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你离完全不一样的人生，就差一个决定。
You're one decision away from a completely different life.
对我来说，那个决定就是明明不想起床，还是爬起来了。
And for me, that decision was getting out of bed when I didn't feel like it.
人生中有一件事，你永远无法掌控。
There's one thing in life you can never control.
那就是别人。
It's other people.
你没法左右他们怎么想。
You can't control what they think.
你没法左右他们怎么做。
You can't control what they do.
你更没法控制他们什么时候会改变——如果他们真会改的话。
You can't control the timeline upon which they change, if they change at all.
你是在TED演讲第41分钟开始的。
You started your TED Talk '41.
第一本书，四十九岁出版。
First book, 49.
五十岁的时候，你开始做播客。
50 years old, starting your podcast.
五十四岁，又创办了自己的制作公司。
54, starting your production company.
对吧？
Right?
根本没什么固定时间表。
There's no timeline.
如果你愿意把生活看作一堂巨大的课，那生活就是最好的老师。
Life is the greatest teacher if you're willing to look at life like one giant lesson.
我始终相信，所有发生过的事都有它的意义，我觉得成功和坚持不放弃一样重要。
And I choose to believe that absolutely everything that has happened is I believe that success is as much about not quitting as anything else.
所以《Let Them》讲的，就是学会放手。
So Let Them is all about releasing control.
是的。
Yes.
我们为什么会天生就那么渴望掌控一切呢？
Why are we so hardwired for control to begin with?
你永远不可能彻底摆脱想要控制事物的冲动。
You're never gonna get rid of the need of trying to control things.
这是一种生存本能，因为你一旦掌控了局面，就会觉得安全。
It is a survival instinct because if you're in control, you feel safe.
但问题在于，‘随它去’这个理念，是我发现过的最强大的东西。
But the problem is the Let Them Theory is the single most powerful thing I've ever discovered.
它是一个简单的心智工具，帮你分清哪些事你能控制，哪些事你控制不了。
It is a simple mind tool that shows you what is in your control and what is not in your control.
下面是具体怎么用。
And here's how you use it.
YAP GANG，如果你把精力从那些你控制不了的事情上收回来，是不是反而能最快地重新掌握主动权？
YAP GANG, what if the fastest way to take your power back is to stop wasting energy on what you can't control?
别再追求别人的认可了。
Stop chasing approval.
别再操心别人怎么反应了。
Stop managing reactions.
别强行推动还没到时候的事。
Stop forcing outcomes that aren't ready to happen.
随他们去吧。
Let them.
然后回到你真正能掌控的部分——你自己。
Then come back to the only part that you can actually control, which is you.
所以我们请回了YAP的经典嘉宾，唯一一位梅尔·罗宾斯。
That's why we're bringing back a YAP Classic with the one and only Mel Robbins.
梅尔是《纽约时报》畅销书作者、顶级播客主，也是个人成长领域最受信赖的声音之一。
Mel is a New York Times bestselling author, mega podcaster, and one of the most trusted voices in personal development.
在这期节目中，她深入解析了‘随他们去’理论，并解释了为什么行动比动力更重要，尤其是在追求大目标的时候。
In this episode, she breaks down the Let Them Theory and shares why action matters more than motivation, especially when you're chasing big goals.
你们特别喜欢这一期。
You guys loved this one.
所以这次再放出来一次，给那些没听过的，或者需要提醒自己‘随它去’的人。
So here it is again for anyone who missed it or just needs the reminder to let them.
欢迎来到《年轻有为》播客，Mel。
Welcome to Young and Profiting podcast, Mel.
谢谢你邀请我，真的非常感谢。
Well, thank you for inviting me and thank you.
能和你聊天我特别兴奋。
I'm so excited to talk to you.
我也特别兴奋。
I'm so excited.
我关注你的内容已经很久了。
I've been following your work for such a long time.
我最早是在2017年知道你的，那时候你的《五秒法则》刚出版。
I actually first found out about you in 2017 when you had The five Second Rule come out.
当时特别火。
It was such a big hit.
那一年我像几百万人一样，反反复复地听。
And like millions of people, I was listening to it on repeats that entire year.
它真的激励了我，让我在2018年决定做自己的播客。
And it actually was a huge inspiration for me to start my podcast in 2018.
真的吗？
Wow.
你对我的影响真的很大，我想谢谢你，感谢你分享的一切，那么真实、接地气，还把自己生活中的真实经历拿出来帮助别人。
So you have personally really impacted me, and I just wanna say thank you for everything you've put out in the world, for being so relatable, down to earth, and just sharing what's moved for yourself in your own life to help other people.
我很感谢你提到五秒法则和倒数技巧——五、四、三、二、一、动起来，它对你有帮助。
Well, I really appreciate you acknowledging the difference that the five second rule and that countdown technique, five four three two one, move, how it helped you.
但我也要告诉你，功劳得归你，真正付出努力的是你自己。
But I wanna say back to you, you have to keep the credit because you did the work.
不是的。
No.
不是的。
No.
我是认真的。
I'm serious.
说说动力这种事很容易。
Like, is easy to talk about motivation.
给人提建议也很容易。
It's easy to give people advice.
跟今天坐在一起的人讲讲自己的故事、分享那些对自己有用的方法，这都不难。
It's easy to tell the person who's spending time with us together today our stories and the things that worked for us.
但知识本身不值钱。
But knowledge is cheap.
对。
Mhmm.
而且还是免费的。
And it's free.
是的
Yep.
如果你不知道怎么实现目标，去谷歌搜一下‘我该怎么做到这件事’。
And if you don't know how to achieve your goals, go to Google, type in how do I do this?
AI会直接给你答案，然后你再问：‘一个在五周内成功启动这件事的人，他的一天是什么样的？’
And AI will spit it out and then say, what does a day in the life of somebody who's launching this successfully in five weeks look like?
这就是你的路线图。
There's your map.
但这部分其实很简单。
But that's the easy part.
真正难的是逼自己去做，尤其是在你不想做的那些日子里。
The hard part is making yourself do it, particularly on the days when you don't feel like it.
所以我想夸夸你们，你们不仅主动学习，还真的去实践了。
And so I wanna acknowledge you for the fact that you both grab the knowledge and then you put it into action.
这才是你们与众不同的地方。
And that's what makes you different.
这正是我成功的秘诀。
That is what explains my success.
你现在听这个、花时间跟我们在一起，是因为你真的想实现远大的目标。
You are listening to this right now and spending time with us because you actually want to achieve big goals.
所以我了解每一个选择听这段内容的人。
So I know that about the person that is listening and choosing to spend time listening to this.
但我得告诉你一件事。
But I'm gonna tell you something.
如果你不把接下来听到的内容付诸行动，那这一切都毫无意义。
This conversation that you're about to listen to means shit if you don't actually convert it to action.
对。
Yep.
接下来我们要聊的就是这个。
And that's what we're gonna talk about.
我们会讲一些工具，但之后就得靠你自己去行动了。
Tools, but then it's gonna be to you to take the baton and go.
对。
Mhmm.
说到这个，我真的很惊讶，原来你刚起步的时候就做了那个TED演讲。
And speaking of that, I was really surprised to find out that when you were first starting out, you did this TED Talk.
而且你当时根本不知道那是TED演讲。
And you didn't even know it was a TED Talk.
那时候TED演讲根本还不存在。
TED Talk didn't really even exist No.
就在那个时候。
At that point.
那正是TED演讲刚起步的阶段。
It was like the starting point of TED Talk.
你被说服去做了人生中第一次公开演讲。
You got convinced to do your first speaking event ever.
是的。
Yep.
你还以为自己搞砸了
And you thought you blew
了。
it.
天哪。
Oh my gosh.
是的。
Yes.
我得稍微回溯一下，那时候应该是2011年。
I like, I've so so just to put a little backstep on this, this would have been 2011.
所以你要知道，从那会儿到现在已经十多年了，我现在都快成你奶奶了。
So we're talking like, I'm basically your grandmother now if you think of this being however many years ago, over a decade ago.
那时候根本没什么TED。
TED was not a thing.
对。
Mhmm.
那时候TED还是个只有少数精英去西雅图参加的秘密活动。
TED was some secret thing that fancy people went to in Seattle.
根本还没上网呢。
They weren't even online.
后来有个朋友问我，愿不愿意去讲讲职业转型的事。
And so I get asked by a friend if I would give a speech about career change.
她说：你听我说。
And she said, look.
我有个朋友在旧金山办个活动，想找个人聊聊职业转型，我就想到你了，梅尔。
A friend of mine is putting on some event in San Francisco, and they're looking for somebody to talk about career change, Mel.
我一听到就想到你。
And I immediately thought about you.
不过说实话，如果你第一个想到的是我，这可不算什么夸奖，因为这意味着我换过好多行当——而我确实换过。
And look, I don't think that's a compliment if I'm the first person that you think of because it means I've bounced from one career to another, which I had.
她说：不过有个条件。
And she said, here's the catch.
他们给你两张机票，外加圣雷吉斯酒店两晚的住宿。
They're offering you two plane tickets and two nights at the Saint Regis.
那时候，我和我丈夫欠了八十万美元的债，因为他那家披萨店快倒闭了，我们简直蠢透了。
And at the time, my husband and I were $800,000 in debt because his pizza restaurant was failing and like complete idiots.
我们把全部积蓄、房子、信用卡，能押的都押上了。
We had secured it with our life savings, our house, our credit cards, everything.
当你欠了这么多债的时候，你知道两张机票加两晚酒店听起来像什么吗？
And so when you're that in debt, do you know what two tickets and two nights in a hotel sounds like?
听起来像白送的假期。
That sounds like a free vacation.
对啊。
Yep.
所以我答应了。
So I said yes.
我这辈子只在高中上演讲课的时候讲过一次话。
And the only time I had ever given a speech was in class in high school during like a public speaking course.
所以我马上就答应了。
So I said yes so fast.
我根本没想过会面对一个大礼堂，更没想过要站在几百人面前讲话。
I wasn't even imagining a huge auditorium and that I would have to get up in front of, I don't know, 500 people and talk.
当我走上舞台时，他们根本没给我任何准备，至少那时候是这样，现在可能不一样了。
And when I stepped on that stage, they do not prepare you or at least they didn't back then the way they probably do now.
