贾西怀孕了！！

而且是的。

And yeah.

我不知道。

I don't know.

显然，我能说的太多了。

There's so much I could say, obviously.

我只是觉得，现在我明白了。

I just I feel like now I understand.

再次，我当时想，我希望成为那个例子，证明试管婴儿并不一定要这么艰难。

Again, I was like, oh, I wanna be I wanna be the example that IVF is doesn't have to be so hard.

我知道，我意识到这很艰难，但我也意识到它非常值得。

And I'm like, you know, that wasn't what I I I realized it was hard, but I also realized that it was very rewarding.

嗯。

Mhmm.

甚至我还会说，奇怪的是，我在进行第二次移植前，就告诉了莱夫，那时我们还没拿到检测结果。

And that even I will say weirdly, I told Leif this, like, when we were going into our second transfer, and we didn't even have results yet of our test.

我们根本不知道下一次会不会成功。

Like, we didn't know if anything would work next time.

我知道这听起来很疯狂，但我真的觉得做试管婴儿让我感到无比充实。

And I was like, I know this sounds insane, but, like, I feel so, like, fulfilled doing IVF.

即使我不知道会不会成功，没有任何事情是 guaranteed 的，我也不知道它是否真的能成功。

Like, even though I don't know if anything's like, nothing's guaranteed, and I don't know if it'll ever work.

去诊所的时候，我觉得自己正在向前迈进。

Like, going to the doctor's office, it feels like I'm, like, moving forward

嗯。

Mhmm.

在人生中，我在做一件艰难的事，而且我正在全力以赴。

In life, and I'm doing something hard, and I'm trying really hard.

在生活中，去尝试新事物、努力拼搏、失败后重新站起来，这本身就是一件好事。

And it's, like, it's good to just do that in life, to try new things, to try hard at something, to fail, to get up and go again.

嗯。

Like Mhmm.

我觉得这真的让你变得强大很多。

I think it just strengthens you so much.

所以，奇怪的是，即使在失败的时候，我也觉得非常充实和有回报，因为我在经历一件非常艰难的事，并且还在坚持做下去。

So, yeah, weirdly, even when it was failing, I was like, I feel very fulfilled and rewarded, like, going through a very hard thing and continuing to just do it.

是的。

Yeah.

这我觉得很有道理，可能对很多人来说也是如此。

That makes, I think, a lot of sense, probably to a lot of people too.

比如，我对很多事情也有这样的感受，当然我不是特别能感同身受，但很多情况下，当你觉得一件事很难，你就觉得自己在失败。

Like, I feel that way about, obviously not, I can't relate to that specifically, but about a lot of things that you think if it's hard, you're failing.

你会想，哦，如果这件事很难，而我又不够坚强，那我就是在失败，我不擅长这个。

It's like, oh, if this is hard and I'm not, like, so tough, then I'm failing, and I'm not good at this.

但有时候，你之所以如此坚强，正是因为事情太难了，而你允许自己哭泣、感到悲伤、抱怨，然后做任何你需要做的事来度过难关。

But sometimes the reason it is you are so tough is because it is so hard and you are letting yourself cry and feel sad and complain and, you know, do whatever it is that you have to do to get through it.

有时候，最美丽、最有回报的事情，恰恰是最艰难的事情。

It's like, sometimes that is the most beautiful and rewarding things are the hardest things.

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得这同样适用于为人母这一点。

And I feel like that's kind of goes into just motherhood as well.

嗯哼。

It's like Mhmm.

我经常看到一个TikTok视频，讲的是一个女孩。

A lot of tie I was seeing this TikTok, and it was like this girl.

她说：我在考虑要孩子，而且我真的很期待。

She's like, so I I'm thinking about having kids, and I'm really excited.

而且，我听说养孩子真的特别有成就感。

And, like, I've heard it's just so fulfilling.

她说：没错。

She's like, yes.

就是那个已经当了妈妈的女孩。

Like the girl, she's had kids.

她说是的。

She's like, yes.

你应该去做。

You should do it.

这太棒了。

It's amazing.

这绝对是做过最棒的事。

It's literally the best thing I've ever done.

她说是的。

She's like, yeah.

但我也听过一些可怕的故事。

But I've also heard horror stories.

她说是的。

She's like, yeah.

真的非常可怕。

It's really horrifying.

这其实真的很吓人。

Like, it's actually so scary.

她说是等等。

She's like, wait.

是哪一个？

Which one is it?

她说是的。

She's like, yeah.

其实就是两者都有。

Like, it's both.

就是两者都有，所以当事情特别难的时候

Like, it's just both, and that's why, like, when things are so hard

而回报又如此丰厚。

and the reward is so good.

对。

Yeah.

当然。

Definitely.

确实是。

It is.

就是全部。

It's all of it.

就是所有这些的结合。

It's all of it combined.

而且我

And I

我觉得随着年龄增长，就是，我不知道，again，尽管我会谈到所有开心和美好的事情，但即使我们得到了想要的结果，我们远不止是兴奋、感激、快乐，这些情绪都有。

feel like just getting older, it's like, I don't know, just, again, even though I and we'll get into all the happy stuff and all the good stuff, but it's like even though I obviously got we got the result we wanted, we're so, like, beyond just excited, grateful, happy, all of those things.

就像过去这一年整体上非常沉重，还有其他一些事情，那真是艰难的一年，所以我感觉很难保持信念。

Like, this just this past year was a very heavy year, just in general, like, with other things as well, And it was just a really hard year, so I feel like and it was hard to keep the faith.

是的。

Yes.

几个月甚至更长时间的生育治疗，我觉得会夺走你原本正常的生活。

And just months and months and months of fertility treatments kind of just takes your normal life away, I think.

这让你很难维持正常的日常作息。

It it makes it hard to just have your normal normal routine.

比如，会有好几周我都不能锻炼。

Like, there would be weeks on end that I couldn't exercise.

你知道的，移植后，他们会说，几周内完全不要运动。

Like, you know, after a transfer, they're like, don't exercise at all for a few weeks.

所以，你甚至会

So Well, you even get

起来。

up.

是的。

Yeah.

连续五天。

For five days.

