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导师是自然而然形成的。
Mentors are something that happen organically.
我不认为你可以去找一个你不认识的陌生人，直接请他们做你的导师，然后就能成功建立起这样的关系。
I don't think that a mentor ever really comes to fruition by you going to a stranger you don't know and asking them to mentor you.
也许有时会成功，但这不是我的经验。
Maybe it works out sometimes, but that's not my experience.
我们试图解决的问题是：如何提升我们圈子的层次？
The problem we're trying to solve for is how do we elevate the level of our circle?
这是第一要务。
That's number one.
我们如何以最能影响我们想要构建的生活的方式提升圈子？
How do we elevate the circle in ways that will be most impactful to the life that we wanna build?
不是你姐姐正在构建的生活，不是我正在构建的生活，也不是你电视上看到的那个人的生活，而是你自己的生活。
Not the life our sister is building, not the life I am building, or that guy that you watch on TV, not those lives, but your life.
我们如何把能提升你生活的人引入你的圈子？
How do we pull people into your circle that will elevate your life?
好的。
Okay.
所以这是我们试图解决的第二件事。
So that's the second thing that we're trying to solve.
第三个问题，我认为非常重要，但人们在讨论这个话题时却很少提及：当你没有钱时，如何提升你的圈子？
And the third question, which I think is really important and people do not talk about enough when they talk about this subject, is how do you elevate your circle when you don't have money?
当你住在小城镇时，如何提升你的圈子？
How do you elevate your circle when you live in a small town?
当你生活中所有人都是你过去版本时，如何提升你的圈子？
How do you elevate your circle when everybody in your life is a past version of your life?
那不是你想去的地方。
It's not where you wanna go.
当你无法轻易接触到那些能提升你圈子的人时，如何提升你的生活？
How do you elevate your life when you don't have easy access to the kind of people that would elevate circle?
我有一些想法。
I have some ideas.
嘿，大家。
Hey, guys.
我是拉切尔·霍利斯，这是我们的节目，我们在这里谈论生活，真实的生活。
I'm Rachel Hollis, and this is the show where we talk about life, real life.
在这里，我们涵盖从习惯和动力到人际关系、育儿，以及如何打造你热爱的生活等方方面面。
Around here, we cover everything from habits and motivation to relationships, parenting, and what it looks like to build a life that you love.
如果你正在努力成长、疗愈，或者只是想更像自己一点，那你来对地方了。
If you're trying to grow, heal, or just feel a little bit more like yourself, you're in the right place.
你就是你最常相处的五个人的总和。
You are the combination of the five people you spend the most time with.
我需要你们明白，我第一次听到这句话时，我最常相处的五个人是两个不到三岁的小孩。
I need you to understand that the first time I heard that quote, the people that I spent the most time with were two toddlers under the age of three.
我记得很清楚，当时听到这句话时心想：哇，这太疯狂了。
I remember so distinctly hearing that and be like, woah, that's crazy.
而且当时还有许多研究支持这一点，比如：你的收入往往和你最亲近的五个朋友差不多。
And I don't even know if they still stand, but there were all of these studies too that backed it up like, you tend to make the same amount of money as your five closest friends.
或者，如果你在办公室里和一个懒惰或低成就的人坐在一起，这种可能性会高得惊人。
Or if you sit in an office next to someone who is a slacker or low achiever, it's some crazy percentage.
我们会让编辑把数据放在这里。
We'll have the editors put it here.
有研究表明，你变得懒散、不关心、不努力的概率会高得离谱。
Some crazy percentage about how much more likely you are to slack off and not care and not try.
我们深受与自己相处最多的人的影响。
We are deeply influenced by whoever we spend our time with.
那么，对于我们这些花最多时间陪伴正在哺乳的孩子的人，这意味着什么？
So what in the world does that mean for those of us who are spending the most time with someone that we're breastfeeding?
对吧？
Right?
我们照顾着这些婴儿，心中却怀揣着梦想，想要做很多事情。
We're we're taking care of these babies, and we have these dreams, and we wanna do these things.
但和我们交流的这个人词汇量有限，只愿意吃凯洛格奶酪通心粉。
But the person that we're talking to doesn't have a full vocab and is only willing to eat Kraft Mac and Cheese.
当你的处境不允许时，你该如何提升自己的社交圈？
How on earth do you elevate your circle when your circumstances won't allow you to?
这正是我想在今天的节目中深入探讨的内容。
That is what I would love to get into on today's episode.
我是瑞秋。
I'm Rachel.
我的朋友们都叫我拉奇。
My friends call me Rach.
你可以自己选。
You get to pick.
但在过去的几十年里，我一直拿自己做实验对象。
But I have spent the last couple of decades using myself as a crash test dummy.
每当我试图弄清楚某件事时，我会尝试各种方法，然后把结果分享给你们。
Whenever I'm trying to figure something out, I try a bunch of stuff, and then I share the findings with you guys.
我会告诉你们哪些有效，哪些无效。
I tell you what worked, what didn't work.
我的希望和目的始终是，让你能从中获得一些关于如何在自己生活中行动的灵感。
And my hope, my intention with this is always that you can get some ideas for what you can do in your own life.
最近，我们在节目中创造的大部分内容都围绕着‘未来的你’这个理念。
Lately, so much of what we've been creating here on the show is all surrounding this idea of future you.
我痴迷于帮助你弄清楚如何成为未来的自己。
I am obsessed with helping you figure out how to become the future version of yourself.
而未来的你，就是你认为酷炫、有趣、性感又令人兴奋的任何样子。
And the future version of yourself is whatever you think is groovy, whatever feels fun and sexy and exciting.
无论是创业、当全职爸爸，还是组建自己的乐队，甚至养一只腊肠犬，都无所谓。
If that is building a business or being a stay at home dad, if that is starting your own band, if that is getting a weenie dog.
我不在乎你的梦想是什么，我在乎的是你拥有所有必要的资源和想法，能帮你实现它。
Like, don't care what your dream is, I care that you have all of the resources and the ideas that you need that will help you to pull it off.
因此，在这场为你们提供所有关于‘未来自我’内容的探索中，我最近意识到，我们已经很久没有深入探讨过‘社群’这个话题了。
So in this quest to give you every single piece of content I can think of around the idea of future self, I realized recently that we haven't taken a deep dive into community in a hot minute.
更具体地说，你当下花最多时间相处的人，强烈预示着你未来的生活会是什么样子。
More specifically, the idea that the people you spend the most time with in the present are a very strong indication of the life you're gonna have in the future.
有很多研究和科学证据支持这一点。
There are so many studies, there's so much science to back this up.
但我认为你很可能在自己的生活中也能看到这样的例子。
But I think you probably can look at examples of this in your own life.
如果你曾经在学校里开始和一群更用功、注重成绩的朋友交往，这绝对会影响你的学习方式，而他们上私立学校时对待学习的方式则完全不同。
If you ever started hanging out with a group of friends in school that were more studious, that were into getting good grades, it absolutely would school, versus the way that they approached it when they went to private school are two completely different things.
现在令人沮丧的是，并非所有学校都一视同仁，对吧？
Now it sucks deeply that not all schools are created equally, right?
不是每个人都有资源和机会，而且如果你是一名教师并正在观看这段内容，你肯定没有得到你应得的资源。
That everybody doesn't have resources and access, and that if you are a teacher and you're watching this, you for sure do not have the resources that you deserve.
你们所有人都应该年薪一百万美元。
You should all make a million dollars a year.
但这是我们作为父母都目睹过的现实。
But it's just a reality that I think as parents we've seen.
如果你的孩子去公园和那个爱打弟弟的淘气幼儿玩，突然间，他们从公园回家后，第一次开始打自己的弟弟。
If your kid went to the park and hung out with the jerky toddler who hit their brother, all of a sudden they come home from the park, and for the first time ever, they're hitting their brother.
就像你不知不觉地吸收了它，看到别人的行为，即使无意中也会开始模仿。
Like you just you absorb it like osmosis, you see the behavior, and you start to enact the behavior even if you don't mean to.
