The One You Feed - Part Three

我帮过你，你这无用的生物。

I have helped you, you worthless creature.

我给了你一个存在的意义，你这可怜又诱人的玩偶。

I've given you a purpose, you pathetic, delectable, doll.

你会喂养我。

You will feed me.

你这破碎而诱人的可怜虫，因为

You broken, luscious, wretch because

海登？

Hayden?

海登？

Hayden?

海登床上的被子下那团东西没有回应。

There was no response from the lump under the covers on Hayden's bed.

嘿，孩子。

Hey, kiddo.

你还好吗？

Are you okay?

醒醒。

Wake up.

爸爸？

Dad?

爸爸？

Dad?

海登猛地从床上坐起来，惊慌地环顾四周。

Hayden sat bolt upright in her bed, frantically looking around.

海登，怎么了？

Hayden, what is it?

出什么事了？

What's wrong?

我这是在哪？

Where am I?

爸爸，帮帮我。

Help me, dad.

你什么意思，宝贝？

What do you mean, sweetie?

你在家，在你自己的房间里。

You're home, in your room.

哈迪的父亲坐在她床边，把她紧紧搂进温暖的怀抱。

Hady's father sat down on her bed and pulled her into a big warm hug.

你

You

一定是做了个噩梦。

must have had a bad dream.

就这样。

That's all.

是的。

Yeah.

我想是吧。

I guess so.

现在几点了？

What time is it?

下午一点了。

It's one in the afternoon.

所以我进来叫醒你了。

That's why I came in and woke you up.

你平时不会睡到这么晚的。

It's not like you to sleep in this late.

你确定你没事吗？

Are you sure you're okay?

是的。

Yeah.

我很好。

I'm good.

嗯，今天我没被叫去上班，所以如果你需要什么，我就在楼下。

Well, I didn't get called into work today, so I'll be just downstairs if you need anything.

我爱你，孩子。

I love you, kiddo.

谢谢，爸爸。

Thanks, dad.

我也爱你。

Love you too.

海登小心翼翼地环顾着她的房间。

Hayden looked around her room cautiously.

她知道发生在自己身上的事不是梦。

She knew what had happened to her was no dream.

莉安娜是真实存在的，不会丢下她一个人。

Liana was real and wasn't going to leave her alone.

她能感受到她们的存在。

She could feel their presence.

她能感受到莉安娜围绕着她，也存在于她的体内。

She could feel Liana all around her and within her.

你属于我。

You're mine.

你一直都是，也永远都会是。

You always were and you always will be.

海登躺在床上，盯着天花板。

Hayden lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

她不想起床。

She didn't feel like getting out of bed.

她不想穿衣服。

She didn't feel like getting dressed.

她一动不动地躺着，感受着藤蔓缠绕在身上，将她牢牢压住，遮蔽了窗外的光线，闷住了楼下电视的声音。

She lay still, feeling the weight of the vines wrapping around her, holding her down, dimming the light from the windows, muffling the sound of the downstairs television.

她只感受到呼吸时胸部缓慢而机械的起伏，甚至连这都已不受她控制。

She felt nothing but the slow, automatic rise and fall of her chest with each breath, even that beyond her control.

世界灰暗而死寂，她的灵魂空虚而枯竭。

The world was gray and lifeless, her soul empty and depleted.

我已没有什么可以给你了。

I have nothing left to give you.

什么都没有了。

Nothing.

你赢了。

You've won.

你永远都不会自由。

You'll never be free.

记住这一点。

Just remember that.

记住你自己的价值。

Remember what you're worth.

一文不值。

Nothing at all.

走开，杰西。

Go away, Jess.

我现在不想听。

I don't wanna hear it right now.

又怎么了？

What is it now?

海登？

Hayden?

哦，嗨。

Oh, hi.

亚历克斯？

Alex?

是的。

Yeah.

你好。

Hi.

抱歉突然打电话给你，但今天有一群人要去公园。

Sorry to call you out of the blue, but there's a bunch of us going to the park today.

你没去看电影，所以我猜你可能想一起来？

Since you didn't go to the movies, I thought maybe you'd like to come?

