米歇尔·蒂利斯·莱德曼：7种思维转变，让人脉网络成为你的最大优势 | 领导力 | YAP经典回顾

而她确实这么做了。

And she does.

这感觉棒极了。

And it's wonderful.

这建议真是太棒了。

That's such great advice.

我觉得这种做法并不常见。

I think this is something that's like it's not obvious.

这绝对是一个能让我们更开放地与他人相处的工具。

It's definitely a tool that we can use to be more open with others.

在我看来这很聪明，因为它直接指出了房间里的大象（显而易见的问题）。

And it's genius in my opinion, because it's just calling out the elephant in the room.

让我直接把它点明吧。

Let me just call it out.

这样就不会尴尬了，我们也能尽可能融洽相处。

So it's not awkward anymore and so that we can get along as well as possible.

这是将意图与影响相匹配。

It's matching intent with impact.

当我们拥有这些独特的魅力或盲点时，我们怀有某种意图，但实际产生的影响却并非如此。

And so when we have some of these unique charms, when we have some of these blind spots, we have a certain intent, but it's not the impact that we're having.

为了弥合这个差距，需要提供一些关于如何理解我、如何接受我的行为、甚至如何约束我的信息。

And so in order to have those things and bridge that gap, giving some information about how to interpret me or how to receive something I do or how to even keep me in line.

有时候我会很兴奋，然后打断别人说话。

Sometimes I'm like, sometimes I get excited and I interrupt.

别让我这样。

Don't let me.

我经常告诉我的教练客户，要教会他们的员工和助理等如何管理他们，如何向上管理。

And so I talk to a lot of my coaching clients about teaching their employees and their assistants and things like that how to manage them, how to manage up.

当你告诉别人'这是约束我的方法'时，这确实是个绝妙的工具，能创造更协作、更团结、更高效的工作关系。

And it is a amazing tool to create more collaborative, more cohesive, and more productive working relationships when you tell somebody, here's how to keep me in line.

这对正在收听的领导者或管理者来说真的非常非常聪明。

This is really, really smart for any leaders or managers tuning in.

因为尤其是作为领导者，人们往往会害怕告诉你不同意见或反驳你的观点之类的。

Because especially as the leaders, people get afraid to sort of tell you anything otherwise or counteract your opinion or whatever it is.

所以我能想象这确实有助于促进企业中的关系。

So I can imagine that that could really help foster relationships in a business.

好的。

Okay.

那么我们来谈谈情商。

So let's talk about emotional intelligence.

我知道很明显会认为连接者比非连接者拥有更高的情商。

So I know that it's pretty obvious to think that connectors are gonna have higher emotional intelligence than non connectors.

你能和我们谈谈情商的五个层次，以及我们如何提高情商吗？

Can you talk to us about the five levels of emotional intelligence, and how we can improve our emotional intelligence?

真有趣。

It's so funny.

今早散步时，我刚开始听丹尼尔·戈尔曼的《情商》十周年纪念版。

I was starting to listen to the tenth anniversary of emotional intelligence by Daniel Goleman this morning on my my morning walk.

所以我采访了他。

So I interviewed him.

它

It

在我脑海中记忆犹新。

really fresh in my mind.

关于情商有很多不同的模型，我不记得这个模型该归功于谁了。

And there's a lot of different models of emotional intelligence, and I don't remember who I credit this model to.

但我认为它包含两个部分：自我掌控和社交掌控。

But I think of it in two parts, self mastery and social mastery.

所以情商的前三个层次是关于自我掌控的。

So the first three levels of emotional intelligence are about self mastery.

这必须从自我意识开始，我们之前已经讨论过了。

So that has to start with self awareness, which we've already been talking about.

对吧？

Right?

了解我的触发点，明白好坏之分。

Understanding my triggers and understanding the good and the bad.

然后是自我调节。

And then it's self regulation.

那么在这些触发时刻，我如何避免被动反应而更加主动应对？

So how do I not be reactive and be more responsive in those moments of trigger?

以及自我激励。

And self motivation.

面对障碍时我该如何行动？

So how do I act in the face of obstacles?

就像你说的，我如何保持'加油，继续前进'的状态？

How do I keep, as you said, let's go, go, go?

当遇到阻碍或事情不如预期时，我们如何反弹、恢复并重新调整？

When some roadblock or something doesn't go our way, how do we rebound and recover and regroup?

这就是自我掌控。

So that's the self mastery.

社交精通是将这种能力延伸到自身之外。

Social mastery is about taking this outside of yourself.

所以它涉及捕捉社交线索、社交意识，对他人的觉察，以及用眼睛和耳朵去倾听。

So it's picking up on those social cues, social awareness, right, the awareness of others, and listening, I always say, with your eyes as well as your ears.

那么我得到了什么信息？

So what am I getting?

然后承担责任并验证这个假设，比如，我感觉到了这个。

And then taking responsibility and checking that assumption, like, I'm feeling this.

那里发生了什么？

What's going on there?

或者进行确认，因为我们不想仅凭假设就认为自己是正确的。

Or checking in because we don't wanna just assume we're right.

然后能够协作地采取行动并做出决策，这才是最高境界。

And then being able to act and make decisions collaboratively, that's at the pinnacle.

对吧？

Right?

当我能够与他人协作、共同创造并共同决策时，我才真正掌握了情商精髓，让他们感到被赋能、被赏识并全心投入。

When I can collaborate, co create, and make decisions with others, now I have really mastered the emotional intelligence where they feel empowered and appreciated and engaged.

是的。

Yeah.

想想真有意思，比如我和我的商业伙伴凯特。

And it's so interesting to think, you know, I think of my business partner, Kate, and myself.

我们截然不同。

We're so different.

我们都是情商高手，但各有各的方式。

We're both masters at emotional intelligence, but in our own ways.

思考一个人可能在情商的某些方面非常强，而在其他方面却不那么强，这非常有趣。

And it's just so interesting to think how you could be really strong in one aspect of emotional intelligence and not so strong on other aspects.

评估我们当前水平的最佳方式是什么？有哪些资源可以帮助我们更深入地了解情商？

What's the best way to gauge where we are, and what are some resources we can use to learn more about EI?

嗯，市面上有大量测评工具可供选择。

Well, there's tons of assessments out there.

而且，你知道，我很喜欢这些评估，但你可以在网上做免费的。

And, you know, I am a fan of them, but you can do free ones online.

