第五十八集：你的自尊如何决定你对他人行为的容忍程度

你好。

Hello.

你好。

Hello.

大家好。

Hello, everybody.

欢迎来到尊重自己带来

Welcome to with self respect leads to

自爱。

self love.

我是主持人，女神阿莎·玛丽亚玛。

I'm your host, goddess, Asha Mariyama.

我想首先感谢你们参与本期节目。

I wanna first say thank you for joining me for this episode.

如果你们喜欢这段评论，请前往 spreaker.com/with-self-re-self-respect-leads-to-self-love。

If you guys like the commentary, please go to spreaker.com forward slash with self re self respect leads to self love.

如果你想收听我所有的播客，请访问我的名字：ashamariama@Spreaker.com。

If you wanna hear all of my podcast, please go to my name, ashamariama@Spreaker.com.

你也可以在iHeartRadio、Amazon、Google和Spotify上收听我的播客。

You can also hear my podcast, iHeartRadio, Amazon, Google, Spotify.

你还可以在iTunes以及其他多个流媒体平台上收听。

You can also hear it on iTunes and multiple other streaming companies.

简单介绍一下我自己。

A little about me.

我是一名认证的康复与疗愈教练。

I'm a certified recovery healing and recovery coach.

我帮助人们在他们的道路、旅程和人生目标中，成为更新更好的自己。

I help people on their paths and their journeys and their purpose to a new and better you.

我专长于成瘾、心理健康、分离问题，以及自尊、自我价值、自我认同——当你身边无人相信你时，你依然能相信自己。

I specialize in addiction, mental health, partitioning, also with your self esteem, self worth, self value, self respect, you believe in yourself when no one else does.

我制作了十档播客，从多个不同角度探讨康复、疗愈与成瘾的不同面向。

I have 10 podcasts where I talk about different versions of healing and recovery and addiction from multiple different perspectives.

这一期的主题是自尊、自我价值、自我认同和自重。

This one is based upon self esteem, self worth, self value, self respect.

当别人都不相信你的时候，你依然相信自己，这就是从这个角度进行的疗愈与康复。

You believe in yourself when no one else does, and this is healing and recovery from that perspective.

很多人认为，自尊、自我价值以及我刚刚提到的这些方面，根本不存在疗愈和康复的可能。

A lot of people don't think that self esteem and self worth and everything that I just said, there's no healing recovery to that.

其实是有的。

There is.

确实是有的。

There is.

因为如果你不疗愈那些导致你自尊低下、自我价值感缺失的根源，你就无法在其他方面真正康复。

Because if you don't heal from the things that have caused you to have low self esteem, low self worth, low self value, then you can't heal in any other way.

因为无论你去多少次心理咨询，如果你继续允许别人践踏你的自尊、自我价值和自我认同，持续不尊重你、打击你的信心，而你又不相信自己，那么你最终还是会回到原点。

Because no matter how many times you go to therapy, if you continue to let people break your self esteem, self worth, self value, keep on disrespecting you, breaking your confidence, and you not believing in yourself, then you're gonna go right back to where you started.

如果你想要一对一的指导，想成为我播客的嘉宾，或者想给我写信，分享这个播客如何帮助你提升自尊、自我价值、自我认同、自重、自信，以及在别人都不相信你的时候你依然相信自己，你可以通过邮箱 asha.mariama01@Gmail.com 联系我。

And if you want one on one coaching, if you wanna be a guest of my podcast, if you want to send me dear Osha letters about how this podcast is helping you with your self esteem, self worth, self value, self respect, self confidence, and you believe in yourself when no one else does, you can reach me at asha.mariama01@Gmail.com.

那是 asha.mariama01@Gmail.com。

That's asha.mariama01@Gmail.com.

或者我的原始邮箱，也就是 queenqueenbree01@Gmail.com。

Or my or my original email, which is queenqueenbree01@Gmail.com.

我希望你们今天都过得很好。

I hope you guys are really doing good today.

我呢，状态特别棒。

Me, I'm doing lovely.

刚才我刚看完一个视频，立刻就来我的播客里聊聊这个。

Now I just saw a video a second ago, and I had to come on my podcast and talk about it.

你的福气，你拥有的一切，也可能成为葬礼的一部分。

It's how your blessings, everything that you have can also be part of a burial.

你现在可能想说：什么？

Now you're probably like, what?

福气怎么会导致葬礼呢？

How can blessings lead to a burial?

好吧，我正准备解释。

Well, I'm getting ready to explain.

明白吗？

Okay?

当我们做决定、选择、行动和行为时，我们会根据这些决定和选择来行动和表现。

Now when we make decisions, choices, actions, and behavior, and we decide on things and we choose things, we act and we behave off of it.

