肖恩·丰泰诺（《侠盗猎车手V》中的富兰克林·克林顿）

我当时正在处理两个案子，那时我正盯着时间看。

I was actually fighting two cases that I was looking at time time at.

我脚上戴着电子脚环，我跟他说：不，老兄，因为那时我的心思完全沉浸在街头。

I had an ankle monitor on and I told him, nah, man, because my mind was just embedded in the streets at that time.

但他却说：老兄，来试试吧。

But he was like, man, just come give it a try.

我说：好啊，老兄，我跟你去。

And I said, alright, man, I'll come for you.

所以当我去参加试镜时，他们给了我一份剧本，我读着读着，里面讲的是抢东西、当混混之类的，我就想：老兄，这些我根本不需要演。

So when I went to go do the audition, they gave me a script and I was reading it and it was saying something about taking something and being a gangster and this and that and that and I was like, man, I don't need that to do that.

于是摄像机就这么对着我，身后还有一些英国人，他们说：好了，准备好了吗？开始。

So they cameras like this and some British people behind me and they said, okay, ready and take.

我直接发挥出了疯狂的即兴表演。

I just went off my head with some crazy shit.

对吧？

Right?

哦，这太疯狂了。

Oh, that's crazy.

是的。

Yeah.

我说，好吧，老兄，把手放下，骑上我的摩托车。

I said, alright man, shut their hands, got on my motorcycle.

我有一辆哈雷戴维森，他们告诉我我是

I had a Harley Davidson and I was told who I

就像那样吗？

was Was it like

是个梦吗？

a dream?

对。

Yep.

确实是。

It was.

是的。

Yeah.

我所有的灵感都来自这儿，兄弟。

That's what I got all ideas from bro.

别扯淡。

No bullshit.

然后我离开了，一周后我收到了回音。

And I end up leaving and a week after that I get a callback.

你能再来参加一次试读吗？

Could you come for a second reading?

我回去参加第二次试读，看到所有这些顶级说唱歌手都坐在圣莫尼卡，他们说：我们只是想测试一下，看谁能和你合作，来完成富兰克林和拉马尔的这个项目。

I come back for a second read and I see all these top rappers and sit in Santa Monica and they like, we just want they were testing to see who I can work with to make this thing with the Franklin and Lamar.

我不知道你是否认识圈里的拉马尔。

I don't know if you know a Lamar in the game.

当然。

Of course.

其他角色和我无关。

Other character off of me.

是的。

Yeah.

所以他们选了那个家伙来演那个角色，而整个过程中他们其实已经选了我当主角。

So they picked the dude to play that do at the whole time they were they already had picked me to be a lead.

我从来都不知道。

I didn't never know it.

他们告诉我，你复活了？

And they told me I was You lived again?

是的。

Yeah.

我收到第三次试镜通知，有个英国口音的人打电话来说：‘你愿意来纽约断断续续待几年，为一款叫《天堂》的游戏工作吗？’

They I got the third callback saying, hey, you got picked from a British voice on the phone and he said, how would you like to come to New York for a couple years on and off to work on this game called called Paradise?

他们把我们打发走了。

They threw us off.

我觉得内德的名字被叫到了，但我忘了那名字是什么。

I think Ned's name was called I forgot the name of it.

那名字是别的东西。

It was something else.

不是《GTA 5》，他们某种程度上把我们打发了。

It wasn't GTA five, they threw us off in a way.

所以我心想，好吧，老兄，行啊。

So I was like, alright man, cool.

是的，我来了。

Yeah, I come.

对，你知道的，我们这就来。

Yeah, you know, we're coming.

所以我们飞到了纽约，开始工作，在片场工作，我到那儿时，他们给了我们一件超瘦的潜水服。

So we flew out to New York, we start working, we worked on the on the set, you know, when I got there, they give us this skinny ass scuba diving suit.

那时候我有点胖。

Now at that time I was chunky.

我当时有二百七十磅。

I was like two seventy.

知道吗，特别重，特别重。

Know, heavy heavy.

那还不错。

That's pretty good.

是的。

Yeah.

他们硬把我塞进这件紧身潜水服里，身上还挂着这些球状物和头盔，到处都是电线，所有人都盯着我看，然后他们递给我们一大叠剧本，我心想：等等，这是怎么回事。

And they like squeeze into this tight ass suit with these balls and this helmet and all these wires coming and all these people staring at you and they like, here go all these pages of script like they was handing us I'm like, wait a minute.

我看起来像一个烤土豆。

I look like a baked potato.

