必备：悲伤疗愈的科学与过程

欢迎来到休伯曼实验室精华版，在这里我们会回顾过往的节目，为你提炼出最有效、最实用的科学工具，帮助你改善心理健康、身体健康和表现能力。

Welcome to Huberman Lab Essentials, where we revisit past episodes for the most potent and actionable science based tools for mental health, physical health, and performance.

我是安德鲁·休伯曼，斯坦福大学医学院神经生物学和眼科学的教授。

I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine.

今天，我们要聊聊如何从情感和理性两个层面去理解悲伤。

Today, we are going to discuss how we conceptualize grief, both at an emotional and at a logical level.

我会跟你讲讲悲伤背后的神经科学和心理学，以及几个关键实验室近年来的重要发现——这些研究指出，我们其实是在三个维度上构建对人的认知。

I'm going to teach you about the neuroscience and the psychology of grief and incredible findings that have been made in just a few key laboratories that point to the fact that we essentially map our experience of people in three dimensions.

我先给你一点提示，看看这三个维度是什么。

I'll just give you a little hint of what those dimensions are.

它们分别是空间——人在哪里；时间——人什么时候在；我后面会解释这什么意思；还有第三个维度叫亲密感。正是这空间、时间与亲密感三个维度，塑造了我们与他人之间深厚的情感联结，而一旦失去某人，无论出于什么原因，我们都需要在情感和认知层面重新调整这些联结。

They relate to space, where people are, time, when people are, I'll explain what that means, and a dimension called closeness and how those three dimensions of space, time, and closeness are what establish very close bonds with people and are what require remapping, reorganization within our emotional framework and our logical framework when we lose somebody for whatever reason.

需要强调的是，悲伤是一个过程。

The important thing to point out is that grief is a process.

就像任何生理或心理现象一样，它有开始，有过程，也有结束。

Like any biological or psychological event, it has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

我认为，清楚自己在 grief 过程中的位置，能带来巨大帮助——不仅能帮你预估它会持续多久，更能帮你以一种既保留逝者记忆、又不影响自己正常生活的方式去理解他们。

And I do believe that being able to orient in terms of where you are in that process can be immensely beneficial, not just for predicting how long it's going to last, but in order to conceptualize the person or animal that you lost in a way that allows you to best preserve their memory while maintaining your own functional capacity in life.

说到这里，我想强调一点：grief 和抑郁虽然在某些方面感觉相似，症状也有重叠，比如食欲下降、睡眠困难、无缘无故在白天哭泣等等，但它们是两种完全不同的心理过程。

Along those lines, I want to point out that grief and depression, while they can feel quite similar in certain ways and have overlapping symptomology, loss of appetite, challenges sleeping, crying in the middle of the day for no apparent reason, etcetera, they are distinctly different processes.

在深入这个重要话题之前，我想先澄清一些关于 grief 的常见误解。

As we wade into this important topic, I'd like to emphasize some of the common myths and misunderstandings about grief.

这些误解部分源于心理学家伊丽莎白·库布勒-罗斯的杰出研究，她写了那本关于死亡与临终的经典著作。

Some of the myths and misunderstanding arrive from the beautiful work of Elizabeth Kubler Ross, a psychologist who wrote the famous book on death and dying.

她提出的 grief 五个阶段广为人知：否认、愤怒、讨价还价、抑郁和接受。

The different stages of grief very quickly are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

但长期以来，这五个阶段被很多人当成不可动摇的真理。

But unfortunately, those five stages were sort of taken to be gospel for a long time.

如今，通过脑成像研究、更深入的心理评估，以及越来越多研究者和临床工作者的观察，我们发现：库布勒-罗斯描述的很多内容确实有道理，但并不总是适用。

And we now know based on neuroimaging, based on more in-depth psychological evaluation, and frankly, more researchers and clinicians moving into this area and observing that while much of what Kubler Ross described does hold true, it's not always the case.

我怎么知道这一点呢？

How do I know this?

我知道这一点，是因为有脑成像研究，使用的是功能性磁共振成像，也就是fMRI。通过这种技术，我们可以根据血流情况判断大脑哪些区域更活跃，而血流变化与神经活动密切相关。这些研究告诉我们，与动机、渴望和追求相关的脑区，正是悲伤状态下最活跃的核心区域。

Well, I know this because brain imaging studies involving what's called functional magnetic resonance imaging, fMRI, in which you can evaluate which brain areas are more active than others according to blood flow, which correlates with neural activity and so forth, teaches us that the brain areas that are associated with motivation and craving and pursuit are some of the primary brain areas and circuits that are activated in states of grief.

此外，脑成像研究也让我们明白，要理解悲伤，就必须先理解依恋在大脑中是如何被表征的。

We understand also on the basis of brain imaging studies that in order to understand grief, we have to understand how attachments are represented in our brain.

结果发现，无论是建立依恋，还是健康地结束依恋，都由三个关键维度共同决定。

And it turns out that both attachments and the breaking of attachments in healthy ways are governed by three important what we call dimensions.

这三大维度就是：空间、时间和亲密程度，它们决定了我们如何与人、动物或事物建立联系。

The three dimensions of relating to someone or an animal or a thing are space, time, and closeness.

为了说明这三个维度如何协同作用，影响人际关系，以及它们在悲伤过程中的角色，我想跟你们讲一个实验。

And in order to illustrate each one and how they work together to support relationships and their involvement in the grieving process, I'm going to tell you about an experiment.

这个实验让受试者进入脑扫描仪，研究人员可以观察他们在不同状态下的大脑活动变化。

The experiment involves putting people into a brain scanner that allows the researcher to evaluate brain activity in different areas.

而且整个过程是完全中立的，研究人员事先不做任何预设，不猜测哪些脑区会被激活。

In fact, can look in a very non biased way, not make any predictions about which brain areas are going to be involved.

实验的具体做法是这样的。

And the experiment is the following.

我们先说研究对象，他们首先会看到一些物体彼此之间距离不同的图片。

The person, we should say the research subject, first sees images of things that reside at different distances from one another.

比如其中一个场景是海滩或者停车场，上面摆着一些保龄球，彼此间隔不同。

So in one case, it's a beach or a parking lot with bowling balls set at different distances from one another.

在扫描他们大脑的同时，他们会看到各种不同的场景图片——海滩、停车场，还有保龄球以不同方式排列：有的靠得很近，有的离得很远，有的均匀分布，有的杂乱无章。

Their brain is imaged, and as their brain is imaged, they see different pictures of different scenes, the beach, the parking lot, etcetera, bowling balls spaced in different ways, close together, far apart, regularly spaced, non regularly spaced.

做这种实验时，你会发现很多脑区被激活，这并不意外——比如负责视觉感知的视觉皮层，但还有一个脑区特别敏感于你和物体之间的距离。

When one does this sort of experiment, you see a lot of brain areas activated, not surprisingly the visual cortex, the area of the brain that is responsible for creating visual perceptions, but also a brain area that seems uniquely tuned to the distance between you and the objects.

我们把这个维度称为‘接近度’。

We'll refer to that measure, that dimension as we call it as proximity.

接着，受试者会听一些声音。

Then subjects listen to tones.