对吧？

Correct?

我只是想确认一下。

Just trying get clarification.

通常发生的情况是，你的自尊决定了你对自己的感受，因为‘自我’就是你。

Now what tends to happen is is that your self esteem determines how you feel about you because it's self.

‘自我’就是你。

Self is you.

所以，因为‘自我’就是你，别人怎么想、别人想要什么、别人需要什么，都不重要。

So because self is you, it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks or what everybody else wants or what anybody else needs.

自我就是我、我、我的、我的，你。

Self is I, me, mine, mine, you.

你，你的。

You, yours.

它不是他们、他们、我们。

It ain't them, they, us.

跟那些全都没关系。

It ain't none of that.

你。

You.

所以在疗愈和康复的过程中，这个是最难的，仅次于精神层面。

So when it comes to healing and recovery, this one is the hardest one besides spiritual.

让我解释一下为什么。

And let me explain why.

因为自尊与一切息息相关。

Because self esteem is connected to everything.

它与心理健康、心理状态、情感、精神以及财务成功都息息相关。

It's connected to mental, psychological, emotional, spiritual, financial success.

它与人际关系有关。

It's connected to relationships.

它关乎你的健康与福祉，无论是内在还是外在。

It's connected to your internal and external when it come to your health and wellness.

它与所有这些都有关联。

It's connected to all of that.

你对自己的感受决定了你会被如何对待，以及你会容忍或接受他人对你产生的正面或负面影响。

So how you feel about yourself determines how you're gonna be treated and what you will put up with and what you will accept from other people negatively or positively.

你的自尊心还决定了别人能对你做什么，以及你允许他们对你做什么。

Now your self esteem also determines what people can do to you and what you allow them to do.

所以自尊心是非常复杂的东西，人们往往不认为自尊会影响每一个决定、行动、选择和行为，但它确实有影响。

So self esteem is a very complicated thing, and people don't think self esteem plays a part in every decision, action, choice, and behavior, but it does.

它确实有影响。

It absolutely does.

我说这个是因为，你对自己的感受决定了会发生什么、别人能对你做什么，以及你允许什么。

And I say that because how you feel about yourself determines what happens to you and what people can do to you and what you allow.

你的自尊最初是被父母破坏的，然后这种影响就从父母蔓延到了其他人身上。

Now your self esteem was broken originally from your parents, and then it just went from your parents to everybody else.

有些人在这里坐了几十年，欺骗别人，告诉他们将来会遇到一个男人。

You have people that have been sitting up here for decades lying to people telling them that they were gonna have a man.

他们会结婚。

They were gonna get married.

他们会拥有一个家庭，但这些根本不会发生。

They were gonna have a family, and that was never gonna be the case.

现在最难接受、也让事情变得如此复杂的是，你真正想要的东西。

Now the hardest thing to accept and the thing that makes things so complicated is what you want.

你想要的东西，你必须去追逐，必须经历重重困难，甚至要降低自己才能得到它。

What you want that you have to chase, that you have to go through hoops and bounds, that you gotta lower yourself in order to get it.

你必须经历这一切，只是为了向一个根本不值得你花时间或精力的人证明什么。

You gotta go through all of this just to prove something to this person that's not even worth your time or your energy.

你必须做那些违背一切正确原则的事情，才能去做错事。

You gotta do things that go against everything that's right to do something wrong.

你必须违背自己的标准、不可妥协的原则、内心的平静与安宁，所有你建立起来的一切，只为降低自己去迎合这些人。

You gotta go against your standards, your nonnegotiables, your peace, your quiet, your tranquility, everything that you built in order to lower yourself to be with these people.

自尊在你的心理健康中起着至关重要的作用，因为你是如何看待自己、如何感受自己、愿意忍受什么、接受什么、经历什么、牺牲什么、给予那些从一开始就根本不想要你、根本不想和你约会的人什么，而你却还在追逐这些人，试图让他们爱你，尽管他们早已明确告诉你他们从不想要你，你却硬要挤进本就不该属于你的地方。

Self esteem plays a very huge part of your mental health because how you see yourself, how you feel about yourself, what you are willing to put up with, what you are willing to accept, what you are willing to go through, what you are willing to sacrifice, what you are willing to give these people that never wanted you in the first place, never wanted to date you in the first place, and yet you're chasing behind these people, trying to get them to love you when they told you they never wanted you, trying to be indoors that you shouldn't have been in in the first place.

这就是为什么我现在不再试图走进那些不欢迎我的地方。

Now this is the reason why now I don't try to walk indoors where I'm not welcome.

