372. 如何重新发现你的个性

这是iHeart播客《保证人性》。

This is an iHeart podcast, Guaranteed Human.

大家好。

Hello, everybody.

我是吉玛·斯派克，欢迎回到《二十岁的心理学》，这档播客我们将探讨二十岁期间最重要的变化、时刻与转折，以及它们对我们的心理意味着什么。

I'm Gemma Spike, and welcome back to the psychology of your twenties, the podcast where we talk through the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and what they mean for our psychology.

大家好。

Hello, everybody.

欢迎回到节目。

Welcome back to the show.

欢迎回到播客。

Welcome back to the podcast.

很高兴你能来听这一期节目。

It is great to have you here for another episode.

今天，让我们聊聊如何找回我们的个性。

Today, let's talk about how we are going to get our personalities back.

我们该如何从刷屏、过度消费、比较和分心的力量中重新找回真实的自己？

How are we going to reclaim who we are from the forces of scrolling and over consumption and comparison and distraction?

在过去一个月里，我逐渐意识到一个令人害怕的事实：尽管我认为自己了解我是谁，但我很少真正去践行那些我最享受或引以为傲的自我特质。

I have come to a pretty scary realization over the past month that although I may think I know who I am, I rarely actually act out the parts of myself that I most enjoy or that I pride myself on.

正因如此，我陷入了一种毫无目标、孤独而空虚的分心状态，甚至开始不确定自己究竟是谁了。

And because of that, I'm in this, like, really aimless, lonely, hollow kind of distracted place where, like, I don't really know who I am anymore.

也许你也曾有过类似的经历或类似的顿悟。

And maybe you've had a similar experience, a similar realization.

我们以为的自己，很多时候只是些空洞的言辞。

A lot of who we think we are is just words.

你知道，我们的行为并不总是与之相符。

You know, our actions don't always reflect it.

如果有人问你，你会怎么描述自己？

And if someone was to ask you, you know, how would you describe yourself?

你平时是怎么度过每一天的？

How do you spend your days?

你的爱好是什么？

What are your hobbies?

你关心什么？

What do you care about?

你平时做什么消遣？

What do you do for fun?

我们很多人，你知道，可能不愿意承认，但我们确实没有答案。

A lot of us, you know, we may not like to admit it, but we don't have an answer.

我们把太多时间花在消费、刷屏和工作上，以至于对自己究竟是怎样的人，没有清晰或切实的认知。

We spend so much of our time consuming and scrolling and working that we don't really have a clear or at least an executed idea of the person that we are.

这就是它表现出来的方式。

This is how that expresses itself.

你可能不想承认这件事正在你身上发生，但如果你感到疏离，感到日益增长的焦虑，不知道自己是谁，没有处在该在的位置，如果你感到无聊、孤独，或生活中充满绝望，如果每一天都像《土拨鼠之日》一样重复，那这可能就是正在发生的事。

You may not want to acknowledge that this is what's happening to you but if you are feeling detached, if you are feeling an increasing sense of anxiety that you don't know who you are, you aren't where you need to be, if you feel boredom, loneliness, just like despondency in your life, if there's like a Groundhog Day sense of every day being the same, This may be what's happening.

你已经失去了自己的个性，我想谈谈如何运用真正的心理学、基于证据的工具和技巧，重新发现它，让我们成为最好的自己，或至少重新发现那些我们真正喜欢的自我部分。

You have lost your personality, and I wanna talk about how we are going to rediscover it again using actual psychology, evidence based tools, and tips that can let us become our best selves or at least discover the parts of ourselves, rediscover the parts of ourselves that we really, really like.

你并不是唯一有这种经历的人。

You are not alone in this experience.

相信我。

Trust me.

投资于找回你的个性，发现你真正关心的事物以及让你充满动力的东西，我认为这能疗愈许多我们日常经历的深层心理创伤——我不想说‘空洞’，而是心理上的缺失，而这些正是很多人每天都在承受的。

And investing in getting your personality back, finding what you care about, and what makes you wanna strive, I think, will mend a lot of, like, the deep psychological I don't wanna say holes, like, wounds, psychological deficiencies that so many of us are experiencing on a daily basis.

所以，我们将一起探讨七个方法，看看我是如何做到的，我见过其他人是如何做到的，以及他们是如何重新连接上自己可能已经失去的最美好的部分的。

So we are going to run through seven tips for how I've done this, how I've seen other people do this, how they've reconnected with the best parts of themselves that they've maybe lost.

我非常期待这一集。

I'm really excited for this episode.

闲话少说，我们开始吧。

Without further ado, let's jump into it.

你们知道，我最喜爱的名言之一来自荣格。

So you guys know one of my favorite quotes of all time comes from Carl Jung.

人生最大的特权，就是成为真正的自己。

It is that the privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.

这就是你的使命。

That is your mission.

即使其他一切都让人感到恐惧，只要你正在发现自我新的层面和侧面，你就做对了。

Even when everything else feels really scary, if you are at least discovering new facets and sides to yourself, you are you're doing something right.

成为真正的自己，意味着要理解迄今为止你被塑造成了什么样子，然后有意识地决定你希望从现在开始如何塑造自己，或你想成为什么样的人。

Now becoming who you are means kind of understanding who you've been shaped into so far, and then how you want to shape yourself from here on out deliberately or what you want to become.

而这部分完全由你决定，它需要努力，需要一种心态的转变。

And that is the part that is up to you and that is the part that requires effort and like a mindset shift.

人们普遍认为，你的性格就是你与生俱来的东西。

People really assume that your personality is like what you are essentially born with.

