431. Why a boring life is beautiful

这是iHeart的一档播客。

This is an iHeart podcast.

百分百真人制作。

Guaranteed human.

快乐至关重要，却也难以捉摸。现在，有一种全新而令人兴奋的方式，能帮你开启更快乐的生活之旅。

Joy is essential and it's also elusive but now there's a new and exciting way to start your journey toward a more joyful existence.

《快乐入门》是我主持的新播客。如果你渴望灵感，想最大限度地提升幸福感，就来收听这些真诚、鼓舞人心又动人的对话吧。打开免费的iHeartRadio应用，搜索‘快乐入门’，立即收听。《快乐入门》由霍达·科蒂主持，由CBS出品。

Joy one zero one it's a new podcast hosted by me how to copy if you're craving inspiration to maximize your joy tune into these candid uplifting and moving on air chats open your free I heart radio app search joy one zero one and listen now joy one zero one with hoda kotpi is presented by CBS.

我的第一位嘉宾是帕伦特·希尔卡·卢克。

My first guest is parents Hilton shakira look

然而在

and yet in

会有许多惊喜。

have surprises in many surprises.

欢迎来到《甜蜜305》播客，这里让群聊活了起来。

Welcome to the Sweet three zero five podcast where the group chat comes to life.

最近怎么样？

What up?

你是唯一一个喜欢黄色星爆糖的人。

You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst.

那是柠檬味的。

It's lemonade.

这里是《Sweet 305》。

This is Sweet three zero five.

在这里，坦诚分享是被鼓励的。

Here, oversharing is encouraged.

在 iHeartRadio 应用、Apple 播客或你常用的播客平台收听莉莉·庞兹主持的《Sweet 305》。

Listen to Sweet three zero five with Lily Ponds on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

超级明星还能像过去那样存在吗？

Can superstars even exist the way they used to?

2016 年大概是最后一个人人都共同消费同一事物的时代了。

2016 was sort of that last era of monoculture, where we still consume things in community.

那时候人人都想成为碧昂丝。

Everybody wanted to be Beyonce at that point.

我觉得我们再也看不到另一个碧昂丝了。

I don't think we'll ever see another Beyonce.

做一名黑人意味着什么

What does it mean to be black

在美国吃饭又意味着什么？

and eat in America?

你会明白的。

You will

你永远别想让我因为自己是个黑人女孩、是个非裔美国女孩而感到羞愧。

never make me feel bad for being a black girl, for being a black American girl ever.

从音乐到饮食，再到当下塑造黑人文化的种种对话，《黑人女孩的疗愈》把这些全都带到了话筒前。

From music to food, to the conversations shaping black culture right now, therapy for black girls is bringing it all to the mic.

在 iHeartRadio 应用、Apple Podcast 或你常用的播客平台收听《黑人女孩的疗愈》。

Listen to therapy for black girls on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

来自Outspoken播客网络的骄傲月祝福。

Happy pride from the Outspoken Podcast Network.

整个月乃至全年，我们都在庆祝大胆发声、自豪做自己、永远保持独特。

All month long and all year round, we're celebrating being loud, proud, and always original.

我是布兰登·凯尔·古德曼，播客《告诉我点乱七八糟的》的主持人。

It's me, Brandon Kyle Goodman, host of the podcast Tell Me Something Messy.

快来听我的节目，看看关于约会、感情和成年生活的坦诚分享。

Check out my show for unfiltered takes on dating, relationships, and adulting.

想听最犀利的流行文化评论？别错过《High Key》；想了解科技圈动态，记得收听《There Are No Girls on the Internet》。

Listen to high key for the best pop culture takes, and there are no girls on the Internet for all your tech news.

想追星、看明星八卦？别忘了《Outlaws with TS Madison》。

For your favorite celebrity key keys, check out Outlaws with TS Madison.

通过《BFF, Black Fat Femme》学会无愧地爱自己，七月起别忘了每天带着目标醒来，收听《Waking Up With Ryan》。

Learn to love yourself unapologetically with BFF, Black Fat Femme, and start your day with intention with Waking Up With Ryan coming in July.

和Outspoken网络一起庆祝骄傲月。

Celebrate pride with the outspoken network.

打开免费的 iHeartRadio 应用，搜索‘pride’，现在就开始听吧。

Open your free iHeartRadio app, search pride, and listen now.

今年的黑人音乐月，《Questlove Show》致敬那些用声音塑造文化的先驱者。

This black music month, the Questlove Show celebrates the visionaries shaping culture through sound.

从乡村音乐先锋米基·盖顿，到嘻哈传奇 Fab Five Freddy，再到 Thundercat 的音乐天才，以及革命性的声音

From country trailblazer Mickey Guyton to hip hop icon Fab Five Freddy, the sonic genius of Thundercat, and the revolutionary voice

查克·D。

of Chuck D.

我就要那种震撼的感觉。

I want loud.

也许时间点不太准，音质有点模糊，但从里面传出来的声音

Like, So the timing might be off, the sound might be muffled, but what's gonna come out of there

一定能让你感同身受。

is something that you can feel.

用《Questlove Show》的特别节目，一起庆祝黑人音乐月。

Celebrate black music month with special episodes of the Questlove Show.

请在 iHeart iHeartRadio 应用、Apple 播客，或者你常用的播客平台收听。

Listen on the iHeart iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

大家好。

Hello, everybody.

我是杰玛·斯派克，欢迎回到《二十岁的心理课》，这档节目我们会聊聊二十岁阶段那些重大的变化、时刻与转折，以及它们对心理的影响。

I'm Jemma Spike, and welcome back to the psychology of your twenties, the podcast where we talk through the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and what they mean for our psychology.

大家好。

Hello, everybody.

欢迎回来。

Welcome back to the show.

欢迎回到节目。

Welcome back to the podcast.