所以我感觉我花了太多时间，一直处于停滞状态，无法做我想做的事，但我知道我是在为更大的目标做出牺牲。

So I just feel like I spent so much time, like, very stagnant and not able to do things that I wanted to do, but I knew I was making a sacrifice for something greater.

而且，这真的太难了。

And, again, it's just it's so hard.

我对任何经历试管婴儿的人充满同情，因为这真的太艰难了——你付出了如此巨大的代价：时间、精力、金钱、身体，一切的一切，却不知道是否能成功。

I have so much, like, empathy for anyone going through IVF because it is so hard that you are going through such a big sacrifice of your time, your energy, your money, your body, everything, and you don't know if it is going to work.

是的。

Yeah.

这真的真的很艰难。

Like, it's really it's really hard.

所以，是的，过去这一年，我大部分时间都在做试管婴儿，而且我从未实时分享过这些经历。

So, yeah, just this this whole past year, like, majority of my year was spent doing IVF, and I didn't post about any of it in real time.

我记得在胚胎移植失败后不久，我们就得录制一集播客。

I remember we had to record a podcast, like, very soon after my failed transfer.

我不记得是哪一集了，但当时我觉得，这个播客某种程度上成了我逃离这一切的出口。

I don't remember which episode, but and I was just like, in a sense, I feel like the podcast is kinda was kinda my escape from a lot of it.

我觉得我依然能在播客里找到乐趣，做真实的自己，但确实如此。

Like, I still felt like I could have fun and, you know, be myself on the podcast, but, yeah.

同时，从事一个需要对外展示的工作也很不容易。

It's just it's hard to have a very forward facing job as well.

一方面，我的工作是最好的情况，因为我时间非常灵活。

On one on one end, it's my job was the best case scenario because I have very flexible hours.

我是自己的老板，但有时候一连好几周，我每天都忍不住哭泣。

I'm my own boss, But it's like, you know, there would be a week straight where I'm just, like, crying every day.

所以当时真的很难受，也只能接受现实。

So just having, like, a really hard time, and it's like, okay.

你知道，这个睫毛膏。

You know, this do us mascara.

是的。

Yeah.

就像这个

Like, this

截止日期到了。

deal is due.

这个也到期了。

This is due.

你得起来行动，比如得一次性制作好几集播客，而作为面向公众的人，还得保持积极的状态，我觉得我一向都很乐观，但当你情绪低落时，还要强行表现得轻松愉快，这也很困难。

You gotta get up and do, like, you gotta batch podcast episodes, and it's like, oh, like being forward facing and having to bring I I feel like I always have, like, a very lighthearted attitude, and so to try and bring that energy when you're, like, very down is also hard.

但我不知道。

But I don't know.

我要说，我为自己度过这段经历感到非常自豪。

I I am very proud of myself, I will say, going through this whole thing.

比如，即使回看录像，即使在那次失败的转学之后，也才过了几天。

Like, even watching back the footage, I I still, like, even after my failed transfer, it was like a few days later.

那之后我连续两天没拍视频，因为我真的觉得我做不到。

I took like two days off of filming after that because I was just like, I can't.

然后我想，大概是两天或三天后，我回看录像时，居然还在开玩笑。

And then I think it was like two days after or three days after, I was like watching back the footage and I was like just making jokes still.

我就觉得，我不知道。

I'm like, I don't know.

这给了我很多力量和信心，让我意识到，我刚经历了一件真正击垮我精神的事情，但我还是爬起来，准备好，甚至开玩笑，我不知道。

It just gave me a lot of like empowerment and confidence to be like I just went through like something that really just broke my spirit, but I was still like getting up and getting ready and like making a joke and I don't know.

继续，是的。

Kept Yeah.

你仍然是你自己。

Where you're still yourself.

是的。

Yeah.

嗯。

Mhmm.

或者至少努力保持这样。

Or at least tried to be.

而且这并不是必须的。

So and not that that's necessary.

如果你正在经历困难，你完全有权利不去坚强，做真实的自己，就躺在那里抱怨。

Like, if you're going through something hard, you absolutely deserve to not be strong and be yourself and just literally lay around and complain.

而且，在我转学失败之后，对不起，我老是提这件事。

And like, after my transfer, that failed, which again, I'm sorry to keep harping on that.

我只是觉得，这整个旅程中，这占据了非常重要的部分，因为当时就像是

I just feel like that was such a massive part of the journey because it was like

巨大的期待之后，却得到了最糟糕的消息，就像你之前在视频里提到过的，但我想再强调一下，你根本没有理由觉得这件事不会成功，就你的具体情况而言。

this huge buildup, and then just the worst news, like And you had again, you talked about this in your video, but just to reemphasize, like, you had no reason to think that it wouldn't work, like, with your specific situation.

对其他人来说，也许风险更大。

Like, others, maybe it's it's even more of a risk.

也许这个能成功，也许不能，但你当时被各种情况和你的处境所承诺着，

Like, maybe this will work, maybe it's not, but you had been so, like, promised by I mean, just the situation and and your circumstances.

一切看起来都完美无缺。

Like, everything was looking perfect.

一切看起来都非常好，所以

Everything was looking really good, so

我觉得我只是抱有很高的期望。

I think I just had really high hopes.

是的。

Yeah.

所以，没错，那确实是这段旅程中非常重要的一部分。

So, yeah, that was just a massive part of the journey.

我也没告诉过任何人。

I also hadn't told anyone.

我没告诉切丽莎我要转学。

I didn't tell Chelsea that I was transferring.

我也没告诉我妈妈。

I didn't tell my mom.

我谁都没告诉。

I didn't tell anyone.

贝丝知道，因为她得知道这些事，比如工作方面的事。

Beth knew because she had to know for, like, work stuff.

我当时就想，我必须卧床休息。

I was like, I have to go on bed rest.

我得告诉她，我这几天真的没法拍视频了。

Like, I have to tell her I literally cannot film these days.

随便吧。

Whatever.

所以贝丝知道。

So Beth knew.

奇怪的是，海莉·劳也知道。

Weirdly, Hailey Raw knew.

我实际上只见过她两次。

Literally, I've met her twice.