还有一些付费的评估，能给你一份详尽的报告。

There are paid ones where you get a robust report.

但如果你选择付费评估，最好在教练指导下进行，因为他们对特定工具很专业，这能帮你理解如何运用结果。

But if you do the paid ones, do it with a coach because it has expertise in that one tool, because that will help you figure out what to do with it.

所以我们可能会得到一个结果，然后说，好的，太棒了。

So we might get a result and say, okay, great.

你清楚自己的触发点是什么，却仍任由它们触发你。

You know what your triggers are, but you let them trigger you.

所以你确实需要在自我调节方面下功夫。

And so you really need to work on self regulation.

要达到一个更倾向于回应而非反应的状态，他们就能帮你制定行动计划来实现这个目标。

And to get to a more responsive place versus a reactive place, then they can help you put an action plan into place to do that.

可能是你根本缺乏对他人的觉察，比如你甚至不会从工作中抬头看人。

It could be you just don't have an awareness of others as, you know, you're not even looking up from your work.

你过于专注低头工作，以至于没有抬头注意到别人给你的这些暗示。

You're so focused down here that your eyes aren't up here to pick up on those cues that other people are giving you.

所以你的社交意识可能有所欠缺。

So your social awareness might be lacking.

因此，无论是通过自我评估收集的反馈，这都是你获取信息的最佳途径。

So feedback, whether it is self collected through an assessment, that's the best way you're gonna get information.

这就是我们开始减少盲点的方法。

That's how we start to reduce our blind spots.

然后丹尼尔·戈尔曼，我认为，他写了很多关于情绪的书，他就像是这方面的教父级人物。

And then Daniel Goldman, I think, has a bunch of books on emotional he's like really the godfather.

我们在Yap上也有整整一集节目讨论这个。

We also have a whole episode on Yap about that.

我会在结尾部分提到，大家可以去看一下。

So I'll mention it in the outro so you guys can check it out.

好的。

Okay.

那么我们来谈谈对生活的自主权，以及对我们未来有一个清晰的愿景。

So let's talk about agency over our lives, and having a clear vision for our future.

为什么这对连接者如此重要？

Why is that so important for connectors?

我有点希望你能谈到这一点。

I was kinda hoping you'd go to this one.

对于还没读过这本书的人，这七个心态我们基本上是按照顺序来讲的。

For those who haven't read the book yet, the seven mindsets were going a little bit in order.

我先简单列出来让你们听一遍，因为我们可能不会全部讲完。

I'm gonna list them out just so you heard them once, because we're probably not gonna get through all of them.

但连接者是开放包容的。

But Connectors are open and accepting.

他们有着清晰的愿景。

They have a clear vision.

他们充满信任。

They trust.

他们源自富足的心态。

They come from a place of abundance.

他们善于社交、充满好奇、认真负责，并拥有慷慨的精神。

They're social and curious, conscientious, and have a generous spirit.

我把‘拥有清晰愿景’放在前面的原因之一，顺便说一句，这些特质并非线性发展。

And one of the reasons I put have a clear vision really upfront and by the way, these are nonlinear.

并不是说我必须先完成一个，才能进行下一个。

It's not like I had to do one, then do the next, then do the next.

它们实际上是相互促进的。

They actually enable each other.

如果你不信任他人，就很难做到认真负责；如果你没有富足的心态，就很难拥有慷慨的精神。

It's really hard to be conscientious if you don't trust and have a generous spirit if you don't come from a place of abundance.

因此它们确实是相互赋能、相互支持的。

So they really do enable and support each other.

但只有拥有清晰的愿景，才能真正获得连接者的优势。

But to have a clear vision is the only way you are really going to access the connector's advantage.

因为如果你不知道自己想要什么，你就无法得到它。

Because if you don't know what you want, you can't get it.

所以如果你不清楚自己追求的结果是什么，就无法更快、更轻松、更好地达成目标。

So you can't get faster, easier, better results if you don't know what result you're looking for.

但我一直很讨厌这个问题：十年后你想做什么？

But I've always hated the question, what do you want to do ten years from now?

你觉得自己五年后会是什么样子？

Where do you see yourself five years down the road?

我就想，我不知道。

I'm like, I don't know.

我现在也不想知道。

I don't want to know now.

我希望那是个惊喜。

I want it to be a surprise.

我渴望探索的过程。

I want the exploration.

我不想要命中注定的未来。

I don't want predestined.

如果你有那种规划，那很好。

If you have that, good on you.

但我从来不是那种人。

I've just never been that person.

但这不意味着我对事物没有清晰的愿景。

But it doesn't mean I don't have a clear vision for something.

事实上我抽屉里一直放着我的便利贴。

I actually have right here, always in my drawer, my sticky note.

你会看到这些年来有很多便利贴。

And you'll see there's lots of sticky notes over the years.

每年我都会写一张当年的愿景便利贴。

Each year, I write a sticky note of what's my vision for the year.

而且它不必是长远的计划。

And it doesn't have to be the far out plan.

可以是三个月、六个月、九个月或一年的计划。

It could be the three month, six month, nine month, one year plan.

而我通常不会规划超过这个时间范围。

And I don't usually go beyond that.

这样做让我们能够识别那些真正具备连接者思维并抱有慷慨精神的人。

And what that does for us is it has us understand when somebody is embodying the mindset of a connector with that spirit of generosity.

他们会问'你在做什么项目？有什么我能帮忙的？'

And they say, what are you working on, and how can I help?

我想对所有听众说：在结束每次对话前，都应该养成这种提问习惯。

Which is something I would say everybody listening should be doing all the time in all those conversations before you get off.

比如'你最近在忙什么项目？'

You know, what are you working on?

'有什么我能帮上忙的？'

How can I help?

'你想认识什么人？'

Who do you wanna know?

什么对你来说是有价值的？

What would be valuable for you?

这是个极好的提问。

It's a fabulous question to ask.

这也是个需要准备好答案的重要问题。

It's also a really important question to have an answer to.

而这就是清晰愿景能为你带来的好处。

And that's what having a clear vision does for you.

所以当有人说要帮你时，你可以回答：好的，这正是我需要帮助的地方。

So when somebody says, I'm here offering you help, you can say, okay, here's the kind of help I'm looking for.

那么这种清晰愿景只与人脉网络相关吗？

So is this clear vision just related to networking?