我呃。

I oh.

我我真的很不知道该怎么说。

I I'm really I don't know what it is.

我不知道为什么跟你说这些，但我最近感觉特别糟糕。

I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I've just been feeling awful.

所以请你告诉所有人我生病了，或者我爸爸说我不行，或者随便什么都行。

So just please tell everyone I'm sick or my dad said I can't or I don't know.

随便什么都好。

Just anything.

我很抱歉。

I'm sorry.

我知道你现在很难受。

I know things are rough.

我真的知道。

I really do.

嘿。

Hey.

我听说Netflix上新出了一部剧。

I heard there's a new show on Netflix.

我带着爆米花和你最爱的酸糖过来。

I'll come over with popcorn and your favorite, Sour Patch Kids.

对吧？

Right?

我们一起看。

And we'll watch it.

但你不是要和别人一起去公园吗？

But aren't you going to the park with the others?

我五点半到。

I'm coming at 05:30.

准备好。

Be ready.

海登盯着手机。

Hayden stared at the phone.

她和亚历克斯的亲密程度从未像她和杰西那样近。

She'd never been as close with Alex as she was with Jess.

他为什么要这么做？

Why is he doing this?

我其实并不想要陪伴，但现在该怎么告诉他别来了？

I don't exactly want company, but how can I tell him not to come now?

我刚向他承认了我并没有生病，而且我爸爸也没说不让我去。

I just admitted to him that I'm not sick, and that my dad didn't say no.

他会知道我说的任何话都不是真的。

He'll know anything I say isn't true.

海登愣住了。

Hayden was stumped.

但当她躺在那里，思索着自己的选择——或者说根本没有选择时，她注意到一些奇怪的事情。

But as she lay there, pondering her choices, or lack thereof, she noticed something strange.

莉安娜突然安静了下来。

Liana had gone silent.

海登在寂静中躺了很久，不敢动弹，生怕一动，莉安娜就会再次找到她。

Hayden lay in the stillness for a long time, feeling frightened to move, fearing Liana would find her again if she did.

终于，她小心翼翼地从床上爬了起来。

Finally, carefully, she crawled out of bed.

什么都没有。

Nothing.

她穿上衣服，梳了梳头发，尽量不发出任何突然的声音或动作。

She got dressed and brushed her hair, trying not to make any sudden sounds or movements.

什么都没有。

Nothing.

她悄悄走下楼梯，把一个百吉饼塞进烤面包机里。

She crept downstairs and slid a bagel into the toaster.

当她的午餐准备好后，她端着它来到窗边的座位，一边慢慢吃，一边翻开了生态学课本的第99页。

When her lunch was ready, she brought it with her to the window seat, and ate it slowly as she opened up to page 99 of her ecology textbook.

早上5点30分整，门铃响了。

At 05:30 on the dot, the doorbell rang.

海登打开门，亚历克斯如约站在门外，怀里抱着一堆零食，脸上带着友善的微笑。

Hayden opened it, and there stood Alex as promised with an armful of snacks and a friendly smile.

在海登还没来得及说任何话之前

Before Hayden could say anything at all

嘿。

Hey.

我可以进来吗？

Can I come in?

我知道你听说过这个节目。

I know you've heard of the show.

对吧？

Right?

我的意思是，每个人都一直告诉我，我非看不可。

I mean, everyone keeps telling me that I absolutely have to watch it.

所以我心想，要是够幸运的话，这部剧说不定真不错。

So I was like, well, if I'm lucky, it'll actually be good.

要是不好，至少他们也不会再唠叨我了。

And if it's not, at least they'll get off my case about watching it.

亚历克斯轻轻走进来，把一大包爆米花和糖果放在厨房的岛台上。

Alex gently pushed his way inside and set his bounty of popcorn and candy on the kitchen island.

他朝客厅瞥了一眼。

He glanced into the living room.

你爸爸会和我们一起看吗？

Is your dad gonna be watching with us?

或者

Or

哦，不。

Oh, no.

爸爸？

Dad?

嘿，爸爸。

Hey, dad.