我当时就想，你简直是唯一知道我要转学的人，因为她做过试管婴儿，而且她当时在城里，我们一起去吃了午饭。

I was like, you're literally the only person that knows that I'm transferring because she did IVF, and she was in town, and we went to lunch.

我身边没有特别亲近的人做过试管婴儿，但我当时正在打一些特别疼的针。

And I don't have any super close people to me who had done IVF, but I was, like, doing these shots that were hurting really bad.

我当时想，我得问问她，如果这是正常的，或者有什么我能做的，比如她知道有什么办法能让情况好转。

I was like, I need to ask her, like, what if it's normal or if there's anything I could do, like, if there's anything she knows about to make it better.

所以我告诉了她，因为当你熟悉IVF时，你就知道当你打某些针时，就意味着快要移植了。

And so I told her because when you're familiar with IVF, you know when you're doing certain shots, like, you're about to transfer.

所以不管怎样，她知道，而且几乎没人知道，我当时特别想给大家一个惊喜，宣布这个好消息，结果却变成了坏消息。

So anyway, she knew very few people knew, and I was like, so that was another element to it is I was so excited to surprise everyone with the good news, and then it was not good news.

所以。

And so

然后我不得不告诉他们。

then I had to surprise

让大家知道这个坏消息。

everyone with bad news.

得说，哦，我做了移植。

Be like, oh, I did a transfer.

然后我就想，哦。

And I'm like, oh.

然后我就想，结果没成功。

And I'm like, and it didn't work.

是的。

Yeah.

哦，好吧。

Oh, okay.

那真是一段艰难的时光。

So that was just a that was a rough time.

我确实想放下这段经历，但我也觉得这并不现实，因为很多人做试管婴儿第一次就成功了，但这种情况确实也会发生。

I do wanna, like, move on from that, but I I do feel like that is a very, like it not realistic because a lot of people, it works first try for IVF, but that does happen sometimes.

这就是实际情况，而我讨厌它竟是这样。

And so that's the truth of the situation, and I hate that it is.

我很讨厌，但你知道，事后诸葛亮，我觉得正是因为有过那次经历，第二次移植成功才显得更加特别。

Like, I hate but, that you know, hindsight's twenty twenty, and I feel like, obviously, because I had that experience, the second transfer working, I think, was even more, like, just special.

是的。

Yeah.

因为那简直是天大的好消息。

Because I it was like the best news ever.

是的。

Yeah.

百分百。

100%.

天啊。

So Oh my gosh.

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得当你告诉我失败的时候，那种感觉真的很强烈——当然我不是想把话题扯到自己身上，但我想分享一下我的看法。

I feel like when you told me that it failed, it was like and not to make this about me by any chance, but to add my perspective into it.

那真的让我非常震惊，因为就在前一天，我刚得知自己怀孕了，是的。

It was like so jarring in so many ways because I had literally just found out I was pregnant like the day before Yeah.

你告诉我的。

That you told me.

所以当时我已经被那个消息震惊了，然后你告诉我这件事，我简直崩溃了两倍，因为如果我们

So it was like, I was already in shock from that, and then I had no idea, and you told me, and I was just like so devastated times two than I would have regularly been because we would

本会更加亲密。

have been like even closer.

只相隔一周。

One week apart.

是啊。

Like Yeah.

这太痛苦了，因为

It was so painful because

这更让人心痛，我当时觉得，我甚至都没时间去处理情绪，大概有

It just made it sting, and I was like, I feel like I didn't even process emotions for like

那之后的一周都是这样。

a week after that.

我只是想，天啊。

Was just like, oh my gosh.

我不知道该怎么感受。

I don't know like how to feel.

我真的完全不知道该怎么感受。

I genuinely have no idea how to feel.

我觉得很难过。

Like, I feel so sad.

我一直在保持一点点希望，觉得也许很快就会好起来。

I'm so like, keeping this little bit of hope that like it will work soon, maybe.

我不知道，但这是我唯一能期待的了，因为我根本不知道该怎么应对这一切。

I don't know, like, but that's all I can look forward to because I don't even know how to, handle this.

是的。

Yeah.

这仅仅是我觉得你经历的痛苦的一小部分，我简直无法想象。

And that's, like, a fraction, I feel, like, of what you even went through, so I can't even imagine.

是的。

Yeah.

这时间真是太疯狂了。

It was insane timing, like.

是的。

Yeah.

太糟糕了。

Horrible.

时机太糟了。

Horrible timing.

是的。

Yeah.

但我感觉这其实是一个很好的证明。

I feel like it's such a testament though.

整个过程结束后，我们总会走向更开心的事。

Like, this entire process, we will move on to happy things.

我发誓。

I swear.

差不多五十分钟，最后十分钟就那样了。

It's like fifty minutes for It the last 10 it just yeah.

这真是一个很好的证明。

It's just such a testament

证明了人们从未见过这些东西。

to stuff that people have not seen.

就好像他们对这一切一无所知。

It's like they had known nothing about this.

对吧。

Right.

你知道的。

You know?

对吧。

Right.

这就是他们一直错过的。

This is what they've been missing out on.

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得这真是，他们就像，是的。

I feel like it's such a They're like, yeah.

我很高兴。

I'm glad.

他们就像，天啊，这真是关于友谊的。

They're like, sheesh of, like, friendship though.

而且，是的。

And like Yeah.

我在我发布的YouTube视频里提到过，我的一些最好的朋友，其中就包括切尔西，在我移植失败后不久就告诉我她们怀孕了。

My friendships with people, which I mentioned in my in my YouTube video, like, few of my best friends and Chelsea being one of them, like, told me they were pregnant very soon after my failed transfer.

我一直，一直在我整个生育旅程中努力做到，我不知道该怎么表达，但每当看到生育相关内容，人们总在说‘不要这么说’。

And it's like I have always I have always tried so hard through my entire fertility journey to be like I I don't know even how to word this, but, like, I would always see fertility content and people being like, here's what not to say.

比如，永远不要对正在经历不孕的人说：‘你就是太紧张了，放松点。’

Like, don't ever tell someone going through infertility, like, oh, you should just relax.

