25. 二十多岁时的失败征服

这是一档iHeart播客节目。

This is an iHeart podcast.

在《健康那些事》播客中，我们将解答所有让你夜不能寐的健康问题。

On the podcast Health Stuff, we are tackling all the health questions that keep you up at night.

我是普里扬卡·沃利医生，拥有双委员会认证的医师资格。

I'm Doctor. Priyanka Wally, a double board certified physician.

我是哈里·昆达波鲁，一名喜剧演员，也是曾在凌晨三点搜索过'我是不是得了坏血病'的人。在我们的节目中，我们以独特视角探讨健康话题，比如那期关于糖尿病的专题。

And I'm Hari Kundabolu, a comedian and someone who once Googled, Do I have scurvy at 3AM? And on our show, we're talking about health in a different way, like our episode where we look at diabetes.

在美国，约50%的人群处于糖尿病前期状态。

In The United States, I mean, fifty percent of Americans are prediabetic.

二型糖尿病有多大的可预防性？

How preventable is type two?

非常高。请在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或任何你获取播客的平台收听《健康那些事》。

Extremely. Listen to health stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

她说，约翰尼，孩子们昨晚没回家。

And she said, Johnny, the kids didn't come home last night.

在德克萨斯中部平原，青少年接连死亡——无法解释的自杀、离奇的事故和残忍的谋杀。这情节简直像是直接从《绝命毒师》里搬来的。毒品、酒精、人口贩卖。

Along the Central Texas Plains, teens are dying, suicides that don't make sense, strange accidents, and brutal murders. In what seems to be a plot ripped straight out of Breaking Bad. Drugs, alcohol, trafficking of people.

绝对有人知道发生了什么。

There are people out there that absolutely know what happened.

请在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或你获取播客的任何平台收听《纸鬼：德州青少年谋杀案》。

Listen to Paper Ghosts, the Texas Teen Murders on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

当1950年代的好莱坞、一位怀揣梦想的古巴音乐家，与史上最具标志性的情景喜剧相遇，会诞生什么？答案就是德西·阿内斯。在这档由德西·阿纳兹和威尔默·瓦尔德拉马主演的播客中，我将带你探索德西的人生——他如何重新定义美国电视，以及这对我们这些在旁观席等待荧幕上出现相似面孔的人意味着什么。请在iHeartRadio应用、Apple播客或你获取播客的任何平台收听。

What do you get when you mix nineteen fifties Hollywood, a Cuban musician with a dream, and one of the most iconic sitcoms of all time? You get Desi Arness. On the podcast starring Desi Arnaz and Wilmer Valderrama. I'll take you on a journey to Desi's life, how he redefined American television, and what that meant for all of us watching from the sidelines, waiting for a face like ours on screen. Listen to starring Desi Arnaz and Wilmer Valderrama on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

大家好，欢迎回到《二十几岁的心理学》，这档播客将探讨我们二十多岁时经历的重大变化与转折及其心理意义。本周我们要讨论失败心理学，灵感来自《欲望都市》的一集——我最近迷上了这部剧，可能是搬到大城市的缘故吧。

Hello, and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology. This week we're discussing the psychology of failure. This was inspired by a Sex and the City episode. I've been obsessed with that show recently. I don't know why, maybe it's like moving to a new city, a big city, that's really got me into it.

凯莉写了篇关于失败的文章，我觉得这简直是播客的绝佳素材。所以今后所有节目都会直接引用《欲望都市》剧情。不过说真的，这个话题让我印象深刻是因为二十多岁时我们注定会失败——工作上、学业中、感情里、财务处理或冒险尝试时，甚至会把根本不是失败的事情误当作失败。

Carrie did a did an, an article, I guess, on failure and I was like, this is great inspiration from the podcast, or for the podcast. So, from now on all podcast episodes will make direct references to Sex and the City episodes. But that aside, I think the reason why it kind of stuck with me is because we're all inevitably going to fail in our twenties. Probably multiple times, whether at work or uni, in relationships, dealing with finances, or leaps of faith where we fall short. Even just perceiving failure and things that aren't really failures, they're just mistakes or things we wish we'd done differently.

我认为重要的是我们要理解这个概念，就我个人而言，最近半年有几件事让我莫名产生了挫败感。也许这种感受并不合理，但确实是因为最近总在思考这些问题。如果你也有同感，希望这期节目能给你些启发。不过在开始前，我想感谢大家对我最近两期节目的支持——就是和克劳迪娅合作的那两期。收到这么多听众的留言真的让我非常开心，这些反馈总能点亮我的一天。

So I think it's important to kind of get our head around it, and for me at the moment, I think there's just been a few things in the past six months where I've felt like a sense of failure for some reason. Perhaps it's unjustified, but yeah, most of these episodes I kind of just do because it's something I'm thinking about a lot at the moment, so if you're in the same boat, hopefully you get something out of this episode. But before we dive in, just want to say thank you for all the support and love, my two recent episodes have gotten, the one I did- the two that I did with Claudia. I have been getting heaps of messages from people who have been tuning in, and honestly it makes me so happy. It makes my day.

