8：相信过程

你好，亲爱的们。

Hello, besties.

欢迎回到《别在意》播客。

Welcome back to the Try Not To Care podcast.

我是你们的艾什莉。

It's your girl, Ashley.

我讨厌自己总说‘你们的艾什莉’。

I hate that I say it's your girl.

你们的艾什莉。

It's your girl.

但我每期都这么说，所以就这么顺其自然地留下来了。

But I've been saying that every episode, so it just, like, kinda stuck.

我不想像那样说‘你们的主持人’，因为那让我想起那部电影叫什么来着？

And I don't wanna be like, it's your host because it reminds me of what is that movie?

是《美女与野兽》吗？

Is it Beauty and the Beast?

请便。

Be my guest.

请便。

Be my guest.

这让我想起了那部电影。

It reminds me of that.

我不知道为什么。

I don't know why.

欢迎回到干夜关怀播客。

But welcome back to the dry night care podcast.

我觉得我们这是第八集了。

I think we're on episode eight.

我完全不知道。

I have no idea.

我们可能是第七集或第九集。

We could be at nine or seven.

我不记得了。

I don't remember.

我太心不在焉了。

I am so scatterbrained.

我每周都这样，但这周特别糟糕，而且我情绪特别波动。

I am every week though, but, like, this week in particular is bad, and I am hella emotional.

每小时都是悲伤男孩时间。

Sad boy hours every hour.

状态不好。

Not doing well.

但这一切都是过程的一部分。

But it's all part of the process.

没有低谷，就不会有高峰。

You can't have highs without the lows.

而且，是的，你只能相信它。

And, yeah, you just gotta trust it.

我想今天谈的就是信任这个过程，因为当你正在经历一些事情时，很难看到大局并承认一切最终都会好起来，因为当时你心里想的是：不可能。

And that's what I wanna talk about today is trusting the process because it is difficult when you're going through something to look at the bigger picture and acknowledge that it's all gonna work out and be fine because in the moment you're like, no.

就是这样。

This.

这他妈太糟了。

This fucking sucks.

我真希望这一切赶紧结束。

I want this to be over.

为什么这种事情会发生在我的身上？

Why is this happening to me?

所以，是的，今天我们就要聊这个，因为我觉得我这一周真的需要这些建议。

So, yeah, we're gonna talk about that today because I feel like I could have really used this advice this week.

所以，也许我分享一下我的感受、想法和一切，能对你有帮助。

So maybe me talking through how I'm feeling and my thought process and everything will help you.

我不知道。

I don't know.

我会哭吗？

Will I cry?

也许吧。

Maybe.

我哭的可能性一直存在。

There's always a possibility that I'll cry.

但这一周我已经哭了很多次了，所以也许不会。

But I've also cried a lot this week, so maybe not.

但我们走着瞧吧。

But we'll see.

我们开始吧。

Let's let's get into it.

让我们敞开心扉，聊聊相信他妈的过程吧。

Let's get emotional and talk about trusting the motherfucking process.

我认为对很多人来说，掌控感是非常重要的，总想掌控生活中的一切。

I think for a lot of people, control is a really big thing, wanting to control anything and everything in your life.

我本人就是一个控制狂。

I, for one, am a control freak.

我只是在想，如果我不开车，你绝对不想和我坐一辆车。

I'm just thinking about, like, you do not wanna be in a car with me if I'm not driving.

比如，当我坐在副驾驶座上时，我会完全陷入恐慌，而且会把每一个想法都说出来。

Like, if I'm in the passenger seat, I am having a full blown panic attack, and I am vocalizing every thought.

比如我男朋友，我简直要逼疯他。

Like, my boyfriend, I drive him nuts.

每次他开车，我都觉得特别愧疚。

I feel so bad whenever he drives.

我就是无法接受自己坐的这辆车无法由我掌控，而别人却能随意决定——比如，他们要是想，就可以把车撞到电线杆上。

I just hate the idea of not being able to control this machine that I'm sitting in, and someone else has the ability to, like, if they wanted to, just, like, crash the car that I'm in into a telephone pole.

这话听起来确实疯狂，但这就是我的思维方式。

And that sounds so fucking crazy out loud, but, like, that's how my brain works.

生活中就是这些小事，我必须掌控才行。

Like, it's just little things in life like that that I need control over.

我认为很多人困扰的是，总觉得必须掌控某种情况及其结果，但实际上你并不能。

And what I think a lot of people struggle with is feeling like you need to have or you want to have control over a certain situation and the outcome of that situation, when in reality, you don't.

