605：孩子的逻辑

你被开除了吗？

Are you expelled?

我说。

I said.

没有回应。

There was no reply.

是你吗，蒂莫西？

Are you, Timothy?

他再次一言不发，我忍不住转过身去看他。

Again, he said nothing, and I couldn't stop myself from turning around to look at him.

蒂莫西，你被开除了吗？

Timothy, are you expelled?

教授，我不是蒂莫西，蒂莫西严肃地说道，但语气中带着一丝满足。

I'm not Timothy, professor, said Timothy, gravely, but not without a certain air of satisfaction.

恐怕你那宝贵的解药没起作用。

I'm afraid your precious antidote didn't work.

来吧，蒂莫西，我说。

Come on, Timothy, I said.

别闹了。

Cut it out.

今天月亮根本没满。

The moon's not even full today.

现在他转向了我。

Now he turned toward me.

你去哪儿了？

Where were you?

他说，我一直在找你。

He said, I was looking for you.

我在沟里。

I was in the ditch.

和蚂蚁在一起？

With the ants?

我点了点头。

I nodded.

我以前听过你跟它们说话。

I heard you talking to them before.

所以呢？

So?

所以呢？

So?

你是蚁人吗？

Are you Ant Man?

不是，笨蛋。

No, dummy.

为什么不是？

Why not?

因为我谁也不是。

Because I'm not anybody.

你也不是什么重要人物。

You're not anybody either.

我们沉默了一会儿，只是坐在那里，不看对方，踢着椅子腿。

We fell silent for a while and just sat there, not looking at each other, kicking at the legs of our chairs.

我能听到格拉德费尔特太太和伯特巴赫先生在他办公室里轻声交谈。

I could hear missus Gladfelter and mister Bueterbaugh talking softly in his office.

伯特巴赫先生叫她伊丽莎白。

Mister Bueterbaugh called her Elizabeth.

电话响了。

The telephone rang.

秘书的电话上亮起了两次灯，然后保持常亮。

A light flashed twice on the secretary's phone, then held steady.

谢谢您回电，医生。

Thanks for calling back, Doctor.

沙赫特，我听到那位先生。

Schachter, I heard Mr.

布特尔巴赫说。

Bueterbaugh say.

是的，恐怕是这样。

Yes, I'm afraid so.

我去看过医生。

I went to see Doctor.

我去了好几次找沙赫特医生。

Schachter a couple times, I said.

他有微缩战士和女性机器人。

He had Micronauts and the fembots.

他也有拉伸阿姆斯特朗，蒂莫西说。

He has Stretch Armstrong too, said Timothy.

我知道。

I know.

你为什么去看他？

Why did you go see him?

蒂莫西说。

Timothy said.

是你妈妈让你去的吗？

Did your mother make you?

是的，我说。

Yeah, I said.

为什么呢？

How come?

我不知道。

I don't know.

她说我情绪控制有问题。

She said I was having problems with my anger.

我不知道。

I don't know.

我想我是在生我爸爸的气，还有其他一些事情。

I guess I was mad about my dad and things.

他得去坐牢，蒂莫西说，你爸爸。

He had to go to jail, Timothy said, your dad.

只待了一晚上。

Just for one night.

为什么？

How come?

他喝太多了，我说。

He had too much to drink, I said.

你去监狱看过他吗？

Did you visit him in jail?

蒂莫西说。

Timothy said.

不，傻逼。

No, stupid god.

你该去特殊学校，蒂莫西。

You belong in special school, Timothy.

我希望他们让你吃特别的食物，戴上特别的头盔什么的。

I hope they make you eat special food and wear a special helmet or something.

我听到学校前门远远地砰地一声关上，接着是一双硬底鞋在走廊里咔嗒作响。

I heard the distant slam of the school's front door and then a pair of hard shoes knocking along the hall.

你妈妈来了，我说。

Here comes your mother, I said.

什么样的特别头盔？

What kind of special helmet?

蒂莫西说。

Said Timothy.

蚁人戴着头盔。

Ant Man wears a helmet.

斯托克斯太太走进了办公室。

Missus Stokes entered the office.

她是个高挑瘦削的女人，比我妈年长许多，留着长长的灰发，双手通红，血管清晰可见。

She was a tall, thin woman, much older than my mother, with long, gray hair and red, veiny hands.

每天早上，她都会给蒂莫西做煎饼当早餐，听起来还不错，直到你发现她往里面加了胡萝卜和剩下的玉米粒。

Every morning, she made Timothy pancakes for his breakfast, which sounded okay until you found out that she put things in them like carrots and leftover pieces of corn.

哦，你好，保罗，她用小驴依诺的声音说道。

Oh, hello, Paul, she said in her Eeyore voice.

斯托克斯夫人，格拉德费尔特夫人从校长办公室走出来说道。

Missus Stokes, said missus Gladfelter, coming out of the principal's office.

恐怕蒂莫西今天下午经历了一段漫长的时光。

It's been kind of a long afternoon for Timothy, I'm afraid.

弗吉尼亚怎么样？

How is Virginia?

斯托克斯夫人问道。

Said missus Stokes.

她仍然没有看蒂莫西一眼。

She still hadn't looked at Timothy.

哦，她会没事的，先生。

Oh, she'll be fine, Mr.

布伯巴赫说，只是有点受惊。

Bueberbaugh said, just a little shaken up.

我们提前让她回家了。

We sent her home early.

当然，他补充道，她的父母想跟你谈谈。

Of course, he added, her parents are going to want to speak to you.

当然，斯托克斯太太说。

Of course, said Mrs.

斯托克斯。

Stokes.

我愿意做任何你觉得对蒂莫西最好的事。

I'm ready to do whatever you think would be best for Timothy.

我不是蒂莫西，蒂莫西说。

I'm not Timothy, said Timothy.

哦，求你了，蒂米，别再闹了。

Oh, please, Timmy, stop this nonsense for once.

我被诅咒了。

I'm cursed.

他俯身靠近，脸几乎贴到了我的脸上。

He leaned over and brought his face very close to mine.

教授，跟他们说说这个诅咒吧。

Tell them about the curse, professor.

我看着蒂莫西，第一次发现他的脸颊上长出了一层细密的、乌黑的狼毛。

I looked at Timothy, and for the first time, saw that a thin, dark down of wolfish hair had grown upon his cheek.

接着我看向布德博格先生，发现他正热切地盯着我，仿佛真相信蒂莫西中了某种永恒的黑色魔法诅咒，并且非常乐意听我对此发表任何看法。

Then I looked at mister Buderbaugh and found that he was watching me with an air of earnest expectancy, as though he honestly thought there might be an eternal black magical curse on Timothy, and was more than willing to listen to anything I might have to say on the subject.