前几天我听到一句话：当你向世界展示某件事物时，10%的人会讨厌它，80%的人无动于衷，剩下10%会真心喜爱。所以我要特别感谢那些喜爱的听众，谢谢你们的阅读和留言互动。如果愿意的话，也请在Spotify或苹果播客上留下评价，这对节目发展很有帮助，当然也小小满足了我的虚荣心。最后照例感谢大家收听本期节目。

I like, heard this quote the other day, and it says, when you put something out there in the world, 10% of people are going to hate it, 80% of people are going to be indifferent, and 10% are going to love it. So for all of those who do love it, thank you so much for reading, for reaching out to me and making that known. And if you do feel called to do so, please consider leaving a review on either Spotify and Apple Podcasts, it would be obviously massively appreciated. It helps the podcast grow, helps my ego a little bit. And then as always, thanks for tuning in to this episode.

年轻时总觉得失败是个可怕的概念，小过失都仿佛会彻底改变人生。但随着犯错次数增多，我们逐渐明白这些都不是世界末日，后果也不会永久持续——反而让我们学到更多。本期我们就来探讨为何失败在二十多岁时如此重要，它如何影响我们的行为和自我认知，以及如何克服负面情绪或对失败的恐惧，学会继续前进。现在开始吧！

Failure is such a messy, messy concept in our younger years when small mistakes can feel so life altering and permanent. But the more mistakes we make, the more I guess we learn that they aren't the end of the world, the consequences don't last forever, and the more we kind of learn in general. So this episode we're going to talk about why failure is important in this decade of our lives, how it affects our behaviour and our self-concept, and how to overcome negative feelings, or perhaps a fear of failure. How to move on. So let's go!

我认为失败不仅限于职业或学术领域——在二十多岁时，我们会在太多事情上遭遇失败，而且这往往只是无数次类似感受的开端。正如前所述，我们常把失败框定在非黑即白的结构化场景里：考试挂科、驾照路考失利、心仪工作应聘失败...这些评判标准都是外界强加的。

I think failure is not just confined to our professional or academic lives as we so often think they are. You can fail at so many things in your twenties and chances are it's going to be the first of many more times we experience that feeling. Like I said, I do think we often think about failure in terms of constructed, almost artificial settings where you either pass or you fail. There's no grey area and that decision is made for you. Failing an exam, failing a driving assessment, failing a job that you really wanted.

但本期我想进一步探讨那些更无形的失败感——人生任何领域都可能出现的挫败，不仅限于学业事业或考试。举个例子，前几天我和闺蜜聊起她刚结束的两年恋情，在复盘时间线时我问她是否告知了父母。她说没有，因为感到难堪——不想让父母觉得她的恋爱关系失败了。

But in this episode I want to kind of push that a little bit further and talk about a sense of failing at something more intangible. The sense that you can fail in any area of your life, not just academic, professional, or an examination sense. So, an example, I was talking to a dear friend the other day about her long term relationship that had ended just recently, and they had been together for two years and as we were kind of debriefing and going through the timeline of events I asked her if she had told her parents yet. And she said no, that she hadn't, and when I asked her why, she said she was embarrassed. She didn't want them to think that she had failed at her relationship.

记得我结束某段约会关系后也有类似感受，觉得自己彻底失败了：为在这人身上浪费的时间失败，为没看清危险信号失败，为曾向亲友热烈推荐过他失败...尤其当结局如此不堪时，我甚至开始怀疑自己的判断力。这种失败后的自我厌恶正是挫败感最致命的特征。

And I remember having a similar feeling after someone I was dating. After I ended things, I felt like such a failure. A failure for having invested time in this person, a failure for not having seen the red flags, seeing the signs, having told my friends and family that I really liked this guy, only for things to come to an end in a way that was not amazingly satisfactory. And in the aftermath, I feel like I felt like I couldn't trust myself or my judgement anymore. And that's such a critical feature of the sense of failing, the self loathing that comes afterwards.

