斯坦福心理学家：现在就能做的7件小事，让你更享受人生

对吧？

Right?

就是那些你能通过身体去做的行动。

It's it's the things that you do with your body.

你是有能力搞定艰难任务的。

You can do hard things.

也总有值得庆祝的理由。

There's reasons to celebrate.

找个人一起动起来。

Go move with somebody else.

你的大脑会明白你并不孤单。

Your brain understands you're not alone.

运动这件事真的挺有意思的。

There's something movement is so interesting.

我想大概是因为人类就是这样进化而来的，我们也是以这种身体形态存在的，但我们的身体确实会因为这种认知而给予我们奖励。

I guess it's just because it's how humans evolved and it's how we exist in bodies, but our bodies really reward us for acknowledging that.

我觉得，如果你只是问问自己，当你感觉不像自己、情绪低落、感觉空白的时候，你有没有从椅子上站起来过？

Well, I think if you even just ask yourself, if you're feeling not like yourself and disconnected and flat and white, have you gotten out of your chair?

对。

Yeah.

比如，就是站起来。

Like, just standing up.

好。

Okay.

我现在站起来了。

I'm standing up now.

我现在有点扭来扭去的，然后又坐下来了。

I'm I'm, like, kinda wiggling, and now I'm sitting back down.

我感觉有点不一样了。

And I feel just a little bit, like, different.

我现在在椅子上的姿势有点不同了。

I'm I'm kind of positioned in the chair different now.

如果你没法从椅子上站起来，那就动动你身体还能动的部分。

And if you can't get out of a chair, you move whatever parts of your body you still can.

对。

Yeah.

举起你的手臂。

Lift your arms.

做点什么。

Do something.

好的。

Alright.

所以这是第一个资源，身体。

So that's resource number one, body.

我喜欢这个对话，因为它既实用又深刻。

I love this conversation because it's tactical and it's deep.

我想稍微停一下，按个暂停。

And I wanna take a quick moment and hit the pause.

我得让我们的赞助商有机会说几句，让他们开心一下。如果你把这个节目分享给你在乎的人，你也会感到很开心。

I need to give our amazing sponsors a chance to share a few words that's gonna make them feel happy, and it's gonna make you feel happy if you share this episode with somebody that you care about.

不过，医生……

But Doctor.

麦戈尼格尔的故事才刚刚开始。

McGonigal is just getting started.

等我们回来，她还有好多工具要分享给你。

She has so many tools to share with you when we return.

所以请继续听我说。

So stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你们的朋友梅尔·罗宾斯。

It's your friend Mel Robbins.

今天，我和你一起邀请了医生。

Today, you and I are here with Doctor.

来自斯坦福大学的凯利·麦戈尼格尔。

Kelly McGonigal from Stanford University.

她是压力、韧性和快乐科学领域的顶尖专家之一。

She's one of the leading experts on the science of stress, resilience, and joy.

我们今天要聊的是如何找回自我，以及如何重拾生活激情的科学方法。

We're talking about how to feel like yourself again and the science of getting your spark back.

博士

Dr.

麦戈尼格尔，我们还能用大脑做些什么呢？

McGonigal, what is another thing we can do with our brain?

大脑也是一种资源。

So the brain is also a resource

没错。

Yeah.

它能帮你捕捉到那些快乐的信号。

That can help you plug in to signals of joy

还有希望和人生意义。

and hope and meaning.

你可能知道，你的大脑一直在监控你身体的各种机能。

You probably know that your brain monitors all sorts of processes in your body.

它在监测你的心率、呼吸和血糖水平，确保一切都在正常范围内，好让你活下去。

It's measuring your heart rate, your breathing, your blood sugar, and it's trying to make sure everything's good enough to keep you alive.

同时，你的大脑也在关注那些关乎存在的大问题，比如：有人在乎我吗？

Well, your brain also monitors these other big existential questions like, does anybody care about me?

有没有我在乎的人？

Are there people I care about?

我是孤身一人，还是与他人有联系？

Am I alone, or am I connected?

我所做的事有意义吗？

Does what I do matter?

这个世界还有美好吗？

Is there beauty in the world?

有值得微笑的理由吗？

Is there a reason to smile?

有值得期待的事情吗？

Are there things to look forward to?

人性是善良的吗？

Are human beings good?

这些其实都是我们想要活下去所必须知道的事情。

There are all these things that we actually need to know to want to be alive.

我们的大脑在监测身体里让我们能活下去的各种指标，同时也在监测生活中让我们想要活下去的各种因素。

Our brain is monitoring things in our body that allow us to be alive, and our brain is monitoring things about our life that make us want to be alive.

在危机时刻，当你接收到太多关于事情有多难、情况可能有多糟的信息，开始感到不知所措、孤独、恐惧或愤怒时，你需要一些信号告诉你：世界上还有美好的东西。

And in a crisis, when you're getting so much information about how hard things are, how bad things could get, and you're starting to feel emotions like overwhelm or maybe loneliness, fear, anger, you need signals that say there are good things in the world.

你所做的事情是有意义的。

What you do matters.

你并不孤单。

You aren't alone.

有你关心的人，也有关心你的人。

There are people you care about who care about you.

你需要有这样的经历，就像你需要吃饭、需要呼吸一样重要。

You need experiences that tell you that as much as you need to eat and as much as you need to breathe.

所以即使是最小的开心事，最小的快乐时刻，有意义的愉悦，人与人之间的连接，或者你为自己做的某件事感到自豪的时刻，哪怕那件事很小。

And so even the smallest uplifts, the smallest moments of joy, meaningful pleasure, connection, moments where you feel proud about yourself for something you did, even if it was small.

最神奇的是，作为应对压力的资源，大小并不重要。

It's so fascinating is as a coping resource, the size doesn't matter.

你可能身处巨大的痛苦之中，却经历一件客观上很小的小确幸，比如看到窗外美丽的风景，或者有人为你的付出向你道谢。

You could be in a situation where the suffering is huge, and you experience an uplift that is objectively small, like noticing something beautiful out your window or someone said thanked you for something that you did.

我给你举个例子。

I'll give you one.

当我女儿索耶出生后，我得了严重的产后抑郁。我记得有一天，我终于从床上爬起来，洗了个澡。

When I had severe postpartum depression with my daughter Sawyer, I remember the day I actually got out of bed and took a shower.

然后我又回到了床上。

And then I went back to bed.

但在那个床上躺了大概十一天的日子里，能站在热水淋浴下那一瞬间，就是让我感觉到的最微小的时刻。

But that one moment of standing in that hot shower after like eleven days in that bed was the smallest moment that made me feel like,

有时候是感官上的体验，比如热水流过皮肤的感觉，可能带来片刻的舒缓；而有时候则是你从中赋予的意义。

And sometimes it's the sensory aspect of it, like the hot water on your skin and maybe there's relief for like a moment, Or sometimes it's the meaning that you make out of it.

也许你心里会想，昨天或者前天我还做不到这一点，但我今天做到了。

Maybe some part of you is like, I couldn't do this yesterday or the day before, and I did it today.

对。

Yes.

这种意义感非常关键。我的意思是，大脑在构建意义方面真的很擅长，它能把一些微小的时刻或经历赋予宽泛而积极的解读。

And it's that meaning that your brain I mean, the brain when I said that, like, one of the resources is that your brain is really good at making meaning is your brain can have these generous interpretations of small moments or experiences.

而且，这也是你可以刻意去练习的一种能力。

It's also, like, something you can train yourself to do.