是的，但是

Yeah, but

那根本就看不出像烤土豆了。

then it wouldn't even look like a baked potato.

我那时就已经觉得不舒服了。

Was uncomfortable with that already.

当然。

Sure.

现在你想演戏了。

Now you want to act.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

我当时就想

I was like

我倒是挺自在的。

I was comfortable.

我说，要我一边念剧本一边表演真的很难，他们一说‘开拍’，我就得开始演，但我很不自在，所以特别难。

I said, it's hard for me to try to act to to do the script and do the when they say in action, they wanted me to start acting, but it was hard because I was uncomfortable.

于是我出汗了，各种状况，我就想，你知道吗？

So I was sweating and stuff and I was like, you know what?

我撂挑子不干了，把身上所有东西都扯了下来。

I quit this shit and I was pulling all the stuff off of me.

我说：哥们，我不干了。

I said, I quit, man.

给我订张回家的机票。

Just book me a flight to go home.

于是导演连连说：不，不，不，不，不。

So, the director like, no, no, no, no, no.

哥们，相信我，你一定会想这么做。

Man, trust me, you're gonna wanna do this.

我当时就想：管他呢，我根本不关心这个，因为他们说这是天堂。

I'm like, man, I don't care nothing about this because they was telling us it was paradise.

什么叫天堂游戏啊？

Like, what the fuck is a paradise video game?

我想回家。

I wanna go home.

如果他们当时说，嘿，这是《侠盗猎车手V》，我会说，哦

If they would've said, look man, this is Grand Theft Auto V, I would've said, oh

天啊，我得玩。而且你之前就知道《侠盗猎车手》。

shit, I gotta And you knew about Grand Theft Auto prior.

因为我的表弟出演了他们的一款主打游戏《圣安地列斯》。

Because my cousin starred in one of the main biggest games that they had called San Andreas.

他就是那个角色。

He was the character

CJ。

CJ.

CJ。

CJ.

那是你表弟？

That's your cousin?

那是我表弟。

That's my cousin.

什么？

What?

所以这是一家人，挺奇怪的，是家族的事。

So it's a family, it's weird, it's a family thing.

他出演了另一部大作，而我出演了这一部。

He starred in the other big one and I starred in this one.

是的。

Yeah.

太疯狂了。

It's crazy.

这确实太疯狂了。

That is crazy.

所以，有一天早上，其中一个老板来了，丹·霍瑟，他来吃早餐。

So, I the one of the owners came, Dan Houser, he came to breakfast the next morning.

他说：‘兄弟，我能跟你聊聊吗？’

He said, can I talk to you, man?

我听说你想离开，想退出？

I hear you wanna leave and you wanna quit?

我当时就说，是的，老兄，这不适合我。

And I was like, yeah, man, this ain't for me, bro.

让我回到街头去吧。

Let me go back to the streets.

我正应付一堆烂事，老兄。

I'm dealing with a lot of shit, man.

我正在处理一些法庭案件。

I'm dealing with court cases.

我只是

I'm just

我的手只是分心。

my hand is just distraction.

现在。

Now.

是的，老兄。

Yeah, man.

你知道，我看不出这对我有什么未来。

You know, I don't see no future in this for me.

他跟我说，老兄，你看。

He was like, man, look, man.

你最终会想做这件事的。

You're gonna wanna do this.

相信我。

Just trust me.

我就是不能告诉你。

I just can't tell you.

他们绝不会说这是《GTA 5》。

They could never say this is GTA five.

没错，没错。

That's right, that's right.

所以我和他们也不能说你可以去参加展会。

So I And they couldn't say you get to go to conventions either.

他们也没说这些事会发生。

They didn't say none of this came about.

或者这个播客，他们本可以说 Yeah，

Or this podcast, that would've Yeah,

那本会是一个播客，

that would've been a podcast,

哥们。

man.

我正在

I'm

那我就加入。

in then.

那种情况下我加入。

I'm in that case.

天啊，什么？

Man, what?

不好意思，我该坐哪儿？

Excuse me, where do

我坐哪儿？

I sit?

我该站在哪儿？

Where do I stand?

所以我最终留了下来，经历了作为动作捕捉演员的起起落落。

So I end up staying and I went through the ups and downs of being a motion caption actor.

这需要很多投入，因为你必须发挥不同的想象力。我知道你可能了解，你得脱离真实的服装、真实的房屋、真实的汽车和真实的环境，才能真正地表演。

That's a lot to come with it because the imagination you have to do is a different thing and I know you might know about it that you have to step out of being in a real outfit, in a real house, in a real car, in a real atmosphere so you can really act.

