终极人生建议：如何获得动力、建立自信并创造更好的关系

我很喜欢这个问题，因为我的答案可能和你想的不一样。

Now, I love this question because my answer is not going to be what you expect.

我们休息一小会儿，回来之后我会详细聊聊这个问题。

And I am gonna dig into this question when we return from a very short break.

我想给我们的赞助商一个机会，让他们和你们说几句话。

I wanna give our sponsors a chance to share a few words with you.

他们非常棒。

They are extraordinary.

正是因为他们，我们才能免费在194个国家播出这个节目。

They allow us to bring you this show for free in 194 countries.

所以请听一听他们的介绍，千万别走开，因为接下来我会告诉你们三件彻底改变我身体、体型、力量和精力的事情。

So give them a listen, and don't you dare go anywhere because I'm gonna tell you the three things that fundamentally changed my body, my body composition, my strength, my energy.

这三件事和饮食、健身和健康有关。

It has to do with food, fitness, and health.

我们回来之后，我会带你们逐一了解这三件简单的事情。

I'm gonna walk you right through these three simple things when we return.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你们的朋友梅尔。

It's your friend Mel.

今天只有你和我，我来回答你和听众朋友们的问题。

And today, it's just you and me, and I'm answering you and your fellow listeners' questions.

我很喜欢我们这样做。

I love that we're doing this.

希望你们也喜欢，因为如果你们喜欢这种形式，我们会更多地进行这样的互动。

I hope you love this because if you love this format, we're gonna do this a whole lot more.

在休息之前，我收到了一个来自听众的问题。

Now, before the break, I had a question from one of your fellow listeners.

他们让我分享我的饮食和健身建议，并带大家了解我的锻炼方式。

They were asking me to share my diet and fitness tips and to take you through my workout.

有三个根本性的领悟改变了我的健康观、力量观，以及我照顾身体的方式。

And there are three foundational realizations that changed my approach to health and to strength and to the way that I think about taking care of my body.

那我来跟你们分享一下吧。

And so let me share them with you.

第一，光靠锻炼是抵消不了糟糕的饮食的。

Number one, you cannot out exercise a crappy diet.

对我来说，这真的是一个巨大的警醒。

And for me, it was a huge wake up call.

我知道这算是常识，专家们也都这么说，但我也说不清为什么。

And look, I realize that this is kind of common sense and all the experts say this, but I don't know what it is.

多年来，我一直觉得，好吧，我可以随便吃，不管热量，不管喝酒，也不管给身体加的燃料有多差，然后靠跑步机把它消耗掉。

For years, I just thought, okay, I can destroy myself when it comes to all the food I'm eating and the calories and the alcohol I'm drinking and the way I'm just not taking care of the fuel that I put in my body and then somehow run it off on a treadmill.

但根本不是这么回事。

That's not how it works.

我也不知道为什么我花了五十五年才明白这个道理。

And I don't know why it took me fifty five years to have this wake up call.

也许是因为激素变化，更年期来了，我的身体开始朝着我不喜欢的方向变化。

Maybe it was because my hormones changed and menopause hit, and my body started to feel like it was moving in directions that I didn't like.

我开始认真听取这个领域的专家意见。

And I started to get serious about truly listening to the experts in this space.

然后我清楚地意识到，问题不在健身，而在饮食。

And it became very clear the problem wasn't the fitness, it was the fuel.

你想保持健康、精力充沛吗？

You wanna be healthy and energized?

那你真的要认真考虑你吃进去的食物。

You better be thinking seriously about the fuel that you are eating.

而我每天真正失败的地方，就是蛋白质摄入不足，纤维也不够。

And the place where I was really failing every day is I was not eating enough protein, and I was not eating enough fiber.

就是这样。

Period.

这就是我的问题。

That was my problem.

所以我改变了。

And so I changed.

我开始琢磨怎么多吃蛋白质，怎么在饮食里多加点纤维。

I started figuring out how do you eat more protein and how do you get more fiber in your diet?

蛋白质这块真的挺难的。

Now the protein piece was really difficult.

我不知道你有没有在试着增加蛋白质摄入。

I don't know if you've been trying to get more protein or not.

你让我带你过一遍我的日常，我就告诉你我是怎么把蛋白质吃进去的。

You asked me to walk you through my daily routine, and I'm gonna tell you how I get protein in.

因为上过梅尔·罗宾斯播客的那些专家，还有我自己去看的医生，都跟我说我每天需要大约120克蛋白质。

Because the experts that have been on the Mel Robbins podcast and the doctors that I personally go to were telling me that I needed like 120 grams of protein every day.

那可是好多好多的蛋白质啊。

That's a lot of freaking protein.

所以，你知道的，鸡肉、牛肉、鱼、金枪鱼、鸡蛋、蛋白粉、奶昔，还有乱七八糟的，能吃能喝的就那么多，天哪，我哪有时间准备那么多东西。

So, you know, there's only so much chicken and beef and fish and tuna and eggs and shakes and smoothies and crap that you can eat and drink, and my god, I don't have time to prep that much stuff.

但我对自己有个承诺。

But here is my promise to myself.

我尽量每天摄入100克蛋白质。

I try to get 100 grams of protein.

我觉得我这辈子从来没有一天达到过120克，所以我的目标是100克。

I don't think there's ever been a day in my life I've gotten 120, so I'm shooting for 100.

100克蛋白质。

100 grams of protein.

同时我也在努力摄入30克纤维，因为这是医生建议的。

And I'm also shooting for 30 grams of fiber, because that's what Doctor.

艾米·肖医生，她上过梅尔·罗宾斯播客三次，说我们需要这样做。

Amy Shaw, who's been on the Mel Robbins podcast three times, says we need to do.

95%的美国人纤维摄入不足。

Ninety five percent of Americans are not getting enough fiber.

我们中95%的人都是这样，我以前也是。

Ninety five percent of us, and that was me.

纤维对肠道健康至关重要。

And fiber is critical for your gut health.

纤维对让你感到饱腹感很关键。

Fiber is critical for you to feel full.

纤维对你的代谢健康的很多方面都很重要。

Fiber is critical for so many aspects of your metabolic health.

它和蛋白质一样重要。

It's important, just like protein.

所以我通常这样做。

So here's what I typically do.

通常，每天早上我醒来。

So typically, every single morning, I wake up.

我做的第一件事，我有一个大梅森罐。

The first thing that I do, I've got a big mason jar.

我每天喝两杯这个。

I drink two of these a day.

你能听到它。

You can hear it.

看到里面扬起的粉末了吗？

And see how the dust cloud is stirring up in that?