或者有一些特定的流行语，人们会说，不要对正在经历不孕的人说这些话。

Or certain there's certain buzz phrases or things that people are like, do not say this to, people going through infertility.

一方面，我完全同意。

On one hand, I completely agree.

就像有一些事情一样。

It's like there are certain things.

总之，请不要猜测别人是否怀孕了。

Just please in general, please don't speculate that someone's pregnant.

请不要问他们是否怀孕了。

Please don't ask if they're pregnant.

请不要问他们什么时候怀孕，这非常私密，我在一定程度上同意。

Please don't ask when they're it's just it's very personal, and I do agree to an extent.

但我一直试图提醒自己，并不是每个人都有责任完美地理解我的感受。

But I think I've always tried to also be like, it's not everyone's job to validate my feelings perfectly.

我们每个人都在经历艰难的事情。

We're all going through hard things.

我们每个人生活中都有非常艰难的事情。

We all have really hard things in our life.

这不只是我一个人的事，我的世界并不是所有人都要围绕着我转，觉得我的不孕是最重要、你们必须小心翼翼地避开我的话题。

It's not just me that it's not my world and everyone's living in it where it's like, you know, my infertility is the most important thing, and you need to, like, walk on eggshells around me.

我从不希望我的任何朋友有这种感觉。

I've never wanted any of my friends to feel like that.

他们不能谈论自己怀孕的事。

Like, they can't talk about being pregnant.

他们不能说，哦，我要办婴儿派对了。

They can't talk about, oh, I'm having a baby shower.

我不希望他们因为自己无法怀孕而在我面前感到尴尬。

Like, I don't want them to feel uncomfortable around me just because I can't get pregnant.

我确实一直努力传递这种态度，并且明确表达这一点。

And I've really, really tried to bring that energy and, like, always make that very clear.

请记住，我仍然想成为你生活的一部分。

Like, please like, I wanna be a part of your life still.

你谈论这个我根本不介意。

I don't care if you talk about this.

我真的做到了。

And I really have.

这不仅仅是说我假装表现得没事。

Like, that's not even just I'm not saying I've tried to put a front up.

我真的努力保持积极的态度。

Like, I've really tried to be still Yeah.

嗯。

Mhmm.

而且我会去参加朋友的婴儿派对，为他们做事情，而不是因为自己正在经历困难就视而不见。

And, like, throwing my friends baby showers and doing things for them and not just turning a blind eye because I'm struggling with something.

但我想那是第一次，当周围很多人都怀孕了，而我刚刚经历了那段特别艰难的时光。

But I think that was the first time, like, when it was like a lot of people are getting pregnant around me and I had just had that that really hard experience.

那是我第一次感到，哦，我有点为自己感到难过。

Like, that was one of the first times where I was like, oh, like, I feel bad for myself.

我真的很难过、很生气，你知道的，我总是觉得，哦，但别觉得我是在装样子，我真的觉得这太不公平了。

Like, I I am genuinely so sad and mad and, like, you know, I always am like, oh, But don't feel the I was like, this feels so unfair.

我真的很沮丧。

Like, I'm so upset.

我不知道。

And I don't know.

我只是感到非常感激，因为我的朋友们完全理解并认可了我的感受。

I just feel so grateful because my friends completely, like, validated and understood that.

我不知道。

And I don't know.

没有人表现得幼稚，把话题扯到自己身上，尽管他们确实有这个权利，因为你知道，当你怀孕的时候，你会想，我想告诉你这件事，而你不必做出特定的反应。

No one was, like, immature making it about them even though, like, they had a right to because, you know, like, when you were pregnant, you're like, I I wanna tell you this and you don't have to react a certain way.

你当时真的特别体贴。

Like, you were so just Yeah.

人们问我，我能看看你告诉黛西的那段视频吗？

People are like, can I see the video of you telling Daisy?

哦，绝对没有。

Oh, absolutely not.

绝对没有。

Absolutely not.

根本没有视频。

There was no video.

这太令人心碎了。

It was devastating.

根本没有视频。

There was no video.

时间上

The timing

太糟糕了。

was horrible.

就是绝对没有。

It's just Absolutely not.

是的。

Yeah.

那不会，那根本不存在。

That will not that doesn't exist.

所以是的。

So yeah.

我不知道。

I don't know.

人们只是，我的朋友们对我特别温柔，我觉得，这让我明白了。

People just like, my friends were just very, like, gentle with me, I feel like, and were like, it just showed me.

我想这和我们现在的年龄有关，但就是感觉我生活中每个人现在都特别成熟，以至于我并不是不知道。

And I guess this makes sense with the age we're at, but it's like I just feel like everyone in my life is very, like, mature at this point to where it's not like I don't know.

你就是懂的。

You just get it.

就像，是的。

And like Yeah.

你知道什么话不该说。

You know you know what not to say.

而且，是的。

And like Yeah.

每个人对一切都非常理解。

You everyone's just been very, like, understanding about everything.

我的所有朋友，我记得我曾经发消息给其中一个朋友谈这件事。

And all of my friends, like I remember I was texting one of my friends about it.

我告诉她，我说：对不起。

I told her I was like, I'm sorry.

我们本来打算做别的事情的。

Like I we were supposed to do something else.

我不得不放弃转学，而且我真的不在状态。

I just had to fail transfer and I'm just like not in the space.

她真的只是说，我不知道，但非常支持我，然后我说，我只是觉得想抱怨一下，说实话。

And she literally was like, I don't know, just very validating and then was like, I said, I just feel like complaining, honestly.

我只是觉得很难过。

Like, I just feel so upset.

她怀孕了，她说：‘不，不用这样。’

And she's pregnant and she was like she's like, no.

别老想着积极的一面。

F the bright side.

她说，你不需要非得去想积极的一面。

Like, was like, you don't have to you don't have to, like, think on the bright side.

就是说。

Like, just

允许自己感受情绪。

just be in your feelings.

而且不管怎样，我真的是

And anyway, I'm literally

今天是个适合录音的好日子。

have a great day to record.

多美好的一天啊。

What a great day.

我们的妆都花在脸上了。

What I Our makeup just smearing down our face.