我耸了耸肩。

I shrugged.

你要让他去特殊学校吗？

Are you going to make him go to special school?

我说。

I said.

好吧，保罗。

Alright, Paul.

谢谢，格拉德费尔特太太说。

Thank you, said missus Gladfelter.

你们现在可以回教室了。

You may go back to class now.

再见，蒂莫西，我说。

See you later, Timothy, I said.

他没有回答我。

He didn't answer me.

他又开始低吼了。

He had started to growl again.

当我跟着秘书走出办公室时，我回头一看，看见布德鲍先生、格拉德费尔特太太和可怜的老斯托克斯太太正围着蒂莫西站成一个无助的圈。

As I followed the secretary out of the office, I looked back and saw mister Buderbaugh and missus Gladfelter and poor old missus Stokes standing in a hopeless circle around Timothy.

我思索了一秒，然后转身朝他们走去，举起一把想象中的步枪抵在肩上。

I thought for a second, then I turned back toward them and raised an imaginary rifle to my shoulder.

这是一支吹箭枪，我宣布道。

This is a dart gun, I announced.

大家都看着我，但我现在是在对蒂莫西说话。

Everyone looked at me, but I was talking to Timothy now.

我几乎有点尴尬，但还不算太尴尬。

I was almost, but not quite, embarrassed.

它装满了我特制的解毒剂飞镖，这次我把它配得比以前更强了，这次一定会生效。

It's filled with darts of my special antidote, and I made it stronger than it used to be, and it's going to work this time.

而且，里面还混合了镇静剂。

And also, there's a tranquilizer mixed in.

蒂莫西抬起头，冲我龇牙，我瞄准了他双眼之间的位置。

Timothy looked up and bared his teeth at me, and I took aim right between his eyes.

我快速抖了两下手，发出‘噗噗’的声音。

I jerked my hands twice and went, phoop, phoop.

蒂莫西的头猛地向后一仰，眼皮微微颤动。

Timothy's head snapped back and his eyelids fluttered.

他浑身抖了抖。

He shook himself all over.

他吞咽了一下，然后伸出双手放在面前，仿佛在惊讶于它们那无毛的苍白。

He swallowed once, Then he held his hands out before him as if wondering at their hairless pallor.

看来是起作用了，他说道，声音冷静、理智而悦耳。

It seems to have worked, he said, his voice cool and reasonable and fine.

任何人都能看出他仍在玩他那没完没了的游戏，但所有的大人，尤其是巴特博先生，看起来对我们俩都非常满意。

Anyone could see he was still playing his endless game, but all the grown ups, mister Buterbaugh in particular, looked very pleased with both of us.

非常感谢你，保罗，他说道。

Thank you very much, Paul, he said.

我不是保罗，我说道。

I'm not Paul, I said.

除了蒂莫西·斯托克斯，其他人都笑了。

Everybody laughed but Timothy Stokes.

迈克尔·夏邦，正在朗读他的短篇小说《青春期的狼人》节选。

Michael Chabon, reading an excerpt from his short story Werewolves in Their Youth.

你可以在同名短篇小说集中找到它。

You can find it in the collection of short stories with the same name.

接下来是孩子们说的孩子话，大人们却听不懂。

Coming up, kids talking kid talk, adults not understanding.

但稍后你会听到，随着我们节目特别版《孩子说的最可爱的话》继续播出，来自芝加哥泡泡电台的节目即将恢复。

But you will, as our special Kids Say the Darnest Things edition of our program continues in a minute from Chicago Bubble Radio when our program continues.

本节目及以下广告由Squarespace赞助。

Support for This American Life and the following message come from Squarespace.

Squarespace为你提供了一站式服务，让你能够提供服务并完成收款。

Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place.

无论你是提供咨询还是体验服务，都可以通过一个可自定义的网站展示你的项目，吸引客户并拓展业务。

Whether you're doing consultations or experiences, showcase what you're offering with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business.

你可以通过网站内置的捐赠工具直接为你的事业筹款。

You can raise support for your cause by fundraising directly on your website with built in donation tools.

访问 squarespace.com/american，享受网站或域名首单8折优惠。

Visit squarespace.com/american to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

这是艾拉·格拉斯的《美国生活》。

This is American Life from Ira Glass.

每周在我们的节目中，我们都会选择一个主题，带来围绕该主题的各种故事。

Each week on our program, of course, we choose some theme, bring you different kinds of stories on that theme.

今天的节目主题是：孩子的逻辑。

Today's program, Kid Logic.

我们希望用一整小时来呈现孩子们运用孩子式思维的故事，尤其是那种看似合乎逻辑却完全错误的思维方式。

We wanted an hour filled with stories in which kids employ kid thinking, especially the kid thinking that is perfectly logical but completely wrongheaded.

我们现在进入节目第三幕。

And we've arrived at act three of our program.

第三幕：直到法佐先生唱歌，比赛才算结束。

Act three, the game ain't over till the fazo man sings.

当小孩子谈论暗恋或爱情时，他们所说的是否和成年人所指的基本上是同一件事？

When little kids talk about a crush or love, are they talking about more or less the same thing that adults mean by those words?

或者，霍威·查科维茨回忆起他在小学时对爱情的理解。

Or Howie Chakowitz remembers how he thought about love in grade school.

他希望女孩们喜欢他，但她们似乎从来都不喜欢他。

He wanted girls to like him, but they never seemed to.

听听他的说法。

Here he is.

回过头来看，我觉得问题的一部分在于，我小时候对爱情的理解方式。

Looking back on it, I think part of the problem was how I thought about love as a kid.

我对如何让人爱上你有一些想法，现在回想起来，这些想法对我一点帮助都没有。

I had a few ideas about how you get someone to love you that, in retrospect, weren't particularly helpful to me.

首先，我以为只要她们看到我睡觉，就会立刻爱上我。

First, I thought that if they can see me sleeping, they would immediately fall for me.

每天晚上睡觉时，我都会刻意摆出一个可爱的睡姿，以防我喜欢的女孩偷偷来看我。

When I went to sleep each night, I would consciously try to sleep in a cute way just in case the girls I like would peep on me.

我会蜷缩成胎儿的姿势，像小猫一样，把头埋进枕头里，手放在头下。

I'd roll into a fetal ball like a kitten and scrunch my head into my pillow, hand under my head.

我想象着那些受欢迎的女孩们恶意捉弄我，搬来梯子，从我的卧室窗户爬进来。

I imagined all the popular girls intent on cruelly pranking me, got a ladder and clamped with my bedroom window.