这些声音之间也保持着不同的间隔。

Those tones also are spaced from one another.

比如很简单的情况，就是我的手碰到了面前这张桌子的桌面。

So it could be something as simple as my hand meeting the table top that I'm happened to be sitting in front of.

所以他们是通过扫描大脑来研究的。

So it's They image the brain.

当然，与听觉感知相关的脑区会活跃起来，这并不意外；但当他们分析不同类型的声音和声音模式时，就能识别出一些专门对声音间距敏感的脑区，而不管具体传来的是什么声音。

Of course, areas of the brain that are associated with auditory perception are active, not surprisingly, but as they evaluate different types of sounds and patterns of sounds, for instance, they can start to parse brain areas that seem uniquely tuned to the spacing of sounds independent of what sounds are coming in.

也就是说，这些脑区只在声音之间的间隔发生变化时才被激活，就像之前用保龄球举例时，我们发现某些脑区只在物体间距变化时才会活跃一样。

That is it becomes active specifically in response to changes in the spacing between sounds much in the same way as they could identify brain regions that were only activated when there were changes in the distance between objects such as the bowling balls that I used in the previous example.

接着，受试者又看了一组不同的图像。

And then the subjects saw a different set of images.

这些图像展示的是人和人脸。

The images that they saw were of people and of faces.

有些图像中的人脸离得很近，另一些则距离较远，能看清整个人的身体。

And some of the images that they saw were of people's faces right up close and other images were of people at a distance where you could see the whole body of the person.

他们还调整了这些人物与受试者之间的情感关系。

Now they also varied the emotional relationship to those people.

他们从这些研究对象的生活中收集了照片，比如展示他们的姐妹，或者街上一个陌生人。

That is they were able to get photographs from these research subjects' lives so they could show them pictures of, for instance, their sister or some random person off the street.

他们可以给受试者看父母、邻居、知名名人，或者完全不认识的人的照片。

They could show them pictures of a parent or of a neighbor or of a celebrity that's well known or of somebody that they didn't know at all.

所以他们既能调整人物的远近，也能调整情感上的亲疏——我所说的‘亲近感’，不是物理距离，而是你和这个人有多亲密、有多熟悉。

So they were able to vary both the position of the person, close or far, and they were able to vary the emotional distance to the person, which is this dimension that I'm referring to as closeness, which is not physical closeness, but how attached or how well you know somebody.

这听起来可能有点复杂，但这个实验的核心结论却简单而深刻。

Now this is maybe sounding like a somewhat complicated experiment, but the takeaway from this experiment is exquisitely simple and exquisitely important.

结果发现，在这三种情况下——物体的物理间距变化、声音的时间间隔变化、以及受试者与不同人之间的情感距离变化——同一个脑区都被独特地激活了。

The result was that in all three conditions, changes in the physical spacing of these objects, changes in the temporal, that is the time spacing of these sounds and changes in the emotional distance between the subject and different people, the same brain area was uniquely activated.

这个脑区，叫做顶下小叶。

And that brain area, it turns out, is a brain area called the Inferior Parietal Lobule.

顶下小叶。

The Inferior Parietal Lobule.

你不需要记住顶下小叶在哪里。

Now you don't need to know where the Inferior Parietal Lobule is.

事实上，你甚至不需要记住这个脑区的名字。

In fact, you don't even need to know the name of this brain area.

但如果你想要理解悲伤，以及如何走出悲伤，你必须知道，你心中对人的地图，并不是单纯的情感亲近度地图。

What you do need to know, however, if you want to understand grief and how to move through grief is that your map of people is not a map of emotional closeness per se.

它是一张将情感亲近——也就是我们说的依恋——与你对他人在物理空间和时间中的位置紧密交织、深度融合的地图。

It is a map of emotional closeness, what we call attachment, that is interwoven, that is braided in in a very intimate way with your map of where they are in physical space and where they are in time.

你上次见到他们是什么时候？你预计什么时候能再见到？如果你真想见他们，需要花多少时间才能到达，或者他们要多久才能来到你身边。

When you saw them last, when you're likely to see them again, and if you were to want to see them, how much time it would take to reach them or for them to reach you.

之前我提到，我们神经系统的一个关键功能，就是能够做出预测。

Now, earlier I said that one of the key functions of our nervous system is to be able to make predictions.

所以这一点虽然看似显而易见，但依然值得反复强调：我们对人、动物甚至物品的依恋，最强大的地方之一，就在于我们能预判再次见到他们需要什么条件，以及什么时候能再见到。

And so it's somewhat obvious, but nonetheless important to state and restate that one of the most powerful aspects of our attachments to people, animals and things, is our ability to predict what it would take to see them again and when we are going to see them again.

如果这一切听起来像是一堆故作高深的神经心理学空话，是在把显而易见的事说得复杂，那我请你暂时放下这种怀疑。

Now, if all of this sounds like a bunch of neuro psycho babble parsing of the obvious, I'd encourage you to suspend that belief for the moment.

因为如果你明白，所有关系在大脑和身体里，都是通过这三个维度来构建的——空间、时间，以及依恋的亲近程度：空间上的距离、时间上的间隔，和情感联结的深浅。

Because if you understand that all relationships are mapped in the brain and body through these three dimensions, space, time, and closeness or proximity of space, proximity in time, and proximity of attachment, how close or rich or bonded you are to someone.

一旦你能理解这一点，那么当某个人——尤其是因死亡——或某只宠物离去时，为什么这张地图必须被重新整理，就几乎变得不言自明，甚至直觉上就能明白了。

Well, if you can understand that, then it almost becomes obvious or at least it becomes intuitive as to why after the loss of somebody in particular a death or the loss of an animal, this map has to be reordered.

为什么呢？

Why?

因为我们对某人或动物的深层依恋，通常建立在大量亲身经历和记忆之上，那些具体发生过的事。

Because if we are attached to someone or an animal at a deep level, it is almost always on the basis of a lot of what we experience, a lot of episodic memories, memories of things that happen.

情景记忆，就是你对某人、动物或物品的亲身经历的清晰回忆。

Episodic memories are literally the conscious recollection of your experience of somebody or an animal or a thing.

在这些记忆里，你清楚地记得他们和你之间发生过什么、他们当时的状态、事情发生的地点和时间。

And within that memory, you have an understanding of what has happened with them in association to you, what's going on with them, where it happened, when it happened.

当某人因为任何原因离开我们时，这些情景记忆还会持续存在，并且依然和我们的情感依恋紧密相连。

When somebody is taken away from us for whatever reason, episodic memories persist for some period of time and they are still linked to our feelings of attachment.

悲伤，就是慢慢解开、拆散并理清空间、时间与情感依恋之间那根纠缠的线。

Grief is the process of uncoupling, unbraiding and untangling that relationship between where people are in space, in time and our attachment to them.

这过程非常非常艰难。

This is very, very hard to do.

对一些人来说，尤其是在悲伤初期，几乎不可能做到。

And for some people, it's almost impossible to do at least at the outset of grief.

当我们和某人或某个动物有过丰富的相处经历时，这些记忆并不会在得知他们离开的那一刻就立刻消失。

When we have a rich catalog of experiences with somebody or of them, that memory bank is not just flushed out the moment that we learn that they're no longer with us.