对。
Yep.
就是一句话：给你了。
It was sort of like, here you go.
这是你的主题。
Here's your topic.
去吧。
Go.
如果你看过我的TED演讲，现在已经有三千多万次播放了。
And if you watch my TED Talk, which now has, I don't know, 33,000,000 views Mhmm.
你只要看上一分钟就能发现，我脖子上全是那种喝多了酒才会出现的红疹，整个人都涨得通红，因为我当时彻底慌了。
You will notice a minute into that thing that I have one of those neck rashes that people get when they've had too much to drink and they're, like, really blotchy because I was having a complete panic attack.
对。
Mhmm.
我在台上不停地来回走动。
I'm darting around the stage.
说话东一句西一句，完全没个章法。
I'm, like, talking all over the place.
快讲完的时候，我居然忘了该怎么收尾。
And near the end of the speech, I forgot how to end it.
那是我人生中一个关键的时刻。
And that was one of the defining moments of my life.
我人生中有很多这样的关键时刻。
And there's a theme about defining moments in my life.
我不知道你的关键时刻是什么样的。
I don't know what your defining moments are like Mhmm.
但我的那些关键时刻，通常都跟尴尬、喝太多酒、破产、走投无路、恐慌发作有关。
But mine usually involve embarrassment, too much alcohol, bankruptcy, desperation, panic attack.
就在那一刻我僵住了，脑子里一片空白，完全想不起该说什么。
And in that moment when I froze, I couldn't remember what to say.
于是我不由得脱口而出说了个‘五秒法则’，你知道的，对吧。
And so I all of a sudden blurted out this thing, the five second rule, which you know Yep.
这个办法你得照着做，我相信听的人应该都听说过这个小激励技巧。
Which you follow, which I'm sure the person listening knows this little motivation hack.
对。
Yep.
我以前从来没跟任何人提起过。
And I'd never shared it with anybody.
我当时实在想不出别的词了。
And I couldn't think what else to say.
我就顺口说：哦，我有个习惯。
And I just went, oh, there's this thing I do.
我管这叫五秒法则。
I call it the five second rule.
一旦你有行动的冲动，就必须在五秒内动起来，不然你的大脑就会压垮你的动力。
The moment you have an instinct to move, you have to move within five seconds or your brain will kill your motivation to act.
我走下舞台时，以为事情就这么结束了。
I walked off that stage, and I thought that was it.
但其实还没完。
And that was not it.
那只是非凡之事的开端。
That was the beginning of something extraordinary.
对。
Yeah.
于是你的邮箱被刷爆了。
And so your email was flooded.
很多人都用‘5-4-3-2-1’来逼自己起床，做该做的事。
People were using the 54321 to get up, do what they need to do.
对。
Yes.
你整整三年都没有把这件事完全公开。
You did not share this fully with the world for three years.
没错。
Correct.
你觉得自己还没准备好给别人建议。
You felt like you weren't, you know, ready to give advice.
谁会想听你讲呢？
Like, who would wanna listen to you?
你觉得自己对背后的科学原理还不够了解。
You felt like you didn't really know the science behind it.
那你是怎么慢慢建立起信心，最终把这套方法公之于众，并且坚持实践的呢？
So how did you build up the confidence to then put it out to the world and put in the reps, quite frankly?
这是个很好的问题。
It's a great question.
当你在听这段对话时，不管是开车、在健身房，还是在YouTube上看我们，你心里一定有一件想做的事。
And as you're listening to this conversation, whether you're in a car or you're at the gym or you're watching us on YouTube, there is something that you want to do in life.
不管是创业、当网红、靠社交平台赚钱、积累YouTube粉丝、出书，还是做自己的播客。
Whether it's launching a business or becoming an influencer or monetizing social or building a YouTube following or publishing books or maybe it's starting your own podcast.
对。
Mhmm.
我不清楚那到底是什么事。
I don't know what that thing is.
也许你想成为一名巡演音乐人。
Maybe you want to become a touring musician.
也许你想创立一个时尚品牌。
Maybe you wanna start a fashion line.
你心里一定藏着某个目标。
There is something in your heart.
也许你只是想要一辆兰博基尼。
Maybe you want a Lambo.
我不确定。
I don't know.
那是你自己的目标。
It's it's your goals.
不管你想做什么，我都想告诉你。
Whatever it is that you want, I'm here to tell you.
你不需要任何人批准。
That you do not need anybody's permission.
对。
Mhmm.
你也不必把一切都想清楚。
And you do not need to have it all figured out.
事实上，你永远不可能把一切都想明白。
In fact, you're never gonna have it all figured out.
每一天你因为犹豫而放弃开始、放弃向前迈一步，都是在把自己关进自己造的牢笼里。
And every single day that you talk yourself out of beginning or taking one step forward is a day that you're keeping yourself locked in a prison of your own making.
既然你知道自己想要什么，你怎么好意思对自己隐瞒呢？
Because if you know something that you want, how dare you withhold it from yourself?
没错。
Yep.
你怎么好意思自己劝自己放弃？
How dare you talk yourself out of it?
你怎么好意思坐在那儿，花那么多时间和精力找借口，还担心别人怎么想？
How dare you sit there and spend more time and energy manufacturing excuses and worrying about what other people think?
你只有这一辈子。
You get one life.
对。
Mhmm.
没人会来救你。
And no one is coming to save you.
没人会替你做这件事。
No one is coming to do the work for you.
没人会从人群中把你挑出来，让你一炮而红。
Nobody is gonna pick you from obscurity and make you a star.
没人会替你把你想做的事业建起来。
Nobody is gonna build the business that you wanna build.
当你跟朋友喝酒、抱怨现在的工作，或者坐在那儿纠结自己该做什么的时候，时间就这么溜走了。
And while you're sitting there drinking with your buddies, bitching about your current job, or you are sitting there telling yourself, don't know what to do.
你的一生，正等着你去活。
Your whole life is waiting for you.
就在你面前，明明有一扇门，等着你伸手去拧开把手、推门进去。
There's literally a door right in front of you that is waiting for you to reach out and freaking turn the knob and open it.
我跟你说件事。
And I'm gonna tell you something.
我的成功秘诀其实特别简单。
My secret to success is very simple.
就算不想起床，我也强迫自己爬起来。
I get out of fucking bed when I don't feel like it.
就这样了。
End of story.
没错。
Yep.
如果五秒法则教会了我什么，那就是：
And if the five second rule taught me anything, it's this.
你永远都不会觉得自己准备好去做了。
You will never you will never feel ready to do the work.
对。
Mhmm.
你永远都不会觉得自己有能力实现想要的目标。
You will never feel like you are capable of achieving what you want.
你永远都不会觉得，自己有资格说出这样的话。
You will never ever ever feel like it's your right to say this.
所以你必须学会一种本事：在不想做的时候，依然去做那些符合你价值观、性格和梦想的事。
And so you have to learn the skill of doing the actions that are aligned with your values, your character, and your dreams when you don't feel like it.
对。
Mhmm.
这是一门本事。
And that's a skill.
没错。
Yep.
我们每个人都会干等着。
And every one of us sits around.
我以前就总等着有动力才行动。
I used to sit around and wait to be motivated.
动力完全是扯淡，需要的时候它从来不在。
Motivation is complete and utter garbage because it's never there when you need it.
我甚至讨厌现在满天飞的那些关于自律和意志力的废话。
And I even hate all this bullshit out there now about discipline and willpower.
别管它了。
Forget it.
你完全可以感到懒散、疲惫、毫无动力。
You can actually feel lazy and exhausted and unmotivated.
但你还是能继续做下去。
And you can still do it.
整天坐着等灵感找上门，这只会让你在临终前后悔莫及。
And sitting around waiting for the feeling to strike you, that is a recipe to lead that that is a recipe that will lead you to your deathbed.
你会成为那种研究中常提到的人，对吧。
And you'll be one of those people that they study Mhmm.
他们会说：天啊，我最后悔的就是没活出真实的自己。
That say, oh man, my biggest regret is I didn't let myself be myself.
我从来没去追求真正想做的事。
I never went for the things that I wanted to do.
我太在意我爸怎么想、我妈怎么想，还有朋友怎么看，结果什么事都没开始。
I was so worried about what my dad thought or my mom thought or, you know, what my friends thought that I never started.
如果你现在因为觉得自己还没准备好、不够资格之类的原因而不行动，下一个借口就会是：早知道那时候就该开始，现在太晚了。
If you don't start now because you say you're not ready or you're not qualified or whatever, then the next excuse is gonna be, well, I should have started then and now I'm too late.
是的
Yep.
下一个借口就会是，我太老了。
And then the next excuse is gonna be, well, I'm too old.
对
Mhmm.
或者我有孩子，有房贷，有这个有那个，有依赖我的人，或者我在这份工作上干了十年。
Or I have kids or I have a mortgage or I have this or I have that or I have people that depend upon me or I've been in this job for ten years.
全是胡扯。
It's all bullshit.
全是你自己在脑子里编出来的。
It's all it's all something you manufactured in your own head.
对
Mhmm.
我一想到这个就特别生气，因为这太让人难过了。
And I get fired up about it because it's sad.
是的
Yep.
你不必非得这样活着。
You don't have to be like this.
你不必这样过一辈子。
You don't have to live your life like this.
你不必让妈妈的看法左右你的决定。
You do not have to let your mother's opinion dictate what you do.
是的
Yep.
年轻创业者们，你们的标志并不是企业的身份。
Young and profiters, your logo is not a business identity.
当初我刚开始做YAP这个副业时，并没想过什么企业身份。
When I was starting YAP as a side hustle, I was not thinking about my business identity.
但那些不吸引人的基础才是关键。
But The Unsexy Foundation matters.
你的公司地址、运营协议、合规手续、隐私保护、电话号码、网站和注册代理人。
Your business address, your operating agreement, your compliance, your privacy, your phone number, your website, your registered agent.
因为刚起步的时候，你很容易无意中把梦想中的生意建立在个人Gmail、私人手机，甚至自家住址上。
Because when you're starting out, it's too easy to accidentally build your dream business on your personal Gmail, your personal cell, and even your home address.
正是这一点让我注意到了Northwest Registered Agent这家公司。
And that's how I found out about Northwest Registered Agent.