那玩意儿，那团粉末就是肌酸。

That sucker right there, the dust cloud is creatine.

所以我先倒一杯水，然后放十克肌酸进去。

So I start with a mug of water, and I put in ten grams of creatine.

专家跟我说，得从五克肌酸开始，然后过四五周再慢慢加量。

The experts told me you gotta start with five grams of creatine, and then titrate up after four or five weeks.

我就是这么做的。

I did that.

我把肌酸放进水里，然后一上午慢慢喝这杯。

So I put creatine in my water and I nurse this sucker for the first half of the day.

接着我会喝一瓶我的Pure Genius蛋白饮。

Then what I drink is I always drink one of my Pure Genius Protein shots.

对，我是联合创始人。

Yes, I am a co founder.

不，这不是广告。

No, this is not an infomercial.

是你问我平时怎么做的。

You asked for what I do.

我每天都这么做。

I do this every single day.

它改变了我的生活。

It has changed my life.

这就是我加入这家公司的原因。

It's why I got involved with this company.

我会拿一瓶这种三盎司的小瓶装。

I reached for one of these three ounce shots.

就这个，大小跟五小时能量饮料的瓶子差不多。

This sucker right here, it's like the size of a five hour energy bottle.

看不到的朋友，我可以告诉你们，它小到能放进口袋里。

For those of you who can't see it, you can fit it in your pocket.

只有100卡路里。

It's only 100 calories.

含有23克完全蛋白质。

It's 23 grams of complete protein.

23克。

23 grams.

要吃到23克蛋白质，我得吃五个半鸡蛋。

I would have to eat five and a half eggs to get 23 grams of protein.

要吃到这么多蛋白质，我得吃两杯希腊酸奶。

I would have to eat two cups of Greek yogurt to get this much protein.

我大概十秒钟就能把这玩意儿灌下去。

I can slam this sucker in about ten seconds.

但吃肌酸可做不到这样。

I can't do that with the creatine.

然后我就摄入了23克蛋白质。

And then I've gotten 23 grams of protein.

味道很好。

It's delicious.

喝起来像果汁。

It tastes like juice.

只有100卡路里。

It's only a 100 calories.

没有糖。

There's no sugar.

没有脂肪。

There's no fat.

没有麸质。

There's no gluten.

没有人造香料。

There's no artificial flavors.

然后我去锻炼。

Then I exercise.

我的运动计划就是，我必须每天活动身体。

And my exercise routine, I have to move my body every day.

不然的话，我会对家人发脾气，而且注意力也集中不了。

Otherwise, I'm a giant bitch to my family and I can't focus.

所以我每天都动一动，每周至少五天会遛狗、徒步，或者在我所在的城市里跑个大圈；不过现在每周有三天我会进行大重量的力量训练。

And so I move my body every day, and at least five days a week, I am walking the dogs, or I'm hiking, or I'm taking a big loop in whatever city I'm in, but three days a week, I now lift heavy weights.

这得归功于那位医生。

And I blame Doctor.

斯泰西·西姆斯。

Stacy Sims.

我怪医生。

I blame Doctor.

加布里埃尔·莱昂斯。

Gabrielle Lyons.

我怪医生。

I blame Doctor.

冯达·赖特医生。

Vonda Wright.

我要怪罪医生。

I blame Doctor.

艾米·肖。

Amy Shaw.

我要怪罪医生。

I blame Doctor.

埃里克·托波尔。

Eric Topol.

你看出规律了吗？他们都上过梅尔·罗宾斯的播客，告诉你和我，如果想健康长寿，最好去举那些超重的哑铃。

Are you sensing a theme here, who have all come on the Mel Robbins podcast and told you and me that if we want to live a long and healthy life, we better be picking up the heavy ass weights.

我得说，早上先吃蛋白质，再加上每周三次的力量训练，而且我并不是练一个半小时。

And I will say the combination of protein first thing in the morning and the combination of resistance training three days a week, and I'm not in there for an hour and a half.

我三十分钟就搞定了。

I get this sucker done in thirty minutes.

你只需要这些。

That's all you need.

就这些。

That's it.

所以无论是遛狗、力量训练，还是去上健身课，因为那是我锻炼效果最好的方式。

So whether it's a walk with a dog, it's the resistance training, it's going to an exercise class because that's how I get the best workout in.

我觉得很重要的一点是，找到适合你自己的方式。

And what I think is very important to say is figure out what works for you.

如果有趣，你就会坚持做。

If it's fun, you'll do it.

如果去上课对你更好，因为那样你可以让教练激励你，那就去上课。

If it's better for you to go to a class because you then make the instructor motivate you, go to a class.

如果你自己跟着在线健身视频练效果更好，那就那样做。

If you do it better with a streamed exercise online by yourself, then do that.

最重要的是你在做点什么。

The most important thing is that you're doing something.

当我完成锻炼或遛狗之后，我会准备去上班，接下来我会吃第二顿早餐。

When I'm done with, my exercise or walking the dog, and then I get ready for work, what I do next is I have a second breakfast.

我通常会吃希腊酸奶配浆果，一般是蓝莓，因为医生。

I'll either have Greek yogurt with berries, typically blueberries, because Doctor.

艾米·肖说蓝莓富含纤维，或者我会吃鸡蛋和沙拉，就像今天早上我吃完Pure Genius之后吃的那样。

Amy Shaw says that that's got a great source of fiber in it, or I'll have eggs and a salad, which is what I had this morning after I had Pure Genius.

然后我会喝一杯咖啡。

I have a cup of coffee then.

我起床后九十分钟内不喝咖啡，所有这些选择——早上先摄入蛋白质和纤维、活动身体、推迟喝咖啡、喝肌酸和水——让我变成了一个完全不同的人。

I do not drink coffee until after I've been up for ninety minutes, and all of these choices, the protein and fiber first thing in the morning, moving my body, delaying coffee, drinking creatine and water, I am a different person.

我更有精力了。

I have more energy.

我能集中注意力。

I can focus.

我感觉很好。

I feel good.

我感觉自己很真实地活在身体里。

I feel like I'm in my body.

这太不可思议了。

It's incredible.

午餐嘛，有点单调。

For lunch, it's kind of boring.

我通常吃沙拉，上面加点蛋白质，而且我对蛋白质不挑。

I typically have a salad with some kind of protein on it, and I don't discriminate against protein.

有时候直接吃罐头里的金枪鱼。

Sometimes it's tuna straight out of a can.

有时候我就站在冰箱前，直接吃昨晚剩下的鸡肉，从保鲜盒里拿出来就吃。

Sometimes I'm standing in front of the fridge eating chicken from last night straight out of the Tupperware.