事实上，大脑还是会不断预测他们会在某个地方、某个时间出现，对吧？

What happens is the brain continues to make these predictions that they will be in a certain place or a certain time, right?

比如他们应该在某个时区，或者随时会推门进来。

That they'll be in a certain time zone or they'll walk in the door any moment.

所有这些预期依然在发挥作用。

All of those predictions still hold.

神经活动还在持续。

The neural activity continues.

我们把这种现象叫做回响活动。

We call this reverberatory activity.

这解释了为什么我们会如此渴望与他们互动，却又触不可及——因为他们走了之后，我们的大脑仍按旧有的模式运行，神经回路还在驱使我们去寻找他们，到他们以前常在的地方，期待他们像从前那样主动联系，或者我们一联系就能得到回应。

That explains the yearning for and the desire to interact, and yet it's just beyond our reach because once they're gone, our brain still functions in a way, these neural circuits still function in a way that put us into an action state of seeking them, looking for them in the same location, expecting them to contact us at whatever frequency that we were used to hearing from them or that we could reach out to them and reliably get a response.

换句话说，当你和一个人、动物或事物有着深厚的情感联结，却再也无法预测他们在时空中的位置时，这种状态会让人极度迷失。

It is immensely disorienting in other words, to maintain a close attachment and at the same time to not be able to make predictions about where that person, animal or thing is in space and time.

我们先稍作休息，感谢我们的赞助商Eight Sleep。

I'd like to take a quick break and acknowledge our sponsor, Eight Sleep.

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Eight Sleep makes smart mattress covers with cooling, heating, and sleep tracking capacity.

要想睡个好觉，最重要的一点就是让卧室的温度保持在合适水平。

One of the best ways to ensure you get a great night's sleep is to make sure that the temperature of your sleeping environment is correct.

因为要入睡并保持深度睡眠，你的体温需要下降大约一到三摄氏度。

And that's because in order to fall asleep and stay deeply asleep, your body temperature actually has to drop by about one to three degrees.

而要醒来后感觉神清气爽，你的体温又得上升一到三摄氏度。

And in order to wake up feeling refreshed and energized, your body temperature actually has to increase by about one to three degrees.

Eight Sleep会根据你的个人需求，整夜自动调节床垫的温度。

Eight Sleep automatically regulates the temperature of your bed throughout the night according to your unique needs.

我用了快五年Eight Sleep的床垫罩，睡眠质量得到了彻底改善。

I've been sleeping on an Eight Sleep mattress cover for nearly five years now, and it has completely transformed and improved the quality of my sleep.

目前最新的型号是Pod Five。

The latest Eight Sleep model is the Pod five.

我现在睡的就是这个，真的特别喜欢。

This is what I'm now sleeping on, and I absolutely love it.

它有太多令人惊叹的功能了。

It has so many incredible features.

比如，Pod Five 有个叫自动模式的功能，是个AI系统，能学习你的睡眠模式，并根据不同的睡眠阶段自动调节床的温度。

For instance, the Pod five has a feature called autopilot, which is an AI engine that learns your sleep patterns and then adjust the temperature of your sleeping environment across different sleep stages.

如果你打鼾，它还会帮你抬高头部，还会做其他调整来优化你的睡眠。

It'll even elevate your head if you're snoring, and it makes other shifts to optimize your sleep.

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If you'd like to try Eight Sleep, go to eightsleep.com/huberman to get up to $350 off the new Pod five.

Eight Sleep支持全球许多国家配送，包括墨西哥和阿联酋。

Eight Sleep ships to many countries worldwide, including Mexico and The UAE.

基于目前的这些理解，有些事情就变得显而易见，而且完全正常——在最健康、最自然的意义上来说，就是正常的。

Again, that's eightsleep.com/huberman to save up to $350 So with this current understanding in mind, a few things start to become obvious and entirely normal to us in the best and most healthy sense of the word, normal.

比如，如果你失去了某个对你至关重要的人、宠物，甚至一件物品，你一直想找回它，这完全说得通。

For instance, if you've lost somebody or an animal or even a thing that was vitally important to you, it should make perfect sense to you as to why you keep looking for that person.

这些期望和预测完全是正常的，因为它们源于你对那个人所保留的丰富记忆库。

Those expectations, those predictions that the brain is making are entirely normal because they are based on that deep catalog of episodic memory that you maintain about that person.

说到底，这不过是激活了那个涉及亲密、空间和时间的心理地图。

Again, it's simply an activation of this map that involves closeness, space, and time.

因此，要度过哀伤的过程，重新调整这张地图是必然的，这必然伴随着一次心理上的重绘。

Not surprisingly then, the reordering of that map that's required in order to move through the grieving process is going to involve some remapping.

心理学家和神经科学家普遍认为，应对哀伤最好的方式，是在不削弱你与逝者情感联结的前提下，重新调整这些维度——别试图淡化这份情感有多强烈，也别否认它对你有多重要。

Psychologists and neuroscientists generally agree that the best way to approach moving through grief is actually to remap these dimensions while maintaining the close sense of attachment to the person by not in any way trying to undermine the intensity of the attachment or how important it was to you.

接下来，我们会聊聊这个过程是如何进行的，以及进入这个过程的不同切入点。

So we'll now talk about how that process works and the different entry points as they're called to engaging in that process.

这些方法都源自心理学研究、临床心理学和神经科学领域的成果。

These are tools gleaned from the research psychology, the clinical psychology, and the neuroscience literature.

第一点是承认并真正理解：你不需要切断、也不该放弃你对某人、某动物或某样东西的真实情感联结。

The first one involves the acknowledgement and really the understanding that you don't want to disengage or dismantle your real attachment to someone, an animal or a thing.

这份情感是真实的，根本没有任何好处值得你去说服自己麻木，或逃避去想他们对你有多重要。

That's a real thing and there is actually no adaptive reason to try and persuade yourself or numb yourself or somehow avoid the thinking of just how much they meant to you.

但重要的是，你要努力调整自己的想法和对那个人的理解，既要承认这份依恋确实真实存在，有时甚至非常强烈，又要明白它现在需要与地图上的另外两个维度——空间和时间——分开。

What is important, however, is that you make some effort to shift your mindset and your understanding of that person in a way that holds in mind that, yes, indeed the attachment is very real and in some cases is very, very intense, but is now going to be uncoupled from the other two dimensions of the map, namely space and time.

你可以想象，这个过程相当复杂，但你得同时记住两件事。

So it's a complicated process you can imagine, but you really want to hold and register two things at once.

其中一个方法是专门留出五到十分钟，甚至长达半小时的时间，专心感受你与那个人、那只动物或那件物品之间的亲密和依恋。

One way to do this is to set aside a dedicated period of time of maybe five or ten, maybe even as much as thirty minutes in which you are going to feel deeply into your closeness and your attachment to that person, animal or thing.

但同时，你要有意识地避免去想某些类型的事情。

But you're consciously going to try and prevent yourself from thinking about a couple of categories of things.

首先，要主动放下所谓的‘反事实思维’，也就是那些‘如果当初……’的念头。

First of all, you want to actively try and disengage from any attempt to engage in what's called counterfactual thinking, the what ifs.