很高兴你又回来了，和我们一起继续剖析二十岁的心理世界。

It is so great to have you here back for another episode as we, of course, break down the psychology of our twenties.

今天，我想稍微说几句题外话：平淡的生活，其实很美好。

Today, let me get on my soapbox for a second and say a boring life is a beautiful life.

我相信，我们每天都会面对铺天盖地的内容，它们都在试图让你觉得，你所做的一切还不够好。

It is my belief that every single day we face this wall of content that wants to convince you that what you are doing isn't enough.

如果你真去听这些视频、帖子和各种信息，你真会以为别人都比你更有干劲。

And if you were to listen to this, like, tidal wave of, like, videos and posts and whatnot, you would honestly believe that everybody has more motivation than you.

别人都比你朋友更多。

Everybody has more friends than you.

别人都比你衣服多、钱多，生活也更精彩。

Everybody has more clothes, more money, more kind of, like, going on in their life.

首先，这根本不是真的。

First of all, that's not true.

但其次，过平淡的生活，其实是一种反叛。

But second, being boring is a radical act.

你根本不需要向谁证明什么。

There is no one to impress.

你也不用去模仿别人的生活，因为你已经很喜欢自己现在拥有的了。

There is no one else's life that you wanna copy because you like what you have.

你根本想不到，接受那些别人觉得不光鲜的生活，能给你多大的自主权。

You have no idea how much agency that acceptance of what other people might not see as glamorous gives you.

我觉得这股浪潮正在转变，越来越多的人开始意识到，放慢脚步、过简单缓慢的生活，是多么彻底的解脱。

I also think the tidal wave is shifting and more of us are realizing how truly freeing it is to slow down and just go smaller and slower.

这简直是一场革命。

It's revolutionary.

这在心理层面绝对是场革命。

It's psychologically revolutionary for sure.

今天我们要聊的是平凡日常和例行习惯的美好，为什么它们重要，为什么它们可能为你打开一些你根本没意识到存在的门，尤其是在你二十多岁的时候。

So what we're gonna talk about today is the beauty of the boring routine, the boring rituals, and why they're important and why they may open doors you didn't even realize were available or were there, especially in your twenties.

我还想谈谈，如何应对那种觉得自己在浪费青春的感觉，以及为什么这种想法完全不对。

I also wanna talk about how to cope with feeling like maybe you're wasting your youth and why that's absolutely not true.

咱们来聊聊这个。

Let's talk about it.

为什么平凡的生活如此美好？

Why is The Boring Life beautiful?

请继续关注我们。

Stay with us.

那我所说的‘平淡的生活’到底是什么意思呢？

So what do I mean when I say a boring life?

我觉得这个词其实挺容易有不同理解的。

Because I feel like that's kind of open to interpretation.

对我而言——当然你可能不一样——平淡的生活，就是那种被社交媒体忽略的生活，因为它不容易被包装成卖点。

For me, and it may be different for you, a boring life is just one that I think has maybe been dismissed by social media because it's not as easy to sell into.

你不需要每周都买新衣服，那根本没必要。

It is the one where you don't buy new clothes every week because that's ridiculous.

你也不必每个月都去奢华度假才能快乐，毕竟谁有那个财力？

You don't need to go on lavish vacations every month to be happy because who can afford that?

你不需要靠不断卷入八卦或情绪过山车来获得刺激。

You don't need to be constantly engaged in drama or emotional extremes just to feel stimulated.

相反，你有清晰的界限。

But instead you have firm boundaries.

你有自己的生活节奏，而且很喜欢。

You have a routine you like.

你有一些小小的享受。

You have small luxuries.

你有安稳，有细微的快乐，说到底就是一份平静。

You have stability, tiny joys, just peace really.

当我想象自己这样的生活时，感觉特别有条理。

When I kind of picture it for myself, it's very grammar coded.

如果我非得给这种生活方式起个名字，也许会叫‘慢享’吧。

Maybe I'd use the term like slow maxing if I was that kind of person.

但说到底，就是享受简单的快乐，珍惜当下拥有的，不再总想着要更多，放慢脚步，回归简单。

But, like, again, indulgence in simple pleasures, appreciation for what you have now without constantly desiring more, slowing down simplicity.

从外面看，这或许显得很无聊，甚至有点无趣，但真正深入去看，它其实深深滋养着我们的心理需求，带来极大的满足。

And from the outside, yes, something that might look really boring or maybe lame, but when we get down to it is deeply nourishing and supremely fulfilling for our psychological needs.

我相信，不只是我一个人看到这种趋势——越来越多的人正在回归这种简单低调的生活方式。

I don't think I'm the only one seeing this like mass conversion, mass trend back to this kind of simple understated existence.

我们已经注意到，比如‘传统妻子’这个趋势，还有我的朋友、包括我自己，都开始渴望一种更可控的生活。

We've noticed it in like the trend of the trad wife, but also just like in my friends and in myself included, this craving for a life that's more manageable.

以前呢，我们总是透支自己，日程排得满满的，还以为那才叫成功。

When previously, you know, we really kind of ran on fumes and kind of had these very packed schedules and we thought that was success.

这部分其实和成长有关。

Part of this is developmental.

随着年龄增长，哪怕只是在二十多岁——这其实还很年轻——很多人就渐渐不再那么热衷于纯粹为了刺激而刺激了。

As we get older, even within our twenties, which is, by the way, still very young, many people become we we just become less drawn to raw stimulation for the for its own sake.

2014年有一项很有意思的研究，调查了将近六千人，追踪了15到26岁之间冲动性和寻求刺激行为的变化。

There was a very interesting study done in 2014 that looked at, I think, data from, like, almost 6,000 individuals, and they measured changes in impulsivity and sensation seeking behaviors from the ages of 15 to 26.

结果发现，随着年龄增长，这些冲动自然会减弱。

And what they noticed was that, obviously, as we get older, those impulses reduce.

