44 | Hannah Berner in The Player’s Box

你队友都说，这事儿怎么就发生了呢？

Your team was like, we don't know how this happened.

杰斯就说，你瞧好了。

And Jess was like, look.

我就是来好好打球的。

I'm just here to do my job.

然后我们就热了身。

And then we were like we warmed up.

我只记得，我们对角打反手，你教练说，咱们练切削反手吧。

And all I remember is you, like we were going cross court backhand, and your coach was like, let's do slice backhands.

你那一记记切削，又准又狠，每次都是完美无缺。

And you were, like, knifing it so intensely, intensely perfectly every time.

我当时就想，这人跟机器人似的。

And I was like, this is like a robot.

这姑娘到底怎么回事？

Like, what is going on with this girl?

那真的太疯狂了。

It was really crazy.

然后我们打了比赛。

And then we played our match.

我们输了。

We lost.

这都是我的错。

It was my fault.

后来我想我跟你说了一声对不起。

And then I think I said sorry.

之后我就慢慢关注起了你的职业生涯，突然意识到，哦，这不就是我的双打搭档吗？

And then I guess I kind of just followed your career slowly, and I was like, oh, it's my doubles partner.

每当你赢下一场比赛，我都会说，对，就是她。

And and then as every time you won a match, I was like, yeah.

这可是我的双打搭档。

This is my doubles partner.

后来我们俩都越来越火，我就想，咱们这对双打组合现在真是风头正劲啊。

And then as I started to get more popular and you started to get more popular, I was like, we doubles partners are killing it right now.

所以，我一直在关注你们所有人。

So, yeah, I've just been watching all you guys.

但我属于那个年代，说实话，网球圈真的特别小。

And but I'm of the era I'm trying to it's tennis is such a small world.

我那时候和克里斯蒂娜·麦克哈尔一起打球。

I I was, like, I was with, like, Christina McHale.

我和克里斯蒂娜·麦克哈尔是一起长大的。

I grew up with Christina McHale.

从九岁起，我就一直和她搭档打球。

So I've, like, played her since I was, like, nine years old.

我也说不清楚。

I don't know.

克里斯蒂安。

Christian.

是的

Yeah.

我和可可·范杜伊打过一场特别激烈的比赛，当时我5比2领先，结果她不小心把球拍摔坏了，被罚了一分。

Coco VanDuay and I had an epic match where I was up five two, and then she broke her racket naturally and got a a point penalty.

后来她冷静下来，以7比5、6比2赢了我。

And then she calmed down and beat me seven five six two.

我爸爸当时就说：这到底发生啥了？

And my dad got was like, what the hell was that?

我就说：她真的很强。

And I was like, she's really good.

我发誓。

Swear.

最后她赢下了整个赛事。

And she ended up winning the tournament.

你有没有过那种情况：明明打得特别好，你爸却一脸懵地说：这到底怎么回事？

Do you know when you actually had a great match, but your dad is like, what the hell was that?

我当时就觉得，五比二领先她，那就算赢了。

And I'm like, I swear to god being up five two against her was the win.

对。

Yeah.

她个子差不多是我的两倍，我真被吓到了。

She also was, like, twice the size of me, and I was so scared.

她说她也不记得了。

She says she doesn't remember either.

所以呢，你们可能都不记得我了，但我发誓，这事绝对不是我编的。

So, anyway, all you guys don't remember me, but I swear to god this is not made up.

你去网上搜一搜。

Google it.

肯定还能找到记录。

It's somewhere.

我正想说，我记得你后来又重新火起来了。

I was gonna say I, like, I remember when you started getting popular again.

我认识你的时候，确实不记得咱们热身的事，也不记得那场双打。

When I, like, knew you and I remembered you, I don't honestly remember our warm up or our double smashed.

然后我就想，汉娜老跟我提起这个事。

And then I just was like, Hannah's like I kept hearing this story.

她说她跟你打过双打。

Like, she said she played doubles with you.

我当时就说，真的吗？

I was like, really?

我一点印象都没有，但这个故事已经传了好几年了。

Like, I don't remember this, but then this story has been, like, circulating for, like, years now.

好多年了。

Years.

你说得对。

And you're right.

这还是我们头一回正儿八经聊这个。

This is the first time we've actually addressed it.

后来我想起来了，你在美网的时候，在台上冲我挥手。

Then I remember, like, you being at the US Open, and you're, like, waving to me at the stage.

你当时说，杰西。

You're like, Jesse.

你还记得我吗？

Like, do you remember me?

我当时就想，

I was like,

天哪。

oh my god.

这是汉娜。

This is Hannah.

我可是个彻头彻尾的粉丝。

I'm a full fledged stalker.

你根本不懂。

Like, you don't understand.

因为每次我遇到真正的网球圈的人，他们都会问：‘那你认识谁啊？’

Because in in when I'd meet, like, real tennis people, they'd be like, oh, so who do you who do you know?