如果我那天早一点打电话给他们呢？

What if I called them a day earlier?

如果他们回家走了另一条路呢？

What if they had taken a different route home?

如果我回家走了另一条路呢？

What if I had taken a different route home?

这种假设性的想法就像一片无限延伸的可能天地，和内疚感紧密相连。

These counterfactual modes of thinking are an infinite landscape of possibility and they are very closely tied to guilt.

正因为它是无限的，所以特别危险，会阻止你把那种我强调必须保留的强烈情感依恋，从你脑海中那些具体记忆的清单里分离出来。

So as an infinite space, it's a very precarious one and it will not allow you to uncouple that intense emotional attachment that I'm telling you is actually vital to hold onto from that catalog of episodic memory that you've established.

事实上，它只会让这些纽带变得更牢固。

In fact, it's going to strengthen those bonds.

所以在你安排的这五到十分钟，或者最多三十分钟里，关键是用丰富的方式去感受你对那个人、那只动物或那件东西的依恋，甚至在身心上真切地体验它。

So in this dedicated five or ten or thirty, whatever period of time you can tolerate and maintain focus, the idea is to think about your attachment in a rich way and to perhaps even experience that in your brain and body.

这种专门划出时间、主动投入精力去触碰情感联结，同时逐步松开地图上其他节点的方法，确实很难，但在面对悲伤的各种选择中，它是最具适应性的做法。

This tool, if you will, of dedicated blocks of time for really spending some effort and it is indeed effort to access the emotional connection while starting to uncouple the other nodes of the map as it were is something that is hard, but in terms of the options one has in order to deal with grief, it is indeed the most adaptive way to go about it.

接下来我想探讨一下，为什么两个同样深爱着已故之人的个体，会以如此不同的方式体验失去的痛苦。

Now I'd like to consider why two people, both who are intensely attached to a person that is no longer there can experience the grief of the loss of that person in such different ways.

我们其实根本无法真正了解别人内心的感受。

We don't really know how other people feel.

别人脸上的表情、有没有流泪、肢体语言，这些外在表现，我们根本无法确定它们是否真实反映了他们内心的状况。

There's no clear way of knowing that the expression someone else has or whether or not they're crying or not or their body language really represents how they feel inside.

这一点需要牢记。

So that is important to keep in mind.

不过，人们之间，甚至动物之间，包括同一物种内，对悲伤中渴望感的强烈程度确实存在差异。

Nonetheless, there does seem to be a sort of a split among people and indeed among animals as well, even within a species in terms of how intensely they feel the yearning aspect of grief.

根据多项研究证据来看，这似乎与一种分子有关，你们中有些人可能听说过，那就是催产素。

And it appears based on a number of different lines of evidence that that relates to this molecule that some of you have probably heard of, which is oxytocin.

催产素是一种多肽激素。

Oxytocin is a hormonepeptide.

多肽就是指蛋白质，通常是较小的蛋白质。

A peptide just means a protein, generally a small protein.

激素则是指在体内多个部位发挥作用，影响多个器官和大脑区域的物质。

And a hormone is generally something that functions at numerous locations in the body to impact numerous organs and areas of the brain.

催产素在大脑和身体中承担多种功能。

Oxytocin has a variety of roles in the brain and body.

它在哺乳时促进乳汁分泌。

It's involved in milk let down during lactation.

它还参与男女之间的伴侣联结。

It's involved in pair bonding, both in males and females.

它在父母与孩子之间，以及情侣之间的联结中也起作用，等等。

It's involved in bonding of parent to child and indeed between romantic partners, etcetera, etcetera.

我们来聊聊一些动物模型，它们帮助我们理解催产素在哀伤过程中的潜在作用。

Let's talk about some of the animal models that inform us about the potential roles of oxytocin in the grieving process.

有一种叫草原田鼠的动物。

There's a species of animal called the Prairie Vole.

你可能想不到，草原田鼠已经被神经科学和心理学研究者广泛研究过。

And believe it or not, the Prairie Vole has been studied fairly extensively by neuroscience and psychology researchers.

草原田鼠是一种动物，但根据它们生活的地点不同，有些是专一配对的，也就是终生只和同一个伴侣交配。

Prairie voles are one species of animal, but depending on where they live, you find that some prairie voles are monogamous, that is they mate with the same prairie vol for life.

它们会一起养育幼崽，而生活在其他地区的野生草原田鼠则大多不是专一的，有时被称为多偶的。

They raise litters of little prairie voles, and other prairie voles generally that live in different locations in the wild are non monogamous, sometimes called polygamous.

这种专一与非专一行为背后的神经化学和神经回路机制非常有意思。

The neurochemical and circuit basis for this monogamy versus non monogamy are quite interesting.

但在哀伤和依恋的背景下，草原田鼠给了我们很多启示。

However, in the context of grief and attachment, the Prairie Voles have taught us a lot.

这些启示主要来自下面这个实验。

And they've taught us a lot through the following experiment.

你取一对已经配对的草原田鼠——也就是那些形成终身伴侣关系的单配偶制田鼠。

You take two Prairie Voles that are coupled up, so these would be monogamous Prairie Voles that have established a couple dom.

姑且称之为‘田鼠夫妻’吧。

I guess you would call that at a Prairie Voldem, anyway.

把它们关在同一个笼子里，它们一起交配、一起抚育幼崽，然后你把它们分开。

Put them in a cage together, they mate together, they raise young together, and then you separate them.

你用一道物理屏障把它们隔开，观察其中一只田鼠有多努力想回到另一只身边。

You literally put a physical barrier between the two of them and you can evaluate how strongly one Prairie Vole will work to get access to the other Prairie Vole.

结果发现，单配偶制的田鼠会拼命想回到伴侣身边，而非单配偶制的田鼠则没那么积极地想接近对方。

And what you observe is that the monogamous Prairie Voles will work very hard to get back to their mate, but the non monogamous Prairie Voles will not work as hard to access a Prairie Vole partner.

当你进一步研究大脑中催产素受体的分布模式时，这个现象就更有意思了。

This turns out to be interesting when you start to explore the patterns of so called oxytocin receptors in the brain.

简而言之，为了衔接人类研究，我们发现，单配制的草原田鼠在这个之前提到的脑区——伏隔核——中，拥有更多催产素受体。

To make a long story short and to also bridge to the human literature, it turns out that the monogamous Prairie Voles have far more oxytocin receptors in this brain area that I mentioned earlier, the nucleus accumbens.

再提醒一下，伏隔核是与动机、渴望和追求相关的脑区。

And again, to remind you, the nucleus accumbens is the brain area associated with motivation, craving, and pursuit.

也就是说，单配制的草原田鼠似乎能把依恋的神经回路和依恋分子——比如催产素——与奖赏系统和动机系统连接起来。

So it's as if the monogamous Prairie Voles have a capacity to link the attachment circuitry and the molecules of attachment, in this case, oxytocin, to reward pathways and to motivational pathways.

换句话说，非单配制的草原田鼠整体上对依恋的渴望更弱，至少对单一伴侣是这样。

So in other words, nonmonogamous Prairie Voles seem to have less yearning for attachment overall, at least to a single individual Prairie Vole.