但研究特别指出，二十多岁时人们对平静、平淡生活的向往，是由两个因素推动的。

But specifically found that this drive towards the calmer boring life in our twenties is being driven by two things.

第一，是性格本身的变化。

Firstly, changes in our personality.

其次，是冲动性、冒险行为以及对新鲜感的渴望呈线性下降。

And secondly, a linear decline in impulsivity and in risk taking behavior and hunger for novelty.

我们渐渐清楚自己真正想要的是什么。

We kind of know what we want.

不再需要靠强烈的刺激来推动自己。

We don't need raw excitement to motivate us.

真正驱动我们的，是长期的满足感、内心的平静和稳定的前景，这些更有力量，也更让人信服。

Like, we have the pull and the drive of long term gratification and long term peace and long term stability is more motivational and more convincing.

另一个让我们注意到这种变化的原因是，现实里，混乱终究会付出太大代价，随着年龄增长，它就不再那么吸引人了。

Another part of this and why we notice this change is that in reality, like, chaos eventually costs you too much, and it loses its attraction as we get older.

年轻的时候，或者还在建立自我认同的阶段，不可预测、随性而为、不断追求更多，这些感觉像是在证明：你开放、有活力、是个有趣的人。

When you're younger or, like, when you're still kind of constructing your sense of self, unpredictability, spontaneity, the pursuit of more, I think that feels like proof that you are open and you're alive and you're an interesting person.

这甚至有点像在说：看，我还年轻。

It's like also almost like proof that, you know, I'm young.

你想想看。

Look at it.

你看这个。

Like, look at this.

我做了这么多事。

I'm doing all these things.

但随着时间推移，我们渐渐意识到，总是忙得团团转、被各种刺激包围，并不等于真正感到满足。

But over time, I think we do begin to notice how being constantly overwhelmed and stimulated is not necessarily the same thing as being fulfilled.

我们也能看到，当每晚都有安排，靠生活的短暂兴奋和余温活着时，那种精疲力尽的感觉。

And we also see the burnout that happens when we have plans every single night, when we are kind of living on just like the fumes and highs of life.

不是我们不再渴望生活，而是我们更想要少点折腾，也更清楚地知道混乱里哪些地方让我们不舒服。

It's not that we don't crave less life, we just crave less friction and we learn what we don't like about the chaos.

可为什么说出口会觉得有点怪呢？

Why does it feel weird to admit that though?

为什么承认自己好像想要更简单一点，会让人觉得不自在？

Like, why does it feel weird to admit that we seemingly want less?

不是说要更少，而是要不一样。

Not less per se, but different.

我觉得在你真正能接受‘其实我根本不在乎别人怎么说’之前，

I think right before you are, like, able to fully accept, like, hey, actually, I don't care what other people say.

我就想要这种平淡的生活。

I want this boring life.

我们有一种心理反应，叫‘逆反心理’，就是当感觉自己的年轻自由被剥夺时——哪怕这自由是我们自己放弃的——还是会拼命做点什么，当作最后的狂欢。

We have this thing, this kind of reaction that we actually call in psychology reactance, which is when it feels like our freedom to be young is being taken away, even if it's by our own choices, we kind of act out as like a last hurrah.

真正的问题在于，内心真正渴望的，和外界强加给我们的期待之间产生了冲突，让我们觉得自己被困在两种生活方式中间。

What is really what's what it's really coming down to is cognitive dissonance between what we're deeply craving internally and what the world around us has told us to desire and expect externally that feels like we're trapped between these two ways of living.

社会总说，二十多岁就该是节奏飞快、拼命打拼、每个周末都排满计划的日子，之后才算真正进入‘现实生活’。

There is this narrative that our twenties are supposed to be this incredibly fast paced, hustle filled, thousand plans a weekend kind of life before, like, so called real life begins.

你得把压力和社交都提前攒着，当作未来的投资。

You know, you're meant to kind of front load the stress and socializing of life as an investment for later on.

当然，人生某些阶段这么过确实很痛快。

And, yeah, at certain times in your life, it's really fun to do that.

这种生活方式确实有它合适的时节。

And it there's definitely seasons for it.

但我讨厌那种观念，觉得你必须一直忙个不停，强迫自己陷入混乱，哪怕你根本不喜欢，只因为别人觉得这才正常。

But I don't like the idea that you have to keep doing things and keep forcing yourself into, like, busy chaos even if you don't like it just because that's the norm.

我们以为自己该想要什么，和真正想要什么之间的差距，会让人变得心不在焉。

That gap between what we think we should want and what we genuinely do creates a lot of inattention.

如果我们被灌输的青春就是一刻不停的刺激，那选择平静反而像在辜负年轻，好像自己不够格似的。

If the version of youth we've been convinced into is marketed as kind of constant excitement, then choosing calm can feel kind of unfairly, like you are failing at being young.

你懂吧？

Know?

我是不是在浪费这十年？

Am I wasting this decade?

我是不是太快放缓脚步了？

Am I becoming am I am I slowing down too soon?

我会后悔吗？

Am I gonna regret this?

说来你可能不信。

Shocker.

但这本质上又是另一个标准，我们被鼓励用它来衡量二十多岁的所谓成功。

But it's that's basically yet another yardstick, which we're encouraged to use as a measure of apparent success of our twenties.

这是另一个让我们拿来自我评判的标准，总觉得自己做得不够好。

It's another thing that we meant we're meant to judge ourselves by and always feel like we're not doing well enough because of.

社交媒体出现后，这种内心冲突加剧的速度，连研究者和社科专家都快跟不上了，这其实一点都不意外。

It's also not quite a shocker that since the introduction of social media, this sense of dissonance has increased at a level researchers and social scientists actually can't quite measure fast enough.