但她们并没有按计划在我的窗户上涂写'胖子'之类的话，而是看到我像婴儿、像天使般安详地蜷缩在被窝里熟睡时，集体心都融化了。

But instead of painting fatso or whatever on my window as planned, the collective hearts would melt as they saw me sleeping like a babe, an angel, buried snugly under my blankets.

我想这大概是孩子将讨大人喜欢的知识跨界应用到浪漫关系上的一种表现。

I guess it was some crossover of a kid's knowledge of what was endearing to adults applied to romance.

我的第二个理论是，如果她们看到我大声朗读，就会爱上我。

My second theory was that they'd fall in love with me if they can see me reading aloud.

这个结论源于我和侄女侄子们的相处经历——每当我给他们读书时，他们都会围着我团团转。

This conclusion came out of my experience with nieces and nephews who had fallen all over me when I would read to them.

六岁时，我已经当上了叔叔，这让我觉得自己有了一种特别的成熟感。

By age six, I was already an uncle, and I felt this lent me a certain maturity.

课间休息时，我常常会走到教室后面，从一堆儿童读物中选一本来看。

Often, at recess time, I'd go to the back of the classroom and read from a selection of kids' books.

所有孩子都会围成一圈，我会全神贯注地朗读像《珀西，吃玫瑰的驴》这样的书，模仿不同角色的声音，带着传教士那种汗津津的魅力。

All the kids would gather around in a circle, and I'd pour through books like Percy, the Rose Eating Donkey, affecting the voices of the different characters and speaking with a preacher's sweaty charisma.

我不太确定为什么，但班上的每个人似乎都很喜欢我这种夸张的表演方式。

I'm not sure why, but everyone in my class seemed to love the way I hammed it up.

但这个问题在于，班上的女生们开始把我当成了她们的叔叔。

The only problem with this was the girls in class ended up treating me like their uncle.

她们叫我霍威叔叔，还用奶声奶气的语气跟我说话。

They call me uncle Howie and talk to me in baby talk.

霍威叔叔，给我讲个故事吧，诸如此类。

Weed me a story, uncle Howie, and so on.

别误会，我喜欢这种关注，但我想要的是爱情，不是这种‘爱’。

Don't get me wrong, I love the attention, but I wanted love, not love.

于是我有了许多关于爱情的想法。

So I had all these ideas about love.

而在所有我认识的女生中，我的这些理论最集中地针对一个女孩。

And of all the girls I knew, my theories were most intensely targeted at one girl.

学校里最受欢迎的女孩，凯伦。

The most popular girl in school, Karen.

她成了我最认真的暗恋对象。

She became my most serious crush.

我从一年级到六年级一直暗恋着凯伦。

I carried a torch for Karen from grade one to grade six.

尽管凯伦似乎不太喜欢我，但我在电视上学到关于爱情的一点是：只要真心实意，爱能跨越一切障碍。

Though Karen didn't seem to like me much, one thing I learned about love on TV was that if one was sincere, love can break all boundaries.

我相信终有一天，我会用无比温柔、饱含泪水的声音对凯伦说出‘我爱你’，那将深深打动她的心，她也会落泪并向我表白爱意。

I believed that there would come a moment where I'd speak the words, I love you to Karen with such tenderness and tears that it would break her heart, and she would cry too and confess her love.

我会让一滴勇敢的泪水顺着我的脸颊滑落。

I would allow one brave tear to travel down my cheek.

我其实挺可爱的，

I'm actually cute,

是的。

Yeah.

而乔纳森看起来是可爱的乔纳森。

And Jonathan look like cute Jonathan.

乔纳森非常、非常讨人喜欢。

Jonathan is very, very adorable.

现在，多年过去了，我和凯伦成了朋友。

Now, years later, I'm friends with Karen.

我和她以及她的丈夫艾伦都是真正的朋友。

Actual friends with both her and her husband, Alan.

我甚至还曾为他工作过一段时间。

I even worked for him for a while.

凯伦和我以前聊过小学时光，通常会把话题引向她当时对我有多刻薄。

Karen and I have talked before about our elementary school days, usually steering the conversation towards how mean she was to me.

但我从未真正和她谈过初恋的事。

But I've never really spoken with her about puppy love.

我想知道她还记得什么，她是否知道我曾经喜欢过她。

I wanted to know what she remembered, whether she knew I even had a crush on her at all.

你曾经喜欢过谁？

Who who are your interests?

我们一年一年地来回顾吧。

We'll go we'll go year by year.

基思，肯定是他。

Keith, definitely.

恋爱对象。

Love interest.

巴里·塞尔。

Barry Seller.

那个最重要的。

The big one.

那个最重要的。

The big one.

劳伦·维尔特？

Lauren Wilter?

是的。

Yes.

对。

Yes.

是的。

Yes.

注意她没提到谁。

Notice who she doesn't mention.

现在，你看，现在这

Now, see, now this is

尽管那已经是很久以前的事了，但谈论暗恋依然让人觉得尴尬。

Even though it was so far in the past, would have asked me A crush is still such an awkward thing to talk about.

当我终于告诉她我小时候对她的感觉时，我支支吾吾地说了出来，还不断退缩。

And you push When I finally did tell her about how I felt about her when we were kids, I sort of mumbled my way through it, backpedaling all over the place.

我甚至忘了把麦克风对准她。

I even forgot to actually point the mic at her.

上小学的时候，你就是我的大暗恋对象。

When I was in the elementary school, you were like a big crush.

你明白吗？

You see?

我根本不知道这件事，你知道的。

I didn't even know that, you know.

我以为这只是负责

I thought it was just responsible for

折磨你。

tormenting you.

我没想到这里面还涉及暗恋。

I didn't realize that there was a crush involved.

也许当时我知道，但当我现在回想起来，我完全没意识到你喜欢我。

Maybe at the time I knew, but I but I had no clue actually that you liked me when I think back upon it now.

有一次在操场上，基思让我去扑倒你。

One time in the field, Keith told me to tackle you.

他说，如果你扑倒她，她就会喜欢你，然后你就受欢迎了。

Like, he said, if you tackle her, she'll like you and then you'll be popular.

这真是

That is

太好笑了。

so funny.

故事是这样的

So the story goes

你知道吗？

know what?

我觉得这是非常好的建议。

That's very good advice, I think.

那是个很糟糕的建议，因为我差点弄断了你的腿。

It was very bad advice because I almost broke your leg.

基本上，当时我站在场边。

Basically, what happened was I was standing off to the sidelines.

我很少被选中上场，但那是一场男女混合的比赛，看起来非常有趣。

I wasn't I wasn't often picked to play, but this was like a coed game and seemed like very fun.

然后基思说，我要把球扔给凯伦。

And Keith said, I'm gonna throw Karen the ball.

他说，你知道的，他不行。

And he goes, you you know, he's no.