这对我们来说如此自然，以至于你只是顺其自然地陷入其中，保持不变，无需努力，认为它是上帝赐予的、命中注定的。

It's so natural to us that you just you fall into it, you remain in it, you don't have to work on it, it is God given, predetermined.

在某种程度上，这确实是正确的。

And to some degree that is right, you know.

我们身上确实有一部分似乎独立存在，不受外界影响。

There is a a part of us that just seems to like exist without influence.

我们的自然气质通常保持相当稳定。

There is our natural temperament which often remains quite stable.

我们中的一些人天生就拥有某些才能，这似乎没有其他解释。

Some of us have talents that we were like simply born with and there's like no other explanation for it.

但事情也远比这复杂得多。

But it's also a lot more complex than that.

本质上，人格和我们的自我概念——这不过是形容我们心中如何看待自己的一个术语——归结为几个因素。

Essentially, personality and our self-concept, which is basically just a fancy word for how we see ourselves in our mount in our mind's eye, it comes down to a few things.

基因，即蓝图，是其中一个组成部分。

Genetics, the blueprint, is one component.

根据2020年发表在《自然》杂志上的一项双胞胎研究——这是这类研究的最高标准——人类人格的遗传率约为40%至60%。

According to a 2020 study published in Nature that looked at twins, which is like the highest standard for these kinds of studies, human personality is around 40 to 60% heritable.

你自身的40%到60%在某种程度上取决于你的父母，或者你所继承的DNA。

40 to 60% of who you are in some way comes down to who your parents are or, you know, the DNA that you have inherited.

但40%到60%这个范围已经相当大了。

40 to 60% though is like a pretty big margin.

这表明我们其实并没有一个准确的估算。

Like, that's that shows that we don't really have that much of an accurate estimate.

因为20%的差异可能朝这个方向，也可能朝那个方向，我也不确定。

Because a 20% could go this way, could go that way is I don't know.

我不愿意拿这个来赌我的运气。

Not something I wanna stake my odds on.

我喜欢取个中间值。

I like to split the difference.

我们就说50%吧。

Let's say 50%.

你有50%的特质是由基因决定的，也就是你的父母和你继承的DNA。

50% of who you are is, you know, genetics, is your parents, is DNA.

另外30%与环境有关。

Another 30% has to do with environment.

比如性别、文化、个人经历、成长环境、教育、国家、创伤，诸如此类的因素。

So gender, culture, personal experiences, upbringing, education, country, trauma, those kinds of things.

剩下的20%，甚至可能更多，完全由你掌控。

That leaves 20% or probably more that is entirely up to you.

而这最后的20%会以极大的强度影响剩下的80%。

And that final part, that final 20% acts with great intensity on the remaining 80%.

我认为它基本上决定了所有其他因素——环境、成长经历、基因——是如何表现出来的。

And I think it basically determines how all those other factors, environment, upbringing, genetics, is expressed.

所以，我真正想说的是，你关于个性的选择、你如何看待自己、以及你希望个性如何表达，最终可能决定你成为怎样的人，完全构成100%的你。

So basically, what I'm trying to say is that your choices to do with your personality and how you feel about yourself and how you want your personality to be expressed, that at the end of the day accounts could end up accounting for a 100% of who you actually become.

你如何对待自己的个性和人生，是的，它或许无法改变过去或你的基因蓝图，但它能改变你对待其他所有因素的方式。

How you go about your personality and your life, yes, it might not be able to change the past or change your genetic blueprint, but it can change how you approach all those other factors.

也许你迷失自我的原因在于，到目前为止，你只是让个性成为那些你无法控制的事情的副产品，并且被动地接受了它们。

Maybe the reason you've lost yourself is because up until this point, you've let your personality simply be the byproduct of the things you have no control over and have simply accepted.

现在你正处于一个阶段，意识到这种状态可能有害，你不再感觉良好，但同时你也到了一个可以真正付出努力的阶段，能够以积极主动的方式面对你的个性，以及那些你感到已经疏远的自我部分。

Now you're at a stage where you're noticing that that's maybe harmful and you don't feel good anymore, but you're also at a stage where you can actually put in the work and you can approach your personality and the and the parts of you that you feel you've become disconnected from in a very proactive manner.

因此，考虑到以上所有内容，让我们来谈谈我的第一条建议。

So with all of that in mind, let's get into my number one tip.

第一，回到更简单的时候。

Number one, go back to a simpler time.

我前几天读到一个绝妙的想法。

I read this amazing idea the other day.

你并没有失去你的个性。

You don't lose your personality.

你只是把它冻结了。

You freeze it.

在童年和成年之间的某个时候，你突然就停止了所有你热爱的事情，你知道的。

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, you just suddenly you just suddenly stopped doing all the things that you loved, you know.

在某个阶段，你最后一次玩耍了。

At some stage, you you played for the last time.

在某个阶段，你最后一次创造了想象中的世界。

At some stage, you made up imaginary worlds for the last time.

你停止了在周末做手工。

You stopped crafting on the weekends.

还记得你小时候，你会想，你知道吗？

Remember when you were a kid and you'd be like, you know what?

今天我要学会做柠檬水。

Today's the day I learn how to make lemonade.

或者，今天我要写一首歌。

Or, like, today's the day that I write a song.

今天我要和朋友们在街区里跑来跑去。

Today's the day that I, like, run around the neighborhood with my friends.

我们再也不这么做了。

We don't do that anymore.

我们每天只是花七个小时在抖音上消费别人的生活，而他们也在为我们表演，假装自己拥有充实的生活。

We just spend seven hours a day on TikTok consuming other people's lives whilst they perform for us, pretending they have lives of their own.