我就说：‘我和杰西·帕古拉打过双打。’

And I'd be like, I played doubles with Jessie Pagula.

然后瞬间，人家对我的态度就不一样了。

And then suddenly, I'd have so much respect.

所以我到处都拿你来抬高自己。

So I started name dropping you everywhere.

我都快能进网球名人堂了。

I was get getting into tennis hall of fame.

我都快觉得自己在主办温布尔登了，全靠提你的名字。

Like, I was basically, like I'm running Wimbledon at this point because I've been dropping your name.

不过有一次，我和朋友参加一个网红活动，你正在那儿训练。

But, yeah, I'm with my friends at some, like, influencer thing, and you're practicing.

我就跟朋友们说：‘你们看好了。’

And I'm like, guys, watch this.

你看看。

Just see.

你却说：保安，这姑娘到处跟人说她认识我。

And you're like, security, this girl is everywhere and telling people she knows me.

我当时心想：天哪。

I was like, oh my god.

她在这儿。

She's here.

她老在讲关于我的事，可我一点印象都没有。

She keeps circulating this story about me, and I don't remember any of it.

不过，真的特别搞笑。

But, like, it's so funny.

是啊。

Yeah.

这简直就是我们的相识故事。

That's that's our origin story.

但我真的很喜欢。

I love it, though.

不过我这个人挺怪的。

But I'm weird.

你们还记得小时候十二岁左右打过的那些随机比赛吗？

Like, you guys you remember matches, like, random matches from when you're, like, 12.

对吧？

Right?

是啊。

Yeah.

那些比赛啊，

They were,

简直让人受创伤。

like, traumatizing.

是啊。

Yeah.

是的

Yeah.

对

Yeah.

但我连昨天干了啥都记不起来了

And but I, like, can't remember what I did yesterday.

对

Yeah.

对

Yeah.

我也是这样

Same problem.

对

Yeah.

对

Yeah.

不过还好，咱们双打那场没糟到让你印象深刻。

But I'm glad our our doubles match wasn't, like, traumatic to the point that you remembered it.

我觉得我们当时

I think we had

这倒也是。

Well, that's true.

我觉得你记得更多的，反而是那些让人难受的场面。

I think you remember more, like, the traumatic.

难受的场面。

Traumatic.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

没错。

Exactly.

不过也不一定。

Well, maybe not.

对。

Yeah.

嗯，我

Well, I

本来想问问你在巡回赛中还和谁打过或者对过阵，但我觉得除非还有别人

was going to ask who else on tour you've played with or against, but I think you unless there's anybody else

你记得的话。

you remember.

我记得像麦迪逊这样的人，你知道的，就是大家的名字你自然就记住了。

I remember, like, Madison just you know, like, you just know people's names around.

还有，我记得斯隆参加过很多比赛。

And, like, I remember Sloan was in a lot of tournaments.

海瑟·沃森也参加过很多比赛。

Heather Watson was in a lot of tournaments.

天哪。

Oh my gosh.

是的。

Yeah.

国际赛事那可真是花时间。

International that's like a time.

不过也不是。

But no.

没错。

Yep.

看到麦迪赢下她上一个大满贯的时候。

And seeing Maddie win her last grand slam.

我当时就想，对啊。

Oh, I was like, yeah.

我认识她。

I know her.

所以我把她们弄丢了。

So I lost my girls.

是的。

Yeah.

真的是小姑娘们。

Literal girls.

我们热身的时候

We warmed up

挨着站在一起。

next to each other.

因为我们以前就认识。

Because we go back.

不是的。

No.

我的意思是，我们真的挨着一起热过身，我觉得。

Like, literally, we've warmed up next to each other, I think.

但网球圈，尤其是青少年时期，真的特别小。

But well, the tennis the tennis world is, like, so small, especially in juniors.

你认识的人特别多，后来再见到他们，有的转行了，有的却打出了惊人成绩。

So you you know of so many people, and then you, like, see them later in life either doing something else or they have an amazing run.

然后你就想，天啊。

And you're like, oh

我的天。

my god.

我记得我12岁的时候。

I remember when I was 12.

挺搞笑的，你们现在还在打，但小时候那些跟你在青少年时期斗得最厉害的姑娘，

And it's so funny because you guys are still in it, but there's this and maybe it's different once you go pro, but there's the girls that, you know, you had the biggest beef with in juniors.

现在一看见她们，我真觉得跟她们有种特别深的羁绊，我反而特别希望她们好，别的人都不重要了。

And when I see them now, I literally, like, feel so trauma bonded to them, and, like, I'm rooting for them because I'm like, forget all the rest of these people.

我和你，一起熬过来了，还活得好好的。

Me and you, we went through it, and we survived.