我不再追逐任何不想和我在一起的人。

I'm not trying to chase nobody that don't wanna be with me.

让我给你讲个故事。

So let me tell you a story.

我最近经历的这段关系，那个人是谁并不重要，但我在这件事中学到了很多。

This last experience that I went through, and the person does not matter, I learned a lot in this situation.

让我来分解一下这个情境。

So let me break down the scenario.

我搬到了另一个州，对此非常兴奋，因为我想要去别的地方。

I moved to another state, and I was really excited about it because I wanted to be somewhere else.

我的目标是把孩子带过去，然后搬过去。

My goal was to bring my child down there and to move down there.

我的目标就是过去，买一套房子。

That was my goal, to get down there, buy a house.

我以为到了那里后，我生病的情况就不会再发生了。

I thought that when I got there, that as far as me being sick, that wasn't gonna happen.

明白吗？

Okay?

我下了飞机，带着两个行李箱和一个包，因为朋友没法去机场接我，只好打了优步，到了公寓后，结果我得拖着两个大行李箱，忍着疼痛走到社区后方。

I get there off the plane with two suitcases and a bag, take a Uber because my friend could not pick me up from the airport, got to the apartment, and what ended up happening was when I got there, I had to walk to the back of the neighborhood with two large suitcases and in pain.

请注意，我有慢性疼痛。

Now mind you, I have chronic pain.

然后有人看到我拖着这些行李，非但没有帮忙，反而继续走开了。

And then somebody seen me with these bags, instead of trying to help, they kept on going.

最后，有个男人停了下来，但他没有帮我提行李，只是把我的行李拿过去放好了。

Finally, a guy stopped, and instead of him taking me with my bags, he just took my bags and dropped them off.

印象很差。

Bad impression.

后来我发现，我住的公寓不仅最终出现了蟑螂，因为之前有人搬进来时就有蟑螂。

Come to find out the apartment that I was staying in not only eventually ended up having roaches in it because somebody moved in, and they had roaches.

所以蟑螂从别人的公寓爬进了我的公寓。

And so the roaches ended up coming into my apartment from somebody else's apartment.

然后我还遇到了霉菌问题，整个住在那里期间，它都让我生病。

Then I had mold, which was making me sick the whole time I was in that apartment.

我多次去看医生后才意识到这一点。

I did not realize it until I went to the doctor multiple times.

在那间公寓里，三年间我反复进出医院。

I was in and out of that hospital multiple times in that apartment for three years.

明白吗？

K?

搬到了另一个公寓，就是我刚搬出来的那个。

Moved into another apartment, the one I was in that I just moved out of.

那个公寓还不错，但水压不好。

And that apartment was good, but the water pressure wasn't good.

另一个问题是洗衣房总是人满为患。

And the another issue was that the laundromat was always full.

所以洗衣服这件事，你知道的，全看运气。

So trying to wash clothes was you know, it just depends.

但我得说一句。

But I will say this.

那个公寓比我之前住的那间稍微好一点。

That apartment was was a little bit better than the one I was living in.

但当我搬过去时，我有个朋友，我以为我们会一起放松一下。

But when I came there, I had a friend of mine who I thought that we were gonna chill.

我们会花时间待在一起。

We were gonna spend time together.

我以为，你知道的，既然我认识他很久了，我们肯定会一起待在一起。

I thought that, you know, we would really just you know, since I've known him for a while, that we would just hang out.

没这回事。

Nope.

我到那儿的时候，根本不是这样。

That is not what happened when I got there.

我到那儿的时候，他总是在我上班的时候来。

When I got there, he would come while I was at work.

总是在我上班的时候。

Always when I was at work.

我一不在家，他就从不来。

Never when I was not at work.

总是在我上班的时候。

Always when I was at work.

但当我希望他在我下班后过来时，他却不来。

But when I wanted him to come over when I wasn't at work, he didn't.

但在我生日的第一年，他什么都没做。

But the first year of my birthday, he didn't do anything.

为了他的生日，我问他，想不想出去？

For his birthday, I asked him, did he wanna go out?

想不想做点什么？

Did he wanna do things?

他的回答是，不想。

And it was, no.

那个女孩带我去。

This girl taking me.

那个女孩带我去。

That girl taking me.

现在，当我遇到这个人时，是在某种情境下认识的。

Now when I met this person, I met them during a situation.

行吗？

K?

是个很棒的人，各方面都很好，等等。

Cool person, great person, so on and so forth.

有些人会说，大家都以为我和这个人有什么关系，但其实并没有。

Some people will say it's a person that everybody thought that I had something to do with, which it wasn't.

所以我从这里开始。

So I'm a start there.