他连‘眼睛’这个词都说不清楚。

He couldn't pronounce his eyes.

他说，你去冲撞她，霍华德。

He go, you tackle her, Howard.

狠狠冲撞她，你就会受欢迎，大家都会喜欢你，你知道的。

Tackle her Tackle her hard, and you'll be popular, and then everyone will like you, you know.

我当时想，好吧。

I'm like, I was like, okay.

我就打算这么做了，你知道的。

I'm gonna do it, you know.

我记得你当时好像在跑。

And I remember, like, you were, like, kinda running.

阳光照在你的头发上，头发随着奔跑轻轻晃动，你接住了球。

I like the sun shining off, your hair's bouncing, and you caught the ball.

我记得我当时也不知道怎么了。

And I remember I just I don't know what came over me.

我只记得心想，我必须这么做，我得扑倒你。

Just remember thinking like, that's what I had to do is I had to tackle you.

我狠狠地扑了你一下。

I tackled you really hard.

我真的觉得你是个姑娘。

Like, I really think you're guy.

你倒在地上，抱着腿。

And you're on the ground, you're holding your leg.

任何正常的逻辑都会这么说。

Now any kind of logic would dictate it.

这不是追求你喜欢的女孩的方式。

That's not the way to get the girl you like.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Yeah.

但很多时候，小孩子表达或展示感情的方式就是身体接触，就像我之前跟你说的，我跟巴里摔跤是因为

But it but a lot of times, the way young kids react or or show affection is through physical like like I was telling you before that we you know, I wrestled with Barry because

没错。

That's right.

你只是想靠近对方。

You just wanna be close.

那时候她对这件事的感受可不是这样的。

This is not how she felt about it at the time.

因为我觉得我越用力扑倒她，我就越受欢迎。

Because I felt the harder I tackled her, the more popular I'd be.

我就像打监狱橄榄球一样把她放倒了。

I took it down like it was prison football.

比赛立刻结束了，所有人都围在凯伦抽搐的身体周围，足球静静地躺在她身旁。

The game came to an immediate end, everyone circling Karen's writhing body, the football near her lay totally still.

她抱着腿，抬头看着我说：‘你这个图比拉尔。’

She was holding her leg, looking up at me saying, you Tubillard.

你把我的腿弄断了。

You broke my leg.

卡伦不记得这些事了。

Karen doesn't remember any of this.

她不记得自己后来跳起来，叫来四五个闺蜜围成一圈，奇迹般地即兴编排了一段踢腿舞蹈，配合着乡村人群的《Macho Man》旋律，针对那个胖子男人。

She doesn't remember how she then jumped up, got four or five of her girlfriends in a huddle, and miraculously choreographed an impromptu kicking chorus line of fatso man to the tune of the village people's Macho Man.

胖子，胖子，男人。

Fatso, Fatso, man.

我不想当个胖子男人。

I would not like to be a Fatso man.

胖子，胖子，男人。

Fatso, Fatso, man.

我不想当个胖子。

I would not like to be a Fatso.

就在那一刻，她们所有人齐刷刷地把手举向空中。

And at that point, they all threw their hands up in the air in unison.

我记得如此清晰，但话说回来，毕竟她是我暗恋的人。

I remember it so perfectly, but then, after all, it was my crush.

她完全不记得当时学校摄影师叫她黛西·杜克，然后转身叫我博斯·霍格；也不记得健身日那天，我在一场《烈火战车》式的赛跑中赢了她。

She had no recollection at the time the school photographer called her Daisy Duke and then turned around and called me Boss Hogg, or the fitness day that I beat her in a Chariots of Fire style race.

她甚至不记得所有故事中最重大的那一个——我们六年级的毕业舞会。

She didn't even remember the biggest story of them all, our sixth grade graduation dance.

现在，最后一支舞是《Starry to Heaven》。

Now, the last dance was Starry to Heaven.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

对吧？

Right?

现在，我去参加了那支以你结束的舞会。

Now, I went to the dance that ends with you.

唉。

Aw.

但我没能做到，因为就在我走过去的时候，一队人经过挡住了我，就那么一眨眼的功夫，你就被一个七年级的男生搂在怀里了。

But I couldn't because as I was walking, a line of people walked by and blocked me, and then it was a split second, but then you're in the arms of a grade seven.

真的吗？

Really?

是的。

Yeah.

七年级在做什么

What was the grade seven doing

在舞会上他们

on the They

闯了进来

crashed

我们六年级的毕业舞会。

our grade six graduation dance.

是谁？

Who was it?

我

I

不知道。

don't know.

我不知道。

I don't know.

又高又瘦。

Was tall and thin.

他留着有点长的头发，来到体育馆的后门。

He had, like, longish hair, he came to the back door of the gym.

你记不得最后一次舞会了吗？

Now you don't remember the last dance?

不记得。

No.

不记得。

No.

你吻了这位先生。

You kissed this gentleman.

是吗？

Did I?

是轻轻一吻还是深吻？

Like a peck or a make out kiss?

我不记得六年级时有过那回事。

I don't think I was making it in grade six.

没有。

No.

按成年人的标准，那只是个轻吻。

By adult standards, it was a peck.

要我说，按六年级的标准，你那算是上床了。

I'd say by grade six standards, you got laid.

结果发现，卡姆只记得关于我的一个故事。

It turns out that Cam remembered exactly one story about me.

我对你最清晰的记忆是，上课时老师让我们拿出作业，你打开课桌，纸张从桌子里溢出来，你疯狂地翻找，想找到老师要求交的作业，却怎么也找不到，老师走到你桌边，所有人都知道接下来会发生什么，因为这很可能两天前刚发生过，老师狠狠地训斥你，把课桌里的东西全倒在地上。

Well, my most vivid memory of you is sitting in class and the teacher asking us to pull out our homework, and you opening up your desk and the paper kind of overflowing out of that desk and you're rummaging frantically through the desk trying to find what homework we were asked to take out and not being able to find it and our teacher walking up to your desk and everyone knowing what was coming because it probably happened two days before, and the teacher just lacing into you and dumping the contents of your desk on the floor.

我的意思是，当那种事发生时，我看起来像一个酷酷的坏男孩吗？

Now I mean, like, when those when that happened, like, did I seem cool like a bad boy?

不。

No.

大家都非常非常同情你。

Everyone felt very, very sad for you.

我最希望的是凯伦注意到我，但不是那种方式。

More than anything, I wanted Karen to notice me, but not in that way.

我认为我的问题在于，我期待她像我爱她那样爱上我。

I think the problem with my theories was that I expected her to fall for me the same way I felt for her.