我特别喜欢那些曾经跟我斗得你死我活的姑娘们。

Like, I love these girls who I used to have, like, wars with.

我一看到她们，就觉得这是我的人。

I'm like, that's my girl.

能一起挺过青少年赛和大学网球，这简直是一种荣誉。

So I it's like a badge of honor that we, like, survived juniors and college tennis together.

真的特别感人。

It's, like, it's really beautiful.

但跟不懂网球的人解释网球的事，实在太搞笑了。

But it's so funny explaining tennis to nontennis people.

在我播客里，我跟佩吉讲了一些网球圈里的规矩和八卦。

Like, on my pod, I was explaining to Paige some of the dramas of, like, tennis etiquette.

说出来自己都觉得荒唐。

And talking saying it out loud makes it sound crazy.

我当时就想，要是你没在合适的时候道歉，那可就麻烦了。

Like, I was like, if you don't say sorry at the right time for things, you're in trouble.

佩吉就说，原来你不但要赢，还得有礼貌。

And Paige is like, so you have to win, but you also have to be polite.

这到底是什么规矩？

What the hell is this?

可打棒球的就不一样了，一球直接砸到人身上，连句对不起都不说。

But then baseball, they'll just hit someone with the pitch and they don't even say sorry.

连个反应都没有。

They don't even acknowledge it.

结果直接就打起来了。

You just you get into a brawl.

这简直太离谱了。

That's, like, awful.

要是冬天打网球时，球拍不小心碰到了不该碰的地方，你都得立刻说：我真的非常抱歉。

If you slightly hit the wrong part of your racket during the winter, you have to be like, I am literally so sorry.

你还好吗？

Are you okay?

请原谅我。

Please forgive me.

我真的非常抱歉。

I'm literally so sorry.

确实如此。

It's so true.

是的。

Yeah.

你一边说，一边就觉得，天啊。

It's like, as you're saying it out loud, it's like, wow.

这简直太离谱了。

That is actually certifiably insane.

太离谱了。

Insane.

就连温布尔登，那些男选手也快遇上一堆倒霉的弹跳了，希望别真这样。

And then even Wimbledon, like, guys are about to have, knock on wood, just, like, so many bad bounces.

球一弹得怪，你还得每次都举手示意？

Like, do you have to put your hand up every time the ball bounces weird?

这太离谱了。

That's crazy.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

我们以前也聊过，小时候打青少年比赛，要是有人作弊，你才十四岁，还得跑去找裁判，求一个成年男人过来盯着你的场地，帮你确认比分？

Or and we've we've talked about this before, but going back to junior tennis when, like, someone's cheating you and you gotta go hunt down an umpire when you're, like, 14 and go ask some, like, grown man to come over and watch your court and try to agree on a score?

这简直荒唐。

Like, it's insane.

我们到底在搞什么？

What are we doing?

我当时就想，你得去叫裁判，结果还得继续往前走。

I was like, when you realize, like, I'm gonna get the umpire, and then you realize you have to keep walking.

你这时候离四个场地那么远，根本迷路了。

Like, you're you're four courts away right now, lost.

你都哭出来了。

You're crying.

连路都看不清。

You can't even see where you're going.

你拼命想找裁判。

Like, you try to find the ump.

连刚才打到第几局都记不清了。

You don't even know what point it was.

等裁判回来，却说：我们帮不了你。

And when they come back, they're like, we can't help you.

有些裁判年纪也太大了，根本管不过来。

Or the umps are, like, cannot they they're so old, some of them.

他们根本看不清。

They can't see.

对啊。

Yeah.

他们真的看不清。

They can't see.

我记得他们问过我，你打的是几号球？

I think they've asked me, like, what ball number are you playing with?

我举起手比划，他们却说，我看不见。

And I put my hands up, and they're like, I can't see that.

我当时就想，算了，回家了。

And I'm like, I'm going home.

不过青少年和大学比赛的作弊现象太普遍了，所以看职业比赛反而让人觉得特别安心。

But, no, the cheating in juniors and college is so rampant, which is why, like, watching the pros is is, like, kind of therapeutic.

我说法国那边，你们之前聊过吗？你觉得他们现在能胜任线审工作吗？

I mean, the French I don't know if you guys talked about this already, but do you think they're ready ready for line calling?

我当时就说，我不知道。

I was like, I don't know.

那个系统叫什么来着？

What were to have are they called?

电子线审？

Digital line calling?

那东西到底叫什么？

What are they called?

ELC？

ELC?

ELC。

ELC.

线审。

Line.

但愿如此。

I hope so.

我对此态度摇摆，因为小时候跟主裁判争执，有时候反而让人觉得舒坦。

I go back and forth on it because growing up, fighting with a chair umpire is sometimes therapeutic.

当你停下来，圈出标记，裁判低头一看，说‘对，你没错’的时候，那种感觉还挺爽的。

And there's a little bit of satisfaction when you stop it and you circle the mark and the chair comes down and they're like, yeah, you're right.