如果没有你内心那种把这件事和昨天还做不到进行对比的视角，那顿热水澡可能就不会带来同样的希望感。

That hot shower wouldn't really have provided the same kind of hope if there wasn't some part of you that could put it in the context of you're not being able to do it yesterday, and that that means something.

这意味着改变是有可能的，或者意味着你是有能力的。

It means that change is possible, or it means that you are capable.

大脑有各种各样的处理过程，比如视觉化、想象、记忆、解决问题。

The the brain has all sorts of processes it can do, visualization, imagination, memory, problem solving.

那我们就说记忆吧，因为我们知道，当你想起一段让你感觉良好或者让你对自己感觉良好的记忆时——不一定非得是开心的记忆，但只要是让你觉得有意义的记忆——它就能立刻给你带来希望。

So let's go with memory because we know that when you bring to mind a memory that either makes you feel good or makes you feel good about yourself so it doesn't necessarily have to be a happy memory, but a memory that means something to you, that it gives you an instant increase in hope.

它能唤起积极的情绪，比如感恩或者热情。

It can bring up positive emotions like gratitude or enthusiasm.

人们说，当他们不能和爱的人在一起时，他们会用回忆来提醒自己，有人在乎他们，有人可以依靠。

People have reported using memories when they can't be with people they love in order to remind themselves that there are people who care about them and that there are people who they can depend on.

所以你可以利用你拥有的任何宝贵的记忆。

So you can use whatever treasure trove of memories you have.

回忆一些让你微笑、让你笑或者让你感觉和某人亲近的事情。

Remember something that makes you smile or makes you laugh or makes you feel close to someone.

你甚至可以把这些记忆收集起来，当作一种资源。

You can even, like, collect memories that become resources in that way.

当我感到非常害怕，不想做某件事，但内心更重要的部分又想做的时候。

When I'm feeling, like, really scared and I don't want to do something, but a more important part of me does want to do it.

只是要把那个想要掌控局面或者逃避不适的部分给安抚下来。

It's just getting the other part that wants to be in control or avoid discomfort.

对吧？

Right?

现在这个部分的声音有点太大了。

That part is a little too loud right now.

我可以回想一下以前我鼓起勇气做完这件难事时那种高兴的感觉，或者想起一个爱我的人在鼓励我、告诉我我能做到的场景。

I can bring up a memory of when I felt glad that I did this hard thing before, or I can bring up a memory of someone who loves me, encouraging me, and telling me that I can do it.

那我们就把这个当作大脑的资源吧。

So let's make that our brain resource.

我很喜欢这个想法。

I love that one.

我脑子里刚浮现出一个。

I think I have one that just came to mind.

每当我感到孤独、沮丧，或者不知道该怎么熬过某段难关时，我总会想起二十一年前的那段记忆。

When I feel lonely and I feel discouraged or I feel like I don't know how I'm gonna get through something, a memory I often come back to was twenty one years ago.

就是波士顿这里的麻省总医院布莱根医院。

Mass General Brigham Hospital here in Boston.

我们的儿子奥克利才五天大，就被直升机紧急送到了医院。

Our son, Oakley, was five days old and had been medevac ed to the hospital.

郊区医院的医生说，收拾好行李吧，我们不确定他能不能挺过去。

And the docs in the suburban hospital had said, pack your bags, we don't know if he's gonna make it.

所以我们回家收拾了行李，到了麻省总医院布莱根的时候，大概是晚上十一点，新生儿重症监护室的门一开，我的朋友们罗宾和丽莎就在那里。

So we went home, packed our bags and when we got to Mass General Brigham, it was like 11:00 at night and the door swung open to the NICU and there were my friends, Robin and Lisa.

我永远不会忘记那一刻。

And I'll never forget it.

她们俩之前都有孩子在新生儿重症监护室待过，她们知道那有多难。

They had both had babies prior in the NICU and they know how hard it is.

那时候我们甚至不知道他是否还活着。

And we didn't know if he was even alive at that point.

他挺过来了。

He made it.

但我总会想起那一刻。

But I come back to that.

有意思的是，我其实并不常见到他们，尽管我特别想见他们。

And the funny thing is that I don't even see them as much as I am dying to see them.

我们都快六十了，孩子也搬出去住了，但在这个人生阶段，大家反而都显得特别忙。

We're all in our late 50s and kids that have moved out of the house and everyone seems oddly busier at this stage of life.

但这确实提醒我，即使他们不在我身边，我也曾有过不孤单的时刻，而且我挺过来了。

But it does remind me, even though they're not in front of me, of a moment when I wasn't alone, and I did get through it.

所以，你知道吗，有意思的是，你正在做的正是心理学家试图帮助人们把记忆当作资源来用的下一步。

So, you know, it's funny you're doing what is the next step when psychologists are trying to help people use memories as a resource.

我从一位心理学家那里学到一个问题，她来自Take A Contractor，她会问她的客户：这个记忆带给你的一个重要想法或感受是什么？

This one question that I learned from a psychologist at Take A Contractor, she asks her clients, what is an important thought or feeling this memory gives you?

所以我想问问你，那个记忆浮现在你脑海中，它带给你的一个重要想法或感受是什么？

And so I was gonna actually ask you, that memory came to mind, what's an important thought or feeling that gives you?

你提到你不孤单，而且你能挺过去。

And you mentioned that you aren't alone and that you can get through this.

是的。

Yes.

而且那——

And that's

这也让我想成为那种人，

And it also makes me want to be the kind of person

对。

Yes.

在那些时刻能够出现的人。

That shows up in those moments.

对。

Yeah.

那太好了，对吧？

That's so great, right?

是的。

Yeah.

所以这就是下一步。

So that's the next step.

对于很多这类事情，我觉得有时候人们以为我们讨论的目的只是为了让自己感觉更好，但往往是为了帮助我们在当下成为自己想成为的那种人。

With a lot of these things, I think sometimes people think the intention of what we're talking about is just to feel better, but often it's about helping us be the person we want to be in the moment to.

所以，你知道，只是问自己那个问题，就给了你一个方向，或者说一种

And so, you know, just asking yourself that question gave you almost an orientation or a

使命。

mission.

就像，你被

Like, you're

召唤去做某件事。

called to do something.

情绪高涨，我觉得这正是我们讨论的重点。

Feelings up, and I think that's kind of the point of what we're talking about.

就像，好的生活不是一直开心。

Like, a good life is not one where you're happy all the time.

所谓的好生活，并不是指事事顺利、完美无缺，或者每个人都健健康康、蒸蒸日上。

A good life is not one where everything is going well or perfectly or everybody's healthy or you're thriving.

好生活里也包含那些让人害怕的时刻。

A good life includes these moments that are terrifying.

我觉得特别重要的是，当你意识到即使在你觉得生活糟糕透顶、充满恐惧的时候，它依然可以是一段美好的人生。

And I think it's really important that when you recognize that even in those moments when your life feels horrible and scary, it can still be a beautiful life.

我个人觉得这个观点很有帮助，也希望你在听或看的时候也能有所共鸣：有些信号是令人恐惧的，而另一些信号则充满希望。

And I really find it helpful personally, and I hope you do too as you're listening or watching, this idea that there are signals that are scary and then there are signals that are hopeful.

在任何时候，你都可以调动内心的这七种资源，哪怕它们此刻并不明显。

And at any moment, you can use these seven resources inside of you, whether they're not even here in the present.

你可以像刚才那样回到二十一年前，提醒自己这段时光你也挺过来了，身边有人支持，即使现在感觉孤独，但未来绝不会孤单。

You can go back twenty one years like I just did in this conversation and remind yourself that this moment too, you can get through, and that there are people there to help, and that you aren't gonna be alone even though you feel it right now.