二十多岁时我们会在太多事情上遭遇象征性失败：维系友谊失败，获得成就感失败...有时代价确实很高，但对多数人而言，这个十年里的失败并不意味着世界末日。毕竟这个阶段通常没有子女养育压力，也没有重大财务责任，安全网相对充足。你完全可以重整旗鼓换个环境——那些失败发生地的枷锁根本困不住你。所以这正是绝佳的成长时期，教会自己从每次经历中汲取教训并重新站起。

So we are going to metaphorically of fail at so many things in our twenties, we're gonna fail at keeping friendships, fail at feeling successful enough. Sometimes the stakes are really high, but for most people, I would say, this decade of our twenties is a time when failures won't mean the end of the world or life as you know it. I'm guessing you don't have kids, you don't have big financial responsibilities, meaning you have a bit more of a safety net. You can always pick up your life and move, you know, nothing's really holding you holding you down to the environment that you've made those failures in. So it's the perfect time to kind of teach yourself to pick yourself up and learn the lessons that that moment and that experience was intended to teach you.

很可能你会以不同方式一而再、再而三地失败，直到某天你开始在新事物上失败。那么心理学对失败如何影响我们的思维、行为和自我认知有何见解？我们该如何——我想——在这个塑造人生的关键十年里，与犯错和失败建立更积极的关系？失败之所以令人痛苦有多重原因，这种影响早在童年就开始了，就像许多行为模式的形成那样。在无数家庭、组织和文化中，失败与过失几乎总是被捆绑在一起。

And the chances are you'll fail again and again and again in different ways until one day you'll just start failing at something different. So what does psychology have to say about the impact of failure on our minds, our behaviour, our self-concept? How can we adopt, I guess, a more positive relationship with making mistakes and failing in this formative decade of our lives. So failure hits us where it hurts for a number of reasons, and it starts really early on in childhood, as so many reactions and patterns often do. Failure and fault are virtually inseparable in so many households, in so many organisations and cultures.

每个孩子终会明白，承认失败也意味着承担责备。或许你被训斥、被要求去睡觉、不小心把狗放了出去，或者考试失利后受到某种惩罚——这些针对你行为和失败的惩戒，会引发消极的内心反应和想要本能逃避的糟糕感受。经过反复的正向或负向惩罚（即被剥夺好处或施加痛苦来影响行为），来自父母或老师等外部力量的干预，很快我们就不再需要这些角色来制造愧疚感了。我们已经将这种感受内化，形成了对失败的恐惧，主动避免犯错，因为经验足以让我们预知失败的后果。

Every child learns at some point that admitting failure also means taking blame. Perhaps you're scolded, you're told to go to bed, you let the dog outside by accident, or you fail a test and you receive some form of punishment for your behaviour and your failure, which leads to a negative internal reaction and a bad feeling that you inherently want to avoid. So after repeated positive or negative punishment, so either the removal of a good thing or the introduction of a bad thing to influence our behaviour an outside force, maybe a parent or a teacher. Soon we don't even need those figures in our lives to make us feel bad and to get us to avoid mistakes. We have internalised that feeling, and now we have a fear of failing, we stop ourselves from failing, because we've had enough experiences to anticipate what will happen if we do.

我们被驯化得深知失败的结局——那些我们竭力逃避的不堪结果。于是开始自我监督，将通常来自外界的负面感受或惩罚施加给自己。这些早期学习经历，我认为正是极少文化群体能转向心理安全态度的根源——那种能充分实现从失败中学习收益的状态。我们逃避失败还有另一个关键原因：对人际或群体羞耻的感知。失败与惧败的核心是羞耻感，这种与'我是个坏人/有缺陷的人'相关联的极度不适情绪。

We've been conditioned to know the outcome of our failures and to know that those are not great outcomes, they're things we want to avoid. So we begin to self monitor, and inflict that negative feeling or punishment that we normally receive from external figure on ourselves. These early learning experiences, I think, are why so few cultures and people have shifted to an attitude of almost psychological safety, in which the rewards of learning from failure can be fully realised. And there's another key reason we avoid failure, and it has to do with the perception of interpersonal or group shame. At the root of failure and a fear of failure is shame, which is a very unpleasant emotion associated with feeling like you're a bad person, or are a flawed or defective individual.

如果我犯错、如果我失败，这会如何影响我的本质认知、自我评价以及他人对我的看法？'别人会怎么看我'正是抗拒失败难题的核心要素。心理学中有个经典理论认为：人类天生追求所属群体的青睐、接纳与赞赏。无论是朋友圈、家庭圈、宗教圈还是学术圈。

If I make a mistake, if I fail, how does that affect who I am and how I see myself, as well as how others see me? How will others see me? Is such a huge element of this anti failure conundrum. And there's a very traditional well treaded idea in psychology that humans naturally seek the favour, acceptance, and admiration of the groups that they belong to. Maybe it's your friendship group, your family group, your religious group, your academic group.