我想知道你能否在自己的生活中看到这种现象，不只是在你孩子的生活中，而是在你自己的生活中也能看到吗？
I wonder if you can see this in your life, not just your kid's life, but can you see this in your life as well?
你有没有曾经和某个在你想要提升的领域比你更优秀的人一起相处过？
Have you ever hung out with someone who was better than you are at a thing that you wanted to be better at?
因为你和他们在一起，你变得更好了，或者你开始渴望变得更好。
And because you were hanging out with them, it made you better, or it made you want to be better.
它让你更加努力。
It made you work harder.
它让你专心致志。
It made you buckle down.
它让你更深入地投入，因为你看到了这样做的结果会怎样。
It made you commit on a deeper level, because you saw what would happen if you did.
有趣的是，昨晚我和我17岁的孩子聊了聊，他连续第二年都取得了全A成绩。
Interestingly, I was talking to my 17 year old last night, who for the second year in a row is getting straight ace.
我不认为他会介意我告诉你，当他年轻时，我根本没想到他能做到这一点。
And I don't think he would mind me telling you that that is not something I thought was even possible for him when he was younger.
我真没想过这会成为现实。
I truly didn't think that would ever happen.
我并不把全优成绩放在首位。
I don't prioritize straight a's.
我希望你能通过课程，但我自己从未拿过全优，所以我不会强求我的孩子。
I want you to pass your classes, but I don't think I ever got straight a's, so I don't push that on my kids.
但我希望你能全力以赴，投入其中，做到最好。
But I do want you to apply yourself, and I do want you to lean in and do the best you can do.
他非常聪明，非常非常聪明。
And he is very smart, very, very smart.
但直到去年，我不知道他一生中是否拿过一次A。
But up until last year, I don't know if he ever got an a in his life.
也许吧。
Maybe.
我不知道。
I don't know.
他有点儿是班上的开心果。
He was kind of the class clown.
他是某些老师的宠儿。
He was some teacher's favorite kid.
他是其他老师最不喜欢的学生。
He was other teacher's least favorite kid.
他总是东一榔头西一棒子的。
He was kinda all over the place.
他一直的说法是，错都在别人身上。
And the story that he had was that it was always someone else's fault.
老师不喜欢他，或者他没听懂，或者有一大堆理由。
The teacher didn't like him, or he didn't understand, or it was a whole list of things.
而现在，他正进入高二下半学期。
And here he is going into the second half of his junior year.
昨天是他学期中段的期末考试。
Yesterday was his finals for halfway through the year.
他回家时非常兴奋。
And he came home and he was so pumped.
他说：我又全得A了。
He was like, I got all a's again.
我回应说：哦，太棒了。
And I was like, oh, that's amazing.
我们在吃晚饭时，我说：我想问你一个问题，因为我觉得你是个很好的榜样。
And when we were having dinner, was like, I'm gonna ask you this because I feel like you're such a good example.
你为什么觉得你现在能全得A，但以前却不行呢？
Why do you think that you are getting straight a's now, but you weren't getting straight a's back then.
我还说：说到这个，你为什么现在身体这么好，吃得也很健康，但几年前我根本没想到你会做到这一点。
And I was like, and to that reason, why do you think that you're in great shape now and you eat really healthy, but that was not something I thought you would ever get into even a couple years ago.
他却说：你想知道原因吗？
And he's like, you wanna know what it is?
我现在知道这是可能的。
I know it's possible now.
我当时说：等等，等等，深入说说这个。
And I was like, wait, wait, dive into that.
他说：当你在大一的时候告诉我，我需要专心学习，或者我需要好好吃饭，比如多吃蔬菜，或者锻炼，这样会改变我的外貌，我只会想，这不过是妈妈在跟我说教。
He's like, well, when you would tell me like freshman year, like, I needed to apply myself or I needed to study or if I just, you know, ate greens or like worked out that it would change the way I look, I would just think, well, that's just something my mom's telling me.
就像，嗯，嗯，嗯。
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
我知道，我知道。
I know, I know.
但他根本不会为此做任何事。
But he wouldn't really do anything with it.
他说：我只需要看到它真的有效。
He's like, all I needed was just to see it.
我只需要做一次，看到它真的起作用。
I needed to do it one time and see that it worked.
从那以后，我永远都知道这是可能的。
And then forever now, I know that it's possible.
他说，我真没想到这会有可能。
He's like, I really did not think it was possible.
他说，你以前总让我学习。
He said, you used to tell me to study.
他说，我以前心里想，那是杰克逊。
He's like, and I used to think in my head, that's Jackson.
那不是我。
That's not me.
杰克逊成绩很好。
Jackson gets good grades.
杰克逊取得他那样的成绩很容易，但对我来说不容易。
Jackson it's easy for Jackson to get the grades that he gets, but it's not easy for me.
我当时想，哇，你真的这么想吗？
And I was like, woah, you really thought that?
他当时说，哦，是啊。
He was like, oh, yeah.
我确实觉得那是他能做到的事，但不是我能做的事。
I definitely thought that that was something he could do, but not something I could do.
我当时想，嗯，这就像固定型思维和成长型思维的区别。
And I was like, well, know, that's like fixed mindset versus growth mindset.
他说道，哦，我现在知道了，因为他们在棒球训练中会谈到这个。
He's like, oh, Now I know about it now because they talk about it in baseball practice.
但我只是觉得，你只是还不知道它是否对你有效，这种观点真的很明智。
But I just thought that that was such a wise perspective that you just don't know that it will work for you yet.
你之所以不知道它对你有效，是因为你认识的任何人都还没有成功。
And the reason that you don't know it will work for you is because it does not work currently for anybody that you know.
明白吗？
Okay?
好好想想这一点。
Sit with that for a second.
一个由那些比你更早实现你渴望目标的人组成的社群，其价值在于你能看到什么是可能的。
The value of a community around you who is achieving things that you wanna achieve are further along than you are in the path, the value of that is that you see what is possible.
多年前，我去参加了一个商业会议，坐到了一个家伙旁边。
Years ago, I went to a business conference, and I sat down next to this guy.
简而言之，有一个时刻，你需要向会议中一个你不认识的人介绍你今年的商业目标。
Long story short, there's a moment where you turn to someone at this conference that you don't know, and you're supposed to tell them the goals that you have for your business for the year.
我当时有点像个极其挑剔的混蛋，因为他穿得特别邋遢。
And I was a little, like, absolutely judgmental jerk, because he was dressed like really sloppy.
他穿着一件破破烂烂的T恤。
He was wearing like a sort of ripped t shirt.
他看起来像是刚从床上爬起来。
He looked like he just rolled out of bed.
他看起来就像是刚在海滩上睡了一觉，然后直接来参加这个会议。
He looked like he just rolled out of sleeping on the beach, and then like coming in to this conference.
这个会议的费用非常高。
And the conference is really expensive.
我攒了两年钱才买得起这张票。
I had saved for two years to be able to buy a ticket.
于是，这个家伙坐到了我旁边，看起来像个流浪汉。
So here comes this guy who sits next to me, and he looks like a vagabond.
整个过程中我都觉得很烦。
And the whole time I'm like annoyed.
我心里想，这家伙根本不该在这里。
I'm like, this guy's not supposed to be here.
他偷偷溜到了这些座位上。
He snuck up to these seats.
顺便说一下，你在创业中获得财富最棒的一点就是你可以随意穿着，但当时我并不明白这一点。
FYI, the greatest part about attaining wealth in business that you build is that you get to dress however you want, But I didn't understand that at the time.
我一直都在想，这人到底是谁？
The whole time I'm like, who is this guy?
于是他们说，好吧，分享一下你的目标。
So they say, okay, share your goals.
那一年我的目标是实现超过一百万美元的收入。
And I think my goal that year was to get over a million dollars in revenue.
他却说，哦，那太棒了。
And he's like, oh, that's great.