你唯一能掌控的是自己的行为、情绪和体验。

You only have control over how you act and your own feelings and your own experience.

但你无法掌控整个局面。

But you don't get to control the entire thing as a whole.

比如，我坐在男朋友开车的车里歇斯底里，除了让他更紧张外，毫无作用。

Like for example, me being in the car with my boyfriend freaking out isn't going to do anything but stress him out more.

我这么说出来，但每次上车，我还是会这样。

And I'm saying this out loud, but every time I get into that car, I still do it.

我还是会像个疯子一样大惊小怪。

I still freak out like a fucking lunatic.

但我冲着男朋友大喊‘小心那辆车’——而那辆车明明离我们那么远，根本与我们无关，这毫无帮助。

But me screaming out to my boyfriend being like, hey, watch out for that car that's literally so far away from us, has nothing to do with us, isn't helpful.

相反，这反而可能让我们发生车祸。

If anything, it's going to make us get into a car crash.

所以当你为那些你无法控制的事情而焦虑时，只会带来更多的伤害而非好处。

So when you're freaking out about things that are out of your control, it causes more harm than good.

对事情感到焦虑是很正常的。

And it's normal to have anxiety over things.

明白吗？

Okay?

比如，当你对即将发生的事情感到紧张、兴奋，或者有各种想法，这都是正常的。

Like, it's normal to be nervous and excited and have all of these thoughts about something that's going to happen.

比如说，你有一场工作面试，你非常希望表现得好。

Like, let's say you have a job interview and you really wanted to go well.

有这种感觉是很正常的。

It's normal to feel that way.

但当你开始过度分析自己所处的每一个情境，不断想：天啊，我希望我够好，我做得够好吗？

But it gets to a point when you're overanalyzing every situation that you're in and being like, oh my god, I hope I hope I was good enough.

如果我不够好怎么办？

What if I'm not good enough?

如果事情没有按照我希望的方式发展怎么办？

What if things don't go the way that I want them to?

然后你就会钻牛角尖，让自己对还没发生的事情感到糟糕透顶。

And then you get into your head and make yourself feel like shit about something that hasn't even happened yet.

即使事情真的按那样发展了，你也无法控制它。

And even if it does happen that way, you have no control over that.

所以你不如告诉自己：嘿，我他娘的就是最棒的。

So you might as well tell yourself, hey, I'm the fucking best.

事情一定会他妈的顺利进行，就是这样。

Things are gonna go fucking great, and that's just how it's going to be.

如果没按那样发展，那就继续往前走。

And if it doesn't happen that way, you move on.

但这样总比因为一些你根本无法控制的事情而让自己难受要好。

But it's better than making yourself feel so bad about something that you had no control over.

有时候，当你试图控制某事，或强行让事情以不自然的方式发生时，事情就会彻底崩盘。

And sometimes when you try to control something or force something to happen inorganically, that's when shit hits the fan.

假设你有严重的问题，根本不信任别人。

Let's say you have really bad trust issues.

你上一段恋情的男朋友是个混蛋，就像大多数男人一样，他出轨了，把你的心撕得粉碎，真的狠狠伤害了你。

Your last boyfriend was a scumbag like most men are, you know, he cheated on you, he ripped your heart to shreds, he really fucked you over.

而你带着这份怨恨和伤痛进入了一段新的关系，对方其实很忠诚、值得信赖，根本不会毁掉你的生活。

And you carry that resentment and hurt into your new relationship with a guy who is actually faithful, trustworthy, isn't going to wreck your shit.

尽管这个男人非常忠诚可靠，你就是无法信任他。

Although this guy is super faithful and trustworthy, you just don't trust him.

所以你不断质问他：你是不是在骗我？

So you're constantly coming at him being like, are you cheating on me?

你是不是在和你的前女友搞在一起？

Are you fucking your ex girlfriend?

让我看看你的手机。

Let me see your phone.

哦，你不愿意让我看你的手机？

Oh, you won't let me see your phone?

你藏了什么？

What are you hiding?

尽管他一直诚实，什么都没做，但因为你不断指责他，他最终可能会觉得自己真的在做错事，甚至可能真的去做你所指控的那些事。

And although he is being honest and he isn't doing anything, he eventually is going to feel like he actually is doing something wrong because you're constantly accusing him of that, and he might end up going off and doing that thing that you're accusing him.

我不是说我赞同这种行为，但我确实见过这种情况发生。

I'm not saying that I condone that, but I've seen it happen.

这种事也发生在我身上。

It's happened to me.