华盛顿大学的一项研究指出，社交媒体尤其会导致三个问题：自我反思能力下降、注意力变窄，以及个人兴趣减弱，而这三者都与更大的不幸福感相关。

One University of Washington study actually talks about how social media especially creates a state of, firstly, reduced self reflection, secondly, narrowed attention, and thirdly, lack of individual interest, all of which is correlated with greater unhappiness.

这些研究其实说明了一点：我们太关注别人怎么生活，结果就再也说不清、甚至想象不出自己真正想要的是什么，因为我们全被别人‘看起来’幸福的样子占据了。

What these studies and what these findings basically say is that we get so focused on how others are living that the result of that is that we can no longer properly articulate or even imagine what we actually want because we're so consumed with what apparently is making them happy.

前几天我读到一篇很棒的Substack文章，说世界上最孤独的地方，就是你的‘推荐’页面。

I read this fantastic Substack the other day that was like, the loneliest place in the world is your for you page.

作者提到，刷手机其实是一种自虐——我们明明不想要过那样的生活，却偏要告诉自己应该想要，然后因为达不到而折磨自己。

And this author talks about, like, the masochism of the scroll where we kind of torture ourselves with the lives of people that we don't really wanna be like, but convince ourselves we do and kind of torture ourselves by not being like.

这触及了一个非常关键的问题。

This gets to, like, a very vital point.

我们对平淡生活的既害怕又渴望，其实正是被错失恐惧所操控的。

What our equal fear but also desire for the boring life is really being manipulated by is FOMO.

说白了，问题就在这儿。

Like, that's really what it is.

你无法接受这就是你真正想要的生活，归根结底就是害怕错过。

Your failure or your inability to accept that this is what you actually want really comes down to this fear of missing out.

心理学家在一项如今广为人知的2021年研究中，将错失恐惧定义为一种持续的焦虑，担心别人正享受着没有你的精彩生活，同时又忍不住想时刻关注别人在做什么。

Psychologists in a now very famous 2021 study defined the fear of missing out as a persistent apprehension that other people might be having more rewarding experiences without us paired with the urge to stay continually connected to what everyone else is doing.

这是一种社会性的恐惧，本质上也是一种存在性的恐惧，直击我们内心深处不愿孤单、不愿被世界抛下的需求。

It is a social fear and therefore quite an existential fear striking at our core need to kind of not be alone in the experience or not be alone in the world.

正因如此，当我们选择与主流不同的生活方式时，就会觉得自己错过了什么。

That is why we feel like we're missing out by choosing what is not the norm.

这种感受最有趣的地方在于，它并不需要实际的证据，也不要求你对自己的现状特别不满才会出现。

What is so interesting about this feeling is that it doesn't actually need evidence or need you to feel especially unhappy with your current situation to occur.

我们常以为错失恐惧只发生在那些孤独地待在卧室、明显与世隔绝的人身上，但其实，你完全可能正和最好的朋友窝在沙发上看电影，左右两边都是人，却盯着一条Instagram动态，突然感到一阵刺痛和焦虑——明明此刻你很快乐，却觉得别人正在某个地方玩得更嗨，而那里才是你该在的地方。

I think we often think of FOMO as like, that's what happens to people who are very lonely, in their bedroom, visibly isolated, but we can be in the middle of, like, a movie night at home, best friend on the left, other friend to the right, staring at an Instagram story and suddenly feeling this pain and anxiety that even though we are happy in this moment, somebody else, somewhere else is having more fun, and that's where we should be.

别人活得比我们更精彩，所以我们一定哪里做错了。

Somebody else is more alive than we are, and therefore we are doing this wrong.

我们的平静生活，代价就是失去了那种更刺激、更热血的青春体验。

Like, our quiet life is costing us this, like, more exciting level or more exciting version of youth.

害怕错过，其实是有进化根源的。

FOMO is evolutionary in origin.

这一点我们不能忘。

We can't forget that.

它的作用本是把我们拉回群体之中。

It's meant to drive us back to the herd.

可在这类时刻，它只制造出一种压倒性的自我怀疑。

But all it does in these moments is create this overwhelming sense of inadequacy.

它不让我们顺从内心真正想要的、感觉舒服的生活节奏，反而让我们一直盯着那些没走的路。

Instead of letting life unfold according to what we actually want and what feels good, it keeps us mentally oriented towards the road not taken.

它让我们总想着没去的派对、没被邀请的旅行、没认识的人、没成为的那个自己——如果当初多答应几次、多玩一会儿、更累一点、买了那件东西，也许一切都会不一样，哪怕当时我们根本没想要那些。

It keeps us focused on the party we didn't go to, the trip we weren't invited on, the people we didn't meet by not going on that trip, the version of ourselves we imagine might have been if we had just said yes more often, stayed out later, been more tired, bought that item, even if in the moment we didn't want that.

2013年有一项发表在《人类行为》期刊上的研究，做了好几组实验，探讨FOMO与人口特征、动机、幸福感之间的关系，以及它如何影响行为和情绪健康。结果发现，FOMO不仅和情绪低落、生活满意度下降有关，还会让人更难专注于自己的生活。

A 2013 study published in the journal, I think it's like like human behavior, conducted a series of studies looking at the concept of FOMO in relation to various factors like demographics, motivation, well-being, as well as how FOMO relates to behavior and emotional well-being, what they found was that not only was FOMO linked to a lower mood, lower overall life satisfaction, but also greater distraction from our own lives.

那些FOMO感更强的人，回忆个人经历的能力反而更差，因为他们整天陷在和别人比较里，根本没法好好感受当下，不管是好是坏。

People who were experiencing greater FOMO actually had poor autobiographical memory because they were so consumed with comparison, they couldn't appreciate the moment they were in, good or bad.

最让人难受的是，FOMO会让我们开始怀疑自己的真实想法。

The really painful part is that FOMO can make us mistrust our own preferences.