你们去年做得怎么样？
Like what'd you guys do last year?
我当时说，我想我们大概做了七十五万美元。
And I was like, I I think we did like 750,000.
他却说，哦，不错。
And he's like, okay, cool.
于是我问，那你们去年做得怎么样？
And I said, well, what did you guys do?
因为我简直震惊了，这个男人居然直接让我报数字。
Because I was so flabbergasted this man just asked me to say numbers.
哦，直接告诉你我的收入是多少。
Oh, just tell you what my revenue is.
你也要给我看吗？
Like do you want me to flash you as well?
这简直是个特别私密的问题。
Like it was just such an intimate question.
其实根本不是。
It's really not.
但当时我并不明白这一点。
But again, I didn't understand that at the time.
所以他问我我的数字是多少。
So he asked me what my number is.
于是我问他，那你呢？
So I'm like, well what's yours?
你们去年做了多少？
What did you guys do last year?
他回答说，我想我们去年成交了大约1800万美元。
And he's like, I think we closed like, actually like 18,000,000.
你们中有些人以前听过我讲过这个故事。
And some of y'all have heard me tell this story before.
我感到非常震惊。
I was astounded.
首先，我震惊于他的外表。
First of all, was astounded because of how he looked.
顺便说一句，伊万问：‘你是做什么生意的？’
Which side note, Ivan was like, what is your business?
他告诉我了，那是一个我完全熟悉的品牌。
And he told me, and it was a brand I totally knew.
我后来查了一下。
I looked it up later.
他就是那个人。
He was this guy.
一个我完全熟悉、完全理解的品牌，他的气质完全契合这个品牌。
Brand I totally knew, totally got, and his vibe completely matched what the brand was.
所以这一切完美地结合在了一起。
So it all absolutely worked together.
但在那一刻，我第一次意识到有人赚了1800万美元。
But in that moment was the first time I understood that someone made $18,000,000.
那是一个我完全无法想象的数字。
That was like a number I could not fathom.
我从小就是这样的：冰箱里还有食物吗？
Like I grew up like, do we have food in the fridge?
我长大后，你知道的，发工资日才去采购 groceries，爸妈发工资时可是件大事，因为他们回家后冰箱就会装得满满的，那简直太令人兴奋了。
I grew up, you know, you you got your groceries on payday, and it was this huge deal when mom and daddy got paid because they come home and their fridge would be full, and it was so exciting.
所以一年赚1800万美元，简直让我震惊不已。
So $18,000,000 in one year, it blew my mind.
这次单次的互动，我这些年已经跟你们讲过至少50遍了。
And that single interaction, I've told you guys this story like 50 times over the years.
这次单次的互动彻底改变了我的人生轨迹。
That single interaction changed my trajectory.
它改变了我对公司的愿景。
It changed the vision I had for my company.
它改变了我努力的程度。
It changed how hard I was pushing.
它改变了一切。
It changed everything.
因为我从瞄准这里，变成了瞄准那里。
Because I went from aiming like here, to aiming here.
当我八年级毕业典礼上发表演讲时，谢谢，我引用了一句我甚至不记得是谁说的名言，但它依然经典。
When I gave the commencement speech in eighth grade graduation, thank you, I had this quote that I don't even remember who said it, but it's still classic.
当你将箭头对准太阳时，即使无法触及，你也比瞄准与自己平齐的目标飞得更高。
When you aim your arrow at the sun, you may not reach it, but you will fly far higher than if you had aimed it at an object level with your own self.
能够见到那个人，哪怕只有一秒钟，那次互动彻底改变了我的事业。
Getting to meet that guy, even if it was for a second, that interaction completely changed my business.
那次互动的价值，抵得上那场会议的门票，我想那张票是10美元。
Like that interaction was worth the ticket to that conference, which I think was $10.
那次互动彻底改变了我的一切。
That one interaction changed everything for me.
拥有比你更成熟的人在你生活中，其价值就在于此。
That is the value of having people in your life who are further along than you are.
拥有在你希望成功的领域比你更成功的朋友，其价值就在于此。
It is the value of having friends who are more successful than you are in the areas that you wanna be successful in.
前几天我听了一个播客，听到有人谈到这样一个观点：我们应该有一两个顾问或导师，并在生活的方方面面都听从他们的建议。
I was listening to a podcast the other day, and I heard someone talking about this notion that we should, you know, have one or two advisors or one or two mentors, and we should listen to them for all the things in life.
绝对不是这样。
Absolutely not.
我生活中有一些人在商业上非常出色。
I have people in my life who are incredible in business.
他们赚了数以千万计的美元，但却是糟糕的父母。
They've made millions and millions and millions of dollars, but they're terrible parents.
我可能会听那个家伙给我商业建议，但我绝不会听他谈论人际关系。
Like, I might listen to that dude to tell me business advice, but I am not gonna listen to that dude to talk to me about relationships.
我生活中有些人，他们的身体健康状况非常好。
I have people in my life whose health, physical health is incredible.
他们的身材棒极了。
Their body's banging.
他们吃得非常好。
They eat really well.
他们非常注重自己的健康。
They take really good care of their health.
在心理、情感和精神层面，也就是内在的健康，他们一团糟。
Mentally and emotionally and spiritually, like the health that's on the inside, they're a basket case.
他们简直是个噩梦。
They're a nightmare.
他们的情况一团混乱。
They're it's a disaster.
这世界根本不存在。
There is no world.
我在想一个非常具体的人，我会听他们讲述关于心态、灵性或如何实践信仰的内容。
I'm thinking of a very specific person that I'm gonna listen to them tell me about mindset or spirituality or how to practice faith.
你可以从那些在各自领域擅长的人身上获得很好的智慧。
You can get really good wisdom from people in the lanes that they excel in.
比如，如果你想找人告诉你如何实现目标，我就是你要找的人。
Like, if you're trying to find someone to tell you how to achieve a goal, I am your girl.
你应该跟我聊聊。
You should talk to me.
我实现了很多目标。
I have achieved a lot of goals.
我非常擅长找出方法。
I'm really good at figuring it out.
我有一些计划。
I got some plans.
我有一些日常惯例。
I got some routines.
我知道怎么做。
I know how to do it.
但如果你想找个能教你如何练出六块腹肌的人，那我不是合适的人选。
But if you want someone to give you advice on how to have a six pack, I am not your girl.
我对这个一无所知。
I don't know anything about that.
我太爱吃面包了。
I love bread way too much.
我没有应用程序。
I don't have an app.
连一个应用都没有，更别说六个了。
Don't even have one app, let alone six.
在这方面我帮不了你。
I can't I can't help you there.
我们把所有鸡蛋都放在一个篮子里。
We put all of our eggs in one basket.
我们一生中只听从一个声音，并认为他们拥有所有答案。
We listen to one voice in our life, and we think that they have the answers.
如果你有意识地围绕你明年想要成长的领域建立一个圈子，然后找到那些在这些领域取得成功的人加入你的圈子，那会是什么样子？
What would it look like if you intentionally built a circle around the areas that you wanna grow in in the next year, and then you found people to bring into your circle that are succeeding in those areas?
嗯，那简直太棒了。
Well, that would be just awesome.
对吧？
Right?
那会是史上最棒的事。
That would be the best thing ever.
但接着就变成了那个关于如何找到导师的问题。
But then it's like that question about how do you find a mentor?
你知道那个苏斯博士的书吗？里面有一只小鸟，它四处询问不同的生物。
You know that doctor Seuss book that's the little bird, and he's going around to all the different creatures.
你是我的妈妈吗？
Like, are you my mother?
你是我的妈妈吗？
Are you my mother?
他去找了，比如一辆拖拉机。
He goes to, like, a tractor.
你是我的妈妈吗？
Are you my mother?
人们对待导师就是这样。
People do that with mentors.
哦，我需要一个导师。
Like, oh, I need a mentor.
我需要一个导师。
I need a mentor.
找到导师并没有那么容易。
It is not that easy to find a mentor.