她会远远地看着我，我正在给同学们朗读，像个小王子一样安详地睡着。

She would see me from afar, reading to our classmates, sleeping like a little prince.

我以为这就是让人坠入爱河的方式。

I thought that's what it took for someone to fall in love.

我希望她认为这才是真实的我。

I wanted her to think that this was the real me.

我也想相信那就是真实的我。

I wanted to think it was the real me.

而事实是，那个最真实、最真实的我每天都在被吼叫，书桌里的东西每天都被倒在地上。

And the truth of it was that the real, real me was getting screamed at and having his desks spilled out on the ground each day.

有一种你在六年级时爱上一个女孩的方式，那种感觉你再也无法重现。

There's a way you can love a girl in grade six that you'll never have again.

关于孩子，或者至少是我小时候的样子，有一种纯粹浪漫的特质，是那种最真挚的爱情十四行诗意义上的浪漫。

There's something about kids, or at least the way I was as a kid, that is purely romantic in the truest love sonneteering sense of the word.

仅仅一两年后，我对爱情方式的看法就发生了巨大的变化。

Only a year or two later, my theories on the ways of love had changed drastically.

到了七年级，我已经有了一些玩转瓶子的经验，我得出的结论是，与其梦想着一段我无法拥有的真爱，我不如对整个事情更务实一点。

By seventh grade, I had some spin the bottle sessions under my belt, and I had concluded that instead of dreaming about a true love I couldn't have, I should get a little bit more pragmatic about the whole thing.

有一天晚上，我决定要找一个真正的女朋友，于是给我喜欢的一对双胞胎姐妹达琳和伊丽莎白打了电话。

One night, after deciding I wanted to have a real girlfriend, I called up identical twin sisters I liked, Darlene and Elizabeth.

达琳接了电话。

Darlene answered.

我告诉她我喜欢她，并问她是否愿意正式和我交往。

I told her that I liked her and asked her if she'd to officially go out with me.

她礼貌地告诉我，她只把我当朋友，但她很受宠若惊。

She kindly told me that she only liked me as a friend, but she was flattered.

没关系，我说。

No problem, I said.

伊丽莎白在家吗？

Is Elizabeth home?

她把电话转给了她的双胞胎妹妹，我对伊丽莎白说了同样的话，她答应了。

She passed me over to her twin, who I made the same offer to, and Elizabeth said, sure.

就这样结束了。

And that was it.

她们是双胞胎姐妹。

They're identical twins.

我心想，有什么区别呢？

What's the difference, I figured?

我们交往了整整两个月。

We went up for two whole months.

那感觉很棒。

It was great.

霍威·查科维茨，也就是霍华德·查科维茨，是一位漫画家和音乐人。

Howie Chakowitz, aka Howard Chakowitz, he's a cartoonist and musician.

他的最新著作《没什么好看的》由康杜勒姆出版社出版。

His latest book, Nothing to See Here, is available from Conundrum Press.

第四幕：当微小的想法遇见伟大的头脑。

Act four, when small thoughts meet big brains.

好的。

Okay.

所以这一整个小时，我们一直在谈论孩子的逻辑。

So all this hour, we've been talking about kid logic.

你知道，有时候童年时期的错误逻辑在童年时期并不会被纠正。

And, you know, sometimes the incorrect logic of childhood does not get corrected during childhood.

直到童年早已过去很久之后，这些错误才会被纠正。

It does not get corrected till much, much later when childhood is long over.

亚历克斯·布洛姆伯格来解释一下。

Alex Blomberg explains.

我可以还原那些导致我经历成年后最尴尬对话的事件。

I can reconstruct the events that led me to one of the most embarrassing conversations of my adult life.

这个链条要追溯到我十一二岁的时候，那时我第一次听到‘尼尔森家庭’这个词。

The chain starts back when I was 11 or 12, and I first heard the term Nielsen family.

我可能是在听一些大人聊天。

I was probably listening to some adults talk.

从他们的对话中，我了解到电视台会咨询尼尔森家庭，以了解某个电视节目的受欢迎程度。

And from their conversation, I gathered that networks consulted Nielsen families to find out how popular a television show was.

但这说不通啊。

But that didn't make sense.

为什么他们只问那些姓尼尔森的人喜欢哪些节目呢？

Why would they only ask people named Nielsen which shows they liked?

我开始思考。

I started thinking.

我知道，当他们想搞清楚这类事情时，并不会去问所有人。

I knew that when they figured things like this out, they didn't ask everybody.

他们只是询问一小部分人，然后进行推断。

They just asked a small percentage of people and then extrapolated.

我想我当时认为，他们做过一些研究，发现尼尔森这个名字——因为它可能是个常见姓氏，而且似乎跨越了阶级和经济界限——实际上非常接近一个代表性样本。

I think I figured they'd done some research and found that the name Nielsen, because it was a common name maybe, and it seemed to cut across class and economic lines, actually came pretty close to a representative sample.

我知道现在测量民意不是用这种方法，但尼尔森调查似乎已经存在一段时间了，我认为它们只是从一个更原始、统计上不那么严谨的时代遗留下来的东西。

I knew this wasn't the way they measured public opinion now, but it seemed like the Nielsen surveys had been around for a while, And I figured they were just a holdover from a more primitive, less statistically rigorous time.

在那之后，我真的就再也没想过这件事了。

After that, I really didn't think about it again.

或者即使我想过，也只是带着一点轻微的好奇。

Or if I did, it was only with a mild curiosity.

我不明白为什么电视行业到现在还是这样做的。

I wonder why TV still does it that way.

跳过二十年。

Fast forward twenty years.

我正在和一位朋友聊天，她告诉我她的一个朋友被选中成为尼尔森家庭。

I was talking with a friend of mine who was telling me about her friend who'd been selected to be a Nielsen family.

我对她说，他们全都叫尼尔森，这不是很奇怪吗？

And I said to her, isn't it weird that they're all named Nielsen?

我的朋友盯着我看了很久，仿佛过了很长时间。

My friend looked at me for what seemed like a long time.

在她那漫长的停顿过程中，正是因为这漫长的停顿，我才突然意识到：当然，他们并不是那个老姓尼尔森的人。

Somewhere during her very long pause, because of the very long pause, in fact, I realized, of course, they're not old name Nielsen.

这完全说不通。

That makes no sense at all.

当时我34岁，无法相信自己竟然一路走来，从未停下来好好思考过这个问题。

At the time of this conversation, I was 34 years old, and I couldn't believe I'd gotten this far without ever stopping to think it through.

这让我怀疑，自己还错过了什么，以及是否还有其他人也经历过类似的事。

Made me wonder what else I'd missed and if this has ever happened to anyone besides me.