但再说一次，这段经历让我学到了很多关于男人的事。

But, again, this situation, I learned a lot about men.

我真的学到了。

I really did.

我发现他和我其他的前男友一模一样。

And I learned that he was just like my other exes.

同样的模式，同样的事情。

The same MO, the same thing.

你是个温柔的女孩。

You're a sweet girl.

你是个好女孩。

You're a nice girl.

我不想要谈恋爱。

I don't wanna be in a relationship.

请注意，六年里我根本没有约会过任何人。

Now mind you, for six years, I didn't date anybody.

不是因为我不想，而是因为我从未遇到合适的人。

Not because I didn't want to, because I never met anybody.

要知道，作为女性，大多数男人觉得不吸引人的地方是，他们知道那些女性不会遇到像那样接近她们的男人。

And see, the one thing about being a woman that most men don't find attractive, they know those females don't get men that approach them like that.

所以，是的，他们想留住她，因为不管怎样，她都没有选择。

So, yeah, they wanna keep her because no matter what, she don't have an option.

因为她没有选择，所以他不必担心她会和其他人纠缠，或者担心其他任何人。

And because she don't have an option, he don't have to worry about her messing with nobody else or even having to, you know, be worrying about anybody else.

而且，我当时生病了。

Plus, I was sick.

所以那不是我的重点。

So that wasn't my focus.

但我记得我妈妈第一次跟我通电话时说的话。

But I remember something my mother said when she talked I'm on the phone the first time she talked to my phone.

我问她为什么她不为我辩护？

I asked her why didn't she defend me?

她说，我不应该为你辩护。

She said, I shouldn't have to defend you.

如果那个男人真的喜欢你，我说什么都没用。

If that man really like you, I there's nothing that I could say.

无论我说什么，他都应该知道你是什么样的女人。

He should know the kind of woman that you are regardless of what I said.

她说，如果他不那样看你，那就把他当朋友吧。

And she was like, if he doesn't look at you that way, then look at him as a friend.

就是从这时起，一切都改变了。

Now this is when everything changed.

我这么做了。

I did.

当我开始把他当作朋友看待时，他突然不明白为什么我变得如此疏远，为什么我这么冷淡。

When I started looking at him as a friend, it was like, now all of a sudden, he couldn't understand why I was so distant, why it was that I was so cold.

他说过一些话，自己都没意识到这些话让我感到受伤。

There were things that he said that he didn't even realize were offensive to me.

他根本没意识到，他的行为对我的伤害远超言语所能表达。

He didn't realize hurt my feelings more than words could ever say.

比如，他会评论我的外貌、穿着之类的细节。

Like, he would say little things like, you know, far as what I look like, how I dressed, things like that.

他没意识到这些话有多伤人。

Didn't realize how offensive that it was.

他还告诉我，我让家人蒙羞。

Would tell me that I'm an embarrassment to my family.

就是诸如此类的话。

Stuff just just stuff like that.

不过话说回来，这有伤到我吗？

Now mind you, did it hurt?

有。

Yes.

确实伤到了。

It did.

但你看，正是从这时起，全新的我意识到自己已经变了，因为我真的为此哭过。

But, see, this is where the new me, I knew I had changed because I did cry about it.

但接着我想，你知道吗？

But then I said, you know what?

到这个时候，我连浪费时间都不想浪费了。

I'm not even gonna waste my time at this point.

我记得他告诉我他不想和我约会，但后来我发现，他一边跟我说这话，一边在和另一个女生约会。

I remember he told me he didn't wanna date me, but then I found out he was dating a whole another female when he was telling me this.

而那个女生恰好是——我就不细说了。

And the girl just so happens to be I'm not gonna get into all of that.

但无论如何，归根结底，正如我所说，我不会坐在这里贬低任何人，因为这并不是重点。

But, anyway, at the end of the day, like I said, I'm not gonna sit up here and bash anybody because that's not what this is about.

这关乎我的自尊、自我价值、自我认同、对自身的尊重以及我的自信，还有我相信自己。

This is about my self esteem, my self worth, my self value, my respect for myself and my confidence, and me believing in myself.

所以归根结底，正如我所说，我学到的一点是：男人想要的，是他们想要的东西，但必须来自特定的那个人。

So at the end of the day, like I said, the one thing I've learned is that men want what they want, but they want it from a specific person.

女人也是一样。

Women are no different.

无论你是否具备那些品质，如果他们不想要从你这里得到，他们永远不会接受你，也永远不会选择你。

No matter if you have those qualities or not, if they don't want it from you, they will never they'll accept it, but they'll never claim you.

他们永远不会选你。

They'll never choose you.