在试图避免心碎的过程中，你反而可能让本不会发生的事真的发生了。

And in the process of trying to avoid getting your heart broken, you might actually make it happen when it wasn't supposed to happen.

但因为你过度控制和强迫干预，事情最终走向了本不该有的方向。

But because of how you tried to micromanage it and force it, it ended up a way that it wasn't supposed to happen.

另外，这只是一个例子。

Also, that's just an example.

如果你觉得你的伴侣在出轨，当然应该直接质问他。

If you think your significant other is cheating on you, obviously confront them.

我只是不希望我举的例子被曲解为你应该坚持的做法。

I just don't want the example I gave to get twisted into saying that you should stand for.

如果你觉得有人在出轨，要用健康、成熟的方式沟通。

If you think someone's cheating, communicate in a healthy, mature way.

如果他们真的背叛了你，那时你再彻底崩溃也不迟。

And if they do cheat on you, that's when you can go batshit crazy.

好了，不管怎样，我们继续吧。

Okay, anyways, let's move on.

控制往往带来遗憾和如果当初。

And with control comes regrets and what ifs.

如果我当时做了那样的选择，现在的现实会是什么样？

What if I did this, what would my reality be now?

我做出的决定是对的吗？

Did I make the right decision?

我走的这条路是对的吗？

Am I on the right path?

我这一生中为此挣扎了很久。

And I have struggled with this a lot in my life.

我生活中有很多事情是我无法掌控的。

There's a lot of things in my life that have been out of my control.

有很多事情发生在我身上，至今仍萦绕在我心头。

And there's been a lot of things that have happened to me that I carry with me now.

我回望那些经历，不禁想，如果那些事没有发生，我现在会在哪里？

And I look back on those things, and I wonder, if this didn't happen to me, where would I be?

我会是什么样子？

What would I look like?

我会更快乐吗？

Would I be happier?

我会过上更轻松的生活吗？

Would I have had an easier life?

我正努力克制自己，别在我的播客里崩溃大哭。

I am trying to pull myself in and not fucking sob on my podcast.

我在其他地方都会哭。

I cry everywhere else.

我不打算在播客里也哭。

I'm not trying to cry in the podcast too.

我在TikTok上哭过。

I've cried on TikTok.

我在Instagram上哭过。

I've cried on Instagram.

我在每一个该死的平台上都哭过，就这里没哭过。

I've cried on every fucking platform but this.

所以我们现在努力憋着。

So we're trying to hold it in.

我年轻时经历了很多事，那时我根本无法掌控。

But there's a lot that happened to me when I was younger that I just didn't have control over.

我再也回不去了。

And I'll never get that time back.

所以，我不断回头想着‘天啊，真希望那些事没发生过’，这对我并不公平。

So it's not fair for me to constantly be looking back on that thinking, Fuck, I wish that didn't happen.

因为虽然坏事会发生在我们身上，也会发生在别人身上，但这些经历塑造了我们，成就了今天的我们。

Because although bad things happen to me and bad things happen to people, it shapes us and makes us who we are.

尽管我经历了很多，也挣扎了无数次，但我可以说，我是我认识的人中最坚强的一个之一，这也是我非常喜爱自己的特质之一。

And although I've been through a lot and I've struggled a fuck ton, I am able to say I am one of the strongest people that I know, and that is one of the many traits that I love about myself.

所以，尽管我经历了那些糟心事，它们让我痛苦，有时我回头想想，也会说‘真惨’。

So although I went through that shit and it hurt, and I look back on it sometimes, and I'm like, damn.

我会想，如果我没经历过那些事，我的人生会不会轻松十倍。

I wonder if my life would have been 10 times easier if I had not gone through those things.

但我不会成为现在的我。

I would not be who I am now.

而我现在对自己感到无比自豪。

And I am fucking proud of who I am now.

尽管有过那些经历，我依然深爱现在的自己。

And I love who I am now despite those things.

好的。

Okay.

我花了一点时间后退一步，整理思绪，痛哭了一场。

I took a second to step back, collect my thoughts, cry it out.

所以希望我在这里已经哭完了，因为我回听自己抽泣的声音。

So hopefully, I'm done crying here because I listened back to me sobbing.

然后我想，好吧，真是个傻瓜。

And I'm like, okay, bitch.

没人想听这些。

No one wants to hear that.

所以希望我真的哭完了，但不敢打包票。

So, hopefully, I'm done, but no promises.

但我认为分享这些很重要，因为我知道有些人会回顾自己的过去，那些发生在他们身上或他们做过的事，他们不感到自豪，或者觉得自己被剥夺了什么。

But I think it's important that I share that because I know that there's people that look back at their past of things that have happened to them, or things that they've done and they're not proud of or they feel like they've been robbed or deprived of something.