还是说你需要先对目标有清晰愿景，再根据目标规划所需的人脉网络？

Or are you saying have a clear vision for your goals, and then once you know what your goals are, think about what networking you need to do to support that.

请具体说明你希望我们怎么做。

Give us some rigor around what you want us to do exactly.

好的。

Okay.

所以第一个问题是，这与社交网络无关。

So the first question is, this is not about networking.

这关乎你自身、你的生活以及你的目标。

This is about you, your life, your goals.

因此，无论你生活中试图实现什么目标，无论是转行、变得更健康还是跑马拉松这样的个人目标，都需要有清晰的愿景。

So having a clear vision about whatever it is that you are trying to accomplish in your life, whether it is a personal goal of changing careers or getting healthier or running a marathon.

或者，如果是专业目标，比如赢得客户、成为合伙人、获得新工作等等。

Or if it's a professional goal of landing a client, becoming partner, getting a new job, whatever it is.

对吧？

Right?

你正在为某件事努力。

You have something you're working on.

有一次，当我的第二本书《英雄被雇佣》出版时，我的目标是联系米歇尔·奥巴马。

One time when my second book came out, the Heroes Get Hired book, my goal was to connect with Michelle Obama.

我把这个目标公之于众。

And I put it out there.

我如此频繁地表达这个愿望，以至于最终获得了与她幕僚长通话的机会。

I put it out there so much so that I got a phone call with her chief of staff.

虽然我从未直接与她对话，但这已经非常接近了。

I never spoke to her directly, but that's pretty close.

而且我的书成功呈现在了她面前。

And I got my book in front of her.

这就是我的目标。

And that was the goal.

当我上一本书出版时，我的目标非常简单。

When my last book came out, my goal was very simple.

我想在亚马逊上获得100条书评。

I wanted to get to a 100 reviews on Amazon.

所以目标可以很小。

And so they can be small goals.

目标可以很宏大。

They can be big goals.

对吧？

Right?

我刚才就举了两个我长期以来的目标例子。

And I just gave you two examples of ones that I've had over time.

而且根据你交谈对象的不同，目标也可以有所差异。

And they can be different goals based on the person you're talking to.

所以第一点就是关于目标的定义。

So first thing is that's what the goal is about.

第二点是，当你问'我们该先做这个吗'时，我有点坐立不安。

The second thing is, and I I kinda squirmed in my seat a little bit when you're like, do we do this first?

我们该先做那个吗？

Do we do that first?

而你追求的是严谨性。

And you wanted rigor.

我当时就想，你知道吗？

And I was like, you know what?

在人际交往方面，我一直比较随性。

I've always been a little organic when it comes to connection.

事实上，疫情后我不得不在这方面更刻意一些。

And the truth is that I've had to be a little more intentional about that post COVID.

我得承认，在建立人际关系时过于策略化和战术化，还是会让我有些不自在。

I will say that it still makes me squirm a little bit to be too strategic and too, like, tactical when it comes to building relationships.

但我最近刚设计了一门名为《混合世界中的刻意连接》的课程——上个月刚为宝洁女性员工讲授过，她们对此如饥似渴，因为我们突然失去了茶水间闲聊的机会。

But I actually just designed a course called Intentional Connection in a Hybrid World and have been delivering I just delivered it in to Procter and Gamble Women last month, and they were so hungry for it because all of a sudden, we don't have a water cooler moment.

现在每周只去办公室一两天，而我们想联系的人可能和我们不在同两天上班。

We're only in the office one or two days a week, and the people that we wanna connect with might not be there the same two days.

线下活动也变少了，虽然正在逐渐恢复。

And there's fewer live events, although they are coming back.

我们对组织、同事或朋友的联系感也减弱了，因为不再身处同一空间。

And we don't feel as connected to our organizations or to our coworkers or our friends because we're just not in their space anymore.

所以，是的，我认为我们需要有意识地主动去建立这些关系，进行虚拟咖啡会面。

And so, yes, I do think we need to be intentional about going out and building those relationships and having virtual coffees.

我们可以进一步讨论如何在这方面采取具体策略。

And we can talk a little bit more about how to be tactical around that.

虽然这么说，但我还是希望你们只建立真正想要建立的关系。

And as I say that, I also just want you to build the relationships that you wanna build.

因为只有这样，真正深厚牢固的人际连接才会形成并持久。

Because that's where the true relationship connection forms deeply and strongly, and it lasts.

你不知道他们和谁一起参加过夏令营，不知道他们的同学是谁，不知道他们的邻居是谁，甚至不知道他们的配偶是谁。

And you don't know who they went to camp with, and you don't know who they went to school with, and you don't know who their neighbor is, and you don't know who they're married to.

而这些强关系可能会带来你所需要的弱关系和人脉引荐。

And those strong ties can lead to the weak ties and the introductions that you might need.

确实，Yap Gang，今年就像一场旋风。

Yap Gang, this year has been a whirlwind.

太多旅行，太多人生重大变化——搬到奥斯汀、飞往葡萄牙参加挚友婚礼、还要往返新泽西看望家人。

So much travel, so many big life changes between moving to Austin, flying to Portugal for my best friend's wedding, and bouncing back and forth to New Jersey to see my family.

我感觉自己几乎没怎么在家待过。

I feel like I've barely been home.

而且我的行程根本停不下来。

And the travel just won't stop for me.

今年秋天，我要去纳什维尔做播客采访，然后还要去洛杉矶进行播客录制。

This fall, I'll be in Nashville for podcast interviews, and then I'm going to LA for podcast interviews as well.

我已经在计划冬天去热带海滩度假了。

And I'm already eyeing a tropical beach vacation in the winter.

我讨厌寒冷。

I hate being cold.

这一路上，通过爱彼迎预订住宿让我的旅行轻松不少，多亏了那些让我宾至如归的出色房东。

Through it all, booking my stays on Airbnb has made my travel experiences so much easier, thanks to amazing hosts who made each stay feel like home.

这些旅行计划让我想到自己的房子在我外出时一直空置着。

All of these travel plans make me think about my own place just sitting idle while I'm away.

何必让它闲置呢？

Why let it go unused?

通过爱彼迎，你可以出租自己的房子，为客人提供优质体验，而无需亲自打理一切。

With Airbnb, you can host your home and give your guests a great experience without having to manage everything yourself.