你穿着一套满是电线的服装，头盔上带着照明灯，眼睛里也亮着光，只是不停地撞到别人。

You in a suit with wires coming from your helmet, bridal light in your eyes and just you bumping people.

你的头盔不停地撞到那些东西，天哪。

Your helmets is hitting with these Oh, things boy.

你们在试图完成这些过场动画时，却互相碰撞，这真是极大的干扰。

Is hitting each other while you're trying to it's just a big distraction to try to land these cut scenes.

但是

But

是的。

Yeah.

我认为，你演过角色中，最需要发挥想象力的是什么时候？

I would think When's when's the most you've ever had to use your imagination for a role?

你觉得呢？

What would you say?

哦，天哪。

Oh, jeez.

其实，我从来不需要去想象那种感觉会是什么样。

Well, I do I I never had the problem of having to imagine what it would be like.

我的意思是，当时很冷，我真的能感受到寒冷。

I mean, it was cold, I could be cold.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

但就这种需要大量身体表现的情况而言，我很高兴地说，我的团队能准确地还原出他表演时的样子。

But as far as, something like that where you're engaged in all this physicality, I'm glad to say my guys, they I they figure out what he looks like when when he's doing it.

是的。

Yeah.

那像柴郡猫这样的角色呢？

What about something like, Cheshire Cat?

确实有。

There was yeah.

不过，有些角色我确实演过，他们用的是我的面部表情。

There was some things, though, that I've done, and they they've used my face.

我觉得柴郡猫就是其中一个。

I think for Cheshire Cat was one.

还有几件事，但都不值一提。

And there was a couple of other things, but not nothing nothing worth bragging about.

根本没法跟你做的相比。

Nothing nothing like you did.

有一件事是我和汤姆·肯尼一起做的，我们看起来像是参加了一个游戏节目。

And, there was one that Tom Kenny and I did, and we appeared to be on a game show.

那个角色是一只猫狗。

The character's cat dog.

我演的是猫。

I was cat.

他演的是狗。

He was dog.

他们让我们看起来像是在参加一个游戏节目。

And they, they had us appear to be on a game show.

所以我们得挨着坐在一起，待在特定区域内，他们做了叠加处理，看起来就像直播一样，是的。

So we had to sit next to each other and kind of stay within a certain area, and they had superimposed, and it looked like it was live Yeah.

因为对观众来说，我们就站在舞台旁边，CatDog就在那儿，真的挺酷的。

To the audience because, we were just off stage and CatDog was there, and it was really kinda cool.

哦，原来如此。

Oh, okay.

所以，你知道，我以为你们做的东西出来后就像一部电影。

So, you know, I thought, but you're but I mean, the stuff you guys do comes out like a feature film.

太疯狂了。

It's crazy.

是的。

Yeah.

就像那种感觉。

Like, that's what it feels like.

你有没有穿过动作捕捉服？

Have you ever had to wear the motion caption suit?

没有。

No.

就那一次，你知道的，但是

Just that one time, you know, but

我没有。

I've No.

我们从未有过。

Never had We

是的。

Yeah.

因为，你知道的，我当时在那个什么来着？

Because, you know, I was in what was it?

Wonder巡演？

Wonder tour?

我扮演的是军火商。

I was the arms dealer.

正如我所说，我以前卖武器。

Like I said, I used to sell sell you some weapons.

嗯。

Mhmm.

但那只是录音。

But that was just voice recording.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

只是录音。

Just recording.

是的。

Yeah.

他们本不必如此。

They didn't have to.

是的。

Yeah.

没人关心我长什么样。

Nobody cared what I looked like.

他们就说，随便吧。

They're like, whatever.

是的，这是个不同的世界，老兄。

Yeah, it's a different world, man.

我是说，我们拍戏的时候，你可以让丹泽尔·华盛顿或者其他任何顶级演员进来，穿上这套衣服，他们依然能演得很好。

I'm talking about like, we would be on set and you could have and you can have Denzel Washington come in there or any other top actors come in and put this suit on and they can be good actors.

但接着你得说，好吧，现在你得穿着这套衣服表演，面对这些干扰，你的车只不过是一些杆子、一个沙袋、一根管子和一个方向盘，全靠你自己的想象力来完成动画。

But then you have to say, okay, now you gotta do this, be an actor with this suit on, this distraction and this is your car which is nothing but poles and and a sandbag with a pipe coming from it and a steering wheel your own imagination for the own animation.

是的。

Yeah.

这就像我的车座，我会坐在里面，然后你得心里想着，是啊，老兄。

Like this would be my car seat and I would sit in it and you would have to be like, know, yeah, man.