本质上我们都渴望属于圈内人。保持被群体接纳的方式之一，就是遵守关于哪些行为、行动和结果被接受的规则或模板。一旦偏离，就可能成为局外人。当我们还是原始生物时，脱离部落或群体几乎意味着必死无疑。这种恐惧反应至今仍存留在控制生存本能的边缘系统中，常常无意识地影响着我们。

We wanna to be in the in group, basically. And one way that we stay liked by the group we are in is by sticking to the rules or blueprint on what behaviour is accepted, what actions and outcomes are accepted, and which ones aren't. And if we stray, we may be outcasts. And when we were primitive beings, that meant pretty much certain death, if you weren't part of a tribe or group. And that sense of fear, that fear reaction, it survives today in our limbic system, and that's a crucial part of the old brain that controls our behaviour to ensure survival, often unconsciously.

这是很重要的一部分——它是无意识的。举个例子：假设你在工作中犯了大错（老生常谈了），比如没能达到老板对演示或其他工作的期望。

And that's a big part of this. It's unconscious. So let's give an example. Say you make a really big mistake at work, been there, done that, got the t shirt. You fail to kind of meet your boss' expectations for, I don't know, presentation or whatever, whatever you do for work.

随之而来的可能是批评，或是某种让人感到被否定的评价。一段时间里，你会感觉自己在职场不受尊重或喜爱，仿佛被群体排斥。这正是恐惧失败的主要根源——担心被那些你潜意识里渴望其尊重与青睐的群体放逐。失败对自我认知和信心的影响极为深远。自尊或称自我概念，是我们对内在自我认知和外界评价的综合建构。

And the consequences of this will likely be criticism, or some kind of critique that feels like rejection, and for a while you might not feel like you are as respected or liked at work, you may not feel as accepted by the group. And that's where a big failure of failure comes from, the notion that you could be cast out from a group whose respect and favour you unconsciously need, you want, you crave. And the impact of failure is pretty magnificent on our self-concept and our confidence. Self esteem, or our self-concept. It's a self evaluation construct that corresponds to an overall view of what we kind of contemplate and evaluate about ourselves, both internally, how we see ourselves and how we think others see us.

成功与失败本就密不可分，它们会以不同方式影响你的情绪状态和自尊水平——当这些事件被视作个人成败时，要么会强化自我形象，要么会削弱它。情感与自尊在日常体验中相互关联，高自尊者往往情绪更积极，而缺乏自我价值感的人通常更易陷入负面情绪。当我们遭遇失败、关系破裂、失业或错失机遇时，这些经历会重塑我们对自己的认知特征，对自尊造成实质性伤害。要修复被失败冲击的自我认同部分，往往需要长时间重建与心理强化。值得注意的是，对现代20世代而言，社交媒体更将每次失误都放大成社交与职业层面的毁灭性事件，这种对'社死'的恐惧进一步强化了我们先前讨论过的'避耻心理框架'。

Successes and failures, they're just inextricably linked to that, and they influence your mood, they influence your emotional states, all to varying degrees, as well as self esteem levels, insofar that these events are perceived as personal successes or failures, which either contribute to the image you have, or detract from it. Emotions and self esteem are linked in everyday experience, such that people with high self esteem report more positive states of emotion, and people who lack self worth are generally in more of a negative mood. So when we fail, when a relationship breaks apart, when we lose a job, or we miss out on an opportunity, this influences the characteristics and thoughts we assign to ourselves, and can be really damaging for our self esteem. And it can take a while to recover and receive the necessary reinforcement to rebuild those aspects of our identity that have been threatened by a failure. And I think importantly for kind of the modern 20 person, social media also threatens to make every slip up an extinction level event, socially and professionally, which contributes to this shame avoidance framework for our fear of failure that we kinda discussed before.

好消息是：随着年龄增长，失败对我们自我认知的冲击会减弱。研究发现，感知失败对积极情绪状态的影响会随年龄增长而递减。老年人虽然也会对正负刺激产生情绪反应，但剧烈程度更低。丰富的人生阅历使他们能更准确地评估失败的实际分量——那往往不是什么大不了的事。诸多理论框架表明，年长者更善于调节情绪状态，并运用这种能力管理可能影响自我认知的正负情绪。

Good news: when we get older, our failures don't seem to hurt our self-concept and the opinion or image we hold of ourselves as much. So in one study, researchers found that the impact that perceived failure has on our positive emotional states, it declines the older we are. I think older adults are assumed to change their affect states and reaction to positive and negative stimuli across their lifespan but to less severe degrees. They also have more experiences and learning opportunities to be able to appraise a potential failure for what it actually represents, which is something that isn't a really big deal. According to a lot of theoretical frameworks, older adults are just better equipped to regulate their emotional states and to use this regulatory ability to manage positive and negative emotions that may affect how they see themselves.

