Steph West: Starfish Social Club and the Neurodivergent Community

欢迎来到《为什么不是我？》

Welcome to Why Not Me?

全球拥抱自闭症与心理健康

Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide.

主持人：托尼·曼托尔

Hosted by Tony Mantor.

从音乐之都——田纳西州纳什维尔，为您现场直播

Broadcasting from the heart of Music City, Nashville, Tennessee.

听听我们的嘉宾分享他们真实而有力的故事

Join us as our guests share their raw, powerful stories.

有的会让你开怀大笑，有的则会让你泪流满面

Some will spark laughter, others will move you to tears.

这些真实的人生经历，能激励你、连接你，让你明白：你从不孤单

These real life journeys inspire, connect, and remind you that you're never alone.

我们正在发起一场全球运动，推动每个人通过深化认知、坚定接纳和深刻理解自闭症与心理健康，真正带来持久的改变

We're igniting a global movement to empower everyone to make a lasting difference by fostering deep awareness, unwavering acceptance, and profound understanding of autism and mental health.

记得收听，获得启发，和我们一起，用一个个故事改变世界。

Tune in, be inspired, and join us in transforming the world one story at a time.

嗨，我是托尼·曼托尔。

Hi, I'm Tony Mantor.

欢迎来到《为什么不能是我？》

Welcome to Why Not Me?

拥抱全球的自闭症与心理健康。

Embracing autism and mental health worldwide.

在开始之前，如果你还没关注的话，不妨点个关注吧。

Before we jump in, if you haven't already, I invite you to tap follow.

花几秒钟就行，这能帮更多需要听到这些对话的家庭找到这个节目。

It only takes a couple of seconds, and it helps this show reach more families who need to hear these conversations.

谢谢你来到这里。

Thanks for being here.

今天做客的是史黛芙·韦斯特，她是‘海星社交俱乐部’的创始人，正在帮助神经多样性儿童和青少年建立自信、建立联系，更自在地做真实的自己。

Joining us today is Steph West, the founder of Starfish Social Club, where she's helping neurodivergent kids and teens become more confident, more connected, and more comfortable being exactly who they are.

她还是一位作家、演讲者、播客主持人，而且坦然把自己的多动症大脑当作一种超能力。

She's also an author, a speaker, a podcast host, and someone who proudly embraces her own ADHD brain as part of her superpower.

她看到的不只是一个需求。

She didn't see just a need.

她直接行动起来，打造了一个正在改变孩子、家长乃至整个社区的项目。

She stepped into it, built something that's changing lives, kids, parents, and entire communities.

她的经历太棒了。

Her journey is fantastic.

在正式进入本期节目之前，我们先插播一段赞助商广告，之后回来继续 uninterrupted 的内容。

So before we dive into our episode, we'll be back with an uninterrupted show right after a word from our sponsors.

感谢你今天加入我们。

Thanks for joining us today.

是的。

Yeah.

我很期待能来参加。

I'm excited to be on.

当然。

Yes.

不客气。

My pleasure.

能不能简单介绍一下你自己，以及你平时做些什么？

If you would, give us a little information on yourself and what you do.

当然可以。

Absolutely.

我是斯蒂夫·韦斯特，星鱼社交俱乐部的创始人兼负责人。

I'm Steph West, and I am the founder and director of Starfish Social Club.

我为自闭症、多动症、学习障碍的孩子和青少年提供小团体社交技能训练，简单说，就是帮助所有在社交方面有困难的神经多样性人群。

I provide small group social skills groups to kids and teens with autism, ADHD, learning disabilities, basically anybody who is neurodivergent and struggling with the social world.

是什么促使你创办了星鱼俱乐部呢？

What was it that led you to create the Starfish Club?

这是个好问题。

That's a great question.

我一开始是当特殊教育老师，专门教那些行为有挑战的学生。

I started as a special education teacher specifically for students with behavioral challenges.

我的教室是个独立设置的班，收的都是因为行为问题太严重，没法在普通班待的孩子。

So my classroom was a self contained setting for kids who were not able to be in the general education setting due to the severity of their behaviors.

明白。

Sure.