所以你得四处张望，假装自己在开车，但当你抬头看上面那个巨大的屏幕时，你会看到你的角色在车里行驶，那时候你会想，天啊，你动了下手，他也动了，哇，真神奇。

So you had to look around like you're driving but when you look up on this big old screen up here, you will see your character in a car rolling and you'd be like, oh shit, you move your hand, he moving it, it's a Oh, wow.

所以现在你闭上眼睛，告诉自己，这就是想象力。

So now you kind of close your eyes and say, that's the imagination.

他们可能会说海洋就在那边，于是就在墙上贴一片蓝色胶带，说：‘这就是海洋。’

They might say the ocean is way right there, they'll put a piece of blue tape on the wall and say, that's where the ocean.

哦，原来如此。

Oh, there you go.

那里就是日落的地方。

That's where the sunset.

所以你要朝那个方向看。

So you'll be aim at it.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

你必须把目光投向那里，因为他们会用我们的真实眼睛和牙齿来制作这些角色的面部。

You have to put your eyes there because they use our real eyes inside of these characters, our eyes and our teeth.

他们把它们放进了是的。

They put them inside of Yeah.

所以对我来说很难。

So it was tough for me.

所以你

So you

无法使用牙线。

can't get to floss.

是的。

Yeah.

这很难。

It was tough.

这真的很难，伙计。

It was tough, man.

但我是通过我一个朋友，DJ Pool 被介绍进来的，我非常感激，感恩到无法用言语感谢上帝，让我走上这条道路，能够养家糊口，成为家里的顶梁柱、保护者和提供者，为我的妻子和孩子们提供一切。

But that's where they got me from through a friend of mine, DJ pool And I'm I'm I'm so grateful and thankful that I can't thank God enough for setting me in this path to be able to provide for my family and be the breadwinner and protector and the provider for my wife and my kids.

这也非常有名。

It's so well known too.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

我的意思是，到处都是。

I mean, all over.

我的意思是，你们做得太棒了。

I mean, you guys crush it.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

很好。

It's good.

这太酷了。

That's so cool.

是的。

Yeah.

在那之后，你现在觉得自己是个演员了吗？

So after that experience, do you see yourself as an actor now?

比如你会继续追求表演吗？

Like do you pursue more acting and

我不会继续追求表演了。

I don't pursue more acting.

这就是我的问题。

That's my issue.

这就是我的困扰，老兄。

That's my problem, man.

它

It's

你有经纪人吗？

Do have an agent?

没有，老兄。

No, man.

我刚刚跟杰夫说，很多人问我：‘兄弟，你为什么不演戏了？’

And I I just was telling Jeff, I said, man, so many people say, why aren't you acting bro?

是的。

Yeah.

那个视频出来后，你应该去参加试镜了，从那以后你本可以拿到很多角色。

After that video came out, you should have been going to castings and all you could have got landed a lot of roles since then.

我就说，我不知道啊，老兄。

I'm like, I don't know, man.

是的。

Yeah.

你知道的，我不清楚。

You know, I don't know.

游戏发布后，我就顺势回家，自己开了家公司，照顾我老婆和孩子们，老兄。

I just fell into after the game came out, I went home and just started me a business and took care of my wife and my kids, man.

我没去追那个。

Didn't chase that.

那很好。

Well, that's good.

自己创业没什么不对的。

Nothing wrong with starting your own business.

是的。

Yeah.

没错，我自己开了家公司。

No, I started my own business.

你能谈谈吗？

Can you talk about it?

我应该有个运输生意。

What should we I have a trucking business.

在这里做免费广告吗？

Get free commercial here?

我做的是运输生意，老兄。

I have a trucking business, man.

真不错。

Nice.

是Fonteno运输公司，我们有渣土车。

Fonteno Trucking, and we have dirt trucks.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我妻子和女儿开了一家非常赚钱的烘焙店，以前在洛杉矶，所有明星都从那里订蛋糕，叫Bailey Sweet Treats，是一家很棒的烘焙店。

And I have a my my wife and my daughter have a a real lucrative bakery that all the stars ordered their bakeries from back in LA called Bailey Sweet Treats and it's a real good bakery.

所以我们开了家不错的生意，现在运转得挺好，老兄。

So we started a good business and it's working for us, man.

做车辆扣押业务吗？

Do repos?

真棒。

Beautiful.

不，我做。

No, I do.

我们有渣土车。

We have we have dirt trucks.

我们做渣土车生意，兄弟。

We do the dirt truck business, man.

这行生意赚很多钱，兄弟。

There's a lot of money into that business, man.