当我们查看人类研究中关于催产素受体表达和脑成像实验的数据时，发现的情况完全一样。

And when we look at the human literature in terms of oxytocin receptor expression and brain imaging experiments and so on, what you find is the same.

那些经历强烈悲痛、深切渴望并强烈希望与逝去的人、动物或事物重新连接的人，往往在与渴望和追求相关的脑区中，催产素受体水平明显更高——准确地说，是催产素受体，而不是催产素本身。

That people that experience intense grief and a deep yearning and a motivation to reconnect with the person, animal, or thing that is lost, in many cases have heightened levels of oxytocin specifically, or I should say oxytocin receptors to be exact, specifically within the brain regions associated with craving and pursuit.

所以，如果你正陷入这种停滞状态，不断试图回到过去，陷入幻想、反事实思维，产生强烈的渴望、冲动，甚至近乎本能地想联系对方、发消息、想听到对方的声音，这可能恰恰说明，你大脑中这个与动机和追求相关的区域，拥有更多的催产素受体，或者整体催产素水平更高。

So for those of you that find yourself in this kind of stuck mode, this persistence of trying to reach into the past or wishful thinking, this counterfactual thinking, the yearning, the desire and the impulsivity, that kind of leaning in at an almost reflexive way to try and access that person again, to text them, to want to hear from them could, and I have to highlight could reflect the fact that you just so happen to have more oxytocin receptors or maybe more oxytocin overall in this brain area that's associated with motivation and pursuit.

但这并不意味着，你比那些更快走出悲伤的人更有能力建立依恋。

It does not necessarily mean that you are more capable of attachment than people who move through grief more quickly.

我还想说，每个人走出悲伤的速度都不一样，哪怕两个人失去的是同一个人或同一只动物，他们恢复的速度也不同。

And I should say that people move through grief at different rates, even if two people lost the same person or same animal, people move through this at different rates.

这其中一部分无疑是心理因素造成的，但也有很大一部分是神经化学和生理上的差异。

And some of that is no doubt psychological, but some of it no doubt is also neurochemical and biological.

我们先短暂休息一下，感谢我们的赞助商LMNT。

I'd like to take a quick break and acknowledge one of our sponsors, LMNT.

LMNT是一种电解质饮料，该有的都有，不该有的全无。

LMNT is an electrolyte drink that has everything you need and nothing you don't.

它含有适量的电解质——钠、镁和钾，但完全不含糖。

That means the electrolytes, sodium, magnesium, and potassium in the correct amounts, but no sugar.

良好的水分补充对大脑和身体的正常运作至关重要。

Proper hydration is critical for optimal brain and body function.

哪怕只是轻微脱水，也会明显影响认知能力和体能表现。

Even a slight degree of dehydration can diminish cognitive and physical performance.

同时，确保摄入足够的电解质也很重要。

It's also important that you get adequate electrolytes.

电解质，比如钠、镁和钾，对身体所有细胞的功能至关重要，尤其是神经元，也就是你的神经细胞。

The electrolytes, sodium, magnesium, and potassium, are vital for functioning of all the cells in your body, especially your neurons, or your nerve cells.

把LMNT溶解在水里喝，能让你轻松保证足够的水分和电解质摄入。

Drinking LMNT dissolved in water makes it very easy to ensure that you are getting adequate hydration and adequate electrolytes.

为了确保自己摄入足够的水分和电解质，我每天早上一醒过来，就把一包Element溶解在四百八十到九百六十毫升的水里，然后马上喝掉。

To make sure that I am getting proper amounts of hydration and electrolytes, I dissolve one packet of Element in about sixteen-thirty two ounces of water when I first wake up in the morning, and I drink that basically first thing in the morning.

我只要进行任何体力活动，特别是大热天大量出汗、流失水分和电解质的时候，也会喝溶解了Element的水。

I'll also drink Element dissolved in water during any kind of physical exercise that I'm doing, especially on hot days when I'm sweating a lot and losing water and electrolytes.

LMNT有好几种口味，都特别好喝。

LMNT has a bunch of great tasting flavors.

我特别喜欢覆盆子味，还有柑橘味。

I love the raspberry, I love the citrus flavor.

现在LMNT推出了一款限量版的柠檬水味，简直绝了。

Right now, LMNT has a limited edition lemonade flavor that is absolutely delicious.

我本来不想说哪个口味最棒，但这款柠檬水味绝对能和我最爱的覆盆子味或西瓜味一较高下。

I hate to say that I love one more than all the others, but this lemonade flavor is right up there with my favorite other one, is raspberry or watermelon.

再说一遍，我真没法只挑一个口味。

Again, I can't pick just one flavor.

我都喜欢。

I love them all.

如果你想试试LMNT，可以访问drinkelement.com/huberman，也就是spelleddrinklmnt.com/huberman，下单任何一款Element饮品，就能免费获得一份试用装。

If you'd like to try LMNT, you can go to drinkelement.com/huberman, spelleddrinklmnt.com/huberman to claim a free Element sample pack with a purchase of any Element drink mix.

再强调一遍，访问drinkelement.com/huberman就能免费领取试用装。

Again, that's drinkelement.com/huberman to claim a free sample pack.

我想花点时间聊聊这个观点：允许自己真正感受到对某人的依恋，反而能加速或至少帮助我们更好地度过悲伤期。

I'd like to take a moment and explore this idea that allowing ourselves to really feel the attachment to somebody can accelerate or at least support adaptive transitioning through grief.

有一项研究特别有意思，表面上看是个‘阴性结果’。

There's a really wonderful study that on the face of it appears to be a, what we call negative result.

所谓阴性结果，就是研究者提出了一个假设，但最终发现这个假设并不成立。

A negative result is when a hypothesis is posed and then turns out the hypothesis is not true.

但很多有趣的科学发现都这样——当出现阴性结果时，往往在背后藏着更深层、更值得挖掘的发现。

But as is the case with so many interesting scientific findings, often when there's a negative result, there's a more interesting result nested in that negative outcome.

这一点在我现在要跟你们分享的一篇论文中得到了印证。

And this is the case in a particular paper I'll share with you now.

这篇论文发表在《生物心理学》期刊上。

There's a paper published in the journal Biological Psychology.

同样，论文的标题是以一个问题的形式提出的：情感倾诉，究竟是为谁而做？

And again, the title is posed as a question, which is emotional disclosure for whom?

一项关于丧亲者迷走神经张力的研究。

A study of vagal tone in bereavement.

这项研究探讨的是，通过书面方式表达对已故之人的感情联结，是否能帮助人们更好地度过哀伤期。

What this study explored was whether or not written disclosure of the emotional connection to somebody that was lost would be effective as a way for people to move through the grieving process.

研究还涉及了所谓的迷走神经。

The study also explored the so called vagus nerve.

迷走神经是一条在大脑和身体之间双向传递信号的复杂神经通路。

The vagus nerve is an extensive nerve pathway that is bidirectional between brain and body.

也就是说，它既从大脑传到身体，也从身体传回大脑。

So brain to body and body to brain.

从我们现在要讨论的角度来看，关键在于心率和心率变异性。

The way to think about it in terms of what we're going to talk about now is heart rate and heart rate variability.