接下来我们聊聊另一个小重点，就是你的注意力。

Let's talk about the next And I little bit is your attention.

注意力。

Attention.

人的大脑根本没办法在同一时间处理那么多涌入的信息，任何时刻都是如此。

So there's way too much going on in any given moment for your brain to process.

大脑一直在主动做筛选，会直接过滤掉海量的当下信息。而很多人和我一样，都有负面注意力偏差，也就是大脑会本能地优先关注消极内容。

It's always making choices, and your brain is just discarding huge amounts of information about what's happening in this moment, And a lot of people like me have a negative attention bias where our brain has like made a decision.

我们反而更需要留心那些可能出问题的地方，或是察觉到不对劲的状况——不管这是来自自我批评、对他人的指责，还是焦虑情绪，你都可以主动做出选择来过滤这些杂音：这一刻，我要把注意力放在那些进展顺利的事情上，或是去寻找一个能鼓舞自己的信号。

It's just a little more important to be vigilant for things that could go wrong or to pay attention to things that are not right or, you know, maybe it's self criticism or criticism outwards or anxiety, and you can just filter that by making a choice that in this moment, I want to bring my attention to something that's going right or to to find a signal that is encouraging.

所以我在讲关于快乐的课程时，经常会让大家做这个练习：现在，不管你身处何地，都看看周围，包括你自己的身体，找找任何能让你联想到自己在乎的人或事物的东西。

So when I teach classes on joy, I'll often have people practice this by saying, like, right now, I want you to look around this room wherever you are, including your body, for something that reminds you of someone or something you love.

你可以这么做，或者你也可以告诉自己：就在此刻，我要环顾四周，寻找那些让生活变得更好的迹象，或者去找一些让我感到愉悦、能带来积极反馈的事物。

You could do that, or you could say, right now, I'm gonna look around in this moment for evidence that somebody did something to make life better for me, or I'm gonna look around right now for something that I enjoy, that I'm having a positive response to.

这真的取决于你的性格。

You it really depends on your personality.

你可以选择把注意力放在什么上，但现实中总有一些客观存在的事实，如果你不刻意提醒自己去看，很容易就会视而不见。

You get to choose what you bring your attention to, but there will probably be certain aspects of reality that are true, that if you don't remind yourself to pay attention to them, it's so easy to have a kind of, like, you're just blind to them.

这就好比你在超市购物，正在找某种特定的麦片。

It's like, you know, if you're shopping you're at the grocery store and you're looking for a type of cereal.

如果你知道自己要找那种麦片，周围的一切都会变得模糊，然后那个麦片的标志就会跳出来。

If you know you're looking for that cereal, everything gets kinda blurry, and then that cereal logo jumps out at you.

对吧？

Right?

它其实一直在那里，但你得告诉你的大脑：我现在要找那种麦片，帮帮我。

It was already there, but you had to tell your brain, I'm trying to find that cereal now, so help me.

我很好奇，博士。

I am curious, Doctor.

麦格尼格尔，在你生命中的某个时刻，要么你的个人生活有太多外部的绝望，要么你生活的周围世界有太多外部的绝望。

McGonigal, in a moment in your life where either your personal life has so much external despair, or the world around you that you're living in has so much external despair.

所以，有太多真实存在的东西在吸引你的注意力。

So, there's so much grabbing at your attention that's real, that's there.

你脑子里的负面偏见会不会变得更大？

Does your negative bias in your mind become bigger?

这要看情况。

It depends.

如果你

If you're

问我，是的。

asking me, yes.

我是认真的。我想如果所有的信息都是负面的，比如在哀伤时期，你刚被裁员，感觉糟透了，像溺水一样，或者刚分手。

That's Well, I mean it because I would think like if all the input's negative, like this is like in periods of grief, you've just been laid off, you feel terrible about it, you're drowning, you've been broken up with.

就像这些压得你喘不过气的时刻，或者你看了太久的新闻头条，然后觉得什么都做不了，变得超级沮丧，最后满眼都是消极的东西。

Like these moments that are crushing, or you read the headlines for too long and now you're like, I can't do anything and now I'm like super, and now all you see is negativity.

所以会有两种情况发生。

So two things can happen.

好的。

Okay.

第一种情况是，你的大脑一开始会认为这是现实，所以你会特别在意这个，保持高度警惕。

One is your brain initially is going to think this is reality, so it's going to be really important to pay attention to this, to stay on guard.

我得时刻留意所有需要处理的事情。

I've gotta keep track of all the things that I have to take care of.

两年前，也就是今天这个日子，我爸被确诊为晚期绝症，没法治了。我妈也出了健康问题，情况挺严重的，需要人帮忙照顾。

Two years ago, I think to this date, my father was diagnosed with a terminal, untreatable cancer, and my mom went through a health crisis that required a lot of help.

那段时间真的是我人生中最混乱、最煎熬的阶段。各种危机一股脑儿全来了，逼着我做很多超出我日常能力范围的事。平时我还能应付得来，处理点琐事，管理好生活里的突发状况，尽量把最坏的结果挡在外面。但那会儿真的太难了。

And that was, I think, the most intense period of my life in terms of the chaos and the crisis unfolding all at once and requiring so much more from me than I was used to just day to day being able to function and take care of stuff and manage things going wrong and trying to prevent the worst possible outcomes.

不过，这时候心里往往还会冒出另一个念头。如果没冒出来，你也可以主动去想起它：如果我今天连一个笑的机会都没有，我就熬不过去。

But there's this other instinct that often can float up, and if it doesn't float up, you can pull it up, which is I am not going to survive this if I do not have at least one moment today when I laugh.

除非我能有个瞬间，让关心我的人抱抱我；或者不管是什么能让你感到片刻安宁、快乐或有意义的小事，我都得抓住它。不然我真的撑不下去。

I am not going to survive this unless I have a moment where I let somebody touch me who cares about me, or whatever it is for you that brings you a little moment of peace or joy or meaning.

我记得当时我正在洗澡，突然同时接到家人、医护人员和社会工作者的电话和短信。因为我在淋浴间里，就把水关了，然后坐在淋浴间的地板上，大概坐了三个小时，因为我心想：我没时间把自己擦干。

I remember I was taking a shower, and I started getting texts and phone calls at the same time from family and and health care providers and social workers, And I was in the shower, so I turned the water off, and I sat on the floor of the shower for, like, three hours because I thought I do not have time to dry myself off.

就是那种应对方式吧。

Like, that sort of coping.

但随着事情的发展，我意识到要想撑下去，我得抓住一些能让我恢复精力、支撑我的东西。

But as things progressed, I realized that to survive, I needed to hold on to a few things that were renewing and sustaining.

其中一点就是，每天睡前回顾一下当天最棒的一件事，而不是让大脑陷入焦虑——比如脑子里一直想着明天可能会出什么岔子、明天有哪些事要做。而且千万别把手机设成静音或飞行模式，因为凌晨三点左右可能就会收到各种消息。

And part of its attention at the end of the day, looking back for one highlight instead of like my mind going to sleep, it would say your job now is to think about everything that could go wrong tomorrow, everything you have to do tomorrow, and definitely don't put your phone, you know, to sleep because you're gonna be getting texts, you know, from 03:00 in the morning.

但我可以在那一刻把注意力放在当天最棒的一件事上，这能很好地提醒你的大脑：好事是有可能发生的，或者你并不孤单，无论你需要接收到什么样的信号。

But I could use my attention in that moment to think about one highlight of the day, which really functions well to also remind your brain that good things are possible or that you aren't alone, whatever that signal is that you need.