我本来想说，如果你在做催收，那你真是富兰克林。

I was gonna say you really are Franklin if you're doing repos.

不，兄弟，我不做催收，我玩那游戏是因为你是在收别人的车，兄弟，这事儿很容易搞砸。

No, man, I don't do no repos, I play with that game because you're taking somebody's car, man, and it can go all bad for you.

是的，确实可能有点麻烦。

Yeah, it could be, it could get a little miffed.

特别是在洛杉矶。

Especially in Los Angeles.

拜托，老兄。

Come on, man.

嗯，吉姆，你也在扬斯敦的一个比较粗犷的地区长大。

Well, Jim, you grew up in a kind of rough area too in Youngstown.

是的。

Yeah.

我可以 你想要

I can You wanna

谈谈这个吗？

speak to that?

我完全可以理解。

I could definitely relate.

是的，你知道吗，前几天我们聊到这个，我知道一些人，如果我报出他们的名字，你会以为我在编故事，比如像‘月亮’、‘极客’、‘斯帕兹’这样的名字。

Yeah, You know, I I we were talking the other day and it's like, I know guys who if I said their name, you would think that I was making them up, you know, names like like Moon and, you know, Geek and and you know, you know, Spaz.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

而且，你知道，所有这些名字。

And, you know, all just all these all these names.

你知道，我当时就想，这个家伙到底是怎么回事？

You know, I was like, well, what's what's this guy?

一条腿500美元。

$500 a leg.

哦，原来如此。

Oh, okay.

我也没问过他为你工作要花多少钱。

And I didn't I didn't ask how much it cost for him to go to work for you.

我说，他在干什么？

I said, what's he doing?

你知道，当时是500美元。

You know, it was like $500.

哦，好吧。

Oh, okay.

算了。

Never mind.

所以，是的。

So, yeah.

你知道，我认识几个那样的人。

You know, I've, known a few guys like that.

我确实有。

I've Yeah.

你知道，我记得他们以前管这叫犯罪之都美国，我还听过好几次有人从大楼或地里爆炸出来的声音。

You know, I remember they used to call it Crime Town USA and I and I've heard several explosions of of people exiting the building or or the earth, you know?

是的

Yeah.

是的

Yeah.

我明白你的意思。

I got you.

我懂。

I'm with you.

是的

Yeah.

我知道。

I know.

是的

Yeah.

所以是的。

So yeah.

你就那样，是的。

You're like, yeah.

那天对我来说是星期二，对吧？

That was Tuesday for me, right?

是的。

Yeah.

是的，老兄。

Yeah, man.

那好多了。

That's much better.

在那样的环境中长大，你觉得这如何塑造了你作为一个男人？

Growing up in that environment, how do you think that shaped you as a man?

哦，我不知道。

Oh, I don't know.

只是很难让我感到惊讶，你知道，或者冒犯我，或者我不知道，用悲剧之类的东西压垮我。

Just it's hard to surprise me, you know, or or offend me or I don't know, overwhelm me with with, you know, tragedy or what have you.

是的。

Yeah.

我就是这么想的。

That's how I feel.

是的。

Yeah.

就像说，不，没关系。

It's like, no, it's fine.

你知道，你总是只能在我这儿得到这么多认可。

You you know, you're you know, it always you only get so much credit with me.

是的。

Yeah.

你

You

知道。

know.

你知道吗，我认识一些人，他们会嘲笑你，笑得太过分，或者皱眉皱得太厉害，然后把你撂倒。

You know, I I knew I guys that, you know, would laugh at you and and smile too frown too hard and then knock you on your ass.

是的。

Yeah.

参与你的生活。

Partake your life.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

你知道吗，当你听到这种话时，我知道你肯定会说‘是的’。

You know, when when you hear that type of stuff, I know you'd be like Yeah.

我亲眼见过，老兄。

I've witnessed it, man.

你在说这个。

You talking about it.

我知道那是什么感觉。

I know what it really feel like.

是的。

Yeah.

我知道。

I know.

我记得永远忘不了那次，几条街外发生爆炸，我阿姨的中国瓷器柜倒了，我当时只是轻微脑震荡。

I remember I'll never forget that one time a bomb went off a couple blocks away and my aunt my aunt's China closet fell over and it was I was just concussion.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你知道，整件事。

You know, the whole thing.

是的。

Yeah.

所以，是的。

So, yeah.

这不是很有趣吗，各位？

Isn't this fun folks?

但是但是

But but

不。

No.

不过这挺有意思的。

It's it's interesting though.

是的。

It is.

