?

让我给你一个特别直观的图景，来说明我对‘方法’这部分的理解。

So let me give you a very obvious visual for the way that I think about this piece of the research, the way.

你现在所处的位置，想象眼前有一条漂亮的砖路，通向你真正想加进生活里的那个目标——不管是写本书、做悬垂、去临终关怀做志愿者，还是回学校读研，这条路从你现在的起点，一直延伸到你真正在乎的那个地方。

Where you are right now, imagine that there is a beautiful brick path that is in front of you that leads you to the thing that you want to insert into your life, this important goal that you have, whether it's writing the book or it's doing the dead hang or it's volunteering for hospice or it's going back to graduate school, this brick path leads you from where you are to the thing that you really want that's important.

每一块砖，都代表你将要采取的一个小行动，不管你是每天做一次、每周做一次，还是每月做一次，因为任何事都是这么做成的——一块砖接着一块砖，慢慢铺出来。

Every single brick just represents one action that you're going to take, whether you take it once a day, whether you take it once a week, whether you do something once a month, because the way that you do anything, the way that you lay a path is just brick by brick by brick.

接下来我们会聊，怎么在忙得团团转的生活里，真正把行动加进去。

And we're gonna get into how you're gonna insert action now into a crazy busy life.

你先别操心这个。

Don't worry about that at all.

不过我会跟你分享几个基于研究的要点，帮你开始思考：

But there's a couple things I'm going to share with you based on research that will help you start to think about, okay.

那我到底该从哪儿开始呢？

Well, how do I start doing this thing?

明白吗？

Okay?

我想跟你分享的第一个方法特别有意思。

And the first one I wanna share with you is really fun.

这个研究来自凯蒂·米尔克曼教授。

This research comes from professor Katie Milkman.

她是全球顶尖的行为科学家之一，也是沃顿商学院的讲席教授，她有个超棒的技巧，能帮你把目标牢牢坚持下来。

She's one of the world's leading behavioral scientists, an endowed professor at Wharton School of Business, and she has this incredible trick to make your goals stick.

K。

K.

准备好了吗？

You ready?

既然你已经清楚自己想要什么、为什么想要，咱们也把家人放一边了，那怎么让这事变得有趣呢？

Now that you understand what you want and why you want it, we fired your family, how do we make this fun?

听起来挺直白的，但我觉得好多人这辈子都搞错了心态。

It sounds obvious, but I think so many of us go through life with the wrong mindset.

你就想，行吧。

You're like, okay.

我得赶紧健康起来。

I gotta get healthy.

或者，哎呀，

Or, oh,

我得实现财务自由。

I gotta I gotta become financially free.

要是觉得太难，你根本不想干。

And if it feels hard, you're not gonna wanna do it.

要是觉得难，你就会觉得自己哪儿做错了。

If it feels hard, it almost feels like you've been doing something wrong.

要是反过来呢？

What if we flip that?

要是你根本不用把这事搞得很艰难呢？

What if you don't need to make this hard?

要是你真想做的事，其实可以特别有趣呢？

What if the thing that you wanna do could be, like, super fun?

你本来就清楚为啥想做，那咱们为啥不想办法让它更容易点？

You already know why you wanna do it, so how about we make it easier for you to do it?

对吧？

Right?

米尔克曼教授说，别把每件事都搞成苦差事，能加点即时满足的地方，就尽量加进去。

Professor Milkman says, stop making everything a grind and build instant gratification into this path wherever you can.

当然啦，也不是总能做到。

And look, it's not always possible.

你看我悬在那儿，手心全是汗，胳膊都快被拽脱臼了，才撑了23秒，这哪叫享受啊。

You know, as I'm hanging there with my sweaty palms feeling like my arms are gonna rip out from their sockets, and I'm only twenty three seconds into this, it's not that fun.

明白吧？

Okay?

但其实让你做的事更有趣的方法，比你想象的多得多，我们却压根儿懒得去想。

But there's way more ways than you think to make something more enjoyable, and we rarely even stop to try to do it.