在那些童年充满奇迹与喜悦的时刻，曾经活跃起来的我们的一部分，因缺乏活动和使用而冻结了。

A part of us that used to come alive during those moments, during those times of childhood wonder and delight, has become frozen by inactivity and a lack of use.

但这意味着，做你童年或年轻时最享受的事情，很可能就是找到你正在寻找的个性缺失部分的方法。

But what that means is that doing what your childhood or younger self enjoyed most is probably how you're going to find the missing piece of your personality that you're looking for.

你留在过去那部分的自己。

The piece that you kind of left in the past.

你必须重新开始做那些小时候最爱做的事情，即使现在你已经成年了。

You've got to start doing the things that you used to love doing as a child again as an adult.

找回那种你曾经拥有的快乐和纯粹的兴趣。

And finding your way back to that joy that you had and that just, like, pure interest.

我们是谁的大部分本质，在童年时是如此原始而鲜明。

So much of who we are is just, like, so raw and visible when we are children.

因为童年本身的心理特性，我们的小脑袋对很多事情都敞开接纳。

Because because of the very psychological nature of childhood itself, you know, our little minds are open to so much.

我们天生就充满好奇心。

We have such a natural curiosity.

但作为孩子，我们也能极其轻松地追随内心喜爱的路径，因为几乎没有，或者根本没有任何阻碍你去做这些事。

But as children, we also follow the path of natural enjoyment with incredible ease because there's less, if not nothing, stopping you from doing that.

比如，一个热爱艺术的孩子，可以整个周末都画画，纯粹地享受，因为他们不必担心作品好不好。

You know, for example, a child who loves art can make art all weekend and just enjoy because they don't have to worry about it being good.

他们不需要担心义务。

They don't have to worry, hopefully, about obligation.

有些孩子确实会。

Some children do.

但希望他们不必担心准备晚餐，或者因为工作而疲惫，或者担心错失恐惧（FOMO），或者其他可能占据他们时间与效率的事情。

But, hopefully, they don't have to worry about getting dinner ready or, you know, how exhausted they are from work or FOMO or all the other things they could be doing with their time, productivity.

一个热爱阅读的孩子，只会感受到阅读带来的正面回报，而不会去想这是否有效率，也不会去想别人是否觉得这很酷。

You know, a child who loves reading just feels the positive reward of reading without thinking if it's productive, without thinking if other people think it's cool.

正是这种不受成人评判、不受成人挫败感、现实感和责任干扰的自然喜悦之流，让我们在年幼时最能感受到真实的自己。

It's the natural flow of joy that is uninterrupted by adult judgments, uninterrupted by adult frustrations and realism and responsibilities that is why we probably felt most like ourselves when we were small.

这深刻反映了我们所了解的内在小孩疗愈、游戏以及与年轻时的自我建立联系，如何成为通往成年期真实性的途径。

And it really reflects a lot of what we know about inner child healing and play and connecting with our younger selves as a path to authenticity in adulthood.

所以，这就是我需要你回归的地方。

So that's where I need you to return.

找一个你小时候热爱的活动，那个你记得最享受、最常做的，然后把它融入你的日常生活中。

Find an activity you loved as a child, the one you can remember enjoying the most, doing the most, and incorporate it into your daily routine.

事实上，一开始就把这件事写进你的待办事项清单里。

In fact, literally put it on your to do list at first.

就像你把个人卫生、健身计划或工作优先事项写进待办清单那样。

You know, the way that you would put personal hygiene or your fitness routine or your work priorities on your to do list.

你知道，你正在对抗一些强大的力量，它们试图让你偏离自己的本性。

You know, you are fighting back against some pretty powerful forces here who want to distract you from your personality.

你的手机。

Your phone.

你的手机就像一个装在口袋里的老虎机。

Your phone is a literal slot machine in your pocket.

繁忙的日程、疲惫、以及必须更多工作的压力。

Busy schedules, exhaustion, the pressure to work more.

你不能随机地对抗这些力量。

You can't fight those forces randomly.

你需要一个计划。

You need a plan.

你必须把绘画、弹钢琴、搭乐高、运动、手工这些事列为优先事项，确保它们出现在你的待办清单上。

You need to make it a priority to paint, a priority to play the piano, to make Lego, to go play sports, to craft, make sure it's on your to do list.

如果你想要更进一步，真正重新连接那个最纯粹、最像自己的内在孩童，不妨在上班途中、通勤时或做晚饭时，听听你童年最爱的音乐。

And if you wanna go even smaller and you wanna really reconnect with that inner child version of you who felt most pure and and like yourself, even just listen to your favorite childhood music on your way to work or on your commute or when you cook dinner.

音乐实际上是一种深刻的情感触发器，聆听怀旧的音乐能唤起你第一次听到那首歌时的相似心境。

Music is actually a deeply emotional trigger, and listening to nostalgic music can actually cue a similar mindset to the time you first heard the song.

因此，只要你把它列为优先事项，它就能真正带你回到那段更简单的时光，并重新带回那种态度、精神、感受和真实感。

Therefore, really bringing you back to that simpler time and bringing back with it that same attitude, spirit, feeling, sense of authenticity as long as you make it a priority.

这引出了我的第二个建议。

This brings me to tip number two.

确保你每天都能满足一项核心灵魂需求。

Make sure that you are fulfilling one of your core soul needs per day.

灵魂需求是指那些纯粹为了感受人性而进行的精神活动。

Soul needs are the spiritual things you do to fill your cup purely by feeling human.