导师是自然而然形成的。
Mentors are something that happen organically.
我不认为，通过主动去找一个你不认识的陌生人并请求他们做你的导师，就能真正建立起导师关系。
I don't think that a mentor ever really comes to fruition by you going to a stranger you don't know and asking them to mentor you.
也许有时候会成功，但这不是我的经验。
Maybe it works out sometimes, but that's not my experience.
我们试图解决的问题是：如何提升我们社交圈的层次？
The problem we're trying to solve for is how do we elevate the level of our circle?
这是第一点。
That's number one.
我们如何以最能影响我们想要构建的生活的方式提升圈子？
How do we elevate the circle in ways that will be most impactful to the life that we wanna build?
不是你姐姐正在构建的生活，不是我正在构建的生活，也不是你在网上看到的那个人的生活，而是你自己的生活。
Not the life our sister is building, not the life I am building, or that guy that you watch on TV, not those lives, but your life.
我们如何把能提升你生活的人引入你的圈子？
How do we pull people into your circle that will elevate your life?
好的。
Okay.
所以这是我们试图解决的第二件事。
So that's the second thing that we're trying to solve.
第三个问题，我认为非常重要，但人们在讨论这个话题时却很少提及：当你没有钱时，如何提升你的圈子？
And the third question, which I think is really important and people do not talk about enough when they talk about this subject, is how do you elevate your circle when you don't have money?
当你住在小城镇时，如何提升你的圈子？
How do you elevate your circle when you live in a small town?
当你生命中所有人都是你过去版本时，如何提升你的圈子？
How do you elevate your circle when everybody in your life is a past version of your life?
那不是你想去的地方。
It's not where you wanna go.
当你无法轻易接触到那些能提升你圈子的人时，如何提升你的生活？
How do you elevate your life when you don't have easy access to the kind of people that would elevate your circle?
我有一些想法。
I have some ideas.
好的。
Okay.
所以，我想让你第一个问自己的问题是：你需要围绕在身边的是谁？
So the first question I want you to ask yourself is who do you need to get around?
回到你生活中不同领域的概念，加入那些在你希望取得成就的领域中表现卓越的人，这始于明确你的意图和你想要成为的人。
Going back to this concept of the different areas of your life and adding people who are excelling in the areas you want to excel, it starts by knowing your intention and knowing who you wanna become.
这是一个绝佳的机会告诉你们，一月份我们将推出这个播客的高级版本。
And this is a fantastic opportunity to tell you that in January, we are launching a premium version of this podcast.
它没有广告。
It's ad free.
它是一个每月一次的深度解析节目。
It's a monthly deep dive episode.
它是一个每月一次的现场问答环节。
It's a monthly live q and a.
这将会非常有趣。
It's gonna be so much fun.
这是一个了不起的社群。
It's an incredible community.
但我提到这一点，是因为第一集将在1月5日上线，我觉得你们会希望在新年时拥有它。
But I'm mentioning it because the first episode drops January 5, because I thought you'd want this for the new year.
这一切都是关于弄清楚你生活中的不同支柱。
And it's all about figuring out the different pillars of your life.
明确你想要去的方向，确立2026年的北极星愿景——每个人的愿景都会不同，然后将这一愿景分解为你生活的各个部分。
Figuring out where you wanna go, figuring out the North Star vision for 2026, which is gonna look different for everybody, and then breaking that vision down into the different parts of your life.
我的部分包括财富、家庭、社区、健康和事业。
So my parts look like wealth, family, community, health, career.
这些是我生活中最重要的几个方面，但对你来说，它们可能完全不同。
It's a bunch of different areas that are most important to me, but they may be very different areas for you.
它们本应对你而言是不同的，因为这是你的生活，而不是我的。
They should be different areas for you because it's your life and not mine.
但如果你还没有明确第一点：你想要去的方向；以及第二点：这个方向如何分解成更小的部分，那么你就更难找到那些能为你的愿景增添价值的人。
But if you haven't identified number one, where you wanna go, and number two, how where you wanna go breaks down into smaller pieces, it's gonna be harder to add people to your life who can be additive to that vision.
现在，假设你已经清楚知道自己想要去的方向，知道这个愿景应该是什么，也知道这个愿景分解成哪些支柱。
Now let's presume that you know exactly where you wanna go, and you know what that vision should be, and you know the pillars that that vision breaks down into.
简单易行。
Easy peasy.
如果你用我的例子，你知道吗？
If you use my example you know what?
让我实际给你们展示一下。
Let me actually show you guys.
好的。
Okay.
我最近真的做了这件事，因为我是个极客，或者我很厉害。
So I actually did this recently, because I'm a dork, or I'm awesome.
我不知道是哪一个，或者两个都是。
I don't know one or the other, or maybe both.
但我把我的支柱和2026年的愿景拆解开了。
But I broke out my pillars, my vision for 2026.
我的支柱是事业、健康、财富、家庭和社区。
My pillars are career, health, wealth, family, and community.
然后我根据这些不同的支柱，为2026年希望实现的各种目标描绘了愿景。
And then I cast a vision for different things that I hope come true in 2026 based on those different pillars.
所以我现在有一份待办清单。
So I now have a punch list.
因此，当我关注健康时，我写下了一些非常具体的、我希望在健康类别下实现的目标。
So if I look at health, I wrote down very specific things that I would like to have under the category of health.
我很强壮。
I am strong.
我每天至少跑一英里。
I run at least one mile every day.
我的身体没有炎症。
I don't have inflammation in my body.
我内心平静。
I am calm.
我爱自己的样子。
I love the way that I look.
我饮食以追求最佳健康状态。
I eat for optimum health.
我散发着健康。
I radiate health.
我就只是写下了我真正想要的所有这些事情。
Like I just wrote all of these things that I really want.
嗯，这些都相当具体。
Well, those are pretty specific.
你知道，我的清单上根本没写我想增重15磅肌肉，或者我想参加健美比赛。
You know, nowhere on my list that it say, I wanna add 15 pounds of muscle, or I wanna compete in a bodybuilding competition.
但如果我真写了那些，那就意味着我可能吸引到一个完全不同的、能进入我圈子的人。
But if I did write those things down, that would indicate a completely different person that I might be able to pull into my circle.
所以，我在那一部分写下的很多东西，对我来说，就是那种普拉提女孩的氛围。
So a lot of the things I wrote in that section to me, that's like Pilates girl vibes.
你懂我的意思吗？
Do you know what I mean?
比如，如果你了解普拉提，我写下的很多东西，都让我觉得像我以前的普拉提教练。
Like if you know Pilates, a lot of things I wrote down, I'm like that sort of that seems like my old Pilates instructor.
也许我要拉进我圈子、帮助我实现健康目标的人，就是我以前的普拉提教练。
Maybe the person I'm gonna pull into my circle to help me with my health goal is my old Pilates instructor.
也许我会开始每周参加一次普拉提课。
Maybe I'm gonna start going to a weekly Pilates class.
所以我不只是被一个人包围，也许我会接触到很多有相同理念的人，或者可能是瑜伽课。
So I'm not just surrounded by one person, maybe I'm getting around a lot of people that are into the same kind of idea, or maybe it's a yoga class.
你知道吗？当我每周去几次瑜伽时，我遇到过这样的人，也许我需要融入这样的社群。
You know, I met people like this when I was going to yoga a couple times a week, maybe that's where I need to get inside of a community.
但你首先要从你想要达到的目标开始。
But you first start with where you want to end up.
你不能只是说：我想交更酷的朋友，或者我想认识更好的人。
You can't just go like, I want cooler friends or I want better people.
‘更酷’是什么意思？
What does cooler mean?
更好的意思是什么？
What does better mean?
如果你要追求它，就要以你想要去的地方为基础。
If you're gonna chase it, base it on a place you wanna go.
从终点开始，倒推回去。
Start with the end in mind and work backwards.
所以，如果我是你，我会拿一个笔记本，照我做的那样去做。
So if I were you, I'd grab a notebook and I do exactly what I did.