这对我来说就是这么个操作。

And here's what this looks like for me.

我来给你说几个办法。

I'm gonna give you a bunch of suggestions.

我超爱听奇幻有声书。

I love listening to fantasy audiobooks.

这简直是我的小秘密享受。

It's my total guilty pleasure.

所以我只允许自己在健身的时候听奇幻有声书，开车或者做家务的时候一律不准听。

So I only allow myself to listen to fantasy audiobooks when I'm working out, and I don't allow myself to listen to an audiobook in the car or while I'm doing housework.

绝对不行。

Nope.

我就专门留着它在健身时听。

I save it for working out.

不管是跑步机上狂跑，还是举重，甚至做那个吊臂悬垂，一听这书，立马就有劲了。

Whether I'm on the treadmill lifting heavy weights or I'm doing that dead arm hang, it makes it fun.

就这么保持一致性。

That's how you make it consistent.

谁说非得搞得那么难？

Nobody said it had to be hard.

比如说，如果你喜欢写作，可以专门腾出个地方，桌上摆点喜欢的小物件，放几束漂亮的花，点根香，把门一锁，给自己三十分钟专属时间。

I mean, you could set up if writing is your thing, maybe you clear out a space and you put some, like, cool things on your desk or you have beautiful flowers there and you burn an incense and you lock the door so nobody can come in the room and you got thirty minutes to yourself.

挺有意思的，对吧？

That's kind of fun.

对吧？

Right?

如果你还是一头雾水，心想：好吧……

And if you're still scratching your head and you're like, okay.

我能想象那股水泥味儿，可我就是不知道该怎么上手，光在YouTube上看别人怎么做。

I can envision the brick smell, but I'm just the the YouTube how do I do this thing?

我真的不知道该怎么开始写商业计划书。

You know, I don't know how to start, really working on the business plan.

我不知道该怎么做。

I don't know how.

我知道自己为什么要做，但这种事我真没干过。

I know my why, but I've never done something like this before.

我来告诉你一个世上最棒的诀窍。

Here's one of the best tricks on the planet.

准备好了吗？

Are you ready?

现在这年头，你真没借口了。

Because we really live in a moment where you don't have excuses anymore.

如果你不知道怎么开始，不知道怎么把目标拆成一个个小步骤——这些具体该做的事——微软Copilot是本播客和我们巡演的赞助商。

If you don't know how to start, if you don't know how to break down this goal that you have into individual bricks, are just all the little actions that you're gonna take, Microsoft Copilot is a sponsor of this podcast and a sponsor of our tour.

我从1990年Windows刚出来就用微软的产品了，它真能省下大量时间，让你专心做真正重要的事。

It is the AI platform that I use because I've been using Microsoft products since 1990 when Windows came out, and it's incredible how much time it can save you so you can focus on the things that matter.

你只管跟它说说你的目标就行。

Just tell it about your goal.

你就跟它说，得把目标拆成最小的步骤。

Tell it you need to to break it down into the smallest things.

给我列个清单，三十个我能做的行动。

Give me a list of 30 actions I could take.

每天一个，连续三十天。

So one every day for thirty days.

对了，能不能让这些行动有点意思、好玩点？

And, by the way, could you make the actions infuse it with a little bit of fun?

它能帮你找到方向。

It can help you find the way.

它还能让你做事情更有趣。

It can help you infuse it with fun.

最后再跟你说一件事，关于你怎么去做。

And here's one final thing about the way you're gonna do it.

你知道自己为啥想做这件事。

You know why you wanna do this thing.

我觉得你已经开始真正体会到，把事情真正当成自己的责任，以及主动安排时间，会让你感觉掌握了生活的主动权。

I think you're really starting to understand the power of owning it for yourself and how making the time makes you feel like you're in control of your time.

但詹姆斯·克利尔还提过另一个技巧：别把你做的事和结果绑在一起。

But another trick from James Clear is really attach what you're doing not to the outcome.

不是为了写完那本书。

It's not about writing the book.