我前面一直说，如果你能相信这种生活的美好，相信自己确实想要这样的生活，那平淡的日子其实很美。

Like I've said this whole time, a boring life is beautiful if you can trust in its beauty and in your desire for it.

但如果你总被别人的生活信息淹没，没法安心下来，那这种日子就很难让你感到快乐。

But if you can't because you are constantly flooded with how other people are living, it's not gonna feel as enjoyable.

我觉得我们对平淡生活感到不安，还因为总觉得‘平淡’‘慢’‘平静’‘有规律’就意味着再也没乐趣、没刺激了，尤其是那种深夜狂欢、冲动犯错、充满戏剧性的刺激。

The other reason I think we may feel apprehension of the boring life is because we think that boring, slow, peaceful, regulated means no more fun, no more excitement, especially the kind of excitement we might find in, like, a messy night out or, like, bad decisions or drama.

当然，我觉得那种生活也有它合适的时候。

Again, I think there is a time and a place for that.

我本人也经历过不少那样的时刻，但回头想想，我其实很后悔那些时候。

As much as I have I've had moments like that, I regret moments like that.

我也同样珍惜它们，因为它们塑造了今天的我。

I also cherish them equally because they are fundamental to who I am.

但我不需要再重新学一遍这些教训了。

But I don't need to learn those lessons again.

更不用说一遍又一遍地重复学习了。

And I don't need to learn those lessons again and again and again.

我真的受够了。

Like, I'm done.

如果这些经历不是为了让我做出更好的选择，那它们的意义何在？

And what was the lesson for if not kind of showing me how to make better decisions?

从神经科学的角度来说，没错，我们的大脑确实喜欢新鲜感，但如果你已经经历过，知道那并不好，这还算什么新鲜感？

On a neurological level, like, yeah, our brains do crave novelty, but that's not novelty if you've already been in that situation and know you don't like it.

我们天生就倾向于追求意外和不可预测的事物，因为新鲜感会激活大脑中大量与注意力、动机和奖赏相关的系统。

We are definitely, you know, wired to move towards what is surprising and unpredictable because novelty recruits so many different brain systems involved in attention and motivation and reward.

这在大脑释放多巴胺的过程中起着至关重要的作用。

It's a huge factor in how our brain releases dopamine.

对吧？

Right?

因为我们总想往陌生的事物靠拢，为了学习，为了那种期待感，还有那种可能带来的愉悦。

Because we're always wanting to move towards what feels unfamiliar to learn and and because it's because of the anticipation and because, like, of the possibility of pleasure.

但我们要明白，尽管多巴胺很强大，尽管我们的动机系统很强大，这并不意味着它们总在带我们走向正确的方向。

But we have to understand just because dopamine is powerful, just because our motivational systems are powerful, doesn't mean they're always leading us in the right direction.

我们常常迷失的地方，就在于如何理解这种对新鲜感的渴望，以及那种多巴胺带来的爽快感。

But where we often get lost is in how we interpret that need for novelty and the feel good of this dopamine.

虽然一开始感觉相似，但新鲜感并不等于纯粹的混乱，也不等于我们以为自己必须拥有的那种忙碌生活。

Even though they feel similar at first, novelty isn't the same as pure chaos or the kind of busy lives that we think we need.

对吧？

Right?

多巴胺的产生和接收其实有不同的层次。

There there are different levels of how dopamine is produced and received.

我们真正需要明白的是，过去那种混乱生活带给你的多巴胺，或者你曾经依赖的其他愉悦化学物质，和长期满足带来的感受，根本不是一回事。

What we really need to understand is that the dopamine or whatever pleasure chemicals you were previously getting from this, like, chaotic life that maybe you loved and that you were living not the same that you're going to get from long term gratification.

我们常常把混乱带来的情绪起伏误认为是真正活着的标志，好像二十多岁就该这么过。

Sometimes we mistake the emotional highs and lows of chaos for evidence that we're really living, like how somebody in their twenties should be living.

但这种即时的刺激感，很少能带来真正的新鲜感、好奇心和享受所带来的深层满足。

But that immediate feeling of stimulation rarely gives us the deeper reward that true novelty and curiosity and enjoyment does.

事实上，2016年伦敦大学学院神经学系的一项研究发现，这种模式反而会让人做出有偏见的选择。

In fact, one 2016 study from the neurology department at the University CollegeofLondon actually found that it can actually create biased choices.

我们追求快速多巴胺、即时快感，确实能带来更快的反馈，但之后往往会迎来情绪上的低谷。

Like our striving for quick dopamine for instant pleasure, yes, may give us a faster result, but it creates an emotional crash later on.

我们一直处于被激活的状态。

You know, we're constantly activated.

但并不一定真的得到了充实。

We're not necessarily enriched.

而这就是‘平淡生活’的美妙之处。

And, this is the beauty of The Boring Life.

它让你摆脱那种永不停歇的渴望、期待和预判，让你真正有机会去感受，你的身心究竟想流向哪里，你真正想把注意力放在什么地方。

It takes you out of this constant state of needing more, of expectance, of anticipation, and allows you to just actually choose where your body and your mind wants to flow to and where you actually wanna put your attention towards.

真正的新鲜感，真正的多巴胺，会让你感到充实和成长。

Like, real novelty, real dopamine expands and enriches you.

比如，学习新东西的时候。

It's in learning something new.

比如，与朋友或伴侣建立更深的情感连接的时候。

It's in deepening intimacy with friends or your partner.

比如，走进大自然的时候。

It's getting into nature.

比如，坚持长期的项目或挑战的时候。

It's dedication to long term projects or challenges.

我觉得，这种看似平淡的生活，恰恰能让你做到这些。

I think that's what a boring life allows you to do.

对。

Okay.