我画了一个圈，然后列出了不同的支柱，接着写下我想放在这些支柱里的东西。
I I I put a circle, and then I figured out the different pillars, and then I wrote the things that I wanted inside of those pillars.
我只是想让你知道，我在一月的那期节目中详细讲解了整个过程。
I take you through this whole process in the January episode, just so you know.
但一旦你确定了这些内容，你就有了可以着手的东西。
But once you have identified those things, then you've got something to work with.
比如，谁可能会在职业上给我建议？
Like who might be someone who could advise me in my career?
谁可能会是想和我一起去锻炼的朋友？
Who might be a friend that wants to go work out with me?
这个人可能会是谁？
Who might be this?
那个人可能会是谁？
Who might be that?
明白吗？
Okay?
所以我们从这里开始。
So we start there.
我们知道我们要找的是什么。
We know what we're looking for.
现在你想问自己一个问题：你和你希望拉近关系的这个人之间有多大的差距？
Now you wanna ask yourself the question, what is the distance between you and this person you would like to pull in?
我真的相信，当你像贝比·鲁斯那样叫出自己的击球位置时，你会说：我要打到那边去。
Now I really believe that when you call your shots like Babe Ruth, you're like, I'm going over there.
我相信宇宙会迎向你。
I believe the universe rises up to meet you.
我相信你必须停留在你想要去的地方。
I believe that you have to stay where it is that you wanna go.
所以，如果你想要一个在健康方面比你领先五年的人，就去寻求这样的人。
So if you want someone who is five years further down the road than you in health, ask for that.
如果你觉得和一个比你领先五年的人相处会让你感到压力，那就明确这一点。
If you would feel intimidated by hanging out with someone who's five years further down the road, then be clear on that.
你说，你知道吗？
Say, you know what?
我其实并不想要一个专家。
I don't really want someone who's an expert.
我更想要一个像我一样的初学者，可以当我的监督伙伴，陪我去健身房。
I kinda want someone who's a beginner, like I'm a beginner who can just be an accountability buddy, who can just meet me at the gym.
我只是想找个人能和我站在同一水平，因为能和我同频的人，远比我现在这群对我不感兴趣的朋友要好得多。
Like I just kinda want someone to meet me where I am, because someone who will meet me where I am is way better than my current friend group where nobody is into the things I'm into.
第一步，我们想邀请谁加入？
First step is who do we wanna call in?
我们想让谁进入我们的圈子？
Who do we want inside of our circle?
第二步，他们比你领先多少？
Second step is how much further along are they than you?
好的。
Okay.
作为经常被人找来当导师、提供建议或让人‘榨取我的大脑’（这是我最不喜欢的陌生人表达方式）的人，我想鼓励你停止关注别人能给你什么，转而思考你能为别人带来什么价值。
My second piece of advice here as someone who has been hit up a lot to mentor people or give advice or allow someone to pick my brain, which is maybe my least favorite expression coming from a stranger, I would love to encourage you to stop looking for what other people are going to give you, and start looking at the value that you bring to other people.
那些总在琢磨这个人或那个人会怎么帮他们的人，行为有点令人反感。
There's something slimy about people who are constantly trying to figure out how that person or this person or that person is gonna hook them up.
他们怎么帮你？
How how are they gonna help?
你想要接近的人，那些比你更优秀的人，尤其是那些已经取得巨大成就、正在从事你向往的精彩事业的人，他们早已习惯别人想利用他们。
Like, how and the people that you wanna be around, the people who are doing better than you, especially those people who are really far along, who are excelling in their careers or doing the kind of cool stuff that you wanna do, those people are very used to other people wanting to use them.
确实如此。
It's true.
我们能察觉到，就像警报突然响起来一样。
We can pick up on it like a like a alarm starts going off.
你可能根本无意表现得如此，但对方还是会这样感受。
And you might not even mean it to come across that way, but it still can.
如果真是这样，你就等于关闭了与这个人接触的通道，因为他们从你身上感受到了负面情绪。
And if it does, you have essentially closed down your access to that person because they got bad vibes from you.
所以，改变你的能量和气场，转向一种思考如何为你们所处的关系带来价值的心态。
So change your energy, and change your vibration to one that asks how you can bring value to the relationships that you're inside of.
你可以首先审视一下：你已经在哪些方面为现有的关系带来了价值？
And the first thing that you can look at is like, how are you already bringing value to the relationships that you're inside of?
这并不意味着你必须有钱。
And it doesn't mean that you have money.
价值并不等于金钱。
Value doesn't mean money.
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价值意味着你为这段关系带来了什么？
Value means what do you bring to the table?
是氛围吗？
Is it vibes?
是友谊吗？
Is it friendship?
你很搞笑吗？
Are you hilarious?
你总是准时到场吗？
Do you always show up on time?
你总是准备充分吗？
Are you always prepared?
如果你有机会和你心目中的导师交谈一次，你做好准备了吗？
If you get that one shot to speak to this mentor of your dreams, are you ready for that shot?
你是否一到场就准备好了？
Do you show up ready to go?
我正在看Netflix上一部关于西蒙·考威尔的新纪录片，我不推荐看。
I was watching there's a new Simon Cowell documentary on Netflix, which I do not recommend.
我以前并不太了解他，但看完之后，我觉得这人从一开始就让我失望了——如果你看了，他会让你在妻子请求他去参加儿子毕业典礼时就失去好感。
I didn't really know him very much before, but after watching that, I was like, this guy's he lost me at if you watched it, he lost me at the part where his wife's like asking him to go to their to her son's graduation.
他却只是抱怨。
He's like, complain.
我当时就想，你真是个混蛋。
It I was like, you're a jerk.
我不在乎。
I don't care.
我退出了。
I I'm out.
那不是重点。
That's not the point.
重点是，在这一集的早些时候，他们正在选拔人加入一个男子团体。
The point is earlier in the episode, they were auditioning people to be in a boy band.
他正在组建一个男子团体。
He's building a boy band.
有一个场景，一个年轻男孩进来，你能看出他们喜欢他的外形，他开始唱歌，嗓音非常优美，所有评委都兴奋不已。
And there's this moment where this young kid comes in, and you can tell that they like his look, and he starts singing, and his voice is beautiful, and all the judges like really excited.
但他突然忘了歌词，继续唱下去，却一直在嘟囔，低头看着纸张，艰难地唱完这首歌。
And then he sort of forgets his words, and he kind of keeps going, but he's like mumbling, and he's looking down at a paper, and he's struggling through the song.
但他其实很有天赋，只是没有做好准备。
But he was really talented, but he wasn't prepared.
当表演结束时，有一位老派的、极其成功的制作人，他做过无数了不起的事情。
And when they're done, there's like this old school, like old producer who is like crazy successful and has done all these amazing things.
其他所有评委都说：‘我们很喜欢你的声音’之类的。
And every other judge is like, really like you loved your sound, whatever.
轮到这个家伙时，他说：‘你为什么没有做好准备？’
And it gets to this guy and he's like, why aren't you prepared?
男孩回答：‘哦，我几天前才听说这次海选，时间不多。'
And the kid's like, oh, well, I just heard about the audition a couple of days ago, like I didn't have a ton of time.
你能看出这个老家伙真的很沮丧。
And you could tell this old guy was like really frustrated.
如果这是你唯一的机会，你就不能来参加这些场合却不做好准备。
You cannot come if this is your one opportunity, you cannot come to these situations and not be ready to go.
你能感觉到那位评委对那个孩子印象很不好。
You could tell that judge has a bad taste in his mouth about that kid.
这让他想起了什么，或者他觉得，嘿，如果这是你的机会，那就是你带来的价值。
It reminds him of something, or he feels like, hey, if this is your shot, that's the value that you bring.
因为那个孩子本可以为房间带来的价值是尊重那些他占用时间的人。
Because the value that kid could have brought into the room was respect for the people whose time he had.
你必须从他们的角度来思考。
You have to think of it from their perspective.