每当我提起我的朋友们，我都会变得特别情绪化，因为我真的非常感激，我觉得很多人一生中都没有这样的友谊——那种如此清醒、如此成熟、真正能共度一切的友谊。

Whenever I talk about my friends, I literally get the most emotional because I'm just I truly am so grateful, and I feel like a lot of people don't have that type of friendship in their life where it's like so aware, so mature, just truly can get through anything.

当我们去圣巴特岛的时候，我身体也不太好，因为那时我的事情刚失败不久。

Like, when we were in Saint Bart's, I was not well also kind of because I had just it had failed pretty recently.

那简直是最终极的……我不知道怎么说。

Well, it was like the ultimate just I don't know.

我们是最好的朋友，我们就是被迫在一起的，对。

It's like we're best We're just forced yeah.

我们当时就觉得，这简直是个荒谬的玩笑。

We were just like, this is a sick joke.

我当时觉得，我们俩都感觉这太荒谬了，你明明应该怀孕的。

Like, I was feeling we both were just feeling like this is just like, you should be pregnant.

就像，你应该我

Like, you should I

我本来计划好了。

I had planned.

就像，我本来计划好了。

Like, I had planned.

我知道我在圣巴特岛的时候会怀孕。

I knew I was gonna be pregnant in Saint Bart's.

不。

No.

是的。

Yeah.

预示。

Foreshadowing.

我没有。

I wasn't.

我当时就想，哦，我大概会到那个周数。

And I was like, oh, I'll be about this many weeks.

所以希望到那时候我不会恶心之类的。

Like, so hopefully, I won't be sick by then or whatever.

结果基本上完全相反了。

And like and then basically, it was reversed.

切尔西那时候比那个还要再晚一点，但差不多就是那个周数，而我还是没怀孕。

Like, Chelsea was that, like, a little bit further than that, but, like, basically that amount of weeks, and I still wasn't pregnant.

我记得当时就在海滩上哭。

And it was just like, I remember, like, crying around the beach.

那时候就是，是啊。

It was like yeah.

我当时就想，我知道你是我最好的朋友，因为我依然那么爱你。

I was like, I know that you're my best friend because I still, like, love you so much.

是的。

Yeah.

我仍然很高兴你怀孕了。

I'm, like, still happy that you're pregnant.

但是是的。

But yeah.

对。

Yeah.

只是，从头再来一次，真的让人沮丧，但我绝不是想把这事扯到我身上。

It just, like, sucks to be, like, from again, not to make this about me in any form of fashion.

你不是。

You're not.

没关系。

It's fine.

但你是我那么爱的人，我那么希望你能实现这个愿望，和你渴望这个愿望一样久，可我却感觉自己连我都

But it's, like, to be the person who, like, loves you so much and, like, wants that for you so bad and has been wanting that, like, for you as long as you have been wanting that, and then to feel like the person who I'm, like, I I feel like I don't even

不想再和你待在一起了。

wanna be around you.

我甚至不想让你面对这件事，因为我是离你最近的人，而我却让你去思考、去面对，这实在是不可避免的。

I don't even wanna like make you face this because I'm literally the person who is the closest to you and I'm like making you think about it, face it, like, it's just inevitable.

所以感觉就像是，天啊。

So it feels like, oh my gosh.

现在我成了你故事里的坏人，但我也在努力成为那个最支持你的人，可这感觉如此扭曲和黑暗，我们刚才还只是坐在海滩上，这真是太疯狂了。

Now I, the bad guy in your story, and I'm like but I'm also trying like, I want to be the ultimate, like, person supporting you, but it feels so twisted and dark, and we were just, like, sitting on the beach just like, this is this is crazy.

这真的很糟糕，但我们仍然可以做朋友，一起努力度过这一切。

Like, this sucks, but we can still be friends and, like, try to navigate this together.

我不知道。

And I don't know.

我只是觉得，当你的朋友经历这种事时，当你自己也在经历这一切时，至少对我来说，我相信你的其他朋友也是一样。

Just I feel like with when your friends go through like, when you're going through this, though, at the same time, it's like there's no part of me, at least, and I'm sure this is how your other friends feel as well.

这根本不是负担。

It's like there's no burden.

这从来就不是负担。

It's it's never a burden.

当你长大后，生命中会出现一些你深爱的人，我不认为他们存在的目的只是为了让你的生活更轻松，成为你故事里完美的配角。

Like, when you get older, you just have people in your life that you love, and I don't believe that they're just all supposed to be there to make your life easier, and to be like the perfect, you know, side character in your story.

事情就是如此。

It's like, it is what it is.

我记得我跟你说过的时候，你当时说，我就是讨厌这种事让人这么难过。

It doesn't make like, I remember when even I told you, you're like, I just like hate that it makes this sad.

我讨厌你不能直接告诉我，然后开心起来。

Like, I hate that, like, you can't just tell me and be excited.

当然，最好的情况是这样。

And it's like, obviously, yeah, best case scenario.

但与此同时，事情就是如此，我永远不会改变它。

But at the same time, it just is what it is, and I would never change it.

当你生命中有了你爱的人，事情就是这样的。

I that's just how it is when you have people you love in your life.

这些关系让生活变得有意义，我从没觉得有任何一丝厌烦。

It makes your life meaningful, those relationships, and there's no part of me that's like, ugh.

我只是希望，我没有一个朋友正在经历不孕的问题。

I just wish that, like, I didn't have a friend who was going through infertility.

你知道吗

You know what I

意思？

mean?

是的。

Yeah.

我才不在乎呢。

It's like, I don't care.

这就是现实的一部分，我宁愿拥有你这样的挚友，拥有这段关系，也不愿去跟一个我只能用很兴奋的语气告诉的人分享。

That's just it's just part of what it is, and there's no I'd much rather have you as a best friend and have this relationship than be like, oh, someone who's not that I can tell them in, like, a really excited way.

就像，这真的就是现实如此。

It's like, it's such a it's just it is what it is.

对。

Yeah.

但不管怎样，我就说这一点。

But anyways, I'll just say that.

不。

No.

我很高兴你补充了这个视角，因为我也真的会这么想。

That's I'm glad you added in that perspective because I also I would literally yeah.