在继续聊下去之前，我们先休息一下。接下来要谈的是，当你真正接纳并投入这种平淡、普通的生活时，它会如何影响你的心理状态，特别是对你的人际关系和情绪有什么好处，以及为什么这对你如此重要。

Let's take a short break here before we talk about what leaning into the intentionality and acceptance of a boring, lame life can do for you psychologically in terms of your relationships and emotionally and why it's so good for you.

请继续关注我们。

Stay with us.

通过这个节目，我们将与世界上最有趣的人展开深刻对话，比如演员奥利维亚·穆恩分享了她如何战胜了从未预料到的严重健康问题。

And story of of of lets us uncover all story of that together we're going to have these meaningful conversations with the world's most fascinating people like when actress Olivia Munn shared how she overcame fierce health challenges that she never saw coming.

我经历了乳腺癌，也陪母亲走过乳腺癌的历程，那更加艰难。

I've gone to breast cancer and help my mother to breast cancer and that was more difficult.

很多人能理解产后抑郁，但我对产后焦虑毫无准备。

There's a lot of people who understand postpartum depression, I was not prepared for postpartum anxiety.

奥运冠军肖恩·约翰逊透露，她别无选择，只能成为一名体操运动员。

Olympic champ Sean Johnson revealed why she had no choice but to be a gymnast

体操对我有种难以抗拒的吸引力，它让我相信，每个人内心都藏着一份这样的宝藏，只是我们得去找到它。

there was something about gymnastics that was intoxicating to me that's given me a belief that we all have one of those treasures inside of us we just have to find it.

请在 iHeart Radio 应用、Apple 播客或您常用的播客平台收听《喜悦》节目，与霍达一对一对话。

Listen to joy one on one with hoda caught me on the iheart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

我的

My

第一位嘉宾是帕丽斯·希尔顿。

first guest is Paris Hilton.

夏奇拉。

Shakira.

卢克和雅琳。

Luke and Yarine.

萨米拉和格蕾丝。

Samira e Gracie.

我太期待了。

I'm so excited.

在蹦床上。

On the bouncy bed.

你准备了惊喜？

You have surprises?

好多惊喜呢。

Many surprises.

欢迎来到305套房，这里让群聊活了起来。

Welcome to Suite 305 where the group chat comes to life.

你是唯一一个喜欢黄色星爆糖的人。

You're the only person I know that loves the yellow starburst.

这是柠檬水。

It's lemonade.

这个

This

这里是甜蜜的305套房。

is sweet three zero five.

在iHeartRadio应用、Apple Podcast或你常用的播客平台，收听由Lele Pons主持的《305套房》，隶属于Michael Dura播客网络。

Listen to Suite 305 with Lele Pons as part of Michael Dura Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

别人都把我当成足球运动员，但首先，我是个普通人。

Everyone sees me as a football player, but before anything else, I'm human.

从出生到现在，每一天我都在学习如何面对问题、错误、人际关系和情绪。

Every single day, I'm still learning how to live with problems, mistakes, relationships, emotions ever since I was born.

我还有很多问题没想明白。

And I still have so many questions.

我们从哪儿来？

Where do we come from?

人死后会发生什么？

What happens after death?

面对网络暴力，你该怎么应对，C罗还是梅西？

How do you deal with cancellation, Cristiano or Messi?

外星人真的存在吗？

Do aliens exist?

爱到底是什么？

What is love?

皇马还是巴萨？从日常琐事到深刻议题，全都有。

Real Madrid or Barca, from everyday and ordinary to the deep and extraordinary.

这可不是一档普通的播客。

This isn't a normal podcast.

这里的一切都是即兴的、真实的、发自内心的。

Everything here is spontaneous, real, and genuine.

这个播客就像和最亲近的朋友深聊，掏心窝子的话、各种阴谋论、人生目标和感悟都摆上桌面。

This podcast is like a deep talk with your closest friends where vulnerability comes out, conspiracy theories end up on the table, and goals and lessons are

关键就在这儿。

key.

我们聚在一起，就是为了建立连接。

We are here to connect.

我是法比埃尔·谢里托·埃尔南德斯，和iHeartRadio一起，我们要把平凡变得非凡。

I'm Fabriel Xerito Hernandez, and together with iHeartRadio, we're going to make the ordinary extraordinary.

非凡。

Extraordinary.

别走开。

Stay close.

在iHeartRadio、Apple Podcast，或者你常用的任何播客平台，收听《学习做真人》。

Listen to learning to be human on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

来自直言不讳播客网络的快乐骄傲月。

Happy pride from the outspoken podcast network.

整个月份，乃至全年，我们都在庆祝大胆、自信、始终如一的真我。

All month long and all year round, we're celebrating being loud, proud, and always original.

我是布兰登·凯尔·古德曼，播客《告诉我点乱七八糟的》的主持人。

It's me, Brandon Kyle Goodman, host of the podcast Tell Me Something Messy.

快来听我的节目，看看关于约会、感情和成年生活的坦率见解。

Check out my show for unfiltered takes on dating, relationships, and adulting.

你和一个人越熟，就越能看见他真实的一面。

The more you get comfortable with someone, the more their real self comes out.

他可能会有点邋遢。

They're gonna be gross.

男人身上最让人受不了的是什么？

What's the grossest thing about a man?

打嗝。

Burping.

别说了。

Shut it down.

收听《High Key》获取最棒的流行文化观点，再上《The Internet Has No Girls》了解所有科技新闻。

Listen to High Key for the best pop culture takes, and there are no girls on the internet for all your tech news.

想了解你最爱的明星？别错过《Outlaws》与TS Madison的节目。

For your favorite celebrity key check out Outlaws with TS Madison.

等等。

Wait.

所以卢克是达斯·维达的儿子？

So Luke was the son of Vader?

对。

Yeah.

维达是被鲁保罗感化的？

And Vader was turned by RuPaul?

对。

Yeah.