球出界了。

It's out.

但你其实能看出来，当他们盯着标记时，从他们的动作就能猜到，他们是准备跟你较劲，还是打算承认你对。

But you kind of know as they're looking at the mark, depending on how they come up, you know if they're about to fight with you or if they're about to say that you're right.

是的。

Mhmm.

那种感觉，就像回到过去，挺怀旧的。

And there's something nostalgic about being, like, alright.

我们还能

We get to

争一争。

fight.

就是这种人与人之间的互动。

Like That human interaction.

对。

Yeah.

不对。

No.

你说得太对了。

You're so right.

在比赛中，至少得有一次感觉被冤枉了，而且全不是自己的错，心里才痛快，觉得老天爷故意跟我作对，还偏偏针对我。

To feel like you've been wronged and nothing's your fault is needed at least, like, once during a match match to just be like, the universe is against me and you hate me for some reason.

没错。

Yes.

有时候还挺好的。

Sometimes it's nice.

我觉得我们已经把这种互动消磨得太多了。

And and I feel like we've taken so much of, like, that interaction away.

现在这椅子就那么搁在那儿了。

Like, the chair kind of just, like, sits there now.

我知道。

I know.

偶尔打一架，其实还挺解压的。

It's kinda nice sometimes to just occasionally get to fight.

我得说，看职业选手比赛的时候，你们心理素质真稳。

I do have to say watching the professional level too, you guys are mentally so level headed.

我以前觉得自己在场上不算疯，但我是爱哭的那类人。

And, like, I didn't consider myself crazy on the court, but, like, I was a crier.

我平时根本不会哭，但打比赛时一输就哭，后来赢了还在哭；可你们呢，输了也哭，赢了还是哭。

And I don't cry I don't cry in any situation, but, like, the fact you guys aren't cry I would cry, like I'd be, like, losing and start crying and then start winning, but you're still crying.

所以你们就是，对。

So you're, like Yeah.

你们打出制胜球了，可还是在那儿哭。

So you're hitting a winner, but you're still, like, me.

我其实挺享受哭的，但生活中其他时候我从来不哭。

Like, I loved crying, but I never cry in anything else in my life.

我除了在球场上，其他地方都不会哭，简直就像把所有情绪都憋着，只在网球场上释放出来。

I'm not a crier except on the it's almost like I cold it all in and let it out on the tennis court.

你们不怎么哭，真的挺让人佩服的。

Like, really, kudos to you for not crying more.

你们有时候会

You, like, get,

眼睛发酸，然后就说看不清了。

like, glassy eyed, and then you're like, I can't see.

等等。

Wait.

我第一盘输了之后，肯定会去洗手间哭一场。

But after I lose the first set, you know I'm going to the bathroom to cry.

我会去

I go

去洗手间。

to the bathroom.

我看着镜子里的自己，问：你到底在搞什么鬼？

I look at myself in the mirror, and I go, what the fuck are you doing?

你这个蠢货。

You stupid bitch.

然后我再回到场上。

And then I go back outside.

接着我就慢慢平静下来。

And then I'll calm down.

我其实特别享受先输掉第一盘，比如一比六，然后再赢下下一盘。

Like, I loved losing the first set, like, six one and then winning the next set.

这可是我的招牌套路。

That was, like, my thing.

但长期来看，这招根本撑不住。

It wasn't sustainable long term,

但听起来

but that was That sounds

有毒。

toxic.

不是的。

No.

天哪。

Oh my god.

跟你们说说，其实对我自己来说挺有疗愈作用的。

It's, like, therapeutic for me to tell you guys.

别人都能把网球相关的一切都处理得井井有条，而我却一直在跟这些挣扎。

People have, like, had their shit together with tennis, all the stuff that I was battling.

真的挺好的。

It's really nice.

是啊。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

说出来吧。

Let it out.

说出来

Let it

吧。

out.

你有没有

Do you have

我懂。

I can relate.

是的。

Yeah.

你有没有特别喜欢的球员

Do you have a favorite player

在……

on

巡演吗？

tour?

或者他们已经退役了？你们呢？

Or if they're retired, so You guys?

除了我们之外？

Besides us?

是的。

Yeah.

我们早就知道了。

We already know that.

但说实话，其实不用了。

But, like, actually, though no.

其实，我能一个个问你们吗？

Actually, can I just go through each one of you?

好的。

Okay.

给Des点个赞，她真的太厉害了。

And shout out to Des for literally crushing it.

我也超喜欢双打，特别爱看她打球。

And, like, I love doubles too, and I love watching her.

她的手速简直了。

And she's just like the hands are insane.

我该从哪儿说起呢？

Where do I begin?

好的。

Okay.

Jenny，接下来你来吧。

Jenny, you're taking over.