有时候是烤的汉堡肉剩下来，我就把它放在沙拉上。

Sometimes it's leftover hamburger that we've grilled that I toss on top of a salad.

说实话，晚餐，几乎每次都是同样的东西。

And honestly, dinner, all one of the time, it's the same thing.

然后我睡得挺早的。

And then I go to bed pretty early.

这就是我的日常。

That's my routine.

就这样。

That's it.

就这样。

That's it.

哦，对了，我每天晚上都会泡个澡。

Oh, and I always take a bath every night.

这些是我雷打不动的习惯。

Those are my non negotiables.

所以这就是我的日常，而且你没法靠运动来抵消糟糕的饮食。

So that's the routine, and you cannot out exercise a crappy diet.

如果你把心态从“我想吃什么就吃什么”转变成“我该给身体加什么最好的燃料，才能让我过好这一天”，那对我来说是个很大的启发。

And if you flip your perspective from, I'm just gonna eat whatever food I want, to what is the best fuel I can put in my body to fuel me to have a good day, that was a huge takeaway for me.

好的。

Okay.

接下来是第二件真正改变一切的事情。

Here's the second thing that really changed everything.

你的动力来源是什么？

What is the source of your motivation?

你是想变得更强壮、更有活力、更健康，还是想变瘦？

Are you trying to be stronger and more energized and healthier, or are you trying to be skinny?

说真的。

For real.

因为五十年来，我一直想变瘦。

Because for fifty years, I tried to be skinny.

我一直被很多女性感受到的那种要变瘦的压力所驱使。

I was being driven by the pressure that a lot of women feel to be thin.

因为我觉得瘦就是美，瘦意味着健康，瘦才能让你有吸引力。

Because I thought thin was beautiful, thin means you're healthy, thin is what makes you attractive.

当你因为觉得自己应该减肥而减肥，因为觉得自己应该变瘦而变瘦的时候，你的动力来源其实是想向别人证明什么。

And when you are trying to lose weight because you think you should, you're trying to be skinny because you think you should, the source of your motivation is proving something to other people.

你的动力来源是你在别人眼中的样子，而不是你希望自己身体的感觉。

The source of your motivation is about how you look to others versus how you want to feel in your body.

所以，改变一下，给自己一个警醒，真正认识到目标是为了让你感觉更强壮，Mel。

And so changing and having a wake up call and really recognizing that the goal here is for you to feel stronger, Mel.

是为了让你有更多的精力。

It's for you to have more energy.

是为了让你更健康，活得更久，这样你老了以后还能充满活力。

It's for you to be healthier so that you live longer, and it's so that you can have vitality as you age.

你不想变得又瘦又弱，像个摇摇晃晃的老骨头，皮包骨头的样子。

Like, don't wanna be thin and frail and like some rickety old skeleton with skin hanging off you.

你希望自己到了八九十岁还能跳舞、远足，充满精力和活力。

Like, you wanna be in your eighties and nineties and be able to dance and hike and have energy and vitality.

所以，当你转变想法后，你究竟为什么想锻炼呢？

And so when you shift, why exactly do you wanna work out?

对我来说，从追求外表变成追求感觉，这是根本性的转变。

For me, it was foundational to shift from trying to look a certain way to trying to feel a certain way.

现在，第三点来了，这一点非常重要。

And now here's the third, and this is huge.

我希望你非常清楚。

I want you to get really clear.

你的意图是什么？

What's your intention?

你为什么想改变饮食和健身习惯？

Why do you want to change your diet and fitness?

为什么？

Why?

是因为你觉得应该这样做，还是因为你想要不同的感受？

Is it because you think you should, or is it because you want to feel differently?

因为我们都懂因果关系，但在因果之前，是你行动背后的意图。

Because we all know cause and effect, but before the cause and the effect comes the intention behind the action you're taking.

如果你的意图是，嗯，我应该做，我应该……

If your intention is that, well, I should do it, I should...

那其实不算是意图。

That's not really an intention.

那是压力。

That's pressure.

当我转变我的意图，从‘我应该锻炼，我需要做这个，好像这是错的’，变成‘不，我的意图是，第一，我是那种照顾好自己的人’。

When I shifted my intention from, well, I should exercise, and I need to do this, and kind of this make wrong, to, no, my intention is that, number one, I'm the kind of person who takes care of herself.

我的意图是过一种长寿健康的生活。

My intention is in living a long and healthy life.

我的意图，以及我为什么动起来、认真对待饮食和健身，是因为我想在孙辈的婚礼上跳舞。

My intention, and the reason why I moved my body and got serious about the fuel and the fitness is because I wanna be dancing at my grandkids' weddings.

我想在晚年还能旅行，能提起行李箱放到头顶的行李架上。

I wanna be able to travel late in life and pick up my suitcase and put it above the overhead.

我想保持行动自如。

I wanna be able to be mobile.

所以当你思考做某件事背后的意图时，这会激发你的内在动力。

And so when you think about the intention behind why you wanna do something, that taps into your intrinsic motivation.

我想和你分享一项我觉得非常有力量的研究。

And I wanna share with you a little piece of research that I think is really powerful.

当你觉得你应该锻炼时，这其实不太能激励人，因为你是在因为没做而责怪自己。

When you think you should exercise, it's not that motivating Because you're kinda making yourself wrong for not doing it.

哦，我应该去做的。

Oh, I should do it.

对吧？

Okay?

但我其实不太想去。

I don't really want to.

如果你能改变做这件事的理由，尤其是这项研究对女性特别适用。

If you can switch the reason why you're doing this, and this is true for women in particular in this particular study.

如果你能告诉自己，我锻炼的原因是，这是全天唯一属于我的时间。

If you can tell yourself, the reason why I exercise is it's the only time all day long that's for me.

唯一的时间。

The only time.

一天中其他每一秒都是为了家人。

Every other second of the day is about my family.

为了工作。

It's about work.

为了照顾宠物。

It's about taking care of my pets.

为了回短信。

It's about answering texts.

我什么时候还有独处的时间，只属于我自己，陪着自己，照顾自己？

When else do I have time alone that's just for me, to be with me, taking care of me.

当你意识到，当你锻炼、散步、上瑜伽课、去健身房的时候，那是你的时间。

When you realize that when you exercise, when you go for a walk, when you go to a yoga class, when you go to the gym, that's your time.

你不需要为任何人做任何事。

You don't have to do anything for anyone.

你可以只为自己而活。

You get to just be there for you.