有人跑去找了位老得不能再老的女巫。

Well, somebody turned to some old, old, old witch.

通过《BFF, Black Fat Fem》学会无愧地爱自己，七月起用《Waking Up With Ryan》带着目标开启每一天。

Learn to love yourself unapologetically with BFF, Black Fat Fem, and start your day with intention with Waking Up With Ryan coming in July.

在 iHeartRadio 应用、Apple 播客或你常用的播客平台，收听直言不讳的骄傲节目的特别内容。

Celebrate Pride with the outspoken network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

打开免费的 iHeartRadio 应用，搜索‘Pride’，立即收听。

Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Pride, and listen now.

黑人音乐、美食和文化教会我们，我们正在成为怎样的人？

What did black music, food, and culture teach us about who we were becoming?

16 年代是最后那个大家还一起消费同一种文化的年代。

Play 16 was sort of that last era of monoculture where we still consumed things in community.

从碧昂丝到蕾哈娜。

From Beyonce and Rihanna

人人都想成为碧昂丝。

Everybody Everybody wanted wanted to to be be Beyonce.

碧昂丝。

Beyonce.

唉。

Ugh.

我觉得我们再也看不到第二个蕾哈娜了。

I don't think we'll ever see another Rihanna.

关于灵魂乐、记忆、身份认同，以及我们在黑人文化中传承的故事。

To soul food, memory, identity, and the stories we carry through black culture.

在美国，作为黑人并坚持饮食文化意味着什么？

What does it mean to

作为黑人并坚持饮食文化意味着什么？

be black and eat in America?

我们这群人懂得如何耕作，懂得如何与土地和谐共处。

So we were this group of people who knew how to work the land, who knew how to live with the land.

我们让土地发挥出它应有的作用。

We make it do what it do.

《黑人女孩的疗愈》正在汇聚当下塑造黑人生活的重要对话。

Therapy for Black Girls is bringing together the conversation shaping Black life right now.

你永远别想让我为当一个黑人女孩、一个非裔美国女孩而感到羞愧。

You will never make me feel bad for being a Black girl, for being a Black American girl ever.

《黑人女孩的疗愈》把这一切都带到了话筒前。

Therapy for Black Girls is bringing it all to the mic.

可以在 iHeartRadio 应用、Apple 播客，或者你常用的任何播客平台收听《黑人女孩的疗愈》。

Listen to therapy for black girls on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

为了让你更深刻地认识到，那些社交媒体让你讨厌的所谓平淡生活其实有多美，我们来聊聊当你接受慢节奏后，会看到的四大变化和好处。

In order to convince you even more of the beauty in your so called boring life that social media has convinced you to hate, let's talk about the four major changes and benefits you will see when you accept a slower pace.

第一，表面看起来安静的生活，往往意味着更好的情绪管理，以及更少的剧烈低谷。

Number one, what looks like a quieter life is often a life with better emotional regulation and fewer extreme lows.

当生活变得过度刺激时，我们的大脑就会长时间处于高度警觉的状态。

When our lives become overstimulated, our brains spend more time in the state of hyperarousal.

皮质醇和肾上腺素持续偏高，注意力变得支离破碎，我们开始出于反应行事，而不是主动选择。

Cortisol, adrenaline, they stay elevated, attention becomes fragmented, and we begin operating from a place of reactivity rather than intentionality.

关于压力和神经系统调节的研究一再表明，长期过度刺激会削弱我们情绪自控的能力，就像我们之前说的，也会降低我们做出符合价值观决策的能力。

Research on stress, research on nervous system regulation consistently shows that chronic overstimulation reduces our capacity for emotional control and, as we mentioned before, reduces our capacity to make good value based decisions.

我们更容易被小小的不便和挫折击垮，因为我们的压力基线本来就太高了。

We become more emotionally vulnerable to small inconveniences, to small frustrations because our baseline stress is already so high.

稍微有点什么事，就可能让我们崩溃。

It doesn't take much to kinda tip us over.

安静的生活往往恰恰相反，它反映出更强的自我调节能力，因为你已经在有意识地筛选情绪输入。

A quieter life often reflects the opposite, and it indicates stronger self regulation skills because there is there is some emotional curation going on.

对吧？

Right?

你不会再对所有事情都点头答应。

You're not just saying yes to everything.

你不会再说自己得去每个地方，尤其是现在你已经清楚了这样做的代价。

You're not saying yes to being everywhere, especially when you now know the cost.

心理学家有时会把这种状态称为‘耐受区间’变宽了。

Psychologists sometimes describe this as having a greater window of tolerance.

简单来说，你更能判断哪些事情值得承受，也更能提升自己应对突发状况的能力，因为你不再不断消耗情绪资源去应付那些其实没必要扛下的事。

Basically, you're better able to make decisions around what you can tolerate, and you're better able to expand expand your capacity to deal with things coming out of the blue because you're not constantly taxing your emotional systems with stuff you actually don't need to endure.

还有一项研究是关于一种叫‘享乐适应’的现象。

There's also research around something called hedonic adaptation.

你可能以前在播客里听过这个概念。

You've probably heard about this on the podcast before.

但新鲜感、混乱和强烈刺激这些东西，我们的大脑会很快习惯，结果你得不断加大刺激才能感到快乐。

But the thing about raw novelty and raw chaos and raw excitement is that our brain gets really used to it, And so you need more and more and more to enjoy yourself.

你的神经系统会重新调整基准。

Your nervous system recalibrates.

当你习惯了那种高强度的刺激，小小的快乐反而变得没那么让人满足了。

And so it makes it so that small pleasures don't feel as pleasurable anymore when you're used to this big abide like, big stuff.

所以，回归平静缓慢的生活，能帮你把这种状态再往回拉，重新调整回来。

So going back to this peaceful slower life allows you to actually recalibrate it back in the opposite direction.