所以要问问自己带来了什么。
So ask what you bring.
我认为这是一个值得深思的很棒的事情，它也能让你自我激励，思考你为过去的关系带来了什么价值，然后带着这样的心态进入：你知道吗，我可能不如这个人懂得多，经验也没那么丰富，但我渴望学习，我有很多问题，我对他们做了大量研究，所以我非常清楚，我不会浪费他们的时间，我确切地知道自己想表达什么。
And I think it's a really cool thing to meditate on, and also sort of hypes you up to yourself of what is the value you've brought to past relationships that you are gonna go in with like, you know what, I might not know as much as this person, I might not have as much experience, but I'm eager to learn, I'm full of questions, I've done a ton of research on them, so I know exactly, I'm not gonna waste their time, I know exactly what I wanna get across.
这其中蕴含着力量，人们会对此作出回应。
There's power in that, and people respond to that.
这就像肯尼迪的那句名言：不要问你的国家能为你做什么，而要问你能为你的国家做什么。
It's like that Kennedy quote, ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.
当你进入一种情境时，如果你只是想着‘我只是想提供帮助’，这真的会改变整个氛围。
It really does change the dynamics when you go into a situation, you're just like, I, you know, I just wanna be of service.
让我再反过来进一步说一下，因为在我职业生涯中，我遇到过很多这样的人，他们说：‘我能向你请教一下吗？’
Let me also flip this and go one step further because I have encountered a lot, like as many people in my career who have been like, can I just pick your brain?
但也有同样多的人主动联系我，说：‘我只是想提供帮助。’
I've had just as many who have reached out and they're like, I just wanna be of service.
我只是想在这里支持你。
I just I just wanna be here for you.
我想成为那样的人，而我却想说：‘姑娘，你在说什么呢？’
I wanna be and I'm like, girl, what are you talking about?
我真的非常抱歉。
I I'm I'm so sorry.
这听起来可能有点无礼。
That maybe sounds rude.
我希望这让你笑了，但我真的无法告诉你这种事发生的频率有多高。
I hope it gave you a chuckle, but I cannot tell you how often.
像这样的事，男生也经常做。
Like, guys do that a lot too.
我想提供帮助。
Like, I wanna be of service.
你吗？
Do you?
你呢，史蒂夫？
Do you, Steve?
不。
No.
我都不想回应。
I'm not even gonna respond.
让我想想我会如何回应。
Let me think about what I would respond to.
说真的，我欣赏那些有胆识的人，这才是我会回应的。
Like, no joke, what I do respond to, I appreciate gumption.
我欣赏那些敢于主动表现自己的人。
I appreciate people who put themselves out there.
有不少人通过LinkedIn给我发过简历，他们根据我们所做的工作，专门定制了内容。
I've had quite a few people who have sent me resumes on LinkedIn, and they've put together something custom based on the work they see us doing.
他们说：嘿，我真的很想和你们一起工作。
And they're like, hey, I I really wanna work with you.
这是我的简历。
Here's my resume.
这是我认为自己能带来价值的地方。
Here's where I think I could add value.
我知道你们目前没有招聘这个职位，但如果将来有需要，请告诉我。
I know you're not hiring for this role right now, but if you ever do, please let me know.
我喜欢这一点。
I love that.
我不是要你们所有人都开始发简历，但我喜欢这一点，因为你们花了时间，看清了目标，逆向思考，并增添了价值。
And I'm not asking you all to start sending resumes, but I love that because you took the time, you saw your goal, you worked backwards, you added some value.
他们通常会说：嘿，这是你们正在做的三件事，我觉得可以通过X、Y、Z来改进。
They're typically like, hey, here's three things I see you guys doing, and I think they could be improved by x y z.
这是我的专业领域。
This is my area of expertise.
这真的很棒。
That's really cool.
我觉得这非常专业。
I find it really professional.
他们都很迅速。
They're quick.
他们都很简洁。
They're concise.
他们明白我没有太多时间。
They understand I don't have a lot of time.
至少，我会查看那个人的材料。
That person is at the very least, I'm gonna review their stuff.
至少我会翻看一下，而不是像很多人那样发一堆泛泛而谈的东西，简直像垃圾邮件。
Like at the very least, I'm gonna look through versus so many people who've just sent like blanket things, like they're it's sort of spam.
他们发给包括我在内的上千个人，说实话，我根本不会打开。
They're sending me and like a thousand other people, and I'm just like, I don't even open it, if I'm being honest.
想想你能带来什么价值。
Think about the value that you can add.
在你遇到的每一种情况、每一次拓展人脉的机会中，都要把它当作是你人生中最重要的一次对话或最重要的会议来对待。
In every situation you go into, and every opportunity you get to add to your circle, approach it as if it's the most important conversation you're ever gonna have or the most important meeting.
至少在第一次互动时，要做好准备，全力以赴。
At least on that very first interaction, show up ready to go, show up prepared.
如果有机会，就要做好准备，正面迎接这个机会。
If you get the opportunity, be prepared to meet that opportunity head on.
我要鼓励你们做的第三件事，尤其是如果你没有钱，我们就直说吧：去找那些人们因为真心想参与而聚集的地方，而不是因为有人付钱让他们去的地方。
Third thing I'm gonna encourage you to do, especially if you don't have money, let's just go there, is look for places where people are there because they want to be there, not because someone is paying them to be there.
比如俱乐部、宗教组织、非营利机构、社区中心，这些地方的动机超越了金钱交易。
So clubs, religious organizations, nonprofits, community centers, places where there's a why that is greater than a financial transaction.
好好想想。
Think about it.
如果你真心信奉并热爱某个非营利组织，每隔一个周末都去那里做志愿者，你很可能会遇到志同道合的人。
If there is a nonprofit that you really believe in and that you really love, and you go volunteer there every other weekend, you are likely to meet like minded people.
你会遇到其他关心自己社区的人。
You're gonna meet other people who care about their community.
你会遇到其他同样想拯救海豚的人。
You're gonna meet other people who also want to save the dolphins.
你会遇到那些和你兴趣相投的其他人。
You are going to meet other people who are into the stuff that you are into.
多年来，我不断收到很多问题，问的是：成年人该如何交朋友？
And I have gotten so many questions over the years about how do you make friends as an adult.
对吧？
Right?
我真的想要朋友。
Like I really want friends.
我真的想要的，就是我们在这里讨论的。
I really want that's what we're talking about here.
当我提到圈子时，我指的是那些你能与之互动的人。
When I say circle, I mean like these are the people that you get to interact with.
你想结识新朋友，但你以为你会在你常去的地方遇到他们。
You wanna find new friends, but you think that you're gonna meet them in the places you're already going.
我当妈妈已经很久了。
I've been a mom for a very long time.
我从未在孩子的学校里与其他妈妈成为非常亲密的好友。
I still have never made a very close and dear friend with other moms at my kid's school.
我不是说她不存在。
I'm not saying she's not there.
我确信我孩子学校里有很多优秀的妈妈，但我们都处于这种境地，因为我们都被迫进入了这种情境。
I'm sure there are amazing moms at my kid's school, but we're both in that situation because we've been thrust into that situation.
孩子年龄相同并不意味着我们就一定有共同话题，这并不意味着如果我们一起去喝咖啡，除了都有八岁孩子之外，还能聊别的什么。
Having kids the same age isn't necessarily like, oh, we have this in common, but that doesn't mean that if we go to coffee, we're gonna have anything to talk about other than both having eight year old kids.
但我告诉你，当我参加作家会议时，三个小时转眼就过去了。
But I'll tell you what, when I have gone to conferences for authors, literally that fast three hours go by.
我们所有人都围坐在一起。
We're all sitting in a group.
我们在谈论书籍。
We're talking about books.
我们在谈论写作。
We're talking about writing.
我们在谈论，天哪，你读过这本书吗？
We're talking about, oh my gosh, did you read this?
因为我们都是读者，都是书迷，而且都是作家。
Because we're all readers, because we're all book nerds, and we're writers.