小时候，每当我看到学校附近的过街标志，上面画着小孩子的图案，上面写着‘school x ing’。

When I was a kid and I would see the school crossing signs, and there's a picture of the little kids walking, and they would say school x ing.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我以为‘x ing’是一个词，于是把它读成了‘zing’。

And I thought that the x ing was a word, and I pronounced it zing.

结果发现，我并不是一个人。

Turns out, I'm not alone.

过去几周我一直在和人们聊这个话题，发现像我这样的人还有很多，比如这位叫乔迪·梅斯的女士，她也带着童年的误解一路走到了成年。

I've been talking to people about this for weeks, and there's a lot of us out there, like me and this woman, Jodi Mace, carting around our childhood beliefs well into adulthood.

乔迪以为有很多‘zing’，比如鹿zing、铁路zing。

Jodi thought there were lots of zings, deer zings, railroad zings.

这说得通。

That makes sense.

嗯，我当时二十多岁，正要去上班，大约有十只鹅在人行道上从我面前走过。

Well, I was in my twenties, and I was walking into work, and about 10 geese walked in front of me on the sidewalk.

于是我就转头对同事随口说道，看来那里应该给鹅设个警示标志。

And so I just turned to my coworker and casually said, it looks like they should have a zing sign there for the geese.

接下来是一阵相当尴尬的沉默。

There was sort of a long awkward silence.

我当时还以为他在想，你知道吗，那确实是个好主意。

And I thought that he was thinking, you know, that really is a good idea.

但结果，他最后说的是，你知道吗，'zing' 根本不是一个词。

But instead, he was he finally said, you know, zing isn't a word.

在和人们交谈的过程中，我发现很多这类挥之不去的误解都涉及发音错误。

In talking to people, I found out that a lot of these lingering misconceptions involve mispronunciation.

而且，这些错误的发音之所以能延续到成年，往往是因为错误的发音听起来更好听，或者感觉更合理。

And often, the mispronunciation survives into adulthood because the mistake just sounds better or makes more sense.

你知道吗，它应该成为一个词，应该是‘锌’（zinc）。

You know, it should be a word, and it should be zinc.

你知道的，你不会想让一个孩子慢悠悠地过马路。

You know, you don't want a kid to walk slowly across the crossing.

如果他聪明的话，他就会‘嗖’地一下过去。

If he's smart, he's gonna zing.

想想‘misled’这个词。

Consider the word misled.

我和三个人聊过，包括我自己的父亲，他以前把它读作'maizelt'。

I talked to three people, including my own father, who used to pronounce it maizelt.

这三个人都认为它是一个不存在的动词'maizelt'的过去式，意思是欺骗或误导。

All three believed it was the past tense of a nonexistent verb, maizelt, which means to deceive or to mislead.

我还和另一个人聊过，他直到二十出头都认为'quesadilla'这个词在西班牙语里是'怎么回事'的意思。

There's another guy I spoke to who thought well into his early twenties that the word quesadilla was Spanish for what's the deal.

大多数常见的童年误解，比如婴儿是鹳鸟送来的，迟早都会被纠正。

Most of the common childhood myths, like the babies come from storks, get corrected sooner or later.

它们还不够冷门，无法在未经质疑的情况下进入成年。

They're not obscure enough to sneak into adulthood unscrutinized.

但偶尔，即使是非常流行的童年幻想也能延续下来，比如独角兽。

But occasionally, even a very popular childhood myth can make it through, like unicorns.

你知道，在我脑子里，独角兽和斑马其实没什么区别。

You know, in my head, a unicorn wasn't really any different than a zebra.

这是克里斯蒂·克鲁格。

This is Christy Krueger.

我的意思是，从可信度来看，我觉得独角兽比恐龙更胜一筹。

I mean, in terms of believability, I think the unicorn's really ahead of the dinosaur.

你什么意思？

What do you mean?

我的意思是，从孩子的视角来看，恐龙就像是……

Well, I mean, when you think about a dinosaur, it's like from a kid's perspective.

恐龙就是一些非常庞大、你知道的，凶猛的动物在地球上漫游。

A dinosaur is like these really large, you know, monstrous animals roaming the earth.

而独角兽呢，本质上就是一匹长着角的马。

And then you have a unicorn, which is basically just a horse with a horn.

随着克里斯蒂·克鲁格长大，她说，每当她想到独角兽时，都会觉得它们出现在非洲的草原上，和角马、小羚羊一起在水坑边饮水。

As Christy Krueger grew up, she says that if she ever thought about unicorns, they were on a grassy plain somewhere in Africa, drinking from a watering hole with the wildebeest and the impala.

然后有一天晚上，她在一场派对上参与了一场对话。

And then one night, she found herself in a conversation at a party.

当时大约有五到七个人围在啤酒桶旁闲聊，不知怎么的，话题转到了濒危物种，我提出了一个问题：独角兽是濒危还是已经灭绝了？

It was about a group of five to seven people kinda standing around the keg just talking, And somehow, a discussion of endangered species came up in which I posed the question, is the unicorn endangered or extinct?

然后，现场陷入了一片长时间的沉默。

And, basically, there was a big gap of silence.

正如你可能已经察觉到的，在所有这些故事里，总会出现一段长长的沉默。

As you might be gathering, at some point in all these stories, you come to a big gap of silence.

然后大家都笑了。

And then everybody laughed.

但笑声过后，又是一片更长的沉默——因为他们意识到，我并没有笑。

And then that laughter was followed by more silence when they realized I wasn't laughing.

我当时就说，是的，我天啊。

And I was like, yeah, I oh, god.

独角兽不是真的？

Unicorns aren't real?

哦。

Oh.

哦，不。

Oh, no.

有时候，一些荒谬的信念会延续到成年，而这要怪我们的父母。

Sometimes a ridiculous belief will survive into adulthood, and it's our parents who are to blame.

罗宾并不觉得自己的成长方式有什么奇怪的地方。

Robin didn't think there was anything strange about the way she was raised.

她和姐姐以及父母一起住在郊区的一栋漂亮房子里。

She lived together with her sister and her parents in a nice house in the suburbs.

她像其他孩子一样上学、看电视、做作业。

She went to school like the other kids, watched TV, and did her homework.

而且她一生中每晚的晚餐都吃完全一样的东西，烤鸡。

And she ate the exact same thing for dinner every night of her life, baked chicken.

就像是周一，鸡肉，周二，鸡肉，周三，鸡肉，周四，周五，周六，周日，鸡肉。

It was like Monday, chicken, Tuesday, chicken, Wednesday, chicken, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, chicken.

鸡肉。

Chicken.

鸡肉。

Chicken.

鸡。

Chicken.

鸡。

Chicken.

那是我上大学前人生中最棒的夜晚。

Night of my life until I left for college.