爱彼迎的联合房东网络让你可以与经过审核的当地联合房东合作，由他们全权管理：布置房源、处理预订、与客人沟通，甚至应对临时需求。

Airbnb's cohost network lets you partner with a vetted local cohost who manages it all, setting up your place, handling bookings, guest communication, and even taking care of last minute requests.

这样一来，在你忙于旅行时，你的空间仍能顺利运营并创造额外收入。

That way, while you're busy traveling, your space is still running smoothly and earning extra income.

在airbnb.com/host上为你找个联合房东吧。

Find yourself a cohost at airbnb.com/host.

完全理解。

Totally understand.

我们来聊聊实现目标的方法，这意味着要勇于表达自己的需求。

Let's talk about the ways that we can achieve what we want, and that means asking for what we want.

那我们来个快速问答环节。

So let's do quick fire.

现在我会快速列举你在书中提到的几种请求方式，你可以告诉我们相关要点：如何运用、适用场景以及为何有效。

Right now, I'm gonna rattle off a type of ask that you mentioned in your book, and you can tell us what we need to know about it, how we can use this approach, when we should use it, why it works.

第一个是选择退出请求。

So the first one is an opt out ask.

完美。

Perfect.

我正希望你能带我们讨论请求这个话题，因为这是明确愿景的另一部分。

And I was hoping you were gonna take us to the ask because that's the other part of having a clear vision.

你不能仅仅拥有清晰的愿景。

You can't just have a clear vision.

你必须愿意去争取你想要的。

You have to be willing to ask for what you want.

我常说，如果你不开口，答案永远是否定的。

And I always say, if you don't ask, the answer is no.

只要你提出请求，就立刻提高了成功的几率。

If you ask, you immediately increase your odds.

我每次都在反复向我的孩子们灌输这个道理。

And I'm, like, drilling this into my kids every time.

我就说，要开口问。

I'm like, ask.

去问。

Ask.

我就说，看到了吗？

And I'm like, see?

如果你不问，就得不到。

You wouldn't have gotten if you didn't ask.

明白吗？

You know?

我挺烦人的。

I'm very annoying.

选择性退出请求其实是我最喜欢的请求方式之一。

The opt out ask is actually one of my favorite asks.

这是最容易实现的一种。

It is the easiest one to access.

我喜欢它的原因是你在给对方一个说不的理由。

And the reason I love it is because you are giving the person the reason to say no.

你希望让他们说不和说是一样容易。

And you wanna make it as easy for them to say no as it is for them to say yes.

因为说是容易的，而说不则很难。

Because yes is easy, and no is hard.

如果我必须对你说不或想对你说不，现在我会感到不舒服，这会让关系处于风险中。

And if I have to say no to you or I want to say no to you, now I'm uncomfortable, and that puts the relationship at risk.

我教你如何请求的目标是确保你不会让关系处于风险中。

And my goal in teaching you how to ask is to make sure that you don't put a relationship at risk.

这并不总是为了得到肯定的答复，而是为了增加你得到肯定答复的机会，无论是现在还是以后。

It is not necessarily always to get the yes, but to increase your chances of getting a yes, either now or later.

这是通过把关系放在首位来实现的。

And that is by putting the relationship at first.

所以一个选择退出的请求可能是，如果你的公司允许的话，我会非常感激在LinkedIn上得到推荐。

So an opt out ask might be, if your company allows it, I would really appreciate a recommendation on LinkedIn.

如果公司允许的话，这就是退出选项。

If your company allows it, is the opt out.

或者如果你有时间，我非常希望能在亚马逊上得到你的评价。

Or if you have time, I would really appreciate a review on Amazon.

如果你有时间，这就是退出选项。

If you have time, is the opt out.

我现在真的很忙。

I'm really busy right now.

完全理解。

Totally get it.

不必多想。

Don't even think twice.

他们会觉得这完全没问题，你也没有因此生气，现在他们也不觉得需要避开你。

They feel like it's totally okay, and you're not annoyed with them, and now they don't feel like they need to avoid you.

我太喜欢这个了。

I love that.

因为如果你不给他们拒绝的选项而他们说了不，他们就会觉得，好吧，我现在再也没法和这个人说话了。

Because if you don't give them an opt out and they say no, then they just feel like, well, I can never talk to this person again now.

这样会减少尴尬。

It makes it less awkward.

好的。

Okay.

要不试试让它变得容易开口？

How about make it easy ask?

其实‘让它变得容易’有很多种方法。

So make it easy has actually a lot of ways to make it easy.

我们想要做的是让他们更容易答应。

And what we wanna do is make it easy for them to say yes.

如果还不够容易，我们会寻找不同的方法让它变得容易。

And if it's not yet easy, we're gonna find different ways to make it easy.

所以还有替代请求的方式。

So there is the alternate ask.

所有这些都是在让事情变得简单。

And all of these are forms of making it easy.

替代性请求是：你想试试这个吗？

The alternate ask is, Do you wanna try this?

还是想试试那个？

Or do wanna try that?

他们可以自由选择，因为对你来说两者价值相当。

And they can choose because they're of equal value to you.

他们会觉得：这个选项让我更自在。

And they can feel like, well, that one feels more comfortable.

那我就选那个吧。

I'll do that one.

所以你是在给他们提供选择，提供替代方案。

So you're giving them options, the alternatives.

如果想缩小范围，可以采用逐步缩小请求的方式。

If you wanna make it smaller, you can do the shrinking ask.

所以，嘿，我能请你吃个午饭吗？

And so, hey, can I take you out for lunch?

而他们在想，或者只是一杯咖啡。

And they were thinking, or maybe just a coffee.

或者，你知道，也许我们可以直接上Zoom或打个电话。

Or, you know, perhaps we can just jump on a Zoom or a phone call.

或者，你知道，如果这是你的旺季，我完全理解。

Or, you know, if this is your busy season, I totally get it.

你们组织里有没有其他人可以介绍给我认识，可能在接下来几个月有时间的那种？

Is there somebody else in the organization that you might connect me to that that might have some time, you know, in the next few months?

所以我们要把请求变得越来越小，直到他们能答应为止，因为人们确实想答应。

So we're gonna make the ask smaller and smaller and smaller until there's something that they can say yes to because people do want to say yes.

对吧？

Right?

所以与其让他们自己想办法回应你的请求，你可以不断提供更小的选项来获得支持。

So instead of them having to figure out the alternative to what you asked for, you can give them smaller and smaller options in ways that you can be supported.