我最近刚换了服务，因为我意识到拥有一个可靠注册代理人有多重要——他们负责接收你的法律文件，并在有人对你采取法律行动时及时通知你。
I recently switched because I found out the importance of having a good, reliable registered agent, which is essentially the entity that collects your legal notices and lets you know if somebody's coming after you.
我以前根本不知道这一点。
And I didn't know that.
我之前用的代理人特别差，结果漏掉了几份通知，每年差点让我损失二十万美元。
And I had a really bad one and I missed some notices that cost me almost $200,000 a year.
所以我才决定换掉它。
So that's why I made a change.
现在我用的是Northwest Registered Agent。
And now I use Northwest Registered Agent.
你会获得一个商业地址、运营协议、域名、专业邮箱、电话号码，以及所有必要的隐私保护——毕竟你不想让别人知道你的个人住址。
So you get a business address, an operating agreement, a domain, a professional email, phone number, and all the built in privacy that you need because you don't want people knowing your personal address.
如果需要帮助，他们有1500多名企业顾问，都是真实的人，能帮你了解当地法规，并全程提供支持。
If you ever need help, they've got 1,500 corporate guides, real people who help you with local laws and who can help you every step of the way.
别花几百甚至几千美元请律师帮你起草文件，这些内容其实可以免费获得。
Don't pay hundreds or thousands of dollars on legal fees and lawyers to help you draft what you can get for free.
在Northwest Registered Agent，你能拿到创办企业所需的所有模板。
You get all the templates that you need to start a business at Northwest Registered Agent.
访问 northwestregisteredagent.com/yapfree，利用免费资源打造你的非凡事业。
Visit northwestregisteredagent.com/yapfree and start using free resources to build something amazing.
更多服务尽在 Northwest Registered Agent，网址是 northwestregisteredagent.com/yapfree。
Get more with Northwest Registered Agent at northwestregisteredagent.com/yapfree.
如果你正打算创业，第一个该去的地方就是 Northwest Registered Agent。
If you're starting a business, your first place to go is Northwest Registered Agent.
YAP的朋友们，我花了十五分钟就开发出了一款应用。
YAP fam, I built an app in fifteen minutes.
在你问之前，我可不是突然成了软件工程师。
And before you ask, I didn't suddenly become a software engineer.
事实上，我这辈子从来没写过一行代码，但现在我做应用就跟上班一样顺手。
In fact, I've never written a line of code in my life, but now I'm churning out apps like it's my day job.
这全是因为我通过Mindstone学会了怎么做。
And that's because I learned how to do it through Mindstone.
这是一家AI转型公司，专门帮人弥合‘能用AI’和‘真正用好AI’之间的差距。
It's an AI transformation company that helps close the gap between having access to AI and actually getting value from it.
这一切始于我参加了他们的AI突破周末活动。
So this all started when I attended their breakthrough AI weekend.
我学会了如何开发应用。
I learned how to build apps.
我还了解了他们的平台Rebel，它就像第二个大脑，能帮你以全新方式使用AI，彻底改变你的工作方式。
And I also learned about their platform Rebel, which basically acts as a second brain, and it actually helps you use AI in a way that completely transforms the way that you do your work.
它彻底改变了我的生活。
It changed my life.
那个周末结束后，我就下定决心要把Mindstone推广到整个团队，我们真的这么做了。
I left that weekend thinking that I have to roll out Mindstone to my entire team, and we did.
我们先从为期四周的AI能力培训开始。
So we started with the four week AI competency program.
全程在线进行。
It's online.
完全不需要懂代码。
You don't need code.
专为非技术人员设计，价格也非常亲民。
It's made for nontechnical professionals, and it's really affordable.
于是我安排了团队里的60个人参加这个培训。
And so I sent 60 people on my team to take this training.
通过这个培训，你能获得一个叫Rebel的平台，可以把你的邮件、Slack消息、Fireflies记录、所有Drive文件都导入进去，然后每天把它当成教练、工具或者思维伙伴来用。
And with that training, you get access to this platform called Rebel, where you can ingest your email, your Slack messages, your Fireflies, all your Drive resources, and then you can basically use it as a coach, as a tool, as a thought partner every day.
每次开会前，我都会问Rebel：‘这次会议我需要了解哪些关键信息？’
Before I hop on a meeting, I ask Rebel, hey, what do I need to know for this meeting?
我需要提哪些重点？
What do I need to bring up?
它会扫描Slack，甚至把我没注意到的公司动态主动推给我。
And it will scan Slack and even send me things that I didn't realize what was going on in my company.
你可以创建技能，让系统代替两三个人，跨多个应用完成原本繁琐的流程。
You can create skills, which create a process that might have taken two or three people and going into different apps, and it can do that on your behalf.
这个平台能做的事情，真的太惊人了。
It is amazing what you can do with this platform.
它极大提升了我们YAP Media的效率，以至于我们暂停了大部分岗位的招聘。
It has drastically improved our efficiency at YAP Media so much so that we're pausing hiring on a lot of roles.
我建议你先从他们的四周AI能力培训开始。
I recommend you start with their four week AI competency program.
你可以通过 experience.mindstone.com/yap 获取访问权限，并享受九折优惠。
You can get access and get 10% off at experience.mindstone.com/yap.
访问 experience.mindstone.com/yap，就能以九折优惠参加四周AI能力培训。
That's experience.mindstone, mindstone,.com/yap for 10% off their four week AI competency program.
YAP的家人们，随着业务不断扩张，我总觉得一直在招人。
YAP fam, as my business keeps growing, I feel like I'm always hiring.
我最近给团队添了两位视频剪辑师和一名制片人。
I recently added two new video editors and a producer to my team.
根据我的经验，找对人真的能让你事半功倍。
And I can tell you from experience, the right hire can give you leverage.
找错人呢，等于给自己多加了一份工作。
The wrong hire gives you a second job.
而那绝对是你最不想面对的情况。
And that's the last thing you need.
所以每当我需要找合适的人选，我都会用Indeed的付费职位推广。
So when I need the right person, I go to Indeed Sponsored Jobs.
Indeed的付费职位推广能让你的招聘信息获得更多曝光，精准触达符合你要求的候选人，比如技能、资质、所在地等等。
Indeed Sponsored Jobs boost your job posts and search results so you can reach candidates who meet your specific criteria, like skills, certifications, location, and more.
因为目标不是收到更多简历，而是找到更匹配的人。
Because the goal is not more resumes, the goal is better matches.
省下找简历的时间，多花点精力面谈那些完全符合你要求的候选人。
Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all of your boxes.
压力更小，耗时更少，效果更好。
Less stress, less time, more results.
当你需要找对的人来理清混乱时，Indeed赞助职位就是你的首选。
When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs.
本节目的听众可获得75美元的赞助职位抵扣额度，助你的职位获得应有的置顶曝光，前往indeed.com/podcast领取。
And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves at indeed.com/podcast.
现在就去indeed.com/podcast，告诉我们你是通过这个播客了解到Indeed的，支持我们的节目。
Just go to indeed.com/podcast right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast.
indeed.com/podcast。
Indeed.com/podcast.
条款细则适用。
Terms and conditions apply.
需要招人吗？
Need to hire?
这正是Indeed赞助职位的用武之地。
This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs.
我喜欢你这么做，因为我觉得要是你当时直接把书发布出去，它可能不会这么成功。
I love what you did because I feel like your book wouldn't have been as big as a success,
《两秒法则》要是你早点发布，可能就不会有今天这样的成就。
The five Second Rule, had you just put it out right away.
对。
Mhmm.
你采取了行动，为做好这件事做好了准备。
Like, you took the steps to do what you needed to be ready to do that.
你免费做了一些演讲。
You did free speaking gigs.
你走遍了世界各地演讲。
You spoke all over the world.
你成了全球排名第一的女性演讲者。
You became the number one female speaker.
你做了研究。
You researched.
你掌握了科学方法，慢慢建立起信心，等书真正出版的时候，世界已经准备好接受它了。
You got the science, and you built up the confidence so that once you actually put out the book, the world was ready to receive it.
我觉得还有一件事也很重要。
Well, I think there's also something else that happened.
明白吗？
Okay?
当一切开始为我积累的时候，这又回到了那个关键点：第一步最重要，因为你如果不开始，就永远得不到你想要的东西。
Which is when everything started to build for me, and again, this goes to the point where the the the first skill is starting because you're never gonna get what you want if you don't begin.
对。
Mhmm.
所以你必须真正下定决心去开始。
So you have to actually commit to starting.
其实有个特别简单的方法能做到这一点。
And there's very simple way you do it.
你就得搞清楚自己到底想要什么。
You just get clear about what you want.
如果你还不清楚想要什么，我来告诉你怎么找答案。
And if you don't know what you want, here's how you figure that out.
你就说：我不要的，就是我现在拥有的。
Just say I don't want I want what I have.
对。
Mhmm.
举个例子，如果你不知道该往哪儿走，至少明白一点：我现在待的地方，肯定不是目标。
Like literally, if you don't know what direction to point, just know, well, where I am is not it.
没错。
Yep.
所以我得好好看看自己现在在哪，每天是怎么过的。
So I need to take a look at where I am and the way that I go through my day.
然后得反过来做，或者干脆反着来，做个改变——这样才能把你带向新的方向。
And I need to reverse it or do the opposite or make a change because that's gonna pivot you in a different direction.
我真心相信，你离完全不一样的人生，就只差一个决定。
And I truly believe that you're one decision away from a completely different life.
对。
Mhmm.
这并不意味着你靠一个决定就能立刻实现想要的成功。
That doesn't mean you achieve the success that you want with one decision.
意思是，只要你做了一个决定——对我来说，那个决定就是，即使不想起床，也还是爬起来了。
It means that with one decision, and for me, that decision was getting out of bed when I didn't feel like it.
那时候我欠了80万美元，还是爬起来了。
Getting out of bed when I was $800,000 in debt.
外面下着雪，我根本不想跑，也知道这一跑解决不了债务，也压不住恐惧，但至少让我知道，不管外面多乱，我依然能做点什么，提醒自己：哪怕再小，我依然掌握着一些主动权。
Getting out of bed and going for a run even though I didn't feel like it and it was snowing and it's not gonna make a dent in the debt and the fear that I have, but it's gonna make me know that no matter what's going on around me, I can 54321 still do something that reminds me that I'm still in control in small ways.