你看到意图和动力来源的变化了吗？

Do you see how the intention and the source of motivation changes?

现在这让你有点想去做这件事了。

And now it kinda makes you wanna do it.

这会让你想保护这段时间，把别人都挤开，因为当你这样看待时，你值得拥有这段时间。

It makes you wanna protect the time and elbow everybody out because you deserve that time when you look at it that way.

挺酷的。

Pretty cool.

我也这么觉得。

I think so too.

好了。

Alright.

我们继续下一个问题吧。

Let's move on to the next question.

当你的情绪总是更强烈时，你怎么能逻辑思考呢？

How do you think logically when your emotions always feel stronger?

当情绪占据上风时，你根本无法逻辑思考。

You cannot think logically when your emotions are taking over.

就是这样。

Period.

你的大脑本来就不是这样运作的。

That's just not how your brain works.

所以情绪化的时候，别试图逻辑思考，因为情绪会压制你大脑中用于解决问题的那部分能力。

So don't even try to think logically when you're emotional, because your emotions override your ability to leverage certain parts of your brain's capacity to problem solve.

我想我们都明白这一点，比如当你惊慌失措、压力山大、饿得发慌、心烦意乱、对某事生气时，你根本没法清晰思考。

I think we kinda all know this, like when you're freaking out and overwhelmed and hangry and upset and mad about something, you can't think clearly.

你常常会发出让自己后悔的短信。

You often send the texts that you regret.

你会说出一些无法收回的话。

You say something that you can't take back.

所以，与其试图硬撑着去克服情绪，更好的策略是顺着你的大脑构造来，而不是跟它对着干。

And so instead of trying to push through the emotion, the better strategy is to work with the wiring that you have instead of against it.

这个特别的建议，我很喜欢，它来自马克·布拉克特博士。

And this particular recommendation, I love it comes from doctor Mark Brackett.

布拉克特博士是耶鲁大学情商中心的创始主任。

Doctor Brackett is the founding director of the Yale center for emotional intelligence.

他是耶鲁大学儿童研究中心的一名教授。

He's a professor in the child study center at Yale university.

他还写了好几本《纽约时报》畅销书，而且他上过梅尔·罗宾斯的播客，他用了这个框架，你也可以用它来管理自己的情绪。

He's also the author of a number of New York Times bestselling books, and he was on the Mel Robbins podcast, and he uses this framework, and you can use it to manage your emotions.

所以第一步，听起来可能有点傻，但第一步就是意识到你正在变得情绪化。

So the first step, and this sounds really dumb, but the first step is to recognize that you're getting emotional.

就这么简单。

That's it.

哦，哇。

Oh, wow.

我有了情绪反应。

I'm having an emotional reaction.

第二步是给情绪贴上标签。

The second step is to label what you're feeling.

你是害怕还是孤独？

Are you scared or are you lonely?

你是生气还是感到不堪重负？

Are you angry or are you overwhelmed?

你是感到受伤还是觉得自己能力不足？

Are you feeling hurt or do you feel incompetent?

你注意到这些是非常非常不同的感受吗？

Do you notice how those are very, very, very different feelings?

我给你举个例子。

I'll give you an example.

就在昨天，事情太多了，太多的事情向我涌来。

Just yesterday, there was so much going on and so much that was coming at me.

我知道你也经历过这样的日子。

I know you've had days like that.

感觉就像生活拿了一桶冰水直接浇在我头上。

It just felt like life had taken an ice bucket and dumped it over my head.

我是说，旅行安排、我女儿情绪崩溃、还有工作截止日期错过了。

I mean, were travel logistics and my daughter was having a breakdown and there was a deadline at work that I missed.

然后还有一件我需要做的事情。

And then there was something that I needed to do.

再加上我生病了，所有事情都同时发生。

And plus I'm sick and it was all happening at once.

然后我开始有一种被压垮的感觉。

And I started to get this like overwhelmed feeling.

但当我感到不堪重负时，我能感觉到情绪像火山一样从身体里涌上来。

But when I get overwhelmed, I feel the emotions rise up through my body like a volcano.

确实如此。

It does.

对我周围的人而言，那就像一场人形飓风。

And for everyone around me, that feels like a human hurricane.

我知道当我进入那种情绪状态时，对别人来说，我看起来像是充满敌意，或者像是在生气，或者像是非常沮丧。

And I know when I get in that emotional state, for other people, it feels like I'm hostile, or it feels like I'm mad, or it feels like I'm really frustrated.

但实际上，我是完全不知所措，开始要崩溃了。

But what's actually happening is I'm completely overwhelmed, and I'm starting to shut down.

就在昨天，我又遇到了这种情况，所以我开始直接说：我现在真的压力很大。

And just yesterday, was happening to me, and so I just started saying, I'm really overwhelmed right now.

我现在真的压力很大，这招还真管用。

I'm really overwhelmed right now, and it works.

说出情绪有什么作用呢？

What does naming the emotion do?

根据布拉克特博士的研究，说出情绪可以减缓情绪。

Naming the emotion, according to Doctor.

布拉克特博士的研究表明，说出情绪能减缓情绪。

Brackett's research, slows the emotion.

当你给情绪命名之后，你就能选一个有效的方法来帮助自己缓解它。

And then when you've named the emotion, you can actually pick a technique that will work to help you diffuse it.

也许你需要一个拥抱。

Maybe you need a hug.

也许你需要出去走走。

Maybe you need to take a walk outside.

也许你需要深呼吸一下。

Maybe you need to take a breath.

也许你需要寻求帮助。

Maybe you need to ask for help.

也许你需要把感受写下来。

Maybe you need to just write down how you're feeling.

一旦你给情绪命名了，第三步——哦，这一步很难——练习不去回应。

And once you've named it, the third step, oh, and this one's a hard one, practice not responding.

这一步真的很难。

That's a hard one.

就待在那个停顿里。

Just be in the pause.

因为那才是真正的技巧。

Because that's actually the skill.

技巧就是让你的情绪升起来，注意到它，然后让它过去。

The skill is to allow your emotions to rise, to notice, and to pass.

就这么简单。

That's it.

这就是那个技巧。

That's the skill.

因为当你练习这个停顿的时候——其实我在《让他们理论》这本书里写了很多——你需要让那些情绪升起来。

Because when you practice this pause, in fact, I write about this a ton in the Let Them Theory book, you need to let them emotions just rise up.

是的，你需要。

You do.

而且有一些有趣的研究，他们称之为九十秒法则，几乎所有的情绪，如果你不去反应，只是停顿，都会在九十秒内消散。

And there's some interesting research, they call it the ninety second rule, that almost all emotions, if you don't react to them, you just pause, dissipate within ninety seconds.