它不需要具有生产力。

It doesn't have to be productive.

这纯粹是通过实践那些让我们区别于地球上其他任何事物的事情。

It's purely by practicing the things that make us unlike anything else on the planet.

当我提到精神层面时，并不是指宗教。

And when I say spiritual, don't mean religious.

我不是指祈祷。

I don't mean prayer.

对我来说，那对你来说可以是其中的一部分。

I'm like that can be part of it for you.

我指的是那些让你真切感受到自己拥有灵魂的事情。

I mean the stuff that makes you feel like you literally you have a soul.

这些包括冒险和好奇心。

These include adventure and curiosity.

这是一种灵魂需求。

That is a soul need.

playful 和荒诞。

Playfulness and silliness.

被看见和归属感。

Being seen and kinship.

幽默与笑声。

Humor and laughter.

深度的享受或放纵。

Deep enjoyment or indulgence.

比如，花额外的时间准备晚餐，感受阳光的温暖，多在床上躺五分钟，性行为或与自己或他人建立深层的身体连接，或者创造一些今天早上还不存在的东西。

You know, really spending extra time making your dinner, feeling the warmth of the sun, spending an extra five minutes in bed, sex or deep physical connection with yourself or others, or and creating something that didn't exist this morning.

这些就是你的一些灵魂需求。

So those are some of your soul needs.

你的灵魂需求是让你具有感知力、充满生机、有感觉的事物。

Your soul needs are the things that make you sentient, alive, feeling.

特别是，它们让你感受到自己不是一台机器。

Specifically though, they make you feel not like a machine.

通常，我们会失去个性，因为我们刻意安排日常生活，使之更像一台机器。

Often, we lose our personalities because we we do craft our daily lives to reflect that more of a machine.

机器是没有个性的。

And machines, they don't have personalities.

比如，人工智能没有个性。

Like, AI doesn't have a personality.

一辆卡车也没有个性。

A truck doesn't have a personality.

割草机、打字机都没有个性，除非我们人类——作为有感知的生物——赋予它们个性。

A lawnmower, a typewriter doesn't have a personality unless we, as humans, they're sentient creatures, apply it onto them.

那么，你又怎么能期待自己拥有个性呢？

So how can you expect yourself to have a personality?

如果你像机器一样行事，又怎么能期待了解真实的自己呢？

How can you expect yourself to know who you are if you act like a machine?

如果你的日常生活就是：起床、插电、通勤、浇水、吃饭、操作、进出、生产、回家、关机？

If your daily life is get up, plug in, commute, water, eat, operate, in, out, produce, go home, turn off?

这正是日常生活试图将我们推入，或无意中推入的状态。

That's really what, like, the daily, like, daily life is trying to push us into becoming or is incidentally pushing us into becoming.

你必须反抗这种状态。

You have to act out against that.

我最近读到一篇关于因单调而非过度工作导致倦怠的论文。

There was a recent paper I read about burnout due to monotony, not just excess work.

这太引人入胜了。

That was so fascinating.

我们通常认为倦怠只是因为负担太重、事情太多。

You know, we typically think of burnout as just having too much on your plate, having too much going on.

这篇论文实际上指出，让生活过于简单、陷入过多例行公事，可能会对心理造成伤害，变得极其疲惫甚至具有破坏性。

Essentially, this paper is saying that actually making your life too simplistic and having too much routine can be psychologically harmful and can become actually quite exhausting and destructive.

例行公事在一定范围内确实具有保护作用，但当它剥夺了灵魂的空间、不允许任何偏离时，就不再是了。

Routine can be really protective only up to a point when there is no room for soul, when there is no room for for deviation from your routine.

这就是我们最终迷失自我的原因。

That's why we end up losing ourselves.

所以你的灵魂需要——我需要你把它们重新带回你的生活。

So your soul needs, I need you to add them back into your life.

我需要你像重新融入童年活动一样，把这些东西撒回你的生活中。

I need you to sprinkle them back into your life like your childhood activities.

我还要说，这可能是这个清单上最快捷的建议。

I also will say, this is probably the quickest tip of all on this list.

每天满足一个灵魂需求，持续一个月。

Fulfill one soul need a day for a month.

尽量覆盖尽可能多的类别，我在这里向你保证退款。

Hit as many categories as you can, and I promise money back guarantee right here.

你会感觉自己焕然一新。

You will be feeling honestly brand new.

你会比以往任何时候都更好。

You will be feeling better than ever.

你会让别人注意到你的变化。

You will like, people will notice the difference in you.

他们会看到你身上闪耀着某种光芒，那是他们很久没见过的，或者你自己也很久没感受到的。

They will see something shining out of you that they haven't seen for a while, or that you haven't seen or felt for a while either.

好的。

Okay.

在我们继续接下来的三个建议之前，我们先休息一下。

We are going to take a short break here before we return for our next three tips.

请继续关注我们。

So stay with us.

下一个策略是我经常使用的一种方法，可以说是我情感和心理工具箱中的常用手段。

This next strategy is one that I frequently rely on in my own, I guess, emotional psychological toolbox.

我以前在播客中提到过这个。

I've spoken about it on the podcast before.

我必须再提一次，因为这对人们来说太重要了。

I just have to mention it again because it is so important for people to know.

这是我想问你们的问题。

This is my question for you.

你有没有过这种感觉：旅行时，你才是最好的自己？

Do you ever feel like you are your best self when you are traveling?

当你度假时，你会成为最好的自己，突然间你会冒出各种疯狂的项目、商业或品牌重塑的想法。

You are your best self when you are on holiday and suddenly you have like all of these crazy ideas for projects, businesses, a rebrand.