明白吗？

Okay?

当然。

Sure.

你来接棒吧。

You're taking over.

我们现在正在恢复中，但你的正手简直是我见过最凶狠的。

I'm we're in recovery right now, but your forehand, it's the nastiest thing I've ever seen.

是我见过最凶狠的。

It's the nastiest thing I've ever seen.

别用那种眼神看我。

Don't look at me like that.

你来接棒，我们都迷上你了，大家都知道你就是那个女孩。

You're taking over, and obsessed with you, and we all know that you're that girl.

明白吗？

Okay?

继续下一个。

Moving on.

杰西，你真是个怪才。

Jess, you're a freak.

你真是个怪才。

You're a freak.

你平击球的力量太吓人了，简直该禁止。

The heaviness of your flat ball is insane and should be illegal.

而且你心理状态也太奇怪了。

And you're mentally it's weird.

明白吗？

Okay?

你根本不会被任何事影响。

You you nothing can affect you.

你是最稳的那个人。

You are the most solid mother.

麦迪逊。

Madison.

麦迪逊，你别让我一说起你就停不下来。

Madison, don't get me started on you.

为什么‘怪才’这个词又冒出来了？

What why does freak come to the word comes to me again?

你发球、正手、反手，能把力量和混乱完美融合在一起，简直离谱，这根本不该被允许。

But the way you the the power and the chaos that you can put into a serve and a forehand and a backhand and put it all together is insane, and it should be illegal.

你整个人就是疯狂又了不起。

You're all insane and incredible.

而且你做的播客简直太棒了。

And, also, you have the best podcast.

我最喜欢两件事：播客和网球。

And those are my two favorite things, podcasting and tennis.

所以我推荐你们所有人。

So I refer you guys.

不过我也挺喜欢阿尔·戈雷茨的。

But I like Al Goretz too.

咱们把他也加进来吧。

Let's just throw him in the mix.

所以这就像是

So it's like

我们这边，再加上卡洛斯。

us and then Carlos.

卡洛斯看比赛确实挺有意思，但我个人更爱看女子网球。

Carlos is like he's fun to watch some But I'm like, I love women's tennis.

我觉得女子比赛好看多了。

I think it's so much more interesting to watch.

对啊。

Yeah.

说实话，我不太这么觉得。

Like, I don't honestly.

我不喜欢看那种，一破发就结束整盘比赛的情况。

I don't like watching knowing, like, after one break, the set is over.

对。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

哦，确实。

Oh, true.

你就是喜欢看有戏剧性的比赛。

You want the drama.

我就喜欢看有戏剧性的比赛。

I want the drama.

不过呢，看你们打球真的特别有意思。

And but, yeah, watching you guys is so much fun for me.

谢谢。

Well, thanks.

是的。

Yeah.

我们也特别喜欢看你们。

And we love watching you.

作为同事，要当个粉丝还真有点难。

It's hard to be, like, a fan when, like, we're coworkers.

你懂的。

You know?

是的。

Yeah.

所以我其实没有特别偏爱谁。

So I don't really have, like, a favorite.

更多是看我整个社群的动态。

It's more, like, just watching my community.

这还用说。

Obviously.

就像在看自己一群朋友一样。

Just like watching all of your friends.

就是支持你的朋友们。

Just supporting supporting your friends.

没错。

Exactly.

因为我就是个女生间的闺蜜型人。

Because I'm a girl's girl.

你有特别喜欢的评论员或解说员吗？

Do you have a favorite commentator, announcer?

当然啦，那些经典解说都特别棒。

So, obviously, all the classics, they're all amazing.

但我特别着迷于前球员们的解说。

But I am obsessed with, like, the former players commenting.

比如可可，她天生就很有解说天赋，我很喜欢；还有珍妮和斯洛恩，我特别爱听她们分享自己的亲身经历。

Like, Coco, I first of all, she's I think she's such a natural, and I love and Jeannie and Sloane, I love hearing their specific experiences.

就像她们说的，确实如此。

Like, they're like, yeah.

我跟她打过球，她特别擅长打小球。

When I played her, she was really good at drop shotting.

或者说我跟她打的时候，那种细节是你光看比赛、听解说根本体会不到的。

Or, like, when I played her, she would like, that's the specific stuff that you can't get from people just watching and commenting on what they see.

所以我特别喜欢这种幕后的小八卦，知道场外发生了什么。

So I love that, like, little extra gossip of what's going on.

额外的猛料。

Extra tea.

对啊。

Yeah.

因为就是猛料。

Because Tea.

你打过对手，才能感受到那种场上的气场。

You know the vibes from playing playing someone, someone.

这就是我想要说的。

And that's what I okay.

卡罗琳话不多。

Caroline wasn't yakky.

我觉得她们挺真诚的。

And I feel like they're honest.

她们会说，是啊。

Like, they'll be like, yeah.