有时候，你发现自己有某种能力，是因为你注意到别人没有这种能力。

I think sometimes one of the best ways to realize that you have a certain skill set is when you notice that other people don't have that skill set.

有时候，得靠对比才能看出来。

I think sometimes it requires comparison to figure that out.

我就慢慢发现，很多其他老师都会来找我，问我怎么做到的。

And so that's what I started to notice is a lot of other educators were coming to me and asking me how I did what I did.

我意识到自己带学生真的挺有成效的，孩子们进步特别大。

And I started to see that I was really successful with my students and they were able to make a lot of growth and a lot of progress.

我的目标就是让他们早点离开我的教室。

And my goal was for them to not be in my classroom anymore.

从那以后，我就成了自闭症与行为方面的专家。

So from there, I became a specialist, an autism and behavior specialist.

于是我开始跟学区、家长还有校方一起合作。

And so I was working with districts and parents and administrators.

明白了。

Okay.

有一天，我去参加一个培训。

One day, I was at a training.

那群人在聊他们怎么组织社交技能小组，我当时就想：这事儿我也要干。

This group was talking about how they run social skills groups, and I thought, I'm gonna do that.

对。

Yeah.

那是2016年2月，我回家后就创办了自己的公司。

And so that was in February 2016, and I went home and I created a business.

到了2016年6月，我已经在带社交技能小组了。

And in June 2016, I was running social skills groups.

所以这个就是海星俱乐部吗？

So was this the starfish club?

对。

Yes.

没错。

Yes.

你这名字是怎么想出来的？

How did you come up with the name?

我想找个带‘社交’字眼的名字，但又别让人联想到社会服务之类的东西，你知道的，跟我做的事儿不太一样。

I wanted a name that had the word social in it, but didn't get confused with social services or something, you know, not quite the path that I was on.

所以我定了个‘社交俱乐部’，特别喜欢这名字。

So I came up with Social Club, and I really loved that.

至于‘海星’，是来自那个海星的故事，讲的是个孩子走在海滩上，看到满地都是搁浅的海星。

And then Starfish is from the starfish story, which is about a child walking along a beach seeing stranded starfish all over the beach.

是啊。

Mhmm.

于是她就开始沿着海滩跑，把那些搁浅的海星一只只捡起来扔回海里。

And so she starts running along the beach and picking them up and throwing them back into the ocean.

有个男人走过来说：你这不白费劲吗？

And a man walks by and he says, why are you wasting your time?

你救不了所有的海星。

You can't save all of them.

她捡起另一只海星扔进海里，说：可我救了这一只啊。

And she grabs another one and throws it into the ocean and says, I just saved that one.

所以这其实讲的就是：我没法帮到所有人，但我能帮到我项目里的学生，尽我所能，一个学生一个学生地让他们的社交世界变得轻松一点。

So it's really just the concept of I can't support everybody, but I can support the students that are in my program, and I can do my best to make the social world easier for one student at a time.

真棒。

Nice.

所以‘星鱼社交俱乐部’这个名字就是这么来的。

So that's where Starfish Social Club came from.

听着还挺顺耳的。

It has a nice ring to it.

确实如此。

It does.

我喜欢这个名字。

I like it.

对。

Yeah.

现在已经运营十年了，说明挺管用的。

So been around for ten years now, so it's worked.

能跟我讲讲你们的覆盖范围吗？

Tell me a little about your reach.

你们主要是在本地社区活动，还是跟全国各地甚至全球的家庭都有联系？

Are you working mainly in your local community, or are you connecting with families across the country or even globally?

我主要是搞线下小组活动。

I do primarily in person groups.

我在德克萨斯州的圣安东尼奥。

I'm in San Antonio, Texas.

所以我的学生主要是本地的，面对面上课。

So primarily, my students are local and in person.

明白了。

Right.

我也会在Zoom上开小组课。

And I offer groups on Zoom.

所以我能支持任何地方的学生，只要他们能赶上我们上课的时间——我们这边是北美晚上。

So I do have the ability to support students really anywhere as long long as they can meet during the times that we meet, which are evening in North America.

对对对。

Sure, sure.