最酷的是，当你开始掌握这个停顿，让那些情绪升起来，让自己此刻什么都不做，不发短信，不发火，什么都不做，这个停顿带来的好处是，它给了你的大脑空间，让它重新上线。

And what's really cool is that when you start to master the pause, and you let them emotions rise up, and you let me just not do anything right now, don't send the text, don't snap, don't do anything, what that pause allows to happen is it gives your brain space to come back online.

它让你的思考能力、关键决策能力和执行功能都回来，这样你就能决定如何回应。

It allows your thinking and your critical decision making skills and your executive functioning to come back so you can decide how to respond.

你知道，维克多·弗兰克尔，他写了那本著名的书《活出意义来》，他谈到一个真理，就是在引发情绪反应的刺激和你对它的反应之间，存在一个间隙。

You know, Viktor Frankl, who famously wrote the book Man's Search for Meaning, talks about this truth that between the stimulus that caused that emotional response and how you react to it, there's this gap.

而博士。

And Doctor.

布拉凯特说，我们希望你们学会注意正在发生的事情，然后停顿，这样情绪就能升起和落下。

Brackett is saying, we want you to learn how to notice what's happening and then pause so the emotions can rise and fall.

你有了刺激，情绪发生了，现在让我们创造这个间隙。

You got the stimulus, the emotions happen, now let's create the gap.

他们在加州大学洛杉矶分校研究了情绪对大脑的影响，也在那里研究了二十年的情绪标注。

And they've studied the impact that your emotions have on your brain at UCLA, and they've also studied the labeling of emotions for two decades at UCLA.

这叫做情感标注。

It's called affect labeling.

当你开始说出自己的感受，注意到它并暂停一下，大脑情绪中心的活动就会减弱。

And when you start to label what you're feeling and notice it and pause, it reduces the activity in the emotional center of your brain.

是不是很酷？

Isn't that cool?

我确实发现这个技巧很管用。

And I've absolutely noticed that this technique works.

做起来不容易，但你可以越来越熟练。

It's not easy to do, but you can get better and better at the skill.

你只要在情绪泛滥时意识到它，给它命名，然后暂停，情绪很快就会消散。

You just recognize when you get emotionally flooded, you name it, you pause, that emotion dissipates quickly.

效果真的非常好。

And it is so effective.

好了，我们下一个问题是关于分手的。

All right, the next question that we have is about a breakup.

你的一位听众正在经历一段非常艰难的分手，他们想听听建议。

One of your fellow listeners is going through a very tough breakup, and they want some advice.

等我们短暂休息回来，我会给他们一些非常棒的建议。

And when we return from this short break, I'm gonna give them incredible advice.

如果你正在经历分手，或者你身边有人正在经历分手，那你一定不能错过这个。

And if you are going through a breakup, if somebody in your life is going through a breakup, you do not want to miss this.

因为不管你信不信，当你经历分手的时候，其实那并不是分手。

Because believe it or not, when you're going through a breakup, it's actually not a breakup.

而是别的东西。

It's something else.

而知道那是什么，会改变一切，也会改变你应对它的能力。

And knowing what that something else is changes everything and your ability to deal with it.

好了。

Alright.

我马上回来。

I'll be right back.

别走开。

Stay with me.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back.

我是你的朋友梅尔。

It's your friend Mel.

今天，我们要一起解答你和听众朋友们的问题。

Today, you and I are going through you and your fellow listeners' questions.

我很喜欢这个环节。

I love this.

希望你们也喜欢。

I hope you love it too.

如果你在想，怎么再次提交问题呢？

If you're wondering, how do I submit questions again?

去 melrobbins.com/newsletter。

Go to melrobbins.com/newsletter.

有超过两百万的听众朋友，每周都会免费阅读我发出的私人信件。

There are more than 2,000,000 of your fellow listeners that read the personal letter that I send out every week for free.

你会喜欢这封信的，而且这也是我们第一个开放提问机会的地方，可以做各种酷炫的事情。

You're gonna love the letter, and it's also the first place that we open up opportunities to submit questions, to do all kinds of cool stuff.

你也可以去melrobbins.com，那里有一个提交问题的表格。

You can also go to melrobbins.com where there is a form to submit a question.

我们也会经常在社交媒体上留意。

We're also constantly looking on social media.

所以这些问题的来源就是这些渠道。

So that's where these questions are coming from.

下一个问题来自一位正在经历非常痛苦分手的听众。

This next one is from a listener who's going through a really tough breakup.

她甚至在问题里用了心碎的表情符号。

She's even used the broken heart emoji in the question.

我们来聊聊分手这个话题吧。

Let's talk about breakups.

分手之所以痛苦，是因为你原本以为会过的未来突然就没了。

Breakups are painful because the future that you thought you'd be living just died.

分手就是悲伤。

Breakups are grief.

当你因为分手而彻底崩溃时，这并不意味着对的人离开了。

And when you are completely rocked by a breakup, it's not a sign that the right person got away.

这只是说明你和那个人共度的时光是有意义的。

It's just a sign that the time that you spent with that person mattered.

那段感情是有意义的。

The relationship mattered.

仅此而已。

That's it.

我希望你能换个角度看待分手。

And I want you to really think about breakups differently.

分手之所以让人悲伤，是因为你曾经有过完整的愿景和生活，你学会了如何和这个人一起过日子。

Breakups are grief because you had this whole vision and this whole life where you learned how to do life with this person.

当关系结束时，你不得不重新学习如何一个人生活。

And when the relationship ends, it forces you to unlearn doing life with someone.

这就是为什么分手会这么痛苦的原因之一。

That's one of the reasons why they're so painful.

你的整个身体都在经历戒断反应。

You're going through a withdrawal in every single part of your body.

所以你可能开着车，想着别的事，却仿佛能听到那个人在回应你。

That's why you can be driving down the road and you're thinking about something, and you can hear the person answering.

就像他们坐在你旁边，但你们已经分手了，你根本不想再想起那个人。

It's like they're sitting right there, only you're broken up and you don't wanna be thinking about the person.

其实，这发生的原因不是那个人在想你，也不是你的前任应该坐在你车里。

Well, the reason why that happens is not because the person's thinking about you, and it's not because that ex of yours should be in the car with you.

而是因为你的大脑已经被训练成能听到那个人的声音。

It's because your brain has been wired to hear that person's voice.

你的大脑习惯了听到他们的回应，而现在它正在努力适应没有他们的生活。

Your brain is used to hearing their response, and your brain is in the middle of unlearning what that's like.