所以当我的TED演讲火了之后，我没去写什么商业计划。
And so for me, when when the TED Talk took off, I didn't write a business plan.
真的没写。
I didn't.
对。
Mhmm.
我就开始有人找我，说：‘梅尔，你能来演讲吗？’
I I just started having people say, hey, Mel, will you come speak?
对。
Mhmm.
后来我发现别人都在拿报酬，第一反应是我自己简直蠢到家了。
And then when I figured out that everybody else was getting paid, first of all, I felt like the world's biggest flipping idiot.
那些沉迷于网红文化、联盟营销的人，我敢说，你们每周至少浪费十个小时，盯着别人已经做成的样子。
And for those of you that are obsessed with influencer culture and affiliate marketing and all this stuff, I guarantee you, you waste probably ten hours a week just looking at other people who have built what you wanna build.
这其实是个灾难性的习惯。
And that is also a recipe for disaster.
因为你总会觉得自己已经落后了，觉得这事自己干不成，而且你根本看错了方向。
Because you will start to convince yourself that they already took it, that you can't do it, and you're looking at it wrong.
是的。
Yeah.
凡事都有其规律。
There is a formula to everything.
所以我现在这个阶段，得赚钱，还得付账单、还债。
And so here I am at this point in my life where I need money, I still need to pay my bills and pay off my debt.
开始有人邀请我去做演讲了。
People are starting to ask me to speak.
我注意到，每次去参加这些会议，别人都在主会场领报酬，而我却一个人在角落里做自己的事。
I'm realizing everybody else at every one of these conferences that I'm going to and I'm off in the little side room, you know, doing my thing, everybody else is getting paid.
所以，规律一直都在。
And so there's always a formula.
真正阻碍你的，是你总找借口、总拿自己跟别人比、总在心里打退堂鼓，让你看不到凡事其实都有简单的方法。
And it's your inability to wipe away the excuses and stop comparing yourself and stop talking yourself out of it that keeps you from realizing there's a simple formula for everything.
事实上，你特别慷慨，因为你分享的内容提供了清晰的路径。
In fact, you are so generous because you put out content that provides a road map.
对。
Mhmm.
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你讲述的是自己职业生涯和创业路上的经历。
You tell the stories from your own career and building your business.
这些故事里都藏着实用的经验。
And in those stories are takeaways.
你实际上在为那些正在听这段内容的人常听的播客，做广告销售和品牌合作变现。
You are literally selling advertising and monetizing brand partnerships for podcasts that the person that's listening to this right now listens to.
没错。
Yep.
而且你经常分享自己是怎么做到的。
And you share how you do it all the time.
所以再说一遍，问题不是我不知道该怎么做。
And so again, case in point, the problem isn't I don't know how to do that.
你其实知道。
Yes, you do.
因为像你这样的人，一直在发布内容，手把手教别人怎么做。
Because there's people like you that put out content that actually teach people how to do it.
对
Mhmm.
这真是一种天赋。
And that's a gift.
你知道这些步骤，却眼睁睁看着它们被忽视，这难道不令人难过吗？
And how sad is it that you know and you see the steps?
顺便说一句，我以前就是这样。
This was me, by the way.
这就是为什么我对这件事如此激动。
This is why I get so fired up about it.
是的
Yeah.
因为每一天，就像我看到的那样，你大概也看到像此刻正在听我们说话的这些人，他们心里其实清楚自己想要什么。
Because every day, just like I see, you probably see people like the person who's listening to us right now who has in their heart what they want Mhmm.
但他们却在不知不觉中拖自己的后腿。
And they are actively working against themselves.
没错。
Yep.
这个世界上，没人能从你身上夺走任何东西。
And there's not a single person on the planet that can take anything from you.
没错。
Yep.
没人能阻挡你走向成功。
Nobody can block your path to success.
只有你自己能。
Only you can
做到这一点。
do that.
根本没有什么时间表。
And there's there's no timeline.
对吧？
Right?
你41岁开始做TED演讲，49岁出第一本书，50岁创办自己的制作公司，现在又做起了播客。
You started your TED Talk '41, first book 4954 starting your production company, 50 years old starting your podcast.
对吧？
Right?
根本没什么时间表。
There's no timeline.
我在这档节目里经常提到一个概念，叫技能叠加。
And something that I always talk about on the show is Skill Stacking.
我自己的职业生涯就是活生生的例子。
I've seen it with my own career.
是的。
Yep.
我觉得最成功的创业者，往往都有丰富的经历。
And I feel like the best entrepreneurs, they got a lot of experiences.
他们干过很多不同的工作。
They did a lot of jobs.
他们弄清楚了自己擅长什么、讨厌什么、喜欢什么，然后量身打造了理想中的职业和工作。
They figured out what they're good at, what they hate, what they like, and then they designed their dream career and job.
我觉得我对自己也是这么做的。
Feel like that's what I did with myself.
我真的一点一点设计出了最适合我的工作，而且我做得特别出色。
I literally designed the perfect job for me that I'm so good at.
我觉得你也是一样这么做的。
And I feel like you've done the same.
我最近一口气听完了你的播客，真的特别棒，我很好奇，你从中学到了什么？
I I was binging your podcast recently and, like, they're just so good when I What did you learn?
就这么做吧。
Do it.
我学到了‘随他去’理论。
I I learned about The Let Them Theory.
我最关注的其实就是这个。
That's what I was, like, mostly focused on.
但我真正学到的是，你特别友善，总是努力让人感到亲切、接地气，让每个人都觉得被关爱，你做播客的方式就像跟朋友聊天一样。
But what I really learned is that you are so friendly and that you really try to be relatable and down to earth and you make everybody feel really loved and you've got this like friend approach to what you do on the podcast.
对。
Mhmm.
所以我想问问你关于这一点。
So I wanna ask you about that.
当然。
Sure.
不过在那之前，我想问问你，哪些经历让你走到了今天，成为顶尖的播客主、作者和演讲者？
But first, I wanna ask you about your experiences that you feel like led you to have this amazing career to be a number one podcaster and author and speaker.
有哪些经历塑造了你，但别人却根本不知道？
What what are the experiences that led up to that that people don't realize?
每一件事。
Everything.
每一件小事。
Absolutely everything.
如果你愿意把生活看作一场巨大的课程，那么生活就是最好的老师。
Life is the greatest teacher if you're willing to look at life like one giant lesson.
我坚信，我经历的每一件事，都是有原因的。
And I choose to believe that absolutely everything that has happened to me Mhmm.
一切都是冥冥之中安排好的。
Is divinely ordered for a reason.
对。
Mhmm.
一切。
Everything.
你看，当我顺风顺水、飞黄腾达的时候，我反而学不到真正该学的东西。
See, I don't learn what I need to learn when I'm successful and I'm soaring and I'm at the top.
我往往是在跌到谷底、陷入困境、苦苦挣扎、日子特别难熬的时候，才真正学到东西。
I learn for whatever reasons when I'm at the bottom of the barrel or when I am in a hole or when I am struggling or when things are really hard.
那种勇气、力量，还有让你成功、塑造你的那种秘诀，其实都发生在你人生最艰难的时刻，当然，如果你足够用心，也会藏在那些最微小、最安静的瞬间里。
Like, feel like courage and strength and that secret sauce that makes you successful and makes you who you are, those are the things that happen in the hardest moments of your life and they also happen in the smallest, quietest moments if you're paying attention.
我来举几个例子说明这一点。首先，今天和你们在一起的时候，我希望你们想想：当你站在当下回望过去，你会发现，你经历的每一件事——无论好坏、可怕还是美好，甚至让你恐惧或欣喜若狂——全都把你带到了此刻。
And I'm gonna share some examples for this because first things first, as you're spending time with us together today, I want you to think about the fact that if you stand in the present moment and you look backwards, you can see how absolutely every single thing that has happened to you, good or bad, scary or beautiful, like just terrorizing or fantastic Mhmm.
每一件事，都造就了今天的你。
Every single thing has led you to this moment.
你从来都不是从零开始，你始终带着过往的经验出发。
And that you are never starting from scratch, you're always starting from experience.
因为生活已经考验过你，教育过你，为你此刻的出现做好了充分准备。
Because life has tested you, life has taught you, life has prepared you for this exact moment.
是的。
Mhmm.
我也坚信，这正是我取得惊人成就的关键之一：我相信，就像过去的一切塑造了现在的我，此刻的我，也正在为未来的我铺路。
And I also choose to believe, and this is part of what I believe is my amazing success, is that I choose to believe as I stand in this moment, that just like everything in the past has prepared me for where I am now, that this moment is preparing me for where I am going next.
我不需要知道，将来某天抬头回想时，会突然说：天啊，
And I don't need to know when in the future I'm going to look up and go, oh my god.
就是那天在曼哈顿和你坐下来聊天的那一刻，我才真正明白了这个道理。
It was that particular in Manhattan sitting down with you that I learned x.
这些经历让我为当下做好了准备。
And that has equipped me for this moment now.
完全没错。
Totally.
所以，我看待媒体和经营生意的方式，很大程度上受我这种老派观念的影响。
And so some of the things that have informed the way that I think about media, the way that I think about my business, because I'm kind of old school.
我真心觉得，我的生意就是围绕一个人展开的。
Like, really think that my business is about one person.
就是那个点开播放、愿意花时间听这场对话的人。
It's about the one person that has hit play and that is taking time to listen to this conversation.
就像我和朋友散步时一样，我的目标就是让每一位听众都知道——无论你现在是在开车、在健身房，你就是我正在对话的那个人，因为我就是这样想的。
And just like when I take a walk with a friend, that my intention is to know that whoever it is that is listening, yes, you right now as you're driving your car, as you're at the gym, that you are the person I'm talking to because I am.
没错。
Yep.
我也知道，我接下来要分享的每一件事，都会对某个你关心的人产生意义。
And I also know that everything that I'm about to share with you is relevant for somebody that you care about.
所以，不管你从这段对话中收获很多，还是只是感觉好了一点点，你身边一定有个人会从中受益，这意味着你可以用这段对话去加深你和某人的关系。
And so whether you get a tremendous amount out of this or you just feel a little bit better, you know somebody that is going to get something out of this, which means you can use this conversation to strengthen a relationship with somebody.