我接触过全美各地的学生，也一对一辅导过美国以外国家的学生，但要是不在我们时区，参加小组课时间上确实挺难的。

So I have had many students from all over The US and I've worked one on one with students in other countries, not in The US, but being in the groups is usually a time challenge if they're not in our time zones.

不过要是孩子在家上学，时间上就没那么大障碍了。

But if students are homeschooled, for example, then it's not always such a barrier.

是啊，这个我完全理解。

Yeah, I totally get that.

我经常跟英国和欧洲一些地方的人聊天，他们比我们早六个小时。

I talk with many people in The UK and parts of Europe, and they're about six hours ahead of us.

那你刚开始做这个的时候，遇到过什么困难吗？

Now tell me, was there any challenges you had getting this up and going?

你有没有想过：我干嘛要干这个？

Did you ever say, Why am I doing this?

如果有过，是什么让你坚持下来的？

And if you did, what got you through it?

天哪。

Oh my goodness.

我是个意外的创业者。

So I'm what I call an accidental entrepreneur.

我这辈子从来没想过自己会做生意。

I never in my life saw myself running a business.

要是有人早告诉我我会干这个，我肯定觉得这事儿太荒唐了。

That was never something that I if if anybody would have told me that's what I would have ended up doing, I would thought that was just ridiculous.

对我来说，偶然的创业者就是那些因为想做点对世界有意义的事，才不得不自己开公司的人。

An accidental entrepreneur to me is someone who ends up running a business because it's how we're able to do what we are wanting to do in the world.

现在呢，我会去指导像我这样的偶然创业者。

And at this point, I actually coach other people who are like me, who are accidental entrepreneurs.

明白了。

Okay.

因为我们压根儿没干过生意，一点商业知识都没有。

Specifically because we have zero business background, zero business knowledge.

所以我发现，不管是我自己还是我带的那些人，真的一点都不懂怎么经营公司。

And so what I find even with myself and the people that I now coach is that we really have no idea what we're doing when it comes to running a business.

对。

Sure.

说白了，要是公司撑不下去，你根本帮不了任何人。

And the reality is if your business can't stay afloat, you're not helping anybody.

没错。

Right.

所以我又开了第二家公司，专门帮像我这样的人经营企业，因为在过程中我学到了很多，现在我觉得自己大概知道该怎么做了。

And so I have a second business helping people run businesses like mine because I've have learned a lot in the process, and I feel like I kinda know how to make it happen now.

我当初创业时特别天真，觉得这主意太棒了，肯定人人都会来报名，事情会顺得不得了。

I very naively thought that when I started this business, it's such a great idea that everybody would come sign up and it would just be amazing.

对。

Sure.

但现实根本不是这么回事。

That absolutely is not how things work.

幸运的是，我在本地特殊教育圈子里待了挺长时间。

I did have the fortune that I've been in the special education world in my city for a while.

所以不管是学校里还是外面，我都跟不少非营利组织打过交道。

And so in different capacities, even outside of the school setting, I've been associated with a lot of nonprofit organizations.

因此，我在本地这个行业里积累了不少人脉。

So I had the benefit of having a lot of connections in the industry in my city.

没错。

True.

这帮了我大忙，让我顺利起步，还招到了第一批学生之类的。

That went a long way toward helping me get up and running and getting my first students in the door and that kind of thing.

不过说实话，刚开始营销真是个大难题，我根本不知道该怎么搞。

But, yes, marketing was definitely a significant challenge in the beginning because I had no idea how to do that.

就连定价这种事——以前从来没向任何人收过钱——都够我头疼的。

Even things like figuring out pricing when you've never charged anybody for anything before is a big challenge.

后来我不得不开始招人，这又是另一个巨大的挑战。

And then it got to the point where I needed to start hiring staff members, and that's another huge challenge.

是啊。

Yeah.

没错。

Right.

第一次干啥都难，但慢慢你就摸清哪些管用、哪些没用，路子也就出来了，能往前走了。

It's like everything is is very difficult the first time, and then you kind of figure out what works and what's helpful, and you can build a path and move forward.