也不是为了能做十个引体向上。

It's not about being able to do 10 pull ups.

更不是为了和成年孩子改善关系。

It's not about the better relationship with your adult kids.

也不是为了秤上那个数字。

It's not about the number on the scale.

研究很清楚地表明，当你把目标和你的身份绑定在一起——也就是你正在成为什么样的人，一切才会真正改变。

The research is very clear that when you attach this important goal to your identity, it's who you're becoming, that changes everything.

比如说，那个能达成你刚刚设定的目标的人，会是什么样的人？

Like, who's the kind of person who achieves the goal that you just set?

你可能就是那种把健康放在第一位的人。

Maybe you're just the kind of person that prioritizes your health.

不是为了练出六块腹肌。

It's not about six pack abs.

也不是为了减掉五十磅。

It's not about losing 50 pounds.

你是那种足够尊重自己，所以自然而然把健康放在首位的人。

You're the kind of person that respects yourself enough that you just prioritize your health.

你从不缺席锻炼，因为你清楚自己感觉怎么样。

You don't miss workouts because you know how you feel.

这事儿没得商量。

It's a nonnegotiable.

你是那种会对自己守信的人。

You're the kind of person who keeps promises to themselves.

我跟你说，我就是那种每天早上都会叠被子的人。

I'll tell you, I'm the kind of person that makes my bed every morning.

我就是那种每天都会遛狗的人。

I'm the kind of person that walks my dogs every day.

我就是那种会喝很多水的人。

I'm the kind of person that drinks a lot of water.

我这种人会提前规划饮食，而不是随随便便对付一口。

I'm the kind of person who plans my meals instead of winging it.

冥想也是一样。

Same thing with meditating.

目标根本不是为了冥想本身。

The goal isn't to meditate.

如果你的初衷是想让生活更平静，想通过冥想让自己更踏实，想训练身心去从容应对生活，而不是总被生活牵着鼻子走，那你就该冥想。

If the why is I want to feel more peace in my life, I wanna meditate because I wanna be grounded, I wanna meditate because I wanna train my mind and body to be able to respond to life instead of constantly reacting to life.

那你怎么落实呢？你就告诉自己：我是那种选择平静的人。

Then how you apply this is you say, I'm the kind of person who chooses peace.

我每天都会冥想，因为这能让我内心安定，感觉更有力量。

I'm the kind of person who meditates every day because of how it settles me and makes me feel more powerful.

你看出这个小小的差别，是怎么改变你做事的方式了吗？

Do you see how that slight difference changes the way you're approaching something?

这已经变成你这个人了，而不是你‘做’什么。

It's become who you are instead of what I do.

这不是个打勾完事的任务。

It's not a box you're checking.

这是一种生活方式。

It's a way of being.

现在我们已经说清楚了想要什么，也跟家人划清了界限，完全为自己的目标负责，也深入挖掘了这件事对你个人的真正意义，还开始认真规划怎么着手行动了——这时候，第四条规则，就能彻底改变局面。

So now that we have declared what we want, we have fired our family and taken full accountability for the thing that we want to put into our life, now that we've understood and dug deep and figured out the deeply personal why this matters to me, and we started really getting strategic about the ways in which we can start working on this now, rule number four changes the game.

它叫‘黄金十五分钟’。

It's called the hot 15.

每天找十五分钟来做这件事就行。

Find fifteen minutes to work on this.

就这么简单。

That's it.

我管这叫热力十五分钟。

I call it the hot 15.

每天只要花十五分钟，你就能在这条路上铺上一块砖。

You can lay a brick on this path in just fifteen minutes a day.

其实，每周花十五分钟，你就能铺上一块砖。

In fact, you can lay a brick on this path in just fifteen minutes a week.

就这么简单。

That's it.

热力十五分钟。

Hot 15.

想象一下，这周你冥想的第一步，可能只是端着杯茶，走到你最舒服的那把椅子前，坐下来。

Now imagine if your meditation practice, the first couple bricks that you lay down this week is just you walking to your most comfortable chair with a cup of tea in your hand and sitting down.