我们有太多共同点了。
We have so much in common.
我们的职业相同，出版方式相同，写作相同，写作的难度相同，我们喜欢读的书也相同。
Our career's in common, the way we publish is in common, writing is in common, how hard it is, the books that we love to read.
我们有这么多共同点，根本聊不完。
We have so much in common, we do not run out of things to talk about.
每个人都在那里，不是因为有人付钱让他们来，而是因为他们是书迷，热爱我们共同分享的这件事。
And everyone is there, not because someone is paying them to be there, but because they're nerds, and they love this thing that we're all sharing.
如果你能接触到和你有相同兴趣的人，你一定能找到其他充满热情的人。
If you can get around other people who are into the things that you are into, you are guaranteed to find other people who are passionate.
我猜测，如果你试图提升自己的社交圈，热情与否正是你想要摆脱或寻找的关键因素。
And my hunch is that if you're trying to elevate your circle, passion or the lack of passion is one of the things that you're trying to get away from.
你希望周围更多充满活力的人，更多有魅力的人。
You want more people who have energy, you want more people who have vibe.
我姐姐去年开始学陶艺。
My my big sister started pottery this last year.
她很有艺术天赋。
She's very artistic.
她非常有创造力。
She's very creative.
她开始做陶艺，还制作咖啡杯。
She started doing pottery, and she's making coffee mugs.
她一直都很有创意，总是做出最漂亮的东西。
And she has always been so creative and, like, has always made the most beautiful thing.
她是一位非常出色的画家。
She's really beautiful painter.
但她现在每周或每两周就发给我更多杯子的照片，一堆又一堆的杯子。
But she's making these mugs and every week or two, she sends me more pictures of the mugs, just mugs on mugs on mugs.
我真的很希望她发给我这些照片，是因为这些杯子即将寄到我这里。
And I'm really hoping that she's sending them to me because these mugs are coming my way.
我心想：克里斯蒂娜，你为什么用这么多漂亮的杯子逗我呢？
Like I'm like, why are you teasing me with all these beautiful Christina?
给个女孩一个杯子吧。
Like give a girl a mug.
但我喜欢她如此热情。
But I love how passionate she is.
我喜欢她如此兴奋。
I love how excited she is.
她简直着迷得不行。
She is nerding out so hard.
我敢保证，如果克里斯蒂娜去加入一个陶艺俱乐部，或者认识她所在城镇里陶艺工作室的主人，他们一定会一起疯狂着迷。
And I guarantee that if Christina goes and joins like a potter's club, or like meets the person who owns a local pottery studio in her town, they're gonna nerd out so hard together.
她也喜欢匹克球。
She also loves pickleball.
我向你保证，她和那些打匹克球的人一起着迷得不行，大家都相处融洽，玩得开心，互相支持，充满活力，这些有创造力的人选择把时间花在让他们快乐的事情上，这才是你想要融入圈子的人。
Promise you that she has nerded out so hard with the other people who are doing pickleball, and they're all just like vibing, having a good time, supporting each other, high energy, creative people choosing to spend their time doing things that bring them joy, that's the kind of people you want in your circle.
当我说到‘提升你的圈子，就能提升你的生活’时，我并不是说你要想办法让查理·芒格成为你核心圈子里的人。
When I am saying that if you elevate your circle, you elevate your life, I do not mean that you are trying to get Charlie Munger in your inner circle.
我不是让你去想办法让移民进入你的圈子，尽管那会很棒。
I am not telling you to go see if you can get emigreed in your circle, though that would be amazing.
那不是重点。
That's not the point.
你不是想认识一位总统。
You're not trying to get a president.
你不是想认识一位国王。
You're not trying to get a king.
你是想找到那些在你希望进步的领域里比你走得更远的人。
You're trying to get people that are further along than you are in a thing you wanna be further along in.
也许你真正需要进步的是快乐。
And maybe the thing you need to be further along in is joy.
也许你需要多找点乐子。
Maybe you need to have more fun.
也许你需要找到一件真正热爱的事，就像我妹妹对咖啡杯和匹克球那样。
Maybe you need to find something that you're really into, like my sister with the coffee cups and the pickleball.
所以，去找那些人们已经投入其中的地方。
So look for places that people go to where they're already committed.
他们已经在那里出现了。
They're already showing up.
他们已经带来了能量和热情，他们在那里是因为他们想在那里，而不是因为那是他们的工作。
They already are bringing energy and passion, and they're there because they wanna be there, not because it's their job.
下一条建议。
Next piece of advice.
我一生中一些最伟大的导师，其实我根本不知道他们的存在。
Some of the greatest mentors I've ever had in my life did not know existed.
我很幸运，因为我过去常读的那些作者、常听的那些播客，很多我钦佩的人，后来都成了我现实生活中认识的人，有些甚至成了我真正的导师。
So I'm really lucky in that a lot of the people whose books I used to read or podcasts I used to listen to, a lot of the people that I admired became people I knew in real life, and in some cases became real life mentors.
但在他们成为我现实中的导师之前，他们早已通过书页成为我的导师。
But they were my mentors in the pages of a book before they were ever my mentor in reality.
在真正见到他们之前，他们就已经通过观看他们的电视节目成为我的导师了。
They were my mentors in, you know, watching their TV show before I ever met them in real life.
我原本以为自己永远不可能有机会与这些人互动。
Like, I assumed that I wouldn't ever get to interact with these people.
所以我吸收了我能找到的每一条信息，他们的每一个观点、每一份智慧。
So I absorbed every single bit of information that I could find, all of their ideas, all of their wisdom.
直到今天，当我试图弄清楚一些新东西时，我依然会去寻找那个领域的专家。
And still to this day, when I'm trying to figure out something new, I am looking for the experts in that field.
这并不是对现有内容创作者的不敬。
And no disrespect to the content creators that exist.
我非常感激我们正处在一个信息极其丰富、观点触手可及的时代，但要小心对待你在网络上接受的建议，尤其是那些因制作内容而迅速走红、却未必拥有真实经验的人。
I'm so grateful that we are coming up in a time where there's just so much information that you can access and so many ideas that you can access, but be careful about the advice that you take from people on the internet, especially when there's someone who has just become really well known for creating content, but not necessarily for lived experience.
如果你能找到这样的人——我知道这些信息，因为我亲身经历过这些事，所以才懂这些观点——一定要确保你清楚信息的来源。
If you can find someone who's like, I know this information because I went through these things, and this is why I know these ideas, Just make sure you know the source.
一定要清楚信息的来源。
Make sure you know the source.
但互联网的美妙之处在于，你可以接触到已经存在数百年的知识。
But the beauty of the Internet is that you can have access to the information that has existed for hundreds of years.
你可以从洛克菲勒那里获得指导，你知道的，你可以观看奥普拉的上千场采访、视频、书籍和她的电视节目。
Like you can get guidance from a Rockefeller, you know, you can listen to Oprah in a thousand interviews and videos and books and her TV show.
那里有太多信息了。
There's just so much information out there.
所以不要以为你必须在现实生活中认识某人，才能开始模仿行为和获取想法。
So don't assume that you need to know someone in real life to be able to start to model behavior and get ideas.
我总是先明确自己想实现什么或想做什么，然后去研究：有没有人具备这方面的专业知识？
I always start with what it is I'm trying to accomplish or what it is I'm trying to do, and then I research, are there people who have that expertise?
不仅仅是当代的专业知识，我还喜欢回溯过去，看看一百年前是否有人讨论过这个问题？
And not just modern day expertise, I like to go back and see, was someone talking about this a hundred years ago?
八十年代是否有人讨论过这个问题？
Was someone talking about this in the eighties?
有没有一些更古老的想法，因为经受住了时间的考验，今天依然非常有帮助？
Are there older ideas that might be really helpful today because they've stood the test of time?
除了自己做研究之外，我还会祈祷。
And beyond just doing my own research for that, I also just pray.