我也很感谢你刚才说的话，因为当你听的时候，你或者你所爱的人可能正处在这样的时刻——

I also appreciate that you just said, because as you're listening, you or somebody that you love may be in that moment where you're sitting in

坐在浴室里三个小时，忙着处理事情，连洗澡的时间都没有。

the shower for three hours dealing because you don't have time to take a shower.

我很喜欢我们把这种情况定义为：外部信号涌入，让你感到不知所措，面对极具挑战的时刻。

And I love that we keep framing this external signals come in that overwhelm you and super challenging moments.

生活就是这样。

That's how life works.

当你意识到自己快撑不住了，需要笑一笑的时候，你就能找到那种力量。

And you can dig up something when you realize, I'm drowning here and I need a laugh.

咱们接着往下说。

Let's go to the next one.

下一个免费资源就是你的本能。

The next free resource is your instincts.

比如，你如何利用自己的直觉作为资源来寻找意义和目的？对。

Like, how do you use your instincts as a resource to find meaning, purpose, to Yeah.

支持你自己？

Support yourself?

好的。

Okay.

给你一些充满挑战的时刻。

Give you challenging moments.

我最喜欢的本能就是那种被严重低估的本能。

Here's my favorite instinct that is deeply underappreciated.

因为我们天生就有勇气的本能。

Because we have instincts for courage.

我们也有帮助他人的本能。

We have instincts to help others.

这些都很美好。

Those are lovely.

但你内心深处总有一些东西，是你毫无理由地热爱的。

But there is some part of you who love something beyond reason.

我不知道你喜欢什么，但肯定有某样东西，你喜欢它，却很难解释为什么。

I don't know what you're a fan of, but there is something that probably you like more than is easy to explain.

奇幻小说。

Fantasy fiction.

好的。

Okay.

很棒。

Great.

我在听。

Listening.

有声剧。

Dramatic audio.

所以我觉得大多数人都有自己毫无理由热爱的东西，而且通常那都是容易接触到的。

So I think most people have something that they just love beyond reason, and often it's something that is accessible.

当生活变得艰难时，我们常常会觉得没时间做这个，或者觉得这太轻浮了。

And when life is difficult, we often think I don't have time for this or it's frivolous.

也许我们身边的人并不真正理解为什么它对我们如此重要或有帮助。

Maybe the people in our lives don't really understand why it's so important or helpful to us.

所以，如果你只是……你应该相信自己所热爱的东西。

And if you just you should trust what you love.

这是你人格中美好的一部分，尤其是当你与它相伴已久的时候。

It's a beautiful part of who you are, especially if you've had a relationship with it over time.

如果它一直陪伴着你，那么在你需要的时候，就让它成为支撑你继续前行或让你振作起来的力量吧。

If it's been there for you, that in moments when you need it to let it be that thing that keeps you going or lifts you up.

而且我觉得，如果有点特别、有点怪癖反而更好。

And I love it if it's a little weird.

对。

Yeah.

比如其中有一个

Like one of the

我喜欢奇幻小说的原因之一是它能让我逃离现实。

reasons why I love fantasy fiction is it allows me to escape.

听的时候，我仿佛置身于另一个世界，就像在脑海里上演电影一样。

I'm living in a different world as I'm listening to this like movie acting out in my mind.

我也很喜欢编织。

I also love knitting.

我喜欢做针线活。

I love needlework.

我喜欢园艺。

I love gardening.

像所有这类事情一样。

Like all those kinds of things.

所以你的那种本能，被一些只属于你自己的事物点燃，它提醒你，比如当你坐在压力很大的时候做刺绣，那会起到什么作用呢？

And so your instinct that gets ignited by something that's just for you, that kinda reminds you, like what does it do when you're sitting there doing needlepoint during a stressful time?

这太有意思了。

It's so interesting.

如果你问大家他们喜欢什么，我会在课堂上玩个小游戏，列出一堆活动清单，其中就包括编织。

If you ask people about the things they love I play this game with my students where I make a list of activities, and knitting is one of them.

玩桌游也是其中之一。

Playing board games is one of them.

然后研究人员会请人们解释为什么这些活动对他们来说如此有意义。

And then researchers have asked people, explain why this is so meaningful to you.

人们会说，比如在我极度痛苦和煎熬的时刻，能够感受到一种不一样的东西，那种感觉就像爱一样。

And people say things like, in a moment when I was in such deep pain and agony, to be able to feel something that wasn't that, it was like love.

我就在想，你觉得他刚才描述的是哪项活动？

I'm like, what activity do you think they were describing?

我刚才复述的那段话，其实说的是玩桌游。

That quote that I just paraphrased, that was about playing board games.

所以我才说，有些活动就是没来由地能让你做完之后感觉更好，对自己、对生活都更有信心。

This is why I said it's sort of without reason that there will be activities that just when you do them, you feel better about yourself, better about life.

你会觉得自己有了个可以安放身心的地方。

You feel like you have a place to show up.

不管是什么原因，它们满足了人类非常重要的核心需求，你不需要向任何人证明这一点。

Whatever the reason is, they fulfill really important core human needs, and you shouldn't have to justify that to anybody else.

这些爱好很容易被忽视。

It's so easy to dismiss these things.

但如果现在有人带一只小狗或小猫进来，可以吗？

But if if they brought in a puppy right now or a kitten Can we?

我是特蕾西·斯科特。

I Tracy Scott.

说吧，来吧。

Said, come on.

可以吗？

Could we?

如果你想看到毫无掩饰的快乐的话？

If you wanna see some unbridled joy?

天哪。

Oh my god.

光是想想小狗跑来跑去的样子，我就很开心。我脑海里浮现的是小柯基幼犬。

I would I I like, even just imagining puppies running around I'm imagining little baby corgis.

我太喜欢柯基了。

I love corgis.

你知道的，它们体型不大不小，属于那种矮矮胖胖的类型。

You know, they're, like, big, little.

它们身子贴地，腿短短的。

They're low to the ground.

我特别喜欢柯基犬。

I just love corgis.

我现在满脑子都是小狗的画面。

I'm imagining puppies right now.

现在我感觉开心多了。

Now I'm happier.

我也想跟你分享一些相关的研究。

I I wanna tell you about some research too with this.

我特别支持这一点。

I'm a huge proponent.

每个人都应该在生活里养只宠物。

Everyone should have an animal in their life.

我接受过领养顾问的培训。

I'm trained as a an adoption counselor.

如果你想收养宠物，随时联系我。

You If wanna rescue pets, please hit me up.

为什么你应该在生活中养一只动物呢？

Why should you have an animal in your life?

这方面的研究真的非常棒。

It's such amazing research.

首先，如果你想找一找人们生活中那些会微笑、大笑、玩耍或者感受到温柔触碰的时刻。

First of all, if you wanna look for the moments in people's lives when they smile or laugh or experience play or experience affectionate touch.

对吧？

Right?

人类最核心的需求，无论生活中做什么，你最有可能会在与动物互动、尤其是和你的宠物互动时体验到这些感受。他们也做过相关研究，观察那些身处困境的人，比如在医院或临终关怀机构的情况。

The core human needs that of anything you could do in life, you are most likely to experience those things when you are interacting with an animal and especially your pet, and they've done studies too looking at places where people are suffering, like in a hospital or in hospice.

只要把动物带进来，这些美好的反应自然而然就会流露出来。

You bring in an animal, and these things just come out of us.