他们开始将失败视为与自我相关、但绝非决定性因素的存在。这或许算是值得期待的成长。但在二十多岁时，不同人面对失败的表现差异显著：你肯定见过朋友中有人遭遇重大挫折却毫不在意，而另一些人（比如我）则会深受影响。卡内基梅隆大学的心理学家泰尔·科恩对此有研究...

To kind of see them as something that, yes, is related and yes, influences how they see themselves, but isn't the be all and end all. So I guess that is something to look forward to. But in our twenties there are certain people who can handle failure better than others. And I'm sure you've seen this amongst your friends, you know, the person who experiences a huge setback and it doesn't seem to bother them versus, I guess, people like myself, who it really does kinda get to. So this psychologist Tyre Cohen from Carnegie Mellon, I think?

没错，就是卡内基梅隆大学。科恩提出了'罪感倾向'与'耻感倾向'的区分：当某些人犯错时，他们会聚焦具体行为——'我做了错事，现在要想办法改正和提升'。

Yeah, that's it. Carnegie Mellon, makes the distinction between guilt prone people and shame prone people. So bear with me here. When some people make mistakes, they tend to focus more narrowly on their behaviour. You know, I made a mistake, I did a bad thing, and now I'm going to think of ways to correct for this, I'm going to improve.

这就是典型的罪感倾向者。他们会因错误产生愧疚，但能将其转化为改变外在行为的动力。科恩指出这类人与耻感倾向者截然不同——后者犯错时的反应是'我是个烂人'而非'我做了错事'。当一个人全盘否定自我价值时，这种认知更难扭转。

And that's an example of a guilt prone person. They feel guilty for their mistake, but recognise it and use it as kind of motivation to change something outside of themselves and act in a way that they can avoid the problem in the future. And this psychologist, Cohen, says this type of person is different than the other group of shame prone people. So, the shame prone person is kind of like this, if you do something wrong, you might think I'm a bad person, rather than just I did a bad thing and I made a mistake. And if you think you're a bad person, that's much harder to counteract.

这可能导致社交回避。更健康的应对方式是关注具体行为而非全盘否定自我——改变行为容易，改变本质认知却困难得多。研究还发现，强烈恐惧失败者往往兼具两种特质：低成就导向与高考试焦虑。换言之，他们较少被成功获益驱动，更多被搞砸的焦虑驱使——这些特质正是完美主义的温床。

And that might lead you to withdraw from people. So a healthier response to failure is focusing on specific behaviours, rather than looking at the experience as a reflection of yourself. Because you can easily change your behaviour, but it's much harder to change who you are, or who you think you are. Researchers have also found that people who strongly fear failure have a composite of two personality characteristics: low achievement orientation and high test anxiety So in other words, they're motivated less by the possibility of winning and gaining something of value, and they're more motivated by their anxiety about the possibility of messing up. And those are some of the same personality traits that drive perfectionism.

这种心态可能出现在高成就者与低动机人群身上。从临床角度看，完美主义与失败恐惧总是相伴而生。有一类人特别难以应对失败——如果你属于这类，我很抱歉。但或许听完这个心理画像你会释然：'失败恐惧症'患者会因对失败的深度恐惧回避任何可能失败的情境，从而隔绝新体验与机遇。

And it can show up in people who are high achievers and people who are less motivated to achieve. Doesn't matter. In fact, perfectionism, I think, and fear of failure go hand in hand from a clinical perspective. There's one type of individual for whom failure is particularly hard to deal with and overcome, and if this is you, I'm so sorry. But maybe you'll listen to this kind of profile of this person and, you know, be able to be like, oh it's not me, it's this condition.' So, Adolophobia is a phobia or deep fear of failure which may lead people to avoid any situation where failure could take place, hence isolating themselves from new and novel experiences and opportunities.

因此，atalophobia（失败恐惧症）常被称为完美主义，虽然它被视为极端完美主义，但威尔康奈尔医学院的精神病学副教授Gale Saltz博士指出，它远不止于此。这是一种对犯任何形式错误的非理性恐惧。与所有恐惧症一样，患有adulophobia（成人恐惧症）的人会以必须避免任何可能出错情境的方式思考对犯错的恐惧——这正是恐惧症的另一关键特征：回避行为。

So, atalophobia is often referred to as perfectionism, and whilst it is considered extreme perfectionism, this Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the Weill Cornell Medical College, his name is Doctor. Gale Saltz, he says that it's more than that. It is a true irrational fear of making any form of mistakes. As with any phobia, people with adulophobia think about the fear of making a mistake in a way that means they have to avoid situations where there's a risk of that happening. And that's the other key feature of a phobia: avoidance.