就像我刚才说的，我真会感到抱歉，因为现在我觉得自己在淡化一件非常令人兴奋的事，我觉得如果不够兴奋，好像是我的错，是的。

It's like I just mentioned, I would literally be like, I feel bad for you as well because now I feel like I'm dulling down a very exciting, like you know, I feel like it's my fault if it's not 100% exciting, like Yeah.

或者，你知道的，我们一起做播客，外界知道我正经历一些困难，而我从不希望有这种比较。

Or, you know, us having a podcast together and people knowing outwardly that I'm, like, struggling with something, and then, you know, I never want that comparison either way.

哦，杰西真可怜。

Like, oh, that's so sad for Jaycee.

我不想以这种方式获得关注。

It's like, I don't want I don't want that attention in that way.

这让我有时感到后悔。

Like, you know, which has made me at times regretful.

比如，在我成功怀孕之前，我有时会后悔自己曾经分享过，‘哦，我一直在经历这些痛苦’。

Like, before I got pregnant and it was successful, like, I would sometimes be regretful that I ever shared, like, oh, I I've been suffering through this.

是的。

Yeah.

因为每当我的朋友怀孕时，总有人给我发消息。

Because I was just like, every time one of my friends is pregnant, someone's like messaging me.

我在想着你。

Like, I'm thinking of you.

我觉得这真的很暖心。

And I'm like, it's so nice.

也许只是我一个人觉得是个负担，但我真的不希望得到这种怜悯或同情。

And maybe I'm just the one who feels like a burden, but I'm like, I just don't want that type of pity or sympathy.

我只是觉得很难受。

I just feel bad.

我不想削弱别人人生中这段非常令人兴奋的经历。

Like, I I don't wanna like, duel down someone else's very exciting experience in their life.

是的。

Yeah.

所以知道也许我并没有……不，这很好。

So it's good to know that maybe I haven't No.

绝对不是。

Definitely not.

就像我有时候觉得那样。

As I feel like sometimes.

不。

No.

当你爱一个人时，我的意思是，即使不是不孕不育，也有许多其他情况。

It's when you love somebody I mean, even if it's not infertility, there's so many different other things.

比如，当你有朋友或你爱的人经历某些事时，我觉得，现在有一种情况是，人们会觉得，如果你不能让我生活变得好上千万倍，我就把你删了——当然，这一点我们已经讨论过很多次了。

Like, when you have friends or people you love that go through something, I feel like, I don't know, it can be a thing nowadays where people are like, if you're not serving me and you're not making my life a million times better, like, I'm cutting you out, which, you know, to an extent, we've we've hounded on that Yeah.

这个话题已经讲过无数次了。

Topic a million times.

但与此同时，随着我年纪增长，那些对我有意义、我爱且珍惜的人，无论他们正在经历什么，我都无所谓。

But at the same time, I just as as I've gotten older, it's just like the people who mean something to me and that I love and that I cherish our relationship, I don't care what they're going through.

我会在他们身边，这就是做朋友的一部分。

Like, I'm gonna be there for them, and that's part of being their friend.

成为他们生活中的一部分，就是支持他们度过这些难关。

That's part of being in their life is supporting them through these things.

即使这对我来说并不容易，那也没关系。

And even if it's not so easy for me, that doesn't matter.

这并不是生活的本质，就像你之前说的那样。

That's not what life it's kind of like you were saying.

之前谈到困难的事情时，是……

It's before with things being hard, it's

生活并不意味着一切都必须如你所愿，所有人都要存在来取悦你，我想。

Life bad isn't about having everything be perfectly your way, and everyone, yeah, existing to please you, I guess.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

而且，你不必总是远离他们。

And like, you don't have to turn away from them all the time.

我的意思是，如果到了影响你心理健康的时候，当然可以。

I mean, if it's for your own mental health at some point, obviously, yes.

但你不必仅仅因为生活不够完美就远离他们。

But you don't have to turn away from them just because it's not making your life picture perfect.

是的。

Yeah.

当然。

So Definitely.

我觉得我特别感恩的是，这种心态似乎我的所有朋友都拥有，那就是一种成熟且无条件地爱一个人的态度。

And I think that's like, that's what I've just been feeling so grateful for is that mindset that I feel like all of my friends share that's just feels very mature and like unconditionally loving someone.

我觉得我们彼此都在回馈同样的能量。

I feel like we all reciprocate that same energy for each other.

所以，是的。

And so, yeah.

我只是觉得，我真的非常感激。

I'm just like, I am literally so grateful.

我不知道如果没有这些身边亲近的人，我会怎样，因为虽然你不需要持续的肯定，但有这样一些人真的很好——他们让你知道，你有权利抱怨，有权利为这些事感到难过，可以自由地表达这些情绪，而不会觉得是负担，或者完全被否定。

I don't know what I would have done without just these close people in my life because not that you need constant validation, but I mean, it's nice to have people in your life who are like, yeah, you're allowed to complain and you're allowed to be sad about these things and just kind of have permission to do that without, again, feeling like a burden or feeling like just completely invalidated.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

哦。

Oh.

我们可以转到好消息了。

We can move on to to good news.

我们来看看。

Let's check

我们来检查一下妆容。

let's check the makeup.

是的。

Yeah.

我们来检查一下眼线。

Let's check the liner.

现在我们得担心自己的样子了，这算是额外的加分项。

Now we have to worry about what we look like, an extra a layered bonus.

真的。

Literally.

我们以前做播客时从不用在意自己的样子。

We've never had to care what we look like when we podcast.

我们只是网络喷子。

We're just trolls.

我们从来不会特意去，你知道的，一开始就那样。

A never trying to, you know, start it off with.

真是让人沮丧。

What a what an upset.

本播客由Squarespace赞助。

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

我们非常喜欢Squarespace。

We love Squarespace.

我们一直用它来开展各种商业项目和副业，它是最简单的方式，让你打造一个精美的网站，与受众互动，并在一个平台上按你的意愿销售产品、内容或服务。

We have been using it for so many different business ventures, side hustles, and it's just the easiest way to make and create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all on your terms.