你甚至都不用真的冥想，只要你坚持七天，每天都这么做。

You don't even have to meditate because you just got yourself there, and you did that for seven days.

那你已经铺了七块砖了。

You've just laid seven bricks.

想象一下，你的目标是成为那种每天都会散步的人，因为散步能帮你调整生物钟。

Imagine if your goal is to be the kind of person who walks every day because it's a way to reset your circadian rhythm.

走出去，让自己的感官重新活过来。

It's a way to get outside and bring your senses alive.

想象一下，你前十次做这件事时，所谓的‘热15’，就是穿上运动鞋，走到 driveway 的尽头，转个身，再走回家。

Imagine if the first 10 times you do it, your hot 15, is just putting on your sneakers, walking to the end of your driveway, turning around, and walking back inside.

因为你现在做的，就是用这‘热15’来培养‘开始’的习惯——因为你就是那种每天都会出门的人。

Because now what you're doing is you're just using the hot 15, those hot fifteen minutes to build up the routine of starting because you're the kind of person that gets outside every day.

我发现，有了这‘热15’，再忙的日子也能挤出十五分钟。

And what I've found with this hot 15 is that you can find fifteen minutes even on the busiest days.

比如，在医生诊室等号的时候。

Like, can find fifteen minutes in a waiting room at a doctor's office.

坐地铁的时候也能抽出十五分钟。

You can find 15 while you're riding the subway.

早上一睁眼，第一件事就能腾出十五分钟。

You can find fifteen minutes first thing in the morning.

你知道吗，如果你能挤出时间刷手机，就一定能抽出十五分钟。

You know, if you can find time to doom scroll, you can find fifteen minutes.

真的，这招特别管用。

And, really, it works.

我写的每一本书，都是这么写出来的。

That's how I've written every single book I've ever written.

我总是从这最初的十五分钟开始，先搭好第一块砖。

I start with the first bricks of just the hot 15.

每天早上十五分钟，雷打不动。

Fifteen minutes every morning.

我一爬起来就上楼。

I get up the stairs.

我开始做我的十五分钟，然后盯着屏幕，脑子一片空白，不知道该写啥。

I'm doing my hot 15, and then I stare at the screen, and I don't know what to write.

然后，任务就完成了。

And then I'm done.

我啥也没写。

I didn't write anything.

猜怎么着？

Guess what?

第二天我还是照常坐那儿。

I show up the next day.

我就是在这么一块一块铺路，因为我就是这样的人——写东西的人。

We're laying another brick on this path because I'm the kind of person that that writes.

就算没啥可说的，我也照样干。

That's what I do even when I got nothing to say.

于是我坐到书桌前，心里想：行吧。

And so I sit at my desk, and then I think, okay.

今天也许我不打字了。

Well, maybe I won't type.

也许今天我就打开本书，用手写。

Maybe today I'll open up a book, and I'll I'll handwrite.

然后我就写一句话，这句话 literally 就是这样：

And then then I'll write a sentence, and the sentence is literally like this.

我不知道该写啥。

I don't know what to write.

所以我就是写着写着，其实自己也不清楚要写啥。

So I'm just writing, I don't know what to write.

我脑子怎么突然一片空白？

Why am my brain dead?

为啥我一个想法都想不出来？

Why can't I think of anything?

我就把脑子里想的东西一股脑儿写出来，写十五分钟，完事儿。

And I start to write out what I'm thinking for fifteen minutes, and then I'm done.

这又是一块砖。

That's another brick.

你没觉得这挺酷的吗？

Don't you see that this is cool?

比如说，你想多赚钱，每天花十五分钟学怎么摆脱债务就行了。

Like, if you wanna make more money, you can spend fifteen minutes a day starting to learn how to get out of debt.

每天花十五分钟看看你的银行账户，把那些偷偷扣钱的订阅服务都列出来，这就是一块砖。

You can spend fifteen minutes looking at your current bank account and seeing all the subscriptions that are sucking money out of your account, and that's one brick.