你有没有发现，当你在图书馆或国家/机构图书馆学习时，比在你平时学习的地方效率高得多？

Do you find that, like, you are so much more productive when you study at the library or, like, at your national or institutional library rather than the one that you typically study at?

或者你在徒步旅行、接触大自然之后，效率会大大提高。

Or that you are so much more productive after a hike, after you've been outdoors.

这些都是引导性问题。

These are all leading questions.

你可能会回答‘是的’。

You're probably gonna say yes.

你此刻所经历的，是地理新奇性的心理力量。

What you are experiencing in this moment is the psychological power of geographical novelty.

具体来说，是新环境的力量。

Specifically, the power of a new environment.

这与我们上一个建议有些相似，但主要关注的是你的所在地。

This is somewhat similar to our last tip but it focuses mainly on like your location.

如果你想找回自己的个性，就必须让自己置身于新的环境中。

If you want to get your personality back like you've got to be putting yourself in new environments.

有一位名叫大卫·冈萨雷斯的研究者及其团队进行了一系列极佳的研究，我强烈推荐，这些研究发生在2017年到2018年左右，他们深入探讨了新奇体验对我们记忆、神经健康，以及至关重要的个性的影响。

There is this fantastic, could not recommend enough series of research by the researcher David Gonzalez and his team that they conducted between, I think it was like late two thousand and February, like, 2017, 2018, where they essentially explored the importance of novelty for our memory, for our neural health, and crucially for our personality.

他们发现，当研究成千上万来自不同年龄、种族、文化和性别的群体时，那些拥有新奇体验、主动进入新环境、尝试新事物、新食物、新音乐和新电影的人，幸福感要高得多。

And they found that when looking at, like, thousands of people, literally thousands of people of all ages, all ethnicities, all cultures, all genders, those who had novel experiences, those who put themselves in new environments, tried new things, tried new fu- food, music, movies, were so much happier.

他们还拥有更深层次的自我觉醒，并且更清楚自己是谁。

And they also had a deeper sense of personal enlightenment, and they knew who they were.

例如，2017年的一项特定研究观察了生产工人，他们每班次都会被分配一项新任务，结果发现，这些工人事后对自己的感觉更好了。

For example, one 2017 study in particular observed production workers who were given novel tasks once a shift, and they found that afterwards these people felt better about themselves.

与那些没有经历新奇体验的人相比，他们的大脑灰质更多。

They had more grey matter in their brains compared to those who didn't have these novel experiences.

那些不必解决陌生问题的人。

Who didn't have to solve unfamiliar problems.

这对你的启示是：给自己一些新的、充满好奇的挑战。

What that means for you is give yourself new curious challenges.

进入新的空间。

Get into new spaces.

尽可能进入新的环境。

Get into new environments wherever you can.

走不同的上班路线。

Different routes to work.

每天换一条路去上班，就当是找乐子。

Walk a different way to work every single day just for fun.

去新的图书馆学习。

Studying in a new library.

去一家不同的咖啡店，而不是你最爱的那家。

Going to a different coffee shop shop rather than your favorite.

甚至晚上看点新的东西，而不是连续第五次重看《办公室》的同一集——我可太有这毛病了。

Even like watching something new at night instead of the same episode of The Office for like the fifth time in a row, which I am very much guilty of.

这之所以有助于找回我们的个性，是因为它能确保我们的大脑保持可塑性和适应性。

You know, the reason this is helpful for getting our personality back is because it ensures that our brains remain plastic and adaptable.

你的大脑天生就是为了新鲜感而设计的。

Your brain was built for newness.

它被设计成接受世界的挑战与启发，去品尝浆果，体验矿石，结识新人，看见不同种类的树木。

It was built to be challenged and inspired by the world, to taste berries, to experience ore, to meet new people, to see new types of trees.

当它得不到这些时，我简直能想象它就像一只动物园里的动物。

And when it doesn't get that, I kind of imagine it, like, turns into, like, a zoo animal of sorts.

就像一只老虎，不停地在笼子里来回踱步，被生活的单调所困住。

Like, a tiger, you know, pacing up and down, pacing up and down its cage, kinda trapped in by the by the boringness of things.

当你把这件事当作优先事项时，你会感受到大脑神经连接的变化。

And you will feel the difference in the wiring of your brain when you make this a priority.

你的大脑会从停滞、无聊的状态——就像一条没有流动的河流——转变为广阔、奔涌、充满好奇与活力的状态。

Your brain moves from stagnant and bored, like, you know, a river with no flow to, like, expansive and rushing and curious and fresh.

我只是觉得，明天最简单的一件事，就是让你的大脑更多地向世界敞开，这样你就能更像自己。

I just think it is, like, one of the easiest things you could do tomorrow to feel more like yourself just by like opening your brain up a little bit more to the world.

好的。

Okay.

第四点建议。

Tip number four.

到目前为止，你会开始发现一个共同的主题。

You will start to see a theme here at this point.

设定一个完全无用的目标，并且让它非常非常随机。

Have a completely unproductive goal and make it really really random.

比如，特别古怪。

Like, totally weird.

与你生活中其他所有事情完全无关。

Totally separate from everything else you're doing in life.

你可以称之为支线任务。

You can call it a side quest.

一个支线任务，它需要投入精力和时间，但不会让你感到疲惫或有成就感。

A side quest, if you will, that will take effort and time, but does not feel exhausting nor productive.

或者，从某种意义上说，它算是一种‘有成就感’。

Or, like, productive in in one sense of the world.