你在打破旧模式，所以身体上感觉一切都分崩离析，因为确实如此。

You're breaking patterns, which is why you feel in your body like everything is breaking apart because it is breaking apart.

这是一种戒断反应。

It's a withdrawal.

所以，在《让他们理论》这本书里，我们详细写了分手后到底该怎么做才能走出来。

And that's why in the Let Them Theory, we wrote extensively about exactly what you need to do in order to get through a breakup.

第一，你必须坚持三十天完全不联系，没有例外。

Number one, you have to go thirty days with no contact, period.

三十天。

Thirty days.

为什么要三十天呢？你可以把它想象成戒掉任何瘾的过程。

And the reason why you have to go thirty days is I want you to think about it like trying to get over anything.

比如抽烟、喝酒、电子烟、ZYN烟袋、赌博。

Smoking, drinking, vaping, the ZYN packs, gambling.

如果你想戒掉某样东西，你不能只坚持十五天，然后喝点威士忌加冰，还指望它不影响你。

If you're going to go and quit something, you can't just go fifteen days and then have some bourbon on the rocks and expect for it not to impact you.

因为到了第二个十五天，你会喝更多的威士忌。

Because the second fifteen days in, you have more bourbon.

你身体里所有知道酒精是什么的东西都会被重新激活。

Everything in your body that knows what alcohol is like gets reactivated.

分手的时候也是一样的道理。

The same thing is true when you go through a breakup.

如果你一直听语音留言、在社交媒体上关注他们、翻看旧照片，你就是在给身体传递那个人还在你生活中的信号，这样你身体里的所有连接和那些习惯模式就会一直保持活跃。

If you're constantly listening to voice memos, following them on social media, looking at old photos, you are giving your body input that that person is still in your life, and it keeps all the wiring in your body and all those patterns alive.

所以你必须坚持三十天不联系。

And so you have to go thirty days, no contact.

而且要知道，有很好的研究表明，大多数人在分手后大约十一周半开始感觉好转。

And it's important to know that there's really good research that most people start feeling better about eleven and a half weeks after a breakup.

十一周半。

Eleven and a half weeks.

因为需要时间，你必须给自己空间和时间去忘记和这个人一起的生活，这是继续前进最重要的一步。

Because it takes time, and you have to give yourself the space and the time to unlearn life with this other person, that's the single most important step to moving on.

在《让他们理论》这本书里，我们写了一些特别有帮助的建议，尤其是在头三个月里。

And in the Let Them Theory, we wrote about some recommendations that really help, particularly in those first three months.

我来给你读一下。

Let me read to you.

这是在第二百八十六页。

This is on page, two eighty six.

每一个结束都是美好的开始。

How every ending is a beautiful beginning.

你现在感受到的所有悲伤，都是对心碎的一种心理健康的反应。

All this sadness that you're feeling is a mentally healthy response to heartbreak.

当你准备好了，根据研究，有几件事可以帮助你接受这段关系已经结束，是时候收拾好生活的碎片，继续向前走了。

And when you're ready, there are a couple things based on the research that will help you accept that the relationship is over, and that it's time for you to pick up the pieces of your life and move forward.

这些建议能帮你开始平复你的神经系统，以更健康的方式度过这次分手，因为治愈你的不是时间。

Now these recommendations are how you can get started on settling your nervous system and moving through this breakup in a healthier way, because it's not time that heals.

重要的是你如何利用这段时间。

It's what you do with that time that matters.

第一，你要确保清除公寓、房间、家里所有能触发你回忆的东西。

Number one, you wanna make sure that you remove all environmental triggers in your apartment, your room, your house.

我希望你把所有能看到的纪念品、小物件、衣服、照片，都从你眼前收起来。

I want you to take every visible reminder, trinket, shirt, picture, get them out of your sight.

你不需要烧掉什么，也不用做什么疯狂的事。

Now you don't need to burn anything or do something psycho.

我们不是要那样做，因为你是个成熟的人，正在向前走。

That's not what we're doing here, because you are a mature person that's moving forward.

关键是要让这些东西离开你的视线。

The issue here is we wanna get them out of your sight.

把它们放进一个盒子里，放到看不见的地方就行了。

Just put them in a box and stick them out of sight.

这个人的习惯已经深深印在你的身体和脑海里，只要看到让你想起他们的东西，就会阻碍你继续前进。

The patterns of this person are so hardwired in your body and mind, that simply seeing things that remind you of them will stop you from moving forward.

第二，给你的卧室做个小改造。

Two, give your bedroom a small makeover.

很可能你们很多时间都是在卧室里一起度过的。

Chances are you spend a lot of time together in your bedroom.

给卧室换个新面貌，真的能让你感觉到新的一章开始了。

Giving your bedroom a refresh really helps signal to you that a new chapter is beginning.

你可以刷一面墙，贴那种好看的壁纸，换新的床单或者被子，或者把家具重新摆一摆。

You could paint a wall, you could get cool removable wallpaper, get new sheets or a new comforter, move your furniture around.

这真的很有帮助。

It really helps.

第三，多联系朋友、兄弟姐妹、表亲、同事，因为这个人留下的空缺需要有人来填补。

Three, reach out to friends, siblings, cousins, coworkers, because there's an empty space that this person left that needs to be filled.

你需要支持，所以主动去寻求帮助。

You need support, so ask for it.

这没什么好难为情的。

There's nothing to be embarrassed about.

我们每个人都经历过分手，都知道那有多难受。

Every one of us have gone through a breakup, and we understand how horrible it can be.

你也可以请他们多关心你，邀请你出门走走，这样你就不会一个人窝在家里自怨自艾，因为你并不是失败者。

And you can also ask people to check-in on you and to invite you to get out of your apartment so you're not sitting there sulking like a loser, because you're not a loser.

你刚刚失去了你以为会永远拥有的东西。

You just lost something you thought that you were gonna have forever.

第四点，这一点非常重要，把你的日程表填满。

Four, this is super important, fill up your calendar.

现在是时候联系朋友、制定计划了，因为你不想看到空荡荡的日程表，还带着一颗破碎的心。

Now is the time to reach out to friends, make plans, because you do not want to see an empty calendar with a broken heart.

分散注意力是有帮助的。

Distraction helps.

没有什么比空闲的头脑更糟糕的了，尤其是在分手之后。

Nothing is worth for a breakup than an idle mind.

如果你没有事情让自己忙起来，你就会自己找事做。

And if you don't have things to keep you busy, you will busy yourself.

比如想他们，翻看他们的照片。

By thinking about them and looking up photos of them.