明天呢，你那十五分钟就开始一个劲儿地取消、取消、取消，叮叮叮，钱就慢慢回到账户里了。

And then tomorrow, your hot 15 is starting to unsubscribe, unsubscribe, unsubscribe, and it's like, tick, tick, tick, money back in your account.

又一块砖。

There's another brick.

所以如果你想多赚钱，想实现大目标，想朝着那个让你真正自豪的自己迈进，就从每天十五分钟开始。

So if you want more money, if you wanna hit a big goal, if you wanna make progress toward this thing that's important to becoming a person that you really are proud of, start with fifteen minutes a day.

这十五分钟，就是你对别人说：你们先等等，这事对我才最重要。

Those fifteen minutes is where you say, y'all can wait because this is what matters to me.

这是真正找回自己的方式。

It's a way to really come back to yourself.

我个人喜欢早上做这事，虽然我真不算个早起的人。

And for me personally, I like to do this in the morning, and I don't I don't really consider myself a morning person.

我训练自己爱上早晨，因为这是全天唯一属于我的时间，在外界打扰我、让我进入被动反应模式之前。

I've trained myself to love my mornings because it's the one shot I have all day before the rest of the world comes in and steals my attention, and I'm in reaction mode.

这是我唯一能清清楚楚专注在真正重要事情上的时刻。

It's the one moment I have clean to be able to focus on what matters to me.

这背后其实有很多研究支持。

And there's a lot of research behind this.

有一位叫克里斯托夫·兰德勒的生物学家，他的研究还登过《哈佛商业评论》，发现那些早上就锚定好意图的人，实现个人目标的可能性要高得多——这简直太棒了。

There's this biologist, doctor Christophe Randler, and his research was featured in Harvard Business Review, and it found that people who anchor their intention in the morning, this is so cool, are dramatically more likely to follow through on personal goals.

那这到底意味着什么？

So what does this mean?

意思是，你一醒来，别急着看手机，先提醒自己：好了，咱们来做多蒂医生的那个练习。

This means if you wake up before you look at your phone and you remind yourself, okay, Let's do the doctor Doty exercise.

想象一下，你刚醒，心里想着：行吧。

Imagine waking up, and you're like, okay.

我想写本书。

I want to write a book.

这才是对我来说真正重要的事。

This is what matters to me.

然后把它写下来。

Then you write it down.

再读一遍。

Then you read it.

接着在脑子里想象自己正在做这件事。

Then you visualize yourself doing it.

你就把这份意图锚定了。

You just anchored that intention.

就在早上。

In the morning.

你今天完成这个目标的可能性会大大提高，趁热打铁，先把这块砖铺上。

You are going to be dramatically more likely to follow through on that hot 15 and lay that brick today.

这叫趁热打铁，没人说这事非得搞得很难。

That's the hot 15 because nobody said this had to be hard.

事实上，你怎么从你现在的位置，走到你想要去的地方呢？

In fact, how do you lay a path from where you are to where you wanna go?

一块砖一块砖地铺，再一块砖，再一块砖。

Brick by brick by brick by brick.

这就引出了我的第五条准则。

And that brings me to rule number five.

只要你不放弃，就永远不会输。

You will never lose if you don't quit.

就这么简单。

That's it.

真的就这么简单。

That's it.

我懂的。

And I get it.

生活确实会忙得不可开交。

Like, life gets busy.

你会累的。

You get tired.

你会泄气的。

You get discouraged.

你会生病的。

You're sick.

流感找上门来了。

The flu hits you.

家里有人正熬着呢。

Somebody in your family is struggling.

你得出差跑业务。

You gotta travel for work.

说不定哪天就突然来个意外。

You know, maybe something blindsides you.

新闻一出来，整个人就蔫好几天，甚至一星期。

The headlines, they just, like, take you down for a couple days or a week.

就是提不起劲儿来。

You just don't feel like it.

那接下来你怎么办？

And then what do you do?

结果你就开始自责。

Well, you beat yourself up.