这种非理性的回避行为。他们还会反复纠结过去犯过的错误，或想象未来可能犯的错。这些想法会导致压倒性焦虑——恐惧症的另一个表现。可能引发恐慌、恶心、头晕或心悸等症状，这种对失败的恐惧引发的恐慌完全是非理性的。

So irrational and avoidance. And they also obsess a lot about mistakes that they've made in the past, or imagine mistakes they could make in the future. And these thoughts kind of cause them to have overwhelming anxiety, another aspect of a phobia. So it might make them feel panicky, or nauseous, dizzy, or experience a rapid heartbeat. That kind of panic that sets in for a fear of failure which is irrational.

它往往导致持续的自我批判和负面评价，使人永远无法确信自己做对了。这是一种超越追求卓越或雄心的完美主义。你

And it often leads to constant judgement and a negative evaluation that you can never believe you're doing things the right way. And it's a kind of perfectionism that's more than just striving for excellence or ambition. You

知道，我们

know, we

天生都渴望成功。但普通人在某种程度上能够预见、接受并容忍缺陷。我们可以忍受错误和失败尝试。但患有adulophobia的人，光是想到尝试失败就感到崩溃。这常使他们陷入痛苦抑郁——虽然不确定这是否属于临床定义范畴，但显然更糟糕的是，他们实际上永远无法尝试新事物，也无法从必然伴随失败的境遇中吸取教训。

all innately wish to be successful. However, on some level, the average person can anticipate, accept, and tolerate shortcomings. We can tolerate mistakes and failed attempts. But people with adulophobia, they just feel crushed by even the idea of a failed attempt. And it often makes them miserable and depressed, and perhaps, like, I don't know if this is part of the clinical definition, but definitely probably worse off because they aren't actually ever able to try new things and learn lessons from situations in which you're inevitably going to fail.

我认为极度恐惧失败绝非理想状态。有句话叫『大胆失败、及早失败、经常失败』——尽管我自己也时常难以完全践行，但非常认同这个理念。我们之前讨论过思维模式的转变，但如何才能与失败建立健康关系，使其成为成长契机而非耻辱？如何做到不仅接纳频繁失败，更将其融入生活哲学？

I think an intense fear of failure is not a place we want to be in. And there's this saying, fail hard, fail soon, and fail often. And I really love this saying, even if I struggle to fully realise it most of the time. We talked about this shift in mind frame earlier, but how is it that we can have a healthy relationship with failure such that it creates growth rather than shame? How can we be okay with failing often, and not only be okay with it, but make it part of our life philosophy?

好吧，我无法给出简单公式——毕竟我不是持证心理学家，也不是什么人生导师。更不会说『只要再努力点就能避免失败』这种蠢话，仿佛我们能永远不失败似的。太荒谬了，简直荒谬至极。

Okay, I'm not going to give you a simple equation here, because I'm not a licensed psychologist, I'm not a I don't know, a life coach. Nor am I going to say, you know, failure is avoidable if you just try a little harder. Like, we can get away with never failing. That's silly talk. That is so silly.

显然你会失败。这不就是生活的一部分吗？我相信每个父母都曾对你说过这句话。但我觉得重要的是讨论我们如何改善与失败的关系。心理学中有个常用工具，叫做认知行为疗法。

Obviously you're going to fail. Isn't that just a part of life? Every parent has said that to you, I'm sure. But I think it's important to talk about how our relationship with failure can change for the better. So there's a common clinical tool in psychology, it's called cognitive behaviour therapy.

对于没听说过的人（我相信如果你看过心理医生就会知道），其核心思想是：如果你能改变对某事件或经历的认知，将其视为积极或至少非毁灭性的，你就能以反映这种新思维框架的方式行事。这有点像火车——只要车头动了，后面车厢就会跟上。我们可以将此应用于失败。

For those who haven't heard about it, which I'm sure if you've ever been to a therapist you have, but the gist is this. If you can change your perception of an event or an experience so that you would praise it as being positive or at the very least not life ruining, you allow yourself to behave in a manner that reflects that new mind frame. So it's kind of like, I don't know, like a train. Like, if you get the first part of of the train moving, the second part follows. And we can apply this to failure.