他们像我一样回顾这些，想着：如果这些没发生，我的人生会是什么样子？

And they look back at it like me and think, you know, if this didn't happen, what would my life look like?

会更好吗？

Would it be better?

会更糟吗？

Would it be worse?

我真希望当时我能有选择。

I wish I had a choice in that moment.

而你没有。

And you don't.

你再也回不去了。

You don't get back that time.

你现在拥有的只有当下，而永远只有当下。

All you have now is the present moment, and that's all that ever is.

每一个瞬间都是当下。

Every single moment is the present moment.

我此刻对你说这些，这个瞬间本身也已经消失了。

Me just speaking in that moment telling you that, that moment itself is gone.

我说的每一个字都已消失。

Every word that I speak is gone.

唯一存在的就是当下这一刻。

All there is is the present moment.

所以，回头去看那些已经发生且无法改变的事情是没有意义的。

So there's no use in looking back at things that have already happened that you can't undo.

它们已经发生了。

They've already been done.

过去想到这些时，我常常感到非常焦虑，心想：天啊。

And that used to give me a lot of anxiety thinking that, like, fuck.

我根本无法改变那些事。

Like, I can't I can't do anything about that.

但现在回头看，我明白了：好吧。

But looking at it now and realizing, okay.

我确实拥有掌控力。

I do have control.

我对此有掌控力，虽然我无法控制过去发生了什么，但我可以选择现在如何反应以及如何继续前行。

I have control over this Although I didn't have control over that and how it happened, I do get to control how I react now and how I move forward.

认识到此刻，你确实有选择如何继续你的人生。

Recognizing that in this moment, you do have a choice on how you move forward with your life.

是的，会有外部因素影响，但你仍有选择如何应对的自由。

Yes, there are external factors that come into play, but you have the choice on how you react.

是的，未来你可能会回望并想，天啊，那真是个愚蠢透顶的决定。

And yes, in the future, you might look back on it and be like, wow, that was a stupid fucking decision.

我真希望我没那样做。

I wish I didn't do that.

我真希望那件事没发生。

I wish that didn't happen.

正如我之前说的，有些事我回望时会想，好吧，真希望那件事没发生。

Like I said before, there's things I look back on and I'm like, okay, wow, I wish that didn't happen.

那真糟透了。

That sucked.

但最终，发生在我身上的事，正是命中注定要发生的，而为你准备的也是如此。

But ultimately, it was what was meant to happen to me and what is meant to happen for you.

你每天都会遇到各种情境，不断为自己的未来做出选择，无论你是否意识到。

And you're given situations every day that you're constantly making choices for your future, whether you realized or not.

你做的每一个选择，即使是微小的决定，都会决定你生活的样貌。

Every choice that you make, even the smallest choice, is going to determine how your life looks.

你做出的一个小小决定，就可能改变你人生的走向。

One small decision that you make is going to change the direction of your life.

当然，你完全不知道那会是什么样子，也永远无法知道选择这条路与那条路的结果有何不同。

And obviously you have no idea of what that looks like and you'll never know the outcome of one way versus the other way.

你只能知道你所选择的那条路。

You'll only know the way that you choose.

这就是为什么我如此相信命中注定的事终将发生。

And that's why I believe so much in what's meant to be, will be.

因为尽管你可以有想要如何生活的意愿，也有对理想生活的设想，但生活中一个微小的决定或事件，就可能彻底改变你的一生。

Because although you can have intentions of how you want to live, and you can have this idea of how you want your life to be, one small decision or occurrence that happens in your life can change your entire life.

我想到我现在拥有的所有让我心怀感激的事物，然后回望过去，那些我做过的小事和发生的小事，都把我带到了今天。

I think about all the things that I have now that I'm grateful for, and then I look back at the past and all the little things that I did and all the little things that happened that led me here.

比如，我和一群朋友闹翻了，有一段时间，我为此感到非常难过。

For example, I had a falling out with a friend group, and for a while, I was really upset that this happened.

我真的很受伤，有一部分我甚至希望我从未和这些人成为朋友。

I was really hurt, and part of me was like, wish I never became friends with these people.

那样的话，我就不会像现在这样难受了。

So I didn't feel as bad as I feel now.

但我回过头看，如果我没有和这些人成为朋友，如果那个晚上我没有和他们出去，我可能就不会和现在的男朋友交往了。

But I look back, and if I had not been friends with these people, and I had not gone out a specific night with those people, I might not be dating my boyfriend that I'm dating now.