这是来自足球队的亚历克斯。

This is Alex from soccer.

记得吗？

Remember?

我们能暂时用一下电视吗？

Is it okay with you if we use the TV for a while?

亚历克斯和海登一口气看了四集。

Alex and Hayden binge watched four episodes.

其实还挺搞笑的。

Was actually quite a funny show.

海登甚至好几次忍不住笑出声来。

Hayden even caught herself laughing out loud a few times.

亚历克斯不停地主动帮忙添满零食碗和饮料杯，而海登惊讶地发现自己竟然感到真正放松和自在。

Alex was constantly offering to refill snack bowls and drink cups, and Hayden was surprised to find herself feeling genuinely relaxed and at ease.

她偶尔觉得能感受到莉安娜的存在，但这种感觉又被一种恐惧所覆盖，那真的是恐惧吗？

Every once in a while, she thought she could feel Liana's presence, but it was overlaid with was it fear?

莉安娜害怕吗？

Was Liana afraid?

饿了。

Hungry.

我想，加比偶尔还是挺有眼光的，至少在电视节目上是这样。

I guess every once in a while, Gabby does have good taste in TV shows after all.

亚历克斯看着海登从沙发垫上挑出一点绒毛，现场陷入了一阵尴尬的沉默。

There was an awkward bit of silence as Alex watched Hayden pick out a bit of fuzz stuck to a couch cushion.

我姐姐，她在上大学。

My older sister, she's in college.

她一直在经历和你差不多的事情。

She's been going through a lot of the same things you have.

什么？

What?

海登突然抬起了头。

Hayden looked up suddenly.

这一切从两年前开始了。

It started two years ago.

她开始渐渐封闭自己。

She just started shutting down.

她对过去所有热爱的事情都失去了兴趣。

She lost interest in everything she used to love.

她不再和朋友一起出去玩了。

She stopped hanging out with friends.

她连做普通的事情都感到困难。

She had a hard time just doing ordinary things.

海登又低下头看着

Hayden looked back down at

沙发垫，感到尴尬。

the couch cushion, feeling embarrassed.

没关系。

It's okay.

我理解。

I understand.

我妹妹，她叫凯特，一年前被诊断出患有抑郁症。

My sister, her name's Kate, she was diagnosed with depression a year ago.

这是一场真正的疾病，海登，是一种医学状况。

It's a real thing, Hayden, a medical condition.

这与你的性格或能力无关。

It has nothing to do with your personality or your competence.

不能只是更努力一点。

Can't just try harder.

不能只是振作起来。

Can't just cheer up.

海登抬起头。

Hayden looked

再次抬头。

up again.

她能从朋友的表情中看到真诚。

She could see the sincerity in her friend's expression.

我知道。

I know.

我一直在想，我可能真的有。

I've been thinking about it for a while that I might have.

但即使这是医学问题，大家都说，多到户外活动、多和人相处、尽量保持正常，才是度过难关的关键。

But even if it's medical, everyone says that getting outdoors, spending time with people, just trying to be as normal as possible is what gets you through it.

这主要是治疗的方法。

That's mainly how you treat it.

对吧？

Right?

如果我整天闷闷不乐，那都是我自己在害自己。

If I sit around and mope, I'm doing this to myself.

问题是这样的。

Here's the thing.

至少凯特是这么告诉我的。

At least this is what Kate's told me.

亚历克斯在沙发上调整了一下姿势，正对着海登。

Alex repositioned himself on the couch, so he was directly facing Hayden.

这些事情确实能让你感觉好一点。

Those things do make you feel better.

没错。

It's true.

但患有抑郁症，就像是

But having depression, it's like

他努力寻找合适的词语。

He searched for the right words.

这就像有一个怪物时刻缠着你，二十四小时不间断。

It's like having a monster that clings to you all the time, twenty four seven.

嗯。

Mhmm.

这个怪物在你清醒和睡眠的每一刻都在告诉你：你爬不起来，你去不了学校，你过不了正常的生活，你什么都做不了，因为你不够好，不够坚强，而且永远都不会。

And this monster tells you every moment, waking and sleeping, that you can't get up, you can't go to school, you can't live your life, you can't do anything because you're not good enough, and you're not strong enough, and you never will be.