我们依然能够微笑、大笑、玩耍，并且给予照顾和充满爱意的抚摸。

We are still capable of smiling, laughing, playing, and engaging in caregiving and affectionate touch.

这是作为人类所拥有的美好机会。

It's a wonderful opportunity we have as humans.

每个人都应该领养一只宠物。

Everyone should adopt a pet.

我同意。

I agree.

确实是这样。

It's so true.

而且当你把宠物带回家后，有趣的是，那个总是无奈、沮丧、疲惫、爱评判又爱反驳的自己，瞬间就烟消云散了。

And when you bring in the pet, what's interesting is my resigned, frustrated, exhausted, judgy, pushback y self goes right out the window.

我完全同意。

I'm like, you're absolutely right.

看到我的宠物，我确实感觉好多了。

I do feel better when I see my pet.

这是一种积极的信号。

And that's a signal of things that are good.

这代表着生活的意义。

That's a signal of meaning.

这种感受到作为人的美好体验的信号，正如你所说的，麦戈尼格尔，它是刻在我们基因里的本能。

That signal of the good experience of being human, which you said, McGonigal, is hardwired in you.

没错。

I know.

这也是你内心美好的体现。

And it's a sign of what's good in you too.

所以如果你是个爱狗人士，狗狗看你的那种眼神，正是我们所有人内心深处渴望的东西。

So especially if you're a dog person, dogs the way that dogs look at you is what we really all crave.

对吧？

Right?

我们就是希望别人能看到真实的自己，然后说：太好了，你在这儿。

We want people to kind of see us for who we are and be like, I'm so glad you're here.

狗狗在这方面特别擅长。

And dogs are really good at that.

不过我是个猫派。

Now I'm a cat person.

猫咪特别擅长表达，它们会用行动告诉你：我信任你。

What cats are really good at, they're good at saying, I trust you.

这种关系是建立在信任基础上的。

Like, that's that's a trust based relationship.

当你遇到一只愿意信任你的猫时，你会有一种‘哇’的感觉。

When you get a cat who's willing to trust you, it gives you this sense of, like, wow.

觉得自己是个特别的人。

I'm a special person.

就像，我真的在这里建立了一种真正的联系。

Like, I created a real bond here.

然后当你和动物互动，并且你对自己有那种感觉时，你知道，这种感觉就会在那种关系之外也留下真实的印记。

And then when you interact with animals and you feel that way about yourself, you know, it just leaves a sense of that being true outside of just that one relationship.

我是说，我们现在在谈论动物。

I mean, we're talking about animals now.

有很多方式可以体验到这种感觉。

There are lots of ways we can experience this.

我真正希望大家做的是，相信那些给你这种感觉的经历。

What I actually really want people to do is trust the experiences that give them that feeling.

所以如果你在想，我不是一个喜欢动物的人，但我在大自然中时有这种感觉，或者我在创作音乐时有这种感觉，或者我在为别人做饭时有这种感觉，那么就去找到那些让你对自己有这种感觉的事情，在那里，你这个人本身就是一件好事，而且你和那一刻发生的事情之间有一种契合。

So if you're thinking, I'm not an animal person, but I feel that way when I'm in nature, or I feel that way when I'm making music, or I feel that way when I'm cooking for people, is to find the things that make you feel that way about yourself where, like, who you are is a good thing, and there's a fit between who you are and what's happening in that moment.

我喜欢这个，博士。

I love that, Dr.

麦格尼格尔。

McGonigal.

真不想现在就结束我们的谈话。

I hate to stop our conversation right now.

我猜你也不喜欢我打断，因为你知道接下来我得去念赞助商广告了。

I'm sure you hate that I'm stopping it too because you know I'm gonna say we gotta go to our sponsors.

但我不想让你走开，所以请继续听下去。

But I don't want you to go anywhere, so stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是梅尔

It's Mel.

真的特别开心你能来

I'm so excited that you're here.

我特别喜欢跟着麦戈尼格尔博士学习新知识，你呢？

I love learning, don't you, from Dr.

对吧？

McGonigal?

如何找回自我？重新点燃生活激情的科学方法。

How to feel like yourself again, the science of getting your spark back?

咱们直接切入正题吧。

Let's just jump right back into it.

情绪是另一项免费资源，它能帮你捕捉那些与生俱来的生命信号——比如意义、目标和快乐。

Emotions is another one of these free resources that help you tap into the signals of life that you're wired to feel, meaning, purpose, joy.

你该如何运用自己的情绪呢？

How do you use your emotions?

让我想想。

Let's see.

我的意思是，一种方法是从你当下的状态开始。

I mean, one way is to start with where you actually are.

就是问问自己，现在有哪些情绪？这种情绪想帮我反思什么，或者在促使我去做什么？

That's where you ask yourself, like, what emotions are present, and what is that emotion trying to help me reflect on, or what is it calling me to do?

不过我觉得这其实是一项挺高阶的技能。

I feel like that's a really advanced skill though.

当你情感封闭的时候，对。

When you shut down emotionally Mhmm.

这代表什么意思呢？

What does that mean?

这是你的身体和大脑在评估局势后觉得，其实你什么都做不了的那一刻。

It is a moment where your body and brain reading the situation think that there's actually nothing you can do.

如果你感到不安全、缺乏力量、控制感或选择余地，你的身心会出于善意，让你对正在发生的事情少一些感知。

And if you feel like you are unsafe, don't have a lot of power, don't have a lot of control or options, your body and brain will try as an act of kindness to make you less present for what's happening.

所以你会开始关闭自己。

And so you can start to shut down.

你可能会变得不像平时的自己。在某些压力反应下，你的感官会变得异常敏锐，因为那些反应是想让你去战斗、逃跑、帮助他人，或者迎难而上。

You can start to be less you know, in some stress responses, it heightens all your senses because those stress responses want you to fight or flee or help someone or, like, you know, rise to the challenge.

但有些压力反应其实是在艰难时刻保护你，让那种难熬的感觉稍微减轻一些。

But some stress responses are just trying to take care of you in a difficult moment and make it less awful to be in.

在某些情况下，这其实是有帮助的。

And in some situations, it's helpful.

但对我们中许多有过这种经历的人来说，当时虽然有用，却可能变成一种长期应对生活的方式。是的。

But a lot of us who have had experiences where it was helpful at the time, it can become a kind of chronic way to relate to life Yeah.

每当事情变得困难时，身体和大脑就会想：‘咱们去那个感觉没那么强烈的地方吧。’

Where anytime things get difficult, the body and brain is like, let's go into that place where we can't feel it as much.

对于经历过这种退缩或关闭状态的人，我不得不学会的应对策略是，开始真正培养其他的压力反应机制，也就是那些更侧重于积极投入生活的资源。

And often the coping strategies I had to learn that someone who experiences this kind of withdrawal or shutdown, you have to start to really cultivate these other stress responses, these other stress resources that are more about engaging with life.

具体该怎么做呢？

How do you do that?

主要有两种应对策略。

There's two types of strategies.

一种是长期的，比如在日常生活中训练自己；另一种则是针对当下瞬间的。

One is the more global, like, what you do in your life to train yourself, and then there is in the moment.

对。

Mhmm.

我真心觉得，你需要为这些时刻做好训练准备。

I really believe that what you need to do is train for these moments.

好的。

Okay.

所以，我

So I

我的意思是，我可以告诉你一些具体做法，但我要说的第一件事是，你需要在脑海中回想你训练时能做到的那件事的记忆。

mean, I could tell you something to do, but the number one thing I would tell you to do is you need to go in your mind to the memory of the thing you were able to do when you were training.

我给你举个例子。

So let me give you an example.