如果那个晚上我决定，算了，我不想出去了。

If that night I just decided, you know what, I don't feel like going out.

我就待在家里。

I'm gonna stay home.

你们去吧。

You guys go.

我就待在家里。

I'm gonna stay home.

我完全有可能过着完全不同的生活，不会和男朋友住在这间公寓里。

I literally could have a different life and not be living in this apartment with my boyfriend.

我想起我和男朋友去年十一月感染新冠的事，那真是糟透了。

And I think about how my boyfriend and I got COVID back in November, and it fucking sucked.

直到现在，几个月过去了，我们的味觉还是怪怪的。

Like, we're still dealing with our taste buds being weird, like, months later.

但如果我们没有感染新冠，我几乎可以肯定我们不会拥有现在这只狗。

But if we had not gotten COVID, I am almost 100% certain we would not have the dog that we have now.

在我们感染新冠的那段时间，快到周末准备回去上班时，有一天早上，我男朋友突然毫无理由地在浏览一个领养网站，根本没想养狗，却偶然看到了一只小狗的领养信息，那只小狗长得和我们现在养的狗塞比一模一样。

In the time span of us getting COVID, towards the end of the week when we were like about to go back to work, one morning my boyfriend randomly was just like searching the internet like the this adoption site for no fucking reason with no idea of like wanting to get a dog or anything and stumbled upon this listing for this little puppy that looked just like our dog that we have now, Sebi.

塞比是混血犬，我们以前从没见过长得像塞比这样的狗。

And Sebi's a mixed breed, so like we've never seen seen a dog that looks like Sebi.

她长得一模一样，简直就像塞比的姐妹。

She looked identical like could be like his sister.

她现在是，但当时它们看起来就像双胞胎。

Well she is now but like they just looked like twins.

所以他叫醒了我，说只要一能行，我们就去领这只狗，我们打了电话，发现必须在特定的一天去，否则就领不到她了。

So he woke me up and he was like as soon as we can we're getting this dog and we called and there was like a specific day that we had to go or we would not get her.

所以我们一感觉好些了，就开车去了纽约波基普西，把我们的狗接回来了。

So, we like once we felt better, we got in the car and drove to Poughkeepsie, New York and got our dog.

她的名字叫伊莎贝拉，但我确定，如果我们没有在那个时候感染新冠，就不会有她。

Her name is Isabella but I am for certain that if we had not gotten COVID when we did, we would not have her.

所以这只是一个例子，说明一件糟糕的事发生了，我们当时因为感染新冠、不得不请假、生病而非常沮丧。

So it's just an example of like something bad that happened and we were really upset about getting COVID and having to take so much time off of work and having to be sick.

如果那件事没有发生，我们现在就不会拥有这些。

If that had not happened we would not have what we have now.

我知道人们经常这么说，这听起来很老套，但我真的相信命中注定的终将发生。

And I know people say it all the time and it's such a cliche but I truly do believe what's meant to be will be.

你不应该强迫或试图去实现那些本不属于你的事情。

And you shouldn't force or try to make things happen that aren't meant to happen.

属于你的东西会自然而然地来到你身边。

Like things that are meant for you will come easy to you.

你得顺其自然，让生活顺其发展，而不是试图拼凑每一个细节。

You have to let it flow and just let life happen for you and not try to piece every single little thing together.

你要对各种可能性保持开放的心态。

You have to be open to possibilities.

如果你试图控制局面朝某个方向发展，就会错过可能发生的好事。

If you try to control a situation to go one way, you miss potential of what can happen.

比如我们的狗狗故事，我一直想要一只小狗。

For example, with our dog story, I wanted a puppy for a while.

我想要一只母狗。

I wanted a girl puppy.

之前我们看了一段时间，但后来停了下来，因为感觉太勉强了，而且我们一直找不到合适的收养对象，因为我们真的很想收养。

And at first, we were looking like a while ago, and then we stopped just because it felt forced and it felt like we weren't finding any puppy to adopt because we really wanted to adopt.

当时感觉这件事似乎不会成功了。

And it just didn't seem like it was gonna work out.

所以我们一停下来，事情就真的发生了。

So once we finally stopped, it finally did happen.

但假设我一心只想在特定时间、特定网站上找到特定的狗，我就会错失其他获得狗狗的机会和方式。

But let's say that I was so focused on getting a specific dog at a specific time on a specific site, I would have closed myself off to other opportunities and ways of getting a dog.

这适用于任何事情。

And this goes for anything.