让我解释一下我这么说的意思。

Let me kind of explain what I mean by this.

让我给你举一些例子，说明什么是这些支线任务或这些无用的目标。

Let me give you some examples of what I mean by these side quests or these unproductive goals.

例如，读五本你敬仰的艺术家的传记。

For example, read five biographies about artists you admire.

背下全部196面国旗。

Memorize all a 196 flags.

在年底之前，去你所在城镇、城市或居住地的每一个博物馆。

Go to every museum in the town, city, place where you live before the end of the year.

在年底之前，为每一位朋友画一幅肖像。

Paint a portrait for every single one of your friends by the end of the year.

学习如何自己做衣服。

Learn how to make your own clothes.

你知道，最好的例子就是如果你读过《朱莉与朱莉娅》这本书或看过这部电影，那位女士基本上说：我要在一年内做完茱莉亚·柴尔德食谱里的所有菜。

You know, the best example of this is if you've read the book slash, say, in the movie, Julie and Julia, where this woman basically is like, I'm gonna cook my way through a Julia Child cookbook in one year.

这是个很好的例子。

That is a great example.

这可以说是，我不太喜欢用‘无成效’这个词，但对她其他目标而言，这是一个无成效却仍令人充实且具有挑战性的目标。

That is an you know, I I hate using the word unproductive, but unproductive for her other ambitions, an unproductive goal that still feels nourishing and is difficult.

我认为这其中的核心在于，它为你的生活重新注入了一丝奇思妙想和轻松感，同时仍要求你朝着平时不会追求的方向努力。

I think the core element of this is that it adds a bit of whimsy and a lack of seriousness back into your life whilst still asking you to strive in a direction that you normally don't.

我给你们说的那些奇怪目标，只要付出努力都是可以实现的。

All of those weird goals I gave you, like, are achievable with effort.

它们还触及了我们整个节目中一直在讨论的东西——一种惊奇感、人性和好奇心，而这些可能在某个时候我们已经遗失了。

They also tap into something we've really been discussing this whole episode, which is like a sense of wonder, and a humanness and a curiosity that we've probably lost along the way at some point.

这种做法的心理学依据是什么？

What is the psychological justification for this?

将一个无成效的目标作为重新连接自我个性的手段，其心理学依据在于它能丰富你的个性。

The psychological justification for setting an unproductive goal as a means to reconnect with your personality is that it's diversifying your personality.

就像人们分散投资一样。

The way people diversify investments.

它确保你拥有多种途径、多种渠道，通过它们你可以探索、发现并认识自己。

It's ensuring that you have multiple avenues, multiple streams through which you are able to investigate and explore and see yourself.

你不能被一件事所定义。

You cannot be defined by one thing.

不能只靠一件事，比如工作、学习或你的事业，就以为它能带给你幸福的人生。

One thing like work or study or your business and think that that's gonna deliver you a happy life.

尤其是在二十多岁时，人们非常强调专注、选择，选定一条路去专精。

In our twenties particularly, you know, there is this major emphasis on being focused, selective, choosing one path to specialize in.

无论是选择专业、运动、爱好，还是具体的职业道路，然后一直沿着这条路走到退休。

Whether it's choosing a major, choosing a sport, choosing your hobby, choosing a literal career path, and just like being on that until you retire.

基本上就是把未来四十年、五十年的全部精力都集中在一件事上。

Basically concentrating all your effort on one thing for the next forty, fifty years.

你知道，即使我有时也觉得自己有这种倾向，因为专注确实能带来成果。

You know, even I feel like at times, I am guilty of that because having that focus does bring results.

但如果你生活中除了这件事什么都没有，你真的会感到充满生机吗？

But does it make you feel alive if you have nothing else going on in your life?

这让你感受到自己是谁吗？

Does it make you feel connected to who you are?

说实话，并非总是如此。

Let's be honest, Not all the time.

我们获得这种激光般的专注时，其他一切都变得模糊了。

We get that laser focus, and everything else fades away.

那么会发生什么呢？

And so what happens?

当那件事不再令人满意时，会发生什么？

What happens when things when that thing isn't satisfying anymore?

当你被解雇时，会发生什么？

What happens when you get fired?

当你想改变，当主要焦点消失时，会发生什么？

What happens when you wanna change, when the main focus drops off?

你最终只剩下一片荒芜。

You're kind of left with, like, a bit of a wasteland.

你只剩下对自我身份的思索，生活变得异常狭隘，这简直就像一个奇怪的隐喻。

You're left contemplating who you are, and life feels very narrow because it's almost like this is gonna be a weird metaphor.

这就像你戴上了限制视野的眼镜，然后当你摘下它时，却期待眼睛能立刻看到周边和周围的一切，尽管多年来你从未给眼睛这样的机会。

It's almost like you've put these glasses on that narrow your focus, and then you take them off and you expect your eye to suddenly be able to to see what's out on the on the periphery and what's out all around despite not giving it the opportunity to for many, many years.

现在我说出来，听起来像是个愚蠢的比喻，但这就是我脑海中的画面——你因为从未给自己的眼睛、视野或个性探索的机会，而实际上让自己对其他一切视而不见。

And now that I'm saying it sounds like a stupid analogy, but it's just that's just how I see it in my mind of like, you're literally blinding yourself to everything else by not giving your eyes or or your vision or your personality the opportunity to explore.

这就是为什么我需要你去收集这些支线任务。

That's why I need you to be collecting these side quests.

把它当作人格保险。

Consider it personality insurance.