你知道，你感谢我坐飞机来这里，而我提到过我讨厌坐飞机。

You know, you thanked me for getting on a plane to get out here, and I mentioned I hate flying.

我一生都对飞行有巨大的恐惧，甚至到了拒绝坐飞机、一想到订机票就会恐慌发作的地步。

I have huge fear of flying my entire life to the point where, you know, I refuse to fly, have panic attacks even thinking about booking an airline ticket.

我甚至会解离，或者希望自己解离，哪怕只是想到要放弃身体自主权、坐上飞机。

I would, like, dissociate or hope to dissociate even when I had to think about giving up my bodily autonomy in that way and being on an airplane.

那让我觉得不安全。

It felt unsafe.

对。

Yeah.

所以，当我决定要能坐飞机时，我是这样训练的。

So here's how I train when I decided I wanted to be able to fly.

我想，当我在飞机上，完全失控的时候，是什么感觉？

I thought, how do I feel when I'm on a plane, which is completely out of control?

我恐慌发作，心跳加速。

I'm having a panic attack, so my heart is racing.

我浑身冒汗。

I'm sweating.

我只想离开那个地方。

All I want is to get out of this space.

我想要离开的自由，但我被困住了，做不到。

I want the freedom to leave, and I'm trapped, and I can't.

然后我想，我在哪里有过这种感觉？

And I thought, where have I ever felt like that?

坐飞机可不行，因为我还没准备好上飞机。

That's not on a plane because I'm not ready to get on a plane.

我想起有一次去上动感单车课，室内那种，我特别讨厌，坐在车上只想赶紧下来。

And I remembered going to a spin class, an indoor cycling class, and hating it and feeling like I when I was on that bike, I just wanted to get off the bike.

我想离开那个闷热的、空气不流通的房间。

I wanted to get out of this sweaty room with stale air.

当时我心跳得厉害，我就想，我要回去，再去上那节动感单车课，练习让自己留在车上，同时体验在飞机上会有的那些感觉。

My heart was pounding, and I thought I'm gonna go back, and I'm gonna go to that spin class, and I'm gonna practice staying on the bike and feeling all the things that I feel on an airplane.

在那一刻，我会告诉自己，我做这些是因为我想选择一种能让我坐飞机的生活。

And in that moment, I'm gonna tell myself I'm doing this because I wanna choose a life where I can get on planes.

无论我怎么努力保护自己，我都无法避开那些我不愿经历的事情。

As much as I try to protect myself, I can't protect myself from things I don't wanna experience.

其实，我因为逃避所承受的痛苦，并不比直面它时少。

It actually I'm suffering just as much by avoiding it as I ever would be by doing it.

所以我开始练习这种勇气——对我来说，就是要有足够的胆量待在那里，忍受心跳加速、出汗以及被困住的感觉。

And so I'm gonna practice this kind of for me, was like a just the physical courage to stay put and tolerate the pounding heart and tolerate the sweat and feeling trapped.

为了那些对我而言重要的事，我愿意去承受那种感觉。

I'm gonna tolerate that in the service of something that matters to me.

我知道，要是能告诉你什么时候你进入了那种解离状态，那该多好。

I know it'd be, like, so nice if I could tell you when you're dissociated.

我是说，你可以做一些事情，比如感受双脚踩在地板上的触感。

I mean, there are things you can do, like, feel your feet on the floor.

有很多接地气的技巧可以用，我也听你节目里很多嘉宾聊过如何在当下运用这些方法。

There are things you can do to ground, and I've heard a lot of wonderful people on your show talk about those in the moment.

但我真心希望你能记住那个版本的自己，然后随时召唤出那种状态。

But I really want you to have a memory of you being that version of yourself, and then that's what you call to mind.

你能不能对自己说点什么？

Is there something you can say to yourself?

因为如果你现在对自己说的是‘我什么都做不了’，能不能试着改成‘至少我能做点什么’？

Because if you're saying to yourself, there's nothing I can do, could you start saying to yourself, well, there's something I can do?

当然可以，不过我更想从这儿开始。

You could, but here's what I'd rather start with.

这种‘关机’状态其实是你内心的一部分在试图保护你。

The function of that shutdown is some part of you is trying to take care of you.

对。

Yeah.

这其实就是你对自己的慈悲，就像你会想要保护心爱的人一样，你会想把他们抱起来，为他们遮风挡雨。

It is compassion for yourself the same way that you would wanna protect someone you love, and you'd wanna, like, scoop them up and, like, shelter them.

如果当时发生了可怕的事情，你会本能地扑到他们身上，替他们承受那些伤害。

If something terrible was happening, right, you'd throw your body over them so they didn't have to experience it.

所以那一刻真实且确凿的事实是，你内心有一部分非常在乎你自己。

So that's what is real and true in that moment is there's a part of you who cares about yourself that much.

哦，我太喜欢这个说法了。

Oh, I love that.

就是那一部分的我，才会去骑自行车；也是那一部分的我，即使不想坐飞机也会去坐。

And that's the part of me that got on a bike, and that's the part of me that gets on an airplane even when I don't want to.

这是一种不同形式的自我关怀。

It's a different form of self compassion.

所以我想说的是，与其说‘我确实有掌控力’，你知道吧？

And so what I would say is rather than saying, I do have control, I you know?

对。

Yeah.

嗯，这也是事实。

Well, that's also true.

但我们可以从更贴近实际情况的地方入手，那就是你内心有一部分真的很在乎你，也希望你能过得最好。

But to start with the thing that's closer to what's happening, which is there's a part of you who really cares about you and wants the best for you.

如果你仔细想想那个部分，比如问问自己：此刻我想成为什么样的人？

That part of you, if you thought about it, like, what who do I wanna be in this moment?

我想为这个时刻带来什么？

What do I wanna bring to this moment?

你刚才说的那点我特别喜欢。

I love what you said.

我觉得特别有力量的一点是，不要否定自己，而是去觉察那些你变得沉默、关闭心门、开始退缩的时刻，把它们看作是你爱自己、在保护自己的信号。

I think it's extraordinarily powerful to not make yourself wrong, but to recognize the moments that you go silent and shut down and start to shrink as a sign that you love yourself and you're protecting yourself.

我理解你的意思是，接下来要开始问自己：在未来，我希望在这些时刻里是什么感受、如何表现？

And what I heard you say is, then start to ask yourself, like, how do I want in the future to feel and show up in these moments?

比如，即使有点害怕，小小的勇气会是什么样子？

Like, what does a little courage look like even when I'm a little afraid?

我不需要现在就做到。

I don't have to do it right now.

但如果你能先想象出自己在那些时刻希望拥有的感觉，你就能在那些还没完全封闭自己的小瞬间里，找到练习的机会。

But if you can start to imagine what you want to feel like in those moments, then you can find opportunities to practice that in little moments where you're not as shut down.

你是这个意思吗？

Is that what you're

就像那些爱你的人会做的那样。

In the same way that someone who loves you would.

比如，会有个人跟你说：好吧，凯莉，你其实不想上那架飞机，但我知道你能行。

Like, the person who's gonna be like, alright, Kelly, you you don't wanna get on that plane, but I know you can do it.

你以前也克服过很多很难的事情。

You've done, like, really hard things before.

对。

Yep.

我相信你，而且你也想要做到。

I trust you, and you want this.

你可以的。

You can do it.

是的。

Yes.

你可以像关心你的人那样跟自己说话，因为确实有人在乎你。

And, you you can talk to yourself in the same way as someone who cares cause you are someone who cares about you.

对。

Yeah.