整个过程中，你还遇到过其他什么困难吗？

Did you have any other challenges that you faced during this whole process?

你知道吗，疫情之前我的生意完全是线下进行的。

You know, so my business before COVID was 100% in person.

我根本没想过要提供线上课程，压根儿没考虑过这回事。

I didn't have online options because I never would have even considered that.

我的学生大部分都有多动症，我本人也是。

Most of my students have ADHD as do I.

所以我当时觉得，线上课根本不可能行得通。

And so I thought there's no way we're doing online classes.

结果疫情一来，我的生意直接停摆了。

And so COVID came and my business was entirely shut down.

是啊，太懂了。

Oh, yeah.

我完全能体会那种感觉。

I know that feeling.

对吧？

Right?

这可是我的收入来源。

It's my source of income.

对啊。

Yeah.

所以那大概是我生意上最艰难的时刻了。

So that was probably my greatest example of the most challenging time in the business

嗯嗯。

Okay.

那时候我们彻底停摆了。

When we were completely shut down.

是啊。

Yeah.

我没一分钱进账，但房租还得照付。

And I had no money coming in but still had to pay rent.

就算我们根本没在用那栋楼，房租也没停过。

The rent payments didn't stop even though we weren't even using the building.

但正是从那段经历里，我推出了线上课程。

But out of that came my online classes.

也就是那时候，我自创了现在的教学内容。

And out of that is when I created my own curriculum, which is what I teach now.

我教的是自己写的课程，还授权别人去教它。

I teach my own thing that I wrote, and I license other people to teach it also.

是的。

Yeah.

真不错。

Nice.

我觉得我最后确实挺过来了，还比以前更好，但那段日子真的太煎熬了。

So I think definitely came out in a better position, but it was incredibly painful to go through that.

我的学员人数，从来没像疫情前那么高过。

My population, the enrollment in my program has never been as high as it was before COVID.

所以从这个角度看，一切都跟以前不一样了。

So there's even been, you know, just from that perspective, things are just different.

是啊，确实如此。

Yeah, they certainly are.

你刚才提到了多动症。

Now, you mentioned ADHD.

我好像看到你说自己是个多动症大脑。

I think I saw it where you say that you are an ADHD brain.

你还说这是你的超能力。

You call it your superpower.

在你做的一切中，这怎么成了你的超能力呢？

How has that been your superpower with everything you've created?

从一方面说，这让我能比那些没有神经多样性大脑的人，更懂我的学生。

In one regard, it absolutely helps me understand my students, I think, in a way that someone who doesn't have a neurodivergent brain can understand people who do.

它真的帮我理解学生在想什么、感受什么，

So it absolutely helps me understand what my students are thinking, how they're feeling,

为什么

why

他们之所以这么挣扎，是因为这些原因，而我也知道该怎么帮他们。

they're struggling in the ways that they are, and how I can help them.

对。

Sure.

所以我能更好地支持我的学生，因为我真的懂他们。

So it makes it much easier for me to support my students because I understand them.

没错。

Right.

我特别冲动，但我反过来利用这点——想到就做，根本不给自己犹豫的机会。

Also, I'm incredibly impulsive, but I use that to my advantage by acting on most of my impulses so I don't have time to second guess myself.

明白。

Okay.

我根本没空瞎担心，一决定就直接干，往前冲。

I don't have time to worry about things because I'm just going to make a decision and move forward.

对。

Right.

对。

Right.

所以我觉得这让我特别能接受风险。

So I also think it makes me very open to risk.

我对风险的容忍度很高。

I'm very risk tolerant.

好。

Okay.

所以我愿意去尝试新东西。

And so I'm willing to try things.

我愿意做那些可能别人觉得不靠谱的事，但这些事反而让我想出些有创意的新办法。

I'm willing to do things that I think probably most people wouldn't recommend, but it helps me come up with new creative ways of doing things.

你刚才提到理解你的孩子。

You mentioned understanding your kids.

我一直说，有时候最好的老师，反而是那些老师正在教的自闭症孩子。

I've always said the best teachers sometimes can be the autistic kids that the teachers are trying to teach.

你和自闭症孩子相处时，他们教会了你什么？

What have the autistic children that you work with taught you?