还有就是便利性请求，这确实能让事情变得简单。

And there's also the convenient ask, which is really making it easy.

通常，当对方职位更高或能为这段关系带来更多价值时——我们其实能意识到自己处于这种位置——我们可能会问：需要我去你办公室吗？

Typically, when somebody is of a higher rank or brings more to the relationship, and and we kinda know when we're in those positions, We might say, do you want me to come to your office?

或者你有常去的咖啡店吗？

Or do you have a favorite coffee shop?

什么时间对你最方便？

What time is best for you?

总之要尽可能简化流程，主动克服所有障碍来促成对方的同意。

And just really make it as easy, and you jump through all the hoops to get to that yes.

我非常赞同这一点。

I love that.

补充说明：如果你联系的人比你更忙，千万别给他们发Calendly预约链接。

A note on that is if you're talking to somebody busier than you, definitely don't send them a Calendly link.

绝对不要说'我的助理会发时间安排给你'这种话。

Definitely don't say my assistant will send you times.

你要主动提供时间选项，尽可能提供多种选择，让翻译尽可能简单方便。

Like, you bring the times, you bring the options, like, just make it as easy as possible.

这是我看到很多人都会搞砸的地方。

This is something I see a lot of people screw up.

那WIF IT请求呢？

How about the WIF IT ask?

所以WIF IT，对于没听过这个短语的人来说，就是'对他们有什么好处'的意思。

So WIF IT, for those who haven't heard this phrase, it's what's in it for them.

这实际上是最有力的请求之一，因为它通过突出利益来创造行动动力。

And this is actually one of the most powerful asks because it is putting the benefit forward to create an impetus for action.

但这也是你需要谨慎使用的，因为有时对他们来说并非真正有益。

But it's also one you need to be careful with because sometimes it is really not a benefit to them.

如果确实无益，就不要假装有益。

And if it is not, don't pretend that it is.

我数不清收到过多少邮件和LinkedIn消息，说'我认为我们建立联系会互惠互利'之类的套话。

And I can't tell you how many times I've gotten email, LinkedIn things saying, I think it'd be mutually beneficial for us to connect and duh duh duh duh duh.

我在想，

And I'm thinking,

好处在哪里？

Where's the benefit?

如果你是学生而对方是CEO，就别说什么互惠互利了。

You know, if you're a student and you're going to a CEO, don't say it'll be mutually beneficial.

你可以说，我知道您非常热衷于指导他人，而我也正在努力学习这方面。

Say, you know, I know that you're really keen on mentorship, and I'm trying to learn this.

或许您或您团队中的某位成员可以结合多个请求。

And might you or somebody in your organization, you can combine asks.

对吧？

Right?

所以我们是在表达敬意。

So we're being differential.

我们并没有说明对他们有何好处，同时也在缩减请求范围。

We're not saying what's in it for them, and we're giving also shrinking.

我们提供多种选择。

We're giving options.

我们把所有东西都扔进去了。

We're we're throwing it all in there.

但对他们有什么好处也在那里，因为我说过，我知道你非常重视导师制度。

But what's in it for them was also there because I said, I know you're really big on mentorship.

对吧？

Right?

所以我说这是你说过你重视的事情，这里有一个让你践行价值观的方式。

So I'm saying this is something you've said you value, and here's a way for you to execute on one of your values.

所以这里存在一个'对他们有什么好处'。

So there's a WIFET there.

当你向组织申请参加这个费用高昂的会议，并试图说服组织支付费用时，这正是使用'对他们有什么好处'的好时机。

When you are going to your organization and you wanna go to this conference and it costs a lot of money and you're trying to convince your organization to pay for it, that's a great time to use a WIFET.

让我去参加这个会议，对组织有什么好处？

What's in it for the organization for me to go to this?

我能带回什么信息？

What information can I bring back?

我将如何带回？

How will I bring back?

如果我去了，我将如何为组织创造价值？

How will I create value for the organization if I go?

这些都非常好。

These are really good.

我觉得

I feel

这是目前为止我最喜欢的采访部分，因为我觉得它非常具有可操作性。

like this is my favorite part of the interview so far, because I feel like it's so actionable.

就像，我们可以立即使用这个方法。

Like, we can just use this immediately.

好的。

Okay.

关于非请求部分呢？

How about the non ask?

这是我最新的最爱。

So this is my newest favorite.

我以前一直推崇选择退出，但现在我已经真正融入了非请求的理念。

I was all about the opt out, and now I have really kind of incorporated in the non ask.

非请求指的是当你没有提出任何具体要求的时候。

And the non ask is when you're not asking for anything specific.

相反，你是在分享一些关于你的目标或愿景，而没有提出要求。

Instead, you're sharing a little bit about your goal or your vision without the ask.

但这里有个诀窍。

But here's the trick.

当你带着你的能量、热情和激情，分享着'这是我在做的事情'时。

When you bring your energy, and when you bring your passion and your enthusiasm, your excitement, and you're sharing, here's what I'm working on.

就像，你知道的，嘿。

Like, you know, hey.

我想让我的书成为畅销书，或者

I wanna make my book a bestseller, or hey.

我想见米歇尔·奥巴马

I wanna meet Michelle Obama.

无论那个疯狂的目标是什么，那种兴奋、那种热情是具有感染力的，人们会想要帮忙

Whatever that crazy thing is, that excitement, that exuberism, it's contagious, And people are wanting to help.

如果他们自己没想到，你只需跟进一句：'对我有什么建议或想法吗？'

And if they don't come up with that idea themselves, then you simply follow it up with, Any advice or any ideas for me?

这不是在向他们索要具体的东西，而是在激发他们的思维和渴望被重视的心理，激发他们慷慨的精神、连接者思维，让他们思考'我能帮他们联系谁？'

And that's not asking them for anything specific, but that's tapping into their brain and their desire to be valuable, to add value, to tap into their generous spirit, their connector mindset, and think about who can I connect them to?

我能提供什么信息？

What information can I give them?

我怎样才能帮上忙？

How could I be helpful?

有什么好主意？

What ideas?

这种情况经常发生在我身上。

And this happens to me all the time.

我有一位导师。

I have a mentor.

他是多家上市公司的CEO。

He is a CEO of multiple companies that have gone public.

我从怀第一个孩子时就认识他了，现在孩子已经17岁了。

I've known him since I was pregnant with my first child, who is now 17.