他们会接受你，因为你拥有他们想要的所有品质，你会为这个人做所有事情，而这个人却能像吸血鬼一样榨干你的生命，把你抛弃至死，利用你、操控你、欺骗你，像狼一样伪装，像男孩女孩一样装哭喊狼来了，用海妖般的幻象让你相信根本不存在的东西。

They'll accept you because you have all of the qualities that they want, that you'll do all of these things for this individual, and this person can suck the life out of you like a vampire and leave you for dead, take advantage of you and manipulate and bamboozle you like a wolf and she's loathing, lie like a boy and girl to cry wolf, make you believe a fantasy that doesn't exist like a siren.

所以最终，像这样的人，是的，他们确实会将就。

So in the end, people like this, yes, they will settle.

他们会和一个自己并不吸引的人在一起，因为那个人能给他们钱，支付一切开销，提供他们想要的生活方式。

They will be with somebody that they're not attracted to because that person can will give them money that will pay for everything, that will give them the lifestyle that they want.

但关键在于，他们会把你给予的一切拿走，然后转手送给别人。

But the kicker of it is they will take everything that you gave them and turn around and give it to another person.

所有的一切。

Everything.

所以如果你给他们钱去创业，替他们付房租，你永远不可能出现在那里。

So if you gave them money to start a business, if you paid their rent, you ain't never gonna be over there.

你会坐在那里照顾这个人。

So you'll be sitting up there taking care of this person.

你会去那里做饭打扫，但他们却从不想让人看到你。

You'll be over there cooking and cleaning, but yet they never wanna be seen with you.

但下一个他们在一起的女性，他们绝不会让对方做这些事。

But yet the next female that they end up with, they're never gonna ask them to do that.

他们绝不会让对方打扫卫生或做任何类似的事情。

They're never gonna ask them to clean up or do anything of that nature.

为什么？

Why?

他们为什么要这么做？

Why would they?

我只是说一下。

I'm just saying.

既然那个人根本不用多努力，他们为什么要这么做呢？

Why would they considering the fact that that person ain't got to work extra hard?

当你在这里像拼装泰迪熊一样塑造这个人时，这个人却在外面物色其他人。

So while you're sitting up here building this person like a Build A Bear, this person is out here looking at other people.

你投入他身上的所有东西，他都在往别人身上投。

So all of the things that you're pouring into him, he's pouring into somebody else.

你给他的所有钱，他都给了另一个女人。

All the money that you gave him, he's giving to another woman.

这真的值得吗？

So is it really worth that?

不。

No.

不是。

It's not.

完全不是。

Not at all.

嗯哼。

Mm-mm.

根本不值得。

Not worth it at all.

所以最终，这就是我创建这个播客的原因，因为自尊、自我价值和自我认同非常重要。

So in the end, that's why I created this podcast because self esteem, self worth, and self value is so important.

尊重自己、拥有自信、相信自己，即使别人不相信你，这也非常重要，正如你本应如此。

Respecting yourself, having confidence, and you believe in yourself, and no one else does is very important as you should.

正如你本应如此。

As you should.

我明白你的意思。

So I get your point.

我真的明白。

I really do.

当很多人说我去做了整容手术，现在看起来完全是我想要的样子，但你的自尊、自我价值和自我认同依然不存在，那是因为你根本没有先建立这些。

When a lot of y'all say that I went and got plastic surgery, and I now look exactly the way that I wanna look, but yet your self esteem, self worth, and self value still ain't there, That's because you didn't build that first.

在你去健身房锻炼、决定做整容手术或做任何其他事情来改善自己之前，先提升你的自尊、自我价值和自我认同。

Before you go and you start going to the gym and working out, before you decide to go and get plastic surgery or whatever you're gonna do to improve yourself, improve your your self esteem, self worth, and self value first.

学会尊重自己。

Learn how to respect yourself.

即使没有人相信你，也要有信心并相信自己。

Have confidence and believe in yourself even when no one else does.

你必须先解决内在的问题，才能改善外在。

You got to fix within before you can fix outward.

所以你必须先从内在修正自己，然后才能改变外在。

So you have to fix yourself internally before you can fix yourself externally.

内在的改变固然重要，但如果你不从外在改变自己，那也没用，我明白。

Internally doesn't matter if you don't fix yourself outside of that, And I get it.

我明白。

I do.

但你值得更好的，你值得快乐。

But you deserve better, and you deserve to be happy.

就像我说的，我爸爸，就像我之前说的，我现在能察觉到一些东西让我想起他很多，自从他去世后，我开始想到以前从未想过的事。

So like I said, you know, my dad like I said, you know, I I can tell I have some things that remind me a lot of him that I think about now that I that I didn't think about before since he passed away.