这挺有意思的。

It's interesting.

有时候，圈内人，甚至更多圈外人，一开口谈自闭症，说的那些话，跟我亲身经历的完全对不上。

Sometimes people in the industry, but often people not in the industry, making statements about autism or talking about autism and saying things that I have experienced firsthand are not accurate.

比如说，有人说自闭症人士没同理心，这种话就完全不对。

So for example, saying that autistic people don't have the ability to be empathetic, for example.

对。

Mhmm.

我特别有意思的是，和学生们待在一起时，他们总在向我展示，自己被多少人误解了。

That I find to be very interesting is when being with my students, they show me all the ways that they are misunderstood.

所以我特别珍惜能花这么多时间，跟这么多了不起的人相处，他们让我看到世界在他们眼里的样子。

And so I I appreciate the opportunity to spend so much time with so many amazing human beings who can show me the world through their perspective.

是的。

Yeah.

你现在教自闭症孩子交朋友，对吧？

Now, of what you do is teach the autistic children how to make friends.

你觉得大多数人——尤其是神经典型的人——对神经多样性孩子的友谊有什么误解？

What do you find that most people, especially neurotypical, misunderstand about friendship for neurodivergent children?

我谈朋友这个概念时，特别想强调一点：朋友就是你愿意花时间在一起的人。

One of the things that's important to me when I talk about the concept of friends is that a friend is someone we choose to spend time with.

这就是我对朋友的定义。

That's how I describe a friend.

没错。

Right.

所以朋友也可能是你一起玩在线游戏的伙伴。

And so that means it could be somebody that we play online video games with.

是的。

Yeah.

哪怕你三年都没见过面。

Even if we haven't physically seen them in three years.

也可能是那种一起看最爱类型电影的人，

It could be somebody that, you know, we hang out and watch movies in our favorite genre together Mhmm.

就算俩小时都不说话也没关系。

Even if we're not having a conversation for two hours.

对。

Right.

我觉得很多人对友谊的理解太狭隘了，但我的定义就是：你愿意花时间在一起的人，只不过每个人的方式可以完全不同。

I think sometimes the concept of friendship can be pretty narrow for a lot of people, but really it's again, my definition is someone we choose to spend time with, but that can look very different for different people.

甚至可能是每天晚上都发消息的人，

It can even be somebody that you text every evening Yeah.

哪怕你们根本不住在一个地方。

Even if you don't ever you know, you might not even live in the same place.

对。

Right.

但你们是在用双方都觉得舒服的方式相处，而不是按社会那种刻板印象来定义友谊。

But you're choosing to spend time with that person in the way that works for both of you as opposed to in kind of the the way that society tends to define a friendship.

是的，当父母得知孩子是自闭症患者时，真的会感到天旋地转。

Yeah, now parents, when they find out that their child is autistic, it is overwhelming.

他们完全不知道该怎么做。

They don't know what to do.

身边所有人都在告诉他们该做什么。

They have everyone telling them what they should be doing.

要学的东西实在太多了。

There is just so much to learn.

这种处境真的特别艰难。

It's a real tough situation to be in.

当父母根本搞不清状况时，你该怎么帮他们呢？

How do you go about helping the parents of the autistic child when they don't understand exactly what's going on?

我特别想做的一件事，就是当我在跟不同听众交流时，当个翻译者。

One of the things that I really try to do is I try to be an interpreter for whomever the audiences are that I'm speaking to.

对。

Mhmm.

通常情况下，我接触的是学生和他们的父母，但也可能是学生和老师。

Typically, in my work, it's a student and their parents, but it could also be a student and their teacher.

对。

Yeah.

也可能是成年学生和他们的雇主。

It could be an adult student and an employer.

还可能是夫妻俩，其中一方是神经多样性者，另一方不是。

It can be spouses where one is neurodivergent and the other one isn't.

是的。

Yeah.

我特别努力当个翻译，因为说到社交方面，尤其是涉及神经多样性时，大多数社交项目都默认认为神经多样性的人行为不合规范，需要被纠正。

I really try to be an interpreter because especially in the social world when it comes to neurodivergence, it is really set up most social programs are set up with the mindset that the neurodivergent person is doing things that are socially incorrect, and they need to be corrected.