比如，假设你想要赚钱，但你告诉自己，赚钱的唯一方式就是找一份朝九晚五的工作，获得稳定的薪水。

Like let's say that you're trying to make money, but you tell yourself the only way of earning money is by having a nine to five job and having consistent paychecks.

你就关闭了其他所有赚钱的途径。

You close yourself off to the many other avenues of money.

你太专注于只用这种方式赚钱，完全堵死了其他赚钱的可能性。

You're so focused on only making money this way that you completely close off any doors to make money another way.

当然，赚钱的方式有很多。

And obviously, there's so many ways you can make money.

你可以通过卖衣服来赚钱。

You can make money by selling your clothes.

你可以通过做DoorDash或Instacart赚钱。

You can make money by doing DoorDash, Instacart.

你可以通过出售你的艺术作品和设计来赚钱。

You can make money selling your artwork, designs.

你可以通过在线出售各种课程作业来赚钱。

You can make money by selling different kinds of coursework online.

你可以通过各种在线应用赚钱。

You can make money through different apps online.

你可以通过与品牌合作赚钱。

You can make money working with brands.

你可以通过做保姆赚钱。

Can make money babysitting.

你可以赚钱的方式多得数不清。

There is an endless amount of ways you can make money.

但如果你只告诉自己，只有做这一件事才能赚钱，那你永远不会有其他任何收入来源。

But if you only tell yourself that you can only make money by doing this one specific thing, you will never have money coming from any other avenue but that.

我之所以说这些，是想让你明白，有些事情会发生在你身上，或为你而发生，你不需要事事都微观管理或完全掌控。

What I'm trying to get at with all of this is things will happen to you and for you, and you don't need to micromanage it or be in control of all of it.

一旦你这么做了，就会限制你人生可能走向的多种可能性。

The second that you do, you limit the possibilities of where your life can go.

如果你固执地认为人生必须按照某种特定方式发展，没有一点弹性空间，就会错过太多机会。

If you have it so set in your mind that your life is supposed to go a specific way there's no wiggle room for change, you miss so many opportunities.

你会错过许多本可以为你带来的美好事物。

You miss so many good things that could happen for you.

你可能在期待一份特定的工作，而这已经成为你对自己能力与成就的唯一限制。

You could be hoping for a specific job, and that's the limit that you've allowed yourself to believe that you are capable and can achieve.

当你把自己框定在‘我注定要做这件事’的思维里，却没意识到自己真正该做的更大图景时，你可能会错过本属于你的东西。

And when you put yourself in that box of this is what I'm meant to do, without realizing the bigger picture of what you are actually meant to do, you might miss something that was totally meant for you.

你可能想成为一名护士，比如说。

You might want to be a nurse, let's say.

我他妈也不知道。

I don't fucking know.

假设你想要成为一名护士。

Let's say you want to be a nurse.

但宇宙却说：不，宝贝。

But the universe is like, no, bitch.

你注定要当医生。

You are a doctor.

你配得上当医生，那才是你该做的事。

Like, you deserve to be a doctor, and that's what you're meant to be doing.

但如果你不相信那是你该做的，甚至不让自己产生这样的想法，也不允许它在你生活中实现，你就会错失两个机会：首先是对你自己。

But if you don't believe that that's what you're meant to do, and you don't even allow that thought to come into your life, and you don't allow it to manifest into your life, you miss the opportunity for one, yourself.

其次是错失了帮助众多他人的机会。

But two, the opportunity to help so many people out there.

当我说到相信这个过程时，你是在相信其中的一切环节。

When I say trust the process, you are trusting everything in between.

你相信那个起初可能让你感到不适、困惑、不知所措的开端，你追随内心的感觉，允许事情以它应有的方式发生，而不是强行控制它。

You're trusting the beginning where it might feel uncomfortable, and you're confused, and you don't know which way to go, and you follow what feels right, and you allow things to happen the way they're supposed to happen forcing it, without trying to control it.

你相信事情不仅会为你顺利发展，也会为了更大的善而圆满。

You're trusting that things are going to work out not only for you, but for the greater good.

你所经历的一切，总会带来某种学习的教训。

There's always going to be a learning lesson for what you are put through.

无论多么艰难、多么痛苦、多么撕心裂肺，总有一天，你会说：好吧。

As hard and as fucking painful, as gut wrenching as it might be, at some point in your life, at some point, you're going to say, okay.

我明白了。

I get it.

可能是一个月后、一年后，或者十年后。

It might be a month from now, a year from now, ten years from now.

在某个时刻，你会意识到：这件事必须发生。

At some point or another, you're going to realize, okay, this had to happen.