但正是我爸爸摧毁了我的自尊。

But my dad is the one that broke my self esteem.

是他做的。

He did.

就像我说的，因为这个原因，我们从未真正建立过父女关系。

And like I said, we never really had a father daughter relationship because of that.

他们总是被告诉，你永远不够好。

They're always being told I was never gonna be good enough.

我从来都不够格。

I was never gonna be worthy.

我尊重我的父亲。

I respect my dad.

我爱我的父亲，但不是那种父女之间的情感。

I love my dad, but not in the father daughter type of way.

但当我的儿子出生，而他的亲生父亲缺席时，他的爷爷挺身而出，我那时有感激过他吗？

But did I appreciate him when my son was born and his father wasn't there and his dad stepped in?

我的父亲挺身而出了。

My my dad stepped in.

当然有。

Absolutely.

他在关键时刻挺身而出了。

He stepped in when it mattered.

尽管他并不总是说‘我爱你’，但在关键时刻，他始终在。

Even though he didn't do all of the I love yous all the time, but he stepped in when it mattered.

随着我长大，我父亲开始意识到他告诉我关于那辆车的那一天。

And as I got older, my dad started to realize the day that he told me about my car.

他说他要把车开走，因为我的前男友在开它。

And he said he was gonna take it because my ex was driving it.

我说，拿走吧。

I said, take it.

我不打算坐在这里，到最后还纠结这些破事。

I'm not gonna sit up here and go through all of this nonsense at the end of the day.

但正如我所说，最终，我和父亲的关系比我在年轻时要好得多。

But like I said, you know, in the end, me and my dad did did build a better relationship than what we had when I was younger.

我知道我之所以约会一些男人，是因为他们让我想起了很多我父亲的样子。

And I know the reason why I dated some of the men I dated because they reminded me a lot of my father.

我没有建立起自尊、自我价值和自我认同，因为如果我有，那么面对某些男人不跟我约会时，我也会安然处之，因为这根本无关紧要。

And I did not build my self esteem, self worth, and self value because if I would have, then I would have been okay with certain men not dating me because it wouldn't have mattered.

因为如果我不是他们的类型，那我就不是他们的类型。

Because if I'm not their type, I'm not their type.

我不会浪费时间做那种事，但我没有那样做。

I'm not gonna waste my time like that, but I didn't.

所以最后，我只关心自己，不再为其他事担忧。

So in the end, I would be worried about nothing else but myself.

很多人正逐渐意识到，他们一直活在谎言中，贬低了自己，放下了梦想、目标和所有想做的事，只为成全别人——而他们本不该这么做，但事实就是如此。

And a lot of people, they're coming to that realization that they've been living a lie, that they lowered themselves, and they let go of their dreams and their goals and everything that they want to do in order to build other people up, which they should've never done, but that's what they did.

很多人为了做错事，不惜耗尽心力、违背良知，如今要么蹲在监狱里，要么已经死在了某个地方。

A lot of people sit up here and break themselves and break their backs and go against everything that's right to do something wrong, and they're sitting in jail right now or dead somewhere.

有些人因为想和一个妈妈不认可的男孩在一起，就决定杀害自己的父母。

You got people that because they wanna be with some boy that their mom and them don't like, they decide to unalive their parents.

现在他们坐在监狱里，而那个男孩却和另一个女人在一起了。

And now they're sitting in prison, and that boy is with a whole another female.

而这个人从此将终身监禁。

And now this person is now in jail the rest of their life.

一个很好的例子是我曾见过两个女孩。

A good example of this is when I saw these two girls.

想想看，她们两个，一个白人，一个拉丁裔，或者其中一个可能是西班牙裔。

Think both of them one was white and one was Latino or ba one of them they both might have been Hispanic.

但她们为了这个男孩争斗，我就坐在这里想：你就是为了他打架？

But they were fighting over this boy, and I'm just sitting here like, this is who you fought him?

有一天，她们打了起来，其中一个女孩被刺死了。

So one day, they got into a fight, and one of the girls was stabbed and she died.

现在这个女孩被判了终身监禁，而那个男孩却能继续生活。

Now this girl is sitting in life, and this boy gets to move on.

为了爱情而做出的那些事，真的真的很可悲。

The things that you're willing to do for love is really, really sad.

因为如果你为了爱情而违背一切正确的事去做错事，那根本不值得，因为上帝绝不会让你这么做。

Because if you have to go against everything that is right to do something wrong for love, it ain't worth it, because that is something God would never ever make you do.