对。
Mhmm.
我一直都是带着‘我该怎么帮上忙’的心态来做每一件事。
And so I have always approached everything that I do with this sort of how can I help?
对。
Mhmm.
就一个人。
And one person.
我生命中一些小小的瞬间，一直深深影响着我。
And there's small moments in my life that really inform me.
我想跟你们分享一个故事，因为我觉得很重要，你们别只盯着什么病毒式传播、变现这些事，虽然这些确实重要。
And I I'm gonna share this story because I think it's really important that you not like, there's this obsession with virality and monetization and, you know, all of this stuff in business, which is important.
还有一件事对我帮助特别大，那就是我百分百相信，我做的每一件事都必须完全由我负责。
And another thing that has really helped me is I 1000% believe in full ownership of everything that I do.
所以我事事都自己掌控，因为我相信自己做的事。
And so I control everything because I believe in what I do.
既然所有工作都是我做的，我凭什么要给别人重要的股份呢？
So why on earth would I give somebody else a meaningful stake when I'm the one doing all the work?
毕竟，五秒法则和随他去理论都是我创造的。
When I'm the one that created the five second rule and created the Let Them Theory.
那我为什么不牢牢掌握这些呢？
And so why would I not keep control of these things?
我为什么要相信别人比我更懂怎么推广这些东西？
And why would I trust someone else's authority more than my own to be able to market these things?
而且我也懂数字媒体——和纸质书不一样，数字内容是能永远存在的。
And that is and because I also understand digital media, which unlike a printed book, digital media is gonna live forever.
没错。
Yep.
你在社交媒体、YouTube频道上做的每一件事，都能一直带来收益。
Everything that you do on social media or on your YouTube channel or all of it is something you can monetize forever.
对。
Mhmm.
就像布鲁斯·斯普林斯汀不想把他的音乐版权让出去一样，他会卖掉它，但保留对整个曲库的拥有权。
So just like why Bruce Springsteen doesn't wanna give his catalog of music away, he's gonna sell it and have a library that he owns the rights of.
我会想想现在花时间做的那些事，对。
I think about things that I invest my time in now Mhmm.
我到底真正拥有什么？
As what do I actually own?
因为那才是资产，而不是只靠一次变现的内容。
Because that is an asset versus a piece of content that you're singularly monetizing.
是的。
Yeah.
所以当我回顾自己的一生时，会有一些关键的时刻，也有一些出人意料的时刻。
And so for me, when I look back on my life, there are defining moments and there are surprising moments.
接下来我带你快速浏览一下这些亮点。
And I'm gonna take you on a quick kinda highlight tour.
对。
Yeah.
因为那些关键时刻恰恰解释了，为什么我是你见过最有意识、最注重选择的人之一。
Because those defining moments actually explain why I am one of the most intentional people you will ever meet.
我把这些贯穿在了我所有商业决策里。
And I weave it through everything I do in business.
我第一份工作是在1994年，当公共辩护律师，那时我刚从达特茅斯学院毕业，接着进了波士顿学院法学院。
So when I was a public defender, my first job, 1994, I graduate from Dartmouth College, then I go to Boston College Law School.
我的第一份工作，是在法律援助协会担任公共辩护律师。
My first job was as a public defender for the Legal Aid Society.
我为纽约市那些被逮捕、被指控犯罪却请不起律师的人辩护。
I represented people here in New York City that had been arrested and accused of crimes, and they could not afford an attorney.
每次他们被逮捕、关进牢房后，会被押送到百老汇100号，在法官席后头的铁笼里等着，然后被带进法庭，听宣读指控、告知宪法权利、指派律师，以及进行法定的保释听证。
And I would meet them after they had been arrested and thrown into a jail cell and then transported to A Hundred Center Street, where they would be held in a cage behind a judge, and they would be brought into court to be read the charges against them, to be read their constitutional rights, and to be assigned an attorney, and to get a constitutionally mandated bail hearing.
我见我的委托人，是因为他们根本付不起律师费。
And I would meet my clients because these are people who could not afford representation.
他们是由国家指派的，因为你有宪法赋予的权利，获得一名持证律师的辩护。
They were assigned by the state because you have a constitutional right to be represented in a court of law by a licensed attorney.
我会走到法官后面，第一次在那种场合见到我的当事人。
And I would walk back behind the judge, and I would meet my client for the very first time in that setting.
他们被关在牢里，而我手里只有一份警察提交的指控文件。
They were behind bars and I had a little folder that had the complaint from the police.
如果他们以前有过案底，我就能看到相关记录。
And if they had ever been in trouble before, I had a history of that.
如果没有，那就什么都没有。
If they hadn't, there wouldn't be that.
就这么点信息。
And that was it.
这段经历让我学到了很多东西。
And so that experience taught me a number of things.
首先，它让我明白，无论你以怎样的处境遇见一个人，我都选择相信每个人天生就有价值。
First of all, it taught me that no matter the circumstances under which you meet somebody, that I choose to believe in the innate worthiness of human beings.
我会。
I do.
我选择尊重每一个人。
I choose to treat people with dignity.
我也相信每个人都有更大的可能。
And I choose to see bigger possibilities for everybody.
没错。
Yep.
无论你我相遇时处于怎样的境地。
No matter what circumstances I may meet you in.
有一件事深深打动了我，每次我们出去的时候，是的。
And one of the things that's that hit me, like in my heart, is that when we would go out Mhmm.
当我的当事人要被正式起诉时，庭审中有一部分就是保释听证。
And it was time for my client that I was representing to be charged, formally charged, part of that arraignment hearing is a bail hearing.
法院会考虑很多因素，比如你所面临的指控及其严重程度、你的过往记录，还有你的一些人生经历。
And one of the things that the courts consider is obviously the charges against you and the severity of them, your history, some of your life story.
但最重要的一点，还有他们和社区的联系。
But the big one is also ties to the community.
我没法告诉你，在94年、95年、96年，我们多少次走进法庭，结果空无一人。
I cannot tell you how many times we would walk out into that courtroom in 1994, '95, and '96 and nobody would be there.
一个人都没有。
No one.
一次又一次，一遍又一遍。
Over and over and over again.
每当我想到，一个人生命中最恐惧的时刻，却连一个人都没来陪着，我就心如刀割。
And it just killed me That in one of the scariest times in a person's life, no one was there.
那种感觉，我一辈子都忘不了。
And I have never ever ever forgot what that felt like.
所以我下定决心，一定要为每个人现身到场。
And I have made it a mission, my mission to show up for people.
是的。
Yeah.
比如，我从公共洗手间出来时，会停下来向打扫卫生的工作人员道一声谢？
And whether that means that I'm leaving a public bathroom and I take a moment and thank the human being that is cleaning the public bathroom?
因为这份工作让人感觉被忽视。
Because that's a job where you feel invisible.
是的。
Yeah.
或者当我迟到时，真心道歉并感谢对方的耐心。
Or it is truly apologizing and thanking people for their patience when I'm late.
这些经历让我明白，我想怎样对待他人，也希望别人感受到我：我是一个真正关心他人、看到你身上更大价值的人。
And so that has informed me about how I wanna treat people and why it and how I want people to experience me, that I'm the kind of person that actually cares and that sees something bigger for you.
对。
Mhmm.
无论你身处何地，无论你做过什么，无论你正面临怎样的处境，我都相信你拥有非凡的可能，因为我明白一件事。
No matter where you are, no matter what you've done, no matter what circumstances you face, I believe in the extraordinary possibilities that you have because I understand something.
你的过去，并不是你的错。
I understand that your past is not your fault.
我明白，如果你过得不好，问题往往不在意志力上。
I understand that if you aren't doing well, it's probably, it's not a matter of willpower.
没错。
Yep.
而是在能力的积累上。
It's a matter of skill building.
我还相信，只要关注自己的心态、行为，以及如何处理情绪，每个人都有能力变得更好、做得更好、感觉更好。
And I also believe that absolutely everybody, if you focus on your mindset, if you focus on your actions, if you focus on how you process your emotions, that absolutely anybody can do better and be better and feel better.
这段经历还让我明白，人们记住的往往是最简单的事。
And the other thing that that experience taught me is just that it's the simplest things that people remember.
这其实就是一个营销理念。
And this is a marketing message.
对。
Yep.
明白吗？
Okay?
你把事情搞得越复杂，别人就越不可能去做。
The more complicated you make things, the less likely anybody is going to do it.
你越显得高深莫测。
The more intellectual intellectual you are.
当你故意装得很有学问的时候，其实是在传递一个意思：我觉得我比你聪明。
You know what you're communicating when you're intellectual that I think I'm smarter than Yeah.
这是一种优越感。
Superiority.
是的。
Yep.
没错。
Yes.
对吧？
Right?
所以我一心只想把事情变得简单。
And so I'm obsessed with making things simple.
对。
Mhmm.
即使我们真的这么做了，这些核心价值就在于让人感受到被看见，知道你相信他们，知道你尊重他们的时间，知道你看到了他们身上的潜力，因为我确实看到了。
And even if we do and so these are core values, right, about really showing up in a way that people feel seen, that people know that you believe in them, that people know that you are that you respect their time, that people know that I see the possibility in you because I do see it.
这可不是我随口说说的空话。
This isn't just some bullshit that I say.
我是真心这么认为的。
I actually believe it.
是的。
Yeah.
还有另一件事，那就是其中一点。
And the other thing that has and so that's one thing.
另一个让我特别有感触的时刻是。
The other thing that, really struck me is another moment.
我刚开始演讲的时候，发生过一件事。
So there was this whole thing that happened when I started speaking.
我刚开始演讲的时候就想，既然你靠演讲赚钱，别人花大价钱请你上台，那你得穿得体面点。
That when I first started speaking, I thought, okay, if you're in the speaking business and somebody is paying you a ridiculous amount of money to stand on a stage, you better be dressed nicely.
对。
Mhmm.
那时候大概是2014年、2015年左右吧。
And so even though it was like at a time and so I'm talking probably like 2015, 2014, something like that.
我第一次拿到报酬的时候，那情形我永远都忘不了。
I start getting paid, and I'll never forget this.