这时候她通常就开始想太多了。

This is when she normally starts to get in her head.

我心想，哦。

I'm like, oh.

对。

Yeah.

我觉得有些时候，

I do feel like with some of

她们真的会特别直率地讲出来。

them, they they'll be, like, super bluntly honest.

对。

Yes.

我觉得特别有意思。

I think it's really funny.

是的。

Yeah.

确实挺有意思的，这正是我想听的。

It is really funny, and that's what I wanna hear.

不过，我觉得安德烈亚·佩特科维奇也特别棒。

But, also, it's I think oh, also, Andrea Petkovich is so good.

我觉得她

I feel like she's

特别棒。

so good.

佩特科。

Petko.

超爱Petko。

Love Petko.

Petko太棒了。

Petko's awesome.

她的声音天生让人安心，而且解说起来特别有意思，因为你根本不用上场。

And she has a naturally calming voice to listen to, but it is also so fun to commentate because you're not in it.

简直太轻松了。

So it's so easy.

就像你朋友刚分手，你就在旁边看着，心里想：他这人啊，真够可以的。

It's like when your friend's going through a breakup and you're like, he's he's out there.

别担心。

Don't worry.

放轻松。

Stay calm.

不上场的时候，说话当然特别容易。

Like, it's so easy to talk when you're not on the court.

所以，Bobby，就是这么回事。

So, Bobby, it's like, yeah.

把反手打直线。

Hit the backhand down the line.

对。

Yeah.

要是真有那么简单就好了。

I would if it was that easy.

是啊。

Yeah.

现在大学生网球选手在职业赛场上表现挺不错的。

So college tennis players right now are having some success on tour.

没错。

Mhmm.

你当年在威斯康星打网球的经历怎么样？

What was your Wisconsin tennis experience like?

天哪。

Oh my god.

太疯狂了。

It was crazy.

我觉得打大学网球，那种团队压力是平时没有的。

I feel like with college tennis, it's a new dynamic of a team pressure that you don't normally have.

因为打球的时候，不光是你自己失误。

Because when you're playing, like, it's not just you who messes up.

你是为整个团队失误。

You mess up for the whole team.

而且平时训练的时候，你还在为自己的位置竞争。

And then also during the week when you're practicing, you're competing for your spot.

所以我觉得他们年初就会给你一个日程表，上面列好了所有比赛和训练，但很多队伍其实只在春季比赛。

So I actually felt like I they give you, like, a schedule in the beginning of the year, and you have all your matches and all your practice, and you don't have a lot of teams would be like, we we compete in the spring.

我们是春秋两季都比赛。

We compete in the spring and the fall.

还有个人赛，接着就是团体赛。

And it was individual tournaments, and then it would be team tournaments.

所以那段时间的日程简直疯狂。

So it was it was an insane schedule.

我们还总是被安排最差的健身时间。

We also got the worst workout times.

比如男子篮球队九点才来，而我们女子网球队却得六点就去健身房。

Like, men's basketball would roll in at, like, 9AM, where, like, women's tennis, we got, like, the 6AM slot for the gym.

我们简直被折磨得够呛，真的特别辛苦。

So, like, we were being tortured, and it was really, really hard.

而且那种情况你也无法暂停、没法把球传给别人。

And it it's the kinda thing too where you can't, yeah, you can't call time out, pass the ball.

我记得那时候根本找不到一天能专心练自己的东西，因为我排在队里最前面，总觉得自己在拼命保住位置。

Like, I just remember feeling like there wasn't a for me, there wasn't a day where I could just, like, work on stuff because I was I played, like, top of the team, and I always felt like I was defending my spot.

平时训练或者比赛时，你也根本没法放松，因为教练总在拿你们互相比较，琢磨着该把谁安排在什么位置。

And there wasn't a lot of, like, moments where I could be a little like, you know, like, you can't relax on practice or during the match because your your coach is always kind of, like, comparing comparing you guys to be like, where should we put you?

不过，那也是我们团队当时的氛围吧。

But that was also, like, the dynamic of my team, I guess.

但我和队友们确实建立了终身的羁绊。

But it was def I definitely am bonded with my teammates, like, forever.

直到现在，他们还会来看我的脱口秀，真的像家人一样，特别温暖。

Like, to this day, they come to see my my comedy shows and, like, they really feel like family, and it's beautiful.

不过我也特别爱喊叫。

But, also, I was pretty, like I loved yelling.

我就喜欢喊：加油！

Like, I loved, like, come on.

比如在哥伦比亚跑15公里的时候，我就大喊，

Like, I loved, like, at a at a 15 k in Colombia being like, and everyone,

结果大家都跟着我一起喊。

like, joined me.

就是那样。

Like,

其实吧，我根本就不适合打职业巡回赛，真的不。

I actually I was not meant for the pro tour because no.