就在大学第一周快结束的时候，你知道的，那时候每个人都拼命想融入，每个人都觉得表现得酷炫、成熟什么的很重要，大家开始抱怨食堂提供的食物。

At the end of, like, the first week of college, you know, when everyone's desperately trying to fit in and everyone's, you know, it's important that you act cool and sophisticated and whatever, everyone begins complaining about the food that were being served.

慢炖牛肉里那硬邦邦的东西是什么？

What was the hard stuff in the sloppy joe?

你知道的吧？

You know?

那神秘的肉到底是什么？

What was what was that mystery meat?

它到底是哪种动物的肉？

Like, what animal did it come from?

我看着这些人，觉得他们疯了。

And I'm I'm looking at these people like they are crazy.

我觉得，我们每天晚上吃的都不一样，每天都有不同的菜。

Like, I was like, the variety we are getting here every night, every night, there's a different meal.

有一晚是通心粉配奶酪。

I mean, one night, it's one night, it's mac and cheese.

另一晚是神秘肉。

One night, it's mystery meat.

有一晚，是邋遢乔三明治。

One night, it's sloppy joe.

有一晚，我当时就想，你们怎么能批评——我是说，这恰恰证明了他们一定是多么了不起的厨师，才能在一周的每个晚上都做出不同的饭菜。

One night, it's I was like, how how can you critic I mean, it's a testament to what great chefs they must be that they can make a different meal every single night of the week.

他们只是有点……他们有点愣住了，然后说，什么？

And they just kind of they kind of stared, and they're like, what?

然后我说，什么？

And I'm like, what?

什么？

What?

我脑子里想的是，等等。

What's running through my head is, wait a minute.

这些人是在暗示他们一生的饮食计划都有变化。

These people are implying that they had variation in their meal plan for their entire life.

这...这太让人难以置信了。

It it mind it's mind bending.

我的意思是，我在大学里学了什么我根本不关心。

I mean, I don't care what I learned throughout college.

这个让我印象最深刻的领悟。

This is the revelation that has stuck with me.

这就是我学到的，突然之间，天啊。

This is what I've learned, like, all of a sudden, like, holy god.

那年罗宾回家过感恩节时，向母亲提出一个令人震惊的事实：其他人在成长过程中吃的不只是鸡肉，而她母亲只是耸了耸肩说：你喜欢鸡肉啊。

When Robin came home for Thanksgiving that year and confronted her mother with the startling fact that everyone else ate things besides chicken growing up, her mother just shrugged her shoulders and said, you liked chicken.

罗宾不得不承认这一点。

Robin had to concede the point.

即使他们外出吃饭时，罗宾也点鸡肉。

Even when they'd gone out to restaurants, Robin ordered chicken.

他们都点鸡肉。

They all had.

再讲一个例子。

Here's one more.

当哈丽特·莱纳还是个女孩时，她的家庭正经历一段艰难的岁月。

When Harriet Lerner was a girl, her family was going through some lean years.

家里有两个孩子。

There were two kids.

房子需要修缮。

The house needed repairs.

买节日礼物的钱很少。

There wasn't much money for holiday gifts.

哈丽特七岁，她想要一辆自行车。

Harriet was seven, and she wanted a bike.

她的妹妹苏珊十二岁。

Her sister Susan was 12.

她想要一个

She wanted a

一套

set of

百科全书。

encyclopedias.

但当她们在圣诞节早晨下楼时，只有两个小盒子在等着她们。

But when they came downstairs on Christmas morning, there were only two small boxes waiting for them.

里面装的是什么呢？我们俩收到的礼物完全一样，就是这些非常难看的黑色金属纸巾盒，上面画着俗气的红黄玫瑰。

What was inside them, and we both had exactly the same gift, were these real ugly metal tissue holders painted black with these corny red and yellow roses.

它们被画上了这些看起来很廉价的红黄玫瑰。

They were painted with these cheesy looking red and yellow roses.

我看着我的纸巾盒，开始哭了起来。

And I looked at my tissue box and I started to cry.

我看着我的姐姐苏珊，心想她肯定也要哭了，她看起来确实像是要哭的样子，但随后她却露出了一个大大的笑容。

And I looked at my big sister Susan and I thought, of course, she was going to cry too and she looked like maybe she was going to cry, but then she sort of put on a big smile.

然后她告诉我这些盒子是经过训练的猴子画的。

And then she told me that the boxes were painted by trained monkeys.

这个盒子成了哈罗德的珍贵财产。

The box became Harrodt's prized possession.

她一直把它放在房间里展示，从小学到高中都是如此。

She kept it on display in her room through elementary school through high school.

如果有朋友问起，她就会说，哦，是的。

If friends asked her about it, she'd say, oh, yeah.

这是经过训练的猴子画的。

It was painted by trained monkeys.

从来没有人质疑过她，也许是因为她自己对此深信不疑。

Nobody ever challenged her on it, maybe because she believed it herself so completely.

然后有一天，她从大学回到家，回到了她长大的那栋房子里。

And then one day, she was home from college, back in the house where she grew up.

我正在翻看一些文件，或者可能是在偷看苏珊的文件。

And I'm going through some papers, or maybe I was snooping through Susan's papers.

我发现了一篇作文，上面有她的名字。

And I found a composition, and it had her name on it.

那是她在高中时写的，题目叫《纸巾盒的故事》。

And she had written it in high school and it was called The Tissue Box Story.

于是，我坐在苏珊卧室的地板上读起了这篇作文。

So I sat down on the floor of Susan's bedroom to read this composition.

苏珊讲述的故事和我刚才说的一模一样，只不过她写下了看到我哭泣时的感受，以及她随后看向我父母、发现我母亲也快要哭出来的样子，还有她看着那些纸巾盒时的想法。接着，她想起我父亲有位朋友会做这些盒子，并且深知我父母有多么讨厌接受施舍。

And Susan told the story just as I told it, except that she wrote how she felt when she saw me crying, and how she then looked at my parents and saw that my mother was about to cry too, and how she looked at the tissue boxes, and then she remembered that my father had a friend who made them, and she knew how much my parents hated taking charity.

突然间，尽管她自己也要哭出来了，她还是强迫自己露出笑容，假装那些盒子是受过训练的猴子画的。

And suddenly, even though she was about to cry, she forced herself to smile and she pretended those boxes were painted by trained monkeys.

然后，嗯，当然，我……我对此一无所知。

And then, and, you know, of course, I I didn't know any of this.

但她在作文里写的有趣之处是，她只是冲上楼，趴在枕头上哭了起来。

But the funny thing she wrote in her composition is that she just rushed upstairs and started crying all over her pillow.