这样心态就能从自我保护转变为互相鼓励。

And then it can move from protection to encouraging.

我觉得这个观点特别好。

I love that.

还有对可能性的好奇。

And curiosity about what is possible.

很多时候，绝望或无助感是想让你放弃。

And so often, hopelessness or despair is trying to get you to give up.

在某些情况下，这可能是一种有效的应对方式，但我们常常把它泛化了，比如只是说“放弃这份工作”，其实是指特定的工作，然后继续下一段旅程，或者有更好的机会在等着你。

And in some situations, that could be a functional response, but how we often we often end up generalized like, if it was just saying, give up on this job, like, specific job, move on to the next, or there's something better waiting for you.

如果我们的绝望感能像这样具体化，那就会更有用。

Move if that were how we felt hopelessness, it would be more useful.

但我们常常的感觉是，直接把这种情绪带进了生活里。

But how we often feel it is we just transfer it to life.

我们就会想，是时候对生活放弃希望了，或者是对事情会变好这件事不再抱有期待了。

We're like, it's time to give up on life, or it's time to give up on the belief that things will get better.

或者是我的梦想。

Or my dreams.

哦，我觉得很多人都有这种感觉，所以我觉得这点很重要。

Oh, I think a lot of people are there, so I think this is important.

我觉得你刚才说的这点很有道理。我理解下来，这个误区在于：当你感到绝望或气馁，觉得这一切都不值得、永远都不会好转时——很多人都会这样想——然后你的思维就会过度泛化，环顾四周，心想‘什么都无所谓了’。

And what I like about what you're saying is the mistake, if I parse through this, is that if you're feeling hopeless or discouraged, like this isn't worth it, it's never gonna get better, which a lot of people do, and then you go wide and you look around and you say, nothing is gonna matter.

‘我什么都做不了。’

There's nothing that I can do.

对。

Yeah.

这时候，你就把一个原本旨在提供信号的情绪，从理智的角度出发，错误地扩大到了过宽的范围内。

Then you've taken an emotion that's trying to give you a signal from intelligence, and you've made it way too broad.

对，对，对。

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

所以，与其试图把自己从那种感觉里拉出来，不如想想：身处一段对你伤害很大的关系中，感到绝望是合理的。

I So instead of trying to pull your Like, it could be hopeless to stay in a relationship that is very harmful to you.

当然。

Of course.

这段关系可能不会改变，但你还是有希望离开的。

That relationship may not change, but there is hope that you can get out.

是这样的

Here's what

我从你这里听到的是，我觉得这真的很有帮助。

I'm hearing from you, And I think this is really actually helpful.

绝望是一个信号，表明你目前的方法行不通。

Hopelessness is a signal that the way you're approaching this doesn't work.

你应该改变方法，而不是改变目标。

And you should change the approach rather than the goal.

对。

Yeah.

所以，如果你想要的是被爱，但你处在一段没有希望的恋情中，继续留在那段关系里不会让你得到你想要的。

And so if the approach if what you want is to be loved, but you're in a relationship that's hopeless, staying in that relationship won't give you what you want.

你必须改变你的方法。

You have to change your approach.

灵活性

Flexibility

是的。

Yes.

作为对绝望感的回应，这是非常有帮助的。

As a response to hopelessness is a very helpful response.

也就是说，不要放弃你想要的或你在乎的，只是

That is to not give up on what you want or what you care Just

改变你接近它的方式。

change the way you're approaching it.

因为如果你在网上平台投了300份简历，却没有任何回音，你当然会感到绝望。

Because if you've sent 300 resumes on an online platform and got nothing back, of course, you're gonna feel hopeless.

但这个信号在说的是，嘿。

But what the signal is saying is, hey.

叮。

Ding.

叮。

Ding.

叮。

Ding.

这个策略行不通，咱们得想想怎么换个思路，让你能更好地达成目标。

This strategy isn't working, and let's get creative about how we can approach how you wanna get better

有时候就是得采取行动。

sometimes it's actions.

比如，你得试试不一样的方法。

Like, you have to try something different.

不过你知道的，我以前在斯坦福给很多大一新生做指导时，他们第一次考试挂科，或者意识到自己根本没法当医学生的时候，常常会觉得特别绝望。

But, you know, when I used to advise a lot of freshmen at Stanford, they would often come in feeling hopeless the first time they fail an exam or when they realize they can't actually be pre med.

他们总觉得，好像只有一条路能让他们过上幸福的生活，或者让其他人感到骄傲。

And they have this sense that, like, there's only one way for them to have a good life or a happy life or make other people proud.

我当时总觉得自己该告诉他们，其实有很多方式可以让你的人生有所贡献。

And I always felt like my job was like, there are so many ways to have a life where you contribute.

也有很多种活法，能让你每天醒来都过得开心、自在。

There are so many ways to have a life where you wake up and you enjoy yourself that day.

值得过的生活机会其实非常多。

The opportunities to have a life worth living are vast.

当你感到绝望的时候，你越是死盯着那个你认为必须实现的特定版本，那种绝望感就越会把你淹没。

And when you're feeling hopeless, the more you fixate on the specific version you thought had to be, that is when the hopelessness becomes overwhelming.

另外，既然我们在聊情绪，如果你感到绝望，你也可以把希望的能力当作一种资源来用。

And, also, you can since we're talking about emotions here, so if you're feeling hopelessness, you can also use your capacity for hope as a resource.

具体该怎么做？

Tell me how.

而且你知道吗，我特别喜欢全球性的研究，因为我觉得有时候有些研究只看一小部分样本，谁说得准这是全人类共有的现象，还是只是特定群体的特点呢。

And there's great you know, I love global research because I always feel like sometimes studies will, like, look at one small sample, and who knows if this is really a human thing or just, like, a thing for that group.

所以有一项研究叫作什么来着？是希望项目吗？

So there's a a study called the the is it the hope project?

这项研究向世界各地的人提问：当生活艰难时，你的希望来源是什么？

Where they ask people all over the world, what is a source of hope for you when life is hard?

结果发现有一些非常普遍的主题，其中最大的希望来源之一就是去帮助他人。

And there were very common themes, but one of the biggest sources of hope of the biggest sources of hope were doing something to help someone else.

其实，我举三个例子。

Actually, let me give you three.

去帮别人、被你帮助的人道谢，或者看到别人在帮助别人。

Doing something to help someone else, being thanked by someone you helped, or seeing somebody else do something to help someone.

你看，这些在你感到绝望的时候都是可以做到的。

Now, look, all of those are possible when you're feeling hopeless.

我常说，你能做的最被低估的善意、勇气、快乐或希望的行为，就是让别人来帮你。

I always say one of the most underappreciated acts of kindness you can do or acts of courage or joy or hope is to let somebody else help you.

因为当你允许别人来帮你的时候，接受他人的支持本身就是一种希望来源，而且那个人也会因此感觉好一些。

Because in the moment you let someone help you, you receiving the support of someone is another source of hope, but then that person feels better.

他们会感到更有希望。

They feel more hopeful.

你还有机会感谢他们的帮助。

You have an opportunity to thank them for helping you.

这是一个巨大的希望源泉，它让你和帮助你的人都看到了希望。

That's a huge source of hope, and you make hope possible for you and for the person who helped you.

然后如果你能帮别人一把，那也是进入这个循环的另一种方式。

And then if you can help someone else out, it's just another way into that cycle.

嗯，而且我

Well, and I

觉得在听或看这个的时候，提醒自己很重要——你的大脑天生就会捕捉你在做这些事的信号。

think it's important to be reminded as you're listening or watching this that your brain is wired to pick up signals that you're doing this.