总有一个更大的格局。

There is always a bigger picture.

回想你生命中发生过的任何事，每一件都曾带来某种教训，并塑造了今天的你。

Think of anything in your life that's happened to you, there was some type of learning lesson from it and has shaped you into who you are now.

直到现在的所有经历都是你的一部分，而从今往后你所选择的每一件事也都将成为你的一部分。

Everything leading up to right now is a part of you, and everything that you choose to do from here on out will be a part of you.

不仅对你如此，你所学到的东西也可以传递给他人，影响他们并影响更多人。

And not only you, but the things that you learn, you can pass on to others that are going to affect them and affect others.

一切皆相连，我知道这样说听起来特别肉麻又老套，但我们确实彼此相连。

Everything is connected, and I know it's so fucking sappy and cliche to say that, but we all are connected.

你所做的一切，不仅对你有利，也对所有人的更大福祉有益。

And everything that you do not only is working out for you, but it's working out for the greater good of everyone.

将这种思维方式融入我的生活，告诉自己：尽管现在我正经历痛苦，但从长远来看，它会教会我一些东西，并让我成长为更好的自己——这帮助我度过了许多黑暗又愚蠢的时刻。

And integrating this thought process into my life and thinking, okay, even though right now I'm hurting, in the long run, it's going to teach me something and it's going to shape me into a better version of myself has gotten me through a lot of dark stupid shit too.

你真不想看到一个愤怒的火象星座司机被堵在一辆慢车后面。

Like, you do not wanna see an angry fire sign stuck behind a slow car.

我有最严重的路怒症。

I have the worst road rage.

拥有这种‘一切都在向有利于我的方向发展’的心态，让我在面对无法控制的情况时——比如被一辆慢得要死的车堵住——更容易应对。

Having this mindset that everything is always working out in my favor has made it a lot easier when I'm stuck in situations that are out of my control, like being stuck behind a slow ass car.

是的，也许我会上班迟到，但也许如果我准时到达，像往常一样正常赶路，没有被这辆车堵住的话。

Yeah, maybe I'll be late for work, but also maybe if I was on time and I was just going about my day as I normally would and I wasn't stuck behind this car.

也许如果我早到五分钟，就会遭遇车祸。

Maybe if I was five minutes ahead of time, I would get in a car crash.

也许这就是宇宙在说：好了。

And maybe this is the universe being like, okay.

你得给我慢下来。

You need to slow the fuck down.

你得被这辆车堵着，否则你根本到不了目的地。

You need to be behind this car, or else you're not going to make it to your destination.

你可能在听的时候会想，艾希莉，你真是蠢透了。

And you might be listening to this and be like, Ashley, you're dumb as fuck.

事情根本不是这样的。

That's not what's happening.

你只是被某个老家伙挡住了而已。

You're just behind some old fuck.

好吧，也许吧，但在我心里，我宁愿相信宇宙——或者你管它叫什么——正在保护我，一切都在为我以及周围所有人的更大利益而安排。

Okay maybe, but in my head I like to think that the universe or whatever you want to call it is protecting me and it is working out for my greater good and the greater good of everyone else around me.

就像那个我可能撞上的司机，他们也不想他妈的出车祸。

Like the person that I might have gotten a car crash doesn't want to fucking get a car crash either.

他们也有需要赶去见的亲人。

They have loved ones they have to get to.

他们也有工作要赶着去。

They have a job they have to get to.

他们不想把钱花在我的车上，我也不希望把钱花在他们的车上。

They don't want to be spending their money on my car, or I don't want to be spending my money on their car.

但拥有这种心态对我帮助巨大，因为我有时会变成一个充满愤怒的小球。

But just having that mindset has helped me so much because I sometimes am a little ball of anger.

所以，不再为那些我无法控制的小事生气，对我来说是双赢。

So not being so angry about little things like that that I can't control is a win win for me.

即使这并不是真正发生的事情。

Even if it's not what's actually happening.

这只是我的思维方式，它让我对过去发生的事情以及塑造了如今我的一切感觉更好。

And this is just my thought process and what has made me feel better about things that have happened in my past and the things that have shaped me into who I am now.

它让我在每一个选择和每一件我做的事情中都感到安心，因为从长远来看，一切终将顺利，一切都会是属于我的命运。

And it just gives me comfort in every choice that I make and everything that I do that in the long run it's always going to work out and it's always going to be what's meant for me.

所以即使我正在痛苦中，我也知道，总有一天，这一切都会变得有意义。

So even when I am hurting I know, okay, it's all going to make sense one day.