心里想：好吧。

You're like, okay.

我才砌了十四块砖而已。

Well, I only laid 14 bricks.

看来我还是放弃这条路吧。

I guess I better end this path.

唉，我又搞砸了。

You know, I guess I screwed up again.

我又搞砸了。

I blew it again.

咱们先停一下，好好想想这个画面。

Let's just stop and and and think about the visual.

你要是做了14件事，那些砖头可还在那儿呢。

If you did 14 actions, those bricks are still there.

我们一着急就举手投降，说这不算数。

Like, we just throw our hands in the air and say it doesn't count.

但这真算数，因为你随时都能回来接着干。

It does count because you can keep coming back to it anytime you want to.

所有的砖头都还在那儿呢。

All of the bricks are there.

你已经铺了路了，唯一会输的方式，就是再也不回来添那块砖。

You've started laying the path, and the only way you lose is if you don't come back and lay another brick.

就这么简单，我超爱这条规则。

It's that simple, and I love this rule.

我太爱这条规则了，因为它就是对的。

I love this rule so much because it's true.

关于这一点，其实有不少特别有意思的研究。

There's some really interesting research about this.

安吉拉·达克沃思是宾夕法尼亚大学的心理学教授，同时也是性格实验室的创始人兼CEO，她写的《热情与毅力的力量》还登上了《纽约时报》畅销书榜首。

Angela Duckworth, who's a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, she's also the founder and CEO of Character Lab and the author of the number one New York Times bestselling book, The Power of Passion and Perseverance.

她专门研究意志力和自律，上次做客播客时跟我说了一件特别震撼的事。

She studies willpower, discipline, and she told me something incredible when she was on the podcast.

她说，梅尔，那些有意志力、有韧性、有自律的人，看起来根本不是拼命硬干的样子。

She said, you know, Mel, people with willpower and grit and discipline, that doesn't look like intensity.

他们看起来，是持续不断。

It looks like consistency.

就是那种慢悠悠、稳扎稳打，一块砖一块砖地铺下去。

That slow, methodical, laying a brick, then laying another brick.

她举了迈克尔·菲尔普斯的例子，这位游泳健将拿过23块奥运金牌，他的教练说，菲尔普斯并不是每次训练都拼到100%。

She used the example of Michael Phelps who has won 23 gold medals as an Olympic swimmer, and his coach said that, you know, Phelps doesn't give a 10 out of 10 at every practice.

从强度上来说，他一般就七八成力。

In terms of intensity, he does like a seven or an eight.

但他到底怎么做呢？

But what does he do?

他每天都会砌一块砖。

He lays a brick every day.

他每天都去游泳。

He swims every day.

这才是真正的坚持。

That's consistency.

当杜克沃思博士说‘坚持’，她可不是说一天都不能缺。

And when doctor Duckworth says consistency, she doesn't mean never missing a day.

她的意思是，就算你生病了、受伤了，或者像骑马摔下来了，你还是要爬起来继续。

She means if you get sick, if you if you have an injury, if you, you know, fall off the horse, you come back.

真正的高手，天呐，哪怕输了、怀疑自己、状态爆烂、感情出问题、想要的东西没得到、甚至受伤了，他们照样会回来。

Elite performers, oh my god, when they lose or they, like, have doubt or they, like, have a really bad day or they're going through a breakup or they, you know, didn't get what they wanted or they get injured, they come back.

所以理解杜克沃思博士这项研究的意义在于——

And that's why understanding this research from Doctor.

伯克曼说的意志力，也就是我讲的‘为什么’——你为什么想要这个东西，以及你打算怎么实现它，这太关键了。

Berkman, the will, which I call the why, why do you want this thing and the way you're gonna achieve it, it's so critical.

因为你打算坚持冥想，是因为你想成为那种会冥想的人，也因为你想要生活中多一点平静。

Because if you wanted to start meditating consistently, because you wanna be the kind of person that meditates, and you also want more peace in your life.

假设生活突然插了一脚。

Let's say life intervenes.