她在作文里说，她其实并不是真的为那份礼物感到难过。

And she wasn't really sad about the gift, really, is what she said in the composition.

她不确定自己为什么哭，只是感觉有点像，在她还没准备好之前，就自愿去扮演一个成年人的角色。

She wasn't sure why she was crying, except that it was sort of like she had volunteered to be a grown up before she was even ready for it.

直到那一刻，我从未想过要质疑我姐姐的故事。

Up until that moment, I had never thought to question my sister's story.

我从未用成年的眼光去审视过这个故事。

I had never subjected it to the scrutiny of a grown up mind.

我的意思是，我才二十岁。

I mean, was 20.

我不知道。

I don't know.

我有一个由训练有素的猴子画过的纸巾盒，但其实它并不是由训练有素的猴子画的。

I had this tissue box that was painted by train monkeys, and then it wasn't painted by train monkeys, really.

在读到那个故事之前，哈丽特一直以为她姐姐的生活只是为了捉弄她。

Up until reading that story, Harriet thought that her sister's lives had been only to torment her.

比如哈丽特吞下一颗苹果籽时，她姐姐骗她说肚子里长出了一棵苹果树。

Like the time Harriet swallowed an apple seed and her big sister convinced her that she had an apple tree growing inside her.

她一直嫉妒姐姐，一直想当姐姐。

She'd always been jealous of her sister, always wanted to be the big sister.

但那天读了姐姐的故事后，她才意识到姐姐对她和整个家庭有多大的责任感，也明白了当小孩子的种种好处。

But reading her sister's story that day made her realize how responsible her sister felt for her and for their entire family, and how there were benefits to being the baby.

了解到这一切是件好事。

It was good to learn all that.

但要放弃那个谎言所描绘的景象——我们生活在一个猴子能被训练来画画的世界——这很难。

But the vision of the lie that we live in a world where monkeys can be trained to paint, it's hard to give up.

真的，我只是依然能想象出那个纸巾盒的样子，以及我有多么喜爱它，那个由受过训练的猴子绘制的纸巾盒。

And really, it's just that I can still picture this tissue box and how much I loved it, this tissue box painted by trained monkeys.

我明白她的意思。

I know what she means.

对我来说，一个只有那些碰巧生来姓尼尔森的人才能决定电视上播什么的世界，有种怪异的吸引力。

For me, there's something appealingly weird about a world where only people who happen to have been born with the name Nielsen get to decide what goes on television.

就在乔迪·梅斯的同事纠正她'zing'这个词的含义后不久，她发现自己陷入了完全相同的处境，只不过这次角色互换了。

And not long after the day that Jody Mace's coworker set her straight about the word zing, she found herself on the opposite side of the exact same situation.

她当时正和另一位同事聊天，对方问她精灵是不是真的存在。

She was having a conversation with another coworker, and he asked her if elves were real.

精灵？

Elves?

就像住在森林里那样？

Like that live in the forest?

她问的时候还带着尖尖的脚趾。

She asked with the pointy toes.

他点了点头。

He nodded.

她停顿了一下。

She paused.

然后她说，是的。

And then she said, yeah.

当然，它们是存在的。

Of course, they are.

Out's Bloomberg。

Out's Bloomberg.

今天的节目是重播。

Today's show is a rerun.

正如我所说，这些天他已经退出广播行业了。

As I've said, these days, he is out of the radio game.

他现在经营一个名为'黛西链能源'的建筑电气化与脱碳平台。

He's running a building electrification and decarbonization platform called Daisy Chain Energy.

如果你通过他的网站联系他，他会告诉你所有相关信息。

If you reach out through his website, he'll tell you all about it.

我的梦想曾是我的王国，我的圣殿。

My dreams were my kingdom, my shrine.

嗯，我们的

Well, our

今天的节目由乔纳森·戈德斯坦和我本人与彭博社的温迪·多兰、斯塔利·凯恩共同制作。

program is produced today by Jonathan Goldstein and myself with Bloomberg, Wendy Doran, Starley Kine.

今天节目的高级制作人是朱莉·斯奈德。

Senior producer for today's show is Julie Snyder.

今天的节目是多年前首次播出的。

Today's show was first broadcast years ago.

本次重播的制作协助来自迈克尔·科梅特、莫莉·马塞洛和斯通·尼尔森。

Production help on this rerun from Michael Comete, Molly Marcello, and Stone Nelson.

今天特别感谢已故的薇薇安·帕利、比尔·艾尔斯、伯纳丁·多兰、应用研究与咨询公司的迈克尔·科恩、伊莱恩·埃文斯、布雷特·比尔克斯、朱莉·里格比、詹妮弗·菲尔兹、杰克·希特和诺亚·米勒。

Special thanks today to the late Vivian Paley, to Bill Ayers, Bernadine Doran, Michael Cohen of applied research and consulting, Elaine Evans, Brett Birx, Julie Rigby, Jennifer Fields, Jack Hit, and Noah Miller.

《美国生活》由PRX（公共广播交换平台）提供给公共广播电台播出。

This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the public radio exchange.

我们刚刚发布了一集新的附加剧集，我在其中采访了我们的制作人阿维娃·德·科恩菲尔德，她向我播放了她最喜欢的那种《美国生活》故事。

We just released a new bonus episode where I talked to one of our producers, Aviva De Kornfeld, where she plays me her favorite kind of this American life story.

她实际上播放了几个这样的例子，都非常有趣。

She actually plays a few examples of it, pretty fun examples.

然后她向我解释说，这种她最爱的广播故事类型，恰恰是她自己永远无法制作出来的类型，这让我感到非常惊讶。

And then she explained to me that this kind of story that she loves more than any other kind of radio story is the one kind she can never make herself, which I found to be very surprising.

如果你想收听这一集以及我们发布的其他众多附加剧集，请注册成为《美国生活》的合作伙伴。

If you wanna hear that and the many other bonus episodes that we've been putting out, sign up as a This American Life partner.

你还能享受无广告的节目以及其他福利，同时帮助我们的节目持续运行。

You also get the show ad free and other stuff we give you, and you help keep our program going.

请访问 thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners 进行注册。

Sign up at thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners.

该链接也包含在节目说明中。

That link is also in the show notes.

一如既往地感谢Brogram的联合创始人Tory Malatia先生，他是这样解释自己行为的。

Thanks as always to Brogram's cofounder, mister Tory Malatia, who explains his behavior this way.

我被诅咒了三百年。

I've been cursed for three hundred years.

我也是，兄弟。

Me too, bro.

我也是。

Me too.

我是艾拉·格拉斯。

I'm Ira Glass.

下周同一时间，请继续收听《美国生活》的更多故事。

Back next week with more stories of This American Life.