我的看法是，我们其实说的是不同的社交语言。

My approach is that we're speaking different social languages.

对。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

我主要做的是当个翻译。

What I try to do is interpret.

就拿我们录这期节目前一晚来说吧，我刚见了一个新学生，他下周就要加入我的小组，我正跟他妈妈分享一个方法，教他怎么发现别人也感兴趣的话题，好找到咱们共同的兴趣点。

If I'm speaking to even the night before we're recording this, I met with a new student who's starting in my groups next week and was sharing a strategy with his mom on how to help him recognize topics that other people would also be interested in talking about so that we're looking for things we have in common.

我的目标是帮她更好地理解他的社交方式——他很可能根本没意识到，别人并不总是对他的兴趣点感兴趣。

My goal is to help her better understand his social language, that he's most likely not aware of the fact that other people don't always care about the same things that he does.

因为在小组里，我是在教学生们理解正常人世界的社交规则。

Because in groups, I'm helping my students understand the social language of the neurotypical world.

但我认为，同样重要的是，他身边的人也要理解他的社交语言。

But I think it's equally important that the people in their world understand their social language.

对。

Yeah.

所以，每当我跟家长、老师，或者其他非学生的人打交道时，我的核心目标就是搭建双向理解的桥梁——我更像是个翻译，帮别人弄明白我学生们那个社交世界是怎么运作的。

So that's really my goal anytime I'm working with parents, teachers, people other than my students is creating that two way understanding so that I'm more of an interpreter and helping other people understand how my students' social world is created.

你的工作特别有人情味，也充满情感，你每天接触这么多需要帮助的孩子，心里总是为他们着想，常常感同身受，那你是怎么保护自己的能量，还能持续地去支持他们的？

Now, your work is deeply human and deeply emotional, where you're working with all these kids that need help because you have empathy for them, you will lots of times feel that pain, how do you protect your own energy while showing up to help those kids?

这个问题问得太好了。

That's such a great question.

我确实是个特别容易共情的人。

I am definitely an empath.

我可能是我认识的最情绪化的人了。

I'm the most emotional person I've ever known.

明白了。

Okay.

但事情也有另一面。

But it goes both ways.

对我来说，正面的情绪也同样非常强烈。

The positive emotions are very, very prevalent for me as well.

当然。

Sure.

我和学生们在一起的时光最让我喜欢。

My time with the students is my favorite.

和学生们待在一起，是我最享受的时刻。

It's my favorite place to be when I'm with the students.

是啊。

Yeah.

因为真的特别开心。

Because it's so enjoyable.

和一群人一起做同一件事，大家都充满热情，彼此关系也特别好，这种感觉太棒了。

Enjoyable to be with a group of people where we're all working on something together and they're excited to be there and they have such great relationships with each other.

整个氛围特别积极向上。

It's just a very positive environment.

有时候别人会问我，学生在我小组里学到的东西，能不能带到外面去用。

I think, you know, sometimes people ask me if what the students learn in my groups translate outside of my group.

说实话，这个问题我根本没法确定。

The realistic answer to that question is there's no way for me to know that Right.

除非有人告诉我。

Unless somebody tells me.

当然。

Sure.

我的确只能这么实事求是地回答。

That I mean, that's the realistic answer.

没错。

Sure.

我还知道，如果他们生活中其他大人对待他们的方式跟我不一样，那我真说不准这些收获能带走多少。

And what I also know is that if the other adults in their world are not interacting with them the way that I do, I don't know how much of it's translating.

如果他们在外面总被打压、被拒绝，那他们大概率用不上我们教的那些本事——除非他们处在一种开放、支持的环境里。

If they're getting shut down and rejected out in the world, they're probably not using the skills that we're working on if they're not in a receptive, supportive environment.

对。

Right.

但我更愿意专注在我能掌控的事上——就是他们和我在一起的这段时间。

But I think I focus on what I can control, which is the time they have when they're with me.

这正是我能掌控的。

That's what I can control.