因为当你的大脑看到你在做这些好事，或者欣赏它们，或者允许别人帮你，它会提醒你，你是个好人。

Because when your brain sees you doing these acts of good, or appreciating them, or allowing other people to help you, it reminds you that you're good.

它会提醒你，生活值得活下去。

It reminds you that life is worth living.

这就像一条主线，让你利用自己内在的这些资源，帮你度过难关。

It's this kind of through line that gets you to use these resources in you to get you through this.

而你，通过这样做，你在做一个选择，而这也是这些免费资源之一——你做的选择。

And you, by doing this, you're making a choice, and that's another one of these free resources, the choices you make.

所以让我们举个例子，看看如何运用选择的力量。

So let's give an example of how to use the power of a choice.

对。

I Yeah.

经常提到那些能带来快乐的行为。

Often talk about acts of joy.

是的。

Mhmm.

有些行为能让你自己或他人感受到快乐。

There are things you do that make joy possible for yourself or for others.

我的意思是，你可以做一些让他人感到彼此相连、不再孤单，或者让他们感受到自我价值的事情。

And by that, I really mean you can do things that make people feel connected or less alone or yourself.

你可以创造出一种意义感。

You can create a sense of meaning.

你可以创造出让大家有理由开怀大笑的时刻。

You can create a moment where people have something to laugh about.

所以简单来说，就是去做一些美好的事，把它带到这个世界上，说不定能给人带来惊喜。

And so in a simple version could be, I'm gonna do something to put something beautiful in the world that might surprise someone.

如果你是个容易被美好事物打动的人，或者我会给别人写张便条来鼓励他们，让他们知道我在想着他们。

If you're somebody who responds to beauty, or I'm gonna send somebody a note to encourage them and let them know that I'm thinking about them.

这些举动并不要求你本身感到快乐。

And these are acts that you don't have to feel joyful.

你也不必非得充满希望。

You don't have to feel hopeful.

你只需要心里想着：我要做件事，而这件事最可能的结果就是带来快乐、希望、意义或连接感。

You just have to think, I'm gonna do something where I know the most likely consequence is joy, hope, meaning, connection.

只要你这么做，几乎总是你自己也会成为受益者。因为你鼓励的人会受到鼓舞，他们的回应会让你感觉良好；或者你会因为想象或看到别人理解你特意去让他们的一天更美好、给他们带来欢笑而感到欣喜。

And if you do that, almost always, you end up being the recipient of it yourself too because the person you encourage is going to be encouraged, and they'll respond in a way that makes you feel good, or you'll delight in imagining or seeing somebody else understand that you went out of your way to, you know, make their day better or to give them something to laugh about.

我突然想到，另一个选择是免费资源，就是去做你推荐的任何一件事。

It just occurred to me that another choice that is a free resource is to do any one of the things you're recommending.

对。

Yeah.

因为这样的话

Because then

通过选择

by choosing

去做这些事，你是在提醒自己，你有能力，而且此刻拥有一定的自主权。

to do it, you're reminding yourself that you're capable and you have a bit of agency right now.

大家都值得开怀大笑。

All the deserve to laugh.

关键在于你把注意力放在哪里。

What you pay attention to.

对。

Yes.

你脑海中浮现的画面。

What you bring to mind.

你身体的动作。

What you do with your body.

那些回忆、音乐，所有的一切。

The memories, the music, all of it.

最后一个免费资源就是你的关系。

And the final free resource is your relationship.

你会建议人们如何把生活中的关系当作一种资源，帮助自己度过那些非常艰难的时刻呢？

How would you recommend that you think about the relationships in your life as a resource to help you through the very challenging moments.

因为我注意到很多人来信说他们身边没有人。

Because I've been struck by the number of people that write in and say they don't have anybody.

是的。

Yeah.

我也不确定

And I don't know

那未必是真的。

that that's true.

可能感觉上像是真的。

It may feel like it's true.

很多时候，那种感觉确实像真的。

It often feels like it's true.

你知道，当我想到把人际关系当作一种资源时，有两个方向。

You know, when I think about using relationships as a resource, there's two directions.

所以你是指愿意寻求帮助或让别人知道发生了什么。

So you're pointing to a willingness to ask for help or let people know what's going on.

这对我来说非常困难。

That's very difficult for me.

我的意思是，我从小就被教育不要成为别人的负担。

I mean, I was really brought up to believe that you are not supposed to be a burden.

所以有时候，我觉得利用人际关系作为资源的一种方式，其实是主动接纳一个可能性：你身边的人其实愿意支持你。这不仅是给自己的一份礼物，也是给别人的礼物。

So sometimes, I think one of the ways you use your relationships as resources is you actually invite the possibility that people in your life want to be there for you and that it actually it's not just a gift to yourself, but it's a gift to other people.

如果你觉得身边没有可以信赖的亲密朋友或家人，那也没关系。

And if you feel like you don't have close friends or family that you can rely on, it's amazing.

其实周围可能就有经历过类似处境的人，他们正等着把那段糟糕的经历转化为对自己有意义的东西。

There are people who might be around you who've been through something similar and are waiting to turn that horrible experience into a source of meaning for themselves.

我见过这种情况经常发生。

I see this happen all the time.

我在一个社区中心教书。

I teach at a community center.

我看到那些原本互不相识的人，

I see people who were strangers.

突然之间，只要有人坦诚地说自己正在经历丧亲之痛、癌症治疗或者离婚，其他有过类似经历的人就会立刻变成愿意提供精神支持、建议和资源的人。

Suddenly, when one person is honest and says, I'm going through grief, I'm going through cancer treatment, I'm going through a divorce, somebody else who's been through that who was a stranger suddenly becomes somebody who wants to show up for that person with moral support, advice, resources.

所以其中一部分原因可能是，如果你开始更透明地分享自己的处境，就会发现有些人因为关心你而愿意陪伴你，同时也有其他人能从中找到生活的意义，让日子更好过，因为他们能把这变成与你建立联系或帮助你的机会。

And so part of it is maybe have the idea that there are people who if you just start being more transparent about what you're going through, there are people who wanna be there for you because they care about you, but also there are gonna be people who makes their life more meaningful and easier to deal with it because they're able to turn that into an opportunity to connect with or help you.

我觉得大家都不希望觉得自己给别人添麻烦，这很常见。

I think it's very common to not wanna feel like you're burdening somebody else.

我记得几年前我爸出了点健康问题。

And I remember my dad had a health incident a couple years ago.

最后查出来是脑动脉瘤没破，但需要在密歇根大学做个大手术。

And when they finally figured out what it was, which was an intact brain aneurysm that was gonna require him to have a major surgery at UMich.

我爸妈瞒着我们兄弟俩，自己扛了一个月才告诉我。

And my parents had been dealing with this for a month before they told me and my brother.

我记得他们当时说，怕你担心。

And I remember them saying, we didn't wanna worry you.

我其实挺生气的。

And I was actually mad.

对。

Yeah.

因为我觉得，你们本想保护我，却让我失去了爱你们、陪你们度过难关的机会。

Because I felt like you, by wanting to protect me, denied me the opportunity to love you and support you through this.

是的。

Yeah.

我两边都能理解。

And I understand both sides of it.

但我一直是个不太愿意开口求助、也不想给别人添麻烦的人。可当我真正体会到那种感觉时，心里会想：等等，我却没能去支持你。

But because I've always been the kind of person that, you know, doesn't wanna ask for help, doesn't wanna burden people, but when I really experience this feeling of, wait, but I didn't get to support you.

我爱你。

I love you.