我从这种想法中获得了很大的安慰，也希望你能从中找到慰藉。

And I just find a lot of comfort in that and I hope that you find comfort in that too.

所以如果你听过我最近的任何一期节目，我通常会在每期结尾给你一个与节目内容相关的任务。

So if you've been listening to any of my recent episodes, at the end of each I usually give you an assignment to do that goes along with the episode.

因此，这周的任务是，想想你感激的事情，并回顾过去，哪些事情的发生才让你如今心怀感激。

So for this week's assignment, I want you to think of things that you're grateful for and think back to your past and what are the things that happened that allowed the thing that you're grateful for to occur.

就像我之前举过的关于我男朋友的例子。

So like how I gave the example before about my boyfriend.

如果我没有和那个朋友群体成为朋友，如果那晚我没有和他们出去，我可能就不会和他交往了。

Like if I had not been friends with that friend group and if I had not gone out that night with that friend group, I probably would not be dating him.

就像这样的事情。

So just like something like that.

一些你心存感激的小事。

Just little things that you're grateful for.

对我来说，另一个例子是，我非常感激现在有了这个播客，因为我可以与你们分享我的想法，和这些志同道合的人进行对话，与你们所有人建立联系。

So another one for me would be, I am so grateful that I have this podcast now because I can share my thoughts with you and have this conversation with all of these like minded people and connect with all of you.

而让我走到这一步的，是发现了我最喜欢的播客《心态魔法与显化》。

And what led me to this is finding my favorite podcast, Mindset Magic and Manifestation.

我想我是在2021年左右找到这个播客的。

I think I found the podcast over 2021.

所以并没有多久以前。

So it wasn't that long ago.

但每周五听这个播客让我也想拥有类似的东西，让别人能听到一些能引起共鸣、产生连接的内容。

But listening to that every Friday made me want to have something like that and have people have something to listen to that they resonate with and are able to connect with.

在听她的播客之前，我从来不是个播客爱好者。

And I was never a podcast girl before listening to her podcast.

所以我特别感激，有一天我突然想：嘿，不如就这样吧。

So I'm super grateful that I one day was just like, you know what?

我想成为一个播客女孩。

I want to be a podcast girl.

我想听播客。

I wanna listen to podcasts.

这让我走到了今天的地步。

And that led me to where I am now.

所以去完成你的小任务吧。

So go ahead and do your little assignment.

我特别喜欢你们通过私信跟我分享这些。

I love whenever you share them with me through DMs.

当然，这些内容有时很私密，你不必非得分享，但我总是很感激。

Obviously, they're personal sometimes, so you don't have to, but I always appreciate it.

非常感谢你们收听今天的节目。

And thank you so much for listening to today's episode.

对不起。

I'm sorry.

我没做歌单。

I didn't do a playlist.

我通常每周都会为每一集在Spotify上制作一个歌单，但上周我没做。

I usually do a playlist each week, for each episode on Spotify, but I didn't last week.

所以希望这周我能发布一个。

So hopefully, I have one out for this week.

最近真是太乱了。

It's just been crazy.

就像我在本集开头说的，这周我情绪起伏特别大。

Like I said in the beginning of this episode, I am just an emotional roller coaster this week.

我整个人都乱了。

I am in shambles.

所以希望我能做出一个。

So I'll hopefully have one.

如果我做了，我会发到我的Instagram上。

And if I do, I'll post it on my Instagram.

你可以在Instagram上关注我，账号是Ashley Corboe，或者关注播客的Instagram账号：trying not, the number two care podcast。

You can follow me on Instagram at Ashley Corboe or at the podcast Instagram at trying not, the number two care podcast.

另外，如果你能的话，请在你收听这个节目的平台上，给《Try Not to Care》打个五星评分。

Also, if you can, please give try not to care a five star rating on whichever platform you listen to this on.

这真的对我帮助很大，我非常感激。

It really helps me out, and I really appreciate it.

有人给了不到五星的评分，因为现在评分是4.9。

There's someone out there that rated it less than a five because there's a 4.9.

我不知道你是谁，但如果你现在正在听这个，我知道你就是那个人。

I I don't know who you are, but if you're listening to this right now, I know who you are.

这也没那么严重，但拜托了。

It's not that serious, but, like, come on.

谁会干这种事啊？

Who the fuck does that?

总之，再次感谢你。

Anyways, thank you again.

我非常非常非常非常爱你，下周再和你聊。

I love you so, so, so, so, so much, and I will talk to you next week.

再见了，亲爱的们。

Bye, besties.