你失去了一个深爱的人。

You lose somebody you love.

你整整六个月都在哀悼，这六个月你一次也没冥想。

You're grieving for six months and you haven't meditated in six months.

但你依然是那个会冥想的人。

You're still the kind of person who meditates.

你依然渴望内心的平静，而我想让你回头看看身后——你生命中每一天的冥想，都是铺在路上的一块砖。

You still want peace in your life, and I want you to turn around and look behind you because every single day that you have meditated in your life, that's a brick on the path.

它一直都在那儿。

It's still there.

所以，一个坚持冥想、渴望内心更平静更有力量的人，如果已经六个月没练了，他会怎么做？

So what would a person who meditates and who wants more peace and power in their life do if they haven't meditated in six months?

而且开始觉得有点想念那种感觉了？

And they're starting to miss it?

他肯定会重新开始冥想啊，就像那些因为重视健康而坚持锻炼的人一样。

Well, they would start meditating again just like a person who exercises because they're the kind of person that prioritizes their health.

万一他们受伤了，没法运动，或者经历了三年的高压、一团糟，天哪，简直崩溃。

If they had an injury and they couldn't exercise or they just had a three year stretch of stress and train wreck and like, oh my god.

可当他们终于慢下来，问自己：我到底想要什么？

What does that kind of person do when all of a sudden they slow down for a second and say, what do I want?

什么对我才是最重要的？

What's important to me?

我为什么想要这个？

And why do I want that?

而且，这答案绝对不是别人给你的。

And no, it's not anybody else's response.

那他们就会重新开始锻炼。

Well, they would start exercising again.

一个好几年没写过东西的作家会怎么做？

What does a writer do if they haven't written anything in years?

他们会重新拿起笔来写。

They would start writing again.

这就是你今天学到的东西的力量。

That's the power of what you learned today.

现在你掌握了这五条原则，还有这么多精彩的研究，是时候了。

And now you have all five of these rules and all of this amazing research, and it's time.

是时候把你学到的东西，真正融入到你的生活里了。

It's time for you to take the things that you learned and insert something meaningful into your life now.

就先想清楚你真正想要什么，然后把它写下来。

Just decide what you want and then write it down.

再读一遍。

Read it.

大声说出来，好好想象自己正在砌那块砖。

Say it out loud, and really imagine yourself laying that brick.

想象你自己在做这件事，因为这不仅能让你更清楚自己想要什么，还能训练你的大脑帮你实现它。

Imagine yourself doing it because that's a way that you not only get clear about what you want, but you train your mind to help you get it.

第二，你要跟家人说再见。

Second, you're gonna fire your family.

别再指望他们给你支持了。

Stop looking to them for support.

如果你想找个团队，就去找那些已经在做这件事的人。

And if you want to find a team, just look for people who are already doing it.

找那些真正理解这件事意义的人，他们才会是最给力的支持者。

Look for people that are trying to do this because they understand why this matters, and they're gonna be the best support.

第三条规则，是这项了不起的研究。

Rule number three is this great research.

你得搞清楚自己为什么要做这件事，这很个人化，也会随时间变化，关键是找到你自己的方式。

You gotta know why you're doing it, and this is deeply personal, and it can change over time, and your way.

我们之前聊过很多方法和工具，能帮你一点点想清楚这些小砖头，日复一日、周复一周地铺出你的路来。

And there are lots of ways that we discussed and tools that you can use to brainstorm about all these little bricks that help you pave the way day after day, week after week over time.

你就用你的‘黄金十五分钟’。

You're gonna use your hot 15.

只要十五分钟就够了。

Fifteen minutes is all it takes.

咱们把它搞简单点，也有趣点。

Let's make this easy and fun.

十五分钟。

Fifteen.

我习惯一大早做，不过要是没来得及，晚上补也行。

I like to do it first thing in the morning, but you can do it at night if you didn't get it done.

最后，别轻易放弃，这事儿不是赛跑。

And finally, don't quit because this isn't a race.

根本没什么截止日期。

There is no deadline.