我在拉斯维加斯的米高梅剧院，对。
I was at, the MGM in Vegas Mhmm.
给雷马克斯公司演讲，台下有八千多人。
And I was speaking for REMAX, and there were like 8,000 people in the audience.
那是我迄今为止最重要的演讲之一，至少当时是这么觉得的。
And it was one of the biggest speeches that I was ever going to give And, at the time, of course.
是的。
Yeah.
那时候我穿得像个新闻主播。
And so I, at the time, was dressing like a news anchor.
所以我穿高跟鞋，还打扮得特别精致，今天看起来真不错。
So I would wear heels and I'd wear like, you look beautiful today.
平时我可没这么利索。
Normally, I look not so pulled together.
但上台的时候，我一定得看起来精神十足。
But so I would look great on a stage.
我穿着从不碰的高跟鞋，根本走不稳。
So I'm in heels, which I never wear, so I can't walk in them very well.
还穿着一条裙子。
And I'm wearing a dress.
我注意力特别分散，到拉斯维加斯后，早上七点半打开行李箱，才发现——
And what happened is I have terrible ADHD and I get to Vegas and and it turns out when I open up my suitcase at 07:30 in the morning Mhmm.
我把高跟鞋落在迈阿密的酒店了。
I have left my high heels in a hotel room in Miami.
是的。
Mhmm.
我箱子里只有洞洞鞋，天哪。
And what I have in my suitcase are Birkenstocks Oh, no.
还有一双闪亮的运动鞋。
And these sparkly high tops.
就这些了。
That's it.
我还有二十分钟就要技术彩排了。
And I've tech check-in twenty minutes.
大多数人这时候早就拉肚子了。
Most people would have stress diarrhea.
对。
Mhmm.
然后彻底把事情搞砸。
And then just derail the situation.
我就想，管他呢。
And I'm like, fuck it.
行吧。
Like, okay.
我还是穿那双亮闪闪的高帮鞋吧，总不能穿着人字拖上台吧。
I guess we're going with the high tops because I'm not wearing Birkenstocks on this stage.
你还记得我之前说过的吗？生活总在教你东西。
And remember how I said that your life is always teaching you.
对。
Mhmm.
这些教训要么来自困境，要么就藏在那些安静的小瞬间里。
And it's either in the struggles or it's in these quiet little moments.
是的。
Yeah.
所以我到了后台。
So I get backstage.
当你在大型活动的后台时，四周一片漆黑，舞台后方是整座城市的工作人员，所有人都穿着黑衣，到处都是设备、桌子和电线。
And when you're backstage speaking at a big event, it's very dark and there's like a whole city behind the stage of people in production and everybody's dressed in all black and there's equipment everywhere and tables everywhere and cables everywhere.
舞台后方还搭着很多遮布，你得在那儿来回走动，视线特别差。
And then there's all this tenting that is the back of the stage and you're kinda walking around and it's hard to see.
通常来说，尤其是在早上八点，拉斯维加斯这种地方，你想想看。
And normally, especially if it's like 08:00 in the morning on a in Vegas for crying out loud Mhmm.
我当时要在一个大型企业大会上为雷马克斯公司演讲，主题是‘五秒法则’。
And you're speaking at a massive corporate conference for for REMAX, the client was, and I was gonna give a speech about the five second rule.
所有人都累坏了。
Everyone's tired.
我走到后台，工作人员正在给我戴麦克风，准备做技术调试，等会儿八千人就要进场进入米高梅剧院了。
So I walk back there and they're miking me up for the tech check that we're gonna do before 8,000 people come into the MGM.
其中一个年纪较大的男人，穿着全黑，留着灰白胡须，转过身来说：‘你这鞋挺帅啊。’
And one of the older guys dressed in all black, he's got a graying beard, he turns, he's like, cool kicks.
这是我第一次在后台被人这样夸，虽然我一直很随和、不矫情，也不难伺候，但从来没人这么说过。
And it was the first time that anyone backstage, even though I was super nice and friendly and not dramatic at all and not high maintenance, it was the first time anybody had ever commented like that.
那一刻我就想，得记下来。
And that was this small moment that I was like, take note.
我走上台的时候，感觉完全不一样了。
And so then I go up on stage and as I walked on stage, I felt different.
就是这么一个小瞬间，值得记下来。
And that was a small moment that was like, take note.
通常来说，如果是个女性上台演讲，不管男女，大家一看到女人上台，要是太漂亮了，高跟鞋太高了，就会抱起胳膊，心里嘀咕：这女人以为自己比谁都强。
And normally if you're a woman who's presenting, most people, whether it's male, female, they, everybody, when a woman walks on stage, if you're too pretty, if your heels are too high, most people kinda cross their arms and are like, this bitch thinks she looks better than the rest of us.
人和人之间就自然隔开了一段距离，因为你太在意自己的外表了。
And there's a distance that happens because you're focused on what you look like.
你总想着怎么呈现自己，好像在刻意展示什么。
And you're focused on presenting yourself in a way that is like kind of projecting something.
可那天我穿着这双亮闪闪的笨重高帮鞋，穿着根本不搭的裙子，戴着傻乎乎的眼镜走上台，大家全愣了：这是什么情况？
Well, God, when I walked on stage in these stupid high tops that are all sparkly and this dress that didn't match and my dumb glasses, people were like, what is this?
结果反而让人放下了戒备，态度一下子亲近了。
Like, and so there was an open arm thing.
通常来说，我要花五到十分钟，再加上几声笑，才能让演讲进入那个我称之为‘和她一起喝杯咖啡’的时刻。
And so typically, it would take me like five to ten minutes and a couple laughs to get to that point in a speech that I call I'd have a cup of coffee with her moment.
也就是听众开始真正倾听、享受，而不是评判。
Which is now somebody's listening and enjoying instead of judging.
记住这一点。
Take note.
从那一刻起，有几件事变得不一样了。
And from that moment on, couple things.
第一，在你所在的任何行业，把事情做到出色，是最基本的要求。
Number one, in any industry that you're in, being able to be excellent at the thing is the minimum requirement.
最基本的要求。
The minimum requirement.
如果你不够出色，就不该站上舞台。
You shouldn't be on a stage if you're not excellent.
如果你不够出色，就不该收别人的钱。
You shouldn't be charging people if you're not excellent.
你得为自己的表现感到自豪，这意味着你得不断练习。
Like you need to take pride in your performance, which means you need to practice.
这纯粹是我的个人观点。
You need to like, this is my opinion.
你想怎么做都行，我不会拦你。
I'm gonna let you do whatever you want.
对。
Mhmm.
但别以为你只要把别人付钱让你做的事做得很好就够了。
But really don't hang your hat on the fact that you're fantastic at the thing they're paying you to do.
没错。
Yep.
你想做到出类拔萃吗？
You wanna be exceptional?
那就把那些没人付钱让你做的事，做到极致。
Be fucking fantastic at the things no one pays you to do.
让我在企业界脱颖而出、赚到巨额财富的原因是，依我看，几乎没人比得上我。
What made me an extraordinary force on the corporate circuit and what has earned me extraordinary amounts of money is yes, There is, in my opinion, almost no one better.
我不知道还有谁在台上能比我更强。
I don't know of anyone better on stage.
对。
Mhmm.
我相信外面肯定有特别厉害的人，但我敢肯定，我就是其中之一。
And I'm sure there's extraordinary people out there, but I will claim that for myself for sure.
说到我做的事，我是独一无二的。
Category of one of one when it comes to what I do.
对。
Mhmm.
但我敢肯定，一旦离开舞台，没人比我更厉害。
But I know for sure there's no one better when it comes to what I do off stage.
没错。
Yep.
我很快就明白，真正让人感到被重视的，往往是那些细小的举动，而正是这些举动让人愿意跟你合作、愿意请你做事。
Because I learned very quickly that it's the little things that you do that make people feel taken care of that then make people want to work with you, that make people want to hire you.
我给你举个简单的例子。
And I'll give you a simple example.
我每年要跑一百一十五场演讲，星巴克、摩根大通、微软，一场接一场，从这个活动到那个活动，听众少则一百人，多则三万人，CEO闭门会也经常有。
When I would land, like I when I was doing a 115 speeches a year, Starbucks, JPMorgan, Microsoft, on and on and on and on from one event to the other event to this event to that event, 30,000 people, a 100 people with a CEO retreat, this one.
每次飞到一个新城市，我都会给活动策划人发条消息，不是发给CEO，也不是发给请我来的人，而是发一张我刚下飞机的自拍。
Every time I landed in a new city, I would always text the event planner, not the CEO, not the person that hired me, I would text the event planner a fun selfie of me getting off the plane.
我到了。
I'm here.
谢谢你的安排。
Thank you.
很期待见到你。
Excited to see you.
你知道这带来了什么效果吗？
And you know what that did?
这立刻让负责跟进我、同时要处理无数琐事的人对我好感大增。
That immediately made the person who is responsible for tracking me and who is responsible for managing a million things love me.
对。
Yep.
因为我只是帮他们卸下了一项任务，让他们的工作轻松了不少。
Because I just took one thing off their list and made their job easy.
当你这么做的时候，你觉得人们会怎么回应？
And when you do that, guess what people do?
他们会再次找你合作。
They hire you again.
对。
Yep.
他们还会向别人推荐你。
They recommend you.
当你要跟上面的人打交道时，人们往往只关注那些人，但其实你更该把精力放在服务上面那些人的人身上。
And people are obsessed with the people up here when you need to be amazing with the people that serve the people up here.
对的
Mhmm.
因为那些人才有实权。
Because those are the folks that have the power.
是的
Yeah.
真正把事情办成的，就是这些人。
Those are the ones that get everything done.
如果你想扩大社交媒体的粉丝群，道理也是一样的。
And it is the exact same principle if you wanna grow a social media audience.
没错。
Yep.
就是要回复评论。
It's responding to comments.
要主动关注你的名字或品牌，找到对方的账号去回复。
It's actually tracking your name or your brand and going to their account and responding.
这跟我以前在演讲行业当面做的完全一样。
That is the exact same thing that I was doing in person in the speaking business.
对。
Yeah.
这些就是一些我特别较真的小细节。
And so those are examples of how there are little things that I'm obsessive about.
比如，我公司里每个人在拍摄当天都会戴名牌。
Like, everybody in my company on a production day actually wears name tags.