那些从未经历过的人根本无法理解。

People who have never experienced it just don't get it.

当你告诉患有抑郁症的人要挺过去时，你是在让他们赤手空拳对抗一个极其强大、毫不留情的力量——这个力量正在阻挠他们每一次努力，抵消他们每一点微小的进步，同时还在对他们大喊：你一定会失败。

When you tell someone with depression to push through their illness, You're telling them to battle unarmed an incredibly powerful, utterly relentless force that's actively opposing every single bit of effort they try to make, that's pushing back against every minuscule forward movement and all the while telling them, screaming to them that they will fail.

每当你对抑郁症患者说‘别想太多，振作起来’时，你就是在对他们说这些。

And that's what you're saying to people with depression every time you tell them to just get over it.

海登点头表示认同。

Hayden nodded in recognition.

亚历克斯的话非常真实。

Alex's words rang so true.

我爸爸每天都会告诉我，他总是得做些他并不想做的事。

My dad tells me every day that he always has to do things he doesn't want to.

每个人都会这样。

Everyone Everyone does.

都会。

Does.

这只不过是生活的一部分。

It's It's just just a a part part of of life.

生活。

Life.

他说得对，但他不必在努力对抗恶魔的同时还得做那些事。

And he's right, but he doesn't have to do those things while simultaneously trying to fight off a demon.

你应该为自己感到骄傲，海登。

You should be proud of yourself, Hayden.

每当你迈出哪怕是最微小的一步，都该为自己鼓掌，并且多和理解你的人在一起，因为他们也会为你鼓掌。

Every time you take the tiniest step forward, you should be patting yourself on the back, and you should be surrounding yourself with people who get it because they'll pat you on the back too.

而不是假装你的胜利——无论多么微小——都不值一提。

Rather than acting like your victories, no matter how small, are no big deal.

就像杰西所做的那样。

Like what Jess does.

杰西并不理解。

Jess doesn't get it.

但她真的很想理解。

But she really wants to.

是的。

Yes.

她确实想。

She does.

我相信她能做到，因为她真的很在乎你。

And I believe she can because she really cares about you.

如果你愿意的话，我可以帮你向她和你爸爸解释，等凯特回家后我也能帮你说。

If you'll let me, I can help you explain it to her and to your dad, me and Kate too when she's home.

我们全家都很乐意帮助你，海登。

My whole family, we're happy to help you, Hayden.

如果你觉得可以的话，我们可以听听你的想法。

If you feel okay about it, we can listen.

我们可以帮你做那些对你来说很难的事情，当你感到彻底绝望的时候。

We can help you do things that are hard for you and when you feel just plain hopeless.

我们可以过来陪你一起看些无聊的电视节目，这样你就不会一个人了。

We can come over and sit and watch stupid TV shows with you so you don't have to be alone.

我真的很希望这样。

I'd I'd really like that.

谢谢你。

Thank you.

这没什么，海登。

It's no problem, Hayden.

当你无法独自对抗那个怪物时，我们会和你一起战斗。

When you can't fight that monster alone, we'll fight it with you.

海登和她父亲与亚历克斯及其家人变得非常亲密。

Hayden and her father became very close with Alex and his family.

杰西正在一点点地开始理解。

Jess was ever so slowly beginning to understand.

这需要时间。

It'll take time.

海登的父亲帮助海登找到了一位心理咨询师来倾诉。

And Hayden's father helped Hayden find a counselor to talk to.

事实上，他自己也参加了许多次与咨询师的会谈，学习如何最好地帮助海登。

In fact, he spent many sessions speaking with the counselor himself, learning how to best help Hayden.

人们通常需要

People usually have

学习如何提供帮助。

to learn how to help.

你爸爸真的一直希望为你好。

Your dad really has always wanted what's best for you.

他只是不知道该怎么给你。

He just didn't know how to give it to you.