上帝绝不会让你做这些负面的事情，只是为了向他证明你的爱。

God will never tell you to do all this stuff, negative stuff, just to prove your love to him.

不会。

No.

他永远不会向你提出这样的要求。

He will never ask you for that.

你们这些人居然认为，男人只需要提供和保护，这本身就有问题，但男人需要做的事情远不止这些。

And the fact that y'all sit up here and think that provide and protect is just the only thing that men need to do, something wrong with y'all, but that's a long list of thing that men need to do.

不管你怎么规划人生，无论你的道路、目标和旅程是什么，都不要因为某个男人要你放弃事业、放弃你辛苦打拼的路而放弃。

At the end of the day, whatever you have going on, whatever your path, your purpose, and your journey is, you don't give that up because some man wants you to give up your career, give up the path that you have worked hard for.

他们应该为你的生活增添价值。

They're supposed to add to it.

如果他们不能增添价值，那他们就是在削减你的生活。

If they don't add to it, then they subtract.

到某个时候，他们就会因为这样而把自己从你的生活中彻底踢出去，就是这样，没得商量。

And that's when they Xbox themselves out of your life come point point, period.

说实话，我真的没时间应付这种蠢事。

So I really don't have time for this nonsense, to be honest.

正如我所说，我对自己的生活很满意。

Like I said, I'm happy with my life.

所以正如我所说，无论我是独处还是有人陪伴，我都会过得很好。

So like I said, whether I'm alone or whether I'm with somebody, I will be just fine.

所以正如我所说，你们在这里为那些根本不喜欢你们、不想和你们约会的人费尽周折，而他们唯一想做的就是利用和占你们的便宜。

So like I said, y'all sitting up here going through all these hoops and bounds for people that don't want you, don't wanna date you, and the only thing they're gonna do is use and take advantage of you.

一开始，他们对现在的你就有意见。

At first, they're have a problem with the person that you are now.

但当你变成他们希望你成为的样子时，他们还是会转身挑你的毛病。

Then when you become the person they want you to be, they're still gonna turn around and have a problem with it.

他们还是会说你不够好。

They still gonna say you're not good enough.

你前进得太慢了。

You're not moving fast enough.

你太懒了。

You're being lazy.

现在你又不想努力了。

Now you don't wanna work.

什么？

What?

你告诉那个女生她不用工作。

You told this female she didn't have to work.

你告诉那个人她可以无所事事地闲坐着。

You told this person they could just sit around and do nothing.

现在你生气了？

Now you mad?

好吧。

Okay.

别管我的困惑了。

Forget my confusion.

所以就像我说的，你身边有些人真的认为你的自尊、自我价值完全取决于别人，而不是你自己，这真是个大问题。

So like I said, the fact that you got people out here that really think that your self esteem, self worth, and self value is based on everybody else except you, that is a huge problem.

因为一旦你建立了自尊，就不会被这些疯狂的人打倒。

Because once you build your self esteem, it will not be broken because of any of these crazy people.

它就是不会。

It just won't be.

所以答案是否定的。

So the answer is no.

我内心平静。

I'm at peace.

非常平静且快乐。

Very much at peace and happy.

所以就像我说的，不管我有没有男朋友，有没有朋友，我根本不担心。

So like I said, you know, whether I have a man, whether I have friends, I don't even worry about it.

事实上，我现在回到北卡罗来纳州了，没人给我打电话，因为我根本没主动联系过任何人。

Matter of fact, now that I'm back in North Carolina, nobody's called me because I hadn't even called nobody and told nobody else back yet.

有些人知道我回来了，但有些人还不知道我回来了，因为我还没打电话通知他们。

Some people know that I'm I came back, but some people don't know I'm back yet because I haven't called.

我一个人都没打过电话告诉他们我回来了。

Haven't called one single solitary person and let them know I was back.

事实上，我家人也是最近才知道的，因为我妈告诉他们我回来了。

Matter of fact, my family never just found out because my mom told them I was back.

我谁都没打电话，也没告诉任何人我回来了。

I didn't call anybody and tell nobody I was back.

没人知道我在这儿。

Nobody knows I'm here.

就像我说的，当我决定告诉别人时，那会是个惊喜。

And like I said, when I decide to let people know, it will be a surprise.

所以归根结底，就像我说的，有时候你可能会觉得独处很孤单。

So at the end of the day, like I said, you know, sometimes being alone, you may think is lonely.

不会。

No.

这仅仅意味着你正朝着某个目标前进。

It just means that you're on a purpose.

当你有目标时，就没时间感到孤单了。

And when you're on a purpose, you don't have time to be to feel lonely.