它非常用户友好，这是我最喜欢Squarespace的地方——即使你对技术一无所知，不懂编程，也不知道如何让网站美观，或者如何把菜单放在侧面，Squarespace都能让你轻松搞定。

It's very user friendly, which is my favorite thing about Squarespace is that, you know, if you don't know anything about technology and if you don't know anything about coding or how to make a website pretty and how to, you know, put what are those like a menu in the side.

Squarespace让这一切变得极其简单，而且它提供了众多功能，

Squarespace makes it very, very easy, and they have so many different product features that

可以帮你打造完全符合你需求的定制网站。

can just make a custom website perfect for your needs.

它们拥有一个资源库，你可以上传、整理并从一个地方访问所有内容。

They have an asset library, so you can upload, organize, and access all your content from one place.

通过新的资产库，你可以从一个中心枢纽管理所有文件，并在Squarespace平台各处使用它们，这非常方便高效。

With the new asset library, you're able to manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace platform, which is very, very convenient and efficient.

你可以轻松销售定制商品，创建一个既能吸引受众又能扩大品牌影响力的被动收入来源。

You can sell custom merch very easily and create a passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand.

你当然也可以开设在线商店，仅通过网络销售你的产品，无论是数字产品还是实体产品。

You also you can obviously have an online store, sell your products just online, whether it's a digital product or a physical product.

我卖过你们知道的JC Marie预设包。

I have sold you guys know the JC Marie preset days.

我通过Squarespace卖掉了所有这些，整个过程非常高效。

I sold them all through Squarespace and it was so so efficient.

我觉得当时我其实对在线销售一无所知，但整个过程就是很简单。

And I feel like it was just, yeah, easy when I didn't really know much about how to sell things online.

它让整个流程变得非常方便和出色。

I've it just made it very, very convenient and awesome.

它们还提供大量模板，就像切尔西提到的，能让你的网站变得非常美观且极具专业感。

They also have a bunch of templates like Chelsea mentioned that can make your website really beautiful and look super professional.

但再说一遍，它们就是让你变得轻松。

But again, they just make it easy for you.

所以前往 squarespace.com 申请免费试用。

So head to squarespace.com for a free trial.

当你准备上线时，访问 squarespace.com/whatwesaid，可享受网站或域名首单10%的折扣。

And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash what we said to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

那就是 squarespace.com/whatwesaid，可享受10%的折扣。

That is squarespace.com slash what we said to save 10%.

去试试看吧。

Go check it out.

好的。

Okay.

我不知道你们怎么样，但情人节总是最让我措手不及、最容易被我忘记的节日。

I don't know about you guys, but Valentine's Day is always the holiday that sneaks up on me the most that I forget about.

我不知道是因为它在年初还是别的原因，但我其实很喜欢情人节。

I don't know if it's because it's the beginning of the year or what, but I also love Valentine's Day.

而且，不管你有没有伴侣，你都可以庆祝情人节。

And, you know, whether you're in a relationship or single, you get to celebrate Valentine's Day.

明白吗？

Okay?

无论你是为伴侣准备礼物，还是和他们一起做些有趣的事，又或者只是给自己买份礼物，我都坚信我们每个人都值得庆祝。

Whether you're getting a gift for a partner or doing something fun with them or you're getting yourself a gift, I really believe that we all deserve to celebrate.

你知道的？

You know?

这就是我们喜欢梅西百货的原因。

So that's why we love Macy's.

明白吗？

Okay?

梅西百货为情人节提供了海量的选择。

Macy's has literally so many options specifically for Valentine's Day.

他们还有一个小礼物推荐功能。

They have a little gift finder feature.

好吧？

Okay?

你可以以任何价格找到很棒的礼物，甚至25美元及以下。

You can find amazing gifts at any price, even $25 and under.

你可以在macys.com/giftfinder查看这些礼物建议。

You can check out these gift ideas at macys.com/giftfinder.

这很有帮助。

And this is helpful.

比如，如果你知道要给谁买礼物，但不知道该买什么，他们提供了很多很棒的灵感，比如适合宅家温馨夜晚的礼物、约会外出的礼物。

Like, if you know who you're looking for something for, but you don't know what to get them, they have such good inspo because they have gifts for, like, cozy nights in, date night out.

再者，你可以为自己买礼物，庆祝女生节，或者送给喜欢精致物品的人。

Again, you can treat yourself for your Galentine's and those who like finer things.

所以我实际上去了他们的网站，用了他们的礼物推荐功能，选择了‘为他’类别，因为我觉得男生真的很难挑礼物。

So I actually went on their site and went to their gift finder, and I went to For Him because I personally feel like guys are so hard to shop for.

比如，如果我自己买礼物，我能想到很多想要的东西。

Like, if I'm getting myself a gift, I could think of lots of things I would want.

如果我给加勒汀或朋友买礼物，我觉得我也能想到一些特别棒的东西。

If I'm getting a gift for a Galentine, a friend, I feel like I can also think of really good things.

但对男生来说，有时候我真的完全没想法。

But for guys, sometimes I'm just stumped.

所以我去了他们的礼品推荐页面，发现他们有一些我确定莱夫会非常喜欢的商品。

So I went on their gift finder thing, and I actually saw that they had some items that, first of all, I know Leif would really love.

比如一双好袜子，他们甚至有他每天都在用的伊夫圣罗兰香水，质量超级棒。

Even just like a good pack of socks, they had actually his YSL cologne that he wears literally every single day that's super, super good.

所以他们有很多非常棒的选择。

So they have lots of really great options.

再次提醒，网址是 macy's.com/giftfinder。

Again, it is macy's.com/giftfinder.

网址是 macy's.com/giftfinder。

That is macy's.com/giftfinder.

快去看看吧。

Go check it out.

好吧，我们来聊点开心的。

Well, let's get to the happy stuff.

对。

Yes.

所以告诉我们发生了什么。

So tell us what happened.

所以你完成了第二次转账。

So you did the second transfer.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你发现了。

You found out.

是的。

Yes.

我们发现了。

We found out.

所以你

So You

做了个测试，或者他们打电话来，好像我不知道似的。

took a test or you they called as if I don't know.

我当时想，发生什么事了？

I'm like, what happened?