你现在不能相信你自己。

You cannot trust yourself right now.

第五点，选一个你一直想做的挑战。

And five, pick a challenge you've always wanted to do.

因为当你经历分手时，很容易觉得自己被这段关系的结束所定义。

Because when you go through a breakup, it's easy to feel like you are defined by the ending of this relationship.

但那并不能定义你。

And that does not define you.

那只是你生命中的一个经历和一个已经结束的篇章。

That's just an experience and a chapter in your life that's ended.

你可以主动选择一个挑战，无论是爬某座山、跑马拉松，还是完成你的第一个五公里，不管是什么。

You can proactively pick a challenge, whether it's climbing a certain mountain or running a marathon or completing your first five k, whatever it may be.

那个你正在努力、让你为自己感到骄傲的挑战，给了你另一种方式来证明你有价值，你在向前走。

And that challenge that you're working on that makes you proud of yourself gives you another way to define that you have value, that you're moving forward.

这非常重要。

It's super important.

非常重要的是，你为自己选择一件让你骄傲的事情，因为没有什么比这感觉更好了。

Super important that you choose something for you that you're doing for yourself that you're proud of, because there's just no better feeling.

最后，这个我特别喜欢。

And finally, I love this one.

一直问自己这个问题。

Keep asking yourself this question.

如果你知道你的真爱就在不远处，而这次分手让你离遇见他们更近了一步，那你单身的时候，晚上和周末会怎么过？

If you knew the love of your life was around the corner, and this breakup was bringing you one step closer to meeting them, how would you spend your nights and weekends while you're still single?

我觉得分手后最大的恐惧之一，就是觉得自己会永远孤独。

See, I think one of the biggest fears that we have when you go through a breakup is you think you're going to be alone forever.

你会觉得再也找不到像刚离开的那个人那么好的人了。

You think you're never going to find anyone as good as the person who just walked out the door.

其实不是这样的。

That's actually not true.

完全不是。

Not true at all.

你单身时怎么度过时间，会给你的大脑传递一个很重要的信号，关于未来会发生什么，以及你现在是什么样的人。

And how you spend your time as you're single sends a really important signal to your brain about what's coming and the kind of person that you are now.

你会没事的。

You're gonna be just fine.

我知道这很难受，但你必须坚持三十天，之后你会感觉好很多。

I know it sucks, but you gotta go thirty days, and you're gonna feel a whole lot better.

好了。

Alright.

我们来看下一个问题。

Let's take this next question.

我该开始一次有意义的职业转变吗？

Should I start a meaningful career change?

心里说是。

Heart says yes.

但脑子还不确定。

Head is not sure.

好吧。

All right.

当你做决定的时候，心里说行，脑子说不行，那就跟着心走，因为心和脑在做决定时扮演的角色完全不同。

When you're making a decision and your heart says yes and your head says no, always follow your heart because your heart and your head have very different roles in decision making.

我来解释一下。

Let me explain.

你的心告诉你的是什么。

Your heart gives you the what.

它给你方向感。

It gives you the sense of direction.

它给你的是行还是不行。

It gives you the yes or the no.

你的脑子告诉你的是什么时候做、怎么做。

Your head gives you the when and the how.

这就是你如何利用心和脑来做出更好的决定。

And this is how you're gonna leverage your heart and your head in order to make better decisions.

所以如果你在做决定时很纠结，我希望你变得非常非常非常安静。

So if you're struggling to make a decision, I want you to get very, very, very quiet.

明白吗？

Okay?

因为答案不在外面。

Because the answers are not out there.

答案就在你心里。

The answers are in here.

我希望你静下心来，面对你需要做的决定。

And I want you to sit with the decision that you need to make.

无论是换工作、换地方住，还是改变感情关系，都安静地坐下来，然后想想这些。

Whether it's changing your career, changing where you live, changing your relationship, sit very quiet, and here's what I want you to think about.

如果时间快进一年，你什么都没改变，你的生活会是什么样子？

If you roll the clock forward a year, and you've changed nothing, what does your life look like?

感觉会怎么样？

What does it feel like?

你马上就会有反应。

And you're going to immediately have a reaction.

因为如果你什么都不改变，那就什么都不会变。

Because if you change nothing, nothing changes.

而且你现在的生活方式确实有一个终点，但我们通常不会去想它。

And the way you're currently doing your life does have a destination, and we don't really think about it.

它正在把你带向某个地方。

It is leading you somewhere.

如果你现在不采取行动，一年后你抬头看，你的生活还是会和现在一模一样。

And if you don't do anything now, a year from now, you're gonna look up, and your life is gonna feel exactly how it feels right now.

现在，我希望你在心里想想另一种可能。

Now I want you to consider the alternative in your heart.

比如说，你做出了改变。

Let's say you make the change.

你改变了你的关系，换了工作，搬了家，做了你一直担心不敢做的事，一年后你的生活会是什么感觉？

You change your relationship, you change the job, you change where you live, you do the thing that you've been nervous about doing, what does your life feel like a year from now?

你就在那里，在一个新工作里。

There you are in a new job.

你住在一个新地方。

There you are living in a new place.

你要么非常快乐地单身，要么处在一段不同的感情中。

There you are either so happy and you're single or you're in a different relationship.

我想让你注意一下，你心里是什么感觉？

And I want you to notice what does it feel like in your heart?

因为你会感受到两种截然不同的情绪。

Because there's two very distinct feelings that you're gonna have.

你要么感到心扉微微敞开，感觉心在牵引你走向某件事，要么感到心开始收缩。

You're either gonna feel your heart expand a little bit, you're gonna feel your heart pulling you towards something, or you're gonna feel your heart start to shrink.

你会感到一种收缩的能量。

You're gonna feel energy that sort of contracts.

这就是你的心在给你肯定或否定的答案。

That's how your heart gives you a yes or a no.

如果想到改变，想象一年后的生活时，你的心开始敞开，那就是肯定的信号。

If in thinking about the change and imagining what life could look like a year from now, your heart starts to expand, that's a yes.

你的心已经给你指明了方向。

Your heart just gave you direction.

它在告诉你，那就是属于你的，即使你感到紧张，即使你不确定，你刚刚已经得到了答案。

It's telling you that's meant for you, even if you're nervous about it, even if you're unsure, you just got the answer.

如果你的心开始……天哪，不。

If your heart starts to, god, no.

我我我无法想象住在别的地方。

I I I can't imagine living somewhere else.

哦，我不……

Oh, I don't...

我我我无法想象和别人在一起。

I I I can't imagine being with somebody else.

它就像，收缩了。

It just, like, contracts.