因为我以前主持过一档日间脱口秀。
Because I used to host a daytime talk show.
我参加过的活动多到数不清。
I've been at a bazillion events.
根本记不住每个人的名字。
It's impossible to remember people's names.
是的。
Yeah.
所以当你走进波士顿市中心的143号演播室时，你会面对25个人。
And so when you walk into one four three studios in Downtown Boston, you're gonna walk into 25 people.
我们会一起站起来欢迎你。
We're gonna stand up and welcome you together.
每个人都会戴着名牌。
Everybody has a name tag.
为什么呢？
Why?
因为我想让你感到放松。
Because I want you to feel at ease.
我想让你感到自在。
I want you to feel comfortable.
我也希望我的员工感受到被关注和认可。
I want the people that work for me to feel seen and recognized.
是的。
Yeah.
当你听完播客，我们一起走出去的时候，大家会为你鼓掌，因为我们真的很感谢你的到来。
When you're done with the podcast and we walk out, you get a standing ovation because we're grateful that you're here.
是的。
Yeah.
所以我做的每一件小事，都是有意为之，为了产生特定的影响。
And so every tiny little thing I do is with intention on making a particular type of impact.
这个过程其实是有阶段的。
And so there are stages to this.
首先，你得先开始做起来。
I mean, first, you gotta get started.
其次，你得学会坚持下去，因为能持续发力本身也是一种能力。
Second, you gotta learn how to just keep going because the other thing that is a skill is stamina.
没错。
Yep.
我相信，成功很大程度上在于不放弃。
I believe that success is as much about not quitting Mhmm.
和其他事情一样。
As anything else.
完全没错。
Totally.
和其他事情一样。
As anything else.
你可能没想到，这本书《随他们去吧》理论，是我第一次真正迎来一个重要时刻，是的。
And, you know, it may surprise every it may surprise you to learn that, you know, with this book, The Let Them Theory, this is truly the first time that I've had a major moment Yep.
就普通的宣传周期来说。
In terms of the normal press cycle.
我有很多朋友，因为我参加了一些精英小组。
I have a lot of friends because I'm in mastermind groups.
没错。
Mhmm.
你实际上在为我很多朋友代理推广、销售广告和开展品牌合作。
And you actually represent and sell ads and do brand partnerships for a lot of my friends.
还有另一件事，我想告诉你，这可是我成功的秘诀。
And that's another thing I'm gonna tell you that has been a secret to success.
你最直接的竞争对手，反而应该成为你最亲密的朋友。
And it's that the very people you're competing against should be your closest friends.
没错。
Yep.
确实如此。
It's so true.
你为什么觉得这是对的？
Why do you believe that's true?
没错，兄弟，就花了七天。
YAP fam, seven days.
我从一个想法到打造一个五亿美元的线上店铺，只用了七天。
That's all it took me to go from idea to a $500,000,000 storefront.
没找技术团队，也没自己写代码，全靠我在领英上的经验、一个商业点子，还有Shopify。
No tech team, no coding, just my LinkedIn knowledge, a business idea, and Shopify.
大多数人没意识到的是，创业的关键其实不在想法本身。
Here's what most people don't realize about starting a business.
想法从来都不是最难的部分。
The idea is never the hard part.
真正让人卡住、拖延的，是起步阶段的那些琐事。
The setup is where people stall and procrastinate.
他们纠结于页面设计、购物流程，结果几个月过去了，啥也没做成，只剩下个好点子。
They overthink the design, the checkout flow, and then months pass along with nothing to show for it, but your good idea.
Shopify 把这些麻烦全给扫清了。
Shopify removes all that friction.
他们的模板和AI工具，能让你快速搭建出一个既好看又实用的网站。
Their templates and AI tools get you a beautiful functional site set up fast.
当顾客准备下单时，Shopify 的结账流程特别顺畅，真正愿意付款的人多了不少。
And when someone's ready to buy, Shopify checkout is so smooth that more customers actually follow through.
比如，老顾客用 Shop Pay 一键就能完成支付。
Returning buyers can check out in a single click with Shop Pay, for example.
如果你在搭建过程中遇到任何障碍，他们还内置了一个AI助手，随时帮你解决问题。
And if you hit a wall at any point with your build, they've got a built in AI assistant sidekick that's there to help.
不是那种干巴巴的常见问题页面，而是一个真能帮你搭建、排错、继续前进的助手。
Not an FAQ page, an actual assistant that helps you build, troubleshoot, and keep going.
证据就在眼前，YAP的朋友们。
And the proof is right there, YAP fam.
在《我们如何盈利》这个系列里，我访谈的那些年收入数百万美元的电商创业者，全都在用Shopify。
On the How We Profit series, the founders I've been talking to who are doing millions of dollars in their e commerce business, they sell on Shopify.
如果你脑子里早就有个创业点子，却一直搁置着，别再等了。
So if a business idea has been sitting in the back of your head collecting dust, stop waiting.
现在就行动起来。
Take action.
动手去做吧。
Just do it.
你只需要有这个想法，剩下的Shopify全帮你搞定。
All you need is the idea because Shopify handles the rest.
立即前往 shopify.com/profiting 开始免费试用。
Start your free trial at shopify.com/profiting.
再次提醒，网址是 shopify.com/profiting。
Again, that's shopify.com/profiting.
去 shopify.com/profiting，今天就开始打造你的理想生意。
Go to shopify.com/profiting to start building your dream business today.
我觉得，当你达到一定高度之后，人们其实没那么竞争激烈。
Because I feel like they'll they'll you know, when you reach higher levels, people aren't actually that competitive.
他们更愿意合作。
They're more collaborative.
他们希望帮你，你们也能互相支持。
They wanna help you and you guys can help each other.
所以我感觉，和那些看似竞争对手的人紧密合作，才是最快进步的方式。
And so I felt like working closely with the people that are my competitors is the quickest way to just get ahead.
而且我觉得，无论在哪个阶段，都是这样。
That and I think it's true at any level.
刚起步的时候，我们总是特别没信心，觉得自己没什么可提供的。
We're just so insecure when we're getting started that we don't think we have anything to offer.
其实，你的家人根本不知道你在忙什么。
And the truth is your family has no idea what you're doing.
你的朋友也不明白你在做什么。
Your friends don't understand what you're doing.
你以为的竞争对手，反而是这个世界上唯一真正懂你的人。
And the people that you think you're competing with are the only people on the planet that get it.
所以，那些你下意识想远离的人，恰恰应该是你最亲密的盟友。
And so the very people that you're distancing yourselves from should be your closest allies.
不然的话，你只会觉得特别孤单。
Because otherwise you are going to feel alone.
是的。
Yep.
因为你的家人没干这行，根本体会不到你承受的压力。
Because your family's not in this business, so they don't understand the stress.
你的朋友没有同样的追求，所以没法理解你正在经历什么。
Your friends don't share the same aspirations, so they don't know what you're going through.
对。
Yep.
但和你处在同样阶段的人，才是真正和你一路的人。
But the people at your same level, like this is your squad.
对。
Yep.
因为他们懂。
Because they get it.
没错。
Mhmm.
说实话，我之所以对‘让他们去’这个理念，还有我现在谈的这些想法这么兴奋，是因为我曾经太长时间都盯着那些我敬佩的人，比如杰·沙蒂、刘易斯·豪斯、詹娜·库彻、艾米·波特菲尔德和特伦特·谢尔顿。
And you know, honestly, that's why I'm so excited about the Let Them Theory and the things that I'm talking about now because for far too long, for far too long, I would look at people that I admired like Jay Shetty and Lewis Howes and Jenna Kutcher and Amy Porterfield and Trent Shelton.
然后我就想，哎呀，人家都做播客了。
And I would go, oh, oh, well, you know, they've already done a podcast.
我总觉得我做不了。
I guess I can't do one.
或者他们太成功了。
Or they're super successful.
他们跟我竞争。
They're in competition with me.
我后来才明白这一点，现在特别高兴能懂这个，也特别为你开心，因为你正在听我说这些。
And what I have learned too late, I'm so happy I understand this, and I'm thrilled for you as you're listening to us to really embrace what I'm about to tell you.
成功是取之不尽的。
Success is in limitless supply.
幸福、友情，还有钱、兰博基尼，这些东西都是无穷无尽的。
Happiness, friendship, all of these things, money, Lamborghinis, they're they're in limit limitless supply.
对。
Mhmm.
没有任何人挡着你的路。
No other human being is blocking your way.
事实上，他们是在为你开路。
In fact, they're leading the way.
没错。
Yep.
如果你总是自卑、嫉妒、好胜，总爱和别人比较，那你就会把别人当成自己一事无成的借口。
And if you have a insecure and jealous and competitive and comparison attitude, you will turn other people into the biggest excuse for why you can't do what you need to do.
对。
Yes.
这简直可笑。
And it is a joke.
是啊。
Mhmm.
因为真正挡在你前面的，只有你自己。
Because the only person because there's only one person that can actually block your way, and it's you.
是的。
Yeah.
所以，学会让别人成功、让别人富裕、让别人找到自己的路、让别人投入生活、让别人生孩子、让别人银行里有一百万，让别人做这做那，其实就是让他们走在前面。
And so learning how to let other people be successful and let other people be rich and let other people figure it out and let them get engaged and let them have babies and let them have a million dollars in the bank and let them do this and let them do that, you're just letting them lead the way.
完全对。
Totally.
咱们接着聊‘让他们去’这个理论吧，我早就想深入聊聊这个了。
Let's move on to the Let Them Theory because I can't wait to dive into this.
你职业生涯的初期，真的全在关注自我提升。
So first leg of your career, you really were all about self improvement
是的。
Yes.
内在的成长。
Internal improvement.
是的。
Yes.
现在我们关注的是外部的人际关系。
Now we're focused on external relationships.
是的。
Yes.
还有就是怎么处理人际关系。
And kinda how to manage relationships.
你去年发过一篇帖子，差不多一年前了，爆火了。
So you had this post last year, about a year ago that went massively viral
对。
Mhmm.
那篇帖子是你第一次提到这个话题。
Where you first introduced the topic.
你在那篇帖子里面说了什么？为什么觉得它会这么火？
What did you say in that post and why do you think it was such a phenomenon?