我是说，根本不。

Like, I no.

就是，不。

Like, no.

不行。

No.

要说的话，我其实更像个队友。

I I would have like, I was I also think I I was the teammate, though.

我老在那儿讲笑话。

Like, I'm cracking jokes.

我就想逗大家笑。

I'm trying to make people laugh.

我教练说：你再笑一下，就去跑圈。

My coach is like, if you laugh one more time, you're doing laps.

结果我一不小心笑出声，就被罚跑圈了。

And then I accidentally laugh, and then I'm doing laps.

我当时在场上闹得不行，你看看杰西在场上那样子。

Like, I was causing chaos, and it like, look at, like, Jess Jesse on the court.

我完全相反。

I was the opposite.

所以那时候就有各种原因，让我不适合打职业。

So that was there were reasons why I no.

我要是真去打职业，那才疯了呢。

I would have been crazy.

我在大学的时候，也跟你有点像。

I was a little bit like that, like you in college too.

我有没有忘过什么？

Did ever I forgot.

你呢？你忘过吗？

Did you?

是的，我和德斯都是大学生选手。

Yeah, me and Des are both Yes.

我们四个人里，只有我们俩是打过大学比赛的。

College players here out of the four of us.

你有没有经历过，或者说，你肯定有，就是那种关键比赛，你是最后一场，必须拿下决胜分才能赢的那场？

But did you ever I mean, I'm sure you have, but, like, a match where or your first match where you were the one like, you were the last match and you had to clinch it to win.

对。

Yeah.

没错。

Like Yeah.

那种压力，真的没法形容。

The pressure that you feel is like Yeah.

打双打的时候，要是你双发失误，那种愧疚感，我真的能说清楚。

Like, it's I mean, I could explain, like, when you're playing doubles, when you double fault, how bad you feel for your partner.

但这次不一样，全场人都在盯着你。

But this is like and everyone's watching.

所有人都在看着呢。

They're all watching.

不管我打得顺不顺，我都会盯着旁边那场比赛。

I like the like, if my match was going well or going bad, focusing on the match next to you.

因为你会想，好吧。

Because you're like, okay.

要是我拿不下这一分，旁边那姑娘可得拿下了。

If I'm not getting the point, the girl next to me better.

所以我老是盯着我的队友。

So I'd be, like, looking at my teammate.

我们俩能对视一眼，互相提醒：别慌。

You could, like, look at each other and you'd be like, get it together.

你能行的。

You got this.

你一定可以的。

You can do this.

集中注意力。

Focus.

你行的。

You got this.

加油。

Come on.

如果队友赢了分，你就能冲着对面喊一句：‘来吧，玛迪！’

So, like, if your if your teammate won a point, you could yell across and be like, let's go, Madi.

真的挺有意思的。

Like, it was, like, fun.

我那时候特别激动。

Like and I would get crazy.

就算我这边打得不好，也能把气氛带动起来。

Like, could bring the energy even though I was, like, like, tanking on my court.

我当时其实压力大到快撑不住了，但还是会喊：‘来啊，五号！’

Like, I would be like, I was fully I'd be fully, yeah, like, succumbing to all the pressure, but then be like, come on, number five.

你行的。

You got this.

加油，水牛队。

Go, badgers.

我当时状态特别好。

So I was good energy.

我当时状态特别好。

I was good energy.

确实有人问我关于喜剧的事，他们问：你怎么应对在那么多人面前表演的压力？

I definitely had, like people asked me about comedy, and they're like, how do you deal with the pressure of, like, performing in front of lots of people?

我就说：我可是打过对杜克大学的第三盘抢七，二发，球擦网而过。

And I'm like, I've done, like, third set tie break against Duke, second serve, bottom of the net.

我可是经历过低谷的。

Like, I've experienced darkness.

我懂什么叫失败，所以我觉得自己没什么好怕的。

I know failure, and that's why I think I'm not scared of anything.

我当时就想，还有比这更尴尬的吗？

I'm like, what's more embarrassing than that?

还有什么更尴尬的？

What's more embarrassing?

不过确实如此。

So true, though.

没错。

Like Yeah.

我懂。

I know.

不是的。

No.

你可是直面过死亡的人。

Like, you've looked death in the eyes.

对。

Yeah.

我觉得没什么大不了的。

I'm like, it's fine.

我什么都能扛得住。

I can survive anything.

没错。

Yes.

真的就是那样。

Like Literally.

到那种地步。

To that extent.

你可是当着所有队友、教练的面，或者对我们来说，是在满场观众面前，彻底崩了，发挥得一塌糊涂，怎么说都行。

Like, you've literally tanked and blew it in front of, like, all of your teammates, your coaches, or for us, like, in a stadium full of people, you have, like, literally laid an egg, like, whatever term you wanna call it.

像便宜沙滩椅一样直接垮了。

Folded like cheap beach chair.