如果你通常用来定义自我的东西——工作、关系、成就、赞美、热情——

If the things you typically base your personality on, work, relationships, accolades, praise, passion.

如果这些事物逐渐消退，变得令人疲惫，

If those things fade, they become exhausting.

那么这种方式能让你依然清楚自己是谁。

This way you'll still know who you are.

你仍然能够与内心更深层的部分建立联系，因为你以一种有意义的方式在其他方面表达自己，这种方式与你的职业、工作或那些重要的事情无关。

And you'll still be able to connect with a deeper part of you because you're expressing yourself elsewhere in a way that feels meaningful, in a way that doesn't feel tied to anything to do with your career or work or those kind of things of importance.

这仅仅是你在做的一件事，而且你真心想全力以赴。

It's just something you're doing and and wanna give a and wanna, you know, give a red hot go.

实际上，我原本把下一条作为第五条建议，但现在我觉得它可能属于这一条。

Actually, I had this as a fifth tip, this next one, but I think it may come under this one.

所以我干脆就把它放在这里了。

So I'm just gonna include it here.

我的第五条建议是——萨什仍然建议——开始写日记，特别是坚持一年的随意涂鸦式日记。

My fifth tip was gonna be, Sash kinda still is, to start journaling, specifically commit to a year of junk journaling.

谈谈改变人生的微习惯。

Talk about life changing micro habits.

这个就是了。

This one is it.

我最近在我朋友萨莉推荐之后，开始写随意涂鸦式日记。

I started junk journaling recently after my friend Sally recommended it to me.

她是地球上最美丽的女人。

She's the most beautiful woman on the planet of this earth.

她真的非常非凡。

She's just like remarkable.

去年年中，我和她聊了一次，当时我对她说：萨莉，我不再知道自己是谁了。

And I had this conversation with her middle of last year where I was like, Sally, like I don't know who I am anymore.

没有手机，我不知道自己是谁。

I don't know who I am without my phone.

没有工作，我不知道自己是谁。

I don't know who I am without work.

我只想工作或者玩手机。

All I wanna do is work or be on my phone.

工作或者玩手机。

Work or be on my phone.

我发现自己不再对任何事感兴趣，也不再觉得有趣了。

Like, I don't find myself interested or interesting anymore.

她对我说：‘你得买一本现在Instagram上大家都在聊的垃圾日记本。'

And she was like, you gotta get one of these junk journals everybody on Instagram has been talking about.

你就得买一本日记本，然后收集一些真正的垃圾。

Like, you've gotta get just a journal and just collect literal trash.

我当时说：‘好吧。'

And I was like, okay.

我会试试看，因为我信任她的意见。

I'll just try it because I trust her opinion.

我发现这其实就是轻松模式的写日记。

And what I found is that it's basically journaling on easy mode.

我喜欢把感受随意地写在纸上，不加结构。

I love journaling just like out my feelings on onto the page in an unstructured manner.

但当我实在没有精力做那种写法时，这简直就是最好的替代方案。

But when I really don't feel like I have the energy for that, this is like the best alternative.

你只需要收集一些日常生活中随手可得的垃圾，比如收据、标签、贴纸、火车票、机票等等。

You basically just collect junk like receipts, labels, stickers, train tickets, airplane tickets, whatever it is from your day, from your life.

你拿一支胶棒，把东西贴在日记本里，然后写一些简短的评论。

You get a glue stick, you paste it in your journal, and you just write small comments about it.

你知道这些杂物其实以一种奇特的方式反映着你的生活故事。

And you know how this junk is basically reflecting your kind of life story in a weird way.

它给了我一种强烈的感觉：首先，这是一个每天晚上都系统性进行的重要仪式和习惯，让我感到踏实。

And it it's given me such a sense of, firstly, it's a a really important ritual and a habit that I do every single night in a systematic way that has been grounding.

它还给了我一种强烈的自我连续感。

It's also given me such a sense of self continuity.

基本上，能够回望过去，看到三周前的自己、一个月前的自己，也希望在未来，能够回望并看到现在的自己。

Basically, being able to look back and see who I was three weeks ago, who I was a month ago, and, hopefully, in the future, able to look back and see who I was now.

以我自己的经历为例，我发现我们正是通过这个过程塑造了个性，因为通过这样做——无论是写日记还是杂物日记——我们为生活重新注入了叙事。

And what I've seen being my own case study is that we find our personality through this process because by doing this, by journaling or junk journaling, we add narrative back into our lives.

这是叙事心理学的核心前提。

This is a core premise of narrative psychology.

我们喜欢那些有故事可循的事物，包括我们自己的人生。

We like when something has a story to it that we can reflect on, including our own lives.

我们喜欢故事。

We love a story.

我们喜欢当事物显得连贯时，因为有一条线索贯穿始终。

We love when something feels coherent because there is a line that goes all the way through.

无论以何种形式，记日记都能为我们做到这一点。

Journaling in whatever form does that for us.

我们可以清晰地将我们的想法与经历联系起来。

We can coherently draw lines between our thoughts and our experiences.

我们可以观察过去的自己和现在的自己。

We can observe ourselves in the past and in the present.

我们能发现行为中的模式。

We see patterns in behaviors.

我们注意到关于自己的一些事情，因为我们就是研究对象。

We notice things about who we are because we are the specimen.

我们是显微镜下的研究对象，这有助于我们认识到那些我们可能已经忘记、可能正在缺失、甚至可能正在回避的自我部分。

We are the subject under the microscope, and that just helps us recognize the parts of us that we love that we may be forgetting, that we may be missing, dare I say it, that we may be avoiding.