迷走神经通常与副交感神经功能相关，能通过呼气来减缓心率。

The vagus nerve is generally associated with parasympathetic functions and has the capacity to slow down our heart rate, in particular by exhales.

由于膈肌的运动及其与心脏和胸腔的关系，呼气本身就会让心率变慢。

And just simply because of the movement of the diaphragm and its relationship to the heart and the thoracic cavity, exhales result in slowing down of the heart rate.

这就是我们所说的迷走神经张力增强。

This is what we call an increased vagal tone.

在这项研究中，研究人员让参与者——确切说是35人——连续几周完成一项写作练习。

Now in this study, what they did is they had people, and I should say it was 35 participants, go through a writing exercise for a period of weeks.

参与者被分成了两组。

And there were two different groups.

其中一组是所谓的书面倾诉组。

One group was in the so called written disclosure group.

他们在第一天会写下亲人去世时的经历。

What they did is they, on day one, they would write about what happened when a loved one died.

而且他们确实选了那些经历过真实失去的人。

And indeed they used people who had experienced real loss.

所以他们被要求去谈论并写下自己内心最深处的情感和想法，比如对逝去亲人的回忆，想想看，如果刚失去亲人不久，这些内容该有多沉重。

And so they were asked to talk about and write about their deepest emotions and thoughts about it, memories of their loved one, very intense stuff if you think about it, if they're in the immediate period of having lost someone.

接着，他们还被要求给已故的亲人写一封信。

Then they actually were asked to write a letter to the person that they lost.

另一组是所谓的对照组，他们只是被要求写写自己平时怎么安排时间。

The other group was a so called control group where they were simply told to write about how they use their time.

这其实就是一种没什么情感负担的写作练习。

So an emotionally kind of empty writing exercise, if you will.

他们描述自己早上醒来后会做些什么，诸如此类，完全没有强烈的情感内容。

They described what they would do today after they woke up, etcetera, no heavy emotional content and so on.

到目前为止我还没告诉你们的是，他们为什么要让参与者做这个练习。

What I didn't tell you thus far is why they had them do this exercise at all.

之所以这么做，是因为很多有效应对悲伤的方法，正如我之前提到的，都需要靠近并主动去感受自己对逝者的那份依恋，而不是逃避，不去陷入‘如果当初’这样的反事实思维，而是去思考，或者像这次一样，通过写作去面对真实的依恋。

They had them do this exercise because many of the effective practices for moving through grief involve, as I mentioned earlier, getting close to and actually deliberately experiencing the attachment that one has to that person that was lost, distracting oneself, not getting into this counterfactual thinking, the what if, what if, what if, but rather thinking about or in this case writing about the real attachment.

所以最初的想法是，如果人们写下这种依恋，他们就会感受到这种依恋，而这会在某种程度上帮助他们度过悲伤。

And so the initial idea was if people write about this attachment, that they're going to experience this attachment and that will serve them in some or many ways in terms of moving through grief.

但结果并不是这样。

And that wasn't what they found.

他们发现，两组人之间起初没有任何差异，直到他们去分析谁的迷走神经张力更高，也就是谁的呼吸性窦性心律不齐更明显。

They found no difference between the two groups until they explored who had higher vagal tone, who had a greater degree of so called respiratory sinus arrhythmia.

换句话说，就是谁更能通过呼吸和身体来调节自己的状态。

In other words, who was able to modulate their state using their breathing and their body.

他们发现，那些迷走神经张力较高的一小部分人，从这种写作练习中获益更多。

And what they discovered was that a subset of individuals who had a high degree of vagal tone seemed to get more benefit from this writing type exercise.

这是一项研究，样本只有35人，算不上成熟，但本身已经很有价值了。

Now this is one study and I would consider it fairly preliminary with 35 subjects, although, you know, it's a study unto itself and I think a quite nice one.

它为后续由这个团队和其他团队开展的多项研究奠定了基础，这些研究都指向同一个结论：确实，通过写作或思考逝者来触及情感状态，能有效激活与依恋相关的身心反应，这对走出悲伤非常有帮助。

And it really set the stage for a number of other studies that followed from this group and other groups that really point to the fact that yes, indeed, accessing these states of emotionality by writing or thinking about somebody is quite powerful in terms of engaging the bodily states and the mind states associated with the attachment, and that is very beneficial for moving through grief.

这对感知这种依恋也极为有益。

That is very beneficial for sensing the attachment.

现在就很好理解了，为什么有些人从这种练习中获益更多——因为他们能通过书写或思考这段关系，更真切地感受到身体上的依恋感。

And now it makes perfect sense as to why some people would benefit from that sort of practice more than others because some people are able to access more real somatic feelings of attachment by writing about the attachment or by thinking about it than others.

因为这篇论文真正揭示的，以及它引发的一系列后续研究都表明：那些能清晰感知呼吸、心率与迷走神经张力之间关系的人，

Because again, what this paper really points to and set off a number of other investigations related to is that for those that can really feel the relationship between breathing, heart rate, what we call vagal tone.

他们更容易走出悲伤，并不是因为回避了依恋的情感，而是因为他们更能深入地触及这些情感。

Well, those people are going to be in a better position to move through grief not because they are disengaging from the feelings of attachment, but because they are better able to access those feelings of attachment.

这自然就联系到我们之前提到的三元地图——那种关于空间的表征：东西在哪里、那个人在哪里、他们的物品在哪里、车在哪里、自行车在哪里，还有时间：你平时预期什么时候见到他们、他们什么时候打电话、什么时候下班回家，等等。

So what this relates to, of course, is that tripartite map, that three part map that we talked about earlier, that representation of space, where things are, where the person is, where their belongings are, where their car is, where their bicycle is, time, when you were expecting to see them on a regular basis, when they would call, when they would come home from work, etcetera.

而依恋关系的第三个维度，就是字面意义上的联结与亲近感。

And that third node or that third dimension of attachment, which is literally attachment and closeness.

现在我想花点时间，谈谈一些能帮助你健康度过悲伤期的工具。

Now I'd like to take a moment and consider some of the tools that you can access that support healthy transitioning through grief.

这些工具和我们刚才说的时空联结神经地图是不同的。

And these are tools distinct from that neural map, that space time closeness attachment map that we were talking about before.

更重要的是，我们要记住，一切都在我们基础生理状态的背景下发生。

Rather, it's important to remind ourselves that everything exists in a context of our baseline physiology.

我肯定不是第一个，也不会是最后一个告诉你，生活中的一切——学习、与身边人的关系、我们的健康，包括免疫系统等等——在睡得好、白天清醒夜晚睡觉的时候，表现都要好得多。

And I'm certainly not going to be the first or the last to tell you that everything in life, learning, relationships with people that are still around, our health in every way, immune system, etcetera, function far better when we're sleeping really well and when we are generally awake during the daytime and asleep at night.

我们的昼夜节律，也就是和夜间相反的白天活动模式，有一个特别之处，就是一种叫皮质醇的激素的分泌规律。

There's a particular feature to our diurnal, and diurnal meaning the opposite of nocturnal, our diurnal pattern of the release of a hormone called cortisol.

这种激素和体温的波动有关，还能进一步升高体温，从而帮助我们清醒。

It's linked to our increase in temperature rhythms and can further increase our temperature, which leads to waking and so on.