因为这是真的。

Because it's true.

这是真的。

It is true.

我们今天能处在这样的位置上是幸运的，但同样幸运的是，我们了解了这种烂事。

And we're blessed today to be where we are in this position today, but it's also good that we have the knowledge of this type of shit.

我讨厌我们经历过这种事，但老兄，有时候你没法重写一本已经为你写好的书。

I hate that we have been through this type of stuff, but hey man, we couldn't was sometimes you can't rewrite a book that's already written for you.

没错。

That's right.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

比如，人们想知道我为什么会被枪击？

Like, people wanted to know how many how did I get shot?

我为什么会被枪击？

Why did I get shot?

这故事挺难讲的，你知道，我当时在毒品泛滥的艰难时期沾上了毒品，当可卡因在洛杉矶肆虐时。

It's a difficult story, you know, because I got into the drugs at a hard times when crack hit LA real bad Mhmm.

然后哥伦比亚人来了。

And the Colombians came in.

你遇到这些人，他们用大量的毒品淹没你，还跟你谈一车一车的货，而那时你才十七八岁，根本不知道该怎么办。

You meet these people and they were flooding you with these drugs and talking about carloads of them and you're only 17, 18 and you just don't know what to do.

我怎么才能把他给我的这些东西，在四五天内赚回七百万美元？

How am I gonna take this what he gave me and get him back $7,000,000 in four or five days?

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

于是你就开始变得不顾后果了。

So then you just start getting reckless.

于是你就开始打电话给所有不靠谱的人，说：这个你拿20，你拿30，你拿50。

So you start getting on the phone with all the wrong people and saying, here, take 20, you take 30, you take 50.

这家伙刚给了我这么多东西，哥们。

This dude just gave me all this shit, man.

你拿这些怎么办？

What do you do with it?

你知道，我还未成年。

You know, I'm under age.

我还是个孩子。

I'm a kid.

你知道吗，我当时就想，我到底该怎么办？

You know, I'm like, what the fuck do I do?

所以，我记得有一次，天哪，那真是疯狂。

So, you know, I remember one time, man, was crazy.

我现在回想起来，因为那是可能让我今天不至于落得如此下场的时刻之一，你懂我的意思吗？

I'm just thinking about it because it's one of the the moments that could have not put me here today, you know what I'm saying?

在一个差不多这么大房间里，正进行一笔交易，我看到门微微打开，而我们正在数钱，有个人伸进手来把灯关了。

Being in a room about this big and there was a deal going down and I've seen the door cracking open while we counting money and, a dude reached in and cut the light off.

他一关灯，我们都还举着手，只能看到一片片闪光。

And the moment he cut the light off, we all holding out and all you could see is flashes.

砰。

Boom.

砰。

Boom.

砰。

Boom.

砰。

Boom.

我记得自己中弹了。

And I remember being shot.

子弹从这里、这里和这里穿了进来。

Bullet staples here, here and here.

之所以会这样，是因为我中弹后倒下了。

And the reason them come because when I got hit, I fell down.

当灯亮起来的时候，你看到一个男人站在你面前。

And when the lights come on, you know, it's a dude standing over you.

你只看得见枪管，然后他扣动了扳机。

And all you seeing is the barrel and he squeezed it.

砰。

Boom.

砰。

Boom.

你就这样，他打你这里，又打你那里。

And you go like this and he hit you here and he hit you here.

所以，你知道，我亲眼目睹了，我知道你他妈的在扯淡。

So, you know, I witnessed it and I know you like shit, man.

你跟我说的这些，我早就看过一千遍了。

You telling me some shit that I didn't seen a thousand times.

我所拥有的，只有我脑子里记得的东西。

All I have is what only my mind know.

是的。

Yes.

这并不好玩。

It's not fun.

而且我们往往

And we tend to

美化了曾经

glamorize the used to

美化那档子事。

glamorize that shit.

我以前跟人说他们喜欢我，我听说你被射了五次。

I used to tell people they like me, I heard you've been shot five times.

别美化我。

Don't don't glorify me.

去美化那个射我的混蛋。

Glorify the motherfucker that shot me.

那才是你们该赞扬的人，因为正是他

That's who you'd be praising because he was he was the one

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

你并不是真的想

It's not like you're trying to

踢踢。

kick kick.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

你知道的吧？

You know?

但说实话，我成长的那个年代，老一辈教过我，你必须进过监狱。

But I grew up in a time man, to be honest with you and I can honestly say this from my mind that the older guys taught me that you have to go to jail.

你必须被枪击一次，才算得上是帮派分子。

Have you have to get shot one time to be a gangster, a gang member.