所以我调节自己的情绪投入方式，就是专注于每次和这群学生相处的两个小时。

And so that's how I kind of regulate my own emotional engagement is focusing on the two hours at a time that I'm with this group of students.

这部分我能掌控。

I can control that.

我还能掌控那里的氛围。

I can control the mood of that.

我还能掌控整个过程怎么进行。

I can control how it goes.

我能让学生们感受到支持。

I can control how supported my students feel.

对。

Right.

这正是我能掌控的。

That's what I can control.

是的。

Yeah.

等这一切都结束后，你希望你的工作给孩子们和他们的家庭带来什么样的影响？

Now, when this all said and done, what impact do you hope that your work leaves on the kids, the families?

当然了，你帮了孩子和家庭，其实也是在帮这个世界。

And of course, if you're helping the kids and the families, you're helping the world too.

我对学生的三个目标是：让他们变得更懂社交，更好地理解正常人的世界。

My three goals for my students are they become more socially competent so they understand the neurotypical world better.

让他们比刚开始参加项目时，更能自如地应对各种社交场合。

They're able to navigate it easier than they were when they started the program.

然后变得更自信，愿意尝试新事物，敢于表达自己，也敢去冒险。

Then they become more socially confident, meaning they feel more comfortable trying things, speaking up for themselves, taking risks.

对。

Right.

最后，让他们建立起真正的社交联结。

And they become more socially connected.

当然。

Sure.

在小组里，学生们通常都能找到至少一个特别合得来的人。

So within the groups themselves, the students just tend to always find at least one other person that they really get along with.

我还见过一些学生在小组之外真正成了朋友。

And I've had students outside of the group form genuine friendships.

以前有学生，我就觉得他们以后肯定会结婚。

I've had students in the past that I think are going to get married someday.

我就是帮他们建立起这种真实的联结，哪怕这些关系没延续到小组之外，但在当下，它们是实实在在的。

Like, I just creating these genuine connections that even if they don't persist outside of my groups, that's real while it's happening.

那一刻的连接，是真实而真诚的。

That's a real authentic connection in the moment.

所以，我给学生的三个目标就是：社交能力、自信和联结。

So those are my three goals for my students in the program is social competence, confidence, and connection.

对于家长，我希望他们能更理解孩子是怎么与人社交的，怎么看待社交世界，并且掌握一些实用的方法和策略，帮助孩子一步步变得更擅长、更自信、更连接。

For the parents, my goal is for them to better understand how their child speaks socially, how they perceive the social world, and to give them some tools and strategies to support their child in their social journey along the way of becoming more competent, confident, connected.

我觉得对整个社会来说，还是要回到这个话题——帮助神经典型的人意识到，神经多样性的人也有自己独特的社交语言。

And I think for the world, it's back to that topic of helping in a neurotypical world, helping neurotypical people recognize that neurodivergent people speak our own social language.

这没什么不好，不不对，也不比别人差，它就是存在的方式。

And it's not bad, it's not wrong, it's not less than, it is.

是的。

Sure.

所以我们要帮神经典型的人理解我们用的社交语言，看看怎么把这两种方式融合起来，让大家都能互相支持、互相理解。

And so helping neurotypical people recognize the social language that we are speaking and how can we mesh those together so that we can all support and understand each other.

如果你觉得今天想对听众说一句最重要的话，而那个人心里正想着：‘为什么不是我？’

If there's one message that you think is important that the listeners hear today, and the person is thinking, Why not me?

但他还没迈出那一步，你会劝他做什么？

But hasn't taken that step yet, what would you tell them to do?

我相信，只要任何人脑子里突然冒出一个想法，不管你怎么称呼它，我都觉得这是宇宙特意安排给你的。

I believe that anytime any person has an idea pop into their brain from the universe, whatever you wanna call this, I believe it's because it's meant for you.

明白了。

Okay.

我觉得，如果不是为你准备的，根本不会出现在你脑子里。

I think if it wasn't meant for you, it wouldn't have been implanted into your brain.

比如说，我从来没想过要当WNBA球星。

For example, I don't ever think about being a WNBA star.

对吧？

Right?