我祈祷并寻求指引。
I pray and I ask for guidance.
我会说：嘿，我在寻找这方面的想法。
I'm like, hey, I'm looking for ideas around this.
请送一些书给我。
Please send books my way.
请让我听到一些声音。
Please let me hear something.
如果有什么播客我应该听，请让它们出现在我的路上，这样我就能向已经做过这件事的人学习。
If there's a podcast I should listen to, just put it in my path so that I can start to learn from people who've already done this.
我无法向你充分表达，有意识地明确你正在寻找什么有多么重要。
I cannot express to you enough how important it is to be intentional about exactly what it is you're looking for.
我认为你的守护天使就在那里。
I think your guardian angels are there.
我认为他们正在引导你的道路。
I think they are guiding your path.
我认为，上帝以她无尽的智慧，会给予你与你所寻求之物相契合的东西，但你必须清楚那究竟是什么。
I think God in her infinite wisdom is gonna give you things that align with what it is you're looking for, but you have to know what that is.
好的。
Okay.
在我给你最后一条建议之前，我必须插一句，谈谈你可能会卡住的地方。
Before I give you the last piece of advice, I have to jump in here and just talk about where you're going to get stuck.
你可能会卡住的地方。
Where you're going to get stuck.
对于自己可以扩大社交圈这个想法，你很容易热血沸腾。
It's really easy to get fired up about the idea that you can grow your circle.
很容易把这些想法铭记于心，并开始在现实生活中付诸实践。
Really easy to take a bunch of these ideas to heart and start applying them into your real life.
但你在提升社交圈时会卡住的地方，和你在很多其他事情上卡住的地方一样：那就是你有了想法，知道它很好，知道你应该重视它、投入精力，却未能将这个想法真正落实到现实生活中。
But where you're going to get stuck with elevating your circle is where you get stuck with a lot of things, which is having the idea and knowing that it's good and knowing that you should care about it and put energy into it, but then not having the execution of that idea happen in your real life.
那么，我们该如何把想法转化为实际行动呢？
Like how do we take the idea and turn it into implementation?
所以我想提前提醒你，周四我们会发布新一期播客，我们的播客每周一和周四更新。
So I wanna give you a heads up that on Thursday, so our podcast episodes come out Monday and Thursday.
周四播出的是我今年最喜爱的一期节目。
On Thursday, it's my favorite episode of the year.
明白吗？
Okay?
这是我最喜欢的年度节目，内容是关于如何回顾过去一年，以及如何将过去一年的收获应用到新一年的日程安排中。
Favorite episode of the year, it is a conversation about how you review your past year, and how you take the information from the year past and implement it into your calendar in the year ahead.
年度日程审计。
The annual calendar audit.
如果你以前听过，这期是全新的，因为每年我都会加入一些新内容。
If you've listened to it before, this is a whole new episode because every year I add something new.
我每年都会重新制作这一期，因为我坚信这种做法对于实践至关重要。
I I redo the episode every year because it is a practice that I deeply believe in for implementation.
这不仅关乎如何实践‘提升你的社交圈’这个理念，也关乎如何实践我们在这档节目中讨论的许多其他想法。
Not just how you implement this idea of elevating your circle, but how do you implement a lot of the ideas we talk about here on the show.
它会体现在你的日历中。
It comes into practice in your calendar.
当一件事被安排进日程时，它才变得真实。
Something becomes real when it gets scheduled.
但你怎么知道该安排什么，又该如何规划呢？
But how do you know what to schedule, and how do you build it out?
我们周四会深入探讨这个话题。
We're gonna get into it on Thursday.
我希望你能收听这一期节目。
I hope you will check out that episode.
好吗？
Okay?
光是每周一遍又一遍地听是不够的。
It's not enough to just listen to these week after week after week.
我非常感激你的陪伴，也很高兴你属于这个社群。
I'm so grateful that you're here, and I love that you're in this community.
但如果你在生活中看不到变化，看不到进展，你不需要更多信息，你需要更多实践。
But if you are not seeing change in your life, if you are not seeing traction in your life, you don't need more information, you need more implementation.
周四的那期节目，不是在向你推销任何东西。
Thursday's episode, not selling you anything.
我不是让你去购买一个计划。
I'm not telling you to buy a plan.
这只是一个我非常喜欢的实践，我希望你能去试试。
Like, there's not it's literally just a practice that I love, and I hope you'll check it out.
你就是你最常相处的那五个人的综合体现。
You are the combination of the five people you spend the most time with.
如果你觉得必须新增五个优秀的人，才能让生活变得美好，这可能会让你感到压力山大。
And it could be overwhelming to you if you think that you need to add five new bomb people in order to make your life great.
事实上，只需要一个新导师——无论是现实中的还是虚拟的，一个新朋友，一个人，一位新老师，一个新想法，或一件新事物，就能让潮水涌入港口，让港内所有船只随之上升。
The reality is that just one new mentor, whether that's real or virtual, just one new friend, just one person, one new teacher, one new idea, one new thing can make that tide come into the harbor and can make all the boats in the harbor rise.
这真的会带来不同。
It really does make a difference.
如果你无法接触到你希望拥有的那种人，那就确保你的思想和心灵充满你希望现实中能遇到的那些人的特质。
If you don't have access to the kind of people that you wish you did, just make sure that you are filling your mind and your spirit with the kind of people you wish were in your real life.
务必对你所消费的媒体、阅读的书籍以及浏览的社交内容保持高度自觉。
Make sure that you're really intentional in the media that you consume and the books that you read and the social that you check out.
要认真对待这一点，因为所有这些都在用各种想法填充你的头脑。
Just be really thoughtful about that because all of it is filling your mind up with ideas.
当你进入某种情境或经历时，比如你刷着手机，但结束后却感觉自己变成了更糟糕的版本，感觉互动让你变得更糟而不是更好，你必须留意这一点。
And if you were going into situations, experiences, you know, if you're scrolling your phone and you're coming out the other side and you feel like a worse version of yourself, if you feel like things got worse in that interaction rather than better, you have to pay attention to that.
你真的必须留意。
You really have to.
因为即使你拼命努力，也可能会不断遇到阻碍，让你变得渺小、停滞不前，困在原地。
Because you can work so freaking hard and constantly come up against blocks that are keeping you small, that are keeping you stuck, that are keeping you right here.
所以，如果你听到这样一个观点：你的生活品质可以通过改善你的人际圈而提升，那这值得你深入思考。
So if you hear that idea that maybe the quality of your life could be improved if you improved your circle, that's something to that's something to unpack.
这值得你认真审视。
That's something to look at.
不是出于恐惧，而是出于喜悦。
Not from a place of fear, but from a place of joy.
从一种想法出发：如果我开始与那些和我相似的人互动，会发生什么？
From a place of, well, what would happen if I started to interact with people who were like me?
如果我开始与那些我想成为的人互动，又会怎样？
What if I started to interact with people that are like who I wanna become?
真正奇妙而精彩的事情会发生。
Really incredible and amazing things happen.
我很高兴你和我们在一起，加入这个充满像你这样的人的社区，他们都在努力做酷的事情，让自己的生活变得更好。
So I'm glad that you're here with us in this community, which is filled with people just like you who are trying to do cool things and trying to make their life better.
我们将在每周一和周四继续进行这些对话。
We will continue with these conversations every Monday and Thursday.
我们为你准备了新的一集，完全免费，随时可以免费观看。
We've got a new episode for you, totally free, always available to you for free.
如果你想要和我们深入探索，高级版本将在一月上线。
The premium version starts in January if you wanna take that deeper dive with us.
在下次再见之前，一如既往，我爱你们，我为你们加油。
And until next time, as always, I love you, and I'm rooting for you.
《蕾切尔·霍利斯》播客由我，蕾切尔·霍利斯制作。
The Rachel Hollis podcast is produced by me, Rachel Hollis.
本节目由安德鲁·韦勒和杰克·诺布尔剪辑。
It's edited by Andrew Weller and Jack Noble.
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