基本上，写日记就像一面镜子。

Basically, journaling is like a mirror.

我认为这就是为什么它成为一种如此普遍且经久不衰的疗法或自助方法，因为它能让你看到真实的自己，而不必戴上我们为他人所戴的面具。

I think that is why it is such a well worn tested therapy or self help method because it just lets you see yourself without, I guess, the the frills that we put on for other people.

用垃圾日记本， literally 通过垃圾来看清你自己。

With the junk journal, like, literally see yourself through garbage.

就像，这已经是能有多原始就有多原始，有多真实就有多真实。

Like, that is as raw and real as it can get.

还有一个额外的好处，这也是我最初开始写日记的原因：它能让你远离该死的手机。

Bonus to this as well, and this is why I started in the first place, it gets you off your fucking phone.

如果你想找回自己的个性，我知道我以前说过，你必须停止消费，开始创造。

If you wanna get your personality back, and I know I've said this before, you've got to stop consuming and start creating.

有一句非常著名的话：你吃什么，你就是什么。

There is a very famous saying, you are what you eat.

你也是你所消费的数字内容和数字世界的产物。

You are also the digital content and digital world that you consume.

如果你只是用他人的个性来滋养自己，又如何能成为独立的、独特的个体，拥有自己的个性呢？

How can you hope to be your own individual, your own unique figure, to have your own personality if you just consume other people's personalities for nourishment?

消费就像你不停地刷手机，一整天都在给大脑喂食人工的东西。

Consumption is like you scrolling consumption being on your phone, it's like feeding your brain artificial stuff all day.

创造则是给大脑喂有机的草莓、蔬菜，以及那些真正能提供营养的美妙事物。

Creation is like feeding it organic strawberries and vegetables and like delightful things that actually give it nutrients.

还有一个好处，抱歉我得再啰嗦一下关于记日记的事，但我想把这一点讲透。

One more bonus to this, and I'm sorry that we can move on with the journaling thing, but just to beat this horse dead.

我认为，记日记不仅能让你看清现在的自己，还能让你看到未来的自己。

I think that it also not just lets you see who who you are now, it lets you see yourself in the future.

让我稍微详细解释一下。

Let me elaborate on this a little bit.

五年后，二十五年后，你可能会处于和现在相似的境地。

In five years time, in twenty five years time, you may be at a similar point as the one you are at now.

那时你会想：我是谁？

Where you're like, who am I?

我不知道自己是谁。

I don't know who I am.

我的真实个性是什么？

What is my actual personality?

而现在，因为你开始写日记了——不管是随意记录还是其他形式——此时你已经积累了五年的、十年的、十五年的、甚至二十五年的信息，这些都能帮助你重新连接自我，提醒你是什么造就了今天的你。

And now, because you started journaling, junk journaling, whatever it is, at this point, you will have five, ten, fifteen, twenty five years worth of information to help you reconnect with yourself and remind you what has made you you.

我那些已经写日记一段时间、甚至可能一辈子都在写的听众，可以为我证实这一点。

My listeners who have been journaling for a little bit for a long time, maybe even their whole lives, can confirm this for me.

没有什么比坐下来，喝着一杯葡萄酒或茶，翻阅自己过去的日记更令人愉悦的了。

There are few pleasures as amazing as sitting down with a glass of wine or a tea and reading back your old journals.

每次搬家时，我都会这么做。

Every time I move house I do this.

这太棒了。

It's the best.

我喜欢随心所欲地度过每一天。

I like run away with the day.

我喜欢花几个小时重新通过自己的文字审视自己，比如读读我当年对八年级那个叫拉尔夫的男生的感想，我当时可是对他暗恋过。

I like, lose hours to just like reexamining myself through myself and like, reading what I thought about this guy Ralph, who I was like, had a crush on in year eight.

或者那个五年级时对我很刻薄的女孩露辛达，因为所有这些都记录在这里。

Or like, this girl Lucinda, who was, like, mean to me in year five because it's all there.

有趣的是，我当年对这些事的反应、写作方式和处理态度，和我现在的行为方式还挺相似的。

And it's funny, like, how I reacted and how I wrote and how I approached those things then is kinda similar to how I act now.

这种连续性真的让人感到欣慰，能看到自己一路走来的轨迹真好。

And that's really gratifying in that it's it's nice to see the continuity.

所以，是的，这很神圣。

So, yeah, it's sacred.

这很富有灵性。

It's spiritual.

这不仅是一份送给当下自己的礼物，也是送给未来自己的礼物。

It's a gift, not just for your current self, but for your future self as well.

所以，如果你现在感觉不像自己了，我完全推荐你试试这样做。

So, yeah, totally recommend doing that if you don't feel like yourself right now.

好的。

Okay.

我们得再休息一小会儿，但之后我会给你两个最终的建议。

We have to take one more short break here, but then I have two final tips for you.

最后一个，说实话，是我最推荐的。

The last one honestly being the one that I would recommend the most out of all of these.

所以我向你保证，这绝对值得。

So I promise you it's worth it.

请继续关注我们。

Stick with us.

到目前为止，我提到的很多建议都比较个人化，像是我们在家中安静时独自做的事情。

I will say a lot of these tips so far have been kind of solitary, very, like, things that we do in, like, the quiet of our home.

但很多时候，我们是通过他人、通过他们对我们的欣赏来认识和看待自己的。

But we really know ourselves a lot of the time and see ourselves through others and through their appreciation of us.

如果你还不了解自己，你的朋友和家人很可能了解，并且正因为如此而爱你。

If you don't know who you are, your friends and family probably do and they love you for it.