那就是“不”。

That's a no.

所以你会静下心来，闭上眼睛，把时间往后推，想象如果我什么都不做，一切都不变，我对自己的生活感觉如何？

So you're gonna drop in, close your eyes, roll the clock forward, imagine if I do nothing and nothing changes, how do I feel about my life?

然后你会想，如果我做出改变呢。

And then you're going to think about if I change.

新工作，新地方，我感觉如何？

New job, new place, how do I feel?

如果你的心感到开阔，那答案就是肯定的。

And if your heart expands, the answer is yes.

现在这就涉及到你的头脑了，因为你不会用脑子去找正确答案。

Now that takes us up to your noggin, because you're not gonna use your head to figure out the right answer.

你已经用心做过了。

You already did that with your heart.

你要用脑子想的是，我什么时候做这个决定？

What you're gonna use your head for is the when am I making this decision?

我怎么做这个决定？

How am I making this decision?

那么，做出这个决定的正确方式是什么，要负责任地考虑，因为你现在可能知道换职业是百分百确定的事，但今天辞职并不是明智的决定，因为你还需要钱。

What is the right way to make this decision in terms responsible because you can know today that it's a hell yes that you're changing your career, but it wouldn't be a smart decision for you to quit your job today because you need the money.

而且你还不知道自己想做什么，你需要给自己留一条后路。

You also don't know what you wanna do yet, and you wanna build yourself a runway.

你要用你的头脑来制定计划，让你朝着内心明确指引的方向前进，对吧？

You use your mind to help create the plan that gets you moving in the direction that your heart unmistakably is telling you to go?

这感觉像是今天完美的结束问题。

That feels like the perfect question to end on today.

因为如果有一件事我希望你能从中领悟到，那就是你有权改变自己的想法。

Because if there's one thing that I hope you take away from this is that you are allowed to change your mind.

你有权改变你的生活。

You're allowed to change your life.

你有权搬家。

You're allowed to move.

你有权渴望更多的能量和激情，更好的健康，不同的职业，以及更牢固的友谊。

You're allowed to want more energy and passion and better health and a different career and stronger friendships.

你可以相信，你的真爱就在不远处，而这次分手只是让你更接近它一步。

You're allowed to believe that the love of your life is just around the corner and this breakup is taking you one step further.

你不需要把所有事情都搞清楚才能开始。

And you do not have to have everything figured out in order to start.

你只需要留意你的内心在告诉你什么，留意什么让你充满能量。

You just have to pay attention to what your heart is telling you, to what gives you energy.

如果你这样做，我保证你永远不会走错路。

And if you do that, I promise you, you will never, ever, ever go wrong.

如果今天没有人告诉你，我想确保告诉你：我爱你，我相信你，我相信你有能力创造更好的生活。

And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life.

好了。

Alrighty.

我们下一集见。

I will see you in the very next episode.

你按下播放键的那一刻，我就会欢迎你。

I'm gonna welcome you in the moment you hit play.

我们开始吧。

Here we go.

天哪。

Oh my god.

真不敢相信。

Can't believe.

大学时，他在午夜从派对中给我打来电话，我们在电话里聊了半个小时，滔滔不绝地谈论那本书，还仔细分析了那个场景。

He called me back from the middle of a party in college after midnight, and we spent a half an hour on the phone just gushing about the book and dissecting the scene.

书里几乎没有性描写，这通常是我读的奇幻小说里会有的。

There's no sex to speak of, which is typically the fantasy books that I'm reading.

我感觉情绪像……一样涌上全身。

I feel the emotions rise up through my body like a...

哦，这个不能说。

Oh, can't say that.

那个肌酸进来了。

That creatine in.

其实没什么味道。

Doesn't really taste like anything.

太好了。

Great.

好的。

Okay.

好的。

Okay.

我喜欢这个。

I love this one.

我们吃点东西之后再做这个吧。

Let's do this after we eat some.

天哪。

Oh my gosh.

感谢你一直坚持到最后。

Thank you for sticking around all the way to the end.

这个加长版环节让我特别兴奋，我想感谢我们的赞助商Verizon。

I'm so excited for this bonus segment, and I wanna thank our sponsor, Verizon.

这个加长版环节讲的是，当你感到压力山大时，怎么保持高效。

This bonus segment is all about how to stay productive whenever you're feeling overwhelmed.

首先，让我说说Verizon。

Now, first, let me just say something about Verizon.

我超爱Verizon。

I love Verizon.

我和我的家人用Verizon已经超过十年了。

My family and I have been Verizon customers for over a decade.

你看，生活中已经有够多的麻烦和压力了。

And look, there's enough friction and overwhelm in your life.

你的手机套餐不应该再添乱。

Your phone plan should not add to it.

Verizon新推出的简约套餐，把那些乱七八糟的东西都砍掉了。

Verizon's new Simplicity Plan cuts down on the nonsense.

转网的话，每个人每月只需30美元一条线，哪怕只有一条线也一样。

Everyone pays just $30 a line per month when they switch, even for a single line.

不管你是全家五条线一起转，还是一个人单干，都没关系。

It doesn't matter if you're a family switching five lines or if you're flying solo.

就一个套餐，一个价格。

That's one plan and one price.

每条线30美元。

$30 a line.

今天就到verizon.com或者最近的门店办理转网吧。

Switch today at verizon.com or your nearest store.

再次感谢Verizon赞助这个精彩的加更片段。

Thank you again to Verizon for sponsoring this amazing bonus segment.

好了，我们直接进入正题。

All right, let's jump into this.

我一直收到关于压力过大的问题，现在生活确实让人压力山大。

I keep getting this question about overwhelm, and life is very overwhelming right now.

那你整天都觉得很压抑的时候，怎么保持专注、做更多事、保持高效呢？

So how do you stay focused, get more done, be productive when you feel overwhelmed all day?

这个问题问得真好。

It's such a great question.

所以我想教你一个习惯。

And so I want to teach you one habit.

叫做“目标屏蔽”。

It's called goal shielding.

当你感到不知所措的时候，目标屏蔽是最有效的方法之一。

And goal shielding is one of the most effective things that you can do whenever you feel overwhelmed.

因为接下来我要告诉你，忙碌和真正高效之间有很大的区别。

Because as I'm about to teach you, there's a very big difference between being busy versus being truly productive.

很多时候你感到压力大，是因为你忙着为所有人做一大堆事情。

A lot of times when you're overwhelmed, it's because you're busy doing a ton of things for everybody.

但你似乎就是没办法真正去做那件对你来说重要的事。

But you can't seem to actually get to the one thing that's important to you.