没错。

That's right.

打这个人，然后却还教年轻人说，这样能让你成为真正的帮派分子，老兄。

Beat this person and then sad that they teach that to this to young people, man, that that solidifies you as a gangster.

你进过监狱，就会纹一个泪滴。

And you get a teardrop because you've been to the jail.

他们说，每过五年或十年，你就可以纹一个泪滴，再过一段时间再纹一个。

They called him a a bullet for every, like, five years or ten years, you get to put a teardrop and then another teardrop.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

老兄，我是说，我并不想。

Bro, I mean, I don't

是的。

Yeah.

不想赢

Don't wanna win

我不想进监狱，兄弟。

that I don't wanna go to jail, bro.

不。

No.

因为我见过一些刚从监狱出来的人，他们说：‘是啊，我刚服了二十年刑。’我会看着他们说：那是你自己的错误。

Because because I've had people come to prisoners come from prison and say, yeah, just did twenty years and I would look at them and say, that's your damn mistake.

我一天都没进过监狱，兄弟。

I did not one day, bro.

嗯。

Mhmm.

因为我懂得如何避开它。

Because I knew how to escape it.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我知道怎么弄到保释金、律师费，然后远离那些麻烦事。

I knew how to have bail money, attorney money and stay out of the way of that shit.

你被抓了。

You got caught.

别说了，我没被抓。

Don't be I didn't get caught.

这还用说吗。

Well, no kidding.

羡慕他们吧。

Envy them.

哦，要是我坐了二十年牢就好了。

Oh, if only I had been in jail for twenty years.

不。

No.

不。

No.

不。

No.

我不想去坐牢

I don't wanna be in jail for no

他妈的不。

fucking No.

不。

No.

不。

No.

我很高兴是这样。

I'm glad that yeah.

这是

It's

你的。

yours.

那是你的。

That's yours.

那是你。

That's you.

是的。

Yeah.

我已经结婚二十七年了。

I've been married twenty seven years.

所以你

So So you

知道吗。

know did.

你真的在监狱里待了二十七年吗？

Do do you you did twenty seven years in jail.

我结婚已经二十七年了，你知道维持二十七年婚姻有多难吗。

I've been married for twenty seven years you know how hard that is to be married for twenty seven years.

这可不容易。

That's ain't easy.

她不容易啊，老兄，是的，老兄。

She is not easy man so yeah man.

你知道，我们对你来说很好。

You know, we good for you.

我们都经历过一些蠢事，但你看我们现在在哪，老兄。

Both been through some knucklehead stuff but look where we at, man.

还在这儿呢。

Still here.

我祈祷自己能坚持下去，年长的人说，只要继续活下去。

I pray I can to make it, the older people say just keep living.

是的。

Yeah.

当你提到一个年长的男人时，老兄，你老了，走路都这样，他们总说，继续活下去吧，孩子。

When you talk when you say something about an older guy, man, you old, you walking like this and they always say, just keep living son.

你会走到那一步的。

You'll get there.

我现在有感觉了。

I'm feeling it now.

是的。

Yeah.

我感觉浑身酸痛，就像刚做过脊椎手术一样，

I'm feeling the aches like I just had spine surgery and

天哪。

Oh man.

这真是冒险的事。

Was risky business.

我后悔了，因为我的疼痛变得更严重了。

It was something that I regret because it's it's like my pain is just like worse.

现在他们只想把我当摇钱树。

And now all they wanna do is use me as a cash cow.

哦，是啊。

Oh, yeah.

嗯，我们看到了当时本可以采取的措施，但你不能再回去做了。

Well, we see where we could have did something and you're not going back in there.

我宁愿——说实话，我真的宁愿吃止痛药，也不愿让你再回去动我的脊椎。

I rather And I hate to say this man, but I would rather take pain pills than to let you go back digging in my spine.

嗯。

Mhmm.

但我也不吃那个，因为我以前就对止痛药上瘾过。

But I don't do that neither because I've been hooked on pain pills before.

我曾经对诺考酚片上瘾，我知道连续多年服用是什么感觉，即使你根本不再疼了，却还是离不开药，因为那感觉太好了，你知道吗？它能麻痹一切痛苦。

I've been hooked on Norco pills and and I know what it feel like to be on them for years and then you don't even be in pain but you addicted to taking the pills because how good it make you feel, you know, and numbs the pain of anything.

是的。

Yeah,

它麻痹了穷困的痛苦，也麻痹了抑郁的痛苦，因为我确实患有抑郁症。

it numbs the pain of just being broke and numbs the pain of just being depressed because I have that disease where I was depressed.