我们至今保持联系，每年都会聚一次。

And we are still in touch, and we get together once a year.

疫情期间可能见面不多，但我们一直保持联系。

In COVID, maybe not so much, but we've stayed in touch.

我跟他分享了我的新书。

And I shared with him about my latest book.

当时我还在写书时，他就说：'嗯，我有个想法。'

And while I was still writing it, he goes, well, here's an idea.

而且我甚至没有向他征求过意见。

And here's and I didn't even ask him for ideas.

而他的想法非常出色。

And his ideas were phenomenal.

正因为有他，我的书里才能汇集30位专家的建议，为我和所有读者提供更多指导和见解。

And it's because of him that I have 30 experts in my book giving me and everyone who's reading it, even more advice and guidance.

因为他说，我们需要加入千禧一代的视角。

And it was because he said, well, let's get a millennial angle here.

正是这些灵光乍现的时刻，仅仅因为我分享了正在做的工作和感到兴奋的事情。

And it's those moments of brilliance that is just because I'm sharing, here's what I'm working on, Here's what I'm excited about.

这就是不主动索取的价值。

That's the non ask.

我认为这个方法真的非常有效。

I think that works really, really well.

我知道我们没时间详细讨论所有思维模式，但希望你能从宏观层面概述一下。

So I know that we're not gonna have time to cover all these mindsets, but I do want you to cover them at a high level.

那么我们来谈谈富足心态、信任和保持好奇心。

So let's talk about abundance, trust, being curious.

就简单给我们概述一下我们还没讨论过的这些心态。

Just walk us through at a high level some of these mindsets that we didn't talk about yet.

我会想想，就像我在做主题演讲时那样，每个心态给你们一两句话的概括。

I'll think about, like, when I'm doing my keynote, I give you a, like, two sentence thing on each one.

对我来说，信任是关系的基石。

Trust for me is the foundation of relationship.

我谈到了信任的四大支柱。

And I talk about four pillars of trust.

真实性，这个我们之前稍微讨论过。

Authenticity, which we talked a little bit about.

脆弱性、透明度和一致性。

Vulnerability, transparency, and consistency.

我要说的是，你必须先给予信任才能获得信任。

And I will say you have to give trust to get trust.

但不要害怕脆弱性。

But don't be afraid of vulnerability.

它不是弱点。

It is not weakness.

它是开放。

It is openness.

下一个是富足心态。

The next one is abundance.

这对人们来说是最难做到的。

This is the hardest one for people.

对我来说也是最难的，因为我是在匮乏中长大的。

And then it's also the hardest one for me because I grew up with scarcity.

无论匮乏对你意味着什么，可能是钱不够。

And whatever scarcity looks like to you, there's not enough money.

也可能是时间不够。

There's not enough time.

客户资源不足。

There's not enough clients.

女性在高层的机会不够多。

There's not enough room at the top for women.

总有些东西是不够的。

There's not enough something.

从匮乏到富足的转变，并不是说一切都会变好、万事大吉、毫无问题。

And a shift from scarcity to abundance, it's not everything's fine and everything's gonna be great and there's no no.

这是一种对可能性的信念——甚至不是可能性，而是事情能比现状呈指数级改善的概率。

It is the belief in the possibility and not not even possibility, the probability that things can be exponentially better than they are.

它不必是线性发展的。

That it doesn't have to be a linear progression.

而且资源足够分配，我自己也足够优秀。

And that there's enough to go around, and that I am enough.

这并不意味着我们不会偶尔嫉妒，而是说我们可以把这种情绪搁置一旁——举个例子来说。

And it doesn't mean that we're not jealous at times, but it means that we can put that aside and then so here's an example.

我有个朋友签下了这个超棒的客户。

Friend of mine landed this amazing client.

我当时超级、超级嫉妒。

I was super, super jealous.

是在体育领域的。

It was in the sports field.

我当时就想，天啊。

I'm like, oh my god.

我能为你工作吗？

Can I work for you?

你知道的，你需要帮忙吗？

You know, do you need help?

我就想，你是怎么搞定他们的？

I'm like, how did you land them?

我当时真的有点，唉，难受了一会儿。

And I was really like, ugh, for a little bit.

这没什么。

And that's okay.

感受它。

Feel it.

放手吧。

Let it go.

释放它。

Release it.

然后我回去后就想，好吧，教教我。

And then I went back and I'm just like, okay, teach me.

你是怎么搞定那个客户的？

How did you land that one?

这点我想多聊几句，因为我自认为是个超级连接者。

This is something I wanna stick on for a moment because for me, I consider myself a super connector.

我认为我的一大特质就是从不把任何人视为竞争对手。

And I think one of my big things is that I never look at anybody as competition.

你可以和我同领域工作。

You could be in my field.

你也可以成为领英女王、播客主，什么都行。

You could be also like LinkedIn queen, podcaster, whatever.

我只想弄清楚你能如何帮助我，我们如何互相帮助，以及如何共同合作。

I'm just gonna figure out how you can help me, and how we can help each other, and how we can work together and collaborate.

所以我总说合作胜过竞争。

So I always say collaboration over competition.

如果你没有这种富足心态，就永远无法与竞争对手合作。

And if you don't have this abundant mindset, you will never work with your competitors.

而要想领先，最重要的事情之一就是真正与竞争对手或同行交朋友并合作。

And this is one of the most important things you can do to get ahead is to actually be friends with, and work with people who are your competitors or in your same field.

很多人在这方面栽跟头。

And a lot of people get tripped up on this.

他们不愿意帮助任何人。

They they don't wanna help anyone.

他们不愿透露任何秘密。

They don't wanna give away any sort of secrets.

这绝对不是在你所在领域成长的方式。

And like, that's definitely not how you grow within your niche.

我们真是心有灵犀。

It's like we're of the same mind.

第一次见面时我就知道我们很合拍，因为我们的思维方式很相似。

Like, I knew when we met the first time that we connected because we think alike.

我常说我没有竞争对手。

Something I always say is I have no competition.

我只有潜在的战略盟友。

I only have potential strategic alliances.

人们总问：你最大的竞争对手是谁？

People are like, well, who's your biggest competitor?

我就说：我没有竞争对手。

I'm like, I don't have competitors.

我不需要参与竞争。

I don't need to be in competition.

资源是充足的，我有合作伙伴、战略伙伴、联盟、朋友和同事，这就是我如何看待每个人的方式。

There is enough, and I have collaboration partners, and I have strategic partners, and alliances, and friends, and colleagues, and that's how I view everyone and anyone.