那种念头压根儿不会从我脑子里冒出来。

Like, that's never a thought that comes into my mind.

是的。

Yeah.

那根本不是我的路。

It's not for me.

我也从来没想过要去当什么加密货币大佬。

I don't ever think about, like, being a crypto bro.

对吧？

Right?

就是，这不适合我。

Like, it's not for me.

但我觉得，任何突然冒出来的念头，都是因为它本就属于你。

But I think anytime an idea pops into your brain, it's because it's for you.

那为什么不能是你呢？

And so why not you?

只要你脑子里在想，那就说明这是为你准备的。

If if you're thinking about it, it's for you.

那接下来该怎么做呢？

So I think what's the next step?

今天你能做的一件小事是什么？

What's one small thing that you can do today

对。

Mhmm.

能让你离这个目标更近一点点？

That might move that a little bit closer to reality?

你今天能做的一件事是什么？

What's one thing you can do today?

我觉得‘为什么不能是我’这句话说得太对了。

So, I think why not me is exactly right.

对啊，为什么不能是我？

Like, why not me?

没错，就是这样。

Yeah, exactly.

因为你心里想着这事，那就说明它本来就是为你准备的。

Because if you're thinking about it, it's meant for you.

这个世界有时候真的挺吓人的。

The world can be a scary place.

圣安东尼奥是个很棒的城市，我去过好多次了。

San Antonio is a great city, been there many times.

话说回来，在一个专门为神经典型人群设计的世界里，神经多样性的人要应对起来，确实总是挺难的。

With that said, when you're dealing with neurotypical and neurodivergent in a world that was built for neurotypical, sometimes it can always be a struggle.

他们努力想融入一个根本不适合他们的环境。

They're trying to fit in in a place that makes it difficult for them to fit in.

一个觉得自己完全没资格的人，能做点啥呢？

What could an everyday person do that feels very unqualified to do it?

你知道市政厅有时候有多让人头疼，你会怎么劝他们，别光想，直接走出去帮一把？

Because you know how city hall can be at times, what would you tell them to get them off the edge of thinking about it to actually doing it with getting out there and helping?

是啊，我要是真去讲TED，主题肯定是要教人怎么给有用的社交反馈。

Yeah, I think if I ever give a TED Talk, it's going to be on the topic of giving people helpful social feedback.

我发现我的学生常常这样，但其实这不光是学生的问题。

I think what's really interesting is that my students tend to and I I don't even think this is about my students.

我觉得整个社会都这样——当然，我住在美国，只能谈我们这儿的文化。

I think in society in general, speaking obviously, I live in The US, so I can only speak to our culture here.

对。

Right.

我们通常要么完全不给反馈，就当没看见。

We tend to either give people no social feedback, meaning we just kind of ignore what's happening.

我们啥也不说。

We don't say anything.

就任由它发生。

We let it

放任不管。

go.

没错。

Sure.

或者我们就给负面反馈。

Or we give people negative social feedback.

对啊。

Yeah.

说些不尊重人的话。

So we say disrespectful things.

瞪他们一眼。

We give them the look.

我们会在别人面前议论他们。

We talk about them to other people.

说起来，我跟学生开玩笑说，咱们每个人都会让某个人觉得烦。

And for any of us, one of the things I joke with my students about is we are all annoying to somebody.

是啊。

Yeah.

每个人都会让某个人觉得烦。

Every one of us is annoying to somebody.

对啊，没错。

Oh, yeah.

但几乎从来都不是故意的。

But almost exclusively not intentionally.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Right.

所以我们每个人都在外面做着让别人烦心的事。

So we're all out there in the world doing things that bother other people.

要么没人说，要么就说得很不客气。

Either nobody's saying anything or they're being rude about it.

是啊。

Yeah.

那想象一下，如果我们都能互相给点建设性的社交反馈就好了。

And so imagine if we could all instead give each other helpful social feedback.

对。

Yeah.

这正是我课程的一部分。

And that's part of my curriculum.

我会教学生怎么互相提这种反馈。

I teach my students how to do that with each other.

所以我教他们怎么委婉地告诉别人。

So I teach them how to let somebody know.