至于加比和汤普森小姐，她们始终坚信自己是对的，一点都没改变。

As for Gabby and miss Thompson, they remained utterly convinced of their correctness and didn't change a single bit.

总会有这样的人，你可能需要放手。

There will always be people like that, and you may need to let them go.

有些你会很高兴摆脱，但另一些会更难处理。

Some you'll be glad to get rid of, but others will be more difficult.

关键是，你首先要照顾好自己。

Bottom line is that you need to take care of yourself first.

远离那些帮助怪物的人，多和那些愿意帮你对抗怪物的人在一起。

Stay away from people who help the monster and surround yourself with people who will help you fight it.

这场战斗永远不会结束，但你可以学会自保。

The fight will never be over, but you can learn to hold your own.

而且这是真的。

And it was true.

莱安娜并没有离开。

Lyanna wasn't gone.

莱安娜仍然抓住每一个机会削弱海登的防御。

Lyanna still sought out every opportunity to weaken Hayden's defenses.

当他们成功时，他们就像以前一样迫不及待地大快朵颐。

And when they succeeded, they feasted just as eager as they had previously.

在最糟糕的日子里，海登会发现自己又回到了森林里。

On her worst days, Hayden would find herself back in the forest.

树木依然如故地令人压迫，色彩依旧怪异，那些鬼祟的闪烁也依旧令人不安。

The trees were just as imposing as ever, the colors just as strange, the furtive shimmers just as unsettling.

但尽管它外表奇特、氛围不祥，她偶尔还是无法抗拒它那诡异的召唤。

But despite its odd appearance and uninviting aura, she occasionally found its eerie beckon impossible to resist.

你回来了。

You're back.

我早就告诉过你。

I told you.

你总会回来的。

You'll always come back.

莱安娜从一棵树后悄然滑出，倚靠着树干支撑身体。

Leanna slunk from behind a tree, leaning on it for support.

你是我的，永远都是。

You're mine, and you always will be.

别骗自己，以为你终能获得自由。

Don't fool yourself into thinking you'll ever be free.

莱安娜爬向海登，她的触须在空中摇曳，寻找着着力点。

Lyanna crawled towards Hayden, their tendrils waving in the air, looking for purchase.

你说得对。

You're right.

我永远都无法摆脱你。

I won't ever be free from you.

莱安娜停下脚步，摆动着他们的藤蔓。

Lyanna stopped advancing, flicking their vines.

他们贪婪地舔了舔嘴唇，但脸上闪过一丝担忧。

They licked their lips eagerly, but a hint of worry flickered across their face.

但你看看你自己。

But look at you.

看看你凹陷的眼睛和干枯无力的头发。

Look at your sunken eyes and your dull, limp hair.

看看你松垮的衣服和突出的骨头。

Look at your sagging clothes and protruding bones.

我可能永远无法完全摆脱你，但需要我才能活下去的是你，而不是我。

I may never be completely free of you, but it's you who needs me to survive, not the other way around.

如果由我做主，从今以后，你从我这里能得到的只有残羹剩饭。

And if I have anything to say about it, all you'll get from me from now on are scraps.

一位老人正在教他的孙子关于生活的事。

An old man is teaching his grandson about life.

我体内正在进行一场战斗，

A fight is going on inside me,

他对男孩说。

he says to the boy.

这是一场可怕的战斗，发生在两只狼之间。

It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves.

一只狼是邪恶的。

One is evil.

它代表着愤怒、嫉妒、悲伤、悔恨、贪婪、傲慢、自怜、内疚、怨恨、自卑、谎言、虚伪的骄傲、优越感和自我。

He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

另一只狼是善良的。

The other is good.

它代表着喜悦、平静、爱、希望、安宁、谦逊、仁慈、善意、同理心、慷慨、真理、同情和信仰。

He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

同样的战斗也发生在你体内，以及每一个其他人身上。

The same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person too.

孙子想了一会儿，然后问爷爷，哪只狼会赢？

The grandson thinks about it for a minute, and then asks his grandfather, which wolf will win?

老人只是简单地回答：

The old man simply replies,

你喂养的那只。

the one you feed.