好的。

Okay.

那么带我们看下一个吧。

So take us to the next one.

现在我们讲到'社交与好奇'这部分了。

So we are up to social and curious.

我对这一点总是非常谨慎，因为很多内向者会说我不喜欢这个。

And I'm always very careful with this one because a lot of the introverts out there are like, I don't like this one.

但让我说清楚。

But let me be clear.

这里面有一个章节叫做'内向者的优势'。

There's a section in this called the introvert's edge.

因为社交与好奇并不意味着要做社交蝴蝶。

Because being social and curious is not a social butterfly.

也不是成为派对焦点。

It's not the life of the party.

它只是让你自己处于对另一个人保持社交与好奇的状态。

It is simply putting yourself in a position to be social and curious about one other individual.

而内向者在这方面其实有着独特的天赋和天然优势。

And introverts are actually really uniquely skilled and naturally good at this.

这就是为什么社交与好奇需要相辅相成，因为要建立联系和关系，二者缺一不可。

So that's really why social and curious go together, because they need to go together if you wanna build connection and relationships.

嗯。

Mhmm.

让我在这个话题上稍作停留。

Let me stick on this for a second.

我知道内向者都是很好的倾听者。

So I know that introverts are great listeners.

所以这对社交达人来说是一项很棒的技能。

So that's a great skill as a networker.

跟我们谈谈他们可以运用的不同形式，以确保取得成功。

Talk to us about the different formats that they can leverage to ensure that they'll be successful.

这是个非常重要的事情。

So that's a really important thing.

我说要找到适合你的形式。

And I say find your format.

对吧？

Right?

无论你想在这个平台、那个平台、面对面、大型会议、小型圆桌会议，任何让你能够连接、社交和保持好奇心的形式或沟通渠道，都是你的选择。

Whether you wanna be on this platform, that platform, face to face, big conferences, small roundtables, whatever format or channel of communication for you to connect and be social and curious on is is your choice.

同时，我希望所有听众都思考一下自己的舒适区边界。

At the same time, I want everyone out there listening to think about their stretch.

我不希望你一直处在过度拉伸的状态。

I don't want you to be stretching all the time.

但如果我们总是稍微挑战一下自己，或者经常做些小突破，那么下一次就不会觉得那么困难了。

But if we're always stretching just a little or often stretching just a little, then the next time it's not as big a stretch.

所以要找到适合自己的方式，保持舒适，在能让你茁壮成长的环境中工作，同时也要时刻想着突破自我。

So find your format, be comfortable, and work in the environments in which you thrive and always think about a stretch.

我非常感谢这个建议。

I really appreciate that advice.

因为我认识很多内向的人，他们会说'我只适合一对一交流'。

Because I know a lot of people that are introverts, and they'll say like, well, I really only do one on one.

但当你和外向的人交朋友时，我们并不想只进行一对一的交流。

But when you're friends with extroverts, we don't wanna be one on one.

这样你可能会错过那些非一对一的社交机会。

And so you might just get left out of opportunities that are not one on one.

对吧？

Right?

所以你要确保自己对各种机会都保持开放态度。

And so you wanna make sure you're open to different opportunities.

我知道这对内向的人来说更难，但就像你说的，适当突破自己很重要。

I know it's harder for people who are introverts, but like you said, to stretch is important.

好的。

Okay.

那么接下来还有什么？

So what else is down the line?

责任心。

Conscientious.

真希望我们有更多时间，因为我认为这是每个人都需要的品质。

I wish we had more time because this is one that I think everyone needs.

其核心理念是连接者会说到做到。

And it's the idea that connectors do what they say they're gonna do.

他们会跟进并落实到底。

They follow-up and they follow through.

要做到这一点，他们需要学会何时答应，也要学会何时拒绝。

And if they're able to do that, they need to learn how to say yes, and they need to learn how to say no.

因此关键在于设定界限。

And so it's about setting up boundaries.

关键在于对自己慷慨大方。

It's about being generous with yourself.

对吧？

Right?

所以我们说这些特质是相辅相成的。

So we said these enable each other.

对吗？

Right?

我无法做到认真负责。

I can't be conscientious.

我还必须保持慷慨的精神，不仅对他人，也要对自己慷慨。

I also have to be generous spirit, not just to others, but generous spirit to myself.

所以建立界限并认识到'是'和'否'并非简单的单字回答。

So creating boundaries and recognizing that yes and no are not one word answers.

我们不会深入讨论，但在那一章中，我提供了许多表达'是'与'否'的方式。

And we won't go into it, but in that chapter, I give you lots of ways to frame a yes and a no.

再次强调，这不是为了破坏关系。

Again, not to be off putting in the relationship.

那么慷慨就是最后一项了吗？

And then generosity, is that the last one?

这是最后一项了。

That's the last one.

如果你不愿创造价值、不愿支持他人并对其他事物展现兴趣，就不可能成为连接者。

You can't be a connector if you do not want to add value, if you do not want to support and show that interest in something else.

因为连接者的思维模式正是如此——不只考虑自己或对方，而是关注彼此互动如何为所有人创造价值。

Because that's what a connector's mindset is, is thinking about not just me and not just you, but the interaction between us and how we can create value for all.

好的。

Okay.

所以我非常喜欢这个观点。

So I love this.

让我们过渡到访谈的战术性最佳建议部分，给我们一些实操练习活动。

And let's transition into, like, our tactical best advice, give us exercises activity portion of the interview.

就像我提到的，我认为人脉网络是我的顶级技能之一。

So like I mentioned, I consider networking to be one of my top skills.

对吧？

Right?

我觉得自己能在细分领域非常成功并占据主导地位，正是因为掌握了这些人脉技巧。

I feel like the reason why I'm very successful and dominated my niche is because I've had these networking skills.

说到慷慨，我喜欢做的一件事就是始终思考如何创造价值。

And so one of the things that I like to do, speaking of generosity, is I always think of ways to add value.

我最喜欢的方式就是为我的社交网络中的两个人牵线搭桥。

And my favorite way to do this is to actually introduce two people together in my network.

当我初次结识某人时，首先考虑的就是我的人脉中谁能解决他们的问题。

So when I first meet somebody, one of the first things I think about is who in my network can solve their problem.

所以我会试图理解他们的问题，即使与我完全无关。

So I try to understand what their problem is, even if I have nothing to do with it.