在健康的人身上，皮质醇的典型模式是：刚醒来时水平会稍高，然后在醒后大约四十五分钟达到全天最高点。

The typical pattern of cortisol in a healthy individual, and we really can say physically and emotionally healthy individual, is that cortisol is going to be somewhat high right around waking and then is going to be highest as it ever will be in the twenty four hour period, about forty five minutes post waking.

不是精确到四十五分钟，但大致就是这个时间。

Not exactly forty five minutes, but about forty five minutes.

之后它会逐渐下降，到下午四点左右，体温也开始下降，皮质醇水平就变得很低了；在健康人身上，这个低水平会持续到晚上九点，整夜睡眠期间都保持在低位。

And then it will drop gradually such that by about 4PM in the afternoon, which is actually when body temperature tends to start to drop as well, cortisol tends to be very low and then remains low in a healthy individual such that at 9PM, it's very low and throughout the night as we sleep, it's very low.

有一篇很有趣的研究论文，探讨了皮质醇节律与哀伤之间的关系，特别是复杂性哀伤和非复杂性哀伤的区别。

There's a very interesting paper exploring the relationship between cortisol rhythms and grieving, in particular complicated versus non complicated grieving.

再说一遍，复杂性哀伤指的是那种让人难以走出哀伤的过程，往往需要外界干预的那种情况，对吧？

Again, complicated grieving being the form of grieving that reflects a immense challenge of people moving through the grieving process such that it really needs to be dealt with, right?

再次强调，悲伤是正常的，但复杂的悲伤持续时间更长，还伴随着其他问题，所以才叫‘复杂’。

Again, grieving is healthy, but complicated grieving is a prolonged grieving and has other dimensions as well, hence the name complicated.

这篇论文的标题是《复杂与非复杂悲伤中的昼夜皮质醇变化：全天斜率差异》。

The title of this paper is Diurnal Cortisol in Complicated and Noncomplicated Grief, Slope Differences Across the Day.

如果你打算仔细看看这篇论文，建议重点关注图一，它清晰地显示：相比非复杂悲伤的人，经历复杂悲伤的人在下午四点和晚上九点的皮质醇水平明显更高。

And the figure to orient to in this paper, if you do decide to check it out, is figure one, which beautifully shows, or I should say very clearly shows that when you compare the cortisol levels between people experiencing complicated grieving versus non complicated grieving, what you find is the four pm and nine pm cortisol levels are significantly higher than they are in the non complicated grieving group.

这引出了一个非常有意思的观点。

This raises a very interesting idea.

我们可以合理地认为，通过调整生活基础，建立稳定的皮质醇节律、睡眠模式，以及自主神经激活和儿茶酚胺释放的节奏，能帮助你以最佳状态应对悲伤。

We arrive at a scenario where it makes very good sense to think about modulating, that is controlling the foundation of your life in a way that establishes cortisol rhythms and sleep patterns and patterns of autonomic arousal and catecholamine release that position you to navigate the grief process in the best possible way.

如果你正要面对悲伤，或者已经深陷其中，保证夜间充足睡眠，并尽可能维持正常的皮质醇节律，将至关重要。

If you are somebody who is heading into grief or is challenged with grief, getting adequate sleep at night and establishing as normal a pattern of cortisol as possible is going to be very important.

其实，有一个非常简单直接的方法可以做到这一点。

And there's a very simple straightforward way to do this.

如果我的话听起来像在重复播放，我先向本播客的听众们道个歉，但最有效的方式就是：醒来后尽快接触自然光。

And I apologize to the listeners of this podcast in advance if I sound like a repeating record, but the most powerful way to do this is to view sunlight very close to waking.

不一定非得在日出那一刻，但早上起床后，如果外面没太阳，就尽量把房间里的灯都打开，让环境足够明亮。

It does not have to be right at sunrise, but when you get up in the morning, if the sun isn't out, please turn on as many bright lights as possible in your environment.

我为什么一遍又一遍地强调晒太阳这件事？

Why do I say this thing about sunlight over and over and over again?

早上皮质醇水平早早就升高，到了下午四点和九点又降到很低，这对身体好处极大。

Well, having an early day cortisol peak and a very low cortisol level late in the day, 4PM and 9PM is immensely beneficial.

这说明你的自主神经系统调节得非常好。

It reflects a properly regulated autonomic nervous system.

白天保持清醒，晚上能睡得好，都跟早上晒太阳密切相关。

It means being alert during the day and your ability to sleep at night is tightly correlated to this viewing of sunlight in the morning.

如果你对这些方法还有更多疑问，欢迎收听我们关于《掌控睡眠》的那期节目，地址是 hubermanlab.com。

If you have additional questions about this or these protocols, please see our Mastering Sleep episode also at hubermanlab.com.

很多人可能知道，我已经连续服用AG1将近十五年了。

As many of you know, I've been taking AG1 for nearly fifteen years now.

我早在2012年就发现了它，那时候还没做播客，但从那以后每天都坚持服用。

I discovered it way back in 2012, long before I had a podcast and I've been taking it every day since.

据我所知，AG1是目前市场上质量最高、成分最全面的基础营养补充剂。

AG1 is to my knowledge, the highest quality and most comprehensive of the foundational nutritional supplements on the market.

它把维生素、矿物质、益生元、益生菌和适应原都浓缩在一大勺里，冲水喝起来方便，味道也不错。

It combines vitamins, minerals, prebiotics, probiotics, and adaptogens into a single scoop that's easy to drink and tastes great.

它的设计是为了支持肠道健康、免疫系统和整体精力。

It's designed to support things like gut health, immune health, and overall energy.

通过弥补你日常饮食中可能缺乏的营养素，它能有效帮你补足缺口。

And it does so by helping to fill any gaps that you might have in your daily nutrition.

当然，我们都该吃高质量的天然食物，但大多数人可能还是摄入不足，尤其是益生元、维生素和矿物质，AG1正好能填补这些不足。

And of course, we should all eat high quality whole foods, but most of us are probably not getting enough prebiotics, vitamins and minerals, and AG1 ensures that those gaps are filled.

如果你想试试AG1，可以去drinkag1.com/huberman，那里有专属优惠。

If you'd like to try AG1, you can go to drinkag1.com/huberman to get a special offer.

限时活动中，AG1会送你一周的AGZ睡眠补充剂，再加一瓶维生素D3K2，只要你订阅就全送。

For a limited time, AG1 is giving away a week supply of AGZ, which is their sleep supplement, and a free bottle of vitamin D3K2 with your subscription.

AGZ是我参与设计的，味道很好，也是我目前唯一在用的助眠产品。

AGZ is something that I helped design, it tastes great, and it's the only sleep supplement I take.

它里面包含多种成分，极大地改善了我的睡眠，无论是深度慢波睡眠还是快速眼动睡眠，我都特别喜欢。

It has a collection of different things in that has dramatically improved my sleep, both my slow wave deep sleep and my rapid eye movement sleep, and I absolutely love it.

再次提醒，前往 drinkag1.com/huberman，订阅即可免费获得一周份的 AGZ 和一瓶 D3K2。

Again, that's drinkag1.com/huberman to get a week supply of AGZ and a bottle of D3K2 with your subscription.