因为当你走进一个房间并帮助他人时，这会消除你面对父母时所感受到的孤独。

Because when you're walking in a room and you're helping people, that's gonna take away that loneliness that you that you have when it come to your parents.

这种孤独感也会在面对这些男性时消失，因为你根本不会感到它存在。

It's gonna take away that loneliness when it come to these men because you won't feel it at all.

所以你担心的那些事情根本无关紧要。

So you worry about the wrong thing don't matter.

重要的是你感到快乐。

What matters is that you're happy.

重要的是你从内心找到了幸福，而不是依赖他人。

What matters is that you found your happiness within yourself and not based on somebody else.

重要的是你在做自己的事，正在旅行，正在看这个世界。

What matters is that you're doing your own thing and you're traveling and you're seeing the world.

我现在看到的独自旅行者，比以往任何时候都多。

I am seeing more solo travelers now than I've ever seen in my life.

我见过一位女士，她说她今年56岁，状态很好。

I saw this one lady, and she talked about how her 50 she is 56 years old and looks good.

她说，在维珍航空独自旅行是她能做的最棒的事。

And she said doing that solo travel on Virgin was the best thing she could have done.

尽管确实，她遇到了一些很棒的人，她确实遇到了。

Even though, yes, she met some great people, and she did.

但有时候，这些人并不需要永久地留在你的生命里。

But sometimes it's not about them being in your life permanently.

他们只是在那一刻出现。

It's just for that moment.

有时候你可能会交换电话号码，但那并不意味着他们会给你打电话。

Sometimes you might exchange phone numbers, but that don't mean they're gonna call you.

这没有保证。

No guarantee that.

这根本无关紧要。

It doesn't make a difference.

所以就像我说的，你们担心的都是些无关紧要的事。

So like I said, y'all y'all worry about the wrong thing that don't matter.

只要你对自己的所作所为感到开心，只要你坚持走自己的路，不让人把你拖垮或带偏，那你就是好的。

So as long as you're happy in what you're doing, as long as you're following the path that you're on and you don't let nobody tear you or steer you off of it, then you're good.

别被别人在忙什么分散了注意力。

Don't get distracted about what everybody else got going on.

你有自己的事情在进行。

You have your own thing going on.

如果那个人不能为你增添价值，那他只会消耗你，而这样的人不是你该留的人。

If that person don't add to it, then only thing they do is track from it, and those are not your people.

当有人告诉你他们不感兴趣时，那他就不是你该找的人。

When somebody tell you they're not interested, that's not your person.

当有人试图让你做不对的事时，那他就不是你该留的人。

When somebody try to make you do something that ain't right, that's not your person.

听起来不错。

Sound good.

所以我不明白，为什么人们总觉得一个人没法过得好。

So I don't know why people think that people can't be okay by themselves.

每个人总是催着你这样。

Everybody always pushing this.

你得跟人待在一起。

You gotta be around people.

不。

No.

只有在必要时才与人打交道。

You deal with people when it's necessary.

就像我坐邮轮时，有时会一个人坐着。

Just like when I go on cruises, sometimes I'll be sitting by myself.

下一秒，我就和别人聊得特别开心。

Next thing I know, I'm having a great conversation with people.

然后我就继续忙自己的事。

And then I go on about about my business.

我不交换电话号码。

I don't exchange phone numbers.

我从不搞那些东西。

I don't do none of that.

我就直接走开。

I just walk off.

我在玛格丽特维尔的时候，玩得特别开心。

When I was in Margaritaville, I I had a great time.

认识了一些很棒的人，但我从来没跟这些人交换过电话号码。

Met some great people, but I never exchanged phone numbers with these people.

为什么？

Why?

因为那只是偶然的相遇。

Because it was just a chance encounter.

就这样。

That's it.

但这并不意味着他们不是好人。

But that doesn't mean that they weren't nice people.

其中一些人我后来又见到了，我们聊了聊，就这样。

And some of them I saw again, we talked, and that was it.

我的信条是三定律。

My thing is I believe in threes.

如果我见到那个人三次，我就知道这个人注定要进入我的人生。

If I see that person three times, then I know that person's meant to be my life.

除此之外，不行。

Other than that, no.

所以我对此并不担心。

So I'm not worried about that.

我很开心。

I'm happy.

所以在这个情况下，我只能说，你知道，你可以整天坐在这里试图让人喝水，但你不能强迫他们喝。

So all I can say in this situation is that, you know, you can sit here all day long and try to leave people to water, but you can't make them drink.

归根结底，当别人告诉你‘不’的时候，第一件事别人想对你说的就是别放弃。

At the end of the day, when somebody tell you no, the first thing somebody wanna tell you is don't give up.