谢谢你一直以来在我所有视频里当我的头号虚假吹捧者。

Thank you for being my biggest fake hype for all these past on all my videos.

所以，她知道结果了。

So, like, she knows the outcome.

她知道。

She knows.

她说，我爱你。

She's like, I love you.

我真的很抱歉。

I'm so sorry.

这是一个现实。

This is a reality.

我觉得，太棒了。

I'm like, slay.

你很喜欢我

You're loving I

我的意思是，在某种程度上，它并不真实，因为我觉得我要和你回去。

mean, to an extent, it's not alive because it's like, I'm going back with you

去经历那段时光。

to do that time.

但与此同时，这感觉很好，因为如果我没有的话

But then at the same time, it's it's nice because if I didn't

知道事情顺利解决了，否则会

know it worked out, like, it would

糟糕十倍。

be 10 times more.

我当时说，给我发消息。

I was like, text me.

我觉得这是我见过最悲伤的视频。

I'm like, this is the saddest video I've ever seen.

如果我不知道现在的实际情况，我根本没法看完。

Like, if I didn't know what the reality now, I would literally not be able to finish it.

我知道。

I know.

所以，是的，我们第二次转移时，掌握的信息更多了一点。

So, yeah, the second transfer we did, we have a little bit more information.

正如我提到的，我们做了那个测试，它告诉我们一些事情——我的医生说，你属于那种需要多打一天某种针的人，这样胚胎着床的时间会更合适。

Like I mentioned, we did that test and it kind of told us some things that were like, basically, my doctor was like, you need you're someone who needs one extra day of this certain shot that you're taking, and it will be better timing for the embryo to hopefully stick.

所以我确实多了一点希望，但我又对这份希望感到害怕。

So I did have a little bit more hope, like but I was terrified by the hope I had.

有更多希望反而更糟糕。

It's almost worse that you have more hope.

因为我们当时的情况已经是我的最佳预期了。

Because we had which was my best case scenario.

我真的很害怕去做那个检测，然后他们说：‘嗯，我不确定。’

I was really scared I would take that do that testing, and they'd be like, oh, I don't know.

就像，所有指标都看起来正常，我就只想说：太好了。

Like, everything looked normal, and I was just gonna be like, great.

我们只是要再次进行移植，却对一切一无所知。

We're just going, you know, back into a transfer not knowing anything.

但因为我们多了一些信息，医生第二次也更有信心了，他说：‘我觉得问题就出在这里。’

But because we had a little more information and my doctor felt a little more confident the second time, and he was like, you know, I think this is what the issue was.

所以我觉得我们是在纠正某个问题。

So I felt like we were correcting something.

我可能比之前抱有更多希望，尽管我也说不准。

I did have a little more hope maybe even than the I don't know.

但我非常谨慎。

But I was so cautious.

我确实很谨慎。

I was so yeah.

我小心翼翼地想，好吧。

Cautiously I was just like, okay.

我抱有希望，但也很害怕，因为我知道上次那种感觉有多糟。

I'm optimistic, but I am terrified because I know how that felt last time.

所以我不敢抱太大希望。

So I don't wanna get my hopes too high.

所以我们等到移植后第八天或第九天，才在家做了验孕测试。

So we waited until, like, I think it was eight days or nine days after the transfer this time to take a test at home, to take a pregnancy test.

这被称为‘两星期等待期’。

So there's something called the two week wait.

在我的诊所，这实际上大约是十天：胚胎移植入子宫后，你基本上要等十天才能知道是否怀孕。

It's really like ten days at my clinic at least, where you get the embryo transferred into your uterus, and then you basically wait ten days to figure out if you're pregnant.

然后你可以在家做测试，它基本能告诉你结果——显示怀孕、未怀孕，或者两条线之类的，但这不是100%准确的，因为你仍需去医院做血液检测，由医生最终确认。

And then you can take a test at home, and it will pretty much it will tell you if you're, you know, it will say pregnant, not pregnant, or have the two lines, whatever, but that doesn't it's not 100% because you still have to go to the doctor, and they test your blood, and then they confirm it there.

但如果你在家测出怀孕阳性，那你就是怀孕了。

But it's like if you're getting a positive pregnancy test at home, you're you are pregnant.

只是不确定这个怀孕会不会是健康的。

It's just a matter of, like, is it gonna be a viable pregnancy?

会不会着床成功？

Is it gonna stick?

所有这些都还不确定。

All that.

所以你还没有完全安全。

So you're not totally in the clear.

但显然，我这辈子从未见过怀孕阳性结果。

But, obviously, I've never seen a positive pregnancy test in my entire life.

我的意思是，我过去四年里经常做测试。

I mean, I've been taking them often for four years.

所以我当时害怕得不敢做这个测试。

I and so I was terrified to take this test.

所以我们都觉得晚了，根本不想做这件事。

So was late for like, we don't even wanna do it.

我们就在想，要不要

Like, we're like, should

真的要吗？

we even?

也许我们根本就不该做。

Like, maybe we just shouldn't.

也许我们干脆就等那个电话吧。

Maybe we should just wait for that call.

我真的都不想知道了。

Like, I don't even wanna know.

我们等到我怀孕九个月再说吧。

Let's wait till I'm nine months pregnant.

真的，不如等五个月，看看我的肚子会不会变大。

Literally, let's wait for five months to see if my stomach grows.

是的。

Yeah.

我只是觉得，我太害怕了。

I just was like, I am so terrified.

但我们还是觉得，必须得做。

But we're like, we gotta do it.

所以我们做了测试，我有那个过程的录像。

So we took the test, and I have footage of that.

我可能已经发到YouTube上了，也许还发到了TikTok之类的平台。

And I've I don't I've posted it probably for sure on YouTube, maybe on TikTok or something.

我不确定。

I don't know.

但没错，我们做了测试，结果是阳性。

But, yeah, we took the test and it was positive.

我之前还自以为有胆量，觉得我可能在这集里不会哭，我还说过，就算我真的怀孕了，我都不觉得我会哭。

And I had said, just like I had the audacity to think I maybe wouldn't cry in this episode, I had said, I don't even think I'll cry if when I finally am pregnant, I don't even think I'll cry.