那么，面对悲伤时，我们有哪些方法可以帮助自己健康地适应，避免陷入复杂或长期的悲伤障碍呢？

So what are the tools that we can think about using in terms of healthy adaptive moving through grief, trying to avoid complicated grief and prolonged grief disorders?

显然，花一些时间来处理情绪很有价值，可以每天，也可以隔天，具体看你的时间和状态。

Clearly, it's a value to dedicate some period of time, perhaps every day, perhaps every other day, depending on your capacity and schedule.

每次的时间可以从五分钟到四十五分钟不等，甚至更长都可以。

These could be periods of time ranging anywhere from five to forty five minutes, maybe longer.

这种有意识地安排时间来面对悲伤，我们称之为理性哀悼。

These blocks of time would be appropriately described as rational grieving.

理性哀悼，就是清醒地接受那个人、那只动物，或者那件事物，已经不再存在于我们曾经熟悉的时空里，同时依然紧紧维系着曾经的情感联结。

Rational grieving is a clear acceptance of the new reality that the person, animal, or thing no longer exists in the same space time dimensionality that we knew them before and yet holding onto and anchoring to the attachment that we had.

这其实是把曾经那份深厚而强烈的情感联结作为支点，有意识地与那些闪回的记忆拉开距离——因为正是这些记忆，会让我们在现实中不自觉地寻找那个已经离开的人。

This is really anchoring to the depth and the intensity of the attachment that existed as a way to, for lack of a better way to put it, push off from those episodic memories, to distance ourselves from them because those episodic memories are the ones that lead us to look for the person in our current reality.

如果这是一次真实而彻底的失去，那么这类期待就是不健康的。

And assuming this is a real and complete loss, those sorts of expectations are maladaptive.

它们对我们没有任何帮助。

They do not serve us well.

第二点是要明白，你所依附的这个心理节点，是神经地图中真实存在的一部分。

The second aspect of this is to understand that the node of the map, the component of the neural map that you're anchoring to is a very real component of you.

这些细胞实实在在地承载着你与对方的情感纽带。

These are literally cells that represent the depth of attachment.

我们刚才提到，规律地获得高质量睡眠非常重要。

We talked a moment ago about the importance of accessing quality sleep on a regular basis.

关于如何做到这一点，可以在《掌控睡眠》那一期里找到很多实用的方法。

There, again, a rich array of tools to do that in the Mastering Sleep episode.

再次强调，睡眠不仅对情绪调节和自主神经系统的稳定至关重要，还能促进神经可塑性的发生——因为神经可塑性本身包含两个步骤。

And again, highlighting the importance of sleep for not just emotion regulation and autonomic control, which is so vital, but also for making sure that neuroplasticity takes place because again, neuroplasticity is a two part process.

第一步是触发可塑性，而今天我们讨论的这些情况，会自然地通过专注地感受那份依恋、体验对那个人的情感，甚至像之前研究中提到的那样写下对那个人的依恋来激活；而第二步的可塑性，则是由那个人的离去本身、以及这段经历带来的强烈情感所触发的。

There's the triggering of the plasticity, which in the case of the things we're talking about today will be naturally activated by the practice of a dedicated focusing on the attachment, feeling the attachment to the person, maybe even writing about the attachment to the person as was described in that previous study, but also just the plasticity is triggered by the mere loss of that person, the intensity of that experience.

但神经可塑性——也就是神经连接的实际重组——发生在深度睡眠和我所说的非睡眠深度休息状态，也就是NSDR中。

But neuroplasticity, the literal rewiring of connections occurs during deep sleep and in what I call non sleep deep rest or NSDR.

你可以找到NSDR的引导音频。

And you can find NSDR scripts.

这些是短时间的行为练习，每天选一个时间做上十分钟到半小时，甚至一天做几次，已被证明能加速神经可塑性。

These are short behavioral protocols that you do for ten to thirty minutes at some point throughout the day, maybe even multiple times today that have been shown to accelerate neuroplasticity.

因此，养成这样的习惯会很有帮助，也要明白它需要一定的认知投入。

So having such a practice can be very useful and understand that it involves some cognitive work.

我们必须保持对这份依恋的觉察，尽可能地去想象、去感受这份依恋，同时又要保持极度理性的清醒，不试图抓住过去，不幻想那个人会走进房间。

We have to hold onto the attachment and imagine and feel as much as we can the attachment while also being extremely rationally grounded and trying to not try to hold onto the past, trying to not anticipate the person walking in the room.

这非常难，因为每当我们想到这份依恋，它总会带出那些具体的记忆，那些丰富的生活片段。

This is very hard because when we think about the attachment, the attachment tends to drag with it those episodic memories, that rich catalog of experiences.

我们之前谈过如何为哀伤做好准备。

And we talked about preparing ourselves for grief.

我们可以通过调节儿茶酚胺的水平，尤其是肾上腺素，来让自己更健康地面对哀伤。

We can prepare ourselves to grieve more adaptively by regulating the level of catecholamines, in particular epinephrine.

像我们在《掌控压力》那一期里提到的工具，还有今天讨论过的那些方法，比如通过有意识地延长呼气、减缓心率来提升迷走神经张力，也就是所谓的呼吸性窦性心律不齐，这些都很有帮助。

And tools such as the one found in our Mastering Stress episode and tools of the sort that we talked about today, increasing that vagal tone by actively building up the relationship between exhales and slowing down of the heart rate, so called respiratory sinus arrhythmia, those things can be very useful tools.

当然，我还是要再强调一次，寻求受过专业训练的心理学家、精神科医生，或者两者兼有，又或者加入丧亲支持小组，甚至全部一起，对于获得恰当的哀伤支持非常重要。

And of course, I want to restate again, it is often important to access a trained professional psychologist or psychiatrist or both, or bereavement group or all of the above in order to get the proper support for grieving.

我觉得我们今天聊的这些方法，不仅不会和专业方法冲突，反而能和它们相辅相成。

I like to think that the tools that we've talked about today would be not only compatible, but would be complementary to the sorts of approaches that they take.

我鼓励大家不要回避，而是主动去构建那些具体的记忆，让你们的经历和情感联结越来越丰富。

And I would encourage you to not lean away from, but rather to lean into the building of those episodic memories to build up a richer and richer set of experiences and emotional attachments.

因为哀伤的强度确实和我们与逝者之间的亲密程度直接相关，但依然有办法去面对和走过它。

Because while the process of grieving is in direct relation to how close we are attached to people, there are ways to move through it.

而正是我们与他人、与动物之间深厚的情感联结，以及共同经历的那些有意义的时刻，才让生命如此丰盈，值得去活。

And of course, it is the depth of our attachments and the number and the depth of meaning of experiences that we share with others and with animals that makes life so rich and worth living.

所以我想花一点时间，感谢你们愿意从神经科学和心理学的角度，去探索这个复杂、有时甚至极其艰难的主题——哀伤。

So I just want to take a moment and say thank you for being willing to explore this rather complicated and sometimes extremely challenging thing that we call grief from the perspective or through the lens of neuroscience and psychology.

最后，但同样重要的是，感谢你们对科学的关注。

And last but certainly not least, thank you for your interest in science.