我发了一个视频，天哪，那都是一年半以前的事了。
So I put up a video, gosh, it was like eighteen months ago.
我当时分享了一件刚偶然发现的事，因为我在儿子的毕业舞会上管得太细了。
And I basically was sharing about something I had just stumbled on because I was being a micromanaging parent at my son's prom.
我二女儿从大学回家，你知道的，当妈的特别烦人的时候？
And my middle daughter was home from college and you know, like, when your mom's being, like, super annoying?
是的。
Yes.
你心里直骂，真是服了。
And you're like, goddamn.
你都觉得丢脸。
You're you're embarrassed.
天啊，妈，你别这样了。
Like, just jeez, mom.
我当时就变成这样了。
I was getting like that.
对。
Mhmm.
这种事，谁没经历过呢。
Well, we've all been there.
对吧？
Right?
而且这事也太小题大做了。
And it's just over stupid.
我女儿伸手抓住我的胳膊，把我拽过去，说：妈，别这样了。
So and my daughter reaches out and grabs my arm and yanks me towards her and says, mom, stop it.
你太烦人了。
Like, you're being so annoying.
随他们去吧。
Like, let them.
随他们去吧。
Let them.
让他们在雨里跑好了。
You know, let them run-in the rain.
让他们想在哪吃就在哪吃。
Let them eat where they want.
让他们也这么干吧。
Let them do the same.
让他们吧。
Let them.
她一直重复着：让他们吧，让他们吧，让他们吧。
And she just kept saying let them, let them, let them.
那感觉挺奇怪的。
And it was weird.
那一刻就像被重重打了一拳。
It just like hit me like a ton of bricks.
我干嘛要为这个操心？
Why am I worried about this?
我干嘛要为这个焦虑？
Why am I stressing about this?
接下来几天，只要有人惹我烦、让我生气，或者在网上看到谁让我嫉妒，又或者有人做了什么事勾起我的内疚，我就开始对自己说：让他们去吧。
And for the next couple days, anytime somebody was pissing me off or annoying me or I saw somebody do something online that made me feel jealous or you know, somebody did something that made the guilt rise up, I just started saying let them.
你知道吗，在商店排队的时候，对吧。
You know, standing in line at a store Mhmm.
前面排了五个人。
And there's five people in front of you.
滴滴滴，滴滴滴。
Beep, beep, beep.
只有一个收银员。
There's only one cashier.
其他队伍也没人来。
No one's coming to the other lines.
那时候你感觉怎么样？
How do you feel in that moment?
很焦虑。
Stressed.
对。
Yeah.
那接下来你会怎么做？
And then what do you do?
气呼呼的，可能嘴里嘀咕几句。
Huff and puff, maybe say something under your breath.
对。
Mhmm.
你心里是不是觉得，自己能比店员把超市管得更好？
You think you can run the grocery store better than the people running Uh-huh.
可就在你这么想的时候，你知道发生了什么吗？
And all along while that's happening, do you know what's happening?
你其实正在让一件事消耗你的精力。
You're actually allowing something to drain your life force.
是的。
Yep.
而且你还在白白浪费时间。
And you are wasting time.
你让那些你无法掌控的事情偷走了你的时间和精力，还让你忽略了：即使在你感到压力、受伤、担忧或害怕的时刻，总有些事是你能掌控的。
And you are allowing something that's out of your control to steal your time and energy and blind you to the fact that even in moments where you feel stressed out or hurt or you're worried or you're scared, that there is always something in your control.
而你能掌控的，从来都不在外面。
And what's in your control is never out there ever.
生活中有一件事你永远无法控制，那就是别人。
There's one thing in life you can never control, it's other people.
你控制不了他们的想法，控制不了他们的行为，也控制不了他们改变的时间，哪怕他们真的会改变。
You can't control what they think, you can't control what they do, you can't control the timeline upon which they change, if they change at all.
你控制不了他们是否爱你，你根本无法掌控任何一个人，可我们偏偏总在试。
You can't control if they're gonna love you, you can't you cannot control another human being and yet we try.
这正是你生活中最大的挫败来源。
And it's the greatest source of frustration in your life.
但如果你把注意力转回来，就会发现，当你指着别人的时候，总有三根手指在指向你自己，因为总有三件事是你始终能掌控的。
But if you turn it back, you'll see there's three fingers always pointing back at you when you point at somebody else because there are three things that are always in your control.
你永远能掌控自己对正在发生的事的想法。
You can always control what you think about what's happening.
你总能决定自己要做或不做些什么。
You can always control what you choose to do or not do.
对。
Mhmm.
你也能掌控自己如何处理情绪。
And you can always control how you process your emotions.
没错。
Yep.
你是任由情绪把你淹没，然后发条消息，还是曾经写过那种邮件——拖很久，花上九十分钟，字里行间全是情绪，最后却删了？
Whether you will let them just run you over and then you send that text or have you ever crafted one of those emails, like, space and it's, like, super long and you take, like, ninety minutes, you're like, thin.
没错。
Yep.
这么做从来解决不了问题。
That never solves anything.
你总可以选择如何回应，这才是你对自己人生负责的方式。
You always get to choose how you respond, and that's how you take responsibility for your life.
我们来聊聊责任这个问题。
Let's talk about responsibility.
责任就是你做出回应的能力。
It's the ability to respond.
这才是真正承担责任的意思。
That's what taking responsibility means.
你之前举的那个例子特别好，就是被排除在女生旅行之外的事。
You give such a great example about being left out on a girls trip.
对。
Uh-huh.
几年前我也遇到过类似的情况。
I had this happen to me a couple years ago.
我高中时最好的朋友们一起去海边旅行，我被落下，心里特别难受。
My high school best friends, they all went on a beach trip and I was really hurt.
那时候我正和男朋友在一起，我们相处的时间变少了，但我一直觉得她们是我最好的朋友。
I had a boyfriend that I was really focused on and so we weren't spending as much time together, but I still considered them my best friends.
是的
Yeah.
我当时特别受伤，处理方式也特别糟糕。
And I was so hurt and I went about it in the worst way.
我以为自己是个受害者。
What'd you I was a victim.
我给每个人发了条消息，质问他们怎么回事。
I wrote everybody a text like what happens.
他们怎么说？
What did they say?
他们就说，你总是忙。
They were just like, you're always busy.
我们根本就没想起来这回事。
We just we didn't even think about it.
你至于这么在意吗？
Like, what do you care?
我们有权做计划。
We're allowed to make plans.
这让我看起来像个受害者，而且我把自己的主动权全丢掉了。
And it made me look like a victim and I took all my power away.
没错。
Yes.
所以我很想请你解释一下‘随他们去’理论，告诉我们怎么用这个方法重新掌握主动权。
So I'd love for you to explain the Let Them Theory of how we can actually use this to make our like, to take back our power.
对。
Yeah.
这是个很好的例子。
It's a great example.
因为没被邀请而感到受伤，其实说明你心理很健康。
And being hurt because you're not included is a sign that you're mentally well.
关键在于你接下来怎么应对，这决定了你生活的体验。
It's what you do with that that dictates your experience of life.
就像你一样，我很多时候被排除在外，或者别人根本没想到我，因为我一直忙于创业，他们怎么会想起我呢？
And like you, all too often when I have either been left out of something or people didn't even think of me because I haven't been around because I've been busy building a business, so why would they think of me?
对啊。
Mhmm.
或者看到别人成功了，我就开始自怜自艾。
Or if it's when I see somebody else succeeding And then I feel sorry for myself.
对啊。
Mhmm.
是吧？
Right?
有这些感受很正常。
Feeling those things is normal.
关键是你接下来怎么做。
It's what you do next that matters.
所以‘随他们去’理论，是我这辈子发现过的最有力量的东西。
So the Let Them Theory is the single most powerful thing I've ever discovered.
我特别期待你能试试这个方法。
I'm so excited for you to implement this.
真的，我现在整个人都不一样了。
Seriously, like, I am a changed human being.
我从未感觉如此平静又有力。
I've never felt more peaceful and powerful.
那这个‘随他们去’理论到底是什么？
So what is the Let Them Theory?
它是一个简单的心态工具，能立刻帮你分清哪些事你能掌控，哪些事你控制不了。
It is a simple mindset tool that shows you immediately what is in your control and what is not in your control.
下面是具体怎么用。
And here's how you use it.
一共两个步骤。
There's two steps.
每当你遇到让你感到压力、生气、受伤、烦躁、黏人、觉得自己是受害者，或者怒火上涌的情况时，你就对自己说：随他们去。
Anytime that you are in a situation where you're starting to feel stressed out or you're starting to get pissed off or you're hurt or you're annoyed or you're getting clingy or you're becoming a victim or you're feeling the rage come up, you're gonna say let them.
这就是第一步。
That's step one.
当你说到‘随他们去’的时候，你就从这件事里抽身出来了。
When you say let them, you detach from what's happening.
你意识到，我控制不了这个人怎么想、怎么说、怎么做、怎么感受，也控制不了现在路上的交通状况。
And you recognize that I can't control this person, what they think, say, or do, or feel, or I can't control what's happening with traffic right now.
所以我选择随他们去。
So I am gonna let them.
当你这么说的时候，会有几件事随之发生。
And when you say let them, a couple things happen.
首先，你会感到一种优越感涌上来。
First of all, you get this rush of superiority.
是的。
Yep.
因为你心里清楚，我看透了这一切。
Because it's like you're going, I see what's happening.
我珍惜自己的时间和精力，我知道没必要浪费在试图控制这种情况，或者让这个人、这件事对我造成负面影响上。
And I value my time and energy and I know I'm not gonna waste it trying to manage this situation or allowing this person or this situation to impact me negatively.
我会放手。
I'm gonna let them.
这真的很神奇，因为你终于放下了。
And so it's amazing because you detach.
接下来第二步，是对自己说：让我来。
And then the second step is you say let me.
这才是最关键的，因为这时你重新拿回了主动权。
And this is the most powerful part because this is where you take your power back.
对。
Yeah.
当你对自己说‘让我来’，你就提醒自己，总有些事是在你掌控之内的。
When you you say let me, you then remind yourself that there's always something in your control.
而始终在你掌控之内的，就是这三件事。
And what's always in your control are the three things.
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