我写了一本书，叫《转折点》，我亲身经历过这一切，兄弟。

It's I got a book I'll call Game changer and I've been through it, man.

我以前试过结束自己的生命，你懂我的意思吗？

I tried to off myself before, you know what I'm saying?

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

所以你一直在经历这些。

So you you run that.

不幸的是，你对你所谈论的内容太了解了。

Unfortunately, you know too much about what you're talking about.

是的，老兄。

Yeah, man.

嗯，那就是

Well, that's

把这一切转化为对别人的帮助，而不是像背负沉重负担一样带着它，你知道的，这是一件美好的事。

a beautiful thing to turn that into a an offering to people instead of carrying it around like a a dead weight or a you know

哦，不。

Oh, no.

我身上背负着阴影，种种原因。

There's a shadow on me, this and that.

你把它穿得很有型，还把它变成了力量。

You you wear it well and you turn it into a strength.

让我把它掸掉，兄弟。

Let me brush it off, man.

这对任何人来说都是一个教训。

That's a lesson for anybody.

是的。

Yeah.

我告诉人们，我为了戒掉那些药片，经历了地狱般的痛苦。

And I I tell people that I I went through hell getting off of them pills.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

我吃药吃得太多，以至于如果没有男人，我会跑到街上随便找任何人。

I was taking them so much to the point that if I didn't have a man, I'll run into the streets to just anybody.

你啊，你这个人，你要多少？

You you you man, how much you want?

我买了100颗。

I I bought 100.

我每个月买200颗。

I bought 200 a month at this.

是的。

Yeah.

可能会出错。

Can be mistake.

我有两个朋友因为同样做法而去世了，他们从另一个朋友手里买药，结果药里掺了芬太尼。

I lost two friends to him that end up doing the same thing, buying them off the street from another friend and they died because they were laced with fentanyl.

芬太尼。

Fentanyl.

是的。

Yeah.

所以那就是让我戒掉的原因。

So that's what made me kick it.

那天，我记得有一天回家后，我向妻子坦白说：‘我当瘾君子已经很久了。’

That day, I remember coming home one day and I told my wife I admitted to her, say, man, I've been a druggie for the longest.

不过我只是沉迷于一种药，你知道的，我没有碰奥施康定那些东西，但纳科是阿片类药物。

Off of just one drug though, you know, I didn't get on OxyContin's and all of that, but of Narco, it was opiate.

嗯。

Mhmm.

那是维柯丁。

It was a Vicodin.

我说，我不想再这样下去了。

And I said, don't wanna do this no more.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我把所有剩下的药都冲走了。

And I flushed all the ones I had.

我那时还剩下大约九十颗左右。

I had about 90 some of them left.

我说，我真得这么做，但你需要帮我，宝贝。

I said, I I gotta do this, but I need you to work with me, babe.

她回答：我很高兴你告诉我。

And she was like, I'm glad you told me.

我们走吧。

Let's go.

但我要告诉你，老弟，我绝不希望我的敌人经历戒断的痛苦。

But when I tell you, boy, I don't wish withdrawals on my worst enemy

嗯。

Mhmm.

那简直是地狱。

Is hell.

简直像地狱一样。

It's per hell.

连续九十六天没睡觉。

No sleep for nine, six days straight.

你的大脑只是……

Your brain just

天哪。

Oh, my God.

最严重的头痛、最剧烈的全身疼痛、最糟糕的一切，还有自杀的念头，各种疯狂的症状，老兄。

The worst headaches, the worst body aches, the worst everything, Suicidal thoughts and all this crazy stuff, man.

所以我谈论我的成瘾，谈论我经历戒断的过程，到了第十天，身体终于恢复了，大脑的一切都愈合了，你就会想：这到底是什么？

So I talk about my addiction and I talk about my withdrawals going through that and the tenth day, body just come back, everything heals in the brain and you just be like, what the hell?

这就是我错过的感受吗？

This what I've been missing?

嗯。

Mhmm.

我之前被这些药片蒙蔽了、麻木了，但经过这场斗争，我终于找回了自己。

I've been clouded and muted myself, man, with all these pills that I finally got it back after fighting this.

所以我想说

So I

天啊。

was like, Oh my God.

我再也不想碰任何药了。

Never wanna take no more.

最后这一切都是值得的。

It was worth it in the end.

这真的值得。

It was worth it.

这真是

It was

绝对值得。你看，这很鼓舞人心，因为不是每个人都会这么想。

definitely See, that's inspiring because not everybody think would think that.