选择最适合你的解释方式。也许是'失败只是成长的机会'，或是'人人都会失败，没人特别关注我'，又或是'每次失败都让我离成功更近一步'。无论需要什么理由，选择权在你。找到那个比'不接受失败'更能让你接受的解释。

Choose a reasoning that works best for you. So maybe it's failure is nothing but an opportunity to grow or everyone fails, no one's paying attention to me in particular. Maybe it's, you know, with every failure I'm one step closer to doing this right. Whatever justification you need, you get to choose it. Find the thing that you can accept more than you can, you know, not accept failure.

不断重复这个过程，直到你不再因搞砸的想法而恐惧，也不再被过去的错误和失败所伤害。这几乎像是一种心理暗示，或是安抚工具。正如认知行为疗法所说，你对情境的认知会影响你的行为反应。因此，如果你改变对失败的看法，将其视为生活的一部分并接纳它，其他积极改变也会随之而来。同样重要的是，你需要将行为结果与自我认知脱钩。

And repeat that until you no longer feel threatened by the idea of screwing up, or hurt by previous mistakes and failures that you've made. It's almost like an affirmation, or it's like a soothing tool. Your cognition of a situation is linked to how you behave or react to that situation, as CBT says. Therefore, if you change your perception around failure, your acceptance of it as a part of life and something important will follow suit. I think also importantly you need to detach the outcomes of your actions to your self-concept.

这点我们在讨论年长者时提到过——他们对此更为淡定。失败常与悲伤、焦虑、压力甚至愤怒等情绪相关。这些感受让人极度不适，我们会竭力摆脱它们。但它们不必成为你根深蒂固的自我定义。这些情绪反而会推动你更努力地寻找不同解决方案以求进步。

And that's something we talked about when we were referring to older people, and how they're kind of more chill with it. Failure, it's linked to feelings and emotions like sadness, anxiety, stress, maybe even rage. And those feelings are incredibly uncomfortable for any person, and we would do anything to get rid of them. But they don't need to become deeply embedded truths about yourself. Those feelings and emotions will help you work harder to find different and better solutions in order for you to improve the next time.

如果你能认识到行为后果只是一系列事件和决策的结果，而非你个人的缺陷。有些事你无法控制。失败不意味着你有缺陷。总会有新机会和新目标。就像心理学常说的：当负面状态出现时接纳它、学习它而非逃避，这样才能形成健康的应对机制，而非走向孤立、投射或压抑。

If you recognise that the consequences of your actions are just that They're an outcome of a series of events and decisions, not just your self-concept. Sometimes there are things you can't control. You're not defective because you've failed. There's always going to be new opportunities, there's going to be new things to strive for. So I think with much of psychology, embracing that negative state while it's there, learning from it, not trying to avoid it, that can lead to healthy coping mechanisms rather than isolation, projection, or suppression.

如果一味压抑负面情绪，这并不符合成长型思维。最糟的情况下，可能导致你形成恐惧行为模式，甚至不敢进入可能犯错的情境。这样真的能发挥你的潜力吗？我不知道。这些是我更细致的思考。希望尽管这期内容有些散漫，你仍能从中收获些心理学洞见。

It's not very growth mindset of you if you just suppress those negative feelings, and worst case scenario it might lead to a phobic pattern of behaviour in which you don't even allow yourself to be in situations where you could make a mistake. And then are you really fulfilling your potential? I don't know. Those are just some of my more nuanced musings. I hope that despite the weird ramblings of this episode, you've managed to take something in, learn something about the psychology.

这周的节目有点短，我知道，很抱歉。不过失败这个话题还挺有意思的，我最近经常有这种感觉。比如面临重大人生抉择时，友谊结束，恋情终结。是啊，我一直在自责为什么没能更好地预见到自己某些行为的后果。但归根结底，我觉得这对每个人来说都是重要的成长阶段。

It's a bit of a shorter episode this week, I know, I'm sorry. I guess it's interesting, like, failure, I've kind of been feeling that a lot recently. Just with like, making a big life decision, friendships ending, relationships ending. Yeah, and just feeling pretty down on myself about how come I couldn't have anticipated the outcomes of some of my actions a little bit better. But at the end of the day, I think this is just such a learning period in everyone's life.

如果你和我年龄相仿——会听这个播客的人应该差不多。我觉得转变思维模式很重要，从'我失败了'变成'我学到了什么'。最近这些经历虽然伴随着痛苦和伤害，但确实蕴含了许多人生课题。对下一篇章充满期待——虽然这么说有点傻，人生本就没有章节划分，就是一个完整的故事。

If you're around the same age as me, which I'm guessing you are if you're listening to this podcast. Yeah, I just think changing your mind frame is so important, away from 'I failed, I failed, I failed' to like what did I learn here?' And just some of those recent experiences, like, there's just been so many lessons that have come through, despite like, you know, the- not so much pain, but like, hurt of the experiences. So yeah, just very excited for the next chapter, I guess. Well, I think that's also silly, there's never chapters, it's just one big life. One big story, no chapters needed.