对。

Yes.

是的

Yeah.

就是这样

There you go.

太棒了

Just Great.

没错

Exactly.

你确实经历过很糟糕的事情。

You've experienced really bad things.

但我得说，我看过《喜剧演员开车去喝咖啡》这个节目，里面聊到喜剧和压力的问题。

But I will say, I watched I watched comedians in cars getting coffee, talking about, like, comedy and pressure.

那是我第一次真正感受到，节目里揭示了喜剧演员的生活究竟是什么样的。

And it was the first show where I really I felt like they give an insight of to, like, what a comedian's life is.

就像杰瑞·赛恩菲尔德之类的，他说你必须站在众人面前，让大家笑出来。

And just like, you know, Jerry Seinfeld or whatever talking about how he's like, you have to stand up in front of people and make them laugh.

这可能是最难做的事之一了，在他看来，这种压力有多大。

It's one of the hardest things to do, like, in his mind, like, how much pressure that is.

我以前还真没这么想过。

And I had never really kind of thought about it like that.

你要感受现场的气氛，然后随时调整节奏——通常讲笑话的时候，你根本不是在想当下这句话，而是已经提前两三步在构思，怎么把故事延续下去，怎么让笑点持续，还要观察观众的反应。

And just, like, feeling the crowd and then kind of dictating these, like, you know, usually when you tell joke, you're not even, like you're thinking about what's already, like, two or three steps ahead to, like, keep this story going or keep the joke going and, like, seeing how the audience reacts.

你得盘算这一切，而他说，最糟糕的，可能就是你了。

And you're trying to plan all of this, and he's like, there's just nothing worse except maybe you.

就是当别人不笑的时候。

You like when people don't laugh.

是的。

Yeah.

但真的，没有什么比站在一群人面前彻底冷场更糟的感觉了。

But, like, there's kind of, like, no other feeling than, like, standing up in front of a crowd and just bombing.

然后你就想，接下来该去哪儿？

And then you're like, where do I go from here?

从这个角度来说，那压力也真不小，我直到看了那个节目才真正意识到。

Like, that's also a lot of pressure in that sense, and I never really realized it until I watched that show.

所以我觉得你做的这份工作真的很难，也很让人害怕。

So I do think what you do is very hard and very scary.

不过我很高兴，网球帮你提前做好了准备。

But I'm glad that tennis prepped you for it.

是的。

Yeah.

我可不是说在座各位听完这番话就要去当脱口秀演员，但脱口秀和网球之间确实有惊人的相似之处。

I'm not saying that all of you guys are about to be stand ups after this, but there's a crazy correlation between stand up comedy and tennis.

因为你想啊，你一个人到处奔波。

Because if you think about it, you're traveling alone.

周末住酒店。

You're going to hotels on the weekend.

晚上在众人面前表演。

You're performing in front of people at night.

你是在跟自己的心魔搏斗。

You're battling your own demons.

观众的情况也千变万化。

There's variables of the crowd.

说真的，这跟我打网球的经历特别像。

Like, it weirdly was so similar to tennis for me.

所以我一开始做脱口秀就觉得，哦，这我懂，只是我对自己的要求比打网球时宽容多了。

And that's why I think once I started, I felt like, oh, I know how to do this, except I was a lot kinder to myself with comedy than tennis.

打网球的时候，我给自己施加了太大压力。

Like, tennis, I really put a lot of pressure on myself.

七岁的时候我就想，要是拿不到大满贯，我就是个废物。

Like, from seven years old, I was like, if I don't win a grand slam, I'm I'm I'm worthless.

七岁啊，那时候你连发球都不会呢。

At seven years old, and you're like, you literally don't know how to serve yet.

还有人花钱来上课，你知道的。

So I was and, like, there's people, you know, they're paying for lessons.

压力真的太大了。

There's so much pressure.

你们肯定都懂这个。

Obviously, you guys understand this.

所以我刚开始做脱口秀的时候就决定，只要一觉得没意思了，立马就不干了。

So when I started comedy, I was like, I'm gonna approach this as, like, the second I stop having fun, I'm gonna stop doing it.

我一犯错，就对自己好点，告诉自己：这是一次学习的机会。

When I make a mistake, I'm gonna be, like, nice to myself and be like, that was a learning experience.

我差不多是重新养育和重新指导了自己，因为打网球时我受够了压力，所以对脱口秀，我发誓再也不这样对自己了。

So I almost, like, reparented and recoached myself in comedy where I feel like because I had such a tough time with tennis and pressure with comedy, I'm like, I'm not gonna do that to myself again.

而且，演完下台之后，你其实并不会输。

And, also, you don't when I get off the stage, you don't lose.

打网球不一样，输了就是输家。

Like, tennis is like, you're a loser.

你得一个人咽下那种感觉。

Like, I had to you have to sit with that.