你会更真切地感受到那些本就值得感恩的小事。

You're able to actually have more of an appreciation for just things that you can and should be grateful for.

其次，不用多说，生活更平淡的人，往往也更有界限感。

Secondly, it goes without saying, but a more boring life is also often a life with better boundaries.

因为到了这个时候，最重要的不是别人对你的期待，也不是你有没有让谁失望。

Because at that point, what matters most is your emotional and your psychological center, not someone else's preferences for you, not whether you disappointed somebody by not showing up.

你会很快分清楚，谁是真正喜欢真实的你，谁只是看重你能提供什么。

You get pretty clear on who likes you for you compared with who likes what you can offer them fairly quickly.

当然，界限清晰了，人也会变得更专注当下。

And, of course, like, along with better boundaries, it comes with greater presence.

哲学家们早就一直在谈论专注当下的重要性。

What philosophers like, people have been talking about presence for ages.

当然，界限清晰了，人也会变得更专注当下。

And, of course, alongside better boundaries, it also comes with greater presence.

几百年前的哲学家就说过，专注当下是生命最珍贵的礼物，因为没有它，其他一切都无从谈起。

What philosophers for, like, literally hundreds of years have said is, like, life's most precious gift because nothing else is possible without it.

你其实没意识到这一点。

Like, that's what you don't realize.

你在那些混乱、光鲜和激动的时刻，并没有真正地在场。

You're not really present for those moments of chaos and, like, glamour and excitement.

有成千上万的古籍、书籍和文章，都在探讨如何真正抓住当下的每一刻，如何调动你的感官和心智，去留意那些我们通常忽略的细节。

There are thousands of ancient texts, thousands of books, thousands of articles that have been written about how to really take everything from a moment, how to attune your senses and your mind to appreciate details that most of us ignore.

这一点也不奇怪，它们的建议中很重要的一条就是：多花点时间感受无聊。

And no surprise here, a big part of their advice is often spend more time being bored.

多花点时间沉浸在日常之中。

Spend more time within the ordinary.

说白了，就是先慢下来，就那么一小会儿。

Translation, like, just like slow the fuck down for just a second.

真正去留意你的生活，而不是总想着怎么把它变得更好。

Just actually notice your life rather than constantly trying to improve it.

你有没有回想过一次特别棒的假期、一场难忘的夜晚，或者一个盛大的生日，结果发现，那些你原本以为会记住的事，其实根本没印象。

You ever look back at a really amazing holiday or, like, a really amazing night out or a really amazing birthday and realize, like, I don't actually remember the things I thought I would.

我记得的，反而是些最奇怪的小细节。

I remember the strangest little details.

这正是我想说的。

That is exactly my point.

你记得的，都是那些最自然的时刻，因为那时你最投入。

You remember the moments that felt most natural because presence was greatest.

我觉得生活不是用大号字体写的。

I don't think life happens in a big font.

它是用小号字体悄悄写就的。

I think it happens in the little font.

如果没能注意到这些细节，或许说明你根本没真正活过。

And a failure to tune into that may just mean actually a deeper failure to live fully.

这让我想起前几天看到的一句话：当你生命最后闪回时，那会是你的人生吗？

It kind of reminds me of of something I saw the other day, which was like a quote that said, when your life inevitably flashes before your eyes, will it be yours?

还是说，那只是你为了取悦别人、为了在网上装样子而打造出来的假象？

Or will it be what you made your life into to impress others or to look good online?

会不会只是零星的专注，夹在无数个分心和恐惧的时刻之间——明明已经做得够多了，却还总觉得不够？

Will it just be snatches of presence amongst bigger moments of distraction and fear that you're not doing enough even when you are?

说实话，我觉得我们越来越喜欢那种慢节奏、看似无聊的生活，是因为我们终于意识到，根本追不上网上看到的那些东西。

Really, I think I think our growing preference for the slower so called boring life is that we're kind of waking up to this reality that there's no keeping up with what we see online.

唯一的结果，就是让自己更难受。

There's only ever feeling bad about it.

也许更深层的真相是：我这么拼命，还是不开心；我拼命追赶，还是觉得痛苦，那这一切到底是为了什么？

Maybe it's an even deeper reality of, like, if I'm doing all of this and I'm still unhappy, if I'm trying to keep up and I'm still miserable, what is it for?

这套说辞，现在真的说服不了我了。

Like, this isn't convincing anymore.

那些忙来忙去的时刻——比如拼命符合社会对年轻人该做什么的期待——其实并不一定能带来快乐。

All those other busy moments, those, like, moments of trying to fit the stereotype of, like, what you're meant to be doing with your youth, like, they don't always make you happy.

但专注当下的感觉，确实能。

And presence definitely does.

这种现象在正念研究中早就被证实了。

We see this in research on mindfulness.

在关于心理状态、当下觉知的科学研究里，也一再得到印证。

We see this in research on psychological present moment health and awareness.

这能让人情绪更稳定，行为更有节制，生活更满足，关系也更融洽，等等等等。

It's associated with less emotional reactivity, better behavioral regulation, more life satisfaction, better relationships, blah blah blah.

这些词都听腻了。

Those are all buzzwords.

说白了，就是人更开心了。

Basically, people are just happy.

生活节奏慢的人，更快乐，也更满足。

People who live slowly are happy and happier.

他们其实找到了幸福的秘诀。

They basically cracked the code of happiness.

他们只做让自己感觉舒服的事，哪怕别人觉得无聊。

They go towards what feels good even if to others it seems boring.

我觉得最后可以问个好问题：当你拒绝这种‘无聊’的生活时，你到底在逃避什么？

I think it's a great question to finish this episode on, which is like, in the end, when you resist the boring life, what are you really avoiding?

当你关掉所有外界的喧嚣，你真正害怕面对的是哪些想法？

What thoughts are you actually afraid are gonna be there when you turn everything else down or off?