抱歉把这里当个人日记了。因为我知道十年后回听这期节目的肯定还是我自己，记录当下状态很有意义。希望你喜欢本期内容，希望有所收获，如果你有失败恐惧症请寻求帮助，那滋味太难受了。再次感谢收听，Instagram和Facebook上关注我们——随你喜好。

Anyhow, sorry. Just using this as my personal journal. I guess sometimes I find it that way because I know that I'll be the one probably listening back to this in ten years, and it's good to kind of know where I was at. I hope you did enjoy this episode, I hope you learned something, I hope if you have atalophobia you get some help because that shit sounds brutal. And thanks again for listening, follow us on Instagram, follow us on Facebook but it's there if that's your cup of tea.

记得留下评论，我最爱看听众反馈了。会给写评论的朋友送上飞吻。祝你有美好的一周！大学开学了，工作重启了，有人开始新工作，多令人兴奋啊。在这些时刻，别害怕失败，别犹豫点开播客收听。

Leave a review, I love when people leave me reviews. I'll be sending you air kisses from afar if you do that. And I hope you have a magnificent week! I know uni started again, I know work's back on, people are starting new jobs, it's all very exciting. So throughout all that, don't be scared to fail, and don't be scared to reach out and listen to the podcast.

哇，这段过渡真流畅。那我们下次见。

Wow, that was really smooth. Anyhow, I will see you guys soon.

在《健康那些事》播客中，我们将解答所有让你夜不能寐的健康疑问。

On the podcast Health Stuff, we are tackling all the health questions that keep you up at night.

我是普丽扬卡·沃利医生，拥有双委员会认证的执业医师。

I'm doctor Priyanka Wally, a double board certified physician.

我是哈里·昆达波鲁，一名喜剧演员，曾经在凌晨三点搜索过‘我是不是得了坏血病？’在我们的节目中，我们以不同的方式探讨健康话题，比如我们有一期专门讨论糖尿病。

And I'm Hari Kundabolu, a comedian and someone who once googled, do I have scurvy at 3AM? And on our show, we're talking about health in a different way, like our episode where we look at diabetes.

在美国，我的意思是，有一定比例的美国人处于糖尿病前期。

In The United States, I mean, percent of Americans are prediabetic.

二型糖尿病有多大的可预防性？

How preventable is type two?

非常高。请在iHeartRadio应用、苹果播客或任何你获取播客的地方收听《健康那些事》。

Extremely. Listen to Health Stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

她说，约翰尼，孩子们昨晚没回家。

And she said, Johnny, the kids didn't come home last night.

在德克萨斯中部平原地区，青少年接连死亡——难以解释的自杀、离奇的事故，以及残忍的谋杀，情节宛如《绝命毒师》的现实版。毒品、酒精、人口贩卖交织其中。

Along the Central Texas Plains, teens are dying, suicides that don't make sense, strange accidents, and brutal murders in what seems to be a plot ripped straight out of Breaking Bad. Drugs, alcohol, trafficking of people.

绝对有人清楚发生了什么。

There are people out there that absolutely know what happened.

请在iHeartRadio应用、苹果播客或您获取播客的任何平台收听《纸鬼：德州青少年谋杀案》。

Listen to Paper Ghosts, The Texas Teen Murders on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

我是罗伯特·史密斯，这位是雅各布·戈尔茨坦。我们曾主持过一档名为《金钱星球》的节目。

I'm Robert Smith, and this is Jacob Goldstein. And we used to host a show called Planet Money.

现在我们回归制作这档名为《商业历史》的新播客，讲述历史上最杰出的商业理念与人物。

And now we're back making this new podcast called Business History about the best ideas and people businesses in history.

也包括商业史上最恶劣的人物、最糟糕的创意和最具破坏性的公司。

And some of the worst people, horrible ideas, and destructive companies in the history of business.

首期节目：西南航空如何凭借廉价机票和免费威士忌在航空业杀出一条血路

First episode, how Southwest Airlines used cheap seats and free whiskey to fight its way into the airline

行业。

business.

这简直是最具德州特色的故事了。

The most Texas story ever.

在iHeartRadio应用或苹果播客上收听商业历史节目

Listen to business history on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts Or

或在您获取播客的任何平台收听

wherever you get your podcasts.

这是iHeart出品的播客节目

This is an iHeart podcast.