即便我对此一窍不通

If I have zero expertise.

我在播客中采访过很多人

I interview so many people on my podcast.

我结识过形形色色的人

I meet so many people.

所以我几乎认识各领域的专家

So I sort of know an expert in everything.

然后我会试着把他们介绍给我认识的人

And then I try to introduce them to somebody who I already know.

这样我既能为新结识的人提供价值，又能巩固现有关系，促成双方合作

And so what I'm doing is basically giving value to a cult connection, and then warming up an existing connection and putting them together.

我从乔丹·哈宾格那里学到，最高效的做法是进行双向介绍

And I learned from Jordan Harbinger to do this in the best way, I have to do a double often intro.

所以我会先询问第一个人：嘿，我认识个能解决你问题的人

So I'll ask the first person, hey, I've got somebody who I think is gonna solve your problem.

你介意我用邮件介绍你们认识吗？

Are you okay with me introducing you guys on email?

然后我问另一个人，嘿，我觉得我有个潜在客户要介绍给你。

Then I ask the other person, hey, are you I think I have a potential client for you.

你方便吗？

Are you okay?

你有空吗？

Do you have bandwidth?

我能通过邮件介绍你们认识吗？

Can I introduce you over email?

得到双方肯定答复后，你再介绍他们认识。

You get both yeses, and then you introduce them.

千万别不经询问就直接介绍双方认识，特别是当其中一方是名人或网红时。

What you don't wanna do is introduce people without asking them first, especially if one of them is like a celebrity or influencer.

别随便泄露别人的邮箱。

You don't wanna give away somebody's email.

如果他们并非真正的名人或网红，风险会小很多，但我仍强烈建议采用双向确认的介绍方式。

If they're not really a celebrity or influencer, you have less risk there, but I would definitely do a double opt in intro.

关于如何在社交中为他人创造价值，还有其他建议吗？

Any other suggestions in terms of how we can bring value to other people when networking?

关于介绍人这件事，我有太多要补充的了

So I have so much to add on the intros

我只是

that I'm just

想说说我的看法。

gonna Tell like me.

说说看。

Tell me.

我认为当你建立起个人声誉后，若双方地位相当，就不必每次都征得许可。

I think you will build a reputation with people that when the intro is equal, you won't necessarily have to do the permissions all the time.

当双方地位不对等时，至少需确保获得地位较高方的许可。

When they're unequal, you wanna make sure you're at least doing the permission at the higher level.

完全同意这一点。

Agree with that fully.

说到引荐，我非常赞同。

So introductions, love.

这是创造价值的最佳方式之一。

That's one of the greatest ways to add value.

信息共享、邀请函、感谢信、表彰信、互动参与。

Information, invitations, appreciation, recognition, engagement.

对吧？

Right?

在社交媒体上，点赞、评论、转发都是创造价值的好方法。

So on the social media, a great way to add value is a like, a comment, a share.

我们可以通过许多轻量级的互动方式，既保持存在感又不显得冒犯。

There's lots of light touches that we can do to show that we are wanting to stay in somebody's orbit and be in their mind, have our name pop up, but not get in their face.

而且，你刚才提到的建议确实非常实用。

And, you know, one of the things that you said was something really tactical.

当你问我这个问题时，我首先想到的是，很多时候，内向者和外向者都会突然想到某个人，然后这个念头又会很快消失。

And when you asked me that, the first thing that came to my mind is a lot of times, introverts and extroverts will have somebody pop into their mind, and then it'll float right back out.

我希望你能抓住这个念头。

I want you to hold on to it.

当你突然想到某人时，立即把他们的名字记在你的日历、Outlook或其他任何地方。

When somebody pops into your mind, write their name down right into your calendar, your Outlook, your whatever.

然后当这个名字再次出现时，给他们发个便条、推文、短信或任何形式的问候，就说：嘿，我刚才正想着你呢。

And then when it pops back up, send them a note, send them a tweet, send them a text, send them a something, and just say, hey, I was just thinking about you.

最近怎么样？

What's up?

我最近在社交媒体上做了一件事，就是每当有人突然出现，如果我看到他们冒出来，我就会产生好奇心，然后我会在LinkedIn上给他们发个小纸条，说'刚在动态里看到你，来问候一下'。

I've been just doing something on social media lately of just anybody who, all of sudden, if I see them pop up, and I'm like, ah, and I have that moment of curiosity, they're gonna get a little note on LinkedIn of saying, just popped up in my feed, checking in.

最近在忙什么？

What's going on?

这是我的近况。

Here's what's going on with me.

真的很快。

It's really quick.

所以这些轻触式的联系，你并不真正要求或索取什么，只是保持关系的新鲜度。

And so those light touches where you're not really requiring or requesting or asking for anything, but just keeping it fresh.

然后如果我们考虑关系已经有点生疏的情况，我最喜欢的邮件主题是'太久没联系了'。

And then if we think about tactics for if it's already kind of feels a little stale and it's gone a little stale, my favorite subject line of an email is it's been too long.

就像我们一直说的那样，直接承认房间里的大象（显而易见的问题）。

Just acknowledge as we said all along, we acknowledge the elephant in the room.

我曾经有个'墓地'。

I used to have this graveyard.

我称之为名片墓地，在疫情期间我把它清理掉了。

I called it my graveyard of business cards, which I threw out over the pandemic.

但是，就像你收集它们，然后它们就堆积起来。

But, like, you collect them, and then they just pile up.

有时候你会整理它们，然后我会想，'都忘了这个人了'。

And sometimes you'd, like, go through and clean them up, and I'd be like, forgot about this person.

我会发条消息说：我刚在桌上发现了你的名片。

And I'd send a note saying, I just found your business card on my desk.

这也可以作为另一个邮件主题。

And that would be another subject line.

通常我会在上面写点备注以便参考。

And usually, I'd written something on it so I could reference.

这些都是现在任何人都能立即做到的小事。

But those are two little quick things that anybody can do right now.

是啊。

Yeah.

你可以把名片这个概念延伸到短信或邮件上，直接划到最底部，看看哪些人很久没联系了，然后重新激活这些关系。

And you can take this business card idea, and you can use your text messages or your email, scroll all the way to the bottom, see like, who haven't I talked to in a while, and just sort of refresh those connections.

好的。

Okay.

你离开前最后一个问题。

Last question before you go.